Latest / Where We Rise / 18 | "There Will Be Roadblocks" | Understanding Internal Resistance

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18 | "There Will Be Roadblocks" | Understanding Internal Resistance · Where We Rise

• 0:00
  Khalila McCoy: Hey, I'm Khalila McCoy, and this is the podcast that your future self will thank you for listening to.
• 0:07
  Khalila McCoy: This is where we ride.
• 0:10
  Khalila McCoy: Hi, it's so good to have you with me here today.
• 0:15
  Khalila McCoy: It's June, and even though I'm on summer break with my fellow teachers, I want to stay motivated and keep moving forward, personally and professionally.
• 0:24
  Khalila McCoy: And honestly, this is the episode that gives me the kick I need.
• 0:28
  Khalila McCoy: If you haven't listened to episode 17 yet, I encourage you to check it out.
• 0:33
  Khalila McCoy: We talk about finding your purpose.
• 0:35
  Khalila McCoy: And I love that this episode comes right after it because it brings us into the reality that sometimes we don't have the motivation to live out that purpose.
• 0:45
  Khalila McCoy: And we don't always know why.
• 0:47
  Khalila McCoy: On our journey to accomplish things in life, we can lose focus.
• 0:51
  Khalila McCoy: There are things we want to do, things we know we should do, but for some reason, we just can't seem to do them.
• 0:58
  Khalila McCoy: My guest today, Kam Knight, calls that internal resistance.
• 1:03
  Khalila McCoy: In our conversation, Kam explains that internal resistance is the part of the mind that stops us from taking action, even when we want to, even when we know how, and even when we're motivated.
• 1:14
  Khalila McCoy: He talks about how resistance shows up as fear, avoidance, perfectionism, over planning, procrastination, or even jumping from one idea to the next without ever finishing anything.
• 1:26
  Khalila McCoy: Kam hits on some real stuff today, but he doesn't leave us with excuses.
• 1:31
  Khalila McCoy: He gives us practical steps to help us move from awareness into action.
• 1:36
  Khalila McCoy: So let's get into what internal resistance looks like, how it shows up, and how understanding it helps us move forward.
• 1:44
  Khalila McCoy: All right.
• 1:48
  Khalila McCoy: And when I was looking for guests to be on my show, you kind of shared a little bit about what that was and the questions that come up around that.
• 2:13
  Khalila McCoy: So I'm gonna let you just jump in and share with us what is internal resistance.
• 2:18
  Khalila McCoy: And then also if you can let us know why this is a topic of interest to you.
• 2:23
  Kam Knight: All right, perfect.
• 2:24
  Kam Knight: So first just introduce myself and I'll talk about why this topic of is of interest, and then a little bit about what internal resistance is, and then we'll just go from there.
• 2:37
  Kam Knight: How's that sound?
• 2:38
  Kam Knight: Perfect.
• 2:39
  Kam Knight: Yeah.
• 2:39
  Kam Knight: Perfect.
• 2:40
  Kam Knight: So my name is Kam Knight.
• 2:42
  Kam Knight: I'm a coach, international speaker, and author of a dozen books in the area of mental, physical, and emotional performance.
• 2:49
  Kam Knight: And now I talk about a concept called internal resistance, which answers a question I had my entire life, and that is why is it if I want to do something, I know what to do, I know how to do it, and I have the motivation and desire to do it, but for one reason or another, I can't or don't do it.
• 3:11
  Kam Knight: Now at the time, there were no clear answers that I was coming across.
• 3:16
  Kam Knight: The best answers I came across were you need motivation or discipline, or you may have limiting beliefs.
• 3:25
  Kam Knight: And although motivation, discipline, and beliefs are all part of the equation, I always felt like there was more to it.
• 3:33
  Kam Knight: And over the last 15 to 20 years, that question lingered in my mind.
• 3:38
  Kam Knight: Every time I felt stuck, I wondered why.
• 3:40
  Kam Knight: Why can't I get stuff done?
• 3:42
  Kam Knight: Why do I keep spinning my wheels?
• 3:44
  Kam Knight: Why don't I just do this dang thing so I can get the result that I want?
• 3:49
  Khalila McCoy: Right.
• 3:49
  Kam Knight: And the more books I read, coaching I did, and seminars I attended, the more I learned about the complexities of the human brain.
• 3:56
  Kam Knight: And over time, unknown to me, my mind was assimilating all this stuff I was learning.
• 4:05
  Kam Knight: And out of nowhere I had this aha moment or epiphany where I was like, wait a minute, there's a part of our mind built to keep us from growing.
• 4:15
  Kam Knight: There's a part of our mind designed to keep us from making progress.
• 4:20
  Kam Knight: And I call this part internal resistance, and it's this brick wall that we hit anytime that we want to do something, but we can't, no matter how much we want to do it.
• 4:32
  Kam Knight: But prior to that, I was a fairly driven individual.
• 4:37
  Kam Knight: And what I try to say is it's hard not to be living in this time, particularly in this culture and particularly in this society, where there's so much personal development content, and more or less everyone is telling you to do more and be your best self.
• 4:56
  Kam Knight: And as a result, I've always wanted to do more and have more in life.
• 5:01
  Kam Knight: And although I had my fair share of success, I felt like I missed the mark, or the success was much more difficult than it needed to be.
• 5:10
  Kam Knight: And again, I wondered why.
• 5:12
  Kam Knight: Why is it if I want to do something and I know how to do it and I have the desire to do it, but for one reason or another, I can or don't do it.
• 5:21
  Kam Knight: And more or less this question always lingered in my mind as why?
• 5:26
  Kam Knight: Why can I do this?
• 5:28
  Kam Knight: Why am I stuck?
• 5:29
  Kam Knight: Why am I not able to move forward?
• 5:31
  Kam Knight: And I would see people succeeding and barely having any issues with the same thing that I was, yet I had all these challenges.
• 5:40
  Kam Knight: And then so I kind of went on an exploratory journey that kind of lasted a long time until I had that aha moment.
• 5:48
  Kam Knight: But I will say, you know, growing up, I had parents who had high expectations and low support.
• 5:56
  Kam Knight: So there's a quadrant.
• 5:58
  Kam Knight: Okay.
• 5:58
  Kam Knight: Parents with high expectation and high support, low expectation, low support, low expectations, high support, and I was on the quadrant of high expectation, low support.
• 6:10
  Kam Knight: Okay.
• 6:11
  Kam Knight: And not only that, but as I was growing up, because I had low support, my parents weren't around.
• 6:19
  Kam Knight: So I grew up on television.
• 6:23
  Kam Knight: Unfortunately, as I was growing up, the conclusion that my mind made was that my self-worth, my likability, and all that were dependent on the external, how much money I had, the job, all of that.
• 6:40
  Kam Knight: And so I had a lot of drive to be successful.
• 6:43
  Kam Knight: And in high school, I wanted to do well enough to go to an I leave col IB League College.
• 6:49
  Kam Knight: And although that didn't happen, I wanted to graduate the college I did go to in into a prestigious firm.
• 6:58
  Kam Knight: And although that didn't happen, I got a decent job.
• 7:01
  Kam Knight: So my life had always been these high aspirations.
• 7:05
  Kam Knight: And like I said, although I had my fair share of success, more often than not, I missed the mark.
• 7:13
  Kam Knight: And it was that question that kept lingering.
• 7:16
  Khalila McCoy: So when you talk about you would get stuck, what did that look like or feel like for you?
• 7:22
  Khalila McCoy: Was it, because I know you talked about um not having that support for your parents, was it more just not knowing how to get to that next level?
• 7:30
  Khalila McCoy: Or was it a physical, like almost like feeling of, okay, I I can't do this?
• 7:35
  Kam Knight: Yeah.
• 7:35
  Kam Knight: So resistance shows up in a lot of ways.
• 7:38
  Kam Knight: Okay.
• 7:38
  Kam Knight: And a lot of times resistance can show up in fear.
• 7:42
  Kam Knight: So a lot of when I tell people I teach internal resistance, the first thing that goes in their mind, because they're trying to figure out what's causing us to not move forward, they say fear.
• 7:54
  Kam Knight: And I'm like, well, fear is a manifestation of resistance.
• 7:58
  Kam Knight: So if there's fear, there's something going on internally that's stopping us, and it's using fear to stop us.
• 8:05
  Kam Knight: And that fear can be a wide spectrum.
• 8:09
  Kam Knight: It can be anything from, you know, minor anxiety to flat out terror.
• 8:15
  Kam Knight: And the word terror might be a kind of do people really feel that?
• 8:21
  Kam Knight: Well, imagine someone who's afraid of um public speaking and they have to give a speech.
• 8:26
  Kam Knight: They feel terror.
• 8:28
  Kam Knight: And so that is holding them back.
• 8:30
  Kam Knight: But resistance can show up other ways as well.
• 8:32
  Kam Knight: One is that a person will fall into a lot of avoidance behavior, such as television, social media, video games, maybe if they're old enough, drinking and and smoking and things of that nature.
• 8:46
  Khalila McCoy: Yeah.
• 8:47
  Kam Knight: And then it can also show up in other ways, such as over planning, perfectionism, um, putting things off, waiting for a particular moment to do things.
• 8:59
  Kam Knight: And then it can also show up in a shiny object syndrome where a person jumps from one thing to another.
• 9:07
  Kam Knight: So they get excited about one thing, they're starting and they're making progress, and then their mind creates a desire for something else.
• 9:15
  Kam Knight: Then they jump to the next thing.
• 9:17
  Kam Knight: And as they're making progress, their mind creates a desire for something else.
• 9:21
  Kam Knight: And as they're jumping from one thing or another, they're not making progress in any of them.
• 9:28
  Kam Knight: And so that's another way resistance shows up.
• 9:31
  Kam Knight: Because we're not making progress, resistance wins.
• 9:34
  Kam Knight: So how I showed up for me was really all of them.
• 9:38
  Kam Knight: You know, it would fall into our avoidance behavior, such as the social media and and all that.
• 9:46
  Kam Knight: I fell into creative avoidance where I am doing things that make it seem like I'm making progress, but it's creatively avoiding what I really should be doing and can get results.
• 10:02
  Kam Knight: And then it showed up in, you know, my mind wandering and uh anxiety, fear, all of that.
• 10:09
  Kam Knight: And it meant it depended on, you know, what I was doing and what I was trying to achieve.
• 10:15
  Khalila McCoy: Mm-hmm.
• 10:15
  Khalila McCoy: This is interesting.
• 10:16
  Khalila McCoy: You already have me in my own mind thinking, like, okay, like what what is mine?
• 10:20
  Khalila McCoy: What am I avoiding?
• 10:21
  Khalila McCoy: What am I thinking of?
• 10:22
  Khalila McCoy: What are my fears?
• 10:23
  Khalila McCoy: So okay.
• 10:24
  Khalila McCoy: So pretty much there's kind of like this underlying issue or problem that either the person's not either aware of or dealing with.
• 10:33
  Khalila McCoy: So all these other things are grabbing their or they're letting all these other things take up their time because they haven't, you know, dealt with that.
• 10:42
  Khalila McCoy: So then what is that next step?
• 10:45
  Kam Knight: So the first step, before getting to the next step, is to kind of understand how resistance plays out.
• 10:52
  Kam Knight: So the part of the brain that creates wants and desires works separate from the part that actually allows us to act on that desire.
• 10:59
  Kam Knight: So we have one part of the brain creating wants, and in many ways, this part of the brain is understrained.
• 11:05
  Kam Knight: It was never meant to see if a want was worth going after and pursuing.
• 11:11
  Kam Knight: Its only job is to create want, and in a lot of ways, it's kind of on a rampage, creating all sorts of wants, pulling on us in all sorts of directions.
• 11:21
  Kam Knight: And then we have another part of the brain, which I call resistance, and this is a part that checks to see if a want is worth going after or pursuing.
• 11:32
  Kam Knight: Now, if this part doesn't give the green light, then we cannot act.
• 11:39
  Kam Knight: And so it's really important to understand that it's possible for the brain to both create a desire for something and at the same time keep us from going after it.
• 11:49
  Kam Knight: So if anyone's ever experienced that tug of war where they want to do this thing, but they're not able to, it's because of this dynamic that's going on.
• 11:58
  Kam Knight: Right.
• 11:59
  Kam Knight: So the next step is understanding how resistance works.
• 12:04
  Kam Knight: So resistance doesn't all out of nowhere stop you from doing something.
• 12:10
  Kam Knight: There's usually a reason why.
• 12:12
  Kam Knight: And the way this plays out is anytime a decision, course of action, or option stands before you, it gets evaluated by this part of the brain using a whole host of criteria.
• 12:25
  Kam Knight: And if that decision, want, or desire is not in line with any of the criteria, it will prevent action.
• 12:33
  Kam Knight: So it helps to think about standing before a panel of judges or board of directors.
• 12:38
  Kam Knight: Every decision that comes up must go through them.
• 12:42
  Kam Knight: And if even one of the members is against the idea, it will not pass.
• 12:47
  Khalila McCoy: Okay.
• 12:47
  Kam Knight: And so now the next step is understanding well, what are the criteria?
• 12:52
  Kam Knight: What is a checklist resistance is going through to decide if we should do something or not?
• 12:58
  Kam Knight: And this is where a lot of our answers lie.
• 13:01
  Kam Knight: Some of the more common reasons include things like beliefs, habits, and comfort zone.
• 13:06
  Khalila McCoy: Okay.
• 13:07
  Kam Knight: I say common because it's what's what gets talked about a lot in personal development.
• 13:11
  Kam Knight: And I'll just quickly go through what I mean by that.
• 13:14
  Kam Knight: So if we believe something is not possible, of course, resistance is going to keep us from going after it.
• 13:20
  Khalila McCoy: Yeah.
• 13:20
  Kam Knight: If what we're trying to do goes against our habit, resistance will fight with our effort to keep us in line with habits.
• 13:30
  Kam Knight: And if what we're trying to do pushes us out of our comfort zone, then that's also going to create resistance.
• 13:37
  Kam Knight: So if we're trying to do something that goes out of our comfort zone, and and if a person is sensitive to wanting to if their brain is more comfortable with the familiar, resistance will kick in and then trigger the fear to keep them in their comfort zone.
• 13:54
  Kam Knight: Right.
• 13:54
  Kam Knight: So I don't want people to think that fear is a reason of resistance.
• 13:58
  Kam Knight: It's one of the ways resistance manifests.
• 14:00
  Kam Knight: These are some of the more common reasons that get talked about, but there's a lot more deeper stuff that's going on that doesn't get talked about, like authority issues.
• 14:14
  Kam Knight: Authority issues relate to our unconsciously held attitudes toward authority figures such as parents, principals, priests, police officers, and even personal development coaches like ourselves.
• 14:26
  Kam Knight: And I'm going to extend that definition to anyone who tells you or makes you feel obligated to do something.
• 14:32
  Kam Knight: And to understand authority issues, I'll share a quick story.
• 14:36
  Kam Knight: I knew someone whose parents always nagged him about cleaning his room.
• 14:42
  Kam Knight: They nagged and pestered him so much that he became spiteful towards them and unknowingly carried that spite for decades.
• 14:50
  Kam Knight: So as a result, when he was an adult, he lived a messy life simply out of spite.
• 14:58
  Kam Knight: He didn't know why until he saw a therapist that his messy lifestyle was triggered by his parents from two decades ago.
• 15:09
  Kam Knight: So he didn't know why he couldn't stay clean or organized no matter how hard he tried.
• 15:15
  Kam Knight: And so this isn't some of the commonly known reasons, such as beliefs, habits, or comfort zone.
• 15:21
  Kam Knight: It relates to something different.
• 15:24
  Kam Knight: And there's so much more criteria that go on that cause us that resist the checklist resistance goes through to help us decide if we should do something or not.
• 15:40
  Khalila McCoy: Yeah, I like that example because it's like that unconscious, right?
• 15:44
  Khalila McCoy: You're not thinking about it, but it is still holding you back and you're acting on that.
• 15:48
  Khalila McCoy: But in your mind, there's no reason to why you would be behaving that way.
• 15:54
  Kam Knight: Which is the challenging part about resistance.
• 15:57
  Kam Knight: And one of the challenging aspects of human is there's no direct line of com communication between the conscious and unconscious mind.
• 16:07
  Kam Knight: Much of the unconscious is hidden from us, which is why it's called the unconscious.
• 16:11
  Khalila McCoy: Right, yeah.
• 16:12
  Kam Knight: And so we don't see a lot of activity that's going on that's influencing our thoughts and decisions.
• 16:20
  Kam Knight: All we feel is the inability to do the thing.
• 16:25
  Kam Knight: And this creates a lot of challenge because when we can't do something, oftentimes we start to feel bad.
• 16:34
  Kam Knight: We start to feel like I don't have the motivation, discipline, something's wrong with me, and things of that nature.
• 16:41
  Kam Knight: And then it adds to the challenge.
• 16:44
  Kam Knight: So it it kind of becomes a downward spiral.
• 16:48
  Kam Knight: Which is why I want to bring the topic of resistance out to more people so they can understand when they're able to not do something, it's not because that there's something wrong with them.
• 17:00
  Kam Knight: It's because there's a part of their brain designed to hold them back.
• 17:03
  Kam Knight: And it's really good at holding us back.
• 17:06
  Kam Knight: This part that I call resistance, it's really amazing to the point it has all these tricks I told you about.
• 17:13
  Kam Knight: It'll make us go from one thing to another, it'll go make us fall into avoidance behavior, it'll make us fall into other behaviors that give the illusion of progress when there is no progress.
• 17:27
  Kam Knight: And this is again one of the challenges of the human experience.
• 17:33
  Khalila McCoy: Right.
• 17:34
  Khalila McCoy: Now, when you're talking about eternal resistance and how the brain has to go through those checklists, I'm assuming that's like the body naturally trying to keep you safe, right?
• 17:43
  Khalila McCoy: Trying to get the organism you are functioning, right?
• 17:46
  Kam Knight: This is a good question.
• 17:47
  Kam Knight: In a lot of ways, yes.
• 17:50
  Kam Knight: The whole purpose of resistance is to protect us, but it's very nuanced because just saying, well, it's a protection mechanism or defense mechanism doesn't really help us understand what it is protecting us from.
• 18:03
  Kam Knight: Getting into these nuances, such as the beliefs, the habits, the authority issues, helps us understand it better.
• 18:10
  Kam Knight: And when we can identify which part of resistance or which checklist or which item that is not being checked off is affecting our resistance, we can do something about it.
• 18:22
  Kam Knight: Though it's not always our protection because when you look at authority issues, it's Yeah, that's true.
• 18:29
  Khalila McCoy: Yeah.
• 18:29
  Kam Knight: Yeah, because majority of our authority issues hurt no one else but ourselves.
• 18:34
  Khalila McCoy: When we don't listen to our Yeah.
• 18:38
  Kam Knight: When we don't listen to our parents, it doesn't necessarily affect their health, it affects our health.
• 18:43
  Kam Knight: When we don't listen to the teachers, it doesn't necessarily affect their grace, it affects our grace.
• 18:49
  Kam Knight: And so in this respect, when resistance comes up, in a way, it's not so much about protection, it's almost even destructive because, like I said, we're almost harming ourselves to piss off the authorities in our lives.
• 19:06
  Kam Knight: Yeah.
• 19:08
  Kam Knight: And then when we look at habit, habits are designed to keep us in a routine or routine or pattern of behavior.
• 19:16
  Kam Knight: And in their efforts, habits will do everything they can to make sure that we stick to that routine or pattern of behavior.
• 19:22
  Kam Knight: Now habits don't check to see if the routine or pattern of behavior is good or bad.
• 19:28
  Kam Knight: It's whatever we become habituated to doing, it keeps us doing it.
• 19:33
  Kam Knight: And so if we picked unhealthy habits, such as smoking or watching television or drinking, even though it's unhealthy and we know it's unhealthy, and we can see the negative effects of it, we still can't stop doing it because the habits wants to continue that behavior.
• 19:54
  Kam Knight: So in this respect, it's not about protection again.
• 19:57
  Kam Knight: And then there's other reasons for resistance that also isn't about protection.
• 20:03
  Kam Knight: And it there's one that doesn't get talked about, and I love to bring it up, and it's called it's what I call the high.
• 20:10
  Kam Knight: Okay.
• 20:10
  Kam Knight: So to understand the high, I'll ask you a question and let me know if this is something you've ever done.
• 20:18
  Kam Knight: Okay.
• 20:19
  Kam Knight: So did you ever in school not study for an exam?
• 20:24
  Kam Knight: But you still got you still did well and you felt this high, like I didn't have to study, I didn't put as much effort as the other kids, but I still did well.
• 20:34
  Khalila McCoy: Yes.
• 20:35
  Kam Knight: Yeah.
• 20:36
  Kam Knight: So we all had that experience, whether it was in school or outside of school, where we saw a lot of people putting in effort and we got results with less effort.
• 20:44
  Kam Knight: Well, that pattern can get caught in us.
• 20:48
  Kam Knight: Meaning we want to do as little as possible to get maximum benefit to continue having that feeling of I don't have to work as much as the other guy.
• 21:01
  Kam Knight: Yeah.
• 21:01
  Kam Knight: You know what I'm saying?
• 21:03
  Kam Knight: And so resistance will keep us from working and trying as hard as the other guy, just so we can keep getting that high.
• 21:12
  Kam Knight: And so now we're not able to do a lot of things and not fully grow and learn and develop because this part of resistance is saying, well, if we put in a lot of effort, then we'll be like the other people who put in a lot of effort.
• 21:28
  Kam Knight: And if we're like the other people who put in a lot of effort, then we can't get this high of being better because we didn't put as much effort.
• 21:36
  Kam Knight: So it's constantly trying to keep us from doing too much.
• 21:40
  Kam Knight: And so that's another reason resistance can come up.
• 21:44
  Khalila McCoy: What do you think about like society then?
• 21:46
  Khalila McCoy: Because, you know, you always see like those ads on like I'm thinking Instagram of being like, oh, be your own boss, be an entrepreneur, and you only have to work two hours a day and you can be a millionaire.
• 21:56
  Khalila McCoy: Is that like just society or you know, things play?
• 21:59
  Khalila McCoy: On that knowledge of how our brain works?
• 22:03
  Kam Knight: A hundred percent.
• 22:04
  Kam Knight: Okay.
• 22:05
  Kam Knight: A hundred percent.
• 22:06
  Khalila McCoy: Yeah.
• 22:07
  Kam Knight: Marketers are really good at understanding psychology.
• 22:10
  Kam Knight: Like if you want to understand human behavior, don't go to psychologists, go to marketers because they understand all of this stuff.
• 22:19
  Kam Knight: And yeah, they play on that thing.
• 22:22
  Kam Knight: And the person who has that high, they're going to be like, yes, that's what I want to do.
• 22:27
  Kam Knight: I want to make that whatever, putting in less hours so I can get that high of not working as much as that the next guy, but getting as much or more results.
• 22:39
  Kam Knight: And and so the authority issue piece, well, marketers use that as well, but they really target it a lot more to kids.
• 22:47
  Kam Knight: Right.
• 22:48
  Kam Knight: Because if you look at a lot of marketing towards kids, it's about resisting parents and what teachers are saying and things like that.
• 22:56
  Kam Knight: So they're really playing into the authority issues of that.
• 22:59
  Kam Knight: Even mainstream music, when you look at a lot of hip-hop music really for the last decade, but prior to hip-hop, glamour rock, classic rock, um, a lot of mainstream music also played on both the high and authority issues of I don't have to work as hard as the next guy, but look how well I'm doing.
• 23:22
  Kam Knight: And two, you can't tell me what to do.
• 23:25
  Kam Knight: And I do believe a lot of the high and authority issues, they kind of seep us, seep into us through mainstream media.
• 23:33
  Kam Knight: Right.
• 23:34
  Kam Knight: Yeah, it it it's either it's a hu human, it's a human quality that kind of gets reinforced through mainstream media, as well as the people we're hanging around, because you know, the cool kids in school tend to have both authority issues and high.
• 23:49
  Kam Knight: And if we want to be cool, we try to emulate them, and if that's their behavior, it seeps into us as well.
• 23:58
  Kam Knight: And there's another reason that isn't really related to protection as well, and that has to do with being different.
• 24:06
  Khalila McCoy: Okay.
• 24:06
  Kam Knight: So I may not have mentioned it in this podcast, but I've traveled to over a hundred countries.
• 24:12
  Kam Knight: And this has yeah, thank you.
• 24:14
  Kam Knight: And this has afforded me this unique uh opportunity to see nuances in different nationalities and cultures, especially the stark differences that is shown in Western culture, especially in the US.
• 24:30
  Kam Knight: And one of the things I've noticed about the culture here is that everyone is trying to be different.
• 24:38
  Khalila McCoy: Yeah.
• 24:38
  Kam Knight: Everyone and their mothers, whether it's by wearing different shoes, different clothes, um, doing a different exercise or a different diet.
• 24:47
  Kam Knight: And again, it's ingrained into us through media because it's usually the guy that's different, quote unquote, that gets the success attention and the girl.
• 25:00
  Kam Knight: Right.
• 25:00
  Kam Knight: And it's also driven into our advertisements because they're always encouraging us to be different by buying their product.
• 25:09
  Kam Knight: And so if a person has identified themselves as different by not doing certain things, then their brain is gonna keep them from doing those things.
• 25:22
  Kam Knight: Does that make sense?
• 25:24
  Khalila McCoy: Yeah.
• 25:25
  Kam Knight: Yeah.
• 25:25
  Kam Knight: And so this can be both helpful, but it can be challenging.
• 25:30
  Kam Knight: Because if a person identifies as not being a nine to five or corporate America or being su a suit, well, if they're presented with an opportunity to have one of those jobs, it's gonna be hard for them to accept it.
• 25:45
  Kam Knight: Even though they might be in a position where they need the money, they do want to grow, and you know, this is the the area they really want to move into, but this need to be different can hold them back.
• 25:59
  Kam Knight: And this different doesn't necessarily mean going against the mainstream, it just means what the people in their inner circle are doing.
• 26:08
  Kam Knight: So if everybody is alternative in their inner circle, then they might want to be different by being mainstream.
• 26:16
  Khalila McCoy: Right.
• 26:16
  Kam Knight: If everyone does yoga, then they'll be like, well, I am different, I do Pilates.
• 26:22
  Kam Knight: If everyone watches Netflix, I'm different because I watch Hulu.
• 26:27
  Kam Knight: And in order to reinforce that difference, resistance, it's gonna prevent them from doing anything that'll keep them from being different.
• 26:38
  Kam Knight: Even things that could be helpful.
• 26:40
  Kam Knight: So if a person identifies as not being a jock or someone who goes to the gym and works out for whatever reason, because they're different, when they are unhealthy and they do want to work out, it's gonna be really tough for them and they won't know why.
• 26:55
  Kam Knight: They don't know what they're pushing against.
• 26:57
  Kam Knight: But it's that part of their brain that's trying to reinforce this identity that they kind of took on, oftentimes unknowingly, and oftentimes a long, long time ago.
• 27:07
  Kam Knight: So what's really interesting about the high authority issues, as well as being different, is that a lot of these things we formed when we're young.
• 27:18
  Kam Knight: And then when we get older and we actually want to move past them, it's kind of hard because it's still running us without us knowing.
• 27:27
  Khalila McCoy: Right.
• 27:28
  Khalila McCoy: Now you mentioned that like in Western culture, there's a lot of that be different and be unique.
• 27:35
  Khalila McCoy: In other cultures, is it more like the collective one?
• 27:38
  Khalila McCoy: And then if it's like that, are you seeing difference in their resistance?
• 27:46
  Kam Knight: That's a very good question.
• 27:47
  Kam Knight: And so every culture has this peculiarities.
• 27:52
  Kam Knight: I don't know if I'm pronouncing that right.
• 27:54
  Kam Knight: Yeah.
• 27:54
  Kam Knight: As well as their nuances.
• 27:56
  Kam Knight: So it's not just either or where here everyone wants to be different and everyone else is opposite.
• 28:02
  Kam Knight: There's varying degrees of it.
• 28:04
  Khalila McCoy: Okay.
• 28:05
  Kam Knight: And and it doesn't necessarily mean that in other cultures it's more unified or one.
• 28:11
  Kam Knight: It just means that there isn't the strong presence of people trying to be different.
• 28:16
  Khalila McCoy: Right.
• 28:17
  Kam Knight: They're not thinking about being unified.
• 28:19
  Kam Knight: They're not thinking about being different.
• 28:21
  Kam Knight: They're just being they just are, yeah.
• 28:23
  Kam Knight: Yeah.
• 28:24
  Kam Knight: So but here there is a huge, huge.
• 28:26
  Kam Knight: And I think when I say that, I'm sure you know what I'm talking about.
• 28:31
  Kam Knight: You can kind of pick it up in the people you know, probably even in yourself.
• 28:36
  Kam Knight: There's been moments where you thought, I don't do that because I'm different, or I don't want to do that because I'm different.
• 28:41
  Kam Knight: So it is very nuanced, um, though it's a lot more extreme here in the US.
• 28:48
  Khalila McCoy: Okay.
• 28:49
  Kam Knight: Yeah.
• 28:49
  Khalila McCoy: Interesting.
• 28:50
  Khalila McCoy: Okay.
• 28:52
  Khalila McCoy: So thinking about all of that stuff, how do we escape that?
• 28:57
  Khalila McCoy: If it's in our society, if it's ingrained with us and we don't even know about it, if it's in media, what can we do to help ourselves get past that resistance to do the thing that we really want to do?
• 29:11
  Kam Knight: Yeah.
• 29:11
  Kam Knight: So one, it does help to understand what our resistances are.
• 29:15
  Kam Knight: And so there's a lot of reasons for our resistance, too much to discuss in this one podcast.
• 29:22
  Kam Knight: But I do have a program that I call Conquerent on our resistance that goes deeper into the other causes of our resistance, but also it talks about how our own wants and desires can keep us from achieving them.
• 29:38
  Kam Knight: And it's hard to imagine that our own wants can keep us from realizing those wants.
• 29:45
  Kam Knight: But I gave one reason as to why that is.
• 29:48
  Kam Knight: If we have a mechanism that's creating all sorts of wants, one after another, where before we can start on one want, it's creating other wants.
• 29:56
  Kam Knight: It's difficult to stick with any to see any results.
• 30:00
  Kam Knight: But there's other reasons for that, and it discusses that.
• 30:03
  Kam Knight: So they can go to KamNight.com and check out my course, Conqueror Internal Resistance, to get more.
• 30:10
  Kam Knight: But there are some easy ways to push through resistance.
• 30:15
  Kam Knight: And one is to understand the tricks of resistance.
• 30:20
  Kam Knight: And I had alluded to some of the tricks, but I'm going to talk about it more formally and directly.
• 30:26
  Kam Knight: So as I mentioned, when resistance stops us, it doesn't tell us it's stopping us.
• 30:31
  Kam Knight: It doesn't say, Khalila, you know this goal of yours?
• 30:35
  Kam Knight: Well, it'll keep us from pissing off the authorities in our lives.
• 30:39
  Kam Knight: So I can't let you do it.
• 30:40
  Kam Knight: It doesn't do that.
• 30:42
  Kam Knight: It manifests other ways.
• 30:43
  Kam Knight: It'll be nice.
• 30:44
  Kam Knight: Yeah.
• 30:44
  Kam Knight: If it told us, it manifests other ways.
• 30:48
  Kam Knight: And as I mentioned, it manifests either in anxiety, the spectrum of fear, so from anxiety to terror, it manifests in avoidance behavior, it manifests in creative avoidance behaviors, and it manifests in other subtle ways.
• 31:03
  Kam Knight: It can actually manifest as sickness and accident.
• 31:07
  Kam Knight: Meaning, if a person's actually making progress and they're pushing through their resistance, resistance will use sickness and an accident as a latch-stitch effort to stop them.
• 31:22
  Kam Knight: Why?
• 31:23
  Kam Knight: Because when we get sick, we have no energy to do anything.
• 31:27
  Kam Knight: And because we have no energy, we can't work on their goal or that task or activity.
• 31:32
  Kam Knight: And because we can't work on it, the tricks of resistance win.
• 31:36
  Kam Knight: Or when we get into an accident, it takes a lot of time and effort to rectify the incident.
• 31:44
  Kam Knight: And that's all the time and effort that's taking it us away from the goal.
• 31:48
  Kam Knight: So and there's dozens and dozens of tricks.
• 31:52
  Kam Knight: And of course my course talks about it, but to understand the basics of if they're in a trick is anything that they're doing that's not moving a needle forward is likely a trick.
• 32:05
  Kam Knight: Right.
• 32:06
  Kam Knight: So if they're if a trick is showing up, they're likely in resistance.
• 32:11
  Kam Knight: And so this is a good way to know if they're in resistance and how the resistance is manifesting.
• 32:18
  Kam Knight: Another way is to use what I call self-talk, or I don't call it, it's a thing.
• 32:24
  Kam Knight: Self-talk are statements that you say or repeat to yourself of the changes that you want to have or have happen.
• 32:31
  Kam Knight: For example, if you want to improve your health, you might say, I am healthy and fit.
• 32:39
  Kam Knight: I eat well and exercise regularly.
• 32:41
  Kam Knight: Or if you want to improve your memory, you might repeat statements like, I have an excellent memory.
• 32:48
  Kam Knight: I easily remember names, dates, facts, and any information I choose.
• 32:54
  Kam Knight: Your unconscious will react.
• 33:05
  Kam Knight: And how it reacts is data about your resistance.
• 33:11
  Kam Knight: So if you start saying I am healthy and fit, and your brain goes, No, you're not, you're unhealthy, and it'll trigger memories of all the times you weren't eating well, and it might trigger fear of what people will think if you do start working out.
• 33:26
  Kam Knight: That gives you all the data of why your brain is resisting that task activity.
• 33:33
  Khalila McCoy: Okay.
• 33:34
  Khalila McCoy: I've never heard thought about that.
• 33:35
  Kam Knight: Yeah, it's really cool.
• 33:36
  Kam Knight: If you want, we can try it now.
• 33:38
  Khalila McCoy: Okay.
• 33:38
  Kam Knight: Yeah.
• 33:39
  Kam Knight: All right, let's do it.
• 33:40
  Kam Knight: What's a goal that you have, or what's an area that you want to work on that you might be stuck, or just an area you want to work on in general.
• 33:48
  Khalila McCoy: Um, so the healthy and fit for me.
• 33:51
  Kam Knight: Yeah, okay.
• 33:52
  Kam Knight: Yeah.
• 33:52
  Kam Knight: So why don't we just do that?
• 33:53
  Kam Knight: Why don't you close your eyes?
• 33:55
  Khalila McCoy: Okay.
• 33:56
  Kam Knight: And start repeating, I am healthy and fit.
• 33:59
  Kam Knight: Do it out loud.
• 34:00
  Kam Knight: And as you're repeating, tell me what comes up for you.
• 34:04
  Kam Knight: Where are the feelings in your body and all of that?
• 34:09
  Khalila McCoy: Okay.
• 34:09
  Khalila McCoy: I am healthy and fit.
• 34:12
  Khalila McCoy: I am healthy and fit.
• 34:14
  Khalila McCoy: I am healthy and fit.
• 34:17
  Khalila McCoy: I am healthy and fit.
• 34:21
  Khalila McCoy: I am healthy and fit.
• 34:23
  Kam Knight: Are there any feelings like this isn't gonna work?
• 34:26
  Kam Knight: It'll be very hard.
• 34:27
  Kam Knight: Talk through that.
• 34:28
  Kam Knight: Tell me what's going on.
• 34:30
  Khalila McCoy: So at first I was definitely thinking of like I was, right?
• 34:34
  Khalila McCoy: I used to be healthy and fit.
• 34:36
  Khalila McCoy: And then when I'm thinking of it, I'm thinking like, oh, I I can't exercise like I used to.
• 34:42
  Khalila McCoy: It's gonna be so hard.
• 34:44
  Khalila McCoy: Um but I will say as I started, continuing it, I was like, i I could do it though, right?
• 34:50
  Khalila McCoy: Like, so it's kind of like questioning myself a little bit, but not fully confident yet.
• 34:56
  Kam Knight: So there's a part of you that feels like it's not possible.
• 34:59
  Kam Knight: So that's a belief, right?
• 35:02
  Kam Knight: And then there's another thinking of it's gonna be hard to get back to a healthy infit.
• 35:07
  Khalila McCoy: Yeah.
• 35:08
  Kam Knight: So those thinking is gonna create resistance for you.
• 35:11
  Kam Knight: And um, if you kept repeating the statement, you would probably get other data as well.
• 35:17
  Kam Knight: You might get a memory of somebody who used to make fun of you.
• 35:23
  Kam Knight: And and then that's a sign that a part of your brain fears the judgment of others.
• 35:29
  Khalila McCoy: Yeah.
• 35:30
  Kam Knight: So that's another reason for resistance.
• 35:32
  Kam Knight: But like you said, as you kept repeating it, you did feel like it was possible.
• 35:39
  Kam Knight: And that's the next step of self-talk.
• 35:41
  Kam Knight: So in the beginning, self-talk will not feel comfortable.
• 35:45
  Kam Knight: It'll feel awkward that you're doing what you're saying doesn't feel right.
• 35:49
  Kam Knight: And when you do that, you'll get a lot of data for why.
• 35:53
  Kam Knight: But if you keep repeating it, those uncomfortable feelings will subside and those and the words will start to seep into your unconscious to create the outcome you're wanting.
• 36:06
  Kam Knight: I will venture to guess that if you kept repeating, I am healthy and fit, I eat well and exercise regularly, if you repeated the statement every day and multiple times a day, you would start to move towards that.
• 36:22
  Khalila McCoy: Yeah.
• 36:23
  Kam Knight: And moving past resistance could be as simple as creating a set of statements and repeating it on a regular basis.
• 36:30
  Kam Knight: I know we talked about the complexities of the human mind and body, and there's all those things going on.
• 36:35
  Khalila McCoy: Right.
• 36:36
  Kam Knight: And we also learned fighting it is not easy because one, we don't even know what they are, and even if we do, pushing against resistance is not always easy.
• 36:46
  Kam Knight: So what's better is not to fight against resistance, but to change the inner programming.
• 36:53
  Kam Knight: So change the beliefs, to change the habits, change your comfort zone.
• 36:59
  Kam Knight: And it can all be done with self-talk.
• 37:02
  Khalila McCoy: As you're doing that, at the beginning you talked about kind of almost that checklist.
• 37:06
  Khalila McCoy: And if that one is off, right, then you kind of shut down.
• 37:09
  Khalila McCoy: So is it through the self-talk and through the understanding of um, you know, what whatever your resistance is, does that checklist change to kind of all like you get to a point if it's 100% go?
• 37:23
  Khalila McCoy: Or is there always kind of that one thing you're just always working to get past it?
• 37:28
  Kam Knight: This is a really good question.
• 37:29
  Kam Knight: One thing I didn't mention is it why the reason it's really helps to understand the cause, the checklist, all the different checklist items, is because if you know what the item is, then you can do things to work on it.
• 37:43
  Kam Knight: Right.
• 37:44
  Kam Knight: For example, if your issue is that you're trying to be different and you become aware of it, like, oh my gosh, I didn't realize how much my need to be different.
• 37:52
  Kam Knight: It's creating challenges for me.
• 37:54
  Kam Knight: Sometimes that awareness can unravel the resistance where it doesn't have as much hold on you.
• 38:00
  Kam Knight: Right?
• 38:01
  Kam Knight: Right.
• 38:02
  Kam Knight: Though that's not always the case, and why we need to start working on rewiring the mind.
• 38:08
  Kam Knight: And we can actually unwire a lot of our authority issues and being different and the high and all the other things we mentioned by creating self-talk statements that address those specific things.
• 38:22
  Khalila McCoy: Okay.
• 38:23
  Kam Knight: And then the other question is will resistance go away forever?
• 38:28
  Kam Knight: We always have resistance.
• 38:29
  Kam Knight: Anytime we're doing something new or different, resistance will come up.
• 38:35
  Kam Knight: For example, if you eventually build a habit for eating well and exercising through self-talk statements, through awareness, and through willpower, pushing through, you'll start building it.
• 38:48
  Kam Knight: But that's not gonna build a habit for learning the violin.
• 38:52
  Kam Knight: So when you want to go learn the violin, you're gonna have to build a start over.
• 38:58
  Kam Knight: Start over with that thing.
• 39:00
  Kam Knight: And resistance is very nuanced, meaning you could become an excellent French gourmet chef.
• 39:09
  Kam Knight: Like famous, make tons of money, people love your cooking and all of that.
• 39:16
  Kam Knight: But as soon as you try to move into cooking Italian, resistance can come up.
• 39:24
  Kam Knight: Right.
• 39:24
  Kam Knight: Does that make sense?
• 39:25
  Kam Knight: Yeah.
• 39:26
  Kam Knight: Yeah.
• 39:27
  Kam Knight: Even though it's the same category, you're right, but just that slight switch.
• 39:31
  Kam Knight: Yeah.
• 39:31
  Kam Knight: It could still be resistance.
• 39:33
  Kam Knight: And it'll show up for various reasons.
• 39:36
  Kam Knight: Because if you don't believe, if the mind doesn't believe, it can make a shift, then resistance will come up regardless of how big that shift is.
• 39:47
  Kam Knight: So sometimes our previous success does help in moving past new things we want to do, but oftentimes it doesn't, and we might come up with resistance again.
• 39:57
  Khalila McCoy: Yeah.
• 39:58
  Kam Knight: And I do want to say everyone has resistance.
• 40:01
  Kam Knight: So we might see somebody who's really successful and think, wow, they must have no resistance.
• 40:07
  Khalila McCoy: Right.
• 40:07
  Kam Knight: They just don't have resistance in that particular task, activity, or skill.
• 40:12
  Kam Knight: But if you were to ask them to do something different, I can guarantee you resistance will come up.
• 40:18
  Kam Knight: In fact, they're likely sticking to that skill because they have so much resistance in other areas, they feel they need to get good at that skill to be able to be successful and like and respected in life.
• 40:34
  Khalila McCoy: So when you're talking about that, it kind of reminds me of people talking about the importance of being a well-rounded person, right?
• 40:42
  Khalila McCoy: So then you're trying new things, learning new things, but it's also constantly rewiring your brain, right?
• 40:47
  Khalila McCoy: And making you um kind of rethink what is possible for you.
• 40:53
  Khalila McCoy: Is that exercise of the brain essential to just kind of life in general?
• 41:01
  Kam Knight: So I think it's important to be well-rounded in the sense that in order to move through the world in positive, healthy ways, not just for ourselves, but the people around us, we do need to have multiple skills.
• 41:16
  Kam Knight: And to be well-rounded, it's just necessary.
• 41:20
  Kam Knight: Um, not just to be able to function, but to be happy as well.
• 41:26
  Kam Knight: And it can be tough because if we have resistance, working on one thing is hard enough versus working on many things.
• 41:35
  Kam Knight: Um, which is why like the great thing is one of the best ways to develop develop ourselves or multiple areas of ourselves is with self-talk.
• 41:47
  Kam Knight: If they can take what it is that they're trying to improve on and turn them into statements, you can literally create a set of 12 or 15 statements that hit up five or six areas of your life.
• 42:04
  Kam Knight: And if you start repeating those, that's gonna do so much more to help you develop those areas than to try to brute force it and physically.
• 42:15
  Kam Knight: Again, it helps to rewire your mind.
• 42:18
  Kam Knight: So resistance isn't fighting with your efforts.
• 42:21
  Kam Knight: So if you say I'm healthy and fit, I eat well and exercise regularly.
• 42:25
  Kam Knight: And if you want to develop your mental skills, such as memory, I have an excellent memory.
• 42:31
  Kam Knight: I easily remember names, states, and facts.
• 42:33
  Kam Knight: And if you want to improve your communication skills, like I'm a calm, confident communicator, I easily communicate my thoughts, ideas, and needs.
• 42:42
  Kam Knight: And if you want to improve my your ability to stay clean and organized, I am an organized person.
• 42:50
  Kam Knight: I maintain a very clean and organized space.
• 42:55
  Khalila McCoy: Right.
• 42:56
  Kam Knight: Right now we just added eight statements, and I promise you, repeating those eight statements r regularly, day in and day out, for weeks and months, it's gonna help you move in that direction better.
• 43:09
  Khalila McCoy: Yeah.
• 43:11
  Khalila McCoy: Now you mentioned at the beginning you started with your own story.
• 43:15
  Khalila McCoy: Is that what you were able to do to help you move forward?
• 43:18
  Khalila McCoy: Was the self-talk?
• 43:19
  Khalila McCoy: And obviously, after identifying that resistance, did that self-talk help you the most?
• 43:25
  Kam Knight: I I would say self-talk was the most critical, quintessential thing for me to push past my resistance.
• 43:35
  Kam Knight: Because, like I said, I had high expectations growing up with low support.
• 43:39
  Kam Knight: My parents weren't around.
• 43:41
  Kam Knight: I didn't they didn't give me clean clothes, they barely put food on the table, they were not very supportive.
• 43:49
  Kam Knight: In fact, I got the exact opposite.
• 43:52
  Kam Knight: I was an immigrant that had a culture shock, so I didn't have you know a lot of supportive.
• 43:59
  Kam Knight: Friends.
• 44:00
  Kam Knight: So by the time I became an adult, I didn't have a lot of these skills.
• 44:04
  Kam Knight: I really just worked on studying and doing well.
• 44:07
  Kam Knight: And although I got good grades and got into decent school, everything else I lacked.
• 44:12
  Kam Knight: And what's interesting is I was a fairly smart person and worked hard, but I didn't do well in corporate America because I had no social skills.
• 44:22
  Kam Knight: In fact, whatever the opposite of good social skills are is what I had.
• 44:26
  Kam Knight: And so in a lot of areas, I mean, I was just a mess.
• 44:31
  Kam Knight: I didn't know how to cook, I didn't know how to clean, I don't know how to stay organized.
• 44:35
  Kam Knight: And a lot of the pain I'm talking about in trying to develop those skills, doing it physically was really hard because I could develop myself in one area, but as soon as I started developing myself in another area, I started sliding in that first area.
• 44:53
  Khalila McCoy: Okay, yeah.
• 44:54
  Kam Knight: And then as soon as I started developing myself in the third area, I slid it, started sliding in the second area.
• 45:00
  Kam Knight: And I would go back and forth, and it was tough.
• 45:04
  Kam Knight: And luckily I discovered self-talk.
• 45:07
  Kam Knight: And in the beginning, I didn't use it the way I'm describing, but over time I started to become that way where I have a a good list of self-talk statements that I repeat every day.
• 45:20
  Kam Knight: Okay.
• 45:20
  Kam Knight: Morning, evening, while I'm driving, while I'm waiting in line.
• 45:26
  Kam Knight: And they really, really helped me move me towards not just the goals that I want, but to be successful in them.
• 45:34
  Kam Knight: For example, recently I took up social dancing.
• 45:38
  Kam Knight: Salsang batata.
• 45:40
  Kam Knight: Yeah, it's fun.
• 45:41
  Kam Knight: If you have rhythm and you can move.
• 45:44
  Kam Knight: I did not.
• 45:47
  Khalila McCoy: Are you saying you did not?
• 45:49
  Kam Knight: Two left feet.
• 45:50
  Kam Knight: Okay.
• 45:51
  Kam Knight: Couldn't keep a beat if if uh you know my life depended on it, and a lot of other challenges.
• 46:01
  Kam Knight: So what did I do?
• 46:02
  Kam Knight: I took some private lessons where I learned some of the nuances of how to dance, how to move my partner, how to stay in beat and rhythm, and then I turn it into self-talk savings.
• 46:14
  Kam Knight: You wanna hear it?
• 46:15
  Khalila McCoy: Yeah.
• 46:16
  Kam Knight: Okay.
• 46:16
  Kam Knight: I am an excellent dancer.
• 46:18
  Kam Knight: I learn and pick up moves easily.
• 46:20
  Kam Knight: I remember all the moves and execute them with precision and control.
• 46:24
  Kam Knight: I maintain correct posture, frame, connection, and hand position throughout the dance.
• 46:29
  Kam Knight: I have rhythm and soul.
• 46:31
  Kam Knight: I confidently and smoothly move my body and partner to the rhythm and beat of the music.
• 46:37
  Khalila McCoy: Nice.
• 46:38
  Kam Knight: Now I'm not saying I'm a great or perfect dancer, but I'm better than what I started because I repeat this regularly.
• 46:47
  Kam Knight: Also, I will add one more thing.
• 46:49
  Kam Knight: This will be really helpful.
• 46:51
  Kam Knight: Um I was not a good communicator.
• 46:54
  Kam Knight: I had a hard time getting what I wanted to say to come out of my mouth in the right way.
• 47:03
  Kam Knight: So what was in my head rarely came out properly.
• 47:07
  Kam Knight: Yeah.
• 47:08
  Kam Knight: And I would stutter, I would stammer, I couldn't get the right words.
• 47:13
  Kam Knight: So what did I do?
• 47:14
  Kam Knight: I created a set of self-talk statements.
• 47:16
  Kam Knight: I'm an excellent communicator.
• 47:18
  Kam Knight: I easily communicate my thoughts, ideas, feelings, experiences, and more.
• 47:22
  Kam Knight: I can write about and verbalize anything.
• 47:25
  Kam Knight: I'm never at a loss for words because the right words come to me quickly and easily.
• 47:30
  Kam Knight: And then I had social challenges, so now I say I'm a people person.
• 47:35
  Kam Knight: I enjoy talking to, spending time with, being around, and I'm comfortable around people.
• 47:40
  Kam Knight: So and when you hear me see these self-talk statements, I'd say them so easily, just comes out of my mouth so well.
• 47:48
  Kam Knight: Right.
• 47:49
  Kam Knight: It's because I've repeated them so much.
• 47:52
  Kam Knight: And again, I'm not saying I am the greatest speaker, but these statements help help me quite a bit and helping me to improve skills, improve my communication, and things of that nature.
• 48:06
  Kam Knight: And sometimes all we need is self-talk instead of spending all this time reading books and then applying what you learn and then doing it wrong until you get it right.
• 48:16
  Kam Knight: Sometimes you can bypass all that just by with self-talk statements.
• 48:22
  Khalila McCoy: When you're writing your self-talk statements, is it just visualizing what you want in the end and just putting that into a sentence?
• 48:30
  Khalila McCoy: Or did you have something or someone help you come up with your statements?
• 48:34
  Kam Knight: No, those are all statements that I came up with, and they were all trying to describe what I was seeking, the end result I was seeking, and what I needed to do to achieve that end result.
• 48:49
  Khalila McCoy: Yeah, I noticed they were very specific.
• 48:51
  Khalila McCoy: I liked that.
• 48:52
  Kam Knight: Yeah.
• 48:53
  Kam Knight: So they were they hit on this very specific issues I had.
• 48:58
  Kam Knight: So I could have easily said, I'm an excellent communicator, but they were I focused on the specific challenges as well.
• 49:05
  Kam Knight: So I added the end result.
• 49:07
  Kam Knight: I'm an excellent communicator.
• 49:08
  Kam Knight: And as I mentioned, some of the challenges I had was the right words wouldn't come to me.
• 49:14
  Kam Knight: Like I could really spend a few seconds to a minute going, uh-oh, I'm trying to get the right word.
• 49:20
  Kam Knight: So if you also notice, I added, I easily communicate my thoughts, ideas, feelings, experiences.
• 49:27
  Kam Knight: And then I talk about how the right words come to me effortly and easily.
• 49:32
  Kam Knight: And that's because it addresses a challenge.
• 49:35
  Kam Knight: So I guess the science of how to create good statements is one, think about your own result and put that as one of the top statements.
• 49:43
  Kam Knight: So if you want to improve your memory, it's I want an excellent memory.
• 49:47
  Kam Knight: If you want to improve your health, I am healthy and fit.
• 49:51
  Kam Knight: And then you think about the things that you need to do to get there.
• 49:56
  Kam Knight: So to become healthy and fit, you need to eat while and exercise.
• 50:01
  Kam Knight: So you'll put I eat while and exercise.
• 50:03
  Kam Knight: Right.
• 50:04
  Kam Knight: And then you add statements that'll help you overcome challenges.
• 50:07
  Kam Knight: Yeah.
• 50:08
  Kam Knight: So for the dancing example, um, one of the challenges that not just I, but most people have is you'll go out and take lessons, learn these moves, practice them at home.
• 50:21
  Kam Knight: And then when you go to the dance floor, you just completely blank.
• 50:25
  Khalila McCoy: Yeah.
• 50:25
  Kam Knight: You're dancing with the follow or a girl, and like all everything that you were practicing just is not coming.
• 50:32
  Kam Knight: And then you're just doing the basic stuff.
• 50:34
  Kam Knight: So if you notice in my self-talk, I said, I am an excellent dancer.
• 50:38
  Kam Knight: I learn and pick up moves easily.
• 50:40
  Kam Knight: I remember all the moves.
• 50:42
  Kam Knight: Remember because I wanted myself to remember them when I was actually, you know, on the dance floor.
• 50:52
  Khalila McCoy: Right.
• 50:52
  Khalila McCoy: As you move forward and you come up with, you know, different resistances and then you start adding that self-talk.
• 51:00
  Khalila McCoy: Have you ever found or do you work with people who maybe that initial the self-talk doesn't help right away?
• 51:07
  Khalila McCoy: Do you just encourage them, keep doing it, or can there also be another block that they don't know about?
• 51:14
  Kam Knight: I have never had anybody who consistently applied self-talk and didn't get the result that they were seeking.
• 51:22
  Kam Knight: It might take longer for some people based on how much resistance they have, but if they consistently did it every day over time, they start to move in that direction.
• 51:33
  Kam Knight: Now, the question is, some people want to move faster.
• 51:37
  Kam Knight: So they feel like it's not working because they're not moving fast enough.
• 51:41
  Kam Knight: And different areas that we're working on with self-talk show up differently.
• 51:48
  Kam Knight: For example, when I was working on when I was using self-talk to improve my dancing, it took a long time of repeating the statements for it to actually start seeing the results.
• 51:59
  Kam Knight: Right?
• 52:00
  Kam Knight: Right.
• 52:01
  Kam Knight: But some other areas like the communication, I thought that would take much longer.
• 52:06
  Kam Knight: But I I started seeing results almost immediately.
• 52:10
  Kam Knight: So it's the nuance of the brain.
• 52:12
  Kam Knight: It's hard to know how quickly the self-talk will show up.
• 52:17
  Kam Knight: And when it's not showing up right away, it can feel like it's not working, but we just have to stick with it.
• 52:24
  Kam Knight: There are some self-talk statements that I've been repeating for well over a year, and I'm just starting to get the inkling of it working.
• 52:36
  Kam Knight: And so I don't want people to give up if it's not working.
• 52:40
  Kam Knight: Right.
• 52:41
  Kam Knight: Though I do want to say that when it comes to self-talk, it does have to be done consistently.
• 52:51
  Kam Knight: Like it has to be done every day.
• 52:52
  Kam Knight: If a person's not doing it every day, then they can't expect the result that they're seeking.
• 52:58
  Khalila McCoy: Okay.
• 52:59
  Kam Knight: And what's really cool about self-talk is it literally takes no effort.
• 53:02
  Kam Knight: It's just moving your mouth.
• 53:04
  Kam Knight: You can do it while lying down.
• 53:06
  Kam Knight: Yeah, I I created a guide on how to use self-talk to build skills and habits.
• 53:12
  Kam Knight: Okay.
• 53:12
  Kam Knight: And it more or less discusses what we're talking about now a little bit more.
• 53:15
  Kam Knight: And I call the guide Build Skills and Habits in Your Sleep.
• 53:20
  Kam Knight: I didn't say master your self-talk or anything because people are like, build skills and habits in my sleep.
• 53:27
  Kam Knight: I would love that.
• 53:28
  Kam Knight: Yeah.
• 53:28
  Kam Knight: And you can literally do it with self-talk.
• 53:30
  Kam Knight: If you repeat it enough, it will help you move in that direction.
• 53:36
  Kam Knight: So we talked about the nuances of self-talk.
• 53:38
  Kam Knight: I want to add one more thing.
• 53:40
  Khalila McCoy: Okay.
• 53:40
  Kam Knight: So the one is you want the statements you want to include are the end result that you're seeking, um, the things you're going to need to do to get there, as well as the blocks that you want to overcome.
• 53:54
  Kam Knight: Right.
• 53:55
  Kam Knight: But more importantly, you want to keep those statements very concise.
• 53:59
  Kam Knight: You don't want it to be really drawn out and long.
• 54:02
  Kam Knight: If you notice, the statements I've all given are very concise and precise.
• 54:08
  Khalila McCoy: Yes.
• 54:09
  Kam Knight: And it's much easier for the brain to receive it when it's concise and precise versus if it's confusing and long.
• 54:19
  Khalila McCoy: Now you mentioned at the beginning that you have a course that kind of teaches more about resistance, but you also said that you are a coach.
• 54:25
  Khalila McCoy: So do you take on clients and like one-on-one walk them through this and help them stay on the correct path?
• 54:34
  Kam Knight: Yep.
• 54:34
  Kam Knight: So I have a course called Conquer Internal Resistance, which is a deep dive into this topic.
• 54:39
  Kam Knight: Again, people will understand how their own wants get in the way, all the other reasons of resistance that we didn't get a chance to talk about here.
• 54:48
  Kam Knight: Dozens and dozens of more tricks that their brain is using to keep them stuck right here and now that they learn about.
• 54:56
  Kam Knight: Plus a really nice framework of how to take forward moving progress, which includes self-talk and other techniques that they can use.
• 55:05
  Kam Knight: And then I also do one-on-one work, and people can reach out to me at coach at camknight.com.
• 55:11
  Kam Knight: And this one-on-one work is really amazing and powerful because it's not me teaching them or guiding them through the resistance.
• 55:21
  Kam Knight: I developed a method to take people into their unconscious mind, and it's not NLP or hypnosis, but it's something I had developed, and we work on the resistance directly.
• 55:34
  Kam Knight: It's a much faster and more direct approach where what could take probably years to overcome resistance on their own, which could be cut down to weeks and months with my program.
• 55:46
  Kam Knight: But in just a few sessions, we can pinpoint the resistance and and release a lot of it.
• 55:55
  Kam Knight: And then I create very precise self-talk statements of the outcome they're seeking.
• 56:00
  Kam Knight: And combined with the technique and the self-talk, people can make some really, really, really as to say, big progress.
• 56:08
  Khalila McCoy: Yeah.
• 56:09
  Khalila McCoy: Now you said you started off in corporate America and then now you're really into that brain study and knowledge and helping people.
• 56:18
  Khalila McCoy: Is it, did you make that switch purely because you were trying to figure out how to help yourself and then you decided to help others?
• 56:25
  Khalila McCoy: How did you make such a it seems like a drastic career change?
• 56:30
  Kam Knight: Yeah.
• 56:31
  Kam Knight: Well, like I said, when I got into corporate America, there was a lot of things that I was then lacking.
• 56:39
  Kam Knight: That I was lacking, I mean.
• 56:41
  Kam Knight: And the reason is because, you know, growing up, I didn't have good role models or people to show me the way.
• 56:53
  Kam Knight: So I was picking up based on what I saw on television and people.
• 56:57
  Kam Knight: And the conclusion my mind made was I needed to get the external success.
• 57:03
  Khalila McCoy: Right.
• 57:04
  Kam Knight: And the core of that was to make money.
• 57:06
  Kam Knight: So make money, get the car, get the house, and all that.
• 57:10
  Kam Knight: And once I got all that, my life still wasn't good.
• 57:13
  Kam Knight: Like I had all these other areas that um needed attention.
• 57:18
  Kam Knight: And in working on and dressing and putting a lot of effort on it, and going through a lot of not so good advice.
• 57:27
  Kam Knight: I d I personally think there's a lot of bad advice out there, especially by people who are very famous and and have a lot of notoriety, I think they're really misleading people.
• 57:40
  Kam Knight: And so I had to go through a lot of things that don't work to figure out the things that do work and distill it down in a way where I can communicate it to someone in a way that they can get results very quickly.
• 57:53
  Kam Knight: Because the challenge is not understanding what to do, but when you're trying to impart that knowledge to another human being, they have all their other resistance and it could take a long time.
• 58:05
  Kam Knight: So it took a while to really figure out how to impart information in a way where they can understand it, and then also in a way where they can start applying it, and but more importantly, in a way where they can stick to applying it.
• 58:23
  Kam Knight: Because it's not it's the things that we stick to so it's not the big massive changes that create results.
• 58:35
  Kam Knight: It's the things that we can stick to on a regular basis.
• 58:39
  Kam Knight: And so the things that are we can stick to on a regular basis have to be very simple.
• 58:45
  Kam Knight: And that's why I like Solf Talk.
• 58:48
  Kam Knight: It's one of those simple things that we can do regularly.
• 58:51
  Kam Knight: And it's the things that we do regularly that's going to get us a result.
• 58:55
  Kam Knight: So this is one of the foundational tips that I offer.
• 59:03
  Khalila McCoy: What would you like our listeners to remember?
• 59:06
  Khalila McCoy: So the next time they feel themselves pulling away from something that they know is good for them, or they're getting stuck, or they're not, you know, believing their self-talk.
• 59:15
  Khalila McCoy: What would you say to them?
• 59:17
  Khalila McCoy: How can they rise into action?
• 59:20
  Kam Knight: Understand that wanting does not lead to having.
• 59:24
  Kam Knight: Just because you want something doesn't mean you'll take the necessary steps to do it.
• 59:29
  Kam Knight: And our brain is so good at convincing us that we actually will.
• 59:33
  Kam Knight: When it triggers a want, it can release all these euphoric feelings that can give us an impression like, yes, this time is going to be different.
• 59:43
  Kam Knight: I can make it happen and it's going to work.
• 59:46
  Kam Knight: But once those feelings fade, we're right back to where we started.
• 59:50
  Kam Knight: And if a person doesn't understand that, every time they do go after something, they're going to assume that this time it'll work and they're not going to handle the resistance and they're going to hit roadblocks and detours and it will derail them.
• 1:00:07
  Kam Knight: But if a person can understand that anytime they set out to do something, there will be roadblocks and and detours, and it's their own mind or resistance that's going to create it, they'll be much more prepared for it when it shows up.
• 1:00:26
  Kam Knight: And when we're more prepared, sometimes it doesn't even affect us because we're like, oh yeah, I knew this was gonna come, or I knew this was gonna be a little bit more difficult, so I just keep pushing through.
• 1:00:40
  Khalila McCoy: Okay, we have some homework to do.
• 1:00:43
  Khalila McCoy: We are all going to take a moment to reflect on something we know we want to do, something we should be doing, but for whatever reason, we just can't seem to move on it.
• 1:00:53
  Khalila McCoy: Decide what it is, and then explore why you are struggling in that area.
• 1:00:58
  Khalila McCoy: Give yourself the time and the space to really think about it.
• 1:01:03
  Khalila McCoy: Be honest with yourself.
• 1:01:04
  Khalila McCoy: Kam told me that when he does his one-on-one coaching, it is not for the faint of heart.
• 1:01:09
  Khalila McCoy: He goes deep into the subconscious and to places we've often blocked things out.
• 1:01:14
  Khalila McCoy: Being that honest with ourselves can be uncomfortable for so many reasons, but this is the time to do it.
• 1:01:20
  Khalila McCoy: Next, writing our own self-talk statements.
• 1:01:24
  Khalila McCoy: I sat down, made a list of the areas I want to grow in, and then I wrote self-talk statements for each one.
• 1:01:31
  Khalila McCoy: I followed Kam's structure.
• 1:01:33
  Khalila McCoy: One, start with the result you want.
• 1:01:35
  Khalila McCoy: That becomes your top statement.
• 1:01:37
  Khalila McCoy: Two, list the actions you need to take to get there.
• 1:01:41
  Khalila McCoy: And three, add statements that help you overcome the challenges you know will show up.
• 1:01:47
  Khalila McCoy: Check out the show notes if you want to see one of my statements.
• 1:01:50
  Khalila McCoy: And after you write yours, I'd love for you to share one with me and our community.
• 1:01:55
  Khalila McCoy: You can drop it on Instagram under this episode's artwork, send it to me in a DM, or post it on our YouTube's community page.
• 1:02:04
  Khalila McCoy: Your statement might be exactly what someone else, including me, needs to hear.
• 1:02:10
  Khalila McCoy: Kam reminded me that this is just one piece of the puzzle.
• 1:02:14
  Khalila McCoy: If you want to learn more or work with him directly, his website is linked in the show notes.
• 1:02:20
  Khalila McCoy: And remember, this isn't a one-time get hype moment that fades in a week.
• 1:02:24
  Khalila McCoy: Let this sink in, let it work on you, and commit to rising a little bit every day.
• 1:02:31
  Khalila McCoy: Kam, thank you for being on the show today.
• 1:02:34
  Khalila McCoy: And thank you, friend, for listening and learning with me.
• 1:02:37
  Khalila McCoy: I truly enjoy our time together.
• 1:02:40
  Khalila McCoy: As you move through the rest of your day, I hope you take a moment to listen a little louder to yourself, to the people you love, and to the things that connect us in ways we sometimes forget to notice.
• 1:02:50
  Khalila McCoy: I'll meet you back here next time.
• 1:02:53
  Khalila McCoy: See you bye.