Latest / Drawn of History / Bobby Lee _ This Past Weekend w_ Theo Von _530(M4A_128K)

Transcript

Bobby Lee _ This Past Weekend w_ Theo Von _530(M4A_128K) · Drawn of History

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: We have some new, new tour dates to announce. Bloomington,
• 0:04
  Speaker 1: Indiana on November 13th at the Indiana University Auditorium. Columbus,
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: Ohio November 14th at the Schottenstein Center. Champaign, Illinois up
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: there November 15th at the State Farm Center. And Grand Rapids,
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: Michigan on November 16th at the Van Andel Arena. We
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: also have shows in Bend, Oregon, Spokane, Portland, Oregon, Vancouver,
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: in the Canada, Oklahoma City, North Little Rock, Springfield, and
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: Kansas City, Missouri, Sioux Falls, South Dakota, La Crosse, Green Bay, Moline,
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: Colorado Springs, Casper, Billings, Missoula, Lafayette, and Beaumont, Texas. Get
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: all your tickets at theovon.com slash T-O-U-R. Make sure to
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: buy through that link so you aren't visiting a secondary site.
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: And thank you so much for all of your love
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: and support. Looking forward to seeing you there. We've got
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: new merch. Check out the new Return of the Rat
• 1:15
  Speaker 1: tie-dye tees in green and purple. We also have the
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: Be Good to Yourself collection, gang gang hoodies, and much more, baby.
• 1:23
  Speaker 2: I'm upstairs.
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: At theovonstore.com. Today's guest is a comedian.
• 1:32
  Speaker 2: He's an actor.
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: He's my friend, and you know him from Tiger Belly
• 1:37
  Speaker 1: and Bad Friends and from all of his entertainment contributions
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: over the past 20 years. Very fortunate to hang out
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: today with Mr.
• 1:47
  Speaker 2: Bobby Lee. Shine that light.
• 1:49
  Speaker 3: On me.
• 1:56
  Speaker 2: I'll sit and tell you my stories. Shine on me.
• 1:59
  Speaker 2: And I will find a song. I've been singing this song.
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: I'll sit and tell you my stories. I'll sit and
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: tell you my stories.
• 2:15
  Speaker 2: I'll sit and tell you my stories. You don't open
• 2:26
  Speaker 2: like that. Okay.
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: Wait, you look like you're what? What you said to
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: those girls I was with last night?
• 2:34
  Speaker 2: What?
• 2:36
  Speaker 1: That's what you're going to do? Like what you did
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: to those girls last night I was with? The girls,
• 2:40
  Speaker 1: they seemed like nice girls. Yeah.
• 2:41
  Speaker 2: Yeah. No, I was going to say you look like
• 2:43
  Speaker 2: my science teacher, Mrs. Hayes. Dude. And she was a Creole. Dude,
• 2:49
  Speaker 2: I'm tired of you right now, dude. No, I'm serious.
• 2:51
  Speaker 2: Your attitude right now. What? We just got in here.
• 2:54
  Speaker 2: She was a Creole woman. She's a Creole woman. Oh, okay.
• 2:57
  Speaker 2: So there's some brown in her. Yeah, yeah. Like there's
• 3:00
  Speaker 2: a lot of mixing.
• 3:02
  Speaker 1: If I'm with a girl at the comic store and
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: you walk up and you say something like, hey, you
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: like hanging out with a boiled egg? And then you
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: walk away giggling. It don't make me look good. It
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: don't make me look fine. And it hurt my feelings.
• 3:20
  Speaker 2: You know what I mean? It's like that's not a layup.
• 3:22
  Speaker 2: You know what I mean? That's like you go up
• 3:24
  Speaker 2: there and you go pop, pop, pop, pop, right? And
• 3:25
  Speaker 2: then you just walk away. Nothing. I get nothing from you.
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: Right? Yeah.
• 3:31
  Speaker 2: But you know what, dude? She laughed. And that's good.
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: Well, I didn't mean it. I wasn't trying to, like,
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: throw you under the rickshaw or whatever. I was just trying.
• 3:40
  Speaker 2: I was like, I thought a boiled egg was, like,
• 3:42
  Speaker 2: important in y'all's community or whatever.
• 3:43
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 3:43
  Speaker 2: I mean, a boiled egg is important in many communities.
• 3:47
  Speaker 2: The Irish do it. Oh, yeah. Right? Probably Africa. They
• 3:50
  Speaker 2: do probably have ostriches.
• 3:52
  Speaker 1: Yeah, a potato is just a fucking gay boiled egg.
• 3:55
  Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying? A potato, yeah, yeah, that's true.
• 3:58
  Speaker 1: It's like, come on. Another thing is... She was cute.
• 4:02
  Speaker 2: Thank you. Is it a girl you're dating? No, it's
• 4:04
  Speaker 2: just somebody I was trying to hit on. Yeah.
• 4:08
  Speaker 1: And I lost the momentum, and she'll probably never see
• 4:11
  Speaker 1: me again because of the boiled egg comment.
• 4:13
  Speaker 2: That's not true. Yeah, yeah, 100% true. And you seem
• 4:16
  Speaker 2: to do that a lot. Do I really?
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: No.
• 4:18
  Speaker 2: No. My bad, man. That was the one time.
• 4:20
  Speaker 1: You know, but here's another thing. I have some problems
• 4:24
  Speaker 1: I have with you. So I just, not to write
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: it down, but I'm going to show you this. You
• 4:29
  Speaker 1: got a JPEG of it?
• 4:30
  Speaker 2: No, no, no. It's a text that you gave me.
• 4:33
  Speaker 1: Also, secondly, do you think that I should, do you
• 4:36
  Speaker 1: think I kinetically know where the fuck this place is? Yeah.
• 4:40
  Speaker 2: I was supposed to tell you. I mean, right? I'm
• 4:43
  Speaker 2: in the car driving like, I don't know where this
• 4:45
  Speaker 2: place is. All right. And number three, this. Okay.
• 4:49
  Speaker 1: So, A couple, maybe two weeks ago, well, last week
• 4:52
  Speaker 1: you go, bro, I need podcast guests next week.
• 4:56
  Speaker 2: Can you help me? Which I'm your friend, dude, right?
• 4:58
  Speaker 2: Thank you. But then you also say, also, I don't
• 5:02
  Speaker 2: know if you've heard, but I'm bi. Yeah.
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: And then I didn't know how to take that. So
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: I just said, I'm down, right? I said, I'm down, right?
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: And we kind of moved on from it, right? That
• 5:14
  Speaker 1: doesn't concern you because apparently you were joking here. Well,
• 5:18
  Speaker 1: when you said I'm down, I'm like, is he showing
• 5:19
  Speaker 1: up to podcast?
• 5:21
  Speaker 2: Oh, I see. Is he showing up to podcast?
• 5:25
  Speaker 1: For me to fuck. Yeah, I should have said, I
• 5:27
  Speaker 1: will do your podcast. But even if you thought that,
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: you would go, no, dude, I was just kidding.
• 5:32
  Speaker 2: Yeah. But you never did that. I didn't get time.
• 5:33
  Speaker 1: You threw it out there as a truth, right? And
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: then I don't know what the thing. If you're bi, dude,
• 5:40
  Speaker 1: I'm good with it. If I was bi, I would know,
• 5:44
  Speaker 1: I think, you know?
• 5:45
  Speaker 2: I would... You know what I'm saying? I know. You
• 5:47
  Speaker 2: would have an inkling or something. Yeah. Like your ears
• 5:49
  Speaker 2: would ring when you got around a gay dude or something,
• 5:51
  Speaker 2: you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: I think, but yeah, I didn't know if you were
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: coming to pot or coming to let me poke that yolk, homie.
• 5:57
  Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying? Yeah.
• 5:59
  Speaker 1: I think that we've known each other for so long,
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: I don't think that we would ever poke, even if
• 6:03
  Speaker 1: there was sexual attraction.
• 6:05
  Speaker 2: Oh, yeah, we would. No, no, there's no way. Bro. No, bro. What?
• 6:10
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you know. You are definitely, you are, yeah. So
• 6:13
  Speaker 1: if we both had sexual attraction- With each other.
• 6:16
  Speaker 2: Or to men. Yeah, to men. I don't think that
• 6:19
  Speaker 2: you would find me attractive. Yeah, I would, brother. Really? 100%, man. Okay, dude.
• 6:24
  Speaker 2: And I mean that, dude.
• 6:25
  Speaker 1: And I want to say to you. I promise I
• 6:27
  Speaker 1: would take you out. I want to say to you, ditto.
• 6:29
  Speaker 2: Nice.
• 6:29
  Speaker 1: But thank God we don't. Yeah, thank God. But if
• 6:35
  Speaker 1: something happened, right? Say something happened to all the women.
• 6:38
  Speaker 1: There was like a big sinkhole and all the women
• 6:40
  Speaker 1: were there. And all the women disappeared, right? Or there
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: was a big sail, and then under the sail there
• 6:45
  Speaker 1: was a sinkhole. So all the women- Like they're on
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: a ship? Huh? No, like a big clothing sail or
• 6:51
  Speaker 1: jewelry sail. I thought you were like Noah's Ark.
• 6:53
  Speaker 2: Oh, no. You know what I mean? They're all just
• 6:54
  Speaker 2: on a gigantic ship with a sail. Two of every- Yeah. Yeah.
• 6:59
  Speaker 2: You get a pair of redheads, right? A pair of
• 7:02
  Speaker 2: ching chongs. Yeah.
• 7:04
  Speaker 1: What?
• 7:04
  Speaker 2: We don't use that type of language on the ship.
• 7:06
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 7:06
  Speaker 2: We're Chinese, then. The better? Yeah, that's fair. Yeah, or chops,
• 7:10
  Speaker 2: we call them. Yeah, yeah.
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: And also another thing I want to say, because I
• 7:18
  Speaker 1: have a lot of gripes. But we would have a
• 7:19
  Speaker 1: date though, dude. Bobby, if we... Look at that. Yeah,
• 7:23
  Speaker 1: but those are just friends hanging out.
• 7:24
  Speaker 2: Is that? I mean, one of us is hanging out.
• 7:26
  Speaker 2: Santino just keeps fucking FaceTiming. I just got to pick
• 7:28
  Speaker 2: it up. What's up, man? Yeah, you pitching? You pitching
• 7:35
  Speaker 2: the Cubs? You throw in the pit? Did you throw it?
• 7:39
  Speaker 2: I threw it in the first pit. Oh, fuck yeah, man. Congratulations, man.
• 7:44
  Speaker 1: Let's go. Dude, congratulations. Yeah, yeah.
• 7:45
  Speaker 2: All right, I'll see you later, dude, okay? Congratulations. Why
• 7:50
  Speaker 2: would you text me for that or call me for that?
• 7:52
  Speaker 2: But at least he cares, though. It's so dumb, dude.
• 7:54
  Speaker 2: You think? He grew up a Cubs fan, though.
• 7:57
  Speaker 3: I know.
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: It's just like you fucking FaceTiming me. Oh, I threw
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: a ball at, you know what I mean? Yeah.
• 8:04
  Speaker 2: Andre Agassi. Yeah.
• 8:05
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I threw a plum to a handicapped guy or something. Anyway,
• 8:08
  Speaker 1: let's go back to fucking. Let's go back to fucking.
• 8:09
  Speaker 2: Here it is.
• 8:10
  Speaker 3: Wow.
• 8:10
  Speaker 2: Wow. They have it on the thing. Oh, he doesn't
• 8:15
  Speaker 2: even get a really human being. He gets a bear.
• 8:17
  Speaker 1: Oh, damn.
• 8:17
  Speaker 2: That's so sad. He hugs the bear. Oh, for comedy.
• 8:22
  Speaker 2: He does it for comedy. Oh, that's so cool, bro.
• 8:24
  Speaker 2: It's so cool. I'm so proud of him. Have you
• 8:26
  Speaker 2: ever thrown one out?
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 8:27
  Speaker 2: I don't think I've ever thrown a baseball in my life. Really? Yeah.
• 8:31
  Speaker 2: I've seen them in museums.
• 8:33
  Speaker 1: What about throwing like a hot bow or something?
• 8:35
  Speaker 2: Bow bun. I've done that. Yeah. Many times. Grandma, check it.
• 8:39
  Speaker 2: You know what I mean? Whatever.
• 8:41
  Speaker 1: Whatever the language is. But my last gripe is this,
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: and then we can talk normally. All right.
• 8:46
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and I'm sorry about that, man. About what? Whatever
• 8:50
  Speaker 2: the first gripe was.
• 8:51
  Speaker 3: Okay.
• 8:55
  Speaker 2: You don't remember? Honestly, you don't remember? I had a
• 8:57
  Speaker 2: couple gripes. Yeah, but you didn't want to date with me. Okay,
• 9:00
  Speaker 2: that's good. So here's another thing. I don't know what
• 9:02
  Speaker 2: happened to you. And congratulations, by the way. For what?
• 9:12
  Speaker 2: For being white? I don't know. It's messed up, dude.
• 9:15
  Speaker 2: I don't know. Miss Hayes.
• 9:17
  Speaker 1: Congratulations for being so white. No, but your success and stuff.
• 9:22
  Speaker 1: But something happened where, you know, a lot of times
• 9:26
  Speaker 1: you and I share the same people, fans, right? Right.
• 9:29
  Speaker 2: But you've tapped into a fan base that doesn't like
• 9:31
  Speaker 2: me that much. No way. And I'll tell you who
• 9:33
  Speaker 2: they are. Supermodel gypsies. Really? They have Hannah tattoos on
• 9:38
  Speaker 2: their necks, right? They look at me like.
• 9:42
  Speaker 2: At the store last night, they were like... You know
• 9:44
  Speaker 2: what I mean? They wanted to say Ching Chong.
• 9:47
  Speaker 1: Oh.
• 9:47
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah. And guess what, dude?
• 9:49
  Speaker 1: You know what I want to tell them? If Theo
• 9:53
  Speaker 1: is the Beatles... I'm definitely Yoko Ono, right? I'm a
• 9:58
  Speaker 1: part of the, you know what I mean? a part
• 10:00
  Speaker 1: of the ecosystem of the Beatles or whatever. But they
• 10:05
  Speaker 1: looked at Yoko and went, are you a part of it?
• 10:09
  Speaker 2: You're just a fan. I'm like, we call, we're friends,
• 10:13
  Speaker 2: you know what I mean? You're at least Chingo Star. Yeah,
• 10:15
  Speaker 2: Chingo Star, dude, right? Yeah.
• 10:18
  Speaker 1: I'm sorry, man. Really, I feel like everywhere I go,
• 10:22
  Speaker 1: everybody wants to ask me about you. It could be anybody,
• 10:24
  Speaker 1: construction workers, people inside of a building. It could be
• 10:28
  Speaker 1: somebody that's a businessman, a woman at a counter. Everywhere
• 10:32
  Speaker 1: I go, hospitals, people are like, oh, tell me.
• 10:35
  Speaker 2: Wait, wait, wait, stop. I don't get it. No, no, no, stop, stop.
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: At hospitals, you're saying, so the construction workers, the nurses
• 10:47
  Speaker 1: at hospitals... Are they all Asian? Because I just, you
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: just made a voice. No, they're fans of yours. I know,
• 10:52
  Speaker 1: I understand that. But are they all Asian fans or
• 10:54
  Speaker 1: just are there whites too? Because when you did the accent,
• 10:57
  Speaker 1: it wasn't clear. Oh, I'm just, yeah, I think they're Asian.
• 10:59
  Speaker 2: Oh, tell me how you, tell me, tell me. This
• 11:02
  Speaker 2: is what you did.
• 11:03
  Speaker 1: Tell me about what you know about the bubbly. Is
• 11:06
  Speaker 1: that what you want to say? Did you not go
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: into an accent though?
• 11:10
  Speaker 2: Did I? Maybe you didn't. Do it again. A lot
• 11:14
  Speaker 2: of them.
• 11:15
  Speaker 1: Do it again.
• 11:15
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 11:15
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 11:16
  Speaker 2: A lot of them will be like... I'm Theo. Okay.
• 11:18
  Speaker 2: I'm walking. Hey, man. Hey, man. Hey, are you Theo? Hey. Oh,
• 11:23
  Speaker 2: you said no accent. Tell me about Bubbly Lee. The Mexicans.
• 11:27
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 11:28
  Speaker 2: Fuck yeah. Tell me about Bubbly Lee.
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: Tell me about Roberto Leo.
• 11:35
  Speaker 2: So how did you tap into this new fan base?
• 11:37
  Speaker 2: I don't know who they are.
• 11:38
  Speaker 1: You're talking women with henna tattoos? I didn't see them.
• 11:41
  Speaker 1: First of all, they sound like witches.
• 11:43
  Speaker 2: Okay, so.
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: I don't even believe in them. They sound white as fuck, dude. Also,
• 11:48
  Speaker 1: you're probably going to be fine. They sound white, bro.
• 11:51
  Speaker 2: I don't know, man.
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: Do you want to? Your fans are all over, Bobby.
• 11:56
  Speaker 2: All over what? Everything.
• 11:59
  Speaker 1: Every time I meet somebody, they're like, tell me about him.
• 12:02
  Speaker 1: Where can we get him?
• 12:03
  Speaker 2: Oh, like I'm a porg. No, like you're one of those.
• 12:07
  Speaker 2: You know what a porg is?
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: Uh-uh.
• 12:09
  Speaker 2: Okay. You're like one of those little head dolls that
• 12:11
  Speaker 2: comes in that box. What are those things called? Bobbleheads. No, it's... Porg.
• 12:17
  Speaker 2: Funko Pop? Yeah, Funko Pop. Oh, Funko Pop. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 12:21
  Speaker 2: I'm like a Funko Pop. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 12:23
  Speaker 1: So they ask as if I'm something that you could buy.
• 12:26
  Speaker 2: Yeah, or they just... Well, if you mass produce me,
• 12:29
  Speaker 2: do you think you can make money? Oh, my God.
• 12:31
  Speaker 2: If you had a cloning technology? Bro, if we had.
• 12:33
  Speaker 1: Here, put one of your hands up right now like
• 12:35
  Speaker 1: the little cat that's for magic at the Korean salon
• 12:38
  Speaker 1: or whatever you're talking about.
• 12:39
  Speaker 2: I know what the cat is.
• 12:40
  Speaker 1: I know.
• 12:41
  Speaker 2: The good luck one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The good luck cat. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah,
• 12:45
  Speaker 2: it's that. Yeah, that's kind of it. That's cool. All right, well,
• 12:48
  Speaker 2: I mean, thanks. But no, man, if somebody was rude
• 12:50
  Speaker 2: to you, man, I'm sorry, dude. No, not just rude.
• 12:52
  Speaker 2: It's just like they don't know who I am. That's
• 12:54
  Speaker 2: not true, Bobby.
• 12:55
  Speaker 1: No, those henna-tattooed, you know, gypsy witches that like you now,
• 13:00
  Speaker 1: they're all beautiful, by the way.
• 13:01
  Speaker 2: I don't know them. You do. What's that? You're talking
• 13:06
  Speaker 2: about Kat Von D, dude? No, I love her.
• 13:09
  Speaker 1: Bro.
• 13:10
  Speaker 2: She's the best. Yeah. I've worked with her before. You have?
• 13:13
  Speaker 2: A long, long time ago, yeah. She's very, very, very white.
• 13:16
  Speaker 1: It's like she's like a creature that's like, she's almost
• 13:20
  Speaker 1: like something that happens at midnight for 40 minutes, you know?
• 13:24
  Speaker 2: Like she's very like effervescent, you know what I'm talking about?
• 13:27
  Speaker 2: What do you mean? At midnight for 40 minutes, what happens?
• 13:31
  Speaker 2: Like it's like a.
• 13:34
  Speaker 2: Dry. Yeah. The vagina opens. No, no, no, no, no.
• 13:38
  Speaker 1: She's married. Like a mirage or whatever. Yeah, but that's
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: also vagina opening.
• 13:42
  Speaker 2: Oh.
• 13:42
  Speaker 1: Well, apparently. If you have to do this with a girl,
• 13:47
  Speaker 1: do you think the vagina's too big? You've been in
• 13:49
  Speaker 1: some coochie tunnels, I'll say that. You've been underground in Vietnam.
• 13:53
  Speaker 1: What kind do you like? Do you like the ones
• 13:54
  Speaker 1: that stick out, or do you like tucked? I kind
• 13:56
  Speaker 1: of like the ones that look like they have a
• 13:59
  Speaker 1: little bit of lip liner on them.
• 14:00
  Speaker 2: Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 14:02
  Speaker 1: I like the combination of both. When one lip is
• 14:05
  Speaker 1: sticking out and one's tucked in, right? Like, one of them,
• 14:08
  Speaker 1: it's like the Bond Me. I don't like if there's
• 14:11
  Speaker 1: too much Bond, you know?
• 14:13
  Speaker 2: What do you mean, Bond? If it's a Bond Me
• 14:14
  Speaker 2: kind of vibe. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. If there's too
• 14:16
  Speaker 2: much Bond. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 14:19
  Speaker 2: And do you, I mean, I don't know, when's the
• 14:21
  Speaker 2: last time you hooked up with a girl? Oh, this
• 14:24
  Speaker 2: is too personal? You don't want to talk about it?
• 14:25
  Speaker 2: I'll talk about it.
• 14:26
  Speaker 1: Let me think. It's probably been. What we don't know
• 14:30
  Speaker 1: is I think that you are very picky. I have
• 14:35
  Speaker 1: to get this off my chest, man.
• 14:37
  Speaker 2: I told you about this last night. What did you
• 14:39
  Speaker 2: tell me?
• 14:40
  Speaker 1: But I've been dating this person. And every time we,
• 14:46
  Speaker 1: and rarely do we do this, make beautiful love.
• 14:50
  Speaker 2: Oh, God.
• 14:50
  Speaker 1: Yeah, the sacred rituals of love. She goes, yeah, when
• 14:55
  Speaker 1: I was, you know, eight years ago, yeah, I hooked
• 14:58
  Speaker 1: up with Theo.
• 14:59
  Speaker 2: Nuh-uh. Yeah. But she says it every time we're naked.
• 15:03
  Speaker 2: And it hurts me. That's all. And I want to
• 15:07
  Speaker 2: share that with you. Fuck, dude. That's crazy, I think.
• 15:12
  Speaker 2: I don't believe her. Oh, so you don't believe that
• 15:14
  Speaker 2: you did hook up with her?
• 15:15
  Speaker 1: No.
• 15:16
  Speaker 2: I don't believe her at all. You know what? I
• 15:17
  Speaker 2: don't believe her either. Because I know that you are
• 15:20
  Speaker 2: very picky.
• 15:21
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 15:21
  Speaker 2: And you take your time. Yeah. Yeah. El tiempo, they
• 15:24
  Speaker 2: call me. Yeah. And you do long strokes.
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 15:28
  Speaker 2: Yeah. I do strokes.
• 15:30
  Speaker 1: I say it's long even though it isn't. I'll be like, oh,
• 15:32
  Speaker 1: that's long. Yeah, yeah. But you know what I mean
• 15:36
  Speaker 1: by long strokes?
• 15:37
  Speaker 2: Uh-uh. I mean, I'm thinking you're assuming sexual....
• 15:42
  Speaker 1: Well, you know, here's what I don't like. People that
• 15:45
  Speaker 1: are like... You're not talking about somebody with aorta issues
• 15:47
  Speaker 1: or whatever, huh?
• 15:48
  Speaker 2: Sometimes. Yeah? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like somebody just... Like stroking
• 15:53
  Speaker 2: for distance. He strokes for a quarter mile. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 15:56
  Speaker 1: It's sort of like, you know, in the Olympics. Women
• 15:59
  Speaker 1: in the Olympics, they do the breaststroke. But if you
• 16:02
  Speaker 1: slowed it down and they, you know what I mean?
• 16:06
  Speaker 2: You don't do those?
• 16:07
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 16:07
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I do some of that. Yeah,
• 16:10
  Speaker 2: I do long, right?
• 16:12
  Speaker 1: And I take a nap.
• 16:15
  Speaker 2: And then I do short.
• 16:16
  Speaker 1: Oh, yeah.
• 16:16
  Speaker 2: And then I rest. Do you take breaks? You're almost
• 16:19
  Speaker 2: like a stanza of music kind of with like a
• 16:22
  Speaker 2: half note. Quarter note. Oh, you know what you're doing here?
• 16:28
  Speaker 2: Whole rest. You know when you do this? That's Asian vagina.
• 16:30
  Speaker 1: It is?
• 16:31
  Speaker 2: Yeah. It's linty. Is it really? That's a lie, huh? No,
• 16:34
  Speaker 2: it's a lie. It's all folklore. Is it? It's regular
• 16:37
  Speaker 2: like everyone else. For years, I, you know.
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: I remember I almost made love to a Korean woman
• 16:42
  Speaker 1: one time years ago, and this was in Idaho, and
• 16:45
  Speaker 1: her legs kind of didn't separate. It was almost like,
• 16:47
  Speaker 1: do you ever get really strong chopsticks or whatever, and
• 16:49
  Speaker 1: you can't open them or whatever?
• 16:51
  Speaker 2: Wait, wait, wait. It was just like that, bro. I
• 16:52
  Speaker 2: swear to God. And no offense to that lady. Maybe
• 16:54
  Speaker 2: it was a mermaid. Huh?
• 16:57
  Speaker 1: Right?
• 16:58
  Speaker 2: Was it a mermaid? I don't know. Are there Korean-Asian mermaids?
• 17:03
  Speaker 2: There have to be, huh? Bring that up.
• 17:05
  Speaker 1: Bring up an Asian mermaid or something beached Asians or whatever.
• 17:10
  Speaker 2: Because if there were, they'd probably eat their own because
• 17:12
  Speaker 2: they love sushi. Oh, here we go. Wow. Yeah, there are.
• 17:18
  Speaker 1: And I'm the buy one. Dude, this dude will swim
• 17:22
  Speaker 1: through West Hollywood, brother. I was in Hawaii that day,
• 17:26
  Speaker 1: and I saw that at a store, and I bought
• 17:28
  Speaker 1: it immediately, and I ran to the beach.
• 17:30
  Speaker 2: I go, take this photo.
• 17:32
  Speaker 1: Dude, I'm telling you right now, Little Mermaid would be
• 17:39
  Speaker 1: better with me in it, no?
• 17:42
  Speaker 2: Yeah. It wouldn't be Little Mermaid. It'd be Fat Mermaid.
• 17:45
  Speaker 2: But you'd have like, up where they walk. Up where
• 17:48
  Speaker 2: they roam. Up where they play all day in the Zoom.
• 17:55
  Speaker 2: The music would change. Wandering free. Yeah, yeah. We I
• 17:59
  Speaker 2: could be. Yeah. Part of that world. Bobby Lee, man.
• 18:06
  Speaker 2: Good to see you, dude. Good to see you, man. Oh,
• 18:07
  Speaker 2: those are my gripes. We're good.
• 18:09
  Speaker 1: I appreciate it. You know, you've been going on the road.
• 18:13
  Speaker 1: My friend, my boy, Amir K.
• 18:15
  Speaker 2: Yeah, he's wonderful.
• 18:15
  Speaker 1: He's a wonderful man, dude. Very funny.
• 18:18
  Speaker 2: We're going fishing next week up in Oregon, actually. Yeah,
• 18:20
  Speaker 2: he loves fishing. He's good at it. Yeah, and you're
• 18:22
  Speaker 2: doing shows up there? Yeah. He's a good dude.
• 18:25
  Speaker 1: You don't tour as much. People want to see you
• 18:27
  Speaker 1: more places, but you don't like leaving home as much.
• 18:29
  Speaker 1: Is that true? Yeah, that's... Okay.
• 18:31
  Speaker 2: I don't go out at all.
• 18:33
  Speaker 1: In fact, like, I'm going up to Vancouver on the 12th,
• 18:38
  Speaker 1: and I'm doing it with Segura, and Segura's like, well,
• 18:39
  Speaker 1: can you do the day before and then the day after, too?
• 18:43
  Speaker 1: Because I'm playing Eugene in some place in Colorado, and
• 18:48
  Speaker 1: I just do Vancouver.
• 18:49
  Speaker 2: You know what I mean?
• 18:50
  Speaker 1: I just, you don't like being away from home? Well,
• 18:56
  Speaker 1: I mean, just truth of the matter is, is that....
• 19:02
  Speaker 2: I like doing standup and spurts.
• 19:04
  Speaker 1: Yeah. And I'm not addicted to like, I see like
• 19:08
  Speaker 1: Santino and all these guys, they're all addicted to the,
• 19:11
  Speaker 1: you know, they're dopamine hits. I'm open that dopamine, dopamine, dopamine,
• 19:17
  Speaker 1: dopamine hits, dopamine hits, right.
• 19:19
  Speaker 2: Doing shows.
• 19:20
  Speaker 1: And it's like, I just never been addicted to that,
• 19:23
  Speaker 1: that dopamine hit.
• 19:25
  Speaker 2: Yeah. You know, I, um, I love being at home. Yeah. Yeah.
• 19:29
  Speaker 1: And I, um, I don't know how you do it,
• 19:32
  Speaker 1: because every time I'm online, I see you're in Australia
• 19:35
  Speaker 1: or wherever, whatever, and you're killing it. And it's like,
• 19:38
  Speaker 1: I'm happy for you, but I just never had that
• 19:41
  Speaker 1: addiction to it. I think because of the fact that
• 19:44
  Speaker 1: early on, I had just so much trauma from it.
• 19:49
  Speaker 2: From being on stage? Yeah.
• 19:51
  Speaker 1: Like one time I was at, it's a casino gig
• 19:54
  Speaker 1: in New Jersey, I forgot what it was called, and
• 19:57
  Speaker 1: it's a casino gig that everyone played.
• 20:00
  Speaker 2: Montenegro?
• 20:01
  Speaker 1: I don't know what it was, but it was like,
• 20:04
  Speaker 1: and I remember they had this red curtain behind the stage,
• 20:09
  Speaker 1: And I remember one show I bombed so hard. Because
• 20:12
  Speaker 1: this is before, I think now, you know, because I
• 20:15
  Speaker 1: have fans that get me, you know what I mean?
• 20:18
  Speaker 1: But before, when I was just on Mad TV and stuff,
• 20:21
  Speaker 1: like my fans, I mean, they knew me from sketch.
• 20:25
  Speaker 1: And so they wanted to see me do, you know
• 20:27
  Speaker 1: what I mean, my catchphrases.
• 20:29
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Like, you know, sometimes I do. Or, uh-oh, hot dog.
• 20:34
  Speaker 2: Or whatever, right? Like Home Alone or whatever?
• 20:36
  Speaker 1: Yeah. You know what I'm talking about? Why don't they
• 20:40
  Speaker 1: have an Asian Home Alone? Why don't y'all make a
• 20:42
  Speaker 1: Home Alone? Right.
• 20:44
  Speaker 2: Well, the home is made out of rice paper. Aren't they? Yeah, sure. Yeah, yeah.
• 20:49
  Speaker 2: And it's like.
• 20:50
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and they could get in quickly. The burglars, right?
• 20:53
  Speaker 1: They could just run through like the Hulk, right? So
• 20:55
  Speaker 1: maybe that's why. I think it'd be a 10-minute movie then. Yeah, yeah.
• 20:58
  Speaker 2: You know what I mean?
• 20:59
  Speaker 1: Get me!
• 20:59
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm Home Alone. I'm dying.
• 21:02
  Speaker 1: Or whatever.
• 21:03
  Speaker 2: That's very good clever, dude. You got.
• 21:05
  Speaker 1: Well, I think different cultures should all have their own films. Okay,
• 21:08
  Speaker 1: let's talk about it. So I think that there should
• 21:12
  Speaker 1: be a castaway, right? But an Asian guy, right? Instead
• 21:17
  Speaker 1: of him talking to the volleyball, what do.
• 21:21
  Speaker 2: They call him? Wilson. Wilson, right?
• 21:25
  Speaker 1: Instead of that, he makes a volleyball factory, right? He's
• 21:30
  Speaker 1: a sweatshop. He makes monkeys and stuff work, you know
• 21:32
  Speaker 1: what I mean? Yeah. Right?
• 21:33
  Speaker 2: So you do little twists like that. Yeah, yeah.
• 21:35
  Speaker 1: I think more about the industry or something.
• 21:37
  Speaker 2: It's more about work ethic. Yeah, yeah. You know what
• 21:39
  Speaker 2: I mean?
• 21:39
  Speaker 1: And resilience in that way. You know what I mean?
• 21:42
  Speaker 1: He could have a couple of stores going and factories going.
• 21:44
  Speaker 2: You know what I mean? He could be making fucking volleyballs.
• 21:46
  Speaker 1: Right?
• 21:47
  Speaker 2: Yeah. They should remake... I know. Wizard of Oz.
• 21:53
  Speaker 1: Oh.
• 21:53
  Speaker 2: All Asian. What do you think? Wizard of Asia. Excuse me? Asia.
• 22:00
  Speaker 2: Or Asians. Some people say... People aren't saying Asians as
• 22:03
  Speaker 2: much anymore. A lot of people say. Oh, that's weird. ASEAN. Wait,
• 22:06
  Speaker 2: who are saying it like that? ASEAN.
• 22:08
  Speaker 1: Who's saying ASEAN? I was at a hotel, actually. I
• 22:09
  Speaker 1: was in Australia, and a lady said, we have a
• 22:11
  Speaker 1: lot of ASEANs here. And I was like, who are?
• 22:14
  Speaker 2: Oh, ASEANs.
• 22:15
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 22:15
  Speaker 2: We have a lot of ASEANs here. And I was like,
• 22:17
  Speaker 2: who are they? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was looking online,
• 22:19
  Speaker 2: and I couldn't figure it out. Were you in Australia?
• 22:20
  Speaker 2: I mean, where were you? Yeah, I was in Australia.
• 22:21
  Speaker 1: Oh, yeah, yeah.
• 22:22
  Speaker 2: And they said, yeah. Well, they say a lot of
• 22:23
  Speaker 2: things weird there. Yeah, but they said, we have a
• 22:25
  Speaker 2: lot of ASEANs here. Yeah. But let's talk about the
• 22:28
  Speaker 2: Asian wizard. Let's see what we can do with that.
• 22:30
  Speaker 2: All right. So the Tin Man. Yeah, the Tin Man, yeah.
• 22:32
  Speaker 2: You could put a little thing on that says made
• 22:33
  Speaker 2: in China. Oh, yeah. That's why he's broken. Yeah. Right?
• 22:37
  Speaker 2: Am I right?
• 22:37
  Speaker 1: Right?
• 22:39
  Speaker 2: And then no Toto. If I only had some bolts. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 22:45
  Speaker 2: No Toto.
• 22:45
  Speaker 1: Why? Oh.
• 22:47
  Speaker 2: Tell me why there would be no Toto. Because somebody's
• 22:53
  Speaker 2: in the clean plate club. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So
• 22:56
  Speaker 2: Toto would be eaten. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Toto's gone! Okay, yeah. Dorothy. Yeah.
• 23:03
  Speaker 2: We'd have Dorothy. Dorothy? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 23:06
  Speaker 1: Right?
• 23:06
  Speaker 2: That's the main lady. Oh, yeah. Dorothy. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 23:08
  Speaker 2: And she doesn't want to go to Kansas. She wants
• 23:09
  Speaker 2: to go to Tokyo. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what
• 23:12
  Speaker 2: I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's the thing they say
• 23:14
  Speaker 2: when they click the thing? Somewhere... No.
• 23:17
  Speaker 3: No, no.
• 23:17
  Speaker 1: That's not the... Oh, somewhere over the rainbow.
• 23:21
  Speaker 2: Is that from The Wizard of Oz? Yeah.
• 23:23
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 23:24
  Speaker 2: It is?
• 23:24
  Speaker 1: Somewhere over the rainbow roll. Bring up a rainbow roll.
• 23:29
  Speaker 2: Yeah, rainbow roll. Yeah, yeah.
• 23:31
  Speaker 1: Somewhere over the rainbow roll.
• 23:35
  Speaker 2: Wow, dude. That's it, dude. Those are beautiful.
• 23:39
  Speaker 1: I remember seeing one of those for the first time.
• 23:41
  Speaker 1: We would have the Cowardly Panda. Yeah, the Cowardly Panda, huh?
• 23:45
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah. And the Wicked Witch of the... Yeah, who
• 23:48
  Speaker 2: would she be, though? We need a caster. I know
• 23:50
  Speaker 2: who it should be. Ali Wong. No, no. She could
• 23:53
  Speaker 2: play it good. Well, she's a good actress. Yeah, she's
• 23:55
  Speaker 2: good at it.
• 23:56
  Speaker 1: So if she needed to be wicked, she could do it.
• 23:58
  Speaker 1: But is she wicked, though? I think she could be.
• 24:00
  Speaker 1: She would be good.
• 24:01
  Speaker 2: Ooh, Ally's hot. Is Whitney coming? Oh, that's damn Whitney. Yeah,
• 24:05
  Speaker 2: that's damn Whitney. Oh, Whitney would be the Whitney Witch
• 24:07
  Speaker 2: of the West or whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But we
• 24:09
  Speaker 2: have to have a Witch of the East. Ooh, Ally then. Yeah, yeah,
• 24:12
  Speaker 2: for sure. Ally for the East. Yeah.
• 24:15
  Speaker 1: And then who else is in the Wizard of Oz?
• 24:18
  Speaker 1: They had Cowardly Lion. Yeah, well, the panda.
• 24:21
  Speaker 2: There, you know what I mean?
• 24:22
  Speaker 1: Mm-hmm.
• 24:23
  Speaker 2: What about the scarecrow? Do we change that up? The
• 24:25
  Speaker 2: scarecrow is.
• 24:28
  Speaker 2: He was full of hay or whatever. Hay, yeah. Rice, maybe. Yeah, maybe.
• 24:32
  Speaker 2: Dried rice. Yeah.
• 24:35
  Speaker 1: Right?
• 24:35
  Speaker 2: Yeah, long grain. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 24:38
  Speaker 1: We do long grain rice. If you had an Asian
• 24:40
  Speaker 1: porn name, it would be long grain.
• 24:43
  Speaker 2: That would be good, huh? Yeah, long grain, dog. This
• 24:46
  Speaker 2: episode is sponsored by PrizePix. Indeed.
• 24:51
  Speaker 1: Do you love firing on sports? Well, PrizePix is the
• 24:55
  Speaker 1: best daily fantasy sports app for you. Sign up today
• 25:00
  Speaker 1: and get $ 50 instantly when you play $ 5. You don't
• 25:06
  Speaker 1: even need to win to receive the $ 50 bonus.
• 25:09
  Speaker 2: It's guaranteed.
• 25:11
  Speaker 1: You can fire on all your favorite sports like NFL,
• 25:14
  Speaker 1: college football, MMA, UFC, many more. What I love about
• 25:19
  Speaker 1: PrizePix is is instead of choosing teams, you choose individual players.
• 25:25
  Speaker 1: Each player has a set projection, and you choose either
• 25:29
  Speaker 1: more or less than that set projection. One Caleb Williams
• 25:33
  Speaker 1: passing yard gets you one win on prize picks every
• 25:38
  Speaker 1: week in September.
• 25:40
  Speaker 2: That's right.
• 25:41
  Speaker 1: Only one yard gets you an automatic win every football
• 25:45
  Speaker 1: weekend in September. That's four weeks of free Ws. Don't
• 25:50
  Speaker 1: miss this deal on PrizePix because it's gone when September ends.
• 25:56
  Speaker 1: If you are smart with sports and you know what
• 25:58
  Speaker 1: players are going to perform on what nights, PrizePix is
• 26:02
  Speaker 1: the best app for you. First-time users download the PrizePix app,
• 26:08
  Speaker 1: use code THEO, and PrizePix will instantly give you $ 50
• 26:12
  Speaker 1: on your first lineup.
• 26:12
  Speaker 2: Of $ 5 or more. No strings attached.
• 26:18
  Speaker 1: Put in $ 5 and instantly get a free $ 50. Sandals, sunscreen,
• 26:25
  Speaker 1: snacks for the kids. What do these have in common? Well,
• 26:29
  Speaker 1: you're probably buying a ton of those again this summer.
• 26:33
  Speaker 1: But don't stress about the cost. Use Ibotta and get
• 26:37
  Speaker 1: cash back on all your purchases when you stock up
• 26:41
  Speaker 1: on all your summer essentials. Ibotta is a free app.
• 26:46
  Speaker 1: that lets you earn cash back every time you shop.
• 26:49
  Speaker 1: Earn on hundreds of items from groceries to beauty supplies,
• 26:53
  Speaker 1: even toys, so you can make sure you're beating inflation
• 26:56
  Speaker 1: no matter what you're purchasing. The average iBody user earns
• 27:02
  Speaker 1: $ 256 per year. That could cover the cost of an
• 27:06
  Speaker 1: entire shopping trip, that flight you've been eyeing, or the
• 27:09
  Speaker 1: fancy dinner you've been craving. Right now, Ibotta is offering
• 27:14
  Speaker 1: our listeners $ 5 just for trying Ibotta by using the
• 27:18
  Speaker 1: code Theo when you register. Just go to the App
• 27:22
  Speaker 1: Store or Google Play Store and download the free Ibotta
• 27:26
  Speaker 1: app to start earning cash back and use code Theo.
• 27:30
  Speaker 1: That's I-B-O-T-T-A in the Google Play or App Store and
• 27:36
  Speaker 1: use code Theo.
• 27:37
  Speaker 2: Ibotta.
• 27:39
  Speaker 1: You're heading to an event. You're taking your spouse or
• 27:41
  Speaker 1: your friend out. to see a game, to see a
• 27:45
  Speaker 1: ballerina or go to the dog track. And you might
• 27:48
  Speaker 1: need tickets. Well, the only ticketing app that gives you
• 27:53
  Speaker 1: complete peace of mind with your purchase is GameTime.
• 27:58
  Speaker 2: You heard me.
• 28:00
  Speaker 1: GameTime. You love going to concerts. You love going to shows.
• 28:04
  Speaker 1: GameTime is the way to do it. GameTime has a
• 28:08
  Speaker 1: new feature called GameTime Picks. That makes getting tickets for
• 28:12
  Speaker 1: concerts and events even easier. Game Time Picks filters out
• 28:18
  Speaker 1: the fluff to show you only incredible deals on great
• 28:21
  Speaker 1: seats so you don't have to waste time searching through
• 28:24
  Speaker 1: thousands of tickets. Take the guesswork out of buying concert
• 28:29
  Speaker 1: tickets with Game Time. Download the Game Time app, create
• 28:34
  Speaker 1: an account, and use code WEEKEND for $ 20 off your
• 28:38
  Speaker 1: first purchase.
• 28:39
  Speaker 2: Terms apply.
• 28:40
  Speaker 1: Again, create an account and redeem code W-E-E-K-E-N-D for $ 20 off.
• 28:49
  Speaker 1: Download GameTime today. Last minute tickets, lowest price guaranteed. Can
• 28:56
  Speaker 1: I just say something about you? You are one of
• 29:01
  Speaker 1: the nicest guys I think I've ever met in comedy. Really?
• 29:08
  Speaker 2: Really? Yeah. Thanks. I mean, it's, I think I'll, I'll,
• 29:11
  Speaker 2: can I give you the, my list? Yeah. Okay.
• 29:14
  Speaker 1: And, and you'll probably know, but, and we'll talk about men.
• 29:18
  Speaker 2: Okay. Okay.
• 29:19
  Speaker 1: Um, I'll talk about women too, but, um, I think
• 29:22
  Speaker 1: aside from you, let's, let's grade them from one to
• 29:26
  Speaker 1: 10 niceness.
• 29:27
  Speaker 2: You're singing in well, but let's do it.
• 29:29
  Speaker 1: It is.
• 29:29
  Speaker 2: Okay. Cause I'm only going to give you names that
• 29:31
  Speaker 2: are like nice. Okay. Greg Fitzsimmons. Oh, my God.
• 29:36
  Speaker 1: Nine.
• 29:37
  Speaker 2: Out of ten? For sure. And he has a new
• 29:38
  Speaker 2: book that just came out. What's it called? It's a special.
• 29:41
  Speaker 2: And he has a new video book that just came out.
• 29:44
  Speaker 2: A special.
• 29:45
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 29:46
  Speaker 2: On YouTube. He was just on your podcast about it,
• 29:47
  Speaker 2: wasn't he? No. Greg Fitzsimmons, you know me. So check
• 29:51
  Speaker 2: that out. I love Greg. I love him. All right.
• 29:53
  Speaker 2: So let's go. Fikim Anwar.
• 29:56
  Speaker 1: Oh. Nine. Nine. Nine.
• 29:59
  Speaker 2: Yeah. I don't think anybody wants to be a ten. Right.
• 30:03
  Speaker 2: They have a little bit of thing that makes them
• 30:05
  Speaker 2: not be a ten. Yeah, they're sick perverts. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 30:08
  Speaker 2: So that keeps everybody a little lower. Nikki Glaser. Eight
• 30:14
  Speaker 2: or nine. For men, sex. If she's supposed to be male,
• 30:20
  Speaker 2: then she's doing a bad job. Yeah, yeah, yeah, bad job. Female, nine.
• 30:22
  Speaker 1: Yeah, for a female, I think she's a nine. Yeah,
• 30:24
  Speaker 1: she's nice. Let's try to find a ten. There's no ten?
• 30:28
  Speaker 2: The nicest?
• 30:28
  Speaker 1: The nicest guy in comedy. I don't think I can
• 30:32
  Speaker 1: find a 10 then. Because if fucking Greg Fitzsimmons is
• 30:36
  Speaker 1: a 9, maybe Jelly Roll.
• 30:38
  Speaker 2: Sebastian. Sebastian's a nice guy. A nice guy.
• 30:41
  Speaker 1: For a busy guy, he always tries to communicate and
• 30:43
  Speaker 1: stay tapped in. But he's also, but he's only, oh
• 30:47
  Speaker 1: my God, I don't want to get in trouble, but
• 30:51
  Speaker 1: I try to edit my, you know, I got to
• 30:53
  Speaker 1: edit my shit now, man. So I got to think clearly, dude.
• 30:56
  Speaker 1: But I want to say something. I believe if you're
• 31:01
  Speaker 1: in his visual range, somebody that he has a relationship with,
• 31:09
  Speaker 1: that he's a 10.
• 31:10
  Speaker 2: I think he's a 10.
• 31:13
  Speaker 1: But I don't think that if you're not in his
• 31:16
  Speaker 1: visual range or in his ecosystem, it's hard to get
• 31:19
  Speaker 1: in because he's so elusive.
• 31:22
  Speaker 2: Yeah, he'll park his car. He'll do a set.
• 31:25
  Speaker 1: And there's no way of like, you know, me going, yo, yo, yo,
• 31:28
  Speaker 1: I'm a comic, too, or whatever. And developing a relationship.
• 31:30
  Speaker 1: I think he the people he knows is who he knows.
• 31:34
  Speaker 2: Yeah. And there's and that fucking roster is filled. Yeah,
• 31:37
  Speaker 2: that's what I think.
• 31:37
  Speaker 1: I think at a certain point you've done all of that.
• 31:39
  Speaker 1: And it's like you only have so much bandwidth. You
• 31:41
  Speaker 1: have children. Yeah. You have a wife and parents. And
• 31:45
  Speaker 1: I think it's just. Yeah, that's you know. I don't
• 31:50
  Speaker 1: know if doing a lot of that fucking glad handing
• 31:55
  Speaker 1: and shit.
• 31:56
  Speaker 2: It's not his shit, really. Yeah, but you're good at it.
• 31:58
  Speaker 1: Well, I feel desperate probably to be a people pleaser. No,
• 32:02
  Speaker 1: because the truth is last night when I was with
• 32:04
  Speaker 1: those two girls. Three girls you were with. No, the
• 32:09
  Speaker 1: other one was a stray.
• 32:11
  Speaker 2: Well, whatever, dude. She knew that I was going to
• 32:13
  Speaker 2: probably go say hi to you.
• 32:14
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 32:14
  Speaker 2: And she went to your show.
• 32:15
  Speaker 1: Well, it's funny that a stray went missing around an Asian. Yeah, yeah.
• 32:24
  Speaker 1: But and I knew that I'm like, yeah, come meet Theo.
• 32:28
  Speaker 1: I don't have that thing like, oh, this could backfire.
• 32:31
  Speaker 2: Yeah. You know, sometimes people are like that where like
• 32:34
  Speaker 2: a girl will go, hey, can I? Oh, OK, so.
• 32:37
  Speaker 1: My friend Alan Meadows, I went to high school with him.
• 32:40
  Speaker 1: He was at the store maybe a month ago. And
• 32:43
  Speaker 1: he's never been.
• 32:45
  Speaker 2: To the store.
• 32:47
  Speaker 1: He's one of those high school friends that is just
• 32:51
  Speaker 1: so stoked for you. You know what I mean? And
• 32:55
  Speaker 1: I love this guy. And we're at the store, and
• 32:58
  Speaker 1: he sees Marc Maron. And he goes, can you introduce me?
• 33:02
  Speaker 1: And for a split second, I was like, I don't know.
• 33:05
  Speaker 2: You know? I did it. Yeah. Mark was also eating pizza,
• 33:09
  Speaker 2: which I've never seen him do. I've never seen him
• 33:11
  Speaker 2: eat anything.
• 33:13
  Speaker 1: I know.
• 33:13
  Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying?
• 33:14
  Speaker 1: Yeah, me either.
• 33:16
  Speaker 2: So it's, yeah, it's scary to introduce. But he was nice, though.
• 33:19
  Speaker 2: He was, yeah.
• 33:19
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah.
• 33:20
  Speaker 2: But you don't know. You know what I mean?
• 33:22
  Speaker 1: Well, Mark doesn't pretend a lot, I don't think, you know?
• 33:25
  Speaker 1: So I feel like, you know, you're going to get
• 33:28
  Speaker 1: the real Mark. It's like Bill Burr. You're going to
• 33:30
  Speaker 1: get who they are at that moment.
• 33:31
  Speaker 2: Okay, do you get scared around him? When you walk
• 33:33
  Speaker 2: up to him. Bill? Yeah.
• 33:35
  Speaker 1: Bill Burry, I get like, and I feel bad. It's
• 33:38
  Speaker 1: just me. He came on the show last night, dude.
• 33:40
  Speaker 1: He jumped on the show.
• 33:41
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I know.
• 33:41
  Speaker 1: It was fucking awesome, dude. I stood on the side
• 33:44
  Speaker 1: and I was like, I need to go home and
• 33:46
  Speaker 1: work right now. I did not want to tell a joke.
• 33:49
  Speaker 1: He just, he is, I mean, he is the best maybe.
• 33:54
  Speaker 1: I think he's the best, but there's just something about, like,
• 33:57
  Speaker 1: me and Andrew were doing Bad Friends. He was upstairs,
• 34:00
  Speaker 1: I guess, as an editing place, and he was editing
• 34:02
  Speaker 1: a special. We didn't know that. So we're just doing
• 34:05
  Speaker 1: Bad Friends. He just walks in.
• 34:07
  Speaker 2: We had no idea.
• 34:09
  Speaker 1: And it was almost as if I was tongue-tied. You
• 34:12
  Speaker 1: know what I mean? I mean, he's done Tiger Belly
• 34:15
  Speaker 1: a bunch of times. I've been to his house. I'm
• 34:18
  Speaker 1: friends with him. I love the guy, right? But every
• 34:20
  Speaker 1: once in a while, I get tongue-tied. Like, I don't
• 34:22
  Speaker 1: know what to say. And I'm always like... He's one
• 34:25
  Speaker 1: of those guys where it's like, you let him talk.
• 34:27
  Speaker 2: Yes.
• 34:28
  Speaker 1: And then you go, yeah, man, that's cool. Dude, that's
• 34:30
  Speaker 1: how I was last night. I was all embarrassed.
• 34:32
  Speaker 2: I was like... It was almost like a hot chick
• 34:34
  Speaker 2: was there. I know. Yeah.
• 34:35
  Speaker 1: He's a hot chick. And you're like, at the certain points,
• 34:38
  Speaker 1: I couldn't even look at him. I just look at
• 34:40
  Speaker 1: my other friend and we're both like supposed to be
• 34:41
  Speaker 1: listening to him. Yeah.
• 34:43
  Speaker 2: We're both looking at each other. Yeah.
• 34:44
  Speaker 1: He just, and he's also a super nice guy too,
• 34:48
  Speaker 1: which is also rattled.
• 34:49
  Speaker 2: I kind of wish he was a dick.
• 34:51
  Speaker 1: Well, I think his material is so like him that
• 34:55
  Speaker 1: there's like something that's intimidating about him, but I don't
• 34:57
  Speaker 1: think he, I don't think he means it to be
• 34:59
  Speaker 1: that way. No.
• 35:00
  Speaker 2: I think his material is just so... It's in our heads. Oh, totally.
• 35:04
  Speaker 1: It's so funny you said that. Yeah, it's in our heads.
• 35:06
  Speaker 1: Because he left and we're all like, oh, dude, were
• 35:08
  Speaker 1: you feeling like... I know, because when I went back there,
• 35:11
  Speaker 1: the residual of him being there was still around. Yeah.
• 35:14
  Speaker 2: People were like, oh, Bill was just here. Yeah, it
• 35:16
  Speaker 2: was like... And I go, I don't give a fuck!
• 35:18
  Speaker 1: It was like the Wizard of Oz when that storm hit.
• 35:20
  Speaker 1: People were like putting their windows back together and shit.
• 35:23
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe he could be the wizard in
• 35:25
  Speaker 2: our Asian Wizard of Oz. Oh. Anyway.
• 35:29
  Speaker 1: I'm going to tell you something that happened to me
• 35:30
  Speaker 1: the other day, and what would you do in this situation?
• 35:33
  Speaker 1: But do you think it's because we're intimidated of his talent? Sorry,
• 35:35
  Speaker 1: I want to go back to what you're saying. And
• 35:38
  Speaker 1: I'll go back to what you're saying.
• 35:39
  Speaker 2: No, no, no, no. It's good. We can just cut.
• 35:41
  Speaker 2: It's fine. Okay, they're just.
• 35:42
  Speaker 1: I'm going to tell you, like we did with The Nicest,
• 35:45
  Speaker 1: I'm going to tell you who, just in my opinion,
• 35:48
  Speaker 1: when they're around, it has the same vibe.
• 35:51
  Speaker 2: Okay? So, Chappelle, obviously. Chris Rock. Like, Chris will go...
• 35:58
  Speaker 2: What's up, man? You know what I mean? And I'm
• 36:01
  Speaker 2: always like, I like you. You know? I get really
• 36:06
  Speaker 2: tongue-tied with that dude. You know, that dude. Oh, yeah.
• 36:09
  Speaker 2: One Christmas, dude. I don't know if I told you.
• 36:13
  Speaker 2: Have I told you about this? That's his movie, One Christmas? Yeah,
• 36:16
  Speaker 2: it's such a great movie. Is it really?
• 36:17
  Speaker 1: No, man.
• 36:17
  Speaker 2: Oh, I don't know what you're talking about. One Christmas, dude.
• 36:20
  Speaker 1: I was on a date. I watched a movie with
• 36:23
  Speaker 1: this girl. You know, have you been to this Third
• 36:25
  Speaker 1: Street Promenade?
• 36:26
  Speaker 2: Yes. Right.
• 36:27
  Speaker 1: So then, you know, I went to this date, and
• 36:29
  Speaker 1: I tried to hold her hand in the thing, and
• 36:32
  Speaker 1: she kind of scooted away.
• 36:34
  Speaker 2: I couldn't get no vibes from her.
• 36:35
  Speaker 1: And afterwards, the Brookstone, well, not Brookstone, what's the bookstore?
• 36:41
  Speaker 2: Barnes & Noble. Barnes & Noble. Dude, all right, there's
• 36:44
  Speaker 2: a better way to say that.
• 36:45
  Speaker 1: Or Borders Books, which Kamala Harris hasn't visited the whole
• 36:48
  Speaker 1: time she's been in office.
• 36:49
  Speaker 2: Yeah, Barnes & Noble, dude.
• 36:51
  Speaker 1: Right, so you know how they have the magazine section?
• 36:54
  Speaker 1: So me and her wandered in the, it was just
• 36:55
  Speaker 1: during Christmas. We wandered into the magazines. Two Asians, a
• 36:58
  Speaker 1: couple periodicals. No, she was white.
• 37:00
  Speaker 2: Oh, she was white? A couple of one Asian. Yeah,
• 37:03
  Speaker 2: a couple of one Asian. And a honky. Yeah, and
• 37:05
  Speaker 2: a honky, dude. Meeting over some frickin' Southern living. I
• 37:09
  Speaker 2: like it. Yeah, yeah. And Chris was there.
• 37:12
  Speaker 3: What?
• 37:13
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 37:14
  Speaker 1: And I swear to God, dude, I had, you know,
• 37:17
  Speaker 1: my relationship with that dude is just pound, say a
• 37:20
  Speaker 1: couple of words, and you're out.
• 37:22
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 37:22
  Speaker 1: Right? Right?
• 37:24
  Speaker 2: And he comes out and he looks at the girl.
• 37:26
  Speaker 2: I swear to God. And he goes, this guy right here,
• 37:29
  Speaker 2: one of the funniest in the business. Wow. He goes,
• 37:32
  Speaker 2: Merry Christmas. He walks away. I hooked up with that
• 37:35
  Speaker 2: girl that night. Fuck yeah. That was a layup.
• 37:37
  Speaker 1: But he's one of them. You know who's another one?
• 37:41
  Speaker 1: For some reason, Sarah Silverman. Very sweet. She's so sweet.
• 37:46
  Speaker 1: But there is a little bit like, I want to
• 37:48
  Speaker 1: watch what I'm going to say.
• 37:49
  Speaker 2: You know what I mean? I'm a little self-aware of
• 37:51
  Speaker 2: how I'm behaving. Yeah. You know? But then there are
• 37:54
  Speaker 2: people that I don't give a shit. Like... Like Santino.
• 38:00
  Speaker 1: I don't give a shit. He's my friend. I mean,
• 38:03
  Speaker 1: that's what it is. Real friend?
• 38:05
  Speaker 2: Bad friend. Yeah, Don. That's what he is. Yeah. And
• 38:10
  Speaker 2: he's a BLM guy, he said. Bobby Lee Matters, he said. Yeah.
• 38:14
  Speaker 2: Are you intimidated by Joe Rogan?
• 38:16
  Speaker 1: I think maybe less and less over time. He has
• 38:20
  Speaker 1: such a good memory. It's almost like something I like. Dude,
• 38:23
  Speaker 1: he is a computer chip.
• 38:24
  Speaker 2: He is. Yeah. People don't realize it, dude. He knows everything.
• 38:27
  Speaker 2: He just has a really good memory. Yeah. What was
• 38:30
  Speaker 2: I going to ask you about? Oh, dude, where were we?
• 38:33
  Speaker 2: Where was I?
• 38:34
  Speaker 1: No, you've just been looking more like kind of put together,
• 38:37
  Speaker 1: I feel like, you know? I feel like you're like
• 38:39
  Speaker 1: in your fisherman era kind of, you know? You know
• 38:42
  Speaker 1: what I'm talking about?
• 38:43
  Speaker 2: No, I don't. Explain.
• 38:44
  Speaker 1: Like boat Bobby, kind of like live bait Bobby, you know? Well,
• 38:47
  Speaker 1: you know, I've gone through some things.
• 38:49
  Speaker 2: Yeah. And I've evolved. Well, that's okay. Yeah, yeah. No,
• 38:51
  Speaker 2: it's a good thing. That little yellow bad boy, that
• 38:53
  Speaker 2: piss scallop. You know what I'm saying? That fucking hero.
• 38:57
  Speaker 2: Piss scallop? Yeah. Oh, this must be. Did you hear that? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 39:03
  Speaker 2: But you call me piss scallop. I didn't say that
• 39:05
  Speaker 2: to you. Yeah, yeah.
• 39:06
  Speaker 1: That's something that they said on. Is this broken? I
• 39:12
  Speaker 1: can't even hear correctly.
• 39:14
  Speaker 2: Yeah, maybe my ears. You didn't say that.
• 39:18
  Speaker 1: Let's change something. Dude, where were you when Trump got shot?
• 39:23
  Speaker 1: Let's talk about something else.
• 39:25
  Speaker 2: What do you mean? Where were you when Trump got shot, man?
• 39:28
  Speaker 2: Who was I? The president got shot. I don't really
• 39:34
  Speaker 2: remember where I was. I was at home.
• 39:37
  Speaker 1: I was at home and when I wake up in
• 39:39
  Speaker 1: the mornings I have a coffee and I bust out
• 39:41
  Speaker 1: my iPad and I just start like I could just
• 39:44
  Speaker 1: go to news.
• 39:45
  Speaker 2: I just want to see what's going on. Yeah. And
• 39:47
  Speaker 2: that was, yeah.
• 39:47
  Speaker 1: And then I remember just watching it going, um, what
• 39:51
  Speaker 1: a sad day for our country, man. Yeah.
• 39:53
  Speaker 2: You know, how, what was he like? Donald Trump. Were
• 39:56
  Speaker 2: you nervous? He was, I mean, he's kind of, were
• 39:59
  Speaker 2: you nervous? Yeah. Like more nervous than you've ever been
• 40:03
  Speaker 2: in your life. Yeah. Yeah. I would be too.
• 40:07
  Speaker 1: And then, I gotta know, when he walks in, right?
• 40:11
  Speaker 1: I mean, do you have things planned? Yeah, I had
• 40:13
  Speaker 1: some ideas, but I think I was super nervous. I
• 40:16
  Speaker 1: had a long week, and it was like, you ever
• 40:19
  Speaker 1: have like a date you're excited for, but you've had
• 40:21
  Speaker 1: a craziest, longest week, and it finally, Friday night comes
• 40:24
  Speaker 1: or something, and you're like.
• 40:25
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's what it was. Yeah, that's what it was.
• 40:27
  Speaker 1: And so it was like, you know, and so I just,
• 40:32
  Speaker 1: and I knew I had a limited amount of time.
• 40:34
  Speaker 2: What was the time?
• 40:34
  Speaker 1: Probably 52 minutes we had. 52 minutes. Yeah.
• 40:37
  Speaker 2: That's a long time though. Yeah.
• 40:39
  Speaker 1: But I, I know we can go fast and he
• 40:41
  Speaker 1: can get on some, he gets on some tangents and
• 40:43
  Speaker 1: he'll go. So I didn't want, I was like, you
• 40:46
  Speaker 1: have to kind of curtail him a little bit, you know? Um,
• 40:49
  Speaker 1: and so I tried to do that. With the clips
• 40:51
  Speaker 1: I've seen though, I think that you were pretty, you
• 40:53
  Speaker 1: were good.
• 40:54
  Speaker 2: Thanks man.
• 40:55
  Speaker 1: Yeah. You know, you, yeah, you were good. I tried
• 40:57
  Speaker 1: my best, you know, I thought it was interesting. I
• 40:59
  Speaker 1: thought he was nice. Um, I got to meet Ivanka
• 41:01
  Speaker 1: and her husband.
• 41:01
  Speaker 2: That was cool. Oh, that's cool.
• 41:03
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 41:04
  Speaker 2: There's a lot of Asians for Trump out there. Do
• 41:06
  Speaker 2: you know that? How do Asians feel about Trump? Let's
• 41:14
  Speaker 2: say it, man. Can I say something to you? Yeah.
• 41:18
  Speaker 1: I'm not the president of Asians. You seem to think
• 41:23
  Speaker 1: that I'm their leader. Like every month there's a gathering, right?
• 41:28
  Speaker 1: And I get all this information from people.
• 41:30
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 41:31
  Speaker 1: Right? And then I go out to the world, I'm
• 41:32
  Speaker 1: their spokesperson or something. I don't know what the fuck
• 41:34
  Speaker 1: you're talking about.
• 41:35
  Speaker 2: You're like Kim Jong-un. No, I'm not Kim Jong-un. You're
• 41:37
  Speaker 2: like a smaller, like scam Jong-un. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 41:41
  Speaker 1: You know, I think that Kim Jong-un and I come
• 41:43
  Speaker 1: from the same body type. I would say that.
• 41:47
  Speaker 3: Right?
• 41:47
  Speaker 1: Like if they made a factory of like Asians, I'm
• 41:51
  Speaker 1: the same mold as Kim Jong-un and Benedict Wong.
• 41:54
  Speaker 2: Yeah. You know Benedict Wong? I don't think so. You
• 41:58
  Speaker 2: ever see Doctor Strange? Nuh-uh. You have the very emperor's body.
• 42:02
  Speaker 2: That's Benedict Wong.
• 42:03
  Speaker 1: Oh, you guys. Yeah, that's the era you're in right now, Bobby. Yeah,
• 42:06
  Speaker 1: so that's like the same mold. He's a great guy,
• 42:09
  Speaker 1: by the way, Benedict. Wow. Yeah, but it's like, you know,
• 42:11
  Speaker 1: and he just went more action with his body.
• 42:15
  Speaker 2: Good for him.
• 42:15
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah. Yeah, you have very like the emperor that
• 42:18
  Speaker 1: inherits the castle type of, you know.
• 42:20
  Speaker 2: Thank you. Thank you, dude. That's the best. Yeah. But
• 42:23
  Speaker 2: I want to say that I don't know if they're,
• 42:25
  Speaker 2: you know, I know Stephen Chung. You know him?
• 42:26
  Speaker 1: Mm-hmm. Yeah, he's, I think, look up Stephen Chung. I
• 42:30
  Speaker 1: think he's an attorney for Trump, is it?
• 42:35
  Speaker 2: Stephen Chung. Yeah, Republican. Yeah, he's with the Trump campaign. Yeah, yeah. Oh, nice.
• 42:39
  Speaker 1: You know, so if you want to ask about Asians
• 42:42
  Speaker 1: and Trump, ask Stephen. Yeah, that'd be cool to meet
• 42:44
  Speaker 1: Stephen Chung.
• 42:45
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 42:46
  Speaker 1: Did you see that Asian guy? Look to the Asian
• 42:49
  Speaker 1: guy at the Trump rally. You see him?
• 42:51
  Speaker 2: No, tell me. Bring it up. Oh, yeah, this is it. Oh,
• 42:52
  Speaker 2: this guy. Okay, what happens to this guy?
• 42:55
  Speaker 1: It's like gays and Asians meeting or whatever. This Asian
• 42:58
  Speaker 1: guy meets this woman. Let's see what happens.
• 43:02
  Speaker 2: I like to smile. I'm serious right now. I don't know.
• 43:06
  Speaker 2: Guess how old I am.
• 43:07
  Speaker 1: 22.
• 43:08
  Speaker 2: 16. You're 16. But if you want to kiss me,
• 43:10
  Speaker 2: I will kiss you. Don't act scared.
• 43:12
  Speaker 1: This is my first kiss.
• 43:13
  Speaker 2: Come on, bend over. I can't reach you. I came
• 43:20
  Speaker 2: to this show probably to find love.
• 43:21
  Speaker 1: I wanted to find me a good American woman.
• 43:24
  Speaker 2: I'm not a woman.
• 43:26
  Speaker 1: Oh. I'm not a woman. Wait, what?
• 43:29
  Speaker 2: He keeps thinking I'm a woman.
• 43:30
  Speaker 3: I'm a man.
• 43:31
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah. Kiss that.
• 43:37
  Speaker 3: Man.
• 43:38
  Speaker 2: For Trump, bro.
• 43:40
  Speaker 1: He kissed a dude for Trump, bro. That's a Gaysian
• 43:44
  Speaker 1: right there for sure, dude.
• 43:46
  Speaker 2: Wow, bro. That was fucking weird. It's almost as if
• 43:49
  Speaker 2: it's like AI or something.
• 43:52
  Speaker 1: Wow.
• 43:52
  Speaker 2: G-A-I.
• 43:54
  Speaker 1: Brian.
• 43:55
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Wow. His name's Brian. Brian. Yeah, I don't know
• 44:00
  Speaker 2: what went wrong with him, but, you know. Play that
• 44:02
  Speaker 2: last part again. Yeah, tell you what. I'm trying to
• 44:06
  Speaker 2: find love.
• 44:06
  Speaker 1: I want to find me a good American woman.
• 44:09
  Speaker 2: I'm not a woman.
• 44:11
  Speaker 1: Oh.
• 44:12
  Speaker 2: I'm not a woman.
• 44:13
  Speaker 1: Wait, what?
• 44:14
  Speaker 3: He keeps thinking I'm a woman.
• 44:16
  Speaker 1: I'm a man. Yeah, yeah.
• 44:19
  Speaker 2: Whoa. That's Elton Young. Yeah, yeah, dude.
• 44:23
  Speaker 1: Wow.
• 44:24
  Speaker 2: Wow.
• 44:25
  Speaker 1: Are there more Asians than Trump? Do Asians support Trump
• 44:28
  Speaker 1: or not? Okay, I think some do. Yeah, I'm sure
• 44:32
  Speaker 1: some do. When it comes to the economy, probably. You
• 44:35
  Speaker 1: know what I mean?
• 44:38
  Speaker 2: What is this one? This is a Trump country. We
• 44:41
  Speaker 2: live in the southeast. We drink sweet tea. We don't
• 44:46
  Speaker 2: drink socialist Kool-Aid.
• 44:48
  Speaker 1: Wow. Wow. So they're out there. This is a sweet
• 44:54
  Speaker 1: tea country. We don't drink the Trump Kool-Aid.
• 44:58
  Speaker 2: What does he say? Socialist Kool-Aid. Wow, dude. I wrote
• 45:04
  Speaker 2: that speech for him. Did you know that? At the meeting,
• 45:06
  Speaker 2: I did.
• 45:06
  Speaker 1: You're the speech writer. Yeah, I'm the speech writer, dude.
• 45:10
  Speaker 1: He said it perfectly the way I wrote it. He did, yeah. Yeah,
• 45:14
  Speaker 1: the Kool-Aid, socialist, all that shit was in there, dude.
• 45:17
  Speaker 1: What a great guy. What percent of Asians are supporting Trump, though,
• 45:20
  Speaker 1: do you think?
• 45:21
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Let me ask you something.
• 45:23
  Speaker 1: With this line of questioning, are you trying to get
• 45:26
  Speaker 1: what my political affiliation is?
• 45:30
  Speaker 2: I ain't going to tell you, dog. Okay. Yeah. And
• 45:33
  Speaker 2: I have to say this. I'm in the middle. Yeah.
• 45:35
  Speaker 2: What are you?
• 45:37
  Speaker 1: I am.
• 45:38
  Speaker 2: That's a good question, man.
• 45:42
  Speaker 1: Because obviously there are things that I like, you know.
• 45:45
  Speaker 1: I like both sides. Like a woman's right to choose.
• 45:49
  Speaker 2: I don't give a fuck. I want them to have
• 45:51
  Speaker 2: the right. It's not me. It has nothing to do
• 45:54
  Speaker 2: with me. Right? I just think... I mean, I'm kind of,
• 45:58
  Speaker 2: I'm in the middle of one side, kind of. You
• 46:00
  Speaker 2: know what I'm saying? A little bit more. What do
• 46:03
  Speaker 2: you mean? Huh? So you're in the middle of one side. Yeah.
• 46:06
  Speaker 1: Well, I think I've always been. I mean, I love
• 46:09
  Speaker 1: the fact that Trump brought over RFK Jr. I'm still
• 46:12
  Speaker 1: pissed that the Democrats railroaded Bernie Sanders.
• 46:16
  Speaker 2: I like Bernie. Me too.
• 46:18
  Speaker 1: It's like, is democracy even real in this country anymore?
• 46:22
  Speaker 2: I don't know. Okay. That's what I don't even know anymore.
• 46:24
  Speaker 2: I don't even know if all of us are just being.
• 46:27
  Speaker 1: Played that's what it starts to feel like yeah, I
• 46:30
  Speaker 1: generally don't like talking about politics, but I'll say this
• 46:35
  Speaker 1: I'll say that one side you know is more supportive
• 46:41
  Speaker 1: of what I do for a living.
• 46:51
  Speaker 2: What do you do Comedy. You mean... Comedy. Comedy. Okay.
• 46:58
  Speaker 2: You mean freedom of speech or whatever? Yeah. Okay.
• 47:02
  Speaker 1: I think one side is a little more sensitive than
• 47:05
  Speaker 1: the other side, and so, you know, I struggle with
• 47:08
  Speaker 1: that fact. Yeah.
• 47:10
  Speaker 2: You know? Look, man. I've voted for Obama and I've
• 47:13
  Speaker 2: voted for Trump. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I'm not a...
• 47:16
  Speaker 2: I am open to anything. Yeah, I've never really voted. Really? No,
• 47:21
  Speaker 2: I voted for Obama one season. You did?
• 47:22
  Speaker 1: One season I did, yeah. Can you go back to
• 47:26
  Speaker 1: the– Here's what you did. I want to go back
• 47:28
  Speaker 1: to the– remember the original question I had?
• 47:30
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 47:30
  Speaker 1: Like from 15 minutes ago? And then you were like, oh,
• 47:33
  Speaker 1: I want to go back to that, and we never did.
• 47:34
  Speaker 2: Oh, about what? I forgot. Being bisexual or whatever?
• 47:39
  Speaker 1: No, after that. I didn't even explain it to you.
• 47:44
  Speaker 1: Something happened to me the other day. Yeah, what was it?
• 47:47
  Speaker 1: I was going to ask you, like, what would you
• 47:49
  Speaker 1: do in that situation?
• 47:50
  Speaker 2: Yeah, what was it?
• 47:52
  Speaker 1: So I was at a gas station, right? And I'm
• 47:55
  Speaker 1: pumping gas. And there's a guy, like, right in back
• 47:58
  Speaker 1: of me pumping gas, you know? And he looks at
• 48:00
  Speaker 1: me and he goes, he goes, yo, dude, can I
• 48:04
  Speaker 1: get a photo?
• 48:05
  Speaker 2: Right?
• 48:05
  Speaker 1: And I, dude, that day, dude, I went through it.
• 48:09
  Speaker 1: I was beaten down. I was tired. I was in
• 48:12
  Speaker 1: a really bad mood. And I go, yeah, okay. And
• 48:17
  Speaker 1: he goes, ah, never mind then. Because I wasn't enthusiastic
• 48:22
  Speaker 1: about the photo.
• 48:23
  Speaker 3: Right.
• 48:24
  Speaker 2: You know? What does one do in that situation?
• 48:27
  Speaker 1: I think you just got to respect it because I
• 48:28
  Speaker 1: think it played out like it was supposed to.
• 48:30
  Speaker 2: But then I go, I'll take a photo. He's like, nah, man.
• 48:34
  Speaker 1: Now you're the bad guy. Now I'm the bad guy.
• 48:37
  Speaker 1: He's like, I don't want a photo with you because,
• 48:38
  Speaker 1: you know what I mean, what he's basically trying to
• 48:41
  Speaker 1: say is because I wasn't like, yeah!
• 48:44
  Speaker 2: Let's take a photo! You and me? Forever! You all right?
• 48:49
  Speaker 2: He wanted that reaction. Yeah.
• 48:51
  Speaker 1: When I gave him an organic, like, yeah, dude, I'm,
• 48:53
  Speaker 1: you know, I didn't say this, but it's like, I'm
• 48:55
  Speaker 1: fucking tired, but I'll do it.
• 48:56
  Speaker 2: Cause I've never said no to anybody. Well, that's part
• 48:59
  Speaker 2: of the problem. Yeah.
• 49:01
  Speaker 1: And it's sometimes you have to like, cause yeah, I
• 49:02
  Speaker 1: would be like that forever. And now it started to
• 49:04
  Speaker 1: set my own boundaries. And I was, I was like,
• 49:06
  Speaker 1: Hey man, I'm having a bad day. I don't feel
• 49:07
  Speaker 1: like it. I'm at the gym. I'm just trying to
• 49:09
  Speaker 1: work out or little things like that. Because you also
• 49:11
  Speaker 1: don't want to interrupt your train of thought. Sometimes your
• 49:14
  Speaker 1: imagination or whatever. because every time you like, you know,
• 49:18
  Speaker 1: so sometimes that can be a bit overbearing.
• 49:20
  Speaker 2: You killed it in Sweet Dreams. Oh, in the movie? Thanks.
• 49:25
  Speaker 2: You killed it in that. Thanks, dude. Yeah. I would
• 49:30
  Speaker 2: like to make something. I just want to make something
• 49:31
  Speaker 2: of my own. You will.
• 49:33
  Speaker 1: That's the only thing. I don't want to be a
• 49:34
  Speaker 1: part of something anybody else's thing. I understand that but
• 49:38
  Speaker 1: the test is and you passed it, I think, is
• 49:42
  Speaker 1: to do a project that you have nothing to do with,
• 49:45
  Speaker 1: show up and saying other people's words, and you're doing
• 49:50
  Speaker 1: it with real actors and people that have been doing
• 49:53
  Speaker 1: it for years, and just holding your own and being
• 49:55
  Speaker 1: natural and being good. And so I just wanted to
• 49:59
  Speaker 1: give you those props, because you really did kill it.
• 50:03
  Speaker 2: Thanks, man. You're welcome.
• 50:04
  Speaker 1: You always do a nice job, man, of saying nice
• 50:06
  Speaker 1: things about people. Where'd you learn that, I wonder? Where'd
• 50:11
  Speaker 1: you learn that? Like you always do that where you
• 50:14
  Speaker 1: like say something nice about people. I'll tell you why.
• 50:19
  Speaker 2: Because I hate this business.
• 50:22
  Speaker 1: Dude, back in the 90s, like I just put out
• 50:24
  Speaker 1: this fucking Like who was you? You got in a
• 50:26
  Speaker 1: fight with Sinbad or something?
• 50:28
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah. No, no, no.
• 50:30
  Speaker 1: No.
• 50:30
  Speaker 2: But check this out, dude. So check this out. So
• 50:34
  Speaker 2: this right here, I just posted this. It was in 1998.
• 50:37
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 50:37
  Speaker 2: Original room. Lineup.
• 50:42
  Speaker 3: Wow.
• 50:43
  Speaker 2: Okay. I can't wait to see this, actually. Yeah, and I.
• 50:48
  Speaker 1: Mean, look at it. 1998. And when I saw this lineup,
• 50:53
  Speaker 1: it brought me back to that time. And in that
• 50:56
  Speaker 1: time in comedy, look at who's in it. They're still around.
• 51:00
  Speaker 1: Schubert's still around. Johnny Sanchez.
• 51:02
  Speaker 2: Argus is still around. Dice is still around. Rogan. Brian Holtzman.
• 51:07
  Speaker 3: Wow.
• 51:07
  Speaker 1: Right?
• 51:08
  Speaker 2: And this is 26 years ago. Right? Yeah, the whole lineup.
• 51:14
  Speaker 2: This is July 4th, July 2nd, 1998. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 51:19
  Speaker 2: Jonathan Gotzik. Okay, Jonathan Gotzik, one of the funniest guys
• 51:23
  Speaker 2: I've ever met in my life. He still does it? No,
• 51:25
  Speaker 2: he quit. Wow. Dave Pierre. One of the funniest guys.
• 51:29
  Speaker 2: I mean, I'm looking at it from.
• 51:30
  Speaker 1: 1998 bobby lee but i just remember watching those fools
• 51:35
  Speaker 1: and going wow they're funny oh yeah maybe maybe i'm
• 51:38
  Speaker 1: maybe i've evolved or whatever but they don't get they
• 51:40
  Speaker 1: don't get here by not having that in them i
• 51:42
  Speaker 1: don't think jason galern hilarious bobby lee me oh yeah
• 51:48
  Speaker 1: sorry e.l gregory no don't know who that is jimmy
• 51:51
  Speaker 1: schubert love him hilarious hilarious yeah yeah argus hamilton around Yeah, alive, still.
• 51:58
  Speaker 2: Alive, can't believe it. R.I.P., but still here.
• 52:00
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 52:01
  Speaker 2: But still here.
• 52:01
  Speaker 1: Still R.I.P. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Frankie Pace.
• 52:06
  Speaker 2: Frankie Pace. Frankie Pace, Luke Torres, Andrew Dice Clay.
• 52:09
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 52:10
  Speaker 2: Joe Rogan, Brian Holtzman. Yeah. And Rick Wright.
• 52:13
  Speaker 1: So back then, I just remember being a kid. You
• 52:17
  Speaker 1: know what I mean? Because I'm in my early 20s.
• 52:18
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Oh. You all right?
• 52:20
  Speaker 1: And you were the talk of the town. People said
• 52:22
  Speaker 1: when you came out.
• 52:23
  Speaker 2: No, they hated me.
• 52:24
  Speaker 1: Huh? Yeah.
• 52:25
  Speaker 2: Are you out of your fucking mind? They fucking hated
• 52:27
  Speaker 2: me back then, dude. Really?
• 52:29
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it was, dude, I would have, dude, I would have, like,
• 52:32
  Speaker 1: white dudes literally walk up to me and go, hey, man,
• 52:34
  Speaker 1: Asians aren't funny.
• 52:36
  Speaker 2: Wow. Yeah. I was like. Because of the war or whatever?
• 52:40
  Speaker 1: What?
• 52:42
  Speaker 2: I said, because of the war or whatever? Which war?
• 52:45
  Speaker 3: Nam?
• 52:46
  Speaker 2: Korean. No, whatever the latest one was with you guys.
• 52:50
  Speaker 2: I don't know. The latest one would be Vietnam. You
• 52:53
  Speaker 2: guys keep starting shit, dude. And we also won that.
• 52:56
  Speaker 2: We won that one, dude. I agree, bro. Dude, why
• 52:59
  Speaker 2: does everything have to be a war with you, dude?
• 53:01
  Speaker 1: Bro, I'm happy to go over there and fight for
• 53:04
  Speaker 1: you guys. Next time I'll fight for you guys, dude.
• 53:08
  Speaker 2: Dude, Vietnam War, you did fight with the South, I think,
• 53:12
  Speaker 2: against the North. I want to fight for you guys. Yeah,
• 53:15
  Speaker 2: I know. You did the Southern part of whatever. I'm
• 53:17
  Speaker 2: not even Vietnamese. And the South won. I'm not Vietnamese.
• 53:20
  Speaker 2: All right. But in Korea, you guys fought with the South.
• 53:23
  Speaker 2: All right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Oh, God, dude. This guy.
• 53:27
  Speaker 2: I know, dude. This is every time I'm with you, dude.
• 53:29
  Speaker 2: I sweat. Well, you got to give a pamphlet or
• 53:33
  Speaker 2: something whenever you see people. I know.
• 53:34
  Speaker 1: But anyway, let's go back to this lineup. Back then,
• 53:37
  Speaker 1: it was fucking– people were so mean back then. Yeah.
• 53:42
  Speaker 2: And what would they do? They would write stuff on
• 53:44
  Speaker 2: your car or whatever? No. I mean– What do you mean?
• 53:48
  Speaker 2: Like there was– or graffiti or whatever?
• 53:50
  Speaker 1: No, no, no.
• 53:50
  Speaker 2: They wouldn't do stuff like that.
• 53:51
  Speaker 1: But it would be more like– one time I was–
• 53:55
  Speaker 1: I had a list of jokes I was going to
• 53:57
  Speaker 1: try and a comic– picked that out of my hand
• 54:03
  Speaker 1: and he goes, seen it, seen it, done it, done it,
• 54:06
  Speaker 1: seen it, seen it, done it.
• 54:07
  Speaker 2: And just handed it back to me. You know what
• 54:09
  Speaker 2: I mean?
• 54:10
  Speaker 1: Just like flat out fucking rude for no fucking reason
• 54:14
  Speaker 1: because it's like, but now because, because of the internet
• 54:18
  Speaker 1: or whatever, it's just like, there's, you can't, you're not,
• 54:20
  Speaker 1: you can't afford to act like that. Right.
• 54:24
  Speaker 2: Right. Because it's like, everyone has a shot.
• 54:27
  Speaker 1: Right. And it's like, And I remember back then going,
• 54:30
  Speaker 1: if I'm ever in a position where I can be nice,
• 54:34
  Speaker 1: I'm just going to be.
• 54:35
  Speaker 2: You do it all the time. And I feel like,
• 54:37
  Speaker 2: I think I am. You do it well, man. What
• 54:40
  Speaker 2: do you mean doing nice well? You're nice too. What
• 54:42
  Speaker 2: the fuck are you talking about? You do it well.
• 54:44
  Speaker 2: Are you good at intros?
• 54:48
  Speaker 1: I don't know.
• 54:49
  Speaker 2: Like when you bring people up on stage? Oh, you're
• 54:52
  Speaker 2: pretty good at it. Are you good at it? I
• 54:54
  Speaker 2: like going up after you. I know, but are you
• 54:57
  Speaker 2: good at it? I think I am. All right, so
• 54:59
  Speaker 2: if I'm about to go up, give me an intro.
• 55:01
  Speaker 1: I'll be like, ladies and gentlemen, this next guy, I'll
• 55:05
  Speaker 1: drop him off at a VFW and see how they
• 55:08
  Speaker 1: treat him over there. He is a true hero. You
• 55:12
  Speaker 1: know him from Bad Friends.
• 55:14
  Speaker 2: That's good.
• 55:14
  Speaker 1: You know him from different places on the internet.
• 55:21
  Speaker 2: You guys. It's enough. It's enough. It's not good. You
• 55:25
  Speaker 2: guys give it up. It's enough. Sorry. Can I teach
• 55:28
  Speaker 2: you how to do it? You guys give it up
• 55:30
  Speaker 2: for Ken Jeong.
• 55:32
  Speaker 1: No.
• 55:32
  Speaker 2: Okay. Can I teach you how to do it? Yes.
• 55:35
  Speaker 2: All right. I think I know. Because you're a master
• 55:38
  Speaker 2: at it. I agree.
• 55:39
  Speaker 1: All right.
• 55:39
  Speaker 2: So my theory is this.
• 55:42
  Speaker 1: It's like if you do like this next guy clubs
• 55:46
  Speaker 1: and colleges and just something that's not specific, right?
• 55:49
  Speaker 2: It's just the audience can tell.
• 55:51
  Speaker 1: There's no relationship between the two people, right? Yeah. So
• 55:55
  Speaker 1: you put in personalized things. I remember when I first
• 55:59
  Speaker 1: met this guy, him and I had coffee. You personalize it, right?
• 56:04
  Speaker 1: And then you give him specific credits. Instead of clubs
• 56:08
  Speaker 1: and colleges, you go, dude, I saw him in an episode.
• 56:10
  Speaker 1: Like for me, if I brought you up, I'd be like, dude,
• 56:13
  Speaker 1: I did a movie with this guy called Sweet Dreams.
• 56:15
  Speaker 1: This guy killed it in everything. And he's killing it
• 56:19
  Speaker 1: on stage. You personalize it. Yeah, to let people know
• 56:23
  Speaker 1: that you have a real relationship.
• 56:24
  Speaker 2: I wouldn't go to Vietnam. Vietnam, VAW, whatever the fuck
• 56:27
  Speaker 2: you were saying.
• 56:28
  Speaker 1: VFW. Whatever you were saying. I wouldn't do that, but,
• 56:30
  Speaker 1: you know. Well, I'm just saying, if I took you
• 56:34
  Speaker 1: to a VFW and dropped you off in there, right?
• 56:36
  Speaker 2: What is a VFW? Veterans of Foreign Wars. Oh, that's right.
• 56:40
  Speaker 2: That's right. What do you think? Huh?
• 56:42
  Speaker 1: If I dropped off, you dropped me off at a VFW?
• 56:44
  Speaker 1: If we dressed you up in, like, a Civil War uniform,
• 56:47
  Speaker 1: I'd drop you off.
• 56:48
  Speaker 3: Right.
• 56:49
  Speaker 2: At a VFW.
• 56:50
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 56:51
  Speaker 2: I have a musket, right? You're like, we're going to
• 56:54
  Speaker 2: kill these guys.
• 56:56
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 56:56
  Speaker 2: And then I have one of those, you know what
• 56:58
  Speaker 2: I mean, mustaches that curl. And one of those round bugles. Yeah.
• 57:01
  Speaker 2: What do you think that would happen? Yeah. I think
• 57:05
  Speaker 2: they'd be like. They'd call the FBI.
• 57:07
  Speaker 3: Hmm. Yeah.
• 57:07
  Speaker 2: I don't think that'd be good. A lot of white
• 57:10
  Speaker 2: guys would be like. And I walked in.
• 57:12
  Speaker 3: Wow.
• 57:12
  Speaker 2: Okay. George. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 57:18
  Speaker 1: Does blue chew work? If you're asking that question, well,
• 57:23
  Speaker 1: we want you to know that Blue Chew is putting
• 57:27
  Speaker 1: their money where their mouth is by giving you a
• 57:29
  Speaker 1: month free. Blue Chew is an online service that delivers
• 57:34
  Speaker 1: the same active ingredients as Viagra, Cialis, and Levitra, but
• 57:39
  Speaker 1: at a fraction of the cost and in chewable form.
• 57:43
  Speaker 1: The best part? It's all done online. That means no
• 57:47
  Speaker 1: visits to the doctor's office, no awkward conversations, and no
• 57:52
  Speaker 1: waiting in line at the pharmacy. Blue Chew wants men
• 57:56
  Speaker 1: rock hard. They told me that's the mission. They will
• 58:00
  Speaker 1: not stop until every man is bricked up like a
• 58:03
  Speaker 1: brick house.
• 58:04
  Speaker 2: Hey, bricky.
• 58:06
  Speaker 1: Till every tent is pitched. Till every rod is raised.
• 58:10
  Speaker 1: What are we talking about? Discover your options at bluechew.com.
• 58:16
  Speaker 1: And we've got a special deal for our listeners. Try
• 58:19
  Speaker 1: Blue Chew free. When you use our promo code Theo
• 58:23
  Speaker 1: at checkout, just pay $ 5 shipping. That's bluechew.com promo code
• 58:30
  Speaker 1: Theo to receive your first month free. Visit bluechew.com for
• 58:34
  Speaker 1: more details and important safety information. And we thank Blue
• 58:39
  Speaker 1: Chew for sponsoring the podcast. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp.
• 58:46
  Speaker 1: If you've ever considered therapy for yourself, Or if you
• 58:50
  Speaker 1: think a loved one is struggling and could use someone
• 58:53
  Speaker 1: to talk to, BetterHelp is a great option. I've used them.
• 58:59
  Speaker 1: I enjoy it. What I like about BetterHelp is you
• 59:01
  Speaker 1: can switch therapists at any time. And I encourage you
• 59:05
  Speaker 1: to do that. Don't feel like, oh, the therapist is
• 59:08
  Speaker 1: going to be upset if I can't see them again.
• 59:10
  Speaker 1: It's all about you getting better. It's entirely online, BetterHelp is,
• 59:17
  Speaker 1: and it's designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to
• 59:21
  Speaker 1: your schedule. Rediscover yourself. Get comfortable with who you are.
• 59:26
  Speaker 1: Have someone to help you feel better. or talk to
• 59:31
  Speaker 1: visit better help.com slash Theo today to get 10% off
• 59:36
  Speaker 1: your first month. Rediscover your curiosity with better help.
• 59:41
  Speaker 2: That's better.
• 59:43
  Speaker 1: H E L P better help.com slash Theo to get
• 59:48
  Speaker 1: 10% off your first month. Dude, did you see that
• 59:51
  Speaker 1: pull up that, um, there was, there was one lady
• 59:53
  Speaker 1: that covered the Trump thing. It was, I think it
• 59:54
  Speaker 1: was an Asian lady. Do you see the thing? covered
• 59:59
  Speaker 1: the time that we interviewed Trump. This is kind of
• 1:00:00
  Speaker 1: self-aggrandizing or whatever.
• 1:00:02
  Speaker 2: Oh, here we go.
• 1:00:03
  Speaker 3: But that's not even all. Trump has wooed this hyper-masculine
• 1:00:08
  Speaker 3: online culture deeply. During a recent podcast with the comedian
• 1:00:15
  Speaker 3: Theo Wong, instead of talking about economy or immigration or
• 1:00:19
  Speaker 3: healthcare or the global conflicts, they discussed cocaine addiction.
• 1:00:25
  Speaker 2: No. Did you? Did you really? Yeah. What'd you ask him? Cocaine.
• 1:00:31
  Speaker 1: Have you ever asked him if he did coke? He
• 1:00:32
  Speaker 1: doesn't do coke, right? He's never done drugs. He doesn't drink.
• 1:00:35
  Speaker 1: He doesn't smoke. Don't drink, don't smoke.
• 1:00:37
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 1:00:38
  Speaker 1: Cocaine addiction. What did you ask him, though? What's up
• 1:00:44
  Speaker 1: with cocaine addiction? We talked about addiction. His brother died
• 1:00:46
  Speaker 1: from addiction. Oh, wow. From alcoholism, I'm sorry. So we
• 1:00:50
  Speaker 1: talked about that, and then we talked about why he
• 1:00:53
  Speaker 1: never drank or smoked. He kind of led on that
• 1:00:55
  Speaker 1: he thought... There could be some tendencies that he could
• 1:00:57
  Speaker 1: have the same thing his brother had, so I think
• 1:00:59
  Speaker 1: he didn't want, you.
• 1:00:59
  Speaker 2: Know, he had fear about that.
• 1:01:01
  Speaker 1: I can't, you know, I don't, do you understand that
• 1:01:04
  Speaker 1: or no? What, your brother having something you have, you mean?
• 1:01:07
  Speaker 2: No, no, no, no.
• 1:01:09
  Speaker 1: Because I've met, like, I remember, like, Dane Cook was
• 1:01:11
  Speaker 1: like that. Like, I don't drink or do drugs. Carlos
• 1:01:14
  Speaker 1: Mencia for a while was like that, too, where it
• 1:01:16
  Speaker 1: was like, yeah, I don't touch that stuff. Like to me,
• 1:01:18
  Speaker 1: it's like, I love it.
• 1:01:20
  Speaker 2: Yeah. You love it? Yeah.
• 1:01:22
  Speaker 1: Cause I just, I think I don't, I, over time,
• 1:01:25
  Speaker 1: I don't, my, my natural state, I think wasn't my
• 1:01:29
  Speaker 1: favorite throughout my life, probably how I felt. So if
• 1:01:32
  Speaker 1: I could change that in some way, then I want
• 1:01:34
  Speaker 1: to do that. So those are the things you change
• 1:01:37
  Speaker 1: it with either, you know, stuff like that.
• 1:01:40
  Speaker 2: I think I just don't like feelings. Yeah. Wow. That's interesting.
• 1:01:46
  Speaker 1: I don't any, it's like I, and I'm sober now
• 1:01:50
  Speaker 1: and I've, and I've been able to like, kind of
• 1:01:52
  Speaker 1: what my therapist says is to like, kind of just
• 1:01:55
  Speaker 1: identify what you're feeling. Right. And feel it, you know?
• 1:02:00
  Speaker 1: And I, um, but I never liked them. I never
• 1:02:04
  Speaker 1: liked depression or sadness or trauma or anything. I, when
• 1:02:08
  Speaker 1: I just, I just, it doesn't sit well in my body.
• 1:02:12
  Speaker 2: You know what I mean?
• 1:02:12
  Speaker 1: So it's like, I always like consume things with it.
• 1:02:15
  Speaker 1: But it's, you know, but that's more destructive, you know,
• 1:02:18
  Speaker 1: and so that's why I'm sober. And I'm I feel
• 1:02:21
  Speaker 1: pretty free now. And I think I can handle most emotions.
• 1:02:24
  Speaker 1: We take on a lot more social. You've been a
• 1:02:25
  Speaker 1: lot more social, I think, in the past two years,
• 1:02:27
  Speaker 1: it seems like.
• 1:02:28
  Speaker 2: So what do you mean? Just like trying to stay busy,
• 1:02:30
  Speaker 2: do more things. Right.
• 1:02:31
  Speaker 1: Like actually put yourself out into situations and stuff. Dude,
• 1:02:35
  Speaker 1: I think I never like you said, I didn't like
• 1:02:37
  Speaker 1: having feelings.
• 1:02:39
  Speaker 2: I like. No matter how I felt, I felt ashamed
• 1:02:43
  Speaker 2: of how I felt. That was weird, you know? Yeah.
• 1:02:46
  Speaker 1: Like, it's a lot of times I wouldn't feel good.
• 1:02:47
  Speaker 1: And this, I'm trying to, I'm not getting into self-pity.
• 1:02:49
  Speaker 1: I'm just saying, I'm not saying this. I feel fine today.
• 1:02:52
  Speaker 1: But sometimes I wouldn't feel good. And then I would
• 1:02:54
  Speaker 1: feel ashamed for not feeling good. That's the part that
• 1:02:57
  Speaker 1: I didn't understand sometimes. Because that made it so hard to, like,
• 1:03:02
  Speaker 1: figure out the first part.
• 1:03:03
  Speaker 2: You know?
• 1:03:03
  Speaker 1: Does it make any sense or no? Yeah, it makes, like,
• 1:03:06
  Speaker 1: a lot of sense. And it just struck me that
• 1:03:12
  Speaker 1: I don't want to get too, um, sentimental with you,
• 1:03:17
  Speaker 1: but there are times where I really believe this, that
• 1:03:19
  Speaker 1: I feel concerned about you.
• 1:03:23
  Speaker 2: Really? Yeah.
• 1:03:26
  Speaker 1: I just, cause I, I, I, you know, I, um,
• 1:03:29
  Speaker 1: because I don't know really what's going on. You know,
• 1:03:32
  Speaker 1: I feel like, you know, there was a time where
• 1:03:35
  Speaker 1: that we, we talked more and there was more communication,
• 1:03:39
  Speaker 1: but let's, let's face it. Um, you've risen a little bit.
• 1:03:43
  Speaker 1: I know you hate to, it's hard to hear. It's
• 1:03:45
  Speaker 1: hard to hear, it's hard to hear that you've risen,
• 1:03:48
  Speaker 1: but you have. Things are so good for you, right?
• 1:03:52
  Speaker 1: And I think with that rise, there's more of a
• 1:03:55
  Speaker 1: disconnect with your friends because you're so busy and you're
• 1:03:59
  Speaker 1: doing other things, I get it. But it's like, I'm
• 1:04:02
  Speaker 1: always concerned about if you're sober, is he going to meetings?
• 1:04:08
  Speaker 2: Is he, you know what I mean?
• 1:04:11
  Speaker 1: Talking to people about things that are going on, you know, I,
• 1:04:15
  Speaker 1: you know, I always feel like things are probably good
• 1:04:18
  Speaker 1: with you, but it's like, I have to admit that
• 1:04:20
  Speaker 1: there is, you know, concern.
• 1:04:23
  Speaker 2: I don't know why. I mean, cause I love you. No,
• 1:04:26
  Speaker 2: I mean, I love you. You know that, right? Yeah. Okay. Yeah.
• 1:04:30
  Speaker 2: I think, yeah, it's kind of been, I know this
• 1:04:32
  Speaker 2: is a comedy podcast, but.
• 1:04:33
  Speaker 1: It's like, you know, I just care. And I just
• 1:04:36
  Speaker 1: have to say that because it's like, Because I've seen it.
• 1:04:39
  Speaker 1: I've seen people rise and then, you know, they get lost.
• 1:04:44
  Speaker 1: And then also there's people around them that don't necessarily
• 1:04:47
  Speaker 1: care and they're just in it for the ride.
• 1:04:49
  Speaker 2: I don't know who you're surrounding yourself with or whatever.
• 1:04:51
  Speaker 2: You know what I mean? So, you know what I mean?
• 1:04:52
  Speaker 2: You're probably healthy and doing well. I don't know.
• 1:04:54
  Speaker 1: But it's like there is a concern that like, you know, maybe,
• 1:04:58
  Speaker 1: you know what I mean?
• 1:05:00
  Speaker 2: It's alone when you get higher up. There's more loneliness. Yeah, yeah.
• 1:05:06
  Speaker 2: I mean, how are you doing? I don't know.
• 1:05:06
  Speaker 1: I mean, I think podcasting makes me feel pretty connected
• 1:05:09
  Speaker 1: to people. You know, I think me not living here
• 1:05:12
  Speaker 1: has been, it's been good, but it's also been, I
• 1:05:15
  Speaker 1: don't get to see a lot of people as much.
• 1:05:17
  Speaker 1: I don't get to see a lot of my guys
• 1:05:18
  Speaker 1: from AA. I think, yeah, my sober program hasn't been
• 1:05:21
  Speaker 1: that good the past month for sure. And so I
• 1:05:24
  Speaker 1: think really two months, like, or probably the past month,
• 1:05:28
  Speaker 1: but just, yeah, not being able to like, You know,
• 1:05:31
  Speaker 1: it's like I'll work late and so then I don't
• 1:05:33
  Speaker 1: want to make the morning Zoom meeting or make the,
• 1:05:35
  Speaker 1: you know, and then I'll get up late and then
• 1:05:36
  Speaker 1: it's like I try to go to the gym, then
• 1:05:38
  Speaker 1: I'll miss the noon in-person meeting. So just, yeah, I
• 1:05:41
  Speaker 1: got to touch base with some people. Dude, I was
• 1:05:44
  Speaker 1: in Butte. Get honest and get tight, yeah.
• 1:05:46
  Speaker 2: I was in Butte for a month, Montana. For a month?
• 1:05:50
  Speaker 2: For doing what? I did a movie.
• 1:05:52
  Speaker 1: And like Butte, there's nothing to do. And one day
• 1:05:55
  Speaker 1: I was in my hotel room, there was nothing to do.
• 1:05:58
  Speaker 1: And I called one of the guys that lives there
• 1:05:59
  Speaker 1: and I go, Can you give me an AA schedule?
• 1:06:03
  Speaker 1: And I trekked a couple of times all the way
• 1:06:05
  Speaker 1: to this, like, in the boonies.
• 1:06:07
  Speaker 2: Oh, yeah.
• 1:06:08
  Speaker 1: And I walk into the school, and, like, there's old
• 1:06:10
  Speaker 1: white people with oxygen tanks and, like, you know what
• 1:06:13
  Speaker 1: I mean?
• 1:06:13
  Speaker 2: Drug mules. Yeah, drug mules. Yeah. And also, they've never
• 1:06:17
  Speaker 2: seen an Asian walk into an AA meeting there.
• 1:06:20
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:06:20
  Speaker 2: I never saw one black person in Butte.
• 1:06:22
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 1:06:23
  Speaker 1: So when I walked in, it was just like, Charlie!
• 1:06:25
  Speaker 1: You know what I mean? They get Vietnam flashbacks. You
• 1:06:28
  Speaker 1: know what I mean?
• 1:06:29
  Speaker 2: Get down! Get down! You know what I mean? No,
• 1:06:31
  Speaker 2: I'm in AA too! You know what I mean?
• 1:06:33
  Speaker 1: And when I'm sitting there, right, even though, like, you know,
• 1:06:38
  Speaker 1: we don't have the same lifestyles as these people, right,
• 1:06:41
  Speaker 1: you know, at least I can say to myself, like,
• 1:06:43
  Speaker 1: you know, I'm trying. You know, I'm trying to, like,
• 1:06:47
  Speaker 1: take care of myself on a daily basis. And, um, Dude,
• 1:06:53
  Speaker 1: one fucking, I went to a meeting and, you know,
• 1:06:56
  Speaker 1: because there's only two Uber drivers in Butte. And this
• 1:07:01
  Speaker 1: guy comes, this guy that's sitting next to me goes, hey, man,
• 1:07:04
  Speaker 1: my name is Derek.
• 1:07:06
  Speaker 2: And I go, thank you. He goes, I'm a fan.
• 1:07:09
  Speaker 2: I go, he goes, you want a ride home? A fan,
• 1:07:11
  Speaker 2: you mean? Yeah. What do you mean? Like an Asian? No,
• 1:07:16
  Speaker 2: not like that fan. Oh, okay. It was a dad fan.
• 1:07:19
  Speaker 2: It was a dad fan.
• 1:07:20
  Speaker 1: I didn't know.
• 1:07:21
  Speaker 2: No, it was just like a fan of, you know
• 1:07:22
  Speaker 2: what I mean? Yeah. Of mine.
• 1:07:23
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:07:23
  Speaker 2: And my comedy. Yeah, yeah. Right? And then he, and
• 1:07:26
  Speaker 2: then so I get in the car with his wife.
• 1:07:28
  Speaker 2: And we go the opposite direction.
• 1:07:30
  Speaker 1: No.
• 1:07:31
  Speaker 2: Of the hotel. They want to watch you fucking throw
• 1:07:34
  Speaker 2: that little yavelina. Long strokes? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so
• 1:07:39
  Speaker 2: then I go, hey, my hotel's that way. Like, we know, man.
• 1:07:44
  Speaker 2: Where are we going? You're going to our house. Right?
• 1:07:48
  Speaker 2: So I go to this house, and they want me
• 1:07:50
  Speaker 2: to meet their kids. Nuh-uh.
• 1:07:52
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:07:53
  Speaker 2: How old were the kids? I don't know, but they
• 1:07:55
  Speaker 2: were little white kids. Oh, too young. So they came up.
• 1:07:58
  Speaker 2: There's these two dogs that fucking jump on top of it. Oh, yeah, dude, huh?
• 1:08:02
  Speaker 1: And then there's these white kids that come out of
• 1:08:03
  Speaker 1: the room, right? Wiping their, you know what I mean? Yeah.
• 1:08:07
  Speaker 2: They're not crying.
• 1:08:08
  Speaker 1: They're just out when they wake up.
• 1:08:10
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah. Like that. And they're like, yeah, our mommy
• 1:08:13
  Speaker 2: took us to Missoula and gave us $ 300 for school clothes.
• 1:08:18
  Speaker 2: I got to beat their ass. You don't even know.
• 1:08:20
  Speaker 2: You can't beat their ass. Yeah, you can't, dude. Like,
• 1:08:22
  Speaker 2: fuck you, bitch.
• 1:08:23
  Speaker 1: But they had $ 300, dude. To split amongst them. My
• 1:08:27
  Speaker 1: mom gave me $ 30 from the time I was age
• 1:08:29
  Speaker 1: five to the time I.
• 1:08:31
  Speaker 2: Was age 18. Oh, you're right. You're right. You're right.
• 1:08:34
  Speaker 3: So $ 300.
• 1:08:34
  Speaker 2: But I was in that house for like 45 minutes.
• 1:08:37
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it sounds like you're wasting your time.
• 1:08:40
  Speaker 2: No, but I don't. What I'm saying is I'm willing
• 1:08:43
  Speaker 2: to go to, like, these lengths. Any lengths, I see. To, like,
• 1:08:45
  Speaker 2: just whatever, you know what I mean? Yeah. And they're
• 1:08:48
  Speaker 2: super sweet. Yeah. I didn't think I was going to get, like,
• 1:08:51
  Speaker 2: imagine if I was in a well in the basement. Yeah.
• 1:08:54
  Speaker 1: Right?
• 1:08:54
  Speaker 2: And you're like, what would you have thrown down? You
• 1:08:56
  Speaker 2: get two things thrown into the well. Oh, shit. Oh, shit.
• 1:09:01
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:09:01
  Speaker 2: So I would lube. No, no. No, that's not good.
• 1:09:05
  Speaker 2: I mean, if you're going to also use it as
• 1:09:07
  Speaker 2: a beverage, I think it's fine. You're right. You're right.
• 1:09:10
  Speaker 2: Two things without water. Yeah, that's good. And then food.
• 1:09:15
  Speaker 3: Oh, yeah.
• 1:09:15
  Speaker 2: Like Jersey Mike's. Or Seed's.
• 1:09:18
  Speaker 1: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It depends on how long
• 1:09:21
  Speaker 1: it takes to grow. Or you could also eat the
• 1:09:23
  Speaker 1: fingernails that are in the fucking... Right?
• 1:09:25
  Speaker 2: That's protein, right? Is that protein? Yeah. I would just...
• 1:09:31
  Speaker 2: The fingernails, right? And eat them, you know what I mean?
• 1:09:32
  Speaker 2: A little bit of wall caviar. Yeah. I would be
• 1:09:35
  Speaker 2: so frightened. Would you be frightened? Oh, I would be
• 1:09:38
  Speaker 2: so scared, dude.
• 1:09:39
  Speaker 1: Yeah. And I would probably... What would I do down there?
• 1:09:42
  Speaker 1: Sing a lot. And you'd have to hold your breath.
• 1:09:45
  Speaker 2: Peepy. There's an echo, so what song would you sing?
• 1:09:48
  Speaker 2: I would sing... I know one. Oh, Little Town of Bethlehem.
• 1:09:53
  Speaker 2: That's a good one. For me, Edelweiss. Edelweiss?
• 1:09:58
  Speaker 1: Imagine I'm in a well, and I just go... Edelweiss.
• 1:10:09
  Speaker 2: Edelweiss.
• 1:10:11
  Speaker 1: Right?
• 1:10:11
  Speaker 2: You get a shrimp. And I just.
• 1:10:16
  Speaker 2: They catch it like a fucking wall run? Okay.
• 1:10:18
  Speaker 1: There's drugs, dude. Is there a lot of drugs right now?
• 1:10:20
  Speaker 1: I've been hearing there's a lot of drugs in the
• 1:10:22
  Speaker 1: Asian community. A lot of trank or whatever. I've been
• 1:10:25
  Speaker 1: hearing there's like a lot of... I've been hearing that
• 1:10:28
  Speaker 1: trank is the big thing in the Asian community.
• 1:10:30
  Speaker 2: Is that true? Like chanks for trank or whatever? It's like.
• 1:10:36
  Speaker 1: Just hear me out. It's like if I said to you, man,
• 1:10:40
  Speaker 1: I heard there's a lot of shoelaces in the white community.
• 1:10:43
  Speaker 1: Does that make any sense to.
• 1:10:46
  Speaker 2: You?
• 1:10:46
  Speaker 1: Like why would, like honestly, man, I heard there's a
• 1:10:49
  Speaker 1: lot of fucking glitter in the black community. I mean,
• 1:10:53
  Speaker 1: it doesn't make, whatever you're saying, I feel like you're
• 1:10:56
  Speaker 1: just coming up with Asian shit.
• 1:11:00
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah. You're just like, I heard there's a lot of,
• 1:11:03
  Speaker 2: you know what I mean? Google. No, no, no, no, no.
• 1:11:05
  Speaker 2: Don't Google.
• 1:11:06
  Speaker 1: No, what I'm saying is that you make me so
• 1:11:10
  Speaker 1: mad sometimes, dude.
• 1:11:10
  Speaker 2: Really? No, I'm fine. I'm sorry. No, no, no, no.
• 1:11:14
  Speaker 2: Google Asians for Trank.
• 1:11:14
  Speaker 1: Google Asians and drugs. Asians for Trank. DEA reports widespread... Wait, wait,
• 1:11:21
  Speaker 1: it's purple? So you've looked it up before?
• 1:11:23
  Speaker 2: I haven't. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why would you look that
• 1:11:26
  Speaker 2: up already? These guys... Some of these guys live here
• 1:11:29
  Speaker 2: all night.
• 1:11:30
  Speaker 1: DEA reports widespread threat of fentanyl mixed with xylazine.
• 1:11:35
  Speaker 2: That's Trank, daddy. Yeah, where does it say Asians on that? Well,
• 1:11:38
  Speaker 2: let's see. It's going to get there.
• 1:11:39
  Speaker 1: Xylazine is making the deadliest drug threat our country has
• 1:11:42
  Speaker 1: ever faced. Fentanyl even deadlier, said Administrator Milgram of the DEA.
• 1:11:47
  Speaker 1: The DEA has seized xylosine and fentanyl mixed in 48
• 1:11:50
  Speaker 1: of 50 states. The system is reporting that in 2022,
• 1:11:53
  Speaker 1: approximately 23% of fentanyl powder and 7% of fentanyl pills
• 1:11:57
  Speaker 1: seized by the DEA contained xylosine. Okay, I know where
• 1:12:01
  Speaker 1: the Asian comes from. Can I tell you where? Yeah.
• 1:12:04
  Speaker 2: This is what you read.
• 1:12:05
  Speaker 1: Xylosine is making the deadliest drug threat our country has
• 1:12:07
  Speaker 1: ever faced. Fentanyl, even deadlier, said administration Milgram. And it
• 1:12:12
  Speaker 1: says right here, no, up there, also known as Trank.
• 1:12:18
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 1:12:18
  Speaker 2: You think that's an Asian word? Trank. It's not. But
• 1:12:22
  Speaker 2: Trank is obviously an Asian name. Yeah, I know, but
• 1:12:24
  Speaker 2: you can't. You know what I'm talking about? I know
• 1:12:28
  Speaker 2: what you're talking about.
• 1:12:29
  Speaker 1: But I'm just saying, that's not what it's referring to.
• 1:12:31
  Speaker 1: I think it's referring to tranquilizer. Oh, I see what
• 1:12:34
  Speaker 1: you're saying. Yeah, yeah.
• 1:12:34
  Speaker 2: So what I'm saying is it's like, you know what
• 1:12:36
  Speaker 2: I mean? Tranquilizer. Yeah.
• 1:12:38
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I thought it was like, Trank seems like a
• 1:12:41
  Speaker 1: Vietnamese or Korean nickname.
• 1:12:45
  Speaker 2: You agree? Trank. Trunk?
• 1:12:48
  Speaker 3: I just.
• 1:12:50
  Speaker 2: Like Matt, like Matthew Trunk? I know, I know. Matthew Trunk. Yeah,
• 1:12:54
  Speaker 2: I know. Graduate.
• 1:12:56
  Speaker 1: I know.
• 1:12:57
  Speaker 2: Graduate, sociology major.
• 1:12:59
  Speaker 1: Yeah, so dude, I want to let you know, dude.
• 1:13:00
  Speaker 1: But that is Trunk, that's fentanyl. I understand, but that
• 1:13:02
  Speaker 1: has nothing to do with Asians.
• 1:13:04
  Speaker 2: Okay. Okay, let's just move on. Google, go to images then.
• 1:13:07
  Speaker 2: See if we get any. Okay, here we go. Yeah,
• 1:13:13
  Speaker 2: you're right, maybe. Right there. You tell me, that face
• 1:13:19
  Speaker 2: is an ASEAN? I think you're right. Asians for Trank? Yeah, yeah,
• 1:13:26
  Speaker 2: I think you're right. Well, you know, I learned something new.
• 1:13:29
  Speaker 2: Thank you. I'm sorry for attacking you. Yeah, it's okay, man.
• 1:13:32
  Speaker 1: It breaks my heart, though. It's just sad. Is this
• 1:13:35
  Speaker 1: someone on Trank right here? Look at her sneakers. She
• 1:13:37
  Speaker 1: is a brand new druggie. This is somebody on.
• 1:13:40
  Speaker 2: Trank, dude. On fentanyl. Dude, can you pause that for
• 1:13:44
  Speaker 2: a second?
• 1:13:46
  Speaker 1: Dude, sometimes people with their own fentanyl, it's almost as
• 1:13:50
  Speaker 1: if they're doing yoga, but then they freeze. Like, I
• 1:13:52
  Speaker 1: want to do downward dog.
• 1:13:54
  Speaker 2: Oh, it's sad. It's so sad. I shouldn't have even
• 1:13:59
  Speaker 2: made a joke like that. Well, it's sad that it's
• 1:14:01
  Speaker 2: just like... Have you ever done fentanyl? No, I hope not. Yeah,
• 1:14:04
  Speaker 2: me either.
• 1:14:05
  Speaker 1: Because I remember years ago, Vicodin really fucked me up.
• 1:14:09
  Speaker 2: Really? I was addicted to Vicodin for two years. Would
• 1:14:10
  Speaker 2: you take it at night or during the day? All
• 1:14:12
  Speaker 2: day long.
• 1:14:13
  Speaker 1: Like, from like... Dude, I got... Dude, Drew Barrymore, I
• 1:14:19
  Speaker 1: swear to God, I think still hates me because of that.
• 1:14:21
  Speaker 2: Wow. I'll tell you why. For doing Vicodin?
• 1:14:23
  Speaker 1: No, because I used to have a bowl of Vicodin
• 1:14:27
  Speaker 1: in my fucking dressing room at Matt TV, and The
• 1:14:31
  Speaker 1: Strokes played one night.
• 1:14:32
  Speaker 2: Oh, wow.
• 1:14:33
  Speaker 1: Right? Yeah. And I guess the drummer was dating Drew Barrymore, right?
• 1:14:37
  Speaker 1: He was trying to get sober or something like that,
• 1:14:39
  Speaker 1: but they all ended up going into my room and
• 1:14:41
  Speaker 1: eating all my pills.
• 1:14:43
  Speaker 2: You know, because I'm generous. Yeah. Eh, fuck it.
• 1:14:45
  Speaker 1: Go get it, right? And then I heard that she
• 1:14:48
  Speaker 1: was mad at me. Because you had the... It's not
• 1:14:51
  Speaker 1: your fault.
• 1:14:52
  Speaker 2: That's true. It's not your fault that you had them.
• 1:14:55
  Speaker 2: I know. That's true.
• 1:14:56
  Speaker 1: We can't... You know, it's weird to blame the dealer
• 1:14:58
  Speaker 1: unless the dealer is, like, pushing them on you. Were
• 1:14:59
  Speaker 1: you pushing them on them? Yeah.
• 1:15:03
  Speaker 2: I was. Dude, I'm sorry if I'm being rude. I
• 1:15:05
  Speaker 2: feel now... Am I being like... Dude, what are you
• 1:15:07
  Speaker 2: talking about, dude? All right. There's... Listen, guy... What?
• 1:15:19
  Speaker 1: What?
• 1:15:21
  Speaker 2: Oh, okay. Listen, guy.
• 1:15:23
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:15:24
  Speaker 2: What are you doing? I'm listening. Oh, that's you? Yeah,
• 1:15:28
  Speaker 2: I'm listening. You, if I'm really mad, well, you know,
• 1:15:35
  Speaker 2: because you didn't give me your number for a long time. Yeah.
• 1:15:37
  Speaker 2: But you know that when I have a resentment. I
• 1:15:39
  Speaker 2: didn't know it also. Yeah, you did. Fuck off. All right. Yeah.
• 1:15:43
  Speaker 2: Fuck you, dude. You're right. Yeah, yeah.
• 1:15:45
  Speaker 1: Um, If I was mad at you, I'm very comfortable
• 1:15:50
  Speaker 1: of going, listen, I have an issue.
• 1:15:52
  Speaker 2: Have you ever had an issue with me? Be honest.
• 1:15:56
  Speaker 2: Have you ever had a resentment toward me like I
• 1:15:57
  Speaker 2: wish he didn't do that?
• 1:16:00
  Speaker 1: No, sometimes I feel like it's a little tough to
• 1:16:01
  Speaker 1: try and get to know you kind of, but I
• 1:16:03
  Speaker 1: think it's tough to try and get to know.
• 1:16:07
  Speaker 2: Comedians.
• 1:16:08
  Speaker 1: You know yeah but that being said I mean I'm
• 1:16:10
  Speaker 1: a comedian right it's hard to know any comedian and
• 1:16:12
  Speaker 1: I think your people everybody loves you so much that
• 1:16:14
  Speaker 1: it's like you want that guy to know you want
• 1:16:16
  Speaker 1: to know that guy better I think you know dude
• 1:16:20
  Speaker 1: I out of all the comics I know I feel
• 1:16:24
  Speaker 1: like I'm closest you're one of the closest ones to
• 1:16:27
  Speaker 1: me and if that I mean I'm trying my best
• 1:16:30
  Speaker 1: you know I mean I like you I like Bert
• 1:16:33
  Speaker 1: I like Whitney I love Andrew you know I mean
• 1:16:35
  Speaker 1: Tom Segura you know I mean But.
• 1:16:37
  Speaker 2: It's like, you know, I try, dude. And you're busy. Yeah,
• 1:16:41
  Speaker 2: I'm pretty busy. You know what I mean? But it's like,
• 1:16:43
  Speaker 2: you know, we do the best we can with what
• 1:16:44
  Speaker 2: we have. Yeah. And what's going on, you know? You a...
• 1:16:47
  Speaker 2: You a... You a.
• 1:16:48
  Speaker 1: Baby.
• 1:16:49
  Speaker 2: Baby. Are you a gun owner or not?
• 1:16:52
  Speaker 1: Nah.
• 1:16:52
  Speaker 2: You a gun owner? Nah, nah, nah, nah.
• 1:16:54
  Speaker 1: You don't have a gun owner?
• 1:16:56
  Speaker 2: Don't judge. No, I never use it.
• 1:17:06
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's a real or is that one of those
• 1:17:10
  Speaker 1: guns that starts a race? Yeah, but that is you. Ready, set, go.
• 1:17:33
  Speaker 1: The burglars just run off.
• 1:17:34
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah. When you fire it. Yeah. That's a
• 1:17:36
  Speaker 2: plastic BB kind of a gun. What's the other one?
• 1:17:38
  Speaker 2: Still a gun. And that looks like a gun. Yeah, yeah,
• 1:17:41
  Speaker 2: but that was on a TV show. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Wow.
• 1:17:45
  Speaker 2: Look at that acting. That's Miami Vice, huh? Fucking terrible. No.
• 1:17:49
  Speaker 2: Isn't it? It was Magnum. On what? Have you been
• 1:17:52
  Speaker 2: dating a lot or not? All right, you want to
• 1:17:55
  Speaker 2: get into it? Yeah, because it seems like a lot
• 1:17:57
  Speaker 2: of stories you tell have had dating in them. I'm
• 1:18:03
  Speaker 2: trying to find the love of my life. Are you really?
• 1:18:10
  Speaker 2: I think I'm ready. Okay, bub. You look like Stevie
• 1:18:16
  Speaker 2: right now. How are you doing? Listen, I.
• 1:18:24
  Speaker 1: Like some of the girls that I'm dating now, but
• 1:18:27
  Speaker 1: they're kind of flaky. I won't call in on a Thursday.
• 1:18:33
  Speaker 1: Because I know, because I've said, let's go to dinner
• 1:18:36
  Speaker 1: and hang out, right? And so, then Thursday will come
• 1:18:39
  Speaker 1: around like, nah, I don't want to do it now
• 1:18:40
  Speaker 1: where I'm busy. Like, bitch, I sacrificed stage time. You
• 1:18:46
  Speaker 1: know how valuable stage time is? You know what I mean?
• 1:18:49
  Speaker 1: It's like that kind of shit. And then it's like, yeah,
• 1:18:54
  Speaker 1: I just, and also, do I fully trust them?
• 1:19:00
  Speaker 2: You know what I mean? I think so, man.
• 1:19:01
  Speaker 1: No, I wanna be able to find somebody that I
• 1:19:03
  Speaker 1: fully can confide in and go, this is how I feel.
• 1:19:08
  Speaker 2: You know what I mean?
• 1:19:09
  Speaker 1: And I want somebody to also give me suggestions or
• 1:19:13
  Speaker 1: like feedback that I kind of honor and respect and go, oh, yeah,
• 1:19:18
  Speaker 1: that's a good angle.
• 1:19:19
  Speaker 2: You know what I mean?
• 1:19:20
  Speaker 1: It's just like– but then also I want somebody hot, right?
• 1:19:23
  Speaker 1: So to find that combination, you know what I mean?
• 1:19:26
  Speaker 1: You want somebody you're attracted to. Yeah, somebody I'm attracted to.
• 1:19:28
  Speaker 1: Like what I find attractive isn't necessarily what you think.
• 1:19:32
  Speaker 1: I think so though. I think you and I are
• 1:19:33
  Speaker 1: like the same maybe.
• 1:19:34
  Speaker 2: I don't know. You don't?
• 1:19:36
  Speaker 1: No, I never– A couple of girls I've seen you
• 1:19:38
  Speaker 1: with over the years are people, I mean, are people
• 1:19:42
  Speaker 1: that I would be like, I mean, there's this one.
• 1:19:45
  Speaker 2: Girl that you used to see that I just thought
• 1:19:47
  Speaker 2: you should marry, but. Yeah. I remember. I love it, dude. Dude,
• 1:19:56
  Speaker 2: I just saw regret there. I just saw regret there, dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 1:20:00
  Speaker 1: But that's the thing. I think that you and I
• 1:20:02
  Speaker 1: have the same kind of issues. I think we have
• 1:20:04
  Speaker 1: intimacy issues.
• 1:20:06
  Speaker 2: Oh, yeah.
• 1:20:06
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah. And I think that it's hard for us
• 1:20:09
  Speaker 1: to get really vulnerable. I mean, I had that with
• 1:20:11
  Speaker 1: Kalilah for 10 years, but she was the first one
• 1:20:13
  Speaker 1: in many, many years that I could do that with.
• 1:20:16
  Speaker 1: There's just something about her that I was able to, like,
• 1:20:19
  Speaker 1: we were able to do that, right?
• 1:20:20
  Speaker 2: But it's like.
• 1:20:21
  Speaker 1: But did the intimacy freeze up after a while? Like,
• 1:20:23
  Speaker 1: it was hard to, like, be, like, sensual or whatever? I,
• 1:20:28
  Speaker 1: you know, the truth is, is I think that... Oh, God,
• 1:20:33
  Speaker 1: I can't fucking.
• 1:20:36
  Speaker 2: I think it's this. You want me to say f
• 1:20:38
  Speaker 2: * * * it or not? No, no, no, no. Okay.
• 1:20:40
  Speaker 2: I want to say that. Don't say that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 1:20:42
  Speaker 1: But what I want to say is the problem with
• 1:20:45
  Speaker 1: us because, number one, we go up on stage, right?
• 1:20:51
  Speaker 2: And what's more exciting than that?
• 1:20:54
  Speaker 1: The business inherently is super exciting and there's dopamine hits. Right.
• 1:20:59
  Speaker 2: I'm going to get a lot of feeling from right there.
• 1:21:01
  Speaker 1: Right. And so then also you and I are also
• 1:21:05
  Speaker 1: recovering drug addicts. So we like excitement, right? And we
• 1:21:10
  Speaker 1: don't like the same old thing, right? So there is
• 1:21:13
  Speaker 1: something about meeting somebody new, right? It's almost like you
• 1:21:18
  Speaker 1: get that forgetful syndrome.
• 1:21:20
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 1:21:21
  Speaker 1: But at the end of the day, and I've never
• 1:21:23
  Speaker 1: said this out loud before, and.
• 1:21:27
  Speaker 2: I think I fucked it up with Kalilah.
• 1:21:29
  Speaker 1: And I think that I wish I would have done
• 1:21:30
  Speaker 1: it over again because that would have changed some things, right?
• 1:21:34
  Speaker 1: At this point, it's too late, you know what I mean?
• 1:21:36
  Speaker 1: We both have moved on. But there's a lot of
• 1:21:39
  Speaker 1: regret there. And I swear to God, dude, I will,
• 1:21:48
  Speaker 1: the next girl I meet, and there's a couple of
• 1:21:51
  Speaker 1: girls that have potential, I'll be honest with you, right now.
• 1:21:54
  Speaker 1: But the next thing, I'm going to do it differently.
• 1:21:57
  Speaker 1: Number one, I'm going to get rid of all my machines.
• 1:22:01
  Speaker 2: Wow, really? Yep.
• 1:22:04
  Speaker 1: I have a vacuum cleaner. And what is that, like
• 1:22:09
  Speaker 1: a sex thing or something? Oh, you mean an actual
• 1:22:11
  Speaker 1: carpet cleaner? No. Dude, I showed up at Bad Friends
• 1:22:15
  Speaker 1: one day, and somebody had sent me something that, I
• 1:22:19
  Speaker 1: swear to God, is the size of a vacuum cleaner.
• 1:22:23
  Speaker 3: Right?
• 1:22:23
  Speaker 2: It was like this big. Yeah. With all these tubes
• 1:22:25
  Speaker 2: and stuff. It was a sex toy.
• 1:22:27
  Speaker 1: No.
• 1:22:28
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Of course, I took it home. And you used it?
• 1:22:31
  Speaker 2: I plugged it in. Oh, dude, I have so many
• 1:22:33
  Speaker 2: of them. Oh. I have so many of them. And
• 1:22:36
  Speaker 2: I stick it in. I plug it in.
• 1:22:41
  Speaker 1: And what does it play, just Beethoven's ear or whatever?
• 1:22:45
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah.
• 1:22:46
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah.
• 1:22:47
  Speaker 2: It's a, right? What? Hey, put it on Christmas. Jingle bell,
• 1:22:54
  Speaker 2: jingle bell, jingle bell. I swear to God, these new machines, dude,
• 1:23:09
  Speaker 2: it sucks you in, dude. See, I don't do any
• 1:23:10
  Speaker 2: of that. They never let go, dude. I'm 80 days
• 1:23:13
  Speaker 2: off pornography right now.
• 1:23:14
  Speaker 1: Wow.
• 1:23:14
  Speaker 2: I'm going to give you a machine, man.
• 1:23:16
  Speaker 1: No.
• 1:23:17
  Speaker 2: Please. I don't want anything like that. I know, but
• 1:23:19
  Speaker 2: you got to try it. What does it do? It
• 1:23:21
  Speaker 2: does three things. Okay. Okay. Not just one thing, dude. Okay.
• 1:23:26
  Speaker 2: All right.
• 1:23:27
  Speaker 1: Is it gas power? Do you plug it in? No,
• 1:23:28
  Speaker 1: it's not. The vacuum cleaner I will probably not use
• 1:23:30
  Speaker 1: again because I almost... I had to grab parts of
• 1:23:33
  Speaker 1: my penis inside the fucking little filter there, right? But
• 1:23:35
  Speaker 1: it took stuff out. So it was too powerful, okay?
• 1:23:38
  Speaker 1: But I want to say this, okay? I have one
• 1:23:41
  Speaker 1: that I bought at the Hustler store, right? And it
• 1:23:45
  Speaker 1: does three things. No, really just two things. So it
• 1:23:49
  Speaker 1: vibrates and sucks.
• 1:23:53
  Speaker 2: Wow.
• 1:23:53
  Speaker 1: Right?
• 1:23:55
  Speaker 2: And so, you know what I mean? Does it sort coins?
• 1:23:58
  Speaker 2: I think it might. Hell yeah. Yeah, I think it might. Yeah, yeah.
• 1:24:01
  Speaker 2: How long do you have to stay on it for?
• 1:24:02
  Speaker 2: Eight seconds? No, what I do is I, um... It's
• 1:24:05
  Speaker 2: also waterproof. That's a key. Yeah. Yeah. But, so... So, yeah,
• 1:24:11
  Speaker 2: I know. So, the next relationship I have, that's what
• 1:24:14
  Speaker 2: you do? It makes me just... No, daddy, no. Daddy
• 1:24:18
  Speaker 2: sounds like a man, dude. What? Daddy sounds like a man, bro. Yeah, dude, yeah.
• 1:24:23
  Speaker 2: It better be a chick named Daddy.
• 1:24:25
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 1:24:26
  Speaker 1: Um....
• 1:24:28
  Speaker 2: Do you miss your dad? Huh? Yeah, I miss my dad, dude.
• 1:24:32
  Speaker 2: When did he die? What year did he die?
• 1:24:35
  Speaker 1: Bring up a picture of my dad. He died in 1996.
• 1:24:41
  Speaker 1: Do you miss him, though?
• 1:24:48
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, I don't know.
• 1:24:50
  Speaker 1: Because I didn't, like, yeah, I miss him. I just
• 1:24:54
  Speaker 1: wish that I knew him better, you know? Do you
• 1:24:56
  Speaker 1: miss your dad?
• 1:24:57
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Dude, you just hit it on the fucking nail
• 1:25:00
  Speaker 2: on the coffin. Was that the wrong way to say it?
• 1:25:04
  Speaker 2: You hit the nail. Here's the thing. I don't know
• 1:25:10
  Speaker 2: nothing about him. Really? Because my dad didn't speak English, right?
• 1:25:14
  Speaker 2: And I barely spoke Korean.
• 1:25:16
  Speaker 1: So everything was like, for instance, you know, like when
• 1:25:20
  Speaker 1: you're in high school, for instance, and you're going, let's
• 1:25:22
  Speaker 1: say I was a white kid. I was going out,
• 1:25:24
  Speaker 1: and your dad gives you like a little pep talk, like,
• 1:25:26
  Speaker 1: you know, don't drink and drive, right? Also, you know,
• 1:25:29
  Speaker 1: if you're in trouble, give me a call, or whatever,
• 1:25:30
  Speaker 1: whatever they say, you know what I mean? But my
• 1:25:33
  Speaker 1: dad didn't do that. He would just go, I go, goodbye, dad.
• 1:25:35
  Speaker 1: He go, don't do. And I go, I won't do.
• 1:25:39
  Speaker 2: I mean, that's it. That's the, that's it. If I
• 1:25:44
  Speaker 2: ask my dad, tell me about how you feel. I
• 1:25:46
  Speaker 2: don't know. You're good, but they don't like you. And
• 1:25:52
  Speaker 2: you're like, what the fuck are you talking about?
• 1:25:53
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:25:53
  Speaker 2: Yeah, what's your favorite pasta? Oh, I like, you know,
• 1:25:57
  Speaker 2: it's very good. You know? Like, he does, there's, dude.
• 1:26:01
  Speaker 1: Bro, bro, bro.
• 1:26:02
  Speaker 2: He never, bro, he didn't know what music was. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No,
• 1:26:10
  Speaker 2: he didn't know what music was. Yeah, dude.
• 1:26:13
  Speaker 1: Right?
• 1:26:13
  Speaker 2: So when he, he had a stroke, right? Oh, gosh,
• 1:26:16
  Speaker 2: I didn't know that. I knew your dad passed away.
• 1:26:19
  Speaker 2: I don't know if he had a stroke, though.
• 1:26:20
  Speaker 1: Yeah, he had many strokes. He had two major strokes
• 1:26:23
  Speaker 1: and a couple of major ones. Different strokes.
• 1:26:25
  Speaker 2: You ever seen that show? Yeah, I love it, dude. Yeah,
• 1:26:27
  Speaker 2: he had two, you know, Willis's. What you talking about, Willis?
• 1:26:30
  Speaker 2: You know what I mean? Anyway, great show. Oh, yeah,
• 1:26:34
  Speaker 2: and one Mr. Drummond. Yeah, yeah, dude. That's the one
• 1:26:37
  Speaker 2: that really shook him.
• 1:26:38
  Speaker 1: So what was I, oh, what I was saying, oh,
• 1:26:39
  Speaker 1: so he had a bunch of strokes and I had, like, AirPods.
• 1:26:44
  Speaker 2: And I was at his house in Phoenix. And I go, dad,
• 1:26:50
  Speaker 2: he goes, yeah.
• 1:26:52
  Speaker 1: I go, will you listen to music for the first time?
• 1:26:55
  Speaker 2: I mean, obviously, he's been to a mall. He's heard it, right?
• 1:26:59
  Speaker 2: But he doesn't know.
• 1:27:00
  Speaker 1: He doesn't have a fanfare band, or he doesn't know
• 1:27:03
  Speaker 1: what Beethoven is or whatever. And so I put in
• 1:27:06
  Speaker 1: Eric Clapton's, what's it? Tears in Heaven.
• 1:27:10
  Speaker 2: I put it in.
• 1:27:12
  Speaker 1: My Steve was there, too, my brother. And we've pushed play.
• 1:27:17
  Speaker 1: And tears came down my dad's face.
• 1:27:20
  Speaker 2: No way. Right? It was the first time he goes, Dad, beautiful.
• 1:27:28
  Speaker 1: Wow.
• 1:27:28
  Speaker 2: It was incredible. And then he died.
• 1:27:33
  Speaker 1: Damn. Yeah. So I didn't learn anything from the dude.
• 1:27:36
  Speaker 1: But were you ashamed of him, it feels like? You
• 1:27:38
  Speaker 1: were embarrassed by him for some reason?
• 1:27:41
  Speaker 2: I hated him.
• 1:27:43
  Speaker 1: And, you know, I've told this story before, but not
• 1:27:45
  Speaker 1: on this, I don't think. When I was, I've told
• 1:27:50
  Speaker 1: this a couple of times. Do you mind if I
• 1:27:51
  Speaker 1: tell the story?
• 1:27:52
  Speaker 2: Yeah, no, I haven't heard it.
• 1:27:53
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:27:53
  Speaker 2: I don't know it. You know, who do I live with?
• 1:27:59
  Speaker 2: Your friends. Noah. I have cats. Oh, yeah. I have
• 1:28:04
  Speaker 2: three cats. Yeah, I think you have a couple of cats. Yeah.
• 1:28:09
  Speaker 2: And so when I was a kid, I loved them.
• 1:28:11
  Speaker 2: Something about them. The cats. Just cats in general. Yeah.
• 1:28:14
  Speaker 1: And when I was eight, I go, Um, could I
• 1:28:19
  Speaker 1: get a cat? And they got me a cat, a kitten.
• 1:28:23
  Speaker 1: I named him Tommy. And they wouldn't put him in
• 1:28:26
  Speaker 1: the house. We put him in the garage. We had
• 1:28:28
  Speaker 1: like a little fence thing in the garage.
• 1:28:29
  Speaker 2: That's fair. Yeah, good compromise. And then over the summer, every.
• 1:28:33
  Speaker 1: Day, I just sat with Tommy eight hours a day,
• 1:28:36
  Speaker 1: however long. He was the love of my life. And
• 1:28:40
  Speaker 1: then one day, a couple of months later, three months later,
• 1:28:43
  Speaker 1: I go to the garage. He's completely gone. So I go, Mom, Dad.
• 1:28:48
  Speaker 1: And they came in the garage.
• 1:28:49
  Speaker 2: I go, where's Tom? And my dad goes, Mommy, she allergic.
• 1:28:56
  Speaker 2: And I go, uh-huh. He's like, Tom gone. And he goes,
• 1:29:01
  Speaker 2: stop crying.
• 1:29:03
  Speaker 1: And then he just left the garage. There was like
• 1:29:05
  Speaker 1: no room for compromise or anything like whatever he's, that's
• 1:29:10
  Speaker 1: why I hit authority figures, right? There was no room
• 1:29:14
  Speaker 1: for discussion. I didn't know where Tom went. Stop crying,
• 1:29:17
  Speaker 1: shut the fuck up. And that's it. And that was
• 1:29:20
  Speaker 1: the day where I looked at my parents and I went.
• 1:29:23
  Speaker 2: Okay, it's war. It's war. I started doing drugs. You
• 1:29:29
  Speaker 2: know what I mean? Raising hell. Yeah, raising hell. Lighting
• 1:29:31
  Speaker 2: things on fire. I'd go fuck. Embarrass the family. Yeah.
• 1:29:34
  Speaker 1: And it's like, that's why if I, I mean, if
• 1:29:37
  Speaker 1: I had a kid, I mean, how would you approach that?
• 1:29:40
  Speaker 1: I was a kid. Your wife is allergic to the fucking,
• 1:29:44
  Speaker 1: you know what I mean, cat. And I'm your kid.
• 1:29:46
  Speaker 2: Be real. Don't do comedy. Don't do comedy right now.
• 1:29:49
  Speaker 2: I would probably get a shake. I'm your dad. I'm
• 1:29:51
  Speaker 2: your son. Okay. Hey, Dan. Bobby.
• 1:29:55
  Speaker 1: No, no.
• 1:29:55
  Speaker 2: You don't have to.
• 1:29:57
  Speaker 1: Do it.
• 1:29:57
  Speaker 2: Sorry. Just do it like me.
• 1:29:58
  Speaker 1: No, no, no.
• 1:29:59
  Speaker 2: Wait, wait. You don't have to have an Asian accent.
• 1:30:02
  Speaker 2: I don't know what country you're in. No, no, no.
• 1:30:06
  Speaker 2: You're you. Okay. Got it. I don't know where you're
• 1:30:09
  Speaker 2: going to have an Asian accent. I don't know what
• 1:30:10
  Speaker 2: country we're in. No, we're in America.
• 1:30:12
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 1:30:12
  Speaker 2: Who gives a fuck? Well, give me a setting then. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 1:30:15
  Speaker 2: I have to be that specific? Yeah, you're just okay.
• 1:30:18
  Speaker 2: You live in Nashville. Okay. Your wife is white. You're
• 1:30:20
  Speaker 2: my son. Yeah, I'm not Asian. All right. Make believe
• 1:30:24
  Speaker 2: that I'm your biological son.
• 1:30:25
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 1:30:26
  Speaker 3: Right?
• 1:30:26
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Hey, daddy. Hey, Chucky. What's up? How was school, buddy?
• 1:30:33
  Speaker 2: Chucky's good, daddy. Chucky's good? Yeah, daddy. How was school, huh?
• 1:30:38
  Speaker 2: School was great, daddy.
• 1:30:39
  Speaker 1: I hear they're holding you back again. They're holding me back,
• 1:30:41
  Speaker 1: you know, like father like son, daddy.
• 1:30:43
  Speaker 2: Yes, sir.
• 1:30:44
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah.
• 1:30:45
  Speaker 2: Hey, dude. You know what I mean? Gang him up.
• 1:30:47
  Speaker 2: Gang him up. Gang him up. Boy, I love you, Chucky.
• 1:30:50
  Speaker 1: Hey, daddy.
• 1:30:50
  Speaker 2: Gang him up. I know we had a cat here yesterday. Yeah, yeah.
• 1:30:53
  Speaker 2: So where's Tommy? Your mother's allergic to cats. Oh, so
• 1:30:57
  Speaker 2: where's Tommy, daddy? Mom gets sick.
• 1:30:58
  Speaker 1: I understand. If we have cat, mom gets sick. I know,
• 1:31:01
  Speaker 1: but where's Tommy now? Tommy is going to be at
• 1:31:05
  Speaker 1: your aunt's house, and you can go play with him
• 1:31:07
  Speaker 1: in the afternoon.
• 1:31:08
  Speaker 2: Dude, that's it. That's what you're supposed to do.
• 1:31:13
  Speaker 1: Now your aunt drinks a lot of wine, and she
• 1:31:16
  Speaker 1: gets a little handsy with the kids, you know? She
• 1:31:19
  Speaker 1: gets what they call Franzia hands. Yeah, Daddy, I don't
• 1:31:22
  Speaker 1: need to know the specifics of what my auntie's behavior
• 1:31:25
  Speaker 1: is going to be like. Is she going to hurt...
• 1:31:28
  Speaker 1: When she gets drunk, is she going to hurt Tommy? No,
• 1:31:30
  Speaker 1: she just might love him as much as you do, Chuck.
• 1:31:32
  Speaker 1: Because I know that my cousins have all black eyes because...
• 1:31:35
  Speaker 1: Your cousins are black.
• 1:31:36
  Speaker 2: That's why. Oh, they were adopted, Dad. I forgot, Daddy.
• 1:31:40
  Speaker 2: So you just got to roll with me here. Yeah, yeah.
• 1:31:42
  Speaker 2: I love black people, Daddy. You taught me that. Amen, brother.
• 1:31:45
  Speaker 2: I'm going to go inside now. Gang, what.
• 1:31:47
  Speaker 1: Can I come inside today? You relax out here. No, Daddy,
• 1:31:50
  Speaker 1: can I come inside today?
• 1:31:51
  Speaker 2: You relax. I know. Why do I have to sleep outside, Daddy?
• 1:31:53
  Speaker 1: You don't.
• 1:31:54
  Speaker 2: Just wait till the sun comes down. You come in.
• 1:31:56
  Speaker 2: I'll sneak in again? Yeah. All right, Daddy.
• 1:31:58
  Speaker 1: But I wish I could just have my own room
• 1:32:00
  Speaker 1: and stuff. No, we're going to put some treats right
• 1:32:01
  Speaker 1: out by the door for you, all right? We're going
• 1:32:03
  Speaker 1: to put a craft sink out here.
• 1:32:04
  Speaker 2: I love you, Daddy. Love you too, boss. Gang him, Dad. Gang. Gang, gang.
• 1:32:08
  Speaker 2: Pretty good. Yeah, pretty good, dude. Good dad, dude. Pretty good, dude.
• 1:32:12
  Speaker 2: You be a good dad.
• 1:32:13
  Speaker 1: How long have we gone? We'll finish up in a second.
• 1:32:15
  Speaker 1: Halloween's coming up. Can we cut this part out? Yeah.
• 1:32:19
  Speaker 2: How's it going? This podcast? Yeah. I have no idea.
• 1:32:22
  Speaker 2: It's very funny. We're laughing.
• 1:32:23
  Speaker 1: No, honestly, how is it going? I feel like I've
• 1:32:26
  Speaker 1: been the worst I've ever been on the show.
• 1:32:28
  Speaker 2: No, I swear to God, this is awesome. It's been fun, man.
• 1:32:31
  Speaker 2: Do you ever get that, though?
• 1:32:33
  Speaker 1: Because, dude, you have to understand, Monday I did two
• 1:32:36
  Speaker 1: hours with Burt. Then I did probably three fucking Tiger Bellies,
• 1:32:40
  Speaker 1: which is like over an hour a piece. You talk
• 1:32:43
  Speaker 1: so much, you just fucking don't know at one point. Dude,
• 1:32:47
  Speaker 1: you and I have talked, think about it, thousands of
• 1:32:51
  Speaker 1: hours of nonsense. Yeah.
• 1:32:54
  Speaker 2: Fucking nonsense. Crazy, huh?
• 1:32:57
  Speaker 1: And there's times where, I'm sorry, you just kind of go,
• 1:33:00
  Speaker 1: I don't even know what else to say anymore.
• 1:33:02
  Speaker 2: Yeah. You know what I mean?
• 1:33:04
  Speaker 1: That's why we got to have experiences in the world
• 1:33:06
  Speaker 1: so we can have more stuff to talk about or
• 1:33:08
  Speaker 1: we have to talk about people that we can learn
• 1:33:09
  Speaker 1: stuff from.
• 1:33:10
  Speaker 2: That have had experiences. Yeah, George. George is here, my producer.
• 1:33:13
  Speaker 2: He's great. He's okay. And so George, he's changed a lot. Oh, too,
• 1:33:17
  Speaker 2: so much.
• 1:33:18
  Speaker 1: But George, dude, it's like I've talked so much. Are
• 1:33:21
  Speaker 1: you trying to bleed me dry?
• 1:33:24
  Speaker 2: No, you're doing great. This is the best ever.
• 1:33:27
  Speaker 1: Now that sounds like condescending, dude. Yeah, it sounds like
• 1:33:30
  Speaker 1: something somebody. He's the only guy that killed Elvis. Remember
• 1:33:33
  Speaker 1: his manager or whatever? Snow Cone or whatever that dude's
• 1:33:36
  Speaker 1: name was? Wait, his name was Snow Cold?
• 1:33:38
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 1:33:38
  Speaker 1: You mean Tom Hanks' character?
• 1:33:41
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah. Would you fuck... You're doing great. Would you
• 1:33:43
  Speaker 2: fuck Austin Butler? Would I fuck Austin Butler? No, I'd
• 1:33:46
  Speaker 2: fuck Elvis, probably. Would you have fucked Elvis? I don't know.
• 1:33:51
  Speaker 2: Would you have? Cleopatra. Who was that? In the history of...
• 1:33:55
  Speaker 2: She was the Egypt queen. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. But
• 1:33:57
  Speaker 2: it's hard to know what she really looked like. Yeah,
• 1:33:59
  Speaker 2: that's true. But if you're going to travel all the
• 1:34:02
  Speaker 2: way back in time, you got to smash. You feel me?
• 1:34:05
  Speaker 1: I think you'd have an easier time smashing than me.
• 1:34:07
  Speaker 2: What about Frederick Douglass? The black guy? Smash or pass?
• 1:34:11
  Speaker 2: Smash for sure. Yeah.
• 1:34:12
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah. Although he is probably... Oh, look at him.
• 1:34:17
  Speaker 1: Do you think he has a gapey butthole or no?
• 1:34:19
  Speaker 2: Huh? I don't know. I heard he's got an underground railroad.
• 1:34:25
  Speaker 2: That's insane.
• 1:34:26
  Speaker 1: That's insane what you just said there. We're going to hell. No, no,
• 1:34:28
  Speaker 1: but I did hear that he was gay, but I
• 1:34:30
  Speaker 1: don't know that. You should bring that hairstyle back. A
• 1:34:32
  Speaker 1: lot of my black friends told me that he was gay.
• 1:34:34
  Speaker 1: He enjoyed the pleasures of men. Dude, that hairstyle, it
• 1:34:36
  Speaker 1: has to come back.
• 1:34:37
  Speaker 2: Oh, yeah. What is that? It's like an afro, but conch. Conch? Conch. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Conch.
• 1:34:47
  Speaker 2: What's that hairstyle? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 1:34:50
  Speaker 1: That's interesting. It's not really straightened, but he kind of
• 1:34:53
  Speaker 1: combed the afro. What is a conch hairstyle? What is
• 1:34:56
  Speaker 1: the conch hairstyle?
• 1:34:57
  Speaker 2: Yeah, there it is. It's a conch hairstyle.
• 1:34:59
  Speaker 1: Conk is a hairstyle that was worn by some African-American
• 1:35:01
  Speaker 1: men between 1940s and early 1960s. The name comes from
• 1:35:05
  Speaker 1: the congolene, a lye-based gel used to chemically straighten or
• 1:35:09
  Speaker 1: relax hair. Once straightened, people styled their hair into pompadours
• 1:35:13
  Speaker 1: or wore it slicked back.
• 1:35:14
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 1:35:15
  Speaker 1: They have, it kind of has a look that maybe
• 1:35:17
  Speaker 1: Bruno Mars would kind of do.
• 1:35:19
  Speaker 2: Right, right, right, right.
• 1:35:20
  Speaker 1: Malcolm X did it a lot in his book. Bruno
• 1:35:22
  Speaker 1: Mars is Filipino, though. In the Malcolm X book, there's
• 1:35:25
  Speaker 1: a lot of conk hairstyles.
• 1:35:27
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I could see Bruno having it, rocking it, though.
• 1:35:30
  Speaker 2: What a talented man.
• 1:35:31
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:35:31
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 1:35:32
  Speaker 1: Let's look at a couple TikToks and let's get Bobby
• 1:35:34
  Speaker 1: on the road. Anything new that's happening TikTok-ing?
• 1:35:37
  Speaker 2: Yep, we got a couple. This stuff? Are you good
• 1:35:42
  Speaker 2: at this stuff? What is it?
• 1:35:43
  Speaker 1: Like looking at stuff and then commenting on it?
• 1:35:46
  Speaker 2: Why do you do it? Well, I like to show
• 1:35:48
  Speaker 2: things that I'm amazed by. I want to be amazed.
• 1:35:52
  Speaker 2: This is a deaf rapper. Oh, shit. Dude, then I'm
• 1:36:08
  Speaker 2: a deaf rapper. That's all I'm saying. If you're a
• 1:36:10
  Speaker 2: deaf rapper, I'm one, too. Yeah, you do something. MC Baba.
• 1:36:13
  Speaker 2: You do something. MC Baba. We're going to hell. We're
• 1:36:21
  Speaker 2: going to hell, dude. Very good, though. What else we got, man?
• 1:36:23
  Speaker 2: Hit me one more off of my.
• 1:36:26
  Speaker 2: Faves are that I starred in Masking Man. Oh, yeah,
• 1:36:29
  Speaker 2: look at this. I'm not saying they're taking our jobs,
• 1:36:33
  Speaker 2: but look at it again, dude. Smoking. Bro.
• 1:36:39
  Speaker 1: What is going on? What is going on, dude? Yeah, fumar,
• 1:36:43
  Speaker 1: you know? Fumarky mouse.
• 1:36:45
  Speaker 2: Yeah. I mean, dude, there should be a rule. Yeah, dude,
• 1:36:49
  Speaker 2: there should be. What do you think the rule is?
• 1:36:52
  Speaker 1: I think I want many in the costume to be
• 1:36:54
  Speaker 1: a woman. That's the number one rule.
• 1:36:57
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 1:36:57
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:36:58
  Speaker 2: What about a Mexican woman? That's fine. That's fine with me, too. Me, me. Yeah,
• 1:37:02
  Speaker 2: but with a Mexican man who looks like the guy
• 1:37:04
  Speaker 2: that works for Jimmy Kimmel. What's that? Security guard? Oh,
• 1:37:06
  Speaker 2: a Hortensio or whatever? Yeah, that's him, dude. Yeah. I
• 1:37:08
  Speaker 2: don't want that. Yeah, that's like a tall Hortensio.
• 1:37:10
  Speaker 1: I don't want that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 1:37:11
  Speaker 2: They don't have that. One more. Bring it up.
• 1:37:14
  Speaker 1: Oh, it's a marriage proposal. This is crazy, bro. This
• 1:37:17
  Speaker 1: is what you got to do, Bobby, if you're going
• 1:37:18
  Speaker 1: to meet someone. Yeah.
• 1:37:22
  Speaker 2: It's a carjacking, right?
• 1:37:24
  Speaker 1: Wow.
• 1:37:25
  Speaker 2: Take the husband. They take the husband? Yeah. Break all
• 1:37:28
  Speaker 2: the car windows.
• 1:37:49
  Speaker 1: That's insane Imagine that Imagine dude You know what Love
• 1:37:54
  Speaker 1: is love Love is love dude Wow It's good to
• 1:37:58
  Speaker 1: know You know what's funny dude One time whenever we
• 1:38:00
  Speaker 1: do this We'll both be married We will We have
• 1:38:05
  Speaker 1: to start to believe that Bobby Because if we don't
• 1:38:07
  Speaker 1: dude Then we never will be man And it's gonna
• 1:38:10
  Speaker 1: get weird bro Can we promise each other this We
• 1:38:15
  Speaker 1: can do group vacations Like couple vacations.
• 1:38:19
  Speaker 2: If we're married. And then when they're like girls are
• 1:38:22
  Speaker 2: surfing or doing their little thing, you and I can
• 1:38:25
  Speaker 2: get together. Yeah. Hit a meeting, chat, do something.
• 1:38:28
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that'd be fun. Anyway, it's really nice. I'm going
• 1:38:31
  Speaker 1: to see you soon, right? Yeah, I got to do
• 1:38:33
  Speaker 1: Bad Friends soon. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 1:38:33
  Speaker 2: All right, thank you. I love you, man. Love you. Yep,
• 1:38:36
  Speaker 2: thank you.
• 1:38:44
  Speaker 1: Cornerstone oh but when I reach that ground I'll share
• 1:38:51
  Speaker 1: this peace of mind I found I can feel it
• 1:38:55
  Speaker 1: in my bones but it's gonna take