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Transcript

How to Find Yourself Again: Step Outside Your Comfort Zone & Trust Yourself · The Inspired Speaker Network

• 0:07
  Welcome to Evolving with Elle, where a capable woman recognizes what she's managing, understands
• 0:17
  the responsibilities that she's carrying, and chooses self-honoring over self-abandonment,
• 0:25
  and decides to continue, change, or release.
• 0:30
  I am Elle. I bring the mirror, the map, and the method. You choose how you show up in a way that honors your capacity.
• 0:41
  So let's lean in, learn, and evolve together.
• 0:47
  We are here with Kristine Goad today. She is one of the other founding members of the Inspired Speaker Podcast Network.
• 0:59
  And her podcast is called Surfing Your Edge, and I so wanted to have her here because you know that
• 1:09
  we talk about the different roles that we have as people, the responsibilities and relationships
• 1:18
  attached to those roles, and then those sneaky rigid rules that kind of get embedded with the
• 1:25
  responsibilities, i.e. expectations. So without further ado, we are going to bring Kristine on and let her say hello.
• 1:40
  Hello. I'm really happy to be here with you, Elle Jaye.
• 1:44
  Thank you so much, Kristine. And you can just call me Elle. That works for me. And can you share
• 1:55
  one of the roles that you are most proud of? And then just share about yourself as well.
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  One of the roles that I'm most proud of, I would have to say it's my current professional role.
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  I'm the Surfing Your Edge coach, as you've already said. And I really like who I'm becoming in that role.
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  I like the support I'm able to lend people who need it or want it. I don't know if they actually
• 2:39
  need it, but they want it. And I'm just, it's the role that's letting me grow the fastest and the most.
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  That is awesome. So what got you into Surfing Your Edge? Why that? And what does that even mean?
• 2:59
  That's a good question. Two good questions. Basically, it took me, let's see, I graduated
• 3:08
  with my master's in 95 and started my Surfing Your Edge business, which wasn't called the
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  Surfing Your Edge business, back in 2015. So in between there, I was trying to find myself,
• 3:24
  and I did all kinds of crazy things, including a cross-country bike trip where I thought the
• 3:29
  universe would just whisper in my ear where I should be in the world and what I should be doing.
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  They would tell me what box I belonged in that would use all of my passions and interests and
• 3:41
  all of that. And I didn't hear the universe whisper that in my ear.
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  And so I had to continue feeling my way along. For the 10 years before I started my business,
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  I was supporting a very talented artist and children's book author and publisher.
• 4:02
  And I was running the business backend of her artistic company and helping her bring
• 4:10
  her visions into the world, doing things that she hadn't done before. So I would figure out the how
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  to help her get things into the world. And I loved that. I grew a lot. I learned a lot.
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  But I also felt that there were more people in the world who could use that kind of support,
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  who could use someone to help them hold the vision and figure out the steps along the way.
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  And when my husband changed jobs and we had to move to different states,
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  that seemed like the right time for me to take the leap and actually step into becoming a coach.
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  Surfing your edge is a phrase that I've used for a while. And basically it means, for me, it means
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  being out on the edge of your comfort zone and staying out there a little bit longer than you
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  probably want to so that the comfort zone actually expands and you get comfortable doing things that
• 5:14
  you weren't before. In my podcast, I refer to it as the place where fear and possibility meet.
• 5:23
  It's the place where reality and possibility meet. So yeah, that's the phrase that I'm living into.
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  And I thank you for sharing your life journey and explaining what surfing your edge means.
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  Because I love how you were what I would call you did some expectancy work, right? You took that
• 5:54
  chance and said, hey, let me try this. And I expect the universe to let me know what I'm
• 6:00
  supposed to do. What's the box? And then you did it. And then you waited to see what was happening.
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  And then you're like, oh, no, that's not it. So and you learn from that. And then you kept living
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  and you've been doing that work of experimenting, playing, allowing, choosing. You continue to make
• 6:26
  choices. And in surfing your edge, you're like, hey, I'm going to make this choice.
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  Certainly, it's at the edge of my comfort zone. But it's going to stretch me. It's going to expand
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  my comfort zone. And I love that vision of surfing your edge to expand your comfort zone in a way
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  that is, it sounds like it's in a way that's not overwhelming. It fits you. It fits the person for
• 6:59
  the moment. And you are supporting yourself and others, because it also sounds like you are not
• 7:09
  only doing it by yourself, but you're also doing it in community. Is that also accurate?
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  With my clients? Yeah.
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  Okay. Because and that's still community. Because with your clients, what I learned is
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  that's kind of like this built in community. Because as the coach, a lot of people may look
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  at us like, oh, you're the expert, you've already arrived. And what you're saying is no,
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  I haven't arrived yet. And I am continuing to go like as you are expanding your comfort zone,
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  you continue to expand it. Yeah. So with that, your clients and partnerships and collaborations
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  that you have support you in continuing to surf that edge and expand your comfort zone.
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  Is that pretty accurate? Absolutely. When I created what I'm
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  calling the surfing your edge experience, which is my flagship program, that was me
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  deciding that I wanted to do the thing that scared me the most in front of other people
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  and take them with me. So we go to learn to surf on this retreat, we go for eight days to Panama,
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  and we take four days, we spend about 90 minutes each day learning to surf. And
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  once I realized that I could be in a leadership role and vulnerable and scared,
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  that's what my whole business has been built around ever since.
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  Is like I'm doing the thing that scares me right alongside you doing the thing that scares you.
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  And it's always changing. I'm very transparent about the experiments I run and when they
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  work and when they don't and when they bring, I mean, whatever results they bring,
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  I assume that's a success because I've learned something, right?
• 9:14
  Yes, most definitely, Kristine. And the next thing I want to touch on is that
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  you mentioned fear, where fear and possibility meet and reality and possibility meet.
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  I want to touch on that because a lot of times we want to be scared of fear. We want to resist
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  fear and say, oh no, I'm not scared. But let's be honest. I believe that there's two types of fear.
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  There's a fear that's the normal, healthy fear that helps you
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  expand your comfort zone. And then there's also what I would call that debilitating, overarching,
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  not yours kind of fear, i.e. a spirit of fear kind of thing. Not to be like religious or anything,
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  but it's really a force, you know, that people have used to hold people captive. And that's the
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  kind of fear that we've got to be discerning and vigilant about. What do you, as I share that, okay.
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  I love that idea of it being almost like the space we swim in, right? The fear is out there.
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  There are a lot of enforcers in the world who will try to tell you this is your lane.
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  This is your box. This is what's possible for you. And sometimes they're doing it
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  because they really are scared for you and they really do care and want you to be safe.
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  Sometimes they're doing it because they don't want you questioning the status quo because that's not
• 11:19
  safe for them. It makes them either look at who they are and what they're willing to attempt,
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  or it makes them feel like, you know, if you are breaking all of the rules,
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  then, you know, what are rules good for, right? So, yes, I completely agree with you. There is a
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  spirit of fear that we come up against that we need to learn to navigate. And there's also all
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  of those fears that we've embodied that were given to us, right? And also those little voices
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  in our heads that pop up and say, oh no, we want to keep you alive. You don't get to go do that
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  thing. Right. And to that point, that is natural. Yes. It's actually what our brain does. Right.
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  And I, you know, with so many people saying, you need to fight, you need to push through
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  and don't allow, don't go into survival mode. You're not a victim. And they're speaking about it
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  as if it's not a bodily system thing that we need to also respect and honor.
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  Right. It's not something that we can force. It's something that we get to
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  be gentle with because that's an edge for some of us. Right. Where we might actually need,
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  a person might actually need a mental health professional to support them with that aspect of
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  the way in which we actually work and function with the reptilian brain and all of those different
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  things. Right. And then your frontal lobe and all of that, and then how it all works with the
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  body. Because I had an interview the other day with Madhuri who talks about mind body and saying,
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  it's one system. And then in having conversations with LaQuincy, as she was talking about,
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  we were having discussions about that internal conflict as well. Right. So we get to honor
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  that part of ourselves in such a way that we respect it and not fear it. We respect it and
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  not try to control it as if it's an enemy of ours. Right. So in respecting how our brain actually
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  works, we can talk to ourselves and honor and have that relationship with ourselves. Because
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  when I talk about the roles that we have, you have shared that you are a business owner,
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  you have been an employee and you're a wife. Right. So those are some of the three roles that
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  you've shared so far today. Right. And in each of those roles, you have relationships.
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  You have a relationship with yourself, which is where you went on the bike ride
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  and you're like, Hey universe, tell me what to do. And then you were like, okay,
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  now let me get in relationship and work. And then you're like, Oh, I'm supporting
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  my, this artistic employer with her work. And that's how it came to you to support people with
• 14:58
  stepping out of their comfort zone. And then your spouse moved you guys to a different state.
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  And you're like, Hey, this is how I'm going to do it. Each and every role that you were in
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  impacted a choice that you made for you. Right. And there was, it sounded like there was the fear
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  attached to it. And when you were speaking just now, you were like, Oh, those embodied fears.
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  What I would call those is expectations, the embodied fears and the rules that you were
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  speaking about earlier, I would call those expectations because they came from society,
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  came from culture, came from family. And you just, as you said, embodied began to own those
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  until you're like, Huh, no, that doesn't serve me. Is that accurate? You started examining those
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  rules and embody fears, what I call expectations and did something with them. Is that accurate?
• 16:01
  That is accurate. And it's so funny because I feel like not only am I examining the fears that I've
• 16:11
  inherited, but I'm also examining, examining the idea, the identities that I've had, right? I've
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  had ideas about who I am, you know, about my body and what my body is able to do. Since I was in
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  elementary school, we used to have to do crazy things in school, like crab walk. You know,
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  I remember that were your hands. And yeah, I'm like, this feels weird. And I feel like I don't
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  like this. And I don't feel like my body moves this way. And I was always embarrassed to move
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  in front of other kids, even in elementary school. And so I've had to really and I'm
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  still a big girl. And you know, to go surfing, the first the first photos that came back from
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  my very first surf retreat, I weighed 230 pounds when I went and someone took a photo of me and
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  showed it to me afterward. And I just started crying. I'm like, Oh my gosh, you know, this is
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  this is not what I want to look like. This is not what my head thinks I look like.
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  And I've had to work really hard to be okay, with all of the identities that
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  to really question which identities serve me and which identities don't alongside all of those
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  fears. And that's, again, where the growing happens, right? We're always evolving and becoming
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  something new. And my goal, I wanted to say this earlier, when we were talking about
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  surfing your edge, it's not just so that you can look cool, or that so you can, you know,
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  jump through hoops that impress other people or, you know, improve your, you know, social standing
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  in the world. It's not about that. It's about right, getting closer to being the person you
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  were born to be. That's the whole purpose behind surfing your edge, in my opinion, is,
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  I think we're here to be the fullest expression of ourselves. And you have to surf your edge to do
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  that. I Oh, boy, you said a mouthful right there. And I'm gonna jump on that train right now. So
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  when you say we are here to live out that full expression of ourselves, what I call that is
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  your core essence. And that's cor, your heart in Latin, right? We get to live out our heart essence.
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  And the way I partner and support women with that is in asking the question that I asked you,
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  or some form of it, like what role are you most proud of? Or what is one accomplishment
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  that you have done that has that you haven't fully celebrated, that no one else would say
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  is a good thing or something that you're supposed to do. But it's something that you were so busy
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  chasing results, that you didn't take time to stop and say, I did that. And then as you celebrate
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  that thing, you get to look at, okay, I'm glad that I did that. Well, who was I being in order
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  to achieve that result? And when you examine those characteristics of who you were, you actually get
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  to understand that's actually who you are. But when we have those places where we're in that
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  fear, whether it's embodied or the expectations, the rigid rules, sometimes in some of our roles
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  or aspects of life, those cloud our mind and overtake our beingness to where we are, our heart,
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  the heart of who we are is underneath some stuff, right? So my main goal is to help
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  excavate, pull up and pull out and say, hey, look, that thing that you said that you were proud to
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  accomplish, this is how you were being in order to accomplish that. Now, now that you know that
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  about yourself, take that way of being and put it on top of any other roles where you feel more
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  challenged. And that's why I am very intentional with the word identity. And I know you used it.
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  And I want to share something. Are you okay if I share my viewpoint on identity?
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  Yeah. I love doing word studies. And I looked up the word identity because
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  it always bothered me. And I didn't understand why until I did the etymology. Because people
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  like, oh, I'm looking for my identity. I'm searching for my identity. I was searching
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  for mine too. And then when I looked up the word, it means sameness. My mind was blown.
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  And I'm like, oh, no, I'm not searching for my sameness. I'm searching for my genuine, unique,
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  authentic self. So I'm not searching for the sameness of anything because I'm not the same
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  as Kristine, as Danielle or Joe Blow or Joan Blow on the street. I am Elle. I'm uniquely,
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  authentically me. So what's at the heart of me? What's at my core? And that opened
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  so many more possibilities for me to begin to model what I want in the roles that I have,
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  instead of allowing the roles to be a measuring stick. Like, no, thank you.
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  Let me be the role model that I want to be from my heart, from my values.
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  And then I get to own the role instead of the role owning me. And that's what I want to share.
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  Because what I recognized, Kristine, I was intertwining not only the roles with expectations,
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  I was also merging all the roles together with their expectations and responsibilities,
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  rather than saying, okay, this is me as a woman. Yes.
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  This is me as an employee, as a business owner, as a mother, as a co-parent, a spouse, whatever,
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  right? So I talk about it in the terms of an orchestra, because orchestras have their parts.
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  And when an orchestra plays, you're hearing all the parts. But sometimes you can hear the strings
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  more than anything else. Or sometimes you can hear the drums or the woodwinds, whatever. That's
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  the same with our roles. But when we get clear of this is responsibility for this, and stuff
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  stops bleeding into each other, freedom. This is me from my heart. And this is me as the way I
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  want to show up in this role as a business owner. And with me showing up this way,
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  or you, Kristine, showing up the way that you choose as a business owner,
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  that means that you get to say, I'm going to honor myself, honor my employees, honor my
• 24:19
  collaborators and vendors and everyone else, so that you don't feel like you're being taken
• 24:27
  advantage of. Or that you're having not only are you expanding your comfort zone, you're also
• 24:33
  having unnecessary or possibly necessary interactions that could have been avoided if
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  you stayed true to your values kind of thing. So how is that landing for you, as I shared about
• 24:52
  core essence identity and being able to separate the different roles? What comes to mind for you?
• 25:00
  I love that. I love that. I think we tend to move really quickly. The way I've described it is that
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  you're what the person in front of you needs you to be. And you're really good at it. And you don't
• 25:19
  even recognize that when the person in front of you changes, you change. And I think that
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  once you start to recognize the distinction in your roles, the way you just described, that
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  kind of shifts. You don't necessarily shift every time the person in front of you
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  shifts or the role that you're playing comes to the fore. I don't know if I'm saying
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  this right. But it sounds to me like that's when you get to be you across all of the
• 25:57
  instruments. I don't know if that sounds right. It does to me.
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  I'm following you. I'm trying. I love the idea of it being an orchestra and that you don't
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  play just one instrument or that you don't necessarily play one instrument and put it down
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  and pick up the next. That you've got it all within you and you can play all the notes however
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  you want to play them. Yeah, because each person is the conductor of their own lives.
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  And with the work that you're doing and how you've shared that women have been like they've
• 26:38
  allowed themselves just to be molded and be the person that the person in front of them needed.
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  That's exhausting. Yes. And that's why I believe so many women are tired because
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  instead of living by their own values and who they be on the inside, because
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  who's got time for that? Who's got time to figure that out, right? Right. And it requires permission.
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  Right. Who's given them permission to take the time to figure out who they are?
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  And one of the things that I find with my clients when they first come to me is a lot of times
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  they just need someone to say it's okay to spend the time figuring themselves out, to figure out
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  who I am now, aside from all of those expectations, aside from all of those roles that I play,
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  aside from all of the things I've done, just because I'm really good at it,
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  that doesn't mean I have to keep doing it. Right. It's like, I don't have to carry that anymore.
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  I can put it down. Right. And also the other, the piece that goes alongside that is that,
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  well, I don't want to ask for more because what I've got is so good. A lot of women feel like if
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  they ask for more or they take the time to think about what more there would be,
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  they're saying they're not grateful. And women are grateful, right? They love their lives. I
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  know very few women who absolutely hate their lives. They'd like things to change in them,
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  but they're grateful for the good stuff and they want that to be apparent.
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  Yeah. So, but they don't, so they feel like they can't even say, well, if I, they can't even take
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  the time to figure out what it would look like if there was something different. What would it look
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  and feel like if I got to bring more of my core to the, to the forefront? What does that even
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  look like for me? You know, I think I've had, I had a conversation with a woman who was going
• 28:49
  through divorce and she had a teenage son who spent two weeks out of every month now
• 28:56
  with her husband, with her ex-husband, leaving her alone for two weeks in the house. And she's
• 29:02
  like, what do I like to eat? What do I like to do? Where do I want to go? And I mean,
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  on even the most basic levels, we can lose ourselves in all of those roles when we let them
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  mash together. And we don't feel we have the right to take the time to figure out
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  what we really want and like, and you know, want, how we want to be in the world.
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  Right. And similar to the woman you were, your client that you were just mentioning,
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  I have a similar experience in getting a divorce. And when my children were not at home,
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  I was like, I had the same questions. Right. And one of the things I started doing
• 29:51
  was Eventbrite, finding, finding free local things to do. And sometimes they, there was also a cost.
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  So I also invested in myself as well. So I found this, it was called Sip, Step and Socialize.
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  So of course there were some alcoholic beverages, but I, anyway, you could drink. And then Step,
• 30:20
  they had someone there teaching us line dances. I love it. I was like, I love dancing. So I went
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  there and then the socializing, I met people, you know, and I was like, I'm divorced. Is anybody
• 30:39
  going to like what I look like? Because like you, I was like, I'm the weight that I do not want to be
• 30:44
  right now. And I, I wanted to cry at pictures too. So I wanted to just let you know,
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  I weighed the same as you, by the way. So I was just like, and, but there were three guys
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  that were like, Hey, I'll give you my number. I was like, wait a minute. I look like this and
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  you still want my number? That's what I was saying to myself. But I had to courageously
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  step out there and I didn't go alone. I, I had someone come with me. She was late, but oh, well,
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  we were there together just enjoying ourselves, dancing, learning. And that is scary. It was
• 31:30
  one of those edgy moments. But after I did it, Kristine, I was like, Oh, I need to find some
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  more of these where I can go out and do things. So another thing that I found was on Valentine's
• 31:46
  day, they had a Galentine's day event and it was hiking. I was like, Ooh, let me go into nature.
• 31:53
  It's winter time. There shouldn't be any snakes. And so we walked a trail that led us to the lake
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  and they had some water, the water had receded off of these boulders. And I was just like,
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  okay, let me just go sit out on these boulders and reflect. It felt so good
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  to do that. And again, that one, I knew no one. Wow. But I did it anyway. And that was some
• 32:31
  definite surfing, what I would call growth edge for me because I believe it or not, I'm, I'm a
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  very shy person when I don't know the people. Right. So my growth edge is what I call it.
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  Is I needed to like expand my comfort zone and do something to see what would actually happen
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  because in the past, things like that didn't turn out well. Cause I did have an experience
• 33:09
  where I went somewhere not really knowing anybody and it wasn't the best experience. Right.
• 33:16
  Hmm. But I still like what you were saying in doing it, I learned something. So every experience
• 33:25
  that we step into, we get to lean into it and learn from it and then elevate, evolve, level up
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  and grow and mature and get more and more connected with who we are, expand our comfort zones
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  and I love how you illustrate the expansion is you do it on the edge. You're not stepping
• 33:53
  all the way out of your comfort zone. You're taking like a, is it like a baby step or something
• 34:00
  outside the comfort zone? That edge is that which, how you, how would you describe that edge surfing?
• 34:07
  I, yes, that's what I try to hold for my clients. We try to figure out what the full vision is.
• 34:13
  And then we just take one or two steps toward it. And I hold all of the other steps. So you
• 34:20
  don't have to, right. You just do. If you, and if you can design it so that it's the smallest step,
• 34:29
  so small that you just would feel ridiculous if you didn't do it.
• 34:34
  I love that. The simplicity. Yeah. I think that's a great way to start, but I love that you had the
• 34:41
  courage that you claimed that you are worth it, right? You are worth trying these new things.
• 34:50
  And you trusted on some level that you were going to survive it and you were going to be okay.
• 34:57
  And that's, it takes a lot of courage. So congratulations. I'm so glad you did that.
• 35:03
  And I know it's just continued. I'm sure you've got many, many stories beyond those,
• 35:08
  but those were beautiful first stories. Those are gorgeous.
• 35:13
  Yes. And when we share experiences like this in this, in the conversation that we're having,
• 35:20
  a lot of times women don't know where to even start. Yeah. And because I didn't know someone
• 35:29
  was like, try Eventbrite. Okay. So now I'm past, I'm paying that forward. Try Eventbrite or Meetup
• 35:36
  or any event space where you can go and, you know, surf your edge and do what you do something
• 35:46
  that you haven't done before to build that mind body awareness. Because a lot of people may think,
• 35:56
  oh, it's just in my mind. I just need to control my mind, have the right mindset. Well, your body
• 36:02
  and mind actually go together. So what I like to call it is your body mindset,
• 36:08
  because you've got to allow your body to also experience it to communicate it to your brain.
• 36:17
  I'm safe. Otherwise we're just allowing that survival part of our brain to rule and say, no,
• 36:27
  don't do it. Don't do it. And your body is like, okay, I'm not. But if we step out there
• 36:31
  and courageously and do it in a way that is like what you were saying, one or two steps
• 36:40
  beyond what we're comfortable with our brain and body can, because our body's going to react.
• 36:48
  Our body remembers so much and our, we could allow our brain. We can talk to ourselves
• 36:58
  essentially is what I'm saying. We can talk to ourselves in such a way to say, Hey, Kristine,
• 37:05
  Hey, Elle, you are going to be okay. Just take this baby step. Oh, you you're hesitant. You
• 37:13
  feel a particular way. Let's express those feelings. Hey, Elle's got, you can call Kristine.
• 37:20
  She's got emergency hours. I don't know if you have like those call me for 30 minute hours or
• 37:26
  someone or a mental health professional, someone who you can connect with to be able to express,
• 37:35
  Hey, this is what I'm feeling. Not expect them to carry your feeling or be stressed out about it,
• 37:41
  but just be able to say something out loud. Because as that woman who was divorced, who was
• 37:49
  used to having her children around her, and then they were bouncing back and forth, right?
• 37:57
  Being in the house by yourself, without those people that came from your body or that you
• 38:06
  adopted and put energy and all of that into, and then they're not there anymore. You're like, Oh
• 38:13
  my God. Cause that's a relationship because you were so many of us are so busy putting a lot into
• 38:21
  that parental parent child relationship that we don't put as much energy into us ourselves.
• 38:29
  And then when we have that space, we feel untethered. Yes.
• 38:38
  But I'm so glad that you can hold the rest of the steps while we surf that edge.
• 38:48
  Yeah. I mean, and I love what you say about being respectful of your body's response.
• 38:57
  The way I had, the reason I created the surfing at your edge experience is because I was afraid
• 39:02
  of open water and I wanted to learn to surf to kind of come out, overcome that.
• 39:09
  Yeah. And overcome isn't quite the right word either. I wanted to manage my fear in a healthy
• 39:16
  way. And I've before that I had been doing little sprint distance triathlons, trying to
• 39:23
  overcome my fear of open water. And the first time I get in the water, the first time I get in open
• 39:31
  water, I still panic. And I'm in several triathlon groups on Facebook. I still, I don't do triathlons
• 39:42
  right now, but I'm in those groups. And the biggest thing that comes up is the, how do I
• 39:47
  deal with the fear of water? Right. And there are seasoned triathletes who, even though they've been
• 39:55
  doing this for years, when they get in the water, there's their initial panic. And you have to,
• 40:00
  as you said, talk to yourself and remind yourself, you've done this. This is what it
• 40:05
  feels like. This is just the churn. This is just everybody trying to find their pace.
• 40:10
  You're going to find your water. You'll finish. It's going to be fine. So sometimes the fear
• 40:18
  never really goes away. And you just have to learn to trust yourself and give yourself that space
• 40:25
  to say like, okay, this is the fear. This is what always happens here. It's okay. It's normal.
• 40:31
  We'll get through it. And then you get through it.
• 40:34
  Yes. Right. And that's the, and that fear is what happened. I think that's the normal
• 40:43
  fear because every single emotion is present in our bodies and fear is, is one of those.
• 40:49
  And that's what, again, we have to make that distinction and discern between which fear is it
• 40:56
  and where is it coming from and things like that. So Kristine, we could probably talk a whole lot
• 41:03
  longer about, because this is so comfortable having this conversation with you, but we must
• 41:12
  tie this up. So what would you like to end with, like to share about the surfing your edge? Do you
• 41:24
  have something that you would like to share with the audience? I'm going to take that two different
• 41:34
  ways. The first way is there's something that you were talking about taking the first couple of
• 41:41
  steps and we didn't get to this exactly. I think a lot of times women think they can or should,
• 41:50
  because they're smart and they're capable, should be able to map out a path from where they are to
• 41:57
  where they want to be. They should be able to clearly see where they want to go and then map
• 42:01
  out a straight line that gets them straight there. That's what we think is the expectation
• 42:08
  for who we are and what we should be able to accomplish. And from my experience, 10 years of
• 42:15
  trying to do that, what I learned finally is that a path is made by walking. And so what you do
• 42:23
  is you take that first step and then you look around and you're like, what step feels right
• 42:29
  next? And you take that step. And it's only after you've taken multiple steps can you look behind
• 42:36
  you and go, oh, that's my path, right? Because if you can see the path laid out clearly before you,
• 42:45
  there's a chance it's somebody else's path. Right. And it's not your own. I love that.
• 42:53
  Yeah. So that was the first thing that I wanted to, I think that's what I want to end on.
• 42:58
  And I wasn't sure if you were going to invite me to offer a gift to your people. So I will need
• 43:06
  to create this because I haven't created it yet. But I will get you a link where if people would
• 43:13
  like to spend an hour with me just talking about possibilities, I love having little mini
• 43:21
  possibility parties with people. And I would love to just have a chat.
• 43:26
  Oh, that is awesome. So in the show notes and in the Inspire Speaker Vault, you will find
• 43:34
  Kristine's gift because, you know, this episode will be airing, but no buts. It will be in the
• 43:51
  opportunity to hop on and talk because when I was sharing about what I shared that I needed to
• 44:04
  celebrate, Kristine, just so that you know, is I went from entry level to manager in four years.
• 44:13
  And instead of celebrating that achievement, I kept moving forward to the next step because
• 44:20
  I thought it was mapped out for me. You are a mother, you are a wife, and you are in this field,
• 44:28
  and this is the trajectory you're supposed to go in. After you become this manager,
• 44:33
  you go to that next step. And I didn't take the time to say, oh, look at everything I did.
• 44:43
  Celebrate it. And recognize who I was being in order to be that. In order to make,
• 44:52
  to create those results, I had to be me. And then in celebrating. So I love, I'm so,
• 45:04
  I'm super excited to have these conversations because I believe what we're talking about
• 45:10
  is very aligned. You are the possibilities and expanding your comfort zone because I found this
• 45:19
  journal that said nothing great came from a comfort zone. And you are asking people to
• 45:27
  expand and be great by surfing the edge of that comfort zone because, yeah, that's what they're
• 45:36
  doing. And there's so many possibilities in that. And the experimentation and learning and
• 45:44
  being able to look back and see, oh, that was the next right step. And that worked. And that worked.
• 45:51
  And even if that step didn't work, what did I learn from that step? Which is very similar to
• 45:57
  what I'm sharing with expectancy. So instead of living in the rigid rules of expectations that you
• 46:05
  didn't choose and you didn't examine, you get to choose what you expect. And then you be the
• 46:12
  person that can achieve that. And as you are doing what you need to do from that place of being,
• 46:22
  you see what happens. That's expectancy. So the expectations aren't bad. It's just the
• 46:28
  unexamined ones. I wouldn't call them bad. I just say you just need to examine them and be discerning.
• 46:33
  So expectancy, surfing your edge, so aligned. And I would love to continue to work with you
• 46:43
  on different things, by the way. Well, I love that. And I'm actually thinking I need to have you on
• 46:49
  as my guest so we can talk about expectancy and how expectation, what you're expecting for your
• 47:00
  future, has a bigger role on who you're being now than you know. So I want to continue the
• 47:06
  conversation over on Surfing Your Edge. Yay! I agree. We're in alignment there. So let's get that
• 47:16
  scheduled. Awesome. So with that, we will end here. And just know, Kristine is going to have a
• 47:24
  gift for you. It will be in the show notes and in the vault. So thank you so much, Kristine.
• 47:32
  And let's all go out and surf our edge. Thank you, Elle. You guys, this session with Kristine
• 47:44
  was phenomenal. I can't wait to hop on her podcast, Surfing Your Edge. We
• 47:55
  shared so much in this podcast about being able to be on that edge of your comfort zone so that
• 48:05
  you can expand it. And as you expand your comfort zone, you are in relationship with that healthy
• 48:16
  fear, and you are expanding that. And you're able to talk to yourself in such a way that you know
• 48:24
  you're going to be fine because you'll remember those steps that you took before. And Kristine
• 48:32
  had great wisdom in saying, instead of having your path already lined out,
• 48:40
  just take the next right step and then be able to turn around and reflect on it.
• 48:48
  And that helps you continue to take that next right step. So hopefully, during this podcast,
• 48:58
  we brought the mirror, the map, and the method. And you get to choose. And remember,
• 49:07
  evolution is not a solitary sport.