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Who's the Biggest Work Jerk? Reacting to Reddit at Work · Why Does It Feel So Wrong To Be Human At Work?

• Bree Bartos: Hello and welcome back to why does it feel so wrong to be human at work? The podcast where we talk about the real, honest, and sometimes messy side of work. Whether that be through conversation amongst hosts, questions I explore with guests, or through what we're doing today, reacting to Reddit at work. I'm your host, Bree Bartos, and joining me today is the lovely Lottie Bazley Lottie Bazley: Hello, Bree Thank you so much for having me. You'll Bree Bartos: I'm Lottie Bazley: probably notice I have my wind machines on me today because we're having a heat wave in the UK. So this is not a deliberate thing. It's purely practical, I promise. Bree Bartos: I mean, I kind of like the diva treatment. for Lottie Bazley: You Bree Bartos: anyone that's watching on YouTube, you'll see that our I am in 4K maybe. definitely high definition. I set up in all of my reorganizing around the office. The goal was to be able to use the real camera for the podcast instead of the MacBook webcam, which is what we've been using this whole time. Lottie Bazley: you Bree Bartos: so definitely an upgrade. I'm very excited. Very excited for a little better quality. It'll make the shorts look a little better, you know? And hopefully that'll help performance. But Lottie Bazley: You Bree Bartos: today we are doing something a little new. we're doing a bit of a twist on the reacting to Reddit at work because I realized I never get to react to Reddit at work. I am simply providing all of the juicy stories, and I got a little bit jealous. And so I asked Lottie if she would like to join us here for a little bit of an exchange of stories. where I'll read some, Lottie will read some, I'll get the chance to be a little shocked and surprised, maybe. and specifically for today, we are going to be doing a bit of a bracket. Where we determine who is the biggest work jerk. Lottie Bazley: I love this. was just doing some research for this research on Bree Bartos: Ha ha Lottie Bazley: Reddit and my husband came in. He was like, what are you doing? I was like, I'm working. I'm doing some research. Just looks at my screen and was like, that's not a job. You cannot Bree Bartos: Ha ha Lottie Bazley: call that your job. Bree Bartos: To differ because we're doing it. Lottie Bazley: Well, I mean it is, it is. Bree Bartos: Why does it feel so wrong to read Reddit at work? I've made a job out of it, you know? Like, come Lottie Bazley: love this, I love this moment. Bree Bartos: on, let's talk about it. But I do I love Reddit's stories for this because there's just nothing more human than people turning to the internet and asking for their Lottie Bazley: you Bree Bartos: other people's opinions because they just have no idea what to think. And today I A lot of my stories. I think actually all of mine are from Am I the A-Hole or a version of that on Reddit, which we're just gonna be saying jerk so that we can keep things safe for work since this is a corporate podcast. Lottie Bazley: You Bree Bartos: so most of them are from Am I the Jerk, but this one I have first that I wanted to share was from Am I the Jerk Unfiltered? Which, you know, I'll be honest, not too much different. I think perhaps Lottie Bazley: You Bree Bartos: some of these offset subreddits are because other ones, the main ones have stricter rules. but all the same concept. And Lottie, I'm so excited for to hear what you brought. I'm just if you want to start first, yes. Lottie Bazley: my gosh, shall I? I know. Okay. Bree Bartos: I'm just like so eager to be told a story for once that I'm like Lottie Bazley: I'm so excited for you. was finding some of these and then I mean, there are some that are very NSFW that we couldn't bring here, but I would Bree Bartos: Yes. Lottie Bazley: advise everyone to just go and spend some time on some of these threads because there are some wild behaviors that go on at work, even wilder than the ones that we're going to go through today because we couldn't use them on the podcast. Okay. I have... Bree Bartos: Yes. And real quick before we hop in, if you notice anyone, and this goes for all episodes of the podcast because we all kind of do it. If you notice anyone looking down, we're not disinterested. We're taking notes because Lottie Bazley: You Bree Bartos: I know I have ADHD. I know Chris has shared he has before. Pinaki no taking helps him too. So we're not being rude if you're watching online. We're just taking a little notes. Lottie Bazley: We have to remember these things. Bree Bartos: yeah, there's so many details. Lottie Bazley: Absolutely well. I will jump in there then and I'm gonna have to remember to exchange jerk. Okay. Bree Bartos: Ha ha Lottie Bazley: Am I the jerk for reporting my co-worker for stealing my food? My co-worker is single and pregnant. I think she's due in June. We're all happy for her and planning a big baby shower at work before she goes on maternity leave. The problem is she keeps stealing my lunch or snacks without asking. I literally caught her devouring my food and when I confronted her she started crying about cravings and called me heartless. I didn't want to make a scene at work so I just let it go and told her to at least ask before touching my food next time. Then it happened again. This time it was labelled Tiramisu from a local bakery. I had planned to bring it to my friend after work. I lost it. I told her there was a label on the box with my name and a Do not touch my food! Post it on it." She just said, I know, but the baby really wanted tiramisu and it was so good. And then she started crying again. So I reported it to my boss. Now my boss wants to meet with us both on Friday. Was I the jerk? Some coworkers think reporting her was too much and that if I'm so worried about my food, I shouldn't even put it in the work fridge. Did I overreact? Bree Bartos: No, I'm mad. Listen, I I have a huge sweet tooth. If someone took my sweet, I'm I am going on to HR as well. and I'm going Lottie Bazley: Hahaha Bree Bartos: to be saying some very strong words. I don't... listen. I understand you're pregnant and you have cravings. So I have cravings when I'm on my period, but that doesn't give me permission Lottie Bazley: Yeah. Bree Bartos: to just like rummage through everyone's food and eat what I want and then be like, I'm sorry, but you know what? It was so good. Lottie Bazley: Yeah, I love this. There's like the quantifying as well. Like, just so you know, like it was, it was worth it me stealing it because it was really, really good. I feel tiramisu especially that's like one of my absolute favorites. And I feel like there's levels of like, forgivable to unforgivable, like on the sliding scale of stealing someone's food. And I feel like tiramisu is up there, but I just Bree Bartos: I agree. Lottie Bazley: don't get this. Like, have you ever had food stolen from work? Have you ever had the inclination to steal someone's food? Bree Bartos: gluten allergy so it's a little harder for me to steal food and thankfully when people hear gluten free they don't want it Lottie Bazley: You Bree Bartos: so like I I am very I guess lucky that people don't want my food but like I food is so like personal to people and Lottie Bazley: Mm-hmm. Bree Bartos: also like it's someone's like food is how you stay alive like like it's nourishing them and I would be so it would ruin my entire I I'm getting very heated if you can't tell because I can't finish Lottie Bazley: You Bree Bartos: a thought. because I love food. I it would ruin my entire day if I had just finished working the morning. I'm so hungry. The only thing getting me through the day is thinking Lottie Bazley: Mm-hmm. Bree Bartos: about my lunch and my sweet little treat And I go to eat it and it's gone. Okay, my day is ruined. I'm mad. I probably I'm Leaving work for the day, I'm so mad. and also like I have sugar issues to where if I don't eat, like in the past, I've passed out. And so like at that point, this person's causing a medical issue, maybe. Like Go ahead. Lottie Bazley: I feel wild behavior. once had, I was going for dinner at a friend's house and we had these like, it's in the UK, it's called a goo pudding. And they're Bree Bartos: Mm-hmm. Lottie Bazley: these like little individual like in these glass little ramekins and they have like chocolate ones or like key lime pie ones or whatever. And they come in packs of two. I was going for dinner at friends. So I bought two packs on my lunch break, put them in the fridge, came to get them at the end of the day. And one of the packets was empty. So like this person has gone to the effort of taking these puddings out of the box and then putting the empty box back in. And I just felt like that was so personal. was like, someone Bree Bartos: Yes. Lottie Bazley: has really gone to a lot of effort for this, right? But I just can't imagine, and this was like an open plan office with like a little kitchen Bree Bartos: Mm-hmm. Lottie Bazley: on each floor, that like the... the nerve of someone like the balls on someone to go in to a kitchen and be like, I'm gonna have this. What if I walked in at that point, know, like I just, don't fair play to you. If you really have that much nerve, then like, go ahead. Office job was probably not for you. You literally needed to be in a different industry because you clearly have no fit. Bree Bartos: Yeah, I cannot imagine I would have so much fear that I'd be walking out of the kitchen with this other person's food and run into them. Like, or anyone Lottie Bazley: Yes! Yes! Bree Bartos: that I saw, I'd be like, they probably know this isn't mine. Like, I'd be so paranoid. Lottie Bazley: Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Bree Bartos: I am so super anxiety though. But like going back to the story real quick, I'm mad that her coworkers are like, you shouldn't have reported her. Because she set a boundary. She said, Hey. Lottie Bazley: Mmm. Bree Bartos: If you're really that hungry and you really need it, you need to at least ask. And she Lottie Bazley: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bree Bartos: didn't and ate food that was for her evening plans. Lottie Bazley: wild behavior. That's it as well, isn't it? Like, okay, I can get it maybe like one time if you're just like starving hungry, you're just like, hey, I'm pregnant, I'm starving, I need to eat, fine. But then when someone has specifically been like, hey, I'll probably give it to you anyway, but can you at least just ask? And then Bree Bartos: Yeah. Lottie Bazley: she's just like, no, just, baby really wants tiramisu, so I guess. That's fine. I also love the fact that she blames it on the baby. You know, she's like, the baby just really wanted this because you can't argue with a baby. You know, you can argue with your coworker. It's Bree Bartos: It's so manipulative. Lottie Bazley: so manipulative. kind of respect her for it. She knows what she's doing. Bree Bartos: She's like, and then crying. I'm like Lottie Bazley: Yeah. Bree Bartos: come on. You ate my food. Why are you crying? Because I called you out. I've Lottie Bazley: Yeah, wild behavior. Bree Bartos: I'm very curious what the manager ended up saying. Lottie Bazley: Yes, I was really hoping for an update, but there isn't one on here. But I just Bree Bartos: Mm-hmm. Lottie Bazley: feel like also as a manager, that's one of those, like, how is this really my job? Am I literally bringing two people into a room because this woman keeps stealing tiramisu from my other direct report? know, like, Bree Bartos: Yeah. Lottie Bazley: how do even go about prepping for that conversation? Like, let me tell you each side of the story. Like, what is that? Someone's stealing food. That's just the end. Bree Bartos: It's like a kindergartner situation. Like we Lottie Bazley: Yes! Bree Bartos: learn when we're little to not take other people's items without asking. Like to you know, you have to ask permission. I don't know. Lottie Bazley: Yeah, if you want to meet someone's tiramisu, you just got to ask. Bree Bartos: Ugh, I would I would be so, so mad. but yeah, that I just I just keep thinking, like I HR is there for situations like this. Like when your coworkers are crossing boundaries that you set, like that is what they are for. And so Lottie Bazley: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Bree Bartos: I'm upset with the coworkers for even like Ins like even implying that it was wrong. Like i they flat out said it, but like even implying Lottie Bazley: Yeah. Bree Bartos: it was wrong would have been like too much for me. But straight up telling this woman whose food keeps getting eaten. Also, is she the only one? Is this pregnant woman targeting this one woman? Lottie Bazley: Yeah. I also had this same thought that I was like, this feels personal now. Like if she's not Bree Bartos: Yeah. Lottie Bazley: eating everyone else's food, or maybe this person in particular just has like the nicer lunches everyone else in the office is gluten free, maybe. knows? Bree Bartos: Maybe, maybe. Well, she she's the pregnant lady's gonna stay in the running for biggest work jerk. Not OP. It's the pregnant lady that is Lottie Bazley: Mm-hmm. Yes. Bree Bartos: in the running for work jerk. Lottie Bazley: agreed OP was in their rights to call out the tiramisu thief. Bree Bartos: Mm-hmm. So this next one, I personally don't think she's a jerk, and also think it's more of the friend in this one too. it is titled Would I Be the Jerk for Telling a Friend That She Deserved Getting Suspended from Work? And this one, disclaimer I will say, is I think a very American problem with health insurance, FMLA, things like that. but I makes me even more interested to hear from Europe, the UK side of things, Lottie, what your opinions Lottie Bazley: Mm-hmm. Bree Bartos: are. so this one reads I, 31 female, have a friend, 42 female, who we'll call Kara that works in my department. I've been friends with her since before she got hired, so it goes beyond boss employee relationship. My advice to her once she got hired was to get FMLA because I know she had health issues and isn't always going to be 100% healthy. This way, she would be legally protected in case she couldn't be here for a few days. I manage a small department of three people scheduled per day, so each shift is very crucial. But unfortunately, I end up coming in early or staying late at least once a week because Kara will call out. Due to our policy of four unexcused tardies or absences in a four-week period, she got suspended from work recently, and it isn't her first time being suspended for attendance. I know she has medical issues, and that puts a strain on her attendance. However, I will say that her medical issues can be managed if she took the steps to keep her healthy, which I know outside of work, she doesn't. She's not supposed to be drinking at all, but still has at least six shots a Okay. I didn't read the full details because this is a wall of text. I like skimmed it. but she has at least six shots a day after work and a poor diet. That is concerning. yeah. Yeah, Lottie Bazley: Six shots a day? How stressful is this job? Bree Bartos: we maybe we need to hire a fourth person. Lottie Bazley: Hahaha Bree Bartos: In the beginning, when she started calling out, which wasn't very often, I felt bad for her. But then she started calling out once a week, sick, and it always involved her blood sugar levels. And on the days she called out sick, she would call me just to complain about work and the people there. As I said earlier, she was recently suspended for three days about a month ago for her poor attendance record. She called and complained, and I just sat there and let her get it out thinking it would be done. how I was wrong. Sh she's complained about her suspension since then and claiming it was unfair and comparing her suspension to other employees who were suspended for the same reason. I got fed up with complaining, which leads to today. She came in and complained first thing, and I told her, Kara, I've been telling you to get on FMLA since you got hired, so if anything happens related to your medical issues, you would be legally covered. I've listened to you complain nonstop for the last month and compare your attendance to others, watched you do everything you're not supposed to do to prevent these situations from happening, and you won't listen when I point them out. And I've covered you countless times. I can't imagine what it's like to go through the highs and lows of your blood sugar spikes and drops because I don't have those conditions, but I have to be honest from a technical point of view. Your suspension, as far as rules go, was justified and deserved. You're not taking care of yourself, which is causing you to get sick as often as you are with no sick time to cover your absent days. It's going to be marked unexcused. I can sit here and say that when I got written up for my attendance, it was unfair, but it wasn't because I did that. No one else. You really need to get it together. If you don't, you're going to spiral downward even more, and I don't want to see that happen. Kara's response was nothing more than a cold F-you. One of our Lottie Bazley: Whoa. Bree Bartos: other friends who has watched Kara decline as much as I have said I was a bit harsh and I can't personally understand where I was harsh. Someone needed to tell Kara the truth even though she didn't want to hear it. Was I wrong? Lottie Bazley: Hmm, I mean, I feel like, firstly, on the surface of things, feel like OP is not in the wrong. I don't feel like they've been the work jerk. However, I feel like this is one of those times where sometimes when you're trying to, like, if you have an argument with someone and you're telling the story to someone, and you maybe just tweak the details of like what you said or how you said it. ever so slightly just to make yourself come across a little better because I Bree Bartos: Mm-hmm. Lottie Bazley: feel like all of that written down super eloquent very balanced very kind of meaningful seems like it's coming from the right place but then is it Kara the response of F-you makes me feel like maybe that's not quite exactly how it was said what were your thoughts I mean also the six shots thing is crazy but we can come back to that Bree Bartos: And like, yeah, that is insane. And at that point, yeah, OP did need to say something just Lottie Bazley: Mmm. Bree Bartos: just on that. but if you like, I agree, because what she said, I was like, that is so like the corporate perfect HR response. Like that is Lottie Bazley: Yeah. Bree Bartos: what you want other managers to be saying in these situations. Lottie Bazley: Yeah. Bree Bartos: How likely is it that that is exactly what she said? It could be what she intended to say, but her words Lottie Bazley: Mm-hmm. Bree Bartos: could have come out a lot harsher than that. Especially considering they were friends before. Lottie Bazley: I think that's also something that adds like a really tricky dynamic to it, right? Like when you have either your five and I've plenty times been friends with managers or colleagues and it's really difficult when you see them maybe, you know, they said something like a bit of a weird way in a meeting and you're like, hmm, I don't think that was maybe the most professional or like maybe you don't like how... your manager is managing you, but you have this like friendship outside of work and it just puts that like weird kind of strain imbalance type thing when you have like really personal friendly relationships with work stuff. It really like muddies the water, I think. And I feel like that Bree Bartos: Mm-hmm. Lottie Bazley: is also a lot of what's happened here. Like she can't isolate the two. She can't really speak to her as just her manager, but then she also can't really speak to her as just. her friend, like it has to be Bree Bartos: Yeah. Lottie Bazley: this weird kind of mix of the two and that's where it gets really, it can get really tricky. Bree Bartos: Yeah, and I guess like the alternative option there could have been if there was like another member of leadership that could have gotten Lottie Bazley: Mm-hmm. Bree Bartos: involved and like they could have explained, like, hey, we understand that you're upset, but like it you really do need to get signed up on FMLA in order for us to make sure we're not marking you as unexcused, because like we have Lottie Bazley: Amen. Bree Bartos: to have these policies in place in order to do XYZ. And because Lottie Bazley: Mm-hmm. Bree Bartos: you haven't done You're part of it, like we can't do our part of it. And so I guess like that is if anyone else was in this situation, if I had advice to give, I think if I was OP, maybe getting a a third party involved, if there was another leadership or member of management, because some places there aren't, you know, unfortunately, Lottie Bazley: Mm-hmm. Bree Bartos: some places there aren't. But if there was, I think that would be the best way to go to also kind of, you know Protect your friendship too, so you don't have that awkward moment. Lottie Bazley: Yeah. Yeah, exactly. And yeah, like you say, if maybe there was like somebody else and just OP could go to them and be like, hey, I feel like there's a conflict of interest here. Here's all the practical details. This is the conversation that needs to be had. Then she can have the conversation as a friend to be like, hey, perhaps you need to think about looking after your health a bit better, or, you know, you must go onto this thing that will help you from being in this situation. Then you can kind of keep the conversation separate. and like I say Bree Bartos: Mm-hmm. Lottie Bazley: not have this like weird mix of the two. But no, I would say OP, not the jerk. Bree Bartos: No. And you know, I think the friend is going through a lot, so I don't really wanna call the friend a jerk. because like I understand like mental health and illnesses and being chronically ill is really frustrating as well. Lottie Bazley: Yeah. Bree Bartos: I am chronically ill and I get mad and don't wanna take care of myself sometimes too. But like Lottie Bazley: Mm. Bree Bartos: when I have someone come to me t and tell me they're worried, then I like I take that into like real consideration. I'm like, Lottie Bazley: Mm-hmm Bree Bartos: let me look at myself. What have I been doing? What do I need to do? Like I, you know, maybe I'm not feeling so good. So maybe there's things and changes I can make so that like I can feel better day to day. Lottie Bazley: Mm-hmm. Bree Bartos: and I hope, I really do hope that the coworker and friend, you know, things start looking up for them. And that they get the FMLA because I really feel like they would benefit from it. Lottie Bazley: you Bree Bartos: but I was wondering Do you happen to have any work situations where you were really good friends with a coworker and things turned sour? 'Cause I do. Lottie Bazley: my gosh, I mean, I'm sure there's loads. There was one manager I had many, many years ago and it was a similar kind of situation that she was a lovely, lovely woman, but she was a terrible, terrible manager. And it was just really difficult. know, there were times where I had to kind of give her feedback about how like her management style and you know, I would always come with specific examples and was trying to come from it from a place of care and also she didn't have a great reputation around the business. So there was also, you know, I'm kind of hearing what other people are thinking about her and don't Bree Bartos: Mm-hmm. Lottie Bazley: want to go there and be like, hey, everyone else thinks you're really rubbish. So do I, here's some examples. And that was a really difficult one to navigate. And eventually I just ended up going to her manager and just saying, I find this really difficult, but you know, here's some things I'm struggling with. I've tried to communicate it to this person. It seems to not. be going anywhere. Bree Bartos: Yeah. Lottie Bazley: But like, you know, we were just saying in this example here, it's the kind of like, use that other kind of third party as your, your mediator almost so that you can try and keep the friendship and the work relationship separate. But I'm keen to hear about yours. Bree Bartos: Well, some of our listeners maybe have heard listened to the two episodes from last season. my best friend tried to steal my job, which was a Reddit story that I read to Pinaki and Chris, and was actually my story in personal experience. Lottie Bazley: No way! Bree Bartos: yeah, it's so that was really fun. personally, like tickled me to do because of their reactions. Highly recommend going back and watching that one. specifically on YouTube if you haven't. but yeah, she had you know a lot of things transpired with her and there's tons of stories in that episode but like she did drag me into my manager's office once while he wasn't there because we had like an open concept and we were out in the open whereas everyone else had offices. and she dragged me in there and started yelling at me for like not including her in projects that didn't involve her. It's just I had included her in the past because we were friends. Lottie Bazley: Mm-hmm. Bree Bartos: and she like was threatening to take me to HR and all of this stuff. And like my Lottie Bazley: My gosh. Bree Bartos: manager was out of office that day. There wasn't anything I could do. thankfully, like a secondary manager for the department was there, and so I went straight to him. when he got back from like being out the morning or whatever. And he was like, Yeah, you can't you can't do that. You can't drag your coworkers into an office and berate them Lottie Bazley: Mmm. Bree Bartos: and shut the door. Like, you can't do that. thankfully though, that whole situation, COVID happened and I got sent home and I was able to ghost her. So like the universe handed me a way out for that one. Lottie Bazley: Yes, yes, the one good thing that came out of Covid for you. Bree Bartos: And then I went through a merger during lockdown and we got put in separate departments. So it was great. The the universe said, Let me just Lottie Bazley: Perfect. The stars fully aligned. Yeah. I was gonna say like and then you just literally never spoke to her again after that. Bree Bartos: I saw her at a couple conferences and it was just completely cordial. And like we went from being like together 247, going like to like do things in the afternoon. Like she'd meet me after my therapy, we'd walk to get ice cream. Like we were together all the time. And then it kind of turned into like a light stalking t-esque situation. And just yeah. And again, I'm like, wow, fate really handled that one, so I didn't have to. Lottie Bazley: Yeah, wild, wild behavior. It is tricky, Bree Bartos: Yes. But Lottie Bazley: isn't it, when you do like, I've also, you know, we had, at my old place, we had like a refer a friend scheme, like, Bree Bartos: Mm-hmm. Lottie Bazley: you know, if you refer someone to come and work there. And so everyone did it because the scheme was like really good. Yeah, yeah, Bree Bartos: You get money, right? Like Lottie Bazley: lots of money. And so it ended up just being like everyone's friends work, like this whole department was like people that had been referred and Bree Bartos: Mm-hmm. Lottie Bazley: it was just then like everyone was friends, but they were all kind of friends from outside of work. And then people had their own friendship groups within work. And I mean, also this is when we were like in our early twenties, right? So everyone was just a little bit more dramatic at that time in their lives anyway, but it was just like, yeah. Bree Bartos: Yeah, I was like twenty two in my story, so I get it. Lottie Bazley: And it just also, I feel like. when you're in your early twenties, you're kind of looking for bit of drama as well, you know, just to like keep it a bit spicy. But Bree Bartos: Yeah. Yes, yes. Lottie Bazley: there was just like always a drama and it was a call center as well. So it was also like just drama breeds drama within there. But it was just like every day there was something and it was like, it's a crazy friendship group, but also in work and you're trying to like maintain your professionalism when you know like so and so and so and so have just had an argument or like this couple is breaking up or whatever. It's just Bree Bartos: Yeah. Lottie Bazley: really like. when you're in your 20s, it's kind of fun. But nowadays you're like, God, I really hope I don't have that work drama again. Bree Bartos: Have you ever worked with a partner? Lottie Bazley: Yes, actually, my current husband, we met at work. Bree Bartos: Really? Lottie Bazley: We did. But luckily, never in kind of the same departments. Bree Bartos: Mm-hmm. Lottie Bazley: But also I was like, it was a really funny one when I started to like take over the town halls at this place and do the intro for like all the leadership. was just like, I try, I used to get a bit nervous about it anyway, right? Because any kind of like company wide communication is always like, Bree Bartos: Yes. Lottie Bazley: it would get to the point where I'd be hosting the town hall and there was this like the home version of me that he knew and then they're like put it on work version and I'd be like hi everyone thanks for coming Bree Bartos: Ha ha Lottie Bazley: today and he's just like who is this? Who is this version of you? Bree Bartos: Yeah, I always find it really weird when like the people who know you personally get to see you in work mode. Like Lottie Bazley: Mmm. Bree Bartos: it's always just like a if you're seeing this whole other side of me that like I don't usually share Lottie Bazley: Yeah. Bree Bartos: like on a personal like because it's very just completely different version of me to be in work mode. Lottie Bazley: Mm-hmm. Bree Bartos: and I actually I worked with my husband. I got him a job at the company I worked at because Lottie Bazley: Mm-hmm. Bree Bartos: one of them the manager who handled customer service, he was like, Does anyone know anyone that needs a job? And I was like, I do. Like my husband had just Lottie Bazley: This guy. Bree Bartos: yeah, he had just resigned where he was working because we were moving and it was like it was like a 40 minute drive if w after we moved or almost an hour and it just wasn't worth it to Lottie Bazley: Mm-hmm. Bree Bartos: make the drive. And so they hired him and it was great. And it it is very Interesting 'cause like you hear them upset about work or like something that happened and then like there's that little bit Lottie Bazley: in Bree Bartos: of guilt of like I recommended this job for them and he's not happy. Lottie Bazley: Yeah. Bree Bartos: but then we got laid off together in the same meeting, so Lottie Bazley: cute little support system. Bree Bartos: That was fun of them to do to us. Yeah. Lottie Bazley: Adorable. We also had this thing. this role that I was in specifically when I also worked with a lot of my very close friends and their partners, I was like in the engagement sites, was communications and engagement. And a lot of the time I would like go through these engagement surveys. And if the scores were particularly low, and I just felt like my friends couldn't talk to me for ages about how miserable they were at jobs because I was like in charge. of engagement. Obviously, it's not just you know, I was solely not responsible. It's a whole business wide thing. But just because I had Bree Bartos: Mm-hmm. Lottie Bazley: like engagement in my title, and I was in charge of like the employee engagement survey, that Bree Bartos: Yes. Lottie Bazley: they were just like, Yeah, yeah, it's all good. And I feel like if I was out the room that they'd like, my God, I hate working here. But they could just never admit it to me because I was in charge. Bree Bartos: Yes, yeah. No, I get that. And like poor my husband Ryan, he would like tell me about calls he's gotten and I'm like, Ooh, a marketing campaign idea and like I'm like taking it and running with Lottie Bazley: Yeah. Bree Bartos: it and he's like, That's no and I'm like, okay. Lottie Bazley: That was not the conversation we wanted to have. Bree Bartos: Yeah, I'm like creating a whole campaign all of a sudden. but yeah, lots of jerks I could talk about in my last jobs, past jobs, but I'm curious to hear another story if you have Lottie Bazley: I do have Bree Bartos: one. Lottie Bazley: another jerk for you. Okay, so the title of this one is, am I the jerk for snatching things back from my colleague? I, 36 female, have a colleague, George, 58 male, who has a nasty habit of taking things out of people's hands without asking. files, memos, communal snacks, etc. I don't believe it's malicious because he does it to everyone. And George is spacey. We lovingly call him Goldfish George. He's been here forever and is only a few years away from retirement. His behaviour causes some office strife but mostly people ignore it. Except for me. I absolutely hate having things snatched out of my hands. I have no other issue with George He and I have carpooled together on several occasions and we get along great. Right up until I open a pack of gum and he grabs a stick before I've even had one. I've discussed it with George more than once. Dude, just ask. I promise I'll give you some if I can. Think of it this way. If I hand you my wallet, that's fine. But if you snatch my wallet out of my bag, that's stealing. Every time we have this conversation, George swears he understands and that he'll stop. But then he does it again. Sometimes it's not so bad. If we're in the break room and he grabs a handful of popcorn I happen to be holding, whatever. I like that this is the boundary. But last week, he stole a pen from literally between my fingers while I was filling out a form Bree Bartos: picky about my pens. Lottie Bazley: because he had to write down his very important idea. It left a giant pen mark on my forearm and I had to get a new one. I decided I had had enough and that the next time he grabbed something without asking, I would simply snatch it back. Then he would finally understand how annoying it is. Long story short, my plan didn't go well. Yesterday, I was in the break room eating a big bag of communal chips. George came in and yanked them from me as I had expected. I immediately snatched the bag back and said, ask please, George, we've talked about this. Then I held the bag out to him. He huffed and grabbed it so aggressively it split wide open. It was only a quarter full, but we had to clean up the mess and George was not pleased. He told me I made him feel like a child. Maybe my... Bree Bartos: He is acting like one. Lottie Bazley: Maybe my, here's a taste of your own medicine plant was childish. Am I the jerk? Bree Bartos: No! Again! Why Lottie Bazley: haha Bree Bartos: are we acting like children? This is something kindergartners do: snatch items. Lottie Bazley: wild behavior. also think that like, okay, grabbing a pen, I feel like that is annoying. But the one that I find really, Bree Bartos: Yeah, especially when someone's writing. Lottie Bazley: yeah, yeah, how desperate is your very important idea. But I also find Bree Bartos: Popcorn. Lottie Bazley: that like grabbing popcorn out of someone's hand is just strange. like that is like, what are you gonna eat that they they've touched that with their bare hand and like popcorn famously like it's difficult to get handfuls of you know, like kind of Bree Bartos: Yeah. Lottie Bazley: explodes everywhere like what is going through your mind when you're going I'll have that Bree Bartos: I have never thought to myself I should touch anyone's food without permission. Or take or eat. Like, I have never Lottie Bazley: No. No. Yeah. Bree Bartos: considered eating someone else's food. Like, Lottie Bazley: out of their hands. Bree Bartos: and especially like without asking, never would have thought. Like, you know, even my husband, I'm like, hey, can I have a fry? Like, I ask. Even like my Lottie Bazley: Yeah. Bree Bartos: parents, like anyone, like siblings, parents, whoever, no matter how close I am with them. I'm gonna ask, hey, can I have one? Lottie Bazley: Yeah, I feel like I also like that they call him, what did they call him? What's his name? Goldfish George. Bree Bartos: Goldfish, George. Lottie Bazley: I'm like, I feel this guy has so many little quirks that they were just like, that's just what Goldfish George does. But I feel like also OP is obviously used to it, right? She's Bree Bartos: Mm-hmm. Lottie Bazley: shared carpools with George. She knows him pretty well. He's worked there a while. But can you imagine being the person that this happens to for the first time? And they're just like, don't worry. That's just Goldfish George. Bree Bartos: If someone stole something out of my hands that I was actively using or eating, I'd probably react and punch them. Like my instinct, if someone is like moving quickly towards me, my instinct's going to be to deck them. Like Lottie Bazley: Yeah, self-defense. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Bree Bartos: you shouldn't be touching me or my things. Like that is I've said it so many times on this podcast, we don't touch others. It goes for their things. Lottie Bazley: Such a simple rule. I also really enjoy the scene of this bag of chips exploding in the break room and then them kneeling on the floor to pick up Bree Bartos: I would tell George to clean it. Lottie Bazley: these chips. Yeah, come on, George. You have to offer now to clean this. But also being a fly on the wall, if you're just sat there, aside from this whole goldfish George snatching situation. If I'm just like sat there eating my lunch nicely and I see this happening, I am like, what is going on here? We have a 36 year old and a 58 year old fighting Bree Bartos: Yeah, this man Lottie Bazley: over a bag of chips, like wild. Bree Bartos: I can't imagine being almost 60 and just going around snatching items out of people's hands and thinking it's okay. Especially after they told you not to. Is again, people are setting boundaries and the coworkers Lottie Bazley: Yeah. Bree Bartos: are just ignoring them. Lottie Bazley: Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I'm saying OP, not the jerk. Bree Bartos: Not the jerk, but George is a jerk. Lottie Bazley: I like the kind of revenge idea though that OP had, know? Like they've tried the setting boundaries thing, but Bree Bartos: It like yesterday we talked mm-hmm. Lottie Bazley: then it's just like, okay, well, I'm gonna snatch back. And then the snatching back resulted in this like exploding bag of chips. Bree Bartos: Yeah. Yeah. Yesterday, in in real time of us recording this, we had just we just recorded yesterday talking about malicious compliance Lottie Bazley: Mm-hmm. Bree Bartos: and petty revenge and sometimes it backfires. And unfortunately again, this was George's fault for snatching it in the first place though. Like he should be the one now cleaning it up and apologizing. Lottie Bazley: Yeah, poor OP. Silly, silly Goldfish George. Bree Bartos: Again, you take my food, I'm mad. Lottie Bazley: There were actually a surprising number of work problems that were about Bree Bartos: There are Lottie Bazley: food. Like we were saying, it's very personal thing, but it seems that people just become really strange and lose all their manners when it comes to work food. Bree Bartos: And I just again I can't ever imagine eating someone else's food without permission. Cause like Lottie Bazley: Yeah. Bree Bartos: I guess, you know, maybe this is the like worst case scenario catastrophizer brain of mine. I don't know what their kitchen looks like. Lottie Bazley: Hahaha What are their food hygiene standards like? Bree Bartos: Have you heard the TikTok sound? You can't eat at everybody's house. Lottie Bazley: Yeah. Bree Bartos: I have too much fear on that standpoint alone, but Lottie Bazley: I love that this is like, well, that's the reason that I don't do it because I don't understand the hygiene levels of other people. Otherwise, I absolutely would, but just because I don't know how clean Bree Bartos: Well, I mean there's more reasons. There's more Well Lottie Bazley: someone's kitchen is, that's the only thing stopping me. Bree Bartos: I just think like if there's anyone doing this right now, that could be a reason to stop. Like think about you don't know what their hygiene is. And so I'm hoping that's why I shared that. I'm hoping someone's like, she has a good point. I don't know if j like what they're doing at their home. Lottie Bazley: Yeah, this is my plea to you, just have a think about what their kitchen surfaces look like and if they wash their hands before they started cooking. Bree Bartos: You don't know how many pets they have? How much pet hair? Lottie Bazley: my gosh. That would stop you, wouldn't it, if you found like a hair or something. Bree Bartos: Okay. Ooh. Lottie Bazley: Maybe that's it. If someone's stealing your food, maybe that's what you have to do. Just one day with no intention of eating it, just put Bree Bartos: Yeah. Lottie Bazley: a little sprinkling of pet hair in and then... Bree Bartos: Even even just your own hair on the container would stop, I feel like. Because that just looks gross. Lottie Bazley: Yeah. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Or just like something really stinky that doesn't smell like what you have in the container. So it's Bree Bartos: Mm. Lottie Bazley: clearly like some kind of old smell in there. Bree Bartos: I feel like I've seen I feel like I've seen some like weird Timu ad of like like a plastic Tupperware container with like mold design like on the container so that it looks like the food is moldy. Lottie Bazley: Amazing. But this is it, like this is clearly happening so often that there are lengths that people are going to that there are actual products out there that are disengaged. Bree Bartos: There are fridge locks. There are like little fridge jails that like roommates get and like lock their food away. Lottie Bazley: my gosh Bree Bartos: Roommate food is a whole like subreddit like Reddit category Lottie Bazley: Hahaha Bree Bartos: in itself. But we have just a few minutes left. And I do have one more story I thought I could share before Lottie Bazley: please do. Bree Bartos: we hop off. And this one is titled, Am I the Jerk for Telling an Employee She Can Choose Between Demotion or Termination? Lottie Bazley: Cool. Bree Bartos: Yeah. so I own a vape shop and we're a small business, only 12 employees. And one of my employees, Peggy, was supposed to open yesterday. Peggy has recently been promoted to manager after two solid years of good work as a cashier, and I really thought she could handle the responsibility. So this morning I wake up three hours after the play should be open, and I have 22 notifications on the store Facebook page. Customers have been trying to come to shop and the store is closed. Employees are showing up to work, but they're locked out. I call Peggy and I get no response. I text her, same thing. So I go in and I open the store, and an hour before her shift was supposed to be over, she calls me back. I ask her if she's okay, and she says she needed to take a mental health day and do some self-care. I'm still pretty mad at this point. But I'm trying to be understanding as I know how important mental health can be. So I ask her, why didn't she call me as soon as she knew she needed the day off? Her response, I didn't have enough spoons in my drawer for that. Frankly, I don't know what that means. But it's Lottie Bazley: You Bree Bartos: but it seems to me like she's saying she cannot be trusted to handle the responsibility of opening the store in the mornings. So I told her that she had two choices: go back to her old position with her old pay. Or I fire her completely. She's calling me all sorts of -ists now, saying I'm discriminating against her due to her poor mental health and her gender. None of this would have been a problem if she simply took two minutes to call out. I would have got up and opened the store on time, but this is a no call no show, and it's not a way to run a business. I think I might be the jerk here, because I am taking away her promotion over something she really had no control over, but at the same time, she really could have called me. So Reddit. I leave it to you. Am I the jerk? Lottie Bazley: I mean, this feels very obvious to me that OP is not the jerk. Did anyone in the, like, what's the consensus in the comments? Like, cause I just... Okay. Okay. Good. I mean... Bree Bartos: He was voted, not the jerk. Yeah. Because yeah, he did everything right. Lottie Bazley: Yeah, yeah. And I feel like neither of those, I mean, obviously if this person doesn't have, like, if they can't handle the responsibility of doing it, like, they could have just terminated them there and there, but the fact that they even just gave them the option to be like, hey, we want you to stay, however, Bree Bartos: Yeah. Lottie Bazley: we're just gonna take some of this responsibility away because clearly you can't handle that. I feel like Bree Bartos: Yeah. Lottie Bazley: that's perfectly reasonable. Bree Bartos: Yeah, I think like I okay, so I am someone who has very bad mental health, and I'm very open to talking about it. Like, I have depression, anxiety. Lottie Bazley: Mm. Bree Bartos: I recently got diagnosed with OCD. Like, I have all of these things. I can send a text message to my boss and be like, I'm in a bad state. I need the day off. Or like, just I need the day off. You don't have to give like exact reasons to be like emergency, I need the day off. Everyone's okay, but I need it. this was posted five years ago and five years ago we were texting people. Lottie Bazley: Mm-hmm. Bree Bartos: we have been for a while. So like I really feel as though yeah, this one's on Peggy just deciding not even to communicate when you know you are the key holder that is supposed to open the shop that day. Like that's crazy. Lottie Bazley: Mm, yeah, yeah, wild behavior. And I think as well, like, I remember back in my call center days again, if you had to call in sick, like it had to be like an actual phone call. Bree Bartos: Mm-hmm. Lottie Bazley: And the anxiety like leading up to that to be like, my gosh, what if they think I'm pretending and, you know, like having to explain what my symptoms are on the phone. But if this person also is only even just asking for a text, Like, just one message, like you say, to say, gonna need the day off. Yeah. Bree Bartos: Just communicating, I think, is what he wants. Like he he just needed to know. Lottie Bazley: Also like small business owner, feel like, you know, if it's like massive conglomerate, you're kind of just like, what are we actually losing by, Bree Bartos: Mm-hmm. Lottie Bazley: you know, half a day's business or whatever. like small business owner, not only is it like the financial loss, but also the like, you know, people are gonna be like, hmm, is the shop that reliable? Like, you know, like it's, Bree Bartos: Yeah. Perception's important. Lottie Bazley: yeah. I mean, I love the fact that people were like so angry to get their vapes that they immediately started taking to Facebook. Bree Bartos: Yeah, I found that like really like, people really wanted to shop and were upset. Lottie Bazley: You Bree Bartos: Like I understand, you know, the coworkers, like all the notifications from them, but the customers sh surprised me a little. Lottie Bazley: Yeah. Yeah. They were like up in arms outside the shop. Like I've been here. It was supposed to open the doors at eight. I've been here since 7:59. Bree Bartos: Yeah, well, these things tend to be addictions, you know. Yes. Lottie Bazley: We just really needed those vapes. Bree Bartos: But like, again, I I have a lot of sympathy for OP and I appreciate that OP's even here asking. Like, and it and cares enough to be here being like, Lottie Bazley: Yeah. Bree Bartos: was I was I rude, like, was I mean, was I the jerk because I like she can't help that her mental health was bad today? but She could have answered any of his calls or texts. Like he said he texted her. She could have texted Lottie Bazley: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Bree Bartos: back at like and not waited until an hour before her shift was posted. Lottie Bazley: And then just be like, Oops, tee-hee. Yeah. Bree Bartos: Sorry me self-care. And it's something we've talked about a little bit in the past with Chuck Gose in one of our episodes. We talked about using self-care. and Kristen was also in that episode. we talked about using self-care as a label to like get out of things. And like, you know, like Lottie Bazley: in Bree Bartos: people lately it feels like people are abusing that term. As a reason to just not do what they don't want to do, not show up. and that's unfortunate because mental health is very important. People do need to take mental health days, but you Lottie Bazley: Mm. Bree Bartos: do like if you want to be someone who is has a career and works a job and has a stable one that they're not gonna lose, like you have to communicate with your manager when you're not going Lottie Bazley: Mm-hmm. Bree Bartos: to show up for work or when you can't show up for work. Lottie Bazley: Mm-hmm. Did it have ages on this one? Because I feel like also it Bree Bartos: No, it not. Lottie Bazley: gives me kind of like generational difference vibes too, you know, because I think like as someone also who has kind of some mental health stuff going on, anxiety and things that I am also a chronic oversharer. So I feel very comfortable talking to people about these things. And I think generally speaking, kind of my generation is better at doing that. And it kind of makes me wonder if the OP is a little bit older and they're not quite so used to talking about mental health stuff, which is why they've come to Reddit to ask Bree Bartos: Mm-hmm. Lottie Bazley: for support to be like, because again, I think a lot of people feel like you're just being a jerk if you're either dismissing or you don't know how to talk about mental health issues with people that it gives me a bit of this like maybe generational divide here where OP is like, Can I be annoyed at someone for having mental health? And it's just not, that's not quite what it is. It's not as black and white as that. But I wonder if OP is kind of on that, like, am I a jerk for doing this because it's a mental health Bree Bartos: Yeah. Lottie Bazley: shoe, you know? Bree Bartos: Yeah. And I actually, you know, I think you're you're on to something because especially and I want to talk about this term she used, when she said she didn't have the spoons. That very much Lottie Bazley: Mm-hmm. Bree Bartos: is my generation, millennial, and then like I'm on the cusp. So millennial and Gen Z, that is very much terminology and like a phrase that I and pa and my friends we use a lot, especially it's something that is common. amongst the cr chronically ill community, the disabled community. If you don't know, the spoon theory is a metaphor to describe finite daily energy, and it uses spoons Lottie Bazley: Hmm Bree Bartos: as the unit. So every day you wake up with a set number of spoons, energy units each day, Lottie Bazley: Mm-hmm. Bree Bartos: and mental health struggles, chronic illnesses, disabilities, things like that often mean that you start with fewer spoons than others. Lottie Bazley: Mm-hmm. Bree Bartos: I've also heard people be say that, like, you know, some people who might not be neurodivergent or who might not have chronic or mental illnesses, they can exchange spoons with other people. But someone Lottie Bazley: you Bree Bartos: like me, I only can give spoons. I can't receive spoons. In order to Lottie Bazley: you. Bree Bartos: get more spoons, I have to go and recharge by myself Lottie Bazley: Mm-hmm. Bree Bartos: and do whatever self care I need to do. So a lot of people use the phrase like I'm out of spoons to kind of describe that invisible drain. Lottie Bazley: Mm-hmm. Bree Bartos: especially whenever you have different illnesses or disabilities that are invisible. Lottie Bazley: Mm-hmm. That's super interesting. I've not heard of that before. I mean, I've kind of used other ways of saying it, but I've never heard Bree Bartos: Mm-hmm. Lottie Bazley: this like spoons measurement thing before. And I feel like if this person is kind of comfortable enough to use that metaphor with the manager, that at least, because the manager says like, I have no idea what that means, right? That again, maybe I feel like it's a bit of a generational thing, but. Bree Bartos: Yeah. Lottie Bazley: to be able to sit down and have that conversation with the manager and just be like, hey, here's how I talk about this, manage your expectations. Like there are some days where I just don't have enough spoons or I might run out of spoons mid shift and here's how Bree Bartos: Yeah. Lottie Bazley: we can work together with those things. Bree Bartos: Yeah. Lottie Bazley: Because it doesn't just mean that these people can't be a part of the workplace. Like you have to work around it, you know? So I feel like they probably could benefit from. Also just aside from this issue, like a side conversation about, Hey, here's where I'm at. Here's how you can accommodate his certain things you might need to expect from me. And here's what you can do to, to help me in this. And if that conversation had happened before, Bree Bartos: Mm-hmm. Lottie Bazley: then the person that didn't show up for the shift probably could have felt comfortable enough to text the manager. Hey, Out of Spoons today can't open up. You know, Bree Bartos: Yeah. Lottie Bazley: like Bree Bartos: Yeah, that's exactly it. Because again, I am chronically ill. I am someone who runs out of spoons often. And I I have a whole list of diagnoses that I could go into, but like I and sometimes it makes my work hard hard to do sometimes. Like I get migraines. Lottie Bazley: Mm. Bree Bartos: It makes looking at a screen really hard or sitting in front of a LED panel recording a podcast really hard. but I can't just not show up. It's I've had these conversations. with my manager before of like, hey, these are the things that I deal with on a day to day and this is what it can mean Lottie Bazley: Mm-hmm. Bree Bartos: and this is what it looks like. And I give those realistic truths of like what my reality looks like. And then they're not surprised when it comes up. And it's okay Lottie Bazley: Mm-hmm. Bree Bartos: when it comes up because they knew. Lottie Bazley: Yeah. Bree Bartos: in communication when you're chronically ill, like it is very important to make sure Lottie Bazley: Mmm. Bree Bartos: you are setting that groundwork and that understanding, or else like it's hard to work when you're chronically ill if you're not communicating. Cause Lottie Bazley: Hmm. Bree Bartos: then you just have all this anxiety in you all the time. At least I do, of like, Lottie Bazley: Thank you. Bree Bartos: I'm not doing enough. I'm not moving fast enough. I'm not editing it like quickly. Like and I I know why, but no one else knows why. So and Lottie Bazley: Yeah. Bree Bartos: we've talked about this in a past episode of like Lottie Bazley: Mm-hmm. Bree Bartos: vocalizing what's going on really helps to Lottie Bazley: Mm-hmm. Bree Bartos: help that and ease that anxiety. So as I always say, you gotta communicate. Lottie Bazley: communication. That is the key. We say it because it's true. Bree Bartos: Yes, yes. It is it is the foundation of everything. But I think today if you had to pick a biggest jerk, anyone so I think our biggest jerks would have to be the the food eaters. Lottie Bazley: Yeah, I mean, none of the OPs are the jerks today. I'm Bree Bartos: No. The Lottie Bazley: gonna go the pregnant tiramisu lady. Bree Bartos: Yeah, I was tied between her and George, Goldfish George, because I they Lottie Bazley: haha Bree Bartos: again it's very similar stories in that they have been OP established boundaries, and the pregnant woman and George completely ignored them to just do Lottie Bazley: Mm-hmm. Bree Bartos: whatever they want in a very controlling and manipulative way. And I'm not a fan of either of them. And I crown them the king and the queen of jerks. Lottie Bazley: The goldfish, the goldfish king of jerk. Bree Bartos: They could share the title, you know what? They're both they both kinda suck. They could share the title. Lottie Bazley: I mean, they could go for a meal together with other people's food, right? Like, maybe they'll get along. They'll get along nicely. Bree Bartos: They're just they're just out there gathering, you know? Lottie Bazley: Amazing. Bree Bartos: Well, Lottie, thank you so much for joining me today. listeners, you will definitely be hearing and seeing Lottie a lot more as she joins us here on Why Does It Feels So Wrong to Be Human at Work, the podcast where we discuss the real, honest, and sometimes messy side of work. And I feel like today we covered some messy stories. Lottie Bazley: We certainly did. Thank you so much for having me, Bree Bree Bartos: Of course, it's my pleasure and thank you so much to our listeners. If you don't mind, please give this video a like, subscribe, follow wherever you're listening. It helps us out a ton in interacting with the individual's episodes, let us know which formats you guys are enjoying and what you want to see more of. And if you have a problem or a story to tell or a question you want to ask, you can send it over to R slash human at work. That is our subreddit where you can ask if you're the jerk, if your coworker's the jerk, or what to do about a jerk. so we're here to help as best as we can. and we will see you in the next one. Bye everyone. Lottie Bazley: Bye.