Latest / DA CREW Podcast / BELIEVE IN THE JOURNEY HOSTED BY TRIVEDA HARRIS | EVERY 2ND SUNDAY & 4TH THURSDAY |After the Vows: A Wife’s Story: Anthology

Transcript

BELIEVE IN THE JOURNEY HOSTED BY TRIVEDA HARRIS | EVERY 2ND SUNDAY & 4TH THURSDAY |After the Vows: A Wife’s Story: Anthology · DA CREW Podcast

• 1:05
  Speaker 1: Gentle light, I have your attention. Please the show starts
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: it my seven six Hill three two, fol.
• 1:34
  Speaker 2: Good evening and welcome to Believe in the Journey.
• 1:36
  Speaker 3: Podcast where I am your host, Trivita Harris, and tonight
• 1:40
  Speaker 3: we are going to be talking to Latanya Little John
• 1:43
  Speaker 3: about her book After the Vows Away, a Wife's Story
• 1:49
  Speaker 3: and listen, you, guys, I happen to be a contributing
• 1:54
  Speaker 3: author of this book, and when I tell you, it
• 1:59
  Speaker 3: was an honor to be part of this book.
• 2:02
  Speaker 2: But it's also a story and a subject.
• 2:05
  Speaker 3: Line that we don't always talk about because you know,
• 2:09
  Speaker 3: you think about your wedding day, no one really and
• 2:11
  Speaker 3: truly thinks about getting divorced or anything like that. But
• 2:14
  Speaker 3: we're gonna talk about the good, the bad, and the
• 2:17
  Speaker 3: indifferent and what it looks like for all of us now.
• 2:21
  Speaker 2: So not only do we have Latania Little John, we
• 2:24
  Speaker 2: have the.
• 2:24
  Speaker 3: Other two contributed authors along with myself and Latania. And
• 2:29
  Speaker 3: that is not just Scott and the one and only
• 2:33
  Speaker 3: missus Angela Thomas Smith.
• 2:35
  Speaker 2: So hey girl, hey honey, how are you? I am good?
• 2:42
  Speaker 3: And you know, before we do anything, we have to
• 2:44
  Speaker 3: go to God in prayer and then we'll.
• 2:47
  Speaker 2: Get started on what led you to making this book.
• 2:50
  Speaker 3: All right, Dear heavenly Father, thank you for bringing us
• 2:54
  Speaker 3: together each and every time we're in front of you.
• 2:56
  Speaker 3: Let the words of my mouth fall upon the ears
• 2:58
  Speaker 3: that need to hear, and hopefully the ones that are
• 3:01
  Speaker 3: listening tonight, and if they're going through a hard time
• 3:04
  Speaker 3: and their relationship, their marriage, and they are looking to
• 3:08
  Speaker 3: find a way out, but hopefully they can find their
• 3:12
  Speaker 3: way back together, because divorce is usually the last option
• 3:15
  Speaker 3: and some things are just unforgivable and we know that,
• 3:18
  Speaker 3: and we also know when it's time to walk away.
• 3:21
  Speaker 3: But as long as they keep you first, they will
• 3:24
  Speaker 3: be all right. But I thank you for bringing us
• 3:27
  Speaker 3: together tonight. So let the words of my mouth fall
• 3:29
  Speaker 3: upon they need to hear, and your precious and holy
• 3:32
  Speaker 3: name Jesus, we pray Amen.
• 3:34
  Speaker 4: Amen.
• 3:36
  Speaker 3: Al right, first question I have is what made you
• 3:41
  Speaker 3: decide on putting together an anthology about a wife's story
• 3:47
  Speaker 3: and how did you even come up with the title.
• 3:50
  Speaker 4: So sometimes when we get married, it's our wedding and
• 3:57
  Speaker 4: not well, it's my wedding and not our meaning you
• 4:02
  Speaker 4: and your spouse m And oftentimes that's what the marriage
• 4:07
  Speaker 4: looks like.
• 4:08
  Speaker 1: Is.
• 4:08
  Speaker 4: It's just as one sided as the actual wedding day.
• 4:12
  Speaker 4: I wrote from a personal experience, and just to touch
• 4:19
  Speaker 4: on that a little bit. I met my husband when
• 4:21
  Speaker 4: I was seven, Okay, I told him that I was
• 4:24
  Speaker 4: gonna marry him.
• 4:27
  Speaker 2: You can't, uh, we can't hear you in the studio,
• 4:31
  Speaker 2: Telly you.
• 4:32
  Speaker 4: Okay, what do I need to do?
• 4:36
  Speaker 3: I'm not sure. Try to go out and come back in. Okay, yeah,
• 4:42
  Speaker 3: try to do that. Okay, all right, you guys, I'm
• 4:48
  Speaker 3: sorry about that.
• 4:50
  Speaker 5: D D.
• 4:51
  Speaker 2: Can you hear us?
• 4:52
  Speaker 5: Yeah?
• 4:54
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I can't. Angela can you hear her?
• 4:57
  Speaker 1: Yes?
• 4:58
  Speaker 3: Okay, all right, Well, thank you ladies for being here tonight.
• 5:03
  Speaker 3: You guys contributed to this story as well. How was
• 5:07
  Speaker 3: it and what made you decide that you wanted to
• 5:10
  Speaker 3: be a part of this anthology?
• 5:15
  Speaker 2: Okay, can't Tanya say something real quick?
• 5:18
  Speaker 4: Something?
• 5:20
  Speaker 6: Okay?
• 5:20
  Speaker 2: Can you hear her in the studio now?
• 5:21
  Speaker 6: Yes? And you can see her in the studio now? Okay?
• 5:26
  Speaker 2: Cool?
• 5:27
  Speaker 4: You couldn't see me before?
• 5:28
  Speaker 6: You know it was saying you was offline?
• 5:31
  Speaker 4: Oh okay, Well to run it back. I did this
• 5:38
  Speaker 4: book because women often look at a wedding as being
• 5:43
  Speaker 4: just their own and not hers and her husband's, and
• 5:48
  Speaker 4: so I wanted to tell the story from a wife's
• 5:52
  Speaker 4: point of view, the beginning of the courtship, the engagement,
• 6:00
  Speaker 4: and unfortunately, the end of the marriage. And I know
• 6:06
  Speaker 4: that for me. I met my husband when I was
• 6:10
  Speaker 4: seven and I told him that I was gonna marry him,
• 6:13
  Speaker 4: and I did. Like we went through a whole lot
• 6:18
  Speaker 4: of stuff, and the thing that stuck out to me
• 6:23
  Speaker 4: the most, what really made me write the book was
• 6:29
  Speaker 4: how other people's feelings played a part in my marriage.
• 6:36
  Speaker 4: Other people's feelings were placed before that on my own.
• 6:40
  Speaker 4: And I've had conversations with him where he would tell me,
• 6:45
  Speaker 4: you know, I couldn't force him to love me. I
• 6:48
  Speaker 4: had to allow him to fall in love with me,
• 6:50
  Speaker 4: which I had thought that he already had since he
• 6:54
  Speaker 4: you know, proposed marriage or whatever. But as fate would
• 6:59
  Speaker 4: have it, our reason for well, his reason for asking
• 7:03
  Speaker 4: me didn't line up with what God had in store
• 7:06
  Speaker 4: for us. And it was rocky from the jump. And
• 7:11
  Speaker 4: so I know I'm not the only female that has
• 7:14
  Speaker 4: gone through that, and there are some husbands that have
• 7:19
  Speaker 4: gone through some things. And my perfect no was our
• 7:23
  Speaker 4: perfect wife, absolutely not. And so you know, I didn't
• 7:27
  Speaker 4: write the book to bash him, but just to tell
• 7:30
  Speaker 4: my story.
• 7:32
  Speaker 2: And I agree with that. I think it's.
• 7:36
  Speaker 3: A point where you want to be able to share
• 7:40
  Speaker 3: what you experienced as a wife, you know, because you
• 7:44
  Speaker 3: start out as being you know, the girlfriend, and then
• 7:47
  Speaker 3: the fiance and then the wife, and then once you
• 7:51
  Speaker 3: go through those stages, and then you end up as
• 7:55
  Speaker 3: being the ex wife. And so I've been in all
• 7:58
  Speaker 3: of those positions, and so that is where I wrote
• 8:02
  Speaker 3: for myself. I wrote from being the girlfriend to the
• 8:08
  Speaker 3: the fiance, to being the mom of our three children,
• 8:13
  Speaker 3: then to being the ex wife. And that journey in
• 8:18
  Speaker 3: itself was a lot, you know, because we were high
• 8:22
  Speaker 3: school sweethearts and we were together for thirteen years and
• 8:26
  Speaker 3: that was a long time, you know, And it's just
• 8:31
  Speaker 3: one of those things where you either grow together or
• 8:35
  Speaker 3: you grow apart. And I think that's what happened for us,
• 8:39
  Speaker 3: miss Angela and miss d D. What made you guys
• 8:43
  Speaker 3: decide to be a part of this.
• 8:44
  Speaker 5: Anthology Athela can go ahead? Okay?
• 8:49
  Speaker 6: So for me, I am this was something new for me.
• 8:59
  Speaker 6: But being able to share this journey because for those
• 9:05
  Speaker 6: that know me know that I was involved in domestic
• 9:07
  Speaker 6: violence incident and it was at the hands of my husband.
• 9:12
  Speaker 6: So to be able to share this, you know, openly
• 9:17
  Speaker 6: share this journey and to be able to talk about it,
• 9:23
  Speaker 6: it was, I guess a part of my healing and
• 9:26
  Speaker 6: a part of me wanting to release some more things
• 9:29
  Speaker 6: because a lot of people they hear me talk about
• 9:33
  Speaker 6: the domestic violence, but they don't hear the ins and
• 9:37
  Speaker 6: outs of it. So wanted to share a little bit
• 9:40
  Speaker 6: more and letting people know that, you know, sometimes it's
• 9:44
  Speaker 6: okay to walk away. We try to hide things, we
• 9:47
  Speaker 6: try to cover up things because we don't want people
• 9:50
  Speaker 6: to see where we may have failed, where we may
• 9:55
  Speaker 6: have you know, let some people down, or whatever the
• 9:58
  Speaker 6: case may be. But knowing that that we're okay with
• 10:01
  Speaker 6: ourselves and we had to do this for ourselves and
• 10:05
  Speaker 6: not thinking about what other people think and being able
• 10:09
  Speaker 6: to release that. So that was part of why I
• 10:13
  Speaker 6: wanted to be a part of this, Because talking about
• 10:17
  Speaker 6: my separation, I would say, because the divorce is not final.
• 10:22
  Speaker 6: I've been separated since I can see twenty nineteen when
• 10:26
  Speaker 6: I walked away from the marriage. There's been a lot
• 10:30
  Speaker 6: going on in between. That reason why it has not
• 10:35
  Speaker 6: been finalized. So just being able to talk about it
• 10:40
  Speaker 6: and being able to let people see what has been
• 10:43
  Speaker 6: going on and to finally let people hear my side
• 10:47
  Speaker 6: of some stuff. It's basically why I wanted to share.
• 10:51
  Speaker 6: And I thank Latania for doing this because it is
• 10:55
  Speaker 6: it is needed. People need to be able to talk
• 10:57
  Speaker 6: about divorce because its people don't want to talk about it.
• 11:02
  Speaker 6: It's it's shined upon and you know, we hold we
• 11:07
  Speaker 6: hold on to that and to death do us part.
• 11:12
  Speaker 6: A lot of people hold on to that and they
• 11:13
  Speaker 6: will do any and everything to try to save their
• 11:16
  Speaker 6: marriage when sometimes it's just best to just walk away. Yeah,
• 11:21
  Speaker 6: all right, thank you for that space, the time you
• 11:23
  Speaker 6: to be able to share.
• 11:25
  Speaker 4: Thank you for wanting to actually share your story because
• 11:29
  Speaker 4: I do believe. I'm a firm believer that there's somebody's
• 11:33
  Speaker 4: healing attached to anything that we go through. So being
• 11:37
  Speaker 4: able to put it out there may save somebody's life.
• 11:42
  Speaker 4: You know, we never know how it may touch somebody.
• 11:45
  Speaker 4: So I appreciate you for coming along and sharing your story.
• 11:51
  Speaker 2: The same question, what made you a big part of this?
• 11:55
  Speaker 5: Oh my goodness, the party is gonna beat you down
• 11:58
  Speaker 5: if I didn't. I want to get it.
• 12:03
  Speaker 7: You know that, girl, I'm above coming to Virginia and
• 12:10
  Speaker 7: getting me No, I said.
• 12:12
  Speaker 5: The main reason why I wanted to do is because.
• 12:17
  Speaker 7: After being a part of the anthology with you all
• 12:20
  Speaker 7: and the adoption it's self therapeutic, it fell and so
• 12:25
  Speaker 7: in order for me to be able to prayerfully get
• 12:28
  Speaker 7: my next I got a heal.
• 12:29
  Speaker 5: From this one. Yeah.
• 12:31
  Speaker 7: So yeah, I definitely wanted to be a part of that.
• 12:35
  Speaker 7: I I was, Oh my goodness. I got with my
• 12:39
  Speaker 7: ex husband in a.
• 12:41
  Speaker 5: Very rough time of my life.
• 12:42
  Speaker 7: My adopted mom passed and she was my everything, and
• 12:47
  Speaker 7: I didn't want to lose anybody else in my life.
• 12:49
  Speaker 5: So we were sort of dating at the time, and
• 12:52
  Speaker 5: I just clung to him.
• 12:54
  Speaker 7: I just stayed with him, and I think I stayed
• 12:56
  Speaker 7: with him in a fog because I stayed with him.
• 13:01
  Speaker 5: Old moved.
• 13:02
  Speaker 7: We were almost married twenty one years before I left.
• 13:06
  Speaker 7: We were almost together for twenty four years or so,
• 13:11
  Speaker 7: and so when I left, it was a really rough
• 13:15
  Speaker 7: time in my life. My family was going through some
• 13:17
  Speaker 7: stuff and I was trying to be that good wife.
• 13:21
  Speaker 7: I was trying to be the wife that was stayed
• 13:23
  Speaker 7: by your husband's side, and I saw my parents. My
• 13:27
  Speaker 7: mom gets sick and my dad take care of her,
• 13:29
  Speaker 7: so I wanted to be my dad.
• 13:30
  Speaker 5: I was going to stand by her side he got sick.
• 13:33
  Speaker 7: I was at the hospital, I was in recliners, I
• 13:35
  Speaker 7: was in the bed, I was wherever he was.
• 13:37
  Speaker 5: I was there.
• 13:38
  Speaker 7: I just I wanted to be that wife until I
• 13:42
  Speaker 7: couldn't until one day in my spirit, the Lord said
• 13:47
  Speaker 7: it's over.
• 13:48
  Speaker 5: Now, mind you. I had a sister in the hospital
• 13:51
  Speaker 5: dying with COVID and I didn't know you know what
• 13:54
  Speaker 5: I'm saying. So, I mean, honestly, was Dona Kobe.
• 13:56
  Speaker 7: But I was thinking when he said it was over,
• 13:57
  Speaker 7: because he was saying he was going to so I
• 14:00
  Speaker 7: was like, oh, no, you gonna take until I can
• 14:02
  Speaker 7: get to Virginia.
• 14:04
  Speaker 5: I ain't going to handle that. We be in the
• 14:07
  Speaker 5: land of where my people are.
• 14:10
  Speaker 7: And she said no, and he showed my husband's face
• 14:14
  Speaker 7: across from my eyes my eye views, and I said,
• 14:17
  Speaker 7: not my husband. I said not married. He said, I
• 14:21
  Speaker 7: said no, why do you honor marriage? He's no honor
• 14:24
  Speaker 7: those I put together. I didn't put y'all together. Y'all
• 14:29
  Speaker 7: put y'allselves together for.
• 14:31
  Speaker 2: People to understand if God is not included.
• 14:35
  Speaker 4: Yeah, it is always gonna work.
• 14:41
  Speaker 2: You can yeah, it's not gonna work.
• 14:43
  Speaker 3: And you can try, you can try to force it,
• 14:46
  Speaker 3: you can try to be like God, I don't think
• 14:48
  Speaker 3: you really mean to.
• 14:49
  Speaker 6: Leave right now.
• 14:50
  Speaker 2: Yes, this is my person. He's checked off all my
• 14:54
  Speaker 2: boxes or she's checked out all my boxes. And I'm
• 14:58
  Speaker 2: not seeing what you're seeing. We like now, let look almost,
• 15:04
  Speaker 2: I'm gonna stay a little while long.
• 15:08
  Speaker 4: Was he didn't mean it, it won't happen again. And
• 15:13
  Speaker 4: if it won't happen.
• 15:14
  Speaker 2: Again, we could again.
• 15:17
  Speaker 6: Uh huh.
• 15:18
  Speaker 3: And one thing I can say for me was when
• 15:25
  Speaker 3: it began to affect our children, and it was their
• 15:29
  Speaker 3: well being that let me know, Okay, look here, this
• 15:33
  Speaker 3: is no longer about me. We have three children, and
• 15:37
  Speaker 3: you're willing to risk their safety, their home, their you know,
• 15:44
  Speaker 3: being able to bathe, being able to you know, do
• 15:48
  Speaker 3: all of the necessary things.
• 15:50
  Speaker 2: And yeah, it's time to go.
• 15:53
  Speaker 3: And I had heard myself saying many times before, if
• 15:58
  Speaker 3: I have to have this argument with you again, I'm done.
• 16:02
  Speaker 2: I'm leaving. And it was like that.
• 16:05
  Speaker 3: Last time we got into an argument, it was about
• 16:09
  Speaker 3: our bills being paid. And I heard myself about to
• 16:14
  Speaker 3: start the same conversation again, and I was like, yeah,
• 16:18
  Speaker 3: I'm not doing this. I am I'm done, and I
• 16:22
  Speaker 3: started making moves. And you know that old saying goes,
• 16:25
  Speaker 3: you're not tired until you're really tired.
• 16:29
  Speaker 2: And I was tired. And then it was not only was.
• 16:34
  Speaker 3: He lying to me, he was lying to my father,
• 16:37
  Speaker 3: he was lying to everyone else. And it was like, okay,
• 16:40
  Speaker 3: look here, if you're gonna continuously lie and jeopardize your children,
• 16:45
  Speaker 3: it's not for me. And so I got a phone
• 16:49
  Speaker 3: call from a bill collector after he had just told
• 16:53
  Speaker 3: my father and myself that he had taken care of
• 16:56
  Speaker 3: our gas bill, and I just went down on my
• 17:00
  Speaker 3: knees and I said, God, look here, if I'm not
• 17:02
  Speaker 3: supposed to be in this space, you're gonna have to
• 17:04
  Speaker 3: make a way for me to get out because I
• 17:06
  Speaker 3: don't have anything. I don't have a place to go,
• 17:10
  Speaker 3: I don't have anything. Like I'm working, but I don't
• 17:13
  Speaker 3: have the money to actually up and move like You're
• 17:17
  Speaker 3: gonna have to make it possible for me. And when
• 17:20
  Speaker 3: I tell you, within that week, I got a phone
• 17:25
  Speaker 3: call from a family member that said they had a house.
• 17:28
  Speaker 3: I said, okay, So I got a U haul truck.
• 17:33
  Speaker 3: I was like, I don't have the money to get
• 17:36
  Speaker 3: the lights turned on, but hopefully, you know, I can
• 17:39
  Speaker 3: call the power company or have it stay in my
• 17:42
  Speaker 3: cousin's name.
• 17:43
  Speaker 2: Until, you know, I get my first paycheck.
• 17:46
  Speaker 3: And I had gotten a promotion in the midst of
• 17:48
  Speaker 3: all of this, and one of my coworkers he ended
• 17:53
  Speaker 3: up writing me a check for the power bill for
• 17:56
  Speaker 3: two hundred and fifty dollars. He was like, go ahead
• 17:59
  Speaker 3: and move and I was like, okay, I'm not sure
• 18:01
  Speaker 3: when I'll be able to pay you back. He said, baby,
• 18:03
  Speaker 3: I didn't ask you to pay me back. He said,
• 18:05
  Speaker 3: I need you and them babies to be in a
• 18:08
  Speaker 3: safe space, and where you are is not where it's
• 18:12
  Speaker 3: not safe. And so I was like okay. So I
• 18:15
  Speaker 3: got into the house and I was like, okay, I
• 18:17
  Speaker 3: gotta get the water transferred. And so I call the
• 18:20
  Speaker 3: water company and I was like, listen, I don't get
• 18:23
  Speaker 3: paid until the following week. It needs to be out
• 18:26
  Speaker 3: of the current landlord's name. So is it any way
• 18:31
  Speaker 3: that you can keep the water on until I come
• 18:34
  Speaker 3: in and physically next Friday and you know, get everything
• 18:39
  Speaker 3: switched over and pay what I need to pay. And
• 18:42
  Speaker 3: they said, yeah, baby, that is fine, we understand. And
• 18:45
  Speaker 3: I was like okay, and I said, okay, God, this
• 18:47
  Speaker 3: ain't nobody but you. And in that moment, I was like,
• 18:51
  Speaker 3: if I get here and I get settled, I know
• 18:55
  Speaker 3: that I'm not supposed to be in this relationship.
• 18:59
  Speaker 2: I'm not supposed to be in this marriage.
• 19:01
  Speaker 6: Now.
• 19:01
  Speaker 2: Mind you, we.
• 19:03
  Speaker 3: Did separate, We went our separate ways. He was doing
• 19:06
  Speaker 3: his own little thing, but it still took me three
• 19:10
  Speaker 3: years to actually get the divorce because he would not
• 19:14
  Speaker 3: sign the papers. He would not and we ended up
• 19:17
  Speaker 3: getting into a physical altercation. Now, we never got physical
• 19:21
  Speaker 3: with each other while we were together. Now, yeah, we
• 19:23
  Speaker 3: would argue back and forth. And I'm the type of
• 19:26
  Speaker 3: person if I tell you stop talking to me, please
• 19:28
  Speaker 3: stop talking to me, and I'm gonna walk away. Don't
• 19:30
  Speaker 3: don't keep talking to me because that's just gonna irritate me.
• 19:33
  Speaker 2: And kissed me out. So if I stopped talking, mouth don't.
• 19:39
  Speaker 5: And so.
• 19:41
  Speaker 3: We ended up getting into a physical altercation shortly after
• 19:44
  Speaker 3: I had had a hysterectomy.
• 19:47
  Speaker 2: So I'm still recovering.
• 19:48
  Speaker 3: I'm still got incisions, stitches that are healing, and so
• 19:52
  Speaker 3: we got into a physical altercation. I ended up with
• 19:56
  Speaker 3: a big, old golf size not in the middle on
• 20:00
  Speaker 3: my head. I have bruises all down both arms.
• 20:03
  Speaker 6: And.
• 20:06
  Speaker 3: I let him know that I was going to the
• 20:08
  Speaker 3: police station and I was going to follow police report. Now,
• 20:10
  Speaker 3: mind you, in the midst of all of this, he
• 20:12
  Speaker 3: was doing crazy things during our separation in the beginning,
• 20:16
  Speaker 3: like he would show up at the house around three
• 20:18
  Speaker 3: in the morning, you know, and just getting upset with me,
• 20:24
  Speaker 3: slamming my door because I didn't want to talk, and
• 20:27
  Speaker 3: you know, and I'm like, listen, sir, we're we're not together.
• 20:32
  Speaker 3: You've moved on, You've seen somebody else. Let me just
• 20:35
  Speaker 3: do what I need to do for the kids. And
• 20:37
  Speaker 3: he was like, well, if I can't have you, I
• 20:40
  Speaker 3: don't want none of this. I'm like, okay, but you
• 20:42
  Speaker 3: got three kids with me, so we need to, you know,
• 20:46
  Speaker 3: do what we need to do for them.
• 20:48
  Speaker 2: Me and you we're over. But that's that's where it goes.
• 20:51
  Speaker 3: So it's hard to walk away when you truly love somebody,
• 20:58
  Speaker 3: but what you love yourself enough, you will leave Because
• 21:03
  Speaker 3: I literally I lost myself in that marriage. And I
• 21:06
  Speaker 3: say that because I was more focused on him. I
• 21:10
  Speaker 3: was focused on our children, so I didn't know who
• 21:13
  Speaker 3: I was anymore. I didn't know anything about you know,
• 21:18
  Speaker 3: what I liked to do. And I even went the
• 21:20
  Speaker 3: therapy to try to save our relationship, to save our marriage.
• 21:24
  Speaker 3: Wanted him to participate in therapy with me. He would
• 21:28
  Speaker 3: never go to therapy, but he will always be at
• 21:30
  Speaker 3: the house waiting for me to get home to ask
• 21:32
  Speaker 3: me how my therapy session went, and did I talk
• 21:35
  Speaker 3: about him? And it's like, Okay, had you gone with me,
• 21:38
  Speaker 3: you would have known what the conversation was. But since
• 21:41
  Speaker 3: you wasn't here, there's no reason for you to ask me.
• 21:43
  Speaker 3: All right, you know you're not participating. So like I
• 21:48
  Speaker 3: started going to church, I started, you know, doing I'm like, okay,
• 21:52
  Speaker 3: look you can, you can participate it. You can do
• 21:55
  Speaker 3: all of these things with me. No, that wasn't important.
• 21:59
  Speaker 3: So it's like, okay, you really didn't want to save
• 22:02
  Speaker 3: this marriage. But then when we get separated, here you
• 22:05
  Speaker 3: go not want to sign the divorce papers, but you
• 22:07
  Speaker 3: don't move on.
• 22:08
  Speaker 2: You sleeping with somebody else.
• 22:10
  Speaker 3: It's not a it's a possibility that this woman's child
• 22:14
  Speaker 3: could be yours and you don't know, and she.
• 22:17
  Speaker 2: Don't know because she's still sleeping with her husband.
• 22:20
  Speaker 3: Also, so all of this that's going on, but you
• 22:23
  Speaker 3: don't sign the papers for me again. You turn around
• 22:28
  Speaker 3: to show up at our divorce here and when I
• 22:30
  Speaker 3: finally do get to serve you, because Lord knows the
• 22:33
  Speaker 3: way I had to serve you.
• 22:34
  Speaker 2: Which was myself, because Jesus.
• 22:38
  Speaker 3: You and the baby mama show up at the divorce
• 22:41
  Speaker 3: hearing to absolutely yeah, yeah, show up at the divorce hearing.
• 22:50
  Speaker 3: But I was in the wrong it. So I will say, well,
• 23:01
  Speaker 3: I'm gonna ask this question, do you think that the
• 23:04
  Speaker 3: wedding day is the beginning of the marriage or do.
• 23:09
  Speaker 2: You think it's the end of the marriage.
• 23:14
  Speaker 4: For me, it was the beginning of the end when
• 23:20
  Speaker 4: he proposed, he proposed September the eleventh, when the the
• 23:26
  Speaker 4: planes hit the towers and whatnot, and you know, it
• 23:30
  Speaker 4: gave me the spill about not being alone, and you.
• 23:33
  Speaker 6: Know it was what it was.
• 23:36
  Speaker 4: The morning of the wedding, everything that could have possibly
• 23:42
  Speaker 4: went wrong went wrong. I lived across the street from
• 23:49
  Speaker 4: the hair salon that I was getting my hair done.
• 23:53
  Speaker 4: Decided to show up an hour and a half late,
• 23:56
  Speaker 4: oh after the appointment that I had made that that
• 24:00
  Speaker 4: was clue number one. Okay, you know she did my hair,
• 24:05
  Speaker 4: and well backtrack, she came in with her breakfast and
• 24:09
  Speaker 4: told me she was gonna eat real quick and.
• 24:11
  Speaker 6: Then do my hair.
• 24:13
  Speaker 4: So that that was that was instance number one number.
• 24:22
  Speaker 6: I called my mother.
• 24:23
  Speaker 4: In law to see if the husband to be had
• 24:27
  Speaker 4: gone on his merry way to go and you know,
• 24:30
  Speaker 4: so he could be prepared somewhere else because she said
• 24:33
  Speaker 4: she wanted me to get dressed over there. And so
• 24:38
  Speaker 4: she was like, yeah, he gone, and I said okay,
• 24:42
  Speaker 4: And as soon as I got ready to hang up
• 24:44
  Speaker 4: the phone, I hear him laughing, he and having a
• 24:48
  Speaker 4: good old time watching Saturday morning cartoons. And I said,
• 24:53
  Speaker 4: you know what, I ain't coming. I started crying. I
• 24:55
  Speaker 4: was like, I'm not coming, and she was like, you
• 24:59
  Speaker 4: better get out of this house because she talking crazy.
• 25:02
  Speaker 4: She says, she not coming, and I don't put my
• 25:05
  Speaker 4: money in this way. Y'all getting married today, And so
• 25:12
  Speaker 4: on the way to the church, I didn't have anybody
• 25:16
  Speaker 4: to walk me down the aisle, so my mother in
• 25:20
  Speaker 4: law's boyfriend at the time agreed to walk me down
• 25:24
  Speaker 4: the aisle. That by itself didn't scream don't do it.
• 25:30
  Speaker 6: I don't know, you know.
• 25:32
  Speaker 4: But then we had a triple with and we got married.
• 25:36
  Speaker 4: His aunt and her husband got married, and his first cousin,
• 25:41
  Speaker 4: which is his aunt's daughter, and her husband renewed their vows.
• 25:46
  Speaker 3: Oh so y'all had a triple Sarah want money gone?
• 25:49
  Speaker 3: That wasn't even about at this point.
• 25:53
  Speaker 2: Yes, continue on.
• 25:56
  Speaker 4: As I'm walking down the aisle, I hear the Lord
• 25:59
  Speaker 4: just as as clear as I hear you guys, and
• 26:02
  Speaker 4: he was like, don't do it, said, I don't.
• 26:05
  Speaker 3: I don't hear what you're talking about. I gotta see
• 26:07
  Speaker 3: for myself this man, Like I got myself right.
• 26:18
  Speaker 4: I'm gonna try it on down this island, marry this man,
• 26:20
  Speaker 4: and we're gonna get happily ever after. We're gonna have
• 26:23
  Speaker 4: some beautiful babies. And none of that happened.
• 26:27
  Speaker 5: And so.
• 26:32
  Speaker 4: When we said our vows, I heard the Lord say, okay,
• 26:38
  Speaker 4: be stupid, I'm gonna show you. And I'm like, you know,
• 26:44
  Speaker 4: I'm thinking to myself, I'm I'm I have slow moments.
• 26:47
  Speaker 4: I'm a blunt for real up under all of this.
• 26:50
  Speaker 4: And so I said, show me what what what? Because
• 26:56
  Speaker 4: that man was good as gold to me before we
• 27:00
  Speaker 4: said I do.
• 27:01
  Speaker 2: That's usually how it goes.
• 27:03
  Speaker 4: When we said I do. It's like he morphed into
• 27:09
  Speaker 4: another person. And when things got physical, it was always
• 27:17
  Speaker 4: my fault.
• 27:18
  Speaker 6: I made him do it.
• 27:22
  Speaker 4: He would shower me with gifts and things of that nature.
• 27:26
  Speaker 4: And you know, I deal with abandonment issues because I'm adopted,
• 27:31
  Speaker 4: and so I felt like if I leave this man,
• 27:37
  Speaker 4: who's gonna love me. My thought process was my mama
• 27:40
  Speaker 4: gave me away. She didn't want me. I was adopted
• 27:44
  Speaker 4: into a family of people that didn't really see my worth,
• 27:49
  Speaker 4: and I'm like, okay, so I done married a man
• 27:51
  Speaker 4: that don't really want me. He married me to piss
• 27:54
  Speaker 4: somebody off and make them jealous, which it did. It worked,
• 27:59
  Speaker 4: but hindsight, all is said and done after the walk away.
• 28:05
  Speaker 4: After I walked away, I walked out, she walked in.
• 28:08
  Speaker 4: So it's they're back to where they needed to be. They,
• 28:12
  Speaker 4: I mean, they both of them. May say that they
• 28:15
  Speaker 4: don't deal with each other on that level or whatever,
• 28:18
  Speaker 4: and he's just looking out for her because she ain't
• 28:20
  Speaker 4: got nowhere to go.
• 28:21
  Speaker 2: You know, as my brother always said, I don't care
• 28:25
  Speaker 2: who tell it, as long as.
• 28:29
  Speaker 3: It is.
• 28:31
  Speaker 4: I'm so from it that I don't care like I
• 28:35
  Speaker 4: moved to Georgia. So I mean, and you know, he
• 28:39
  Speaker 4: and I had a conversation. He was like, so when
• 28:44
  Speaker 4: you're coming back, and I told him, I said, I
• 28:46
  Speaker 4: told you after I left you the first time, If
• 28:48
  Speaker 4: I leave again, it's a wrap. I don't do three times,
• 28:51
  Speaker 4: and it's a wrap two the first time.
• 28:55
  Speaker 2: The first time, I didn't go.
• 28:58
  Speaker 4: No, I didn't have anything where, I didn't have anywhere
• 29:02
  Speaker 4: to go. I wasn't working because he told me I
• 29:07
  Speaker 4: ain't have to work. He's gonna take care of me.
• 29:09
  Speaker 4: So that gave me the big head. I was like, yep,
• 29:12
  Speaker 4: I'm gonna sit at home and do absolutely nothing. But
• 29:18
  Speaker 4: you know, and I did sit at home most days
• 29:20
  Speaker 4: and did absolutely nothing, and then I had to get
• 29:24
  Speaker 4: a job. So but none of what I've gone through
• 29:31
  Speaker 4: has changed my mind about love. None of what I've
• 29:35
  Speaker 4: gone through has changed my mind about what real companionship
• 29:39
  Speaker 4: would look like. I do believe that I'm supposed to
• 29:42
  Speaker 4: be somebody's life. I don't know who's me, and God
• 29:46
  Speaker 4: ain't got.
• 29:47
  Speaker 8: That far, but.
• 29:50
  Speaker 4: You know it's I take what I learned from being
• 29:56
  Speaker 4: married over twenty years, and you know, things I settled for.
• 30:02
  Speaker 4: I put everybody in everything before me, and I found
• 30:08
  Speaker 4: a place where I'm like, if it don't make sense
• 30:12
  Speaker 4: to me, I can't do it. Like I'm not another
• 30:15
  Speaker 4: man will never put his hands on me again, because
• 30:18
  Speaker 4: if he do, it's gonna be some close singing and
• 30:20
  Speaker 4: flower bringing and anybody that you know what that means.
• 30:24
  Speaker 3: So but.
• 30:27
  Speaker 4: I feel like I deserve better. I feel like he
• 30:32
  Speaker 4: deserved better because I wasn't what he wanted to start with.
• 30:39
  Speaker 3: I know, I wasn't what my husband wanted, my ex
• 30:42
  Speaker 3: husband wanted either, because number one, I'm not the right ethnicity,
• 30:49
  Speaker 3: if I'll say that, I'm not, yeah, right, what he
• 30:55
  Speaker 3: liked and what his preference was. However, I speak like
• 31:02
  Speaker 3: them in a sense, and I'm not the typical, you know,
• 31:07
  Speaker 3: ghetto fabulous, you.
• 31:09
  Speaker 2: Know, black woman, you know, and I'm not super dark either,
• 31:15
  Speaker 2: So you know, I was esthetically pleasing in some people.
• 31:22
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and then I had the the hips and the
• 31:26
  Speaker 3: curves and the things that you know got him. And
• 31:29
  Speaker 3: then the way that I speak was along the lines
• 31:33
  Speaker 3: of what he was used to. But then it looked
• 31:37
  Speaker 3: different and you know, and so yeah, so every woman
• 31:44
  Speaker 3: after me has been quite you know, and so you
• 31:49
  Speaker 3: know that that that was his preference. And when we
• 31:53
  Speaker 3: were separated, like in the beginning, and I found out,
• 31:57
  Speaker 3: you know, that he was cheating while we were separating
• 32:00
  Speaker 3: and everything, and I was happy for And the first
• 32:03
  Speaker 3: thing out of his mouth that he said to me was, well,
• 32:09
  Speaker 3: she's not She's not.
• 32:10
  Speaker 2: Black, I said, I know.
• 32:13
  Speaker 3: He was like, what you mean, I said, I know,
• 32:15
  Speaker 3: I wasn't your preference. I said, so I wouldn't expect
• 32:19
  Speaker 3: you to be with anybody, you know, And he was.
• 32:22
  Speaker 2: Like, well, what you mean by that, sir? I know
• 32:25
  Speaker 2: you I just hated to fit in the space that
• 32:29
  Speaker 2: you had me in for the time that you had me.
• 32:32
  Speaker 2: But I knew I wasn't your preference.
• 32:35
  Speaker 3: That that that was never an issue for me, you know,
• 32:39
  Speaker 3: And so it was just one of those things where
• 32:42
  Speaker 3: you tend to know, and you tend to you know.
• 32:47
  Speaker 8: Go through your own yeah, and you ignore it and
• 32:51
  Speaker 8: you and you just go on, what do you think
• 32:55
  Speaker 8: was the final straw?
• 32:57
  Speaker 3: Like the final straw for me was our kids and
• 33:00
  Speaker 3: and you know, and going through the lies and and
• 33:05
  Speaker 3: all of that, that was just literally the last thing.
• 33:08
  Speaker 3: And it took me some time to get to a
• 33:11
  Speaker 3: space to where we could actually be in the same
• 33:14
  Speaker 3: room together and me not be like, don't don't look
• 33:20
  Speaker 3: over here, don't say that, don't breathe the same air
• 33:23
  Speaker 3: that I'm breathing right now. You know, I was in
• 33:26
  Speaker 3: that space like, sir, don't breathe my air, like we
• 33:29
  Speaker 3: in the same room. But I don't want you breathing
• 33:31
  Speaker 3: the air that I breathe, you know, So just just
• 33:35
  Speaker 3: go over there, wait till I go out, and then
• 33:36
  Speaker 3: you come in. That's the space that I was in
• 33:39
  Speaker 3: for me. And so it was like okay, And then
• 33:44
  Speaker 3: he would tell so many lies, like he would say
• 33:47
  Speaker 3: that I was keeping the kids away from him, and sir,
• 33:50
  Speaker 3: you not even trying to spend time with them, like,
• 33:54
  Speaker 3: and so it got to the point where I would
• 33:56
  Speaker 3: hear so many different stories, and I that's why it's
• 33:58
  Speaker 3: like now when I hear stuff.
• 34:00
  Speaker 2: I'm like, okay, we on season two, episode four, Okay, cool,
• 34:06
  Speaker 2: you know.
• 34:06
  Speaker 3: So I don't even get upset about it no more
• 34:09
  Speaker 3: because I don't even be knowing the stories because I
• 34:12
  Speaker 3: be minding my business. And so when people would be like,
• 34:15
  Speaker 3: well he said that you won't let him get the kids, Okay,
• 34:17
  Speaker 3: but you see me with the kids all the time.
• 34:19
  Speaker 2: You see me taking them to the barbershop. That's something
• 34:22
  Speaker 2: they dad is supposed to be doing.
• 34:23
  Speaker 3: Right, So you're not talking to him, but you're gonna
• 34:25
  Speaker 3: blame me, okay, cool, I said, So, whatever he telling you,
• 34:29
  Speaker 3: that's the story. I said, I don't want to hear
• 34:31
  Speaker 3: nothing else about it. So then when his friends started
• 34:34
  Speaker 3: confronting him about but you said, Trevida, don't let you
• 34:38
  Speaker 3: see the kids. But I always see her bringing the
• 34:40
  Speaker 3: boys to football practice, you know, going to get that cut.
• 34:44
  Speaker 3: I don't never see you doing none of this. So
• 34:46
  Speaker 3: it was always and so I'm not about to argue
• 34:50
  Speaker 3: with you, sir. Whatever story you want to tell, we
• 34:52
  Speaker 3: can be on Season four, episode five. I don't care
• 34:56
  Speaker 3: if whatever he told you it's new to me because
• 34:58
  Speaker 3: I ain't know nothing about it.
• 35:00
  Speaker 2: You know, it's just when you get tired and you're ready.
• 35:06
  Speaker 3: To move on, you don't pour all that you had
• 35:09
  Speaker 3: into this person. You loved them for who they were,
• 35:13
  Speaker 3: not for the any expectations. But you do expect to
• 35:17
  Speaker 3: grow together, you expect to build together. But if you
• 35:21
  Speaker 3: got one person on this end and the other person
• 35:24
  Speaker 3: on the other end, and you're not finding common space.
• 35:28
  Speaker 3: And anytime we would have a disagreement and I would
• 35:30
  Speaker 3: express how I felt, it was always, well, you don't
• 35:34
  Speaker 3: really feel it like that, sir.
• 35:36
  Speaker 2: I'm telling you.
• 35:36
  Speaker 3: You don't get to tell me if I stump my
• 35:38
  Speaker 3: toe hurt like you didn't stump your toe. I did,
• 35:44
  Speaker 3: so the pain hurts. And so he would always say, well,
• 35:47
  Speaker 3: I don't think so. But then when we would have
• 35:49
  Speaker 3: a conversation, well, you just make me feel so stupid.
• 35:51
  Speaker 3: I can't make you feel a way that you already
• 35:53
  Speaker 3: didn't feel. That ain't got nothing to do with me.
• 35:56
  Speaker 3: So if I'm telling you something, well, you always using
• 35:59
  Speaker 3: these big words, sir, I'm using the same words in
• 36:02
  Speaker 3: the same vocabulary that we both have read before, so
• 36:06
  Speaker 3: it's words in the English language.
• 36:09
  Speaker 2: Well, you make me feel some sir. You went to
• 36:11
  Speaker 2: private school. I went to a public school.
• 36:15
  Speaker 3: You've had more access to a better education than the
• 36:18
  Speaker 3: one that I had. So how am I making you
• 36:21
  Speaker 3: feel smaller than what you already feel?
• 36:24
  Speaker 2: That's a personal issue that ain't not nothing new with me.
• 36:27
  Speaker 2: But he would always say that that's why I would
• 36:30
  Speaker 2: like to talk to you.
• 36:32
  Speaker 3: Okay, Well, let me break it down to you in
• 36:33
  Speaker 3: the most basic terms that I got because I don't
• 36:37
  Speaker 3: know how else to communicate what you did, what you
• 36:40
  Speaker 3: said hurt. Now if I step on your toe, will
• 36:44
  Speaker 3: that hurt you? Yes, Okay, I'm not gonna feel the pain,
• 36:48
  Speaker 3: but I will cause the pain, just like you are
• 36:51
  Speaker 3: causing me pain. I get to tell you that you
• 36:54
  Speaker 3: cause me pain, but you don't get to tell me
• 36:57
  Speaker 3: that it didn't hurt, just like I can't tell you
• 37:00
  Speaker 3: that what you did or what you said didn't hurt me.
• 37:03
  Speaker 2: How is that complicated?
• 37:07
  Speaker 3: How can you not comprehend what I'm saying? Like, just
• 37:12
  Speaker 3: don't talk to me then, because I'm not understand that.
• 37:15
  Speaker 3: I don't know how to break it down anything florither
• 37:18
  Speaker 3: than what I have.
• 37:19
  Speaker 4: And you made me for this.
• 37:22
  Speaker 2: But now we're in a space and we can still well, yeah,
• 37:30
  Speaker 2: we can talk to each other.
• 37:31
  Speaker 3: We can be in the same space together. Now, will
• 37:34
  Speaker 3: I still call him stupid?
• 37:35
  Speaker 4: Yes?
• 37:36
  Speaker 2: Of course absolutely, And he knows.
• 37:39
  Speaker 6: That I will, and so everybody knows that you will.
• 37:44
  Speaker 6: I definitely I cannot be in the same space with minds.
• 37:48
  Speaker 6: I don't want to be. No, I don't want to
• 37:51
  Speaker 6: be five hundred five hundred miles within the person that
• 37:55
  Speaker 6: to be honest, and I'm like Latanya. It was the
• 38:00
  Speaker 6: beginning of the end. That day, I had so many
• 38:08
  Speaker 6: I had so many signs that I was just I
• 38:12
  Speaker 6: was just dumb and I could.
• 38:16
  Speaker 2: How old were How old were y'all when y'all got married?
• 38:19
  Speaker 2: Because I think.
• 38:21
  Speaker 6: I was in I was in my thirties, I can
• 38:25
  Speaker 6: say I was in my thirties, but I was in
• 38:28
  Speaker 6: a place. I was in a very dark place. There
• 38:31
  Speaker 6: was a time that so I didn't grow up around
• 38:36
  Speaker 6: a lot of people from Anderson, South Carolina, because I
• 38:39
  Speaker 6: moved away. So I lived in a small place called Levelland,
• 38:43
  Speaker 6: South Carolina, which is in Abbeyville County. If people know
• 38:47
  Speaker 6: the geographics, they know that Abbeyville and Anderson are two
• 38:50
  Speaker 6: counties that sit beside each other. So I worked on
• 38:53
  Speaker 6: a farm. Pretty much everybody that lived on my street
• 38:58
  Speaker 6: was either my first cousin or my second. There was
• 39:01
  Speaker 6: no outside people. Everybody on that street was Martin family.
• 39:05
  Speaker 6: It was family was family. They was either my grandfather's
• 39:09
  Speaker 6: children grandchildren, or his brother's grandchildren and children. That that's
• 39:15
  Speaker 6: all lived on all street. So I grew up in
• 39:18
  Speaker 6: a kind of I guess you could say we were
• 39:22
  Speaker 6: kind of cuddled. We didn't have to experience a lot.
• 39:27
  Speaker 6: But when my mom passed, I had the opportunity to
• 39:32
  Speaker 6: go and live with my dad's side of the family.
• 39:35
  Speaker 6: I ended up living with my aunt, so I spent
• 39:38
  Speaker 6: about two years in Anderson, So it wasn't like I
• 39:41
  Speaker 6: knew a whole lot of people there. But when I
• 39:43
  Speaker 6: came back to South Carolina, Anderson was the place that
• 39:47
  Speaker 6: I came. I had been living in Atlanta. So when
• 39:50
  Speaker 6: I graduated, I went out to junior college. I actually
• 39:53
  Speaker 6: ended up in North Greenville. I did not like it.
• 39:56
  Speaker 6: My sister had moved to Atlanta, so when I decided
• 39:59
  Speaker 6: that I was not going back to North Greenville, I
• 40:02
  Speaker 6: went straight to my sister's house. I said, I don't
• 40:04
  Speaker 6: know what I'm gonna do, but I'm not going back there.
• 40:08
  Speaker 6: Ended up getting a job at Hearty's and every day
• 40:11
  Speaker 6: I would come home. I didn't know nothing about No HBCUs.
• 40:14
  Speaker 6: I didn't know nothing about Morris Brown, more House, Spellman,
• 40:16
  Speaker 6: didn't know nothing about that. But I knew I knew
• 40:20
  Speaker 6: I played basketball well enough to be on somebody's team.
• 40:23
  Speaker 6: So I came home every day and I would call
• 40:27
  Speaker 6: those schools. I called more house. They said, we're all
• 40:29
  Speaker 6: male school. I said, oh, okay, I didn't know that.
• 40:33
  Speaker 6: A long story short, I ended up at Morris Brown College,
• 40:36
  Speaker 6: ended up on that basketball team, ended up just experience
• 40:40
  Speaker 6: in life, went through some hardshipts, went through some things,
• 40:45
  Speaker 6: ended up having to move back to Anderson, South Carolina.
• 40:49
  Speaker 6: So I was in a real dark place. And when
• 40:53
  Speaker 6: you in a dark place, it seemed like everything it's
• 40:56
  Speaker 6: just blur. You just can't see. You can't see the father,
• 41:00
  Speaker 6: then your then what's in front of you. You can't
• 41:03
  Speaker 6: see that role. So that's where I was. Long story short,
• 41:08
  Speaker 6: I ended up dating this person. We dated for a
• 41:12
  Speaker 6: short period. He seemed like the person that I wanted
• 41:17
  Speaker 6: to be with. He seemed like that person. I mean,
• 41:20
  Speaker 6: he drew to my family and we just seemed to
• 41:25
  Speaker 6: be getting loan. It was no arguing, no nothing. So
• 41:30
  Speaker 6: into the relationship there was an incident where the daughter
• 41:37
  Speaker 6: was molested. And matter of fact, if this wasn't a
• 41:44
  Speaker 6: warning sign for me, I don't know what was the
• 41:49
  Speaker 6: day of the wedding. We were at the sheriff department
• 41:53
  Speaker 6: pressing charges on his brother HM. So if that wasn't
• 42:00
  Speaker 6: a warning sign, we almost missed the appointment because we
• 42:03
  Speaker 6: didn't get We didn't get married in no big old
• 42:06
  Speaker 6: lavish uh a thing. My my great uncle actually married us.
• 42:13
  Speaker 6: My grandmother's brother, he actually married us. We had witnesses
• 42:18
  Speaker 6: and things of that nature. But it was no big
• 42:22
  Speaker 6: old ceremony. We had a get together afterwards at matter fact,
• 42:27
  Speaker 6: his his folks house. And I tell you that day
• 42:33
  Speaker 6: was just it was just crazy because we spent the
• 42:36
  Speaker 6: majority of the morning at the police station at the
• 42:40
  Speaker 6: sheriff department, and even going into that, I had been
• 42:44
  Speaker 6: called so many things, but a child of God outside
• 42:49
  Speaker 6: of my name, because that his daughter. Actually she actually
• 42:53
  Speaker 6: called me and told me about the situation.
• 42:57
  Speaker 5: Mm hmm.
• 42:58
  Speaker 6: She said she had told several people about this situation.
• 43:02
  Speaker 6: No one was man or woman enough to speak up
• 43:06
  Speaker 6: for this child, and I felt like it was my duty.
• 43:13
  Speaker 6: Matter of fact, let me tell you how God worked.
• 43:16
  Speaker 6: The her track coach actually worked for me because I
• 43:20
  Speaker 6: did a summer program where we fed low income communities
• 43:25
  Speaker 6: throughout Greenville, Spartanburg, Abbeyville, Anderson Greenwood Counties. So he was
• 43:31
  Speaker 6: one of the monitors that went out and monitored the
• 43:36
  Speaker 6: locations or whatever as a part time job, not only
• 43:39
  Speaker 6: that he was also a minister. Oh and he taught
• 43:44
  Speaker 6: at Malden High School. He was a a teacher there,
• 43:50
  Speaker 6: he coached there. So I just one day I was
• 43:53
  Speaker 6: just like, do y'all give pregnancy tests to y'all coaches,
• 43:58
  Speaker 6: I mean to y'all track people. Because she ran track.
• 44:02
  Speaker 6: They started calling the girls to the office. They had
• 44:06
  Speaker 6: to take their drug tests. And with the drug test
• 44:09
  Speaker 6: that they gave him a pregnant test, Well, she come
• 44:12
  Speaker 6: up pregnant. Oh wow wow. So when she come up pregnant,
• 44:17
  Speaker 6: it had to get it had to be investigated. So
• 44:22
  Speaker 6: that day we ended up at the at the sheriff office,
• 44:27
  Speaker 6: pressing charges on her brother. But then two years later
• 44:31
  Speaker 6: we found out it actually was not her brother, that
• 44:34
  Speaker 6: her and her mama had some things going on with
• 44:37
  Speaker 6: the step dad.
• 44:37
  Speaker 5: Huh yeah, oh god, it.
• 44:42
  Speaker 6: Was a lot. But if that was not a warning
• 44:44
  Speaker 6: sign to to not do, to not get married to them,
• 44:50
  Speaker 6: to him and to that family, because it wasn't like
• 44:53
  Speaker 6: I just married him. Because when we said I do,
• 44:57
  Speaker 6: it seemed like everybody had something to say. It was
• 45:01
  Speaker 6: always somebody gotta say this, somebody got to say this.
• 45:03
  Speaker 6: So everybody was running our marriage except for us, and
• 45:08
  Speaker 6: that became a problem. We argued a lot. It wasn't
• 45:11
  Speaker 6: so much of physical until that night. Until that night
• 45:17
  Speaker 6: that that I experienced my domestic violence. But I tell anybody,
• 45:24
  Speaker 6: watch the signs. You know you still decide to do it.
• 45:30
  Speaker 6: But once you get in it, you you got to
• 45:33
  Speaker 6: still value yourself. You gotta know your words, You gotta
• 45:36
  Speaker 6: understand who you are, and you cannot allow anybody, I
• 45:41
  Speaker 6: don't care who they are, to discredit your worst, discredit
• 45:45
  Speaker 6: who you are and put you on the back burner.
• 45:49
  Speaker 6: Oh you if I am your good thing, because the
• 45:53
  Speaker 6: word says a man that finds a wife, finds a
• 45:55
  Speaker 6: good thing and finds favor with the Lord. So if
• 45:59
  Speaker 6: I am a good then that means I should be
• 46:01
  Speaker 6: put in the forefront and that I should be first
• 46:04
  Speaker 6: and everything outside of God. So when you're not seeing that,
• 46:10
  Speaker 6: when you're not seeing that, it's a problem. It's a problem.
• 46:14
  Speaker 6: And yeah, we have to stand up and know our
• 46:19
  Speaker 6: worth and be and be like, oh, I'm not taking this.
• 46:21
  Speaker 6: So people understanding that the voice is not evil, the
• 46:26
  Speaker 6: voice is not bad. The voice is I mean, it happens,
• 46:29
  Speaker 6: and it happens to the best of us. Because we're human.
• 46:33
  Speaker 6: We make mistakes, and sometimes we allow our flesh to
• 46:37
  Speaker 6: rule us instead of listening to the Holy Spirit, instead
• 46:41
  Speaker 6: of listening to that that thing down in our gut,
• 46:45
  Speaker 6: because it comes from the gut, and it be kicking you,
• 46:48
  Speaker 6: and you be wondering why you be having them aches.
• 46:50
  Speaker 6: Sometimes you be having them stomach, you get hurt around
• 46:53
  Speaker 6: your hard Yeah, that be your inner spirit letting you
• 46:57
  Speaker 6: know that something ain't God, that you shouldn't be doing.
• 47:03
  Speaker 2: And until you actually listen, he gonna keep He ain't.
• 47:09
  Speaker 6: Gonna let it get because he already knows.
• 47:13
  Speaker 2: You didn't listen the first time. All let me go
• 47:17
  Speaker 2: do something.
• 47:17
  Speaker 6: Else, because he already knows and for us that he
• 47:22
  Speaker 6: slept out for us. And then because but he let
• 47:25
  Speaker 6: us make these decisions because we have friends. He let
• 47:29
  Speaker 6: us make these decisions. But his plan is already mapped out.
• 47:32
  Speaker 6: He's gonna say, okay, well, let me see how long
• 47:34
  Speaker 6: is she gonna go through that? How long was she
• 47:36
  Speaker 6: willing to go through that? And when he get tied up,
• 47:42
  Speaker 6: he'll make a way for you to get out. Yeah,
• 47:45
  Speaker 6: he keep making away, He'll keep making away. He'll keep
• 47:47
  Speaker 6: making away. But sometime we keep going past that way,
• 47:50
  Speaker 6: we'll go to the left, we'll go to the right,
• 47:52
  Speaker 6: we'll we'll jump up and down instead of just going
• 47:54
  Speaker 6: through that dough that he know real smooth. Yes, he
• 48:00
  Speaker 6: would make it smooth. It's it's smooth, it's butter if
• 48:04
  Speaker 6: you just willing to just go through, and you will
• 48:06
  Speaker 6: slide through like I'm talking about, like you slide down
• 48:08
  Speaker 6: that slide at the fair exactly.
• 48:12
  Speaker 3: And it's like we get so hard headed and so
• 48:14
  Speaker 3: stubborn because it's always with God, I don't think that's
• 48:18
  Speaker 3: what you're trying to tell me.
• 48:19
  Speaker 2: I think this is the one for me. I think
• 48:22
  Speaker 2: you know.
• 48:23
  Speaker 5: This.
• 48:24
  Speaker 2: This is my person. They checked off everything that I
• 48:27
  Speaker 2: was looking for and got the right. And it's like, God, say,
• 48:30
  Speaker 2: I ain't said.
• 48:31
  Speaker 5: None of that.
• 48:32
  Speaker 6: Anytime it begins to be hard, anytime it begins to
• 48:36
  Speaker 6: be anything but peace, you gotta understand that it's.
• 48:42
  Speaker 2: And that's the thing.
• 48:43
  Speaker 3: And it's like I have now a clear set of
• 48:48
  Speaker 3: non negotiables, like I stand on them.
• 48:52
  Speaker 2: Either you gonna get with them or you don't.
• 48:55
  Speaker 3: Don't even waste your time because my negotiables are they
• 49:00
  Speaker 3: They're like I'm not tolerting disrespect in any capacity you know,
• 49:06
  Speaker 3: you can talk to me in a nice tone, and
• 49:09
  Speaker 3: I can talk to you in a nice tone. If
• 49:12
  Speaker 3: we can't find a compromise, then you know we're gonna
• 49:15
  Speaker 3: go to God first. Because sometimes I know, I'm very
• 49:19
  Speaker 3: stubborn when it comes to certain things, and I am
• 49:21
  Speaker 3: very impatient, Like okay, y'all know I'm engaged now. And
• 49:27
  Speaker 3: so I was in traffic the other day. I was
• 49:30
  Speaker 3: telling you this about this d D the other day,
• 49:33
  Speaker 3: and so I was in traffic. And I hate to be,
• 49:38
  Speaker 3: you know, stuck in traffic, but they're working on the
• 49:41
  Speaker 3: roads in my area. And so I was coming home
• 49:45
  Speaker 3: from looking for address for an event. And so I
• 49:49
  Speaker 3: was coming home and I turned on the road and
• 49:51
  Speaker 3: I was like, oh lord, it's traffic. And I'm like, okay, well,
• 49:55
  Speaker 3: if I can get up here, I can actually go around.
• 49:58
  Speaker 3: But if I go around this traffic right here, it's
• 50:00
  Speaker 3: still gonna take me the same amount of time to
• 50:03
  Speaker 3: get home versus just staying in this lane that I'm
• 50:07
  Speaker 3: in because it's just one lane. So as I'm sitting there,
• 50:11
  Speaker 3: there's another car that's very impatient.
• 50:13
  Speaker 5: You know the other cars.
• 50:14
  Speaker 3: You see the sign up there that tells you to
• 50:16
  Speaker 3: get over. You know, you always got those little idiots
• 50:19
  Speaker 3: that want to rush past or whatever and try to
• 50:22
  Speaker 3: get over and help somebody let them in. Well, the
• 50:25
  Speaker 3: car was doing all of that extra stuff. So I'm
• 50:27
  Speaker 3: sitting in the line and I'm like, God, I get it.
• 50:31
  Speaker 3: I get what you're trying to say to me in
• 50:33
  Speaker 3: this moment is being patient, because you know, I was
• 50:36
  Speaker 3: supposed to move already, but I've still been here. But
• 50:40
  Speaker 3: there's been things that have happened that I needed to
• 50:43
  Speaker 3: be here for. Because number one, my son got sick.
• 50:46
  Speaker 3: My daughter is expecting another baby, so it's like I'm
• 50:52
  Speaker 3: needed here right now so we'll have another little niece
• 50:55
  Speaker 3: around here soon. And so I'm like, Lord, okay, you
• 51:02
  Speaker 3: know I'm not patient. So i happen to be on
• 51:05
  Speaker 3: the phone with him and I'm like, I'm in traffic
• 51:10
  Speaker 3: and I'm laughing at this other car and any other
• 51:13
  Speaker 3: time it would kiss me off, and I'm like, I
• 51:17
  Speaker 3: couldn't do nothing but laugh because I'm like, God, I
• 51:20
  Speaker 3: see what you're doing in this moment. I understand exactly
• 51:23
  Speaker 3: what it is that I needed to be patient in
• 51:26
  Speaker 3: the situation. It wasn't time for me to go because
• 51:29
  Speaker 3: you already saw what was coming ahead before I even understood.
• 51:33
  Speaker 3: And so as I'm saying this, he's in the background,
• 51:36
  Speaker 3: basically being an amen corner because I'm on the phone
• 51:39
  Speaker 3: with him, and he's like, don't I know it, nobody
• 51:44
  Speaker 3: asked you anything.
• 51:45
  Speaker 6: He talking about what.
• 51:46
  Speaker 2: I'm agreeing with you, but I didn't ask you to
• 51:49
  Speaker 2: I didn't ask you to agree with me. And he
• 51:51
  Speaker 2: was like, I said, I know that I could be
• 51:53
  Speaker 2: stubborn in hardhead. He was like, I said, okay, you
• 51:58
  Speaker 2: know what I don't he talking about.
• 52:00
  Speaker 6: But I'm agreeing with you.
• 52:01
  Speaker 3: I said, I know you agreeing with me, but I
• 52:03
  Speaker 3: don't like your tone and how you agreeing with me, Like,
• 52:07
  Speaker 3: just be quiet and let me and Jesus have this
• 52:09
  Speaker 3: conversation because I know I'm impatient. I know I'm stubborn,
• 52:14
  Speaker 3: I know I'm hard headed, and I know I expect
• 52:16
  Speaker 3: certain things when I expect them.
• 52:19
  Speaker 2: And so he's like, but I'm not disagreeing. No, you're
• 52:22
  Speaker 2: not disagreeing with me. You are very in alignment and agreement.
• 52:26
  Speaker 6: With he talking about.
• 52:27
  Speaker 3: I was agreeing with Jesus because Jesus know exactly the
• 52:31
  Speaker 3: child that he creates. Sir, be quiet, you know what
• 52:34
  Speaker 3: I talk to you when I get home. I don't
• 52:36
  Speaker 3: want to talk to you no more right now because
• 52:37
  Speaker 3: he talking about but I ain't even say nothing though I'm.
• 52:40
  Speaker 2: Just you know, he said, you know, see Jesus, you
• 52:42
  Speaker 2: know that's your child right now, say I am. So
• 52:46
  Speaker 2: we just gonna leave it at that.
• 52:48
  Speaker 3: But I have clear none negotiables. He has his clear
• 52:54
  Speaker 3: non negotiables. But I am also learning how to. I
• 53:01
  Speaker 3: can't necessarily say soft girl space or whatever because I
• 53:08
  Speaker 3: don't necessarily know what that is. But I'm learning, and
• 53:11
  Speaker 3: it's hard because it's like he opens the doors, he
• 53:16
  Speaker 3: you know, carries the bags, He does all of these things.
• 53:20
  Speaker 3: If I'm in the mood, having a bad day, he
• 53:23
  Speaker 3: doesn't let my emotions dictate how he responds to me.
• 53:27
  Speaker 3: And that's not always easy because I know I can
• 53:29
  Speaker 3: get on your nerves because I tell myself sometimes I'm.
• 53:32
  Speaker 2: Getting on my own nerves and I need to come out.
• 53:34
  Speaker 3: So it's like he just be like, okay, you mad
• 53:38
  Speaker 3: because I realized when they when you hear people say
• 53:42
  Speaker 3: if he wanted to, he would, And I'll give you
• 53:45
  Speaker 3: two clear examples of if he wanted to that the
• 53:49
  Speaker 3: AC unit when it was real hot during the summer.
• 53:52
  Speaker 2: It was just excruciating hot.
• 53:54
  Speaker 3: The AC unit wasn't working, the rental office wasn't trying
• 53:58
  Speaker 3: to come out, and I was irritated. I was hot
• 54:02
  Speaker 3: with being with Kari. It's already issues, and so it
• 54:06
  Speaker 3: was like, well, you need to call it. I was like, Sir,
• 54:08
  Speaker 3: I've already done everything that you're trying to tell me
• 54:10
  Speaker 3: to do. And I was just like, it's hot in here.
• 54:13
  Speaker 3: Well did you turn this out?
• 54:14
  Speaker 5: Sir?
• 54:15
  Speaker 2: I have done everything you have asked me to do.
• 54:16
  Speaker 2: Please stop asking me.
• 54:18
  Speaker 3: So I'm irritated with him at the fact that he's
• 54:20
  Speaker 3: asking questions out of concern. So I don't think anything
• 54:25
  Speaker 3: else of it. Why did this man come down here,
• 54:29
  Speaker 3: brought a unit for the window and actually went and
• 54:34
  Speaker 3: we went to the grocery store to get groceries and everything.
• 54:37
  Speaker 3: Now it is eight o'clock at night. He has driven
• 54:41
  Speaker 3: from Charlotte all the way down here to ensure that
• 54:44
  Speaker 3: I was going to be comfortable and I didn't have
• 54:47
  Speaker 3: to worry about anything. And then he went back, like today,
• 54:51
  Speaker 3: he came down. He worked all night last night and
• 54:54
  Speaker 3: he called this morning. He was like, open the door, sir,
• 54:58
  Speaker 3: I'm half sleep. What are you talking about?
• 55:00
  Speaker 2: Opening door? He came with breakfast, took my son to work, and.
• 55:07
  Speaker 3: Got groceries and everything, made sure that my car was
• 55:10
  Speaker 3: filled up, filled up the air of my tire, and
• 55:13
  Speaker 3: gave me my Starbucks money and.
• 55:15
  Speaker 2: Then and he has to go.
• 55:19
  Speaker 6: That's what I'm talking about.
• 55:21
  Speaker 2: And so it's like I'm learning how to like I'm
• 55:27
  Speaker 2: learning how to be in the space of not worrying.
• 55:32
  Speaker 2: And so when I get you know, it's like I
• 55:35
  Speaker 2: don't know how.
• 55:36
  Speaker 5: To to just be.
• 55:38
  Speaker 3: And he's like, just sit down, like you got stuff
• 55:42
  Speaker 3: that you are focusing on. I'm here to support whatever
• 55:45
  Speaker 3: it is.
• 55:45
  Speaker 2: Just you just gotta tell me how.
• 55:47
  Speaker 3: And I'm like, well, sir, I don't even know how
• 55:49
  Speaker 3: to ask for help in the right way, Like I
• 55:51
  Speaker 3: don't know how to do that. And he was like, well,
• 55:55
  Speaker 3: if it makes you feel like you're asking, don't put
• 55:59
  Speaker 3: it in question for just mention it and it's done.
• 56:05
  Speaker 3: And that's basically what I'm learning. And so I'm still
• 56:09
  Speaker 3: learning not to touch the door to open the door
• 56:11
  Speaker 3: to get out of the car, and so when I
• 56:14
  Speaker 3: do it, he'd be like, oh, so you just gonna
• 56:16
  Speaker 3: open the door?
• 56:18
  Speaker 4: My bad?
• 56:19
  Speaker 2: I close the bad so I got to close the
• 56:21
  Speaker 2: doorback so he could come and open the door.
• 56:23
  Speaker 3: And so I'm like, I'm not used to that. So
• 56:27
  Speaker 3: it's like I'm learning and he's like, you just ain't
• 56:33
  Speaker 3: gonna get it. You're just hard headed, and I'm like, sir,
• 56:36
  Speaker 3: it's not necessarily hard. I've literally lived life in survival mode.
• 56:42
  Speaker 3: And even when I was married, I was still taking
• 56:46
  Speaker 3: on the responsibility of being the head of my house
• 56:50
  Speaker 3: because I had literally four children that I was taken
• 56:54
  Speaker 3: care of, not just me and my husband.
• 56:57
  Speaker 2: It was me and the children and then him, and
• 57:02
  Speaker 2: so it was like, what do I do in this sense?
• 57:06
  Speaker 3: And so now it's like, okay, And not only does
• 57:10
  Speaker 3: he embrace me, he embraced my children and so and
• 57:16
  Speaker 3: my grandchildren. So he talks about how I spoil my grandbaby.
• 57:21
  Speaker 3: But y'all, let me tell you.
• 57:22
  Speaker 2: We in the store today and he's like, did you
• 57:25
  Speaker 2: get move her ice cream? Did you get her cereal?
• 57:27
  Speaker 2: Did you get her.
• 57:32
  Speaker 4: Baby?
• 57:32
  Speaker 3: Right? He making sure that she gets all of her stuff,
• 57:37
  Speaker 3: And I'm like, you talk about me spoiling her, sir,
• 57:41
  Speaker 3: you are the epitome of what it is like. You
• 57:47
  Speaker 3: might tell me no, but you're not gonna tell her no.
• 57:52
  Speaker 3: And so every morning, like, if he knows I'm gonna
• 57:55
  Speaker 3: have her, the first thing he's gonna do is she
• 57:58
  Speaker 3: there yet?
• 57:59
  Speaker 2: Has she got there? And I'm like, she gonna be
• 58:03
  Speaker 2: hearing to mean, okay, well call me.
• 58:05
  Speaker 3: Like I had to call him yesterday when she got
• 58:07
  Speaker 3: and she wasn't here very long, and so I called
• 58:10
  Speaker 3: him and so he had to make sure that he
• 58:12
  Speaker 3: talked to her.
• 58:12
  Speaker 2: So it's like you when you find somebody that includes you.
• 58:19
  Speaker 3: And also like his family makes me feel like I'm
• 58:23
  Speaker 3: part of the family, even without the idea, and that's
• 58:28
  Speaker 3: that's new.
• 58:29
  Speaker 5: To me, you know.
• 58:31
  Speaker 3: And so it's like his mama, his grandma, his brothers,
• 58:35
  Speaker 3: and it's like I think it's different. And so I'm
• 58:41
  Speaker 3: learning to embrace this space.
• 58:45
  Speaker 8: And so.
• 58:47
  Speaker 3: Divorce isn't final. It is one of those things where
• 58:53
  Speaker 3: that was an end of an era. It was an
• 58:55
  Speaker 3: end of a time. It was an end of a
• 58:58
  Speaker 3: relationship that you thought had a happily ever after, But
• 59:02
  Speaker 3: if God wasn't attached to that happily ever after.
• 59:05
  Speaker 2: It was just the beginning of the end of what
• 59:09
  Speaker 2: was there.
• 59:10
  Speaker 3: And when you keep God included, because anytime we have
• 59:14
  Speaker 3: a disagreement or anything, we both go to God first
• 59:18
  Speaker 3: and ask for clarity understanding so that we can communicate together.
• 59:25
  Speaker 3: And so because I'll tell him, look, I need to
• 59:28
  Speaker 3: talk to God, and he'd be like, look here, girl,
• 59:30
  Speaker 3: I'm gonna call you back because me and God need
• 59:31
  Speaker 3: to talk about this.
• 59:33
  Speaker 2: And I'll call you back.
• 59:37
  Speaker 3: And he might say so he's like, okay, I'm talking
• 59:39
  Speaker 3: to God. And so we pray for each other and
• 59:43
  Speaker 3: we pray with each other as well, and so it's
• 59:49
  Speaker 3: a good space that we have. And I'm still learning
• 59:54
  Speaker 3: to navigate this because it's new and it's different. Marriage
• 1:00:02
  Speaker 3: is not the end goal. It's the beginning because you
• 1:00:06
  Speaker 3: are going to learn each other as you continue to
• 1:00:10
  Speaker 3: build the relationship together. And most people think that that
• 1:00:13
  Speaker 3: saying I do is the beginning. But the beginning was
• 1:00:17
  Speaker 3: already when you first met and you started and the
• 1:00:21
  Speaker 3: end result that's beginning started.
• 1:00:24
  Speaker 5: Ye I was the wife before I was even a wife.
• 1:00:29
  Speaker 6: Yeah, and see that's in med school.
• 1:00:33
  Speaker 5: Both he was as you would say, not the same tone,
• 1:00:38
  Speaker 5: but you would hear that tone in his voice. Yeah,
• 1:00:42
  Speaker 5: you were here him on the phone, and they thought
• 1:00:44
  Speaker 5: he were.
• 1:00:46
  Speaker 2: But they were somebody to hear me on the phone.
• 1:00:49
  Speaker 5: They like girl exactly the only way they would no matter,
• 1:00:54
  Speaker 5: it's not like that.
• 1:00:56
  Speaker 7: It's like that don't matter because wait minute, you got
• 1:00:58
  Speaker 7: a black white girl.
• 1:01:01
  Speaker 5: Yeah, or get on the phone. Because I knew how
• 1:01:05
  Speaker 5: to talk. That's just the way I followed my mom's me.
• 1:01:11
  Speaker 7: Or I would just talk, you know, I just what
• 1:01:13
  Speaker 7: he did, and he would just be like frustrated and
• 1:01:15
  Speaker 7: kind of good about it.
• 1:01:16
  Speaker 5: So when people talking, they thought he was and I
• 1:01:19
  Speaker 5: would say, no, he's not. They say, you're lying. I said,
• 1:01:22
  Speaker 5: I'm looking right at him. How can you tell me? So,
• 1:01:26
  Speaker 5: you know, but mind didn't start off.
• 1:01:28
  Speaker 7: I didn't have any domestic issues. I think mine was
• 1:01:31
  Speaker 7: more of the fact that I was hot on myself
• 1:01:36
  Speaker 7: emotionally wise, meaning that I didn't really care for myself.
• 1:01:40
  Speaker 5: I was a cutter.
• 1:01:41
  Speaker 7: I didn't want to be here being adopted. I felt like, no,
• 1:01:46
  Speaker 7: my my bylock Chians didn't want me to my doctor
• 1:01:49
  Speaker 7: parents did, but it's still the enemy still played on
• 1:01:53
  Speaker 7: my emotions with that, and then moving from a big
• 1:01:58
  Speaker 7: city to country because why because you're the only disabled.
• 1:02:03
  Speaker 7: So that made it even worse. Yeah, So when I
• 1:02:06
  Speaker 7: got with him, the presson was already in me.
• 1:02:09
  Speaker 5: It just my mom pass and just let it sit in.
• 1:02:15
  Speaker 3: And so listen, we can keep this conversation going all night,
• 1:02:24
  Speaker 3: but we go continue tomorrow night because telling you wants
• 1:02:27
  Speaker 3: to do it on Heart show, So we gonna keep
• 1:02:30
  Speaker 3: some extra stuff for tomorrow.
• 1:02:32
  Speaker 2: So tuny and y'all for part two.
• 1:02:35
  Speaker 3: But you know, I thank you Tanya for actually being
• 1:02:38
  Speaker 3: a visionary for this book because it is one of
• 1:02:42
  Speaker 3: those stories that people need to know that, Yes, marriage
• 1:02:47
  Speaker 3: is that beautiful thing when two people are aligned according
• 1:02:50
  Speaker 3: to God's will and his purpose, and so when you
• 1:02:53
  Speaker 3: are aligned and committed to actually loving each other through
• 1:02:58
  Speaker 3: the good, the bad, and then different. But learning to
• 1:03:01
  Speaker 3: communicate through all of those things, because it's not always
• 1:03:04
  Speaker 3: gonna be rainbows and shunshine.
• 1:03:06
  Speaker 2: There's gonna be so warm that you're.
• 1:03:08
  Speaker 3: Gonna have to encounter to get through to each each
• 1:03:12
  Speaker 3: and every task that comes before you. But learning to
• 1:03:15
  Speaker 3: put God first in the midst of those complicated situations
• 1:03:18
  Speaker 3: will be one of those.
• 1:03:20
  Speaker 2: Things that thank you, miss Sheryl, that you know God
• 1:03:26
  Speaker 2: is putting.
• 1:03:27
  Speaker 3: You together for a purpose, and if your purpose isn't
• 1:03:30
  Speaker 3: aligned with what God has for you, it won't work.
• 1:03:33
  Speaker 3: It doesn't matter how many times you want to push
• 1:03:36
  Speaker 3: and try to force the issue. If God is not
• 1:03:39
  Speaker 3: in it, it's not gonna prosper. It's not going because
• 1:03:43
  Speaker 3: God will match you with the person that is prepared
• 1:03:47
  Speaker 3: to propel you to the purpose that He has for you.
• 1:03:51
  Speaker 3: And once you are aligned, everything that you've been praying for,
• 1:03:56
  Speaker 3: praying and positioning yourself for God is going to elevate it.
• 1:04:00
  Speaker 2: It's going to come to.
• 1:04:01
  Speaker 3: Reality if you are aligned with what God has for you.
• 1:04:05
  Speaker 3: Because a lot of times we get of course, but
• 1:04:09
  Speaker 3: I thank everybody for tuning in tonight because y'all know,
• 1:04:12
  Speaker 3: once I get to talking about God and what he does,
• 1:04:14
  Speaker 3: I get gonna we'll be here all night, and I
• 1:04:18
  Speaker 3: don't want to do that. So you know, as I
• 1:04:21
  Speaker 3: always say, stay out of God's business. The only thing
• 1:04:24
  Speaker 3: he needs you to do is be obedient to what
• 1:04:26
  Speaker 3: he's called you to do, because that's what I do.
• 1:04:28
  Speaker 3: I'll be harded sometimes, but I try my best to
• 1:04:31
  Speaker 3: stay obedient. He'll be looking at me sideways, but I'm
• 1:04:35
  Speaker 3: obedient to what He's called me to do. I love you, guys,
• 1:04:37
  Speaker 3: and thank you for being here tonight.
• 1:04:43
  Speaker 4: Good Night, good night,