Latest / Your Money, Your Rules | Financial Mastery, Wealth Mindset, Leadership Principles, Intuitive Decision-Making, Human Design / 185 | Intimacy & Money: Nervous System Safety for Women Leading at the Next Level (with Jen MG)

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185 | Intimacy & Money: Nervous System Safety for Women Leading at the Next Level (with Jen MG) · Your Money, Your Rules | Financial Mastery, Wealth Mindset, Leadership Principles, Intuitive Decision-Making, Human Design

• 0:00
  Erin Gray: Welcome back to Your Money, Your Rules podcast with me, your host, Erin Gray.
• 0:04
  Erin Gray: So glad you're here.
• 0:05
  Erin Gray: I wanted to do something a little bit different.
• 0:07
  Erin Gray: I haven't done this before and I'm playing with this.
• 0:10
  Erin Gray: I am having a dear client on the podcast to discuss her experience working with me, what she gained, what was all of the transformations and the changes that she had, just to give you a little bit of insight of what it might look like.
• 0:25
  Erin Gray: Obviously, everybody's experience with me is different, but I wanted to play with this and share with you her experience just to give you some insights and a little bit of window of to what it looks like to work with me.
• 0:39
  Erin Gray: And I think that you're really going to enjoy this episode.
• 0:43
  Erin Gray: So let's dive in.
• 0:44
  Erin Gray: Thanks, Jen, for being here.
• 0:45
  Erin Gray: I'm so glad that you're here to share all of the things.
• 0:47
  Erin Gray: So let's just dive in.
• 0:48
  Erin Gray: Fantastic.
• 0:49
  Erin Gray: Thanks for having me.
• 0:50
  Erin Gray: It's gonna be fun, as always.
• 0:51
  Erin Gray: Yeah.
• 0:52
  Erin Gray: So do you want to tell the listeners just a little bit about yourself, whatever you feel comfortable to do, what you do, how you help people, all the things?
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: I would love to.
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: So I'm Jen MG, and I'm a sex and relationship coach and also an adult intimacy educator.
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: So I specialize what in I call Act Two intimacy, which is for the second half of life when what used to work in love and relationships simply doesn't work anymore.
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: So my background is in social work and somatic sex education and relational coaching.
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: And this work became really personal for me after my own divorce, and I had to rebuild from the inside out.
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: So what I really see is intimacy skills as a part of being a competent adult, just like knowing how to manage your money or regulate your nervous system.
• 1:37
  Speaker 1: A phrase that I often use is desire is biology and intimacy is skill.
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: So we're wired for desire.
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: Attraction happens, chemistry happens.
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: That's not the complicated part.
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: But most adults were never taught how to create sustainable intimacy.
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: We're taught how to be attractive and we're taught how to be agreeable and easy and how to keep the peace and how to be wanted.
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: And that works in act one.
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: But then bodies change and desires evolve and life experience deepens and then the game changes.
• 2:09
  Speaker 1: And so redefining intimacy in midlife is really about updating the rules to match who you are now and not who you were a decade or two ago.
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: And then intimacy has the opportunity to shift from being performative to being present.
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: And for many people that I work with, it becomes less about doing intimacy right and more about feeling connected and safe and fully alive in their bodies, sometimes for the first time ever.
• 2:37
  Speaker 1: And so I get to be here and teach skills that adults need to navigate intimacy in the second half of their life, especially after divorce or a major recalibration, because performance really stops working for men and women at that point.
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: And trying harder does not create deeper connection.
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: So really kind of the work becomes how do I build conscious connection and how do I stay open without overgiving or express desire without abandoning myself or set expectations and standards without becoming hardened or armor up.
• 3:12
  Erin Gray: I love this because I think as we, I like to say, I just had a workshop this morning and I said, I like to say that I'm 29 with lots of years of wisdom because you know, I think that as we have more years on this planet, I think as women, I think we grow into, I don't want to speak for everyone, but for me, my journey has been like, okay, really when I say owning who I am, what I mean is like what I love, what I like everyone uses this word self-abandoning, but like, no, I love myself so much.
• 3:47
  Erin Gray: And what is important to me and how do I want to create intimacy or connect.
• 3:52
  Erin Gray: And I've always been a pretty verbal person, but I think it's even more so.
• 3:56
  Erin Gray: I think my my verbalness has gotten more so of it's okay to say how I feel, and it's okay for other people or my partner to feel disappointed or to feel, you know, versus trying probably in the past, it was probably a form of control of like, oh, I don't want him to feel disappointed if I say this, versus no, like the more that we are authentic, the more that I am very honest and he's very honest, the deeper our intimacy and our connection is.
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: I tell people all the time that intimacy gets better with age because you know yourself better.
• 4:33
  Speaker 1: And because of that, then it can just it when you are safe with yourself though, because it starts with your relationship with yourself before it can go to your partner.
• 4:41
  Speaker 1: And I work with a lot of women who are in-between partner, so it's just a perfect time for them to really dive in with themselves.
• 4:48
  Speaker 1: And I work with men too, because quite honestly, it takes both sides to make this thing work.
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: But yeah, when I work with women, they're navigating this new landscape of sensuality and sexuality and even eroticism in a changing body with shifting hormones and often a lot less toleration for bullshit, you know?
• 5:06
  Speaker 1: And so it becomes this beautiful soil, rich soil of evolution for women who just want more.
• 5:14
  Speaker 1: They're capable, they're intelligent, beautiful women who are ready for intimacy that matches who they're becoming.
• 5:19
  Speaker 1: And sometimes they're still exploring what that even looks like because they've never had a safe place to say what they really think and feel around such a vulnerable topic of intimacy and eroticism, desire.
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: Many times we go through years and years of relationship where there's just constant judgment or shame.
• 5:41
  Speaker 1: And that kind of defines what intimacy looks like within that relationship.
• 5:46
  Speaker 1: And I get to walk with them as they redefine what adult intimacy looks like on their own terms.
• 5:51
  Speaker 1: And so exciting.
• 5:52
  Erin Gray: That's so fun.
• 5:53
  Erin Gray: You said something about, oh, that they are safe with themselves.
• 5:55
  Erin Gray: And I'm like, oh, it doesn't matter what relationship you're in, right?
• 5:59
  Erin Gray: Relationship that you're in with your partner or your spouse or your child or money or whatever.
• 6:04
  Erin Gray: It's all a relationship.
• 6:05
  Erin Gray: And it's like really comes back to like safety and how safe do you feel to be who you truly are.
• 6:13
  Erin Gray: So yeah, I mean, I always say, like, I use money as the portal, you use intimacy, right?
• 6:18
  Erin Gray: As the portal.
• 6:19
  Erin Gray: It's like we're all helping each other learn how to connect to themselves and I think really like love ourselves at the most deepest level that I totally agree.
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: And it's beautiful how we all come to it from different avenues, heading toward the same, which is love.
• 6:35
  Speaker 1: And, you know, during my journey, I used to, when I'm talking about how a common female experience is to accommodate for connection, I spent a lot of time believing that safety was outside of me and that if these circumstances could be different, then I would be safe.
• 6:55
  Speaker 1: And about, gosh, six, seven, eight years ago.
• 6:59
  Speaker 1: Oh, I almost did it.
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: Sorry, six, seven years ago, I had a coach tell me once that safety was 80% an inside job and 20% outside.
• 7:07
  Speaker 1: And it took me a full year to understand and comprehend what he meant.
• 7:13
  Speaker 1: And that knowledge made a huge shift in me.
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: And so now the work is always about how do I feel?
• 7:20
  Speaker 1: What is it that I want?
• 7:22
  Speaker 1: And because you can know who you are all day long, but if you can't feel safe enough to say that to your partner, then it's it's not really worth it.
• 7:30
  Speaker 1: We're halfway.
• 7:31
  Speaker 1: You're only halfway there, you're halfway, and you're doing a great job.
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: And what can you do to make it safe within your own body, your own system, to be able to express that beautiful desire you have or that edge you want to play with, or the way that maybe, and it's really complicated when you're in a relationship for a long time and y'all have been doing the same things and it's been working for a while, but it hasn't really been working, or you want something different.
• 7:59
  Speaker 1: And how do you lovingly, you know, I talk about um erotic communication is a framework, it's an infrastructure to intimacy because there is a skillful, explicit way to speak.
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: You can be direct, but can you be direct in a loving way that the other person can hear?
• 8:20
  Speaker 1: And it's there's a negotiation.
• 8:22
  Speaker 1: I'm not saying lose yourself in saying it.
• 8:24
  Speaker 1: I'm saying that there's there's a way to say it so that it can be received in the body of the other person who is also very vulnerable.
• 8:31
  Speaker 1: So I work in a space where you are the most vulnerable because you literally have no clothes on most of the time.
• 8:36
  Speaker 1: Like there is no place to hide except in your head.
• 8:40
  Speaker 1: And so that's where a lot of women actually go.
• 8:43
  Speaker 1: They retreat into their head.
• 8:45
  Speaker 1: That's when they're making their literally their grocery list while intimacy is going on, or they're worried about other things.
• 8:52
  Speaker 1: And it's a safety mechanism to not have to be real with the person in front of them.
• 8:57
  Erin Gray: Yeah.
• 8:58
  Erin Gray: And I think it's a protection because I definitely used to be that way.
• 9:00
  Erin Gray: I would call it.
• 9:01
  Erin Gray: And I still, you know, like I use the word of like, you're in your head, you're not in your body, because I worked with she called her sex a sex coach, pleasure coach, but it was more so for me.
• 9:12
  Erin Gray: What she helped me do is to love myself and you know, like to really like stop putting so much pressure on yourself, stop like like be present because, like what you're saying, like I was always like all the things.
• 9:26
  Erin Gray: And I think as women, when you're also in that survival state, like when you're constantly thinking about all the things, you cannot just relax versus allowing yourself to be present.
• 9:36
  Erin Gray: And I think also for women is receiving because I mean, I've been with my husband for I don't know, even no, 18, I don't know how many years.
• 9:44
  Erin Gray: But like he wants to just give and give and give and give and give, right?
• 9:47
  Erin Gray: But I think a women, a lot of women, we block that because we don't feel worthy or we like a lot of societal of like what you should be doing versus like, yeah.
• 9:55
  Erin Gray: And so I think I always tell my husband, listen, maybe what worked yesterday may not work today.
• 10:00
  Erin Gray: Okay, like it's I'm constantly evolving and changing.
• 10:02
  Erin Gray: And he's like, I don't, we joke about um stuff sometimes.
• 10:06
  Erin Gray: And he's like, dude, I can't even take care of you, like, you know, like like you're a lot to handle.
• 10:12
  Erin Gray: I can't even imagine trying to handle, you know, like, you know, like Grayson or our daughter will sometimes make comments, and I'm like, no, like our relationship is monogamous, and dad's like, you know, mom's a handful, you know?
• 10:23
  Erin Gray: And so I think it's just like it's being honest and it's being, and I think like going back to what we said, it's allowing you to be who you are and speak and to feel safe that your partner is going to receive it from that loving place and you're giving it from that loving place too.
• 10:37
  Speaker 1: So yeah, I just love that you're able to have those conversations of, hey, look, literally, it might not be the same tomorrow.
• 10:44
  Speaker 1: It's the truth.
• 10:44
  Speaker 1: I mean, I work with people 50, 60, 70, 80 who have to have a lot of unique accommodations to even get into positions that they once liked.
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: And I think a lot of times there's a formula that works for couples and they get stuck in the rigidity of that.
• 11:02
  Speaker 1: And when they are unable to perform the rigidity or the routine that they've set up in one way or another, then that's when frustration and confusion and shame enters the bedroom because it's just not working like it did before, versus having the adaptability to be able to say, I had a really hard workout and this is not gonna work for me.
• 11:25
  Speaker 1: Or there's so many ways to be intimate and close with a partner that aren't even with clothes off.
• 11:31
  Speaker 1: And like, can we get to a place where we can request one-on-one time where it's just breathing with the other person and being quiet or something different, like go out and find a new hobby.
• 11:42
  Speaker 1: There's different ways to be intimate with your partner.
• 11:45
  Speaker 1: And I think that men are classically taught that sex is the only way that they can feel intimate and be intimate.
• 11:53
  Speaker 1: They don't even allow themselves that type of depth of relationship with their friends.
• 11:57
  Speaker 1: And it's very sad.
• 11:59
  Speaker 1: And so that's one of the reasons why I work with men is to help them redefine what intimacy is as well.
• 12:04
  Speaker 1: But when they feel like sex is the only way that they can feel close to another person without it diminishing their manliness.
• 12:11
  Speaker 1: And then if the actual physical action of sex no longer works or has difficulty working in the way that they would like, then that has a profound effect on their sense of self, which then affects the partnership as well.
• 12:25
  Speaker 1: So I just this is all to say that we are constantly changing and shifting, especially as we get older.
• 12:32
  Speaker 1: And what would usually like help intimacy just be smoother or whatever, now has stops and starts.
• 12:41
  Speaker 1: And we have to be able to communicate that in a way that doesn't place shame or judgment on the other person and just kind of roll with it.
• 12:48
  Speaker 1: Cause there are so many ways to feel close to a person.
• 12:51
  Speaker 1: And I think that our culture has limited that greatly.
• 12:55
  Erin Gray: Yeah, I agree.
• 12:56
  Erin Gray: So you want to dive into a little bit about because speaking of safety, and I think that I do that with helping people feel safe with money.
• 13:03
  Erin Gray: Do you want to share a little bit about your experience, kind of where you were and where you feel like that you have grown into after we have worked together?
• 13:14
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 13:14
  Speaker 1: So I literally had to go back two journals of written word to remember who I was before we started working together, which was about March, April of 2025.
• 13:26
  Speaker 1: I mean, technically speaking, we've been working together for a long time, but like yeah, anyway, and there was a lot going on at that time.
• 13:33
  Speaker 1: Uh, there was me dating and trying to reconcile the levels of socioeconomics with the people that I was dating, and there was some ex-husband financial things going on at the time.
• 13:43
  Speaker 1: But I mean, ultimately the background is that it came out of a long marriage where I gave up all control of the money.
• 13:51
  Speaker 1: He wanted to be in charge of it, and I was happy to let him because I felt cared for in that way for a while.
• 13:58
  Speaker 1: And then after my divorce, I felt like I could not trust myself to make financial decisions.
• 14:03
  Speaker 1: And I think some of this was echoes from my marriage.
• 14:06
  Speaker 1: So I did create a fantastic financial team around me with a financial planner whom I love and a CPA who I trust.
• 14:15
  Speaker 1: And I found that I still had a lot of stories in my head that were affecting my nervous system around money.
• 14:21
  Speaker 1: And that was the time I was like, nope, we're gonna go all in with Aaron.
• 14:25
  Erin Gray: Yeah.
• 14:26
  Erin Gray: I think that that is, you know, I talk a lot about on the podcast and with clients, like the 3D and the 5D, you know, like you do want to be educated and have financial knowledge, and you do want advisors.
• 14:37
  Erin Gray: And I don't know if there has yet been that blend of the advisors with the emotional.
• 14:45
  Erin Gray: And so it's like we still need to, I don't like the word need, but like we get to work through our money relationship and our money stories and the and how we feel in the body.
• 14:58
  Erin Gray: Because I think that that really, I mean, the more CPAs that I talk to, and it's mainly the CPAs, bookkeepers too, some attorneys, but it's really the CPAs that they share with me.
• 15:10
  Erin Gray: They're like, yes, like there is this disconnect of like, we talk about this, but they're not taking action, or they are avoiding things, or there's just stuff that they are recognizing and they are seeing, but they may not have the background or the skill set to support their clients.
• 15:28
  Erin Gray: And they're like, How, you know, so I think that that is is such a valuable like with anything, right?
• 15:34
  Erin Gray: Like we're we're in a relationship with everything.
• 15:36
  Erin Gray: Money is just another relationship.
• 15:38
  Erin Gray: And like, how do we want to feel?
• 15:41
  Erin Gray: You know, how would you describe yourself a feeling with money before we worked together versus after working together?
• 15:47
  Erin Gray: Do you think?
• 15:48
  Speaker 1: I felt a lot of fear and sadness and anger and shame.
• 15:52
  Speaker 1: There was a sense of feeling in that victim mindset and unempowered and very overwhelmed.
• 15:58
  Speaker 1: I mean, in fact, the first call, I was like a total mess.
• 16:01
  Speaker 1: And I needed to cry.
• 16:02
  Speaker 1: I needed to be held in the opening up of the vulnerability around money.
• 16:09
  Speaker 1: And yeah, you provide space for that so beautifully.
• 16:12
  Erin Gray: Yeah, I love that you shared that because I think what I hear from women sometimes is like, I should be able, it's all the shoulds, right?
• 16:18
  Erin Gray: Like I should be able to do this.
• 16:19
  Erin Gray: I'm sure it's probably the same thing you hear from your clients, right?
• 16:22
  Erin Gray: I should be able to do this, I should have figured this out already.
• 16:25
  Erin Gray: I should, should, should.
• 16:26
  Erin Gray: And it's like sometimes the most supportive and loving thing that we can do is actually receive the support until right, we're at a place where we can.
• 16:36
  Erin Gray: And, you know, I remember you just saying, like, I just want to cry.
• 16:39
  Erin Gray: And I'm like, then just do it.
• 16:41
  Erin Gray: Lay on the floor.
• 16:41
  Erin Gray: You're like, I just want to lay on the floor and I just want to cry.
• 16:43
  Erin Gray: And I'm like, then let's do it.
• 16:44
  Erin Gray: And I don't know if there is like going back to safety.
• 16:48
  Erin Gray: It's like, are we creating places and receiving support where we can be seen and we can be held in those moments that we just need that, you know, like, and we don't have to have it all together all the time.
• 17:01
  Erin Gray: And that is part of the journey.
• 17:02
  Erin Gray: And so recognizing and you asking for what you wanted and feeling safe enough for me to just be like, then do it.
• 17:09
  Erin Gray: Just get on the floor and let's just however long it takes, and that's what we're gonna do, right?
• 17:13
  Erin Gray: Because I think there's definitely with money, sometimes it's like, oh, if I show my emotions that there's like this weakness, right?
• 17:21
  Erin Gray: Versus no, there's strength in sharing what I'm feeling right now.
• 17:25
  Speaker 1: When you're talking, it just reminded me how what we do again, we're coming in from different angles.
• 17:30
  Speaker 1: And because I spent time working on safety in my body and receiving and and all of that, and that is why that moment literally on my soft floor, my this rug came with me from the other house.
• 17:40
  Speaker 1: And um, and I think we did the whole call with me lying on my back with my feet on a chair, just talking, just talking from the floor because that's what my body needed.
• 17:49
  Speaker 1: And I cried, and it was just a beautiful moment of receiving and being fully seen in that intimate space of vulnerability.
• 17:57
  Erin Gray: Yeah.
• 17:57
  Erin Gray: Tell me, what do you feel like in your nerve?
• 18:00
  Erin Gray: Like, what are some of the things?
• 18:01
  Erin Gray: What do you think that I don't know, the maybe the things that you expected us to work on and then what we worked on, or maybe it was a little bit of both?
• 18:09
  Erin Gray: Like, what would you think that yeah, we were gonna work on and what we actually did and how that helped you?
• 18:14
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 18:15
  Speaker 1: So we did focus on limiting beliefs and stories as they popped up that I had not yet shed.
• 18:21
  Speaker 1: And but I was surprised by my language around money.
• 18:25
  Speaker 1: I didn't even realize the words that I was saying that was creating the ongoing loops of those stories.
• 18:30
  Speaker 1: And you have a way of catching every little thing in a loving and slow way.
• 18:35
  Speaker 1: And you pause and then we talk about it.
• 18:37
  Speaker 1: I was also pleasantly surprised to learn about the relationship between love and money and how receiving money feels like love because it's the same frequency, and how spending money is a practice of gratitude and love when you choose to.
• 18:51
  Erin Gray: I talk a lot about language because language has a frequency.
• 18:56
  Erin Gray: And I think that we as humans, because by this time in our life, right, we've just how many words, I don't even know how many words we have in our brain, and we just we say them and we aren't aware of them, but they carry a frequency, they carry a vibration, and we're literally sending that out, and then our emotions are what is bringing it back to us.
• 19:16
  Erin Gray: And when, like you said, like not even aware, and and you are really self-aware, you know, and so it's one of those things.
• 19:24
  Erin Gray: Sometimes we don't even know what we are saying.
• 19:27
  Erin Gray: Even I did it, I got called, you know, it's like I said something the other day, and a friend of mine said, You did have a choice, even though you didn't think you did at the time when you were younger, you still did have a choice.
• 19:38
  Erin Gray: And it's like, oh yeah, thank you for that.
• 19:39
  Erin Gray: Because, you know, sometimes we just get in the habit of telling our stories, and it then it continues to just loop and repeat versus no, we did always have a choice, but maybe we didn't feel safe enough to.
• 19:51
  Erin Gray: But that does take that that power back within us and recognizing like it was a choice, and I also see where I felt like I didn't have one versus I never had a choice, right?
• 20:03
  Erin Gray: It's very different energy and a very different feeling in the body.
• 20:07
  Speaker 1: Totally.
• 20:07
  Speaker 1: It goes from that victim to creator, and it also has that compassion for the younger form of yourself that becomes necessary when you're doing this kind of work, just to love on that person who was trying her best at the time, kind of exactly.
• 20:21
  Erin Gray: And I think that a lot of us come from very, I don't, I mean, let's just use the word like type A personalities, like the go get, you know, that kind of.
• 20:30
  Erin Gray: And sometimes what we don't need more of is more of that.
• 20:34
  Erin Gray: We need more softening, we need more.
• 20:37
  Erin Gray: It's okay.
• 20:39
  Erin Gray: I love you, reparenting and love.
• 20:41
  Erin Gray: And when you say, I want you to share a little bit more about when you felt like or you learned about frequency of love and money, because there are people that are listening that are like, what are you talking about?
• 20:54
  Erin Gray: Because that is not the way that money, because so, and this is something that is near and dear to my heart because I look at money now too, is like because we are in a relationship, we have our thoughts about money, but money also has our thoughts about us.
• 21:08
  Erin Gray: And I truly believe I have full body chills, money is tired of being pinned against each other.
• 21:13
  Erin Gray: Money is tired of being air quotes the bad guy of war crimes, of trafficking, of you know, fam, of all the things being pitted against each families and whatever.
• 21:24
  Erin Gray: And money just wants, I believe, money is a divine creation, it is a connection to source, God, and money wants to be loved, and money wants to receive love, and money wants to give love.
• 21:35
  Erin Gray: And so when you say that, tell a little bit more about like what you used to think about money versus what you think about now, because there are people that are like, I do not think money, I do not think that way about money at all.
• 21:45
  Speaker 1: I understand because I didn't either necessarily.
• 21:47
  Speaker 1: It's been a whole evolution process.
• 21:49
  Speaker 1: In fact, when I first began, the pieces I was able to put together, and I I literally read months and months of my journaling because I did so much work with.
• 21:59
  Speaker 1: Like you would ask a question and I would ponder it and stuff.
• 22:02
  Speaker 1: And so I realized that I was resisting having to take full responsibility for creating my own wealth because it was just provided for me or it felt that way.
• 22:12
  Speaker 1: And that was the lens through which I saw my story.
• 22:15
  Speaker 1: And I couldn't clean off the lens on my own because I didn't even know it was foggy, kind of thing.
• 22:19
  Speaker 1: And one of the other things that I believed at that time was that I didn't think it was possible for me to do it on my own.
• 22:26
  Speaker 1: Now I think I'm capable, very capable of being a steward of the money flowing in and out of my bank account.
• 22:35
  Speaker 1: And even choosing those particular words has been a journey.
• 22:39
  Speaker 1: And I think that money comes from source and that I'm a conduit of energy and love that money flows through.
• 22:47
  Speaker 1: And I know that kind of may sound woo-woo, but love, if you think of love, it is something that you cannot see, yet it's something that you can feel.
• 22:55
  Speaker 1: And I think money is an energy like that too.
• 22:58
  Speaker 1: It's something that has an essence, like it's got an energy to it that can take many, many different forms.
• 23:05
  Speaker 1: Like we've talked about this many times about wealth is not just money.
• 23:08
  Speaker 1: Like there's so many kinds of wealth kind of thing.
• 23:11
  Speaker 1: To be that conduit, meaning that I welcome money.
• 23:14
  Speaker 1: I love it.
• 23:15
  Speaker 1: I flirt with money now.
• 23:17
  Speaker 1: I have a deeper understanding of prosperity.
• 23:20
  Speaker 1: I truly believe that I will always have what I need when I need it.
• 23:23
  Speaker 1: Um, and because of that, I think I'm far more empowered in making financial decisions because I'm trusting myself more these days.
• 23:30
  Speaker 1: And it's still a journey, right?
• 23:32
  Speaker 1: There are still days that I stumble, but like for now, that is incredible.
• 23:37
  Speaker 1: And I think that one of the homeworks that you gave me was to do a financial gratitude journal and or to be just thinking about because I do gratitudes all the time, every day, but I'd never done it specifically for money.
• 23:52
  Speaker 1: And I literally still do it every day since April of 2025, just because I start my day that way, because it's so new that I want it to become a part of me.
• 24:03
  Speaker 1: And so habit linking is something that I practice.
• 24:05
  Speaker 1: And anyway, so and it could be just a few sentences, or I could go on and on whenever my body feels like is the right way to go with that.
• 24:13
  Speaker 1: But it is a new way of having a relationship with money.
• 24:18
  Speaker 1: It's a new way of experiencing money very specifically.
• 24:22
  Speaker 1: And it could be like a recent morning was I was so grateful that I was able to buy my kids this dinner that they were so grateful that I took the time and money.
• 24:36
  Speaker 1: And it, you know, it wasn't as big of a deal to me necessarily money-wise, but I was just the fact that I didn't have to think about it and that I can create maybe safety and ease and have them understand what it feels like to be safe with money now.
• 24:49
  Speaker 1: So it could be anything from that to I'm so grateful for the beautiful money that is sitting in my bank account right now.
• 24:56
  Speaker 1: Or I'm so grateful that I can, uh, what's the word I use?
• 25:01
  Speaker 1: I use flow or circulate, but flow my money to this person, and I would say who it was, and for this beautiful service that they gave me.
• 25:09
  Speaker 1: And I'm so grateful that I can do what I do so well to help other people so that I can like bring money over to this person who does this thing very well.
• 25:20
  Speaker 1: And it's just this, it's such a beautiful feminine experience.
• 25:26
  Speaker 1: And it feels so interconnected and it just feels like love.
• 25:31
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 25:32
  Erin Gray: Yeah.
• 25:32
  Erin Gray: So many things here.
• 25:33
  Erin Gray: Okay.
• 25:34
  Erin Gray: So I want to, I wrote them down.
• 25:35
  Erin Gray: So I think for a lot of people, the default is to complain, right?
• 25:41
  Erin Gray: Like this is a societal thing of complaining about money.
• 25:44
  Erin Gray: You're not saying I'm so grateful I made so much money that I get to pay this much in taxes.
• 25:49
  Erin Gray: Most people are complaining that they made the money that they make and they have to pay taxes, you know?
• 25:54
  Erin Gray: And so it's not this gratitude of having money.
• 25:58
  Erin Gray: It's this, yeah, complain is the word.
• 26:01
  Erin Gray: Like we're just we're used to talking about things that we don't like versus focusing on what we do.
• 26:08
  Erin Gray: And so I love that you one have a gratitude journal.
• 26:13
  Erin Gray: Cause I think that that really going back to prosperity is like it's an inner sense of plenty.
• 26:17
  Erin Gray: Like prosperity to me is this it's a sense of having, it is this sufficiency.
• 26:23
  Erin Gray: It is like like what you said, always being provided for.
• 26:26
  Erin Gray: And I think for a lot of us, we were taught that our money comes from different sources versus, and it does, but that's the conduit that it flows through, but it really comes from God or source, right?
• 26:38
  Erin Gray: And if you think about a water hose, right, and if you're, you know, you turn the water on, but the hose isn't connected to source, the water supply, right?
• 26:48
  Erin Gray: Then you're not gonna have much out from there, right?
• 26:51
  Erin Gray: Or if it is connected to source, but then you have limiting beliefs, or you're complaining all the time, think about those are like little holes in your water hose.
• 27:00
  Erin Gray: So then the flow isn't gonna be as much.
• 27:02
  Erin Gray: But when you can get to the point of when you are connected to source and you are also loving and appreciating and circulating and having money, like what you said, just like that conduit and that feminine.
• 27:15
  Erin Gray: And I think I think money has a masculine and a feminine.
• 27:19
  Erin Gray: I think money loves to be feminine and it likes to flow.
• 27:22
  Erin Gray: And you said the word, and I love this word, is like, and money likes to be stewarded.
• 27:26
  Erin Gray: Like that's the masculine part of money, right?
• 27:28
  Erin Gray: Like it likes to know, well, where am I gonna go when I come to you?
• 27:30
  Erin Gray: And so that's where like the financial knowledge and the 3D of understanding like where is your money and what about taxes and planning and financial planning and all of that kind of stuff.
• 27:39
  Erin Gray: But then the circulation and the flow of like, I want to be able to go to my children and I want to be able to go with friends, and I want to be able to go to pay, you know, contractors or employees and things of that sort.
• 27:49
  Erin Gray: And I think when we can look at money in that way versus money is this overbearing, you know, what many of us have grown, maybe grown up with or just throughout society of overbearing, non-forgiving, just not a very loving place, right?
• 28:04
  Erin Gray: The way that we have viewed money, we begin to soften and shift.
• 28:08
  Erin Gray: And I think also you said this about your kids is like one thing that is really important to me is like we as women are changing our relationship with ourselves and with money in all areas of our life so that our children can have very different experiences in their lives and moving forward, like generations to come.
• 28:26
  Erin Gray: And I think when we look at it from that view or lens of like, this is yes, it's about me, but like also like what is the byproduct or the legacy that I'm actually changing by changing my relationship with money?
• 28:42
  Erin Gray: Like, that's when things like really start to shift in that way because it's not just about, okay, I want to understand money.
• 28:49
  Erin Gray: Okay, people say I need to like money, but it's like, what are we teaching to our children and to our daughters?
• 28:55
  Speaker 1: Elle actually just said, my daughter actually just said the other day that she loved how much we traveled when she was younger to all these wonderful places so that she wants to build wealth to be able to do that for her kids.
• 29:08
  Speaker 1: And, you know, so it's instead of staying contracted and close.
• 29:11
  Speaker 1: I think I think that's the feel that the icky money feel is this it's contraction, it's tightness, it's tension.
• 29:17
  Speaker 1: It's very negative.
• 29:19
  Speaker 1: And I think that we get to be playful and open and expanded and joyful.
• 29:24
  Speaker 1: I literally call when I write in my journal, I won't just say, I'm so grateful for my money.
• 29:29
  Speaker 1: I will say, I'm so grateful for my beautiful money, my wonderful money, my sexy money, my fun money.
• 29:34
  Speaker 1: Like I will describe my money just so that I can play with her a little bit more.
• 29:39
  Erin Gray: And I think that when you were describing like what you were looking at is like this, it's like restriction, right?
• 29:45
  Erin Gray: And it also comes back to like not trusting, right?
• 29:48
  Erin Gray: When we hoard, when we don't give generously and freely.
• 29:52
  Erin Gray: And I'm not talking about overgiving, but I'm saying, you know, like from a place of pure, I have plenty and it's so fun to share.
• 30:00
  Erin Gray: I mean, like when going back to love, we're not some of us do, but like the idea is like I give my love freely.
• 30:06
  Erin Gray: You can have it, it's fun.
• 30:08
  Erin Gray: I want to share with you.
• 30:09
  Erin Gray: I love loving on people, them feeling my love.
• 30:13
  Erin Gray: Like there's a never-ending source of my love.
• 30:16
  Erin Gray: And if we can grow, and it doesn't happen overnight, but like if we can grow our mindset to believe like that is actually how money is too, and we are crimping it or minimizing it by what we are thinking and feeling, and obviously the actions that we're taking, then things start to shift and we start to look at it differently.
• 30:33
  Erin Gray: And we get to teach this to our children because I think a lot of us didn't learn this lesson when we were growing up either.
• 30:40
  Speaker 1: No, I didn't.
• 30:41
  Speaker 1: And one of the things I think that you and I have talked about this over the years, but it's such a beautiful practice of when I get a bill, even if I'm like surprised by the bill, like I didn't expect it to be this much or whatever, I will still write that check by saying, I'm so grateful that I had air conditioning.
• 30:59
  Speaker 1: I'm so grateful that what, you know, whatever it is, because that's what I'm spending my money on.
• 31:04
  Speaker 1: Like it's not, I'm not angry about having to write this check for I'm grateful that I experienced a month of AC in the in August in Texas, you know?
• 31:14
  Speaker 1: So, or whatever that is.
• 31:15
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 31:16
  Speaker 1: And I love that practice because it it makes it even a little bit more tangible, kind of 3D level of like, I am flowing my money to this service.
• 31:24
  Speaker 1: And and if I continue to have issues with the service and it's not quite right, that's something to know and adjust and whatever.
• 31:30
  Speaker 1: But just to have this having the reluctance, the hesitation and the negative action-oriented uh thought process around writing a check for a bill obviously sends that energy with the money.
• 31:44
  Speaker 1: And so, like if you can change that, yeah, I just it's one of my favorite things to do.
• 31:48
  Erin Gray: Yeah.
• 31:48
  Erin Gray: And I think also because it's not just a thinking, right?
• 31:51
  Erin Gray: Like what you're explaining, even though you're writing it down, what you're actually doing is taking it into the body.
• 31:56
  Erin Gray: And that's where things shift.
• 31:58
  Erin Gray: You know, like when you're saying, okay, I get to pay for my AC, like it's the amount, like what you're doing is the imagination of like, okay, where do then they get to pay their employees or they get to like it is this ever continuing to give.
• 32:11
  Erin Gray: It's not just like we pay the AC bill and that's it.
• 32:14
  Erin Gray: It's like that AC that we pay, that bill goes to the employees, and then those employees spin it on something.
• 32:19
  Erin Gray: And then you know what I mean?
• 32:20
  Erin Gray: So it's just like this ever cascading of flow.
• 32:23
  Erin Gray: And when we can look at it that way and from a place of love and joy, and like we talked about, like I didn't get there overnight.
• 32:30
  Erin Gray: I have had a very conflicting, if you want to call it, relationship with money.
• 32:33
  Erin Gray: I've seen what money can do, and I see what money like in a loving way, and I also see what it can do in a not so, right?
• 32:39
  Erin Gray: So it's over time that this occurs.
• 32:41
  Erin Gray: And I think what's important is I was just talking about this with the client before we got on.
• 32:45
  Erin Gray: It's like, but are we willing?
• 32:47
  Erin Gray: Are we willing to explore what we want to have our relationship with like money?
• 32:52
  Erin Gray: May not be there where we are right now, but are we willing to do what we want, you know, like to take the steps to move forward so that we can have a different relationship with money so that ultimately, right, the world can have a different relationship with money.
• 33:03
  Erin Gray: And it starts with us for sure.
• 33:05
  Speaker 1: I mean, it reminds me of that little game.
• 33:07
  Speaker 1: I don't know if you've ever played it in where you are, or if you ever go to Starbucks, but there'll there'll be this pay it forward chain that happens.
• 33:13
  Speaker 1: I just, it's so joyful and it's like a gift.
• 33:16
  Speaker 1: And and that's what it is.
• 33:17
  Speaker 1: Like, even when I write a tip for a waiter, I'm maybe even imagining, okay, that person's gonna get their nails done or they're gonna get whatever, and you know, and just like how lovely it can be to gift money in that way.
• 33:30
  Erin Gray: Yes, it's the giving.
• 33:31
  Erin Gray: It's it's in the giving that you also get to receive, which is just such an amazing thing.
• 33:36
  Erin Gray: And I don't think a lot of us are taught, we're taught the 3D, we're taught, well, in school, you know, like if you take classes or whatever, but like, but we aren't taught that energetic piece, the emotional piece of money.
• 33:48
  Erin Gray: And I think that that for me was the missing piece that I need that I needed.
• 33:52
  Speaker 1: That's what you bring.
• 33:53
  Speaker 1: So, like the biggest difference with you is that there's been a lot of work on the 3D and the 5D.
• 33:59
  Speaker 1: And for me, just it took me a long time to understand the difference.
• 34:02
  Speaker 1: And so for me, I think of like the practical day-to-day stuff as 3D, and then the higher self or a more spiritual approach is the 5D.
• 34:09
  Speaker 1: And so, like, I have a wonderful financial planner who is able to help me with the 3D aspects and for most of my planning and even learning basic things like how to budget.
• 34:19
  Speaker 1: And she's super supportive and kind and go slowly when I need her to be.
• 34:23
  Speaker 1: And then you take it farther because then you'll throw in a deep understanding of my human design chart that you just happen to have up on your computer when we're talking, just in case.
• 34:31
  Speaker 1: Or you'll go straight to beautiful, intuitive questions that are purely in the realm of the emotion.
• 34:38
  Speaker 1: And it's like what I tell people when I talk about you is that you were a financial planner and then you went into life coaching, but then you realize that everybody's got money issues.
• 34:45
  Speaker 1: And so you combine the best of both worlds.
• 34:47
  Speaker 1: And I think that that combination is so rare right now.
• 34:51
  Speaker 1: I don't know, people are always like, oh my gosh, I need that when I talk about it, because it is you bridge things in ways that are isn't it's just not being done right now.
• 35:01
  Speaker 1: And I I think it's wonderful.
• 35:03
  Erin Gray: I appreciate that.
• 35:04
  Erin Gray: Thank you.
• 35:04
  Erin Gray: I really do feel like that there is that, and I don't like saying missing because that feels like lack, but there is this absence in the market of the connection.
• 35:12
  Erin Gray: It's like the bridging between the two, and we need both.
• 35:15
  Erin Gray: Like it's not, it's doesn't work to just live in the the 3D business world.
• 35:21
  Erin Gray: It doesn't work to just hang out in the spiritual world.
• 35:23
  Erin Gray: Like you gotta have both.
• 35:25
  Erin Gray: And I think both are important and valuable.
• 35:28
  Erin Gray: And yeah.
• 35:30
  Speaker 1: So to spell it out even more, like I have you who is in the middle, but I still have the financial planner in the CPA, and I actually still have a therapist and a coach because there will be pieces that I y'all have different specialties, kind of thing.
• 35:43
  Speaker 1: But I think that the way that your pieces work together, there's not like there isn't one thing that stands out because I think you need it all.
• 35:52
  Speaker 1: Like I needed the emotional support to be able to move to a place of empowerment with my money and with my financial decisions.
• 35:59
  Speaker 1: And and I needed the practical money advice to learn how to trust my intuition.
• 36:03
  Speaker 1: And I needed the homework that covered both the 3D and the 5D stuff because I didn't even know that that was available.
• 36:10
  Speaker 1: And like, and I valued the human design knowledge that's just woven into things.
• 36:14
  Erin Gray: I like the a client used this the other day, and I was like, oh, I like that word.
• 36:18
  Erin Gray: It's like, Aaron, you focus on the whole, the whole person, right?
• 36:22
  Erin Gray: Like, I don't compartmentalize.
• 36:24
  Erin Gray: It's not like, oh, that's there and that's there.
• 36:26
  Erin Gray: It's like everything, because that's what we are, right?
• 36:28
  Erin Gray: Like we are all one P, we're woven together.
• 36:31
  Erin Gray: And when we think that we can, oh, this and this, it feels very fragmented, like versus what you're saying.
• 36:38
  Erin Gray: If like, no, how do we support the whole human?
• 36:41
  Erin Gray: So anything else that you want to say or share?
• 36:44
  Speaker 1: Well, I think if if someone doesn't feel safe and grounded making financial decisions, I think that if they don't think that money or feel that money is a beautiful thing, or if they don't trust themselves with money, then it's worth exploring how the awareness of what is possible is available through you.
• 37:05
  Speaker 1: And you've even recommended some amazing books to me.
• 37:07
  Speaker 1: But I know that the care and coaching that they receive from you, like everybody that I send to you, they're raving about that too.
• 37:14
  Speaker 1: And so it's just this guidance is it's different.
• 37:18
  Speaker 1: And yeah, I feel excited and even magical about money and wealth and prosperity and abundance.
• 37:25
  Speaker 1: I feel in partnership with the universe and the circulation of money and love.
• 37:30
  Speaker 1: And I'm just so excited about you know what is ahead because we don't know what's ahead, but it's kind of it's fun and exciting and it doesn't have to be scary any longer, even though they're you know the practical pieces as well.
• 37:42
  Erin Gray: Yeah.
• 37:43
  Erin Gray: I love this because that is one of the things that I have always said more women need to have more money because when we are emotionally and we have a sense of safety and fun and joy with money, like what we're able to do, because I think women naturally are just collaborators and connectors, and we want to, you know, elevate other women and support.
• 38:06
  Erin Gray: And so I just want all the women to have and men too.
• 38:10
  Erin Gray: I mean, I'm on both, I'm on both camps, right?
• 38:12
  Erin Gray: But like women, what we get to do for our children in our communities and in our businesses.
• 38:18
  Erin Gray: I just want us to have all the money and have an amazing relationship with it.
• 38:22
  Erin Gray: And well, you're doing your part, so good job.
• 38:25
  Erin Gray: But but yeah, I mean, I just think it's just so important is the word that comes to mind to just have that, like, because it's not here.
• 38:33
  Erin Gray: You go back to that spiritual part.
• 38:34
  Erin Gray: It's not okay in my mind to not have money and to be spiritual.
• 38:38
  Erin Gray: Like that's not what we were sent here for.
• 38:40
  Erin Gray: We were sent to have fun and enjoy this heaven on earth, you know, and it takes money to do that.
• 38:46
  Erin Gray: And so having that, but also not being so much in the 3D that you aren't connected to God and source.
• 38:52
  Erin Gray: So holistic.
• 38:54
  Erin Gray: Okay, thank you so much.
• 38:56
  Erin Gray: I appreciate it.
• 38:57
  Erin Gray: Thank you.
• 38:57
  Erin Gray: It's been fun.