Latest / Inspirations for Your Life / WHAT You Do ALONE Reveals THIS About You (S5) S40:E6 Thursday

Transcript

WHAT You Do ALONE Reveals THIS About You (S5) S40:E6 Thursday · Inspirations for Your Life

0:24
Well there, hello everyone, welcome to my live
0:29
show.
0:30
Great to be with you here today.
0:31
It is at the Montgomery State University Student
0:37
Center here at Montgomery State University.
0:39
Just right beside me there, I'm not sure
0:41
you can see the building, that is Montgomery
0:42
State University's Student Center, and I'm here in
0:46
what we call the student quad.
0:48
This is just kind of what they call
0:49
it.
0:50
So if this is your very first time
0:51
joining me, I want to take the opportunity
0:53
to say welcome, and of course I want
0:54
to say the words thank you to you
0:56
from the bottom of my heart.
0:58
If you've been here one time, five times,
1:00
a hundred, or maybe even more, I'd like
1:02
to say welcome and thank you, but I'd
1:05
also like to say those important words, yes,
1:07
welcome back.
1:08
Thank you so much for everyone.
1:10
If you've not checked out BelieveMeAchieved.com, go
1:12
check that out once the show is over.
1:14
Really would appreciate you doing that.
1:16
Thank you very, very much.
1:17
You can do that at BelieveMeAchieved.com.
1:19
So hello everyone, and welcome once again to
1:21
the ever-popular Inspirations for Your Life show.
1:24
I am your host, John Seymour, a serial
1:26
entrepreneur, engineer, marketing specialist, video producer, podcast host,
1:31
coach, keynote speaker, passionate lifelong learner, graduate student
1:35
at Montgomery State University, and so grateful now
1:37
to be a published author.
1:39
Yes, guys, it is great to be here.
1:41
Again, it is an amazing, amazing Thursday.
1:47
And as you can see, it's not raining
1:49
here today.
1:49
They say it's supposed to rain later, so
1:50
it looks like we might have just snuck
1:52
in under the wire.
1:53
Lots of stuff happening this weekend.
1:55
We have homecoming.
1:57
I just was on the radio, actually, this
1:59
morning.
2:01
So yeah, lots of interesting things.
2:03
There's a few bugs that were flying around
2:04
here.
2:05
So yeah, it's great to be with everybody.
2:08
And hopefully you guys enjoyed today's show.
2:11
Today is a great show.
2:12
Again, we have all these bugs.
2:13
I don't know why we have bugs today,
2:14
but for some reason, we have lots of
2:16
bugs today that are starting to fly all
2:20
around.
2:20
I don't know why that is today, but
2:22
for some reason, that is what's happening.
2:25
So for those of you who don't know,
2:27
on Thursday, we do something pretty interesting.
2:30
We give a shout out.
2:31
All these bugs.
2:32
I don't know why we're getting all these
2:33
bugs around here, but we are getting a
2:35
lot of bugs.
2:36
So hopefully they do go away soon.
2:39
Anyway, let's get right into the show.
2:41
But before we do, I want to give
2:42
a shout out to a local coffee shop
2:45
in New Jersey.
2:48
And today's shout out is going to go
2:50
out to Drip Lab Coffee Company.
2:54
So they're currently located in Lodi, New Jersey.
2:59
They have a website.
3:01
I went to, actually, I went to their
3:03
Instagram page.
3:03
That's kind of where it shoved me.
3:05
But they're called Drip Lab Coffee Company.
3:08
I'm looking to see if they actually have.
3:18
I have one, I don't know.
3:21
Anyway, they're at the.
3:23
It looks like they do not have.
3:26
OK, I see it here.
3:27
Website when I click on website, it takes
3:29
me to Instagram.
3:30
So they really don't have an actual website.
3:33
But from what I can see, they're a
3:36
coffee place, small little coffee place.
3:38
And, yeah, they're right on 272 Ridge Road
3:43
in Linners, New Jersey.
3:45
And they're all about specialty coffee, sound and
3:50
community.
3:51
And they're known for their espresso.
3:53
And they also have a I guess they
3:55
call it a pouring station.
3:56
That's what they call it.
3:58
So, again, welcome, everyone.
4:00
So great to have you here with me
4:02
on the show.
4:04
And don't forget, ladies and gentlemen, if you
4:06
are a coffee shop, check out Jason Academy
4:09
dot com and you can explore.
4:12
Yes, my latest stuff, but you also can
4:13
invite me to become someone to visit your
4:17
facility so you can host our show.
4:19
So ladies and gentlemen, our weekly master topic
4:21
is your actions are telling the truth about
4:24
you.
4:25
Seasons five show number 40.
4:28
Today is Thursday, as I mentioned, episode six.
4:30
And our topic is what you do alone
4:33
reveals this about you.
4:35
Here's the question I want you thinking about
4:36
today.
4:38
Who are you when nobody is watching you?
4:40
No audience, no applause, no recognition, no reward.
4:44
Nobody checking behind you.
4:45
We're checking behind me because you see that
4:48
version of you may tell us something important
4:51
about your character and who you really are
4:54
and who you're becoming.
4:56
So let's get right into our 30 points.
4:57
Number one, integrity begins when there is no
5:01
audience.
5:03
Yeah, guys, it's easy to make the right
5:05
choice when everyone is watching.
5:07
Sure, it is.
5:08
Integrity becomes more meaningful when you could make
5:11
a different choice and nobody would ever know
5:14
about that.
5:15
Number two, guys.
5:16
Character isn't something you perform.
5:20
OK, it isn't.
5:21
Character isn't a costume you put on when
5:23
you walk into work, meet a client or
5:27
enter a crowded room.
5:29
It's built through repeated choices, including the ones
5:33
nobody really sees.
5:35
Number three, guys, do the right thing without
5:39
needing recognition.
5:40
Not every good action needs an audience.
5:43
No, sometimes nobody will congratulate you.
5:46
Thank you or even know what you even
5:48
did.
5:49
Do it because it aligns with who you've
5:52
decided to become.
5:54
Number four, stop changing your standards and depending
5:58
on who's present, don't do that.
6:01
If your standards disappear when certain people leave
6:04
the room, well.
6:08
They really are there, but are they really
6:12
your standards or are you just trying to
6:13
be something for them?
6:15
Consistency matters, guys, and that's important.
6:18
Number five, private choices eventually shape public results.
6:21
What happens privately doesn't always stay invisible.
6:25
Your preparation, discipline, habits and decisions eventually influence
6:28
what other people see publicly.
6:31
Number six, guys, your habits reveal what applause
6:35
can hide.
6:38
Applause can make us look successful for a
6:41
moment.
6:41
Keep in mind, we are on a live
6:43
campus here at Montgomery University, so we could
6:45
get people walking in front of me, behind
6:47
me, even people talking, hopefully not today.
6:50
The other day, we had that person who
6:52
got their bike stolen or moved.
6:54
So habits reveal what happens repeatedly.
6:58
Look beyond the performance and examine the pattern.
7:02
Number seven, be the person, OK, and be
7:05
that same person when nobody can reward you,
7:08
when you still do it.
7:10
If there were no promotion, compliment, award, like
7:13
or recognition, that's an important characteristic and question
7:17
we need to know.
7:18
Number eight, keep commitments people may never know
7:22
about.
7:22
Some promises are private.
7:25
Maybe you committed to improving something, helping somebody
7:28
or finishing something.
7:30
The absence of an audience doesn't eliminate commitment,
7:33
guys.
7:33
Don't require praise to behave according to your
7:37
values.
7:38
You'll be disappointed every time.
7:40
Your values shouldn't need applause to remain active.
7:44
If something matters to you, allow that value
7:47
to guide your behavior.
7:48
Whether somebody notices or not, what you tolerate
7:52
privately can become normal publicity.
7:55
Repeated behavior becomes familiar.
7:58
Familiar behavior becomes easier to repeat.
8:00
Be careful what you allow yourself to normalize.
8:05
Unfortunately, many people normalize burnout.
8:07
That's not good.
8:08
Number 11, small compromises can become larger patterns.
8:14
Most people don't wake up and decide to
8:16
abandon every standard at once.
8:18
No, it can happen gradually.
8:20
One exception becomes another, and eventually the exception
8:23
becomes the pattern.
8:26
Decide your standards before temptation appears.
8:31
It's easier to make a thoughtful decision before
8:34
you're under pressure.
8:36
Decide what you stand for before the moment
8:39
arrives.
8:40
The test.
8:42
Number 13.
8:44
Make choices your future self won't need to
8:46
explain.
8:47
Imagine yourself looking back at today's decision a
8:51
year from now.
8:53
Will you be comfortable explaining why you made
8:57
it?
8:57
Give your future self fewer messes to clean
9:00
up.
9:01
And I think that's hard for a lot
9:03
of people.
9:03
But once we start doing it, guess what,
9:05
guys?
9:05
It becomes easier for us to digest and
9:09
understand.
9:09
And of course, ladies and gentlemen, implement in
9:12
our life.
9:13
Number 14.
9:15
Honesty matters even when dishonesty would be easier.
9:19
And I know a lot of people say
9:20
dishonesty is easier, but it's not OK.
9:23
It might be easier on the cursory, like
9:26
right here on the surface level.
9:28
But it really isn't.
9:30
Honesty is a particular impressive when there's no
9:33
temptation to be dishonest.
9:35
Integrity becomes visible when telling the truth costs
9:38
something and you choose it anyway.
9:42
Like I said, we're on a live campus
9:43
here, people yelling, screaming.
9:45
That does happen.
9:46
Number 15.
9:47
Don't build a reputation your behavior cannot support.
9:51
A reputation can be manufactured temporarily.
9:54
Character is much harder to fake indefinitely.
9:57
Build your reputation on behavior.
10:00
OK, that's important.
10:02
And you can do that consistently, but you've
10:06
got to make a choice to do this
10:08
in your life every day.
10:09
You can't just say, I'm going to do
10:10
it today.
10:10
Only number 16.
10:14
Integrity reduces the number of versions of yourself
10:16
you need.
10:17
What do I mean by that?
10:19
So let's think for a moment, OK, about
10:21
how exhausting it would be to maintain one
10:24
version of yourself at work, another around friends,
10:27
another online and another privately.
10:29
Yes, that's we sometimes call that being two
10:32
faced.
10:33
Like you act one way in front of
10:35
your friends and another way in front of
10:37
other people.
10:38
Right.
10:39
It's exhausting.
10:40
And integrity simplifies things.
10:43
And you know who you are, guys.
10:45
You know who you are.
10:46
So let's remember that when we're doing this
10:49
and building integrity.
10:51
Number 17.
10:52
Number 17 is stop performing goodness and start
10:55
practicing it.
10:56
So looking good and doing good aren't always
10:59
the same thing.
11:01
Focus less on creating the appearance of character
11:04
and more on repeatedly practicing it.
11:08
That's not something you just do one day,
11:10
guys.
11:11
Number 18, treat people well, even when they
11:15
can't help you.
11:16
I love that one.
11:17
Watch how people.
11:20
Sometimes treat others from whom they need absolutely
11:24
nothing from.
11:25
Respect shouldn't be reserved for people with influence,
11:28
money, status or opportunity.
11:30
It should be the norm everywhere.
11:32
But too often, people act differently because they're
11:36
expecting something, you know, they're going to get
11:38
something.
11:41
Number 19, respect people who have nothing to
11:45
offer you.
11:46
Every person has human value.
11:49
You shouldn't need a strategic reason to treat
11:52
somebody with pure dignity.
11:55
Really?
11:56
You shouldn't.
11:57
Number 20, return what isn't yours.
12:01
This sounds simple because it is.
12:04
If something doesn't belong to you, return it.
12:07
Integrity often lives inside ordinary decisions.
12:10
You know, you found a wallet on the
12:11
floor.
12:12
Return it.
12:13
I'm at school.
12:13
I found keys.
12:15
Return them.
12:16
I found a book.
12:17
Return it.
12:18
I found an iPhone.
12:19
Return it.
12:20
You can't return it.
12:21
Can't find it.
12:22
Return it to public safety and they'll hopefully
12:24
get to the right owner.
12:26
Sometimes in your iPhone, you can see who
12:27
it belongs to and then get their contact
12:29
information and call them.
12:30
Number 21, admit mistakes before someone discovers them.
12:36
This can be difficult.
12:38
Ego may tell you to hide the mistake
12:40
and hope nobody ever notices it.
12:43
Character says, guys, I made an error.
12:46
Let's correct it.
12:48
I'm human.
12:49
I'm going to make errors.
12:50
It's not the first one.
12:50
I'll probably make more.
12:53
But what we need to do is be
12:55
intentional about correcting it so it doesn't happen
12:57
again.
12:58
Number 22, correct problems even when you could
13:02
hide them.
13:03
If you discover a problem nobody else knows,
13:06
you have a choice.
13:07
Hiding it may be easier today.
13:09
Correcting it may protect your credibility tomorrow.
13:13
Number 23, don't let confidence decide your character.
13:17
Convenience asks us, what's easiest right now for
13:21
me?
13:21
Character asks, what's consistent with my true core
13:26
values?
13:27
And those answers aren't always the same, guys.
13:31
No, they're not always the same.
13:32
Your values matter most when they cost you
13:36
something.
13:37
Values are easy when they're free.
13:40
The real test comes when honesty costs money.
13:43
Loyalty costs convenience, or doing the right thing
13:46
costs an opportunity.
13:48
Number 25, guys, trust is built through repeated
13:51
evidence.
13:53
Trust doesn't just happen by one action.
13:56
It happens by doing things over and over
13:58
and over and over again.
14:00
That's the real key, guys.
14:02
And I think if we can become that
14:05
real key, then our life will change.
14:07
I'm not going to promise you that it's
14:09
going to change overnight because it won't change
14:12
overnight.
14:12
Let me just be quite honest about that.
14:14
But what will happen is you're going to
14:16
say, wait a minute.
14:17
This makes sense to me now.
14:19
Right.
14:19
I get it.
14:20
This makes sense.
14:21
So those are those are very, very important
14:25
things for us to really understand.
14:28
OK, number 25.
14:31
As I said, trust is built through repeat
14:33
evidence.
14:34
People don't trust you simply because you announce
14:37
that you're trustworthy.
14:38
Hey, guys, I'm the real deal.
14:40
I'm trustworthy.
14:40
Not trust grows when your actions repeatedly provide
14:45
evidence that your words can be believed.
14:48
Right.
14:48
You don't trust somebody just because you met
14:50
them the first time.
14:51
You want to see these flies keep flying.
14:54
It gets the temperature change.
14:55
They don't know why.
14:56
It's like in this zone between a little
14:59
warm and a little cold.
15:00
And when it's like this, it's just warm
15:02
enough for flies to want to come around.
15:04
Number 26, protect, protect your credibility before you
15:08
actually need it.
15:09
It's kind of like protect your credit before
15:11
you need it.
15:11
Credibility takes time to build and can disappear
15:14
quickly.
15:14
Don't wait until a crisis to start thinking
15:16
about whether people trust your word.
15:20
Number 27 becomes someone people don't have to
15:24
second guess.
15:25
OK.
15:26
Imagine the value of people knowing that when
15:31
you say something, you mean it.
15:33
When you commit, you make every reasonable effort
15:37
to follow through.
15:39
That kind of dependability, it matters, guys.
15:42
Not once, but it builds credibly over time.
15:46
And then it builds trust.
15:48
And when trust gets built, we were going
15:49
to like, oh, wait a minute.
15:51
I get that.
15:51
I understand that.
15:52
I know what's going on.
15:54
And I think that's an important piece for
15:57
most people to realize, you know, in their
15:59
in their own life.
16:00
And I want to share this with you
16:02
because, you know, most people will do things
16:06
because somebody's watching.
16:07
There was a commercial on TV several months
16:12
ago, and there were all these people, you
16:14
know, that were handling your luggage.
16:15
Right.
16:16
And so when the luggage people knew they
16:20
were being filmed, they were like, you know,
16:22
being so careful, the luggage, they were dusting
16:23
it off, they were patting it.
16:24
They were even brushing it off with like
16:26
a little brush.
16:27
Interesting, right?
16:28
They knew they were on camera, but.
16:33
When they didn't know they were on camera
16:35
or they didn't suspect they're being filmed.
16:38
They just threw the luggage like any old
16:40
way.
16:41
How do you behave to somebody if you
16:44
know they're worth something pretty well, right?
16:47
But if they don't have value or you
16:49
don't think they have much, you sometimes treat
16:52
them bad because you don't think they can
16:55
do something for you.
16:56
The thing is, doing something for you doesn't
16:59
have to come from money.
17:00
It could be just a kind act.
17:02
It could be some knowledge that they've shared
17:04
with you.
17:04
So I think a lot of people today
17:06
just look at people face value.
17:08
And I think that's a big problem.
17:10
We see this a lot in corporate America.
17:12
We see this a lot with our friends,
17:14
right?
17:14
You can pick your friends, but you can't
17:17
choose your family.
17:19
So when we choose to pick our friends,
17:22
we pick friends based on integrity, based on
17:25
quality.
17:27
I think that's a real important thing for
17:29
many people to understand.
17:32
And I say that in a way because
17:35
I keep getting these bugs here, guys.
17:37
Sorry about that.
17:38
So become someone people don't have to second
17:41
guess.
17:41
Number twenty seven.
17:43
You see, imagine the value of people.
17:47
Knowing that when you say something, you mean
17:49
it, when you commit, you'll make every reasonable
17:53
effort to follow through.
17:55
We've got skateboarders behind me here now.
17:57
The kind of dependability actually matters.
18:00
This isn't dependability because somebody is looking for
18:04
something.
18:05
It's just the fact that you're being dependable
18:07
for one main reason.
18:09
I think that's an important piece for us
18:10
to understand.
18:12
Number twenty eight.
18:13
Let your private behavior support your public words.
18:17
That's an interesting one.
18:19
I know when I was in high school,
18:22
people would say one thing, right?
18:24
They're your friend.
18:25
But then when they're around other people, they
18:28
don't admit that they're friends with you or
18:33
they're like, oh, he or she, they're just
18:35
an acquaintance.
18:37
And then you're like, hey, dude, like, what
18:38
was that about?
18:39
Oh, well, you know, I have to kind
18:41
of act cool in front of those guys.
18:43
Like, I can't let them know that I'm
18:44
friends with you.
18:45
Like, what the heck?
18:46
Like, what's that about?
18:48
So if you're publicly saying something, it matters.
18:53
Ask whether your private choices support that statement
18:56
to alignment between the two creates credibility.
18:59
So when the guy says to me, oh,
19:00
yeah, John, I can't really be seen, you
19:03
know, talking to you, we're friends and we'll
19:05
hang out and do stuff.
19:05
But around the cool guys, I can't really
19:07
be a friend like that was nonsense.
19:10
And I didn't put up with that very
19:11
long.
19:12
And then quickly you started breaking to who
19:15
your real friends were.
19:16
Right.
19:17
And, you know, I remember having a group
19:20
in high school and not to call them
19:23
out on this, but I always did everything
19:24
with integrity.
19:26
Didn't cheat.
19:27
I was always doing things honestly.
19:29
And they did things sometimes that were only
19:31
burn, always honest.
19:34
They copy each other's homework.
19:37
One friend didn't study.
19:38
So they'd be passing answers or they'd be
19:40
having a code system holding their fingers up,
19:43
like saying, you know, like.
19:45
And then they and then and then what
19:47
would happen is the one person would like
19:49
and then they would come back and be
19:51
like.
19:51
Right, or they would do this or somebody
19:55
would do like they would tap five times,
19:59
one, two, three, four, five, and they'd watch
20:01
one, two, three, four, five, and they'd come
20:04
back and they would do either they could
20:05
do it, they would do it, too.
20:07
And that was dishonest, guys.
20:08
That was really dishonest.
20:10
I didn't say anything.
20:12
But I didn't fit in with the click
20:14
originally because I didn't play the cheating game.
20:20
Right.
20:20
And I remember being at a test.
20:23
I remember saying, hey, John, you know, I
20:24
need to say, can you help me?
20:26
What do you need?
20:27
What's the answer before?
20:27
I'm like, I'm not giving you the answers.
20:30
And the teacher comes, what's going on?
20:33
Well, Chris just asked me for the answer,
20:35
number three.
20:38
I didn't do that.
20:39
I didn't do that.
20:40
You did.
20:41
OK, you to the principal's office, you to
20:44
that chair.
20:45
And.
20:47
It's a very hard predicament.
20:48
I mean, in high school, a lot of
20:51
people don't study grammar school, not such a
20:54
big deal.
20:54
But in high school, there's more work.
20:57
OK.
20:57
And it's not like college, but I went
20:59
to a prep high school.
21:01
So in my sophomore and I'd say my
21:06
junior and senior year, it was very close
21:07
to my college work.
21:08
In fact, some was even more than my
21:10
college work because it was a college prep
21:11
school.
21:12
I went to new prep.
21:13
So alignment between two things creates credibility.
21:17
OK, and I think that's important what we
21:19
do in our private world and what we
21:21
say in our public world, right?
21:23
Or what we say in our public world
21:25
and what we do in our private world.
21:29
Reputation number twenty nine is what people think.
21:32
And character is what you practice.
21:34
Let me explain that again.
21:35
So number twenty nine reputation is what we
21:37
all want to protect is what people think
21:40
we are.
21:41
And character is what you practice so you
21:43
can have a reputation and people seeing you
21:45
as a character, right?
21:48
That's reputation.
21:50
Character is what you're practicing.
21:53
Reputation exists in other people's minds.
21:56
You can influence it, but you can't completely
21:58
control it.
21:59
Character is different.
22:01
Character is something you practice through your decisions
22:04
and people start to.
22:08
Identify or change the reputation of you based
22:11
on your character.
22:13
Character a lot of times requires choices, right?
22:17
Sometimes hard choices to be made.
22:19
Number 30, guys, be someone you can respect
22:23
when no one else is looking.
22:26
What I do with that test, a friend
22:28
of mine was doing.
22:30
I just ignored it.
22:32
And that's where everything comes full circle together.
22:36
Imagine removing the audience completely.
22:39
Nobody knows what choice you're about to make.
22:42
Nobody knows what choice you're about to make.
22:45
Nobody will congratulate you for doing the right
22:49
thing.
22:49
Do it anyway.
22:51
Nobody's going to congratulate you because you, you
22:54
know, kept the luggage right.
22:56
It wasn't on camera.
22:57
They expect you to do the right thing.
22:59
Right.
22:59
Nobody will congratulate you again for doing the
23:02
right thing.
23:03
Nobody will criticize you if you take the
23:06
shortcut.
23:08
Nobody will post about it either.
23:10
Nobody will know except you.
23:12
What do you do?
23:14
That's integrity.
23:16
I found somebody's wallet.
23:17
I'm going to return it.
23:19
It had $100 in it.
23:20
I'm going to return it.
23:22
And this connects us directly to our weekly
23:24
master topic.
23:26
Your actions are telling the truth about you.
23:29
This week, we've talked about intentions, changing our
23:33
minds as we grow and more through life,
23:38
keeping promises to ourselves and others, and also
23:42
managing our ego.
23:44
We sometimes call it keeping our ego in
23:46
check.
23:47
And looking beyond success that exists only for
23:50
ourselves.
23:52
I was giving a keynote the other day
23:53
at a library, and one gentleman was saying,
23:57
you know, John, you talk a lot about
23:58
success when it comes to money.
24:00
I said, well, money is just one factor.
24:02
It can be money.
24:02
It can be health.
24:04
It can be relationships.
24:07
And he said, well, you don't understand, you
24:08
know, I hold two or three jobs just
24:10
to make ends meet.
24:11
So for me, money is something I need
24:13
just to survive.
24:15
And I said, you've got to change your
24:17
thought about money.
24:18
You've got to change your view about it.
24:20
You've got to change your belief about yourself
24:23
and what you're worth.
24:26
I shared that with him and he wasn't
24:29
able to accept it.
24:30
He was defensive.
24:32
The first thing people do when, you know,
24:35
they have a problem, denial, people going through
24:38
a drug problem, an alcohol problem, what's the
24:42
stages?
24:42
Let's think about this for a moment.
24:44
So so what are what are the stages?
24:47
Right.
24:48
One is denial.
24:51
And I didn't plan to go here, but
24:53
I just kind of went here.
24:55
You know, there are there are basically there
24:58
are state is denial, as we call it.
25:02
And I think this is an important piece
25:03
for us to talk about here.
25:05
First thing is people go through, like I
25:11
said, different stages.
25:13
And I think one thing is how it
25:17
works in your brain.
25:18
OK, so the first thing is denial or
25:21
isolation.
25:22
The initial defense mechanism, the mind shields itself
25:25
from the overwhelming shock of a new reality.
25:30
OK.
25:31
And by refusing to accept the facts, like
25:33
I shared with this gentleman in a very
25:35
polite way, he was denying what I was
25:38
saying and not wanting to listen.
25:39
That happens.
25:40
Number two is anger.
25:42
As the buffering effects of denial wear off,
25:45
reality begins to surface like, you know, maybe
25:47
he was right, often manifesting as frustration, resentment
25:51
or blame, because I noticed that a little
25:53
bit later after I shared that with him.
25:55
So it comes off as anger.
25:57
So first is denial and isolation, anger.
26:00
The third thing is bargaining and attempt to
26:02
regain control through.
26:03
Well, what if I did this?
26:08
What if I took three drinks instead of
26:10
two?
26:10
What if I, you know, was nice only
26:14
on Tuesdays?
26:16
You get my point, right?
26:18
But what if thinking or mentally negotiating a
26:20
different outcome?
26:21
That's bargaining.
26:23
Number four, guys, a lot of people go
26:25
through this depression, a stage of deep sadness
26:31
and withdrawal that occurs when the permanence of
26:35
the situation is fully recognized like, oh, gee,
26:37
wait a minute.
26:39
I really am doing this to myself.
26:40
I really am sabotaging myself.
26:42
And the fifth, guys, is acceptance, reaching a
26:45
state of stabilization where the new reality is
26:47
acknowledged, allowing the individual to move forward.
26:50
But it's not always an easy thing to
26:51
do.
26:52
I got to be honest with you.
26:54
So today we go even deeper.
26:57
What happens when there's no audience at all?
26:59
Because ultimately, guys, integrity isn't about appearing perfect.
27:05
We're human.
27:06
We're going to make mistakes.
27:08
Integrity is about what do we do next?
27:10
Do we acknowledge the mistake?
27:11
Do we correct the problem?
27:12
Do we tell the truth?
27:13
Do we return what is in ours?
27:15
Do we honor the commitment?
27:16
Do we treat someone with respect even when
27:19
they can do absolutely nothing for us?
27:22
Those moments build true character.
27:24
So here's your challenge for today.
27:26
Identify one standard you say matters to you.
27:28
Honestly.
27:31
Reliably.
27:32
Respectfully.
27:33
So honesty, reliability and respect, kindness, responsibility, whatever
27:37
it is.
27:38
Now ask yourself this.
27:39
Do I practice this when nobody's watching?
27:41
If the answer is yes, keep building that
27:43
evidence.
27:43
If the answer reveals a gap, that's not
27:46
the end of the story.
27:47
That's the information you can use to make
27:49
your next action better, because your characters are
27:51
determined by one perfect day.
27:53
It's shaped by the choices you repeatedly practice.
27:55
I'm John C.
27:55
Morley, serial entrepreneur.
27:56
I thank you so much for watching today.
27:59
Check out BelieveMeAchieve.com.
28:00
Remember, guys, reputation may influence what other people
28:03
think about you.
28:03
But character determines who.
28:07
You practice becoming.
28:10
Take care, everyone, and be well.