Latest / The Family Teams Podcast / Ep. 58 | Involving Adult Siblings in the Family Vision

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Ep. 58 | Involving Adult Siblings in the Family Vision · The Family Teams Podcast

• 0:00
  Really expose them to what your family is doing and be invitational, but don't try to put a lot of pressure on them. Hey guys, welcome to the 5-Minute Fatherhood Podcast. I'm your co-host, Jeff Bethke, along with my friend and mentor, Jeremy Pryor. Join us Monday through Friday as we chat about quick tips, skills, and ways to help equip you on your journey as a father to build your multi-generational family team on mission. Stay tuned. Thank you.
• 0:34
  What's up, guys? Jeff and Jeremy here back with another episode of Five Minute Fatherhood. Today's question is from the Facebook group, which you should be in there if you're not. Link in the description on YouTube and on audio, or you can just search Five Minute Fatherhood. The question is, should you try to involve adult siblings in your family mission? So I'm guessing that's coming from someone who's adult, married, has children, and then saying like they're kind of horizontal relationships with their siblings. How do you integrate that? It's basically the kids as aunts and uncles is what I'm hearing. Is that what you're hearing too, Jeremy? And what would you say?
• 1:02
  Yeah, so we've talked about how you have to be really careful when you go upstream or horizontal generationally not to be too idealistic. And oftentimes that's where relationships get injured. You want to be very invitational, but keep your expectations really low. But be intentional. But don't be too idealistic. You can be a little more idealistic going downstream.
• 1:23
  as you are building a culture with your children and with your grandchildren. But when you're talking about siblings, I think a culture of invitation is probably the best thing to try to attempt first. And so I really have seen people try two different things. And this person who's asking the question is, the first thing a lot of times people try is they actually try to convince siblings to move. They actually try to talk about what,
• 1:48
  all the great things we'll do together, all the mission stuff, we'll build a multi-generational family as brothers and sisters, and it'll be awesome. And so all this idealism, all these high expectations, and then of course people start selling houses and moving if you're successful. And there's a lot of pressure that happens because now you're really on the hook to deliver all these wonderful visions.
• 2:08
  And just I can tell you guys that, look, there's not a lot in our culture that is kind of going to help you if you try this route. And so sometimes you're probably going to miss those expectations. And so that can be really hard. Another way to do this is when your siblings are coming into town or when you're going to visit them,
• 2:27
  But particularly when they're coming to you, to your house, and coming into your family culture, really expose them to what your family is doing and be invitational. But don't try to put a lot of pressure on them. And in our case, and in a lot of our friends, their siblings have moved, but they've moved really when they saw something that they were going after, that they wanted their families to be a part of.
• 2:52
  And so they were taking responsibility for integrating into this. And there's not an assumption that this is going to be easy or that it's all your job to, if I come to be a part of your mission, will you kind of take care of my family and give us a purpose and a vision?
• 3:08
  Those are kind of subtle things that could be accidentally communicated when you're actually trying to persuade siblings to move. So I've just seen that work better, that if you are invitational and really intentional when they're visiting and you involve them in things, they might catch a vision to move. And if they do, that's a way better situation than if they are begrudgingly finally being convinced by you over a long period of time. But any thoughts on that, Jeff? Yeah.
• 3:36
  Yeah, I wouldn't add much besides just one thing. I think everything you said is totally true, and that's the core of it. One little side thing I would say, too, is take your siblings and take anyone who you want to integrate into your family as they are. I think no one wants to be, I think like you said, with your kids, I think you can kind of call out an ideal and a vision of like, hey, all of us are going this direction, and we're going to work hard to get there. We're going to pursue there, but I think kind of just integrating your siblings together
• 4:01
  in a way that's our, like, basically, it's just like, it's, it's, it's who they are, and you already love them as they are, and who they are, and getting, bringing them to dinner, telling them to tell stories, not trying to basically get them to some level before you feel like, you know, okay, now you can kind of come into this, this thing. I don't know if it makes sense. But I've seen that happen a couple times with some other families that I am thinking of, of like, just yeah, like you,
• 4:22
  Because then that communicates honor. And when that communicates honor, then it starts to have that orbiting pull. And then that starts to have them actually saying, oh, I want more of this. Or, oh, I think all of us, when we feel honored by something like that, then we actually kind of want to rise to the occasion. And we all start doing different things then and going in a different direction. So I would just say that of making sure you're kind of inviting people in that way.
• 4:42
  Yeah, I think that I love that when you said orbiting, I know that one of the things that the best things you can create is gravity, right? You want your home and your own family to have strong gravity that people are attracted to, as opposed to going out and grabbing people and bringing them in. So make your family culture one that people are gravitating towards. That's probably the best way to begin to attract other family members closer to that hub.
• 5:10
  Hey guys, can I just ask you a quick favor? If you could just pause real quick. Well, actually after I'm done with this, so it makes sense. And about for about 30 seconds and just rate and review this podcast. We can 10 X the number of dads we help through this content. If our podcast can be found by more dads. And one of the weird main things about this podcast game is that how they get ranked and how they get in front of other people essentially is because of how it gets rated and reviewed. So if you can just give a quick, honest rating and review, we would greatly, greatly appreciate it. Thanks guys.