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Fulfillment Is Internal; External Wins Are Temporary · Harder Than Life

• 0:00
  What did it feel like winning Olympic gold when you were only 22 years old? Surreal. I was built different. And I think in those situations, that's when you really see who you truly are. When everyone is denying you, when the world is saying you can't get it done, they fear the fact of being in that situation. Here's how you really know if you're in alignment. If you just came into a billion dollars, would you still wake up tomorrow or next week and keep doing what you're doing?
• 0:28
  And for me, the answer is absolutely. The biggest myth, which is it's a select few people that are endowed with the innovation gifts. It's so not true. And innovation is defined by creating value for other people. It's not the invention itself or your accolades. It's have you changed somebody's life?
• 0:53
  Since when did easy become a metric that mattered in the pursuit of greatness? If it was easy, everybody would have it. Influence isn't just this offensive strategy of sales and marketing and persuasion. It is really at its core helping us put our purpose to work. Everything starts in your mind.
• 1:15
  How you think shapes how you lead, how you love, and how you live. In this episode, we're breaking down what it takes to master your mindset and your influence. If you can control your thoughts, you can control your world. Keep sharpening your mind because leadership starts within. What was the defining moment where you said, I'm going to be one of the best?
• 1:38
  For me, it was always naturally a stair-stepping kind of like accomplishments. When I first started competing at a young age, I wanted to be the fastest kid on my team. Then I wanted to be the fastest kid in district. Then I wanted to be the fastest kid in my region, in my state. Then I wanted to go to college and be the fastest kid on my team in college and in the nation. And then I would look to the dream of being the fastest person in the world.
• 2:05
  So what did it feel like winning Olympic gold when you were only 22 years old? Surreal. It made it feel like my dream was so easy, like I was destined to do this. What race stands out
• 2:19
  to you that made you the most proudest? Wow. It has to be a weighing scale between obviously winning the Olympic gold, you know, but also being Usain Bolt and 2017 in the world stage when the whole stadium was booing me throughout my rounds leading up to that finals. If you're in a stadium full of a hundred thousand people and when your name is announced on the intercom, all you hear is boo the whole time.
• 2:49
  It made me feel like I worked hard for this. I was dedicated to this process. No one in this stadium knows how hard I worked for this. No one in the stadium knows who I truly am and why I want this the most. And I locked in and I got the job done. I was cheering you on and I didn't know you then. And I'm like...
• 3:07
  come on, man. And I could see the joy of overcoming, you know, at that point, your arch nemesis, which Usain Bolt, were they booing you because you were the best or was it had to do with that scandal that had passed? You know, in 2012, I was in that same stadium.
• 3:25
  Pretty much the Olympics was happening in 2012 in London. Now, if you fast forward to 2017, the World Championship happened in London in that same stadium. So you could arguably say the crowd consists of people from London or the UK majority, right?
• 3:43
  And those are the same people that cheered and clapped when I got bronze at the Olympics in 2012 for me. Right. I wasn't a threat then. You see what I mean? Like Usain Bolt won the gold. Johan Blake won the silver. I got the bronze. Hey, congratulations to him. Right. He did it. Good job for him.
• 4:00
  But then I was the threat that was going to end the fairy tale for Usain Bolt. For him riding off in the sunset, having a cleaned, undefeated record in a championship setting, they didn't want that. So I think from my perspective, that's where the media and the audience came in and started kind of engaging in more mental warfare against me. So it was like, if we can keep him down just a little bit within those nine seconds.
• 4:28
  We know that you're saying get the job done, but I was built different. And I think in those situations, that's when you really see who you truly are. When everyone is denying you, when everyone's telling you no, when the world is saying you can't get it done because they fear the fact of being in that situation. I looked right in that camera and I locked in. I was like, you don't know who I am and how I'm built. You're working your corporate job or maybe you own your own company.
• 4:55
  Start subtracting your years. You're going to retire somewhere around 65. And then you're going to face what Justin is talking about right now. But Justin, how did you redefine your identity? Because when I saw you, you were still a student of the game. A lot of people in the corporate world who are working are going to retire at 65.
• 5:11
  If you look at the lifespan of an elite athlete, almost any sport, you're done by mid-30s. Now you're in the real world where all your peers who aren't elite athletes, they're just getting into their career. So you're sitting back watching and saying, man...
• 5:28
  Look at them go. They're doing their thing. And now you're sitting back trying to figure out what is next for you. Who am I? What am I going to do? I am 35, 37 years old. And I'm now have to figure out a whole different lifestyle for me, a whole different fire that's inside of me or passion. Everything that those traits that are inside you that made you who you are, not because I'm just fast, because I'm determined, because I have a high IQ and track and field, because I know how to figure things out problematically.
• 5:56
  All those things can be poured into a whole different venue that can make me a better person. But now I have to find something that is equal to the passion of what track and field was for me. Stay diligent on what your goals are. And the goal is to capture glory. Right. And along the way, if you do that, everything else, all those other doors will open up for you. So I think now for me.
• 6:18
  from my humanitarian side is becoming more of a mentor, mentally and physically becoming more of a mentor. So that's what I love to do. But that fire still inside will be made. Every single one of my guests now mentions meditation.
• 6:33
  Where did you find it? How often do you do it? And what happens if you don't do it? I think there's levels to meditation. There's also mindfulness. When you are constantly envisioning yourself doing great things, right? I'll give you a perfect example of active meditation for me. Anytime I stepped on that track and I'm at that starting line and I'm lined up against all my other opponents, right? What I do is I would walk down that track
• 7:02
  Right before the before we start our race, I will walk down the track and I would envision how the race would unfold. I would envision saying this guy is a great starter over here to my left. This guy is a great closer over here to my right. How is this race going to unfold? So I'm going to beat them at the 30 meter mark. I'm going to maintain my speed. I'm going to hit another gear when I go into that 75 meters and then I'm going to close out and win this race. Right.
• 7:27
  So as I walk back from the start, and I walk all the way the 100 meters to the finish line, I turn around, I walk back. And when I walk back, I'm the last thing my opponents see as I'm walking down that track. So for me, that mindfulness of knowing how this race is going to unfold was necessary for me because I didn't want to put myself in a state of chaos.
• 7:49
  of when that gun goes off, what's going on? What's happening? In nine seconds, you can't react to much of anything. You have to know your race pattern, your race strategy, and you have to nail your race pattern, race strategy. And on top of that, you have to realize and try to trick yourself to thinking every person you race against is the best version of themselves that day. That's what you're competing against.
• 8:11
  That's killer mindset. My college coach would always associate me and come up to me and grab my shoulders and saying, you're Michael Jordan. You're Muhammad Ali. You're Jesse Owens. You're great. Go out there and show the world what greatness looks like. And I would be that kind of athlete. I wouldn't care about the goal around my neck. I care about the pride on my coach's chest. Nice. Because that meant everything to me. And as we prepared for races...
• 8:36
  We were prepared like we were going to war. So that last warm-up lap that we would walk together before I started warming up, he would come close to me and he'd whisper, all right, Jay, it's time to get it done.
• 8:47
  All that hard work that we did, all that sacrifice that we've had, this is the moment. It doesn't matter who's cheering for you or who's denying you out there. You control this moment. What are you going to do with it? Go out there and be the person that we've trained you to be. And saying things like that to me activated me mentally and emotionally. And I will go out there and I'll try to prove him right. What do you see lacking in support systems for young athletes today? Sports is a factory now.
• 9:15
  You know, we grew up watching Rudy and all these great sports stories like Rocky, where a coach or a system or a team sees something great in you. We want to make you better. So then now they dedicated themselves to making that individual better. Great story. But nowadays, business has kind of like seeped into sports. And when that happens, everything happens very systematically. And now you go from an athlete to being a product.
• 9:45
  And when you're a product, you don't have no feelings. Sometimes you have no say. And that's furthest from the truth. And I see a lot more people fail in sports.
• 9:56
  then I see people winning sports. And that's sad because that little version of themselves, that little kid wanted to become Olympic champion, wanted to become a Super Bowl champion, wanted to become a basketball finals champion. And the percentage of that happening is small. But the fact is, did people help you even just secure your goal?
• 10:18
  And a lot of people don't because these coaches have 52 people to worry about. The system has over hundreds of people to worry about. And your needs are not really being prioritized. And I think that's where the zone can come in and help you understand that there's somebody in your corner.
• 10:35
  I recognized the people that were in my corner and I utilized them the correct way. And they helped me maintain my success, but also helped me with my confidence of who I could be. And that's all I want to give is to the next generation. I don't want them to fail. Mental fitness and physical mastery are the two easiest things you can do. They're simple, but they're not easy. And start early. Face your fears.
• 11:01
  face your fears man like when i knew that i was competing against certain athletes that had the capabilities that i did i would dedicate a squat rep to them or bench rep to them i would i would normalize them in my life so if i always got on there and i had and i had 345 on the bench i'll be like usain bulk tyson gay
• 11:25
  Yo, I'm late. Because at the end of the day, what happens is those moments where you need to man up and get this weight off your chest, that's when you become brave. So if you align your braveness, whatever you have fear for, you will overcome all this in front of you. You normalize it. Go for a run and dedicate that run to whatever you fear and see how far you get.
• 11:48
  And see how far you push yourself because your back's going to be against that wall in that moment when you're tired, you're huffing and puffing, the lactic is building up in your legs. But then you think about whatever that's holding you back, that fear, and you're going to say, no, I can push through this. And you'll realize that it's just something normal that you can overcome.
• 12:08
  and get to the next thing. That's how I dedicated myself. That was one of my secrets in my career. Everyone is going to get to a point where when you fall, that darkness is going to test you. Are you strong enough to get back up and get yourself to that light?
• 12:25
  And that's what it was for me. That's when it transcended out of track and field and just me fighting to find peace in my life. So how do you get into the mindset of innovation from the small to medium sized businesses that they just dominate? It starts with, we introduce a framework in the book that's an old framework from the Xbox team called BXT. And it's a triangle and the B is for business. So your business model, how you gonna make money.
• 12:55
  The T is for the technology, how you're going to enable the business. The X is for experience, which could have been an E, but it's Team Xbox. So what's the experience you're creating for your customer and for your partners and your supply chain and your employees? Yeah.
• 13:15
  And the lesson there, it really is a design mindset. Start with the customer and then figure out how to serve a business and technology to them. So what we say to technologists and engineers and everybody else that's kind of starting in business or in tech, it's like, no, lead with X. If you lead with X and figure out the B and the T to support them.
• 13:42
  You're going to innovate and you're going to outcompete your partners. And that applies to Microsoft. That applies to the bread baker on Main Street. If you lead with your customer's experience, you're going to deliver value to them.
• 13:58
  I am so grateful you just said that. That's literally how we're changing our entire IT cybersecurity. So what lessons from Microsoft's playbook can entrepreneurs or even a coach apply to tomorrow? It kind of makes me think about, you know, our family and friends are our communities. How often do we follow a path that the people that know and love us best are like, do you
• 14:28
  But we just think, no, I've got it all figured out. And we don't put that trust in those people. And I think that's another thing, like creating high trust environments, what Visual Studio Code did and what Xbox did to gain the success they have with their communities. They created and maintain high trust with those communities. Yeah.
• 14:54
  by being transparent, by listening and responding, by sharing what they're going to do.
• 15:03
  translates really nicely into our personal world. Like create your high trust community. And then for the love of God, listen to them. I will be honest. I have started many a business starting with the what I want to build. I have an idea. I want to go build a financial app or I want to go build. I don't even know. I don't even remember all my ideas. My most recent endeavor, I started with who I said, who do I want to build with?
• 15:32
  Who are those high trust people? Who are those people that when we get in a room, I'm more excited to hear what they have to say than what I'm thinking? Because they're brilliant. It does come down to how do you work together? Who gets to talk in the meetings? Whose ideas? How do you treat ideas? Do you treat them as something to be judged or something to be tested?
• 15:56
  And how do you reward risk taking? That's a big part of it. You know, for Microsoft to do what it's done, it had a look at Microsoft Research and other parts of the company and say, this group is going to get a lot wrong. We can't punish them for that. We need them to be wrong a lot because when they finally get through to write, it's going to be big.
• 16:23
  And so what they did was start rewarding the decision-making process. If you did something and it failed, but you could show how it was a sound path to follow and you made good decisions, that's a victory because we've learned something. What she's talking about is harder than life, but it really is simple. It's just hard to do.
• 16:48
  And when you succeed at it, it becomes so fun and joyful. Like your world just opens up. I had a great conversation with Michael Gervais on Finding Mastery. And he has that framework of fear of other people's opinion. And you really have to deal with that FOPO to tap into the joy of creativity and innovation and collaboration.
• 17:14
  It is so many little things. It's not big things. So for instance, in the developer division at Microsoft, they don't call things ideas. If you have a proposal, it's a hypothesis. It's more of a question than an assertion. And by doing that every day in every conversation over the years,
• 17:40
  You get out of that immediate connection for some people that sharing an idea is scary. And you shift them into hypotheses are supposed to be questions and I'm not supposed to know the answer. It's supposed to be something to learn. A lot of our developer teams don't release product and they don't launch product because release is like I'm setting it free into the wild, never to be seen again.
• 18:09
  And launch sounds like, you know, a rocket ship. And well, we all know those blow up, right? They're these big deals and there's a lot of stress and you don't want it to blow up. They call it a flight. They're like, we're going to flight this set of features, which means we're going to take off, put them out into the world, see how they do, land them, review the flight as a team, see what worked, what didn't. And then.
• 18:39
  Fly again. Last time you failed and how you got back up. I don't talk about this much. I really don't. I failed at Microsoft.
• 18:50
  I did. As far as like building a career at Microsoft, I failed. I didn't play the game. I didn't understand the rules of the politics and how it all works inside of a corporation that big with that many people. And I just tried to do me. I just tried to like show up and do the things I do as an entrepreneur.
• 19:14
  And I got my hat handed to me numerous times. Like I said, 99% of my life is failure. I learned a ton from that. What's one myth about innovation that drives you absolutely nuts? And why do most companies keep getting it wrong?
• 19:33
  The biggest myth is one we hear everybody lament, which is it's a select few people that are endowed with the innovation gifts. And it's so not true. I flippantly say if somebody says they're a lone genius, they're just taking credit for everybody else's work. Because it really does take everyone to go from a blank sheet of paper to something real, to...
• 20:01
  to scale it out into the world. And innovation is defined by creating value for other people. It's not the invention itself or your accolades. It's have you changed somebody's life for the better, hopefully. That takes an entire ecosystem of people. It persists. People think some people are just gifted innovators.
• 20:26
  The big thing was how we went about solving it. So the clearest way to think about it, as somebody in tech, we have iterated and innovated the chip out for decades, right? So much of the innovation space has been guided by efficiency, optimization. And how we describe that is it's a focus on doing less bad or reducing costs. It's all minimization. Right?
• 20:56
  When you flip it to how can we do more, how can we create value, how can we create a surplus around us, as Satya Nadella says, you can't solve the problem the same way when you flip from aiming for negative or neutral to aiming for positive. Right.
• 21:16
  When you aim for positive, all of a sudden, a bunch of out-of-the-box solutions are no longer relevant. And it forces you to innovate and get uncomfortable.
• 21:28
  There's a couple of different reasons why we're here, why our souls are here. One of them is to identify our own specific, unique individual gifts that were given to us because I don't believe they're ours. I believe we're the managers of them. And it's on us to actualize them and find a way to channel and share those with the world and make some sort of impact and contribution. Doesn't matter if it's for one person or for a billion. The other reason as to why we're here, and this is more of a direct answer to your question,
• 21:57
  And that is to correct and transform our negative tendencies and to learn the lessons along the way. If we had all the answers right from the street, then there would be no way to earn fulfillment because it would just be given to us. But we have to earn the light. And so for me, just like anyone, we have to go through...
• 22:19
  our own journey and learn our lessons and find the things that our soul is here to correct and transform. And if we don't have the awareness or I might say consciousness to identify what they are, they will keep showing back up in our movie in different flavors.
• 22:37
  That's typically why you'll see somebody date the same type of person, but different, but same patterns until they finally break the pattern and realize that this is a lesson that they need to learn. I don't have all the answers and I certainly didn't 10 years ago. But one thing I could say with certainty is a much better.
• 22:56
  better now than I was 10 years ago. I think that when it comes to success, and it's interesting, I was having a conversation recently, it's cool to see that one's definition of fun or success evolves over the years. One is the soul and one is the ego. All of us came here to raise our consciousness. Right?
• 23:19
  From the desire to receive for the self alone, which is a selfish manner, to the desire to share and impart on the world and influence and change lives. And if you don't build your consciousness, you will become a slave to physical circumstances. I'm so passionate about everybody.
• 23:40
  elevating their consciousness, finding what they're good at, what their gifts are and what they love, and sharing those with the world. And oh, by the way, yes, unapologetically making a lot of money doing so, but allow that to be the byproduct, not the primary concern. If you're in a situation where you wake up every day and you feel the need that you have to
• 24:00
  prime your state to get excited about what you're doing, I think that's a very good indication that you're not in alignment with what you're doing. Because even though it's a lot of work each and every day, you should generally be enthusiastic and excited and love what you do. One of the most important things that I do, and it's actually one of my primary themes for this year, is being proactively and intentionally very uncomfortable.
• 24:29
  And one of the things that I'm really leaning into this year is being patient in temporary discomfort. Because I believe if you can sit in temporary discomfort, that's really where you expand the most. Most people avoid discomfort at all costs, instant gratification, deliver this, deliver that, Uber, right? But how often do we intentionally make ourselves uncomfortable? That's how we actually expand and it's lasting.
• 24:55
  And so for me, it's marathons. For anybody listening that might not be willing or have a desire to run 26.2 miles, find whatever your thing is, if not multiple, that creates an arena, if you will, for you to exercise proactively being uncomfortable because that's how you will grow and stretch yourself the most. I really want to quantum leap.
• 25:20
  And a quantum leap implies that you could actually have an explosive jump in your personal and professional performance that puts you far beyond just your next logical step. And so how do we do that? How do we even get there? A breakthrough like this demands an absolute radical departure from some of your current habits and ways of thinking.
• 25:43
  I usually start training for these marathons in July, end of summer, to get ready for a full marathon. This year, I said, you know what? I have a different consciousness. I really want to shake things up. So I want to change my behaviors and my way of thinking. I'm going to start training this year in January. We just had one last weekend. It was only a 10K, which is 6.2 miles. But my performance showcased a 643.5.
• 26:09
  pace per mile, which for me is a quantum leap because that's not even close to what I'm typically accustomed to. So by changing my behavior, my way of thinking, starting seven months earlier this year, just like you're doing with a crazy goal, it's very uncomfortable, but it enables us to not just go to the next logical step with our goals, but to actually take a term from science, quantum leap
• 26:32
  And I think that all of us, in some capacity, should desire big breakthroughs in our own lives. Also, being integrity with yourself means that you say you're going to do something, and it's non-negotiable, you follow through. Now, to the physical world, that sounds pretty obvious. Oh, well, yeah, if you said you're going to do something, you should. But spiritually speaking...
• 26:54
  When you activate that desire and you put the consciousness out there and you say you're going to do something, the more that you follow through with those things, the more divine doors and opportunities will be opened for you. Because, spoiler alert, we're not really the ones running the show here.
• 27:12
  right? But we want to do all that we can do and then step aside and let the lighting. So setting standards and respecting those standards in addition to your boundaries is one of the most important things that you can do to fuel your success. Behaving in a proactive way is like turning a light bulb on in a dark room.
• 27:36
  You become a magnet for what you desire to manifest. It took Edison, I believe, roughly 10,000 times to literally turn on the light. But how many times do we try in our life? Once, twice, and then we give up. Why is that? The next time something happens to you,
• 27:56
  Whether it's a text, an email, someone cuts you off, someone didn't hold the elevator for you. Whatever it is that would typically trigger a reaction from you. Just pause and do nothing for a moment.
• 28:13
  Realize the opportunity here at hand. And then the ability to transform from what you would typically do as being reactive to now proactively making a conscious decision on how you want to handle the situation. And just that very practical move will open up doors and opportunities and bring you closer and more connected to, I would say, light, creator, whatever's good for you guys.
• 28:37
  What you used to call that to me, and you said this to me a thousand times, was marry the process and divorce the outcome.
• 28:45
  What I discovered from spending 13 years on Wall Street and also not really sure who I was in this world is that if your fulfillment comes from the outside, it's always going to be temporary. Always. Whether it's money, the girls, the penthouse, the watches, all the things. But you start to realize anything like that in the 1% of the physical world will create a temporary moment of excitement and then nothing. A high and then bye. Okay.
• 29:12
  So you can't gain fulfillment when it comes from outside. It has to be from within. And it has to have no side effects. There was something much more for me to do here.
• 29:27
  And so I made a very uncomfortable decision in the pandemic when I shut down my office for what I thought would be two weeks. And that was to do something more meaningful with my life. And so when I got really quiet in the pandemic, and I want to encourage everybody, don't wait for a lockdown to do this. Be proactive and schedule white space in your calendar, because that's actually where the downloads come, not in the grind.
• 29:51
  And so another phrase that we talk about often, which is an oldie but a goodie, is when I considered going back and not doing this, I considered the cost of inaction, COI.
• 30:01
  And for me, it was death because I finally found what my gifts are and what I want to do. And so if I neglected that and chose to just go back and be miserable because Wall Street stopped becoming fun for me, then I was basically telling the creator, like, I don't really want to use the gifts that were given to me. I'm good here.
• 30:22
  And so from there, the fear of stepping into the unknown began to transform into enthusiasm and excitement. And I also am the type of cat that had to burn the boats. So I left. I went all in. I activated certainty consciousness, meaning I don't know exactly how this is going to play out. Yes, I set a plan, 10-lane highway. You can read all about that in the book.
• 30:44
  But I was certain that this was the path and the right doors would open, the right ideas, the right downloads, and I would make it work. And this is what I'm here to do. And so in order to activate certainty consciousness, you have to be able to give with no condition and to be able to do something uncomfortable, even if you can't see the end result inside. And so I leaned in and for lack of better words, for the first time in my life, I was in alignment. I was a gladiator in the correct arena. Yeah.
• 31:12
  And it began to explode. The podcast, the book, the coaching, the community, the tattoo, all the things. Obviously, as you know, left Wall Street, got married, all the things. I've never had more fun. I've never been more fulfilled. I've never made more of an impact. And interestingly, I never made more money. And...
• 31:29
  Just to put it in perspective, here's how you really know if you're in alignment. For those of you that are listening right now, if you just came into a billion dollars, would you still wake up tomorrow or next week and keep doing what you're doing? And for me, the answer is absolutely. I love this stuff.
• 31:47
  Nothing would change. I might make some different decisions, some better investments, but I love this stuff. Maybe I would pour it into marketing so we could expand the reach. I love this stuff. I'm in alignment. And if you don't feel that way, if it's based upon money, it's a great opportunity to reassess and reinvent your consciousness so we can get you on the right seat, on the correct bus, so you could use your gifts, make a lot of money, and make a massive impact.
• 32:14
  microphone drop right there we're in the influence game whether we like it or not if you want to influence others and be successful at it how will you influence people how do you teach people to influence well i think it begins with realizing that there are moments of influence that are happening everywhere
• 32:30
  And I think we all see sort of the big influences, the being on stages, writing books and podcasting and social media following. And we've lost sight of what real influence is. That doesn't happen overnight for most of us. That is something that is earned over long periods of time, which is okay. When we realize that influence is about first capturing attention.
• 32:53
  Second, getting people to act on the information that we share. And when you realize that there's things that matter in terms of your tone of voice, your posture, your spacing and your timing, how you tell a story, the sequence and the way you tell the story, all of those things are learnable and they are skills.
• 33:12
  A lot of people think they're born with it. These are learned and trained skills. So let's take away influence for a minute. Let's pretend you walk in a room and no one notices. You tell a joke and no one laughs. You sell a product and no one buys. You share an idea and no one cares. You cast a vision and no one follows. How do you feel? What words come to mind when you think of that scenario? Deflation, defeated. The word I use is insignificant. Unfortunately, too many people walk around life feeling insignificant and
• 33:38
  and wonder why they're here. So for me, the lack of influence is one of the worst of human experiences. For me, influence isn't just this offensive strategy of sales and marketing and persuasion. It is really at its core, helping us put our purpose to work. And so that question, it answers, what is my purpose? It's through the, we find it through the impact and influence we have in the world.
• 33:59
  The number one mistake people make is a lack of self-awareness. If we don't have that self-awareness, how would we ever know? So that's the biggest skill. And I don't judge people or criticate them for not having self-awareness. It's just a learned skill. It's the cornerstone of emotional intelligence is how am I feeling?
• 34:15
  How am I impacting other people? Wow, that was kind of a mean thing to say. You know what? I'm a little upset right now. Let me take a different approach. When we talk about emotional intelligence, there's three things. First, it's self-awareness. How am I feeling? And how am I impacting others? Okay, second, how are the people I'm talking to, how are they feeling? Empathy. So you get self-awareness and then empathy. And then discipline is...
• 34:36
  to be able to take a different approach depending on the answer to the first two questions. And so self-awareness, empathy, and discipline, those are the three skills. And you never hear that in speaking. Yeah, story is important. There's a lot of detail in storytelling. Not many people know how to tell a story arc. Totally learnable in minutes, minutes. But if I teach you that story arc and you lack self-awareness, you're going to become just another noisemaker on stage.
• 35:03
  Noisemaker on stage, who are noisemaker in life. Going to social media and ranting about your political beliefs is not influence to me. It's not at all influence because all that does is achieve is attract people that already believe what you believe to say, yeah,
• 35:17
  and repel those that don't believe what you believe, which is you're repelling the ones you're actually trying to influence. The problem with this is negative momentum spirals and snowballs a lot faster than positive momentum. And that's what people think. There was a study that shows that it takes like three months to feel the effects of negativity versus six months to feel the effect of positivity. That's why it's so hard to stay on that positive momentum train. And happy is a very fleeting moment.
• 35:47
  But the precursor to happy and fulfilling things is suffering. You destroy yourself in that gym and you suffer so that you get better. And there's something else that follows. Now, people don't understand the word suffering. Suffering has got a bad rap. You go back to the 13th century or even the movie The Passion of Christ. The reason that movie was so controversial is that because people thought they were talking about passion in a sexual context.
• 36:16
  And the true root word of passion is to suffer.
• 36:22
  And so back in the 13th century, it was given to all the martyrs, people who suffered and died for something they believed in. They suffered for something. Then you had the word compassion is to suffer with someone. Now, there's unnecessary suffering, people that wallow in their own self-pity. That's different. That's not suffering for something. That's not passion. But suffering in the gym, reading the books that you do, putting yourself through the changes that you went through. I mean, you came back.
• 36:50
  from the depth, which is what makes you so good at what you do right now, because you've been in those dark places and you've gotten yourself out. I was overweight, got myself out. We've been to those dark places, but we had to suffer our way out of it. But at the end, there's this beauty that is there. There's something so magnificent. But but the thing I think where a lot of people make the mistake is thinking that the success of the things that we want are going to be easy. And I said, and this is what I tell people, since when did easy become a metric that mattered in the pursuit of greatness?
• 37:21
  If it was easy, everybody would have it. To be able to develop a mastery and a success in something, you have spent years suffering for it. And it's a beautiful word when we really understand what it comes from. Big!
• 37:33
  term right now is vulnerability uh but you use transparency and i like to use transparency in lieu of vulnerability vulnerability when you really understand it is one of the greatest superpowers there is especially for a leader but for a leader to be vulnerable they need to understand that lions don't need to roar
• 37:52
  A lion needs to just walk in a room and you know it's a freaking lion. The ironic piece is leaders want their organizations to be more vulnerable. Now, transparency is a way to get to a means by which to get to vulnerability. That's a means by which. But transparency is the act. Vulnerability is the outcome. What a fast way to get to vulnerability.
• 38:13
  for a leader to open up their entire organization. We know if we're going in a circle and we need the group to open up and we don't start with the leader, you will get zero vulnerability.
• 38:24
  But if we start with a leader, we've trained them right, and they tell a story, you'll get everyone to follow in the same suit. And so you want people to be vulnerable with you? You have to begin to be that way. Leaders don't wait for others to go first. They're the ones who go first. They're the ones, if you want vulnerability and transparency organization, begin being vulnerable and transparent. How much transparency should I have? How much vulnerability should I show? And the answer is an annoying one, but it's the truthful one.
• 38:51
  as much as necessary, but as little as needed as possible. So many of us measure our progress through aspiration, meaning we look at the horizon, we look forward. And so many of us say, don't look back. I said, well, you got to have a balance of both. You got to have the aspiration of what's possible,
• 39:09
  But you have to have the baseline of looking back of where you started. Because if your only measure is the horizon, you will never reach it. Because the horizon is always the same distance from you to it. The only measure of progress is through looking backwards. It's where was I and where am I now?
• 39:25
  Please rate and share this podcast. I'm active on all social platforms and love to hear from my Segal supporters. Each and every episode is sponsored by my company, National Technology Management, the easiest and best IT company to do business with, delivering peace of mind with technology every day, even simplifying cybersecurity. Visit TrustNTM.com for more info. Until next week, be harder than life.