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212. Must Do’s To Thrive As A Couple During The Holiday Season · The Ultimate Intimacy Podcast

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: You are listening to the Ultimate Intimacy Podcast, where we discuss how to find ultimate intimacy in your relationship.
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: We believe that, no matter how many years you've been married, you can achieve passion, romance, happiness and ultimate intimacy at any stage of your life.
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: Join us as we talk to not only marriage experts, but couples just like yourself and people who are just flat out fun.
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: The Ultimate Intimacy Podcast is for couples who have a good relationship but want to make it even better.
• 0:43
  Speaker 2: It's the Ultimate Intimacy Podcast with Nick and Amy.
• 0:47
  Speaker 2: Welcome to the podcast today.
• 0:49
  Speaker 2: Welcome to the podcast today, Amy.
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: Thank you, welcome everyone.
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: Today's topic is very serious.
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: Is it very serious I?
• 1:02
  Speaker 2: think it's a very serious topic.
• 1:03
  Speaker 2: Yeah, absolutely.
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: Are you going to make it that serious?
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: Are you going to try and make it funny?
• 1:06
  Speaker 2: I know I'm going to be very serious today.
• 1:08
  Speaker 2: I'm going to be on my best behavior.
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: I just think that it's very, very needed this time of year, and we've probably mentioned a few of these before, but we are approaching the holiday season.
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: If you're listening to this when it came out, if you're listening to it after the holiday, well, there's always a holiday.
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: There's a holiday almost every month of the year.
• 1:31
  Speaker 2: right, there's anniversaries, yeah, but this time of year is like you got Thanksgiving, you got Christmas, you have new years, I mean you just kind of got family parties, work parties, kids stuff.
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: It's very, very busy time of year, so I think the conversation we're about to have could go any time of the year right.
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: It's just really important this time of year.
• 1:56
  Speaker 2: And I think this is when people like typically people are going and visiting family Thanksgiving, christmas, new Year's.
• 2:02
  Speaker 2: They're not typically visiting family for St Patrick's Day and things like that.
• 2:08
  Speaker 1: So we're going to talk about things that aren't just like holiday, like things that even in March or April or July still super, super important to do.
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: So I'm just saying, no matter when you listen to this podcast, it's super important to have these discussions and talk about these points.
• 2:26
  Speaker 2: Agreed.
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 2:28
  Speaker 2: So it's must do's to thrive as a couple during the holiday season, and I don't know how all of you feel, but I know for me like the holidays get pretty stressful.
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: They do for you.
• 2:40
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 2:40
  Speaker 1: Why.
• 2:43
  Speaker 2: Because I think family stuff, making everyone happy gifts you know what do you get your spouse, what do you get your kids?
• 2:56
  Speaker 2: And Amy's here laughing because.
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: Oh my gosh.
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: I think most women are probably laughing like what you take care of any of that.
• 3:02
  Speaker 2: Well, I'm just saying it still can be stressful for us too.
• 3:06
  Speaker 2: It can be stressful because he stressed about what to get me for Christmas.
• 3:09
  Speaker 1: That's what he stressed about.
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: Yes, that is true, that is what he stressed about, because we literally spend the holidays with his family, because they're the ones that live by us.
• 3:16
  Speaker 2: People get stressed about finances.
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: Is your own family.
• 3:21
  Speaker 2: Spending time with family.
• 3:22
  Speaker 2: You know a lot of people have really crazy family dynamics.
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: Yeah, we're going to talk about that.
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: So anyway, we don't.
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: But we have friends and family that do, so we're very grateful that we don't have to deal with that, but it's very important to talk about.
• 3:39
  Speaker 2: We don't have to deal with other things that other people probably don't have to deal with, like divorce, parents and other things.
• 3:45
  Speaker 2: So anyways, yeah, we all have our own issues or things we deal with during the holidays, and they all suck sometimes, so, anyways, they don't have to suck.
• 3:56
  Speaker 2: But they don't have to suck Exactly, they don't have to suck.
• 3:59
  Speaker 1: This is the fix it so that they don't have to suck.
• 4:02
  Speaker 1: If you're going to the holiday season right now and you're so excited for Christmas, you love shopping, you love gift gifting, you love decorating for it like a lot of moms go into the holiday season, they're all excited and then week one in they're like oh, I forgot how bad I hate this because there's so much stress and pressure.
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: Right, I don't hear a lot of men say that because I don't think they have the stress and pressure that most women and I'm not saying that they shouldn't, I'm just saying most women take on a lot of that stuff and we'll talk about that too.
• 4:29
  Speaker 2: Correct, but they take on more because they choose to take on more.
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: But, but they're expected to take on more, or yeah?
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: I mean, there's a lot of things.
• 4:39
  Speaker 2: But the things we're going to talk about truly will make your holiday season much more enjoyable, much less stressful, and there are easy things you can do, but it's amazing how many couples don't do these things For sure.
• 4:53
  Speaker 2: And by not doing these things, this is where the problems, the conflict, the arguments, the stress everything really comes out.
• 5:03
  Speaker 2: So, again, if you do these things that we're going to talk about today, you really can eliminate most, if not all, of the stresses during the holiday season.
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: So anyone listening too, I want you to think back.
• 5:14
  Speaker 1: I don't know how long you've been married.
• 5:15
  Speaker 1: We've been married.
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: It'll be 22 years this next year, so we've had our share of holiday seasons, right Like.
• 5:21
  Speaker 1: We know what we're getting into.
• 5:22
  Speaker 1: We know what we're dealing with.
• 5:23
  Speaker 2: Divorce parents.
• 5:24
  Speaker 1: So I mean we've done this right, and so I want you to just think about, like back to a holiday where it was super easy and you didn't have a bunch of what do I want to say Stresses, it was just simple and pleasant.
• 5:40
  Speaker 1: Or those holiday seasons it doesn't matter what holiday it could have been Christmas, it could have been Thanksgiving, it could have been anything else where it was maybe some drama, maybe some toxicity, maybe too much busyness or stress.
• 5:53
  Speaker 1: I want you to just think did I have healthy boundaries set in place before that happened, and did me and my spouse even talk about boundaries before that event happened?
• 6:07
  Speaker 1: Now I can only say in our marriage that the holidays where there was no drama, there was no stress, we were on the same page, we were united, it was joyful Were the years or holidays where we had previously got serious about talking about boundaries, talking about in-laws, talking about who's going to take on what, just all those things that how much money are we going to spend?
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: Budgeting, all those things we're going to talk about today.
• 6:34
  Speaker 1: Those times that we talked and really communicated about it in a healthy way previous to that changed everything.
• 6:46
  Speaker 2: And the years that we didn't talk about.
• 6:47
  Speaker 2: It was chaos.
• 6:49
  Speaker 1: And maybe not even chaos, but there were little things that popped up that could have not popped up if we had communicated better.
• 6:55
  Speaker 1: Right, it always comes back to communication.
• 6:57
  Speaker 1: So today's podcast, we're going to talk about some of the points that need to be discussed, or put boundaries in place before these things approach so that they don't become negative, because we all want to go into this holiday season feeling united, feeling like we have time for each other, feeling like we have time for ourselves not to burn out.
• 7:21
  Speaker 1: We just want to enjoy the season, right, we want to be able to enjoy family, we want to be able to enjoy kids.
• 7:25
  Speaker 1: If you have kids and number one, you want to be able to enjoy your marriage, and holidays should not tear your marriage apart.
• 7:32
  Speaker 2: Yep, exactly.
• 7:33
  Speaker 2: In fact, Amy took a poll on this Asked couples, how many couples, what percentage of couples like plan or set boundaries in place to protect their marriage during these crazy times, and it was interesting to hear the results.
• 7:50
  Speaker 1: Absolutely.
• 7:51
  Speaker 1: I'm going to share the results.
• 7:52
  Speaker 1: So I just started out with saying setting boundaries and marriage during the holidays is about protecting the relationship, respecting each other's needs and ensuring that the season remains enjoyable and meaningful for both spouses.
• 8:08
  Speaker 1: It helps maintain a healthy balance between social engagements, personal time, budgeting and intimate connection within the marriage.
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: So that's kind of why we're talking about some of these things.
• 8:19
  Speaker 1: So we asked our audience do you set boundaries together for the holidays?
• 8:25
  Speaker 1: 39% said yes, which means that 61% said no.
• 8:33
  Speaker 1: More than half 60% are not talking about boundaries.
• 8:39
  Speaker 1: Now I should have asked after that.
• 8:42
  Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly.
• 8:43
  Speaker 1: How many issues do you have during those holidays?
• 8:46
  Speaker 2: for you 60%.
• 8:46
  Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly what percentage of you have issues during the holidays?
• 8:51
  Speaker 1: It probably would have correlated them, it probably would have been 60% Exactly.
• 8:55
  Speaker 1: So I said what healthy boundaries do you set around holidays?
• 8:59
  Speaker 1: And I get answers around toxic family members, family commitments and budgeting.
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: Mostly is what people have already set boundaries about, which is awesome, but there's a lot more things to talk about.
• 9:15
  Speaker 1: The next question I asked was boundaries might be needed for these categories Social engagements, finance, budgeting, family time, traditions, a long time work, life balance, communication, travel plans, gift giving and self care.
• 9:31
  Speaker 1: Then I asked which of these categories do you feel like you need to go set boundaries in your marriage?
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: And I would say the top answer was family time and the other top answer was budgeting and finances.
• 9:51
  Speaker 1: Just going off like a quick look of all the answers.
• 9:54
  Speaker 1: So I like what you said.
• 9:58
  Speaker 1: I think it does correlate.
• 10:00
  Speaker 1: I think if you take the time to sit down as a couple Just for an hour, even just give yourself an hour on a Sunday night when the kids are in bed or where you're just kind of sitting around and everyone's on their phones or you're not doing anything productive, just have a conversation.
• 10:15
  Speaker 2: Hey, honey, I real, really feel like this holiday season, before it approaches, we could just talk about some things to help it Be amazing, drama free put together a plan and and if you put together a plan and, more importantly, you follow that plan, you're probably not gonna have Really any disagreements or conflicts.
• 10:36
  Speaker 2: So let's yeah let's jump in and talk about the different things.
• 10:40
  Speaker 1: And the reason we're sharing this is because we want you to be united for the holidays, like your marriage comes first.
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: Let that show right, like the holidays are supposed to be.
• 10:50
  Speaker 1: Special Christmas can be romantic, can be Sweet and passionate if you prioritize that so for sure, that's what we want for all of you.
• 10:59
  Speaker 2: So let's talk about social engagements, because there's so many different parties this time of year.
• 11:03
  Speaker 1: There's friends parties, works, work parties, family parties so many different kids activities, kids Performances oh, you have an yeah, you're exactly right like it hasn't even seen our calendar yet, because I take care of all our kids activities.
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: But the violin performances, the piano recitals, that plays the sports events like they're still insane dance performances.
• 11:27
  Speaker 1: I mean, it's just, there's a lot going on a lot of Christmas performances.
• 11:31
  Speaker 2: So Go, you know, sit down, look at the calendar, look at all the different Parties and events, the different things scheduled, and decide which ones you're gonna prioritize and which ones you're gonna go to and which ones you aren't.
• 11:45
  Speaker 2: You know, really Outline that so that rather than you all the sudden have so many events happening and coming all at once that you don't know what to do, sit down and schedule them out, like Amy said, making calendar yeah, and I Think my mistake is that I don't always show Nick until like that week, like what is coming up.
• 12:06
  Speaker 1: So, as a couple, maybe pull out the December calendar and Go through it as a couple, make, write everything down and show each other, show your husband if your wife this is what's gonna be happening in December, like these are the days that we need to block out, okay, and and the best thing you can do is be like, okay, let's add date night this night, this night and this night to the calendar, so that's not forgotten and we'll get more into that a mesmerized date might this week, might be during a violin concert.
• 12:36
  Speaker 1: No, doesn't count.
• 12:38
  Speaker 1: So yeah, really playing that out, let's move on to finances, the big thing everybody Is budgeting this year because of this crazy inflation, crazy cost of living right, everyone needs a budget.
• 12:52
  Speaker 1: I don't care how much money you make or how little you make.
• 12:54
  Speaker 1: Budgets are very important.
• 12:56
  Speaker 2: Well, and we always put so much pressure on ourselves that, oh, we have to buy the neighbors this, we have to do this, we have to buy so much, and so many people are putting these things on credit cards and debt that then they have to pay off the rest of the year and Set a budget, rather than just having an open-ended like, oh, who knows what we're gonna spend, we'll just spend a bunch of money and whatever it is it is, sit down and set a budget together and say, okay, like Amy and I have even we talk about this and we say, okay, what are we going to spend on each other this year?
• 13:29
  Speaker 2: Yeah, right.
• 13:30
  Speaker 2: And we say, okay, we're going to spend X amount and whatever you get has to be within that X amount.
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: If you go over, please tell me.
• 13:37
  Speaker 2: So it's, I mean so yeah well, not over too much, but like if something ends up being more, we talk about it and stick with it, because there's nothing more frustrating or embarrassing, or what have you than one spouse going and spending a ton more and you're like well, I didn't get you hardly anything, because we had a budget.
• 13:54
  Speaker 1: We had a budget.
• 13:55
  Speaker 2: So talk about the finances together, talk about what you're going to spend and both be in agreement.
• 14:03
  Speaker 2: And if you do those things, it's going to take a lot of stress away from the financial aspect of the holidays.
• 14:09
  Speaker 1: I think finances are really hurting.
• 14:11
  Speaker 1: What was the stat?
• 14:12
  Speaker 1: They're hurting a lot of people.
• 14:14
  Speaker 1: This year we hear a lot of the stress that causes.
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: I mean, we were in financial major hardship, you're early in our marriage and it sucks.
• 14:22
  Speaker 1: We get it.
• 14:24
  Speaker 2: Yeah, nothing we get it.
• 14:26
  Speaker 1: So I don't remember what the stat was, but didn't you say like a certain percentage of Americans literally financed their Christmas and have to pay off until June of that year, which is crazy?
• 14:38
  Speaker 1: I know that you want to give your kids this amazing Christmas.
• 14:43
  Speaker 1: Like we all have this idea in our head, like what Christmas should look like or what you should give your spouse and family members.
• 14:52
  Speaker 1: It's almost like we're just trying to keep up with like some idea in our head.
• 14:55
  Speaker 1: It doesn't have to be like that.
• 14:57
  Speaker 1: Teach your kids.
• 14:59
  Speaker 1: You know money's tight.
• 15:00
  Speaker 1: We're on a budget this year.
• 15:01
  Speaker 2: Let's go surf.
• 15:02
  Speaker 2: Let's go to the soup kitchen.
• 15:04
  Speaker 1: Let's give a gift of memories or experiences.
• 15:07
  Speaker 1: I love that people just like sometimes give their kids like these experiences to go do, which is awesome, because the week after Christmas they're usually not in school and they're bored anyways with their toys day too, right?
• 15:17
  Speaker 1: So I don't know.
• 15:19
  Speaker 1: I like the idea of coming out of the box and doing maybe something a little different instead of the commercial shopping.
• 15:25
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: I do hear Nick all the time.
• 15:27
  Speaker 1: All he wants is the romantic and sexy coupon book.
• 15:29
  Speaker 1: A gift that keeps giving all year long right, Problem solved yeah, so I think the best thing that I ever gave Nick was like a night away like after Christmas, just the two of us.
• 15:39
  Speaker 1: I don't even think we went very far, got a hotel.
• 15:41
  Speaker 1: I think I found a pretty cheap hotel.
• 15:44
  Speaker 1: We went to dinner.
• 15:45
  Speaker 1: It was the gift of being intentional and just getting away for the day and that was awesome.
• 15:51
  Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly, and especially if you know your spouse's love language and their love language isn't gifts, then think of something nice to do.
• 16:00
  Speaker 2: It's a win-win.
• 16:00
  Speaker 2: It'll help the financial side of things and also be able to give them what they really want instead of.
• 16:07
  Speaker 2: I mean, how often do we just buy a ton of gifts and half the time our kids don't like half the stuff they got and it just sits around the rest of the time.
• 16:17
  Speaker 2: Or we buy gifts for our spouse that just aren't maybe that meaningful or don't get utilized.
• 16:25
  Speaker 1: So I agree.
• 16:26
  Speaker 1: So we have a house full of teenagers this year and I literally they're so picky when it comes to everything that I'm like.
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: Okay, make me your list of exactly the things that you want to a certain amount.
• 16:37
  Speaker 2: Here's your limit.
• 16:38
  Speaker 1: Here's your limit.
• 16:39
  Speaker 1: And then, after that amount, I'm going to surprise my teens with some fun memory experiences to do over that next week before school starts, like that's literally what I'm going to try and do this year, because it's more than just something that's going to sit in their bedroom or I don't know that doesn't have a lot of meaning behind it.
• 16:58
  Speaker 1: So, anyways, the point of the finances one is that budgets are important.
• 17:03
  Speaker 1: They're very important to talk to your spouse about.
• 17:05
  Speaker 1: You have to make the time to sit down actually talk about gifts, talk about what you can spend, what you can't spend, who needs to be bought for, and try and simplify a little bit.
• 17:18
  Speaker 1: Simplifying is good.
• 17:20
  Speaker 2: Again put a plan together.
• 17:21
  Speaker 1: Plan.
• 17:22
  Speaker 2: So let's talk about family time.
• 17:24
  Speaker 2: Oh, we know, we know there's a lot of people we have a lot of friends that have toxic family members or it's just like oh, I got to go to my families and they're just despising it and things like that.
• 17:37
  Speaker 2: And so discuss, like your family time, discuss and agree on what's fair with both sides, what's the family, what you're going to go to and be on the same page there.
• 17:52
  Speaker 1: This is where it gets tricky.
• 17:53
  Speaker 1: We don't have in-laws that don't like us, but some people do Well at least.
• 18:00
  Speaker 2: at least they don't say it outwardly.
• 18:03
  Speaker 1: We don't think we do, but there are many couples that have like in-law parents or relatives that absolutely it's just, it's just bad, it's just toxic and it's just bad, and that is a very hard situation.
• 18:19
  Speaker 1: The point I'm trying to make is that your spouse is the one that you dedicated your life to, so you've got to be there for them.
• 18:28
  Speaker 2: So I mean every family situation is different.
• 18:30
  Speaker 2: So for me, I have divorced parents, so now I have two different family things, so to speak, versus, like you have one right.
• 18:42
  Speaker 2: So how do we balance that?
• 18:45
  Speaker 2: I mean it's important to sit down and talk about it and figure out how to balance those things and sometimes it's not always going to be fair just because of family dynamics but sitting down and trying to figure out what works and dividing that time as equally as possible.
• 19:02
  Speaker 1: I think what's important in this aspect is that there comes a point in your life where your little family, it becomes your family and sometimes you have to start saying no to extended family things.
• 19:13
  Speaker 1: Like if you decide, you know, this Christmas morning we're going to do our little family thing and we would like everyone to respect that.
• 19:20
  Speaker 1: We are starting our own traditions.
• 19:21
  Speaker 1: That's really important and hopefully you have respectful adults, family members, that say, hey, we respect that.
• 19:29
  Speaker 1: You know, like me, growing up we were with grandparents at certain times and then it was just our immediate little family or married couple certain other holidays.
• 19:40
  Speaker 1: Like I think you just need to sit down and figure out what works for our little family and then let's make it work for the rest of the family.
• 19:47
  Speaker 2: And you've got to establish boundaries because a lot of times family, you know they have good, good intentions and they want to plan all these things and spend time together and do all these things and it can be overwhelming.
• 19:58
  Speaker 2: But you got to set boundaries and say, okay, here's, you know, here's how long we're going to stay at the party and here's what we're going to be responsible for.
• 20:05
  Speaker 2: And a lot of times we hear people you know the family say, oh, you know, let's eat at the house and you're responsible for fixing all this food and this and that.
• 20:14
  Speaker 2: And it's important to set boundaries and really be realistic to what you can take on and what you can't take on and let your family members know that, hey, we can be here from this time to this time.
• 20:27
  Speaker 2: Here's what we can do and be clear in that as well.
• 20:33
  Speaker 1: And it's important to remember that there probably won't be equal time if you do have both families around, or multiple families, to make happy right.
• 20:42
  Speaker 1: Like you just said, you can't make it completely equal because then you start scorekeeping.
• 20:46
  Speaker 1: But what you can do is, before you go into the holidays, sit down and talk about, hey, what if we give your family this night and we give my family the next morning?
• 20:55
  Speaker 1: Or in trying to say, ok, what does this look like?
• 20:59
  Speaker 1: And just remember once again, it's just staying united and being on the same team.
• 21:06
  Speaker 1: Be on the same side.
• 21:08
  Speaker 2: And this also comes obviously relates to in-laws, which is part of family time, and I think it's so important to have boundaries with in-laws and also be on the same page with in-laws, like as a couple right, because there's a lot of circumstances or things that where, if, let's say, we go to my family's place and my family's being disrespectful to Amy or Not that they would, not that they would, but if they were disrespectful or they were expecting too much time or what have you?
• 21:46
  Speaker 2: I need to be on the same page with Amy and vice versa.
• 21:51
  Speaker 2: And what boundaries we're going to have with my family, right yeah?
• 21:57
  Speaker 1: Yeah, like I said, we don't have any toxic personalities in our extended families, but so many people do.
• 22:02
  Speaker 1: And so if we did and we were in a situation where something negative was said about Nick, I would full-on step in and be like that's not acceptable, You'll never say stuff like that to them.
• 22:12
  Speaker 1: And if it got bad enough, I would be like we are leaving, Right.
• 22:16
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 22:16
  Speaker 1: Like, you've got to be on the same page.
• 22:17
  Speaker 1: That's the point.
• 22:20
  Speaker 2: OK, traditions.
• 22:21
  Speaker 2: I think it's so important to respect each other's traditions Absolutely, even if they're crazy.
• 22:30
  Speaker 1: Like what babe?
• 22:31
  Speaker 2: Wow, I'm trying to remember what you know.
• 22:39
  Speaker 2: I really have little traditions.
• 22:40
  Speaker 2: I wouldn't say ours are crazy, but even little traditions like, oh, our family does this.
• 22:47
  Speaker 1: I was really hoping you would throw out some crazy tradition that I have.
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: I would love to hear it.
• 22:52
  Speaker 2: I'm not going to do that on this podcast.
• 22:53
  Speaker 2: But, yeah, respect each other's traditions, like let me throw out an idea.
• 22:58
  Speaker 1: Is that what you're looking for?
• 22:59
  Speaker 1: I have friends that have completely they're a happily married couple totally different religious beliefs.
• 23:06
  Speaker 1: They make it work.
• 23:09
  Speaker 1: They make it work Like his Christmas tradition, the way he grew up, his religion, totally opposite of hers.
• 23:17
  Speaker 1: But I love, love, love how they combined and they spend time doing both the things that they grew up with and really embracing those two different religious beliefs, because they are trying to be united and she respects his and he respects hers, and it is such a beautiful thing.
• 23:37
  Speaker 2: Perfect example, was it that's perfect.
• 23:40
  Speaker 1: I think that we just need to respect that we're grown up in different backgrounds.
• 23:43
  Speaker 1: I think there needs to be more respect in that area, that it's OK that you did this and that I did this and that we're so different.
• 23:49
  Speaker 1: Let's embrace our differences.
• 23:51
  Speaker 1: That's what marriage is all about.
• 23:52
  Speaker 2: Yeah, let's jump into a loan time.
• 23:56
  Speaker 2: We don't need to spend much time on this, but I think it's very important as the holidays get stressful and being around so much family and different things, it's also important to prioritize some loan time individually and also as a couple, absolutely and just say you know what?
• 24:11
  Speaker 2: We need some loan time.
• 24:13
  Speaker 2: We need to connect.
• 24:15
  Speaker 2: I don't know what the statistics are, I don't have any information in front of me, but I would guess that during the holiday season, people's emotional and sexual connection for a lot of couples dissolves significantly or even goes away for a period of time.
• 24:38
  Speaker 1: Probably.
• 24:39
  Speaker 2: Like people get so focused on so many other things that during this time of year, they probably really neglect each other's emotional and sexual connection, and that's something that you really gotta prioritize Absolutely.
• 24:53
  Speaker 2: So take that time as a couple and also as individuals, individuals, individually, individually, individually.
• 25:02
  Speaker 1: Yes, I want to just press on a loan time a little bit more.
• 25:05
  Speaker 1: Some people need more loan time and some people don't.
• 25:07
  Speaker 1: I like a loan time.
• 25:09
  Speaker 1: I am a very independent person, like you would agree, right Like.
• 25:11
  Speaker 2: I yeah, you're like, get out of the house, get the kids out of the house for X amount of time, Not really like that.
• 25:17
  Speaker 1: But I never feel like I'm alone.
• 25:20
  Speaker 1: Nick works from home all day alone.
• 25:21
  Speaker 1: A lot of women have their house to themselves at their stay at home.
• 25:24
  Speaker 1: Moms some don't.
• 25:25
  Speaker 1: We got four kids.
• 25:28
  Speaker 1: There's not a lot of a loan time, so for me I'm like I love it when Nick will literally be like take the kids and be like hey, you just got a couple hours by yourself.
• 25:35
  Speaker 1: Get done whatever you want to do or relax whatever, wherever it is that you want, just chill, baby chill.
• 25:40
  Speaker 1: So it's important, even if you don't think that this is an important subject.
• 25:44
  Speaker 1: If you go into this month of December or any time of the year and just make sure you say, hey, do you need some time alone?
• 25:52
  Speaker 1: And a lot of men will say that they need that too, right, just some decompressing time to do whatever.
• 25:57
  Speaker 1: And just I mean I don't know.
• 25:59
  Speaker 1: Just talk about this with your spouse and be like what does this look for, like for you alone and in our marriage, and really like plan, get out that calendar, like we said, and put things on the calendar Like I'll take the kids this time for this amount of time, or date nights or whatever.
• 26:14
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you're spot on.
• 26:15
  Speaker 2: I like this to communicate about decision making.
• 26:19
  Speaker 2: We've already talked about how you need to communicate, but, rather than one spouse just making a decision on their own and just doing it during this time, especially as there's big decisions to be made with finances and gifts and parties and different things communicate and make those decisions together, as we've kind of been hitting on.
• 26:39
  Speaker 2: Don't let it be like, oh hey, babe, I just booked us a party for this time and we're gonna have to go Really Like, really communicate with each other and make all your decision making together, together.
• 26:54
  Speaker 2: Easy as that.
• 26:55
  Speaker 2: That's the solve.
• 26:56
  Speaker 2: Yeah, be a team.
• 26:57
  Speaker 1: And what if one spouse doesn't wanna do that?
• 27:01
  Speaker 2: Yeah, well.
• 27:02
  Speaker 1: That's a problem right.
• 27:03
  Speaker 1: That's a problem If it's important to your spouse, it should be important to you.
• 27:07
  Speaker 1: So that's a conversation to have.
• 27:08
  Speaker 1: You know what I don't really.
• 27:10
  Speaker 1: I'm just this is an example.
• 27:11
  Speaker 1: I don't really love social engagements.
• 27:13
  Speaker 1: They kind of well.
• 27:14
  Speaker 1: This is why it means so much to me.
• 27:16
  Speaker 1: Do you think that maybe you could just we could go for an hour and just kind of make that a priority?
• 27:21
  Speaker 1: That would mean a lot to me.
• 27:22
  Speaker 1: You know what I'm willing to do, that Like.
• 27:25
  Speaker 1: Those are the climate conversations that need to be had, because if it is important to your spouse, it should probably be important to you and talk about why it's important or why you don't wanna do something.
• 27:34
  Speaker 2: For sure love it.
• 27:35
  Speaker 2: Gift giving.
• 27:37
  Speaker 1: You forgot travel plans.
• 27:39
  Speaker 2: Well, we'll get to that.
• 27:40
  Speaker 2: Okay, gift giving, you know set, like we talked about a little bit already.
• 27:44
  Speaker 2: Set limits, set a price, set, talk about it together.
• 27:51
  Speaker 2: How many gifts are we gonna get our kids?
• 27:52
  Speaker 2: What are we gonna get each other?
• 27:54
  Speaker 2: What's the limit?
• 27:55
  Speaker 2: Well, how many?
• 27:56
  Speaker 2: What type of gifts are we doing for neighbors?
• 27:58
  Speaker 2: What type of gifts are we doing for family?
• 28:00
  Speaker 1: members, not that Nick has ever cared.
• 28:03
  Speaker 2: Well.
• 28:04
  Speaker 1: I think the longer or more it married, the more he's seeing like, oh, I think women do take on a lot.
• 28:10
  Speaker 1: And being super husband Nick, that he's called by certain people.
• 28:14
  Speaker 1: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah, super husband Nick, I think he's trying to step up.
• 28:18
  Speaker 1: Okay, I am, we both work full time from home.
• 28:20
  Speaker 1: We do kind of have the same life, like, yeah, it's not all her responsibility and this is where I wanted to get into gift giving, because it's not all the wife's responsibility to buy presents for everyone, to wrap presents for everyone, to take all that stress on your shoulders.
• 28:32
  Speaker 1: It's a lot of emotional stress, right, like you can even figure out what you wanna give me.
• 28:39
  Speaker 1: You stress that about that.
• 28:40
  Speaker 1: Times that by like 20, 30 other people, right.
• 28:44
  Speaker 2: So now is not the time for me to give you my Christmas list.
• 28:47
  Speaker 2: What no, yeah exactly.
• 28:49
  Speaker 1: Yes, you can.
• 28:50
  Speaker 1: So the whole point is, however, you wanna work it out in your marriage and we were gonna get into travel plans.
• 28:56
  Speaker 1: But, like, if the wife's like I'm definitely not letting you be part of the gift giving, that's great.
• 29:01
  Speaker 1: She's taking that on herself, right, that's fine.
• 29:03
  Speaker 1: But if she's like a little bit stressed out or maybe the husband is the one that does this say, how can I help?
• 29:10
  Speaker 1: How can I be a bigger part of this?
• 29:12
  Speaker 1: Can I help you wrap the presents?
• 29:13
  Speaker 1: Nick's awesome at.
• 29:15
  Speaker 1: If I start wrapping, he's like how can I help you?
• 29:17
  Speaker 1: You know, buying the kids presents or the in-laws presents, or family members or whatever, or friends, should not all be on the one person.
• 29:27
  Speaker 1: So this is another discussion to have before that.
• 29:29
  Speaker 1: All holidays come, who should I be in charge of?
• 29:32
  Speaker 1: Who should you be?
• 29:32
  Speaker 1: Well, you can do your family.
• 29:33
  Speaker 1: I'll take care of my family's presents.
• 29:35
  Speaker 1: Let's talk about the kids together, and maybe we can go shopping after date night together to get the kids presents.
• 29:41
  Speaker 1: Or maybe we could spend an hour online shopping together and figure out what to give everyone Like just making a team effort, right?
• 29:49
  Speaker 1: I think that'll take the entire point of that like.
• 29:52
  Speaker 1: The point I'm trying to make is that, when you take some stress or pressure off of the one person, that gives them more time for intimate moments, for more connection, for more emotional connection, physical connection, like just more marriage connection, right, which is what we're trying to get.
• 30:11
  Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly, travel plans.
• 30:14
  Speaker 2: We were actually just talking about this this morning and hopefully Amy's family's not listening to this podcast episode.
• 30:19
  Speaker 2: But we're like hey, babe, what time were we taking off to go up to your families for Thanksgiving?
• 30:26
  Speaker 2: Are we gonna leave at nine?
• 30:29
  Speaker 2: Are we gonna leave at 10?
• 30:30
  Speaker 2: Oh, I don't wanna be with my family too long, so let's leave at 10.
• 30:35
  Speaker 1: So we talked about Well, we're spending multiple days there, so I'm not like in a major hurry to rush up.
• 30:41
  Speaker 1: There Was the whole point of that.
• 30:43
  Speaker 1: So, yeah, so we're even Not that I don't like my family.
• 30:45
  Speaker 2: My point is, we're even talking about our travel plans, like, oh, what time are we gonna leave?
• 30:48
  Speaker 2: Oh, we'll probably need to stop here for lunch and then.
• 30:51
  Speaker 1: We'll get up there at a certain time and then we'll do this, and we have the entire weekend laid out right and then when are we coming home?
• 30:57
  Speaker 2: And I think that's the first date that Amy had figured out is when we're coming home, right?
• 31:03
  Speaker 1: I'm just at home, but I like to be at home.
• 31:04
  Speaker 1: I don't care if it's his family or my family.
• 31:07
  Speaker 1: I'm making it.
• 31:07
  Speaker 1: I'm like we're going up where it's freezing cold.
• 31:09
  Speaker 1: I'm like it's nothing against my family, I just I like being home.
• 31:13
  Speaker 2: We love our family.
• 31:14
  Speaker 2: I'm just teasing.
• 31:15
  Speaker 1: He's joking.
• 31:16
  Speaker 2: I'm joking.
• 31:16
  Speaker 2: We would stay up there for weeks if we could.
• 31:19
  Speaker 2: No, we wouldn't Okay.
• 31:20
  Speaker 2: I'm lying.
• 31:21
  Speaker 1: At least we're on the same page, so you just gotta get on the same page.
• 31:23
  Speaker 1: That's the point.
• 31:24
  Speaker 1: The next one is we're going to talk about kids.
• 31:28
  Speaker 1: I know it's the holidays.
• 31:31
  Speaker 1: I know you want to go to this festival and this concert and take your kids to this and go to the festival trees and go shopping and go to the recitals.
• 31:41
  Speaker 1: You can see how kids stuff or shopping for kids or kids activities could take up your entire, all your extra time your month.
• 31:54
  Speaker 2: Yeah your entire month.
• 31:56
  Speaker 1: Then point of putting boundaries around your kids so that your marriage stays healthy, is maintaining that intimate time for the both of you to connect?
• 32:04
  Speaker 1: Date night is important.
• 32:05
  Speaker 1: Intimate time is important.
• 32:07
  Speaker 1: Is there anything else to even add to that?
• 32:11
  Speaker 2: No, I think you hit it right on you.
• 32:14
  Speaker 1: Marriage came first.
• 32:14
  Speaker 1: It still needs to be.
• 32:15
  Speaker 1: We love our kids.
• 32:16
  Speaker 2: but you can also do your kids a disservice when you like plan too much stuff, right.
• 32:20
  Speaker 2: I mean, you got to find that balance and a lot of times, you know, I don't know that I think we, I think we put too much stock into like, oh, we have to do all these things for our kids and do this and do that, especially this time of year, but half the time the kids just want to stay home and play, like hang out or hang out with friends, or I mean I think.
• 32:44
  Speaker 1: I think a lot of times we read too much into it, but yeah, I think we I think we are all, not all A lot of us are overbookers, especially moms.
• 32:53
  Speaker 1: I think we're good at that.
• 32:54
  Speaker 2: Just over scheduling, oh for sure, so like you know Amy's buying gifts for the neighbors and I'm like I don't even know that neighbor.
• 33:01
  Speaker 2: Oh, they live.
• 33:02
  Speaker 2: They live like six miles away.
• 33:03
  Speaker 1: I have like way more friends than you.
• 33:05
  Speaker 2: That's probably true, but she's buying stuff.
• 33:09
  Speaker 1: I'm not buying them anything I'm baking.
• 33:11
  Speaker 1: I love my baking date.
• 33:12
  Speaker 1: That's when I like to be alone.
• 33:14
  Speaker 1: I turn on a movie or our music and I bake all day and I take it the neighbors.
• 33:18
  Speaker 1: That makes me happy and I like to serve people.
• 33:21
  Speaker 1: So, yeah, I have a lot more friends, so I'm like they're absolutely going to get some my treats.
• 33:25
  Speaker 2: It beats one of you Well if a lot of you receive a baked item in a mail for Amy funny funny if she knows you.
• 33:35
  Speaker 1: Funny.
• 33:35
  Speaker 1: So if you want to be friends, you can email us.
• 33:37
  Speaker 1: I'll be friend, I'll send you something.
• 33:38
  Speaker 2: So send you a big gift.
• 33:41
  Speaker 1: We talked about in laws.
• 33:42
  Speaker 1: We talked about in laws.
• 33:44
  Speaker 2: We did.
• 33:45
  Speaker 1: We kind of already covered that.
• 33:46
  Speaker 1: Oh, let's just end on marriage Marriage.
• 33:50
  Speaker 1: We kind of discussed that too.
• 33:52
  Speaker 1: But these boundaries on all of these areas are to protect your marriage.
• 33:59
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and like, like we've talked about, don't don't get so busy with so many things that you don't have time for each other.
• 34:07
  Speaker 2: Talk about what night you, as a husband, are going to give your wife a gift in bed that night, which is a massage.
• 34:15
  Speaker 2: Yeah, like set some time apart as a couple to spend time together and really make that time to focus on your relationship.
• 34:24
  Speaker 2: It's amazing how many people contact us and say, even even outside the holidays, that oh, we just have no time for intimacy or no time to be together.
• 34:35
  Speaker 2: I can't even imagine what it looks like during the holiday season if they can't find the time.
• 34:40
  Speaker 1: So how do you not?
• 34:41
  Speaker 2: have your time for each other should be a number one on top of this list of the things that we talked about.
• 34:47
  Speaker 2: You should make time for each other, because if your marriage and your relationship isn't in a good place, then nothing else that we've even talked about today really even matters as much.
• 34:59
  Speaker 1: So so true.
• 35:00
  Speaker 2: Get your marriage in a good place by spending quality time together.
• 35:05
  Speaker 2: That's number one.
• 35:08
  Speaker 1: And to end this podcast.
• 35:09
  Speaker 1: If you need help in this area, we have three things.
• 35:14
  Speaker 1: We have lots of things, but three things that we shared in our newsletter today.
• 35:19
  Speaker 1: If you haven't subscribed to our newsletter, please do, because we share good stuff.
• 35:24
  Speaker 1: We shared three printables today that we have that can help you prioritize your romance, your intimacy, your connection, your communication this holiday season.
• 35:36
  Speaker 1: Number one was we have a free December intimacy calendar to help strengthen your sexual and emotional and physical intimacy.
• 35:45
  Speaker 1: It's a free download.
• 35:46
  Speaker 1: Number two is our make love, or let's see 12 days of 12 not days 12 nights of intimate Christmas coupons you can give your spouse.
• 35:59
  Speaker 2: How come I haven't seen these coupons yet?
• 36:01
  Speaker 2: Did you put me on the email list?
• 36:02
  Speaker 2: Well, you did.
• 36:04
  Speaker 2: Or did you revoke me and take me off our email?
• 36:08
  Speaker 1: list.
• 36:08
  Speaker 2: I haven't seen those.
• 36:09
  Speaker 2: Keep up.
• 36:10
  Speaker 1: It's the 12 nights before Christmas.
• 36:11
  Speaker 1: You haven't gotten it yet.
• 36:12
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 36:13
  Speaker 1: Silly.
• 36:13
  Speaker 1: That's all Nick wants for Christmas, and most husbands too.
• 36:16
  Speaker 1: So these are selling quick.
• 36:17
  Speaker 1: It's 12 coupons of intimate Christmas and they can be after Christmas.
• 36:21
  Speaker 1: Either way works both ways.
• 36:22
  Speaker 1: So they're in our shop for only 499.
• 36:25
  Speaker 1: And then our last thing, if you missed our sexy September couple months ago, it's called the relationship recharge and it is like a complete pack of like coupons position chart, initiating cards, love notes.
• 36:40
  Speaker 1: It's like a digital pack you can download quick.
• 36:43
  Speaker 1: It has coupons in it.
• 36:44
  Speaker 1: It's a great way to initiate and it's kind of like a DIY, but like make your own challenge the way you want it to make it look however you want in your marriage.
• 36:56
  Speaker 1: So anyways, that's also in our shop.
• 36:57
  Speaker 1: Shop to ultimate intimacycom super cheap, super fast and super meaningful.
• 37:03
  Speaker 2: And if you need some great gift ideas for your spouse, go to shop dot ultimate intimacycom.
• 37:09
  Speaker 2: But the best gift of all is the intimacy and adventure retreat in March.
• 37:14
  Speaker 2: Go check out the deep, deep, deep on that and at ultimate intimacycom slash retreats We'd love to see you there Literally is going to be the most amazing.
• 37:27
  Speaker 2: I mean we thought we had a good one last year and the previous year, but this one's going to be legit.
• 37:33
  Speaker 1: Nick added another night, another activity that's going to blow your mind, especially if you love beautiful scenery and outdoor adventure and adventure.
• 37:45
  Speaker 1: Adventure.
• 37:48
  Speaker 2: We're going to be doing things that most people probably never done in their life.
• 37:52
  Speaker 2: Unless you live here, unless you live here, so yeah check it out.
• 37:55
  Speaker 2: Let us know if you have any questions and we hope all of you enjoyed the podcast episode today and until next time, we hope all of you find ultimate intimacy in your relationship.