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Ep 12: Remembering Steve Langerud · Doug Reads With Friends

• Doug Cutchins: Hello friends and welcome to Doug Reads with Friends. On this podcast, I invite a friend to choose a book. We both read that book and then we come on the podcast for a conversation about their life, about our friendship and about the book that they've chosen. book is the excuse ⁓ have the conversation, but the conversation is what keeps us here and is really the point. This is a very different episode of Doug Reads with Friends. And I say that with The next story I want to tell is a story about the greatest April Fool's Day joke I think I have ever played. ⁓ most successful April Fool's Day joke I have ever played. ⁓ it was on Steve. ⁓ I said in the introduction that I did not make a major life decision in the last 25 years without talking with Steve first. And I really think that that's very true. I want to give an example of that. A lot of the stories that I've told and the anecdotes that I've shared and the memories have been quite humorous. I want to share a little bit more of a serious one. several years ago, Well, it's time to wrap up this special episode of Doug Reads with Friends, remembering Steve Langerud. And I want to say one last thing before we wrap up. Thank you friends for listening to this special episode of Doug Reads with Friends. I hope that this gave you a good sense of... I also want to make sure that I get to tell some of my own favorite Steve stories and anecdotes and memories as a part of this podcast. thing that Steve and I had in common and that we enjoyed together to an incredible degree ⁓ a genre of movie that I will refer to ⁓ inappropriate comedy. who Steve was, if you didn't know him, and if you did know him, perhaps gave you some smiles and some memories of your own to think about as we all miss this absolutely remarkable and wonderful man. Steve's Obituary, I don't know who wrote it, but thank you so much. You did an absolutely incredible job of capturing his warmth and his humanity and his values, and I really, really appreciate that. If you haven't read Steve's Obituary, I would encourage you to So Steve had left Grinnell College where he had been head of the Career Development Center and he was at the University of Iowa Law School running the Career Development Center there. was still working at Grinnell and I concocted a plan to tell Steve that I was in trouble and that I needed his help. Not, you know, physical danger or anything like that. Nothing that was going to make him ⁓ for my safety in the moment. But the story that I concocted. Steve was a man of great and deep passions. He had a few things that he invested in very deeply. Cooking, basketball, bicycling, his family. I was contemplating leaving NYU Abu Dhabi. I was a finalist for a job in the United States at a well-known prestigious institution. Great sadness today's episode was supposed to be a conversation with my dear friend and great mentor, Steve Langerud. ⁓ He was somebody I worked with for eight years and he remained my mentor for ⁓ 25 years. There were several movies that we went to together of this genre. The Jackass franchise, Borat, and the documentary The Aristocrats, which is a documentary about the world's dirtiest joke. would go to these movies together ⁓ we would laugh until the tears were streaming down our faces and then refer back to them many, many, many times. There was one I'm not quite going to argue blue button-down dress shirts like the one I'm wearing today in homage of him, but this is what he wore pretty much every day. I'm not sure it was a passion of his, but it was certainly a habit of his that he cultivated. maybe his greatest passion was his passion for music ⁓ vinyl. I was thinking very closely about this because Anjana, now my wife, then my partner, were not a lot of employment opportunities for her ⁓ the place where this institution is. And we were really uncertain ⁓ what she might do there. And a lot of her work ⁓ here in this part of the world. And we were ⁓ ⁓ or not we should have a long distance relationship, whether or not this was something that we could make work. ⁓ so I know it's on the Smith family funeral home website in ⁓ town of Grinnell. Meg Jones Bair: Meg Jones-Bair and I've had the privilege of working for Grinnell over 30 years now. And Steve was here during much of my tenure, always welcoming, kind and looking to be the positive light in somebody's day. Doug Cutchins: I started this episode by noting that I had invited Steve to come on the podcast. He had chosen a book. I had read it and we were scheduling a time to record this episode when I got the terrible news that he had passed. was that I had been on campus ⁓ it had been Love Your Body Week at Grinnell College, which is an actual week at Grinnell College, at least then. Thomas Crady: I'm Thomas Crady. ⁓ I was vice president of Grinnell Grinnell College, started in geez, nineteen eighty-two, and hired as an RA in nineteen eighty-six. and you know, rest is kind of history. He was one of the best staff members I ever had. Doug Cutchins: I'd like to thank everyone who came on the podcast today, Meg and Rachel and Tom and Joyce and Amy for sharing some wonderful memories, some specifics, some generalities, some things they'll always miss about Steve and ways that he will in their memory a long, long time to come. Steve had chosen a book. We had both read that book and we were in the process of scheduling a time to record this podcast when I got the horrible, horrible news that Steve had had a stroke and had passed away at just 66, 67 years old. almost immediately thought I'm doing a Steve podcast anyway. I can't record it with Steve. you start off by just introducing yourself ⁓ talking a little bit about how knew Steve? Everything had to be on vinyl and he had to have the best speakers and he would want to tell you about them and explain them to you and make you sit in the sweet spot in his living room where you could just get the audio just right. there's a story I need to tell about ⁓ day when I walked into the office and I said, Steve, something happened last night. I had a great responsibility. He said, what's that? an opportunity for students to celebrate all sorts of different bodies. It's a lovely idea. And one of the things that they do during Love Your Body Week at Grinnell, this is an actual thing that they do, is that the students put on a clothing optional photo shoot. And so it's an opportunity for students to get together in a private setting you can wear as many or as few clothes as you want to ⁓ celebrate your body in this photo shoot. So I Steve was that I comment in particular that stayed with us and that we referred to again and again and again for decades afterwards, is that ⁓ we went to see the aristocrats in Des Moines, It was showing in a theater ⁓ and it was not a packed theater. It was maybe seven of us total. believe Steve and I were sitting on one side of theater ⁓ and then on the other side of Do you have a particular memory of Steve a really good Steve story you'd like to share? What I haven't told you is the book that he chose. Steve I were emailing back and forth and he said, I'd like us to read the book, A Hard Kick in the Nuts by Steven Glover. And I thought, huh, that's interesting. I've never heard of that book or that author. A Hard Kick in the Nuts, that's a very provocative title. mean, that ⁓ strikes as title such as... Joyce Stern: So, I am, I suppose, in this context, maybe most importantly, I'm Grinnell alum from the class of 1991. Doug Cutchins: across continents if she stayed in this part of the world and I moved back to the United States. was really torn about this. I was really conflicted about this. ⁓ so I reached out to probably a half dozen of closest friends and confidants and advisors and I explained, ⁓ know, is the situation. This is what we're thinking about. This is what we're trying to decide. What do you think? You know me really well. What's your advice to me in this situation? Meg Jones Bair: So I did think about it long and hard and every story for me really pointed to who I saw him to be every day to every person. And that to me was better than any story because he had this unwavering commitment to positivity. He was always looking for the good in every encounter, every person he had. he always asked the right questions at the right time. Doug Cutchins: ⁓ Who are you and how did you know Steve? but I'm going to have an episode of Doug Reads with Friends, which is dedicated to Steve and dedicated to his memory and invite on a few people who are mutual friends of ours, who could tell some Steve stories, could share some Steve memories, or just a general sense of who he was, how he lived his life, and why he was such an absolutely extraordinary person. miss Steve deeply already. Rachel Bly: Rachel Bly, I was a student who graduated ⁓ in 93. I worked in the financial aid office as a student and then I graduated. Doug Cutchins: I said, well my daughter Emma, who was maybe five years old at the time, was sitting at dinner and she said, dad, do we have any rock and roll music? Steve's eyes got big. I said, what do you mean? And she said, well, I've heard of rock and roll music, but I don't know what it is. Can you play some rock and roll music for me? If you are so moved, there are several organizations that Steve's family have designated for memorial donations. Those include the Mayflower Community Human Needs Fund, Imagine Grinnell, the Prairie Burn 100, or Drake Community Library. had been walking my dog on campus one night and I had walked by the place where they were doing the clothing optional photo shoot. All of that part actually is true. It's where I got the idea of this from. At that point, I then walked my dog home in real life and had nothing to do with it. But what I told Steve was that I had been walking past the clothing optional photo shoot and some students came out and who I knew and they saw me and they said, Doug, we would love to have your support. means so much to us when the theater were maybe five Drake University frat bros. it's a hysterical ⁓ movie, and the seven us laughed very, very hard and enjoyed the entire thing. And as the credits rolled the lights came up, we all started to walk out of the theater. You know that feeling where like your face hurts and your sides hurt from laughing so hard? All just kind of shaking our heads at that movie. And one of the Drake a heartbreaking work of staggering genius Everybody came back and said, if you get that job, you've got to take it. It's a career changing job. It is huge step up for you. This is ⁓ that you to go do. Everybody said that except for one person, Steve Langerud. Steve came back and he said, there will be other jobs. There will never be another Anjana. Meg Jones Bair: of the right people to help them on their own journey, whatever that may be. And to me that constant of who he is and he was to the world is more important to me than any one-on-one story we share Joyce Stern: really needed coachings. I've done nothing to prepare for life after Grinnell and so that's when I started having some conversations with Steve about, you know, what the heck I was going to do. Doug Cutchins: I'd like to say a special note to Steve's family, especially to his wife Karen, to his children Emma and John, Steve got visibly excited. He was like, oh my goodness. whatever you do in this moment is going to expose her to rock and roll. And this is what she's going to hold in her memory for her lifetime. This is the definition of rock and roll. He says, so what did you do? And I said, I thought long and deep and hard about it. And then I put on AC/DC. And what was that like? How did those conversations go? I cannot think of a major decision that I have made in the last 25 years that I did not talk with Steve about first. And he is someone that I think about almost every single day at work because basically everything I know ⁓ about how advise students, all of the ways that talk to students, I question them, I help them think about their futures. All of that comes from Steve, a lot of it directly. or incredibly loud and extremely close. One of those book titles that you hear and you're like, ⁓ that's just going to stick in my imagination. I wonder what that book is about, A Hard Kick in the Nuts. And then I Googled it. And the book is by Steve-O. That's who Steven Glover is from the Jackass movies. And when he says A Hard Kick in the Nuts, he literally means A Hard Kick in the Nuts because that's who Steve-O was. Joyce Stern: You know, I do remember well one of his counseling styles was to just really put people at ease and always try to engender some confidence. Because I think that one of the things that young people don't have always is the, I mean, they have the skills ⁓ usually. really do have what it takes to do something, they still have the confidence. ⁓ He often start the meeting, we'd sit down and go, how can I make your life better? Rachel Bly: development and financial aid were right next to each other. ⁓ And so every day when I'd come to work, Steve would be, ⁓ and we would say hello, chat, and we sort became friends first and colleagues afterwards, because I was a student the beginning. Doug Cutchins: You ⁓ were a director of the alumni office a time at Grinnell ⁓ and Steve worked a lot with alumni. Was there in kind of how you saw him engaging with alums ⁓ or inspiring people to stay connected to Grinnell? faculty and staff support our efforts like this. Do you want to just come in and say hi? And so I went in and then they were like, well, you should take some photos and you know, it's clothing optional. You could wear your clothes. And so I took some photos and then they said it's clothing optional. And Steve, before you knew it, I was naked and doing a photo shoot with students. Let me reiterate that part is not true. That is not true at all. I would never do that. That's a terrible idea that crosses every boundary. Not going to do that. But what I did was University frat bros says, that did not disappoint. And that phrase, that did not disappoint, was something that Steve and I said again and again and again for many many years afterwards in all sorts of situations, all sorts of settings, and about all sorts of things. That Meg Jones Bair: Yeah. Doug Cutchins: The way she makes you smile is bigger than anyone I have ever seen. Do not mess this up. Do not lose this opportunity. And I realized in reading his message, that was the advice I was looking for. That was what I wanted someone to tell me. That confirmed exactly what I knew inside, but I was having a hard time articulating. And so even though he was the only voice on that side, Meg Jones Bair: his work with, and I will get the title wrong, but whatever it was, the Center for Teaching and Learning at that point in time, he had the gift of helping people find their own journey. Doug Cutchins: I have never seen anyone disappointed, frustrated, and legitimately angry as Steve was. ⁓ He ⁓ no, no, what, no, how, no, you the who, ⁓ you the Rolling Stone, you could have gone with the Beatles. The Beatles aren't a great choice, but ACDC, did not disappoint was a catchphrase of ours coming from that movie but also thinking about so many of the other movies that we saw. verbatim, ideas he had, questions he asked, pieces of advice he gave. am the advisor I am today because of the way that Steve invested in me. And I will be ⁓ grateful to him for how he invested in me. I to be clear that this is not supposed to be a life retrospective of Steve. I knew Steve in one very specific setting, which was his work at Grinnell and his life in Grinnell. And that's what the Jackass movies are about. That's frequently what happens to Steve-O in those movies. ⁓ Steve-O was always Steve's favorite. Joyce Stern: And it was just one of those like one-liners that like it conveyed It's so great. And I use it occasionally, you know, especially ⁓ I can tell somebody's in a really negative space. I they walk in and they just don't sort of look like their best. But it conveyed two things, right? It conveyed that he had your back. But it also conveyed that better was possible. Doug Cutchins: was that I ⁓ a series of emails that between me ⁓ and the then head of student ⁓ at Grinnell College. I'm stealing that. Meg Jones Bair: he could have very easily for any student that came in there crafted a plan they could have taken the plan and that would have made them successful but his gift one of his greatest gifts was asking people the right questions so they took ownership over their own journey and they together they co-created that the and others came to him were invested in their own success not just the investment because it was a career development office. Doug Cutchins: I listened to him and I stayed at NYU Abu Dhabi and I stayed with Anjana and he was 100 % right. There is only one Anjana. There is only one relationship like this that makes me as happy as I am and that other job would not make me as happy as this relationship. Steve that even though he never met Anjana, even though he never saw us together, ⁓ he that ⁓ and knew I needed. He was a phenomenal Rachel Bly: I also babysat for Emma when she was a tiny little tot. I did a lot of babysitting in college and so when they had Emma, I was of their first babysitters. Doug Cutchins: Okay, I'm going to say something now some people may consider to be in bad taste. It is perhaps an inappropriate joke. saying that this had happened and that I needed to come in and making it very, clear that I was in serious danger of being fired for having done this thing, which I did not do. And so I forwarded this completely fictitious email chain to Steve on April Fool's Day and said, Wow, and now Emma's a mom as well. What made him such great staff member? And then he reached over and he grabbed his phone and he dialed for the operator and he said, I have child protective services, please? He was so frustrated and so upset that of all the choices I could have possibly gone with to define rock and roll music, ACDC, I had to admit, he had a point. Rachel Bly: Exactly. Doug Cutchins: And to his granddaughter Marley, who I know he absolutely adored. don't need me to tell you how much Steve loved all of you and how much you were the center of his world, but he talked about you all the time ⁓ being your husband, your father, your grandfather was the greatest joy of his life. Thomas Crady: he embraced Grinnell. ⁓ he understood the quirkiness right away. Doug Cutchins: That was a huge part of who he was. But there were parts before I knew him. I know some of his friends from college were some of his very best friends and were incredibly important to him. His family is not represented here. ⁓ work after he left Grinnell College when he went to University of Iowa Law School to work there, ⁓ University, back to the town of Grinnell to run the Mayflower community, ⁓ stops in between, his consulting work, which he did a ton of. Yeah, I like that. Yeah, and that you've got a teammate, right? That you've got someone on your side. we're in this, all right, let's do this together, buddy. Joyce Stern: Exactly, yeah. Doug Cutchins: Grinnell's small town. Did you ⁓ work with or encounter Steve in ⁓ outside of workplace settings? It is a joke that displays some dark humor. It is also a joke that I think Steve would love. Steve, you win. Because this book sucked. I hated this book. And I am deeply convinced that Steve Langerud chose a book that sucked and made me read it. advisor. He got to the heart. He knew what questions to ask. He knew what really mattered. He knew how to distill a decision down to its constituent parts and say, this matters, this doesn't. Focus on this. These are your values. This is stuff you can forget. And that's what made him such an incredible advisor to me and to so many other people. I don't know what I'm going to do the next time I have to make a big decision. I'm just going to have to channel my own Can you walk through a little bit of your relationship with Steve and maybe how ⁓ it's changed over the years? Steve, I'm in deep trouble. really need your help. Can you please give me some advice on how I need to handle this? This meeting is happening at two o'clock today. within 10 minutes, my phone rang. He bought it hook, ⁓ and sinker. Sorry Steve, he never let me forget that. I don't think he ever truly forgave me for my choice of ACDC. They're an Australian band! Meg Jones Bair: know, I had the privilege of knowing Steve first and then our daughter got to go to the preschool and be with Karen and all of those. Doug Cutchins: If you have any comments or questions or just want to reach out with your own memories of Steve, you can reach me at dougreadswithfriends at gmail.com. None of that is really represented here. And that's not to slight any of those parts of his life. It's just for me, I thought I'm just gonna call up a few people who I know, who I know Steve, who I know loves Steve, and who would want to participate in this project. So I hope that this is something that people who knew Steve will appreciate and will see their sense of Steve reflected in him. And for those of you who didn't know Steve, I hope you will listen. Meg Jones Bair: excellence that she and Connie produced over there. There was a time ⁓ at which ⁓ I engaged to help with ⁓ a retreat ⁓ internally when wasn't at the anymore. He was at a different place and it of course felt like old home week. know Steve's back being who he is guiding our team to a result that we wanted and that he can see if you don't you know didn't tell him he can read the room and so Doug Cutchins: Alright, here's what you need to do. Alright, so the very first thing you have to do is you have to take responsibility for this. You have to admit that the... He started giving me outstanding advice. I'm covering my mouth. I'm trying not to laugh out loud. I'm letting him go. I could only go about 30 seconds before I said, Steve, I have to interrupt you. I have to wish you a happy April Fool's Day. ⁓ was this pause ⁓ then this ⁓ of laughter. ⁓ you got me. You got me so good. Joyce Stern: And then it having it dawn on me that like, wait a minute, some of the most impactful people I've met at Grinnell, not just Steve, but Diane Young and some other folks, Dave Clark, these were folks working. Doug Cutchins: inner Steve Langerud and hope that I can call on that wisdom because I'm really going to miss him next time I have to make a decision like that. So Amy, there's ⁓ a lot of people I'm asking to come on and I say, so, you know, you have a favorite memory or a story about Steve? I'm not going to toss it open to you and say, ⁓ what is ⁓ any story you want to tell? You have to tell the ⁓ story because you I and Steve had one story together that ⁓ Rachel Bly: We in Mears ⁓ And so it was a big old house, basically. And we were all pretty close. ⁓ And there was a lot of young people in that area then. And ⁓ Steve was very into biking. Doug Cutchins: I don't think he ever read the book. I think he just made me read this piece of trash book. And that is a better joke than my April Fool's Day joke. Steve, you win, my friend. And I miss you. And that did not disappoint. Friends, this was not the episode I wanted to record. ⁓ I was really looking forward to having a conversation Steve about that trash book that he picked out. I really miss him a lot. ⁓ Joyce Stern: I was like, wait a minute, if I could have like your job. was just such a funny moment of kind of like this, ah-ha. Anyway, but I do remember that some of those first job searches were really hard. And I don't remember which one I was in the middle of, but I kept talking to Steve even after I graduated. And I remember I was just in this negative head space and he's just always ⁓ optimistic and confident and. Rachel Bly: that this is one thing where not everybody had that connection to him. that one of our connections was biking. And so he wanted to do a fun activity with folks Mears. And so he created MAGBRAHS which was the Mears annual great bike ride along Highway 6. ⁓ Doug Cutchins: and learn about a truly wonderful, humane, caring, person who had an incredible sense of humor, which I'm going to talk about some because ⁓ some the times I have laughed the hardest in my life were with Steve Langerud. And as much as I miss him, I'm also going to remember all of those good times and all of those laughs we shared. I hope that enjoy this very special episode. Meg Jones Bair: many ways, skillful ways, that brought us to a very positive end-of-day retreat reflection. Doug Cutchins: year on April Fool's Day for years and years after that, I would get an email or a call from Steve. It's April Fool's Day and I'm just thinking about how you got me so good with that. It was a moment we cherished. It was ⁓ great memory that the two of us had for many, many years after was the April Fool's Day prank I successfully pulled on Steve Langerud And let me reiterate, I not go to a clothing optional photo shoot with students. I would never do that. That is not part of my history. Thank you to everyone who contributed to this. Thank you, Steve, for everything. I honestly think it's absolutely in the top five moments of laughter of my life and maybe it's vying for number one, that's for sure. So can you tell that story please? Leading those retreats for all sorts of organizations was something he was masterfully skilled at and really, really enjoyed. Any other ⁓ ideas or stories or things you want to make that you said here? I've never heard of this. That's great. Joyce Stern: And I remember him saying something like, just looked at me he goes, good people get jobs. He just like looked at me like, like, duh, it's gonna be fine. He had that, you know, he had that, he had that way of being able to just inspire folks to, don't know, again, it was about confidence building, I guess. Rachel Bly: And so he got a group of us, there was probably 10 of us, were willing to ride our bikes to the Amana's. We decided needed like an end point and so we rode our bikes the Amana's and then, ⁓ yeah it was like. Amy Nelson: last couple of maybe six weeks have been really an amazing time for me there's been a series of what I'll call synchronicities or meaningful coincidences that have happened and this is just one them though I think it kind of kicked it off. Doug Cutchins: Doug reads with friends. Meg Jones Bair: I think the world has been a much better place to Steve Langerud in it, Grinnell College, especially the Mayflower, all of the places he's been because if you weren't having the best of days you encountered him and that you left with a smile on your face. Doug Cutchins: But I got him good. Thomas Crady: somebody I could always r rely I mean, he was he had good judgment, he was thoughtful, you he really listened to what students had to say. he was just a good person. I was really when I saw that he took over director the Mayflower because I thought he'd be a good person, but then I realized that Doug Cutchins: That's wonderful. That's pretty far though. mean that's, and there's a lot of hills between here and there. Rachel Bly: Yeah, it was a serious ride. It was like 50 some miles, I think. he people into meeting us there with trucks so we could end at the Ronenberg, have a humongous breakfast, and then all be able just to load our bikes and get a ride home. ⁓ Doug Cutchins: You and I worked for Steve together. When I first came back to Grinnell in summer 1999, you were working in the Career Development Center. So you worked directly for Steve. how did your relationship with him evolve as you went from a student that he was advising to an employee that he was supervising and that you were being mentored by? Hmm. Amy Nelson: So what happened was I was reading book, by ⁓ a physician named Mr. Byteman who did research on synchronicity and coincidence. And he begins to about a colleague from Ursinus College in Pennsylvania. Joyce Stern: I know. Thomas Crady: All the pe all those constituents were many of them are Grinnell faculty members. that could not have been easy, right? And I think during his tenure there was not a single case of COVID there. Yeah, I mean, which is ⁓ unheard of for for a care agency. ⁓ it surprise me, but to anybody else on outside looking in, it's remarkable Doug Cutchins: Community, bikes, food. This maybe is the holy trinity of Steve Langerud If we get vinyl in there somewhere as well, that'll the picture. that's marvelous. Rachel Bly: Yup. Joyce Stern: really, it those were really fun times, right? Like, he, he was so good at creating an office environment where to how do I put this? He hired people who wanted to get things done. He was smart enough to like, hire, like, driven people. Everybody, I mean, if you think about everybody in that space, they were like, they were like, let's get this done. But he always, you know, he provided a lot of vision. That was his strength. Rachel Bly: Exactly. Doug Cutchins: Wow. Amazing. Rachel Bly: Yeah. that probably my like core Steve memory. Amy Nelson: And I listen to that name and I get a little chuckle and then and then he refers to it multiple times to this book. And finally, I'm done listening and I think I can't let this go. Joyce Stern: Right? He was just blue sky and all the time, like, here's, let's do this. Let's imagine this. What else could we do? Like he was just visionary. And he also just wanted to have a fun office environment. He didn't want us to just be serious and stoic all the time. So I, you know, I felt like that was such a nice combination of leadership to be, to be offering folks who were get it done-ers the opportunity to think in a big, picture way. Amy Nelson: you and Steve and I had an experience in the conference room of 1127 Park Street but was just the three of us in there. I don't know if we were having a work meeting or not, but all of a sudden we were talking about a friend of ours, a R.A., a resident advisor, he had taken a job Ursinus College. Joyce Stern: and keep things light when it needed to be light. Doug Cutchins: I'm guessing lot of people who are going to listen to this podcast are people who know Steve and remember him and love him. For somebody who ⁓ didn't know Steve, would you describe him? Amy Nelson: our little eyes started twinkling. And as I remember it, one of us started and... Thomas Crady: came back as a director of career services. that I believe he was the assistant director, ⁓ and then he took a couple of years off and then Amy Nelson: the similarity between Ursinus and Uranus. If you can remember any time where you went nuts over the word Uranus and started in doing riffs about something, something, something happened, you know, at Uranus or in Uranus or whatever. And we did that with Ursinus ⁓ we, we just laughed so hard that tears, ⁓ was a number one laugh of my life. I know it was. Rachel Bly: As probably one of the best listeners I have ever met. one of those things that I think kind of weaves its way through every way that I have known throughout the years. Thomas Crady: came back. And it really kind of worked out I mean, it was like the stars aligned, to be honest with you. but he he was somebody I'd sit down and to about, you know, should we do this or not do this? He's probably one of the only people I really talked to ⁓ about really sensitive stuff related to the you know the presidents I work for and so on. Rachel Bly: his ability to build relationships and to keep those relationships. that's related to the listening piece. even though it was years maybe between Doug Cutchins: I the two of you had an amazing relationship. I mean, Steve would often tell me, he would say, I've asked Tom to give me a year heads up before he leaves because I can't work for anybody else. and he was deeply loyal to you. What do you think made your working relationship together? I mean, ⁓ I was loyal to Steve and learned a lot from him. I feel like Steve was deeply loyal to you and learned a lot from you. What do you think made your relationship so good with him? Amy Nelson: I'm not a very funny person. mean, I can do a little bit, but you are definitely, and Steve definitely is, but like we would just take turns and we would each come up with a riff on your sinus, up your anus, you know, I don't know, something like that. And we just were in hilarity. And then there would be silence for a moment after we stopped laughing and crying. And then another one would come. Rachel Bly: from one interaction with him into another. I'd see him around town and things, but I wasn't seeing him frequently. You would just reconnect like it had been yesterday. ⁓ ability and that sort genuine care and ⁓ ability to connect with was ⁓ just amazing. Thomas Crady: Yeah. Well you know, we were just very open with each other and very comfortable with each And I trusted his judgment, I think he trusted mine. ⁓ I don't always make the best decisions as you probably know with ⁓ who followed him. I think a good leader Amy Nelson: And I may be exaggerating this, but Doug, I think it went on for an hour and a half. Maybe it was an hour, maybe it was 15 minutes, but it was the most fun I've ever had. like you're doing now, we just ⁓ into, ⁓ I can't imagine all the, I'm getting it right now. All my little things can feel it. Thomas Crady: has the ability to say they make mistakes and Steve could do that. And that was something I had no problem with. I mean, you know, it's so easy to misstep at Grinnell. Doug Cutchins: I'm crying. I'm like just remembering it. I'm crying laughing so hard Thomas Crady: just the judgment and so I think that's how our our relationship evolved over the years. ⁓ Amy Nelson: this was just, and no disrespect to Ursinus College, because it probably is a great place. But we had so much fun on the name that day, and I can't imagine what their t-shirts looked like. But anyway, I think we bonded during that time. ⁓ having just read this book, just thought, I am going to contact both those guys and just see if they remember that even. Because for some reason, I thought they won't even remember it. You guys are so funny and have so much fun, you won't even remember it. So I've got Steve's number, of course, but we did it through Messenger, which I don't often use. let you know, you know, I just said I had this experience and Rachel Bly: Absolutely. Doug Cutchins: Rachel, any other ⁓ memories wanted to share or stories or things you wanted to make sure you said? Rachel Bly: something about Steve's death on ECN, is the ⁓ Grinnell alumni Facebook group. Amy Nelson: If you remember it as funny, know, I just wanted to let you know and that it was one of the funniest things I've ever had. And I don't know, I just felt so close to you guys in that moment. You know, I think deep laugh is kind of akin to one of the most intimate things you can do. ⁓ It's so It's so ridiculous. And no one quite although people have had. Rachel Bly: and got so many neat little stories from alums. And I think the one thing that was sort of of woven throughout them was this, he stayed in touch. I could reach back to him at any time ⁓ and, you know, and ask for career advice, if it was 20 years later. And just the care of was ⁓ so to people, not just when they were leaving Doug Cutchins: you Anything else you wanted to add or talk about or any other favorite Steve memories you want to make sure you said? Thomas Crady: Well, you as probably know, being a VP for student affairs or Dean of Students at Grinnell ⁓ you're gonna run to run into issues where Amy Nelson: you know, other experiences like once let you know that that had happened to me, you got right back to me and said, remember it. I've never that. But then I didn't hear back from Steve. ⁓ And ⁓ maybe ⁓ you could your side the story from Rachel Bly: college and entering the world but throughout their entire lives. Thomas Crady: You're not you're just not gonna win. One constituency is gonna be furious with you and the other one's not. And would help me out there, I think, in terms of you know, trying to make the right and y and you you realize that you just have to be yourself and and make the do what you think is right. ⁓ if you try to please everybody, you're not gonna do that. ⁓ I think he was like that a lot ⁓ and very good at that. I mean students loved him. Doug Cutchins: Yeah, well, you sent that message on, I think a Tuesday or a Wednesday. And I think I replied Thursday or Friday. And that Friday night was the night that Steve had his stroke and he was gone by the end of the weekend, I think. And so, you you use the word synchronicity in a message right after that. I it's a perfect word for that is that, you you had that thought and you reached out to the of us. Amy Nelson: Mm-hmm. Doug Cutchins: Great. Well, thank you so much, Rachel. I really appreciate you taking time to do this. Amy Nelson: Yeah. Doug Cutchins: just in time. you we don't know if he saw that message or not, but Amy, I guarantee with a thousand percent certainty that he remembers that and laughed about it as hard as you did. Because will tell you that in the 20 years since that happened, every time I seen a headline about the planet Uranus, I have sent it to Steve Langerud Rachel Bly: Awesome. Thank you. Doug Cutchins: joke continued for the two of us over years and years and years. And I remember even saying to him once recently, ⁓ the day may come when I see a headline about Uranus and I don't send it to you. Amy Nelson: That's a guarantee. Doug Cutchins: But today is not that day, we would, know, we'd be talking about housing in Uranus and we'd die laughing and then it would calm down and then somebody would say like, the meal, how are the meal plans? the vegetarian options in Uranus? And we'd be gone again. yeah. ⁓ Unbelievable humor. Amy Nelson: ⁓ thank God you can remember some of them. how much more, I mean, you know, enter God's kingdom like a child. How much more ridiculous can you be than doing that? But it was... Doug Cutchins: ⁓ yeah! Thomas Crady: He handled complex student situations well. even when I really hot forums, you know, Steve was always there to support me with that. And that that was really ⁓ helpful to me. ⁓ And I'd say to him afterwards, know, what do you think? Is there anything I could have improved upon or, you know, whatever? And I Doug Cutchins: Hahaha! Amy Nelson: But I... Oh, I, you know, I just loved Steve so much and I had the same experience so many others did both sort of professionally that he believed in me way before I ever believed that I could do anything and he just sort of led me through and he was such a joy to be with and work with Doug Cutchins: else you wanted to add or other thoughts you wanted to share? ⁓ Thomas Crady: He said, No, you're just being yourself. And he said, People don't dis are gonna disagree with you, and that's just Grinnell. And it is, Joyce Stern: Yeah, yeah, his vision extended not just to opportunities, but very much to people and people's potential. And that is such a gift. He was just a gift to me. I mean, I just feel like so lucky that he was, he was part of the, one of the most important mentors to me ever. Truly. Doug Cutchins: Absolutely. What a wonderful legacy. Amy, thank you so much for having this conversation. That was exactly what I hoped it would be. Amy Nelson: Wonderful, it's great to see you Doug.