Latest / Marriage Life and More and Bible Study / Your Spouse is Not the Enemy! How to Fight for Your Marriage, Not Against It - Jerimiah and Cassie Skiles - 364

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Your Spouse is Not the Enemy! How to Fight for Your Marriage, Not Against It - Jerimiah and Cassie Skiles - 364 · Marriage Life and More and Bible Study

• 0:05
  Daniel Moore: Marriage is an amazing thing.
• 0:07
  Daniel Moore: You find the person that you love, you stand in front of everybody you know, you promise to spend the rest of your lives together, and then discover that this wonderful person doesn't drive nearly as well as you do.
• 0:19
  Daniel Moore: You know, somewhere between I do and why would you possibly do it that way, you realize that a great marriage takes more than chemistry.
• 0:27
  Daniel Moore: It takes communication, patience, grace, and a willingness to admit when you're wrong, and apparently the supernatural ability to occasionally keep your mouth shut.
• 0:36
  Daniel Moore: Today we're sitting down with a couple who's been through a lot of real life seasons in marriage, different personalities, a blended family, difficult conversations, unexpected challenges, and more than 20 years of learning to follow God together.
• 0:50
  Daniel Moore: We're going to talk about keeping Christ at the center, communicating when it would be easier to avoid the conversation, learning to be flexible when God changes your plans, and one of the biggest lessons every married couple needs to remember: your spouse is not the enemy.
• 1:04
  Daniel Moore: The goal isn't to win the argument, it's to learn how to stand together and fight for your marriage instead of fighting against each other.
• 1:10
  Daniel Moore: So whether your marriage is in a great season, a difficult season, or somewhere in between, we think there's going to be something in this conversation that encourages you, challenges you, and maybe even makes you laugh a little along the way.
• 1:22
  Daniel Moore: Welcome to Marriage Life and More.
• 1:29
  Daniel Moore: This is a podcast about marriage, Bible, and book studies.
• 1:31
  Daniel Moore: We interview people that have inspiring stories.
• 1:33
  Daniel Moore: I'm Daniel Moore, your host.
• 1:34
  Daniel Moore: And over here next to me is my beautiful, awesome co-host, my wife Michelle.
• 1:38
  Daniel Moore: Hey, hey.
• 1:39
  Daniel Moore: Thank you guys for joining us this week.
• 1:40
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• 1:45
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• 1:50
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• 1:55
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• 1:57
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• 2:04
  Daniel Moore: Well, welcome back to another episode of Marriage Life and More.
• 2:08
  Daniel Moore: We've got a treat for you guys this week.
• 2:10
  Daniel Moore: So hopefully you'll stick around and check out what we have for you.
• 2:13
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• 2:14
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• 2:16
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• 2:18
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• 2:26
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• 2:33
  Daniel Moore: So we're going to go ahead and get into this week.
• 2:37
  Daniel Moore: And this week we're starting off a series of interviews with couples.
• 2:41
  Daniel Moore: It's something new that we haven't really ever done yet on our podcast before.
• 2:46
  Daniel Moore: Michelle and I talked about it, but it just seems like trying to get it put together, we just haven't got there.
• 2:51
  Daniel Moore: So we finally have gotten to this point, and we've got several couples lined up over the next uh several weeks here that we're going to be interviewing.
• 3:00
  Daniel Moore: And so you've got a treat.
• 3:01
  Daniel Moore: So I hope you guys will stick around and check this out.
• 3:04
  Daniel Moore: Um, so this week we're going to be starting off a brand new series entitled Marriage Unscripted.
• 3:11
  Daniel Moore: Well, this week, as I said, we're going to be starting off a series of interviews.
• 3:29
  Daniel Moore: And this week, we want to welcome to our studios Jerimiah and Cassie Skiles.
• 3:34
  Daniel Moore: Thank you guys for joining us this week.
• 3:36
  Cassie Skiles: Well, thank you for having us.
• 3:38
  Daniel Moore: Um, I know we talked to you about, I don't know, is it two or three years ago probably about having you guys back on here?
• 3:44
  Daniel Moore: And we really truly thought it was going to happen sooner than this, but um it didn't.
• 3:48
  Daniel Moore: We've just had a lot of other things that we've done instead.
• 3:51
  Daniel Moore: So I know God has timing for everything.
• 3:53
  Daniel Moore: So I'm sure there's a reason that it's taken this long.
• 3:56
  Daniel Moore: But we're super excited that uh you guys are joining us this week and thank you guys for accepting the invite.
• 4:02
  Daniel Moore: So we're looking forward to this for sure.
• 4:05
  Daniel Moore: So as we get started here, let's just first of all just want to kind of just get to know you guys just a little bit.
• 4:12
  Daniel Moore: So uh whichever one wants to to share, just let us know who is Jerimiah and Cassie Skiles.
• 4:20
  Jerimiah Skiles: We were uh we actually just celebrated 22 years uh Friday.
• 4:24
  Jerimiah Skiles: Yeah.
• 4:24
  Jerimiah Skiles: Was Friday the fourth?
• 4:26
  Jerimiah Skiles: Yeah, Friday was the fourth.
• 4:27
  Jerimiah Skiles: Um and we've been married for 22 years, and we were a blended family right when we started.
• 4:35
  Jerimiah Skiles: Um Cassie was really naive.
• 4:37
  Jerimiah Skiles: She was 21.
• 4:38
  Cassie Skiles: That's true.
• 4:39
  Cassie Skiles: But I also married a man who was 31 and had had a previous marriage and a child, so yeah.
• 4:47
  Daniel Moore: What was you thinking?
• 4:48
  Daniel Moore: Exactly.
• 4:49
  Daniel Moore: Exactly.
• 4:49
  Cassie Skiles: Yeah, his sister always tells me, you had a choice.
• 4:52
  Daniel Moore: Yeah.
• 4:53
  Cassie Skiles: Like she's she's going, I had a choice.
• 4:55
  Cassie Skiles: I didn't have a choice, but you did.
• 4:57
  Daniel Moore: Doesn't sound very sympathetic.
• 4:59
  Cassie Skiles: Yeah.
• 5:00
  Jerimiah Skiles: Yeah.
• 5:00
  Jerimiah Skiles: So we're uh twenty-two years long and things haven't always gone the way we wanted it to, but you know, we're still communicating.
• 5:09
  Jerimiah Skiles: That's that's the main thing that I that I was really wanting to make sure that we do in the marriage.
• 5:15
  Jerimiah Skiles: I was like, okay, there's gonna be some times when I say things that don't seem right, but I'm just trying to get the ball rolling of communication.
• 5:21
  Jerimiah Skiles: That way we can get it out and talk about it.
• 5:24
  Jerimiah Skiles: And uh if you need to take a pause, just tell me.
• 5:26
  Jerimiah Skiles: Yeah.
• 5:27
  Jerimiah Skiles: So yeah.
• 5:28
  Jerimiah Skiles: It's been it's been twenty-two good years.
• 5:31
  Cassie Skiles: It has.
• 5:31
  Jerimiah Skiles: Yeah, that's awesome.
• 5:32
  Jerimiah Skiles: How many kids do you guys have?
• 5:33
  Jerimiah Skiles: Two.
• 5:34
  Cassie Skiles: You have two.
• 5:35
  Jerimiah Skiles: One boys, girls, two boys.
• 5:37
  Jerimiah Skiles: Two boys.
• 5:38
  Jerimiah Skiles: I had an eight-year-old when we got married, Kaya.
• 5:41
  Jerimiah Skiles: He was grown with his own kids now, has two girls.
• 5:44
  Cassie Skiles: Yeah, no, we got grandbabies now.
• 5:45
  Cassie Skiles: And then we've got our our man child, Isaac, at home.
• 5:49
  Daniel Moore: He still lives at home.
• 5:49
  Daniel Moore: Yeah.
• 5:50
  Daniel Moore: Yeah.
• 5:50
  Daniel Moore: Uh grandkids are awesome.
• 5:52
  Daniel Moore: We we have four at this point.
• 5:54
  Daniel Moore: So I everybody asked me, is like, does it make you feel older?
• 5:58
  Daniel Moore: And I'm like, sometimes it's really hard to believe that we really have any kids.
• 6:02
  Michelle Moore: Yeah, you feel so young.
• 6:03
  Michelle Moore: Yeah.
• 6:04
  Daniel Moore: It's like especially when they're so they're so young themselves, you know.
• 6:07
  Michelle Moore: What do they call you?
• 6:08
  Jerimiah Skiles: What do they call you?
• 6:09
  Jerimiah Skiles: Papa.
• 6:09
  Jerimiah Skiles: Poppy.
• 6:10
  Jerimiah Skiles: Poppy.
• 6:12
  Michelle Moore: Nana.
• 6:12
  Jerimiah Skiles: Nana.
• 6:13
  Jerimiah Skiles: I'm I'm granddad and she's Gigi.
• 6:14
  Jerimiah Skiles: I was like, why do I get a why don't I get a cool name?
• 6:18
  Michelle Moore: Well, actually, the little one, Sarian in um North Carolina, Dan's name is gonna be Dedushka.
• 6:27
  Michelle Moore: Yeah.
• 6:28
  Michelle Moore: But she cannot say that.
• 6:30
  Michelle Moore: And so once she gets older, it's gonna be Dedushka for That's right.
• 6:34
  Daniel Moore: Dadooshka.
• 6:35
  Daniel Moore: That's right.
• 6:36
  Daniel Moore: That's German for grandpa.
• 6:37
  Daniel Moore: Oh, there we go.
• 6:39
  Michelle Moore: I don't know why, but that's what stuck with him and Dedushka.
• 6:43
  Daniel Moore: We'll see how long it takes her to be able to say that.
• 6:46
  Daniel Moore: Yeah.
• 6:46
  Daniel Moore: But so right now it's just poppy.
• 6:49
  Daniel Moore: Yep.
• 6:49
  Daniel Moore: Yeah.
• 6:49
  Daniel Moore: Seems like that's what they all can say real easily.
• 6:51
  Daniel Moore: So my son said they're calling you granddad, sorry.
• 6:55
  Jerimiah Skiles: Well, I guess that's what I am.
• 6:57
  Daniel Moore: Uh yeah.
• 6:58
  Daniel Moore: I guess whatever they call you, that's just what it's gonna be.
• 7:00
  Daniel Moore: Yep, you're just not much way around that.
• 7:02
  Daniel Moore: But so yeah, we'll be actually be talking about some communication here in a little while because that's gonna come up here in our conversation.
• 7:10
  Daniel Moore: And I think we all agree at this table that that's a huge issue in marriages.
• 7:14
  Daniel Moore: And so we'll get to that for sure.
• 7:17
  Daniel Moore: So as we get started here, won't you guys uh just take us back to the beginning?
• 7:21
  Daniel Moore: You know, what were each of you like before you met, and what was God doing in your individual lives that you can see much more clearly now as you look backwards?
• 7:30
  Jerimiah Skiles: Um, I was a single dad.
• 7:32
  Jerimiah Skiles: I had a four-year-old or five-year-old with me from, you know, for the fur for after I got divorced, I had him with me um by myself here in Joplin, and uh it was it was three and a half to four years, and um we we were just batching it.
• 7:49
  Jerimiah Skiles: We was loving life.
• 7:51
  Jerimiah Skiles: And I uh, you know, I I dated a little bit, but I didn't date that much.
• 7:56
  Jerimiah Skiles: Um, but you know, I I met Cassie, I knew her family.
• 8:00
  Jerimiah Skiles: I knew I knew some of her family because they were connected to some other people that I knew, the Ingalls.
• 8:05
  Jerimiah Skiles: And um so I I met her and she always flirted with me like really bad.
• 8:10
  Cassie Skiles: But um not true.
• 8:12
  Cassie Skiles: It was the opposite.
• 8:14
  Jerimiah Skiles: But but uh I mean we were we were like in the same circles, and so I would always notice her and always talk to her and stuff, and so I didn't think there was any any way, you know, because we have a 10-year age difference, I didn't think there was any way that we would even be compatible, and but I you know it didn't stop me from flirting with her because I flirt with everybody, so but that's what that's kind of where we were when we got started.
• 8:37
  Jerimiah Skiles: I was uh my son was, you know, just he's just a he's just a boy boy.
• 8:43
  Jerimiah Skiles: He just he just just goes for everything.
• 8:46
  Jerimiah Skiles: And so uh I was try I was just busy with him most of the time and he uh he was he was just a good kid.
• 8:53
  Jerimiah Skiles: And you know, Cassie came into the picture and she played laser tag with him and stuff and tried to help him out as much as she could.
• 9:00
  Jerimiah Skiles: So you wanted to jump in here anytime, Cassie.
• 9:03
  Cassie Skiles: Uh well before we got married, I was, like you said, very naive.
• 9:06
  Cassie Skiles: I was 21 and I, you know, had lived at home my whole life, hadn't really ever lived on my own, and I was a very, you know, good Christian girl.
• 9:14
  Cassie Skiles: Never really did anything that would be rebellious of any nature.
• 9:18
  Cassie Skiles: Um so yeah, when we got married, I you know, I had been we had both kind of been in a place where, you know, relationships were something that we hadn't really had a whole lot of luck with.
• 9:30
  Cassie Skiles: And uh I didn't have a whole lot of, you know, experience with previous relationships, but I had, you know, had a relationship that wasn't great.
• 9:37
  Cassie Skiles: And um so we both had really gotten to a place where we were really focusing on God and kind of, you know, really just praying about our lives, and that's when we met.
• 9:49
  Cassie Skiles: Um so you know, I would say before I got married, I just didn't know a whole lot about relationships.
• 9:56
  Cassie Skiles: Um and we have learned together.
• 10:00
  Cassie Skiles: And he he knew a little more than I did, but it was from maybe bad experience more than it was from just like, oh, I know what to do.
• 10:08
  Cassie Skiles: It was I know what not to do.
• 10:10
  Cassie Skiles: Um so you know, he kind of came into the relationship with that previous knowledge and previous experience, and I just came in like I have no clue.
• 10:18
  Cassie Skiles: You know, I'm I'm young, I'm a baby, I don't really know.
• 10:20
  Cassie Skiles: And so we've kind of learned together as the years have you know progressed.
• 10:25
  Jerimiah Skiles: Yeah.
• 10:25
  Jerimiah Skiles: She could cook really good too.
• 10:27
  Jerimiah Skiles: That helped.
• 10:28
  Jerimiah Skiles: That's a plus.
• 10:29
  Cassie Skiles: Yeah, especially at 21.
• 10:30
  Jerimiah Skiles: Yeah.
• 10:31
  Cassie Skiles: I am that's pretty good.
• 10:32
  Cassie Skiles: I cooked at home for my whole family, and I just got used to, you know, doing that.
• 10:36
  Jerimiah Skiles: So it was like the baking side, the pies and the cookies and the cakes.
• 10:40
  Cassie Skiles: Yeah.
• 10:41
  Jerimiah Skiles: My son my son gained like 30 pounds the first year we were married.
• 10:44
  Jerimiah Skiles: Yeah.
• 10:45
  Jerimiah Skiles: I did too, but I was I'm already a grown man, so it kind of filled me out a little.
• 10:50
  Daniel Moore: Well, I feel your pain because my my wife loves to bake and stuff too, and I've had to really I've had to cut her off a little bit.
• 10:56
  Daniel Moore: Yeah.
• 10:56
  Daniel Moore: It's like every time I eat this stuff, it just like, you know, sits there.
• 11:00
  Daniel Moore: It doesn't go anywhere.
• 11:01
  Daniel Moore: Yeah.
• 11:01
  Daniel Moore: So I'm like, okay, if you want to bake, you know, you have to take it to work or something.
• 11:06
  Daniel Moore: Because if you don't, I'm gonna sit here and eat it all.
• 11:08
  Daniel Moore: Yes.
• 11:09
  Daniel Moore: Yep.
• 11:09
  Daniel Moore: So I I totally get it.
• 11:11
  Cassie Skiles: The older we get, the fewer and farther between it is.
• 11:12
  Cassie Skiles: Yeah, exactly.
• 11:13
  Cassie Skiles: How long did you guys date?
• 11:16
  Jerimiah Skiles: Four months.
• 11:16
  Cassie Skiles: Four months.
• 11:17
  Cassie Skiles: Yes.
• 11:17
  Cassie Skiles: We knew each other for longer, but not like we again we'd see each other and maybe flirt, but never were in a position to, you know, hey, this person is somebody that I could really consider for my life.
• 11:29
  Cassie Skiles: And we both had other relationships even during the time that we knew each other, but you know, when it was to that point of we were both like serious about okay, we're done with flighty relationships and you know, we're serious about just wanting to pursue God in our life.
• 11:44
  Jerimiah Skiles: It's awesome.
• 11:44
  Jerimiah Skiles: And we were engaged for four months, so it was less than a year before we were already married.
• 11:48
  Jerimiah Skiles: Yep.
• 11:48
  Daniel Moore: Yeah.
• 11:49
  Daniel Moore: Well, I mean, Michelle and I, our story's kind of like that, which we knew each other for a long time before, but we got the age gap also.
• 11:55
  Daniel Moore: And you know, that's uh when I first got married to in my first marriage, um, it was kind of a escape for me to get out of my home life.
• 12:05
  Daniel Moore: Yeah.
• 12:05
  Daniel Moore: It was not a good I good reason to be getting married, but that's what I did.
• 12:08
  Daniel Moore: And you know, I even knew her before then and liked her then, but the age gap then she was a very early young teenager.
• 12:15
  Daniel Moore: Um where I was marrying age, you know, and I could have ended up in jail with that.
• 12:19
  Daniel Moore: So I'm like, I I probably better rethink this a little bit.
• 12:22
  Daniel Moore: But God had a plan.
• 12:25
  Daniel Moore: Yeah, because here we are, we're full circle at that point.
• 12:29
  Jerimiah Skiles: He did.
• 12:29
  Daniel Moore: And uh I just should have listened the first time, I guess, is you know what that amounts to, but that's the way that goes sometimes.
• 12:36
  Daniel Moore: But um, Shell, we're gonna tag team here.
• 12:39
  Daniel Moore: Why don't you go ahead and go on to the next question there?
• 12:42
  Michelle Moore: Um, so when you first met, what attracted you to each other?
• 12:47
  Michelle Moore: And was there anything about the other person that made you think I'm not so sure about this?
• 12:54
  Jerimiah Skiles: Well, Cassie had a firebird.
• 12:57
  Jerimiah Skiles: It was a red firebird with T tops.
• 13:01
  Jerimiah Skiles: Classic.
• 13:02
  Daniel Moore: Yeah.
• 13:03
  Jerimiah Skiles: And um she had blonde hair and tan legs and a pie.
• 13:07
  Jerimiah Skiles: And that's why it's like an MTV video or something.
• 13:11
  Jerimiah Skiles: That's so good.
• 13:13
  Jerimiah Skiles: Juxie went to my friend's birthday party and I was like, oh, who's that?
• 13:17
  Jerimiah Skiles: And I had met her before, but not this version.
• 13:19
  Jerimiah Skiles: This version came along a little bit later, and I was like, oh hey.
• 13:22
  Cassie Skiles: My braces were off.
• 13:27
  Jerimiah Skiles: I was like, hey girl.
• 13:28
  Jerimiah Skiles: And so yeah.
• 13:30
  Jerimiah Skiles: I said, I said, Did you make that pie?
• 13:31
  Jerimiah Skiles: She was like, Yep, and I made it myself.
• 13:34
  Jerimiah Skiles: I made the cr I said the crust and everything.
• 13:35
  Jerimiah Skiles: She was like, Yep, and just walked right past me and went into the party.
• 13:39
  Jerimiah Skiles: Like, all right, well, there we go.
• 13:41
  Jerimiah Skiles: What did you think?
• 13:44
  Cassie Skiles: Well, uh I think it was I don't know, more his just he's just so comfortable.
• 13:52
  Cassie Skiles: And, you know, I never felt like I had to put on airs, like I had to I'm very nervous by nature.
• 13:59
  Cassie Skiles: I'm very, you know, type A personality and I have a hard time socializing.
• 14:04
  Cassie Skiles: So he made me feel really comfortable, really, from the start.
• 14:07
  Cassie Skiles: So that was one of the I think the first things that kind of attracted me to him.
• 14:11
  Cassie Skiles: It was like, oh hey, you know, I don't have to pretend to be somebody else while I'm around this guy.
• 14:16
  Cassie Skiles: I can just be who I who I am and he's gonna be okay with it.
• 14:19
  Cassie Skiles: Um so yeah.
• 14:20
  Cassie Skiles: And I would say, you know, was there anything that made me go, oh, I'm not so sure about this?
• 14:25
  Cassie Skiles: I would say there's probably a lot of things.
• 14:29
  Daniel Moore: That's for episode three.
• 14:30
  Daniel Moore: Tell the Doily story.
• 14:33
  Cassie Skiles: Oh, so yeah, I think it was the first time it wasn't the first time I'd met him necessarily, but um I came in.
• 14:41
  Cassie Skiles: It was over at my so my sister.
• 14:44
  Cassie Skiles: We have to I don't I don't know if this will be something everybody can catch on to.
• 14:48
  Cassie Skiles: So my sister and his sister both married brothers.
• 14:54
  Jerimiah Skiles: Yes.
• 14:55
  Cassie Skiles: So we're all kind of interconnected in this family.
• 14:58
  Cassie Skiles: So I would go with my sister and her then fiance to the Ingalls house, which was the two brothers, and um go over there.
• 15:09
  Cassie Skiles: You know, they'd have Sunday afternoon lunches and stuff, and Jerimiah was kind of grafted into their family, just you know, he was had gone through the divorce and had a single kid.
• 15:18
  Cassie Skiles: So he was like, Yeah, I'll come over and eat a free meal on a Sunday.
• 15:21
  Cassie Skiles: So he was over there a lot.
• 15:23
  Cassie Skiles: So I was over there, and that particular day his sister was also there, Shannon, and um who called names too.
• 15:30
  Cassie Skiles: Yeah.
• 15:31
  Cassie Skiles: So my sister and Shannon had had some kind of a di not major, but just a disagreement about something.
• 15:37
  Cassie Skiles: And so I come in the house and I was wearing this shirt, which was in style at the time, but it was like crochet looking.
• 15:43
  Cassie Skiles: And what for whatever reason, I guess Shannon decided that her response or her comeback to my sister saying something to her was, well, at least my sister's not wearing a freaking doily.
• 15:55
  Cassie Skiles: And I'm just like, hi.
• 15:58
  Cassie Skiles: So my name's Cassie.
• 15:59
  Cassie Skiles: It's nice to meet you guys.
• 16:01
  Jerimiah Skiles: At this point, I was like, oh my gosh, she's so embarrassed.
• 16:04
  Jerimiah Skiles: So I had to go and was like, hey, she doesn't really mean things when she says them like that.
• 16:08
  Michelle Moore: They just changed out saying that 100%.
• 16:11
  Michelle Moore: Yeah.
• 16:12
  Jerimiah Skiles: So I had to, I pulled her aside and was like, hey, it's okay.
• 16:15
  Jerimiah Skiles: She doesn't really mean things when she says mean things.
• 16:19
  Cassie Skiles: So I mean, yeah, it wasn't a deal breaker, but yeah.
• 16:23
  Daniel Moore: Things like that would happen sometimes before we got married.
• 16:25
  Daniel Moore: I think you're lucky you latched on and kept a hold of their mile.
• 16:29
  Daniel Moore: It was a little sketchy for a while.
• 16:32
  Michelle Moore: Oh, good.
• 16:33
  Michelle Moore: That's actually a pretty good story.
• 16:34
  Michelle Moore: I like that.
• 16:35
  Daniel Moore: Freaking doily.
• 16:36
  Daniel Moore: Yeah, it definitely gives you a good visual.
• 16:39
  Michelle Moore: Yeah.
• 16:40
  Daniel Moore: That's for sure.
• 16:41
  Jerimiah Skiles: Yeah.
• 16:42
  Daniel Moore: Well, I know, you know, we've known you guys for a while, and and you guys faith is a very foundational thing, I know, between the both of you.
• 16:50
  Daniel Moore: And that's, you know, it sounds like it's been that way even from the beginning from from the stories we've heard you guys tell.
• 16:56
  Daniel Moore: So what did putting Christ at the center of your relationship actually look like while you were dating and how has that changed after all these years of of marriage?
• 17:06
  Jerimiah Skiles: Um well, I I had a I was in a rent house.
• 17:10
  Jerimiah Skiles: I was I was in a rental, my son and I, and um the way it looked when we first started dating is I would have to send Cassie home.
• 17:18
  Jerimiah Skiles: I would say, you have to go home now.
• 17:21
  Jerimiah Skiles: And it's like like n and it's not like I'm not trying to describe something that sounds all weird, but she was just like we talked about, she was naive and so she didn't understand everything that was going on in my head because you know, she would come over to my and we wouldn't be over there alone.
• 17:35
  Jerimiah Skiles: My son would always be there.
• 17:36
  Jerimiah Skiles: And so there was just at times where I would say, uh, I know where things can go, so you have to go home.
• 17:43
  Cassie Skiles: Yeah.
• 17:43
  Cassie Skiles: Yeah, absolutely.
• 17:44
  Cassie Skiles: And it did, it looked like that for both of us.
• 17:46
  Cassie Skiles: And you know, again, I would I appreciated that he took the initiative as being the man in the relationship and wasn't just, you know, letting things get to a certain point of no return.
• 17:57
  Cassie Skiles: And you know, that's that's a small part of what being Christ-centered from the beginning, you know, looked like for us in the dating situation.
• 18:05
  Cassie Skiles: That's what it looked like.
• 18:07
  Jerimiah Skiles: Right.
• 18:07
  Jerimiah Skiles: I had to be very I had to be careful because I was already an established uh an adult man and things, you know, I if if in no matter what happened, it would have been my fault.
• 18:16
  Jerimiah Skiles: So if anything would have happened, it would have been my fault.
• 18:18
  Jerimiah Skiles: So I had to just be very careful.
• 18:19
  Jerimiah Skiles: But I would say we met in church and uh we sang in the choir together.
• 18:24
  Jerimiah Skiles: We did.
• 18:25
  Cassie Skiles: But I think you know, I'd kind of stated earlier we both were from a place of being done with the kind of relationships that don't last.
• 18:33
  Cassie Skiles: And um, you know, I think the relationship that I had had previous to really dating Jerimiah, I had gotten to a place in my life where I was like, there's no Christian guys left.
• 18:43
  Cassie Skiles: They're just they're they don't exist.
• 18:45
  Cassie Skiles: And um I'm just gonna, you know, date the next guy that shows me interest.
• 18:49
  Cassie Skiles: And that's what I did.
• 18:50
  Cassie Skiles: And it was not a good choice for me.
• 18:53
  Cassie Skiles: And, you know, learning from that, you know, kind of put me in a position and him, you know, walking through the things that he did in his um marriage and divorce and the things that, you know, he had to deal with both put us in a place of really being able to focus on we want our next relationship, whether it's somebody that we're marrying or whether it's just somebody that we're, you know, considering, it needs to be with the mind the mindset that we're both pursuing God together.
• 19:19
  Cassie Skiles: And, you know, we're not gonna settle for somebody who isn't on the same page with us.
• 19:24
  Cassie Skiles: And it's just so awesome because neither of us were looking for each other.
• 19:28
  Jerimiah Skiles: Yeah, we weren't.
• 19:29
  Cassie Skiles: You know, and it was just kind of a we we would just be in the same places and there was just just this attraction, but it was more than just you know physical attraction, it was a lot more than that.
• 19:39
  Cassie Skiles: And, you know, I never really considered because I was again young and just knowing he was 10 years older than me, I was interested in him, but I was like, well, he wouldn't be interested in me.
• 19:49
  Cassie Skiles: He thinks he's I see me as he's me as a kid, you know, it probably doesn't even see me that way.
• 19:53
  Cassie Skiles: And I think it was my mom that was like, I've seen the way that he looks at you, and I he's interested in you.
• 20:00
  Cassie Skiles: And so that's really what kind of got what got my mind going with all of that.
• 20:04
  Cassie Skiles: But um, but yeah, I would say we both really started the relationship knowing this is this is what we want, and you know, God fulfilled that and helped us to honor right him in the dating.
• 20:19
  Jerimiah Skiles: Yeah, and I and I was to the place where I was like, I don't want to be married again unless it's different, if that makes sense.
• 20:27
  Jerimiah Skiles: Yeah.
• 20:27
  Jerimiah Skiles: I was like, this is this is not what I thought things were going to look like or be like, and so I was like, unless it's uh what I what I would rather have, then I'm I don't I'm not interested.
• 20:38
  Jerimiah Skiles: I'll just be a bachelor for the rest of my life and have my one son and you know, we'll carry on.
• 20:43
  Jerimiah Skiles: But God had a plan, so yeah, yeah.
• 20:46
  Daniel Moore: And you know, the piece that you're talking about there, you know, knowing where that that line is where you need to separate and go home, all that kind of thing.
• 20:54
  Daniel Moore: Exactly.
• 20:54
  Daniel Moore: You know, you talk about church kids.
• 20:57
  Daniel Moore: I mean it happens there just as much as it does anywhere else.
• 20:59
  Daniel Moore: It does.
• 21:00
  Daniel Moore: And you know, a lot of times you know, people have divided views on on church kids and that kind of thing, and they're they're like, you know, some of them they expect, you know, church kids to be at a higher level and be more controlled of themselves and all this kind of thing, you know, because they grew up in church.
• 21:15
  Daniel Moore: Right.
• 21:15
  Daniel Moore: But they get tempted just like everybody else does.
• 21:18
  Daniel Moore: You know, and you know, it just takes one little slip up and you know, it's at that point you've made a bad choice.
• 21:27
  Daniel Moore: I fell for that myself.
• 21:28
  Daniel Moore: So it's like, you know, I know I've been there and done that, I know how that works out.
• 21:32
  Daniel Moore: Yeah.
• 21:32
  Daniel Moore: And so there's a lot to be said with the purity and you know, being proactive, yeah, thinking about those kinds of things and setting an example.
• 21:41
  Daniel Moore: And I know later on in life that's gotta be even kind of a a feeling of fulfillment within yourselves knowing that you did make those choices and yeah in a positive way.
• 21:50
  Michelle Moore: Yeah.
• 21:51
  Daniel Moore: So yeah, that that's awesome.
• 21:52
  Daniel Moore: Yeah.
• 21:53
  Michelle Moore: So I I was just gonna say, I know what it's like.
• 21:56
  Michelle Moore: I mean, Dan and I will be married twenty five years um next year.
• 21:59
  Michelle Moore: And I often think about where would I be?
• 22:02
  Michelle Moore: I know where I would be, but would I be the same person without his encouragement every day?
• 22:10
  Michelle Moore: Yeah.
• 22:10
  Michelle Moore: And you know, when you guys are talking about how you guys, when you from you dated to where you're married now, I look about that strong foundation and how you guys have put God.
• 22:19
  Michelle Moore: I mean, it's not just talk.
• 22:21
  Michelle Moore: I've watched you guys when you've walked and stuff like that and how God always came first.
• 22:25
  Michelle Moore: And to me, I think it's very important for all couples to know whether you started here, but look how much you've grown.
• 22:33
  Michelle Moore: Yeah.
• 22:33
  Michelle Moore: So you guys have put 20 years behind you.
• 22:37
  Michelle Moore: So where would you say your relationship is now?
• 22:40
  Michelle Moore: Is it grown more toward God with each other?
• 22:45
  Michelle Moore: Is you guys on the individual paths of serving, going out into um, I guess not just serving, but outside in the community.
• 22:56
  Michelle Moore: Do you guys spend more time out in the community?
• 22:59
  Michelle Moore: Do you what do you guys do on a normal basis?
• 23:03
  Cassie Skiles: I would say that definitely we our relationship with each other and with God together has grown, you know, obviously since the time that we uh first got married and to where we're at right now.
• 23:16
  Cassie Skiles: Um we've kind of been in a season of there's been a lot on our plates that, you know, isn't necessarily tied to serving or ministry um that we've been kind of trying to navigate through.
• 23:33
  Cassie Skiles: And um so I wouldn't say that we have necessarily something that we're specifically doing together or separate um in a way of serving or in a commun in the community right now, but there are a lot of things that God is giving us direction about together.
• 23:51
  Cassie Skiles: Right.
• 23:51
  Cassie Skiles: Um you know, one of those things I would say, and I would consider it a form of ministry, um, that we recently moved his mother um here and um it was one of those things that we both felt it in our heart that this was a you know a choice that really would be a a good choice for her.
• 24:10
  Cassie Skiles: Um, but getting that process of, you know, those conversations are not easy to have.
• 24:15
  Cassie Skiles: You know, you have to sit down and ask all the difficult questions and go through, you know, is it gonna be best for for her to try to move in with us and do we move out of our house and find a bigger house?
• 24:25
  Cassie Skiles: Or do we look for another option?
• 24:26
  Cassie Skiles: And so all of those things, it's taken over about a year or or so of just really considering, you know, what that would look like.
• 24:33
  Cassie Skiles: And, you know, God opened up that door for us this year and um provided the right home.
• 24:40
  Cassie Skiles: It was, you know, a home that she's that's that she can call her own, um, you know, that we were involved in getting that, you know, taken care of and help helping her with that.
• 24:48
  Cassie Skiles: And um she's here now and we just absolutely love the fact that she's you know close to us.
• 24:53
  Cassie Skiles: She's still close to all of the family, but we're in a season of our life that we can, you know, pour into her.
• 24:58
  Cassie Skiles: And, you know, we're thankful for family that has done the same over before she moved here.
• 25:04
  Daniel Moore: Yeah.
• 25:04
  Cassie Skiles: Um, but you know, our child is nearly out of the house and you know, we are able to do that.
• 25:09
  Cassie Skiles: But I say all of that to say that's kind of been our focus over the last, I would say, year.
• 25:14
  Jerimiah Skiles: That and other things, but her and we uh my dad was a pastor and we would go um he didn't pastor like one church for he would like go five years and go pastor another church and just kept going.
• 25:26
  Jerimiah Skiles: And then he was a he was a he was a bit of a gypsy, gypsy pastor.
• 25:30
  Jerimiah Skiles: And so, but he would, I mean, his his church people always just absolutely loved him, and so he would he would just keep moving though, and so she feels she feels grounded now.
• 25:42
  Jerimiah Skiles: She's told that her this is her house and she's never had a house just by herself before and she loves it.
• 25:48
  Jerimiah Skiles: And Cassie painted the door pink.
• 25:52
  Cassie Skiles: And for context, she became a widow, was it 23.
• 25:55
  Cassie Skiles: Yeah.
• 25:56
  Jerimiah Skiles: 2023.
• 25:57
  Cassie Skiles: So that process of her, you know, grieving and trying to decide really what do I want to do, where do I want to be, you know, we had to give time for her, you know, for her to to do that and for God to speak to her heart about the right thing to do.
• 26:10
  Cassie Skiles: But yes, I did paint the door pink.
• 26:11
  Cassie Skiles: She's a breast cancer survivor.
• 26:14
  Cassie Skiles: Yep.
• 26:14
  Cassie Skiles: And when we'd even talked about the idea of, you know, having a place for her, and we'd looked at a few other homes that didn't end up working out, but when we were in those homes looking, she said, I I bet I could put a little bit of pink in all of these rooms.
• 26:26
  Cassie Skiles: And I was like, I got you.
• 26:29
  Cassie Skiles: I love that.
• 26:30
  Cassie Skiles: So there was an Amazon deliver delivery driver showing up to our house once a week for about a month or so.
• 26:35
  Cassie Skiles: It's the cutest little house you'll ever see.
• 26:38
  Cassie Skiles: And there's pink in every room.
• 26:39
  Jerimiah Skiles: Yep.
• 26:39
  Jerimiah Skiles: We had Amazon boxes stacked everywhere.
• 26:42
  Jerimiah Skiles: I was like, when's the move happening?
• 26:44
  Jerimiah Skiles: Let's go.
• 26:46
  Cassie Skiles: But she loves it and we're so thankful.
• 26:49
  Cassie Skiles: And you know, again, it's not like a calling, but it's something that we feel like God really, you know, put on our hearts.
• 26:56
  Jerimiah Skiles: And we love doing things like this.
• 26:57
  Jerimiah Skiles: We love helping couples out.
• 26:58
  Jerimiah Skiles: Yeah.
• 26:58
  Jerimiah Skiles: We go to marriage conferences and try to learn as much as we can and um just just holding each other accountable, really, and um just helping other people be have strong marriages.
• 27:09
  Jerimiah Skiles: So yeah.
• 27:10
  Michelle Moore: And I like the fact that like seasons.
• 27:13
  Michelle Moore: You have seasons.
• 27:14
  Michelle Moore: And that's what Dan and I were talking about.
• 27:16
  Michelle Moore: It's funny how seasons come and go.
• 27:18
  Michelle Moore: Yeah.
• 27:19
  Michelle Moore: As things in life come and go.
• 27:21
  Michelle Moore: But as a married couple, I find sometimes I get more burnout than he does.
• 27:26
  Michelle Moore: And so I'm like, okay, I need to take a break, you know, and he's like, why?
• 27:31
  Michelle Moore: And I'm like, I'm not like you.
• 27:33
  Michelle Moore: You can go and go and go and go.
• 27:35
  Michelle Moore: Yeah.
• 27:35
  Michelle Moore: But I can't.
• 27:36
  Michelle Moore: But as a couple, sometimes when we like serve together, we, you know, we've kind of taken a step back just because we've been doing so much more with the marriage ministry, yeah.
• 27:45
  Michelle Moore: That it's like, okay, that's more important.
• 27:48
  Michelle Moore: That's what God has us doing for this season.
• 27:50
  Michelle Moore: Yeah.
• 27:50
  Michelle Moore: Absolutely.
• 27:51
  Michelle Moore: And I love it because we're doing it together.
• 27:54
  Michelle Moore: Yeah.
• 27:54
  Michelle Moore: And we know that's what God's, you know, calling us to do right now.
• 27:58
  Michelle Moore: Yeah.
• 27:58
  Michelle Moore: And He can run circles around me.
• 28:00
  Michelle Moore: We've talked about this before.
• 28:01
  Michelle Moore: I'm like, get up at five.
• 28:03
  Michelle Moore: Okay, I'll get up.
• 28:04
  Michelle Moore: I'll see.
• 28:05
  Michelle Moore: What time do I be at work?
• 28:07
  Michelle Moore: Eight.
• 28:07
  Michelle Moore: Oh, let's go about seven o'clock.
• 28:08
  Michelle Moore: Think he makes me breakfast every morning because I'm I'm rolling out of bed at the last minute.
• 28:14
  Michelle Moore: Yeah.
• 28:15
  Daniel Moore: Sending the kid off to school, they'll be starving if you don't take care of them.
• 28:20
  Michelle Moore: I'm spoiled.
• 28:21
  Daniel Moore: No, but what you guys are saying, I think a lot of people don't think about is, you know, as we uh get into later years in life as a married couple, sometimes those choices come up that we do have to make with parents, with family members, whatever it may be, those things do arise.
• 28:36
  Daniel Moore: And we know that if our marriages aren't in a place where they need to be, that can be a burden that we can take on sometimes that could make or break a marriage.
• 28:44
  Daniel Moore: And so I think it's so important that if we have that foundation where it needs to be and we keep God in the center of our marriage all along and make sure that we stay strong in all of that, then when it comes time to make those decisions, not only can we pray for God's guidance and he'll come in and you know help us navigate through all of that, but he gives us a grace between each other so that we can actually make it work without you know beating each other up, you know, whatever.
• 29:08
  Daniel Moore: And so I think I really like the fact that I could tell just by the way you guys shared that story, that both of you are in are invested into that.
• 29:16
  Daniel Moore: Yeah, yeah.
• 29:17
  Daniel Moore: Absolutely.
• 29:17
  Daniel Moore: Yeah, you know, you do care about her and her well-being.
• 29:20
  Daniel Moore: And I think that's awesome.
• 29:22
  Daniel Moore: That's what God calls us to do as couples.
• 29:24
  Daniel Moore: Yeah.
• 29:24
  Daniel Moore: And we have to pay that forward.
• 29:26
  Daniel Moore: Yeah.
• 29:26
  Daniel Moore: Jerimiah, you came into this marriage.
• 29:41
  Daniel Moore: It's been mentioned a couple of times here that you've been uh previously divorced, married once before already.
• 29:47
  Daniel Moore: So during that time frame when you was in your first marriage, you know, what did that experience teach you uh that you were determined to do so differently now in this marriage with Cassie?
• 29:59
  Jerimiah Skiles: Um, it was it was really interesting because I thought, okay, I know exactly what I need to do this time.
• 30:08
  Jerimiah Skiles: And so, but that didn't that didn't stop me from still making mistakes.
• 30:13
  Jerimiah Skiles: And so I had to take a step back and say, well, maybe I had some fault and what was happening to.
• 30:19
  Jerimiah Skiles: So I what I really had to do is um I had to give myself a break because I I just I just want to I just want everything.
• 30:28
  Jerimiah Skiles: I don't want to I'm a middle child, so I don't want there to be any conflict.
• 30:31
  Jerimiah Skiles: I don't want to have any confrontation, I just want to I just want to come home and just do my thing.
• 30:36
  Jerimiah Skiles: And um so just just being in a relationship again, there was often times where I thought, I I could have not been here, like you were saying, you know, what would I be doing if you know things hadn't gone this way?
• 30:49
  Jerimiah Skiles: But there's there's no way I would be doing as good as what I'm doing now.
• 30:54
  Jerimiah Skiles: So with uh being married to Cassie, it's just been just been a delight.
• 30:59
  Jerimiah Skiles: And she's just been the she's been the best thing that's happened to me, besides, you know, being saved and my children being born and all that stuff.
• 31:06
  Jerimiah Skiles: But she's just been the best at um helping me to be a better person.
• 31:11
  Daniel Moore: Yeah.
• 31:12
  Daniel Moore: And I think, you know, when you've been divorced, yes, uh it is you we should be learning lessons.
• 31:20
  Daniel Moore: Yeah, obviously the first time around, you know, it we didn't have that figured out, obviously.
• 31:24
  Daniel Moore: And so the best case scenario is that we do come out of that situation, if God forbid that it happens, and we don't condone divorce in any way whatsoever, but we know that it does happen.
• 31:34
  Daniel Moore: And, you know, when that happens like that, we do have to take something from that to make it better the next time around.
• 31:41
  Daniel Moore: But how often do we see people go into the second round and they do the same thing again or they make it worse?
• 31:49
  Daniel Moore: And you know, next thing you know, there's another situation coming up where it might happen again.
• 31:54
  Daniel Moore: And, you know, statistics are very high for people that have been divorced once to get divorced a second time, and it gets higher for a third time.
• 32:04
  Daniel Moore: It becomes easier and easier as it as it goes along.
• 32:07
  Daniel Moore: And so I think that it is kind of difficult sometimes to navigate through some of that stuff um to try to determine, you know, what exactly went wrong the first time, how can I avoid this happening the second time, but then you're also with a totally different person.
• 32:21
  Daniel Moore: Yes, total, totally different personality, a total, you know, different scenario all the way around.
• 32:26
  Daniel Moore: So really you're kind of going back to scratch, you know, square one and starting over, and at the same time trying to intertwine the better things of what you can do to change.
• 32:35
  Daniel Moore: And so it I know that's a hard thing to navigate.
• 32:38
  Daniel Moore: So, Cassie, from your side of it, you know, when you married Jerimiah, you stepped into a ready-made family.
• 32:45
  Daniel Moore: Um, you know, you became a wife, you became a stepmom.
• 32:48
  Daniel Moore: During all of that, um, what do you think that that taught you about love and patience, expectations, grace, all that stuff that you now have to bring into this relationship?
• 33:01
  Cassie Skiles: I think coming into it, um, I think being naive actually helped me in that in that sense, um, because I really didn't have an expectation of what this was gonna look like.
• 33:12
  Cassie Skiles: I just knew this is what I'm supposed to do, this is the right thing.
• 33:15
  Cassie Skiles: Like we're supposed to be together.
• 33:17
  Cassie Skiles: And the fact that he did have a child and he'd been through a divorce really God gave me I don't know, it I didn't see it as something that would be a challenge.
• 33:28
  Cassie Skiles: I just saw it as this is what I'm supposed to do.
• 33:30
  Cassie Skiles: And I really from the very beginning, I can't look back at a time and think, man, I didn't know what I was doing.
• 33:36
  Cassie Skiles: I didn't, but I can't look back and think of a time that I felt that I didn't know what I was doing.
• 33:42
  Cassie Skiles: It was like God had a grace on me to be able to, you know, just navigate through that without having it feel like a challenge.
• 33:50
  Cassie Skiles: And it's interesting because I hadn't really ever thought about the way that it the way I feel about it until the Jews asked that question.
• 33:58
  Cassie Skiles: And I don't I I I I really, I really I can't look at it and go, oh man, it was it was really challenging.
• 34:05
  Cassie Skiles: It it was, but it didn't feel challenging at the time.
• 34:07
  Cassie Skiles: It just felt like this is it was uh uh I don't know, just organic.
• 34:12
  Cassie Skiles: Like it this is what this is what it's supposed to be.
• 34:14
  Cassie Skiles: Um so and you know, there were times when I would, you know, deflect to Jerimiah and be like, uh what do I what do I say?
• 34:20
  Cassie Skiles: What do I do?
• 34:21
  Cassie Skiles: Like how do I, you know, how do I approach this when Kaya would ask a a question that was difficult?
• 34:25
  Cassie Skiles: Or, you know, there was there was this I'm gonna insert a little funny story here.
• 34:30
  Cassie Skiles: Um it was actually when we were dating, but we were, I think, engaged at the time.
• 34:34
  Cassie Skiles: And he uh Jerimiah and some guys went to go play basketball and we were hanging out, me and the girls were hanging out at my sister's house.
• 34:42
  Cassie Skiles: And Kaya at the time, who was I think seven, not quite eight, but you know, um he had a bellyache.
• 34:48
  Cassie Skiles: And so I called Jerimiah on his cell phone.
• 34:50
  Cassie Skiles: I was like, what do I need to do?
• 34:51
  Cassie Skiles: Oh, he's got a belly ache.
• 34:52
  Cassie Skiles: He's like, Well, I think I think he might need to go to the bathroom.
• 34:55
  Cassie Skiles: So just go to the store.
• 34:56
  Cassie Skiles: Kai's gonna love this story.
• 34:57
  Cassie Skiles: Just go to the store and get some X Lacs and cut it in half and give it to him.
• 35:02
  Cassie Skiles: I was like, Are you sure?
• 35:04
  Cassie Skiles: He's like, Yeah, he'll be fine.
• 35:06
  Cassie Skiles: So I did exactly what Jerimiah said to do.
• 35:09
  Cassie Skiles: And the poor child had to call in from had to miss school the next day because he was so sick.
• 35:15
  Cassie Skiles: And to this day, he's like, I know that's what's wrong with me to this day that you So, you know, again, I was naive, but we were we were bachelors, we just took care of things.
• 35:27
  Jerimiah Skiles: Yeah.
• 35:28
  Cassie Skiles: So I mean it did take care of the issue, but a little too much.
• 35:31
  Cassie Skiles: Um so but no, there were there were things like that where, you know, maybe it would have been better if I did know a little bit more before coming into it.
• 35:38
  Cassie Skiles: But you know, you learn as you go.
• 35:40
  Cassie Skiles: That's all right.
• 35:41
  Cassie Skiles: Um and but yeah, I would say God had a grace on except for that moment.
• 35:44
  Cassie Skiles: God had a grace on on all of those things that could be a challenge about you know stepping into a ready-made family.
• 35:50
  Cassie Skiles: He's fine.
• 35:51
  Cassie Skiles: He is a he is a tough guy.
• 35:54
  Cassie Skiles: He made it.
• 35:55
  Daniel Moore: He made it.
• 35:56
  Daniel Moore: I just hope it was chocolate.
• 35:58
  Daniel Moore: It was that's the main thing.
• 35:59
  Daniel Moore: I don't even remember the next slide.
• 36:01
  Cassie Skiles: So I don't know.
• 36:03
  Jerimiah Skiles: Oh boy, that's awesome.
• 36:04
  Jerimiah Skiles: Oh my gosh.
• 36:05
  Jerimiah Skiles: I had to get back to basketball.
• 36:07
  Jerimiah Skiles: I didn't have time for these questions.
• 36:09
  Cassie Skiles: Just go to the store and just cut it in half.
• 36:10
  Cassie Skiles: I said, Well, he's a child.
• 36:11
  Cassie Skiles: You think it's yeah, it'll be fine.
• 36:13
  Cassie Skiles: Just cut the pill in half.
• 36:14
  Cassie Skiles: It'll be fine.
• 36:15
  Daniel Moore: Uh yeah, I think it's awesome when you can look back and you know, think of all those times when stuff like that happened, you know.
• 36:22
  Daniel Moore: And you're just like, in the moment it was such a serious thing, but now you look back and it just gives you a good laugh.
• 36:28
  Daniel Moore: And um, but yeah, I I think that listening to you two, you know, with the relationship that you've had from the very beginning, I mean, God's really just had his hand on your marriage.
• 36:38
  Daniel Moore: Yes, you know, because you know, Michelle and I came into this both being divorced.
• 36:44
  Daniel Moore: There's a lot of dynamics that uh went into that, and we for sure didn't do it right for the first six, seven years of our marriage.
• 36:51
  Daniel Moore: Yeah.
• 36:52
  Daniel Moore: And uh it was rough.
• 36:54
  Daniel Moore: And so, you know, it's it's just one of those things where I think again, it just proves the fact that if you keep Christ in that and you keep your focus where it needs to be and you work together, yeah, which kind of we're gonna get into our next question here.
• 37:07
  Daniel Moore: Um, I think that you know, you if you got God on your side, then you're gonna have some good things happen.
• 37:13
  Daniel Moore: Right.
• 37:13
  Daniel Moore: And you're gonna make some good choices, some some good decisions and everything.
• 37:17
  Daniel Moore: So, Michelle, go ahead and Yeah.
• 37:20
  Michelle Moore: And so the strongest theme of your story is communication.
• 37:23
  Michelle Moore: So, what does healthy communication look like when you really don't want to talk or when you're both convinced you're right?
• 37:31
  Michelle Moore: Oh wow.
• 37:33
  Jerimiah Skiles: Good one.
• 37:35
  Cassie Skiles: Um I would say that, you know, for us, healthy and I think I think it's gonna be different for every couple because not every human being is the same, not every personality is the same, not every um birth order is the same.
• 37:48
  Jerimiah Skiles: Yeah.
• 37:48
  Jerimiah Skiles: We're both middle kids.
• 37:49
  Cassie Skiles: We're both middle kids.
• 37:50
  Cassie Skiles: So we have to realize we both have a tendency to go to our corners and not want to talk and just be, you know, we don't want confrontation.
• 37:56
  Cassie Skiles: We just we're just gonna be mad at the other person and we may say cuss words while we're back there.
• 38:01
  Cassie Skiles: You know.
• 38:02
  Cassie Skiles: But we're not gonna say it to our face.
• 38:04
  Cassie Skiles: We'll just say it wh while we're in the other room.
• 38:06
  Cassie Skiles: Maybe that's just me.
• 38:07
  Cassie Skiles: I don't know.
• 38:08
  Cassie Skiles: Sorry, I'm going off on a rabbit show.
• 38:12
  Cassie Skiles: No.
• 38:14
  Cassie Skiles: I I really do think though for us, help.
• 38:17
  Jerimiah Skiles: Never said a cuss word at Cassie.
• 38:20
  Cassie Skiles: I didn't say I said it to your face.
• 38:21
  Cassie Skiles: I said it in the other room.
• 38:22
  Cassie Skiles: Or you couldn't hear me.
• 38:24
  Cassie Skiles: No.
• 38:24
  Cassie Skiles: No, I would say for us, healthy communication has, you know, looked like maybe recognizing if I say what's on my mind right now, it's not gonna be good.
• 38:34
  Cassie Skiles: Right.
• 38:34
  Cassie Skiles: So I need to take a step.
• 38:35
  Cassie Skiles: I need to take a moment.
• 38:36
  Cassie Skiles: And, you know, that's happened, I think, for both of us.
• 38:40
  Cassie Skiles: Um and and it's hard to pray in those moments.
• 38:43
  Cassie Skiles: It is, but I've had to, you know, had a had a moment where I'm like, okay, Lord forgive me.
• 38:48
  Cassie Skiles: That was not a right attitude.
• 38:49
  Cassie Skiles: The words that I spoke were not good and they're negative, so I take those words back and help me, help me to have the right words, help me to have the right thing to say right now to approach this situation, because this isn't a situation that, you know, should break us.
• 39:02
  Cassie Skiles: This is, you know, it's uh it's something and most of the time it's something stupid, but it comes from something that's it, you know, we've had stress in our lives and we aren't really dealing with the stress.
• 39:11
  Cassie Skiles: And now this one little thing that's, you know, no, I made this little decision about, you know, the color of the paint on your mom's door and it sets you off, you know.
• 39:20
  Cassie Skiles: So those are little things that can happen.
• 39:22
  Cassie Skiles: Um, but you know, it's taking care of the just, you know, let's let's deal with it, but let's deal with it in the right way.
• 39:29
  Cassie Skiles: Right.
• 39:30
  Jerimiah Skiles: And taking taking a moment not to say the things that are in your head, that's that's something that I've had to work on and not because I grew up with a lot of boy cousins.
• 39:39
  Jerimiah Skiles: And so it was killer be killed.
• 39:42
  Jerimiah Skiles: And you you did not want to be the weaker one, and you had to, I mean, talk about somebody's head or their hair or whatever, their shape of their eyes, or I'm you just just rip on them until they back down.
• 39:54
  Jerimiah Skiles: And that's the way that's the way I grew up.
• 39:56
  Jerimiah Skiles: And I in those moments of of a a confrontation when we do have them, I just have to be like, okay, you won't we don't want to hear the things that are going on in my head right now, so I'm gonna take five.
• 40:08
  Jerimiah Skiles: I'm gonna walk around the block and I'm just gonna pray the whole time and say, Holy Spirit, go before me.
• 40:13
  Jerimiah Skiles: I need I need your help here.
• 40:14
  Jerimiah Skiles: So yeah.
• 40:16
  Daniel Moore: And you guys are setting a good marriage model there because you know, that is one of the first things that people don't do whenever they start fighting or arguing between each other is take that break.
• 40:26
  Daniel Moore: Yeah.
• 40:27
  Daniel Moore: And then that starts that cycle.
• 40:29
  Daniel Moore: And that cycle will continue and continue and continue until somebody either beats each other up or you know, it's or somebody stops it.
• 40:37
  Daniel Moore: I mean, that's you just gotta stop that cycle.
• 40:40
  Michelle Moore: Well, I like the fact that when you guys are having a disagreement or something, that both of you guys have commented about taking that break, but praying.
• 40:48
  Daniel Moore: Yes, bringing God into it.
• 40:52
  Michelle Moore: And I like that because again, like Dan just said, that's not usually what happens.
• 40:56
  Michelle Moore: It's I'm gonna be right at no matter what costs.
• 40:58
  Michelle Moore: And then it's like your words are shared, and then you go back later and it's like, why did I say that?
• 41:04
  Cassie Skiles: Yeah, you know?
• 41:04
  Cassie Skiles: Yeah.
• 41:05
  Cassie Skiles: And it's humbling to have to do that.
• 41:06
  Cassie Skiles: Yeah.
• 41:07
  Cassie Skiles: You know, I don't know how many times I've been in the other room after, you know, just saying in my head or out loud what I really thought, and then having to have a moment and say, that's not really what I think, Lord.
• 41:18
  Cassie Skiles: This is uh I I know that was a moment and I need you to be my guide.
• 41:22
  Cassie Skiles: And it's humbling.
• 41:23
  Cassie Skiles: It's humbling to have to ask, you know, the Lord to do that, but he will every time.
• 41:26
  Cassie Skiles: And he has every time.
• 41:28
  Cassie Skiles: I love that.
• 41:29
  Daniel Moore: And along this line here, when you guys have had arguments and these conflicts have come up, what is the value with fighting these things together instead of being divided and fighting against each other?
• 41:42
  Daniel Moore: What's the value you guys have seen in and trying to keep, you know, the peace between each other?
• 41:47
  Jerimiah Skiles: Well, and that's something that the Holy Spirit told me early on, because like I said, I was like going into the marriage thinking I'm gonna do things perfect.
• 41:55
  Jerimiah Skiles: Everything's gonna be great this time.
• 41:57
  Jerimiah Skiles: And so we would we were in an argument in our first little house over there, and um I was in one corner of the house and she was in the other corner, and we were just like and the Holy Spirit said, Jerimiah, your wife is not the enemy.
• 42:11
  Jerimiah Skiles: Your enemy is the is Satan, the devil, and he wants you to have a second bad marriage, and he wants this and he wants that.
• 42:18
  Jerimiah Skiles: But go and fight back to back with your spouse and protect her because you know she's she's thinking something totally different than what you're thinking, and you guys are just at odds.
• 42:28
  Jerimiah Skiles: And so if you will fight with her, even though you're mad at her, fight with her, and it it will work out a lot better, right?
• 42:37
  Cassie Skiles: Yeah.
• 42:37
  Cassie Skiles: And a lot of times we discover that our arguments are we each have a misconception about what the other one meant when they said what they said.
• 42:46
  Jerimiah Skiles: That's humbling too, to say, ah, well, I thought you meant this.
• 42:49
  Cassie Skiles: Yeah.
• 42:50
  Cassie Skiles: And it a lot of times it comes from, you know, where we've been in our life.
• 42:54
  Cassie Skiles: You know, if one of us is has had a moment of feeling, you know, a little bit um weak in an area, or, you know, some self self-conscious things that we aren't maybe dealing with or that we're just kind of going through, that can reflect how a comment that wouldn't be any different than what the comment would normally be, you can perceive it differently.
• 43:16
  Cassie Skiles: And so a lot of times we when we do come together about these arguments, we're realizing it's not really that we said something that was off or that was wrong.
• 43:23
  Cassie Skiles: It's just that the perception that we had at that moment caused us to be offended.
• 43:27
  Cassie Skiles: And that's it wouldn't that be like the enemy to do that?
• 43:30
  Cassie Skiles: He's the deceiver.
• 43:31
  Cassie Skiles: Yeah.
• 43:31
  Cassie Skiles: And so, you know, he'll take something where, you know, neither of the where one of us didn't mean anything by it.
• 43:36
  Cassie Skiles: Yep.
• 43:36
  Cassie Skiles: It's just that the other has a perception of, well, that was offensive, you know.
• 43:40
  Cassie Skiles: And yeah, there's been more times that actually talking about it, yeah, you know, we can come up with that.
• 43:46
  Jerimiah Skiles: Aaron Ross Powell We say, okay, this is what I heard.
• 43:48
  Jerimiah Skiles: What did you mean by that?
• 43:49
  Jerimiah Skiles: Exactly.
• 43:50
  Jerimiah Skiles: And that's just what we were talking about.
• 43:52
  Jerimiah Skiles: You know, that's not something that comes easily.
• 43:54
  Jerimiah Skiles: We were going to be like on defense and say, I know what I heard.
• 43:57
  Jerimiah Skiles: Yeah.
• 43:58
  Michelle Moore: I love that how they're talking about.
• 43:59
  Michelle Moore: Talking about that.
• 44:00
  Michelle Moore: That is that's a model, like in our marriage 911.
• 44:03
  Michelle Moore: And your guys' communication, whether you had that from the beginning to whether you have I'm like now, that you're setting a great example for anybody out there that's listening.
• 44:13
  Michelle Moore: This is a great way to learn how to be communicative in disagreements, or you know, when you're saying something, hey, is this what you meant?
• 44:22
  Michelle Moore: I feel like this is what you said, but is this really what you meant?
• 44:25
  Michelle Moore: You know?
• 44:26
  Michelle Moore: Right.
• 44:26
  Michelle Moore: And I think that is great.
• 44:28
  Jerimiah Skiles: Yeah, that's a huge step that you take.
• 44:30
  Jerimiah Skiles: I was kind of there, but I was still a little off on my thinking.
• 44:35
  Jerimiah Skiles: But I was I was there when when we got married.
• 44:37
  Jerimiah Skiles: I was like, we're gonna communicate, you know, bar none, we're gonna communicate.
• 44:40
  Jerimiah Skiles: Get ready.
• 44:42
  Cassie Skiles: Well, and it's always been a prayer that we asked the Lord to help us with that.
• 44:45
  Cassie Skiles: And, you know, He has.
• 44:47
  Cassie Skiles: And you know, we haven't like gone through a lot a lot of classes or, you know, we've just learned together and the Holy Spirit's been our our teacher, you know.
• 44:56
  Cassie Skiles: And you know, uh a lot of we've you know had a few things that um like where you learn about your personality types and how that plays a role.
• 45:05
  Cassie Skiles: And so some of that has guided us.
• 45:07
  Cassie Skiles: Um, but it's been a combination of, you know, some of that and you know, just learning our each of our personalities and you know knowing, okay, just because I saw it this way doesn't mean that that's what was meant.
• 45:21
  Daniel Moore: Yeah.
• 45:21
  Jerimiah Skiles: Basically, Cassie doesn't want to have fun and I want to have all the fun.
• 45:26
  Cassie Skiles: It's kind of true, actually.
• 45:28
  Cassie Skiles: He's the otter, and I'm the I think lion is one of the yeah, golden retriever.
• 45:32
  Cassie Skiles: I can't remember.
• 45:33
  Cassie Skiles: I'm right there with you.
• 45:34
  Cassie Skiles: Yeah, yeah.
• 45:35
  Cassie Skiles: He just wants to slide down the hill all day long and you know.
• 45:38
  Cassie Skiles: He'll get the job done that he needs to get done, but he wants to just play all day.
• 45:43
  Daniel Moore: I could see that were you?
• 45:44
  Michelle Moore: I forgot what you were.
• 45:45
  Daniel Moore: My goodness.
• 45:46
  Daniel Moore: I don't remember.
• 45:46
  Daniel Moore: We just went over this.
• 45:47
  Daniel Moore: Yeah, I had it written down.
• 45:48
  Jerimiah Skiles: The two sides of love.
• 45:49
  Jerimiah Skiles: Yeah, I can't remember.
• 45:51
  Michelle Moore: The what?
• 45:51
  Jerimiah Skiles: The two sides of love.
• 45:52
  Jerimiah Skiles: Is that what you're talking about?
• 45:53
  Jerimiah Skiles: That's the otter and the lion and the golden girl.
• 45:55
  Jerimiah Skiles: The beaver.
• 45:57
  Jerimiah Skiles: I think the beaver is what I was.
• 45:59
  Jerimiah Skiles: I was trying to think what the other one was.
• 46:01
  Jerimiah Skiles: Yeah.
• 46:01
  Daniel Moore: Yeah.
• 46:01
  Daniel Moore: Yeah.
• 46:02
  Daniel Moore: I was busy beaver.
• 46:04
  Michelle Moore: Yeah.
• 46:05
  Jerimiah Skiles: That's a great study.
• 46:06
  Jerimiah Skiles: I love that book.
• 46:07
  Daniel Moore: Yeah.
• 46:08
  Daniel Moore: Uh so yeah, that those unspoken expectations, they're a killer.
• 46:14
  Daniel Moore: I mean, we we come across so many couples that fight that.
• 46:17
  Daniel Moore: Michelle and I have fought that in the past.
• 46:19
  Daniel Moore: I mean, it's just one of those things that communication is so important to un unwind all of that stuff and undo all those knots.
• 46:27
  Daniel Moore: I have a we call them pop quizzes.
• 46:29
  Daniel Moore: You know, we just give each other a pop quizzes all the time and hope that the everybody passes the test, you know.
• 46:33
  Daniel Moore: It's like, right.
• 46:34
  Daniel Moore: How are you gonna pass a test if you don't know the answer?
• 46:36
  Daniel Moore: So it's just one of those things that you always have to communicate through and make sure that you stay ahead of all that stuff.
• 46:41
  Daniel Moore: And it makes living together at home so much easier.
• 46:44
  Daniel Moore: That's for sure.
• 46:45
  Daniel Moore: Yeah.
• 46:46
  Michelle Moore: So Michelle, go ahead and what has been one of the hardest seasons of your marriage?
• 46:50
  Michelle Moore: Not necessarily one dramatic event, but a season where you really had to choose each other and trust God.
• 46:59
  Cassie Skiles: I would say we're kind of in one of those seasons.
• 47:02
  Cassie Skiles: I this has probably been one of the hardest seasons um over the last couple of years, and it's been a combination of different things.
• 47:09
  Cassie Skiles: Um earlier you'd asked, you know, what are you guys doing for, you know, serving?
• 47:14
  Cassie Skiles: And that's this is the first really the first time in our marriage that we aren't serving at a church together and we're not, you know, doing something outside of our home that would involve quote unquote ministry.
• 47:25
  Cassie Skiles: Um, and it's been, you know, difficult for us in this season.
• 47:31
  Cassie Skiles: Um at the same time navigating through, you know, the prayer prayer that's been answered to, you know, bring his mother here.
• 47:38
  Cassie Skiles: And um I've had some health challenges that I'm I f feel like I'm on on the edge of, you know, figuring out some either final answers or, you know, getting to a certain uh a certain place.
• 47:50
  Cassie Skiles: But it's, you know, uh a pattern in my in my body that keeps repeating itself that stops me and keeps me from being able to function.
• 47:58
  Cassie Skiles: Um so, you know, navigating through that and communicating, and honestly, it's my health challenges have really brought us closer together.
• 48:07
  Cassie Skiles: And, you know, he has learned to listen to me a little more intently.
• 48:13
  Cassie Skiles: Um, you know, he grew up in a he grew up in a family I just learned recently, um, he grew up in a family where like, you know, his dad threw him, threw him off a or made him jump off a bluff that was like a 25-foot bluff when he was like four years old and you know, they didn't go to the the doctor all the time and you know, but and he was, you know, he was a healthy child and he never complains about his child.
• 48:32
  Cassie Skiles: He had a great childhood, but I didn't grow up that way.
• 48:34
  Cassie Skiles: You know, I grew up very, you know, we're gonna go to the doctor for everything and we're gonna figure things out.
• 48:39
  Cassie Skiles: So our approach to things that have to do with health and body is completely different.
• 48:45
  Cassie Skiles: And I think prior to this season of, you know, the challenges that I've had to deal with and literally having to start like we had to cancel at our 20th anniversary trip.
• 48:53
  Daniel Moore: Yeah.
• 48:53
  Cassie Skiles: And I went to the ER thinking I had something majorly wrong with me.
• 48:56
  Cassie Skiles: And, you know, I do still feel like there's something going on that hasn't been discovered yet.
• 49:00
  Cassie Skiles: But it didn't it didn't get discovered at the ER.
• 49:03
  Cassie Skiles: Um, so it just things like that.
• 49:05
  Cassie Skiles: That when when the m when when that happens and there's not a clear explanation, his natural tendency from his upbringing was to just be like, well, you're fine.
• 49:14
  Cassie Skiles: Your doctor said you're fine, so you're fine.
• 49:15
  Cassie Skiles: And I'm like, No, I'm not fine.
• 49:17
  Cassie Skiles: Like you're not in my body, you don't understand.
• 49:18
  Cassie Skiles: I'm not okay.
• 49:19
  Jerimiah Skiles: Yeah.
• 49:19
  Jerimiah Skiles: And I've had to learn how to deal with that without without without being insensitive, but not being, you know, oh my gosh, and freaking out as well.
• 49:31
  Jerimiah Skiles: Yeah.
• 49:31
  Jerimiah Skiles: And I've I've had to navigate through that to say, okay, well, let's talk about it.
• 49:35
  Jerimiah Skiles: Yeah.
• 49:36
  Jerimiah Skiles: And um, because yeah, when I grew up, I was I would say, Dad, I'm sick.
• 49:40
  Jerimiah Skiles: I want to stay home from school, and he would say, every time, if I was sick or if I wasn't sick, he would say, You're not sick, get up.
• 49:46
  Jerimiah Skiles: And so that's just my mentality with you know, with things that happen.
• 49:50
  Jerimiah Skiles: I'm like, it can't be that bad.
• 49:51
  Jerimiah Skiles: But I've always been, I've never had anything wrong with me.
• 49:54
  Jerimiah Skiles: So thank you, Lord.
• 49:56
  Jerimiah Skiles: But um, I have to be really sensitive when it comes to Cassie when not be that person that says, There's nothing wrong with you, and really listen to what she's saying and pray for her.
• 50:06
  Jerimiah Skiles: So yeah, it's it's hard to do sometimes, but we work through that, and that's something that we've really been working on for the last two years, really.
• 50:14
  Cassie Skiles: Yeah.
• 50:14
  Cassie Skiles: So yeah, I would say this season so far has been the most challenging.
• 50:19
  Cassie Skiles: In the name of the Lord.
• 50:21
  Cassie Skiles: Yes, we are.
• 50:21
  Cassie Skiles: Yes, yeah.
• 50:23
  Daniel Moore: Well, we can identify with that because you know, I've always been, you know, pretty healthy for the most part my whole life.
• 50:28
  Daniel Moore: I've very rarely had anything major go on with me that was like a repetitive type thing where she's fought stuff, you know, for a long time, even from her teenage years.
• 50:37
  Daniel Moore: She's fought a lot of things physically.
• 50:40
  Daniel Moore: And there for a while, it just kept gradually getting worse and worse and worse.
• 50:44
  Michelle Moore: I didn't like going to the doctors because every time I go, something would happen.
• 50:48
  Michelle Moore: And I was like, I started getting anxiety so much.
• 50:50
  Michelle Moore: And I was just like, I don't want to go.
• 50:52
  Michelle Moore: Yep.
• 50:53
  Michelle Moore: And he was always like, if I could take it for you, I was like, you can take it, and I don't want it.
• 50:57
  Michelle Moore: Yeah.
• 50:58
  Daniel Moore: So yeah, there is a sense of helplessness really from the other side that you're like, you want to fix it all.
• 51:04
  Daniel Moore: This is the special person in your life, and you get to see him go through any of this.
• 51:07
  Daniel Moore: I feel fine.
• 51:08
  Daniel Moore: You know, I feel great.
• 51:10
  Daniel Moore: You know, it's like, why can't you feel that way?
• 51:12
  Daniel Moore: You know, it's like all these questions and all this stuff that goes on, and you know, it is it's one of those times when you have to come close to each other and fill each other out what's going on and listen and try to, you know, be the best spouse that you can be during that moment to support and you know, whatever it may take to try to correct the problem.
• 51:29
  Daniel Moore: You know, you've got to do this together.
• 51:30
  Daniel Moore: Yep.
• 51:31
  Daniel Moore: You know, and so it's it's awesome to hear somebody else that has a store similar story, you know, to even what we've been through.
• 51:38
  Daniel Moore: Right.
• 51:38
  Daniel Moore: And so so after 20 years, what have you guys learned about your spouse that you wish you had understood during year one?
• 51:45
  Daniel Moore: Huh.
• 51:46
  Daniel Moore: Year one.
• 51:48
  Cassie Skiles: Hmm.
• 51:48
  Cassie Skiles: That's a difficult question.
• 51:50
  Jerimiah Skiles: That is a tough one.
• 51:51
  Jerimiah Skiles: We uh I think we've learned to um I've learned to take a step back and say, okay, because I've really gotten to know her parents over the last 22 years, and I'm like, okay, this is this is how she was raised, so now we're going to have to navigate from here.
• 52:08
  Jerimiah Skiles: And you know, and I was, you know, raised by gypsies, I guess is what I said.
• 52:13
  Jerimiah Skiles: But the two the two family dynamics, you come together and you're building your own.
• 52:20
  Jerimiah Skiles: And so that's something that you have to build with, like you talked about, with the foundation.
• 52:24
  Jerimiah Skiles: You have to start here, but you have all these different things pulling at you.
• 52:28
  Jerimiah Skiles: And I would say I've learned more about her family that way.
• 52:32
  Jerimiah Skiles: We our our marriage is better because of it.
• 52:34
  Jerimiah Skiles: Because of both sides of that, because she knows my family and I know her family.
• 52:39
  Jerimiah Skiles: And you don't get that in the first, you know, if you're only engaged for four months, you don't get that.
• 52:43
  Jerimiah Skiles: So once you get in the family a little bit and you're like, Oh, I understand now.
• 52:49
  Jerimiah Skiles: Yeah.
• 52:50
  Jerimiah Skiles: And so just just building on that is is what I've learned and what I've what I've what I've tried to do.
• 52:56
  Cassie Skiles: So yeah.
• 52:57
  Cassie Skiles: And I don't know, I feel like there's some things that if God were to have revealed to us on day one everything that we know about each other now, I don't know if we would have stuck with it.
• 53:12
  Cassie Skiles: Yeah.
• 53:12
  Cassie Skiles: You know, so there's some things that I think God just knows we don't need to know everything about each other from day one.
• 53:18
  Jerimiah Skiles: Right.
• 53:19
  Cassie Skiles: We're gonna learn things about each other, and that's part of what it means to really grow in your marriage.
• 53:24
  Cassie Skiles: Right.
• 53:24
  Cassie Skiles: Um and yeah, I don't I really can't think of anything that it comes, you know, out that I'd be like, oh man, I really wish I knew this before we got into this 20 years into it, or you know.
• 53:36
  Cassie Skiles: Right.
• 53:37
  Cassie Skiles: Um we we've learned to understand each other together.
• 53:41
  Cassie Skiles: And that's that's really a part of it.
• 53:43
  Michelle Moore: Right.
• 53:44
  Cassie Skiles: And you know, it's okay from day one to not know everything about each other yet.
• 53:47
  Cassie Skiles: That's good.
• 53:48
  Jerimiah Skiles: That's yeah, that's really good.
• 53:50
  Daniel Moore: I think that's the joy of rediscovering each other every day.
• 53:54
  Jerimiah Skiles: Yep.
• 53:55
  Daniel Moore: And that's something that Michelle and I, we you know, there's a lot of things from the very beginning that we truly thought we knew about each other.
• 54:02
  Daniel Moore: But as time came time went along, we're like, I don't know as much as I thought I did, you know, and the same way with her.
• 54:08
  Daniel Moore: And but you know, the the fun part of just navigating through all of that, you know, it it keeps things new and fresh all the time.
• 54:16
  Daniel Moore: And couples can take this two different ways.
• 54:19
  Daniel Moore: They can take some of these growing pains in a bad way and get irritated with it and get frustrated, especially if it's not certain things in their own wheelhouse, you know.
• 54:27
  Daniel Moore: Um, or we can gracefully take those things and take them as learning moments to understand that we are learning who our spouse is from the inside out, right?
• 54:36
  Daniel Moore: And we can take all of that stuff and make something positive, you know, come out of our relationships.
• 54:41
  Daniel Moore: And I think that once a couple can navigate and learn how to navigate through that in a good way, it can be a lot of fun.
• 54:48
  Daniel Moore: Right, exactly.
• 54:49
  Daniel Moore: And I I get what you guys are saying because we're at that same place, you know, we've been married just uh slightly longer than you guys have, and we've gone through this whole cycle also.
• 54:57
  Daniel Moore: Uh-huh.
• 54:58
  Daniel Moore: And I think that, you know, I feel sorry for people that are married that long and they're still frustrated and irritated.
• 55:04
  Daniel Moore: And you know, I just I'm like, man, what kind of a life is that?
• 55:08
  Daniel Moore: You know, that just doesn't seem like a very healthy situation to me at all.
• 55:11
  Daniel Moore: Yeah.
• 55:11
  Daniel Moore: And I'm so thankful that I'm not in that spot at this point.
• 55:15
  Daniel Moore: Yeah, Cassie's my ride or die.
• 55:17
  Daniel Moore: Yeah.
• 55:17
  Daniel Moore: I'm like, you're stuck by the P Sari.
• 55:21
  Daniel Moore: Too bad.
• 55:23
  Daniel Moore: Yeah.
• 55:23
  Daniel Moore: Yeah, if I get it.
• 55:25
  Daniel Moore: Um well, you guys had done a another interview year or so ago on a different podcast.
• 55:31
  Daniel Moore: And on that one, uh, you guys were talking a little bit about looking honestly at yourself and recognizing patterns from previous relationships that can follow you into the current marriage that you're in.
• 55:44
  Daniel Moore: Uh, with that being said, what are some things you think that couples often blame on their spouse that they really need to stop and examine in themselves?
• 55:55
  Jerimiah Skiles: Hmm.
• 55:55
  Jerimiah Skiles: Um we talked about personalities earlier.
• 55:59
  Jerimiah Skiles: I would I would say that whenever we first got together, that I was two weeks behind and Cassie was two weeks ahead.
• 56:06
  Jerimiah Skiles: And so the the the two things, the things that drive me the most crazy about her are the things that actually are good for me.
• 56:13
  Jerimiah Skiles: So so that's what I always think about whenever whenever she's really bugging me about something with her list or something like that.
• 56:20
  Jerimiah Skiles: I'm like, okay, the lists are sometimes what save us.
• 56:24
  Jerimiah Skiles: And so I I have to really back myself up, and it can't be a party all the time.
• 56:28
  Jerimiah Skiles: I just have to rely on her to make sure that we're we're communicating and we're doing, we're making sure that it's going right.
• 56:35
  Cassie Skiles: Yeah.
• 56:35
  Cassie Skiles: And I mean, a lot of that is personality differences and understanding that about each other.
• 56:40
  Cassie Skiles: Right.
• 56:40
  Cassie Skiles: And, you know, previous relationship mistakes can come into the play and when you recognize those things, if there's a pattern that keeps repeating.
• 56:49
  Daniel Moore: Right.
• 56:50
  Cassie Skiles: You know, you have to recognize that and be like, is that me or is that, you know, an actual problem that we have in this relationship that we need to work out?
• 56:56
  Cassie Skiles: And so yeah.
• 56:57
  Cassie Skiles: Baggage.
• 56:58
  Jerimiah Skiles: Did I bring that baggage from the other marriage or from the other relationship and now I'm projecting it on.
• 57:03
  Jerimiah Skiles: Yeah.
• 57:04
  Cassie Skiles: Yeah.
• 57:04
  Cassie Skiles: So that in addition to, you know, what Jerimiah's talking about with, you know, that recognizing personality differences isn't in each other.
• 57:12
  Cassie Skiles: Um, you know, and because there'll be times that, you know, there were things in his previous relationship that he talks about with um there was problems with communication about different things, but one of the problems was communication about intimacy.
• 57:25
  Cassie Skiles: And so there'll be times that we'll be having conflicts about intimacy.
• 57:30
  Cassie Skiles: And we've learned over the years to communicate about that.
• 57:34
  Cassie Skiles: And it I have to be careful about not approaching that in a way to blame it on the previous relationship, but to recognize, you know, and bring to his attention, is this a pattern, you know?
• 57:45
  Cassie Skiles: And to remind him I am not gonna be that person and I never, you know, that's I'm never gonna treat you that way.
• 57:52
  Cassie Skiles: That's never gonna be you can, you know, rest assured that I'm never gonna not talk to you about these things and um you know, not communicate to you about it.
• 58:02
  Cassie Skiles: And um yeah, just I don't know, just I would say that those personality differences are uh the uh one of the biggest factors, but you know, recognizing as well the the patterns that might repeat themselves from previous relationships that you know.
• 58:19
  Daniel Moore: Yeah, that's really good.
• 58:20
  Daniel Moore: I like the fact too that you brought up the the intimacy thing because a lot of couples never navigate that conversation and they don't want to talk about it.
• 58:30
  Daniel Moore: And it's a huge source of pride for the individual person in the relationship because you know, all of us come into um dating, our dating life, and then go into our marriage thinking that we're awesome at intimacy.
• 58:44
  Daniel Moore: And so it's like the moment that we find out that we're not all that awesome in intimacy, you know, it can be a really bad thing and really degrade a person, and that could really start a big fight, you know, if if we do not approach that conversation the correct way.
• 58:58
  Daniel Moore: So more often than not, that conversation never happens.
• 59:00
  Daniel Moore: Right.
• 59:01
  Daniel Moore: Because there's it's just uh it's like a bomb in the room, you know.
• 59:04
  Daniel Moore: It's like you're afraid to bring it up.
• 59:06
  Daniel Moore: Uh-huh.
• 59:06
  Daniel Moore: And so I think that that's something that I think couples, we have to remember there's nothing off limits.
• 59:13
  Jerimiah Skiles: That's right.
• 59:14
  Daniel Moore: When it comes to our relationship, when it comes to the things that we have to navigate to make us, you know, help us have the best marriage we could possibly ever have.
• 59:21
  Daniel Moore: Yeah.
• 59:22
  Daniel Moore: You know, marriage is a a grouping of a lot of different things.
• 59:26
  Daniel Moore: Yeah.
• 59:26
  Daniel Moore: Exactly.
• 59:26
  Daniel Moore: It's not like one little idea that's just thrown into the middle of something and then it just blossoms.
• 59:31
  Daniel Moore: There's a lot of different aspects coming from all over the place that's clashing right in the middle.
• 59:36
  Daniel Moore: Yeah.
• 59:36
  Daniel Moore: And we have to make sure that no matter what that clash creates, you know, conflict-wise, that we are in this position where we can both come to each other and have the trust in each other that we can actually bring these conversations up and talk them through.
• 59:50
  Daniel Moore: Yeah.
• 59:50
  Daniel Moore: Right.
• 59:50
  Daniel Moore: And make things better.
• 59:52
  Daniel Moore: And so I'm so glad, honestly, I'm glad you guys brought that up because that's a very, very good point when it comes to trying to have a good marriage.
• 1:00:00
  Daniel Moore: Yeah.
• 1:00:00
  Daniel Moore: It's on a good solid foundation.
• 1:00:02
  Jerimiah Skiles: Intimacy, in intimacy is so much better when you communicate.
• 1:00:06
  Jerimiah Skiles: Yeah.
• 1:00:06
  Cassie Skiles: Yeah, absolutely.
• 1:00:08
  Jerimiah Skiles: I mean, there's some things, you know, when you first get married, you're embarrassed or you don't know what's you don't know exactly what's gonna happen or who's gonna be where, you know, all of the things.
• 1:00:17
  Jerimiah Skiles: But when you just let your guard down a little and you communicate, okay, I liked that.
• 1:00:23
  Jerimiah Skiles: I didn't like that too much.
• 1:00:25
  Jerimiah Skiles: You know.
• 1:00:25
  Jerimiah Skiles: Yeah.
• 1:00:25
  Jerimiah Skiles: You know, just to be frank, you know, you just gotta communicate with your spouse.
• 1:00:29
  Jerimiah Skiles: Absolutely.
• 1:00:30
  Jerimiah Skiles: Yeah.
• 1:00:31
  Jerimiah Skiles: And it's, you know, it's just uh it's like you said, it's it's not the it's not your first thing that you just want to do.
• 1:00:36
  Jerimiah Skiles: You think you're the best at it.
• 1:00:37
  Jerimiah Skiles: You think you're the best at everything.
• 1:00:39
  Jerimiah Skiles: Yeah.
• 1:00:39
  Jerimiah Skiles: But it's so much better when you communicate and just, you know, just kind of let let things happen the way they need to.
• 1:00:45
  Jerimiah Skiles: Yeah.
• 1:00:46
  Cassie Skiles: And I because of the physical challenges that I've had, we've had to learn through the process that just because and and this comes from some of the baggage from his previous relationship, that my no doesn't mean I'm not interested.
• 1:01:02
  Jerimiah Skiles: Right.
• 1:01:03
  Cassie Skiles: And that's what he would immediately read from me is my no is that I'm not interested because that's what he got in his previous relationship.
• 1:01:11
  Cassie Skiles: And that's not what it means.
• 1:01:13
  Cassie Skiles: It means I'm not in a position right now to be a part of this.
• 1:01:17
  Cassie Skiles: Uh I need to have a little bit of time for my body to align with my heart and my mind.
• 1:01:23
  Cassie Skiles: And, you know, it's been uh uh over time, you know, we've learned that that navigation of communication.
• 1:01:30
  Cassie Skiles: And that's our specific uh um situation because of what I have going on and where he's been from.
• 1:01:36
  Cassie Skiles: And everybody's gonna have a different situation, but d at the at the com at the center of it is you have to talk about it, even if it's difficult.
• 1:01:43
  Cassie Skiles: And it is difficult to come to the, you know, when things have been talked about all day and we're, you know, both in the same place, and then all of a sudden my body just tells me no.
• 1:01:51
  Cassie Skiles: It's difficult to come in and say, I'm so sorry, I you know, I don't think this is gonna happen tonight.
• 1:01:56
  Cassie Skiles: And, you know, it is, it's it's difficult to have that conversation, but you know, when you when you get used to having that conversation, it doesn't feel like uh a sh a slam door shut.
• 1:02:10
  Cassie Skiles: It just looks like we're gonna, you know, creak the you know, prop the door open right now for a minute.
• 1:02:16
  Cassie Skiles: We're gonna come back into that room here in a second, but it's not gonna happen right now, you know.
• 1:02:20
  Daniel Moore: Yeah, yeah.
• 1:02:21
  Daniel Moore: And we've talked several times on our podcast that uh, you know, men are it's it's a they gotta be in a good spot physically.
• 1:02:28
  Daniel Moore: Right.
• 1:02:29
  Daniel Moore: Where women, it's it's emotionally.
• 1:02:31
  Jerimiah Skiles: Yeah.
• 1:02:31
  Daniel Moore: And there's a disconnect there when one spouse or the other does not understand that.
• 1:02:36
  Jerimiah Skiles: Yeah.
• 1:02:36
  Jerimiah Skiles: Yeah.
• 1:02:36
  Daniel Moore: You know, well, I feel this way, so it should always you you should be this way.
• 1:02:40
  Daniel Moore: Yeah.
• 1:02:40
  Daniel Moore: Why is it so different?
• 1:02:41
  Daniel Moore: You know?
• 1:02:41
  Daniel Moore: And it's like that's not how we're wired.
• 1:02:44
  Daniel Moore: You know, we have to remember God created us individual people differently between especially between the genders, right?
• 1:02:50
  Daniel Moore: Yes.
• 1:02:50
  Daniel Moore: It's a complete different situation there.
• 1:02:52
  Daniel Moore: Right.
• 1:02:53
  Daniel Moore: And that's why it's so important that we dig into each other's um cre how we were created.
• 1:02:59
  Daniel Moore: God created us to be our personalities, you know, our likes, our dislikes, all of this requires us talking things through.
• 1:03:05
  Daniel Moore: And so, yeah, that's a very important piece, I think, to our relationships to make sure that they flourish um in a s in a godly way.
• 1:03:14
  Daniel Moore: Right.
• 1:03:14
  Daniel Moore: So, Michelle.
• 1:03:16
  Michelle Moore: I I'm just still s sitting here thinking about what you just shared.
• 1:03:18
  Michelle Moore: It almost makes me want to cry because honestly, it's very hard because Dan and I have experienced that because of the things I've gone through.
• 1:03:26
  Michelle Moore: And it's just when you hear someone else talk about it, yeah, it just it's like it does something to my heart because it's like I feel like a lot of times it's like he doesn't I know he understands and I know we communicate about it and because we have to.
• 1:03:41
  Michelle Moore: Yeah.
• 1:03:42
  Michelle Moore: But it's hard sometimes because it's like I want to, but I can't, like, and I can't explain why.
• 1:03:48
  Michelle Moore: Yeah, it's not here and here.
• 1:03:49
  Michelle Moore: And when you said that, I was like, oh my gosh, your words just fit perfect in what I have been going through.
• 1:03:56
  Michelle Moore: And it's like seasons.
• 1:03:57
  Michelle Moore: There's times it's okay, then it's times that it is not.
• 1:04:00
  Michelle Moore: Yeah.
• 1:04:00
  Michelle Moore: And it's like, I am so sorry because you know, the the enemy can attack me in that way.
• 1:04:05
  Michelle Moore: Absolutely.
• 1:04:06
  Michelle Moore: Yeah.
• 1:04:06
  Michelle Moore: And it's like, what is wrong with me?
• 1:04:08
  Michelle Moore: And you know, he's great because he's like, Can we try this?
• 1:04:10
  Michelle Moore: Can we try?
• 1:04:11
  Michelle Moore: And I'm like, I know what you want, you know.
• 1:04:12
  Michelle Moore: It's like I get it.
• 1:04:14
  Michelle Moore: I get it.
• 1:04:15
  Michelle Moore: Yeah.
• 1:04:15
  Michelle Moore: But I'm like, I can't, right?
• 1:04:17
  Michelle Moore: You know, so as you were sitting there, I'm like, okay, I'm holding back the tears because I'm just like, this is just you, what you just said was meant for me.
• 1:04:24
  Michelle Moore: Well, I'm that's I can sort of prove so appreciate that.
• 1:04:28
  Michelle Moore: Well, and I'm being honest.
• 1:04:30
  Cassie Skiles: And I feel like there's a lot of women who probably feel that and maybe men that have health issues as well, but feel the same way that you know it you really just have to get to a place where, again, the communication, but recognizing don't let the enemy steal what God created as such a beautiful thing.
• 1:04:47
  Cassie Skiles: Right.
• 1:04:47
  Cassie Skiles: And the I really I really believe that sex and marriage is not just something that God created for just one one specific purpose, but it's a part of learning and communicating with each other.
• 1:05:00
  Cassie Skiles: Absolutely.
• 1:05:01
  Cassie Skiles: And you know, the fact that we do have imperfections in our bodies that keep us from being able to do those things in the way that we want to is an opportunity if we really look at it.
• 1:05:12
  Cassie Skiles: It's an opportunity to just get a little more a little deeper with with your spouse if you choose to.
• 1:05:18
  Cassie Skiles: Um, you know, and as humans, we can choose to ride the wave of disappointment and go, well, I guess I just can't, and this is over for me.
• 1:05:26
  Cassie Skiles: And we we've told each other we're we refuse to accept that, you know.
• 1:05:30
  Cassie Skiles: We we may not be able to today, but there will come a day and you know, this pattern will clear up here in a few days, and you know, we're gonna enjoy that again.
• 1:05:40
  Jerimiah Skiles: And then, you know, who knows?
• 1:05:42
  Cassie Skiles: Yeah.
• 1:05:42
  Cassie Skiles: And it's good.
• 1:05:43
  Daniel Moore: And in some cases, you know, you know, like ours, it's like this is the life we live right now, and this is the life that we're gonna probably have the rest of the time.
• 1:05:51
  Daniel Moore: Yeah.
• 1:05:51
  Daniel Moore: You know, we're gonna have to navigate through this because this is a permanent type of situation unless God intervenes.
• 1:05:56
  Daniel Moore: Yeah.
• 1:05:56
  Daniel Moore: Right.
• 1:05:57
  Daniel Moore: And so, you know, we did an episode on this exact thing.
• 1:05:59
  Daniel Moore: probably a year and a half or two years ago.
• 1:06:02
  Daniel Moore: And the title for that was Navigating the New Us.
• 1:06:05
  Daniel Moore: And you know, whenever I was trying to figure out how to title that, you know, I felt when that just popped into my mind and when I was getting ready to release it, and I thought, you know, that really describes it perfectly because you know what it was before and all the dreams that I ever had when it all first started or whatever, you know, it's like life is happening now.
• 1:06:25
  Daniel Moore: You know, so now there's just there's some new things here that we have to navigate and figure figure all this out.
• 1:06:31
  Daniel Moore: Right.
• 1:06:31
  Daniel Moore: And again, it takes an understanding from both sides, both parties.
• 1:06:35
  Daniel Moore: Patience.
• 1:06:35
  Daniel Moore: You can't have one person being selfish.
• 1:06:39
  Daniel Moore: Right.
• 1:06:39
  Daniel Moore: You know, exactly.
• 1:06:40
  Daniel Moore: And trying to run the whole show because that's not how that's going to work.
• 1:06:43
  Daniel Moore: Yeah.
• 1:06:44
  Daniel Moore: And so yeah, this is this has been awesome.
• 1:06:46
  Michelle Moore: I love it.
• 1:06:47
  Michelle Moore: Let's flip things around.
• 1:06:49
  Michelle Moore: So what is something you genuinely admire that about your spouse today that maybe you didn't fully recognize or appreciate when you first got married.
• 1:07:00
  Cassie Skiles: You want to go first, Cassie Um I would say I don't know if I really fully appreciated um all of the different hats that my husband wears so well.
• 1:07:12
  Cassie Skiles: Um you know I didn't realize at the time I mean I could see him how he he was as a father because you know we he had Kaya.
• 1:07:21
  Cassie Skiles: So I could see that but I didn't really see the depth of it until you know we had get gotten a few years into our marriage and then we had our own child.
• 1:07:30
  Cassie Skiles: So that part of it um I didn't recognize at the time how handy he was and you know something breaks around the house he either has fixed it before and had you know goes into it and does it or he'll, you know, look up something on YouTube and figure out how to do it.
• 1:07:47
  Cassie Skiles: That's how he grew up and that's the model that he had.
• 1:07:49
  Cassie Skiles: So thank you Ed who's in heaven.
• 1:07:51
  Cassie Skiles: Thank you for your example to you know my husband um to of how to to take care of a family.
• 1:07:57
  Cassie Skiles: And these are things that you know I didn't really know then and over the last 20 years I've learned to see that in him.
• 1:08:06
  Cassie Skiles: And there's there's times whenever I do just look at him and I'm like thank you Lord.
• 1:08:10
  Cassie Skiles: Thank you for everything that this man is.
• 1:08:13
  Cassie Skiles: And you know the way that he and really more than any of that is the way that he um really carries our family spiritually.
• 1:08:23
  Cassie Skiles: And there's there's not a a day that goes by that I, you know, I don't have any doubts in our in our life that his priorities are in the right place.
• 1:08:32
  Cassie Skiles: And he holds God first in our family and you know prays about all of us.
• 1:08:38
  Cassie Skiles: So you know that was sorry that was a long answer.
• 1:08:41
  Jerimiah Skiles: But I probably should have gone first on that one.
• 1:08:43
  Jerimiah Skiles: You gotta top that too.
• 1:08:44
  Jerimiah Skiles: No pressure.
• 1:08:46
  Cassie Skiles: Okay so what are you going to say about me now?
• 1:08:49
  Jerimiah Skiles: No and and what's what I was saying before Cassie has has just made me a better person with with just the way our personalities react with each other and the way she takes care of our home and she never puts herself first when taking care of our home.
• 1:09:04
  Jerimiah Skiles: I mean it's always just spotless and it's she takes she takes care of us she takes care of extended people other family members that come in she's always preparing and making sure that's her that's her go-to she prepares.
• 1:09:17
  Jerimiah Skiles: If she's able to prepare we're on so I I just love that about her and the way she prays for me because that's got me out of a lot of mess.
• 1:09:26
  Jerimiah Skiles: So she prays for me prays for our children prays for the whole family and like and it's just like her answer just now we will pray on the way to work I'll have her on the phone and by the time I'm there I'm like okay we're we're done praying.
• 1:09:39
  Jerimiah Skiles: I agree with everything that she's praying Lord because she took up all the I pray with the list so I just say all of it every day.
• 1:09:46
  Jerimiah Skiles: Those lists again now I mean I mean she's just she made me a better man.
• 1:09:51
  Jerimiah Skiles: That's that's that's the bottom line.
• 1:09:53
  Daniel Moore: So I always like that little term that we've married up.
• 1:09:56
  Daniel Moore: Mm-hmm oh yeah that's that's how I always say it and I believe it's I was definitely over my skis.
• 1:10:01
  Daniel Moore: Yeah that's awesome.
• 1:10:04
  Daniel Moore: Yeah it's I think God really shows us over time if we allow him to open our hearts and our minds to the blessing that he's given us and our spouse um I think God just eventually get to that point we realize I'm a lucky person.
• 1:10:19
  Daniel Moore: You know?
• 1:10:20
  Daniel Moore: It's like I just don't think this could get any better.
• 1:10:22
  Daniel Moore: And so um so that's that's awesome.
• 1:10:25
  Daniel Moore: So uh as we wrap up this episode for this week this has just been totally awesome.
• 1:10:31
  Daniel Moore: I've really enjoyed this conversation with you guys.
• 1:10:33
  Daniel Moore: If there is a couple listening right now that feels disconnected or they feel discouraged or they're wondering where their best days are behind them what is something that you guys could speak into them in their situation right now that could hopefully maybe turn that around right uh the grass is not greener on the other side.
• 1:10:54
  Jerimiah Skiles: If you're if you're messed up in this marriage you're still gonna be messed up in the other marriage.
• 1:10:58
  Jerimiah Skiles: You just have to you have to work on what you have right now and that's and that comes with with praying with your spouse and talking about money and the budget and in-laws and kids and everything.
• 1:11:10
  Jerimiah Skiles: You have to communicate that with them and if if you're not doing that you need to start because like we've talked about it's humbling to to like put yourself out there but you have to do it.
• 1:11:22
  Cassie Skiles: Yeah.
• 1:11:22
  Cassie Skiles: Yeah.
• 1:11:22
  Cassie Skiles: Um we had I guess you could say maybe the benefit of both of us coming into the relationship um in a place of knowing what we didn't want when we were starting out um so we kind of got to start fresh and God really led us in that but I think a lot of couples maybe didn't get that benefit.
• 1:11:44
  Cassie Skiles: Maybe they started before before they became you know believers and you know they were living a lifestyle that didn't support communication, didn't support, you know, being one with your spouse.
• 1:11:56
  Cassie Skiles: Um so I would say to those couples that maybe you started that way and you just don't know you know what to do now that God knows what you want and where you want to be and he will honor that in a specific way for you.
• 1:12:10
  Cassie Skiles: Just we've just like we've talked about that not every couple is the same, not every person is the same, not every relationship is the same.
• 1:12:18
  Cassie Skiles: So you know God really will he'll intervene if you just ask him to and um you know let his word guide you.
• 1:12:25
  Cassie Skiles: You know that's something we try to we try to read daily we try to talk about the word and it may not be that you're getting some big epiphany from a scripture but talking about something that God's speaking to you from you know a psalm, just starting in the Psalms.
• 1:12:38
  Cassie Skiles: Yeah.
• 1:12:38
  Cassie Skiles: Um you know let the Lord lead you to a a verse and talk about it together with your spouse.
• 1:12:44
  Cassie Skiles: And sometimes it's just as small as that as you know we may not have it all figured out we may have started in a bad place.
• 1:12:51
  Cassie Skiles: We may not be in a great place right now but we can start right here.
• 1:12:54
  Cassie Skiles: We can both do this together and you know he'll God will honor that.
• 1:12:58
  Cassie Skiles: He'll lead you in that He will.
• 1:13:00
  Daniel Moore: That's good.
• 1:13:00
  Daniel Moore: Yeah I think it brings me back to the fact that marriages work.
• 1:13:03
  Daniel Moore: I mean you you have to keep pursuing you got to keep dating.
• 1:13:08
  Daniel Moore: All the things that you did from the very beginning you just have to keep at that and keep nurturing that relationship that that you have it reminds me of when you first started talking reminds me of a story I shared one time.
• 1:13:20
  Daniel Moore: There's a couple buddies that met each other one night they were both out on the night or whatever and uh his friend he walked in he hadn't seen him in forever he's all dressed up and spoofied up and everything.
• 1:13:31
  Daniel Moore: He's like man said I haven't seen you in forever said you're looking pretty good and he's like yeah he said I just got divorced and you know my just got everything going on ready for a brand new star so I'm all dressed up and out here looking for a new woman and his buddy looked at me and said well he said if you'd have tried that hard on the first marriage before you got divorced you might have got somewhere with that I know I always think of that every time I hear a story like that because it's like you know we that one failed so what am I going to do?
• 1:13:59
  Daniel Moore: I'm just gonna start over and just push from square one all over again you know well why didn't you put the energy into that last relationship right you know why didn't you try to make that work and so I think there's a a lot of really good nuggets that can be pulled from this whole conversation this week and uh Jerimiah and Cassie thank you guys thank you so much for having me for hanging out with us um it's just it's been too long we should have had you guys in here sooner but we just didn't get to it any quicker but uh we'll definitely try to have you guys back on again.
• 1:14:27
  Daniel Moore: We love it this we'll come we'll come back do it anything that's great.
• 1:14:31
  Daniel Moore: Yeah what a great conversation and such a good reminder that a strong marriage isn't about getting everything right it's about continuing to choose each other through all of the seasons of life.
• 1:14:56
  Daniel Moore: There's going to be disagreements personality differences unexpected detours and probably a few conversations where you're absolutely convinced that the Holy Spirit agrees with you even if your spouse doesn't but the goal isn't to prove who's right it's to remember that you're on the same team.
• 1:15:12
  Daniel Moore: Keep Christ at the center and learn to fight for your marriage rather than against each other.
• 1:15:17
  Daniel Moore: So here's your challenge for this week talk about the hard stuff.
• 1:15:21
  Daniel Moore: Give each other a little extra grace pray together and remember why you chose each other in the first place.
• 1:15:27
  Daniel Moore: And if you do get to an argument this week just remember sometimes the most spiritual thing you can say is you know what honey you might actually have a point.
• 1:15:36
  Daniel Moore: You don't have to mean it immediately we're just looking for some progress here.
• 1:15:41
  Daniel Moore: As we leave this week don't forget to visit our website at marriagelifemore.com all of our resources are there.
• 1:15:47
  Daniel Moore: We've got several books available that you can purchase that we've released here from the ministry.
• 1:15:52
  Daniel Moore: All that goes back into keeping this podcast and our ministry going.
• 1:15:55
  Daniel Moore: And of course we'd love to hear from you so there's a contact form there as well you can email Daniel at connectingthegap.net and we'd love to hear from you guys what you feel and what you think about the podcast each week here as we put a new one out every week.
• 1:16:08
  Daniel Moore: Well that's all for this week and we pray that your marriage is stronger and your walk with God is closer after this episode.
• 1:16:13
  Daniel Moore: This episode is recorded in the upper room at our Connecting the Gap Studios this is an extension of Connecting the Gap Ministries we pray that you have a blessed week