Latest / Inspirations for Your Life / STOP Letting People DRAIN You! (S5) S43:E6 Thursday

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STOP Letting People DRAIN You! (S5) S43:E6 Thursday · Inspirations for Your Life

0:23
Well there, hello everyone, and welcome to the
0:26
ever-popular Inspirations for Your Life show.
0:29
It is great to be with you.
0:30
It is Thursday.
0:31
It's October 22nd, 2026.
0:35
Great to be with you here today.
0:37
If this is your very first time joining
0:39
me, I'd like to take that opportunity to
0:41
say thank you and welcome.
0:44
If you've been here one time, five times,
0:47
ten, a hundred, or maybe even more, I'd
0:49
like to take this opportunity to say thank
0:51
you and welcome, but also the words welcome
0:54
back.
0:55
You are very welcome here.
0:56
If you're thirsty, if you're hungry, feel free
0:57
to go grab something.
0:58
I have an RO water here with lemon.
1:02
That is pretty delicious.
1:04
All right guys.
1:05
So let's get rolling here, shall we?
1:08
Don't forget to check out BelieveMeAchieved.com, of
1:10
course, for more of my amazing, inspiring creations.
1:13
That is after the show is over.
1:14
So stop letting people drain you.
1:18
Series five, show 43, episode number six.
1:21
It's Thursday, but before we get into the
1:23
show, I want to give a shout out
1:24
to a local restaurant or shop, which is
1:27
the Paper Plane Coffee Company.
1:30
So they are located pretty close to us
1:35
here.
1:36
They're actually in New Jersey and the location
1:42
that I found them at is the one
1:46
at 194 Claremont Avenue in Montclair, New Jersey,
1:50
07042.
1:51
Their phone number is 973-746-2739.
1:54
It is the paperplanecoffee.com.
2:00
They're on social media and lots of other
2:02
things.
2:03
So I'm reaching out to you guys because
2:05
I'm hoping you'll choose to check out jasonacademy
2:08
.com.
2:08
Why?
2:09
I'd like you to invite us to come
2:11
and do a show so that you could
2:15
host us at your place.
2:16
I would talk about my new book, Drained
2:19
and Driven.
2:20
As well after the show, I would do
2:21
an author Q&A and author signing for
2:24
those that want that and we'll do a
2:27
live show right at your venue.
2:29
Just go to jasonacademy.com, click on the
2:32
contact us page and let us know that
2:33
you want to host us.
2:34
So they have some featured coffees here, Lost
2:37
Boys, Eternal Midnight $22, Dogma Blend $16.99,
2:43
Tinto Blend $16.99 and Kismet $18.99.
2:48
So they have different things and looking here
2:50
what they have on their menu.
2:52
So they call it, they have one called
2:55
an in-flight menu, espresso, single origin espresso,
3:00
cortado, drip coffee, americano, flat white, cappuccino, latte,
3:09
mocha, hot chocolate, ice, ice expresso, ice cortado,
3:19
iced americano, iced cappuccino, iced latte, iced mocha,
3:24
they have a chai latte, iced chai latte,
3:28
matcha tea, iced matcha, New York brekkie, earl
3:32
gray, a mayo fang, a blue bellini, a
3:37
turmeric ginger, hibiscus berry and iced tea.
3:41
And so that's what they have.
3:44
And so at the paper plane company, they
3:47
also have this thing called weird science.
3:50
UBE normal is a hot ice, UBE coconut
3:53
cream, oat milk, blood orange and cinnamon essence
3:58
espresso.
3:59
A young frank is a hot iced UBE
4:03
coconut cream, oat milk, blood orange, cinnamon essence
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matcha.
4:08
They have a monster mash at $7 is
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a hot iced carrot juice, milk spice, simple
4:15
expresso.
4:16
They have a Transylvania twist, a hot iced
4:20
carrot juice, milk spice, simple matcha, again, $7,
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a butter bro, a spice, simple salt, Oatly
4:30
expresso, a Malin latte, hot iced cocoa, cinnamon,
4:38
cayenne, brown sugar, expresso, milk, $6 as well.
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They have a Mayan latte.
4:47
They have a Milo press, $6, Milo malt,
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chocolate, brown sugar, milk, espresso.
4:53
They have a Nom Dom, $6, a hot
4:57
iced cardamom, sweetened condensed milk, cold brew, mint,
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Eastwood, $6, hot iced peppermint, simple milk, chocolate,
5:08
cinnamon, expresso, truffle, shuffle, $6, cold, yoohoo, with
5:13
a double espresso.
5:14
And they have some other things there too.
5:16
I didn't see on the menu that I
5:18
looked at.
5:19
I didn't see that they had any other
5:22
things besides drinks.
5:24
It looks like they mostly have drinks.
5:26
So they have an in-flight menu.
5:27
They have their paper plane menu under their
5:30
weird signs, and they have a fly high
5:31
menu, which is like draft beers, draft voodoo,
5:36
root brew, pour overs, 12 ounce, 16 ounce,
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and iced.
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Um, but I do not see, um, any
5:45
kind of, any kind of like pastry thing.
5:48
They might have it, but on their website,
5:50
I did not see if they actually had
5:53
it.
5:53
I'm looking there.
5:55
Um, so it looks like from what I
5:58
can see here, um, yeah, I can't really
6:01
find anything.
6:03
Uh, they also do wholesale as well, and
6:06
they also allow booking their space, which is
6:09
kind of interesting.
6:11
So, uh, definitely a big shout out to
6:13
them.
6:14
And I hope that they will choose to
6:16
get in touch with us because we would
6:18
love to come and do a show there.
6:21
All right, guys, let's get into this show.
6:22
So welcome everyone to the ever popular inspiration
6:25
for your live show.
6:26
I'm John Seymour, a serial entrepreneur, engineer, marketing
6:29
specialist, video producer, podcast host, coach, professional keynote
6:32
speaker, graduate student at Montclair State University, a
6:35
passionate lifelong learner, and now so grateful to
6:38
be a published author.
6:40
Friends, have you ever finished a conversation feeling
6:43
completely exhausted?
6:45
Sure you have.
6:46
Maybe someone constantly, uh, demanded your attention.
6:51
Maybe you keep saying yes when you desperately
6:54
need a break.
6:55
Or maybe you're carrying responsibilities that were never
7:00
yours to begin with.
7:01
Here's the question for you.
7:04
Are you supporting people or are you allowing
7:09
every outside demand to consume the energy you
7:12
need for your own life?
7:14
And I think those are important things.
7:16
A lot of times we want to be
7:17
a people pleaser.
7:18
We want to help people, but not the
7:19
sense of draining our own energy so we
7:21
can't do our own stuff.
7:22
So our weekly series is Stop Giving Your
7:26
Power Away, Take Back Control of Your Life.
7:29
Saturday, we learn to own it.
7:31
Sunday, we learn to know your worth.
7:34
Monday, we learn to think clearly.
7:36
Tuesday, we learn to set priorities.
7:39
Wednesday, we learn to take responsibility.
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And today, Thursday, our theme is protect your
7:45
power.
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Let's explore 30 ways to protect your energy
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without losing your kindness or even your compassion.
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So number one, reorganize the people and situations
7:58
that constantly exhaust your energy.
8:00
Notice repeated patterns, not just one difficult day.
8:05
Awareness helps you decide where change may be
8:08
needed.
8:09
I think that's the most important thing to
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realize.
8:12
Number two, stop confusing emotional availability with unlimited
8:16
access.
8:18
Caring about someone doesn't mean you must answer
8:20
every call or message immediately.
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Your time deserves respect and people need to
8:26
know that.
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And if you don't teach them that up
8:27
front, well, guys, guess what happens?
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You're going to get trampled over.
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You're going to get abused.
8:33
You're going to feel drained.
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Number three, understand the difference between supporting someone
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and carrying their responsibilities.
8:42
You can encourage and assist people without taking
8:45
ownership of every problem they face.
8:48
Number four, recognize when repeated conflict is affecting
8:52
your well-being.
8:54
Frequent tension can interfere with concentration and recovery.
8:57
Consider what boundaries or conversations might help.
9:02
And I think this might give you more
9:04
energy, but also will get you to feel
9:06
better.
9:07
Number five, stop responding to every demand simply
9:10
because someone makes it a request.
9:13
It's not automatically an obligation.
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Evaluate your capacity before committing.
9:18
I think that's a real important one that
9:20
many people don't realize.
9:21
They just commit, but they don't realize if
9:23
they have the energy or bandwidth to do
9:25
that.
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Number six, learn to communicate boundaries without hostility.
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You can be clear, calm, and respectful.
9:34
Firmness doesn't require anger, and kindness doesn't require
9:38
surrender.
9:40
So number seven, recognize when guilt is influencing
9:45
your willingness to say yes.
9:48
Ask whether you're meeting a genuine responsibility or
9:51
simply trying to avoid someone's own disappointment.
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I know we don't like others to feel
9:56
disappointed, but we can't deplete ourselves, so we
9:59
can't carry out our own mission.
10:01
Number eight, stop allowing one difficult interaction to
10:04
control your entire day.
10:06
Acknowledge what happened, address what you can, and
10:11
give yourself permission to move forward.
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I think that's a very important thing.
10:15
Number nine, understand that protecting your energy does
10:19
not require disrespecting others.
10:20
Healthy boundaries recognize everyone's dignity, including your own.
10:26
Respect works in two directions.
10:28
It's not just a one-way street.
10:30
Many people think it is a one-way
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street, but it's not a one-way street.
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I think that's an important thing.
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Respect is a two-way street.
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Number 10, recognize when a relationship lacks healthy
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reciprocity.
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Relationships don't require identical contributions, but mutual consideration
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matters.
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Notice whether support consistently flows only one way
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or not.
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Stephen Covey came up with a great idea
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for this, and it's called the emotional bank
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account.
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If I constantly make withdrawals from you and
11:03
I don't make deposits, that's going to probably
11:06
hurt our relationship and vice versa.
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It's called the emotional bank account.
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It's a really neat concept.
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That's really important for us to realize.
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Number 11, stop engaging in unnecessary arguments that
11:21
produce no constructive outcome.
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Not every disagreement needs another round.
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Of course not.
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Sometimes a respectful pause is the most productive
11:32
response that you can have.
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Number 12, learn to take a pause before
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responding to emotional pressure.
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Lots of people have that knee-jerk reaction,
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but it might not be the right response.
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We need to pause and think before we
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respond.
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Give yourself time to evaluate what is being
11:50
requested.
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A thoughtful response is often better than an
11:54
automatic yes.
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Number 13, recognize the importance of restorative routines.
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Sleep, relaxation, meaningful hobbies, and quiet time help
12:06
replenish your energy.
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Make room for recovery.
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That's the key, guys.
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Number 14, please stop treating constant exhaustion as
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evidence of commitment.
12:20
It's not.
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Working yourself to the point of depletion isn't
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proof of loyalty.
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Sustainable effort requires balance.
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And when you fall off balance, what happens?
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You fall off the bike.
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You get out of kilter.
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That's important.
12:36
Number 15, please understand that healthy boundaries require
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consistent follow-through.
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Follow-through, that doesn't mean something you do
12:48
once.
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Communicating a limit matters, but practicing it respectfully
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is what gives that limit meaning.
13:00
16, recognize when someone's expectations exceed your realistic
13:05
capacity.
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You cannot meet every request without consequences.
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Be honest about what you can reasonably provide.
13:15
Don't try to do more to be a
13:16
hero.
13:18
Number 17, please stop making yourself responsible for
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everyone's emotional reactions.
13:24
That's exhausting alone.
13:26
You can communicate thoughtfully and show compassion, but
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you cannot control how every person responds in
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your life.
13:36
Don't even try.
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Number 18, learn to ask for space.
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When you generally need it, a simple request
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for time to think or recover can prevent
13:50
unnecessary conflict and emotional overload and possibly some
13:57
things that shouldn't be said.
14:00
Number 19, recognize the value of relationships.
14:06
That encourage mutual growth.
14:09
Invest in people who respect your boundaries, celebrate
14:13
your progress, and welcome honest communications.
14:16
That is a very big key to success,
14:18
but a lot of people, guys, they miss
14:21
it.
14:22
They miss it.
14:24
And then they're wondering why they're so tired
14:27
or they're wondering why they're just going in
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a loop.
14:30
Well, it's because you're missing an important thing.
14:35
And that is the fact your boundaries are
14:38
being abused.
14:42
Number 20, guys, please stop allowing unresolved resentment
14:46
to accumulate silently.
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That's a killer.
14:50
Address concerns before frustration grows.
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A respectful conversation may prevent larger misunderstandings.
15:00
So why don't we make sure that communication
15:02
is open from the get-go and make
15:05
sure that if there's any misunderstandings, we take
15:07
care of them right away.
15:09
A wise person once said to me, you
15:11
know, John, if you ever have a regret
15:13
or if you're ever angry with somebody, don't
15:16
go to sleep like that.
15:17
Solve that issue now.
15:19
I remember having a roommate, I think I
15:21
told you this before, and we weren't getting
15:24
along at the moment because I wanted to
15:27
study and he wanted to play music and
15:29
whatnot.
15:30
And so the time came that I finally
15:33
finished what I was doing.
15:34
I was at the library.
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I did my studying and I came home.
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But he was still blasting the music.
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Then he finally finished.
15:40
It's time to go to bed.
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But I was really annoyed.
15:43
And I said, I don't want to go
15:44
to bed angry.
15:45
I'll call the person Tom.
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That's not his name.
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And I said, look, Tom, we got to
15:49
talk.
15:49
What's the matter?
15:50
It's late.
15:51
I know it's late.
15:51
But right now, I'm kind of angry with
15:54
you.
15:55
And I want to get this out.
15:56
And I want to try to see if
15:58
we can resolve this before I go to
15:59
sleep because I don't want to go to
16:01
bed angry.
16:02
Okay.
16:04
Number 21, guys.
16:06
Understand that honest communication can prevent unnecessary conflicts.
16:14
Yes.
16:15
So clearly explain your needs and listen to
16:18
others.
16:18
What I do is, hey, Tom, I know
16:21
you want to play music.
16:23
I understand that we're in this room together.
16:28
What I would like to ask you is
16:30
that if you're going to do that, is
16:32
it possible you could do that before I'm
16:36
coming home, like maybe later on, like either
16:39
early or something?
16:41
But to do this to me, every day,
16:44
I can't study like this.
16:46
And I don't mind going to the library.
16:48
But I don't want to be angry at
16:50
you because I feel like you're being disrespectful
16:52
to me.
16:53
So clearly explain your needs and listen to
16:56
others.
16:56
And he wasn't happy about it.
16:59
But he agreed.
17:00
And we came to a compromise.
17:02
And I was able to go to sleep
17:03
with some peace.
17:05
Assumptions often create problems that conversations could resolve.
17:13
I can't tell you so many times I've
17:14
talked to people where they've had a situation,
17:17
they've had an agreement, and things didn't go
17:20
the very right way.
17:22
All right.
17:23
I think that's a very important thing to
17:26
understand that didn't go a right way.
17:29
And it's all because we assume something.
17:32
The assumption of what we thought was one
17:35
way was actually another way.
17:37
So that's another reason to say, hey, let's
17:40
communicate.
17:41
Let's make sure that I understand where you're
17:43
coming from.
17:43
You understand what I'm coming from.
17:44
And that's important when you have a roommate.
17:46
OK?
17:47
Very important.
17:48
I won't say we were the best of
17:50
friends.
17:50
But when we were there and I didn't
17:51
know anybody, your roommate was kind of like
17:54
everything, especially when you're there as a freshman.
17:56
You don't know anybody.
17:58
You know, you really don't want to make
17:59
enemies with anybody.
18:00
But you want to, you know, be respectful.
18:03
But you also don't want to be taken
18:04
advantage of.
18:06
That's important, guys.
18:08
Number 22, recognize what professional support may help
18:15
with persistent challenges.
18:18
OK?
18:21
And a qualified counselor or other professional can
18:24
provide useful tools when recurring problems become difficult
18:28
to manage.
18:30
Right?
18:31
I've known several people.
18:32
They've had trouble in their marriage.
18:33
So they had to get marriage counseling.
18:35
There's nothing to be ashamed about.
18:37
Sometimes things don't work.
18:39
And, you know, sometimes things are not easy.
18:42
Even friendships of any kind are not easy.
18:43
So we need to work at them and
18:45
figure out, well, gee, what's the disconnect?
18:48
How can we come together?
18:51
That's a big problem, guys.
18:53
But we can address it if we both
18:56
want to.
18:57
Number 23, I'm going to ask you to
18:59
stop sacrificing essential rest to satisfy every outside
19:05
expectation.
19:06
Recovery supports your ability to work, to think,
19:11
and connect.
19:13
Protect reasonable time to recharge your life.
19:20
Why not?
19:22
When you recharge your batteries, you feel better.
19:26
You're not as ready to fly off the
19:30
handle, right?
19:32
You're more calm.
19:35
Number 24, learn to distinguish temporary stress from
19:42
recurring unhealthy patterns.
19:45
One difficult week is different from an ongoing
19:48
cycle.
19:49
When I got there, the first few weeks,
19:51
well, they were a little challenging.
19:53
After we got past the first week or
19:55
two, we were OK.
19:56
But then we still had some glitches throughout
19:58
the semester.
19:59
So we have to talk about this.
20:00
So if it happens once in a while,
20:03
no big deal.
20:04
But if I say, hey, Tom, this just
20:05
happened again yesterday.
20:06
Like, what's going on?
20:07
What's the deal?
20:07
We just talked about this.
20:11
And people start to realize that maybe they're
20:15
being unfair.
20:17
So we have to learn to distinguish that
20:18
temporary versus the unhealthy pattern.
20:22
And one difficult week is different from the
20:25
ongoing cycle.
20:25
So we have to look again at frequency,
20:27
duration, and the impact it's having to our
20:30
lives.
20:32
Number 25, guys, recognize the importance of protecting
20:37
your attention and focus.
20:40
Constant interruptions can fragment your day, create reasonable
20:44
periods for meaningful work and personal priorities.
20:50
Number 26, stop believing that setting boundaries makes
20:56
you selfish.
20:56
It doesn't.
20:58
That's somebody just trying to get in your
20:59
brain.
21:01
Respecting your capacity can help you contribute more
21:04
sustainably.
21:06
You don't need unlimited availability to demonstrate care.
21:11
You don't need that.
21:14
Number 27, understand that resilience includes recovery and
21:19
the flexibility.
21:21
Strength isn't simply enduring everything.
21:24
Sometimes it means adjusting expectations, asking for help,
21:28
or just resting.
21:31
Number 28, guys, identify one boundary that needs
21:36
clear communication.
21:37
Perhaps it involves your time, your workload, privacy,
21:41
or emotional availability.
21:45
Define what needs to be changed and address
21:50
it.
21:51
In my situation, because we were both living
21:53
together in the same dorm, same room, it
21:56
felt like he wasn't respecting my time or
22:02
even the fact that I was like constantly
22:06
in on mode.
22:07
Every time he needed something, I was there.
22:09
And that got very draining because he wasn't
22:12
there when I needed things.
22:14
So practice that one respectful action, okay, that
22:18
protects your emotional energy.
22:21
Decline an unnecessary request.
22:23
It doesn't mean you're rude.
22:26
Schedule uninterrupted time or communicate when you'll be
22:29
available.
22:30
Yeah, let people know when you're available, right?
22:35
Online calendars have great ways to do this
22:37
so people can't book into time that maybe
22:39
you scheduled for yourself.
22:40
It could be rest time.
22:41
It could be workout time.
22:42
It could be meditation time, or it could
22:44
be meeting time.
22:45
People don't need to know.
22:46
Your schedule's not available at that time.
22:48
When they go online to book, they see
22:49
you're not available.
22:50
Number 30, protect your power so you can
22:55
invest it in what truly matters.
22:59
Your energy is valuable, directed toward meaningful commitments,
23:03
healthy relationships, and the life you're now building.
23:09
Yeah, I know it's a lot.
23:11
Now here's your Thursday challenge.
23:13
You ready for your Thursday challenge?
23:14
I hope you are.
23:15
Identify just one recurring situation that constantly drains
23:19
your energy.
23:20
What was draining mine at college?
23:24
Constantly having to tell my roommate to please
23:28
lower the music.
23:30
Or when I had time to study, and
23:34
even though it was a Thursday night or
23:36
a Friday night, I had to still study.
23:37
He wanted to bring his girlfriend over and
23:40
do whatever they wanted to do, but it
23:42
was disrupting my concentration, and they could have
23:45
easily went to the other person's place.
23:50
So that's being respectful.
23:52
Like, hey, you know, I got a test
23:53
this week.
23:54
I got an exam.
23:55
I got two exams this week.
23:56
I know you usually have guests, and that's
23:59
fine.
23:59
It's just I need to study.
24:01
So if you're going to bring any guests
24:04
over, if you could either go to their
24:06
place or just for this week, because I
24:08
got an exam, and I need to study,
24:11
and I know if you bring somebody over
24:12
here, I'm not going to study.
24:14
There'll be lots of interruptions, and I'm just
24:15
being honest.
24:16
So that's what I want you to understand,
24:20
okay?
24:20
Identify that one recurring situation that constantly drains
24:23
your energy.
24:25
And then ask yourself, what's really happening?
24:29
What can I realistically change?
24:31
And what boundary would help me respond more
24:34
effectively?
24:35
Choose one respectful action, like I told you
24:38
what I did with Tom.
24:39
And after that, it was about an hour
24:42
conversation to explain, you know, the fact that,
24:45
you know, I'm trying to be fair, and
24:46
he's trying to be fair.
24:47
And I said, I don't think you're being
24:48
fair.
24:49
And I explained, and I said, if you
24:51
had a test, I would definitely honor your
24:54
request, you know, and that's an important thing.
24:59
So again, choose one respectful action.
25:02
Maybe you'll explain that you cannot answer work
25:06
messages late at night.
25:07
Maybe you'll stop accepting unnecessary commitments just because
25:11
you want to be nice 24-7.
25:13
Or maybe you'll ask for time before responding
25:16
to a difficult request.
25:18
Communicate or practice that boundary today or tomorrow,
25:21
but don't put it off.
25:22
Remember, ladies and gentlemen, that protecting your power
25:24
doesn't mean everyone out or being shut down.
25:30
It means creating healthier expectations so you can
25:34
care for others without neglecting yourself.
25:36
And look how far we've come this week,
25:40
guys.
25:40
Saturday, we learned to own it and reclaim
25:43
our decisions.
25:44
Sunday, we learned to know your worth and
25:46
respect our personal value.
25:49
Monday, we learned to think clearly instead of
25:52
surrendering to emotional pressure.
25:54
Tuesday, we learned to set priorities and stop
25:57
wasting energy or wasting the time for unnecessary
26:01
demands.
26:03
Wednesday, we learned to take responsibilities by the
26:06
helm and turn our intentions into action.
26:10
Today, Thursday, I'm happy to say we learned
26:13
how to protect our power through healthy boundaries.
26:17
Tomorrow, ladies and gentlemen, that's Friday.
26:19
That's the wrap of the week.
26:20
We're going to bring everything full circle together
26:22
with live with integrity, making sure our actions
26:26
reflect the values we claim to believe in.
26:29
You know, so many people say they're one
26:32
way, but then you notice they talk a
26:35
lot, but their actions don't match.
26:37
I call that phony or a mismatch.
26:40
People often call it two-faced when you're
26:42
doing it to someone behind their back.
26:44
Ladies and gentlemen, I am John C.
26:47
Morley, a serial entrepreneur, engineer, marketing specialist, video
26:49
producer, podcast host, coach, professional keynote speaker, a
26:54
passionate lifelong graduate student at Montclair State University,
26:58
and yes, so grateful to be now a
27:00
published author.
27:01
I thank you so much from the bottom
27:02
of my heart for choosing to join me
27:04
today for this amazing episode of Inspirations to
27:07
Real Life.
27:07
Remember, ladies and gentlemen, you can be generous
27:09
without being endlessly available.
27:12
You can be compassionate without carrying everyone's burdens,
27:16
and you can set boundaries without losing your
27:18
kindness.
27:20
Stop letting unnecessary demands drain your energy now.
27:26
Ladies and gentlemen, please protect your power, respect
27:31
your limits, and invest your energy in where
27:35
it matters.
27:38
That's key, guys.
27:39
I invite you to stay driven, okay?
27:43
To keep growing because this is the key
27:47
to success, and other people have a way
27:50
of manipulating you.
27:51
Don't let that happen, and I'll see you
27:53
guys on another show real soon.
27:55
Be well, everyone, and reclaim the power that
27:59
is yours, your boundaries.
28:01
Take care, everyone.
28:32
Bye.