Latest / Learnings and Missteps by Depth Builder / Mastering Long-Term Success in Business and Personal Relationships

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Mastering Long-Term Success in Business and Personal Relationships · Learnings and Missteps by Depth Builder

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: What's happening, l&m family Jesse here, and I got a solo cast for you.
• 0:05
  Speaker 1: I want you to bear with me as I pick apart this idea of delayed gratification or, in Jesse land, pumping the brakes, just pumping the brakes, just a little bit.
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: It's a thing that I struggled with my entire life, this delayed gratification thing.
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: Why?
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: Well, because I love instant gratification, right.
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: If I decide to be a better guy, I want a parade for the decision before I've even done the work.
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: If I decide I'm going to lose weight, I want six pounds to come off my belly before I apply discipline, to be focused on what it is I'm eating and upping my exercise, et cetera.
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: So there's this thing within me.
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: I know not you, just me that I want the results.
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: I want the return on effort idea right right now.
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: Now, just because I want that doesn't mean I let the delay take the wind out of my sails, and it's taken me a lot of years to build up that endurance or patience.
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: I think the I'm going to use the word patience here a bunch, and I'm even going to drop a little hint about the conversation I had with my next interview that will be coming out next week.
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: So, anyhow, delayed gratification.
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: It's a thing you've probably heard of it, but I've heard these two combinations of words that have really helped me categorize or delineate this delayed gratification thing, because it's not just that basic and simple to wait until things get better.
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: My impatience or my desire for instant gratification surfaces and gets in my way in other areas, which is a little more nuanced.
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: And so the first one is patient ambition.
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: So I learned that phrase, patient ambition, from my next guest, mr John St Pierre.
• 2:09
  Speaker 1: Well, you got to listen to that episode because the dude's dropping bombs, he's sharing wisdom, real life experience, and he also has happened to build a few companies that are running a hundred million dollars in revenue, which is no small feat.
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: The second combination of words is tactical patience, which I heard from my BFF, jocko Willink, and that was probably the first one that I heard.
• 2:37
  Speaker 1: It's probably been a few years now when I heard the idea of tactical patience.
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: Now, obviously, I am not a veteran, never been in the military, so I don't understand it from that context.
• 2:49
  Speaker 1: So I want to talk about just a little bit more story time around, what tactical patience and patient ambition mean to me and how I apply them, or I'm attempting to apply them.
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: And the reason I want to share that is to maybe it'll give you some insight or a different way to think about things, so that you can get out of your own way and let things be as awesome as they can be.
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: And so I want to start with tactical patience.
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: Like I said, I heard that from Mr Jocko Willink and as I was listening to that I was like, oh man, that's exactly what I do like or what I struggle with.
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: And so when I think about tactical patience as it relates to me and the most the times that I get to exercise that the most is when I'm working on a deal get to exercise that the most is when I'm working on a deal, meaning when I'm negotiating a deal with the client and figuring out what services they're looking for, what's the pace and rate that they want to do the thing, what are their needs like, what is it exactly that they need and what is it exactly that I can provide to help them close the gap right, to help them meet the outcomes that they're seeking Within me, what's happening within me is, as soon as I get that first text or that phone call, the DM, the email about hey, we're in the market for a consultant and we have these things.
• 4:21
  Speaker 1: My instinct, what I want to do, is drop all the services I could provide, drop a link to every single little bitty thing.
• 4:31
  Speaker 1: Drop a link for testimonials.
• 4:33
  Speaker 1: Share, um, share a list of references of people that I've served well that I believe will sell really, really great things about me.
• 4:42
  Speaker 1: Then send them an invoice, then have them sign it and then show up that afternoon, which that's probably not going to work.
• 4:51
  Speaker 1: I've never done that, but that's how excited I get about the thing, because I want to help them and because I like doing business, I like helping people with their problems, and so the tactical patience in that situation requires me to go slow, right, pump the brakes and let the conversation or let the play develop, even though.
• 5:21
  Speaker 1: But having those things ready to go in my back pocket to help or inform the prospect, my prospective client, having those things ready to go is going to increase my chances of earning that gig and also help them make the decisions that they need to be making.
• 5:42
  Speaker 1: But the pace is what's important.
• 5:46
  Speaker 1: You got to let the play develop.
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: It reminds me of my high school coach who would say Jesse, you got to let the play develop just a little bit.
• 5:55
  Speaker 1: I wanted to be a shortstop on the baseball team.
• 5:57
  Speaker 1: I ended up in the outfield because I was fast and because it was another shortstop that was way, way better than me.
• 6:04
  Speaker 1: Well, there was three or four that were way better than me in the position, but anyhow, my problem was I would attack the ball at full speed and I hadn't developed the footwork and the hand-eye coordination to do that and pull the playoff smoothly.
• 6:22
  Speaker 1: So it caused a lot of errors.
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: It caused a lot of fumbling the ball, a lot of bad throws, and coach would say Jess, just sit back a little bit and let the play develop.
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: Let the ball get a half step closer to you or let the second baseman get a step and a half closer to second base before.
• 6:40
  Speaker 1: Yes, you have to throw it to second base if we're turning a double play, but you also have to throw it to second base if we're turning a double play.
• 6:45
  Speaker 1: But you also have to throw it with the appropriate timing.
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: And my argument was well, he just needs to get there faster.
• 6:51
  Speaker 1: I never could figure that out.
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: So he threw my butt in the outfield.
• 6:55
  Speaker 1: But the lesson remains let the play develop.
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: So when for you, if you're out there in sales, or even if you're just talking?
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: I mean, if you take it into, like the dating context right, when I was in middle school I did the same thing.
• 7:09
  Speaker 1: I'd meet a beautiful young lady.
• 7:12
  Speaker 1: She'd smile at me and, boy, I'm asking for her number.
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: I want to hold hands and like are we a thing?
• 7:18
  Speaker 1: You want to go around?
• 7:19
  Speaker 1: I don't know if any of y'all know that phrase you want to go around?
• 7:22
  Speaker 1: That used to mean like you're officially boyfriend and girlfriend Back in the day, back in the day day.
• 7:28
  Speaker 1: But that's too fast.
• 7:30
  Speaker 1: There's no tactical patience in that.
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: There are specific steps that we all kind of intuitively know, or maybe there's a process out there that you know.
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: This is step A, step B, step C, step D, step B, step C, step D, and we want to do them all in the first, at first contact, which will destroy the outcome.
• 7:52
  Speaker 1: So tactical patience Pump the brakes.
• 7:54
  Speaker 1: So this is what I have to do.
• 7:56
  Speaker 1: Somebody reaches out.
• 7:57
  Speaker 1: It's like yeah, I'm interested, like, what kind of problems are you dealing with?
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: And let that conversation develop for as long as it needs to develop.
• 8:06
  Speaker 1: Sometimes it turns into a lunch, sometimes it turns into a meeting at their office to get to know their people and, again further understanding what their situation is.
• 8:14
  Speaker 1: And then, when they make the ask of like, hey, what do you have?
• 8:17
  Speaker 1: Like, can you help us with these things?
• 8:20
  Speaker 1: What would that look like?
• 8:21
  Speaker 1: Awesome, let me show you and here's some references.
• 8:25
  Speaker 1: If you want to like, check up on me and make sure that I'm not just a hack.
• 8:29
  Speaker 1: And then let that ruminate and generate.
• 8:32
  Speaker 1: And then the next step right, okay, let's set up a schedule, or I'll propose a schedule so that we can get started, and blah, blah, blah.
• 8:41
  Speaker 1: Anyways, the whole point of that is that's the way I see tactical patience.
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: When I know a situation and it's pretty predictable, there are pretty predictable ways that that situation or engagement will play itself out.
• 8:54
  Speaker 1: Me embracing delayed gratification is tactical patience.
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: Right, because I know what needs to be done.
• 9:02
  Speaker 1: They know what needs to be done, but we need a little bit of time for all of those things to happen at the appropriate time so that nobody feels rushed, nobody feels pressured and we can build that connection that is really, really important, especially like in a business relationship.
• 9:21
  Speaker 1: The connection, the trust, is ultra, ultra important and hyper.
• 9:26
  Speaker 1: Rushing through anything leaves a question in the other person's mind, which isn't good for me as a consultant or service provider, because if there's a doubt in their mind that they made a bad decision, we're not.
• 9:40
  Speaker 1: It's going to be very difficult.
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: All it takes is one little slip, one little hiccup and you're out the door.
• 9:46
  Speaker 1: So that's tactical patience.
• 9:49
  Speaker 1: And so now let's talk about patient ambition, which you know, y'all already know I probably split hairs on a lot of things, and that's just because I'm obsessive.
• 10:00
  Speaker 1: I like to think about things and obsess about them and twist them and chew them, and chew them, and chew them, and so I'm offering this for a little help to you and also, if it don't make no sense, you know, just slide, go to the next video.
• 10:14
  Speaker 1: But patient ambition, like I said earlier, I learned this one from Mr John St Pierre and he shared it as one of the, as the bit of advice that he shares the most with people.
• 10:27
  Speaker 1: And yes, it has the same word patience in it.
• 10:32
  Speaker 1: And yes, it's absolutely about pumping the brakes and slowing myself down, and hopefully you'll take, like that's the big takeaway Slow your wants, your desires, your insecurities, your needs, slow them, bad boys down so that you can have better outcomes.
• 10:52
  Speaker 1: But when I think about patient ambition, what I think about is letting people catch up with me.
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: And so what do I mean by that?
• 11:03
  Speaker 1: It's different than the pursuit of trying to get work or starting to blossom a brand new relationship.
• 11:13
  Speaker 1: It's more about we're now in a relationship.
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: I don't mean that just romantically it could be romantically but in the business sense, if we're working together on a team, a project, team, department, at the office, consultant relationship, service provider relationship, like all of these times, there have been times in my past where I could see that we could advance and make things super awesome, super fast.
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: And because I'm obsessive and I've designed my life the way I design it, I can go super fast.
• 11:52
  Speaker 1: But that does not account for other people's pace or other people's rate of growth and learning or comfort with the unknown.
• 12:06
  Speaker 1: And I have left people behind or terrified people so much that they just jumped off the boat.
• 12:12
  Speaker 1: One example is my good buddy, david O'Lean.
• 12:15
  Speaker 1: He was an apprentice.
• 12:16
  Speaker 1: I worked with him.
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: He came to work with me on one project.
• 12:20
  Speaker 1: We were doing a mechanic room.
• 12:21
  Speaker 1: He came in over the weekend.
• 12:22
  Speaker 1: The dude was smart, he had it going on, he had his tools, he was eager, he did beautiful work and I decided right then and there that that guy was going to go through the apprenticeship.
• 12:32
  Speaker 1: He was going to go to the national championship, he was going to be a foreman within four years.
• 12:38
  Speaker 1: I called the office and I said, hey, this guy David, he needs to be with me.
• 12:42
  Speaker 1: I want him with me so we can, so I can help develop them.
• 12:46
  Speaker 1: They said, sure, he's yours.
• 12:47
  Speaker 1: I never asked David if he wanted any of those things and so we worked together for about a year and a half and then he ended up quitting and I was like, what, what, what?
• 12:58
  Speaker 1: What's going on, bro?
• 13:00
  Speaker 1: Like I thought we were buds, like how do you just quit?
• 13:03
  Speaker 1: And I not know that there's a problem?
• 13:05
  Speaker 1: And he said, jess, like for real, dude, it's because you.
• 13:10
  Speaker 1: I said, what do you mean?
• 13:11
  Speaker 1: He said, well, jess, you know, it's kind of being your friend and you believing in me is a is a gift and a curse.
• 13:23
  Speaker 1: I was like, oh my God, what are you talking about?
• 13:24
  Speaker 1: He's like it's a gift because you really do help and you pour into me and you believe in me and all those things he's like.
• 13:28
  Speaker 1: But it's a curse because, man, your expectations are so damn high and it's just too much for me, it's just too much stress, it's too much expectation.
• 13:38
  Speaker 1: I don't want to let you down, I don't want to fail, I don't like the pressure, so I'm just going to go do this other job, and he's done phenomenally.
• 13:46
  Speaker 1: This was 20 years ago but he's doing beautifully.
• 13:49
  Speaker 1: He's doing very well over there.
• 13:50
  Speaker 1: It fit him exactly and precisely.
• 13:53
  Speaker 1: But because of my ambitions for him and myself like I'm not trying to make it sound like I'm Mr altruistic, loving, caring guy I really wanted to be able to say I developed him because I knew he had the potential right.
• 14:08
  Speaker 1: But for real, the selfish part there was yeah, I wanted to be able to say that's my guy, I helped him get there and I also wanted him, wanted to see him grow into all the things I saw or believed that he could grow into.
• 14:21
  Speaker 1: My ambitions ended up fracturing or severing that relationship, fracturing or severing the connection, because I didn't wait for him to catch up.
• 14:37
  Speaker 1: That's not to say that you know, wait for everybody, because there's some people like they're just never going to get there and that's OK.
• 14:43
  Speaker 1: That's a different thing.
• 14:44
  Speaker 1: But fast forward to today.
• 14:47
  Speaker 1: If you haven't checked out, no BS with Jen and Jess.
• 14:50
  Speaker 1: You best be checking it out.
• 14:53
  Speaker 1: We live stream every other Saturday, 8 am Central.
• 14:55
  Speaker 1: Jennifer and Lacey and I are working together on that.
• 14:59
  Speaker 1: We're co-laborators, co-troublemakers on that whole thing.
• 15:04
  Speaker 1: And over the past couple of years we've launched a few things right.
• 15:09
  Speaker 1: We've launched the Lean in Love 5S Love Letters book.
• 15:13
  Speaker 1: We launched no BS with Jen and Jess.
• 15:15
  Speaker 1: We launched Emotional Bungee Jumpers.
• 15:17
  Speaker 1: We're Fixing the Loss, launch the Cultivation Crew.
• 15:23
  Speaker 1: I'm a single man.
• 15:24
  Speaker 1: I live in my house.
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: I have no pets, no plants, no people to slow me down, get in my way or that I even have to think about or worry about.
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: She's got a family, she's got a full-time job, so the rate at which we can do things is very, very different.
• 15:42
  Speaker 1: And had I not learned?
• 15:44
  Speaker 1: So maybe I owe a big shout out and thank you to David for helping me understand that if I don't pump the brakes a little bit on my ambitions, I could lose people.
• 15:54
  Speaker 1: Had I not understood that, I would have done the same thing and gone 100 miles an hour and severed the connection between Jennifer and I, because back when we started doing the 5S Love Letter live stream, I'll leave the link down in the chat or in the comment thing down there.
• 16:14
  Speaker 1: That was just the one-time thing that was supposed to.
• 16:17
  Speaker 1: That was it.
• 16:18
  Speaker 1: It was just supposed to be five live streams.
• 16:21
  Speaker 1: It became very apparent that it could be something bigger and I saw that by like the second live stream.
• 16:27
  Speaker 1: I was like, oh my God, this thing can be amazing.
• 16:30
  Speaker 1: All we have to do is these things right.
• 16:32
  Speaker 1: The tactical, like the ideas, the button pushing, the things that we could do, that needed to be done became obvious.
• 16:38
  Speaker 1: But I knew better.
• 16:42
  Speaker 1: I knew like you just got to slow down.
• 16:44
  Speaker 1: Let's build agreement between Jennifer and I and understand what pace she can actually commit to so that she doesn't burn out, so that she doesn't abandon all of her other responsibilities and so that this doesn't create like a negative experience for her.
• 17:02
  Speaker 1: And it's been awesome.
• 17:06
  Speaker 1: Is it difficult for me?
• 17:07
  Speaker 1: Absolutely it's difficult for me.
• 17:09
  Speaker 1: It is tough for me to pump the brakes and slow down.
• 17:12
  Speaker 1: That I've been a part of or that I contribute to.
• 17:17
  Speaker 1: They are sustainable and they provide value for other people and people can depend on me and the thing, whatever the things are.
• 17:36
  Speaker 1: And so for you, if you're struggling with like super, super hyperactivity and it's creating problems and creating gaps in your space.
• 17:47
  Speaker 1: Obviously, delayed gratification is a concept that could help benefit you, but for me, thinking of it more precisely in terms of tactical patience and patient ambition really helps me recognize what's going on within me in the moment, and that's when it matters the most is in the moment.
• 18:08
  Speaker 1: I mean I could always mess up and go back and say, hey, my bad.
• 18:11
  Speaker 1: Like can we try again?
• 18:12
  Speaker 1: Uh, but when I can recognize it in the moment, like okay, I want to do that, but hold on, like I need to help the people catch up, what do I need to do so that people can catch up faster?
• 18:23
  Speaker 1: That's my patient ambition in play.
• 18:26
  Speaker 1: Or, okay, let this thing develop, let it simmer, like let let let's let that call defrost a little bit, let's let them warm up before I introduce the next phase or transition into the next phase.
• 18:41
  Speaker 1: That's tactical patience.
• 18:43
  Speaker 1: And so the secret to those things is what am I doing in between?
• 18:51
  Speaker 1: What am I doing while I'm waiting for people to catch up or waiting for the play to develop?
• 19:01
  Speaker 1: There are a lot of things that we can do Connecting with human beings, taking care of my physical wellness, taking care of my mind, journaling, spending thinking time, learning new ideas, new activities, new perspectives.
• 19:15
  Speaker 1: Working on a project, lawn care chores Like when I am on the path of pumping the brakes and pulling the reins on my ambition and practicing discipline on not pushing too hard on the next step.
• 19:33
  Speaker 1: I have to stay busy, and so that's what I do.
• 19:37
  Speaker 1: It's like, okay, this is going to be tough.
• 19:39
  Speaker 1: I got to let this bad boy defrost.
• 19:41
  Speaker 1: What are the chores that I need to get done?
• 19:43
  Speaker 1: What's on my to-do list that hasn't been done?
• 19:45
  Speaker 1: Let me go knock those things out.
• 19:47
  Speaker 1: What's the book that I said I was going to read, or that I started and haven't finished?
• 19:50
  Speaker 1: What are the phone calls?
• 19:51
  Speaker 1: Who are the people that I haven't talked to in a bit?
• 19:53
  Speaker 1: So those are just some ideas for you to consider and put into play in terms of getting it all done and changing the world the way I know you want to change it.
• 20:05
  Speaker 1: Appreciate you taking the time for listening the way I know you want to change it.
• 20:09
  Speaker 1: Appreciate you taking the time for listening.
• 20:11
  Speaker 1: These ideas, these solo casts, are intended to help you stay on the path to becoming the promise you're intended to be.
• 20:17
  Speaker 1: If it's gibberish, leave a comment down there in the deal If you got a little bit of something out of it.
• 20:23
  Speaker 1: Let me know, do the likes, do the reviews or shares and all those things.
• 20:28
  Speaker 1: I would really appreciate it.
• 20:29
  Speaker 1: And until next time, be kind to yourself, be cool and we'll talk at you next time.
• 20:36
  Speaker 1: Peace.