Latest / Is Your Way In Your Way? / You’re Not Stuck- You're Just Out of Alignment

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You’re Not Stuck- You're Just Out of Alignment · Is Your Way In Your Way?

0:25
Cassandra: In your way, and I am your host.
0:27
Cassandra: My name is Cassandra Crawley May.
0:30
Cassandra: And yes, I'm the individual who empowers women to achieve their full potential.
0:37
Cassandra: And I always talk about are we living our best life on our terms?
0:42
Cassandra: And for me, that's not a cliche.
0:45
Cassandra: But for many people, they're like, yeah, we've heard that before.
0:47
Cassandra: But if I gave you a scale from one to 10 and ask you to score yourself, 10 being the highest, where would you score yourself in living your best life on your terms?
0:58
Cassandra: So I will tell you this living your life on your best terms is living in a way that maximizes your what I call your personal happiness, your authentication, authenticity, and fulfillment.
1:13
Cassandra: Or are you just going through the motions?
1:16
Cassandra: And I like to talk about topics related to personal and self-improvement.
1:22
Cassandra: And today we are talking about a topic titled You're Not Stuck.
1:29
Cassandra: And I have a special guest today that's going to talk about that.
1:38
Cassandra: And you know, I always ask women, are you in your way?
1:41
Cassandra: And and Heike, Heike, Heike addresses, I've been through this before, guys, so just a minute.
1:49
Cassandra: She'll she'll she'll correct me if I'm wrong, and I'm and I'm okay with that.
1:53
Cassandra: She addresses, I would think, one of the most common barriers midlife women face, the belief that it is too late, too hard, or too selfish uh to prioritize themselves.
2:09
Cassandra: So she dismantles the cycle of trying and quitting, which is often rooted in shame, perfectionism, and internalized expectations.
2:17
Cassandra: So let me introduce you to Heike Yates, and she will she will correct me.
2:24
Cassandra: And she's already told me how to pronounce her name.
2:27
Cassandra: But for your listeners, you know, sometimes I I get it mixed up and messed up.
2:32
Cassandra: So Miss Yates and Mrs.
2:34
Cassandra: Yates, how do you pronounce your first name?
2:38
Heike: You did such a beautiful job, Cassandra.
2:40
Heike: It is Heike, just like you said it.
2:42
Heike: Most people struggle a little bit with it, and it comes all kinds of things, including Heidi.
2:47
Heike: But you just had a guest on there, it was called Heidi.
2:54
Heike: So um so no, it's Heike.
2:56
Heike: So, like you like you pronounced it beautifully.
2:59
Heike: Thank you so much for the introduction.
3:00
Cassandra: Thank you.
3:01
Cassandra: Now, before we get started, I'd like to read a little bit of your bio because my audience would like to know what qualifies her for this.
3:09
Cassandra: Like, who who is she?
3:10
Cassandra: So I'm just gonna I'm gonna read a little bit.
3:13
Cassandra: You are a midlife fitness expert, you're the author of Pursue Your Spark.
3:21
Cassandra: You're the creator of the Spark Framework with over 35 years of experience in fitness, nutrition, and mindset coaching.
3:30
Cassandra: You help midlife women stop dimming their light and rebuild strength, energy, and confidence without extremes, guilt or starting over.
3:41
Cassandra: So after you navigated, I really want to hear about this one, seasons of single motherhood, financial struggle, and personal reinvention, you turn movement into your anchor and mission.
3:55
Cassandra: As the founder of Pursue Your Spark and host of the Pursue Your Spark podcast, you blend science, lived experience, and compassion to help women move from survival mode into clarity, strength, and self-fulfillment.
4:14
Cassandra: Wow, wow, that's that's I'm telling you, 35 years experience.
4:19
Cassandra: Let me ask you this, Heiking.
4:22
Cassandra: You one of the things you said that struck me was you were a single mom, you raised two kids on a $300 monthly income.
4:34
Cassandra: How in the world did you overcome that?
4:37
Cassandra: Oh my gosh.
4:39
Heike: We ate a lot of lasagna, uh-huh.
4:41
Heike: Okay, a lot of pasta with tomato sauce.
4:47
Heike: You know, you know, it's I didn't think about when I decided that I wanted to get divorced about the financial consequences.
4:54
Heike: It really didn't dawn on me that I needed to have better planning and better better future planning in place instead of just saying, hey, I don't want, I don't love you anymore, I want a divorce.
5:07
Heike: It never occurred to me that this has consequences, not only emotional, but also financial consequences.
5:14
Heike: Yeah, and teaching aerobics classes back then, I think it needed like six 25 before taxes an hour.
5:24
Heike: So you teach a lot of aerobics classes to make some money.
5:31
Heike: And uh, and that's you know, I said, okay, so now I made the decision now, figure out a way to do that.
5:38
Heike: And after about a year, year and a half, my then ex-husband he finally started paying child support.
5:46
Heike: Okay.
5:46
Heike: At some point, he started paying alimony.
5:48
Heike: So a lot of what I purchased came on my credit card.
5:53
Heike: And I just started paying my credit cards off.
5:57
Heike: And we lived very, very frugal.
5:59
Heike: My son, who's now a dad himself, he says, Mom, I sometimes wonder how you made this all happen.
6:07
Heike: How did you how did you put food on the table?
6:10
Heike: How did you put clothes on?
6:12
Heike: And how did you do you know pay the rent over our head and and all the things we were doing?
6:18
Heike: And we never took any vacations.
6:21
Cassandra: Uh-huh.
6:22
Heike: That was picnic in the garden or a walk in the woods or s or a hike, but we didn't do anything extravagant.
6:30
Heike: And um I was just very, very frugal with with our expenses.
6:35
Heike: That's what it came down to.
6:36
Heike: And and as I as the realization set in that I'm only having so much money, boy, was I after getting a full-time job that had health insurance and became a full-time job where I could earn money in addition to what my job was.
6:55
Heike: So that was lit a fire under my buttski.
6:59
Heike: I'm bad.
7:00
Cassandra: So, so it sounds like you were doing uh fitness when you were with your husband.
7:06
Heike: What where did where did that come from?
7:08
Heike: That started after my oldest, who's now 30, how old is he now?
7:13
Heike: 38, 37, uh, was born, and I had gained 50 pounds and had no idea how to lose all that weight because I just didn't know.
7:25
Heike: Like so many of us, we don't know how to get in shape, how to get stronger, how to perhaps lose weight.
7:31
Heike: And I didn't either because when I grew up, my parents didn't exercise.
7:36
Heike: My uh none of my friends exercised at that point until I was part of a group of moms that one of them in particular went to the local YMCA here in uh well, almost Silver Spring.
7:50
Heike: It was in Chevy Chase close by.
7:52
Heike: But that that was it was dancer size with a little bit of weights and app work at the end.
8:17
Heike: And it was so much fun.
8:21
Heike: And my my then my first husband, my then husband said, Oh, this is great for you, keep going.
8:29
Heike: And I was like, I don't know.
8:31
Heike: I mean, they had childcare, so I could bring my son, but then they asked me to become a teacher, and that's when I said, No, no, no, no, I'm not doing that.
8:39
Heike: I'm not teaching like Jane Fonda in front of everybody else.
8:43
Heike: That's not my thing.
8:46
Heike: And he says, It'd be great for you, just go.
8:48
Heike: It's you know, basically have me out of the house.
8:52
Cassandra: Oh, isn't that something?
8:54
Cassandra: And so that's what you started doing.
8:57
Heike: That's what I started doing.
8:58
Heike: That's what the catalyst was to the way into my fitness industry.
9:04
Cassandra: You know, there was something else you mentioned.
9:07
Cassandra: Um, first of all, when you made the decision that you wanted to divorce your husband, you didn't think about the impact as far as financial, all of that.
9:19
Cassandra: But you, and I I'm saying this because I have listeners who are stuck, you know, um, in a way that is um which I call self-imposed barriers.
9:32
Cassandra: And you and I, we're gonna talk about that, but there's certain things, and I think in the beginning I talked about, you know, maximizing your life for personal reasons, personal happiness, uh, authenticity, and fulfillment.
9:46
Cassandra: And what I heard you say is you were not happy in your relationship.
9:54
Cassandra: And I'm not saying this for everybody on the on listing to say, oh, okay, that's what I've been thinking all along.
10:00
Cassandra: I'm not happy in my relationship, so I'm I'm gonna leave it.
10:03
Cassandra: But there was a determining factor you talked about freedom, fulfillment.
10:09
Cassandra: So, what was it about that relationship that you just had to get out?
10:14
Cassandra: What was it, what wasn't it doing for you or was doing to you?
10:19
Heike: When I thought about my husband and I were 17 years of age apart, and we we had different goals in life.
10:29
Heike: He was ready to retire and he was looking in Annapolis, this was just near where I live, to buy a house on the water and just sit there in the rocking chair and have a have a whiskey and let life just be.
10:41
Heike: And I was 30.
10:44
Heike: I was like at the prime.
10:45
Heike: I, you know, I just had my second child.
10:48
Heike: I'm like, let's go, they're getting older, let's do things, let's travel, let's explore the world, let's be active.
10:56
Heike: And it just didn't fit anymore.
10:59
Heike: And and it was people said, Oh, it was because he was older.
11:03
Heike: And it definitely was not that.
11:05
Heike: It was really about the incompatibility that many of us reach with our partners at some stage in our lives.
11:13
Heike: And we went to counseling, and the counselor said, So here, tell me about this, tell me about that.
11:41
Heike: And he was talking about it.
11:43
Heike: And I just looked at her and I said, You know, I don't love him anymore, and I do not want this life.
11:50
Heike: Okay, okay.
11:51
Heike: So you made a decision.
11:54
Heike: I made a choice that this because we all have choices.
11:59
Heike: I could have chosen to try to work it out, but we already had been for a year where we were separate, uh doing our separate things a little bit and slept in separate bedrooms.
12:13
Heike: And I was like, I just I don't want this.
12:17
Heike: And you know, when when I think back of why I came to the United States, it was not because I got a great job at the Foreign Service, but I wanted that freedom.
12:29
Heike: I wanted the freedom to explore, to be curious, which is what also what I talk about in my book.
12:35
Heike: The curiosity that that brings us this fulfillment that we may or may not be looking for, which just happens because we follow the our heart, we follow our desire, not being foolish like Heike was, where she's like, I'm just done, I would not recommend it.
12:53
Heike: Yes, but we can have a clear picture of the consequences of our choices.
13:01
Cassandra: Sure, sure, sure.
13:02
Cassandra: That's good.
13:03
Cassandra: Okay, all right.
13:05
Cassandra: So that fulfillment and that happiness and and all of that, you you made a choice that that's where you wanted to be.
13:15
Cassandra: And I mentioned that too, because in other words, as I always say, is your way in your way?
13:22
Cassandra: That's the title of my book.
13:24
Cassandra: So as you went through all of this, you were like, Yep, I'm I'm not gonna be in my way and sacrifice my happiness and my fulfillment.
13:31
Cassandra: Wow, good for you, you know.
13:34
Cassandra: I you also became self-employed in 2012.
13:38
Cassandra: Okay, so prior to that, what were you doing?
13:43
Cassandra: Because being self-employed is carried hard.
13:49
Heike: Hard.
13:50
Cassandra: It's hard.
13:51
Cassandra: Yeah, so um, what were you doing prior to being self-employed?
13:58
Heike: I was working initially, I started just teaching classes all over the place.
14:02
Heike: Anybody who needed a teacher or a trainer, I would work for any health club here in the Washington, D.C.
14:08
Heike: area that I could get to and physically could handle it anymore because I taught so many classes.
14:13
Heike: And that brought me to the stage two where I said, I can only physically teach so many classes.
14:19
Heike: And I started to supplement my income through personal training, where I coach people and I don't have to do anything physically.
14:28
Heike: So so that was uh that was the adding on uh revenues, like I invented Pilates with resistible.
14:37
Heike: Yeah, and that became a revenue stream where I would go out on the weekends to health clubs and would teach their coaches and trainers how to use the ball for strength training, teach Pilates on the ball, um, and do these things again to have an extra revenue stream coming in.
14:56
Heike: And doing all this was so hard, it was so much work.
15:01
Heike: You're constantly on the go.
15:02
Heike: When I didn't have the kids on the weekends, I would travel, I would drive to North Carolina and teach a couple of clubs down there, and go back Monday morning to the club I was working here.
15:14
Heike: And then I was said, you know what?
15:17
Heike: When I go to all these places, they have their own little thing.
15:21
Heike: You have you have to wear their uniform with their logo on it, you have to teach their way, you have to they have their protocol, which is totally fine because it's their facility.
15:31
Heike: But I was like, I don't foresee this as how I want it, I want it differently than what they're all doing.
15:37
Heike: And I want to not grow bigger, which was my first thought, which is everything you think, oh, I'm opening a big studio and I have all this, but the damper, I got the damper from the realtor I was talking to and trying to get a loan for a bigger space to call my home.
15:56
Heike: And he just laughed right in my face.
15:58
Heike: And he said, So what are your assets?
16:00
Heike: Your 35 clients?
16:02
Heike: Oh, wow.
16:04
Heike: And I was I I mean, I was so embarrassed.
16:07
Heike: And I said, Yes.
16:08
Heike: He says, Do you have any other teachers?
16:10
Heike: Do you have equipment?
16:10
Heike: Do you have anything?
16:11
Heike: And I said, No, I don't.
16:13
Heike: He's like, Nobody's gonna give you a loan.
16:16
Heike: And that literally shut me down.
16:20
Cassandra: Okay.
16:21
Heike: And I said, Well, I guess this is that.
16:24
Heike: I don't have any, you know, I don't have any followers like other teachers that teach for me.
16:29
Heike: And I just went back to working for other places, but more concise.
16:34
Heike: I worked for a studio in Silver Spring, I'm sorry, uh in DC, and then I ventured out closer to where I'm now in Silver Spring, in Bethesda, and there was a fitness Pilates studio, and I set up my two camps there, which was more manageable than going all over the place.
16:50
Cassandra: Yeah, yeah.
16:51
Heike: Wow.
16:52
Heike: And then in 2012, right after a snowstorm, my second husband and I were looking for a place that we would call our home.
17:00
Heike: And uh we looked in everywhere, Bethesda and Chevy Chase.
17:03
Heike: So these are all places, guys, that are around Silver Spring, which is near Washington, DC.
17:09
Heike: Uh-huh.
17:09
Heike: And we found a house in Silver Spring, and uh nobody else showed up because it was a snowstorm.
17:15
Heike: And uh we walked in, and the and I called my studio the formerly known garage, like it's an artist, the formerly known garage.
17:24
Heike: Uh-huh.
17:24
Heike: My husband walked in and said, There's your studio, we're buying this house.
17:28
Heike: Uh-huh.
17:29
Heike: The garage already finished with a waiting area, a bathroom, and a big area where I could put all the equipment that I had bought in stored places.
17:40
Heike: And it was separate from the house, so nobody would go in my house, which I value very much.
17:46
Heike: I I like my privacy.
17:48
Heike: Yes.
17:49
Heike: And he said, We're buying this house.
17:51
Heike: There's your studio.
17:52
Heike: I, Cassandra, I was like, No, no, no.
17:55
Heike: I I'm not sure if I can just do this right now.
17:57
Cassandra: Yeah, exactly.
17:58
Cassandra: It just fell in your lap.
18:00
Heike: It fell in my lap.
18:01
Heike: And and I remember the I one person I started with, Erica.
18:07
Heike: I said, How did you find me?
18:09
Heike: And she says, Oh, I Googled, and you're in my neighborhood.
18:12
Heike: She was my very first client.
18:14
Heike: And when you come from all these well-to-do clips in studios, and they got D dots and all the schnicky schnacks.
18:23
Heike: Yeah.
18:24
Heike: And I didn't, I was very basic.
18:26
Heike: Here's the workout.
18:27
Heike: I painted everything, decorated it.
18:29
Heike: And she says, You should be proud of yourself.
18:32
Heike: Look at how great spaces.
18:34
Heike: And I did not see that it was that great.
18:37
Heike: It was the formerly known garage to me that I pepped up.
18:41
Heike: And she says, It's private, people will love it.
18:43
Heike: You have everything a studio needs to help people get stronger, healthier, more flexible.
18:49
Heike: She's be proud of yourself.
18:52
Cassandra: Wow.
18:52
Cassandra: Wow.
18:53
Cassandra: It's like it was meant to be.
18:55
Cassandra: And I loved it because they, you know, there's a saying, when the student's ready, the teacher will appear.
19:01
Cassandra: Although you were like, uh-uh, uh, this is too much, blah, blah, blah.
19:05
Cassandra: And then all these self-imposed barriers, like, uh, you probably were doubting, you know, probably a lot of things were going on in your mind about this studio that just fell in your lap.
19:21
Cassandra: That's that is amazing.
19:22
Cassandra: That is amazing.
19:24
Cassandra: Now, you know, now we we talked about your midlife, what I would call the the midlife fitness expert.
19:32
Cassandra: Now, I want to talk about midlife.
19:36
Cassandra: First of all, what is midlife?
19:39
Cassandra: What does that mean?
19:40
Cassandra: Is that an age, a mindset, or what what is that?
19:45
Heike: Well, when I wrote my book for women in midlife, one of my friends who also had written a book a couple years ago, she said, Well, you're gonna be 64.
19:56
Heike: And that was last year when I published my book.
19:58
Heike: She says, You're no longer midlife.
20:00
Heike: You should have written your book for the matron.
20:02
Heike: And I was I was in shock.
20:06
Heike: And I say, Well, what?
20:08
Heike: Matron, like how old is that?
20:11
Heike: And we know all the the matriarchs, the the maiden, the mother, and and so on.
20:17
Heike: And I said, you know what?
20:18
Heike: To me, midlife starts at 40 and goes to at least at this point till 80.
20:24
Heike: And here's what I how I think.
20:26
Heike: Most people think of midlife 50, menopause.
20:29
Heike: Okay, clear-cut, that's where we are with midlife.
20:32
Heike: But women have become so much more vocal, outgoing, adventurous.
20:38
Heike: There's so many women who start new careers and new adventures in their 60s, 70s, and even 80s.
20:45
Heike: And I feel that at 40 is when most women have raised their kids, at least mostly, that they're may not be quite empty nesters, but they're they they're already starting with the empty nesting idea that kids go to college or go away from home.
21:03
Heike: They already may deal with parents that are aging that already encroach on our space, space where we want need to be, we are the sandwich generation in my mind.
21:16
Heike: And this is already where we feel that things are changing, that we need to make choices at that point from being an empty, almost empty nester, maybe then going forward to going through menopause, then going forward to finishing a career.
21:33
Heike: Do I want to retire or do I want to do something else?
21:37
Cassandra: Yes, right.
21:39
Heike: And so we have these choices, and that to me is midlife is 40 to 80.
21:45
Heike: And the person who instigated the book, the idea came from one of my clients who's 80.
21:57
Cassandra: The active client, I should say.
21:59
Cassandra: Yep.
21:59
Cassandra: That's great.
22:02
Cassandra: That's great.
22:03
Cassandra: Um wow.
22:05
Cassandra: I'm glad you said that because I remember when I turned 40, I started getting AARP magazines, and I and I and I I really had an attitude like, why am I getting this?
22:16
Cassandra: This is for old people, you know.
22:18
Cassandra: So for you to say that, um, now do you think also midlife?
22:25
Cassandra: Let's talk about the mindset and the midlife, because you are midlife fitness expert.
22:34
Cassandra: And there was a reason.
22:36
Cassandra: First of all, you were motivated, motivated for this fitness thing when you had gained weight after you had a child.
22:42
Cassandra: So that was motivation.
22:43
Cassandra: And then when you when your husband said, This is the house.
22:47
Cassandra: That's the garage.
22:48
Cassandra: You're like, wow, okay, I'm on to something.
22:51
Cassandra: And then, you know, so you had a client, the 80-year person, and then you didn't tell me how old the first client was, but why did you start focusing more on midlife?
23:06
Heike: I feel personally, and my book is a lot about stories about my experiences, what I think, and those of my clients.
23:14
Heike: I feel personally that every 10 years I go through a change.
23:18
Heike: Nothing, let's not even talk about midlife crisis because we don't have a crisis.
23:24
Heike: Somebody to be a crisis, which it's not, it's a reinvention, it's a becoming of yourself.
23:31
Heike: It's a moving out of um who you're supposed to be in different roles in life.
23:39
Heike: And so it's not necessarily anything dramatic, but it's when I think in my 30s, this is when I wanted my divorce.
23:47
Heike: This is when I wanted my freedom.
23:49
Heike: When I muddled through all of that, in my 40s, I wanted to be a bodybuilder, fitness competitor.
23:58
Heike: Um, wanted to do crazy races like marathons and ultra marathons.
24:04
Heike: So I had my fitness route that was my focus.
24:08
Heike: And so on.
24:10
Heike: And now I'm I'm gonna be 65 this year, and I have a different uh different idea of what my next until 70 should look like.
24:21
Heike: And I think a lot of women do that and they just don't realize it, they get unsettled, they get in their way, as you say, of not recognizing that something has changed.
24:34
Heike: It doesn't have to be dramatic, guys.
24:36
Heike: When when you listen to this, it doesn't have to be that you're getting a divorce, turning upside down, travel the world for the next year, or doing whatever it is you do.
24:44
Heike: Right could be it could be as simply as you're saying, you know, I always wanted to start knitting.
24:49
Heike: Yeah, yeah.
24:50
Heike: And as simple as it sounds, to realize that need can be harder than we think.
24:59
Cassandra: Yes, that's true.
25:00
Cassandra: That's true, that's true.
25:02
Cassandra: Wow.
25:03
Cassandra: What um do you find women resisting?
25:11
Cassandra: I want to say midlife, like you know, because they're getting older.
25:16
Cassandra: What are some common themes you are finding in women that are getting older?
25:22
Cassandra: Are they resisting?
25:23
Cassandra: Are they resilient?
25:25
Cassandra: Are they settling?
25:26
Cassandra: Or what's happening with them?
25:29
Heike: It's a whole bowl of wax, right?
25:31
Heike: All of it.
25:32
Heike: But I but I think a lot of us we're are afraid when we address something new and unfamiliar.
25:42
Heike: And how dare we want something for ourselves?
25:46
Heike: And how dare we carving time away from everybody else, taking away from our caregiving duties that we that somebody said we should be doing.
25:57
Heike: Um, and we feel guilty.
25:59
Heike: I think fear and guilt and shame to me are the three things that I find so many women women struggle with, and that we're not worthy of any of the things we desire.
26:12
Heike: Interesting.
26:15
Cassandra: Guilt and shame.
26:17
Cassandra: And fear, yeah.
26:19
Cassandra: Yeah, and fear.
26:20
Cassandra: Do you think um regret is part of that for some women?
26:27
Cassandra: Like they think they perhaps should have done this.
26:29
Cassandra: Now they're at this age, and shame on me, or like I don't hear that as often.
26:38
Heike: Okay, the regrets doesn't seem to be as as loud as all the others.
26:45
Cassandra: Okay, okay.
26:47
Cassandra: Now, now I I want to get to your book, and I've I've I've seen some testimonies that individuals says, Yeah, um, the pursue your spark, right?
26:59
Cassandra: And you also said you wrote another book before about midlife.
27:03
Cassandra: Okay, okay, because I heard you said something about midlife book or something.
27:08
Cassandra: Okay, um, uh, okay, so we talked a little bit about identity shifts.
27:15
Cassandra: Like you said, when you get 40, you know, I'm thinking this 50.
27:19
Cassandra: Um, and I've also heard testimonies about individuals that read your book.
27:27
Cassandra: Show that book again.
27:29
Cassandra: Show my beautiful orange book.
27:31
Cassandra: That's beautiful.
27:33
Cassandra: That's my color.
27:34
Cassandra: Pursue your spark.
27:35
Cassandra: Yeah, what is it in that book?
27:38
Cassandra: Where and then you have a framework for, but I've I've seen read about testimonies how people said the book changed them.
27:45
Cassandra: What what tell us about that book?
27:49
Cassandra: Like, what is it about that book that's so dynamic?
27:53
Heike: It is written simply, it's not complicated to read, and you can read it top to bottom or front to back, actually, in a book, front to back.
28:03
Heike: And or you say, Let me just look into the different chapters.
28:09
Heike: What is it I'm most curious about right now?
28:12
Heike: And one of the one of the stories in um that happened during my book launch was, and that's not in the book because it happened at the book launch.
28:23
Heike: One of the people that came to my book launch said, So, Heike, how will your book help me?
28:28
Heike: I just lost my job and I don't seem to be able to find a job.
28:32
Heike: And I say, Well, I cannot help you find a job, but here's what I can do.
28:39
Heike: Look at under the R in the Spark.
28:42
Heike: This is the roadblocks.
28:44
Heike: Read through the roadblocks, see what you can take away from the roadblocks as it applies to you.
28:52
Heike: Is it that you're not stepping up strong enough in an interview, that you're timid, or you step up too strong?
29:00
Heike: Are you articulate?
29:02
Heike: What do you really want when you're looking for a job?
29:05
Heike: Are you looking everywhere?
29:06
Heike: Or can you be more specific about what it is you're looking for?
29:10
Heike: What is it?
29:11
Heike: How do you how do you deal with rejection?
29:14
Heike: I said, look under the R for roadblock, and it's not a how to find yourself a job, but it's the mindset strategies that come along with this.
29:24
Heike: And I find the people that have used a book so far have found that it is not a fitness nutrition book.
29:34
Heike: It is supported by fitness and nutrition strategies.
29:36
Heike: We have six worksheets in the book that that are supplemental to what it is you might need, where you where you might be stuck with your nutrition.
29:45
Heike: But overall, it's it really is a book to help you think about what it is, where you are, find your curiosity, set boundaries with yourself and others, and then pursue your dreams.
30:03
Heike: Go for what it is that you really want, and really creating more clarity along the way.
30:12
Heike: That's and you can and you can always go back and say, you know what?
30:17
Heike: I read the the roadblock, but now I need an inspiration.
30:21
Heike: I need an S from Heike.
30:22
Heike: What is she doing when I need inspiration?
30:25
Heike: Well, the S I call the scan.
30:27
Heike: You're scanning your environment, you're scanning what you want, where you are, what you do, what you would like to do to figure out where is your next spark coming from?
30:42
Cassandra: Okay, all right, that's good.
30:44
Cassandra: I like that.
30:45
Cassandra: I like that.
30:46
Cassandra: So is that is the framework the acronym SPART?
30:52
Cassandra: Yep.
30:53
Cassandra: Okay.
30:54
Cassandra: So so what does it stand for?
30:57
Cassandra: Spa I know about the the roadblock and the inspiration.
31:02
Heike: What about the other alphabet?
31:04
Heike: The S starts with the scanning, or oftentimes in our in our industry, we call it the why.
31:11
Heike: And when you tell your your clients to think about their why, they're already rolling their eyes.
31:16
Heike: Right, that's true.
31:17
Cassandra: That's right.
31:18
Heike: I'm like, oh my god.
31:18
Heike: So we're scanning in hike is world.
31:20
Heike: We're scanning where we are, what we want, what we have, what we need, what we don't have.
31:26
Heike: And then the P is we plan.
31:29
Heike: So whatever the choice, whatever you have scanned, and let's use let's use running as an example.
31:37
Heike: You want to run.
31:39
Heike: You see people running, and you think that's really cool.
31:42
Heike: But so far, all you've been air quotes, walking is I guess from I'm just walking hiking.
31:48
Heike: I'm like, great.
31:49
Heike: But you want a little more.
31:51
Heike: So you would scan.
31:53
Heike: Number one, are my knees good enough?
31:55
Heike: Is my back holding up?
31:57
Heike: Do I have shoes?
31:58
Heike: Where would I run?
31:59
Heike: How far would I run?
32:01
Heike: What would it look like if I'd actually start running?
32:04
Heike: Am I looking to run long distance?
32:06
Heike: Or do I want to start with maybe a three miler or 5k?
32:11
Heike: What really what really lights me up right now?
32:13
Heike: And then you go for the P.
32:15
Heike: You plan.
32:16
Heike: You said, All right, I don't have shoes.
32:18
Heike: I need to go buy shoes.
32:19
Heike: Right.
32:19
Heike: Let's go to a reputable running store and get some shoes.
32:23
Heike: I don't have any clothes.
32:24
Heike: Okay, order some from wherever you order your clothes.
32:26
Heike: I don't know how to run.
32:28
Heike: Okay, maybe I join a running club because they all show you how to do that.
32:33
Heike: And then once you have all these bits and pieces, or even just one bit of the piece in place, then you take action, which is the A.
32:41
Heike: You take action and see what happens.
32:45
Heike: Is my goal realistic?
32:48
Heike: Is running at five in the morning something that I will continue to do, or did I just think about this would be great?
32:54
Heike: But then I'm like, oh my god, no, I'm not.
32:56
Heike: Um, which would be a roadblock.
33:01
Heike: This is your first.
33:02
Heike: I'm not going to keep doing this because 5 a.m.
33:05
Heike: is not working for me.
33:06
Heike: So then you figure out your roadblocks.
33:09
Heike: Oh, the shoe may not fit well.
33:11
Heike: You need another pair of shoes.
33:13
Cassandra: Right.
33:13
Heike: Then you go back to where are we?
33:15
Heike: The roadblock, the R.
33:17
Heike: So we are, yep, we're looking at it again, and we're thinking, okay, so we're another action's action step.
33:25
Heike: So now we we overcame that roadblock, and now we're we're taking the next action step and see if this is what aligns more with our original goal.
33:36
Heike: And then the K is for keeping momentum, where you say, Okay, I got all the pieces of those spark together, and I'm going.
33:46
Heike: And as you're going, you may say, Oh, I really don't like running.
33:51
Heike: You go back to the S.
33:53
Cassandra: Yeah.
33:54
Heike: And say, you know, I'd rather I'd rather do hiking.
33:57
Heike: Yeah.
33:57
Heike: Let's regroup.
33:59
Heike: And it's so beautiful because it takes, you can go every step, you can go back and say, that that didn't work really well for me.
34:06
Heike: Let's rework this.
34:07
Heike: And it's not what I like to say, it's not a do-over.
34:11
Heike: Yeah.
34:12
Heike: It's becoming more clear about what it is that you want, that you were dreaming of, and what the reality is of those goals and aspirations.
34:22
Cassandra: Right.
34:22
Cassandra: That's great.
34:23
Cassandra: The scan, the plan, the action roadblocks, and keep the momentum.
34:28
Cassandra: Was there a chapter that was challenging for you when you were writing?
34:33
Heike: The most challenging, it's funny that you asked that.
34:36
Heike: I just had a call with my editor last week, and they asked me similar questions about the book.
34:42
Heike: The hardest part was to write the personal stories to let go of the stories that I didn't necessarily want to share with everybody.
34:56
Heike: That I was like, Do I have to write about this?
34:59
Heike: And there was one story that did not make the book, which they were laughing.
35:03
Heike: I said, It's the the boyfriend did not make this book.
35:07
Heike: I he has no, he was he was the guy who broke my heart in between my marriages.
35:13
Heike: And we all agreed, no, no, he has no life in this book.
35:19
Heike: He is not contributing to anything.
35:21
Heike: Okay.
35:23
Heike: But everything else, like, you know, how I got there, and also makes you rethink about the steps that you're taking or have taken and the hardships you endured and the joys that came along the way, and really being open, like an onion, where you peel back the layers, and then you keep really the most impactful stories, and some I had to gnaw on it.
35:48
Heike: I really did.
35:51
Cassandra: But I bet you found I remember with my book, it I if it was like healing for me.
35:57
Cassandra: Um, and there were times I think I was in my way because of my personal stories.
36:03
Cassandra: I did not want to tell, you know, but yet I had to get out of my way in order to be more effective and helping people get out of their way.
36:10
Cassandra: So, so so I get it.
36:12
Cassandra: Congratulations to you because I know how it is when you're writing a book and when it's published and launching, and I know all of that.
36:20
Heike: So exhausting and exhilarating at the same time, isn't it?
36:24
Cassandra: Yes, it is, yes, it is.
36:25
Cassandra: You learn a lot and you go another level in your in your um growth, I would say.
36:30
Cassandra: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
36:32
Cassandra: Um, I know um what down to time, but um you have a free guide that provides simple shifts to help people.
36:45
Cassandra: Tell us a little bit about that guide.
36:48
Heike: It's the midlife reset.
36:50
Heike: And it's really three simple steps that you can start today.
36:55
Heike: If you feel you are so stuck, you have no clue what to do, where to go, what to read, or who to talk to.
37:04
Heike: Grab this little easy guide, and there's a little bit of nutrition, a little bit of fitness, and a little bit of mindset that you can say, oh, where am I stuck?
37:15
Heike: What works for me right now?
37:17
Heike: And so this addresses my my three areas that I talk about.
37:21
Heike: And then just give it a whirl because there's ideas of what you can do, and they're a truly simple.
37:28
Heike: Okay, we like simple.
37:30
Heike: I like simple baby steps.
37:33
Cassandra: That's my thing, right?
37:35
Cassandra: It's kind of like you're not stuck, but you're just out of alignment, right?
37:40
Cassandra: Yep.
37:41
Cassandra: And what does that mean being out of alignment?
37:44
Heike: When you think about the things you want, do the things that you want or aspire to are the things that you want or somebody else, your spouse, your family, your neighbor, who whoever else.
37:58
Heike: What is it that aligns the best with you at this moment in life?
38:03
Heike: And it that's why I think every 10 years there's a shift where we do a realignment of what we really want.
38:12
Heike: And I feel that's super important to to honor that shift, to honor that that realignment.
38:21
Heike: And it's not, and I used the word once today, it's not a reinvention.
38:24
Heike: I because I don't believe in reinventions.
38:27
Heike: We don't need to reinvent ourselves.
38:28
Heike: We're good the way we are.
38:31
Heike: Yeah, but we need to align, realign.
38:34
Heike: And when you know, a good example is exercise.
38:37
Heike: If you're with somebody that used to do uh kickboxing, yeah, and and at this point in life, number one, it bores you, it's hard, it zaps your energy.
38:46
Heike: You need to realign where your fitness and your energy comes from.
38:50
Heike: That's good, that's good, that's good.
38:55
Cassandra: Uh, yeah.
38:56
Cassandra: Um, one other question true self.
39:02
Cassandra: Uh, we've all been through many things in our lives.
39:08
Cassandra: When people say it's kind of like in my book, I said uh it's uh a guide um for helping you to be your true self.
39:21
Cassandra: What does that mean to you, your true self?
39:25
Heike: To be honest with yourself.
39:27
Heike: I don't believe in the term authentic.
39:29
Heike: Everybody wants to be authentic, whatever that means.
39:32
Heike: And I think it's just the way that I don't like the word.
39:35
Heike: Um I feel that true to yourself, to your beliefs, and to what you pressure, um not pressure, what's the word I'm looking for?
39:47
Heike: That you feel uh strongest about it.
39:52
Heike: Okay.
39:52
Heike: That that's where you have your strongest commitment to.
39:57
Heike: Okay.
39:58
Heike: What what is it that you feel strongly about that you will not um others let uh trample on you?
40:07
Cassandra: Okay, okay, yeah, because that question is that that term is tossed around a lot, you know.
40:15
Cassandra: Be your true self.
40:16
Cassandra: What is that?
40:17
Cassandra: So I was curious to what you meant by that.
40:21
Cassandra: And I like to say, you know, one of the aspects of living your best life is embracing the journey.
40:28
Cassandra: It's kind of like you're doing with your clients.
40:31
Cassandra: Um, just recognize this is a continuous process.
40:35
Cassandra: You know, it's not, it's not, it's a process of growth, it's not just a destination, you know.
40:42
Cassandra: So by what you're doing, and it's you won't have everything figured out, period.
40:48
Cassandra: Right?
40:49
Cassandra: So I love it how you've embraced your journey and you're still continuing to embrace your journey, and you've been on a journey, and uh, and you are contributing a lot to the world, to individuals.
41:04
Cassandra: And I applaud you for that because that is that is right on.
41:09
Cassandra: That that gives you meaning, gives you a reason why, you know what?
41:14
Cassandra: Hey, because I'm gonna help some, I'm gonna help somebody else out.
41:17
Cassandra: I'm gonna, you know, because at one time you were coaching, you know, and maybe you still do one-on-one coaching, I'm not sure.
41:23
Cassandra: But as we wrap up, is there anything you like to share with my individual's audience that's their way is in their way?
41:38
Heike: I would say all you need is already inside of you.
41:43
Heike: Get out of your way.
41:45
Heike: Okay, perfect.
41:48
Heike: How can my audience get in touch with you?
41:52
Heike: You can find me pretty much on all social media with my first and last name, Heike Yates, H-E-I-K-E, Y-A-T-E-S.
42:01
Heike: Or you can find my book Pursue Your Spark in all major retailers, Amazon, Barnes and Nobles.
42:08
Heike: Uh, there's a link on my website where you have different distributors where you can find my book in soft cover, in ebook, and also as an audiobook.
42:17
Cassandra: Okay.
42:18
Cassandra: And did you uh narrate your book?
42:21
Heike: No, I did not.
42:22
Cassandra: Oh, okay.
42:22
Cassandra: All right.
42:23
Heike: I have I have the I have the beautiful Caroline do that for me.
42:27
Heike: It is, she did an amazing job.
42:30
Cassandra: Oh, great, great.
42:32
Cassandra: Well, I think this will end our podcast.
42:35
Cassandra: I again I want to thank you.
42:37
Cassandra: It was a pleasure um to speak with you and for you to be one of my guests.
42:43
Cassandra: Um, as for individuals that will see the MP4 version, I'm gonna do two.
42:51
Cassandra: The video and the um the um mp3, just the talking.
42:57
Cassandra: So the mp4, yeah, you'll see again.
43:00
Cassandra: The sun is in my face, and now it's time for me to close and everything.
43:04
Cassandra: But yeah, that does not negate the message that we received today.
43:08
Cassandra: So again, Heike, thank you so much.
43:11
Cassandra: And I look forward to us staying in touch since we live close by and well done.
43:18
Cassandra: And as I say to my audience, thank you.
43:21
Cassandra: If you find this podcast to be of value, which you will, please share it with one somebody that you know that this will be a blessing again.
43:30
Cassandra: Yankee, thank you.
43:32
Cassandra: God bless my audience.
43:35
Cassandra: God bless you too.
43:36
Cassandra: As I always say, bye for now.
43:39
Cassandra: Thanks again.