Latest / Your Thoughts Your Reality / Resilience in Action: Brenda Warren's Inspiring Journey From Marine Corps Leadership to Veteran Empowerment

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Resilience in Action: Brenda Warren's Inspiring Journey From Marine Corps Leadership to Veteran Empowerment · Your Thoughts Your Reality

• 0:03
  Speaker 1: Welcome to your Thoughts, your Reality with Michael Cole, the podcast that shines a compassionate light on the journey of veterans battling through life's challenges.
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: Michael is a dual elite certified neuro encoding specialist in coaching and keynote training presentations dedicated to guiding military veterans as they navigate the intricate pathways of post-deployment life.
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: Join him as we delve into the profound realm of neuro encoding science, empowering these Hello, hello, hello everybody.
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: Society forging a new path forward.
• 0:47
  Speaker 2: Hello, hello, hello everybody.
• 0:48
  Speaker 2: So today I have a very special guest, my friend, brenda Warren.
• 0:52
  Speaker 2: We got a lot to talk about, but let me just give you a little information about Brenda.
• 0:56
  Speaker 2: She's a retired Marine Corps gunnery sergeant.
• 0:59
  Speaker 2: Over 30 years experience with leadership, self-care, spiritual growth and cultivating healthy relationships.
• 1:05
  Speaker 2: She's a three-time best-selling author.
• 1:07
  Speaker 2: We're going to get into all that cool stuff as well.
• 1:09
  Speaker 2: She's a licensed minister and really excited about us also going through the TAP-IN method which you developed.
• 1:16
  Speaker 2: So, brenda, why don't you tell us a little bit about yourself?
• 1:27
  Speaker 3: and we're going to talk about sharks too.
• 1:28
  Speaker 3: Well, I'm not sure where to start, but let's just start where we are.
• 1:30
  Speaker 3: Right now I am the curator of the Solutionist Portal is where I use my tap-in method, and I'm on a mission to help, this year, 150 entrepreneurs close the gap between their desires and their reality, and so it was a group coaching program that I set up, and I'm using my method to do it.
• 1:46
  Speaker 3: I'm a serial entrepreneur.
• 1:48
  Speaker 3: I had my first business when I was nine years old, with a business license, and I was hooked because I come from a long line of entrepreneurs and, as you stated, I'm a retired Marine gunnery sergeant with 20 years of active duty, a former hospital administrator award-winning and I'm the mother of the amazing Alex.
• 2:08
  Speaker 2: Hey, fantastic Thank you for sharing those things.
• 2:11
  Speaker 2: So, if we can, let's go ahead and just tap into your time as a Marine Corps gunnery sergeant.
• 2:18
  Speaker 2: Can you talk a little bit about that when that timeframe was?
• 2:22
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I joined the Marine Corps two days after graduation from high school.
• 2:26
  Speaker 3: I was, I wanted to be a Marine since I was eight years old and it started out of a trauma.
• 2:34
  Speaker 3: When I was eight, there was a gust, of riots happened and unfortunately there was a blonde hair, blue eyed man that decided he wanted to spit in my face and I was traumatized.
• 2:47
  Speaker 3: A few months later my uncle, freddie, would take me to their naval station in Philadelphia and I would see all these beautiful people on parade deck and there was one guy in particular that came toward me blonde hair, blue eyes, but he had on blue pants with a red stripe, dark blue jacket, white gloves and a hat.
• 3:07
  Speaker 3: And he bent down and I braced for the spit, but instead he said hello, little lady, how are you?
• 3:12
  Speaker 3: And I was like I was terrified.
• 3:15
  Speaker 3: But he put his hand out and I shook his hand and I said what are you?
• 3:18
  Speaker 3: He says I'm a Marine.
• 3:19
  Speaker 3: I said what do Marines do?
• 3:20
  Speaker 3: He said we take care of those who can't take care of themselves.
• 3:23
  Speaker 3: I was hooked.
• 3:24
  Speaker 3: From that point on I wanted to be a Marine and it brought back what my grandmother told me you could choose love, you could choose hate.
• 3:32
  Speaker 3: There were two different people, but they had similarities.
• 3:35
  Speaker 3: But one showed me hate, one showed me love, and I've been on a path of love and gratitude ever since.
• 3:47
  Speaker 2: Wow, that's.
• 3:48
  Speaker 2: That's a bittersweet story.
• 3:48
  Speaker 2: So, and and you know, it's interesting, if, if that first man didn't do what he did, it may and I'm not saying it was right, please understand that but it may not have had the impact when the second man came up and treated you the way he did.
• 4:03
  Speaker 3: Absolutely I did.
• 4:03
  Speaker 3: I always look for the gift in everything and I say that man gave me a gift because at a very young age I learned that it was my choice how I decided to handle anything that happens in my life good, bad or indifferent and I'm grateful for the power of choices.
• 4:17
  Speaker 3: The Marine Corps gave me many choices.
• 4:20
  Speaker 3: I got to travel all over the world.
• 4:22
  Speaker 3: I got to meet people from all different cultures and nationalities.
• 4:25
  Speaker 3: I got to form opinions based on truth and not pay off in the media and the fiction that we're told about others, when in fact we had Marines from all walks of life, all nationalities, and we had to learn to work together.
• 4:41
  Speaker 3: And sometimes it was important for our life, because when I was stationed in Somalia and people were shooting at me, it didn't matter, Bullets didn't care if you were black or white.
• 4:49
  Speaker 3: Having the ability to count on my fellow Marines, regardless of their nationality, and know that they were going to have my back, regardless of mine, that was a blessing yeah, true, brothers and sisters, right, absolutely.
• 5:10
  Speaker 2: That was a blessing.
• 5:10
  Speaker 2: Yeah, true, brothers and sisters right, absolutely Fantastic.
• 5:11
  Speaker 2: So let's talk about the tapping method.
• 5:12
  Speaker 2: I'm excited about this.
• 5:13
  Speaker 2: Ok, you know you've had tremendous success with it, so can you explain the core principles and maybe some details in there and I apologize, I don't know if everybody can hear my, my wonderful dogs barking in the background, but this is an edited live dogs barking in the background, but this isn't edited.
• 5:23
  Speaker 3: It's live, that's the best part about live.
• 5:25
  Speaker 3: I always say on my podcast we allow animals, aliens and family members and we just bring them back a part of the show, so it doesn't bother me at all.
• 5:32
  Speaker 3: Here's the thing.
• 5:38
  Speaker 3: The tap-in method is a five-step strategic plan designed to help people move past their stuck points and close the gap between their desires and their reality.
• 5:42
  Speaker 3: Because, like many people, I was living in the gap.
• 5:45
  Speaker 3: You know that place of apprehension where you're not sure what your purpose is but you're focused on the problem.
• 5:52
  Speaker 3: So I had to come up with something that allowed me to move past the pain and move into purpose.
• 5:59
  Speaker 3: So the tap in each letter stands for a part of the process.
• 6:04
  Speaker 3: The T stands for transformation.
• 6:05
  Speaker 3: That's what we transform, our mindsets.
• 6:07
  Speaker 3: The A stands for accountability and announcement.
• 6:10
  Speaker 3: You're going to announce to the world what is the outcome you truly desire and get some accountability around that.
• 6:15
  Speaker 3: The P is where you prepare.
• 6:17
  Speaker 3: You prepare yourself, your environment, whatever you need to do to make that outcome possible.
• 6:22
  Speaker 3: And the I is where we do visualization and use our imagination.
• 6:26
  Speaker 3: Imagine what your life would look like if you actually got the results you said you desired.
• 6:31
  Speaker 3: And then the N was designed to nurture all of that, so that you could put it in a place that it becomes a lifestyle and not just a passing fad.
• 6:44
  Speaker 2: I love that.
• 6:45
  Speaker 2: So, brenda, where did this come from?
• 6:47
  Speaker 2: I mean, where did I mean?
• 6:48
  Speaker 2: Obviously it just didn't go poof, tap in.
• 6:51
  Speaker 2: So tell me more about that story, if you will.
• 6:53
  Speaker 3: Well, the backstory is that in 2011, I was a award-winning hospital administrator in charge of five different departments and had all these hundreds of people working for me, five managers, and my world was coming apart.
• 7:07
  Speaker 3: I was having hallucinations, flashbacks, different things.
• 7:10
  Speaker 3: I didn't know what was going on.
• 7:11
  Speaker 3: I went to the VA and I was diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder, ptsd and military sexual trauma, mst.
• 7:18
  Speaker 3: Well, I didn't want to tell anybody, because Marines don't do that.
• 7:20
  Speaker 3: We don't fall apart, we put things together.
• 7:23
  Speaker 3: So I didn't tell my spouse, I didn't tell my family, I didn't tell anybody.
• 7:27
  Speaker 3: But by 2013, I had had a complete and I do mean complete mental breakdown when I found myself standing over a fellow employee that said I tried to kill them.
• 7:35
  Speaker 3: So I then knew okay, can't hide it anymore.
• 7:41
  Speaker 3: That sent me back to the VA.
• 7:45
  Speaker 3: Twenty two medications and a hundred pounds of weight gain and eight years sitting on a couch feeling sorry for myself culminated in a plea for help that found me holding a bottle of pills, asking God, there's got to be more than this.
• 8:01
  Speaker 3: But I made a call to the crisis hotline and a beautiful man named David Shout out to David wherever he is out there Talked to me for four hours and said I can tell you like helping people.
• 8:11
  Speaker 3: So he asked me to find something to do and I did.
• 8:15
  Speaker 3: And when I did I began to live my life again.
• 8:28
  Speaker 3: I began to take that back and I joined Veterans Launching Ventures and had help there and they asked us to write a book as a homework assignment.
• 8:31
  Speaker 3: I did not know it was a joke that the teacher always did because nobody had ever done it.
• 8:33
  Speaker 3: But I had my assignment.
• 8:35
  Speaker 3: So they said write about what you know.
• 8:37
  Speaker 3: I knew I had sat on the couch for eight years.
• 8:39
  Speaker 3: I knew what it took for me to get off that couch and I started writing about that, based on a story my grandmother had about trains and stuff.
• 8:47
  Speaker 3: So I wrote that book.
• 8:48
  Speaker 3: I turned it in, they all laughed.
• 8:50
  Speaker 3: It went on Amazon Live and I let it go.
• 8:52
  Speaker 3: It was a year before I discovered that it was a bestselling book.
• 8:58
  Speaker 2: I love that story.
• 9:00
  Speaker 2: That is just fantastic.
• 9:01
  Speaker 2: Sometimes you don't realize what you're creating or what's happening, until you realize, right.
• 9:08
  Speaker 3: Absolutely.
• 9:10
  Speaker 2: That's fantastic.
• 9:10
  Speaker 2: So tell me more about the grandmother portion of this.
• 9:16
  Speaker 3: Yeah, my grandmother, who was what I said.
• 9:19
  Speaker 3: She had a hotline to God.
• 9:20
  Speaker 3: She was the kind of woman that prayed for a dish rag and it would show up, you know, and it was, and she was always teaching me life lessons and she would.
• 9:28
  Speaker 3: She had this fascination with trains and different things and she would talk to me.
• 9:32
  Speaker 3: That life was like being on a train.
• 9:34
  Speaker 3: There's stops along the way.
• 9:35
  Speaker 3: You sometimes you get off, sometimes you get back on, you stop and stay.
• 9:39
  Speaker 3: So I use that as my way of telling the story.
• 9:43
  Speaker 3: Each step in the tapping method.
• 9:45
  Speaker 3: There's eight different stations you can stop and you want to stop.
• 9:49
  Speaker 3: Your relationships, your emotions, your finances, your mental mindset, your career, your spirituality, your wellness all those different stations you can stop at.
• 10:02
  Speaker 3: And people stop at different points along the way and you get to decide where you tap in.
• 10:07
  Speaker 3: Some people need to tap in financially.
• 10:08
  Speaker 3: If you're living in debt, how do you get out?
• 10:11
  Speaker 3: Well, the program will help you do that.
• 10:12
  Speaker 3: If you don't have the relationship of your dreams, if you're not doing what you love and love what you do, and you can tap into that and it's a universal process that you can use for any area of your life to set clear goals and aspirations so that you can actually accomplish what it is you desire to do.
• 10:30
  Speaker 2: That's fantastic, yeah, and I love that.
• 10:32
  Speaker 2: It's similar to something that I use with my clients with the Wheel of Life, and I love that Fantastic.
• 10:42
  Speaker 2: So is there any certain area that you would say people and I think I know the answer to this, but I'm going to ask it anyway that you think people need to focus on more than others in the tap in method, or is it kind of you want it to all be kind of cohesive?
• 10:59
  Speaker 3: Well, you know we often hit the term work life balance.
• 11:01
  Speaker 3: I just don't believe in that.
• 11:02
  Speaker 3: I believe in a work life harmony.
• 11:04
  Speaker 3: We often hit the term work-life balance.
• 11:05
  Speaker 3: I just don't believe in that.
• 11:06
  Speaker 3: I believe in a work-life harmony.
• 11:07
  Speaker 3: I think that we need to find I always tell people, start with what is your most pressing need.
• 11:11
  Speaker 3: Is it your relationship?
• 11:13
  Speaker 3: Is it your finances?
• 11:15
  Speaker 3: Is it your wellness?
• 11:16
  Speaker 3: Whatever is that area that needs to start there and then tap into each of them along the way.
• 11:22
  Speaker 3: Trying to do it all at once is a disaster and a recipe for failure.
• 11:25
  Speaker 3: But if you can pick one and focus on that and then begin to incorporate others, by the end of you can have a trip that can really put you in a place of success and health.
• 11:38
  Speaker 3: And I always tell people honestly, if I would choose, even if you have finance and stuff, I say start with your family because here's the thing we all go to, these jobs.
• 11:44
  Speaker 3: Or if you have finance and stuff, I say start with your family Because here's the thing we all go to, these jobs.
• 11:47
  Speaker 3: Or we do our business and stuff.
• 11:48
  Speaker 3: We say it's in the name of our family, but in the process we lose the very people we say we're doing it for Amen.
• 11:55
  Speaker 3: And if your family is rock solid, you know and that also goes over to spirituality and all those things like that If you get that rock solid, the rest of it you can work with that and get it done, Love it, I love it.
• 12:07
  Speaker 2: And if I can just add to that and I think it's part of the point is, at least that's the way I'm getting from you is, you know, if you have your support system, one of the most important things in your life everything else can be worked out, everything else can be worked out can be worked out.
• 12:26
  Speaker 2: Everything else can be worked out.
• 12:26
  Speaker 2: Everything, yeah, fantastic.
• 12:28
  Speaker 2: So many of our listeners are veterans, you know, facing tough transitions.
• 12:29
  Speaker 2: It's really my focus is veterans transitioning out, because I've seen a lot of the hardest parts.
• 12:36
  Speaker 2: Where there's solitude, there's disconnect.
• 12:40
  Speaker 2: You know, you know the drill.
• 12:42
  Speaker 2: So can we talk about what are some common limiting beliefs you encounter in your work and how does your TAPN method specifically help address those?
• 12:51
  Speaker 3: Well, the most common limiting belief I have that I encounter with people, especially veterans, is that sense of loss of self.
• 13:00
  Speaker 3: We lose our identity because when you're in the military you have that camaraderie, you know who you are, are all our pays are the same, there's still secrets.
• 13:08
  Speaker 3: And then you get out and you have some little snot nose person that doesn't even understand how the military works going to tell you what you did is not valuable and you just want to take them out.
• 13:17
  Speaker 3: It's like because when I first came out, baby, I'm surprised I didn't catch a case, because some of those folks boy it.
• 13:26
  Speaker 3: It just it was a whole different environment.
• 13:28
  Speaker 3: So the belief that we don't have anything to offer, when the truth is we have so much because of our military training.
• 13:37
  Speaker 3: It translates into the civilian community quite well if we are aware of what it is and how to adapt it.
• 13:44
  Speaker 2: Absolutely, and that's a very important point.
• 13:48
  Speaker 2: Thank you for bringing that up.
• 13:49
  Speaker 2: So you come out of the military with so many skills that a lot of veterans don't realize go right into the real world for employers, your own businesses, all the elements alike.
• 14:01
  Speaker 2: So can you talk about maybe one of the more important ones that you found to help connect?
• 14:10
  Speaker 3: One of the when you say help connect.
• 14:11
  Speaker 3: Please explain that.
• 14:14
  Speaker 3: One of the skills, or whether that be leadership or any of those, I think the most important skill that for me personally and that I have found with my other military veterans if I can just get them to understand their ability to overcome and adapt, so we can.
• 14:29
  Speaker 3: You know, we we learn a lot about leadership and all these things, and they do in the civilian community too, but what we have over them is that we're always going to find a way.
• 14:40
  Speaker 3: I have not run across a veteran yet that if you give them a mission, they will not find a way to make that mission happen.
• 14:47
  Speaker 3: They don't make excuses, and I think that's a powerful way of being, because when I have been put into situations where here's a good one they created a water reclamation system at the hospital.
• 15:04
  Speaker 3: I couldn't even spell water reclamation what is that?
• 15:06
  Speaker 3: But you know what?
• 15:07
  Speaker 3: That was my assignment.
• 15:09
  Speaker 3: Do you know?
• 15:10
  Speaker 3: I was instrumental in building one of the first water reclamation systems here in North Carolina and I had to learn how to read blueprints.
• 15:16
  Speaker 3: So I took a class.
• 15:17
  Speaker 3: There were so many skills I adapted because I did not go and say I don't know how to do that, I found the way.
• 15:23
  Speaker 3: That is one of the biggest skills, and I know it's not technically.
• 15:28
  Speaker 3: When you say skills, I say leadership, you know management, project management.
• 15:32
  Speaker 3: No, our ability to overcome and adapt will take us so much further than anybody in the civilian community will ever go.
• 15:40
  Speaker 2: Yeah, absolutely, and thank you for sharing that.
• 15:42
  Speaker 2: So what is water reclamation?
• 15:45
  Speaker 3: It's like you take the dirty water and turn it into clean water.
• 15:48
  Speaker 3: So imagine taking the water from the sewer system and making it so you can drink it.
• 15:53
  Speaker 2: Don't simplify it.
• 15:54
  Speaker 3: I like it.
• 15:57
  Speaker 2: No, it is.
• 15:57
  Speaker 2: Thank you for sharing.
• 15:59
  Speaker 2: I just had to bring it up so as a veteran might be listening.
• 16:04
  Speaker 2: With a disconnected family and society.
• 16:06
  Speaker 2: With your Solutionist Portal group, how does that help connect?
• 16:10
  Speaker 2: Talk to more about that.
• 16:12
  Speaker 2: I'd love to hear more about that group specifically.
• 16:15
  Speaker 3: OK, well now the solution is portal group is designed for people that want to learn the business of doing business.
• 16:20
  Speaker 3: So it's designed for entrepreneurs and small business owners, and I have a lot of veterans that are doing that.
• 16:24
  Speaker 3: You know they're stepping outside the box because they're coming into a civilian community that is not always accepting in our challenges, especially if you're diagnosed with post-traumatic stress and some of the different things that that can cause if you have a TBI or whatever.
• 16:37
  Speaker 3: So they're creating their own, and so inside, the solution is portal.
• 16:40
  Speaker 3: I give people the ability to do business their way so they can do what they love, love what they do, and I give them the tools to do it by helping them create strategies, structures and systems, like we had in the military, that make them successful structures and systems like we had in the military.
• 16:56
  Speaker 2: that made them successful, fantastic, and it is so important to again.
• 16:58
  Speaker 2: I know this and I'm sure you do as well when you're coming out of the military to have a plan.
• 17:04
  Speaker 2: You've got to have a plan.
• 17:05
  Speaker 2: Yeah, absolutely.
• 17:07
  Speaker 3: And I would say one of the things I should have brought one down, but I'm pulling this down off my shelf here.
• 17:11
  Speaker 3: This book right here was created by a fellow veteran, lisa Deshawn.
• 17:15
  Speaker 3: From Duty to Destiny A Guide to Essential ADD Lessons we Learned in the Military, and she goes through everything that if you are a veteran, you're about to transition.
• 17:24
  Speaker 3: This is a book you'd want to have in your arsenal because she really does talk about the different things that we take for granted, that we learned.
• 17:33
  Speaker 3: You know, and I think it's so important that you understand you're not alone.
• 17:37
  Speaker 3: There's support out there, like this book, the different organizations, the DAV, the Veterans Launch and Ventures Program.
• 17:48
  Speaker 3: The University of Connecticut School of Business has so many programs for veterans, it's not even funny.
• 17:55
  Speaker 3: So there's a lot of support for us?
• 17:57
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's fantastic.
• 17:58
  Speaker 2: And if you could, when we're done here, maybe put some of those in the comments so that we can find them later on, that'd be fantastic.
• 18:06
  Speaker 2: Also, I want to just bring up really quick on the top righthand corner of your screen, everybody, there is a blue QR code that you can scan and it takes you to the website with all kinds of resources a couple of books that I've written, but resources for veterans Connect.
• 18:23
  Speaker 2: We have Facebook groups, all of those things.
• 18:25
  Speaker 2: So please scan that.
• 18:27
  Speaker 2: If you are listening on the podcast forums later on it's empowerperformancestrategiescom, again empowerperformancestrategiescom, again empowerperformancestrategiescom.
• 18:36
  Speaker 2: And I'm going to say stick around, because I haven't asked Brenda this, but I'm going to ask her for three last tips when we're done.
• 18:41
  Speaker 2: So stick around until the end here.
• 18:42
  Speaker 2: So, brenda, are there other tips, other thoughts that you've encountered yourself as far as dealing with transitioning out of the military that really helped you get further faster?
• 18:52
  Speaker 2: Are there out of the military that really helped you get further faster?
• 18:55
  Speaker 2: Are there there was a certain person in your life that gave you ideas or what strategies for people kind of changed that in your life, if you will?
• 19:08
  Speaker 3: You know, I will say the first thing was you don't know what.
• 19:11
  Speaker 3: You don't know If you can seek out another veteran that you see.
• 19:15
  Speaker 3: Go to LinkedIn, seek out veterans that are being successful and ask them for their assistance.
• 19:22
  Speaker 3: I did that.
• 19:22
  Speaker 3: I also connected myself with organizations that were veteran specific because they know the different things that we go through.
• 19:33
  Speaker 3: I didn't understand the pay scale, how to ask for a raise, because it was set.
• 19:40
  Speaker 3: So you have to educate yourself and learn those things, and one of the first things I did was, like I said, I was fortunate to connect myself.
• 19:53
  Speaker 3: But then when I got the job that I got at the hospital, the people in charge were all West Point graduates and Naval officers and things.
• 19:56
  Speaker 3: So Steve Heron was instrumental in my transition because when I wanted to choke a couple of people, he would be the one to say come here, gunny.
• 20:05
  Speaker 3: No, that's not how we do this, because there's definitely a difference in, you know, in the Marine Corps, when I tell somebody to jump, they ask, they ask me off what and how high.
• 20:16
  Speaker 3: And the civilian community yes, somebody jumped.
• 20:19
  Speaker 3: That's not in my job description.
• 20:20
  Speaker 3: I'll shut that job description up, you know.
• 20:22
  Speaker 3: So that was not the right approach.
• 20:25
  Speaker 3: When I first got out I had to learn they didn't understand cross training.
• 20:29
  Speaker 2: But I feel you.
• 20:43
  Speaker 3: You know, a lady would go out for a week and the whole department shut down.
• 20:48
  Speaker 3: But I feel you curve and my personality just was not conducive to a civilian way of life.
• 20:54
  Speaker 3: So I thank God for Steve Herron because he definitely kept me out of jail.
• 20:58
  Speaker 3: Thank you Because we wouldn't be here right now.
• 21:01
  Speaker 2: No, I wouldn't be no.
• 21:03
  Speaker 2: So let's change things a little bit.
• 21:06
  Speaker 1: As a licensed minister.
• 21:10
  Speaker 2: As someone who's cultivated healthy relationships, how do you blend spirituality and emotional intelligence in your coaching practices or process?
• 21:19
  Speaker 3: You know, that's always interesting because people sometimes have a preconceived notion of how ministers are, and I'm the one that I'll cut you and then I pray for you that you get here, because you know it's just the way it is.
• 21:29
  Speaker 3: But I think the way I do it is I employ active listening because I love to say I hear the things people don't say.
• 21:36
  Speaker 3: I see things other people often miss, and that's a blessing and one of the gifts that God has given me.
• 21:42
  Speaker 3: I also let people know that I genuinely care about them.
• 21:45
  Speaker 3: I am really committed to other people's success to the point.
• 21:49
  Speaker 3: I had to remember that sometimes people don't want it as bad as I want it for them.
• 21:53
  Speaker 3: I had to learn to let go and not be tied to other people's outcomes.
• 21:58
  Speaker 3: The other thing is to lead by example and also be very self-aware.
• 22:05
  Speaker 3: I know I have a very low tolerance for foolishness, so I have to often take a step back and really work on my own emotional intelligence so that I can help other people.
• 22:16
  Speaker 3: And how do you do that, if I can ask?
• 22:19
  Speaker 3: Oh, easy, I do it by prayer, meditation, visualization.
• 22:24
  Speaker 3: I have accountability.
• 22:25
  Speaker 3: Coaches need coaches.
• 22:26
  Speaker 3: I have an accountability coach, I have a results coach.
• 22:30
  Speaker 3: I have a personal trainer, I have a mental trainer.
• 22:33
  Speaker 3: Who else Child?
• 22:35
  Speaker 3: It takes a village to keep this all together.
• 22:38
  Speaker 2: Well, you are doing a fantastic job by their guiding.
• 22:42
  Speaker 2: I'm just saying Thank you.
• 22:43
  Speaker 2: You are absolutely, you know, a pleasure.
• 22:46
  Speaker 2: Dr Denise Sincere, I believe, is who connected us.
• 22:50
  Speaker 3: One of my mentors.
• 22:51
  Speaker 3: She's the wellness mentor.
• 22:53
  Speaker 3: You know she, she is so instrumental in my healthy way of lifestyle because she will call me on my BS, you know, and she's not going to.
• 23:05
  Speaker 3: She's not going to let me spit in self-pity.
• 23:07
  Speaker 3: She's also not going to let me deny when I'm making bad choices.
• 23:12
  Speaker 3: You know I've learned to make better bad choices until I can get to the right choice.
• 23:18
  Speaker 3: But also she will make me own my stuff and I love that about her.
• 23:24
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you know, I, I, I ask clients, I think everybody does this.
• 23:27
  Speaker 2: I don't care really who you are, but I mean, everybody gets in their shit and it's a matter of how long do you want to sit in it?
• 23:34
  Speaker 2: How long you want to sit in it?
• 23:35
  Speaker 2: Yeah, so it's, it's fantastic when you know I, I call it and this comes actually from one of my mentors.
• 23:42
  Speaker 2: Um, it's literally about that.
• 23:47
  Speaker 2: Right, it's, it's, it's kicking your ass with love.
• 23:51
  Speaker 3: And it's not always fun, because I remember the first time she said, hey, hold up.
• 23:55
  Speaker 3: We had the same conversation about three or four times.
• 23:57
  Speaker 3: When are you going to stop lying to yourself?
• 23:59
  Speaker 3: I was like what she requires me to look at myself in a full-length mirror on a daily basis.
• 24:07
  Speaker 3: I also do a lot of mirror work.
• 24:09
  Speaker 3: That's one of the things I do to help myself.
• 24:11
  Speaker 2: Excellent, and I do that as well.
• 24:18
  Speaker 3: Can you talk about that a little bit?
• 24:18
  Speaker 3: Yeah, you know, when I first got introduced to mirror workers from Lisa Nichols and she talked about talking about the I call it the triple seven I tell myself in the morning seven things that I like about myself, and then I tell myself seven things I forgive myself for, and then I tell myself seven things I'm committed to do.
• 24:34
  Speaker 3: And, as an example, if I said like, um, and I am grateful and I'm happy, proud of myself for being on stage this past weekend, over the weekend I was at the Build your Brand live conference and I spoke on stage, and then I will forgive myself for not having done that sooner, because of fear, you know, and fear is simply future events already ruined, but I had already decided what it was going to be like.
• 24:57
  Speaker 3: So I had held myself back and then I committed to myself to no longer be afraid to be on stage but to seek out those opportunities, because I need to show up so that other people can show up as well.
• 25:09
  Speaker 3: Beautiful.
• 25:10
  Speaker 2: I love that.
• 25:11
  Speaker 2: I love that.
• 25:12
  Speaker 2: So, with the ministry, with connection for veterans specifically, if you will, and their families, or veterans, specifically, if you will, and their families and I like to bring this up with almost all of my guests, especially Marines, army Air Force you know the services.
• 25:31
  Speaker 2: So when you came back or were re-engaged, if you will, in the civilian world, especially with family, give some thoughts of some tips.
• 25:42
  Speaker 2: Or maybe, if you will be vulnerable course I know you you will talk about how that felt and some of the the fastest ways, because I like to get my my, my client and my clients, but my listeners and things further faster.
• 25:56
  Speaker 2: What are some of the ways that you got further faster, now that you've been through it?
• 26:01
  Speaker 2: To reconnect with family and friends, because you've all grown, you're all different and when you come back it can be struggling.
• 26:08
  Speaker 2: You know it can be difficult.
• 26:10
  Speaker 3: So what are?
• 26:10
  Speaker 2: the difficult, yeah, please.
• 26:12
  Speaker 2: So please share some of that if you would.
• 26:13
  Speaker 3: Yeah, well, it was difficult because in the beginning I was so stuck in my silos of the way we are as Marines that I just, I, just I had made up in my mind that no one understood.
• 26:27
  Speaker 3: So that was the end of it, since I had decided because that's why I say mindset is so important, because at any time you can simply change the way you feel or think about anything and most people don't believe that, but it is the truth but I had decided they didn't understand me so I wasn't going to try to be understood.
• 26:45
  Speaker 3: But when I got to a place of understanding that I was living in isolation, I was living in a silo, and I no longer desired to do that.
• 26:52
  Speaker 3: I had to do things differently.
• 26:54
  Speaker 3: So I had to begin to have those hard conversations about what I had been through, what I was going through, and seek support and help.
• 27:03
  Speaker 3: I had been through what I was going through and seek support and help and also allow my family the opportunity to say they couldn't go with me.
• 27:09
  Speaker 3: And what I mean by that is I have a mental health protocol that I use.
• 27:12
  Speaker 3: I no longer expect, because someone loves me, or say they love me, that they can walk this journey with me.
• 27:18
  Speaker 3: I ask permission for them to do it.
• 27:20
  Speaker 3: So if I was going to ask you, I say Michael, I need help, and I would ask you.
• 27:27
  Speaker 3: I would tell you specifically what I needed help in, I would tell you what code word I wanted to use, so you know what words when I needed help and what you needed to do.
• 27:36
  Speaker 3: So by doing that, it allows you the opportunity to say yes or no.
• 27:40
  Speaker 3: I have people that can help me at 0 dark, 30 in the morning.
• 27:44
  Speaker 3: Say yes or no.
• 27:44
  Speaker 3: I have people that can help me at O-Dog, 30 in the morning or, for those of you it's not military those who can help me at 1 am to 5 am, and some people that will only help me from 8 am to 12, whatever the case is, but they've already committed to doing that for me, like for my family.
• 27:56
  Speaker 3: They know if I tell you I've hit my social limit, okay, everybody back up off her because she about to blow, you know.
• 28:01
  Speaker 3: But at the same time, if I just simply say that I'm not in a good place, that means I'm open for conversation but still don't push it.
• 28:11
  Speaker 3: So we all have codes and different things and by doing that, that gives them permission to show up and help me at the level they're willing to do.
• 28:18
  Speaker 3: I have some people that say, when you get to the, I've hit my social limit.
• 28:22
  Speaker 3: I'm not the one you know, and that's okay, because everybody has their own bandwidth and their own level of support that they can provide and it is presumptuous of us to think that everybody can support us at the same level.
• 28:34
  Speaker 3: It's not healthy.
• 28:36
  Speaker 2: Amen, that's fantastic.
• 28:38
  Speaker 2: So I thought you were going to say the code word is going to be Jumanji.
• 28:44
  Speaker 2: I love that.
• 28:44
  Speaker 2: It's so specific that way, so that's fantastic, though, and I've never really looked at it that way.
• 28:49
  Speaker 2: Or as far as hey, you have certain people, certain space, and I will always hold space for you, brenda.
• 28:54
  Speaker 2: Just let me know, I appreciate it, not in the am.
• 28:58
  Speaker 3: I got it Knowing that.
• 29:02
  Speaker 3: And this protocol came out of a fact that one day I went to someone I was when I said I was in a dark place, it was like holding pills in hand and this person told me I came over there but their show was about to come on, and so when they realized I had basically overstayed my welcome, they escorted me to the door and said well, I hope you get better.
• 29:20
  Speaker 3: And shut the door in my face.
• 29:22
  Speaker 3: I was, and I was so incensed that I forgot about the pills, because now I wanted to beat somebody up.
• 29:28
  Speaker 3: But I went home that night and I thought about, like I always do, what was the gift of this, what they was?
• 29:34
  Speaker 3: They pissed me off.
• 29:35
  Speaker 3: So now I had to find a solution for my problem.
• 29:38
  Speaker 3: What do I need to do if I ever find myself in that way again?
• 29:42
  Speaker 3: For me, I knew number one call the people that can actually help you.
• 29:47
  Speaker 3: So calling, if you find yourself or a loved one in need that want to hurt yourself or others, dial the National Crisis Lifeline 988-VETERANS-PRESS-1.
• 29:55
  Speaker 3: It may not be that person, and I also need to know who in my circle has the ability to help me at the time I'm in need of help.
• 30:04
  Speaker 3: Some people can help me during the daylight, some people can help me in the midnight hours.
• 30:08
  Speaker 3: Some people can only help me once a month, but if you know that, then you know where to go.
• 30:14
  Speaker 3: I have a list by my bed that with names and numbers, and it tells me, so I know, depending on what time of day it is.
• 30:22
  Speaker 3: I know who is in my wheelhouse that can help me right now.
• 30:27
  Speaker 2: Absolutely.
• 30:28
  Speaker 3: That helps me stay on this side of alive, and it's something I committed to myself to maintain that.
• 30:35
  Speaker 2: Absolutely fantastic.
• 30:36
  Speaker 2: You know, I'm just going to say it.
• 30:37
  Speaker 2: I don't care if you're a veteran or a civilian, or Moses, I don't care.
• 30:45
  Speaker 2: Right now I don't know where that came from, but that is one of the best, best tips we may have had on the show.
• 30:53
  Speaker 2: I mean.
• 30:55
  Speaker 3: I'll give it to you, I'll email it to you and share it with your listeners and stuff.
• 30:59
  Speaker 3: It's called the mental health protocol.
• 31:00
  Speaker 3: I did a whole little booklet on it.
• 31:01
  Speaker 3: I give it out all the time because I think it's so important for us to understand that, although we need assistance, we need to know where to go to get it.
• 31:10
  Speaker 3: We need to have protocols that allow us and take the stigma away from saying it.
• 31:14
  Speaker 3: See, I thought asking for help was a weakness, so for years I never asked for help because, again, marines don't do that and that's a lie.
• 31:24
  Speaker 3: That's a limiting belief that almost took me off this planet and that's why I am loud and proud to say that, although you may be in your darkest moment, I don't call.
• 31:35
  Speaker 3: If you call a friend, call a friend of me, call me, you know, but call somebody.
• 31:39
  Speaker 3: And if you have a mental health protocol, you'll have a listing that I love.
• 31:43
  Speaker 3: That protocol is on my wall, it's in my purse.
• 31:47
  Speaker 3: My friends and family has it as well.
• 31:49
  Speaker 3: Because, guess what, if I call somebody and maybe they said they were available, but they're not available now, they have that same list, so they know who they can call next to get me the help I need.
• 31:59
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's fantastic.
• 32:00
  Speaker 2: It truly is one of the best tips and we've had some good ones.
• 32:04
  Speaker 2: I'll tell you what seriously I love it.
• 32:07
  Speaker 2: I'm worried we unfortunately have run short on time.
• 32:10
  Speaker 2: We'll get you back, but really quick.
• 32:14
  Speaker 2: You know.
• 32:15
  Speaker 3: Tell the story about the shark oh, when I was little I worked in the fish market, because that's how they kept the girls safe.
• 32:21
  Speaker 3: You know, make us smell, so boys wouldn't come near us.
• 32:23
  Speaker 3: My uncle caught a shark one weekend and they put it in the little tank and so I got to take care of the shark.
• 32:29
  Speaker 3: The shark started getting bigger.
• 32:30
  Speaker 3: But because it was getting bigger, uncle said well, you can't keep it anymore.
• 32:34
  Speaker 3: But I didn't want them to kill it or eat it, so I convinced him to let it go.
• 32:38
  Speaker 3: And that's when I started studying all about sharks.
• 32:40
  Speaker 3: When I got the little shark how to feed it, how to take care of it I found this sharks are social, they are amazing, and sharks will only grow to the container that you put them in.
• 32:49
  Speaker 3: So if you let a shark grow in the ocean, it's unstoppable, it is relentless, and I love sharks.
• 32:55
  Speaker 2: And take that as a personal, personal information as well.
• 32:59
  Speaker 2: Right, we are the same Absolutely.
• 33:02
  Speaker 2: And, by the way, again, scuba diver love sharks.
• 33:04
  Speaker 2: We could talk for an hour on that by itself, my friend.
• 33:07
  Speaker 2: So, as promised, brenda, three final tips to get veterans and their families further faster please.
• 33:15
  Speaker 3: Number one take care of yourself first.
• 33:16
  Speaker 3: Put on your own oxygen mask you got to take.
• 33:18
  Speaker 3: Self-care is so important.
• 33:20
  Speaker 3: Number two keep your family first, because they're going to be there when all the accolades, the jobs, everything is gone.
• 33:25
  Speaker 3: And number three get a strong, solid spiritual practice, because when you are clear on what you believe in, your core values are aligning with what you really want to do, you are unstoppable.
• 33:36
  Speaker 2: I love the integrity part.
• 33:37
  Speaker 2: Amen, thank you so much.
• 33:39
  Speaker 2: You have been such a pleasure and I've had so much fun.
• 33:41
  Speaker 2: I can't believe you already over time.
• 33:42
  Speaker 2: So thank you so much.
• 33:43
  Speaker 2: You have been such a pleasure and I've had so much fun.
• 33:44
  Speaker 2: I can't believe you're already over time.
• 33:45
  Speaker 2: So thank you so much.
• 33:46
  Speaker 2: How do people?
• 33:47
  Speaker 3: reach you.
• 33:47
  Speaker 3: You can find me at Brenda the solutionist, on all social platforms.
• 33:51
  Speaker 3: It's easy, it's so with S-O-U-L, because it's all about your soul and your core values.
• 33:57
  Speaker 2: Absolutely love it, brenda.
• 33:58
  Speaker 2: Again, thank you so much.
• 33:59
  Speaker 2: As humans, time is our most precious resource.
• 34:01
  Speaker 2: We don't get it back.
• 34:03
  Speaker 2: Thank you for spending this time with us, truly honored Thank you, Thank you, thank you for having me Absolutely Everybody we are out of here.
• 34:12
  Speaker 1: Thank you for joining us on another insightful journey of your Thoughts your Reality podcast with your host, michael Cole.
• 34:19
  Speaker 1: We hope the conversation sparked some thoughts that resonate with you.
• 34:23
  Speaker 1: To dive deeper into empowering your thoughts and enhancing your reality, visit empowerperformancestrategiescom.
• 34:29
  Speaker 1: Remember your thoughts shape your reality, so make them count.
• 34:34
  Speaker 1: Until next time, stay inspired and keep creating the reality you desire.
• 34:39
  Speaker 1: Catch you on the next episode.