Latest / The Eye Believe Podcast / The Mental Side of Men’s Health | Eye Believe Podcast

Transcript

The Mental Side of Men’s Health | Eye Believe Podcast · The Eye Believe Podcast

• 0:03
  hi everyone I am Megan with A Cure In Sight and the
• 0:07
  Eye Believe Podcast and today
• 0:09
  we're doing another live podcast episode
• 0:11
  focusing on men's health today
• 0:13
  we're gonna talk a little bit more about the mental
• 0:15
  side of men's health which is equally as important
• 0:17
  and we have a great guest
• 0:18
  welcome Alexander thank you for being here hello
• 0:21
  thank you for having me
• 0:22
  so tell us a little bit about what you do
• 0:25
  well I run an own Aviator Media
• 0:27
  it's a creative agency
• 0:28
  we do video marketing content for businesses
• 0:31
  we help them with their marketing and branding
• 0:33
  primarily through video photo
• 0:36
  things of that nature social media
• 0:37
  and running ads on Facebook or YouTube and on TV oh
• 0:42
  that's very exciting alright
• 0:44
  and what are we gonna talk yeah
• 0:45
  oh absolutely
• 0:46
  that sounds like a lot of fun
• 0:47
  and what are we gonna talk about today
• 0:50
  so uh you had reached out to to
• 0:53
  to see feel
• 0:54
  if anybody had any conversations about men's health
• 0:56
  and uh I do think men's health is important
• 0:59
  I mean just just to I guess kind of go right into it
• 1:02
  I think it's important
• 1:03
  I think for a long time it it was overlooked
• 1:06
  but I also think that um if we're not careful
• 1:10
  sometimes men can kind of clutch on that too much also
• 1:13
  and I
• 1:14
  and I guess we can get into what I mean about that if
• 1:16
  if you want
• 1:17
  sure when you and I talked on the phone the other day
• 1:20
  you know a lot of men my age anyways
• 1:24
  we were raised by uh
• 1:26
  men who were a certain way and and then
• 1:28
  but now in this climate it's a little bit different
• 1:30
  you're allowed to actually show your emotion
• 1:31
  without any judgment and things of that nature
• 1:33
  which I think is pretty important
• 1:35
  but I also think there's a far extreme to that
• 1:37
  where you could show too much emotion
• 1:39
  and you forget to to get a grip on
• 1:41
  on reality because you still have to perform
• 1:43
  you still have to take care of things
• 1:44
  you still have to do things
• 1:45
  and like we talked on the phone the other day
• 1:47
  I think that's where a really supportive partner
• 1:50
  like I was telling you about my wife um
• 1:53
  she makes things so easy
• 1:55
  but also at the same time is not afraid to say
• 1:59
  you know I'm gonna need more from you from right now
• 2:00
  you know what I mean
• 2:00
  and that sometimes you need to hear that
• 2:02
  because it's not always
• 2:04
  I don't think it's always good to just vent vent
• 2:06
  vent without
• 2:07
  actually taking some type of action
• 2:08
  to fix the situation that's going on definitely
• 2:11
  and I think that everyone can relate to that
• 2:13
  we could
• 2:13
  we don't want to get stuck in those negative spirals
• 2:15
  where we're just focused on the negative
• 2:17
  and not what we can do about it
• 2:20
  no 100%
• 2:22
  I didn't grow up with a lot
• 2:23
  of uh affection
• 2:25
  a lot of I love yous
• 2:26
  there was a lot of love in the house
• 2:27
  they definitely my parents were great
• 2:29
  they did
• 2:29
  they were working with the tools that they had
• 2:32
  but there was there was never any like
• 2:33
  I love yous or any like
• 2:35
  affectionate hugs or anything like that
• 2:37
  and so I think that could be the reason why
• 2:39
  I'm super affectionate with my wife
• 2:42
  I never really care too much about love languages
• 2:44
  and stuff like that but you know
• 2:45
  she kind of had looked into some of that
• 2:47
  and she's like
• 2:47
  I think your love language is is touch and
• 2:49
  and affection I was like
• 2:50
  maybe I don't know I don't care you know what I mean
• 2:52
  I just know what I like and and
• 2:53
  and what I wanna do but like I said
• 2:56
  I think when when I see online
• 2:58
  a lot of guys talking about men's health
• 3:00
  and how they're depressed
• 3:01
  and this and that
• 3:01
  I think it's a real thing I but I like I keep saying
• 3:05
  I
• 3:05
  I also think that one of the best ways that we as men
• 3:09
  only speaking as a man
• 3:11
  it's for us to constantly keep taking action
• 3:14
  not trying to say suppress your feelings
• 3:16
  deal with them I think
• 3:16
  you have to voice them
• 3:17
  to someone that you confide in'cause
• 3:19
  I think stuffing them all the way down
• 3:21
  they're just gonna come out
• 3:22
  one other way that at a bad time
• 3:24
  most likely you know
• 3:25
  through being upset so
• 3:28
  I think it's important to talk
• 3:29
  and have those conversations
• 3:30
  but
• 3:30
  I also think it's just important to keep taking action
• 3:32
  and being an example cause as a dad
• 3:35
  you know that you're supposed to be example
• 3:36
  I have four daughters
• 3:37
  so I also know that how I am with my wife
• 3:41
  that is hopefully teaching them an example as how to
• 3:43
  who to look for you know
• 3:44
  what qualities to look for in a
• 3:46
  in a in a future man
• 3:47
  but it's hard to be a positive role model sometimes
• 3:50
  and deal with stresses outside of the home
• 3:52
  and not bring it home so you Wanna keep it contained
• 3:55
  cause you don't wanna pollute
• 3:56
  your children's minds with any negativity
• 3:58
  you wanna pollute your wife's mind with any negativity
• 4:01
  and then if you're actually trying to go somewhere
• 4:02
  with your family like
• 4:03
  a vision of
• 4:04
  some type of dream that you guys have for each other
• 4:05
  you're trying to cultivate
• 4:07
  sometimes surrounding yourself with the old
• 4:09
  guys that you used to hang out with
• 4:10
  isn't conducive to that future
• 4:13
  or the behaviors that you're trying to change or
• 4:15
  or the person you're trying to become
• 4:16
  and so a lot of times I think
• 4:18
  what men don't talk about is
• 4:19
  they feel very alone in these types of circumstances
• 4:22
  they feel very isolated and that's why I think
• 4:25
  something like what you're doing right now makes it
• 4:27
  somebody might see this and might be like
• 4:28
  okay cool I think he understands what I'm going through
• 4:31
  maybe I just didn't have the right words to put it in
• 4:33
  definitely I think
• 4:34
  there's a lot of pressure on men to be masculine
• 4:38
  and to be caring and because you're right
• 4:40
  we are in a different climate now where when
• 4:42
  when we were kids it was a lot different
• 4:44
  and so now it's like you have to be emotional
• 4:46
  but you also have to be masculine
• 4:47
  I feel like
• 4:48
  that is a lot of pressure to put on somebody
• 4:50
  and it is a balancing act
• 4:52
  that you have to kind of
• 4:54
  figure out where to find your balance
• 4:56
  so I imagine that could be very hard
• 4:59
  I only think it's hard if you
• 5:00
  if you are
• 5:02
  worried about how other people are gonna see you
• 5:04
  and I think the minute you get rid of
• 5:08
  worrying about somebody's judgment
• 5:09
  I think things become a lot easier
• 5:11
  but it does become hard to to your point
• 5:14
  in the sense of like I said
• 5:17
  you know we we like in our household
• 5:18
  it's a pretty traditional household you know
• 5:21
  our rules tend to be kind of traditional
• 5:23
  but not traditional in the sense of like
• 5:26
  okay you're a man
• 5:26
  suck it up I do believe some of that and again
• 5:28
  I was raised that way
• 5:30
  but I also know the unhealthy side of it
• 5:32
  which is why like I you know
• 5:35
  our oldest child is 23 our youngest is 14
• 5:39
  so 14 to 23 so dating has started happening
• 5:41
  and we have a 22 year old who's married
• 5:43
  um she got married two years ago
• 5:45
  one year ago I'm sorry and so the guy thing has
• 5:49
  has come into play already and you know
• 5:52
  my personal feelings about my girls dating
• 5:54
  so you know whatever
• 5:55
  this is something totally different
• 5:56
  but as a dad
• 5:57
  I wanna make sure that they're taking care of
• 6:00
  the flip side to this
• 6:01
  is that we raise them to be independent
• 6:03
  so they're very strong girls
• 6:05
  they're very clear normally on
• 6:07
  however clear a 14 or 19
• 6:10
  or 22 or 23 year old can be in their life
• 6:12
  cause they're you know they're still so young
• 6:14
  but we've tried to raise them to really
• 6:17
  know why they believe in
• 6:18
  what they believe in
• 6:18
  even if it's different from what we believe in
• 6:20
  just know why you believe
• 6:21
  be able to back it up
• 6:23
  but with that being said
• 6:24
  the guys that they are most likely looking for too
• 6:27
  are guys that they want to be confident
• 6:28
  and also not be afraid to take lead
• 6:32
  if that's the case um
• 6:34
  and so
• 6:34
  I think right now it's kind of hard for guys because
• 6:37
  so am I supposed to be masculine and take the
• 6:39
  take charge or am I supposed to just kind of like
• 6:42
  let her take charge and I think that's a very
• 6:45
  one on one conversation between you and whoever your
• 6:47
  your partner
• 6:48
  is because not all relationships are the same
• 6:51
  but I think
• 6:51
  it starts with the guy knowing more about who he is
• 6:55
  and who he's comfortable being
• 6:57
  before he starts involving somebody else
• 6:58
  inside of his life
• 6:59
  or before he becomes a part of somebody else's life
• 7:02
  that's a really great point
• 7:03
  yeah and you're right
• 7:05
  every relationship is so different
• 7:07
  so for for men right now
• 7:09
  that are resonating with what you're saying
• 7:11
  and they're going man
• 7:12
  I'm struggling with that too
• 7:13
  like I'm supposed to be sensitive
• 7:14
  and I'm also supposed to be masculine
• 7:16
  and I gotta you know
• 7:17
  go out and work and pay the bills
• 7:18
  but I also have to be present for my kids
• 7:20
  and add all the games because let's face it
• 7:23
  parents today
• 7:25
  have a lot more on their plate than in past years
• 7:27
  there's a lot more social activities
• 7:28
  and we're expected to be at everything
• 7:30
  there's no drop your kid off and pick them up
• 7:32
  like you know
• 7:32
  when we were kids we
• 7:33
  we got dropped off a lot now it's like you can't leave
• 7:37
  you have to sit and watch this practice
• 7:38
  and all the practices so for
• 7:41
  for the guys out there who are watching
• 7:42
  and they're feeling this what do you say
• 7:44
  and again I think it's very individual
• 7:46
  but you know
• 7:47
  so I don't wanna make a blanket statement
• 7:48
  but I think I think this rings true with a lot of guys
• 7:52
  I think especially if you
• 7:53
  grew up where
• 7:54
  you weren't really allowed to show a lot of emotion
• 7:56
  or if you grew up in a uh
• 7:57
  in a time where
• 7:58
  maybe you didn't get everything you needed as a kid um
• 8:01
  I've seen that those guys
• 8:03
  tend to try to be more present for their kid
• 8:06
  because they're trying to give them
• 8:07
  what they didn't get um
• 8:09
  and I think you should be there for your kid
• 8:11
  as much as possible I mean
• 8:12
  just like I said between now that they're 14 to 23
• 8:16
  some of the best days were back then
• 8:18
  when they were like 2
• 8:19
  3 all the way up to 7
• 8:20
  right before they started hitting puberty
• 8:21
  and having a little bit of an attitude
• 8:23
  you know those were like some of the best days and uh
• 8:26
  so I think you should absolutely
• 8:27
  do as much as possible for your kids
• 8:29
  here's what I'll I'll say about all that
• 8:30
  I think we have to think about
• 8:32
  what it is that you're trying to accomplish
• 8:33
  what is it that you're looking for as a guy
• 8:35
  as a father as a
• 8:36
  as a dad I think if you're trying to be happy
• 8:40
  and you're trying to find it by uh
• 8:43
  I don't know you need
• 8:44
  you need a day for yourself
• 8:45
  and you don't want the dad duties
• 8:47
  or the husband duties
• 8:48
  and you're trying to be whatever makes you happy right
• 8:51
  I think there's a misconception
• 8:52
  as to what makes us actually happy
• 8:54
  I don't think that makes us happy
• 8:56
  I actually think if you are devoted to your family
• 8:59
  and you're devoted to your wife and your children
• 9:02
  I think them like you doing as much as possible
• 9:05
  to give them the best life possible
• 9:07
  with as less stress as possible
• 9:09
  with total security as much as possible
• 9:11
  with less confusion clarity and
• 9:14
  and that's what when I say lead a family
• 9:15
  that's what I mean by helping them feel secure
• 9:18
  giving them the tools that they need to succeed at
• 9:19
  whatever is they're trying to strive for
• 9:21
  letting them know that they can come to you
• 9:23
  if you just need to listen
• 9:24
  we need to learn how to listen more men
• 9:26
  we tend to try to fix everything
• 9:28
  I'm so guilty of that
• 9:29
  so my wife is a blessing for being so patient
• 9:32
  but I think we're not looking for happiness
• 9:34
  we think we are I don't think we are
• 9:36
  I think what we're looking for as men is fulfillment
• 9:38
  because if you ask most dads
• 9:40
  what they want for Christmas
• 9:41
  or their birthday
• 9:42
  from their children or from their wives
• 9:44
  I think most guys would tell you
• 9:45
  all they want is a hug and a kiss and an I love you
• 9:48
  that's it we don't
• 9:51
  I don't think we want material things like that
• 9:53
  I think we we just want to feel appreciated and loved
• 9:56
  from the people that we are doing everything for
• 9:59
  that's what I think we should be searching for
• 10:01
  so if you're a guy out there and you're
• 10:02
  and you're hearing this just try it out for a second
• 10:04
  I understand that you want to be happy
• 10:05
  everybody wants to be happy
• 10:07
  but I think our real happiness comes
• 10:09
  from feeling fulfilled
• 10:10
  when we do our duties to the best of possibility
• 10:13
  for our family and our children
• 10:14
  I think that's a great way to look at it
• 10:16
  and I think like along with fulfillment
• 10:18
  purpose also having that sense of purpose
• 10:20
  because so many people are like
• 10:23
  well I don't know what to do with my life
• 10:24
  or I don't know why why are we even here
• 10:25
  and once you find what your purpose is
• 10:29
  you I think that leads to fulfillment
• 10:30
  doing what you feel like you're called to do
• 10:32
  so if
• 10:32
  if it's having a family and you can show up for them
• 10:35
  and you know
• 10:36
  you feel like you're succeeding at that
• 10:37
  that's gonna totally fill your cup
• 10:40
  I hundred percent agree and I also think it's
• 10:42
  it's really unfair for
• 10:44
  I think some families and some people too
• 10:46
  expect an 18 year old or a 17 year old
• 10:48
  to know what they want to do with their lives
• 10:49
  right after they get out of high school
• 10:50
  it it's it's not like it was before
• 10:52
  the
• 10:53
  the really cool thing about the time that we live in is
• 10:55
  there's so much opportunity for our kids um
• 10:59
  which I think you should give
• 11:00
  them the opportunity to try these different things out
• 11:03
  but that doesn't mean like
• 11:04
  you know letting them be lazy
• 11:05
  cause I think that's
• 11:06
  one of the biggest faults that we have in our society
• 11:08
  right now is that there's so much laziness
• 11:10
  people are scared to try things
• 11:12
  and
• 11:12
  I think the only way you get more confident in taking
• 11:15
  you know positive risks is by just just trying
• 11:17
  but not overthinking it and just put it out there
• 11:19
  just trying it worst that can happen is
• 11:21
  you're gonna learn a lesson from
• 11:22
  from the mistake and then you keep moving forward
• 11:25
  and so I think it's it's a great time for
• 11:27
  people to try to discover their purpose
• 11:28
  and I think if you're a guy
• 11:29
  for example and you've been married for 10 years
• 11:31
  let's just say and you wanted to become a musician
• 11:34
  but you ended up having a family
• 11:35
  so now you're just working the grind 9 to 5
• 11:38
  you know and so I know what that feels like
• 11:40
  to be detached from what could have been
• 11:42
  I think a better place to reassess and reframe things
• 11:46
  is to look at what you do have
• 11:47
  you actually have a family
• 11:49
  let's just say this guy
• 11:50
  you have a family that you get to take care of
• 11:52
  a lot of people out there don't have what you have
• 11:54
  and they're struggling for that
• 11:55
  and the way that they're overcoming
• 11:57
  not having children or a wife
• 12:00
  is they're burying their head working working
• 12:02
  working working
• 12:03
  but all they really want is what you have
• 12:05
  so it's always I think
• 12:06
  starting from a place of gratitude
• 12:07
  for what you already have
• 12:08
  even the stuff that's not working out for you
• 12:10
  I think that's you're
• 12:11
  you're in the middle of a learning season
• 12:13
  if something's not working out for you
• 12:14
  so try to actually listen for a second
• 12:16
  and learn what the lesson is
• 12:18
  I think you start there and then I think
• 12:20
  I think you start going into things that
• 12:22
  bring you fulfillment
• 12:24
  so you can start discovering what your purpose is
• 12:26
  cause you do need a purpose
• 12:27
  if you don't have a purpose
• 12:29
  you're kind of aimlessly being blown in the wind
• 12:31
  definitely I totally agree
• 12:32
  and you can't get to fulfillment without purpose
• 12:35
  and there's a great quote that says
• 12:37
  you don't have to be great to start
• 12:38
  but you have to start to be great
• 12:40
  yeah and I think that falls
• 12:41
  right in line with what you're saying
• 12:42
  just try something and even if you're terrible at it
• 12:45
  try it I
• 12:46
  I got a call this last summer
• 12:47
  asking if I would host a podcast
• 12:49
  that I had never hosted before
• 12:50
  and I said of course I will host a podcast
• 12:53
  why wouldn't I um
• 12:54
  and you know what it's fun and I'm enjoying it
• 12:58
  and am I the best at this
• 12:59
  probably not I've only been doing it for a few months
• 13:01
  but you know
• 13:02
  I'll keep doing it and maybe I'll get better
• 13:04
  and I don't know you guys can leave me a comment
• 13:06
  and let me know how I'm doing
• 13:07
  but I could have said no I've never done that
• 13:09
  I don't know how to do it and I wouldn't be here today
• 13:11
  and I'm having a lot of fun with it
• 13:13
  so I'm glad I took the leap and jumped in
• 13:15
  and I'm glad I'm doing this
• 13:16
  and so I mean to
• 13:18
  to your credit if I can
• 13:19
  for your audience too I mean
• 13:21
  you know like I said
• 13:22
  you know I found out about uh
• 13:24
  this because you posted
• 13:25
  something in one of the groups that we both belong to
• 13:27
  on Facebook um
• 13:28
  and you had some people respond to you
• 13:30
  but you're doing this on top of everything that
• 13:32
  you know you're dealing with personally not
• 13:34
  not dealing with in a bad way
• 13:34
  but just like you have a lot going on
• 13:36
  um as a parent
• 13:38
  and with the extracurriculars that they're trying
• 13:40
  that they have
• 13:41
  and we were talking about this on the phone
• 13:42
  the other day you and I
• 13:43
  and so I give you a lot of credit
• 13:45
  because I think you're going along with it in
• 13:48
  in a perfect manner knowing that it's not perfect
• 13:50
  and you're trying to juggle all these different things
• 13:52
  but you're still just going anyways
• 13:53
  as opposed to just standing still
• 13:55
  so you're to be commended for that too
• 13:57
  thank you so much I do appreciate that but yeah
• 13:59
  I mean it
• 14:00
  you'll never figure out if you like something or not
• 14:02
  unless you just try it and I'm a firm believer of that
• 14:05
  I um have tried lots of things
• 14:07
  I've decided that I don't like doing
• 14:09
  and I quit doing them
• 14:10
  instead of staying and being miserable at and
• 14:12
  you know
• 14:12
  sometimes you're in a job where you can't leave
• 14:14
  and you don't have that choice
• 14:15
  but right if there's things in your life
• 14:17
  that you do have a choice
• 14:18
  and you can change
• 14:20
  I think people still get fearful of what will happen
• 14:23
  if they change it
• 14:24
  even when they do have the ability to no yeah
• 14:27
  and I can I can speak to that too
• 14:30
  I think one of the key things as a human being is to
• 14:32
  at some point as an adult
• 14:33
  you realize you can't change other people
• 14:36
  all you can do like if you
• 14:37
  you that's why they say
• 14:38
  you have to be the change you wanna see
• 14:39
  because
• 14:39
  you can't force somebody else to be a certain way
• 14:42
  you can only do it by example
• 14:43
  and if if they're open to follow your example
• 14:46
  or listen to you and talk
• 14:47
  then cool but most people you can't change
• 14:49
  and I say that because at least for our relationship
• 14:53
  we've been married
• 14:56
  oh my gosh she's gonna kill me 18 19 years almost
• 14:58
  I think almost 19 years this coming may
• 15:00
  I think once you hit a certain amount of years
• 15:02
  they kind of blend together
• 15:04
  cause I'm the same way we're like 21
• 15:07
  I think but yeah
• 15:08
  I think we ever take a year yeah
• 15:10
  yeah like once you pass 15
• 15:12
  you're like I don't know haha
• 15:15
  Castle Biosciences is a proud sponsor of this
• 15:18
  Eye Believe Podcast Castle's innovative
• 15:20
  uveal melanoma tests provide
• 15:22
  valuable information about the risk of your eye cancer
• 15:25
  spreading to help you and your healthcare team
• 15:27
  individualize the management of your disease
• 15:30
  to learn more visit Castlebiosciences.com
• 15:33
  but I don't think you last that long
• 15:35
  without having strong foundations
• 15:36
  and you know yeah
• 15:38
  you know our foundation was always a strong
• 15:41
  open communication
• 15:43
  where we were both very honest about anything
• 15:45
  what if it upset us in the beginning
• 15:47
  we talked about it if we didn't think it was a big deal
• 15:49
  we talked about it so there's very clear conversations
• 15:52
  I don't wanna say lines
• 15:54
  because it's never felt like that
• 15:55
  it's never felt like this like type of thing
• 15:58
  it's just been a very open communication
• 16:00
  we're we're best friends
• 16:01
  we we grew to be best friends
• 16:02
  like within the first couple of months
• 16:03
  of knowing each other
• 16:04
  and it's only gotten better over the years
• 16:06
  and I think the foundation of that is the communication
• 16:10
  knowing out of the two of us
• 16:12
  she's the way more patient graceful
• 16:16
  I swear she talks to animals when rainbows come out
• 16:18
  and you know
• 16:18
  like she's she's really sweet
• 16:20
  she's that person I tend to be a lot more fast paced
• 16:23
  kind of aggressive I like things a certain way
• 16:27
  it's kind of funny
• 16:27
  have you ever seen this movie called his
• 16:29
  hers and ours it's with Dennis Quaid
• 16:32
  um yes
• 16:33
  and Renee Russo
• 16:35
  yes that's kind of how it was
• 16:37
  because she's very like happy free
• 16:41
  and I'm very like
• 16:42
  we can't do that because we gotta be like this
• 16:43
  and you know what I mean but I think over the years
• 16:45
  it's kind of melded to a really great balance
• 16:48
  where I'm way more tolerable on certain things
• 16:51
  but I still have my standards
• 16:52
  and she's less naive of the real world
• 16:55
  but still has her positive
• 16:57
  optimistic spirit which you never wanna kill anybody
• 17:01
  I say I say all that to say that
• 17:03
  like I said earlier a lot of men don't listen
• 17:06
  sometimes we think we listen
• 17:08
  and it's just because we're just trying to go to a
• 17:10
  to B as quick as possible
• 17:11
  like this is the problem this let's
• 17:14
  here's what we need to do to fix it
• 17:15
  but I've Learned that sometimes
• 17:17
  like at least my wife sometimes
• 17:19
  she just wants to tell me something
• 17:21
  without any feedback and then having four daughters
• 17:23
  I've Learned that a lot like
• 17:25
  sometimes they just want you to listen
• 17:27
  and not just have anything to say
• 17:28
  at least not then and there
• 17:30
  you know and the reason I bring that up is because
• 17:32
  to bring it full circle to what we're talking about
• 17:34
  I was at um
• 17:36
  I won't say the name of the place
• 17:37
  but it's in DC it's a financial institution
• 17:40
  I was there for like 15 16 years
• 17:41
  it was a corporate world
• 17:42
  and all throughout that time that I was there
• 17:45
  I was always filming um family videos or children and
• 17:49
  and I also had an affinity for business
• 17:50
  I had already had like six
• 17:51
  five different businesses on the side
• 17:53
  and then I just got tired of it
• 17:55
  and so she was like um
• 17:57
  why don't you just quit the cushy job and um
• 18:01
  start doing just make your own business
• 18:03
  using your passion for film and stuff like that and
• 18:06
  and helping businesses and I told her I was like
• 18:08
  I don't wanna do that because you don't understand like
• 18:10
  you don't understand we're gonna be struggling
• 18:12
  we're gonna be you know blah
• 18:14
  blah blah blah and she's like
• 18:15
  we're already living check to check
• 18:17
  at least you'll be doing something that you love
• 18:18
  and the commute won't be you know
• 18:20
  three hours out of the day back and forth and uh
• 18:24
  and so I took her advice
• 18:25
  and it was the best thing I could have done
• 18:26
  and it's not the first time she's given me like
• 18:29
  amazing advice and I actually listened
• 18:31
  and it was the best thing I could have done
• 18:34
  but if I hadn't listened to her
• 18:35
  given the opportunity to like
• 18:37
  you know what let me take this chance
• 18:39
  and we went into it completely dark because having
• 18:42
  we're a family of six
• 18:44
  four kids still under 18 at the time when I
• 18:46
  when I left that job um
• 18:48
  risking everything
• 18:49
  for this thing that we thought would pan out alright
• 18:52
  and it was hard definitely the first couple of years
• 18:54
  but like I said this is where
• 18:56
  like a supportive partner really comes in the play and
• 18:58
  but I think the base is having that open communication
• 19:00
  and that is huge to walk away from the cushy job
• 19:04
  and totally take a leap of faith
• 19:06
  that you don't know what's gonna happen
• 19:08
  you could fail
• 19:08
  you could not be able to support your children
• 19:10
  so I mean that's huge
• 19:13
  props to you for doing it
• 19:14
  and then being able to succeed with it
• 19:16
  that's huge thank you
• 19:19
  no I
• 19:19
  I appreciate that I
• 19:21
  I keep I have I I keep going back though
• 19:24
  if you're a single person
• 19:25
  you should totally do it like I
• 19:27
  if you're not happy where you are
• 19:28
  and you have an idea of starting something
• 19:30
  just take the risk
• 19:30
  and even if you fall flat on your face
• 19:32
  as long as you walk away learning something
• 19:34
  you can just start up again
• 19:35
  if you're a if you have a family
• 19:37
  it is a little bit harder
• 19:38
  but that's where I think
• 19:40
  having the supportive partner that just trust you
• 19:43
  or if you're the one that's doing
• 19:45
  and you have to convince the partner then
• 19:46
  then you kind of have to like
• 19:48
  this is where your reliability as a person
• 19:50
  with your word comes in to play
• 19:52
  if if
• 19:52
  if you wanna do something like this
• 19:54
  and your spouse knows you to
• 19:56
  never come through on your word or
• 19:58
  or never sees the action behind any of your ideas
• 20:01
  they're less likely to feel safe
• 20:02
  and I think ultimately that's what it comes down to
• 20:04
  a lot of times a spouse just wants to feel secure
• 20:06
  they're like okay
• 20:06
  I don't know what's gonna happen
• 20:08
  but I know you always come through one way or another
• 20:11
  so I I trust you
• 20:12
  and I think that's kind of
• 20:13
  the point that you wanna get to um
• 20:15
  to be able to do something like that
• 20:19
  definitely I totally agree and that I mean
• 20:21
  trust is so crucial in any kind of partnership
• 20:23
  whether it's your marriage
• 20:24
  your business partner whatever
• 20:25
  if you can't trust that that other person
• 20:28
  you really don't have anything that's 100% I mean
• 20:32
  the first three months that we were dating
• 20:35
  even though we became best friends or whatever
• 20:36
  I kept asking her when the joke was gonna hit
• 20:38
  because I didn't believe that she was as
• 20:41
  cool as she actually was like
• 20:42
  how I thought it was fake
• 20:44
  and I was raised to believe that
• 20:46
  if it's too good to be true
• 20:47
  I promise you it's too good to be true and uh
• 20:50
  she it's gonna sound cheesy
• 20:52
  but this is why I believe in God
• 20:54
  and this is why I believe anything
• 20:56
  I don't care what your dream is
• 20:57
  anything is possible
• 20:58
  because I'm a firm believer that if I'm allowed
• 21:00
  despite all the things that I did in my youth
• 21:03
  that I think was stupid and wrong
• 21:05
  if God's been allowed to bless me with my wife
• 21:08
  and we've had this amazing marriage and these
• 21:10
  this family then I know anything is possible
• 21:13
  anything is possible
• 21:14
  and maybe there maybe you don't have that in your life
• 21:17
  maybe somebody watching this
• 21:18
  doesn't have that in their life
• 21:19
  but there is something that should be proved to you
• 21:21
  that good is possible
• 21:23
  if you're feeling depressed or down right now
• 21:25
  there's something that's happened in your life before
• 21:27
  that is even if it's just a glimmer of proof
• 21:29
  that there is some good
• 21:31
  and if you're allowed to experience that good
• 21:32
  that means anything else is possible also
• 21:34
  and I think a lot of people also will self sabotage
• 21:37
  because they don't think they deserve it
• 21:39
  yeah and that is the root of a lot of unhappiness
• 21:41
  is thinking that you don't deserve it
• 21:43
  because a lot of people will derail themselves
• 21:46
  and it's totally subconscious
• 21:48
  you don't realize you're doing it
• 21:49
  you kind of need somebody on the outside to be like
• 21:51
  why do you keep doing this same spiral
• 21:53
  why do you keep doing these same patterns
• 21:55
  before you realize that you're actually
• 21:57
  sabotaging yourself and it
• 21:59
  it's way more common than I think people realize 100%
• 22:03
  I
• 22:03
  something that has helped me over the years because I
• 22:05
  I've hit that spot so many times before in my lifetime
• 22:08
  um
• 22:09
  especially like when in the early years of the business
• 22:11
  when you're you're making the phone calls
• 22:14
  you're reaching out to people
• 22:15
  you're trying to do the thing and
• 22:17
  and it's not panning out
• 22:19
  so then you start getting down on yourself
• 22:20
  and that you suck at this
• 22:22
  or you're no good at this
• 22:23
  or what you really start beating yourself up
• 22:24
  actually what you're doing is however
• 22:27
  you were probably raised by your parents
• 22:28
  even though again they meant well and they
• 22:30
  they were just working with the tools they had
• 22:32
  you're probably saying the same things
• 22:34
  when you messed up as a child
• 22:36
  that you heard from them to yourself
• 22:38
  which is where the whole self talk comes to play
• 22:41
  yeah and that's why like as parents
• 22:43
  we need to be so conscious of how we
• 22:45
  talk to our children cause they tell you
• 22:48
  you are their inner voice when they talk to themselves
• 22:51
  it's through your words yeah
• 22:53
  and and
• 22:53
  and as to add to that
• 22:55
  before I go back to the other thing
• 22:56
  you know and it sucks for the older child
• 22:58
  I'm I'm an older child also
• 22:59
  so my brother got it less than I like less
• 23:02
  it wasn't bad no
• 23:03
  I don't wanna make it sound like my parents were bad
• 23:04
  cause they weren't but they definitely were more um
• 23:07
  open to him trying you know
• 23:09
  things and being a little more tolerant with him
• 23:12
  than they were with me he also Learned from me
• 23:14
  what not to do to get on their good side
• 23:16
  so that's that's valid too
• 23:18
  but it sucks like
• 23:19
  because like the oldest two
• 23:21
  they're only eight and a half months apart
• 23:23
  so they definitely got
• 23:25
  the lesser version of what I got from my parents
• 23:27
  from me where then the third child
• 23:29
  it was a little bit more balanced between Liz and I
• 23:31
  on how our parenting style
• 23:32
  and then with the baby the 14 year old
• 23:34
  I mean she's gotten the most attention for sure
• 23:37
  we've made sure to be at every single thing
• 23:39
  we give her a lot of support for everything
• 23:41
  and and again
• 23:42
  it's one of the realest things I ever saw on Instagram
• 23:44
  which is so funny
• 23:46
  was that when you have kids young without realizing it
• 23:49
  your kids are watching you grow up also
• 23:51
  which you know
• 23:52
  it's not fair to the kid but it
• 23:54
  it it just is what it is
• 23:55
  like a lot of times when we get into families early
• 23:58
  we think we're ready but sometimes we're actually not
• 24:00
  and we're still growing up emotionally
• 24:02
  and maturity wise and tool wise
• 24:04
  I I think if you release expectation from your actions
• 24:09
  I think that's a big help
• 24:10
  because you have no control over the outcome
• 24:12
  like if I'm trying to get you to
• 24:14
  to hire us to do creative work for you
• 24:16
  and you either don't have the money
• 24:18
  you don't like our style or you're just not ready yet
• 24:21
  or you just aren't convinced that
• 24:22
  whatever the reason you say no is
• 24:25
  if I keep beating myself up
• 24:27
  because you're saying no to our offer
• 24:29
  that's not my job to to
• 24:32
  to know for a fact that you're gonna say yes
• 24:33
  my job is just to follow up uh
• 24:35
  give you the offer and continue moving forward
• 24:38
  that's the seed and I think
• 24:40
  as long as you focus on planting the seeds
• 24:42
  and cultivating the seeds to the best
• 24:44
  leave the outcomes I say leave the outcomes to God
• 24:46
  if they're gonna happen they're gonna happen
• 24:48
  that's not up for you to decide
• 24:49
  it's just the taking action part
• 24:51
  so many times when we were short on money
• 24:54
  and this wasn't happening
• 24:55
  this wasn't happening
• 24:56
  this wasn't happening the minute I could
• 24:58
  I sometimes fell into a depression
• 25:01
  but the minute I didn't fall into depression
• 25:03
  instead decided to do something of action
• 25:05
  whether it was taking a run
• 25:07
  uh doing the yard work um
• 25:09
  cold calling somebody
• 25:10
  what something totally different out of nowhere
• 25:13
  the thing just would start flooding
• 25:15
  and it happens all the time
• 25:17
  all the time
• 25:18
  and if I ever find myself in one of those situations
• 25:20
  again my wife again
• 25:22
  being my best friend and knowing how I am
• 25:24
  she would just remind me she's like
• 25:25
  maybe you need to go for a run
• 25:26
  I was like yeah
• 25:27
  maybe I need to go for a run
• 25:28
  and then boom it's
• 25:29
  it's so weird how that happens
• 25:30
  I can't explain it I think sometimes
• 25:32
  we clog up our own blessings by over stressing
• 25:35
  and so maybe that has something to do with it
• 25:37
  I don't know um
• 25:38
  so if you're in that situation
• 25:39
  where you're feeling depressed
• 25:40
  I would say I don't care
• 25:41
  if it's getting up and cleaning the kitchen counter
• 25:43
  do that if it's reading a book
• 25:45
  do that if it's doing jumping jacks
• 25:47
  you just have to you have to do some type of action
• 25:50
  yeah I think a lot of it is energy too
• 25:53
  you know
• 25:53
  when you're in a positive space with your energy
• 25:56
  you keep it going
• 25:57
  and once you settle into that negative space
• 25:59
  and it's kind of like um
• 26:00
  with like exercise for example
• 26:02
  you know a body in motion stays in motion
• 26:03
  a body at rest stays at rest
• 26:05
  it's very similar to all of those things
• 26:08
  get up go for a run
• 26:09
  you'll come back you'll feel energized
• 26:10
  you'll have your endorphins going
• 26:11
  and maybe you can start something that will
• 26:13
  start that ripple effect
• 26:14
  that will change your energy shift and
• 26:17
  and unclog those blessings and get them coming back in
• 26:20
  but also remember that if one door is closed
• 26:25
  and you're devastated
• 26:26
  because that's the door you wanted
• 26:27
  that might not be the right door for you
• 26:29
  and that might have to close
• 26:31
  so that a different door can open
• 26:33
  and I know people say that all the time
• 26:34
  but it is so true I mean I've had that happen before
• 26:38
  it's so true I've had that happen in my life
• 26:40
  where I thought something didn't work out
• 26:42
  and it was
• 26:43
  cause I sucked or this didn't work out because I
• 26:45
  you know it's not fair whatever
• 26:47
  whatever
• 26:47
  and then something else happened later that I thought
• 26:50
  well if the way I wanted it had happened
• 26:52
  this better thing would not have happened
• 26:54
  and it's happened over and over
• 26:56
  so I'm a firm believer in not trying to control things
• 27:00
  yeah because I have already Learned that
• 27:03
  if I let go of control
• 27:04
  it will happen the way it's supposed to happen and I
• 27:07
  that might sound silly to some people
• 27:09
  but I'm a total believer in that no 100% I mean
• 27:13
  I've seen that happen over and over again
• 27:14
  and it's so funny
• 27:16
  you always have a plan when you start a business
• 27:18
  you think you're gonna start here and your goals here
• 27:20
  and what you end up finding out is
• 27:22
  just like you've seen in the drawings online
• 27:24
  like it goes here here
• 27:25
  here here and it's so funny like you
• 27:28
  the the more you realize setback
• 27:31
  the more you start to actually gauge gut feeling
• 27:34
  I think um
• 27:36
  understanding that it's not just a straight line
• 27:38
  understanding that you set out on this goal
• 27:40
  but all of a sudden
• 27:41
  there's way more opportunities to start opening up
• 27:43
  if you're open to be aware of what's possible
• 27:46
  as opposed to like being so fixated
• 27:48
  I guarantee you
• 27:48
  if I was so fixated on some exes in the past
• 27:51
  I never would have met my wife
• 27:53
  and that would have sucked
• 27:55
  you know what I mean
• 27:56
  and that's why leaving it up to God
• 27:58
  I think and and and
• 28:00
  and moving forward has a lot to play with it
• 28:02
  cause I do believe that like you said
• 28:04
  some things aren't just meant for us and
• 28:06
  and I believe also too sometimes for people
• 28:08
  anybody out there struggling with money um
• 28:10
  or with love if you can't manage five bucks
• 28:15
  it's gonna be real hard to manage $5,000
• 28:17
  or $50,000 or $500,000
• 28:20
  if you only think about yourself and you feel lonely
• 28:25
  you know
• 28:25
  it's gonna be real hard to show up for somebody
• 28:27
  else in your life which is why
• 28:29
  one of the things we've always told the girls is
• 28:31
  whatever you feel like you're lacking at it
• 28:33
  in given time
• 28:34
  give that thing so if you if you're feeling lonely
• 28:38
  send somebody a text
• 28:39
  that hasn't heard from you in a long time
• 28:41
  let them know that you're thinking about them
• 28:42
  let them feel thought about if you're feeling broke
• 28:46
  give your last $3 I mean
• 28:47
  those $3 aren't gonna save you
• 28:49
  so buy some kid at the store that you're passing by
• 28:52
  I don't know a candy shop
• 28:53
  whatever it is but the point is
• 28:55
  to
• 28:56
  not feel so attached to these things
• 28:57
  that actually could be holding you back
• 29:00
  yeah I totally agree with that and I love that idea
• 29:03
  there's just so much that we can control
• 29:07
  and so much we can't control
• 29:09
  and I think when you get stuck in that
• 29:11
  trying to control the things you can't control
• 29:13
  and then neglecting the things that you could control
• 29:15
  and you get out of balance sometimes
• 29:17
  if you just can step back and look at it and say like
• 29:20
  you know these things I'm going after
• 29:21
  can I actually control them
• 29:22
  no so I'm gonna let those go
• 29:24
  and these things over here that I'm totally neglecting
• 29:26
  maybe my health or my my cleanliness of my home
• 29:30
  my dogs my kids whatever
• 29:32
  can I fix that yes
• 29:33
  I can and you know
• 29:34
  shift those priorities instead of sitting there
• 29:37
  and obsessing over the thing you can't control
• 29:39
  focus on the thing you can control
• 29:41
  and then those things will hopefully fall into place
• 29:44
  once you get in your
• 29:46
  in your rhythm and things start moving again
• 29:48
  see and and that's that type of conversation
• 29:50
  and that I think a husband needs to hear
• 29:53
  like exactly what you just said
• 29:54
  we've had those conversations also
• 29:56
  it's exactly what somebody needs to hear because I
• 29:59
  I do think that guys are very designed to win
• 30:03
  like we it's in us that we want to win
• 30:05
  we want to know everything
• 30:06
  we want to make sure everything is in our control
• 30:09
  but that's that's a fallacy
• 30:11
  because there's no way that can happen
• 30:13
  whereas what you're talking about
• 30:15
  I think sometimes
• 30:15
  we need to hear that from somebody that we know
• 30:17
  actually loves us and isn't just trying to sabotage us
• 30:19
  cause we we do enough sabotaging on our own
• 30:22
  by the way that we think
• 30:23
  and in our brute force mentality and all that
• 30:56
  so that's why I think conversations like that
• 30:58
  with somebody that you trust
• 30:59
  like a spouse are super key and crucial
• 31:01
  because then you guys become one unit
• 31:03
  and literally can take anything on together
• 31:06
  but I do think it takes both of those things
• 31:08
  the direction but at the same time
• 31:10
  the it's okay if if this isn't working out right now
• 31:13
  it's okay we can do this like it it's partnership
• 31:16
  you know yeah
• 31:17
  and it's good to have
• 31:18
  someone who can give you that honest feedback
• 31:20
  in a safe space who you trust
• 31:22
  where you're hopefully not gonna feel defensive
• 31:25
  where you can be like oh
• 31:26
  you know I have been doing that lately okay
• 31:29
  versus no I don't yeah
• 31:31
  yeah yeah yeah
• 31:32
  I mean
• 31:33
  I also think it's cool to keep your person in check too
• 31:35
  meaning at least I can always speak for myself at least
• 31:38
  uh I never wanna be told like um
• 31:42
  oh
• 31:42
  you're fine if I know I'm not doing the best that I can
• 31:46
  but again
• 31:48
  the person that you are sharing your life with at the
• 31:51
  if you've been together for a couple decades
• 31:53
  they know the cadence
• 31:54
  and they know when you need that extra nudge
• 31:56
  they know when you need not to be babied at all
• 31:59
  because you also when you
• 32:02
  I'm just again just speaking as a guy
• 32:04
  every single guy that that
• 32:06
  that I know
• 32:06
  that has overcome some type of adversity or
• 32:09
  or limiting belief
• 32:11
  in the short term
• 32:13
  they feel that little feel good of like
• 32:15
  you know the
• 32:16
  the sympathy but in the long term
• 32:18
  it eats up at them
• 32:19
  because they know that they can do better
• 32:21
  so what they really they
• 32:22
  they get more out of I don't know
• 32:24
  building a
• 32:25
  I don't know
• 32:26
  something from IKEA putting that together for you
• 32:28
  they they prefer that as opposed to and
• 32:30
  and feeling a little tiny fulfillment from that
• 32:32
  than the pat on the back and like
• 32:34
  it's okay about the client not calling you back
• 32:36
  it's okay it's okay like you need both
• 32:38
  but like
• 32:39
  they get more out of feeling accomplished of something
• 32:42
  so that's why I think it's so
• 32:43
  important for guys to really
• 32:44
  get into this thing of like
• 32:45
  accomplish something I don't care how small it is
• 32:48
  just you have to have little wins or big wins
• 32:50
  but just try to accomplish something definitely
• 32:54
  and depending where you are in your life
• 32:56
  that might be as simple as getting up and taking
• 32:58
  a shower
• 32:59
  so like we're talking about a lot of big things
• 33:01
  but if you're in a place where like
• 33:03
  literally getting out of bed
• 33:04
  and getting to the shower is a win for you
• 33:06
  that's okay
• 33:07
  and you can start with literally just that yeah
• 33:10
  100% and if you do it again the next day
• 33:13
  and then you do it again the third day
• 33:15
  now you're building up consistency
• 33:16
  and when you are able to rely on yourself consistently
• 33:20
  that's where your confidence starts coming in
• 33:21
  accomplishment and consistency in my opinion
• 33:23
  lead to confidence
• 33:25
  and once you start building up that confidence
• 33:27
  then you're able to take risks
• 33:29
  moving forward without beating yourself up
• 33:31
  but it it starts with taking that one action
• 33:34
  having that little win and then having it consistently
• 33:36
  and then continue that
• 33:38
  put little more wins on top of that
• 33:40
  think about how you talk to yourself in your head
• 33:42
  we touched on that earlier
• 33:43
  but that's such a big one too
• 33:45
  because if you are looking for a relationship
• 33:48
  or maybe you're trying to fix the one that you're in
• 33:51
  think about how you talk to yourself
• 33:52
  and then think about how you talk to your partner
• 33:54
  because if your inner voice is not nice
• 33:57
  it can come out to your partner that way
• 33:59
  or your kids or whoever you're around
• 34:01
  people you work with whatever
• 34:03
  and I think
• 34:04
  once you kind of start changing that inner dialogue
• 34:06
  to be kind to yourself it will ripple out
• 34:09
  and you do deserve kindness from yourself
• 34:13
  and one way that I I have a friend who um
• 34:16
  doesn't speak kindly of herself and I told her I said
• 34:20
  would you say that about your friend
• 34:22
  and she you know like oh
• 34:23
  I'm so lazy and stupid
• 34:24
  would you say that about your friend
• 34:25
  would you tell me I'm lazy and stupid
• 34:27
  and no then why would you say it to yourself
• 34:30
  no it so that's something to think about it no
• 34:33
  but to think about that
• 34:33
  that's but that's rampant everywhere
• 34:36
  especially with teenagers you know what I mean
• 34:38
  it's it's so weird where that comes from like I mean
• 34:42
  nowadays teenagers only because you know
• 34:45
  we've we've had the girls
• 34:46
  some teenagers are quick to say like
• 34:48
  I'm gonna shoot myself like
• 34:49
  and and I don't like that
• 34:51
  because I know they're just saying an expression
• 34:53
  but that I feel like the more you say things out loud
• 34:56
  the more you kind of
• 34:57
  put them subliminally into your mind
• 34:59
  so like you have to be careful with
• 35:00
  how often you think or say something
• 35:02
  um I do think that it does affect you and uh
• 35:05
  that's why I think you should
• 35:07
  like you said be more positive and kind to yourself
• 35:09
  something that um
• 35:10
  that used to help me when I'd be down
• 35:13
  get out of bed would be like
• 35:16
  would I want you know
• 35:18
  one of my daughter's names
• 35:18
  would I want her boyfriend to be this way
• 35:22
  I I
• 35:23
  I wanna act the you know
• 35:24
  I wanna act the way that I would want her husband to be
• 35:28
  and so if I don't want her husband to be lazy or
• 35:31
  or non moving or self sabotaging
• 35:33
  that means I need to get out of bed and do something
• 35:35
  like I have to be that example
• 35:37
  so that would get me out of bed
• 35:40
  is Liz my wife is
• 35:42
  does she feel proud to have me as a husband
• 35:45
  well if I'm laying here in bed depressed
• 35:48
  I know she's got a good heart
• 35:49
  I know she's patient
• 35:50
  but I would rather her look at me like
• 35:52
  that's my husband as opposed to like
• 35:55
  you know what I mean and sometimes
• 35:58
  and again that's weird
• 35:59
  that's a that's a
• 36:00
  that's a fine line too because that could
• 36:02
  make you sometimes get more depressed
• 36:03
  cause you're like I just can't but you can you know
• 36:06
  but like you said something as simple as like
• 36:09
  he took a shower first thing this morning today
• 36:10
  as opposed to the past three days
• 36:12
  that's awesome the baby step is fine
• 36:14
  but for some people that shower is enormous
• 36:16
  it's not a baby step so whether you see it as like
• 36:19
  oh I only took this little baby step
• 36:20
  or you see it as I did this huge thing
• 36:23
  it it progress is progress yeah
• 36:25
  and as long as you are happy with where you're at
• 36:28
  that I think that's the most important thing
• 36:29
  is give yourself some Grace
• 36:31
  and talk kindly to yourself
• 36:33
  and celebrate those wins
• 36:35
  whether it's something little or something big
• 36:37
  and don't beat yourself up if you mess up
• 36:40
  say okay that wasn't how I wanted it to go
• 36:43
  tomorrow I'm gonna do a better job
• 36:45
  but don't beat yourself up and be like
• 36:47
  oh I did this
• 36:47
  I'm so stupid
• 36:48
  I'm so lazy like you cannot go there right
• 36:50
  nobody's perfect that's
• 36:51
  and I think that's the other thing
• 36:52
  is that nobody is perfect
• 36:53
  nobody is actually judging you
• 36:55
  as much as you think you are
• 36:56
  you're judging yourself a lot more than anything else
• 36:58
  you know which which is why like I agree with you
• 37:00
  the small win is a good win like I said
• 37:02
  it always goes back to action
• 37:04
  and then once you just start taking act random actions
• 37:06
  then you can start being a
• 37:07
  little bit more intentional about it
• 37:08
  but the point is to to be moving like you said uh
• 37:10
  what did you say uh motion what did you say earlier
• 37:14
  I don't know something hahaha
• 37:18
  I said a lot of things hahaha
• 37:20
  you said
• 37:21
  you said something about energy and motion is a body
• 37:24
  a body in motion stays in motion
• 37:26
  a body at rest stays at rest yeah yeah
• 37:28
  that OK yeah and it and it's true
• 37:29
  like when you're when you take a week off of the gym
• 37:32
  you do not wanna go back there
• 37:34
  that is the last place you wanna be
• 37:35
  but when you show up not every day
• 37:37
  but daily
• 37:38
  most of the time you're excited to go you you know
• 37:40
  you're gonna feel better if you go
• 37:42
  so it's just that kind of mindset
• 37:44
  and that's a great point actually
• 37:46
  because I do believe in a whole bunch of patterns
• 37:48
  like I think patterns are everywhere
• 37:50
  and I think a lot of times
• 37:51
  if you just stop and look at the patterns
• 37:52
  that's the answer in everything
• 37:55
  and and you've seen the trees and how they resemble
• 37:58
  like the you know
• 37:58
  our our lungs river beds from the area of the
• 38:01
  there's all these different patterns
• 38:04
  you know that you sometimes don't want to get up
• 38:06
  and the effort of changing into your clothes
• 38:09
  driving out to the gym you're not in the mood to do it
• 38:11
  but you also know that once you're there
• 38:13
  after about five minutes
• 38:14
  and in moving and then going through the workout
• 38:17
  you start feeling a little bit better
• 38:18
  you it still sucks
• 38:19
  but then by the end of it
• 38:20
  I mean you're so glad you went
• 38:22
  and it's just
• 38:24
  moving forward towards the thing you don't wanna do
• 38:27
  but that you know that you need to do to feel great
• 38:29
  that's gonna be healthy for you
• 38:30
  it's like that for everything
• 38:33
  the cold call um
• 38:34
  the reaching out to
• 38:35
  having that hard conversation with that family member
• 38:36
  that you know
• 38:37
  needs to be had instead of putting it off for like
• 38:39
  a whole another year you know
• 38:41
  like that thing everybody has
• 38:43
  that one thing that they're avoiding to do
• 38:45
  because it's so hard I really do think that
• 38:47
  you need to run towards that thing
• 38:49
  and get it over with however
• 38:51
  whatever it is
• 38:52
  and you will feel so much lighter after that
• 38:54
  whatever that big thing is
• 38:55
  it might even be just as simple as going to the gym
• 38:57
  or taking a shower but once it's taken care of
• 39:00
  it's like this you'll be able to breathe
• 39:02
  it's like having a clogged nose
• 39:03
  and you'll be able to like
• 39:04
  really take a deep breath in
• 39:05
  you know
• 39:07
  yeah because it sets you free
• 39:09
  and I mean
• 39:09
  I'm a huge procrastinator of things I don't wanna do
• 39:12
  so I will procrastinate something
• 39:15
  and then I'll stress out about it for days going oh
• 39:17
  I didn't do that yet oh
• 39:18
  I still have to do it I didn't do it yet
• 39:19
  and then when I finally do it
• 39:21
  and it takes me five minutes to do it
• 39:22
  I feel free then I say why didn't I do that a week ago
• 39:26
  I don't know you you and Liz
• 39:28
  you and Liz need to be friends
• 39:30
  yeah
• 39:32
  but it
• 39:32
  it it is hard and you you psych yourself out that like
• 39:35
  oh I don't want to do that
• 39:36
  I'll deal with that later
• 39:37
  but really
• 39:37
  what you do is you stress yourself out for a week
• 39:40
  thinking about it
• 39:41
  when if you would have just done it the first day
• 39:43
  you would have felt better
• 39:44
  and and I'm speaking to myself
• 39:45
  cause this is my own problem
• 39:47
  this is my cycle no well
• 39:49
  it's like that with everything I think like I said
• 39:50
  it's everything everything
• 39:52
  so and that
• 39:54
  and that everyone who's who's watching this
• 39:56
  understand that we're saying these things
• 39:59
  because we've been through them
• 40:00
  and we know them
• 40:01
  we're not trying to be preachy and be like oh
• 40:03
  you need to be nice to yourself
• 40:04
  we're saying it because we've seen the difference
• 40:05
  because we've gone there and we've done it both ways
• 40:08
  and we're
• 40:10
  we're bringing you our experience of of what works
• 40:13
  and while he's the guest speaker
• 40:15
  you know
• 40:15
  I I'm gonna add some of my two cents in as well
• 40:18
  because I do think that it's important to hear from
• 40:21
  you know
• 40:22
  people who have gone through all of these things
• 40:24
  and can give you a little bit of insight
• 40:26
  or perspective and whether you take it or not
• 40:28
  I mean that's obviously up to you
• 40:30
  but no yeah
• 40:31
  I I've
• 40:32
  I've been broke now
• 40:34
  you'll never hear me tell you how to
• 40:35
  become a millionaire because I'm not a millionaire yet
• 40:36
  so I can't tell you how to do that
• 40:38
  but I have been in
• 40:39
  I have been in horrible relationships
• 40:42
  I've been in good relationships
• 40:43
  I've been a bad boyfriend
• 40:44
  I've been a great boyfriend um
• 40:46
  you know and I know
• 40:48
  I'm very confident in knowing like
• 40:50
  why our marriage works um
• 40:52
  I'm very confident in knowing why
• 40:54
  you know what mistakes I made in the past
• 40:57
  that LED to a lot of the dumb
• 40:58
  stuff that I went through
• 40:59
  and a lot of the stuff that I've done to remedy that
• 41:03
  you know so I
• 41:03
  so I feel so confident talking about that type of thing
• 41:06
  and also I've been
• 41:07
  I've beaten myself up so many times as a teenager
• 41:10
  as a young man as an older guy now as a father
• 41:13
  as a husband so I know what that feels like to be
• 41:16
  to feel very alone and I can't stress enough like
• 41:19
  you know if you don't have that supportive spouse like
• 41:22
  like I can tell that your husband
• 41:24
  has a very supportive spouse with you
• 41:26
  just from your personality and how you talk
• 41:27
  I don't know him
• 41:28
  but I imagine you guys are it's the same way um yeah
• 41:32
  but I also know like
• 41:33
  I'm not lost on the fact that
• 41:34
  there are a lot of guys out there
• 41:35
  that don't have
• 41:35
  there are a lot of women that don't have that and
• 41:37
  and I get that so then in that situation
• 41:41
  I still think that you can be a formidable force
• 41:43
  of good to yourself
• 41:45
  by doing the small wins like you said
• 41:47
  even if it's just getting out there
• 41:48
  and going to the gym or joining some type of group or
• 41:51
  or being active in something
• 41:55
  the
• 41:55
  I would stop waiting for somebody to come and help you
• 41:58
  the first part yes
• 41:59
  is actually moving forward
• 42:02
  I don't know if you I and I
• 42:03
  you know I'm not trying to get preach to anything
• 42:05
  but I just think there's something to be said here
• 42:09
  a lot of times the miracles that happened in the Bible
• 42:11
  they didn't happen just like that
• 42:13
  some type of action had to happen
• 42:15
  everybody's familiar with the story of Moses
• 42:18
  and the crossing of the Red Sea
• 42:19
  and all that right
• 42:20
  but he didn't
• 42:22
  god didn't just part the sea according to the Bible
• 42:24
  right he told Moses he had to lift the staff
• 42:26
  like he literally had to make an action
• 42:29
  once Moses did that then it parted
• 42:31
  which shows that Moses actually had to have faith
• 42:34
  that what this being told him was that as long as
• 42:38
  he does this action
• 42:39
  the seaweed part so
• 42:41
  there has to be a bit of faith behind the action
• 42:43
  that you're putting up
• 42:43
  nothing happens without any action that so
• 42:46
  so it I'm hoping that's kind of like the key term here
• 42:48
  that sticks with anybody that's going through a funk
• 42:50
  right now that the
• 42:51
  the remedy to it is is at some type of action
• 42:55
  yes absolutely
• 42:56
  and I really think what you said a minute ago
• 42:58
  was really important that
• 42:59
  you can't wait for someone to come in and save you
• 43:01
  and that goes right back to what we said earlier of
• 43:03
  you can't save anyone else
• 43:05
  like this has to be a personal decision for yourself
• 43:09
  and if you are either looking for a relationship
• 43:13
  or trying to get out of a bad one
• 43:15
  or trying to fix one that's a little bit broken
• 43:17
  any of those things it starts with yourself
• 43:19
  you have to fix yourself and you have to heal yourself
• 43:21
  and it's not just fixing and oh
• 43:24
  I need to be better it's healing
• 43:26
  why is that problem there
• 43:28
  what do you need to heal and again
• 43:30
  give yourself some Grace work on that healing
• 43:33
  and figure out what you need
• 43:35
  and how you can provide that for yourself
• 43:37
  because you can't show up for anyone else
• 43:38
  until you can show up for yourself
• 43:39
  and I think
• 43:40
  that's one of the biggest things people miss
• 43:42
  yeah
• 43:42
  and that relationship is not gonna work until you get
• 43:45
  you fixed that I'm that's beautifully said
• 43:49
  I think when you do that internal work
• 43:51
  you realize how impactful it is
• 43:53
  and then it's like the whole cup thing we all hear
• 43:56
  you know
• 43:56
  you can't fill out of an empty cup it's 100% true
• 43:59
  once you get yourself healed
• 44:00
  and you release your traumas
• 44:03
  your angers
• 44:03
  all those things that are kind of festering in you
• 44:05
  once you get that out and all you have left is kind of
• 44:09
  love and happiness in there
• 44:10
  now all of a sudden you can give to everybody else
• 44:13
  and you can be the person you wanna be
• 44:15
  and do all those things
• 44:16
  but you gotta you gotta get that yuck out of there
• 44:18
  and and that thing too I think I mean
• 44:21
  I I can only speak for myself
• 44:22
  I think it's the same for other people
• 44:23
  that the older we get you find new things that oh
• 44:26
  this is why I used to do that
• 44:28
  or this is why I'm this way
• 44:30
  and it's interesting as you get older
• 44:31
  you start doing so much more self reflection
• 44:33
  some things you've made peace with
• 44:35
  some things you're like no
• 44:36
  I still wanna change this about me
• 44:37
  or seeing an old relative and like ah
• 44:40
  that's why I'm this way
• 44:41
  like it's the joke right now is like
• 44:43
  when when my when my kids see my dad
• 44:47
  they're like
• 44:49
  that's why you're like I was like yeah
• 44:50
  I yeah I got it from him
• 44:52
  you know what I mean and it's not like a bad thing
• 44:54
  it's just it's just so funny to see and uh
• 44:57
  so I so I think that uh
• 44:59
  journey of healing different little things
• 45:02
  regardless of the extremity of the trauma or
• 45:05
  or the thing um
• 45:06
  I think it's always gonna be occurring like
• 45:09
  I think you have to be okay with also like
• 45:11
  discovering something new
• 45:12
  it doesn't mean like oh great more baggage
• 45:14
  I don't think that's what it means
• 45:15
  I think it's just you're discovering yourself
• 45:17
  because you didn't really have a chance
• 45:18
  to discover yourself
• 45:19
  the way that you thought you could
• 45:20
  when you were younger
• 45:21
  or the maybe the way that you needed to
• 45:23
  so it's a as long as we're on this side of the ground
• 45:26
  there's always gonna be learning
• 45:27
  and there's always gonna be a way to improve yourself
• 45:30
  I don't believe in stagnation
• 45:31
  I definitely believe you're either growing
• 45:33
  even if it's point five % or you're declining
• 45:35
  you're going backwards so you
• 45:37
  those little increments of wins
• 45:38
  like we talked about earlier
• 45:39
  I think are super important
• 45:41
  so yeah I totally agree
• 45:43
  and it isn't in a process
• 45:46
  the whole time that you're working on yourself
• 45:49
  building your life working on yourself
• 45:51
  building your life I mean
• 45:52
  it's a constant evolution process
• 45:55
  as you go through your entire life
• 45:57
  and
• 45:57
  there might be things that come out when you're older
• 45:59
  that you realize triggered you
• 46:01
  that you never thought did before
• 46:02
  just because you've changed and
• 46:04
  you know it's
• 46:06
  it's interesting the way that things manifest
• 46:09
  and like you said you know
• 46:10
  your daughters can say oh
• 46:11
  you got that from your dad yeah
• 46:13
  it is interesting to
• 46:14
  to have other people look at things that you do and
• 46:19
  and be able to give you feedback on it
• 46:21
  and tell you what they think about it
• 46:23
  that you didn't even realize
• 46:24
  maybe that you even did it
• 46:25
  oh yeah
• 46:27
  oh yeah and trust me
• 46:28
  if you and if you got little ladies at the house
• 46:29
  they'll definitely let you know hahaha well
• 46:32
  I have all boys over in this house and they don't
• 46:35
  we have all teenage boys they don't talk a lot
• 46:37
  they kind of are um
• 46:39
  in their reclusive age which is okay
• 46:41
  and you know what but you know what
• 46:43
  I'll tell you what
• 46:44
  as a mom who used to be the center of their world
• 46:47
  who now they like
• 46:48
  I'm lucky if they come out and talk to me
• 46:50
  I had to get over that
• 46:52
  and realize that it's not personal
• 46:54
  it's nothing I did if anything
• 46:55
  I've given them a safe space
• 46:58
  where they can go be teenagers
• 46:59
  and they don't feel like they
• 47:00
  you know have to come out and sit with me
• 47:02
  and they don't feel obligated
• 47:03
  they can kind of be free and do what they want to do
• 47:05
  so on one hand I was a little offended and like
• 47:09
  why don't they like me anymore
• 47:11
  but then on the other hand
• 47:13
  I had to realize no
• 47:15
  they have their independence and their space
• 47:17
  and they know they're in a safe
• 47:19
  loving home and they know that they're free to come
• 47:22
  and when they want to come hang out with me
• 47:23
  I'm here and they don't they're not like
• 47:26
  trying to get my attention
• 47:28
  because they've had it their whole lives
• 47:29
  they don't need it which is the whole point
• 47:31
  is for them to grow up and not need it
• 47:34
  so yeah that yeah
• 47:36
  that that was that's a I just
• 47:38
  I was just there I was just there with you uh uh
• 47:42
  not too long ago a couple
• 47:43
  a couple years back
• 47:45
  because I've always harped with like
• 47:47
  especially guys um
• 47:49
  a lot of guys hold on to their heyday like
• 47:52
  you know they talk about past years
• 47:54
  they talk about high school
• 47:56
  things that happened before family
• 47:58
  and it used to annoy me so much because I like dude
• 48:00
  like what are you talking about
• 48:01
  you have the best life right now
• 48:02
  like why are we still holding on to that
• 48:04
  like that it used to annoy me
• 48:05
  and so I used to hate that a lot
• 48:07
  and I would try to get them to see that like
• 48:09
  this is the best time right now because you got this
• 48:12
  whatever anyways
• 48:14
  the point is that as the girls were getting older
• 48:18
  and then one um
• 48:20
  the first the oldest moves out
• 48:21
  my feelings got hurt right
• 48:23
  um yeah
• 48:24
  the second one um
• 48:25
  goes to college um
• 48:28
  she gets married to her boyfriend
• 48:29
  um
• 48:30
  that kind of hurts right
• 48:32
  and then the third horse ends up going to college
• 48:34
  and the thing is I I
• 48:37
  all of a sudden was realizing
• 48:38
  in this conversation with Liz
• 48:40
  and I was like you know what
• 48:41
  I'm holding on to the past
• 48:42
  because I missed that time frame of 4 to 8
• 48:46
  9 years old like
• 48:48
  the fact once they start leaving the house
• 48:49
  or they're grown up
• 48:50
  and not spending as much time with you
• 48:51
  even if they are home it hurts as a parent
• 48:54
  because you miss being like their No. 1
• 48:57
  or you miss being like it's just
• 48:59
  you know I really
• 49:00
  it took me so long to get over that
• 49:02
  it took me so long I'm not even over it completely
• 49:05
  but I understand it like you were saying 100%
• 49:08
  everything you said was spot on
• 49:09
  but
• 49:10
  it took me a while to really come to grips with that
• 49:12
  but that's a very real thing though
• 49:15
  no it totally is
• 49:16
  like I really got my feelings hurt at first
• 49:18
  and I was like cause it
• 49:19
  you know they're staggered
• 49:20
  there's three of them and so it was one at a time
• 49:23
  and so one of them would like stop socializing with us
• 49:26
  and I'd be like oh
• 49:27
  he like
• 49:27
  he doesn't like me anymore
• 49:29
  and then the next one and then the next one
• 49:30
  and now I'm you know
• 49:32
  most days I'm in the house
• 49:34
  they're home but they're all in their rooms
• 49:35
  they're all doing their thing
• 49:36
  sometimes they're in each other's rooms
• 49:38
  and they're giggling and I hear them
• 49:39
  but I'm not a part of very much of that
• 49:41
  and I I definitely had to be like okay
• 49:44
  that's their independence and I
• 49:46
  it's not personal and it
• 49:48
  it is hard cause it does hurt your soul a lot yeah
• 49:52
  but you're right that ultimately
• 49:53
  you do want them to be able to have that
• 49:55
  independent thinking
• 49:56
  and they're figuring them things out on their own
• 49:58
  like that's why you raise them to
• 50:00
  to be able to be adults that can function in society
• 50:03
  you know holy
• 50:04
  and but yeah man
• 50:06
  it just it I
• 50:08
  that's the one part of parenting that I don't
• 50:10
  you know
• 50:10
  I'm just letting anybody who isn't a parent yet
• 50:11
  who hasn't had teenagers yet um
• 50:14
  that part hurts but when you come out to the other side
• 50:17
  you understand a little bit better about it
• 50:18
  but yeah it hurts man
• 50:21
  and and my wife
• 50:22
  she didn't take it so hard like I did
• 50:23
  and again
• 50:24
  I think it's because it's the mother with three sons
• 50:26
  and the dad with four daughters
• 50:28
  it's that dynamic you know
• 50:29
  they were daddy's girls we're both on the opposite side
• 50:31
  right you know
• 50:33
  you you have daddy's girls to all of a sudden like
• 50:36
  independent women you know what I mean
• 50:37
  and it's just like cool but I miss being called daddy
• 50:40
  you know by my little girls
• 50:42
  you know what I mean as opposed to like okay dad
• 50:44
  you know haha yeah
• 50:46
  yeah oh
• 50:46
  definitely and when when they're out
• 50:48
  you know dress shopping and doing the things
• 50:50
  they're gonna call mom yeah
• 50:51
  of course and when my kids are hanging out
• 50:53
  they're gonna be watching football with dad yeah
• 50:55
  so we're kind of on the opposite end
• 50:57
  being not the same gender
• 50:58
  which you know
• 50:59
  not not to say that they they wouldn't um
• 51:02
  I feel like people are gonna yell at me
• 51:03
  because I said that but um
• 51:04
  I I again
• 51:05
  I don't I wouldn't worry about it a little bit
• 51:08
  a little bit you know
• 51:09
  they kind of are gonna be more prone to the
• 51:13
  the gender parent I think so anyway
• 51:16
  no I I I
• 51:16
  I I do I mean again
• 51:18
  you have three sons yeah
• 51:19
  so I feel like
• 51:20
  you know a lot about boys and I have four girls
• 51:24
  so I know a lot about four
• 51:26
  about girls and about young ladies
• 51:27
  and I that's what I saw they
• 51:30
  we were I was the fun person
• 51:31
  the fun parent when they were little
• 51:33
  but as they've gotten older
• 51:34
  they're calling mom about everything
• 51:36
  which is cool because they have a best friend in her
• 51:39
  so I think that I think that's awesome
• 51:41
  and and at least they're
• 51:42
  talking to one of us about something
• 51:43
  they don't have to talk to both of us
• 51:44
  but as long as I know they're talking to one of us
• 51:46
  I'm a happy dad but I do miss that part
• 51:48
  but I totally get it that I mean
• 51:51
  they're women they you know what I mean
• 51:52
  they they wanna talk to to mama and that's totally okay
• 51:55
  you know what I mean totally
• 51:56
  and at the end of the day
• 51:58
  they'll still talk to us a little bit
• 52:00
  they still love us they're still here
• 52:02
  we're just not the center of their world
• 52:03
  like we used to be and that
• 52:04
  you know that that's a for real mental health issue
• 52:07
  when you hit that point you know
• 52:08
  if anyone out there listening
• 52:09
  has teenagers or empty nesters
• 52:11
  you know you
• 52:12
  maybe you're even ahead of us
• 52:13
  where all your kids are out of the house
• 52:14
  and you're listening to us going
• 52:16
  just wait till they all leave you for real
• 52:18
  I know right
• 52:20
  every every stage is hard
• 52:22
  and to the parent of toddlers who's going
• 52:24
  my god
• 52:25
  I wish I could have five minutes away from these kids
• 52:27
  y'all are so lucky yeah
• 52:28
  to that person we see you too because that's exhausting
• 52:31
  and we went through that and it was
• 52:33
  I am glad I was a young mom because I did it in my 20s
• 52:36
  and I could not do it now like oh
• 52:38
  for the the people who have kids in their 40s
• 52:40
  God bless cause I don't know how you do it yeah
• 52:43
  no we were that's every start no
• 52:46
  we were we were young parents too in our 20s also
• 52:48
  so there's a lot of similarities there
• 52:49
  so I think I think
• 52:50
  you and I are very much on the same page
• 52:51
  with how all this stuff has happened um
• 52:54
  we I think
• 52:55
  I don't know if I told you over the phone
• 52:56
  when we talked that last time
• 52:56
  but we just became grandparents
• 52:59
  the daughter that got married a year ago uh
• 53:02
  a year and a half ago
• 53:03
  she just gave birth to a baby boy back in February
• 53:07
  so now we're officially grandparents
• 53:09
  and there's finally a little boy in the mix
• 53:11
  but then but here's the other side of it
• 53:13
  they're all the way out in Washington state
• 53:14
  you know and we're over here in Virginia
• 53:16
  so yeah so far yeah
• 53:19
  as far as they can get yeah
• 53:22
  so darn it not in a bad way
• 53:24
  he's he's in the military
• 53:25
  so he's stationed out there
• 53:26
  so that's that's why they're out there
• 53:28
  and then they'll be moving around
• 53:30
  but yeah exactly yeah
• 53:32
  so it's always something new to
• 53:34
  to wrap your emotions and your
• 53:37
  your love around but I mean
• 53:38
  like I said it it's always a growth and process when
• 53:41
  as long as we're alive so definitely
• 53:43
  and as long as
• 53:44
  we can see the benefits of each of those phases
• 53:46
  and not get stuck reminiscing on the old ones
• 53:48
  as that was the best you know
• 53:50
  it's okay to reminisce and say oh
• 53:51
  I loved being a teenager I loved having little kids
• 53:54
  I loved you can love all of it
• 53:56
  don't get stuck in this sucks
• 53:58
  that was better you know yeah
• 54:00
  don't do that what's beautiful about today
• 54:02
  and what's gonna be beautiful about tomorrow
• 54:04
  and kind of have that best day ever mentality
• 54:07
  if you can where you're like alright
• 54:09
  today is gonna be the best day ever
• 54:10
  what am I gonna do today
• 54:11
  tomorrow today is gonna be the best day ever
• 54:13
  what am I gonna do today yeah
• 54:15
  focus on what you can actually change and
• 54:17
  and handle and take action on
• 54:18
  and again
• 54:19
  I go back to don't have any expectation of like
• 54:22
  I need her to say yes to this as opposed to like
• 54:24
  let me just put the best foot forward
• 54:25
  because I'll be happy with my performance
• 54:27
  in doing this one thing
• 54:29
  and it'll be what it'll be after at the end of the
• 54:31
  I can't I'm not a fortune teller
• 54:32
  so I don't know but I will walk away being way happier
• 54:35
  knowing that I gave my best effort with the client
• 54:38
  with my wife um
• 54:40
  whatever and you know so I think
• 54:43
  I think that's that's how you move throughout the day
• 54:45
  positively and optimistically
• 54:46
  like you said
• 54:48
  definitely and I think um
• 54:50
  you know just one thing to hit
• 54:51
  on before we close it out that we already said
• 54:54
  but just to kind of repeat is
• 54:55
  let go of expectations and let go of control
• 54:58
  do your best do the best you can do
• 55:00
  but if you're sitting there
• 55:01
  focusing on what you're expecting
• 55:02
  and what you wish you could control
• 55:04
  you're just gonna go into a death spiral and and look
• 55:07
  if there are any guys out there that
• 55:09
  whether you are single or you are married or um
• 55:12
  whatever and if you want just one regular
• 55:16
  imperfect man's opinion on it
• 55:18
  or some feedback on it
• 55:19
  or even just to vent to another guy
• 55:20
  by all means you know
• 55:22
  feel free to reach out to me um
• 55:23
  you know in in a message and um
• 55:26
  cause I know sometimes we don't
• 55:28
  we feel like we don't have somebody to talk to so
• 55:30
  you know
• 55:31
  if you and if it's not somebody if it's not me
• 55:34
  find somebody
• 55:34
  cause I do think you're never really isolated
• 55:37
  I always if you do feel that isolate
• 55:39
  I believe in prayer big time
• 55:41
  and prayer has come through for me so many times um
• 55:43
  but I know not everybody does
• 55:45
  I'd I'd definitely tell somebody to try it
• 55:47
  if they never have but if you haven't
• 55:48
  and you need somebody to talk to about
• 55:50
  you know what would you do in this situation
• 55:52
  I've probably been in that situation as a young man
• 55:55
  as a dad as a husband
• 55:57
  you know as a boyfriend whatever
• 55:59
  so just putting that out there in case any guy you know
• 56:02
  is feeling like they need to talk to somebody
• 56:03
  to another guy
• 56:05
  well thank you for offering that
• 56:07
  because I'm sure somebody is really happy to hear that
• 56:10
  and we we really do appreciate it
• 56:12
  and I mean you're
• 56:13
  a safe space for probably anybody listening to this
• 56:15
  you don't know their friends
• 56:17
  you can't go tell their secrets
• 56:18
  so I mean I
• 56:19
  I think that's an amazing offer
• 56:22
  thank you I appreciate no yeah
• 56:24
  I'm not I'm not gonna go tell anybody
• 56:26
  you don't know anyone they know anyway yeah
• 56:30
  thank you so much for coming on and talking with us
• 56:33
  about the mental side of men's health
• 56:34
  I know we covered a lot
• 56:35
  and we kind of bounced around from all kinds of
• 56:38
  I think really crucial mental health topics
• 56:42
  so I hope that you guys all got something out of this
• 56:44
  and enjoyed our conversation
• 56:46
  and to everybody who's watching
• 56:48
  you can go to ACureInSIght.org
• 56:50
  and subscribe to our newsletter up at the top
• 56:53
  if you wanna stay connected
• 56:54
  and get all the latest updates from us
• 56:57
  you can um subscribe to our YouTube channel
• 57:00
  it is the I believe podcast on YouTube
• 57:03
  and you can also pick up this podcast on Spotify
• 57:06
  Apple and anywhere else you get podcast
• 57:08
  the edited audio version of this will be released later
• 57:12
  this one's obviously live um
• 57:14
  and it's on uh Facebook and YouTube
• 57:16
  you can find it
• 57:16
  the live version in both of those places
• 57:19
  and we would just love to thank you guys
• 57:21
  all for tuning in and being here
• 57:23
  we can't do any of this without you
• 57:24
  a huge thank you to our sponsors
• 57:27
  and to everyone who helps make this podcast happen
• 57:30
  because there's a lot of moving parts
• 57:32
  and it does take a lot
• 57:33
  to get this free information out to you
• 57:36
  and
• 57:36
  and make sure you join our Tuesday Night Zoom sessions
• 57:40
  where you can connect with other omies
• 57:41
  in the community and if you have any other questions
• 57:45
  please reach out to us
• 57:46
  we're happy to connect with you and um
• 57:48
  please leave a comment
• 57:49
  let us know what you thought of this episode
• 57:51
  and if there's anything
• 57:53
  that you want us to touch on in the future
• 57:55
  leave us a comment
• 57:55
  and let us know what you want to hear
• 57:57
  because we would love to make that episode for you
• 57:59
  thanks for having me thank you again
• 58:01
  thank you so much for being here
• 58:03
  this was a fantastic conversation and I I
• 58:05
  I truly hope that people will get something out of it
• 58:07
  and I I know I did
• 58:08
  just talking to someone who backs up what you think is
• 58:11
  it's just a it's a fun time to discuss
• 58:14
  so we were just really appreciate you
• 58:16
  I appreciate you too thank you so much
• 58:18
  absolutely alright bye guys