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(#16) Self-Sabotage Seduction: The Sneaky Patterns Keeping You From Your Next Level · Alignment With Jenn

• 0:00
  Hello, hello, welcome to this episode of Receive.
• 0:04
  I am your host Jen. It's easy.
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  And I am so excited to talk to you today about one of these
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  sneakiest, trickiest topics that is wildly, wildly
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  transformational to understand more about, and that is self
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  sabotage. So we often times think that
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  self sabotage is going to be something that is very obvious,
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  right? Like the first thing that comes
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  to mind is like the person who achieves wild wealth in a short
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  period of time and then they sabotage it, right?
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  They spend all of their money on hookers and cocaine and drugs
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  and things like that, and they waste all their money or they
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  overspend and overspend and they blow all their money.
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  Yes, that is self sabotage. But that's a much more dramatic
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  version of self sabotage. Most people are not doing that
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  kind of self sabotage. Most people are sabotaging
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  themselves in very, very subtle ways.
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  And for a long time I hated the term self sabotage because I'm
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  like, I would never sabotage myself, right?
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  I love myself, I care about myself, Why would I sell?
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  Why would I sabotage myself? Well, the reason that people
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  self sabotage is because there's a conflict between what you
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  consciously say you want, for example a relationship, and what
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  you unconsciously or subconsciously believe is safe,
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  possible, and good to experience.
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  So you can consciously want a relationship, but you can
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  subconsciously believe that relationships aren't safe.
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  Men are bad. I'll never be loved the way that
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  I want to be loved. It's a waste of time.
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  It'll take away my freedom, whatever it might be, right?
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  And if on some level your subconscious believes that what
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  you want is unsafe in some way, then it will create self
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  sabotage in very subtle ways to prevent you from having that
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  thing that you want. And that's what I want to talk
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  about today. I want to give you a lot of
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  examples of of how self sabotage shows up so that way you can see
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  it for yourself because any behavior that we have that is a
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  limiting behavior. Well, honestly, any behavior,
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  but specifically our limiting behaviors, any behavior that you
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  have is showing a limiting belief under the surface.
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  OK, so always dating the same toxic men is showing that
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  underneath the surface, there's something that is out of
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  alignment with your highest good.
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  There's some belief in there that we need to neutralize.
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  We need to clear out in order for you to experience your
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  highest timeline. And truthfully, that's the
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  journey that we are going on in this lifetime is to clear out
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  and neutralize all of that gunk that we have collected so we can
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  receive everything that we're destined to receive.
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  And so I want to give an example of this.
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  I've had this same conversation twice over the last week with
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  two women came on. I had calls with them about them
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  joining my program and they were both highly, highly successful
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  women in their careers, like wildly successful women.
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  And what they wanted is they wanted to manifest
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  relationships, right? Super common pattern in our
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  reality and our lives. And I would ask them, you know,
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  why do you think you haven't had a relationship, yada, yada,
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  yada, right. We'd get into it and what it
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  would always come nowadays is they're like, well, you know, I
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  just work a lot and like, I really value my work and it's
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  hard for me to find time for dating.
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  It's hard for me to, you know, really like find time for it,
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  you know, cuz I'm, I'm traveling all the time, yadda, yadda,
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  yadda. The truth is though, you will
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  make time for anything that is valuable and important for you.
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  Time is never an excuse. I should actually say time is
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  always an excuse, but it's never a real reason why you're not
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  doing something. These women had deep fears
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  around relationship. That's actually what was
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  stopping them. It was not the fact that they
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  couldn't make time to go on one to two dates a week or one or a
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  month, right? Anyone can make that time.
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  If you can't make that time, then there's something horribly
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  wrong in your life. So it's recognizing that our
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  minds are going to spin and spin and spin a whole bunch of BS to
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  protect us in air quotes. I'm doing the like little finger
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  air quotes to protect us from what it believes is not safe.
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  So if we've had unhealthy relationships in the past or
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  relationships, maybe they were even healthy, but they just made
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  us feel limited or stuck or hurt or we heard.
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  I've had numerous clients tell me that their father cheated on
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  their mother and that really has caused them to not want
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  relationships on a very subconscious level.
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  And So what we need to do is, and I'm using relationship as an
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  example, but there's all sorts of ways that this shows up,
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  right? It shows up a lot for business
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  owners when business owners are like, God, I want to reach that
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  next level of, of, you know, clients and everything like
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  that. But man, that means more
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  visibility, that means more responsibility.
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  That means I might fail bigger. That's bigger risk.
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  We will sabotage that. So what we need to do is we need
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  to show the mind that these things are safe, that they are
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  OK, that they are not to be avoided because whatever we void
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  the mind considers less and less and less safe.
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  So before I get into my method for clearing self sabotage, I
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  want to share with you 8 of the top ways that I see self
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  sabotage showing up for the wonderful, amazing women that I
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  work with in hopes that you will be able to see these in your own
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  life. Start making some changes as
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  well. So the first one that I see is
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  really subtle and it's really tricky and I call it the later
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  list. It's saying, OK, you know what,
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  once I have the money, once I have the time, once I have the
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  energy, once I have the relationship, then I will XY and
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  Z. It's putting off what you want
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  for some mystical time in the future.
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  The reason that this is great, it's great in multiple ways
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  because it gives you the pleasure of being like, oh, I'm
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  going to do it right. It's a little bit satisfying,
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  like, oh, that's going to be so awesome.
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  And you get to kind of enjoy the dopamine hit of it.
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  But what it's also doing is it's pacifying your subconscious
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  mind. She's a little scaredy cat and
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  doesn't want you to experience this because it's unsafe in some
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  way. So it's putting off our desires
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  for the future because of XY and ZA big one I see is saying, you
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  know what I like? I really don't have the money
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  for this. I don't have the money to invest
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  in myself right now. But when I do have the money, I
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  will, which is like the biggest little loop I've ever heard for
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  BS. I was on a call with a she was a
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  potential client that's now a new client.
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  She just joined my program and she was telling me about how she
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  wants to grow her business, but what happens is that by the end
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  of the day, she's always way too tired and she always will put
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  off working on her business. Self sabotage, right?
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  Very subtle. And then we get to the end of
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  the call and she's like, you know, I don't know if I have the
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  money for this. And I was like, do you see that?
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  This is the same pattern that you're playing out?
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  You are putting off what you want for something in the future
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  for when you have the time, for when you have the money.
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  You're literally delaying away your life.
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  And. And she said, yeah, she's like,
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  that's exactly right. And so that's what she ended up
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  signing up for the program because she saw that that's a
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  pattern that she's playing out, putting things off for later,
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  saying I'll do this when I have this.
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  In reality, most of the time we need to do it when we don't feel
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  like we have the money, when we don't feel like we have the
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  time, when we don't feel like we have the energy, when we don't
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  feel like we're good enough because that's how we get to
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  where we want to be. If everybody waited until they
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  got there to do all the things, nobody would be there.
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  So notice in your life, What are you saying?
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  I'll do it later. I'll do it when the next one is
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  never ready. Somebody that is always UN
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  ready, right? They are always like, you know
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  what? I just need to like fix this a
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  little bit more or I need to take another course or I need to
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  like spend a little bit more time working on this and then
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  I'll send it out. I need to ask a few more people
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  for advice and then I'll do it. They are, this is that same
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  little sneaky habit of being like, you get that dopamine hit
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  of, of like, I'm working on it, right?
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  I'm making progress, but you're not really, you're not really in
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  the arena, you're not really taking action.
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  You're preparing to take action versus actually taking action.
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  And so when you recognize that you're never really going to
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  feel ready to take action on things that are big for you,
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  that's the truth. That's what I've seen in my
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  experience starting multiple businesses is that I've never
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  really felt ready for my next level.
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  And if I did feel ready for it, I was ready for the next level
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  after that. Because when you feel ready for
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  something, that's because you've had experience with it, It's
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  become familiar. And so then of course you're
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  going to feel ready for it, right?
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  You've done it. It's only once you've done it
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  that you'll feel fully, fully ready for something.
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  And so one of the things I learned very early on in my
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  business journey was like the lean startup model.
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  It's, and one of my business mentors said that by the time
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  you take a product to market, if the product is like perfect and
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  ready to go, you've waited too long, you've missed the mark
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  because you want to put things out there and do things before
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  you're ready because that's how you really build the strong
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  muscle. That's how you find out is this
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  the right fit, right versus people that wait and wait and
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  wait and wait. They wait.
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  They spend their entire lives waiting.
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  Then another one that I notice a lot is the shrinking act.
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  Oh God, this one's so insidious. It's downplaying what you really
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  want. It's saying like, you know, like
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  this relationship is good enough or this job is good enough or
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  this business is good enough. They lower their standards
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  because they fear that they can't have of what they really
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  want. They fear that they won't be
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  good enough, that they won't experience what they really
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  want. So they shrink and they say this
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  is fine. They accept less than they know
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  that they're meant for because of fear.
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  It's a form of self sabotage. These are so sneaky, aren't
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  they? They're little sneaky bugs.
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  Another one is this one's tricky to talk about because there's
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  truth in the need Forrest, but I call it the chill phase.
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  It's people that are constantly like in this chill phase of life
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  or they're always leaning back into resting and they're like,
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  you know what, I just need a break.
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  I just need to take some time off.
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  I just need to think. I just need to relax, right?
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  And what happens is these people never end up creating any
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  momentum. They never actually take any
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  real actions. And they're using rest as an
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  excuse for to procrastinate, to not seek out what they want.
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  And something that I want you to recognize is the mind is very,
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  very clever. And it will cloak all of these
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  with a lot of reasons why they're all okay, right?
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  You'll be able to rationalize them all.
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  But The thing is, if you really want an extraordinary life,
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  you've got to stop rationalizing away your time, your money, your
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  life, and what you want. You've got to stop rationalizing
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  away your dreams. So I am a big proponent of rest,
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  am a projector who I don't have any active energy centers or
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  energy centers that produce energy if you're familiar with
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  human design. So I require a lot of rest with
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  that. I also recognize that I can use
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  rest as an excuse for not doing the things that make me
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  uncomfortable. And so a huge part of this
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  journey of creating and manifesting a life you want is
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  getting OK with being uncomfortable with allowing
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  yourself to be uncomfortable with acting before you're ready.
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  Another one that I always see is like the busy bee trap, which
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  kind of goes into the one I talked about earlier, but it's
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  filling your time with safe tasks like emails or cleaning or
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  organizing or taking your dog for a walk.
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  These all feel super productive, but you're not doing the things
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  that are actually going to move the needle toward your bigger
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  vision, right? Maybe you're spending time
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  emailing, cleaning, working when you really should be going on
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  dates with guys, or you really should be working on that dream
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  business of yours. A massive form of self love is
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  going after what you truly want versus settling for mediocrity.
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  Think about it like the biggest form of self love you can give
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  yourself is just giving yourself the life that you want.
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  There's no bigger form of love than that.
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  So something I recommend doing is for this busy B1 is auditing
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  your time and really looking at how am I spending my time right?
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  What am I doing with my time to see if you're spending it.
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  Well, I see this one a lot with entrepreneurs who are like, I
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  need to do everything right. I need to do it all in my
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  business because they fear that next level.
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  So they use it as an excuse of like, I just have too much to
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  do. But in reality, they could
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  outsource it. They could get support with it,
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  but what they're really doing is they are delaying and they're
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  self sabotaging. And so something I really want
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  to get across here is that self sabotage is not going to be like
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  a red flag that you see. It is going to be something
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  typically that you will not notice until it's been happening
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  for a while or it is something that you will notice after the
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  fact. You can notice it as it's
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  happening if you are very self aware and if you keep really
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  clear on what your goals are and what your visions are for your
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  life. And you look at your time and
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  you say, how am I spending my time in accordance with this,
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  right? That's a really big indicator of
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  self sabotage. But one example, another example
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  I want to give is of this busy bee trap is back in September.
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  I might have shared this story on the podcast before.
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  My business was kind of at a plateau, which was interesting
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  because I, it hadn't been before and I was really looking and I
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  was really trying to think and understand why I was
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  experiencing this plateau. And what I did is I did my
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  subconscious rewiring method, which I'm going to share with
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  you in a moment. And I cleared out some of the
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  fears and some of the doubts that I had had.
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  I had had a fear of too much responsibility of if my business
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  gets too big, it'll be too much responsibility and it'll exhaust
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  me and it'll affect my health negatively.
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  And because that has happened to me in the past.
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  And so I did some rewiring around that.
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  And it was wild because within a couple of days, I saw my
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  business completely differently. I saw that what I had been doing
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  is hiring different coaches, trying different methods to
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  solve a problem that didn't exist.
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  I was trying to find another system and strategy for my
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  business when I already had a strategy that was working
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  exceptionally well. But in my mind, the problem was
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  the strategy, when in reality it was that I had these fears and
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  these doubts. So my mind was creating
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  basically busy work to keep me safe from that experience from
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  having that larger business. Once I cleared those out, I have
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  had numerous of my highest revenue months like over and
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  over again where it's like just keeps getting higher.
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  So recognizing and understanding how this might be playing out
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  for you, It is likely in the areas where you feel frustrated,
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  where you might feel stuck, but it could also be in the areas
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  where you actually feel content. Because sometimes contentment
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  can be keeping us away from the bigger visions that were meant
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  for. So there's a couple of pieces to
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  really rewiring and shifting self sabotage as it's showing
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  up. So the first thing you want to
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  do is really pinpoint and identify what is the deeper fear
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  underneath the surface, what is the deeper belief, the doubt
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  underneath the surface. And usually this is in the form
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  of if X happens, then Y will happen.
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  If I get into a relationship, then Oh no, I will have my
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  freedom taken away. Then Oh no, I will be treated
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  poorly, whatever it might be. And then what you want to do is
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  you want to understand more about that for yourself.
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  And this is really what I guide people through in my program.
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  I have a four month program and I take you through clearing out
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  these deeper held subconscious beliefs and subconscious fears
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  and doubts. One of my clients described it
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  as like removing the cage. And it's like your whole life,
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  you live in this cage of your fears and your doubts and
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  experiences. And when you start to do this
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  work, you remove that cage and you see your entire life
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  differently, completely differently.
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  Like the story I shared about me and my business, I already had
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  this solutions in front of me. I didn't have to change
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  anything. And so we want to understand
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  really what is driving that behavior and I do this through
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  very specific questions and a specific method of
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  identification to really find out why are you why are you
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  fearing that outcome, right? What's really coming up for you
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  then what we want to do is we want to use specific tools that
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  work at a subconscious level to neutralize the emotional charge
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  on that fear, that doubt, that limiting belief, because the
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  only reason that that limiting belief, that fear, that doubt
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  has any life to it is because there's emotion attached.
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  If there was no motion emotion, it would be meaningless to you.
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  It wouldn't matter, right? A white piece of paper.
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  Most people have no emotion attached to a white piece of
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  paper. It's pretty meaningless.
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  They could give it or they could take it, but these fears and
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  these doubts, we have emotion attached to them and that's why
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  they matter. So we want to neutralize that
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  emotion and we do that in the subconscious mind and we also do
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  that through nervous system work.
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  So I like to use both tools and work on both levels because it
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  creates chef's kiss amazing results.
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  Then what we want to do is we want to imprint our new vision,
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  the new belief that we want to have.
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  So instead of relationships take away my freedom, we want to
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  believe relationships allow me to expand into my infinite
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  potential or whatever you want. I'm cool with whatever you want.
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  So typically when people want to manifest a new reality, they do
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  not do steps one or two. They start with the imprint
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  phase, which is things like affirmations, A visualization,
• 17:39
  drifting, those kinds of things. And those are helpful.
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  But if you have all of this gunk in your subconscious mind that
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  has not been neutralized, your affirmations are going to be
• 17:49
  fighting a losing battle. So we really want to do steps
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  one and two of identify and neutralize before we imprint.
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  You're going to get way faster, way better results.
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  So I hope that this has been tremendously helpful for you.
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  I hope that you kind of got to see this from a new perspective
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  and really got to understand a bit more about how this might be
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  showing up for you in your life. I will say that self sabotage is
• 18:14
  probably the sneakiest thing that we experience, but the way
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  to start identifying it is really looking at your behaviors
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  and notice what behaviors are doing are you doing that do not
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  serve the timeline that you wish to create.
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  And when you start to identify those patterns and those
• 18:30
  behaviors, you can start to unravel your experience.
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  So if you would like help with this process, that's my favorite
• 18:38
  thing to do. I love helping people through
• 18:40
  this. Send me a message on Instagram
• 18:42
  with the Word Podcast and I will send you a three, not three, a 5
• 18:47
  minute video on my program where I guide you through this entire
• 18:51
  process so we can clear out this old gunk and you can start
• 18:55
  running forward your goals. So I hope you have enjoyed this
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  and I look forward to seeing you in next episode.
• 19:02
  Bye bye.