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What do narcissists really want from you? · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  What is going on beautiful people?
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  Welcome to another episode of the Narcissist Code.
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  I'm your favorite selfaware narcissist Mr. Lee Hammock,
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  better known as mental illness across all social media
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  platforms. This your first time seeing my
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  face or hearing my lovely voice. I'm a clinically diagnosed
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  narcissist and I use my platform on social media to raise
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  awareness for NPD, get more people into therapy and also
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  validate the victim, survivors and thrivers of said disorder,
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  said Toxic people, said toxic Trace.
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  Today's episode is going to be answering the question, what do
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  narcissists really want? What are narcissists really
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  after? What doing?
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  What are narcissist? What?
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  What do they want? What do we want?
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  Y'all know I'm a diagnosis narcissist.
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  So what do we want? So this is just my perspective
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  Y'all. And before we get deep in
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  today's episode make sure y'all check out the selfloved journal
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  on Amazon. Lee Hammock.
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  I love me and my kids book is done as well.
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  Y'all, I'm so excited about the kids book.
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  OK, So what do nurses really want?
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  And this is going to be a deep episode.
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  So you wear if you wear some deepness here we go.
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  I think a lot of narcissists are.
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  We all know that narcissists. A lot of narcissists are looking
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  for validation right? They are a lot of narcissists.
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  The people are out here searching for validation and all
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  the other good stuff. You know, so, so many nurses are
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  looking for validation that they have a word for.
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  It's called narcissistic supply. Like narcissists need so much
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  validation, they have their own damn special term created for
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  narcissistic supply. Right?
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  So a lot of narcissistic people are looking for that validation.
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  They looking for that. But outside of that, yeah,
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  outside of just the normal narcissist won't supply.
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  They'll do anything for supply, supply, supply, supply, blah,
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  blah, blah, Boo, Boo, Boo, BBB. I think a lot of narcissists are
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  looking for safety, emotional safety.
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  I do think a lot of narcissistic people are looking for someone
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  who makes them feel emotionally safe because you know,
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  narcissism, the NPD, narcissistic personality
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  disorder, it is environmental. It's an environmental disorder.
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  Like you don't, you're not born with it, so your environment
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  influences it. Like a lot of, you know, a lot
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  of people shut down in their childhood because they get hurt.
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  Somebody hurts them. Somebody hurts us.
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  Somebody that we trusted hurts us.
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  So we don't feel emotionally safe.
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  So we emotionally shut down to defend ourselves.
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  So when we grow up and we were adults, we're looking for the
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  emotional safety. We're looking for somebody who
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  provides that emotional safety for us, so we can feel good
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  about ourselves, so we can feel like okay.
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  I can feel so I can finally feel safe.
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  I can finally feel this is what I've been looking for in my
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  childhood. This is what this is what I've
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  been looking for since I was young.
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  But here's the kicker. A lot of times, Darcy says the
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  people they might feel emotionally safe with you
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  because they love bomb you. They idealize you like you're
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  the perfect person for me, like you're you're it for me.
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  You are it for me. I you feel you.
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  I I feel emotionally safe with you.
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  And I get and then I get the invalidation from you. 2 For one
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  I get that emotional. I get that narcissistic supply
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  that validation or not. And I also get the emotional
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  safety that I'm searching for that I'm that I'm searching for.
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  But I know people are going to say like late, then why do they?
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  When somebody is, when they find somebody who loves them for them
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  and this is that, why do they just get rid of them there?
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  Why? Why can't they just treat
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  somebody good Like why when I'm treating?
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  Why when somebody is treating you the best they can treat you
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  and giving you everything that you want and me.
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  Why can't you just treat them okay?
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  Yeah, at the beginning the narcissist feel safe with you,
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  but because we idealize you, we see you as a perfect person, the
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  perfect person for us, the perfect person for us to like.
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  You know what I mean? Give you our emotional safety,
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  but it's kind of like you ever you have to see the movie
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  Inception. We're Leonardo DiCaprio to get
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  this. But in the movie they were in
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  there like made-up city and they had they they hid away.
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  They hid away things they made like they hid away their most
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  important things and just for safety, they hid away their most
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  important things for safety and lock them away.
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  That's what it is right there. Like we lock like we have locked
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  the way our most important things.
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  And then when we find when we feel safe with you, we unlock
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  it, right. We unlock it like Okay.
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  I can feel mostly safe with you. They might share, look a lot of
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  narcissists might actually be honest with you upfront and
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  share some heartfelt things with you like something that happened
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  to them. They lost a friend or dog or
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  they parents hurt them or whatever, whatever it is they
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  might, you know connect with you on the emotional level like
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  that. But here's a kicker.
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  Once they stop viewing you as a perfect person, they no longer
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  feel emotionally, emotionally safe with you.
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  They are. They want the emotional safety.
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  They want that. That you know they want it
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  because then they see it in you. They see they see you as a
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  person who's able to provide it. But then they look you.
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  You're not. Then they realize you're not
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  perfect. And this is.
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  Yeah. Again, I say this all the time,
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  but but what I say you, you're not perfect.
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  I don't mean there's something wrong with you.
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  I think people take offense when I say that.
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  Like there is nothing wrong with you.
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  You're not a perfect person, does not mean that you or
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  something is absent, like you are a horrible person.
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  It just means that you have flaws.
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  We all are flawed. When a narcissistic person,
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  narcissist sees your flaws, they don't feel safe with you
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  anymore. They feel like you lied to them.
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  They feel like you cannot trust you anymore.
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  I want that. Narcissist want the emotional
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  safety, but they also want to be able to trust you.
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  But once you show your flaws, they don't trust you anymore.
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  It's like you lied to them. It's like you told us a lie and
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  now we can never trust you again.
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  That's why. That's one of the main reasons
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  why when you're in a relationship with the nurses, it
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  never goes back to the like the the love, care and affection.
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  Once it goes away, it never goes back.
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  The way to the way it used to be.
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  It never goes back to where how it was in the beginning.
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  It never goes back to that y'all.
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  It never feels the same anymore. Once do once, they don't feel
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  emotionally same for you tomorrow.
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  Once they feel like you lied to them once, they don't trust you
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  anymore. They want to be able to trust
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  you. They want that.
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  They want to be able to trust you.
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  They just do y'all. They want to be able to trust
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  you. You know what I'm saying?
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  That's that's exactly what they want.
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  But that's how it goes in that space.
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  Once they don't trust you anymore, they start to devalue
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  you. They start to treat you badly.
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  Because I don't trust you anymore.
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  I don't feel emotionally safe with you anymore.
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  You're not a perfect person to me.
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  You have flaws. And Lee, how do we get rid of
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  the flaws? Yo, you cannot get rid of the
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  flaws like the flaw. The crazy thing about it is when
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  I say flaws, your flaw could you just you could be just you
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  saying the word no to them. That's what.
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  That's what a flaw to a narcissistic person can be right
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  there. It can be something as simple as
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  you saying the word no, no, you said in a boundary no, you not
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  saying I don't really want to do that.
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  That doesn't work for me. That is, I'm not comfortable
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  with that. It's all that takes.
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  It's all that takes sometimes y'all for them to not look at
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  you as a perfect person anymore. They expected you to be a yes
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  person. Narcissists want yes people.
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  They also want people that are going to consistently validate
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  them and enable their behaviors. They don't want people who are
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  going to push back on them. Y'all.
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  So once you, like I said, once, you don't get them what they
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  want anymore, they get rid of you, they start to devalue you
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  and they typically discard you emotionally and physically.
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  You see what I'm saying? You know what I mean?
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  So it goes into that space right there where you are dealing with
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  a narcissistic person, y'all a toxic person.
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  They're going to keep doing this type of stuff because they feel
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  empowered. They feel emboldened.
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  A lot of narcissists feel emboldened to keep doing this
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  type of stuff. You know what I mean?
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  That's why I just, he, I, I, I, I just, you know, it is, it is
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  wild. And so many people like, take
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  the blame for not being perfect to a narcissist, like once they
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  can't trust you anymore and once they see that you're not going
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  to be just an enabling sycophant, they tend to get rid
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  of you all. If you're not going to be a yes
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  man, they tend to get rid of you.
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  If not, if, if they feel like they can't trust you, they can't
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  be the the, the validation or supply runs out and they don't
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  feel emotionally safe for you anymore.
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  Then they get rid of you and it yeah, you can again, you could
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  just say the word no to them. You can say the word no to them.
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  You cannot laugh at a joke you cannot like.
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  It might be something as simple as you not picking the phone up
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  on the first ring, you not responding to a text messages,
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  to a text message in a timely manner.
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  It could be something as simple as that right there that sets
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  this person off. It could be something as simple
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  as that. But I think a lot of people
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  don't realize a lot of people see it is so much deeper than
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  that. It doesn't have to be deeper
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  than that. Y'all, it could be something as
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  simple as you say no and they're not and they're not looking at
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  you as a yes man anymore. It is not your fault, Y'all.
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  That's why. That's why I wrote my book.
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  The kids book is not your fault, remember?
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  It's not your fault, is it? And that's what goes on y'all.
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  That's what goes on in the mind of a lot of narcissists and
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  toxic people. Y'all, but like, once.
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  They don't. They want the emotional safety
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  they want. Yes, man.
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  They want people that are going to be at their back and call.
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  They don't want people. They want people who are going
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  to enable them. They want people they want to
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  surround themselves, People who are going to enable their
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  behaviors and allow them to do whatever they want to do.
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  That's what it is right there. Y'all that's the point of it
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  right there. That's the goal of it right
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  there. It's like he just keep telling I
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  keep trying to hammer this point home to y'all that, like y'all
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  you can't. So all I had to do was say yes
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  to everything. If you want to say yes to
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  everything to keeps money in your life and make somebody
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  happy, it might be time for you to take a look in the mirror and
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  go to therapy. Like if you want to be a yes
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  person and not set boundaries and just get your get ran over
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  and get bold, like you know, just kind of get thrown around
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  and tossed around in your life because you don't want to lose
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  this person, then it might be time for you to go check, to go
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  talk to a therapist and talk about the some codependency
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  stuff you might have going on. And it's not me trying to victim
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  blame other people like, well, the victim blame me.
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  No, it was not like it's being realistic.
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  If you don't, if you want a person back so much so that you
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  are afraid that you don't want to use the word know anymore
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  towards them or set boundaries, there's something going on.
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  Y'all. I'm not saying you're mentally
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  ill. I'm just saying there's
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  something going on that needs to be worked on, you know?
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  So you have to empower yourself. Y'all.
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  At the end of the day, you absolutely have to empower
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  yourself or narcissistic people. They're going to take advantage
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  of you, they're going to run on top of you.
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  Why wouldn't they? If it works, it works.
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  You know, if I just tell people y'all, keep up the fight, keep,
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  keep moving forward, keep being as strong as you possibly can.
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  Because narcissistic people, if you don't y'all, they just run
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  on top of you. They just are.
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  They want the emotional, they want the emotional safety.
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  And once you cannot provide that anymore, they tend to get rid of
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  you. Y'all anyways, y'all thank you.
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  I'm tuning into the episode. Check out the self love journal,
• 11:10
  get the also get the the kids book when it comes out this week
• 11:14
  like and subscribe. Get the illnesses out please.
• 11:18
  Thanks for making it to the end of my video.
• 11:19
  Y'all. If you haven't already, check
• 11:21
  out joining the channel memberships from behind the
• 11:23
  scenes, perks, priority responses to the comments, and a
• 11:26
  few other things like to the description of every single
• 11:28
  video I do. Thank you so much.