Latest / The Post-Separation Abuse Podcast / 83. To the parents who have invested in themselves - this episode is for you

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83. To the parents who have invested in themselves - this episode is for you · The Post-Separation Abuse Podcast

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Hello and welcome back to the Post Separation Abuse Podcast.
• 0:04
  SPEAKER_00: I'm your host, Danielle Black.
• 0:07
  SPEAKER_00: Today's episode is a little bit different.
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_00: Today I'm not really teaching you anything new, but rather speaking directly to a very specific group of people.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_00: And those people that I'm speaking to are those who have invested in the blueprint and also the parents who have invested in coaching with me and with Trudy, who works alongside me at Danielle Black Coaching.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_00: For all of those parents, this episode is for you.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_00: This episode is about recognition.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_00: And it's a thank you.
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_00: Because what you have said with your actions, not just your words, is that your children's safety matters more than your own comfort, that you're willing to learn, that you're willing to grow, and that you're not just going to survive this, but you're going to lead on your journey.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_00: You're going to be an effective advocate.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that deserves to be honored.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_00: There's a lot of invisible courage in the decision to purchase the blueprint or to sign up for coaching.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_00: When someone purchases the blueprint or books coaching, they're not buying a product.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_00: They're buying a future version of themselves, and they're buying an optimized outcome for their children.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_00: They're buying a future with clarity, with strategy, a future that their children will one day look back on with gratitude.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_00: To those parents, you're stepping into work that is often invisible.
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_00: Because there are no medals, no applause, no gold stars, no trophies for the nights that you spend reading the blueprint, honing your documentation, building your affidavit structure, updating your chronologies, learning how to identify the patterns of coercive control in your situation, learning what your children need at their different ages and stages of development.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_00: Instead of scrolling Timu at midnight, and no judgment because I've been there, so many parents are instead choosing capacity over the dopamine hit of other purchases.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_00: They're choosing strategy over survival mode and over complaining about the system.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_00: And their children probably don't see any of it yet, but one day they absolutely will.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_00: My eldest son, who's now an adult, is increasingly aware of the things that I did to help to keep him safe once I realized what it was that was going on and that what we were both dealing with.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_00: But he didn't recognise it in the moment, and nor should he.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't want him recognizing it in the moment.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_00: I was working really hard to ensure that he didn't see what it was that I was dealing with.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_00: But now that he's eighteen, he's an adult, he understands everything that I did, and he's expressed his gratitude to me.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_00: Now that he's an adult, he sees everything that I did, albeit in retrospect.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_00: And of course that's not why we do this work.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_00: We don't do it so that it's recognized by our children, but the reality is that we are accountable to our kids, as we should be.
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_00: One day there will come a time when they will ask questions about what happened and about what we did to keep them safe.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_00: And we should be able to answer that with a clear conscience.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_00: And it's important to be real here because the blueprint, whilst it's an incredible resource, it's not passive.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_00: It's not a feel-good binge watch where you just get to absorb biosmosis.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_00: It really is a commitment.
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_00: It requires reading modules, engaging with the lessons, updating documentation frameworks, practicing capacity building exercises, learning new scripts and language, implementing nervous system regulation tools on a regular basis, a daily basis to get the maximum benefit.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_00: Thinking strategically and not reactively, showing up even when you're feeling tired, emotional, and discouraged, and frankly, carving out time that you probably don't feel like you even have.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_00: It's not easy work, but it is transformational work.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_00: The kind of work that means that when you sit in front of a family report writer, you're not feeling overwhelmed.
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_00: You're not babbling trauma.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_00: You're credible, you're clear, you're child focused, you're regulated, you're strategic.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_00: And when you're cross-examined at trial, the truth is more likely to stand up.
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_00: Not because you hope it will, but because you've been doing the work to ensure that it does.
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_00: People often assume that when we use the word investment, that we're just talking about financial investment, that we're just talking about money.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_00: But all you parents out there who are working with Trudy and I one-on-one with coaching, all of you who have joined the Blueprint know that the real investment is also time and courage.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_00: Some of you are so committed to doing everything that you can to optimize your ultimate outcome for your kids that you've put your study and career progression on pause.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_00: You've cut back on takeaway coffees and other non-essentials to afford coaching or the blueprint.
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_00: A lot of you I know have asked family to contribute to the blueprint or coaching as a Christmas gift.
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_00: A lot of you have said not now to other things that you want.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_00: You're making choices that many other people will never see.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_00: And you're prioritizing growing your capacity and your knowledge over comfort so that you can maximize your ability to advocate for yourself and your kids.
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_00: And you're not doing any of that because you're less ambitious with your careers.
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_00: You're not doing any of that because you don't deserve a takeaway coffee.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_00: But rather because right now, in this season of your life, this season is about you leveling up to protect your kids to the best of your ability.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_00: Because work, career for the majority of people is always going to be there.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_00: But your children are only this age once, and court windows are limited.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_00: Opportunities to influence outcomes really are bound by time.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_00: And I know that those parents that I'm speaking to specifically right now, I know that you know that, and I know that that's why you stepped up.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_00: I see you, I respect you, and Trudy and I could not be more proud of you.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_00: Because not everyone invests in themselves.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_00: Not everyone can, not everyone will.
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_00: Many stay in survival mode, not because they don't love their kids, but because growth real growth, real expansion of knowledge and capacity requires discomfort.
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_00: It requires time.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_00: But instead, you've moved forward knowing that this work matters more than your comfort.
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_00: You've made the decision to do the work even when there's no one in the background clapping.
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_00: You've made the decision because your child's safety is worth every second.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_00: And because of that, you are all cycle breakers.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_00: You are all changemakers.
• 8:03
  SPEAKER_00: You are the person that your children and future generations of your family will thank.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_00: You are the evidence that protection is not passive.
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_00: It's active and it is intentional.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_00: And I take your investment very seriously.
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_00: Not just your financial investment, but even more so the investment of your time.
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_00: Because time is the one thing that we can never get back.
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_00: You'll make more money.
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_00: You can't make more time.
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_00: And you're choosing to spend it with me, with Trudy, with the blueprint, with your growth.
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_00: And that means something.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_00: And I make this promise to you.
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_00: If you engage with the blueprint, not just buy it, but if you read, reflect, practice, document, apply, work on building your capacity as well as your knowledge bit by bit, you are not going to be the same parent a few months from now.
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_00: You will be more confident.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_00: You will be far more knowledgeable about what your child or children genuinely need.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_00: You will be more grounded and more strategic.
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_00: You'll be more prepared, more credible, and so much more fucking powerful.
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_00: You will be a force to be reckoned with.
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_00: And your children will benefit.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_00: Not someday, but now.
• 9:29
  SPEAKER_00: They will benefit from those changes within you right now.
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_00: And because I want you supported in the implementation of what you're learning, of what you're applying, everyone who has joined the Blueprint already and up until December 12 will receive complementary access to AI Danielle until May 2026.
• 9:53
  SPEAKER_00: So you have the frameworks in the blueprint, the knowledge, the capacity building information, the evidence, and a 24-7 support in your pocket.
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_00: When you need language for a co-parenting response, AI Danielle is there.
• 10:11
  SPEAKER_00: When you're not sure how to document something or what the pattern is that you're seeing, AI Danielle can help.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_00: When you want to rehearse some things for your meeting with a report writer, AI Danielle is there morning, noon, night.
• 10:27
  SPEAKER_00: Unlike Trudy and I, she does not need to sleep.
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_00: When you feel activated, when you're triggered, when you need some help getting back into balance, AI Danielle can help.
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_00: You're not doing this alone.
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_00: To every parent who's currently working with the blueprint, to every parent who has chosen to invest in coaching, I see you.
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_00: I am so incredibly proud of you.
• 10:53
  SPEAKER_00: Your children may not understand the weight that you have been carrying and will continue to carry.
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_00: Not yet, but one day they will look back and know.
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_00: They'll know that you did everything that you could, that you chose them, that you fought for them.
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_00: Not in chaos, not in just reaching out for support in a reactive way when the shit hits the fan, but strategically.
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_00: Not in survival mode, but in leadership.
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_00: And that matters more than you may ever know.
• 11:29
  SPEAKER_00: So please keep showing up.
• 11:32
  SPEAKER_00: Keep taking those small steps.
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_00: Keep choosing knowledge and capacity over comfort.
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_00: It is absolutely so very worth it.
• 11:44
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you so much for being here with me today for another episode of the Post Separation Abuse Podcast.
• 11:50
  SPEAKER_00: I'll look forward to chatting with you again soon.