Latest / The Well / Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram Daily Podcast - How to Bring Out the Very Best in Others, Part 2

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Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram Daily Podcast - How to Bring Out the Very Best in Others, Part 2 · The Well

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Today on Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram.
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Is there someone in your life that has tons of
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potential, but they just aren't quite living
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up to it? Would you like four keys to bring out
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the very best in someone you love? Well, stick
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around. I'm Dave Drewy, and this is Living on
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the Edge with Chip Ingram. You know, nobody wakes
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up and decides to be mediocre, but plenty of
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good people get stuck there anyway, just waiting
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for something to change or somebody to believe
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in them. Today, Chip opens his Bible to 1 Thessalonians
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chapter 4, where the Apostle Paul hands us a
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short, practical approach for helping somebody
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become who God made them to be. It's part of
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our series, Building Authentic Community, How
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to Lift Up Those You Love. Well, here's Chip
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with today's message titled, How to Bring Out
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the Very Best in Others. We're going to learn
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that there's four keys to inspiring others, to
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bringing out the best in their life. The first
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one is you've got to motivate them. Motivation
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is not enough, though. Motivation without education
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is hype. You've got to raise the level, and then
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you have to give instruction and teaching so
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they can fulfill God's agenda. Apostle Paul is
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going to do that. He's writing to a group of
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people that are in an incredibly secular, I mean
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really secular world. Now, it is a place where
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sexual purity is unheard of. So notice what he
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says, verse 3. For it is God's will that you
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should be sanctified. The word means set apart,
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be holy, pure, undefiled. And then he elaborates,
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namely, that you should avoid or abstain sexual
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immorality. Verse 4, he says. Each of you should
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learn to control his own body or vessel in a
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way that is holy and honorable. He states it
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positively. Notice the negative side. He goes
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on to say, not by contrast and passionate lust
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like the heathen who do not know God. And so
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he tells it like it is and he tells it with conviction.
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Why? Because God's approved, because we're puritanical,
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because we haven't come out of the ice age. No,
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it's because God cares so much. In verses six
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through eight, he's going to give us three specific
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reasons why this is the smartest, most logical,
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beneficial thing for you and all the people you're
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trying to help. In verse six, he's going to teach
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us that why is because it harms others. In verse
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seven, he's going to say it's going to harm you.
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End of 7, he's going to say, it's inconsistent
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with your high calling. So let's look at it.
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Reason number 1, verse 6. And in this matter,
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what matter? In the matter of sexual purity,
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no one should wrong, it means trespass, sin against
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his brother or take advantage of him. That means
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defraud. See, Paul had this holistic view about
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life unlike us. He had this picture that, okay,
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there's all these men, there's all these women.
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If I get involved in immorality or you get involved
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in immorality and you sleep with this person,
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that person, this person, that person, and that
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person, and they sleep with this person, that
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person, and that person, the day is going to
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come when they marry someone. And when they marry
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that someone, God's plan, because sex is holy
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and sacred and he's actually for it. Don't let
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this out. He invented it. And he invented it
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for pleasure, procreation, and the joy of his
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children. It's not dirty. It's not evil. It's
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not bad. God's really pro -sex. But when you
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have it with other people, then the person who
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shows up at wedding night with someone else that
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you've had sex with is a used commodity. You've
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defrauded your brother. You've defrauded your
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sister. Second reason is not only does it harm
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others, but notice the next line, it will harm
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us. He goes on to say, the Lord will punish men
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for all such sins as we've already told you and
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we've warned you. He's saying it compassionately.
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Don't have sex outside of monogamous heterosexual
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relationship because there's a price tag. I'm
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just telling you. God is holy. He's not going
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to change his character. He loves you. He will
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forgive you. He's merciful. But people that have
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sex get AIDS. They get psychologically wounded.
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They damage future relationships. They ruin families.
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You know what? It's like gravity. You don't have
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to believe this. But once you jump off that fifth
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story building, the pain when you hit the pavement
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is about the same whether you believe in it or
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not. God is a wholly just God. And this command
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is to protect you. Notice the third compassionate
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reason. Verse 7, for God did not call us to be
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impure, but to live holy lives. He says, it's
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just inconsistent. God is holy. How can you live
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an impure, unholy life? Because you're called.
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You're one of his. He wants you to reflect his
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love and his nature and his character. It would
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just be, I mean, how could you do it? It's so
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inconsistent with your calling. And then notice
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verse 8, the summary. It says, therefore, he
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who rejects this instruction, what instruction?
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About sexual purity? It's a rejection of God
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who, notice present tense, gives you his Holy
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Spirit. At this point, there may be some of you
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that are saying, oh boy, might have been a good
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morning to sleep in. You know, like, losing.
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I know in a group this size, there's some people
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that are addicted to soap operas, romance novels,
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and pornography. I know in a group this size,
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some of you are involved in extramarital affairs.
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I know in a group this size, some of you, single
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people, are living with someone else. You need
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to hear, compassionately, but with conviction,
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what you're doing is wrong. What you're doing
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is sin and God loves you too much. And he's saying
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today, not tomorrow, not maybe. It's not like
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quitting, you know, smoking. You know, I get
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three packs and I get down to two and I get down
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to one. You know, this isn't one of those where
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you say, you know, I'm sleeping around three
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or four times a week. I'll cut back to two. I'm
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really making progress. This isn't one of those.
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This is one where you say today, I'm going to
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break off the relationship. I won't see her or
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him again. I won't do it in person because if
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you do it in person, you'll be right back into
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it. One phone call, one letter. That's it. I'm
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sorry. This means we're going to figure out how
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do we live apart. And don't give me that. We
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can't afford to live separately. You can afford
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to live under the judgment of a holy God. But
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you can't afford to live separately? Go to your
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closest friends and say, hey, if you love one
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another and it's the right person for you, can
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I live with you for a while? We need to figure
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out how to court and get our lives pure and right
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so we can get married. I don't know what you
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need to do. But you must take a drastic step.
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This is the kind of sin that Jesus said when
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he talked about sin. He said, if your hand causes
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you to sin, cut it off. If your eye causes you
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to sin, poke it out. Now, he didn't mean literally
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because you can sin with the other eye. He means
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be as drastic as you need to be to deal as radically
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as you need to because it will eat you up. Let
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me give you three very specific ways to respond
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to this and grow and overcome it because there's
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victory. First, get honest. Get honest. Of all
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the areas, boy, the first couple, three years
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of my Christian life, oh man. And not that I
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don't still struggle, but not in the same way.
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I'd go out with some girl and do some things
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I knew that was wrong. I'd think some things
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and be involved in some things and go some places.
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Oh, God, I'm so sorry. Please forgive me. And
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I felt dirty and cheap and guilty. Two days later,
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oh, God, please forgive me. Take it away. Take
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it away. I'm just so sorry. Four hours later,
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oh, God, you know, and it's driving me nuts.
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And I remember getting down, you know, thinking
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maybe if I kneel, maybe if I kneel, he'll hear
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me better, you know. Oh, God, you know, and I'm
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kneeling, I'm praying, you know, the same whining
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prayer about deliver me from my sexual sin and
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my lust and going over boundaries with girls
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that I know are wrong. And I didn't have a mystical
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experience, and I don't think it was an audible
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voice from God, but I heard the Spirit's prompting
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as clear, hey, Chip, hey, Chip, you don't want
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to quit. Hey, get real, Chip. It's not that you,
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what you don't like is the guilt and the consequences,
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but you not only don't want to quit, you like
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this sin, Ingram. In fact, you really dig it.
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In fact, you're getting addicted to it. Now,
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let me tell you something, Chip. The moment you
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get honest and you really want help, I'll help
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you. But let's not play games. Let's not pray
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prayers. Oh, God, God. Get honest. Ruthlessly
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honest. The 12 -step people have much to teach
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us here. Get to the point where you realize,
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hey, I can't do this. And that's step two. Get
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honest, then get desperate or broken. Get desperate.
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I mean, willpower does not have the power to
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deliver you from sexual sin. You can't overcome
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pornography or lust or romance novels or cut
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off an affair by, okay, I'm going to do it. You
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can't do it. It's too strong. But when you get
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desperate and say, oh, God, I remember I got
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the point. I said, God, I can't lick this. And
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I could almost sense heaven say, oh, great, we're
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finally on the same page. I knew you couldn't
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lick this. But when you get desperate and admit
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you can't do it, then you say, willpower? No,
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grace. God, give me grace. Give me power. Give
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me strength. He'll give it to you. Get help is
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number three. I don't believe you're designed
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to do this on your own. Our friend in the men's
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breakfast talked about first sharing his pornography
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problem straight up with his wife. And they began
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to pray about it as a couple. See, what happens
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is he's humbling himself, isn't he? When you
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humble yourself, what do you get? Grace. Grace
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always flows towards humility. God is always
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opposed to the proud. Biblical axiom. And then
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after that, he got together with three, four.
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I mean, key guys. And he said, I just put it
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on the table and said, guys, this is where I'm
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at. And he said, 50 % of the struggle was gone
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when I got honest with a group of other men.
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And he says, now they keep me accountable. He
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actually went very, you talk about cutting off
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your hand. He changed jobs. He said, I'm not
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traveling anymore. I decide I won't turn it on.
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I won't do this. It's an addiction. I'm not going
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to travel anymore. He switched jobs. What do
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you need to do? Now back to our message. Don't
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leave here feeling like the big heavy hand of
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God has come upon me. Hopefully that's happened
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if you're in sexual sin because it's big and
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it's heavy because you matter so much. He loves
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you so much. He doesn't want those consequences
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for you. And you know what? It's not like you're
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enhancing his reputation. You know, when you've
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got those issues and then you tell someone about
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Christ or tell them where you go to church, guess
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what their opinion is? Yeah, that's what I thought
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Christians were like. There's a lot at stake.
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I encourage you, before you walk out the doors
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today, determine what you will do before the
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creator of the universe about being sexually
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pure and clean. And you can leave forgiven, restored,
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and get tied in with others to help you gain
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victory. We're all in this boat together. Moving
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on, you motivate, you teach. Now notice he affirms
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them. And by the way, you need to hear this.
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He affirms them where? At the point of their
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greatest progress. And what I love too is that,
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you know, we don't often think about how could
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you talk about people struggling with sexual
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purity and then affirm them? Yeah. Yeah, because
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you know what? Sexual purity isn't the worst
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sin in the whole world. It's not a good one.
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And there's great consequences. But you know,
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I've got a good, good friend who's discipling
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a gal right now. And boy, she comes from just
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a pagan, pagan background. And she's really starting
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to grow spiritually and she's in the Bible and
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she's growing. And it just came out here after
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quite a time. She says, you know, I'm starting
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to get the feeling that God may not want my boyfriend
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and I to live together. Praise God. You know,
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we're in journey. We're in process. So look what
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he says. He says now about brotherly love. We
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don't need to write you for you yourselves have
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been taught by God how to love each other. And
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in fact, you do love all the brothers throughout
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Macedonia yet. We urge you, brothers, do so more
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and more. Do you get this? Right after. By the
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way, affirmation is an excellent thing to give
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right after you've had to do a hard teaching.
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Notice also that affirmation needs to be specific.
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He didn't say, yeah, you're a nice church and
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I hear some good reports. He takes the most valued
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behavior and their point of greatest progress
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and he specifically says, you are loving well.
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Man, am I proud of you. Your love is awesome.
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Way to go, Thessalonians. Wouldn't it be good
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to hear that after someone just busted you right
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between the eyes spiritually and you realize,
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wow. I mean, I'm not even on first base, actually,
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in terms of purity in my life as a Thessalonian.
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But you know, God's working in my whole life.
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And I'm going to deal with that. But that doesn't
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mean God doesn't care. And it doesn't mean Paul's
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down on me. It means he wants me to be the man
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or the woman for God's glory and my good that
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I can be. Affirmation then is followed by correction.
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And as we move to this last little section. This
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grows out of a misinterpretation and miscommunication
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possibly of some teaching the Apostle Paul did
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on the end times, on the return of Christ. And
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he taught, Jesus is coming back. Jesus is coming
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back. Just as he ascended, so he'll return. Well,
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what happened is at least part of the group heard
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this and thought to themselves, you know, it
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could be today. Well, that's right. It could
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be tomorrow. And then they looked around and
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thought, boy, this is a loving church. I mean,
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whenever you have a need, people just step up
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and take care of you. You need a meal, they give
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you a meal. And so a certain group that was starting
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to grow said, you know what? There's no use going
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to work today because Jesus may be back and I
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want to be kind of ready. And why go to work
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when all these other loving Christians can take
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care of me? But notice how correction comes after
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affirmation. By the way, that's a good way to
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do it. You need to affirm, encourage, and then...
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Correction needs to be, do you remember? You
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need to correct any attitude or action that is
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thwarting their spiritual progress. That means
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there's a lot of things you don't correct, parents,
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Chip. That means there's a lot of things that,
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you know, it's really not that big a deal. It
15:50
just bugs you. But if it's an attitude or an
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action that is thwarting their progress, then
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you correct. And when you correct, how do you
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do it? Do it after you affirm them. How do you
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do it? You do it practically, positively, and
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specifically. Paul's correction is, be responsible,
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make an impact. He could have said, hey, man,
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what's the deal? Bunch of loafers, bunch of slackers.
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You're not going to work. You've misinterpreted
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what I've said. Man, I'm up to here with you
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guys. Get a job. Now, that would have been true.
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That would have been true. But that's not how
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he did it. Notice how positively he does it.
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He says, verse 11, make it your ambition to do
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three things. lead a quiet life, two, to mind
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your own business, and three, to work with your
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hands, not highly esteemed in that day. Just
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as we told you. So he's reminding them. Now the
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first little thing here about their ambition,
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leading a quiet life doesn't mean that they shouldn't
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talk anymore. The opposite or antonym of this
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word is the restlessness that grows out of selfish
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ambition. So he says, it's not quiet, like don't
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say anything. It's quiet in terms of get your
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life focused on God's agenda instead of this
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restlessness that comes in trying to fulfill
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your own all the time. Secondly, he says, mind
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your own business. And that doesn't mean that,
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you know, you don't talk to other people and
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help them out. It says, hey, basically, you know,
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pay your own bills, take care of your own house,
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get your own life under control. And third, he
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gives them a practical way to do it. Get a job.
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And, you know, not just the jobs that you think
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are up here or there. He said, hey, he gives
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great dignity to working with your hands. Now,
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why? Why does he do that? He says there's two
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reasons. In order that or so that our daily life
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may win the respect of outsiders. Our testimony
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is on the line. And so that you will not be dependent
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on anyone. Hey, don't suck the life out of the
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group of the church. Get a job, support yourself.
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You know what? People who don't show up, people
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who don't work, people that are idle, that's
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not a good testimony. And so you see this inspirational
17:54
encourager, the Apostle Paul. And he sees this
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group like a diamond in the rough. And he sees
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them in this black pagan culture and he motivates
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them and he helps them see beyond their horizons.
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And then he teaches or instructs them in their
18:08
most strategic area of need. And then he affirms
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them in their area of greatest progress. And
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then finally he corrects them. Wouldn't it be
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great to be the person that someday someone in
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a small group or across a coffee table or in
18:23
a restaurant in casual conversation would say
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your name and then behind it say, they're the
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ones that made the big difference in my life.
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I wouldn't be here today without them. I had
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a big decision about such and such or such and
18:38
such and they told me the truth. I didn't like
18:41
it at first, but they cared enough to correct
18:43
me. They helped me see things I never dreamed
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I could do. And now I'm not only doing them,
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but I'm good at them. Wouldn't it be great? And
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it's possible if we would become inspirational
18:56
encouragers. As you flip to the back page, I
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think there's an order that's important. And
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the order is that you need to motivate before
19:06
you instruct. People don't want to learn until
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they see the vision. Next, we need to instruct
19:13
before we affirm. You want to affirm the teaching
19:17
and the behavior when they respond to the Lord
19:19
and to Scripture. Third, we must affirm before
19:23
we correct. People need to know they're loved.
19:27
Kind of the trust needs to go in before the truth
19:29
goes on. And then finally, we need to correct
19:33
with the motivation in view. Ultimately, where
19:36
did Paul? He started with, you live lives pleasing
19:39
to God. And he ended with, Live a life so that
19:43
your daily life would be a testimony to others,
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what? That you're pleasing God. What a thought
19:49
today that every person in this room, by the
19:53
grace of the Lord Jesus, can please the eternal
19:56
God of the universe. Two questions before you
20:00
leave. Who's the person that you could be a mentor
20:05
to who needs your inspiration? And for some of
20:10
you, Who's the person you would like to be like
20:12
that you might ask this week to help you grow?
20:15
Even if they can only meet once a month with
20:16
you, to ask them. Would you help motivate and
20:20
teach and affirm and correct my life? And then
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finally, you can't impart what you don't possess.
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Where's God spoken to you today? And for many,
20:30
it's in that area of sexuality. Let's kind of
20:33
bring it back. You can't do for anyone else until
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God does something. Radical in you. So if you
20:41
need to confess your sin, need to repent, need
20:45
to get broken, you tell God you're sorry, do
20:48
it right now. Because a half hour from now, it
20:52
will be foggy. And you'll have nine reasons why
20:55
it's sort of okay. Right now in this room, the
20:56
Spirit of God is working and you know what's
20:58
right. Do it. Just take the first step and God
21:02
will give you the grace to take the next three.
21:06
You're listening to Living on the Edge with Chip
21:09
Ingram and a message titled, How to Bring Out
21:11
the Very Best in Others. Right now, we're in
21:14
a series called Building Authentic Community,
21:16
How to Lift Up Those You Love. And if you ever
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want to revisit one of these encouraging lessons,
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just go online to livingontheedge .org. You can
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wherever you listen. And if you want to hear
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the original full -length sermons, subscribe
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to the Chip Ingram Sermon Podcast. Bringing out
21:39
the very best in someone only works if you genuinely
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love them enough to do the work Chip talked about
21:45
today. Well, that's exactly the kind of love
21:48
Chip explores in his book, I Choose Love. As
21:51
Victor Hugo once wrote, the greatest happiness
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of life is the conviction that we are loved,
21:57
loved in spite of ourselves. And Chip shows that
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this kind of love, what the Bible calls agape
22:03
love, isn't about warm feelings or good intentions.
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It's a decision to sacrifice for somebody else's
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best interest. The same love Scripture promises
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never fails. Get your copy of I Choose Love at
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.org or by calling us at 888 -333 -6003. You
22:39
can also send your gift by mail to Living on
22:41
the Edge, P .O. Box 3007, Sewanee, Georgia 30024.
22:47
Well, now here's Chip Ingram. Webster says inspiration
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is to breathe life upon, to infuse, to stimulate,
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to impel to some creative or effective effort.
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He says it means to cause, to guide, to communicate
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or motivate by a divine or supernatural influence.
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Now what we've been examining together is a model
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of inspiration that comes right out of God's
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Word. Paul loved the Thessalonians. He's writing
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this letter and he gave them some good doctrine.
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But what we see here is four keys to inspiration.
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And so as we close our time, let me give you
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the cliff notes on this, all right? You want
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to inspire someone. You want to help someone
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really reach their full potential. Number one,
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motivate them. Don't assume they're going to
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be motivated. Motivate them. Give them a shot
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in the arm. Appeal to the highest level of meaning
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and purpose. Say, you can do it. And set the
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bar high. Number two. Teach them. So often we
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motivate, but we don't take the time to really
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teach people the what, the specifics of what
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they need to do, the skills they need to master
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in order to be successful. That takes time. Don't
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skip that. Number three, affirm them. Every time
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you see people making progress, you need to literally
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jump up and down, give them a pat on the back,
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verbally affirm them. Your kids, your friends,
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people can reach their full potential. but they've
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got to believe that someone believes in them.
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You can be that person. And number four, correct
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them. This is a tough one, but you need and I
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need to step in when they get off the mark, make
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it brief, be to the point, be specific, and correct
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them. And you follow these four keys of inspiration,
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moms and dads, I'll tell you what, your kids
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want to do what's good. So what do you do? Motivate,
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teach, affirm, and correct. Paul teaches us this
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little profile to inspire people. Join us next
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time when Ship continues our series on building
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authentic community right here on Living on the
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Edge. Today's program is produced and sponsored
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by Living on the Edge.