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Stress + Infertility Trauma · Giving Pain Purpose with Lyndsay Soprano

• This is your pain game podcast about chronic pain and trauma >> Lyndsay Soprano: This is your pain game podcast, where we talk about the game of living in and with chronic pain and trauma getting to the heart of how to heal. I am your host, Lyndsay Soprano. On this show, I plan on discussing with doctors, chronic pain patients, holistic practitioners, loved ones, and anybody that is interested in having their voice heard in the chronic pain and trauma world that we live in. I always wanted to be a mom. I have this innate ability with inside of me. I just love with kids. I'm good with discipline. I'm good with, like, my nieces and nephews, which I have a million of them at this juncture. And, you know, I would have been a damn good one. And it's not easy watching all of my family and friends and everybody on the planet have kids. And my mom has no grandchildren, and that's really sad for her. And that's, like part of the fertility journey that I went on. But having kids just wasn't in my cards, you know? And I tried with my ex husband for many, many years, and we did all the things we did, the drugs we did the injections, all the turkey basting a fricking woman should have done. And we finally just stopped after a point where we said, this is too much money. This is as much as we said we were going to spend. And then we were done. And then on top of the amount of money that it takes to get pregnant these days, it is the baby business, after all. I was tired of being poked and prodded and bruised and blood work and in every other day, to my fertility doctor and messing with my bod, enough was enough of it, you know? Because taking a million pregnancy tests and tracking your temperature and taking, like, 350,000 ovulation tests and timing your intercourse, like, my God, it gets so old. And it takes such an enormous toll on our bodies, our hearts, and our souls and our mind. And we're going to talk a lot about all of these things today, especially mindfulness. But we'd like to start to talk today about debunking some fertility myths, because there's many. The fearlessness of wanting to be a mother. Cause that is true. My, guest today is one of those fearless women and how stress and trauma can play a role in not getting pregnant. But more importantly, we're gonna talk about the mindset and how to kick infertility's ass. Rosanne Austin is a former California sexual assault prosecutor turned fertility coach So, without further ado, I would like to introduce you to my beautiful, pink, lovely lady, roseanne austin. Hello, darling. >> Rosanne Austin: lindsay, I'm so just, truly, truly, truly, truly happy to be here with you and to share this time and to have this really powerful conversation. >> Lyndsay Soprano: Oh, my God. The two of us were already hot to trot before I even started here. So, roseanne is a former California sexual assault prosecutor turned fertility coach. We're m going to find out how. And the author of the upcoming book, the Feminine Fertility Cure. It's coming out in August of 2024 this year, and, you know, it's a take on all of her seven year journey, infertility. And she's known as the fertility fairy godmother, who has helped women ages 28 to 53 around the US have babies when it looked like the cards were stacked against them. She is author of three best selling books, with the newest one coming out. And she also hosts a podcast, the Fearlessly Turtle podcast. Again, fearless. Her accolades, education, and achievements are far too long for me to list. Cause that would be a 45 minutes podcast on its own. But this chick is a fricking badass. It took my husband and I seven years to meet our son So I'd like to briefly start talking about your fertility journey, and then let's just take it from there. >> Rosanne Austin: That's a great place to start. So it was a long one, Lyndsay. It was a long one. It was. It took my husband and I seven years to meet our son. And it all started when I was a prosecutor. And I had heard these rumblings that women, older women, and at that time, I was already. We were already mid to late thirties. I had heard, you know, word on the street was that it was going to be hard for me to get pregnant because I was old. And it was hilarious because I didn't feel old. And I had no idea that the medical establishment, and if you're 35 or over, you are considered a geriatric pregnancy. Like, if you have. If you're pregnant over 35, you're geriatric. And that was shocking to me because nothing else about me felt old. And so we were immediately thrust into a world that I was not prepared for. So I thought it was just going to be, I don't know, simple, a simple biological process that would happen, between my husband and I. But when that didn't happen, I started to panic. So I started seeing doctors, and every single doctor was telling me, oh, yeah, the statistics are terrible. Good luck. You're going to need a donor egg. Because I was told at 37, I needed a donor egg and all other aspects. I was healthy, young, and vibrant. You know, I was in good health. And, that was a shocking moment for me because I thought, I didn't think you'd go from zero to donor egg. Yeah. >> Lyndsay Soprano: I was like, no kidding. >> Rosanne Austin: There's got to be some stops in between that. But what it did, though, it was very jarring for me. And so my husband and I began to explore what are our options? And look, when I talk about donor eggs, I've got no judgment on it. I think it is a beautiful gift that one woman gives to another. It is. How many families begin? But for me, at that age, with no other diagnosis other than I was old and dried up, was, that. I'm like, really? So we started, we were doing ivf. We were traveling hundreds of miles a week, trying every treatment, diet, lotion, and potion. I was seeing medical intuitives. I was regressing to past lives, anything that would get me to that place. I even made my husband stand in line for 8 hours to get a hug from a traveling saint that had come from India. Oh, my God. Yeah. No, my husband, I think he was really considering murder or divorce. I wasn't sure which one would have been most expeditious, but we were like, probably murder. Yeah. Yeah. So he was like, you know, like, what's happening here? So I very quickly had to use my trial attorney brain, and I was like, okay, gluten hasn't passed my lips in years. I have not consumed dairy. I have been terrorized about plastics. I was literally like, lindsey. I was making my own laundry soap. I was so terrorized about chemicals, I had become obsessed my whole life. So when I wasn't trying rape cases, I was working on fertility. So the way my life worked was I was. I had to be in court by 830, but I had to take these shots that I, you know, and I had never given myself a shot before. I was like, what is happening? >> Lyndsay Soprano: Stab yourself in the stomach. Stab yourself in the thigh. The butt. Yeah, that was fun. >> Rosanne Austin: Yeah, no, it took, like, it was, you know, and they just act like this is normal. I said, I'm not an iv drug user, and, like, this is new to me. Nobody's gonna show me how to do this. So I had to figure all this out, like, so it was just a lot of tumultuous uncertainty that had taken over my life. I was stressed. I had lost so much weight. At one point in time during my journey, I had a bald patch in the back of my head the size of a quarter. Because of all of the hormones I was taking, I was starting to deteriorate. So what I started looking at was, okay, I'm doing all these things. It's all I think about what is not in alignment, and I had to take a long, hard look, because the answer to that question was me. I didn't realize that I was carrying such a low self esteem, trauma, pain from, you know, just so many different things, you know? And living as a prosecutor is a very strange existence. We have this very gallows humor. It's a very dark humor because of what we see day in and day out. I was like, I was right running around with undiagnosed PTSD, because at any point in time, I'd be called out to a sexual assault, to be part of the investigation, to go listen to a child's forensic interview, sometimes I'd have to go to an autopsy. So I never put two and two together, that all of the stress that I was under was having an impact on me physically. There was a disconnect. And that sounds so silly today, but I didn't know that the mind and body worked together. So here I was, probably blowing cortisol out my ears and not even seeing it. >> Lyndsay Soprano: Yeah, exactly. >> Rosanne Austin: And wondering why I wasn't getting pregnant. So the doctors were telling us stress has nothing to do with it. We can out medicate all that. And I kind of laugh at that when I think about that now, it's like, where does FSH come from? It's my brain. But at that point, I had handed over the license and agency over my life and my dream to people in white coats. I wasn't thinking critically. I wasn't saying, that doesn't make sense, that my head is connected to my body. And when I'm in anxiety and fear, I can feel it in my stomach. This is not woo woo. It's actually quite logical and linear. So when I realized that, I started doing a bunch of research, I went trial attorney on mindset. Right? I was doing all this stuff to try to teach myself about the mind body connection. Lindsey says she became pregnant at 40 through IVF And then I started applying what I learned, and for the first time, at 40, I was pregnant. Now, that was through our last round of IVF, because we had done so many prior to that. I was starting to worry about the amount of hormones that were going to be going through my body. I was worried about the long term impact, and I was emotionally spent at that point. Now, I didn't carry that baby to terminal. I lost that baby, around ten weeks. But what I realized, Lyndsay, was that I could make a difference. And so I started to really document what were the changes that I made in my mindset, what were the things. And I swore that I would teach any woman that was willing to listen what I had learned so that she didnt have to go through what I went through. And then I left my work as a prosecutor to teach women all over the world what I had learned. So ultimately, by using what I had applied again and after teaching it, because all my clients were getting pregnant, like left and right, and I was like, well, I knew there was something to it, but I'm like, this shit works. And so just two years after that, I got pregnant, naturally, with my son Asher, who's turning seven. And I was ultimately more fertile in my forties than I was in my thirties because of what I now teach. >> Lyndsay Soprano: And that is incredibly important to hear, because my ex husband and I went through the journey, and I'm grateful. My mom always says, there's a Garth Brooks song, you know, thank God for unanswered prayers, because there was a great song, but in particular for my mother, because she's a little Miss prayer, prayer bus. you know, she wanted to have a grandchild. That's all she wanted. And so she's praying. She was praying. She was praying. And my ex husband was a raging alcoholic. And so, it probably was not great for me to try to procreate with this man, but I wanted to be a mom. And at that time, talk about the mind body soul connection and how I wasn't connecting abuse and stress of abuse and living with this drunk guy all the time, how that was affecting my fertility, my health, my immune system. I already have PCOS, which is polycystic ovarian syndrome, just in case you guys don't know, topple that with, you know, sprinkle that with a little bit of childhood trauma and college trauma, and, you know, put some frosting on the next layer of the cake, and there's another bit of trauma, you know, never really connecting those pieces together, honestly, until I got sick. And so when I started getting so sick and my pain level started to increase, and then I'm not able to walk as much as I used to, and now I'm not really able to walk at all. And, like, going back and forth with all of these things, that's why I started my show, because I was tired of going to a bunch of white coats that weren't helping me either from my health. And what it came down to is one of the drugs that's a fertility drug actually causes what I have. And so that ended up. That's a great picture. You should see her face right now. >> Rosanne Austin: It's epic. >> Lyndsay Soprano: Yeah. One of the drugs, I researched like crazy. I did trial attorney Lyndsay. Even though I'm not a trial attorney, I'm just married to one. And it was like. It was nuts. I'm, like, reading these neurological journals and reading into fertility medicine, and everything that was happening to my body was one of the things, symptoms of this particular drug. Now, are there other components to my infertility? Sure, but that was absolutely one of them. And so I just find that the geriatric part of it makes me just sick to my stomach. Like, why are you aging us so quickly? Why are you battering us down like I did the road less traveled? I wasn't given a map at birth. I wanted to be successful. I wanted to start my business. I wanted to do the things before I started a family and ended up getting pooh poohed about it because I didn't do it soon enough, and now it's too late because I'm geriatric. You know, all of that. It's part of the narrative that goes into our head and continues to, like, layer itself in some forms of trauma, and then it leads down to other paths of self sabotage. And discounting who you are and. And doubting who you are and your self esteem and your ability as a woman to not be able to have a child is heartbreaking. >> Rosanne Austin: Yeah. Well, and. But you're. What you're speaking to is the. It's a, It's an interesting form of what I think is it's a systemic misogyny. >> Lyndsay Soprano: Yes. >> Rosanne Austin: But what's interesting about this is that it's a misogyny that is cloaked in a masculine measure of success. And let me say more about that. >> Lyndsay Soprano: Because I want you to. Yeah. >> Rosanne Austin: Yeah. Because it is. And it's cloaked as progress. So when I think about. And this is probably true for you as well, is that when I grew up, all I heard was, you don't need a man. You need to go get an education, be independent. All of this stuff. And it was. I was never in an environment, whether it was educational or even in my family of origin, where the idea of having babies and being a mother and all this stuff was really quite celebrated. It was like, don't, you know, do everything you can to avoid that because it's progress. And so I found myself, like, thinking about having a family and all this other stuff is kind of a secondary notion and, like, a less than thing. And it was interesting because, in a way, there's an upside, because, obviously, we're educated, we're successful. We do all kinds of cool stuff. But in that process, there's a systematic masculinization of women that I think puts unnecessary space between us and our feminine desires. And I think it exposes us to unwarranted trauma. Because think about it. Think about how. I mean, at least the way I measured my success was education, money, outward accomplishment. And during that time, I was also suppressing my pain, not taking care of myself, driving myself to exhaustion, comparing myself to everyone that I saw being a people pleaser and this litany of really destructive behaviors. But that is what I was taught, that that's what a smart, accomplished woman does. And so all of that craziness only got amplified when I was trying to have a baby because I was trying to do the most feminine thing you could possibly do. Like a man. >> Lyndsay Soprano: Right. You were trying to get pregnant like a man. >> Rosanne Austin: Yes. And it's like, duh. I mean, like, it was so. >> Lyndsay Soprano: Exactly. Well, I mean, we always, we have so many capes, superwoman capes in our closets, right? And we're like, the men only have one, by the way. We've got like 5000 of them. Because we're trying to do all of what men do on top of all that women do one, hundred percent. Yeah. I ended up getting pregnant naturally, um, a couple of years back I mean, it's nuts. >> Rosanne Austin: Well, you know, and it's funny because somewhere along the line, and I don't, this is non political because I don't, when I think about the word feminist, I see it in a very legalistic way that men and women have equal rights. Who isn't behind that? Right? That's, as far as I go with that. But a lot of the messaging that we got was to be successful, to be independent, you have to act like a man. Nobody was asking us what, based on a feminine measure of success, what would success look like? How can you go about becoming successful in a way that honors our femininity, that we all have masculine and feminine energy within us, but why do we have to act like men to be successful? I wasn't asking that question. I just was like, okay, this is what I'm supposed to do. >> Lyndsay Soprano: Yeah. It was absolutely innate within me. >> Rosanne Austin: Yeah, well, and then it's like it ruined relationships. Like, I would emasculate any mofo that would come into my life. I would crush him. >> Lyndsay Soprano: Crush, I mean, I crush so many souls. >> Rosanne Austin: I know, I know. Like, I mean, this is why we're still heartbroken. Because look at us. Look at us. But like, you know, but that was, that was a heartbreaking thing to realize that I was engaging in and that kind of set in motion this transformation that's been happening since my late thirties and I'm 50 now, and I really see the scam, and that's actually what I call it in my book. I'm calling out a scam that we have been duped into believing that the only measure of success is a masculine one. And women are paying the price now with their fertility. >> Lyndsay Soprano: We are. And, you know, when you have fertility issues, it certainly reveals those wounds that we're trying, that we've, like, tried to push down over the years, too. And then in the fertility process, you're being wounded over and over and over again, not just by sticking yourself in the butt with needles, but also every frickin time you take a pregnancy test, you're like, we think it's the one and it's negative, and then you take another one just the next morning just to be sure. And that, you know, and that all of that, it makes you doubt yourself. And then it may, at least from my perspective, it made me doubt myself and it made me want to achieve more and be, you know what I mean? Because of course you know what I mean. And it was almost like a distraction for me because I was like, well, at, the end of the day, I've always got my work, and so my work turned into my baby. And slowly but surely and over and over until the baby thing just wasn't happening. I ended up getting pregnant naturally, a couple of years back, and ended up losing. It was very short. And, that was something that would have been unexpected anyway. It was like, what the heck just happened here? But we were in a place of. I wasn't stressed out. I was in the happiest place in the world in my life. I fell in love with somebody. Like, there were all these wonderful things that were going on at that point in time. My stress level was super low, my m pain level was low. I hadn't gotten to the illness level that I am now. But when I got through all of that, I realized there were reasons for that. And my pain ended up getting much m worse and my health started to decline. It's a blessing in disguise as well, because I wouldn't be able to carry a baby full term. I mean, I don't think I would with this, with my body. I can't even imagine standing on my feet with a baby in my belly right now because it's hard to just stand on my feet as it is. So I believe that there are reasons for it not working as well. But hands down stress and being a man, as a woman, definitely takes its toll. >> Rosanne Austin: Right, right. Well, and there's data behind this. See, this is the other part of the scam, is that there are. I think it was either 32 or 39 plus studies that we have had since 2014. So. Well over ten years of data out there for that long. For the establishment to keep saying stress has nothing to do with it is disingenuous. But we, as women, also know instinctively, like, this doesn't feel right. You know? Like. >> Lyndsay Soprano: No, yeah. >> Rosanne Austin: Feel normal. But we know that high cortisol levels have. There's an inverse relationship between high cortisol and low pregnancy rate. Like, this is out there. It's trackable. It's real data. >> Lyndsay Soprano: It's science. >> Rosanne Austin: It's science. You got to trust. What's that? >> Lyndsay Soprano: I don't know what it is. How do you spell it? I've never heard this word. >> Rosanne Austin: Yeah, exactly. Lindsey: It's heartbreaking and exciting at the same time Well, and it's like, what's heartbreaking is that. Well, it's heartbreaking, and it's also, in an interesting way, exciting, because if we look at your story and we look at your baby, that even though your baby didn't stay in the physical form, you were given the gift of knowing that your baby had made an appearance and said, mom, you're not well enough. >> Lyndsay Soprano: Oh, my gosh. Don't get me all crying over here, woman. >> Rosanne Austin: Yeah. I mean, it's just. But that's. >> Lyndsay Soprano: Quickly. >> Rosanne Austin: I know, but it's, like, so good. I mean, this is, like, even, like. But this is the power of thinking completely differently and flipping the script, because that could be something that you circle the drain for decades over. But what you could also choose to see is this child knew that we wouldn't meet in this way and that this love is even them being with me, even for a short time, it was them letting me know. >> Lyndsay Soprano: Sure. And, it was a very, very hard, difficult day. But, yeah, when I circle back and look at it, I do think of it as a positive thing. My bi. Biology did something right finally. Yeah, just for a little while. >> Rosanne Austin: And sometimes that's all it takes. You know what I mean? It's like we're ushered into this interesting measure of what success and failure is. And I think it's time that we, as women, take back our agency and our ability to control our own perspective, that what other people may see as a loss for you may be actually a gain. And for you to love you and trust you and trust this baby and trust the universe enough to see that things are happening for you, not to you. >> Lyndsay Soprano: And I love that it didn't happen. It didn't happen to you. Just, I'm circling back to the whole thank, God for unanswered prayers, you know, because it's the same similar situation where there would be no chance I would have been able to handle a child coming into my world. Is that a loss? Yes, it is. Did I learn a lot of lessons from it? I sure shit did. And, I'm happy being an aunt, you know? Cause guess what? They end up going home. >> Rosanne Austin: I think that's so good, Lyndsay. And it's such an. I think what you're. You're hitting on here, and this is such a gift to everybody listening, is you're really standing for the proposition that two things can be true at the same time, that, yes, the pain is real. This is real. This is not even. This is not in your head. And that there can be something good that you can consciously choose to take out of it and own that reality. >> Lyndsay Soprano: Yeah. >> Rosanne Austin: And it's one of the most empowering things. >> Lyndsay Soprano: yeah. Okay. Lindsay Miller's work focuses on helping women reengineer their fertility thoughts So we're now not prosecuting, and now we've decided, you know what? I want to help other women get pregnant. Even I can't right now, but I'm working on it. Can you talk to us about what you're doing, how you got to where you are, and how you can offer service? Because it's also not just for women. It's also for the men in their lives or the women in their life as well. >> Rosanne Austin: Yeah. Yeah. Well, so my work is all about teaching women how to think in a completely different way. And it's really owning your inner narrative and changing. So it's. Even though I haven't been in the courtroom in a very long time, I still think in a very logical and linear way. So my work is really about helping women re engineer their thoughts, not only about themselves, but their thoughts about themselves within the context of fertility. Because we're bombarded, Lyndsay, with statistics and long faced naysaying, people telling us it's not possible, but exactly when a woman is. Especially because I work with women of all ages. But the primary sweet spot in my work is typically women 35 and over. And I don't judge a woman for her age at all. I have a woman who's 56 in one of my programs now, and she's going to make this happen. Like, there's no question in my mind. I'm like, she's going to be like. >> Lyndsay Soprano: I'm making a baby. >> Rosanne Austin: Yeah. It's really fantastic. Yeah. But it's really undoing the old paradigms and breaking those down and teaching women, okay, this is the way that your brain works. Because I didn't know this before I did this work. But 95% of, our thoughts are unconscious. So what that means is we're only using 5% of our brain. So when you take a look at the data, it says approximately 95% of our thoughts are unconscious or subconscious, and 60% of that is negative. So when you think about it, the majority of our just pre programmed thoughts are negative. And the subconscious is responsible for the patterns that we live by. Because if only 5% of the time that we spend thinking is actually conscious, that means that for the most part, we're walking around in autopilot. Of course. >> Lyndsay Soprano: It's like when you're behind the wheel on the freeway, and you're like, whoa, I'm already home. >> Rosanne Austin: Yeah, exactly. Like, how did I get here? >> Lyndsay Soprano: You know who, I just went by 22 exits without ever recognizing that. >> Rosanne Austin: Yeah. Well, so that's the thing, is really beginning to rewire that and change the subconscious, belief system so that you're leveraging. So, it's a very. It's going to sound very lawyerly, but it's actually a way of strategic thinking so that you're using the subconscious to become your superpower, as opposed to the thing that sabotages your success. Because if you have an underlying story exactly as you had talked about before, I'm not worthy. This sucks. This is not, you know, I'm not enough or any of these. These broken down stories, because I come from the perspective that we are all enough. We were born enough. It's only. And we know this. Like, what infant do you know has any trouble asking for what she wants? >> Lyndsay Soprano: No. >> Rosanne Austin: She's going to cry until she gets the thing. Right. Right. It's only until we're adults and have had decades of trauma that that gets taken away from us because we learn it's not okay to ask for what you want or to speak the truth about your needs. So it's really helping women rewire that to create a new inner narrative based on data and based on proven techniques on how to do that. So, over the course of my programs, I'm really teaching women how to do that in a logical and linear way, because the women I serve, we're all up here. Roll up here. Ah, super linear. Lindsay Bell talks about mindfulness and how it can change your life So the subject is. It sounds woo woo, but it's actually not. It's actually pretty logical. >> Lyndsay Soprano: Well, and I think that the topic of mindfulness, in air quotes, of course, has gotten. People think like, my sweetie is like, he is so not interested in woo woo stuff until the other day we were driving home from. So he goes, I think he might be actually a little bit right about this woo woo stuff. And I'm like, oh, my God, somebody get me the calendar. Because we're calendaring this moment, because there is. He has seen hands down how I have made decisions within my mind, and I have chosen mindfulness, and I have chosen to meditate, and I have chosen to change the narrative inside my head. Doesn't work all the time for me yet with my pain, but it's so. Certainly has helped me, because a couple years ago, this was not who I was. I mean, I was always been crazy, Lyndsay, but my thoughts and, my whole self was so incredibly different three and a half, four years ago than it is today. I owe a lot of that to people like yourself, coming onto my show and helping to educate me and teach me and give me hope, as well as my audience. And so there's a little bit of selfishness here as well, but it's pretty unbelievable how much just changing your mindset and shifting it just in a little bit every day. It's not like you have to change who you are overnight, and we're not even asking you to change who you are. It's just changing a little bit every day and giving yourself a little bit more self love. I mean, for me, that's certainly been what it is. >> Rosanne Austin: Well, 100%, because what we think and believe leads directly to our choices and results. It's, linear and how we speak to ourselves, 100%. And we also know we can see this in cancer patients. We see this with people with chronic disease, that you can give treatment to two people, and there's going to be a person who has an expectation of success, and there's people who have already decided that they're dead. >> Lyndsay Soprano: It's not going to work. >> Rosanne Austin: Yeah, exactly. And, you know, it's not that big of a leap in logic. And the thing is, our minds are controlling our perceptions at all times. So why not give yourself a strategic advantage by at least having your brain working for you, right? There are no guarantees in life, but the reality is, if you want to give yourself the best possible chance, you're going to leverage this thing called our mind and not let it be some wild animal. You've got to make it obey you. And that's really what we're talking about here, completely taking control of the way that you think, not looking for perfection, but really looking at a place where we can see ourselves in a different way so that we can create a different result. >> Lyndsay Soprano: And perfectionism in itself is boring and it's not possible. I, mean, who wants to be perfect? I don't. I love that I'm flawed. I love that I've got scars and bruises and who the hell knows what else is going on? My liver's, like, halfway to cirrhosis by now, I'm sure. Maybe that's why I couldn't get pregnant. No, my ex husband's sperm were drunk. That's probably. Maybe the reason. >> Rosanne Austin: I don't know. >> Lyndsay Soprano: Or the divine was like, oh, hell no, honey, I'm not going to make you stay with this man for the rest of your life for a baby. You're going to have to just get over it. >> Rosanne Austin: Oh, yeah, I have a feeling. I mean, I love, it's. I think it's super cool that your work is your baby, but I believe that, there's something out there for you that's, you're going to know whether it's a person or an experience or a project that's going to come into your life that is going to be like, oh, yeah, this is my baby. >> Lyndsay Soprano: Oh, no, this show is my baby. >> Rosanne Austin: Yeah. >> Lyndsay Soprano: Not my agency. I run a marketing agency. That is not my baby anymore. I'm like, all right, I'm done with. >> Rosanne Austin: Yeah, that's just kind of what I like. >> Lyndsay Soprano: This is what I'm doing, and I'm growing and building, and I've got more stuff coming out that's going to be so awesome. And it's just, who would have guessed that something that is so incredibly painful and has no cure, that has put me in a wheelchair for part of my life, would actually inspire me? And I'm giving pain purpose, and I say it all of the time because pain is pain is pain. And, you know, it's pretty remarkable to find purpose in something that actually could really tank you and make you jump off the San Francisco, the golden Gate bridge. >> Rosanne Austin: Yeah. Well, and thank goodness that you've done that, though, because I think that we all have experiences in our lives that can, if we choose, can be used to serve others. And especially the way that you do it and the way that I do it, where we're very candid about our imperfection and we're very open about the pain, and I think it changes the conversation. And, yeah, I mean, I would have, if you had asked me 15 years ago if I would have left my work as a prosecutor, which had a neat and tidy, very, you know, every two weeks, you get a paycheck, you know, rain or shine, and that there's virtually no risk other than maybe being shanked by a defendant or, you know, whatever. >> Lyndsay Soprano: I mean. >> Rosanne Austin: But, But like, to take risks and to let your voice be heard and to lift up others who are similarly situated that you will never meet, I think that is exactly. It is turning pain into purpose, and I think that's certainly what drives me, and I know it's certainly what drives you. >> Lyndsay Soprano: Yeah. And it's a blessing, not a curse. And in the beginning, it was a curse. I had to flip the narrative in my brain. I had to rewire myself, and it was not something that happened overnight. It is a decision that I make every single morning, because I have to. I can either go, no, I'm going to sit on the couch, and I'm going to suck my thumb, and I'm going to feel sorry for myself because my pain level just blows today. No. I'm like, all right, crack the neck. Let's roll, you know, and I've got a song I listen to in the morning that gets me going. Sia unstoppable. I listen to that song before I do every episode. Lindsey: I always encourage women to check out the podcast And I'm working with coaches as well. And I think that you mentioned something in your book about coaches and, like, very successful people like Oprah. >> Rosanne Austin: Right. >> Lyndsay Soprano: Like, we all have a need to be guided in our life, and there are jobs out there to help guide other people, but we need the coaching, too, to help guide other people. Like, I've got somebody that I'm working with from a life coach perspective, you've got your. So if I'm trying to make baby, you're my baby life coach, you know? Yeah. And so how does that work? How. If I'm here, I am. I'm Lyndsay, I'm trying to make a baby, and I have been through the gamut of everything. I'm at my wits end, and I fall in love with Roseanne. So what happens now? What can you guide me through just a little bit of a process of what that looks like for somebody? >> Rosanne Austin: Yeah. Yeah. So, I always encourage women to check out the podcast because, let's be honest, I mean, I, have a very love affair with f bombs. I'm very direct. Ten years in the courtroom will make you very salty. And so what I always encourage women to do is to listen to the podcast. If that way of being coached and being spoken to in a very lovingly direct way. If that resonates, then let's have a conversation. And at that point, if a woman decides, or even a man decides that they want to do the work, then we interview people and invite them to the program that's right for them. >> Lyndsay Soprano: I think that's great advice because it's true. Like, some people might listen to the two salty broads here today and, you know, be like, ooh, I not. That's not my bag. >> Rosanne Austin: And that's great. >> Lyndsay Soprano: And that's okay, right? Yeah, that is okay. You know, you, you trust your instincts. I'd rather have, you know, that now than hop into our boiling pot of hot messiness and be like, this is not what I want. >> Rosanne Austin: Yeah, a hundred percent. >> Lyndsay Soprano: That is great advice because I think that our personality types are, I mean, we're pretty hardcore, we're straightforward type a. Like, let's get the job done. I don't know why everybody's dilly dallying. Let's go. Let's move. >> Rosanne Austin: Let's move. >> Lyndsay Soprano: But it's just one of those things that I think is pretty cool about what you do. And I think your podcast is an incredible part of your business. >> Rosanne Austin: Yeah, it definitely. It's also a really cool platform for personal expression for me. because. And I think it's also there's been some catharsis. Probably a lot similar to how you do your work, is being able to speak truth. And I mean, there's been more than a few episodes where I'm like a little teary at the end of it, but I'm like. But that's when I know that it's being given from the heart. And that's what I think women know me for. >> Lyndsay Soprano: Yeah, well, you have a huge heart and it's hot pink, too. >> Rosanne Austin: Yeah. >> Lyndsay Soprano: And I totally get. I have a tissue box always right next to me because I cry often on my show. we talk about some pretty sad stuff. And, losing children, not being able to have a baby, that is sad, that is hard, that is traumatic. And women out there that are listening today don't give up. If you're still on that journey, please reach out to Roseanne because she's going to be able to kick your ass. That is, if you want our style. >> Rosanne Austin: Yeah. >> Lyndsay Soprano: Oh, man. >> Rosanne Austin: It's just so. I mean, I think the cool thing about having this conversation with you here is really giving women a chance to question the narrative. Not only about what the limitations are that, that sometimes are shoved in our faces, but also to ask ourselves. If we truly want to take on the narrative that we're too old, it's not possible. Or that there's only one way of going about this. I think it's awesomely disruptive, this conversation that we're having now. >> Lyndsay Soprano: Oh, yeah. And that's the whole point. There's the Pain game podcast after all. Let's get jiggy with it. >> Rosanne Austin: Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Lindsey is bringing light to the reality of living with chronic pain >> Lyndsay Soprano: let's talk about where we can find you. >> Rosanne Austin: Yes. Well, I'm very active on Instagram. People can find me Austin fertility, and that's a great place to start. There's my fearlessly fertile podcast that we talked about. There's also my books that are readily available on Amazon, and that's a great place to start. You know, everyone's journey is different. It's a reflection of you as an individual. And I love to give women easy access to the material and see if it's resonant. And if it is, we have a conversation. >> Lyndsay Soprano: I love it so very much. Thank you so much for your time today. It has been awesome. >> Rosanne Austin: Yes. Well, thank you so much, Lyndsay. And I really appreciate the brave and courageous work that you're doing and really bringing light to the reality of living with chronic pain. I mean, it's of all kinds, and I think that it takes us out of the darkness of shame around that topic. And so thank you so much for being such a beautiful light. >> Lyndsay Soprano: Oh, man. Well, thank you for saying that. That's very sweet. >> Rosanne Austin: It's true. >> Lyndsay Soprano: Somebody's got the vapors over here. >> Rosanne Austin: It's true, baby. It's true. So thank you so much, Lyndsay. >> Lyndsay Soprano: You got it. Thank you so much as well. You are exclusively invited to share this. Reengineering and rewiring your thoughts become more mindful vip pain journey together. Let's get to the heart of how to kill with you by my side. Please follow the pain game podcast. Wherever you digest your podcast content, we will be there. Visit us@thepaingamepodcast.com and follow us on all the socials. Thanks for listening, my little vip's. Catch you on the other side.