Latest / faafo with courtney / don't waste my time: earth angels, dharma, karma, and sabotage

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don't waste my time: earth angels, dharma, karma, and sabotage · faafo with courtney

0:04
had to pick something up because it was going
0:06
to drive me crazy. So listen, what you're looking
0:10
at right now is a post on Facebook that I just
0:15
opened after recording two podcast episodes.
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One for my podcast, itastelikemagic .com and
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the other for my podcast, Fool Around and Find
0:29
Out with Cece or Courtney. And they both had
0:35
a theme about timing, karma, and dharma. And
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after I uploaded them, I need to go in and write
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the description now or whatever. I opened this.
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I opened actually, I opened Facebook and this
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is the first post that I saw. I don't even follow
0:56
them, but the theme is definitely theming. Because
1:00
in the first... podcast that I wrote about I
1:04
recorded this morning it's talking about how
1:07
we can empty and fill our pots you know doing
1:15
quote unquote good and bad and what we can do
1:17
with that energy but also how people will sometimes
1:20
try to sabotage us how people will sometimes
1:26
try to teach someone a lesson because they feel
1:32
like it's their duty. I don't know. But yesterday
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I was actually going to record and I decided
1:39
not to. And what I wanted to talk about was how
1:44
angry I get when people think they know me. And
1:51
I'm saying that from the perspective of being
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an American, being a Black American, knowing
1:58
that I will Pretty much, and not just me. We
2:05
have an understanding. We, as in Black, foreigners,
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immigrants, expats, or whatever, have an understanding
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that specifically here in Brazil, where many
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people who would identify as Black will still
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identify as Brazilian first. So we're always
2:21
going to be a foreigner or a gringa. And there's
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this assumption that I... fit the stereotype
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of what people think about when they think about
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Americans and they don't know anything about
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me and how because of that there have also often
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been times when people have attempted to interrupt
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the plans that when people attempt to interrupt
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things that I would like to do here that I have
2:55
here in Brazil. Bahia, Brazil. Same things that
3:01
I have always done in the United States. I have
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spent the majority of my adult life planning,
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organizing, volunteering for many different causes.
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Everything from housing to unhoused homeless
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people, housing rights, tenant rights. domestic
3:26
violence type of thing and like disaster relief
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and not even just with organizations right when
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I am renovating something a house or whatever
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I am always hiring I will go to like what we
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call transitional homes or halfway houses to
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hire people who would not normally get an opportunity
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People have this assumption that I am and people
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don't realize that I have also been unhoused,
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meaning homeless by choice because I'm very stubborn
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and I refuse to allow someone to try to humble
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me to ensure having a roof or something over
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my head. Love being dirty. I love being outdoors.
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I love working with the underdogs. I love certain
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things that most Brazilians specifically don't
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think that Americans get involved in, right?
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I have lived in homes that had no running water,
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no electricity, no heating or air conditioning.
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I have lived in very similar environments that
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many would deem poor, poverty, the hood, favelas,
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or whatever. And I'm not saying that as an insult.
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I'm giving you some context because knowing who
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I am and knowing the things that I have done
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and knowing the people that I have helped and
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continue to help in the background. To still
5:20
come across people who try to slow me down, play
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stupid, childish, immature games, thinking that
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they're good con artists when at best they are
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petty scammers who don't realize that sometimes
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us as foreigners know what someone is doing,
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but it's just not worth our time or energy. always
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call someone out on their ways where they're
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moving and acting without any integrity. It becomes
6:00
very frustrating at some point also because they
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are interrupting our ability to help the people
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who actually fucking deserve it. So back to...
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Everything I'm saying right now has to do with
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this post. What I find very sad about humanity
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is the fact that there are a lot of people who
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have never had anyone be kind to them. So when
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someone is kind to them, they think that they
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are special. So then they become very arrogant.
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They become very entitled. They can become very
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self -sabotaging. And I am not saying that to
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shame the people who have taken advantage of
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someone being truly kind to them. I am saying
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that because I think it's sad that we live in
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a world as human beings where So few people have
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had someone show them grace and true kindness.
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Last but not least, before I read what's here,
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is that people will often try, people can sometimes
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become jealous and envious of people that they
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think are lucky or they have this mindset of,
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Who do you think you are? Not realizing that
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many of us have had people show up in our lives
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who have literally shown up as guardian or earth
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angels. It has happened to me many, many times.
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I am not here because here in Brazil, because
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I have a wealthy family. That is not who has
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taken care. That's not who takes care of me.
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I am not here because I have a wealthy husband.
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partner or a spouse I am not here because I have
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a job or money saved sponsoring me I have pulled
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myself up by my own bootstraps created a lifestyle
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for myself and I've worked damn hard for it and
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I make no apologies for that even as an American
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so with that being said I can tell people that
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every single day but because they've never seen
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it they don't believe it And so I cried after
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I read this, and I'm going to read it out loud.
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It is from the Facebook page, Humans of St. Louis.
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And this is about the Regional Arts Commission
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of St. Louis with a person named Cameron Jamar.
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This was posted six days ago, but it just posted
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up on my, it just showed up on my Facebook feed
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this morning. It's the 22nd. of 25 posts, which
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looks like a series. Okay, so it reads, eventually
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I was in Beverly Hills wearing an all black three
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-piece suit as a host in this witsy ass steakhouse
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trying to make it all work. This would be my
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life for about a year and a half before getting
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a job at a five -star beachfront hotel in Malibu,
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which allowed me to finally get out of my car
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and into an apartment again. I had a place that
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was entirely too small and expensive in Koreatown,
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but I was grateful to have a bed, running water,
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a kitchen, and a bathroom. I was grateful to
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not be outside, grateful to have somewhere to
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cook a hot meal and stretch my feet. Basic needs,
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not wants, needs. I was around all these celebrities
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and insanely wealthy people. I was looking at
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the beach every day. I was seeing dolphins. As
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a host, I'd stand there. with a lot of free time
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to read during the day. And I had time to think
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about what my future would look like. So I'd
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be daydreaming and tell myself when I'm in my
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mid 40s, early 50s, it'd be nice to start a theater
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company. And my theater company is going to do
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better than what I've seen from some of these.
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And she said, I keep hearing you talk about told
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her I'm an actor. I want to have a theater company
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one day. She said, sounds interesting. Do you
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have a business plan? I'm here for a week. Give
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me something. So every day after work, I go home,
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put together this plan for a theater company.
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I wasn't even ready to make. I thought, let me
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come up with this name. Soul Siren Playhouse.
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this, and here's a season I do it, and here's
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a budget I would need, and this is why I do it,
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and this is what I want the company to do. I
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figured it out in a week and sent it to her,
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and she replied to my email saying, I looked
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over everything and sent my correspondence via
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mail to your job. That kind of caught me off
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guard. I was like, she could have just told me
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to fuck off over email. Like, who sends personal
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letters anymore? This is strange. I went to work
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on my day off to get what she sent. It was a
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large envelope with a letter written inside in
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her own personal letterhead. It said, I looked
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over everything. I think this is an exciting
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project. I love to help support. Here is what
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you'll need for operational expenses. And there
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was a check for 25 ,000 American dollars. Dated
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March 5th, 2019, the day my mom died. four years
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prior and then it has the name of the person
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cameron jamar i don't know how to pronounce the
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middle or second last name actor writer founder
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of soul siren playhouse in st louis i read that
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and i started crying and it moved me to come
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in here and share this and read it out loud just
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to give homage but i also know that speaking
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out loud is a vibration It carries energy. It
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carries medicine. It carries magic. But let me
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just go back through this also again to give
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some more context and to put into context what
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I was saying about why it pisses me off. Petty
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ass people who want to interrupt someone who
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knows what their path is. It's always the person
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who doesn't have a path, who doesn't have, they
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don't know what their sole purpose is. They don't.
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They don't even know how to fucking dream. It's
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always those petty ass people who want to get
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in the way of those of us who are actually trying
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to help other people. And that is the shit that
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pisses me off and causes me to lose my temper.
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But I want to just kind of go through this step
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by step. I mean, paragraph by paragraph. So in
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the beginning, he talks about where he was living,
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how he was living. He finally got out of the
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streets living in his car, I believe it was,
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yeah, and found a place to live that wasn't perfect.
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It wasn't what he wanted, but it was what he
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needed. People don't realize, yes, I have slept
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in my mother's truck before. I have lived in
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at the YMCA before. Right. So they see me here.
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They see me in other places and they think, oh,
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she's wealthy. I should take advantage of her
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or, oh, she's wealthy. She she owes me or I can
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try to milk her or try to scam her or, oh, she's
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wealthy. She thinks she's a. an American with
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money. She thinks she's better than us. They
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don't know shit about my fucking life. And this
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also has a lot to do with what media portrays.
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It's unfortunate that a lot of people around
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the world only see the ritzy glamour things about
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Americans. Not every American is wealthy, right?
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Next paragraph. He says that he was around all
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those celebrities and things that way. lot of
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time. So when he wasn't doing something, he talks
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about how he would basically daydream, or we
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would talk about like scripting your life, like
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where you imagine how you want your life to be.
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I love that. I admire that. I love people who
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use their imagination to start manifesting and
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materializing things. But here's the other thing.
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There are too many people in the world, again,
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who tried to come between people like him, like
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myself and other people I know who know their
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purpose, who are trying to help other people.
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things of that nature, right? People who sit
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around and don't do anything with their free
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time. They don't know how to dream. They don't
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know how to fucking manifest. And instead of
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them trying to build their dream or go volunteer
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somewhere, they sit around and try to think of
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ways to sabotage other people. He spent his time
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envisioning what he wanted his life to look like
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in his 40s and 50s. However, again, People who
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are petty, people who are jealous, people who
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are envious spend their time on social media
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looking at dumb shit that doesn't get them anywhere.
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They spend more time trying to figure out how
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to scam somebody for short -term progress or
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for a short -term win. And instead of figuring
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out how do I get myself out of this situation
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so that I'm not repeating the cycle? How do I?
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get myself out of this situation so that my kids
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don't have to go through with what I went through
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or whatever. Next, he talks about meeting the
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woman and how she was generous. I have met people
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like this most of my life who have literally
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just shown up and just literally took me off
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the street or whatever. They may not have had
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a bed for me to sleep in, but they offered me
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a roof over my head, a hot shower and a clean
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bed or a sofa, right? So this is reality for
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some people, for some people who have been living
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their lives right, morally, holding a dream.
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They may not have done everything correctly or
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right in life, but people like this exist. I
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have said this many, many times. There are earth
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angels in the world. He talks about the woman
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and how she would go into the restaurant and
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the bar and she would sit there and mind her
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business and drink her wine or whatever. So many
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times it has been the person who does not look
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like me, meaning they either have not been a
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woman or they have not been black, right? So
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many people will immediately come to judgment
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about someone else based off of how they look.
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Oh, she's white. She's... evil. That means she's
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automatically racist or they're Republican or
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they are automatically this or they're automatically
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that. I literally went to have lunch the other
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day with a man who is a Black American, but he's
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lived outside of the country for quite a while.
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And this topic came up and we were just kind
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of talking about people that we have experienced
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and learned from in life. We may not necessarily
18:06
see eye to eye when it comes to politics or certain
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things, but At some point, when you really take
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time to get to know someone, and this was the
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foundation, and then I'm going to wrap this up.
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This was the foundation of our online peer -to
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-peer support group for women. And that was,
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don't come to my online support group with your
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fuck shit and your preconceived notions about
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people based off of things you don't even know.
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Things you've overheard or shit you gossip about
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or bullshit that you see on TV or whatever, right?
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Here on the porch, we focus more on the things
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that we have in common as opposed to the things
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that we think are different. When we actually
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take time to get to know someone and get rid
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of the things we think about. we know about a
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different culture or things that we think we
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know about a foreigner or a woman or a man or
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a race or whatever the fuck may be, a gender,
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a sexuality or whatever, we will find that we
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often have more things in common with someone
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or that they may be better able to assist us
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in our dreams if we actually have dreams and
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take time to get to know our own purpose instead
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of trying to copy and... mimic other people,
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influences. Those are often the people that can
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help us get to where we need to be, where we
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want to be, where God, our ancestors need for
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us to be. And to get our generations from under
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us, it just blows my mind. But I just wanted
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to come in here and share that because I do be
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having my moments where I just be looking at
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people like, you are wasting my fucking time.
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You are wasting my time. And when you waste my
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time, you interrupt me from being able to help
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more people who actually deserve to be helped.