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Rabbi Moshe Haber Orchot Yashar: Unified Front: The Grounded Path to Raising Children 3.29.26 · Rabbi Moshe Haber - Daily Mussar/Weekly Perasha

• 0:01
  We were we've been going through Sunday mornings last few weeks
• 0:05
  Tiffin step by step. Jeremy, hi, can I ask you a
• 0:09
  Safeway and give you step by step about a person who can
• 0:15
  develop to become a complete Jew some and he goes going to the
• 0:19
  olive bed. So this last step we done the
• 0:21
  last two weeks was renewed 2 weeks ago we spoke about
• 0:25
  discipline. Last week's are elements of
• 0:28
  discipline and the need for that sort of barrier and that sort of
• 0:32
  mindset of providing discipline in the world that doesn't really
• 0:36
  like this one anymore, but it's still very effective and
• 0:39
  unnecessary tool. The next thing he says about
• 0:42
  which is to me extremely important.
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  Three more steps or this is of. Your children.
• 0:48
  This is of your children and this is impacting other people
• 0:51
  and that is, he says. I want to address the fact
• 0:54
  again, this is written not so long ago and it's written into
• 0:57
  the modern time. I want to address the fact
• 1:01
  holding parents, Shamak Naseem believed in ahem who put in
• 1:06
  their child's mind Shahem balaki shono mutsuyanim.
• 1:10
  They tell their children and they're very gifted and talented
• 1:15
  and special. Mahem mahi toveen mutakim allow
• 1:20
  their children to believe into the most successful gifted
• 1:24
  people out there. I thought God was just saying a
• 1:26
  horn. This makes a lot of sense to be
• 1:28
  a good thing. You color your child's, you
• 1:29
  don't understand you the best you can do anything, you can
• 1:32
  become anything. The Sky's the limit.
• 1:34
  That's a beautiful thing We all tell our children and give them
• 1:37
  that confidence for sure. That's basics.
• 1:39
  But he says you're running a very great risk.
• 1:44
  What can be the risk of telling your child without Gradius?
• 1:48
  What can be the risk of telling your child to do the best?
• 1:50
  The risk is very simple. You can imagine what did he say?
• 1:54
  Even though the parents intentions very good, they want
• 1:59
  to lift the child up. Cadila says I'm the mood in
• 2:01
  order to motivate the children. Even though that's true, yet
• 2:06
  SAS, Harambe, Saddam, they're causing more loss than gain.
• 2:13
  If you tell a child who's 7-8 years old, you are the best,
• 2:17
  nobody like you, you're the smartest out there, The risk is
• 2:22
  Ki magnesium believam gava. You create a certain degree of
• 2:26
  arrogance, he says. You create bad character.
• 2:29
  Or my daughter, my daughter wrote, they go to mean and you
• 2:33
  'cause that they look down on their peers, that they are not
• 2:37
  nice to their friends. But so far, she used Sunui me
• 2:41
  Kulam. And they become not well liked.
• 2:45
  They lose their popularity. They become not well liked
• 2:47
  because they're really not. You know, you're a kid who does
• 2:50
  not play basketball, is on the court and he's dribbling with
• 2:53
  the jersey as if he's the best in the game.
• 2:55
  If you know that kid, right? That's what these kids are when
• 2:59
  their parents, when their parents tell them that you're
• 3:01
  the smartest out there, you're going to win the spelling bee.
• 3:04
  No question about, you know, the spelling bee.
• 3:05
  And the kid doesn't get out of the first round.
• 3:08
  What happened? The parents misled their child.
• 3:11
  So this, he says, is actually a very dangerous tool.
• 3:14
  So you're thinking to yourself, in the modern day, all we do is
• 3:17
  push up. All we do is encourage.
• 3:20
  All we do is lift up. I gave you my example.
• 3:21
  During the weekdays of my child came home, my son came home with
• 3:25
  a failed test, and my wife then sat there for the next test.
• 3:29
  And it wasn't me, it was her. She was studying with him like
• 3:31
  crazy. He came home with A-150, all
• 3:36
  right, 150. And she started to call him 150.
• 3:40
  May I have a chamachim? They started to call him that
• 3:41
  number, but it lasted for a day or two.
• 3:43
  But the point is, is that that's a cute thing, but it really, on
• 3:47
  the other, you know, it's the one hand, the disparaging is
• 3:50
  very bad. Beating them down mentally is
• 3:52
  very bad. Destroying their confidence is
• 3:54
  terrible. But in the same time, allowing
• 3:57
  them to have a bloated Spence of who they are is equally as
• 4:03
  dangerous because they become unrealistic, they become
• 4:06
  impractical and they become not really grounded in this world.
• 4:11
  So even though we are living in a world that says confidence,
• 4:14
  confidence, confidence and trust me, I'm on board with confidence
• 4:18
  mentality, don't be, don't blow the ego and don't create what
• 4:22
  they're not, he says, because you're going to have a very
• 4:24
  destructive outcome. You know, I know it when the guy
• 4:27
  comes into your office and he's working for you and he didn't
• 4:30
  really do the basics and he thinks he knows everything.
• 4:33
  He's a know it all. You fired the guy, get lost.
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  It doesn't work because the guy has no idea.
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  He's not grounded enough. He's not humble enough to learn.
• 4:43
  So when a parent tells their child that they're everything,
• 4:47
  although it seems like you know they're going by the playbook,
• 4:51
  modern day gives them confidence.
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  Be careful. You're not really giving them
• 4:55
  confidence, you're giving them a fake sense of who they are and
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  you're causing more harm than good is what he's saying.
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  Confidence is when someone can genuinely feel that they gifted.
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  Confidence is sturdy, Confidence is secure.
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  It's not fake. Fake means you tell the guy
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  you're the best player out there when they don't even know what
• 5:20
  the game is. That's fake.
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  You tell them you know how to learn more than anyone else.
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  Well, they never really studied. They never even learned the
• 5:27
  tools. That is fake.
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  And according to what he's saying, it's going to cause more
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  harm than good because they will not be relevant, they will not
• 5:34
  be normal, they won't be practical, and their friends
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  will get nervous from them. What if it is real?
• 5:40
  It's relevant, of course. If the kid really is a genius,
• 5:44
  then although you have to keep his humility, very much have to
• 5:46
  keep his humility. It's just.
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  It's still dangerous. It's very dangerous, but at
• 5:50
  least it's at least it's potential.
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  Potential is a beautiful potential, and confident are
• 5:57
  beautiful words because those are sticking along the lines of
• 6:01
  where he can go. So confident means you're
• 6:04
  tapping into what he already has and you're telling him you don't
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  know if you have a strength there and a strength there.
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  And I see you around your friends and you gifted and they
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  like you and stuff like that. And potential.
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  If you're talking about an area that doesn't yet exist and it's
• 6:18
  also very safe, that's also. Inspiring.
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  How so? Sometimes you inspire right a
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  person by telling him how good he is and that he can achieve
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  real greatness or even the concept we talked about him we'd
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  say like you sure him manifesting the words.
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  But all those, you're right, all those have to be working on a
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  very grounded mindset, which means you inspire.
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  You can't go over to you go over to a person.
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  He not religious at all. It's all right.
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  He came to show one time and you tell him as I watch your prayer,
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  it's beautiful to watch you pray.
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  That's fine. That's great, very encouraging.
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  But if you tell the guy, listen, you were in class, nobody ever
• 7:01
  ever asks as good a question as your questions.
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  Now that might be encouraging, but it's a sketch.
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  The guy never learned a day in his life.
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  He doesn't even know what to be talking about, doesn't know the
• 7:10
  topic, and you can tell him no one ever asked questions as good
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  as your questions. Maybe now he's going to want to
• 7:15
  learn. Maybe for the first time it
• 7:17
  might have a good effect and it might pull him in, but it's very
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  dangerous. You do.
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  You're skating on a very dangerous ice.
• 7:22
  If you tell him, you know, your question was great, that's
• 7:26
  great. If you tell him, I can see
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  potential. Unbelievable.
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  If you tell him, I can recognize that you do have an angle.
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  You don't have a perspective that's unique.
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  Also great. You're tapping into an area
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  that's real. You may be bloating in the drop,
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  but you're tapping into something that's real.
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  But if you create something that's fake, the same way you
• 7:45
  can imagine it in your office when the person comes in and
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  they believe that they have a tool that does not exist.
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  Oh, I know computers. There's no commuters for life of
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  this. I know computers and you thought
• 7:56
  they go, OK, so handle this. And then he thinks he can handle
• 7:58
  and he can't handle it. And all it does is frustrates
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  you, right? Exactly.
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  Googles it exactly. Why?
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  Because he believed that he has a tool that he doesn't have.
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  And who made him believe that? His parents did.
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  And then he hits, by the way, this is a major thing.
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  A lot of times children who are growing up in a very small
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  bubble and their parents do this to them all day long.
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  They really believe certain things.
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  They go out to the real world and they're shocked, they're
• 8:26
  disappointed, they shatter, they lose their confidence like this.
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  Why? Because they were misled the
• 8:33
  whole time. Building real self esteem, says
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  the rabbi, is something that's sturdy, it's something that's
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  grounded. It's something that's based on
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  something. You can't base it on hot air
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  because the moment you base it on hot air, it will pop and
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  it'll fold all the way. That's what the rabbi is telling
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  you. That's Part 1.
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  Want to tell you the other part in the second guy, Mars.
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  That's where I like failures. Isn't failure very good for you?
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  Yeah, but not of a person. It absolutely is.
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  But not of a person believed that he was a Bill Endo if
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  someone told him. I know these people.
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  I know certain people who believe that they finished
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  shots. I'm going to tell you the most
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  dangerous thing out there in the learning world.
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  Believing you finished shots when you're too young is a very
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  dangerous thing. Those shots, stuff, you know, me
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  is different, But believing you finish shots in depth when
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  you're 22 years old, beautiful thing, technically very
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  dangerous. Why is it very dangerous?
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  You know what it takes to finish shots.
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  You know how much work it takes to really finish shots?
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  Some way halfway through with the guy who said I'm finishing
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  shots and then he just swallowed up the rest.
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  And now when he's 30 and 40 years old, he doesn't have the
• 9:45
  motivation to do more. He thinks he got there right.
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  Failure is an unbelievable thing.
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  If you're living a grounded life, if you're living a life
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  where you believe that you've made it, failure is you
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  literally can destroy a person and he goes shooting downward.
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  That's because he believed that he was on top of the world.
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  It's very dangerous to think you are something that you're not.
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  It's very dangerous because you won't be able to face failure.
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  You won't be able to face disappointment.
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  You won't be able to deal with situations when someone doesn't
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  treat you like you're Mashiach. You won't be able to deal with
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  life because you've been thinking that you're above it
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  all. That's the danger he's telling
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  you of creating this bloated existence guy.
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  So. OK, so my question is this.
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  How do you fix the situation? I'll give an example.
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  My second grandson is a great basketball player.
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  He scores. The team scores 35.
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  He scores 30. OK people tell him you're the
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  greatest guy in the league and he knows he's really good so how
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  do I fix that situation and not think at.
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  This right, I mean, I think the same reality is that life is
• 10:48
  probably going to do it for him. You're right.
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  It's hard. You can't tell him now.
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  You can't tell him although you're good.
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  But get ready. High schools are holding a ball
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  game and don't even think about, you know, these kids probably
• 10:59
  fancy the NBA have a good game. Every game we're going to have a
• 11:02
  life will probably teach him. That's the truth, huh?
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  People praying? Yeah.
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  The truth is you can't tell it to him.
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  But the reality is very Yeah. You teach him to be a nice
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  player on the court, that's for sure.
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  He definitely always teach him Mr. so he can't congratulate
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  other players. Sportsmanship.
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  Don't be tough on other players. He definitely call him out when
• 11:27
  he does that, you know, then the boys do that that that 20 thing
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  that they they they walk away from the ball with that point
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  that he has. That was cool.
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  You you call him out on that stuff, right?
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  Be sure you don't let that go on, I think.
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  And then eventually life will, if he is the greatest player, he
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  will be the greatest player or life will do it for him.
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  He'll face bigger, stronger, tougher players to deal with.
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  It's hard to, it's hard to weaken a person while they're
• 11:50
  strong. What we're talking about is
• 11:53
  don't bloat them while they're regular.
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  Don't make them think there's something more than they are
• 11:57
  when they really are that in their minds you got to let it be
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  for a while and eventually life does its truth.
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  That's Part 1 they tell us about, you know the other part.
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  And it talks about the fact that the number one most powerful
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  tool of Henuk of educating your children is what is the actions
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  of the parents. The actions of the parents is
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  the most powerful tool of Henuk, way greater than what you say,
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  what you speak or you preach, what you do.
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  And this is as clear as day, you know, this is being a child of
• 12:32
  your parents. Your children know this as being
• 12:34
  your children. You know, this is witnessing
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  your grandparents. There is nothing that can
• 12:40
  replace the actions of the parents.
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  And the parents of the children never get angry.
• 12:45
  And he has flip attacks or once in a while that's useless.
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  Tell them that they're angry all you want.
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  Have you got angry? It's case closed.
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  And the reality is this is shocking.
• 12:55
  The children are literally an X-ray machine.
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  They can pick up on anything that the parent does, believes
• 13:03
  in my parents priorities. They can tell I hate vacations.
• 13:08
  They go away 4 * a year. You don't have to hate
• 13:10
  vacations. There's nothing wrong with
• 13:12
  vacation. But if you want to talk about
• 13:14
  vacations, you can't go away. It's not going to work.
• 13:16
  They're going to pick up in a second.
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  Don't chase money. And then you see that they're
• 13:21
  talking about people who have money.
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  You can't preach one thing and then live a different lifestyle.
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  And this is just a reality you got to learn.
• 13:30
  And they never go to class. It doesn't work.
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  All these things don't work. And in fact, the other thing is
• 13:36
  so true. If you live a positive lifestyle
• 13:40
  with certain beliefs, you could not say a word your whole life.
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  You can never tell your children anything about what you believe
• 13:47
  in. They'll pick up anyhow.
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  Now, if it's in secrets to the story, but if it's someone
• 13:52
  noticeable, what you believe in, your children will pick up
• 13:55
  without you saying a word. They'll just notice.
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  They'll catch on and they'll follow it somewhere.
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  It might take 10 years, it might take 20 years.
• 14:05
  It might be when they're in the same predicament that you're in.
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  The reality is the children pick up what their parents do that's
• 14:13
  more impactful than what they learn at school.
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  It's more impactful than when you preach at home.
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  It's more impactful than when you tell them what you encourage
• 14:21
  them to do. Way more than that is what you
• 14:23
  do yourself. For whatever reason.
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  I don't understand this fully. For whatever reason, we
• 14:28
  literally are mirroring our parents.
• 14:31
  That means it's how far it goes. There are many kids I know,
• 14:34
  especially from the yeshiva world, who grow up and the last
• 14:38
  thing they want to be is their father and their mind.
• 14:42
  What they say is I'm doing anything but on my father's.
• 14:46
  I know I had a kid in my school in my Shiva who was his father
• 14:51
  was a rush called Ale, a big rabbit.
• 14:53
  The kid did not want to be anything like his father.
• 14:56
  He didn't like learning. I used to learn what to get.
• 14:57
  Actually, I was hired to learn what the kid for a little while
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  I was my brother was OK, but he didn't like learning
• 15:03
  specifically because he didn't want to be like his father.
• 15:06
  Whatever it was he grew up. He did not really go into Kalil.
• 15:10
  He went to work, went to real estate as a kid.
• 15:13
  I'm a different city. He went into real estate and he
• 15:17
  became a very big deal in real estate.
• 15:20
  I'm talking about right now, today, he's one of the biggest
• 15:23
  guys out there in the Midwest, huge in real estate.
• 15:28
  His friend, the whole story is his friend, good friend of his
• 15:32
  grew up right next to Warren Buffett.
• 15:34
  This is a true story. You could look up in Wall Street
• 15:35
  Journal. He grew up right next to Warren
• 15:37
  Buffett. He got a relationship with
• 15:39
  Warren Buffett and they became close and through that they
• 15:43
  Warren Buffett invested in them and my this kid that I know and
• 15:47
  his friend became major, major people in real estate wherever
• 15:52
  Warren Buffett lives, huh, exactly than me exactly huh.
• 15:56
  Nebraska, it was somewhere and he's a very big deal.
• 16:00
  OK, his kids a very big deal today owns 10's and thousands of
• 16:04
  units, fine. But the cute story is that's the
• 16:08
  wealthy story, very nice. He's very well off.
• 16:10
  All the rabbis fly into his city to visit him to get money.
• 16:14
  He's one of those guys. He's younger than me.
• 16:15
  He's one of those guys. But the funniest story is he did
• 16:19
  not like learning. This kid, his father was a
• 16:21
  learner. His father was Tamir Khan Rush
• 16:24
  Colhel, major, major personal learning.
• 16:27
  The kid did not like learning. Right now, today, he has a
• 16:30
  schedule that is pretty much borderline Kalil within real
• 16:36
  estate. He has Harvard taught the whole
• 16:38
  morning. Harvard taught the whole night.
• 16:40
  He learns all day long. And it so happens to be this kid
• 16:44
  I, I, I knew in my school. I don't know him anymore.
• 16:46
  It happens to be I learned with his brother-in-law.
• 16:49
  Just so happens to be I learned with his brother-in-law.
• 16:51
  So his brother-in-law tells me, you know what my brother-in-law
• 16:53
  does? He has Harvard taught all day
• 16:55
  long. And I'm thinking to myself, I
• 16:56
  remember him in high school and I remember that he was a very
• 17:00
  smart kid. Happens to be he was a very
• 17:01
  smart kid, but he just could not care about learning.
• 17:04
  He couldn't get himself out of bed.
• 17:05
  Forget about learning, he couldn't get himself out of bed
• 17:07
  in the morning. I remember the whole scene.
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  Learning was the furthest thing from his mind.
• 17:12
  And now today he has his kind of schedule.
• 17:15
  And I remember that his father has, He was very disappointed in
• 17:20
  his son because all the father wanted for his son was that he
• 17:23
  follows his footsteps and he becomes a learner.
• 17:26
  And now your father today, my friend tells me, has so much
• 17:30
  nachat because his son became what the father wanted.
• 17:33
  But all those years in between, they were the furthest thing
• 17:36
  from being alike. How the kid come back?
• 17:39
  The answer is, it's just the way it works.
• 17:41
  If you have a lifestyle, if you have something you believe in,
• 17:45
  your children will follow you. It may not be in five years, it
• 17:48
  may not be in 10 years. It may even take 20 years.
• 17:51
  Eventually they do exactly like their parents.
• 17:54
  You know, peak children say the last thing I'm doing is
• 17:56
  wholesale and they end up in their parents business every
• 17:59
  time, right? It's the same thing is true in
• 18:02
  character as well should be. The last thing I'm doing is
• 18:06
  learning. They learn.
• 18:07
  Last thing I'm doing is being involved in the community work.
• 18:09
  I know some children in our community whose fathers
• 18:12
  dedicated their life, the community service, and their
• 18:15
  children grew up with that, and they originally didn't like it.
• 18:19
  And they said, I'm going to go as far away on community service
• 18:24
  as my fault as I can because I don't like it.
• 18:26
  And then what ends up happening to end up in the same spot.
• 18:30
  Why? Because that's just the way it
• 18:31
  works. You give over much more impact
• 18:35
  by what you do, what you choose to do, what you believe in, than
• 18:38
  you think. It is the most impactful form of
• 18:41
  hinu, he says, but it requires one more step.
• 18:43
  And here's the hardest step. The final step is this.
• 18:48
  We haven't been sorted in more in the tuda.
• 18:50
  What's a bad sort of more? It's a wayward son, the wayward
• 18:54
  son crazy. The scenario if the kid steals
• 18:57
  and and buys meat and drinks wine as a kid, we actually say
• 19:01
  it's Kayab Mita. He's obligated to die.
• 19:05
  Crazy law. It's a very difficult law.
• 19:08
  It never happened, but it's a lesson.
• 19:10
  However, there's one detail. His band's living where it only
• 19:13
  gets killed if his parents have the same voice.
• 19:22
  Very strange fact. The parents have to have the
• 19:25
  same voice. Most men and women do not have
• 19:28
  the same voice, so it's never happens.
• 19:30
  The parents have to have the same tone of voice.
• 19:33
  It's a shockingly strange detail that makes Ben so they're
• 19:37
  irrelevant. You'll only kill the child and
• 19:40
  blame the child if the parents have the same voice.
• 19:44
  Oh, so literally it means voice. However, the rabbi said, what's
• 19:48
  the message of the same voice? What's the message of the same
• 19:55
  voice? The message is we only blame the
• 19:59
  child if the father and mother were on the same page.
• 20:05
  Which therefore means they were able to do a great job trying to
• 20:08
  raise their child. And therefore if the kids
• 20:10
  wayward, it's a child's fault. If the father and mother,
• 20:14
  however, we're not on the same page, didn't have the same
• 20:17
  voice, then the child is not to blame.
• 20:21
  This is what he says. If he points this out, the
• 20:23
  father and mother, we're not on the same page.
• 20:27
  That means the failure of the child is actually the parents
• 20:30
  fault. That's the majority and that is
• 20:32
  the majority. And this is John, life's work.
• 20:35
  This is life's work for a husband and wife to be on the
• 20:38
  same page as life's work. And I'll tell you why.
• 20:40
  You can be a very good guy, a very good guy, or she could be a
• 20:43
  very good woman and you have beliefs that you believe in.
• 20:46
  To be on the same page means sometimes, usually a kid who's a
• 20:51
  religious kid who goes to school in Lakewood, there's no
• 20:53
  influence and they're going to take you to town.
• 20:56
  My wife's opinion and her style was the other way.
• 20:59
  And I moved over over time to find some way in the middle.
• 21:03
  And the reason it was difficult because I believed in my shiita
• 21:06
  was a shiita. I believe that my perspective
• 21:09
  was, oh, my father did it a certain way.
• 21:11
  How can I go against my father? My father is a rabbi.
• 21:13
  He knew what he was doing. My parents, people tell him to
• 21:16
  write parenting books. How could I say that your way to
• 21:20
  my wife is better than mine? Yet the reality is, the firm
• 21:24
  reality is that her away from my children was far more effective
• 21:28
  than mine was. It takes to be on the same page.
• 21:32
  It takes biting your tongue a lot of times and sometimes
• 21:36
  accepting that the other sides of your spouse's approach will
• 21:41
  be, in your eyes, wrong. But it's still better off than
• 21:45
  going against him. Which means if she's LAX in your
• 21:48
  discipline, if your discipline and she's LAX and you're not on
• 21:51
  the same page, it's worse off. Even if Titan is speaking,
• 21:55
  you're right. It's worse off to be right and
• 21:59
  fight than it is to be wrong and get along right.
• 22:04
  It's the reality. It's worse off to be right and
• 22:06
  fight than it is to be wrong. Get along because the
• 22:09
  seamlessness and the chemistry of getting along.
• 22:13
  Eventually we'll find the truth. That's just the way it works. 2
• 22:16
  Parents who want their children to be the best, who want the
• 22:19
  best for their children, will find the road that makes sense.
• 22:23
  It'll take a lot of sleeping and falling.
• 22:25
  It'll take a lot of failure. I'll take a lot of mistakes.
• 22:28
  It'll take a lot of times that you have an opinion and you have
• 22:31
  to bite your tongue. But the reality is that
• 22:34
  chemistry, that getting along in this process is far more
• 22:39
  effective than you being right and you being angry, right?
• 22:43
  Imagine a father's right and he's angry.
• 22:44
  What's that worth? You don't get your point across.
• 22:47
  All the kids read is the anger. They don't read the truth, they
• 22:49
  read the anger. So he's telling you that we hold
• 22:52
  and renew. Parents have to have the same
• 22:55
  voice. It doesn't mean every time you
• 22:57
  go along with what she's saying doesn't mean that's to you.
• 23:00
  It means that you try to find the way that is a unified front,
• 23:05
  trying to find the way that there's chemistry, that there's
• 23:08
  one perspective, that there's an overall parenting view.
• 23:11
  You're trying to find a way that there's respect from one side to
• 23:15
  the other because any negativity is picked up on and then they
• 23:18
  ignore the canoe point. Is this message clear from the
• 23:23
  rabbi? Is this clear?
• 23:24
  Right? Do you see it to be true?
• 23:27
  We all see it to be true. And even though it takes
• 23:29
  humility and it takes changing ways and it takes going against
• 23:32
  what your parents raise you on, sometimes it takes sometimes
• 23:35
  even going against what the rabbi told you.
• 23:38
  Going with your works for your home is more powerful than
• 23:42
  anything else. You could have some people who
• 23:44
  say, oh, the rabbi told me to do this.
• 23:46
  He was not working for your children.
• 23:48
  What's it worth? The rabbi's, I ain't know him.
• 23:50
  It's not working for your children and your wife was
• 23:52
  getting upset. So what's it worth?
• 23:54
  Don't use the rabbi card as your tool to be tough.
• 23:58
  Don't use the rabbi card as your tool to go against your wife.
• 24:02
  Instead, find a ground that somehow creates chemistry.
• 24:07
  Of course you're going to have your way and she's going to have
• 24:09
  hers. I still have in my home very
• 24:12
  much my kids can tell that I never want to, you know, get
• 24:15
  tough on them. And my my young kids, the babies
• 24:18
  can still run around me in circles, but the old ones, no,
• 24:20
  they can't. The little ones still can.
• 24:22
  You know, they can pull every trick on the book on me.
• 24:24
  I just, I just melt. I'm just that way and my wife
• 24:27
  won't. But over the time you realize
• 24:29
  that if you find some sort of ground that is combined, you
• 24:33
  have such a healthy affront in every sort of corporation,
• 24:38
  family, grandparents, whatever it is.
• 24:42
  The unified front is so much stronger.
• 24:45
  The chemistry that's witnessed from the sturdiness of the same
• 24:49
  voice is so much healthier than the riffs and the fight and the
• 24:54
  tension and the disagreements and the different opinions.
• 24:57
  Because then the children are inclined to pick up only on the
• 25:02
  tone and not on the words. And they pick up the negativity,
• 25:05
  they pick up the fighting, and that's all they get.
• 25:08
  And they don't get the truth. I know many people, many whose
• 25:12
  parents had this kind of disagreements and their children
• 25:15
  didn't follow either parent because that's all they pick up
• 25:18
  on. Disagreement means strife, it
• 25:20
  means unhealthy, and away we go on that road.
• 25:23
  Ha salon. Instead, if there's a unified
• 25:27
  chemistry solid worked on humble front, sure.
• 25:33
  A lot of times you're going to have to go against what you
• 25:35
  believe in. A lot of times you have to go
• 25:37
  against what the rabbi told you. Even you can have to go against
• 25:39
  what your parents told you. It doesn't matter.
• 25:41
  You're going to do something that works for the two of you,
• 25:44
  and that is strength. And that right there is by far
• 25:48
  the most powerful parents. How they act carries over to
• 25:54
  their children. And if they act as one, your
• 25:56
  children follow suit 100%. That's ideal stuff with this.