Latest / SisterSmart Leadership / 35: Handling Challenges as a Leader Without Getting Caught Up in Mind Drama with Wendy

Transcript

35: Handling Challenges as a Leader Without Getting Caught Up in Mind Drama with Wendy · SisterSmart Leadership

• 0:00
  Wendy: I grew up in a place where I just didn't want to rock the boat and
• 0:03
  I want everyone to be happy and shiny.
• 0:05
  And that's not always the case.
• 0:08
  And I've seen different opportunities where it's.
• 0:10
  having a meeting and it's going sideways and it's not what I think it should be.
• 0:15
  And it's uncomfortable, but to be okay in that uncomfortableness and not knowing.
• 0:20
  And we did end up getting to a better place, but I think it's, you know,
• 0:24
  I think I had one flavor of everyone must be happy and, get along and
• 0:29
  kubaya when that's not really life.
• 0:31
  And I think it's just finding those it's okay to be uncomfortable to let others be
• 0:36
  uncomfortable and to get to the solution.
• 0:40
  Jill Avey: I'm Jill Avey, a career success coach, and this is Sister
• 0:43
  Smart Leadership, the show that explores how women can rise from
• 0:47
  director to vice president and beyond by fully leaning into their feminine
• 0:51
  energy as their biggest advantage.
• 0:54
  Let's get you one step closer to the recognition and promotion you deserve.
• 0:59
  Jill: goes through the Sisters in Leadership program in their own way.
• 1:02
  We have a proprietary curriculum that I created based on my research with
• 1:06
  women leaders to solve the biggest problems that are preventing women
• 1:09
  from moving up in their careers.
• 1:11
  I know that this knowledge is powerful in setting women up to succeed for the rest
• 1:15
  of their careers because I've seen how it shifts their thinking as we work together.
• 1:20
  And in the sisters in leadership program, we also have a community
• 1:23
  aspect where we gather together and the members learn from each other
• 1:26
  as much as they do from my coaching.
• 1:28
  Most clients do a mix of both, but everyone has their own style.
• 1:32
  Some never come to a community session and that's okay.
• 1:36
  When my guest Wendy was forced into a job search shortly after starting our
• 1:39
  program, she prioritized her search over the modules and leaned into the community.
• 1:44
  I'll admit that once or twice I even worried that she wasn't getting anything
• 1:47
  from her time with us because I could see that she hadn't gotten very far in
• 1:50
  the curriculum, but I also noticed that she'd been one of our most consistent
• 1:54
  session attendees and a regular contributor in the online community.
• 1:59
  Then she got her new role and I could see that she has grown in leaps
• 2:02
  and bounds through her commitment to participating in the community.
• 2:05
  She's a totally different leader than when we started, a different person
• 2:09
  really, and I can't wait for you to meet her to hear how that all happened.
• 2:13
  Welcome to the show, Wendy.
• 2:16
  Wendy: I'm so happy to be here.
• 2:18
  Jill: Thanks.
• 2:18
  It's great to have you.
• 2:20
  So when you think back to when we first started working together, when
• 2:23
  you joined the Sister Smart program, what were you experiencing that made
• 2:27
  you realize that you needed to have something to take you to the next level?
• 2:32
  Wendy: I was in a role when I first came and it was a role that I had taken to
• 2:37
  work alongside of someone I knew, but I knew it was a role that was a little bit
• 2:42
  shooting lower wasn't shooting higher.
• 2:44
  And I think it did set me up and I had a lot of frustration being
• 2:48
  in that role and the person that I
• 2:50
  was hoping to work under, was let go right before I got there.
• 2:55
  So it's a kind of a weird situation, but I, I think it was there that I
• 3:01
  realized how much I was focusing on what I didn't want and what I didn't like
• 3:05
  and not a lot of runway to understand what I wanted, where I wanted to go
• 3:10
  and, it was just, wanted some help to understand what pathway to take or how
• 3:17
  to build that mind shift to go into a direction of where I want to rather,
• 3:21
  because it was pretty clear in what I didn't want because I feel like I was
• 3:25
  feeding on that a lot and frustrated, like bonded over, had full conversations,
• 3:32
  full friendships around that.
• 3:33
  And.
• 3:34
  I don't know, something just, I think I had gotten your message, you know, seeing
• 3:38
  you on Facebook and just kept coming back to it and decided to take the plunge.
• 3:44
  Like it's, why not?
• 3:45
  What am I waiting for?
• 3:47
  Jill: Yeah.
• 3:47
  Oh, that's fantastic.
• 3:49
  looking back at that time, it's been about a year now.
• 3:52
  What do you think was really blocking you from getting that
• 3:55
  recognition that you deserve?
• 3:57
  Wendy: was thinking about this, like that first module, I know to me is more like
• 4:01
  the foundation and I do think it goes deep and there was a fight for me to get there.
• 4:06
  I really do see that.
• 4:08
  I feel like I spent a lot of time looking for that affirmation out here,
• 4:14
  and I think it was wrestling of my own self to be able to go sit down and
• 4:19
  look and see what was great about me like, and during that coursework one.
• 4:25
  Since I am in the creative field and sensitive and surroundings
• 4:28
  are really important for me.
• 4:30
  So it was during the summer and I went out in the garage and sat there
• 4:33
  and played the videos and journaled.
• 4:35
  But it was like, I had to go to a different location
• 4:39
  to sit down and do that.
• 4:41
  And I found it I met myself there, if that makes sense.
• 4:45
  I think it brought a pathway to bring some of that greatness within
• 4:49
  me, back in me, that makes, if.
• 4:52
  To trust myself and to see my the strengths and focusing on what's good
• 4:57
  and where I want to go and kind of what makes me tick rather than just so like
• 5:02
  wrestling with what's wrong with me.
• 5:04
  Jill: Yeah, I really saw that.
• 5:05
  I really saw you like step into who you are through the time that
• 5:10
  you've been here and really allow your brilliance and your, what's
• 5:14
  beautiful about you to come out more.
• 5:16
  Wendy: I do,
• 5:17
  Jill: felt to you?
• 5:18
  Wendy: yeah, I mean, it was worth it, but I realized when I say it was a fight,
• 5:22
  I think it was a fight just to sit down and do it because I do feel like there's.
• 5:26
  I don't know, I think there's treasures in there that you find
• 5:29
  and you miss them if you don't give yourself that time to just be there.
• 5:33
  It's, it was really a gift and in a way I'm glad I had, during this
• 5:37
  program I lost my role, I lost my job and I had a lot more free time
• 5:42
  and did focus on the job search.
• 5:44
  I think some of it too, my role or what I did was really a big part of my identity
• 5:49
  and then you don't have that to go to every, it, I had all this space, but I
• 5:55
  also think I had to face that, I guess, or I don't know if it was all logical.
• 6:00
  I don't think I was logically like, Oh, let me go through that.
• 6:03
  I think it was more like you have the emotions and stuff
• 6:06
  and I, to be able to sit down.
• 6:08
  I think you're the module one really provided the structure to be able
• 6:12
  to walk through and walk through to get you to the other side.
• 6:16
  And I think it was, to me, I felt it was amazing.
• 6:19
  It was like going to the spa for your insides.
• 6:21
  Jill: Yes, it is.
• 6:23
  It is.
• 6:24
  And a program helps you carve out that time that you wouldn't take
• 6:27
  for yourself otherwise, it sounds like, that really helps for you.
• 6:32
  Wendy: Yeah.
• 6:32
  Cause I think it's very easy to get busy.
• 6:34
  Or to do.
• 6:35
  I think I'm a big doer.
• 6:37
  It's easy to get lost in doing or you're comfortable in doing, but I think it's
• 6:42
  also giving yourself that time to just receive or, and I feel like a lot of it
• 6:47
  was a mind shift of, to me, it came to the point where, are you going to believe it?
• 6:53
  Are you going to believe you can do all the affirmations and all that
• 6:56
  stuff, but there's, it's really coming to the, are you going to believe that
• 7:00
  you have it, you trust what you got?
• 7:02
  you know, There's no one else out there like me.
• 7:04
  I have my own secret sauce and it's one thing to Say it, but I think
• 7:09
  it's another recently started taking sailing lessons and I think, reading
• 7:14
  how to sail is great and you get some information, but there's another
• 7:19
  point of like on the water sailing.
• 7:21
  And it's really about taking what you know and navigating and trusting.
• 7:27
  And, I have all those things.
• 7:28
  I'm afraid of the wind.
• 7:29
  I don't know what I'm doing.
• 7:31
  I have the self talk, but you're out there navigating it doing it.
• 7:35
  And I think a lot of times I wanted that.
• 7:37
  I wanted to know that I had it before I went out on the water.
• 7:41
  And so I think it's taking that leap of faith to believe who you are, what you
• 7:46
  are, what you want, all of those things.
• 7:49
  And it's a mind shift because it really is, you have to let go of
• 7:53
  the old in order to receive new.
• 7:55
  And I feel like in a way I was, I wanted to believe what was wrong with
• 8:00
  me, but put on the new and you have to let go of that old in order to
• 8:03
  put that new in there and go for it.
• 8:09
  So I feel like that was a shift that happened that Sisters in
• 8:13
  Leadership definitely helped.
• 8:15
  Move me toward.
• 8:16
  And I think the sessions with the people I'm definitely more I'd much rather call
• 8:20
  someone on the phone than message them.
• 8:22
  So I'm already like a connector.
• 8:24
  I think just similar to on the water sailing, it was great to say, oh, this
• 8:30
  is how I would handle this problem.
• 8:33
  But when things came up in the group and it was even.
• 8:36
  Like minutia stuff that, you've all tripped over.
• 8:39
  Like I've definitely tripped over, you're left out of a meeting, and
• 8:42
  it's well, how do you handle it?
• 8:44
  And it was just interesting to see your own reaction of what you would
• 8:49
  do, but then to see everyone else's reaction, it's easier almost to see it.
• 8:54
  And then yourself and to see the different perspectives and how they would do it.
• 8:57
  And to me, it was almost like on the water sailing and the sense you've got to.
• 9:02
  see it in real time than it's just being like a concept.
• 9:07
  So it was, really.
• 9:08
  I found them very, or I do find them very valuable when people are honest and
• 9:13
  share and vulnerable to be able to see, Oh, A, number one, I'm not the only one
• 9:19
  that feels left out of a meeting and B, like how different people push it.
• 9:23
  And it's just seeing my own you know what, that person probably didn't do it
• 9:27
  on purpose, but you know, you can see how you take offense or all those things that
• 9:31
  come out that are in there that you don't.
• 9:34
  examine or realize or want to look at all that stuff.
• 9:38
  It's a great forum to be able to see that and experience it, see it, talk
• 9:45
  about it, call it out in others, share, support, all of those things.
• 9:50
  Jill: And so session after session, you just get this topic, that
• 9:53
  topic, and it builds on itself.
• 9:55
  Wendy: Yeah.
• 9:56
  Yeah, definitely.
• 9:57
  Definitely.
• 9:58
  And I think it's a support I mean, I feel like after you could see the
• 10:03
  weight come off of people's shoulders when they talk about it and feel it, or
• 10:07
  honest, and yeah, just, there's something magical that happens in that space.
• 10:12
  Jill: It is.
• 10:12
  And it's often somebody's only place that they can talk about these kinds of things
• 10:17
  because we can't be so honest at work.
• 10:20
  Even with our best friends at work, we still can't tell them everything, but
• 10:24
  this is a space where you can really
• 10:26
  Wendy: Yeah.
• 10:27
  It's true.
• 10:28
  Jill: How about have you built any relationships in the community as far as
• 10:31
  like kind of expanding your network and
• 10:34
  Wendy: I have.
• 10:34
  So there's a person in LA that I connected with off the bat.
• 10:38
  I think it was very much.
• 10:40
  One of the first experiences on the call and she was talking about her boss
• 10:45
  and how frustrated she was and you know that she was going to quit and all.
• 10:49
  And there was just something I really resonated with her and I
• 10:54
  found myself crying in the call and I just, I think part of it is like,
• 10:58
  I want what you have, but it's.
• 11:00
  I'm a firm believer if you see it in someone else, it's because you have it.
• 11:03
  because otherwise you wouldn't recognize it.
• 11:05
  So if you see greatness in someone else, it's in there.
• 11:09
  And so yeah, it's resonating and I think, we connected through Sisters in
• 11:14
  Leadership, but just even found myself, Hey, let's do a call outside of Sisters
• 11:19
  in Leadership and have a, just a meet and greet and chat about our lives.
• 11:23
  And it was both of us were looking for jobs.
• 11:25
  And I think we probably, met more regularly than Sisters in
• 11:29
  Leadership, cause you had done some other programs to help individuals.
• 11:33
  come together to help support each other through job searching.
• 11:37
  And when I did get my new role one of the things is they flew me out to LA and I was
• 11:42
  like, Oh my gosh, I'm going to be in LA.
• 11:44
  And I got to have dinner with her and meet her in person.
• 11:47
  And recently she was in New York.
• 11:49
  And so we got to meet up and have dinner and it was, I feel
• 11:53
  like we've been friends forever.
• 11:54
  But it's been a, you know, a support, laugh, Joke around, all
• 12:00
  of the full gamut, but you know, she needed some help on a flyer.
• 12:03
  I'm a designer, so I did it, and she's going to, we're doing exchanges of
• 12:07
  information and helping and support each other, but I think definitely,
• 12:12
  and There's some other women in there that I'm of coaxing along and want to
• 12:16
  have more face time with just because I've really been inspired by them and
• 12:22
  just want to get to know them more.
• 12:24
  And I also brought somebody from one of my old workplaces to the program
• 12:29
  and I know she's been enjoying it.
• 12:32
  as well.
• 12:33
  So
• 12:34
  Jill: Yeah.
• 12:35
  That's fantastic.
• 12:35
  I mean, where can you find these kinds of relationships that
• 12:39
  could go so deep so quickly,
• 12:40
  Wendy: yeah, definitely.
• 12:41
  And I do feel like we've been friends forever, but I've not known her that
• 12:45
  long and it's been mostly virtual.
• 12:48
  Jill: So how has the program helped you now that you're in your new role?
• 12:51
  Wendy: you know,
• 12:51
  I think some of it, it's helped in a lot of ways.
• 12:53
  I think part of it too, has been, I feel like the mind shift for me
• 12:57
  happened and to be able to build on it.
• 13:00
  Some of it has been like, I'm stepping into this new role and
• 13:04
  I'm a manager and I have different reports and there's opportunities
• 13:09
  there and it's a choice, right?
• 13:10
  You can take it or not take it or shrink back oh, that's, I don't know enough
• 13:14
  or, and I just, I think, through the program Just keep stepping in like
• 13:19
  the uncomfortableness, the, I don't know, the, those places where I wanted
• 13:24
  the assurity before I stepped in.
• 13:26
  I think it's given me that bridge to just keep stepping in.
• 13:31
  you know, I, I grew up in a place where I just didn't want to rock the boat and
• 13:34
  I want everyone to be happy and shiny.
• 13:36
  And that's not always the case.
• 13:39
  And I've seen different opportunities where it's.
• 13:42
  having a meeting and it's going sideways and it's not what I think it should be.
• 13:47
  And it's uncomfortable, but to be okay in that uncomfortableness and not knowing.
• 13:52
  And we did end up getting to a better place, but I think it's, you know,
• 13:56
  I think I had one flavor of everyone must be happy and, get along and
• 14:00
  kubaya when that's not really life.
• 14:03
  And I think it's just finding those it's okay to be uncomfortable to let others be
• 14:08
  uncomfortable and to get to the solution.
• 14:11
  And I may not always know the solution, but it just reveals itself.
• 14:14
  So I feel like it's given me A broader perspective or more of a toolkit to be
• 14:19
  able to go into places that I don't have it all together and to find tools and to
• 14:25
  trust that things will come together or the right people will be at the meeting
• 14:29
  or, to trust yourself and some of that.
• 14:31
  But yeah, I think just going into uncomfortable places that I think
• 14:36
  I normally would have, quick.
• 14:37
  It's a hot potato.
• 14:38
  Get it out of here.
• 14:40
  And to be okay with letting it come to fruition to see where it goes.
• 14:44
  It's not totally solved yet, but I think it's growing pains.
• 14:48
  There was a lot of changes in this company and there's some, there's growing pains.
• 14:52
  Jill: Yeah.
• 14:52
  There always is.
• 14:53
  And having that being able to be comfortable within conflict, boy, that's
• 14:57
  a skill that a lot of people don't have.
• 14:59
  So
• 15:00
  Wendy: Yeah.
• 15:00
  Again, we were talking about sensitivity and I think realizing I am very
• 15:05
  sensitive, but it's also my superpower.
• 15:08
  And it's not my weakness because I think growing up I was told you're so sensitive,
• 15:14
  you're so I also realized that I can take on people's emotions like they're
• 15:18
  my own and not realize that I'm doing it.
• 15:21
  And to use that as a navigation rather than as, I'm too emotional,
• 15:26
  I'm too, like just be able to, Oh, that's how they're feeling.
• 15:31
  Oh, that's, this is I'm feeling this way.
• 15:35
  It's a a tool to navigate and it's a, it is a gift.
• 15:39
  Jill: It is.
• 15:40
  And I love that you're stepping into that as a superpower because that can
• 15:43
  be very confusing as we're growing up and our parents are trying to
• 15:46
  tell us to be something different.
• 15:48
  And
• 15:48
  Wendy: Yeah.
• 15:49
  Jill: did the PQ bootcamp too.
• 15:50
  Do you think that's been part of developing this toolkit?
• 15:54
  Wendy: I've always said, Oh, I love to know why I'm doing something, I'm doing
• 15:57
  a design, but why, why are we doing it?
• 15:59
  And I think one of my very first meetings with you is you said, you
• 16:02
  really like to know why you're doing it.
• 16:04
  And I think it gave me the why of.
• 16:07
  Some of the, that sensitivity and where, how I use it to adapt to
• 16:13
  grow up in the household I was in.
• 16:15
  And it just gave me a lot more grace for myself and kindness for myself.
• 16:22
  And, weirdly enough, it's spilled over into, I feel like my husband
• 16:27
  is a lot kinder to himself and more compassionate and going for what he wants.
• 16:32
  It's been a shift for both of us, but I feel like you
• 16:35
  create that space in yourself.
• 16:37
  I think you create that space in others
• 16:39
  Jill: Yeah.
• 16:40
  It's really fun to see it ripple out around you.
• 16:42
  I would say my husband has, it's rubbed off on him as well.
• 16:46
  Wendy: yeah,
• 16:47
  Jill: Yeah.
• 16:48
  That's great.
• 16:49
  So tell me a little bit more about how you've been leading in a whole
• 16:52
  different way in this new role.
• 16:54
  And I'm wondering if you can share with us like what it's like to maybe use more
• 16:59
  feminine leadership and be, feel strong.
• 17:01
  You know, Do you feel any more strongly about your leadership
• 17:05
  style and how you're leading?
• 17:07
  Wendy: yes, because I I think it is also finding my own voice, finding my own
• 17:11
  style because I have led in the past, but not, I feel like this is my official.
• 17:16
  I've led people that were in other countries or in other projects or
• 17:20
  across cross functional, but this is two direct reports and meeting with
• 17:24
  them every day, doing stand ups.
• 17:26
  I think some of it was just having a little patience to see other people's
• 17:31
  mechanics and how they're operating.
• 17:34
  And also she's very sensitive and I just feel like I'm the right person
• 17:39
  for this role because I feel like there's a lot it's just handling
• 17:43
  things with compassion, but directness.
• 17:46
  If that makes sense.
• 17:47
  So it's like both.
• 17:48
  Jill: setting her up to be the best that she can be and working with what
• 17:53
  her needs are and allowing her to grow into this, as the company grows as well.
• 17:58
  Wendy: Exactly.
• 17:59
  Exactly.
• 18:00
  I think it's just, part of it is, it's also easier to do.
• 18:04
  To do it.
• 18:06
  For them, especially in design, I'm like visual and, could you
• 18:09
  make that image be this, speak to, it's kind of abstract, right?
• 18:14
  And so I think being able to walk through and it takes more time for me, but I
• 18:20
  want her to come along and grow in that.
• 18:24
  And to be able to find opportunities for her to shine and, just connect because
• 18:29
  I, I think in the role that she was in prior to me getting there, it was
• 18:32
  very much heads down, just do the work.
• 18:34
  You didn't know why you're doing it.
• 18:36
  it was very much like a factory, like if you ask me.
• 18:39
  And I just think it's been having to like, kind of take her out of that and
• 18:45
  thinking, today I was on a call with her and I was working on a landing page and
• 18:50
  we were on it together looking at it.
• 18:52
  And I just, I don't know, in the mid sentence, I don't even know why I asked,
• 18:56
  but I was like, what do you think of it?
• 18:57
  What do you think?
• 18:58
  And then she was like, well, I haven't done a lot of these,
• 19:02
  but this is what I think.
• 19:03
  And it turned out to be a better solution and we used it, but I just
• 19:08
  realizing to not being so driven to get somewhere, but to pay attention to
• 19:14
  the, some of the guide posts and the interactions and just building that.
• 19:18
  relationship with her.
• 19:19
  So I do think that's in a more feminine approach.
• 19:23
  Jill: Yeah.
• 19:23
  I'm actually hearing you talk a lot about that of holding space and letting
• 19:27
  things unfold, waiting and watching.
• 19:29
  These are all, Very much feminine leadership because men are much
• 19:33
  more linear, driving, getting to the goal, so I love that you're
• 19:38
  bringing that to this role.
• 19:39
  Wendy: yeah.
• 19:40
  And my, my manager is a woman, but I also feel like she's much more,
• 19:45
  okay, team, we got to go here.
• 19:46
  So we got to go.
• 19:47
  And
• 19:48
  Jill: And when you're at the higher levels, a lot of times you are leaning
• 19:50
  into those masculine leadership styles a lot more, male or female, it doesn't
• 19:54
  matter, we always use a mix of both,
• 19:56
  Wendy: yeah.
• 19:57
  And I see it as we're a good partner, a good team because I feel like you
• 20:00
  know, I can say hey, I need some help on this or how would you handle this?
• 20:04
  Or, in the back end and just supporting different people or helping and
• 20:10
  yeah it's a good, I feel like it's a win, but I do also appreciate
• 20:13
  her directness, like it, it works.
• 20:16
  Jill: Yeah.
• 20:16
  Fantastic.
• 20:17
  Anything else that you can think of that you want to share about the program
• 20:20
  that has been beneficial for you?
• 20:23
  Wendy: I just think of it as take the plunge and do it that's what you want
• 20:29
  because I feel like I've been waiting a long time to do things that I wanted and
• 20:34
  there just feels an immediacy lately of giving myself what I want and I don't
• 20:39
  mean it out of filling a hole or out of rewarding myself, but just having fun
• 20:45
  and I feel like you set yourself up to, it's like you open up this new door of
• 20:50
  supporting yourself and self care and giving yourself the tools that you need.
• 20:55
  It happens in every area, like you're not a one channel person,
• 20:59
  like it, it happens everywhere.
• 21:01
  I recently went on vacation and it was the first time I ever
• 21:04
  went to Las Vegas and Utah.
• 21:07
  We went to some to Zion park and we also went to Grand Canyon.
• 21:11
  And, you know, I'm a designer and I love photos, but I design, I have
• 21:16
  a bunch of photos on my wall and I was like, I want to replace them.
• 21:19
  And I just had so much fun, like going through my photos,
• 21:22
  selecting, putting them together.
• 21:23
  And then I found a site that had silver paper.
• 21:26
  And it just was gave myself space to play and not a to do.
• 21:31
  And I think if you can look at the program like that, rather than it be a to do, it's
• 21:37
  more of I get to out of, it's a gift to yourself and to build on the knowledge
• 21:42
  rather than what's wrong with you.
• 21:44
  But what's like, how cool I could see myself in sailing.
• 21:48
  I had such a chip of Oh, that was a good sail.
• 21:51
  That was a bad sail.
• 21:52
  And I could see how I X out any learning that's coming in because I'm
• 21:58
  berating myself that I had a bad sail.
• 22:01
  I had a bad, time on the water.
• 22:03
  I'm just seeing that and realizing that's just like somewhere from when
• 22:07
  you were a kid that was in there.
• 22:09
  And to realize I can, I want to be a big kid.
• 22:12
  You know what I mean?
• 22:13
  Like I want to be a big seller.
• 22:14
  I want to be further along than I am, but to see that, include
• 22:19
  it and let it, to let it go.
• 22:22
  Notice it without judging it.
• 22:24
  Then I feel like I'm able to build on the information that your program has.
• 22:28
  I feel like there's been a freedom or like a unleashing of the old
• 22:35
  and there's a newness and I have a new space to build on the program.
• 22:38
  Now that I'm, in this role, I feel like, oh, I have these tools to play on and
• 22:42
  supercharge your day or, how to handle conversation, you know, all these things
• 22:46
  that I'm there that I have access to.
• 22:49
  Rather than I should be further along or I should know this or I do know this or
• 22:53
  so I think if you can do that first module and let go of some of this old furniture.
• 22:58
  That's not working for Your rooms anymore.
• 23:01
  You have more room to play and I just I feel like when
• 23:05
  is the time going to be right?
• 23:06
  it's like You have to, we want to feel the fire before we have the fire.
• 23:11
  And sometimes you have to trust that it's there and go for it.
• 23:15
  Jill: Yeah.
• 23:16
  I know.
• 23:16
  I see a lot of people waiting and waiting for the right time.
• 23:19
  The time where they're going to magically have time to do this.
• 23:22
  And, often doesn't come.
• 23:23
  We have to make time by crowding out the other things that are less important.
• 23:28
  And I find when I want to start something new, I really have to do that.
• 23:31
  Wendy: yeah, but I do really, I think that if your cup is full, I feel like
• 23:35
  in some ways I was looking for somebody to fill the cup, my cup, but it's if you
• 23:40
  can have that shift of realizing what's right with you and have your cup full.
• 23:44
  Then you're able to get done what you need to get done.
• 23:47
  Address what you need to address.
• 23:49
  I don't know, I feel like when you're empty, you're like, Oh
• 23:52
  where, where am I going to get that?
• 23:53
  Jill: Yeah.
• 23:55
  But you're filling the cup yourself
• 23:56
  Wendy: Yeah, Yeah, I'm filling the cup and I think that's
• 23:59
  been, I've always wanted it.
• 24:01
  I've always wanted to get there and conceptually I knew it, but
• 24:03
  there's just, I've created space for it now and it's happening.
• 24:07
  I'm not like, it's not necessarily every day and it's not about rules, but now
• 24:12
  I get up, I'm like, I can't wait to get going and sit and journal and read and
• 24:17
  listen to videos and all of those things.
• 24:19
  Jill: Yeah.
• 24:20
  So you're you signed on for the master's program to keep going.
• 24:24
  How are you thinking that or how do you foresee the program supporting
• 24:28
  you as you progress in this new role?
• 24:31
  Yeah.
• 24:33
  Wendy: Like I feel like I've been.
• 24:35
  wanting deeper and wider.
• 24:36
  And so I think some of it has been not challenging myself, not to
• 24:40
  just skim the surface or get by, or fly by the seat of my pants.
• 24:45
  Cause I feel like I've been more spontaneous in my approach, but
• 24:49
  to be more methodical and looking at what I need to get where I want
• 24:55
  to go and to give it to myself.
• 24:57
  But you know I was journaling and I was like, these are the things I'd
• 25:00
  like to do, and it's I can spend a lot of time cleaning my house.
• 25:04
  I know this sounds so stupid, but it's been like, not an escape,
• 25:08
  but I guess it has been an escape.
• 25:09
  It's oh, I have something to do, I'm going to clean my house, I'm going
• 25:12
  to deep clean my house because I have something challenging I need to do.
• 25:16
  And I just, I realized.
• 25:18
  That's something I could get support in.
• 25:20
  I could get a cleaning person to come in and clean my house.
• 25:23
  It's not hard and that could just free me up and I could have a clean
• 25:27
  house, which I really want and not always have this hanging over my head,
• 25:31
  if you want to do X, Y, Z, and you need more time, then
• 25:35
  Jill: Yeah.
• 25:36
  Wendy: that's what you need to do.
• 25:38
  Jill: Yeah, I, yes, I have the same.
• 25:41
  I love cleaning my house too, and I'm like, making something clean
• 25:44
  is really satisfying to me, but I've had a cleaner in the past.
• 25:48
  I just wrote about this in my email, my newsletter last week, and
• 25:51
  Wendy: that's what I was saying.
• 25:52
  It was very, you're
• 25:53
  Jill: Yes.
• 25:56
  Yeah.
• 25:56
  So it's, that's been on my mind as well.
• 25:59
  So, thank you so much for sharing all of this experience
• 26:03
  with me and with our listeners.
• 26:05
  And I would love to ask you the last question that I like to ask everybody.
• 26:08
  Is there a woman in leadership that you look up to that that helps you
• 26:14
  as you make choices in leading?
• 26:17
  Wendy: what came to mind was there was a woman in my sailing club.
• 26:21
  Who's one of the, she's a master sailor and she doesn't look like my idea.
• 26:25
  Like I'd met her many times over email, but I recently met her in person and.
• 26:31
  She doesn't look like my idea of a master sailor.
• 26:34
  Let's just put it that way and I just thought it But you know, I
• 26:37
  asked her if she could teach me.
• 26:39
  I was struggling with how to tie a knot I said, oh, I know she was
• 26:43
  a master sailor and I was like Oh, can you show me how to tie a knot?
• 26:46
  And there was something about just sitting in her presence and I just
• 26:50
  there was something that exchange of like I can do it I can do this.
• 26:56
  And I made that knot my own.
• 26:57
  Like I know that knot now and I've been teaching others, but there was
• 27:01
  this something that I just, her not doing it, but walking me through it.
• 27:06
  And it's so easy to like, Oh, come on, let me just, cause I mean, to her probably
• 27:10
  that knot is like tying your shoe.
• 27:13
  But for me, it was challenging.
• 27:15
  And I, it was the, that moment I was like, I don't know.
• 27:18
  There was something in that exchange that I felt like I.
• 27:21
  want that.
• 27:21
  I want to be able to talk someone through so that they can just
• 27:25
  make it their own and go for it or do whatever they need to do.
• 27:29
  And it was just, and I, one of it is she did not tie the knot for me.
• 27:34
  She walked me through it.
• 27:35
  And I think there's, it may take longer, but I just really admired that.
• 27:40
  There's this, here's the bar.
• 27:42
  We're going to get here.
• 27:44
  There was no judgment about that.
• 27:45
  I didn't know the knot.
• 27:47
  There, it was just, there was this space that I just walked away
• 27:51
  going, I, I want this, I got it.
• 27:54
  I'm going to get this knot.
• 27:55
  I'm going to do it.
• 27:56
  And I made it my own.
• 27:57
  And it's a bowline knot just so you know.
• 28:01
  It's a very handy knot.
• 28:03
  But it's, I just, I could really don't know if I have, I didn't see
• 28:09
  her in leadership, but I seen her teach some of the other sellers
• 28:14
  and she does not touch the tiller.
• 28:16
  She does not do it.
• 28:17
  She's very much about walking you through it step by step.
• 28:21
  And the, the person, she's very patient and the person getting it.
• 28:24
  Jill: yeah, I know exactly what you're talking about because I just had the
• 28:27
  experience with a dive master who was Helping my dive buddy who got flustered
• 28:32
  her gear wasn't working and they had to replace something and then that kind of
• 28:35
  made her flustered and I watched this dive master Walk her through that bringing
• 28:38
  that same space and attention and, that confidence that she knew she could do it.
• 28:45
  And then she did and then she was ready to go and she almost failed on the
• 28:48
  dive because of how flustered she felt.
• 28:50
  And that leader just really brought her grounded, helped her ground, and
• 28:54
  helped her get through that moment, and that's that space you're talking about?
• 28:59
  Yeah.
• 28:59
  Wendy: Yeah, definitely.
• 29:00
  Yeah.
• 29:05
  Jill: What did you find most insightful about what Wendy shared?
• 29:08
  What is an experience that has lifted you in a community of women?
• 29:11
  We would love to hear about it in the comments if you're
• 29:14
  listening to this on YouTube.
• 29:15
  If you'd like to learn more about the Sisters in Leadership program
• 29:18
  to see if it might be a fit for you, click on the link below and watch our
• 29:22
  free masterclass that will take you through our process for helping women
• 29:25
  like Wendy move up in their careers.
• 29:27
  If you're a woman who wants to improve your leadership skills
• 29:29
  and move up in your career, you're going to want to check this out.
• 29:32
  I'll put the link in the show notes for you.
• 29:34
  And if you want to dive deeper into women's leadership and how to move
• 29:37
  up, subscribe on YouTube or wherever you listen to your favorite podcasts.
• 29:40
  I'm on a mission to help more women get into leadership and stay there.
• 29:44
  And if that's aligned with you, I'd love to have you be part of this community
• 29:48
  and tune into more episodes on sister smart leadership that will support you
• 29:52
  in becoming the leader you want to be.
• 29:54
  If you're ready to fully lean into your feminine leadership and get promoted
• 29:58
  from director to vice president and beyond, hit that subscribe button so
• 30:02
  you'll get all the episodes to come and check out the recommended video here
• 30:06
  to see how women are rising up without playing by the old rules that built these
• 30:10
  male dominated industries and systems.