Latest / Start Your Comeback: Rebuilding after Divorce, Empty Nest, and Loss of Spouse / From Betrayal to Renewal A Path to Emotional Healing

Transcript

From Betrayal to Renewal A Path to Emotional Healing · Start Your Comeback: Rebuilding after Divorce, Empty Nest, and Loss of Spouse

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Is there a major life transition benching you?
• 0:02
  Speaker 1: I know you may be asking what's next?
• 0:06
  Speaker 1: What's my purpose?
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: What if?
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: Because I've asked those too.
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: Welcome to the Start your Comeback Podcast.
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: I'm Toni Thrash, a certified life coach, and I want to share the tools and practical steps to help you create a winning game plan to move into your new adventure.
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: Hi, welcome back.
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: You're listening to episode 28.
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: I'm so glad you're here.
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: You are listening to episode 28.
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: I'm so glad you're here.
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: Last week, my topic was betrayal, and then I gave you five ways and relationships we could be betrayed.
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: I know there are many more, but I wanted to hone in on those five.
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: You see, betrayal sends us into that stage of shock and we can find ourselves not being able to function or think clearly because of it.
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: It can leave you feeling emotionally paralyzed and impacts every area of your life emotionally, physically and spiritually, causing a mountain of doubt and a river of mistrust.
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: The shock of betrayal leaves us numb and unable to take our next steps.
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: Our feet seemingly get tangled up and we fall on our faces in a web of turmoil and tears.
• 1:51
  Speaker 1: Betrayal is so hard to comprehend, but it happens, and when it happens to us, we find it hard to believe that we thought this could never happen to me, but it does.
• 2:04
  Speaker 1: And now we are left to wonder how in the world we thought this could never happen to me, but it does.
• 2:06
  Speaker 1: And now we are left to wonder how in the world we get through this without losing our minds.
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: The one thing I know about shock is just that we lose our minds.
• 2:15
  Speaker 1: It might be temporary, but for that time we just don't understand.
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: Let's get to the top five things that will help us crawl through this devastation.
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: Number one I'm going to get to the hard one.
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: First, you have to learn to forgive yourself.
• 2:34
  Speaker 1: I know right who saw that coming.
• 2:36
  Speaker 1: It sounds weird, doesn't it?
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: Forgive myself, but I didn't do anything.
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: It causes us a hard stop and forces thoughts like I should not have gotten involved with that person, or maybe I should have trusted my intuition and not started dating that person.
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: You will beat yourself to a pulp if you don't forgive yourself.
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: This will not be a spontaneous forgiveness.
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: It will be a process.
• 3:02
  Speaker 1: Start small and let yourself off the hook for part of it until you can walk in forgiveness for yourself.
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: Number two begin to understand that betrayal is about trust.
• 3:15
  Speaker 1: It will begin to serve, you notice that you can't trust anyone ever again.
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: This is a lie, because you can.
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: You believe that you could trust this person and they betrayed you.
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: It will affect your mind and body.
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: It will cause you to question possible other times your trust was betrayed.
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: It is normal and common for this to happen.
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: Number three look at betrayal as a loss.
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: In other words, it is almost like death.
• 3:45
  Speaker 1: Only death is final and betrayal is not.
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: Well, I mean, you know, but what I mean is is the person is still here for you to face and deal with.
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: To some extent, you have lost something in this betrayal and grief will appear in abundance.
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: Walk through the stages and learn what you need to learn from them.
• 4:07
  Speaker 1: It is a healing process and will benefit your body and mind if you work through them instead of holding them in and stuffing them.
• 4:16
  Speaker 1: Number four learn a lesson when betrayal happens.
• 4:20
  Speaker 1: Ask yourself this question what do I need to learn from this?
• 4:25
  Speaker 1: Now, this one is going to be after you go through shock and then the grief process, because it is an important question and it will lead to insight that you did not have before and give you what to look for in other relationships or business relationships, you have to be open to doing some brutal work deeper than you have ever gone before.
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: It is critical to stop the defense mechanism such as blame and guilt, because as long as you're pointing a finger at the other person or yourself, it will impede your ability to learn.
• 5:02
  Speaker 1: The lesson might be to trust your gut and not override your first impressions.
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: Or the lesson may be there are kind people in the world who support you when you feel that you've lost everything.
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: And number five, finally, as I have recommended in the past maybe a thousand times, please seek professional help.
• 5:26
  Speaker 1: If the betrayal was significant, it could cause a trauma response, and trauma response demands professional help.
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: This can cause a multitude of physical responses from your body Headaches, mouth sores, shingles, not being able to sleep and sometimes severe nausea.
• 5:46
  Speaker 1: These are just a few.
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: Everybody's body responds differently to trauma.
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: Please find a therapist, please.
• 5:57
  Speaker 1: It is so important to understand that when we are betrayed, if we choose to ignore and stuff our emotions, we will build walls so thick no one can reach us.
• 6:06
  Speaker 1: This leads to loneliness and isolation, which does not lead to healing.
• 6:12
  Speaker 1: Please understand that when you do the hard work for your life, then you win, not the person who betrayed you, but you.
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: You win.
• 6:22
  Speaker 1: It's important to not stay stuck in the shock of betrayal and begin the process of healing.
• 6:28
  Speaker 1: You will have to do the hard work to heal.
• 6:31
  Speaker 1: It will be hard, it will hurt and it will feel like your world has fallen apart.
• 6:37
  Speaker 1: Will feel like your world has fallen apart, but you are worth the time and effort it takes to heal.
• 6:44
  Speaker 1: These are the steps of getting off the bench and starting the comeback you deserve.
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: As a coach, I see this as an opportunity to win because, quite frankly, I hate to lose.
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: Listen, I'll see you next time.
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: Join as we discuss grief.
• 7:02
  Speaker 1: I know, right, like maybe someone needs to hear how to grieve and what grief really is.
• 7:06
  Speaker 1: Thanks for being here.
• 7:09
  Speaker 1: Hey, thanks for listening.
• 7:10
  Speaker 1: I don't take it for granted that you're here.
• 7:12
  Speaker 1: You didn't listen by mistake.
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: If you want to reach out, you can dm me on instagram at tony thr next week.
• 7:21
  Speaker 1: Remember, there's still time left on the clock.
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: Let's get you off the bench to start your comeback.
• 7:27
  Speaker 1: I want to give a special shout out to Country Club for the original music.
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: You can find them on Instagram at Country Club club.