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The "Dark Place" that some narcissists take you to · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  What is going on, beautiful people?
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  Today we're going to be talking about that dark place that at
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  some toxic narcissistic relationships can send you to,
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  can take you to. You know that.
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  You know that dark place. I'm referring to y'all.
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  If you're new here, my name is Lee Hammock.
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  I'm a clinically diagnosed narcissist.
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  And welcome to episode 981 of The Narcissist Code.
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  Welcome back. Welcome back.
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  Welcome back. Y'all.
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  So this episode is going to be a little tough.
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  A little tough, little dark dark topic.
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  The dark place that narcissistic, that being in a
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  toxic, narcissistic relationship can take you to.
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  Because y'all know if you don't know, I do.
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  I do coaching. I do one on ones over zoom and
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  whatnot at mentalillness.net and I I talked to a lot of people.
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  Y'all. I've talked to so many people
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  over the last few years, and a lot of them say the same thing
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  right here. This relationship took me to a
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  very dark place. And you know when you go into
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  that dark place, what I mean like you don't want to be here
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  anymore. Like you don't feel like you're
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  they've driven you so crazy to the point where you don't want
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  to to live anymore. The point that you feel like it
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  will be easier to leave this earth would not.
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  It would be easier to unlive yourself.
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  If you get my drill, it'd be because you don't know that you
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  feel worthless. You feel like you've been,
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  you've been questioning your value.
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  You've been questioning your worth.
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  You don't know left from right, up from down.
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  You know, you know, back from forward.
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  What are the front, from the back?
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  You don't know. Like you, they've been driving
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  you so crazy, making you question your worth and your
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  value. They've taken you to a place
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  that you've probably never been before.
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  Right. You got kids.
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  You have things to live for, but they take you to that dark place
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  where you just feel like you'd rather than just end it all than
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  to be here, to stay in it, to exist in this relationship
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  anymore. So many people tell me that.
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  I've heard that from men. I've heard that from women, you
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  know, gay, straight. I've heard that from so many
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  different people. And I hear it.
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  I hear it, and I I feel it. And I understand.
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  Yeah, Because it takes. I've seen some of the strongest,
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  most successful people just breakdown crime.
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  Just like I went to this dark place I've never been in before.
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  I don't know what to do with myself anymore.
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  And that hurts you. It sucks to hear that because
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  toxic, narcissistic people can take you there.
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  They will put you there because. And I told I told this to, I did
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  a one-on-one this morning. I told a woman this right here.
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  She was like, I was at the top of my life.
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  I was at the peak of my life. I got a new job.
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  I had a new new house. I was at the peak in my life and
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  I got into this toxic relationship and it took, and I
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  went tumbling down from the peak of that mountain to the pits of
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  hell. And when I started to climb out
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  of it, when I started to climb out, when I started to to get my
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  swag back, when I started to empower myself, they came back,
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  they came back. They keep coming back.
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  They keep trying to pull me. They keep trying to take me back
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  to that dark place where I don't want to be here anymore and I
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  don't know what to do. I've lost.
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  I feel weak. I thought, I've lost my
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  strength. I've lost my identity.
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  I no longer know who I am anymore.
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  And it sucks to hear we're powerful, successful people.
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  They have children, they have grown adult children, they have
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  grandkids and things of that nature.
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  You know, they have something to live for, but they feel like it
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  will be easier to exit this life because this toxic, narcissistic
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  relationship, I hear it all the time.
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  And it sucks to hear that because narcissistic people want
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  to take you to that dark place. Because that's where we live.
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  We are consistently we we reside in that dark place.
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  If you want to send us some mail, you want to drop off a
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  package when we move out, You want our address?
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  Send it to the dark place. Because that's where we always
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  be. You know where to find me.
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  You know I'm going to be in that dark place.
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  I'm already here. So I'm.
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  I'm lonely down here in the dark, right?
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  I'm lonely in the darkness. So I need to pull somebody down,
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  too. I need to pull somebody down
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  here to be with me. The more successful, the better.
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  The brighter your light, the more I can dim it, The more
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  you're the brighter your shine. The more I can put it out, the
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  brighter your flame is burning. The better I the better so I can
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  stomp it out more. That's what they do.
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  Y'all they pull you to that dark place because that's what we
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  are. A lot of narcissists struggle
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  with anxiety and depression and because they are depressed it's
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  just like they don't they they narcissistic people, like most
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  people live from the inside out. Narcissists get very good at
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  expressing them. Like if we are feeling bad right
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  at projecting how they feel, Like if we are feeling bad
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  internally, right. We want the people around us to
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  feel bad internally. We are exuding, exuding the the
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  pull down effect. You know what I mean?
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  We want if we are feeling but we're being pulled down, we need
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  to pull you down because why? Why do you get to be happy when
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  I'm sad? That's why they never celebrate
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  your successes. We are in this dark place and
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  you are here shining. Why do you get to be happy when
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  you're sad? Or you have a graduation
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  ceremony? Hell, no.
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  I ain't come under that. I get other things to do.
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  Oh, I overslept. Oop, you didn't need me there.
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  Oop, it's just so you know. It's not that important.
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  It's just one day since a couple of hours.
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  Why you making a big deal on me not showing up?
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  Why are you making a big deal on me not celebrating your
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  birthday? Why are you making a big deal on
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  me not give you giving you anything for Christmas?
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  I got everybody else something for Christmas.
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  I haven't got the dog. I haven't got the fish A gift.
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  I got the fish. I got the goldfish, Some special
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  goldfish, Some special Christmas tree shaped flakes.
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  And they're red and green like a collective Christmas colors.
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  But I didn't get you anything right.
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  Oh, I forgot. I didn't forget about the
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  goldfish or the weasel or the hamster.
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  But I forgot about you. No, they didn't forget about
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  you. They did it on purpose.
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  Y'all they love to put you down to that dark place.
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  But guess what? You don't belong there.
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  It might be a temporary address, but you don't.
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  You you, you don't belong there. Don't let them stifle your life.
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  Don't let them stomp out your life.
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  Do not let them put out your flame.
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  You got some more burning to do. You have to get you.
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  You. But you are responsible for
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  relighting your light. You are responsible for
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  rekindling that fire that burns so brightly inside of you.
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  You are You are responsible for reshining that light.
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  And you have to love you, love you more than they love you,
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  love you more than they love themselves.
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  You don't need validation for them.
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  You don't need you. You.
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  You made it this far. You made it this far without
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  them. Even if it's your parent.
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  Even if the narcissistic person that keeps pulling you down to
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  this dark place is your friend or your parent or your job.
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  You made it this far in spite of them.
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  Not because of them, not because of them.
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  In spite of them. Before you like you were
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  successful. The woman I talked to this
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  morning, she was mega successful.
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  Before she met this person. He came into her life trying to
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  take credit for her success and try to ruin her life.
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  That's what they do. I talked to a guy a few days
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  ago, same type of situation already made us successful.
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  Handsome dude got everything going for him.
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  They come in there and take what you have going for you, your
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  your yourself esteem, your confidence.
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  They they want to ruin it. Because internally if I'm
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  internally insecure, I'm going to make you feel insecure.
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  So why do why do you get to have all this confidence, right?
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  Why do you get to exude all this confidence?
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  Why do you get to exude all this this power, this strength, this
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  authority? Why do you get to have this
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  success? Why do you get to have this
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  happiness? They want to dim your life.
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  They want to pull you down to that dark place, but they can't
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  do it. You might you might be there for
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  a little while. You might drive through, look,
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  you might drive through the dark place.
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  Like if you on a it's like it's like, you know, like if your
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  life is a road trip, right? You're driving from like North
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  Carolina to California. You're going to hit some.
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  Look, you're going to hit some no man's lands.
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  You know what I mean? You will drive through a place.
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  And I'm. Yeah, I'm geographically
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  ignorant. So forgive me, because I know
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  this is not the path you take. But you might drive through a
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  you might even go through Texas. You might drive through a blank,
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  a blank spot in Texas where there's nothing but desert and
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  trees. No life to see, no life insight,
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  no St. lights, no nothing. At night, if you turn your
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  lights off at night, it's dark as hell.
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  That's the dark place you're just driving through.
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  You're just driving through if you keep driving for it.
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  That's why you don't stop. You don't stop.
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  You don't get a hotel in the dark place.
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  You don't reside here. You're just driving through.
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  Just passing through. Hey, can I help you with
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  anything? Just passing through.
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  There's other people. That dark place.
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  There's other people that will never escape.
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  That dark place. That narcissistic person.
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  They want you to take residence. Hey, Buy.
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  Let's buy a house here. Hey, babe, This is the middle of
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  nowhere. Why would we buy a house here?
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  Because I like it. It's nice and dark and damp.
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  It's like it's not like the is the perfect is the perfect
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  environment for mushroom to grow in.
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  A little narcissistic toxic gas mushroom.
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  They a little toxic little little narc mushroom, right.
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  They won't. They need that dark, they need
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  that dark depth environment. But you don't.
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  You need the light. You need the light.
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  You need the vitamin D So you keep not vitamin dark, You need
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  vitamin D So you keep driving. Now, I'm not, this is.
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  I'm not comfortable. I'm just passing through.
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  Yeah, you might pass through multiple times on this long
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  journey. There might be multiple dark
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  places that you pass through. But you have to keep driving.
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  You have to keep moving forward. Because if you stop, if you stay
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  stagnant, you're going to stay in that dark place.
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  You're going to fall into a depression.
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  The longer you stay, the deeper you go, the longer you stay, The
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  deeper you go, the longer you stay, the deeper you go.
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  And then you have to be the one that bounce out.
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  You have to do that. It's on you.
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  It's on you. Sometimes you might be a
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  passenger in the car, but you have, you might have to drop
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  you. Look, you might have to jump in
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  the driver's seat. You might be a passenger in this
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  car for a long period of time. Be like, you know what, I need
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  some light. I need to get look, get out of
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  the driver's seat. You need to kick the look, kick
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  them out of the car. You see those movies where they
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  kick the person out of the car and the person rolls on the side
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  of the road, you know what I mean?
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  You might need to kick them out of the car.
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  This is your car. You.
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  This is your vehicle. You're responsible for driving
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  it. So keep driving that thing.
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  You know you can drive that thing.
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  Keep driving it. Don't sit in this dark place.
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  You don't belong here. This is why you've never been
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  here before. That's why you cry.
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  That's why it hurts. That's why it sucks when you're
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  in this dark place. Because you've never been here
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  before. It's uncomfortable.
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  This is not. Look, this is not your natural
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  habitat. You know what I mean?
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  This is not your natural habitat.
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  Put a dead like you are if you are a lion, the king or the
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  queen of the jungle, Right. The monarch of the jungle,
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  right. What if they dropped you in the
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  Sahara desert? This is not your habitat.
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  You can't. There's nothing to hunt.
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  What you going to hunt? Where you going to hide at?
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  You see what I'm like in the middle of the Sahara desert
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  Where you going to hunt at or they drop you in the middle of
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  the ocean. Let's get let's get a better
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  one, because I know some. You see lions on a Prairie in
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  Africa and whatnot, but you are a lion and they dropped you in
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  the middle of the ocean. That's not your natural habitat.
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  Have you seen an have you ever seen an amphibious lion or
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  lioness? Have you have you ever seen
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  that? I haven't.
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  Yeah. Can can cats swim?
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  Yes. But you haven't seen that
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  happening. You haven't seen the lost city
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  of Atlantis. There's no lion skulls down
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  there you never seen. This is not your natural
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  habitat. The dark place is not your
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  natural habitat. That's why I feel so weird.
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  That's why. That's why it sucks to be here.
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  That's why it hurts to be here. That's why it takes your energy.
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  The dark, the longer you stay in this dark place, the more energy
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  it takes, right? So we're not letting.
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  We're not unallowed. Look, we're not.
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  Of course, those thoughts, you know they're going to happen.
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  The thoughts are taking yourself out on here.
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  The thoughts, the ending of your life, They're going to happen,
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  right? But we're not going to end our
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  lives because of this toxic, narcissistic person that
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  wouldn't even show up to the funeral.
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  They wouldn't. Yeah, they couldn't come.
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  They couldn't come to your graduation.
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  They couldn't come to your your promotion ceremony.
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  They couldn't become. They couldn't come to anything
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  celebrating you. Do you think they're going to
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  come to your funeral? You said.
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  I know that. I know this this guy.
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  Super dark right there and bleak.
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  But think about that right there.
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  You know what I'm saying? This day.
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  Not worth it. Getting in the car in this dark
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  place and keep driving for it. The longer you keep driving for
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  it, you're going to hit the light eventually.
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  And why are you driving for it? You have to regain that self
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  love. You have to rebuild that self
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  love. That's why I have myself love
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  journal and I'm working my On Myself Love video series to go
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  along with this self love journal.
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  It's coming out here soon. Y'all Self Love Journal is
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  available on Amazon. Lee Hammock.
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  I love me looks like this. But yeah, you have to keep
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  building that love. Y'all this is natural.
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  The dark place is not your natural habitat.
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  You're not a mushroom. You know what I mean?
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  You're not a mushroom. You are a rose.
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  You are a you are you. Like I said, you're not a you're
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  not a. Put the shark now, yo, put the
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  shark in the desert. This shark is not going to grow
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  leg. This shark is going to.
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  This shark is going to go up out of here.
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  This is the dark place is natural natural habitat and a
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  narcissistic person. They love it when they have
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  company in a dark place. This is what they live.
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  This this is their natural habitat.
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  They're the shark. They're waiting for the lion to
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  get dropped in the ocean. You know, they're they're the
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  lion. They're waiting for the shark to
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  get dropped on the beach because they're not going to be in the
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  desert. You see what I'm saying?
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  Empower yourself. Keep moving forward.
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  Get a support system. Talk about called the Unaliving
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  Hotline. And yes, y'all I know people
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  been commenting about me using the word unaliving.
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  There's censorship issues that go online now.
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  If you say certain words, they flag your videos.
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  You know what I'm saying? So I said somebody like comedy
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  the other day, something you said Gen.
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  Z language, they all. It's purposeful.
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  It's no purpose. But anyways, y'all.
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  We're no longer in a dark place. We're staying in power.
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  Stay in. Like I said, stay in power.
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  Keep moving forward. Make sure you subscribe to the
• 14:01
  YouTube channel. Closing them on 400K.
• 14:03
  Get that five star review on Amazon.
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  Truly appreciate every single one of Y'all or Anchor.
• 14:08
  No Anchor. Apple Music.
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  How about peace? Thank you so much for making it
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  to the end of my video. You are a mental illness rock
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  star and I appreciate you for being here.
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  If you haven't already, make sure to click on the screen to
• 14:20
  subscribe to the channel and watch another one of my videos
• 14:22
  on my playlist. There's also a link available up
• 14:25
  here for you to purchase my kids.
• 14:27
  But remember, it's not your fault on Amazon, so check that
• 14:30
  out. Thank you.
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  I will see you in the next video.
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  Peace.