Latest / The Daily Writer / I Was Rejected Last Week, and Here's What I Learned

Transcript

I Was Rejected Last Week, and Here's What I Learned · The Daily Writer

• 0:18
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome everybody to the Born to Create Podcast.
• 0:21
  SPEAKER_00: My name is Kent Sanders, and I'm your host.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_00: I'm an author, musician, and teacher, but most importantly, I'm a husband and a dad.
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_00: Here on the show, we talk about practices, habits, and strategies that help us live out our creative calling.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_00: This is episode 40, and today we're going to be talking about the topic of rejection.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_00: Specifically, I want to share about a rejection that I experienced last week and what I learned from it.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_00: You can find the post that accompanies this episode at KentSanders.net slash rejected.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_00: Before we get into the content, I want to invite you to send in your questions on creativity, productivity, art, or writing, and I'll answer those questions here on the podcast.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_00: You can send me an email at Kent at KentSanders.net, or you can shoot me a message on Facebook or Twitter at KentSanders.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_00: So let's dive in.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_00: A few weeks ago I spoke to a friend about a creative opportunity.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_00: Now, the specific opportunity doesn't really matter.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_00: It could have been a speaking gig, a publishing deal, or a freelance job, or something else.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_00: Doesn't make any difference.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_00: The point is I thought I had a good shot at being accepted for this opportunity, but then my friend called me back a few days ago and he told me that I was not going to be considered for this opportunity.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_00: Now, as you can imagine, this was not the news that I was hoping for.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_00: And honestly, at first I was a little bit hurt and angry about it.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, didn't they see the skills that I could bring to the table?
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_00: Was it an obvious that I've been adding value to others for a long time?
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_00: Didn't it matter that I've done a variety of different things and had different skills that I could share?
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_00: Well, none of that mattered, I guess, because they didn't consider me to be the right person for this opportunity.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_00: I moped around the house for a couple of days, sort of feeling sorry for myself, and I even journaled about my disappointment a couple of times.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_00: On Saturday morning, I woke up and I had a stark realization.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_00: And that realization was that I was acting like a child and my attitude totally sucked.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_00: So instead of continuing to wallow in self-pity, I kind of stood back and took a really hard look at myself.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_00: And I thought, what can I learn from this?
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_00: How could this rejection, how could this experience actually make me better?
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_00: And today I want to share with you nine things that I've learned from this experience of rejection.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_00: And I hope that these lessons will be useful to you as you deal with rejection in your own life.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_00: Number one, remember that it's better to be rejected on the front end of an opportunity.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I wouldn't want to be chosen for an opportunity if the people doing the choosing didn't truly want me for it.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_00: I think it's much better to experience rejection on the front end rather than waiting months or years later when you're in the thick of a situation that's not right for you.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_00: Number two, don't rely on other people's acceptance to feel validated.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_00: Number two, don't rely on other people's acceptance to feel validated.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_00: When you're accepted by others, it's easy to feel great about yourself, and you think, yay, I was chosen for something.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_00: But on the other hand, when you're rejected, it's really easy to feel worthless and feel bad about yourself.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_00: And you think to yourself, oh no, nobody likes me.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_00: Well, the truth is that neither scenario is really valid.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_00: Your worth as a person is completely independent of other people's judgment about you.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_00: You are priceless, you're valuable, and you're awesome, regardless of what other people think.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_00: Number three, remember that opportunities come and go.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you've always wanted to work at such and such a place, or maybe you've always wanted to speak at a certain conference or work with a certain publisher.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_00: Well, the truth is that there are unlimited opportunities around us every day.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_00: So don't get your heart set on any one specific opportunity.
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_00: Number four, take control of your own destiny and choose yourself.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_00: I recently read James Alticher's book called Choose Yourself, and the title really sums it all up.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_00: Stop waiting for other people to pick you and instead choose yourself.
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_00: Creative people often have to wait for gatekeepers to approve them in some way.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_00: Whether it's a publisher, a record label, an art gallery, or something else, we spend a lot of time waiting for other people's approval.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_00: But the cool thing is that today you don't need to wait for somebody else.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_00: You can take control of your own life and get your creative work out there so other people can experience it.
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_00: Number five, remember that all the great leaders faced failure and rejection.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_00: For instance, think about Abraham Lincoln, Thomas Edison, Walt Disney, Steve Jobs.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_00: All those guys faced rejection or failure at some point, but they persisted.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_00: They were resilient, they had the right attitude, and they kept at it until their dreams became reality.
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_00: Did you really think success was going to come so easily?
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_00: Not a chance.
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_00: The trials we go through are shaping and molding us for something greater down the road.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_00: But we can only make use of these disappointments if we have the right attitude.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_00: Number six, don't make a bad decision when you're emotionally compromised.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_00: Remember the scene in the 2009 movie Star Trek when Spock gets into a fight with Captain Kirk?
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_00: Well, he wasn't a captain then.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_00: And then Spock steps down from his command.
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_00: Hopefully you remember that scene if you saw that movie.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_00: Well, the reason that Spock stepped down from his command is that he was emotionally compromised.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_00: He knew that his emotions would prevent him from making good decisions as a leader.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_00: Now, when you're feeling heard and rejected, it's tempting to seek out acceptance and validation from another opportunity, whether it's the right opportunity or not.
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_00: It's also tempting to engage in self-destructive behavior to mask our pain.
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_00: Really, neither course of action is good.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_00: When you feel emotionally compromised after being rejected, just lay low, take stock of where you are, and don't make any rash decisions.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_00: Number seven, save your venting for your journal, not social media.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_00: This should go without saying, but I've seen too many people make a fool out of themselves in social media because they were angry about something.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_00: You know, there's a whole bunch of reasons to not criticize someone or an organization on social media.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_00: And some of those reasons are that you can burn bridges, you can damage relationships, and you could just make yourself look really bad in the whole process.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_00: When you're upset or angry, you need to vent somewhere, and I recommend doing so in a journal where you can keep your thoughts private.
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_00: Number eight, be thankful for what you have learned about yourself.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_00: In my particular situation, I had to face the question, why do I really want this opportunity?
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_00: And at first I was caught up in the excitement and thought that I truly wanted this opportunity.
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_00: But honestly, when it came right down to it, I was more drawn to the excitement about the opportunity rather than the work itself that the opportunity represented.
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_00: Hopefully that makes sense.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_00: Deep down in my heart, I knew that this specific opportunity wasn't truly what I wanted to do.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_00: In the end, that means that the people who rejected me actually did me a huge favor, for which I am honestly grateful.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_00: It forced me to think about what I truly wanted in life and what I truly wanted to use my creative talents for.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_00: Number nine, pray for those who have rejected you.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_00: Ever since I first talked to my friend about this opportunity, I had been praying for God's guidance, and I had to trust that God would use my friend to show me the way, whether that meant getting accepted for this opportunity or getting rejected for it.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_00: Now this meant that both of us were actually co-laborers in God's kingdom, both trying to follow his leading.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_00: And ultimately, if we're mature people, hopefully we both wanted ultimately the same thing, which was God's will for the situation.
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_00: So what does all this mean for us and for our opportunities?
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I think it means that in addition to praying for myself, I should pray for those who are deciding whether to accept or reject me for various opportunities.
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_00: I should pray that we both hear God's voice and are both obedient to what we hear.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_00: Let me be totally honest with you.
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I'm an intelligent person who can make good decisions most of the time.
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_00: But I've recently started to understand that I can't figure all this stuff out on my own.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_00: And I think for the first time in my adult life, I've really started to hit the limits of my own wisdom.
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm relying less on my own insight these days and relying more on a childlike faith in God's guidance.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_00: So if you're making decisions about opportunities, whether they're big or small, I encourage you to ask God for guidance.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_00: In my experience, God gives us wisdom whenever we ask for it.
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_00: But his guidance and wisdom often comes to us in a way that we don't expect.
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_00: So let go, trust, and don't get discouraged when you're rejected.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_00: It might just be God's way of guiding you to something better.
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_00: What have you learned from being rejected?
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_00: I'd love to hear your thoughts.
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_00: You can join the conversation and find the post and the links that accompany this episode at KentSanders.net slash rejected.
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_00: When you visit my site, you'll find all kinds of great resources to inspire your creativity.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_00: I'd also love to share a gift with you when you subscribe to my newsletter.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_00: You can check it out and learn more about my books, writing, and services at KentSanders.net.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_00: I'd love to connect and you can tweet me at Kent Sanders, or you can find me on Facebook and Instagram as Kent Sanders.
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_00: I hope that you'll also check out our Born to Create Facebook group by visiting Kent Sanders.net slash Facebook Group.
• 9:55
  SPEAKER_00: Until next time, remember that you were born to create and designed to make a difference.
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_00: What will you do with the time you have left?