Latest / Topeka Bible Church Audio Archive / March 1, 2018 | Men Of Success - Winter 2018, Session 7 - Mindset: The New Psychology Of Success

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March 1, 2018 | Men Of Success - Winter 2018, Session 7 - Mindset: The New Psychology Of Success · Topeka Bible Church Audio Archive

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_01: All right, man.
• 0:00
  SPEAKER_01: Hey, uh good morning.
• 0:02
  SPEAKER_01: Glad to see everybody back.
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_01: I know Jim was a little nervous that uh you know a lot of times after a break the attendance drops off, but uh then he'd looked around and here came a whole flood of guys in.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_01: So glad to see everybody.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm gonna let uh I'm gonna let Jim or Derek give an update when I'm done here on on the schedule, because I think Jim is thinking of of maybe extending a little bit.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_01: But um anyway, so we're doing the second half of this uh the mindset.
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm reading through that, and I tend to think that if I see something like in a week's time, if I hear it in a sermon and then uh read it in a devotional, oh, it's important.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_01: God's trying to get my attention on something.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm reading this mindset thing, and I'm thinking, God, there's some things in here that sound familiar.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_01: And sure enough, I go back and look, and in one of Jim's sermons a couple weeks ago, stuck.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_01: Said, gee, didn't the Israelites kind of uh blame others?
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_01: You know, didn't they think that they weren't at fault and uh and didn't they think that they were elite, that they were privileged, uh having come from the line of Abraham?
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_01: Gee, kind of sounds a little bit like a fixed mindset.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_01: I thought, gee, that's uh we did just hear something about that a few weeks ago.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm gonna turn it over to these guys and uh let them take us through the rest of this mindset.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_01: Let's do it.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_01: Party on.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_01: Great breakfast this morning.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_02: Oh my goodness.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_02: We we appreciate that.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_02: You bet.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you, thank you, thank you.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_02: A bunch of you're like me didn't get loads of sleep last night, and this makes life so good.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_02: So, anyway, uh how many of you watched the Olympics?
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_02: You know, it's tough to figure out what what highlight to put up from the Olympics, you know, because it started off pretty badly for the U.S.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_02: and and some people are saying it ended badly with only 23 uh gold medals uh when we expected a minimum of 25.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_02: But there were some real highlights, and um the uh did anybody else see the hockey game?
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, did you watch that?
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_02: So it goes in this is USA Canada, and we've lost to Canada like four straight times, and and it looked like we're gonna lose this time, and then in the third period, in a line change, Canada, uh U.S.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_02: really cleverly uh beat him on the line change and had an open, open run.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_02: And uh the girl who scored the winning goal here, her sister scored the goal to tie when it looked like there was no way.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_02: So we tie, we go into overtime.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_02: Overtime, 20 minutes, nothing happens.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_02: Go into a shootout, and uh at the very end of the shootout, this girl pulls off the most, you can see it on YouTube, the most amazing, amazing double fake and scores the winning goal.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_02: Uh so it was pretty exciting.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_02: I can't even don't know her name.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_02: Jocelyn Lamoreau-Davidson.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_02: So, anyway, that was uh some people have voted that the highlight of the of the Olympics.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_02: Another big deal that happened is that, of course, KU went down to Texas Tech last weekend, actually beat them at Texas Tech.
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_02: KU's been very fortunate, though, the last two games they've played.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_02: Uh the best person on the other team has been out with a toe injury.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_02: Um and they've scraped by both of them, but you got to give them credit.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_02: They have won the the league uh for the record 14th straight time, and and um and I got to go, uh took my son, my son Doug came up from Texas with five of his friends from Austin to to see their their United, their Texas Longhorn team uh at KU earlier this week.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_02: And and two out of the three seniors, it was senior night, and this guy, Devontae Graham, and another senior, Clay, gave testimony to God.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_02: Starting off, I'm always glad when when athletes do that, and I go, all right, I get to maybe spend heaven forever with this guy.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_02: So get to play one-on-one with him up there.
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_00: Down here.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_02: I go, up till now my highlight has been hanging with an athlete like Derek, and now I'm gonna get to hang with Devontae so you're really grabbing at the bottom of the bag if I'm your highlight athlete.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_02: So we're in a book that's got a simple idea.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_02: Carol Dwight, mindset.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_02: Very simple idea.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_02: She asks, do you have a fixed or growth mindset?
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_02: But this idea is, I mean, as Derek and I have talked about it, we think it's a we think it's a big idea.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_02: We think we we agree with Dwight that that this idea, more than your IQ, more than some of the natural gifts you've given, that whether or not you know you think the fixed mindset being that your intelligence and your talent are fixed at birth, that you really can't change it, you're sort of stuck.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_02: Uh it's and I know a lot about this.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_02: It's my sister-in-law in Dallas called last night.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_02: She has got this, it's you know, it's all God's fault, it's all society's fault that that uh you know uh that that that she's stuck and has been for 50 years.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_02: So but the growth mindset, intelligence and talents can go up and down is is huge.
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_02: So last week, just to cover real briefly, if you missed this, the fixed mindset says that your intelligence is static, the growth mindset says no, you can develop your IQ and your intelligence.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_02: The fixed mindset leads to a desire to look good and look smart, so you avoid challenges, you give up easily, you see your effort as fruitless, you ignore feedback, you're threatened by other people's success, so you're envious.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_02: Growth mindset, you embrace challenges, you persist despite obstacles, you see effort as the way to succeed.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_02: You learn from criticism, and you're inspired by other successes.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_02: And um or pictured even even kids, little kids.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_02: This is impossible, it's too hard.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_02: Another kid says, No, I love a challenge.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_02: So uh one more uh uh and then we'll get into our fourth chapters, the last four chapters of the book.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_02: How you respond to failure.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_02: If you fail, the fixed mindset, I stay in bed, I get drunk, I'm a total failure, I wouldn't bother trying hard next time.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_02: Uh, as versus odd, look at what's wrong, and I'll resolve to do better, I'll think about working in a different way.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_02: So she fleshes this out, Derek, in these different in these different ways.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_02: And you and I were laughing yesterday or day before about how when you it's just this one idea, you know, it's over and over and over.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_02: But but you know, there's some value, I think.
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_02: So take us through one of the most complicated, but I think helpful chapters, which is business mindset and leadership.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and this this chapter five, this business mindset.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_00: So, how does this fixed mindset versus growth mindset dichotomy take place within the business world?
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_00: And so one of the examples is Enron.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_00: And so one of the things that Enron tried to do was they tried to specifically hire for talent and for talent alone.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_00: It didn't really matter about their character, didn't matter about how the people thought, didn't matter about their views on anything.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_00: It just mattered if they were the best at their particular task or skill or job, then they were the one who was going to get the job.
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_00: And what happened was it created this culture where perfection was the only standard.
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_00: And so it left a lot of people feeling like, wow, if I don't measure up, if I'm not as good as the guy next to me at the same job, then I need to act like I am.
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_00: And so what it fostered and what was bred out of it was a culture of where nobody wanted to admit their mistakes, nobody's willing was willing to stand up and say, hey, this is my fault, I can get better, I can fix it, because the mentality was that you need to be the best, period, and if you're not, just get off the bus.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_00: And then we see the whole shutdown, we see the scandal going on, because nobody was willing to take responsibility for anything wrong that happened because it was so ingrained in the people that they had to be perfect, that they had to be right all the time, which Dwek would say is the epitome of the fixed mindset.
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_02: And so you've got this house of cards, so I think the year 2000 and runs one of the largest companies in the world.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_02: By 2002, two years later, it's totally dead.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_02: Done.
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_02: Caput.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_02: So um what uh, Derek, what I put on here, um, you know, when I was, you know, I know you're running this, but what he does is he sort of divides his chapter into two parts fixed mindset type of stuff, where and and then later growth mindset.
• 8:49
  SPEAKER_02: So he lists these like four leaders, and I and I put on, these are the headlines of of uh of I didn't know quite what you wanted to do, but Lee Iakoca Ford, his idea was I'm a hero.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_02: Dun Lapp of Scott Paper, I'm a superstar.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_02: Kinlay of Enron used to could tell everybody I'm the visionary around here.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_02: Skilling uh who followed him at Enron said, I'm the smartest guy in the room.
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_02: So um so they felt like they were invulnerable, invincible, and entitled.
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know if you want to read this, but this is a paragraph you were talking to me about.
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it says they talking about these guys, they show what can happen when people with a fixed mindset are put in charge of companies.
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_00: In each case, a brilliant man put his company in jeopardy because he and his legacy outweighed everything else.
• 9:33
  SPEAKER_00: They were not evil in the usual sense.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_00: They didn't set out to do harm, but at a critical but at the critical decision points, they opted for what would make them feel good and look good over what would serve the longer-term corporate goals.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_00: Blame others, cover up mistakes, pump up the stock prices, crush rivals and critics, screw the little guy.
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_00: These were the standard operating procedures.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_00: What's fascinating is that they led their companies toward ruin.
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_00: All of these leaders felt invulnerable and invincible.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_00: And with the the whole Iacoca thing, because he eventually went to Chrysler and then tried to run this thing, tried to make it happen, and he was the, you know, I'm the hero guy, I'm going to save it.
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_00: But he had a very fixed mindset and was unwilling to accept the advice, accept the input from other people as far as changing different models, moving to a um towards what the consumer wanted so they'd be able to sell cars, and they stayed stuck because he was unwilling to implement other people's ideas, even though they were the best ideas.
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_02: So yeah, isn't he the Mustang guy, Ford Mustang?
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_02: Isn't that I think that's where he struggled gold.
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_02: Isn't that right?
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_00: That's his that's his hot thing.
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_02: I read his book a long time ago.
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_02: So so then he then the last part of the half of the chapter, uh, remembered uh Derek, he switches over to Growth Mindset Leaders in Action, mentions Jack Welch of GEE, who listened, credited, and nurtured, Gersner of IBM, who attacked this sort of fixed mindset elitism, and uh Ann Walcahee of Xerox.
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_02: So uh you'd you you were talking to me about Jack Welch, and here's a paragraph about that.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_00: Look at this.
• 11:15
  SPEAKER_00: This is a really interesting thing about Welch and the way that he led.
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_00: It says when Jack Welch took over GE in 1980, the company was valued at$14 billion.
• 11:23
  SPEAKER_00: Twenty years later,$490 billion.
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_00: It was the most valuable company in the world.
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_00: Fortune magazine called Welch the most admired, studied, and imitated CEO of his time.
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_00: And then Steve Bennett said this about him.
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_00: I learned about nurturing employees from Jack Welch.
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_00: He go directly to Frontline employee to figure out what was going on, to hear what he had to say.
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_00: Jack was obviously a busy guy, an important guy, but he never stopped visiting the factories.
• 11:47
  SPEAKER_00: These were the people he respected, learned from, and in turn nurtured.
• 11:51
  SPEAKER_00: And one of the cool things about Welch is that, at least in this aspect of his thinking, this aspect of his leadership, this was one where he was completely growth in a growth mindset.
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_00: Because he would take the time, he didn't want to just sit in the really nice office in San Francisco or Chicago or New York or wherever.
• 12:12
  SPEAKER_02: Like Lee Lee Coca did that.
• 12:14
  SPEAKER_02: Lee Coca was a superstar.
• 12:15
  SPEAKER_02: You could never get to him.
• 12:17
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and he he wasn't out visiting.
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_00: But what Welch did, he actually went down to the factories, went down to the front lines of GE, talking with the technicians, like we talked about a few weeks ago, speaking with them, because those are the guys who are in the grind, in the in the the weeds of the process day in and day out, and they have a had a lot of ideas that hadn't been heard.
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_00: And so that's what he wanted to do, which is completely a growth mindset because he was willing to take their input, listen to what they were going to say.
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_00: He's willing to say, I don't have all the answers, and I need your help to make this company better, not just so I look like a superstar or I'm perfect or I have all the greatest ideas, which reminds us a lot of this guy from the Bible, Nehemiah.
• 13:07
  SPEAKER_00: If you guys remember, he's they're they're going to build the wall, they end up completing it in 50 days, but in that process, uh there's several places where we see that Nehemiah, while he was running the show, he he was the top dog, he also made time to go down to those different uh family groups who were building their sections of the wall, talk with them, interact with them, spend that time with them, and how much that meant in the morale boosting of the entire operation to rebuild these walls of Jerusalem and to have a successful project.
• 13:42
  SPEAKER_00: He didn't have to, but he chose to, partially because of that growth mindset.
• 13:49
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I thought that uh the this chapter that you just are talking about, I thought that was really helpful.
• 13:54
  SPEAKER_02: That was very helpful for me uh um about work and how to apply that.
• 13:58
  SPEAKER_02: Her next chapter takes a direct right turn and she talks about our love life.
• 14:03
  SPEAKER_02: She talks about our marriages.
• 14:05
  SPEAKER_02: And as you can imagine, uh, in our love life and in our marriages, the difference in fixed and growth mindset, of course, would be huge.
• 14:12
  SPEAKER_02: So she starts off with a typical story, a story that everybody has gone through of how a woman, you know, jilted a guy at the altar or something like that, and just broke his heart.
• 14:25
  SPEAKER_02: And and um so she says, we've all had that happen, whether we're fixed mindset or growth mindset people, but there's a huge difference in how these people respond.
• 14:36
  SPEAKER_02: So she begins the chapter almost right after this story she tells.
• 14:40
  SPEAKER_02: Almost everyone at one time or another has been in love, been hurt.
• 14:43
  SPEAKER_02: What differs and differs dramatically is how they dealt with it.
• 14:46
  SPEAKER_02: When people had the fixed mindset, they felt judged and labeled by the rejection permanently.
• 14:51
  SPEAKER_02: It was as though a verdict had been handed down and branded on their foreheads, unlovable.
• 14:56
  SPEAKER_02: And they lashed out because the fixed mindset gives them no recipe for healing their wound.
• 15:01
  SPEAKER_02: All they could do is hope for could do was hope to wound the person who inflicted it.
• 15:06
  SPEAKER_02: Revenge.
• 15:07
  SPEAKER_02: So uh, as versus growth mindset, which is maybe there is something I need to learn from this.
• 15:13
  SPEAKER_02: Maybe I do need to become a better communicator.
• 15:15
  SPEAKER_02: You know, maybe, but but you know, they don't shut down the future, they don't say, well, this is who I am, you know, I'm stuck, nobody will ever love me.
• 15:23
  SPEAKER_02: So uh I don't need to go into depth in this.
• 15:25
  SPEAKER_02: She does have uh 20 pages of a chapter on it, just a couple more things.
• 15:30
  SPEAKER_02: Um though she says mindsets falling in love.
• 15:35
  SPEAKER_02: Uh now she talks about, and this is important for us because uh some of us have children or we have uh relatives who are considering a partner.
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_02: This is about getting married, and she has this really good uh paragraph.
• 15:49
  SPEAKER_02: So far, having a fixed mindset has meant believing your personal traits are fixed.
• 15:54
  SPEAKER_02: This is like in work and so forth.
• 15:56
  SPEAKER_02: But in relationships, two more things enter the picture: your partner and the relationship itself.
• 16:02
  SPEAKER_02: Now you can have a fixed mindset about three things you, I can't change, your partner, she can't change, and the relationship, it'll never change.
• 16:12
  SPEAKER_02: The growth mindset says all of these things can grow and improve.
• 16:16
  SPEAKER_02: In the fixed mindset, the ideal is instant, perfect, perfect compatibility, plus two love-killing assumptions.
• 16:24
  SPEAKER_02: If you have to work at it, it wasn't meant to be, and problems indicate character flaws, right?
• 16:30
  SPEAKER_02: That's not familiar.
• 16:32
  SPEAKER_02: We've all got friends who've got marital troubles, and as you know, if you've got even just one of the two people who who has the Cinderella complex who thought it was gonna be love at first sight, and everything would always be hunky dory, and I shouldn't have to think about it.
• 16:51
  SPEAKER_02: And she should be able to read my mind, and I we shouldn't have to work.
• 16:55
  SPEAKER_02: That can absolutely one person like that can kill a marriage.
• 17:00
  SPEAKER_02: They don't want to go to counseling, they don't want to work on it, they believe they're stuck.
• 17:04
  SPEAKER_02: And secondly, problems indicate character flaws.
• 17:08
  SPEAKER_02: In other words, if if we have a problem, if you're not doing something right, that means you got a character flaw.
• 17:14
  SPEAKER_02: I made a terrible choice.
• 17:16
  SPEAKER_02: I thought God had led me, but wow.
• 17:19
  SPEAKER_02: Um, so you can see how she can flesh this out into a whole marriage counseling chapter.
• 17:24
  SPEAKER_02: She does mention in there, and I'll just mention this quickly, because we've considered taking it as a book.
• 17:29
  SPEAKER_02: Daniel Goldman in 1995, so this is a little older book, and we've been trying to take newer books, wrote a book called Emotional Intelligence, and she said it really apparently affected her and caused her to start thinking about these things.
• 17:45
  SPEAKER_02: So this is sort of her godfather.
• 17:47
  SPEAKER_02: And I don't know if you ever read this book back in the 90s, it was huge.
• 17:51
  SPEAKER_02: Emotional intelligence, why it can matter more than IQ.
• 17:54
  SPEAKER_02: And I just put a couple ideas from that book, and that is that he says that things like empathy and enthusiasm and persistence turn out to be far more important to your success in life and in relationships.
• 18:07
  SPEAKER_02: He says 80% of success is determined not by your mental intelligence, but by your emotional intelligence.
• 18:15
  SPEAKER_02: So uh those I just mentioned that because it sort of dovetails with with mindset.
• 18:20
  SPEAKER_02: That's perfect.
• 18:21
  SPEAKER_02: So yeah, take us to parents, teachers, and coaches.
• 18:24
  SPEAKER_00: This is really practical for me because now I I guess I qualify for each of these categories, which is which is pretty cool.
• 18:35
  SPEAKER_00: And it's interesting how a lot of these things have the same principles, it just depends on what hat you're wearing at that particular time.
• 18:42
  SPEAKER_00: And so one of the quotes from this chapter no parent thinks, I wonder what I can do today to undermine my children, turn them off to learning, and limit their achievement.
• 18:52
  SPEAKER_00: Of course not.
• 18:52
  SPEAKER_00: They think I would do anything to make my children successful.
• 18:56
  SPEAKER_00: Yet many things they do, they're motivating, send the wrong messages.
• 18:59
  SPEAKER_00: In fact, every word and action can send a message.
• 19:02
  SPEAKER_00: It tells children or students or athletes how to think about themselves, and it can be a fixed mindset message that says you have permanent traits and I'm judging them, or it can be a growth mindset message that says you are a developing person and I'm interested in your development.
• 19:17
  SPEAKER_00: And we see this a lot, and I think of no coaching this year, helped coach the CarePayer Vell Guys football team and work specifically with the running backs.
• 19:28
  SPEAKER_00: And I I can see myself, and if if I went in with the the fixed mindset saying, wow, you don't know how to run the play right now, you will never learn how to run the play.
• 19:40
  SPEAKER_00: There's really no point for you to even be here.
• 19:42
  SPEAKER_00: Just go home.
• 19:44
  SPEAKER_00: And I know for me as a player, I would have been crushed because I had I had a a really neat coach in high school, and he said, Hey, I want you to think about playing quarterback for us.
• 19:56
  SPEAKER_00: This is my during my freshman year.
• 19:58
  SPEAKER_00: And I said, I can't do that.
• 20:00
  SPEAKER_00: I'm I'm too short, I'm I'm all these things.
• 20:02
  SPEAKER_00: And he said, No, I'm I'm gonna work with you, and it's something that you can grow into, something that you can develop into.
• 20:10
  SPEAKER_00: And that's the difference of that mindset.
• 20:13
  SPEAKER_00: But then we also know that there are certain you know abilities that people have, and you may only be able to get marginally better.
• 20:23
  SPEAKER_00: But that doesn't mean that you can't get any better at all, or that they're just expendable because they don't have it right now, have it right away, kind of that Enron talent-only mentality.
• 20:35
  SPEAKER_02: And then we so this uh so he talks about sending growth messages.
• 20:40
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, so sending growth messages, you know, if they're getting a good grade or they're succeeding, it what kind of messages are we sending them?
• 20:49
  SPEAKER_00: Do we tell them, hey, you got the A because you are so smart?
• 20:55
  SPEAKER_00: You did the best in the class because you you are so intelligent, you are the brightest person.
• 21:01
  SPEAKER_00: Or do we send them those messages that say, Wow, you got an A on that test, you must have worked really hard.
• 21:08
  SPEAKER_00: Hey, you you did the best in the class, you were the best at this.
• 21:12
  SPEAKER_00: I really appreciate your commitment to it, I really appreciate how you never miss practice, I really appreciate all the energy that you put into it.
• 21:20
  SPEAKER_00: Because when we take the first stance of, wow, it must be because you're really smart or you're just really talented or you're just really good, that that can be dangerous to a kid because eventually they're gonna hit a point to where they're not the best.
• 21:34
  SPEAKER_00: Even if it is all up until that point completely natural and they haven't practiced a lick or read for the test or any of those things.
• 21:43
  SPEAKER_00: And then once they encounter that, just like the kids with the puzzles at the beginning, once they hit that time that's really tough and they're not the best and they can't do it, they're actually more tempted to quit and give up because they're no longer seen as the best and their hard work hasn't been valued.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_00: At all up until that point.
• 22:02
  SPEAKER_00: So it makes me think of parenting, it makes me think of my daughter Ayla as she's growing up.
• 22:08
  SPEAKER_00: What kind of messages do I want to send to her?
• 22:11
  SPEAKER_00: Because I know so far I've already said different things like, wow, you are so smart.
• 22:17
  SPEAKER_00: Wow, you are so advanced for your age.
• 22:19
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm thinking, oh man, this mindset book.
• 22:23
  SPEAKER_00: She can't even talk yet.
• 22:24
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm already saying these things.
• 22:26
  SPEAKER_00: She's squirming around.
• 22:27
  SPEAKER_00: I'm already saying, Man, you really got it, girl.
• 22:29
  SPEAKER_00: That's awesome.
• 22:31
  SPEAKER_00: So this this book is good for me, especially in the parenting world.
• 22:36
  SPEAKER_02: I sent this whole chapter to a son down in Texas who's always saying to his three-year-old or four-year-old little girl, You're beautiful and smart.
• 22:44
  SPEAKER_02: You're so beautiful, you're so smart, and so forth.
• 22:47
  SPEAKER_02: But you know, it it ties in.
• 22:49
  SPEAKER_02: What if she comes home uh on her first arithmetic test in first first grade or something, and one plus one equaled three or something?
• 22:58
  SPEAKER_02: So fixed mindset goes, Oh, you know, girls never are good at math.
• 23:01
  SPEAKER_02: You need to work on something else.
• 23:03
  SPEAKER_02: Or do you go, you know, let's take another run at this.
• 23:06
  SPEAKER_00: So we'll go over this one real quick.
• 23:08
  SPEAKER_00: This is just an example about when kids fail.
• 23:11
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 23:12
  SPEAKER_00: When kids fail, what do we do?
• 23:13
  SPEAKER_00: There's a few years ago.
• 23:13
  SPEAKER_00: Nine year old, little gymnastics girl, and her her parents were really excited.
• 23:18
  SPEAKER_00: This is kind of her first go at a gymnastics meet, and she went and she competed and she she did okay, but she didn't win anything.
• 23:28
  SPEAKER_02: She expended she expected to, and the parents expected it.
• 23:30
  SPEAKER_00: She expected to get first.
• 23:32
  SPEAKER_00: She expected to be the grand champion, didn't win a lick.
• 23:35
  SPEAKER_00: Not a ribbon, not a trophy, not even particip maybe participation ribbon, depending on when that she did it.
• 23:40
  SPEAKER_00: But anyway, there's there's five examples, and we can go to that next one.
• 23:44
  SPEAKER_00: There's five different things, perfect, we have it there, that the parents could have responded with.
• 23:50
  SPEAKER_00: And so if you were the parents, what would be your response?
• 23:52
  SPEAKER_00: Number one, tell Elizabeth that you thought she was the best.
• 23:56
  SPEAKER_00: Two, tell her that she was robbed of a ribbon that was rightfully hers.
• 24:00
  SPEAKER_00: Three, reassure her that gymnastics really isn't that important.
• 24:05
  SPEAKER_00: Four, tell her that she has the ability and will surely win next time.
• 24:09
  SPEAKER_00: Or five, tell her she didn't deserve to win.
• 24:14
  SPEAKER_00: And so the the point that Dweck makes in the book is that while five seems the most cold-hearted, and obviously not saying it exactly like that, but that's actually the best response.
• 24:28
  SPEAKER_00: And saying, wow, maybe if you want to be that top placer, if you want to win those ribbons, you're actually going to have to work much harder.
• 24:38
  SPEAKER_00: You're gonna have to practice more, you're gonna have to put more effort in if you want to achieve those types of results.
• 24:45
  SPEAKER_00: Instead of one through four, which are basically all the blame shifting things that you know Paul mentioned and and uh Jim mentioned in sermon a few weeks ago.
• 24:56
  SPEAKER_00: Pawning the responsibility off on well, the judges didn't get it, or the you know, you were really the best, and but obviously she wasn't because she didn't get the trophy, she didn't win, so she wasn't the best.
• 25:08
  SPEAKER_00: But letting them know that it's okay to fail, but that means that there's more work to do.
• 25:15
  SPEAKER_00: If you want to get there, it's not going to be because of your just pure raw talent.
• 25:20
  SPEAKER_00: It's going to be because it's going to be because you put effort in and worked at it.
• 25:26
  SPEAKER_02: And he tells the story of an Olympic gymnastics girl, and and apparently that's the story she remembers.
• 25:31
  SPEAKER_02: She went to her first meet, she didn't win.
• 25:34
  SPEAKER_02: She she expected her dad to really support her, but on the way home, he said, Well, and she said, Dad, you know, they graded uh the later floor exercise girls.
• 25:43
  SPEAKER_02: I was first, and they graded the uh the later ones a whole lot a whole lot looser and easier, which they often do and they'd done.
• 25:49
  SPEAKER_02: And he agreed privately, but he thought, I'm not gonna point out what was it, number two, that she was robbed of a ribbon that she should have received.
• 25:58
  SPEAKER_02: He just said, If you really want to succeed, you're gonna have to work harder.
• 26:02
  SPEAKER_02: And she did.
• 26:03
  SPEAKER_02: And she's she went to the Olympics.
• 26:05
  SPEAKER_02: So, so uh I may have preached that.
• 26:08
  SPEAKER_02: You gave me some credit there, but you talk about guilty.
• 26:11
  SPEAKER_02: I read this, I thought, oh no.
• 26:13
  SPEAKER_02: I I did all of these.
• 26:15
  SPEAKER_02: I did all these with my kids.
• 26:16
  SPEAKER_02: I told them, well, I thought you were the best.
• 26:18
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, you were robbed.
• 26:20
  SPEAKER_02: Uh you know, gymnast, soccer's not all that important.
• 26:23
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, you're gonna win next time.
• 26:26
  SPEAKER_02: Oh man, did I blow it?
• 26:28
  SPEAKER_02: So, anyway, so um one more here in your chapter.
• 26:31
  SPEAKER_02: What makes a great teacher or parent?
• 26:33
  SPEAKER_02: This has to do with lowering standards.
• 26:35
  SPEAKER_02: I thought I thought when you mentioned this yesterday, that was a good point.
• 26:38
  SPEAKER_00: This is a really important thing.
• 26:39
  SPEAKER_00: I I substitute once in a while and uh see some of that in the in the public school system and definitely see a lowering of the standard so that hopefully you'll you know have a higher graduation percentage or higher passing rate or or whatever the case may be.
• 26:55
  SPEAKER_00: Even I heard one instance of somebody saying, Well, yeah, we're changing the standards this year, and we're not really focusing on spelling at all for the elementary kids, and you know, hopefully they'll because we just don't think it's that important.
• 27:11
  SPEAKER_00: It's like, wow, really?
• 27:15
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I guess we do have everything on the computer and everybody has a Chromebook, so you it'll autocorrect for you, and you don't really have to learn how to spell.
• 27:22
  SPEAKER_02: What's a Chromebook?
• 27:23
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm kidding.
• 27:24
  SPEAKER_00: That would be an example of lowering the standards, and she would say, that's not the right thing to do.
• 27:30
  SPEAKER_00: Raise the standards, don't raise it so high that they can't get to it, or don't raise it so high and not give them the tools and abilities to get there.
• 27:39
  SPEAKER_00: She would say, raise the standards, set the bar high, but then also give them the coaching, give them the tools, give them the things that they need so that if they put the effort forth, they can achieve those things.
• 27:52
  SPEAKER_00: But it's not uh just handing out papers, everybody gets to pass, lower the standards, push everybody through kind of thing.
• 27:59
  SPEAKER_00: Because ultimately it doesn't help.
• 28:01
  SPEAKER_02: Like what she said, she compared lowering the standards to overpraising students' intelligence, which is what we talked about.
• 28:08
  SPEAKER_02: Remember this slide from last week where we overpraise people and we praise them for their ability rather than effort.
• 28:16
  SPEAKER_02: So uh final chapter, this will be really quick.
• 28:18
  SPEAKER_02: Changing mindsets, she says, so you need to change your mindset, and how do you change your kids' mindsets and others?
• 28:24
  SPEAKER_02: And this will be quick.
• 28:26
  SPEAKER_02: She just says you you teach them to change the way they think, to change from saying I'm not good at this, to what am I missing?
• 28:33
  SPEAKER_02: From I give up to I'll use a different strategy, from it's good enough to is this really my best work?
• 28:40
  SPEAKER_02: From I can't make this any better to I can always improve, from this is too hard to this may take some time and so forth.
• 28:49
  SPEAKER_02: And to teach them to understand this sort of flow where by saying, I can get smarter, learning is my goal, effort makes me stronger, uh, I could spend more time and work harder, you end up with higher achievement.
• 29:02
  SPEAKER_02: And the whole thing is summarized this way a growth mindset means that you believe intelligence can be developed, you have a passion to learn, which means you embrace challenge, you learn from criticism, you keep going when things get tough.
• 29:16
  SPEAKER_02: You're inspired by the greatness in others, and you see effort as the path to mastery.
• 29:22
  SPEAKER_02: So this is her cry in the last chapter to move from a fixed to a growth mindset.
• 29:27
  SPEAKER_02: And uh closing verse, take us through this.
• 29:31
  SPEAKER_00: Do not be, we talked about this a couple weeks ago, do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your minds.
• 29:40
  SPEAKER_00: And so we see this in Romans 12.
• 29:43
  SPEAKER_00: This is, I think, a great principle that we can take into our spiritual lives of wherever we're at right now in our spirituality and our relationship with God and how much we know the scriptures or whatever, we can either take the fixed mindset approach that says, This is where I'm at, this is where I'm at.
• 30:02
  SPEAKER_00: It can't change.
• 30:03
  SPEAKER_00: I'm going to stay here.
• 30:04
  SPEAKER_00: There's going to be no growth, no effort.
• 30:06
  SPEAKER_00: Or we can say with a with the growth mindset, this is where I'm at, but I can grow.
• 30:12
  SPEAKER_00: I can grow more in my relationship with God.
• 30:14
  SPEAKER_00: I can grow more in obedience to his word, I can grow more in loving him, grow more in loving others.
• 30:20
  SPEAKER_00: And I know that there's godly men that are around me.
• 30:23
  SPEAKER_00: I know that I have the word, I know that I have the Holy Spirit, which are the tools to help me become more Christ-like and be transformed by changing our minds and not staying fixed in whatever we think or wherever we're at currently.
• 30:39
  SPEAKER_02: So, guess what book we've picked for next week?
• 30:42
  SPEAKER_02: Probably the last one you would expect because it seems to go against everything we've said.
• 30:47
  SPEAKER_02: Bobby Knight wrote the book called The Power of Negative Thinking.
• 30:52
  SPEAKER_02: And we're going to figure out what in that book fits and doesn't fit with what we've learned so far.
• 30:58
  SPEAKER_02: But it's the perfect book for, I mean, if you're, I I confess I'm a sports fanatic, and the only month of the year that can beat NFL playoffs is the month that's coming up, which is uh league championships, uh the tournaments, March Madness, and so forth.
• 31:15
  SPEAKER_02: So um, and if you think you can win in the uh, you know, I run uh first for a couple dozen people, I run one of these, you know, pick all the games in the March Madness.
• 31:24
  SPEAKER_02: If you think you can win that, feel free to enter.
• 31:26
  SPEAKER_02: But so we're gonna take this book next week, and you sent out a link to this, didn't you?
• 31:30
  SPEAKER_02: And I think I saw papers over there.
• 31:32
  SPEAKER_02: Yep.
• 31:33
  SPEAKER_02: So uh that'll be next week.
• 31:35
  SPEAKER_02: You don't want to miss it.
• 31:35
  SPEAKER_02: We're heading into March Madness, so we're heading into a month when Bobby Knight's old school is gonna be struggling to even make the NCAA playout uh tournament.
• 31:43
  SPEAKER_02: Group discussion starters today that tie in with these three chapters.
• 31:47
  SPEAKER_02: Number one, are you in a fixed mindset or a growth mindset workplace?
• 31:52
  SPEAKER_02: Is it a place where people are just judged or help to get better?
• 31:55
  SPEAKER_02: How can you make it more of a growth place?
• 31:58
  SPEAKER_02: Two, relationships after a rejection.
• 32:01
  SPEAKER_02: Do you feel judged, bitter, and vengeful?
• 32:04
  SPEAKER_02: Or do you feel hurt but hopeful of forgiving, learning, and moving on?
• 32:08
  SPEAKER_02: Three, parents, teachers, coaches.
• 32:10
  SPEAKER_02: How do you use praise?
• 32:12
  SPEAKER_02: Remember, every word and action sends a message.
• 32:15
  SPEAKER_02: Do your praise messages send a permanent message?
• 32:18
  SPEAKER_02: That's bad, or a growth message?
• 32:21
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, thank you.
• 32:22
  SPEAKER_00: Perfect.
• 32:23
  SPEAKER_00: Let's pray.
• 32:24
  SPEAKER_00: Heavenly Father, thanks for the ability to come together.
• 32:26
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for Jesus and the sacrifice on the cross.
• 32:29
  SPEAKER_00: Help us to hold on to that, remember the gospel every day.
• 32:33
  SPEAKER_00: Help us to have a growth mindset in all these different areas of life, but most importantly, in our relationship with you and how we we strive to love you, strive to become Christ like and strive to love others.
• 32:45
  SPEAKER_00: In Jesus' name.
• 32:46
  SPEAKER_00: Amen.