Latest / The James Granstrom Podcast - Super Soul Model series / Master Emotional Intelligence: Unlock Success & Stronger Relationships

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Master Emotional Intelligence: Unlock Success & Stronger Relationships · The James Granstrom Podcast - Super Soul Model series

• 0:01
  Speaker 1: Have you ever wondered why some people succeed yet others really struggle?
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: And the answer to that means they may have a different level of intelligence.
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: And I don't mean IQ, I mean EQ.
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: And that EQ means emotional intelligence.
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: Welcome to the Super Soul Model series, where I help you tune and tap into your natural state of well-being.
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: In this episode, we're discussing the topic of emotional intelligence and why some people have it and some people don't.
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: And if you're feeling like perhaps you're lacking emotional intelligence, don't worry, I've got your back because I'm going to share with you how you can develop it.
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: I spent years studying emotional intelligence, which was first coined back in early 1990 by two gentlemen who wrote the paper on emotional intelligence coining that phrase and they were Peter Saloni and John D Mayer which then, five years later, was actually popularized by a gentleman who wrote a book Emotional Intelligence why Does it Matter?
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: And his name was Daniel Goldman.
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: And what I'm excited to share with you in this episode is how emotional intelligence can transform your life, can transform your relationships, can transform your career, can transform you as a human being into becoming a better leader.
• 1:27
  Speaker 1: There's not one area of life that won't thrive when you understand your emotional intelligence, because our emotions are what make us human, and when we're able to govern them, when we're able to master them, we become the best versions of ourselves.
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: So I'm looking forward to diving deep about this topic with you in this episode.
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: So what is emotional intelligence?
• 1:51
  Speaker 1: Emotional intelligence is the ability to recognize, understand and manage your emotions and your emotional state, and it's also the ability to recognize and understand and influence the emotional state of other human beings.
• 2:06
  Speaker 1: So what are the five components of emotional intelligence?
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: Number one it's self-awareness.
• 2:11
  Speaker 1: Self-awareness meaning knowing your emotions and their impact on others.
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: Number two self-regulation managing emotions in healthy ways.
• 2:20
  Speaker 1: Number three motivation harnessing your emotions to pursue your goals.
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: Number four empathy understanding and sharing the feelings of other.
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: And number five social skills managing relationships and building networks.
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: So what is emotional intelligence and why does it matter?
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: The reason why emotional intelligence matter is because studies have shown that we actually perform better once we have a certain level of understanding within ourselves and how we relate to other people.
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: We are not robots, meaning we are not human doings.
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: We are human beings, and sometimes, when we're emotional, we don't think logically.
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: Then we're using our emotions to make choices that perhaps we wouldn't normally make if we were centered, because when we're centered emotionally meaning emotional intelligence it means that we would make good choices.
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: But we don't always make good choices because sometimes those emotional overrides take over us, which is why we can make poor choice making when we don't feel great.
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: I've seen it time and time again in my life, but I've also seen it in success, and some of the best people we can witness to hold this idea as true are athletes.
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: Sometimes athletes that we revere the most make amazing choices on match point or when they're a set point down in a game of tennis.
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: I've seen it with Roger Federer, I've seen it with Rafa Nadal, I've seen it with Novakerer, I've seen it with Rafa Nadal, I've seen it with Novak Djokovic.
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: We revere people who are emotionally centered, which means in their gut, listening to their intuition, and it's so easy for us to judge other people but are not really understanding how they've been feeling when making such a choice.
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: Which is why some other athletes, although good, are not at that very high top echelon of the game, because they're not being able to respond in a centered, emotionally intelligent way.
• 4:14
  Speaker 1: Which is why this theory that emotional intelligence is important as IQ, if not more important, because when we are under pressure, how do we really perform?
• 4:25
  Speaker 1: That's why emotional intelligence is so, so important and significant.
• 4:29
  Speaker 1: So the studies have shown that eq meaning emotional intelligence it actually contributes to a greater level of success.
• 4:37
  Speaker 1: So much so that there's a study that shows that 32 percent of people with emotional intelligence tend to succeed more than just the norm, and that's because they have this human understanding, this human understanding of their emotional well-being, their emotional center and the ability to try and put themselves in other people's shoes, yet still remaining centered to their own cause.
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: This is incredibly powerful.
• 5:03
  Speaker 1: A story I would like to share is a challenge I had fairly recently, and it was a property deal that I was doing, and what we wanted to do was come to a common agreement, and yet both of us came from two different points of view and all we wanted to do was get the deal done.
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: But there was emotions involved, there was a lot of money involved, and so how do we find the best win-win scenario when we feel both right in our own way?
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: And the answer is we want to come from a calm, poised perspective where everybody wins, and so that's really what I worked on, and I had one or two sleepless nights, trying to get to this point of feeling emotionally centered, so I could make an emotionally intelligent suggestion and offer so that both parties could win in this property deal, and that's when great success came about, because we both wanted the same thing.
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: We both wanted to feel calm and safe, given the amount of money that was being transferred between us, and we both wanted to make sure that there was security involved.
• 6:09
  Speaker 1: This happens all the time in business and in our real life, but ultimately, what we're really looking for is a calm, centered outlook, because calm and steady always wins the race.
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: So let's look at some practical ways in which you can develop your emotional intelligence, because, remember, when you're developing your emotional intelligence, you're developing the skills that will help you succeed in life.
• 6:31
  Speaker 1: Again, remember that statistic 32% of people go on to perform and succeed even greater because they have emotional intelligence.
• 6:40
  Speaker 1: It's like having another skill in your back pocket when you're showing up in day-to-day life and one of the most important things in your life is your relationships.
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: So having emotional intelligence is going to serve you incredibly well.
• 6:52
  Speaker 1: So let's look at the first way in which you could develop emotional intelligence, and that would be to first become self-aware.
• 6:59
  Speaker 1: Now, when I wasn't self-aware and I was asking the question there's got to be a bit more to life than what I'm living and what I'm looking at I was led to learn how to meditate and this might be the perfect way for you to start to become a little bit more self-aware, because when you quiet the mind, all the emotions begin to rise and when they arise, eventually they spill out and what's left is this beautiful still pond inside of your mind.
• 7:23
  Speaker 1: But at the beginning, when you have a meditation practice, it's like all hell breaks loose.
• 7:28
  Speaker 1: Initially because there's so many emotions rising to the surface and thoughts and your mind is just full of stuff.
• 7:35
  Speaker 1: But eventually, when the mind settles down and it becomes still, you begin to hear the clarity come through.
• 7:42
  Speaker 1: But on top of a meditation practice, you could become more mindful.
• 7:48
  Speaker 1: Meaning in every action that you're taking.
• 7:50
  Speaker 1: Are you present to that action?
• 7:52
  Speaker 1: And one of the ways you can do that in really small and incremental ways is when you're having a cup of tea or making a cup of coffee.
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: Be really present with every action that you're taking.
• 8:02
  Speaker 1: Think about the cup that you're pulling out, the cupboard, the hot water that you're boiling, the coffee that you're putting in the cup, the sugar that you're putting in the cup, every action that you're boiling, the coffee that you're putting in the cup, the sugar that you're putting in the cup, every action that you're taking.
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: Be really mindful of that In this mundane everyday task.
• 8:21
  Speaker 1: Often people think about other things whilst they're doing that.
• 8:24
  Speaker 1: How often when you've been driving are you thinking about other things rather than being present on the road?
• 8:29
  Speaker 1: Because when you're driving it's like this other part of you is taking control, so your mind can be free.
• 8:36
  Speaker 1: But usually what happens to become more emotionally intelligent is we've got to learn how to become more present.
• 8:41
  Speaker 1: Meditation does that.
• 8:42
  Speaker 1: Becoming more present in the simple, mundane tasks like washing dishes or making coffee.
• 8:47
  Speaker 1: That is another way to become present, and also another way you could do it is to have and keep a journal of the emotions that you're feeling throughout the day, because when you can feel your emotions and recognize how you were feeling and you write them down, this equates to having your first level of self-awareness.
• 9:04
  Speaker 1: The second way you can develop emotional intelligence is by self-regulation.
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: Is by self-regulation, and that might mean taking longer deep breaths throughout your day, because as you're doing that, you're slowing down the cortisol in your system.
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: You're becoming more present.
• 9:20
  Speaker 1: Long, deep breaths equate to more oxygen going into your system and it lowers the frequency of your brainwaves and usually your waking state, which is your beta brainwave state, which is quite a fast brain cycle.
• 9:35
  Speaker 1: When you begin to slow it down through deep breathing you can enter alpha, which is a waking state, but you're in the flow.
• 9:43
  Speaker 1: This helps you become a lot more present athlete, become so graceful in their sport, or a tennis player or a swimmer or a gymnast or any time that you've ever had those green lights in your life where you've glided through the day and things have just gone very smoothly for you.
• 10:04
  Speaker 1: What you'll have noticed is you spent more time in this alpha rhythm, this brain wave, where you've been in flow by self-regulating through deeper breaths.
• 10:15
  Speaker 1: And one of the things that I absolutely love is breathing in for three and exhaling for five and doing a few rounds of this.
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: What this actually does is just steady the mind.
• 10:27
  Speaker 1: Also, if you're under stress, you could breathe in with a double inhale and a long exhale and you do about 20 breaths of that, which takes about a minute.
• 10:39
  Speaker 1: That actually slows your brainwaves down and helps you enter that flow state.
• 10:44
  Speaker 1: By self-regulating, you also develop greater emotional intelligence, and the reason being is because you're recognizing that your emotions are always being reflected through every interaction that you have throughout your day.
• 10:57
  Speaker 1: The better you feel, the more you're in harmony with your emotions.
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: The worse you feel, the more your emotions are out of check.
• 11:05
  Speaker 1: And another way that you could become and develop greater emotional intelligence with your self-regulation it could be to take a pause before reacting to anything.
• 11:15
  Speaker 1: When a phone rings, take your time before you answer it.
• 11:18
  Speaker 1: If you choose to answer it in this moment, before someone says something to you, take your time and pause before you answer.
• 11:26
  Speaker 1: When you take your time, you come from a position of emotional centeredness that is self-regulation.
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: You come from a position of emotional centeredness that is self-regulation, and with that we hold our power rather than giving away to knee-jerk reaction.
• 11:38
  Speaker 1: Number four empathy.
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: This is another way we can develop greater emotional intelligence.
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: When we put ourselves in other people's shoes, what we're actually doing is learning to feel how they feel, and this is one of the greatest ways we can end conflicts by trying to put ourselves in other people's shoes as to why they make the choices that they make, and this is so important when we are trying to find win-wins, when we're trying to find the best common ground, we need to try and empathize with other people initially, and having empathy doesn't mean being a walkover.
• 12:14
  Speaker 1: Empathy just means I can understand how those other people are feeling, but that doesn't mean I'm going to take all their emotions on me.
• 12:23
  Speaker 1: When I was growing up, I was highly empathetic, and if any of you are listening and are highly empathetic, one of the key things is to understand that it's okay that other people don't feel great, but it's also not your job to fix them.
• 12:36
  Speaker 1: But it is perhaps a great job to listen, and in listening listening you are then helping the healing process.
• 12:44
  Speaker 1: But it's really imperative that if you are becoming highly empathetic, which leads to greater emotional intelligence, it almost certainly means that you also have to have healthy boundaries in place as well, so that you don't feel that your warmth is being taken advantage of.
• 13:02
  Speaker 1: It's okay to be able to put yourself in other people's shoes, but there's also a line that people shouldn't cross with you, and that is what I would call self-respect.
• 13:11
  Speaker 1: So having emotional intelligence is the ability to make some great choices, but also having your needs met as well, whilst others are having their needs met.
• 13:20
  Speaker 1: So try actively listening to others without interjecting, so that they can get their feelings across.
• 13:26
  Speaker 1: And usually what happens is when you're actively listening to somebody, you're just letting them speak it out.
• 13:31
  Speaker 1: And more recently I was having a chat with somebody and they were just so happy that I just listened to them and there was no retort, there was no response from me.
• 13:43
  Speaker 1: I said was is there anything else you'd like to say?
• 13:45
  Speaker 1: And they felt so heard.
• 13:47
  Speaker 1: Because you know, the most important things that we need as human beings is to feel heard, to be seen and to be appreciated and acknowledged.
• 13:54
  Speaker 1: And sometimes, when we're not heard, that is when we get emotionally out of balance, and that is such an important aspect of us, not only as human beings, but in our relationships as well.
• 14:07
  Speaker 1: So be mindful and be an active listener, which means you're not interjecting in conversation.
• 14:14
  Speaker 1: It means you're allowing the other person to really share themselves and their feelings with you.
• 14:21
  Speaker 1: Particularly us men, we need to be able to really listen to the feminine energy without trying to fix them.
• 14:27
  Speaker 1: If any of you ladies are listening, how often do you like to just be heard, without being fixed with a solution by your man?
• 14:35
  Speaker 1: It's so important as us men that we allow the female energy to just allow that emotion to flow.
• 14:42
  Speaker 1: Us men tend to be more logical and women tend to be more emotional, but when we become more emotionally intelligent and intelligent as human beings, then we've got a lovely balance.
• 14:54
  Speaker 1: This becomes a nice female and masculine balanced energy, and this actually helps society grow and evolve to a higher conscious level.
• 15:02
  Speaker 1: And last but not least, another way you can develop emotional intelligence is by having great social skills, and having great social skills requires this clear and concise communication with a little warmth.
• 15:14
  Speaker 1: This is really important.
• 15:16
  Speaker 1: If we show that we have levels of competence, we are respected.
• 15:20
  Speaker 1: If we show that we have levels of warmth, we're loved.
• 15:25
  Speaker 1: But to be a great conscious leader and become a better human being, we need to show that we're both competent, which is meaning we're clear and concise and have healthy boundaries, whilst demonstrating a warmth, which shows emotional intelligence.
• 15:41
  Speaker 1: At the top tiers of clients and people that I tend to work with, I noticed that the trust circles are really really small, and that's because people need to demonstrate a competence, but they also need to demonstrate a warmth, and the greatest leaders demonstrate both of these things, not one of these things, and it's one thing to be liked, but it's another thing to be competent, and if you're not competent, you're not going to be listened to.
• 16:07
  Speaker 1: So if you're not feeling heard or you're not feeling listened to, it's probably because you're not being clear and concise and you're not demonstrating a level of competence in your life, in your social skills.
• 16:18
  Speaker 1: And if you're finding yourself being too nice, that is offering warmth where people want to offload emotions on you.
• 16:25
  Speaker 1: But that's about as far as it goes.
• 16:27
  Speaker 1: So having competence and warmth helps you become not only a better leader but a more respected member of the community, better partner, all of those things.
• 16:37
  Speaker 1: So this week, when a stressful situation presents itself, try doing this exercise, try pausing before responding to anything.
• 16:46
  Speaker 1: I have this thing that when people call me, I tend not to pick up the phone unless I know for sure I'm in a good mood, which means I'm in my emotional center, because anything on the end of that line won't be helpful and I'll just be reacting to the energy that I'm feeling in the moment.
• 17:02
  Speaker 1: So often I wait 15-20 minutes and I get myself in a steady, accepting, better place than in that high stressful state, and then I notice that my conversation is far more productive.
• 17:14
  Speaker 1: When I was talking earlier about that property deal that I was doing, I needed to really take my time and I chose to sleep on it before I got on the phone the next day to try and find a common win-win scenario.
• 17:27
  Speaker 1: That was really important and I noticed I felt so much better and even the person I was dealing with was so grateful that we'd taken the time to be calm, clear and concise with our deal that we were both in on.
• 17:40
  Speaker 1: You will always are in a position of power.
• 17:43
  Speaker 1: When you take time before you respond because response means to be response able, responsible, rather than to react Then maybe when you just react, you're going to say something that you may regret this week.
• 17:56
  Speaker 1: I challenge you to try one of the things I've shared in this episode to enhance your emotional intelligence.
• 18:02
  Speaker 1: Now you're not going to be amazing out the starting gate, but just pick one and try and go with it.
• 18:07
  Speaker 1: Maybe it's pausing before you speak, or maybe it's journaling, or maybe it's trying to put yourself in other people's shoes before you make a response.
• 18:17
  Speaker 1: This is going to be really, really powerful for you.
• 18:20
  Speaker 1: Just remember emotional intelligence isn't something you were born with.
• 18:24
  Speaker 1: It's something that you have to cultivate.
• 18:25
  Speaker 1: It's almost a bit like cultivating a sense of patience as well, and we tend to always revere the people who are emotionally steady, and that probably is because they're really demonstrating emotional intelligence.
• 18:41
  Speaker 1: When we become more self-disciplined, more self-control, developing some of these areas, you're going to recognize that your life is going to improve and thrive beyond anything you could ever imagine.
• 18:54
  Speaker 1: If you think someone will benefit from this episode number one, please subscribe.
• 18:58
  Speaker 1: And number two, please share it with them, because when you share this type of information with other people, you're actually creating positive ripple effects in the people and the sphere of influence that you have.
• 19:11
  Speaker 1: This is incredibly empowering and will create a better future for other people to also enjoy.
• 19:17
  Speaker 1: Peace isn't outside of us, it's inside of us, and if we want to enjoy a more peaceful, happy future, it starts with you now.
• 19:27
  Speaker 1: Until the next episode, I wish you a wonderful week ahead and green lights all the way.