Latest / I Do, Part 2 / Ask Amy and T.J.: “My Husband Moved His Mistress into Our House. Can Our Marriage Be Saved?”

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Ask Amy and T.J.: “My Husband Moved His Mistress into Our House. Can Our Marriage Be Saved?” · I Do, Part 2

• 0:02
  Speaker 1: Hey, there are folks. One of our listeners wrote into us,
• 0:05
  Speaker 1: and she really needs some relationship help from all of us.
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: Oralia is her name, and she said her husband has
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: moved his mistress into their home, into the home they
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: used to share together. No no, no, no no no no,
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: the home that they are still currently sharing. The mistress
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: has been moved in, So Auralia asks, should she still
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: fight to save her marriage? My initial thought, what the
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: actual hell? Robes initial thought, you need to take your
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: power back. And with that, welcome to this Ask Amy
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: and TJ edition of Amy and TJ, where we addressed
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: the question from a reader listener who was written into
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: us in our weekly Yahoo column. This is the question,
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: the latest one that we have for this week, Robes.
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: And you go through the comments and you noticed a
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: very particular and a theme we haven't seen before.
• 0:58
  Speaker 2: Yes, several of our readers actually wrote in the comments
• 1:03
  Speaker 2: section that they didn't believe this was a real woman
• 1:07
  Speaker 2: with a real question. There was a suggestion that maybe
• 1:09
  Speaker 2: because this was so outrageous, that it was made up
• 1:12
  Speaker 2: by Yahoo, made up by us for click bait. And
• 1:16
  Speaker 2: you know how much if you listen to this podcast,
• 1:18
  Speaker 2: you know how much we hate clickbait headline, so we
• 1:20
  Speaker 2: just want to tell you first of all, right now,
• 1:22
  Speaker 2: we would never be a part of anything that involved
• 1:25
  Speaker 2: clickbaiting readers or any of you all listening. So we
• 1:29
  Speaker 2: actually just called our Yahoo producer to make sure. We
• 1:35
  Speaker 2: asked what the vetting process was, how we knew that
• 1:38
  Speaker 2: this was actually a real question, and our producer, Natalie
• 1:41
  Speaker 2: told us this was an verifiable email account first and
• 1:44
  Speaker 2: last name, and absolutely one percent was from a Yahoo
• 1:48
  Speaker 2: reader who wrote in with this question. So guys, I
• 1:51
  Speaker 2: know it's hard to believe, but it is real.
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: But it was funny. Our producer even told us we
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: didn't want to use this oney other either because it
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: was so out there. It is so wild that they
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: hesitated to even present it to us. I had, I
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: didn't think about that, and it is way out there
• 2:08
  Speaker 1: when we first heard it. But it's real. But you
• 2:11
  Speaker 1: read through the comments. I don't because I can't. I
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: can't take it. But give me an idea of better idea, Jimmy,
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: just how many folks were questioning multiple.
• 2:21
  Speaker 2: I would say I had, So there are thousands of comments,
• 2:24
  Speaker 2: which so this one really struck a chord. A lot
• 2:26
  Speaker 2: of people had strong reactions, and some people say just
• 2:29
  Speaker 2: here for the comments because they knew people were going
• 2:31
  Speaker 2: to go to town on this particular question. Some people wrote
• 2:36
  Speaker 2: that in but I just I only got through the
• 2:38
  Speaker 2: first couple of pages of comments, and there were at
• 2:40
  Speaker 2: least seven eight people questioning whether or not this was
• 2:44
  Speaker 2: an actual question.
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: And I wonder if some people didn't get past the headline,
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: read more into what she was saying, how we responded,
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: or they just went to the headline, made a comment,
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: and then comment on that person's comment. You know how
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: that kind of gets going. But you all, please, I
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: know when you first heard it. When she's saying should
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: she fight to save her marriage when her husband has
• 3:02
  Speaker 1: moved his mistress into their marital home. There is more
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: to the story. We should take a beat and not judge,
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: and you all just hear her out. So here now
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: is the full question. She wrote in to.
• 3:15
  Speaker 2: Us, Dear Amy and TJ. I am desperately trying to
• 3:18
  Speaker 2: make my marriage work, but my husband isn't. He used
• 3:22
  Speaker 2: to go to a nearby city to see another woman.
• 3:25
  Speaker 2: Now she's living with us. My husband stands up for her,
• 3:29
  Speaker 2: not for me. I do her laundry and found suspicious
• 3:33
  Speaker 2: things in her basket. I have tons of witnesses who
• 3:36
  Speaker 2: have seen them together. I even caught them in bed.
• 3:40
  Speaker 2: I told them I would be burning the bed next
• 3:42
  Speaker 2: time I see them in it. I've been told I
• 3:45
  Speaker 2: could take my husband to the cleaners if I divorced him.
• 3:48
  Speaker 2: But I want to make my marriage work. What should
• 3:52
  Speaker 2: I do?
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: Don't? You don't even know where to start with that,
• 3:56
  Speaker 1: because you get beyond okay, this man, What are you
• 3:59
  Speaker 1: talking about? Infidelity and respect? Right? Infidelity is a show
• 4:06
  Speaker 1: of disrespect in itself. The home part is unforgivable. You
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: can't you can disrespect your marital home without ever bringing
• 4:16
  Speaker 1: somebody into it. It's a matter of how you treat
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: and how you show the person you're with that you
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: care about them. By not nobody violates the home, is
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: the argument? Just nobody can violate our home. I'm not
• 4:28
  Speaker 1: saying it's okay for him to go to a hotel
• 4:30
  Speaker 1: of the next town, but the home for me was
• 4:33
  Speaker 1: such an egregious error.
• 4:37
  Speaker 2: She's doing the mistress's laundry.
• 4:40
  Speaker 1: I don't want to go that far.
• 4:41
  Speaker 2: That's even a whole other level that I can't get
• 4:43
  Speaker 2: my head around. And I think that's where it lost
• 4:45
  Speaker 2: a lot of people as in, how is that actually happening?
• 4:48
  Speaker 2: How are you allowing that to happen?
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: See, I didn't get that far, Like I just it's over,
• 4:54
  Speaker 1: because it's just not possible. He's telling you he doesn't
• 4:57
  Speaker 1: want you, doesn't want to be with you, tried to
• 4:59
  Speaker 1: force her out possible, It's just.
• 5:01
  Speaker 2: It might be divorce is expensive, and maybe somehow, some
• 5:05
  Speaker 2: way he thinks that she will go away, or this
• 5:08
  Speaker 2: is just going to push her out, or maybe he
• 5:09
  Speaker 2: just doesn't have the guts to tell her although we
• 5:13
  Speaker 2: had the guts to bring another woman into their home,
• 5:16
  Speaker 2: and it seemed as though she was still questioning whether
• 5:19
  Speaker 2: or not anything untoward was happening, which also seems ludicrous
• 5:23
  Speaker 2: to me. I clicked she was looking for more proof,
• 5:27
  Speaker 2: as in people see them together. I saw some things
• 5:30
  Speaker 2: in her laundry. What receipts of dinners that they went
• 5:33
  Speaker 2: out together? She's living in the house. What could her
• 5:37
  Speaker 2: husband possibly be telling her that would even make her
• 5:39
  Speaker 2: believe for one second that they're now just friends after
• 5:43
  Speaker 2: she knows he was going to her place in another
• 5:46
  Speaker 2: city and doing whatever he was doing with her then.
• 5:50
  Speaker 1: But what sign has he shown her that he wants
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: to be married to her.
• 5:54
  Speaker 2: It doesn't seem like any sign even She even said
• 5:56
  Speaker 2: that when there are arguments or disagreements, he stands up
• 5:59
  Speaker 2: for the other woman, not for his wife.
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: Okay, so this bro she asked what should I do?
• 6:04
  Speaker 1: And this is something I think you spoke on it
• 6:07
  Speaker 1: in the column more eloquently than I can, coming from
• 6:12
  Speaker 1: a woman's standpoint, what her challenges could possibly be. So
• 6:15
  Speaker 1: this is where we want to give a little grace
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: in that judgment. Here we don't know what her situation is.
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: Does she have family she can turn too, does she
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: have anywhere to go? Does she have any money? Are
• 6:23
  Speaker 1: there any kids involved? There is something that's making her
• 6:27
  Speaker 1: desperate to hold on and tolerate this look.
• 6:30
  Speaker 2: I also was thinking, if she's staying home doing the laundry,
• 6:32
  Speaker 2: doing the other woman's laundry, it may be I don't
• 6:35
  Speaker 2: know how long they've been married, that he was the
• 6:38
  Speaker 2: head of the household and she was the homemaker, or
• 6:41
  Speaker 2: this day at home mom. She didn't mention children, but
• 6:43
  Speaker 2: perhaps she isn't working and perhaps yes, there is a
• 6:47
  Speaker 2: huge financial strain, and that's very scary knowing you have
• 6:50
  Speaker 2: to go out on your own and figure things out.
• 6:52
  Speaker 2: Maybe she doesn't have a job, maybe she doesn't have
• 6:54
  Speaker 2: any support system, and so she's trying to make her
• 6:56
  Speaker 2: marriage work. Maybe she still loves him, but maybe she's
• 7:00
  Speaker 2: it's scary. I don't know how many years she's been
• 7:03
  Speaker 2: with him, and how many how long she's gotten used
• 7:05
  Speaker 2: to living a certain way or being in a certain home,
• 7:08
  Speaker 2: and leaving that all behind seems very overwhelming, and gosh,
• 7:12
  Speaker 2: we know, going through a divorce, hiring a lawyer, it's
• 7:17
  Speaker 2: very overwhelming, And so she may think the best thing
• 7:19
  Speaker 2: that could happen, he'll tire of this woman and he'll
• 7:23
  Speaker 2: stay with me. I know that's a very unthinkable situation,
• 7:27
  Speaker 2: given what's happening in her home right now, but I'm
• 7:30
  Speaker 2: trying to get into her mindset. You just sometimes you
• 7:33
  Speaker 2: get set in your ways and it's scary to do
• 7:35
  Speaker 2: something different. But my advice to her was to start
• 7:38
  Speaker 2: planting the seeds so that you can get out. Start
• 7:42
  Speaker 2: looking for a job if you don't have one, Start
• 7:44
  Speaker 2: looking at what apartments cost if you haven't yet, Start
• 7:47
  Speaker 2: planning your departure, and start empowering yourself right now. You
• 7:50
  Speaker 2: don't have to tell him anything, but just start paving
• 7:54
  Speaker 2: the path for you to be able to have freedom,
• 7:56
  Speaker 2: freedom from that unbelievable stress, emotional stress. Even said I
• 8:00
  Speaker 2: was worried about her physical health because I cannot imagine
• 8:03
  Speaker 2: living in that situation, and especially if I still loved someone,
• 8:08
  Speaker 2: if I still wanted to be with someone, that would
• 8:10
  Speaker 2: be excruciating.
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: The other thing to possibly think about, you said your
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: advice to her was to make a plan. I think
• 8:19
  Speaker 1: that's you have to have something, you can't just keep going.
• 8:21
  Speaker 1: That helps at least put a plan in place. The
• 8:24
  Speaker 1: other thing, what advice could you possibly give if she
• 8:28
  Speaker 1: looks at you and says, Robes, I desperately want to
• 8:33
  Speaker 1: be in this marriage, what do you advise me now?
• 8:36
  Speaker 1: If I want to stay in.
• 8:37
  Speaker 2: It, I would ask her why, and I would say,
• 8:40
  Speaker 2: instead of putting all that love to this man who
• 8:42
  Speaker 2: is not showing you respect or love, put that love
• 8:45
  Speaker 2: back into yourself, invest in yourself. You get to this
• 8:49
  Speaker 2: place sometimes where you feel like I'm nothing if I
• 8:52
  Speaker 2: don't have him, and perhaps that's what her relationship has
• 8:56
  Speaker 2: devolved into. But there is a moment where you can
• 8:58
  Speaker 2: stand up for yourself, believe yourself, and love yourself. And
• 9:01
  Speaker 2: if she loves herself. She would never put herself in
• 9:04
  Speaker 2: this situation. I think in the column I did say
• 9:07
  Speaker 2: something that I learned from a therapist years ago, which
• 9:09
  Speaker 2: was so helpful in terms of what to do. She said,
• 9:13
  Speaker 2: you have a child. Would you want this marriage for
• 9:16
  Speaker 2: your child? Would you want this relationship for your child?
• 9:19
  Speaker 2: And if the answer is no, then it's certainly not
• 9:22
  Speaker 2: good enough for you. That is a good way to
• 9:24
  Speaker 2: look at it, because if you wouldn't want this relationship
• 9:27
  Speaker 2: for someone you love, then love yourself and you shouldn't
• 9:31
  Speaker 2: want that relationship for you.
• 9:33
  Speaker 1: It's that simple. I mean, you put yourself in that
• 9:35
  Speaker 1: ask that question. Do you want your daughter living with
• 9:38
  Speaker 1: a man who has his mistress in the house. It's
• 9:41
  Speaker 1: that sim It's no weird when you put it that.
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: You've used that. I've heard you say it several times.
• 9:44
  Speaker 1: But when you talk about other people you love, we
• 9:46
  Speaker 1: don't give ourself the same decency.
• 9:49
  Speaker 2: We don't.
• 9:50
  Speaker 1: That's somebody else. I didn't read through the comments. I
• 9:52
  Speaker 1: haven't seen the ones you've plucked out here, but we
• 9:54
  Speaker 1: talked about already. Kind of a theme was people thought
• 9:57
  Speaker 1: this was fake, but no, this absolutely was real and
• 9:59
  Speaker 1: came to us. So you fired up. What do you got?
• 10:02
  Speaker 2: All right? So, first of all, and at some other
• 10:05
  Speaker 2: people were very flippant and made jokes like, oh, I'm
• 10:08
  Speaker 2: going to try this with my wife and see what happens,
• 10:10
  Speaker 2: you know, recognizing that most women would never put up
• 10:14
  Speaker 2: with this.
• 10:14
  Speaker 1: I'm okay with that.
• 10:15
  Speaker 2: There was some levity. There's some guys having some fun saying, oh,
• 10:19
  Speaker 2: this is a good plan. I'm going to see what
• 10:20
  Speaker 2: my wife says when I get home tonight. I'm going
• 10:22
  Speaker 2: to show her this column.
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: Knowing good hell well with their wife's response exactly.
• 10:26
  Speaker 2: So gb O seven said this, to even ask the
• 10:30
  Speaker 2: question whether this man is worth sharing is unbelievable to me.
• 10:34
  Speaker 2: I wasn't at their wedding, but I am assuming their
• 10:36
  Speaker 2: vows had some language in it that they were forming
• 10:38
  Speaker 2: a union between the two of them, not three. It's simple, bo.
• 10:43
  Speaker 2: If that vow was broke, get a divorce.
• 10:47
  Speaker 1: That's fair enough. Look, people survive all kinds of things
• 10:50
  Speaker 1: in marriages. People overcome infidelity, financial issues, arguments over kids
• 10:57
  Speaker 1: and how to raise them, family in laws, of all
• 11:00
  Speaker 1: kinds of things, and they get over it. Some things
• 11:02
  Speaker 1: that you think are unforgivable. This is one where to
• 11:06
  Speaker 1: the comment here, Aren't they saying it's this simple? Everybody
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: finds it so simple. It's all we always good, bad,
• 11:13
  Speaker 1: black white. It's always we wanted to be simple. He's
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: the bad guy. Don't do it. Leave end of it.
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: There's nuance. There's something else going on there, and we
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: should give her that grace. But I see where people
• 11:25
  Speaker 1: are coming from with them that.
• 11:26
  Speaker 2: We don't know why she wants to stay. There could
• 11:29
  Speaker 2: have been there could be a lot of reasons that
• 11:30
  Speaker 2: we don't understand. I think that's certainly something I've learned
• 11:33
  Speaker 2: over the years. It's very easy to have an opinion
• 11:36
  Speaker 2: from the outside looking in, and she's certainly asking you
• 11:38
  Speaker 2: the question, so you know, hopefully she reads some of
• 11:40
  Speaker 2: these questions and maybe feels the strength and the empowerment
• 11:44
  Speaker 2: to go ahead and make the decision she already knows
• 11:46
  Speaker 2: she should deep down within.
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: Man, when you say that we talk about her, I
• 11:48
  Speaker 1: didn't think about all the people who've written into us.
• 11:50
  Speaker 1: I don't think about them reading other comments from other
• 11:55
  Speaker 1: folks who read the column. I'm only thinking about them
• 11:58
  Speaker 1: reading our advice. If you will, I think about it now,
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: and now my heart, I plea, Oh my god, I
• 12:02
  Speaker 1: hope she doesn't have to read this stuff that people
• 12:05
  Speaker 1: have written in and that's what I mean, just a
• 12:07
  Speaker 1: little grace, a little understanding. You could disagree, but some
• 12:10
  Speaker 1: of the stuff calling people stupid and no brainer and
• 12:13
  Speaker 1: all that kind of that's.
• 12:14
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you don't know what someone else's life is like
• 12:17
  Speaker 2: until you've walked in their shoes. That's just that's the truth,
• 12:20
  Speaker 2: all right. Sean Marie writes this, so sorry, but you
• 12:25
  Speaker 2: don't have a marriage to save. Your husband is using you.
• 12:30
  Speaker 2: Get out and take him for whatever you can get
• 12:32
  Speaker 2: when you divorce him. Once the legal situation is settled,
• 12:36
  Speaker 2: ghost him, block him on everything, and find someone who
• 12:39
  Speaker 2: will respect you. I know that sounds harsh and difficult,
• 12:43
  Speaker 2: but I managed to do this back in the seventies.
• 12:46
  Speaker 2: It was the best thing I ever did for myself
• 12:49
  Speaker 2: and my son. I hope you can realize you deserve
• 12:52
  Speaker 2: so much better.
• 12:53
  Speaker 1: I have been so taken by some comments where people
• 12:56
  Speaker 1: incorporate their own history and they give solid advice. That
• 13:00
  Speaker 1: was so well done. The first line, you don't.
• 13:03
  Speaker 2: Have a marriage to save, I thought that was really telling.
• 13:07
  Speaker 2: To that line hits it's not a marriage anymore. And
• 13:12
  Speaker 2: maybe it was at one point, and you're maybe are
• 13:15
  Speaker 2: our reader. She is holding on. So many of us
• 13:18
  Speaker 2: do this. I've done this. You cling on to what was,
• 13:20
  Speaker 2: or what it was supposed to be, or what it
• 13:22
  Speaker 2: used to be. But at some point you have to
• 13:24
  Speaker 2: acknowledge what it is. And certainly, I think Sean Maurie
• 13:28
  Speaker 2: put it very very bluntly, but very correctly, you don't
• 13:32
  Speaker 2: have a marriage to save. All right, We've got the
• 13:36
  Speaker 2: next comment from Bob. So he starts, my husband moved
• 13:39
  Speaker 2: his mistress into our house dot dot dot. You want
• 13:42
  Speaker 2: to know if your marriage can be saved. Of course
• 13:45
  Speaker 2: it can, but why would you want to You suffered
• 13:50
  Speaker 2: the greatest betrayal. You deserve so much better. He doesn't
• 13:54
  Speaker 2: love you or respect you. For sure, do not waste
• 13:57
  Speaker 2: another breath on him. Right around the corner is a
• 14:00
  Speaker 2: man who will love you and respect you and make
• 14:03
  Speaker 2: you number one in his life, not number two. I
• 14:07
  Speaker 2: appreciated the hopefulness of that. I think sometimes you know,
• 14:10
  Speaker 2: when you're in this situation where you feel desperate, trapped,
• 14:12
  Speaker 2: you can't get out, there's no future. Sometimes it just
• 14:15
  Speaker 2: takes one person telling you, hey, the person who's going
• 14:20
  Speaker 2: to be there for you, the person who's going to
• 14:22
  Speaker 2: respect you is right around the corner. But you have
• 14:24
  Speaker 2: to get rid of this guy first.
• 14:27
  Speaker 1: That's step one. That's those two comments were great advice.
• 14:31
  Speaker 1: And I forgot to ask you this at the top.
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: You say usually in the columns are weekly column it's
• 14:37
  Speaker 1: almost overwhelmingly guys commenting what do you get on this?
• 14:39
  Speaker 2: More women chimed in on this. I think women were
• 14:42
  Speaker 2: just so up in arms that it still had a
• 14:44
  Speaker 2: lot of guys, But I definitely saw more women chiming
• 14:47
  Speaker 2: in on this one than usual.
• 14:49
  Speaker 1: Okay, we got a couple more comments to share with
• 14:51
  Speaker 1: you all, including one from Wendy, who summed this up
• 14:55
  Speaker 1: in four words.
• 15:06
  Speaker 2: Welcome back everyone to this edition of Amy and TJ.
• 15:09
  Speaker 2: This is our ask Amy and TJ based on our
• 15:13
  Speaker 2: column on Yahoo. It's in the live section, and this
• 15:16
  Speaker 2: week's was a doozy. So many people were so taken
• 15:19
  Speaker 2: aback by our reader who wrote in orla or yah right,
• 15:25
  Speaker 2: or ya. I'm having a hard time saying her name, Uralia.
• 15:28
  Speaker 2: She's asking if she could still fight, should she still
• 15:31
  Speaker 2: fight to save her marriage even though her husband has
• 15:33
  Speaker 2: moved his mistress into their home. And so we've had
• 15:36
  Speaker 2: a lot of reaction, even some disbelief by some folks
• 15:41
  Speaker 2: who read this column. But we assure you this is
• 15:43
  Speaker 2: real and this is happening. So Wendy in the comment
• 15:46
  Speaker 2: section wrote this put it very succinctly. The answer should
• 15:52
  Speaker 2: have taken only four words, your marriage is over. And
• 15:58
  Speaker 2: then Wendy adds, this woman has no self esteem. I
• 16:02
  Speaker 2: felt like that was a little harsh, Wendy, because I
• 16:05
  Speaker 2: get it, but that's it's gosh, it's just so hard
• 16:09
  Speaker 2: to put yourself in that situation. It didn't start out
• 16:11
  Speaker 2: that way. I'm sure. I'm sure she married him because
• 16:15
  Speaker 2: she loved him, and he loved her, and they had
• 16:17
  Speaker 2: some beautiful times together. And you're just I can understand
• 16:20
  Speaker 2: clinging onto that hope and wanting it to be something
• 16:23
  Speaker 2: that it isn't anymore. And yes, maybe over the years
• 16:26
  Speaker 2: her self esteem was whittled away, you know, maybe she
• 16:30
  Speaker 2: lost who she was along the way. That happens to
• 16:32
  Speaker 2: so many women. I've been there. I think so many
• 16:35
  Speaker 2: women have been there, and so I believe that Aralia
• 16:39
  Speaker 2: can get her self esteem back. But the first step
• 16:41
  Speaker 2: is by acknowledging that this is not a healthy place.
• 16:44
  Speaker 1: To be, Wendy. That's one of the shortest comments. Probably
• 16:47
  Speaker 1: you saw. She essentially wrote two sentences and it hits
• 16:50
  Speaker 1: your marriage is over, this woman has no self esteem.
• 16:52
  Speaker 1: That sounds a little harsh, but it also might be true. Yeah,
• 16:55
  Speaker 1: and again it might not knocking Wendy here. It might
• 16:58
  Speaker 1: sound harsh on paper seeing it read, but she might
• 17:01
  Speaker 1: have said it with a lot of heart and a
• 17:02
  Speaker 1: lot of understanding and maybe a lot of empathy for
• 17:05
  Speaker 1: what the lady is going through. So I appreciate these comments.
• 17:08
  Speaker 2: Well, sometimes I know sometimes things seem harsh, but sometimes
• 17:12
  Speaker 2: people need to hear it bluntly for it to resonate,
• 17:14
  Speaker 2: for it to kind of hit home. And so yes,
• 17:16
  Speaker 2: Wendy did bring it home with her comment. Let's now
• 17:20
  Speaker 2: go to John M. This one was really interesting to
• 17:23
  Speaker 2: me John Emm's comment, so I wanted to share it
• 17:26
  Speaker 2: here on the podcast. John M writes, I was a
• 17:29
  Speaker 2: bit of a hippie when I was younger, and no
• 17:31
  Speaker 2: doubt these kind of alternative relationships can work and be
• 17:35
  Speaker 2: very beneficial for everyone if everyone is on the same page.
• 17:41
  Speaker 2: I lived with two ex girlfriends back in the early
• 17:44
  Speaker 2: two thousands and it was great most of the time,
• 17:47
  Speaker 2: even for them. Ultimately, this line was funny. Ultimately it
• 17:51
  Speaker 2: didn't work out because of typical issues alcoholism, prescription drug abuse, gambling,
• 17:57
  Speaker 2: but it could have, and there were moments where I
• 17:59
  Speaker 2: think we were all on board with it. I liked
• 18:02
  Speaker 2: that they were friends and lovers as well, and they
• 18:04
  Speaker 2: had good times hanging with each other when I was
• 18:06
  Speaker 2: out of town or working odd hours. You have to
• 18:09
  Speaker 2: have a level of confidence and emotional security, which most
• 18:12
  Speaker 2: don't have. So John Emma was talking about, Hey, clearly
• 18:16
  Speaker 2: this is a threesome, even if Auralia isn't involved in it.
• 18:20
  Speaker 2: She's kind of maybe she's a satellite around what could
• 18:24
  Speaker 2: be a threesome. But he was kind of basically pointing
• 18:27
  Speaker 2: out to the fact that alternative lifestyles can work, but
• 18:30
  Speaker 2: only when three people are agreeing to the situation, which
• 18:34
  Speaker 2: Auralia is clearly not agreeing with.
• 18:37
  Speaker 1: Okay, so do I have this right now? That Canda
• 18:41
  Speaker 1: ask when we first got her question, did anything in
• 18:45
  Speaker 1: your mind make it feel like this was an actual thropple,
• 18:50
  Speaker 1: intentional thruptle.
• 18:52
  Speaker 2: No, And but the fact that she is still living
• 18:55
  Speaker 2: there and living with this happening in her home. I
• 18:59
  Speaker 2: did have the initial thought, maybe she doesn't mind having
• 19:03
  Speaker 2: someone helping out with groceries or house cleaning, and maybe
• 19:06
  Speaker 2: she's sick of having sex with her husband. I mean,
• 19:09
  Speaker 2: there are women who are not interested sexually anymore in
• 19:14
  Speaker 2: their husbands and actually don't mind having a girlfriend around
• 19:18
  Speaker 2: or another person in the house to help with the
• 19:21
  Speaker 2: maybe the bills and the chores. So I was thinking,
• 19:25
  Speaker 2: could that be something? Could there be some benefit to
• 19:27
  Speaker 2: her at some point? Why would she stay that? My
• 19:31
  Speaker 2: mind did go there, not thinking that maybe she was
• 19:33
  Speaker 2: interested in a thruple or the threesome thing, but just
• 19:37
  Speaker 2: that maybe it wasn't or isn't all bad. Otherwise, why
• 19:42
  Speaker 2: in God's name would she stay for one more second?
• 19:46
  Speaker 1: I was fascinated John at a very interesting write up.
• 19:49
  Speaker 1: But the funniest part, obviously was it didn't work out
• 19:51
  Speaker 1: because of typical issues, you know, alcoholism, prescription drug use
• 19:58
  Speaker 1: in the day.
• 19:59
  Speaker 2: And that's funny because to John M, those are typical
• 20:01
  Speaker 2: issues that everyone deals with.
• 20:02
  Speaker 1: Me, you know, we got it good that.
• 20:07
  Speaker 2: Actually, John M. Thank you that. That actually made me
• 20:10
  Speaker 2: laugh so hard when I read that comment. But you
• 20:13
  Speaker 2: know that just but that is another example. Everyone has
• 20:17
  Speaker 2: very different versions of what is normal. Everyone has very
• 20:21
  Speaker 2: different versions of what is typical and.
• 20:24
  Speaker 1: What is a relationship and what is love? And what
• 20:26
  Speaker 1: you can tolerate? And we all look and judge and
• 20:29
  Speaker 1: you do, how dare you that works for you? If
• 20:31
  Speaker 1: you're not hurting yourself and somebody else knock yourself out?
• 20:35
  Speaker 1: Do you think? But this, I don't know how atypical
• 20:38
  Speaker 1: this is. This is not a throutle situation. What show
• 20:41
  Speaker 1: are we watching now that has a throttle?
• 20:42
  Speaker 2: Oh yes, it's a ninety day fiance thutle.
• 20:45
  Speaker 1: And it's breaking down.
• 20:46
  Speaker 2: It's even that when all three people are consenting adults
• 20:50
  Speaker 2: and willing participants and excited, it's still it's It unravels
• 20:54
  Speaker 2: pretty quickly. They say two's company, three is a crowd.
• 20:57
  Speaker 2: I mean, you certainly see that happening. Not that it
• 20:59
  Speaker 2: can't work, but you can see where it's hard enough
• 21:01
  Speaker 2: with two people at a third. I can't even imagine
• 21:05
  Speaker 2: adding that dynamic into an already difficult situation, because relationships
• 21:10
  Speaker 2: are hard, even good relationships are hard. And I think
• 21:13
  Speaker 2: you live enough life, haven't you heard? Well, at least
• 21:16
  Speaker 2: some of my friends over the years start telling me
• 21:18
  Speaker 2: about things they've done to cope or to spice up
• 21:21
  Speaker 2: their marriages, and it wouldn't be for me. But you
• 21:24
  Speaker 2: don't know what's going on behind other people's closed doors
• 21:28
  Speaker 2: as much as you even might think you know someone.
• 21:30
  Speaker 1: We need to our marriage in some way. What would
• 21:32
  Speaker 1: be your thing? What's spicy? It would be spicing up
• 21:35
  Speaker 1: like you d dressing up like a babe.
• 21:38
  Speaker 2: I've had way I've had way too much flavor in
• 21:41
  Speaker 2: my life. I would like I'd like I'm all about
• 21:44
  Speaker 2: keeping things flavor. We've just had a lot of a
• 21:49
  Speaker 2: lot of spice.
• 21:49
  Speaker 1: I thought you were gonna say, like you used to
• 21:51
  Speaker 1: dress up like a you.
• 21:53
  Speaker 2: Know how you don't like. I wasn't going there. I
• 21:56
  Speaker 2: wasn't gonna I wasn't gonna Okay, I wasn't gonna jump
• 21:58
  Speaker 2: on that. But I'm very happy. I want peace, I
• 22:02
  Speaker 2: want love, I want respect. That's all I want.
• 22:04
  Speaker 1: Well, let's give Auralia a little bit of that. She
• 22:08
  Speaker 1: could use some peace, she could use all of our love,
• 22:10
  Speaker 1: and she could use respect from our own damn husband.
• 22:12
  Speaker 1: So you all, thank you for always listening, and also
• 22:16
  Speaker 1: thank you all for chiming in. We got a cool
• 22:18
  Speaker 1: thing going here now with the Yahoo comun We really
• 22:20
  Speaker 1: appreciate it. Having some serious conversations but for Auralia, please
• 22:24
  Speaker 1: know we're we're thinking about you, love you, and we
• 22:27
  Speaker 1: really want you to be in a better situation.
• 22:29
  Speaker 2: We certainly do and thank you for listening. You can
• 22:31
  Speaker 2: check us out again Yahoo Life section, ask Amy and TJ.
• 22:35
  Speaker 2: But for now, have a wonderful day everybody,