Latest / IMPACT: Parenting with Perspective / Let Go of Holiday Chaos by Building Better Traditions

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Let Go of Holiday Chaos by Building Better Traditions · IMPACT: Parenting with Perspective

• 0:00
  Ben: I'm Ben Pugh and you're listening to IMPACT! Parenting with Perspective.
• 0:06
  Ben: This podcast is all about helping parents manage the mental and emotional drama that comes with parenting teens so they can focus on what's most important.
• 0:17
  Ben: Building rock solid relationships and having a powerful impact on their teen's life.
• 0:22
  Ben: Join me each week as I dive into real tools to help you and your teen turn struggles into strengths.
• 0:31
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: Hello my friends.
• 0:33
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: Welcome back to the podcast.
• 0:36
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: And we'd like to extend a special welcome to Cortni, who's actually here today.
• 0:41
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: Welcome podcast.
• 0:43
  tardy-for-the-party_2_12-12-2025_122747: Thank you.
• 0:44
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: So today, it's getting towards the end of December, and I wanted to talk about something that I feel is important to discuss as the year wraps up and as the year wraps up.
• 0:58
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: What do most people start thinking about Cortni when it comes to the new year?
• 1:03
  tardy-for-the-party_2_12-12-2025_122747: Probably resolutions, just starting a new year, starting fresh, doing things differently.
• 1:08
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: Yeah, resolutions.
• 1:10
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: Goals.
• 1:11
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: I have a problem with New Year's resolutions and New Year's goals.
• 1:15
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: We have created this, I don't know, it's like it's socially acceptable to set these big goals, knowing that you're gonna fall off the wagon.
• 1:26
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: Sooner or later.
• 1:27
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: And one of the things that I think will help us is if rather than setting these big goals, like I'm not against goals.
• 1:36
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: Goals are good, we should have goals.
• 1:38
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: But if you were to look at it slightly different, what are the habits that I need to build that will help me reach my goals?
• 1:48
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: And there's a funner word that we use.
• 1:52
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: When it comes to habits,
• 1:54
  tardy-for-the-party_2_12-12-2025_122747: Did you say a funner word?
• 1:56
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: yes, that means more fun.
• 1:58
  tardy-for-the-party_2_12-12-2025_122747: I just wanted to clarify.
• 1:59
  tardy-for-the-party_2_12-12-2025_122747: Okay.
• 2:00
  tardy-for-the-party_2_12-12-2025_122747: Sorry.
• 2:00
  tardy-for-the-party_2_12-12-2025_122747: Keep going.
• 2:00
  tardy-for-the-party_2_12-12-2025_122747: A funner word
• 2:02
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: A funner word.
• 2:04
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: Oh my goodness, Cortni.
• 2:05
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: So those habits could also be traditions.
• 2:09
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: And the thing is, we all have traditions.
• 2:12
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: Like one of my traditions, I listen to a Christmas carol every year, that helps me be a better man.
• 2:20
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: The question I wanna discuss today is what are some traditions, or what are some habits that you could adopt into your life that will help make you a better mother, a better person?
• 2:34
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: Like what traditions have you wanted to incorporate into your life but you haven't yet?
• 2:41
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: Cortni, any idea on any traditions, any habits that you'd like to add to your life?
• 2:47
  tardy-for-the-party_2_12-12-2025_122747: I'm sure there are things that I would like to do.
• 2:50
  tardy-for-the-party_2_12-12-2025_122747: I couldn't be specific, but I know I would like to have more family bonding, like more just quality time together and how I make that come about.
• 2:58
  tardy-for-the-party_2_12-12-2025_122747: I haven't given it much thought, but we could do something, create a tradition that would allow that to happen.
• 3:05
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: Yeah.
• 3:06
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: Like we could bring our families to Silver Dollar City.
• 3:10
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: Cortni just Googled Silver Dollar City before we hit record.
• 3:14
  tardy-for-the-party_2_12-12-2025_122747: I don't do roller rollercoasters, if that's all right.
• 3:16
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: Wait, you don't do roller coasters?
• 3:18
  tardy-for-the-party_2_12-12-2025_122747: not.
• 3:18
  tardy-for-the-party_2_12-12-2025_122747: Nope.
• 3:19
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: I just can't go on too many roller coasters right in a row or else I get sick.
• 3:26
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: In fact, this has nothing to do with anything.
• 3:28
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: But last year at Halloween time, we were at our local theme park.
• 3:34
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: We went on a ride and it was in the morning.
• 3:36
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: It was kinda rainy, so there weren't long lines.
• 3:39
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: And my wife and my kids were like, dad, let's just go one more time.
• 3:43
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: So we got off the ride, went off the exit ramp, went back into the line that took like less than two minutes, and right back on the ride I was motion sick the rest of the day.
• 3:56
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: It was miserable.
• 3:57
  tardy-for-the-party_2_12-12-2025_122747: throw up?
• 3:59
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: No, I did not throw up, but I darn close.
• 4:02
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: Ow.
• 4:02
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: Actually, I did throw up later that day.
• 4:04
  tardy-for-the-party_2_12-12-2025_122747: As long as it's not on the ride.
• 4:06
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: it was not on the ride.
• 4:07
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: It was in the privacy of a public restroom, which,
• 4:12
  tardy-for-the-party_2_12-12-2025_122747: have flashbacks of the sandlot when the kids are on that ride.
• 4:18
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: yeah.
• 4:19
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: So Cortni, I would like to request that you add a tradition into your life.
• 4:24
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: It'll be fun.
• 4:25
  tardy-for-the-party_2_12-12-2025_122747: Okay?
• 4:26
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: Now I know that you don't know how to read, but just joking.
• 4:30
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: I have to get my jabs in'cause you always make fun of me for saying funny words, but
• 4:35
  tardy-for-the-party_2_12-12-2025_122747: It.
• 4:35
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: a Christmas Carol.
• 4:37
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: That is true.
• 4:38
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: Cortni, I don't know how you haven't read a Christmas Carol when you've been in my coaching program where we have had book clubs where we read a Christmas carol together.
• 4:50
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: Anyways, you don't even have to read it these days.
• 4:52
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: You can go to audible.
• 4:53
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: Anyone wondering?
• 4:54
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: The one that Tim Curry narrates, that's my favorite one.
• 4:58
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: There's also one by Hugh Grant.
• 5:00
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: That one wasn't the best.
• 5:03
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: I think there's also one by Patrick Stewart.
• 5:05
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: I could see that one being really good, but for whatever reason, you have to be a British dude, and Tim Curry is phenomenal, but that's one of my Christmas traditions.
• 5:17
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: I love it.
• 5:18
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: We also watch Les Miserables in November, and these are little traditions that help me evaluate my life and have a desire to be the best version of myself that I can be.
• 5:31
  tardy-for-the-party_2_12-12-2025_122747: Okay.
• 5:32
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: And I think most parents, guys, here's the truth about parenting.
• 5:37
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: Parenting is not going to last forever.
• 5:40
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: Like someday your teenagers.
• 5:42
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: Are going to grow up, they're gonna be adults, and you will transition from parenting into grandparenting.
• 5:49
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: Even though Cortni and I always talk about parenting, the real goal is to help you be the person that you want to be.
• 5:58
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: And yeah, we talk a lot about parenting, but the truth is the fundamental key is you being the person that you wanna be.
• 6:09
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: If you can solve for that.
• 6:11
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: It will improve your parenting.
• 6:12
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: It will improve how you show up at your job.
• 6:15
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: It will improve your relationship with your spouse.
• 6:19
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: And for me, I feel like traditions are powerful ways to have something that you look forward to that can help move the needle in your personal growth.
• 6:31
  tardy-for-the-party_2_12-12-2025_122747: Sorry, I was doing a lot of self-reflecting when you were speaking about how true that is.
• 6:36
  tardy-for-the-party_2_12-12-2025_122747: Just be want becoming the person that you want to be.
• 6:40
  tardy-for-the-party_2_12-12-2025_122747: And I was thinking about a situation I'm in now with my teenager and how I'm showing up to that situation.
• 6:49
  tardy-for-the-party_2_12-12-2025_122747: it's really frustrating and I wanna be upset, I'm trying to be out of the box, so like I can handle that situation and still be the person that I want to be and show up out of the box if anyone's read the books that we talk about all the time.
• 7:03
  tardy-for-the-party_2_12-12-2025_122747: But I think I need to dig deeper into that.
• 7:05
  tardy-for-the-party_2_12-12-2025_122747: But yeah, sorry, I was doing some self-reflecting when you were That's very true.
• 7:08
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: here's the cool thing.
• 7:09
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: These traditions, like I don't want you to feel like you have to create a tradition where you rope your poor teenager into it and you're like, look, dude, we're going to look at Christmas lights.
• 7:21
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: I don't care.
• 7:22
  tardy-for-the-party_2_12-12-2025_122747: Forced Family
• 7:23
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: Forced family.
• 7:24
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: Fun.
• 7:24
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: Redo that in my family sometimes that's not what I'm talking about.
• 7:28
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: On this podcast episode I'm talking about what are some personal traditions that you can do that will help build you into the person that you wanna be.
• 7:39
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: I'll give you an example.
• 7:41
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: This one might be silly.
• 7:42
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: I'm lucky that my birthday is in November.
• 7:45
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: Do you know when the sun rises in November?
• 7:47
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: Cortni?
• 7:48
  tardy-for-the-party_2_12-12-2025_122747: like six 30.
• 7:50
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: No, it's seven 15 or something.
• 7:53
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: Like it starts getting light at six 30, but like you can't see the blinding light of the sun until seven 15.
• 8:01
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: So every year on my birthday, I get up at about six 30 so I can watch the sunrise and I call it greeting the sun.
• 8:09
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: That is a silly little tradition.
• 8:12
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: If your birthday is in like July and you have to get up at four 30, you can borrow my birthday.
• 8:19
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: Like you can share that tradition.
• 8:21
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: But there's something powerful about greeting the sun and just reviewing your life and just exploring like, man, I have a new day.
• 8:31
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: Who do I wanna be today?
• 8:32
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: What are some of my shortcomings that I can fix today?
• 8:36
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: And I think that we don't like.
• 8:40
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: If you think about like ancient cultures, so I read a book, it's called Ceremony by Leslie Marmon Ilko.
• 8:49
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: It's a really good book.
• 8:50
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: It's about this guy who's like part Native American, part white person.
• 8:55
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: He didn't really fit in with the white culture, didn't really fit in with a native culture because he is part white and so he is an outsider and I think he fought in the Vietnam War.
• 9:07
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: I'm not sure, but.
• 9:09
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: He had a lot of trauma and he was really struggling.
• 9:13
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: He was drinking a lot, he was fighting, he was getting in trouble.
• 9:16
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: And the book is called Ceremony because this man went through a series of ceremonies to heal himself, and the only ceremony that I remember is that he would greet the son.
• 9:31
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: And I'm like, dang.
• 9:33
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: I'm gonna greet the sun one day a year.
• 9:35
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: I'm going to make it a point to greet the sun.
• 9:39
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: The thing about traditions, we all have traditions.
• 9:43
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: during Christmas time we all put up a tree.
• 9:46
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: I put up an awesome Christmas village.
• 9:48
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: We look for a little lamb in there.
• 9:49
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: Like these are traditions that a lot of'em we have unintentionally incorporated into our lives.
• 9:58
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: And at this time of year, I want to invite you really explore What traditions don't help you be a better version of you, and what are some traditions that you could swap those out for that will actually help you be better?
• 10:12
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: So Cortni, what do you think about adding some new traditions into your personal life, not dragging your poor kids into it?
• 10:21
  tardy-for-the-party_2_12-12-2025_122747: I was just gonna say for myself, greeting the sun, I feel like I greet the sun every morning.
• 10:27
  tardy-for-the-party_2_12-12-2025_122747: I just don't sit there and watch it and appreciate it.
• 10:30
  tardy-for-the-party_2_12-12-2025_122747: I just, I don't know.
• 10:32
  tardy-for-the-party_2_12-12-2025_122747: What could I do, Ben?
• 10:35
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: you could read a Christmas Carol that's a, another good once a year thing.
• 10:43
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: another, oh, go ahead.
• 10:45
  tardy-for-the-party_2_12-12-2025_122747: I'm gonna see, I could give that a shot.
• 10:47
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: Another one.
• 10:48
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: This is one that I wanna start incorporating.
• 10:50
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: There is so much data and this would probably be more like a habit than a tradition, but you can incorporate it as part of your culture.
• 11:02
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: But people, after we eat, for the most part, we just sit around and vegetate.
• 11:08
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: And I was learning about the human body a while ago, and I was like.
• 11:13
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: We really have limited circulatory systems.
• 11:18
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: Like we have our blood that our heart pumps throughout our body, and we have our lungs that pump air in and out of our body.
• 11:28
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: And other than that, like the other circulatory systems require movement.
• 11:34
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: And so well, like our digestion, that's another system that moves things.
• 11:39
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: But again, it requires a lot of movement to help it be more.
• 11:44
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: I don't know, effective, and so that'd be another one for me.
• 11:50
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: Like I'm just, I want to explore traditions that help me be better and when I'm healthy, I'm a better dad.
• 11:59
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: When I'm like, one of the traditions that we're ditching is the tradition of giving your kids a bunch of junk for Christmas.
• 12:08
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: And rather than giving our kids a bunch of junk, we are planning a trip.
• 12:15
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: We might go to Silver Dollar City in Branson, Missouri.
• 12:18
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: We might go on a cruise.
• 12:20
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: We might just go to Southern Utah.
• 12:22
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: I don't know.
• 12:23
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: But building a tradition that, yeah, it might not be perfect'cause like I have teens and they're not the most thrilled about going on a trip with a family, but.
• 12:34
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: We're not gonna give'em a bunch of junky toys that are broken after a week either.
• 12:38
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: We're just gonna be, oh, this is Christmas.
• 12:40
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: We're doing this together.
• 12:41
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: Buckle up butter cap.
• 12:45
  tardy-for-the-party_2_12-12-2025_122747: Yeah.
• 12:45
  tardy-for-the-party_2_12-12-2025_122747: my kid, I, the fact that my kids haven't given me anything that they want is a huge indicator.
• 12:52
  tardy-for-the-party_2_12-12-2025_122747: 'cause last year they didn't play with the toys that they got.
• 12:58
  tardy-for-the-party_2_12-12-2025_122747: If you ask them what they got for Christmas, they'd really have to think about it.
• 13:00
  tardy-for-the-party_2_12-12-2025_122747: If they even remembered what they got for Christmas.
• 13:03
  tardy-for-the-party_2_12-12-2025_122747: And I asked'em, I was like, okay, what are the last three experiences or like trips that we took together as a family that you remember?
• 13:08
  tardy-for-the-party_2_12-12-2025_122747: And they were like, boom.
• 13:09
  tardy-for-the-party_2_12-12-2025_122747: They could tell me.
• 13:11
  tardy-for-the-party_2_12-12-2025_122747: I talked to my kids this year about what if we went somewhere and went skiing and we stayed for a couple days?
• 13:17
  tardy-for-the-party_2_12-12-2025_122747: There is a resort in Michigan that I found that I really wanted to go to, but I don't think it's available.
• 13:22
  tardy-for-the-party_2_12-12-2025_122747: But there's a waterpark inside and then outside it's a ski resort, like
• 13:26
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: Oh, that would be on,
• 13:28
  tardy-for-the-party_2_12-12-2025_122747: Yeah.
• 13:28
  tardy-for-the-party_2_12-12-2025_122747: That way if my kids aren't feeling skiing, we can go to the waterpark.
• 13:32
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: what's the name of that place?
• 13:35
  tardy-for-the-party_2_12-12-2025_122747: boy, Mountain resort,
• 13:40
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: Can you snowboard there?
• 13:42
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: I.
• 13:42
  tardy-for-the-party_2_12-12-2025_122747: you can, yeah, there's a ski hill.
• 13:44
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: Yeah, we have mountains here in Utah that still don't let snowboarders on the mountains.
• 13:51
  tardy-for-the-party_2_12-12-2025_122747: I am sorry, but there's just a lot of restrictions in Utah.
• 13:54
  tardy-for-the-party_2_12-12-2025_122747: No offense,
• 13:55
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: Utah is lame and the skiers are the lamest.
• 13:59
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: just joking.
• 14:00
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: I don't, I do have people who listen that ski, I don't care if you ski.
• 14:04
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: I'm just better at snowboarding.
• 14:06
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: It's,
• 14:06
  tardy-for-the-party_2_12-12-2025_122747: there's no way I could stand, I wouldn't be able to get back up if I tried to snowboard.
• 14:11
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: that's why you just don't crash.
• 14:13
  tardy-for-the-party_2_12-12-2025_122747: that's the, that's always the plan, but it never works out that way.
• 14:17
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: So here's, if you're listening to this similar to Cortni and you're like, man, what traditions should I add to my life?
• 14:27
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: One of the things that I'd invite you to do is really explore what do I feel like I'm missing in my life?
• 14:36
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: And if you can identify the components that you are missing, that will help inform you.
• 14:41
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: As to what traditions you should add there.
• 14:46
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: Like we live in a world where we do not appreciate nature as much as our ancestors did.
• 14:52
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: And so getting up in the morning, greeting the sun, like I'm always taken back by just how beautiful it is in November when there's no leaves on the trees and it looks bitter cold outside.
• 15:04
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: Find what you're missing and build traditions.
• 15:08
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: To fill those holes.
• 15:11
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: So there was a time where my wife and I, we really enjoyed Les miserables, and we're like, man, let's either watch the musical, let's watch the Liam Neeson version.
• 15:22
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: Let's just watch something once a year to help us remember to have empathy and to believe in second chances and forgiveness.
• 15:33
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: Have you ever.
• 15:34
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: Watched Les Miserables.
• 15:35
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: Oh my goodness.
• 15:36
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: Cortni.
• 15:38
  tardy-for-the-party_2_12-12-2025_122747: It's my a DD, like I have a hard time just sitting still and watching something
• 15:42
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: Yeah.
• 15:42
  tardy-for-the-party_2_12-12-2025_122747: it's dirty dancing or one of those movies from my childhood that I love,
• 15:47
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: the actor from Dirty Dancing.
• 15:49
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: He's in Les Miserables
• 15:50
  tardy-for-the-party_2_12-12-2025_122747: Patrick Swayze.
• 15:51
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: in spirit.
• 15:53
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: 'cause he is dead.
• 15:54
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: But no.
• 15:55
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: Okay.
• 15:55
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: I'm lying to you.
• 15:56
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: He is not.
• 15:56
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: But I thought maybe that helped you watch it.
• 16:00
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: Did you know that Swayze lived in Utah?
• 16:03
  tardy-for-the-party_2_12-12-2025_122747: I did not.
• 16:04
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: he had a, one of his many homes was in Utah and he raised horses.
• 16:09
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: Anyways, you'd only know that if you're from Utah.
• 16:15
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: So, Cortni, I want to give you an invitation.
• 16:17
  tardy-for-the-party_2_12-12-2025_122747: Yes.
• 16:19
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: Explore what you feel like you're missing in your life.
• 16:23
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: This is a good exercise.
• 16:25
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: Like I don't want you to focus on man, what am I missing?
• 16:28
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: Like people do that all day, every day.
• 16:30
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: When they look at all the super wealthy people and they're like, woe is me.
• 16:34
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: My life sucks.
• 16:34
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: I'm not wealthy even though I have a huge tv, a cell phone, like whatever.
• 16:39
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: I'm not talking about focusing on what you don't have and dwelling on that in sadness.
• 16:44
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: I'm talking about looking deeper and saying, man.
• 16:49
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: I'm missing a little bit of calm and peace in my life.
• 16:53
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: What is a tradition that could help me get in touch with calm and peace, or I'm missing creativity?
• 17:01
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: There is a point in my life where I'm like, man, I used to draw, I used to do all this other stuff, what can I do to replace creativity in my life?
• 17:13
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: When you see the thing that you're missing now shift your attention to that new tradition that you're going to incorporate to replace that thing that you're missing.
• 17:22
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: So Cortni, would you be willing to go on that little self exploration exercise and give yourself a gift of a fun new tradition that gives you something that you've been missing?
• 17:37
  tardy-for-the-party_2_12-12-2025_122747: Yeah, you said calm and peace.
• 17:39
  tardy-for-the-party_2_12-12-2025_122747: I would like to have some of that.
• 17:41
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: Yeah.
• 17:41
  tardy-for-the-party_2_12-12-2025_122747: some of these, I know you called it a tradition, but I feel like it's a habit if, especially if we're talking about ourselves not forcing everyone else to do it.
• 17:50
  tardy-for-the-party_2_12-12-2025_122747: but I feel like I've really looked deeper this Christmas at what I really want to give my kids, I feel like so often they.
• 18:03
  tardy-for-the-party_2_12-12-2025_122747: I don't wanna say ungrateful, but I just get them so much stuff there's no value in it and I would rather have experiences and quality time.
• 18:11
  tardy-for-the-party_2_12-12-2025_122747: So that's, one of the reasons I have zero gifts for my children and we're 13 days from Christmas.
• 18:18
  tardy-for-the-party_2_12-12-2025_122747: so I think, go ahead.
• 18:21
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: I was gonna say, if you're listening to this on the day it comes out, you have less than 13 days to Christmas.
• 18:28
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: You're probably sitting I don't know.
• 18:31
  tardy-for-the-party_2_12-12-2025_122747: I.
• 18:32
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: And I love that one.
• 18:34
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: Like my family has been on this journey specifically with Christmas for a long time.
• 18:41
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: Like I remember not too long ago, like someone coming to our house and being like, you guys don't have very many presents under the tree.
• 18:48
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: Are you guys doing okay?
• 18:50
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: do you need help?
• 18:51
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: And it's that's what we do for Christmas.
• 18:54
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: We don't like all the stuff.
• 18:56
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: Plus they have grandparents that give'em too much stuff.
• 18:58
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: So we just.
• 18:59
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: Do a very focused, intentional Christmas, and that's one of our traditions that like came from the same thing.
• 19:08
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: Our kids didn't appreciate what they were getting and the shift was from being grateful for what you got to being more grateful for how much you got.
• 19:21
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: And yeah, the reason I feel like this is important in December.
• 19:26
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: There's crazy things about December, like we have less daylight there.
• 19:31
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: People are really struggling with depression and happiness.
• 19:35
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: There are really obvious things when, say everyone's getting together with their family and you can't do that.
• 19:41
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: That's gonna make you a little less happy.
• 19:44
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: And one of the things that you can do to combat all of that is to do some little self investigation and start exploring like, what do I feel like I'm missing?
• 19:54
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: How do I bring that back into my life?
• 19:57
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: And there's things, corn will probably laugh at me, but me and chat.
• 20:01
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: GPT had a conversation just yesterday about some of the things that I feel like have been missing in the coaching side of my life and chat GT's, so why don't you just bring those back?
• 20:13
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: build a new habit?
• 20:14
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: And I'm like.
• 20:15
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: Stop using my own tools against me, but it was right on.
• 20:19
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: So
• 20:19
  tardy-for-the-party_2_12-12-2025_122747: Yeah.
• 20:20
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: part of why we're here, like this is a good year.
• 20:22
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: People are bombarded with tradition and I'm inviting you.
• 20:29
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: Let go of some of the traditions that aren't helping you and adopt new ones that do help you.
• 20:36
  tardy-for-the-party_2_12-12-2025_122747: I realized too, like a lot of the things that I would get my kids for Christmas.
• 20:39
  tardy-for-the-party_2_12-12-2025_122747: So one of my coworkers, her son is the same age as mine and is getting basketball shoes and like I was like, I just got my son basketball shoes'cause he just started basketball, but their first game isn't until January.
• 20:50
  tardy-for-the-party_2_12-12-2025_122747: I totally could have held onto those basketball shoes and given them as a Christmas gift.
• 20:55
  tardy-for-the-party_2_12-12-2025_122747: So I almost feel The things that even you and I as kids didn't get except on special occasions like our
• 21:02
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: They already have.
• 21:02
  tardy-for-the-party_2_12-12-2025_122747: to get throughout the year.
• 21:03
  tardy-for-the-party_2_12-12-2025_122747: Yeah.
• 21:04
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: Yeah, so what you should do, get out a piece of paper and some crayons, draw a picture of the basketball shoes and get the biggest box that you can find.
• 21:18
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: Put the drawing of the basketball shoes in the biggest box.
• 21:22
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: Put some rocks in there too, just so it feels like it has substance to it.
• 21:26
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: Wrap that thing.
• 21:27
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: Stick it under the tree, and he is just gonna be like, what is in the big box?
• 21:32
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: Then he is gonna unwrap it, sift through all the rocks, see the beautiful drying, crayon, drying of shoes, and just be overwhelmed with.
• 21:44
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: Probably just, yeah, but just think how much fun it'll be for you.
• 21:48
  tardy-for-the-party_2_12-12-2025_122747: No.
• 21:48
  tardy-for-the-party_2_12-12-2025_122747: 'cause then I have to deal with fussing after.
• 21:51
  tardy-for-the-party_2_12-12-2025_122747: He'd probably rather see no presence than be so excited to have.
• 21:57
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: That is true, guys.
• 21:58
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: That was probably one of my worst ideas ever.
• 22:00
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: Do not do that.
• 22:02
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: I can see it being funny though, but, okay.
• 22:05
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: Well, Cortni, I'm gonna do this too.
• 22:07
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: I'm going to look at my life.
• 22:10
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: I'm.
• 22:11
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: Find an area where I feel like something is missing and I'm going to report back for the new year because I want to have this morphed into like, how do I turn this tradition into something that I can look forward to throughout the year and kind of work towards.
• 22:28
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: So I want you to think about that too.
• 22:31
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: And do you have anything else you wanna tell the good people before we let'em go?
• 22:36
  tardy-for-the-party_2_12-12-2025_122747: no that I'll be listening to a Christmas Carol.
• 22:40
  tardy-for-the-party_2_12-12-2025_122747: I.
• 22:41
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: and it won't be by next week though,'cause Cortni's a slow reader.
• 22:47
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: Okay.
• 22:48
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: That's not wise because usually we record two of these at once and she won't have time to read it in between now and then.
• 22:54
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: But here's what I would add.
• 22:55
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: If you are looking for just some traditions that I would highly recommend, especially ones that can maybe get you into the holiday spirit.
• 23:07
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: Read a Christmas Carol.
• 23:09
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: I read it every year.
• 23:11
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: It's fantastic.
• 23:12
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: Les Miserables is a good one.
• 23:14
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: If you want to get into the kind of forgiveness and redemption ideas, and then just, I'd take simple pleasures in things like going and watching, like looking at Christmas lights.
• 23:28
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: I still have a 10-year-old.
• 23:30
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: He likes doing that.
• 23:31
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: That's one of the traditions that.
• 23:33
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: When he grows outta that, I'm gonna have to, hopefully I'll have grandkids by then or something that I can be like, Hey, you wanna go look at Christmas lights with me?
• 23:42
  tardy-for-the-party_2_12-12-2025_122747: Yeah, I think it'll be fun for your kids.
• 23:44
  tardy-for-the-party_2_12-12-2025_122747: Like I hope I create memories for my children where when they think of Christmas and they think of home that they're like, we used to do this, like I wanna do this for Christmas because we used to do this when I was a kid.
• 23:55
  tardy-for-the-party_2_12-12-2025_122747: I need to look into that further.
• 23:56
  tardy-for-the-party_2_12-12-2025_122747: I wanna do something they can look back and it's that's home.
• 24:01
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: Let me tell you a secret.
• 24:03
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: It doesn't matter what you do, that will be home.
• 24:06
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: You, y'all thought we're ending.
• 24:07
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: We're not ending yet.
• 24:08
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: Lemme tell you a quick foster parenting story.
• 24:12
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: So Deb and I were foster parents for 10 years and we don't live in like a mansion or anything, but it's a nice, comfortable home.
• 24:22
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: Like we have a foosball table downstairs.
• 24:25
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: We have pinball machines.
• 24:26
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: We have freaking three TVs in our house.
• 24:29
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: When I was a kid, I would've thought I was so freaking loaded.
• 24:33
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: Not even that rich, like cheap Walmart T TVs.
• 24:36
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: Anyways, we have video game consoles.
• 24:39
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: We had foster kids that lived in a single wide trailer where.
• 24:46
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: Their TVs were broken.
• 24:49
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: They definitely didn't have pinball machines in their house.
• 24:52
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: There was fighting going on, yelling like they didn't always even have food for Christmas.
• 24:59
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: And yet, where did those kids always want to go for Christmas?
• 25:05
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: Home?
• 25:06
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: Doesn't matter what you do, what is way more important than what you do is how you do it.
• 25:12
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: Who you intentionally are as you do that thing, Cortni, I guarantee you when your kids move out, yeah, they're gonna remember some of the special foods that you used to make and they're gonna re remember some of the traditions.
• 25:26
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: But the most important thing that they're gonna remember is man, my mom used to do this.
• 25:32
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: I just felt so loved, like my mom.
• 25:34
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: This don't overthink it.
• 25:36
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: Don't worry about.
• 25:37
  tardy-for-the-party_2_12-12-2025_122747: Yeah.
• 25:38
  tardy-for-the-party_2_12-12-2025_122747: I bought tickets to go home last night.
• 25:41
  tardy-for-the-party_2_12-12-2025_122747: I just feel like I need to go home for Christmas.
• 25:43
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: that's fun.
• 25:44
  tardy-for-the-party_2_12-12-2025_122747: yeah, I'm going home.
• 25:46
  tardy-for-the-party_2_12-12-2025_122747: In the spirit of talking about home.
• 25:48
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: and now you have a book to listen to on the way
• 25:50
  tardy-for-the-party_2_12-12-2025_122747: That Very true.
• 25:52
  tardy-for-the-party_2_12-12-2025_122747: Yeah.
• 25:53
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: you're welcome.
• 25:54
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: I am a gift that just keeps on giving No.
• 26:00
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: Okay, well everyone listening, thank you for being here.
• 26:03
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: Take some time, find out what you're missing and develop a new tradition to help fill that little void.
• 26:13
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: okay, we'll see you guys next week.
• 26:16
  ben_2_12-12-2025_112747: Merry Christmas.