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Turn On The News: Upside Down · Donald Drumpf Theatre radio show

• 0:01
  SPEAKER_03: We interrupt this broadcast to bring you a special news bulletin direct via
• 0:05
  SPEAKER_03: satellite from our on-the-spot task force.
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_03: No sports, no rock, no information.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_03: For mindless chatter, we're your station.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_03: Stand by for news.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_03: News on the mark.
• 0:21
  SPEAKER_03: Newsroom in New York.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_03: You have tuned in Turn on the News,
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_03: the weekly newscast from the radio network,
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_03: with all the radio coverage of the radio.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_03: Now with computerized news readers,
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_03: with fewer meddling humans,
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_03: and more aggregated reporting and automated music.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_03: Tune in Turn on the News each week for the latest news,
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_03: radio art,
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_03: and more from our robot reporters,
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_03: making sure you hear both sides good and evil every time you turn on the news.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_03: is why the world has to have some faith with all the ways of communicating we can't
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_03: get to us with who we're hating
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_03: Boosker do you think JD Vance likes Boosker do Why does everything have to be so
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_00: weird these are dangerous times something terrible is going to happen
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_03: We have been talking about this election for two years.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_03: And we are nearing the end.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_03: Also close to election day.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_03: There's only one Taco Tuesday left before election day.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_03: And please savor it, because if Trump wins, I'm pretty sure Project 2025 outlaws tacos.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_03: We've officially entered into the fever dream portion of the campaign.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_03: Right is left, up is down.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_03: There are parallel universes, just like our world, but just infinite variations of it.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_03: Which means there's a world out there where none of this tragic stuff ever happened.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_02: We were thinking of more of an evil dimension, like the Veil of Shadows.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_02: You know the Veil of Shadows?
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_03: Echo of the Material Plane, where necrotic and shadow magic are.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, exactly.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_02: If that did exist, a place like the Veil of Shadows, how would we travel there, theoretically?
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_03: Well... Picture an acrobat.
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_03: standing on a tightrope.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_03: And the tightrope is our dimension.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_03: And our dimension has rules.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_03: You can move forwards or backwards.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_03: But what if right next to our acrobat there is a flea?
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_03: Now the flea can also travel back and forth, just like the acrobat, right?
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_03: The flea can also travel along the side of the rope.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_03: He can even go underneath the rope.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_02: Upside down.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_02: Is there any way for the acrobat to get to the upside down?
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_03: Well,
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_03: you'd have to create a massive amount of energy,
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_03: more than humans are currently capable of creating,
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_03: mind you,
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_03: to open up some kind of tear in time and space.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_03: And then... you create a doorway.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_02: Like a gate?
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_03: Sure, like a gate.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_03: But again, this is all... Theoretical.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_02: But what if this gate already existed?
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_03: Well, if it did, I think we'd know.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_03: It would disrupt gravity, the magnetic field, our environment.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_03: Heck, it might even swallow us up whole.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_03: The Republican nominee is hanging out in a Bronx barbershop.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_03: And the Democratic nominee is hosting some sort of book club with Liz Cheney.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_03: On Sunday,
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_03: former President Trump attended a Pittsburgh Steelers game,
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_03: then posted this AI image of himself as a Steelers player.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_03: But in an email to supporters, he misspelled Steelers with an A. It is so surreal.
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_03: This campaign cannot get any weirder.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_03: In that civil case against former New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani,
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_01: a federal judge ordered Giuliani to turn over all of his valuable possessions,
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_01: including his Manhattan apartment,
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_01: to former Fulton County elections worker Shea Moss.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_01: and Ruby Freeman.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_03: Giuliani owes them $150 million after they won a defamation suit against him.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_01: He claimed they were involved in election fraud after the 2020 election.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_01: The judge wants Giuliani to hand over more than just his Madison Avenue apartment.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_01: He's ordered to surrender watches, signed Yankees paraphernalia, furniture, and even his TV.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_01: The only valuable he's allowed to keep is his grandfather's watch.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_03: This man lost his entire fortune for trying to steal the election,
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_03: while the man who he was trying to steal the election for has faced no
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_03: repercussions at all.
• 5:39
  SPEAKER_03: Vice President Harris has agreed to a sit-down interview with Fox News.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_03: Hello, everybody.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_03: My first day at McDonald's.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_03: I'm looking for a job.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_03: So, if you don't mind, I want to work the french fry counter.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_03: Give him the job.
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_03: Harris is out there sweating the details over her new opportunity economy.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_03: Trump's just out there farting around.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_03: Respectfully, I say to thee, I'm aware that you're cheating.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_01: Customers who went through the drive-thru were preselected by the franchise and the
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_01: local Trump campaign team.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_03: You take it for granted.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_03: You say, give me french fries.
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_03: I'll never forget this experience.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_03: I always figured somebody stuffs them in with their hand,
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_03: and I don't like that,
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_03: and they don't do it that way.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_03: You never touch them.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_03: It's really great.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_03: You f***ing Forrest Gump?
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_03: What are we talking about here?
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_03: For decades that you've been eating at McDonald's,
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_03: you thought the fries come out of the boiling oil and the workers making that sweet,
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_03: sweet $4.25 an hour just reach in and go,
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_03: ah!
• 7:05
  Ah!
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_03: Just with their hands.
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_03: What, you think that's how the burgers get flipped?
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_03: Ah!
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_03: Oh God, someone order ice cream.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_03: That's his whole campaign right now.
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_03: Ave Maria dance party.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_03: I'm going to deport everybody.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_03: Football tailgate.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_03: Blame the Jews if I lose.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_03: McDonald's drive-thru.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_03: He's out there having the time of his life.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_03: And the poor sweet media.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, poor sweet media.
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_03: They know they're mad.
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_03: They're just not exactly sure which thing they should be maddest about anymore.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_03: But I can tell you one thing, media.
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_03: It probably shouldn't be the McDonald's thing.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_03: But we're at that point in the campaign.
• 8:03
  SPEAKER_03: It's a fever pitch.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_03: We can no longer discern the noise from the signal.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_01: We've lost the ability to understand what level of outrage to even demonstrate.
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_03: Which brings us to this weekend where the absurdity outrage cycle reached its apex.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_01: I'm crazy to think you're all mine.
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_01: -♪ As long as the sun continues to shine, there's a place in my heart for you that's the bottom line.
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_03: -♪ Tron held a rally over the weekend in Latrobe,
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_03: Pennsylvania,
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_03: and suggested that golf legend Arnold Palmer was well endowed.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_03: Well, still not as bad as that rally where he suggested that Mike Pence might be hung.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_03: I'm going to tell them the real story of Arnold.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_03: But Arnold Palmer was all man.
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_03: And I say that in all due respect to women, and I love women.
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_03: But this guy, this guy, this is a guy that was all man.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_03: This man was strong and tough.
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_03: And I refuse to say it,
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_03: but when he took showers with the other pros,
• 9:23
  SPEAKER_03: they came out of there,
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_03: they said,
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_03: oh,
• 9:25
  SPEAKER_03: my God.
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_03: That's unbelievable.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_03: I want to f*** Arnold Palmer so bad!
• 10:02
  SPEAKER_03: I refuse to say it, but I had to say it.
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_03: Arnold Palmer was swinging a real titanium 3-wood.
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, this thing, you want to lock the grip.
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_03: You want to interlock grip on that thing.
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_03: This thing could drive a par 5 from T to hole and had a wicked dog leg in it.
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_03: That's why, folks, that's why.
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_03: That's why Arnold Palmer's signature drink is half iced tea, half lemonade, stirred with a giant swizzle.
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_03: These guys know.
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_03: There's some sophisticated ladies out here.
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_03: You know.
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_03: Cross grip.
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_03: Upside down.
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_03: So with just two weeks until Election Day, voters have a choice.
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_03: On the one hand,
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_03: you got Kamala Harris's plan to stop price gouging,
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_03: lower prescription drug costs,
• 10:53
  SPEAKER_03: mandate coverage of elder care,
• 10:55
  SPEAKER_03: and give money to the parents of newborns and first-time homeowners.
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_03: And on the other hand,
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_03: you got Donald Trump's plan to let everyone know that Arnold Palmer had a big old
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_03: donkey d***.
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_03: Remember when I said he couldn't afford clubs?
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_03: Turns out he didn't need them.
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_03: He had a big old...
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_03: He had a big bertha right between his legs.
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_03: He would just drop his trousers and hit the ball with his big ol' wangs, the golfers.
• 11:17
  SPEAKER_03: -♪ Inside out and round and round Instinctively you give to me the love that I need
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_03: I cherish the moments with you
• 11:32
  SPEAKER_03: I feel like Trump might just be projecting here because he knows compared to Arnold Palmer,
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_03: if you saw Trump's you know what in the shower.
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_03: It would be a lot shorter.
• 11:43
  SPEAKER_03: And now,
• 11:45
  SPEAKER_03: the same Republican party that claims Kamala Harris is the one who won't discuss
• 11:49
  SPEAKER_03: policy specifics is also dismissing Trump's bizarre obsession with Arnold Palmer's
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_03: penis size as a non-issue.
• 11:56
  SPEAKER_03: Is this really the closing message you want voters to hear from Donald Trump?
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_03: Stories about Arnold Palmer's penis?
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_03: Well,
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_03: listen,
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_03: I think that the headline that I read about the rally in Pennsylvania yesterday was
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_03: the big question,
• 12:10
  SPEAKER_03: and it's the one that Kamala Harris has not been able or willing to answer,
• 12:13
  SPEAKER_03: and that is,
• 12:14
  SPEAKER_03: are you better off now than you were under the Trump administration four years ago?
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_03: Why is he talking about Arnold Palmer's penis in front of Pennsylvania voters?
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_03: Jake, you seem to like that line a lot.
• 12:26
  SPEAKER_03: Let me tell you that Donald Trump is doing rallies nonstop around the country.
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_03: Let me just say something.
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_03: I don't want to be talking about this.
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_03: Donald Trump is out there saying it.
• 12:36
  SPEAKER_03: But you continue to.
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_03: Let's talk about it.
• 12:38
  SPEAKER_03: Because you won't address it.
• 12:39
  SPEAKER_00: Wait a minute.
• 12:39
  SPEAKER_00: Hold on.
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_03: You won't address it.
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_03: He is out there talking to voters.
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_03: No, I'll address it.
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_03: Let me answer it.
• 12:47
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, don't say it again.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_03: We don't have to say it.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_03: I get it.
• 12:49
  SPEAKER_03: There's lines in a rally.
• 12:51
  SPEAKER_03: When President Trump is at a rally, sometimes he'll speak for two straight hours.
• 12:55
  SPEAKER_03: He has fun at the rallies.
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_03: He says things that are off the cuff.
• 12:58
  SPEAKER_03: But I'm telling you,
• 12:59
  SPEAKER_03: I've been in those events,
• 13:00
  SPEAKER_03: I've been in those arenas,
• 13:01
  SPEAKER_03: and people have a great time at those arenas.
• 13:03
  SPEAKER_03: So you can cherry pick a few words or lines out of a two-hour event.
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_03: It was the first thing out of his mouth!
• 13:11
  SPEAKER_03: He got up to the mic, said, hello, Latrobe.
• 13:13
  SPEAKER_03: You know who's from Latrobe?
• 13:14
  SPEAKER_03: Arnold Palmer.
• 13:15
  SPEAKER_03: Then told a 12-minute story that ended with a vivid description of Arnold Palmer's penis.
• 13:20
  SPEAKER_03: Upside down.
• 13:22
  SPEAKER_03: Boy, you turned me inside out.
• 13:28
  SPEAKER_03: Also,
• 13:29
  SPEAKER_03: I hate this thing Republicans do whenever Trump says something insane and the media
• 13:32
  SPEAKER_03: asks them about the insane thing.
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_03: They act like reporters are the ones who bring it up out of nowhere.
• 13:37
  SPEAKER_03: No one wants to talk about Arnold Palmer's penis except for Donald Trump.
• 13:43
  SPEAKER_03: But the question,
• 13:49
  SPEAKER_03: ladies and gentlemen,
• 13:50
  SPEAKER_03: is not whether or not Arnold's Palmer is being fitted for the green jacket.
• 13:55
  SPEAKER_03: It's whether the media will performatively take the bait.
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_03: This was not just crude and obscene, but it was completely inappropriate.
• 14:04
  SPEAKER_01: Vulgar, lewd.
• 14:04
  SPEAKER_01: This is not presidential.
• 14:06
  SPEAKER_03: Is this really the closing message you want voters to hear from Donald Trump?
• 14:09
  SPEAKER_03: Stories about Arnold Palmer's penis?
• 14:11
  SPEAKER_03: Not one, not three, but ten minutes talking about another man's genitalia.
• 14:29
  SPEAKER_03: It's very serious.
• 14:30
  SPEAKER_03: I apologize.
• 14:31
  SPEAKER_03: That's... What is the appropriate amount of time to talk?
• 14:37
  SPEAKER_03: Three minutes, I can understand.
• 14:40
  SPEAKER_03: Ten minutes?
• 14:41
  SPEAKER_03: It's a you problem.
• 14:43
  SPEAKER_03: Upside down.
• 14:45
  SPEAKER_01: Boy, you turn me inside out.
• 14:49
  SPEAKER_01: And round and round.
• 14:51
  SPEAKER_03: But I do get there is a double standard at play.
• 14:53
  SPEAKER_03: You imagine if Kamala Harris held a rally and like, Billie Jean King, her vagina, wow.
• 15:00
  SPEAKER_03: She'd come out of the shower and all the other tennis players would shout, hello!
• 15:04
  SPEAKER_03: Hello, hello.
• 15:15
  SPEAKER_03: Upside down,
• 15:16
  SPEAKER_03: you're turning me You're giving love instinctively Round and around,
• 15:19
  SPEAKER_03: you're turning me I say to be respectfully Upside down,
• 15:24
  SPEAKER_03: you're turning me You're giving love instinctively Round and around,
• 15:28
  SPEAKER_03: you're turning me I say to be respectfully I said upside down,
• 15:33
  SPEAKER_03: you're turning me You're giving love instinctively Round and around,
• 15:37
  SPEAKER_00: you're turning me I say to be respectfully
• 15:41
  SPEAKER_00: Upside down you're turning You're giving love instinctively
• 16:36
  SPEAKER_03: I don't know why we have to parse everything that this guy says so sternly.
• 16:43
  SPEAKER_03: We have two enemies.
• 16:45
  SPEAKER_03: We have the outside enemy, and then we have the enemy from within.
• 16:48
  SPEAKER_03: And the enemy from within, in my opinion, is more dangerous than China, Russia, and all these countries.
• 16:54
  SPEAKER_03: Hey, who wants fries?
• 16:59
  SPEAKER_03: Honourable .
• 17:04
  SPEAKER_03: We have some very bad people.
• 17:05
  SPEAKER_03: We have some sick people, radical left lunatics.
• 17:09
  SPEAKER_03: And I think they're the,
• 17:10
  SPEAKER_03: and it should be very easily handled by,
• 17:12
  SPEAKER_03: if necessary,
• 17:14
  SPEAKER_03: by national guard,
• 17:15
  SPEAKER_03: or if really necessary,
• 17:16
  SPEAKER_03: by the military.
• 17:22
  SPEAKER_03: You're not fun at all.
• 17:24
  SPEAKER_03: That's not fun loving and mischievous, it sounded quite threatening.
• 17:27
  SPEAKER_03: That's actually worthy of some real examination and all the Republicans who have
• 17:32
  SPEAKER_03: talked about having fun at Trump's rallies.
• 17:35
  SPEAKER_03: I'm sure they'd express concerns about this type of rhetoric.
• 17:38
  SPEAKER_03: What I want to just make very clear is that it's my belief that what former
• 17:44
  SPEAKER_03: President Trump is talking about are the people that are coming over the border,
• 17:48
  SPEAKER_03: that in fact are committing crimes,
• 17:49
  SPEAKER_03: that are bringing drugs,
• 17:51
  SPEAKER_03: that are trafficking humans.
• 17:53
  SPEAKER_03: That is what I believe the president is referring to.
• 17:55
  SPEAKER_03: I don't think that he's referring to elected people in America.
• 18:00
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, all right, good, because I, okay.
• 18:03
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, because I was worried.
• 18:05
  SPEAKER_03: Because it did sound bad the way that he had said it.
• 18:07
  SPEAKER_03: I probably wasn't thinking clearly, you know.
• 18:09
  SPEAKER_03: But just to make sure that that is what he meant,
• 18:13
  SPEAKER_03: let's give the former president himself a chance to clear up that he's really
• 18:16
  SPEAKER_03: talking about drug and human traffickers coming across the border and obviously not
• 18:20
  SPEAKER_03: elected officials.
• 18:22
  SPEAKER_03: Adam Shifty Schiff, who's a total sleazebag, is going to become a senator.
• 18:26
  SPEAKER_03: But I call him the enemy from within.
• 18:32
  SPEAKER_03: but just, just shift the shift, right?
• 18:36
  SPEAKER_03: And it is the enemy from within and they're very dangerous.
• 18:39
  SPEAKER_03: The more difficult are, you know, the Pelosi's, these people, they're so sick and they're so evil.
• 18:46
  SPEAKER_03: Are you out of your mind?
• 18:49
  SPEAKER_03: The former Speaker of the House is the enemy within.
• 18:54
  SPEAKER_03: Well,
• 18:54
  SPEAKER_03: I bet Donald Trump is about to get an earful from the current Speaker of the House,
• 18:58
  SPEAKER_03: who will,
• 18:58
  SPEAKER_03: despite his support of Donald Trump,
• 19:00
  SPEAKER_03: still have the courage to...
• 19:02
  SPEAKER_03: I'm kidding.
• 19:02
  SPEAKER_03: Just roll it.
• 19:03
  SPEAKER_03: What he's talking about is marauding gangs of dangerous,
• 19:06
  SPEAKER_03: violent people who are destroying public property.
• 19:13
  SPEAKER_03: Ah, yes.
• 19:14
  SPEAKER_03: Adam Schiff and Nancy Pelosi.
• 19:16
  SPEAKER_03: Famous capos in the Salvadoran gang.
• 19:18
  SPEAKER_03: MSNBC.
• 19:23
  SPEAKER_03: Where's the we the people constitution first outrage here?
• 19:27
  SPEAKER_03: He's talking about treading on you.
• 19:28
  SPEAKER_03: You always wave the don't tread on me flag.
• 19:31
  SPEAKER_03: This is treading.
• 19:32
  SPEAKER_03: You are a decorated veteran.
• 19:34
  SPEAKER_03: How would you feel about deploying against Adam Schiff?
• 19:38
  SPEAKER_03: Well, I don't think that's what he said, John.
• 19:40
  SPEAKER_03: I think you're connecting some dots there.
• 19:44
  SPEAKER_03: It's exactly what he said.
• 19:45
  SPEAKER_03: Not dots, words.
• 19:48
  SPEAKER_03: We're connecting words through the ear holes with the listening.
• 19:52
  SPEAKER_03: That's what he said.
• 19:54
  SPEAKER_03: I understand the powerful pull of partisanship,
• 19:57
  SPEAKER_03: but for my own sanity,
• 19:59
  SPEAKER_03: can I get one Republican to at least acknowledge that Trump said the thing that he
• 20:05
  SPEAKER_03: is repeatedly saying?
• 20:07
  SPEAKER_03: Look, Trump speaks in hyperbole.
• 20:09
  SPEAKER_03: This is nothing new.
• 20:10
  SPEAKER_03: He's not talking about attack,
• 20:12
  SPEAKER_03: using the military to attack people who disagree with him politically or anything
• 20:16
  SPEAKER_03: like that.
• 20:17
  SPEAKER_03: He is literally saying that!
• 20:19
  SPEAKER_03: He is literally saying that!
• 20:25
  SPEAKER_03: What are you talking about?
• 20:27
  SPEAKER_03: Literally!
• 20:28
  SPEAKER_03: He is saying the enemy within,
• 20:29
  SPEAKER_03: like Shifty Shift and Pelosi,
• 20:31
  SPEAKER_03: you can't just pretend that he's talking about something else.
• 20:34
  SPEAKER_03: God, this is what gets us to the ultimate problem, which is this.
• 20:38
  SPEAKER_03: Is any of the shit Trump says real?
• 20:42
  SPEAKER_03: How are we supposed to understand what's bullshit and what isn't?
• 20:46
  SPEAKER_03: Kamala Harris,
• 20:47
  SPEAKER_03: she's got to have an 80-page presentation on exactly how this opportunity economy
• 20:50
  SPEAKER_03: is going to function and how it's going to be paid for.
• 20:52
  SPEAKER_03: Meanwhile, the standard for Trump is emotional vicinity.
• 20:58
  SPEAKER_03: Apparently, it doesn't actually matter if the things he says are true.
• 21:02
  SPEAKER_03: And if you try and dig down on the lies, he only gets liar.
• 21:06
  SPEAKER_03: When you said, you know, it's gone viral.
• 21:08
  SPEAKER_03: They're eating the dogs.
• 21:09
  SPEAKER_03: They're eating the cats.
• 21:11
  SPEAKER_03: You say you're just reporting what had been said.
• 21:13
  SPEAKER_03: But why not say now, well, look, that turned out not to be true.
• 21:16
  SPEAKER_03: I don't know.
• 21:17
  SPEAKER_03: I don't know if it's true or not true.
• 21:19
  SPEAKER_03: I read something.
• 21:21
  SPEAKER_03: You don't know if it's true or not true.
• 21:22
  SPEAKER_03: It's been debunked by the officials.
• 21:23
  SPEAKER_03: What about the goose, the geese?
• 21:25
  SPEAKER_03: What about the geese?
• 21:26
  SPEAKER_03: What happened there?
• 21:27
  SPEAKER_03: They're all missing.
• 21:34
  SPEAKER_03: What about the geese?
• 21:41
  SPEAKER_03: They were everywhere during the summer,
• 21:43
  SPEAKER_03: but now...
• 21:46
  SPEAKER_03: Now that it's cold...
• 21:47
  SPEAKER_03: And by the way,
• 21:51
  SPEAKER_03: to all the Republican officials who seem very confident that Trump isn't being
• 21:55
  SPEAKER_03: serious when talking about extreme measures to defeat his enemies,
• 21:59
  SPEAKER_03: he's already tried it.
• 22:01
  SPEAKER_03: Remember that day he tried to overthrow the government?
• 22:03
  SPEAKER_03: And I know it didn't work.
• 22:05
  SPEAKER_03: But attempted murder isn't the same thing as never tried the murder.
• 22:11
  SPEAKER_03: So we are left with this surreal idea that somehow Trump's absurdity renders him benign.
• 22:20
  SPEAKER_03: We dismiss his threats because of how much fun he has expounding on the length,
• 22:25
  SPEAKER_03: width,
• 22:25
  SPEAKER_03: and girth of Arnold Palmer's a**.
• 22:37
  SPEAKER_03: If only there was one dystopian moment from this past weekend that encapsulates
• 22:43
  SPEAKER_03: this potent tincture of clownish campaigning mixed with authoritarian foreboding.
• 22:50
  SPEAKER_03: because I know shorter clips do better on the TikTok.
• 22:52
  SPEAKER_03: Give me,
• 22:53
  SPEAKER_03: oh,
• 22:54
  SPEAKER_03: I don't know,
• 22:54
  SPEAKER_03: a man in an apron at a drive-through window thoughtfully considering whether or not
• 23:00
  SPEAKER_03: to future coup.
• 23:02
  SPEAKER_03: Talking to reporters, Trump was asked about accepting the 2024 election results.
• 23:06
  SPEAKER_03: Either way, will you accept the results of the election?
• 23:09
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, sure, if it's a fair election, always.
• 23:11
  SPEAKER_03: I would always accept it if it's gonna be a fair election.
• 23:14
  SPEAKER_03: How the is Donald Trump in a McDonald's apron in the window of the fast food
• 23:19
  SPEAKER_03: restaurant talking about whether or not he'll overturn the popular vote real life?
• 23:25
  SPEAKER_03: How is this real?
• 23:34
  SPEAKER_03: Did we all die during COVID?
• 23:43
  SPEAKER_03: And is this some strange, surreal purgatory?
• 23:46
  SPEAKER_03: Or maybe AI has already sucked up the sum total of human achievement and endeavors,
• 23:50
  SPEAKER_03: and what we're all experiencing are merely the crumbs and detritus of human
• 23:53
  SPEAKER_03: existence that AI thought was just too weird to vacuum up.
• 23:59
  SPEAKER_03: Or maybe it's a dream.
• 24:03
  SPEAKER_03: Maybe I'm in your dream or you're in my dream.
• 24:04
  SPEAKER_03: I just have to wake myself up.
• 24:08
  SPEAKER_03: Wake up, John.
• 24:09
  SPEAKER_03: Wake up!
• 24:11
  SPEAKER_03: Wake up!
• 24:13
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, my God.
• 24:13
  SPEAKER_03: This is the weirdest dream.
• 24:17
  SPEAKER_03: Donald Trump was dancing on stage to Ave Maria, just swaying.
• 24:20
  SPEAKER_03: Then he was making fries in a McDonald's and running for president.
• 24:24
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, honey, that's... They're eating the dogs.
• 24:30
  SPEAKER_03: They're eating the cats.
• 24:35
  SPEAKER_03: It turns out Donald Trump is a bigger dick than Arnold Palmer's penis.
• 24:55
  SPEAKER_03: I was filled with refugees now.
• 24:59
  SPEAKER_03: Doctors finding out about disease.
• 25:01
  SPEAKER_03: With all this upside up pushing and shoving.
• 25:04
  SPEAKER_03: Keeps us away from who we love.
• 25:41
  SPEAKER_03: Husker-doo.
• 25:42
  SPEAKER_03: Huh.
• 25:43
  SPEAKER_03: I do like Husker-doo.
• 25:45
  SPEAKER_03: You think JD Vance likes Husker-doo?
• 25:48
  SPEAKER_03: No.
• 25:49
  SPEAKER_03: JD seems like a Husker-dope.