Latest / Man In Your Corner with Shaun Tucker / Ep. 93 | Is Your Child Safe With You? The Truth About Nervous System Regulation | The Reset
Transcript
- Shaun: Welcome back to The Reset, this is episode 93 with me, Sean Tucker. Your child already has a version of you imprinted into their nervous system. So if you're not emotionally available to them, for them, they are gonna struggle to connect with you. Think back to the times that you were a kid. Who did you seek safety in? Was it your mom or was it your dad? If it was one over the other, the reason for that is emotional safety. Because kids are deeply emotional and expressive. And if you think about your kid right now, I guarantee when they are having a tantrum, when they are showing their emotions and you're unable to be present, straight away they will go straight towards the parent that feels more safe and it won't always be you if you think you're more safe it might be your partner. This is just because we can go to the level that we can within ourselves and they will seek whatever kind of comfort or safety within the person they feel more safe in. And this goes to show that nervous system regulation is ridiculously important. If you're not using some form of tool like breathwork or other nervous system sort of regulation tools. Mindset doesn't mean anything unless you're able to use it. You can think all you want through a problem. But if it is a feeling problem that you have, you'll never think yourself out ⁓ of a feeling problem. You just ⁓ It's illogical, but it is nervous system based. And the more you're able to tap into this space, the more connection you'll be able to create for you and your children for years to come, not just in the moment. but for years down the track. Because the more emotionally distant you become from your kid, the harder it will be to create that connection later on in life, later down the track when the kid gets a little bit older. Because we all naturally go through a phase when the kid becomes a teenager and gets a little bit older into adolescence and then adult, becomes an adult. When the child becomes a teenager and you probably remember from your own experience, you create a distance. There's a distance that naturally happens between you and your parents. And if there wasn't really a emotional safety connection, When you were young, it's going to be really hard to know where to seek that safety, being the child or being the teenager. And this goes on throughout adulthood as well. But the good thing is, the good news is, you don't have to live with it. You can change it now. So if you're an adult and maybe you didn't have the best upbringing, you didn't really have parents that you could talk to, you didn't have parents that you could even cry in their arms to, right? or express your anger or your rage or whatever, whatever the emotion is. You can create and recreate those moments for you and have that connection with your children. Because it's much better that they let go of their emotion with you than with some stranger, than with someone that they don't even know. Because ultimately, That manipulation factor is absolutely real. People can manipulate you very easily for money, for drugs, for sex, for lots and lots of different things. And you need to learn how to actually be present with yourself. And if you want to build that connection with your kids, I suggest doing the work on yourself. That's why I do what I do and that's why I teach what I teach. Because I really believe that we need to lead ourselves and we need to create that environment within ourselves so that other people feel safe. through our experience, through what we offer, in terms of have we explored that within ourselves. And if we haven't, it's gonna be really hard to create connection with people full stop. because people won't share what's really going on for them until you facilitate that environment, until you create that internal environment where there's no judgment, where there's no reaction. It's simply just being with whatever it is because it's that fear of judgment that we hold so much in and held so much back, especially as men, especially as dads. But we are living in a time now where men, seven out of nine people every single day are men taking their lives. good, young, and old men. These people are taking their lives because they have no other choice in their mind. There's no other escape route. And it's up to us to show that it's okay to express what's really happening for us. Because if we do it within ourselves, we can allow everyone else to do it too. And if we can shape the next generation as well, next generation of children. People go on rampages because they have unexpressed things within them. People do crazy things because they have unexpressed. sitting at the surface. And it's up to us to create the safety so that we can not only feel safe within ourselves, but create that connection with our kids. And our kids will remember how we made them feel. Not necessarily what we did for them, how we make them feel. So I'll leave you with this one last thing. Just a really simple tool you can use at any time. When your kid is going through a temper tantrum or is just a little bit wild and you're really struggling, you would feel like you need to control everything. Just focus on extending your exhale breath more than you inhale. So when you're inhaling, just keep it normal. And when you're exhaling, just breathe out a little bit longer and really force that exhale a little bit longer. The idea is you wanna starve yourself from that breath, from the breathing. And then just keep breathing, inhale, breathing in as normal and just longer exhales. This will allow the kid to really express what's happening for them and feel safe in your presence while they do so. So if you found today's episode helpful, all I ask is to share it with just one person. Thank you so much for tuning in. I look forward to seeing you in tomorrow's episode.