Latest / 5–Minute Parenting: Tips to Help You Raise Competent, Godly Kids. / How to Help Children Walk through Grief w/Award Winning Author, Kalya Green

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How to Help Children Walk through Grief w/Award Winning Author, Kalya Green · 5–Minute Parenting: Tips to Help You Raise Competent, Godly Kids.

• 0:01
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to another episode of the 5-Minute Parenting Podcast.
• 0:05
  SPEAKER_00: I'm your host, Karen Ferguson, wife, mom, grandmom, and children's book author, with a background in K-8 education and a passion for equipping parents to raise confident and God-confident kids.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_00: In this podcast, we'll cover parenting practices for both a practical view and a biblical view.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_00: Our goal is to help you raise kids with a positive, godly self-image so they can become all they were created to be.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: I know you're busy, so we'll keep it short.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_00: Let's take just five minutes and dive in.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome back to Five Minute Parenting, tips to help you raise competent and God-confident kids.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Karen, your show host, and today we have return guest Kayla Green talking about an important topic of how to help children walk through grief.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_00: Kayla Green is an award-winning author and poet who writes to remind others and herself that light always prevails over darkness.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_00: Kayla's Christian faith greatly shapes her worldview, which in turn shapes her writing.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_00: She's a wife, mom, and avid reader who recently released a short story that relates to our topic today.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_00: And I am so glad she's here to share.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_00: Kayla, welcome back to the show.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_01: Hi, Karen.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you so much for having me back.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_01: And though it's a hard topic, I'm excited to talk about it.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you know, grief is something most of us will have to walk through at some point in our lives.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_00: And I just know it can be difficult as parents to see our children go through that, to see them grieve and know the best way to help.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm glad you're here to share.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_00: I'm going to let you jump right in and tell us a little bit about your yourself, your short story, and just what you would like to share with listeners on this topic today.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_01: All right.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_01: Um, yeah, thank you.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_01: Um so, like you said, grief is something that everybody has to walk through.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_01: And um it's it's not even something that for sometimes it's more short-term grief, like the loss of like a job or there's an opportunity or something you were looking forward to.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_01: But then there's other forms of grief that stay with you.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and that's typically when you you have um you're grieving of a big life change, a loss, um a miscarriage, the the death of a loved one.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_01: And um it's it's hard to do that to carry the burden of grief enough as an individual, as a person, but then as a parent, how do you, you know, you've got the question, how do you walk your children through understanding why their their grandpa isn't at his house anymore when you go to visit?
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_01: How you know what I'm saying?
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_01: How do you help them process because they, you know, young children and then, you know, young children, they're they're not really sure how to they don't understand why that person's not there or they don't understand they're asking questions.
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_01: And one of the things that's important if they're if they're old enough to ask questions is to engage with them in an age-appropriate way.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_01: It's it's very important.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_01: Um there's all sorts of things.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_01: It's called the three C's that um anyone walking through grief can can find online.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_01: Um, many resources about it, but it focuses on choosing what's best for you and your family.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_01: And as parents with kids, a lot of that is keeping to your routine as much as you can.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_01: Um, like continuing to go to church, letting them continue um as much normalcy as as possible, whether they're in children's church, in the sanctuary with you, or in the nursery, depending on their age.
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but not only is keeping to the schedule on the weekends and weekdays good for your kids, but it's it's good for um adults too, because humans are wired to respond to routine and rhythm.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_01: And but you also don't want to you want to stick to the routine.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_01: You don't necessarily want to overwhelm yourself with trying to not think about things because that's just going to make the hard days even harder because it's all gonna be hard.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and I'm coming at this as someone who um lost her father um unexpectedly.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_01: Um I'm gonna try to keep myself together.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_01: Um he was very healthy all his life.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_01: And then um he was he just got he just got sick and we found out um it was stage four cancer, um and he was diagnosed um in October um of 2024 and then he um transitioned to heaven in February of the the following year.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_01: Oh wow and you know, even though it's been some time that happened, you know, I'm it's the grief is still here.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_01: The grief is always gonna be here.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_01: Um and with my situation, I had a I had a newborn when um you know when my daddy was going through what he was going through.
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_01: And um in a lot of regards, um because she was so young, she she needed me.
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_01: And in on one hand, it you know, and that's what my my my daddy he wanted me to focus on her, and something that is helping me continue to walk through this grief because I have accepted, and I think that's something you know there's the phrase that time heals all wounds.
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_01: Um there's still scars that are left behind.
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, and you're you're still it's something you're walking through, and it's hard not to go through all these questions like what to do, and you don't want to let yourself spiral, but it's very important to focus on those three C's I mentioned earlier.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_01: You want to choose what's best for you and your family, and a lot of that is doing things with routine and rhythm, it's communicating.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_01: So if there, if there's a song or if there's something that you know, you even though it might make you tear up because it makes you think of the person you lost, you've got to have that open communication with your spouse, with those or you know, whoever is in your circle, your family, your church family.
• 7:29
  SPEAKER_01: Be open, communicate.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and for those who know someone who's grieving, um I think a lot of times people don't want to bring, you know, say anything to someone who's lost someone because they're like, oh, I don't want them to be sad.
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, you don't know what to say, you know.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_01: You don't know what to say.
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_01: But I walking through this, from my experience, I think it's good to say, tell me something.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_01: You know, if someone were to say, tell me something about your dad, because it allows you to focus on the happy times, remembering them.
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_01: And so I you know, some days is easier, some days it's it's not so easy, but for for parents, for anyone walking through grief, it's okay to talk about those that you have lost and explain, you know, if you know, Mama, why are you crying?
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I was just missing your grandpa.
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_01: You can have conversations, and it's also a great way to start implementing that foundation, that discipleship with talking about I, you know, I'm sad because I miss him.
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_01: But I know he's fully healed in heaven.
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, yes, that's and that is yes, yes.
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_01: Um, that that hope.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_01: And um every time I hear the song, I I I cry.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_01: But it's casting crowns, scars in heaven.
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, yes, I love that song.
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_01: It is so beautiful, and um I love the lines that the only scars in heaven, they won't belong to me and you.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_01: Um, there's no such thing as broken, all the old will be made new.
• 9:29
  SPEAKER_01: So as we are those here left on earth, when we're walking through grief of losing a loved one, it's okay to hurt.
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_01: We God gave us feelings, we have this grief because um of a of loving this person, of having this loss, but we can be comforted knowing that they are fully healed and we will again um see them.
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_01: Um yeah, God, God, He gives us that hope, and that is something that we can hold on to as we are walking through grief, as we're choosing our families, choosing to live despite loss, and we're communicating and staying open with our kids and helping them recognize their feelings.
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_01: And, you know, you know, we may not see this person now, but one day.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, that's right.
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_00: And I would I would add with that communication piece, also communicating what you need in the moment.
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_00: Because I know, you know, I lost my mom as well.
• 10:43
  SPEAKER_00: I was in my 40s, and um, you know, it was hard.
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_00: And and you go through these cycles and and you the emotions change, you know, depending on how long it's been and and so forth.
• 10:55
  SPEAKER_00: And so I think communicating what we need to those around us, I think is is very important too.
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_00: We don't have to go through this alone.
• 11:05
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, absolutely.
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_01: I think um God designed us for community to you know have one another, to lean on each other, and yes, communicate what you need.
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_01: And sometimes it's to remember good times, and sometimes it's to have a distraction.
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_01: You know, it's exactly what you said to communicate what is needed.
• 11:29
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_00: And then I want to make sure I don't miss it.
• 11:32
  SPEAKER_00: So it's choose what's best for your family.
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_00: Oftentimes that can be keeping those routines, which can be very comforting, right?
• 11:39
  SPEAKER_00: And and healthy, communicating.
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_00: And what was the third C?
• 11:43
  SPEAKER_00: Connect, connect is the connection, yeah.
• 11:47
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, so you want to connect um with those, you know, grief is you're not a burden for being upset.
• 11:57
  SPEAKER_01: And your children, they're children, they need you, especially.
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_01: They're still trying, littles are still trying to figure out what big feelings are and how to process those.
• 12:08
  SPEAKER_01: And even though it's hard to do that on its own and then add this level of grief, walking littles through grief while you are grieving, it's hard to, but um, we're not alone.
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_01: We have each other in the central family and then outside, extended family, friends, and more.
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_01: So that connection piece is really important.
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_01: And it also goes beyond people that God has put in our lives, but it's connecting back to God and connecting through with prayer and his word going into the Bible.
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and I do have um, I love the verse, and I think it's so relevant to this topic.
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_01: Here is Revelation 21:4.
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_01: He will wipe every tear from their eyes.
• 12:58
  SPEAKER_01: There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, so yeah, it goes back to hope beyond grief.
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_01: But yes, those three C's are um communicate, connect, and choose.
• 13:14
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, I like that.
• 13:15
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, very helpful.
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_00: And then yeah, we'll list that scripture in the show notes as well.
• 13:22
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and I think you had, did you have another Bible verse to share too?
• 13:26
  SPEAKER_01: Um yes.
• 13:28
  SPEAKER_01: So, you know, um, this is also from Revelation, it's 512.
• 13:31
  SPEAKER_01: In a loud voice, they were saying, Worthy is the Lamb who was slain to receive power and wealth and wisdom and strength and honor and glory and praise.
• 13:39
  SPEAKER_01: And the reason why I put this, you know, I wanted to mention this Bible verse too, is because God's grace is sufficient because of what Jesus did on the cross.
• 13:53
  SPEAKER_01: We have this hope that will help sustain us as we walk with grief.
• 13:58
  SPEAKER_01: Um we're not strong enough, but God is, and heaven is the ultimate reward.
• 14:09
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, it is.
• 14:11
  unknown: Yeah.
• 14:12
  SPEAKER_00: We know our loved ones are not suffering.
• 14:15
  SPEAKER_00: They're they're they have the prize, you know.
• 14:18
  SPEAKER_00: They're they're um where they they want to be, where we all want to be, right with our savior, you know.
• 14:26
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so yeah, my my heart just it it always goes for the people left behind.
• 14:31
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, when we know the Lord, our hope is secure, you know, and we are with him and we have eternity with him.
• 14:37
  SPEAKER_00: But it is, it's the day-to-day for the people still here, you know, learning to live without him.
• 14:42
  SPEAKER_00: And that's and that can be hard, but um, those are three, I I love that.
• 14:47
  SPEAKER_00: Choose what's right for your family, communication and connection.
• 14:51
  SPEAKER_00: Those are three important things to keep in mind.
• 14:54
  SPEAKER_00: Now, Kayla, you you did write a short story that's related to this topic.
• 14:58
  SPEAKER_00: Can you tell us a little bit about that?
• 15:01
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, so it's the short story is called The Edge of Sea Glass, um, and it features uh a 16-year-old um girl who is processing losing her father.
• 15:14
  SPEAKER_01: And Jenna is not um uh she doesn't represent me.
• 15:21
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 15:22
  SPEAKER_01: Um, like we're two separate people.
• 15:25
  SPEAKER_01: This is a fictional story.
• 15:26
  SPEAKER_01: However, I can very much sympathize and empathize with Jenna um as someone who I wrote this story as a way to kind of process um what was happening with my own.
• 15:40
  SPEAKER_00: That's what I was gonna ask.
• 15:41
  SPEAKER_00: I wondered if if that was when you wrote it.
• 15:43
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_01: That is when when I originally wrote it.
• 15:46
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and it is it's the edge of sea glasses ebook and audio, and she's processing what it means.
• 15:55
  SPEAKER_01: And in the story, Jenna wants nothing more than her dad to be okay, to be healed from his illness.
• 16:06
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and I think the easiest thing is to share the blurb real quick of the quick subject.
• 16:12
  SPEAKER_01: Please do.
• 16:13
  SPEAKER_01: Um, the storm brewing on the beach is no match for the turmoil inside Jenna's breaking heart.
• 16:19
  SPEAKER_01: The last time she and her father were on the shoreline together, Jenna decided she was too grown to look for imaginary mermaids in the waves.
• 16:27
  SPEAKER_01: Now regret and grief threaten to consume her as she wishes more than anything that there could be more time with her father, who is nearing the end of his battle with terminal cancer.
• 16:38
  SPEAKER_01: An encounter with a strange piece of sea glass leaves Jenna with an opportunity to have her greatest wish granted.
• 16:44
  SPEAKER_01: But bargains in the depths prove jagged pieces of a broken heart aren't the only things that are sharp.
• 16:51
  SPEAKER_00: Oh that sounds sounds fascinating.
• 16:55
  SPEAKER_00: And how how long did it take you to write this story?
• 16:59
  SPEAKER_01: Um the first the first draft, um, I wrote it in about two days, but it did take me several months, and then I like I had to do some pauses in between um because sometimes it was too hard to go back.
• 17:16
  SPEAKER_01: Um, so there was some breaks in between.
• 17:19
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but yeah, it was it was several months before it ended up being um the the final version that's that's out there.
• 17:28
  SPEAKER_00: Well, you know, question for you.
• 17:30
  SPEAKER_00: So I know I I journal a lot just from a personal place, and I know that can be very healing for people.
• 17:37
  SPEAKER_00: Do you do that as well?
• 17:38
  SPEAKER_00: Or is this really your way?
• 17:40
  SPEAKER_00: Do you do you put it into a fictional account to kind of help you process?
• 17:45
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I writing is how I process um different things.
• 17:51
  SPEAKER_01: I I've not only, you know, I do fictional stories or poetry.
• 17:56
  SPEAKER_01: Poetry is a is a it's a big um format for me to process things.
• 18:01
  SPEAKER_01: And I actually um have a poetry collection um that uh I'm still tweaking and adding some things, but um it actually um it's currently it's called Codename Project Poetry, and it's related to my family, and there's a lot of pieces about um about my family, uh specifically my daddy and um generations and growing up in the country in the south.
• 18:33
  SPEAKER_00: And so wow, I love that play on words, code tree.
• 18:38
  SPEAKER_00: You said like family tree.
• 18:39
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 18:41
  SPEAKER_00: I love that.
• 18:42
  SPEAKER_00: Very creative.
• 18:43
  SPEAKER_01: Um, so thank you.
• 18:45
  SPEAKER_01: And but yes, um, that is how I don't um I know a lot of people do journal um like you were talking about, but mine is more um processing different things through either the fictional stories or poetry.
• 18:59
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, but you know what I love about that is then you can put that out into the world and it can be an encouragement to other people going through the same thing.
• 19:08
  SPEAKER_00: So not only are you healing, but God is going to use that, you know, to help other people.
• 19:12
  SPEAKER_00: So I love that.
• 19:13
  SPEAKER_00: That's great.
• 19:14
  SPEAKER_01: So and yeah, and I think I think God has put puts it on my heart to write certain words down because he wants me to be able to kind of use my situation as a testimony to remind others of his truth.
• 19:30
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, amen.
• 19:32
  SPEAKER_00: Well, Kayla, thank you so much for being here and and for sharing your experience and your heart.
• 19:37
  SPEAKER_00: I know um this will be a great encouragement to many people.
• 19:41
  SPEAKER_00: And I just want to encourage parents to find you online and check out your books and short stories.
• 19:46
  SPEAKER_00: Where is the best place to find you?
• 19:49
  SPEAKER_01: Um, the best place to find me is either my website, theunicornrider.com or on Instagram, and my handle is the UnicornRider93.
• 20:00
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 20:01
  SPEAKER_00: And um before we close, just share a little bit.
• 20:04
  SPEAKER_00: You have a new book that's out and a one that's coming too.
• 20:07
  SPEAKER_00: Just share a little bit about those.
• 20:10
  SPEAKER_01: Um, yes, I have a young adult um novel.
• 20:15
  SPEAKER_01: It's a fantasy novel um written from a Christian worldview called The Goodness of Unicorns.
• 20:22
  SPEAKER_01: And I it's the first in a two-book series.
• 20:26
  SPEAKER_01: And then I also have um a picture book that I wrote and illustrated called Hadley the Hippo is what she eats.
• 20:35
  SPEAKER_01: And the biblical lesson about the importance of what we consume, um, as far as like what we watch and read and all that.
• 20:44
  SPEAKER_01: That is, I touched on that when I was on here uh on the podcast last time.
• 20:49
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, with Sandra, yes.
• 20:51
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 20:52
  SPEAKER_00: So I read that book.
• 20:53
  SPEAKER_00: I love it.
• 20:54
  SPEAKER_00: It is so cute.
• 20:55
  SPEAKER_00: I can't wait to get my copy.
• 20:59
  SPEAKER_00: Well, wonderful.
• 21:00
  SPEAKER_00: Well, we will have links to um those books in the show notes and to Kayla's website.
• 21:05
  SPEAKER_00: So, listeners, be sure to check that out and connect with Kayla online and then share this episode with someone you want to encourage and come back next week for another episode of Five Minute Parenting.
• 21:16
  SPEAKER_00: Until then, have a blessed week.