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Transcript

Screens Are Good... Sometimes · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

• 0:05
  Speaker 1: Hi, Welcome to the Happy Families Podcast. It's Friday. It
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: means that we revisit the week that was and share lessons, ideas,
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: and maybe even activities that could make a difference in
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  Speaker 1: helping your family to be happier based on what's happening
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  Speaker 1: in our home today. Kylie's insight into how involving grandparents
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  Speaker 1: and technology can make your kids happier, and my little
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  Speaker 1: insight about a whole lot of little things stay with us.
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  Speaker 2: Good day.
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: Welcome to the Happy Families podcast, Real parenting solutions every
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: single day on Australia's most downloaded parenting podcast. We are
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: Justin and Kylie Colsonhan. We're supposed to have some banter
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: at the start of this podcast. Is there anything you'd
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: like to banter about?
• 0:49
  Speaker 3: I am so over three am starts.
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  Speaker 1: Oh yeah, so we've mentioned this a couple of times
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  Speaker 1: on the pod. Our daughter at industry school. She is
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  Speaker 1: mucking out horse stables from literally three am. We have
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  Speaker 1: to leave the house just before three to drive her
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  Speaker 1: to the racetrack.
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  Speaker 2: And I really shouldn't be complaining because I'm not the
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  Speaker 2: one who has to muck them out. No, she has
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  Speaker 2: to get up, get herself ready, I do the driving driver.
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  Speaker 2: He there and then she works for five hours.
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  Speaker 1: That's been and can I just mention I'm exhausted thinking
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  Speaker 1: about I don't know if I should say this on
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  Speaker 1: a but you've been a big grump this week, and
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  Speaker 1: it's all because you're getting up at three o'clock in
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  Speaker 1: the morning, and that's not what life's meant to be.
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  Speaker 1: These are the things we do for our kids. So
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  Speaker 1: amid all of your exhaustion, do you have an i'd
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  Speaker 1: do better tomorrow for us?
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  Speaker 3: I sure do.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, let's hear it.
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  Speaker 2: We give screens a really hard wrap for the most
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  Speaker 2: part on the podcast.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, justifiably so for the most part.
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  Speaker 3: But I just think that sometimes they come in handy
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  Speaker 3: and we can utilize them to our advantage. So our
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  Speaker 3: grand baby, she only lives ten minutes down the road,
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  Speaker 3: she's almost two, and she has had a massive vocabulary,
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  Speaker 3: that kind of the word. She has had a massive vocabulatecabulary.
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  Speaker 1: I believe you in you, I believe in you. I
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  Speaker 1: know you can do this.
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  Speaker 3: She has a massive.
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  Speaker 1: This is what getting up and came for three am
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  Speaker 1: drives five days in a row will do to you.
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  Speaker 1: Maybe I need to be let's drive one more time.
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  Speaker 3: She's had a massive vocabulary.
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  Speaker 1: Is that how you say you got it?
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  Speaker 2: Yeah?
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  Speaker 1: Explosions and goes wild. I don't even know where we're
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  Speaker 1: going with this. I'd bit tomorrow, but this has been
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  Speaker 1: attaining so far.
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  Speaker 3: And so she usually wakes up in the morning and
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  Speaker 3: she says, ring wall we and so she'll she'll ring.
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  Speaker 1: Me yeah, so you're Lolly, I'm Pops okay instead of
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  Speaker 1: Nan and Granddad Lolly and Pops. So she'll say wing
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  Speaker 1: wing wa.
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  Speaker 2: So she's so adorable, and we FaceTime and as soon
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  Speaker 2: as my face comes up onto the screen like she's
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  Speaker 2: you can see she's looking in anticipation, and then she
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  Speaker 2: sees me and she's like, it's whoey.
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  Speaker 3: She's so excited. And then at nighttime, before she goes
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  Speaker 3: to bed, she'll often ask if she can ring as well,
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  Speaker 3: and I just I love how technology allows us to
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  Speaker 3: be in the same space even though we're not. And
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  Speaker 3: so the other night she was showing me her favorite
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  Speaker 3: bedtime story, and so we actually got to share a
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  Speaker 3: bedtime story, even though I was sitting in my lounge
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  Speaker 3: room and she was sitting in her bed, and it
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  Speaker 3: was just this beautiful moment, and I thought how much
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  Speaker 3: richer life is because of technology and how it allows
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  Speaker 3: us to connect with the people that we love in
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  Speaker 3: such meaningful ways, in a way that we've never been
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  Speaker 3: able to do before.
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  Speaker 1: So this goes back to this thing that I've been
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  Speaker 1: saying for our long time. Imagine if you used your
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  Speaker 1: technology like you use a toothbrush, so it's just a tool.
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  Speaker 1: You don't ever sit there and think, oh, it's been
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  Speaker 1: an age since I've checked my toothbrush. I should just
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  Speaker 1: go and have a look at it, like that's not
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  Speaker 1: what you do, because it's not designed for anything except
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  Speaker 1: brushing your teeth. And if we were to use tech
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  Speaker 1: for the things that it's really truly been designed for,
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  Speaker 1: high quality connection, getting business done, like really doing good
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  Speaker 1: things technology, I wouldn't have a bad thing to say
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  Speaker 1: about it. It's just that it's been co opted by
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  Speaker 1: these mendatious CEOs who are just devastatingly harmful to children.
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  Speaker 1: What you're describing here is what I think is premium
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  Speaker 1: optimal technology use.
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  Speaker 3: And I just I think our children's lives are richer for.
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  Speaker 1: It, Like our daughter's vocabulary go so easily showing off.
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  Speaker 2: Now I just love how much richer our grand baby's
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  Speaker 2: life is because she gets to experience relationships that she
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  Speaker 2: otherwise wouldn't have access to.
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  Speaker 1: Okay, so I'm seeing a practical take home message here,
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  Speaker 1: what's yours before I jump in, Maybe you've got the
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  Speaker 1: same thing in mind.
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  Speaker 3: All of us have access to this technology, utilize it
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  Speaker 3: to your advantage. If your grandparents don't live close by,
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  Speaker 3: give them a call, Let the kids have FaceTime with them,
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  Speaker 3: let them read stories like The more we have the
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  Speaker 3: loved ones in our lives, the more connected, the more
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  Speaker 3: grounded we are, and the more sense of identity our
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  Speaker 3: children develop.
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  Speaker 1: And I'm even thinking, if you've got kids that are
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  Speaker 1: a certain age and you can't go to the bathroom
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  Speaker 1: in peace, you could actually call your mom or your
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  Speaker 1: dad or you're in walls and say, hey, I just
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  Speaker 1: need five minutes. Would you have a five minute FaceTime
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  Speaker 1: chat with your grandchild while I have five minutes of privacy,
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  Speaker 1: I just need to go to the bathroom and driving
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  Speaker 1: me up the wall and I reckon. Most grandparents would say, yeah,
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  Speaker 1: I gotcha, I've got youa.
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  Speaker 2: Over the years, your mum has done a wonderful job
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  Speaker 2: at that. She has listened to them waffle or drag
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  Speaker 2: drag the phone around the house.
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  Speaker 1: She's really listening, but she was on the phone with
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  Speaker 1: them while they waffled. Yeah, all right, I love that
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  Speaker 1: take home message in just a sec the little things
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  Speaker 1: that add up to big things. My older Better Tomorrow
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  Speaker 1: on the Happy Face Emily's podcast, Stay with us. Okay, Kylie,
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  Speaker 1: we've heard about you and your sudden enthusiasm for technology.
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  Speaker 1: I guess it plays a positive role in our lives
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  Speaker 1: when we are intentional about using it the right way. Mine,
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  Speaker 1: my old do better Tomorrow. I haven't really filled you
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  Speaker 1: in on this, and I always get in trouble for cheating.
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  Speaker 1: But here's the thing I left on Monday. We had
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  Speaker 1: a massive weekend, and unfortunately a lot of it wasn't
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  Speaker 1: family related. Huge weekend. We're in a situation now where
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  Speaker 1: we've got one child who's going off to deal with
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  Speaker 1: horses at three in the morning for her work experience,
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  Speaker 1: and all of our big kids are kind of big
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  Speaker 1: and doing stuff. We've only got Emily at home. We
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  Speaker 1: always get in trouble for talking too much about Emily
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  Speaker 1: from the other kids who don't feel like they get
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  Speaker 1: to get any star power at all on the podcast,
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  Speaker 1: and this week I left on Tuesday morning after having
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  Speaker 1: a flat chat weekend and Monday, and I've been in
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  Speaker 1: Victoria all week. So it's been a really, really busy
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  Speaker 1: and intense week and it's hard to do an older
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  Speaker 1: better tomorrow. But I'm not cheating, I promise. Here's mine.
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  Speaker 1: I want to emphasize the value of the little things,
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  Speaker 1: especially when you don't have time for an opportunity to
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  Speaker 1: get involved in the big things. But the reality is,
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  Speaker 1: go again, I believe in you, You've got this.
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  Speaker 3: But the reality is that the big things in our
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  Speaker 3: lives are actually made up of a whole heap of
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  Speaker 3: small things.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, and the little things actually are the big things.
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  Speaker 3: That's right.
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  Speaker 1: So here are my little things that I've just relished
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  Speaker 1: this week. Are about to be eighteen year old daughter.
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  Speaker 1: Whenever she walks in the door or whenever she sees
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  Speaker 1: us in the corridor, her face lights up and she goes,
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  Speaker 1: what's up? And I cherish it. I mean, I just
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  Speaker 1: relish it. It tells me and he's in a good
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  Speaker 1: mood and he's feeling like she wants to. It's just delightful.
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  Speaker 2: They've all got their own entrance because our twenty two
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  Speaker 2: year old daughter walks in and she's like, Lucy, I'm home. Yeah.
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  Speaker 1: She steals that from I love from the TV showing
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  Speaker 1: like the fifties or sixties or whatever it is.
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  Speaker 3: Before we showed it to her, she was like, what's six.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, and she's held onto it whenever she walks in
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  Speaker 1: the front door. Lucy, I'm home. That's great. But I
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  Speaker 1: love the wo's up. It just makes me smile, It
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  Speaker 1: makes me happy. We've got a couple of kids who
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  Speaker 1: can't walk past us in the corridor or bump into
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  Speaker 1: us in the kitchen without asking for a high five
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  Speaker 1: or a fist pump. And I reflect on all of
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  Speaker 1: the research that shows that the most winningest teams, it's
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  Speaker 1: such an American word, but the winningest teams in the
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  Speaker 1: NBA are the teams that touch each other the most,
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  Speaker 1: like the players are high fiving and tapping each other
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  Speaker 1: on the bum and we've got kids that do that.
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  Speaker 1: While I haven't been home a lot this week, every
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  Speaker 1: time I have been home, are very, very tired. Fifteen
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  Speaker 1: year old keeps on sort of creeping up on me
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  Speaker 1: out of nowhere and then resting her head on my shoulder.
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  Speaker 1: And putting her arms around my waist and just asking
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  Speaker 1: for a cuddle, and a couple of times it's been
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  Speaker 1: really inconvenient. I like, I don't have time for a cuddle.
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  Speaker 1: I'm busy. And then I'm like, oh my goodness, I'm
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  Speaker 1: a parenting expert, and I'll put my arm around her
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  Speaker 1: and pull her close and tight and put my cheek
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  Speaker 1: against her chin or her sorry, her forehead, and just
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  Speaker 1: have that moment Emily and a bike ride, just grand
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  Speaker 1: baby stuff. Like those FaceTime calls. I keep on getting
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  Speaker 1: them at the wrong time. They're really inconvenient, but I
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  Speaker 1: hear that little baby girl say hi, pops, and I'm
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  Speaker 1: just in heaven. And maybe a big one. To wrap
• 9:38
  Speaker 1: up with, first date enthusiasm. One of our kids went
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  Speaker 1: on a first date this week with somebody who has
• 9:44
  Speaker 1: demonstrated some level of interest. And seeing the thrill in
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  Speaker 1: her face, seeing the way that she came home and
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  Speaker 1: wanted to tell us all about it, and the enthusiasm
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  Speaker 1: and the delight that she got from it. These are
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  Speaker 1: all just little things. It's about she doesn't you like him?
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  Speaker 1: I don't like any boy that's interested in our daughters.
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  Speaker 1: She would be absolutely right.
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  Speaker 3: I asked her, why not? She said, did you hear
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  Speaker 3: the way Dad interrogated me at the end?
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  Speaker 1: I just wanted to know about him.
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  Speaker 2: Well, what was so funny is I was part of
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  Speaker 2: that conversation. But she didn't think I was interrogating her.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean I did say how old is he?
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  Speaker 1: What does he do for work? Where does he live?
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  Speaker 1: I probably had about fifteen questions, just one after the
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  Speaker 1: other after the other. But here's the other thing they've
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  Speaker 1: got on a first date. She doesn't know the answer
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  Speaker 1: to ninety percent of my questions, like what did you
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  Speaker 1: talk about?
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  Speaker 4: Seriously, it's about getting to know each other. You don't
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  Speaker 4: know any of the stuff that matters. How much does
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  Speaker 4: he earn? What qualifications does he have? She didn't know,
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  Speaker 4: She didn't know anything.
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  Speaker 1: Wow, doesn't even know what Carrie drives.
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  Speaker 3: It's just big.
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  Speaker 1: It was big. Yeah, I thought it was the little one.
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  Speaker 1: It was the big one. Anyway. That's my old about
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  Speaker 1: it tomorrow. It's about, no matter how busy you are,
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: and no matter how much your travel or how many
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  Speaker 1: commitments are stacking up or how tired you are, to
• 11:00
  Speaker 1: be able to pause and just sit in that moment
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  Speaker 1: and cherish the connections whatever they are, the way that
• 11:08
  Speaker 1: our children feel seen, hurt and valued by us, it
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  Speaker 1: really makes family life joyful, purely, delightfully joyful. So this weekend,
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  Speaker 1: we hope that a your kids get to have some
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  Speaker 1: maybe face to face time, and if not face to
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  Speaker 1: face time, maybe just some face time online with their
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  Speaker 1: grandparents because that is good for relationships. And number two,
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  Speaker 1: that you get the opportunity to really connect with your kids,
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  Speaker 1: even if it's just small stuff. Taking those moments of
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  Speaker 1: connection can build relationships in such healthy ways. That's all
• 11:41
  Speaker 1: for this week. Thanks so much for listening. We really
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: hope that this helps your family to be happier. If
• 11:46
  Speaker 1: it does, will you share this podcast with people who
• 11:48
  Speaker 1: are close to you. Just shouldn't be a quick text
• 11:50
  Speaker 1: and say, hey, check out this podcast. It helps me
• 11:54
  Speaker 1: to be a bitter parent and I'm hoping that maybe
• 11:55
  Speaker 1: it helps you to be a better parent too. We
• 11:58
  Speaker 1: will be a much less sleep deprived next week. We
• 12:02
  Speaker 1: can't wait to share more with you. Thanks so much
• 12:04
  Speaker 1: for listening. The Happy Families podcast is produced by Justin
• 12:06
  Speaker 1: Ruland from Bridge Media. Mim Hammond's assists with research, admin
• 12:11
  Speaker 1: and other support. If you would like to make your
• 12:14
  Speaker 1: family happy. We've got a thousand bajillion resources at happy
• 12:17
  Speaker 1: families dot com dot au. Have a great weekend and
• 12:20
  Speaker 1: we'll talk to you on Monday.