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From Orders To Autonomy: A Veteran’s Playbook For Reintegration, Identity, And Real-World Mindset Tools · Your Thoughts Your Reality

• 0:02
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to Your Thoughts, Your Reality with Michael Cole, the podcast that shines a compassionate light on the journey of veterans battling through life's challenges.
• 0:11
  SPEAKER_00: Michael is the dual elite certified neuroencoding specialist in coaching and keynote training presentations, dedicated to guiding military veterans as they navigate the intricate pathways of post-deployment life.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_00: Join him as we delve into the profound realm of neuroencoding science, empowering these brave individuals to conquer universal battles, procrastination, self-doubt, fear, and more.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_00: Together, let's uncover the strength within you to re-engage with families and society, forging a new path forward.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_01: Hello, hello, hello, everybody.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_01: We have one of my all-time favorites on today.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_01: I just have to say, we were talking a minute ago for 20 minutes, and it felt like we already did the podcast.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_01: So I get extra time with my dear friend Brenda Warren.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_01: Um, Brenda is a retired Marine Corps gunnery sergeant with decades of leadership and life experience.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_01: She's an author, she's a leadership mentor and a transformational coach focused on mindset, which is so important.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_01: And of course, don't even get me started on resilience.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_01: Brenda helps veterans and high performance navigate major life transitions with clarity and purpose.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_01: And of course, she teaches practical mindset tools that create real lasting change, not just motivation.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_01: So, my dear friend, um I know I've I've already said some amazing things we're gonna talk about and make the shift today.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_01: And will you tell us just a little bit more about yourself before we uh really get rolling?
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_03: Well, since the last time uh we taught Michael, I got ordained.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_03: So I'm officially a minister now, which is really pretty cool.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_03: I am also an award-winning author now, which is another thing that happened since then.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_03: And I took a break.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_03: I decided to give a talk about how 80% of strokes can be prevented, and that African-American women are really susceptible to those.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_03: And then I decided I needed to test that out.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_03: I'm happy to say I'm still here and that I am on this side of being healthier than I've been in a very long time.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_03: I'm working on losing weight and getting my mindset right so that I can be the best version of myself and creating a lifestyle that will be sustainable.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely love it.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_01: And and I know we talked a lot about this before the podcast, right?
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_01: So um I think it's it's such a blessing, right?
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_01: Because I can't even imagine Brenda the solutionist, solutionist, sorry.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_01: Um, not in my life.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_01: I just can't even imagine it.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_01: Oh sweet.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_01: So I thank God and and obviously praying for just continued health and and so on.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_01: So um, amen.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_01: So let me let me let me ask you this.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_01: Actually, before we start, I almost totally forgot.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_01: I was just gonna jump in.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_01: I get so excited who we're gonna talk.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, it's it's sharks, it's I mean, who knows what we're gonna talk about, right?
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_01: So on the top right hand corner, there is a blue QR code that takes you to Empower Performance Strategies.com for people listening on the podcast forums after the show.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_01: Again, empower performance strategies.com.
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_01: We have free ebooks I've written, trainings, um, Facebook groups for both veterans and their families.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, come join me part of the mission, please.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_01: Let it help help it grow.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_01: So, with that said, um, tell us just a little bit.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_01: I know this isn't, you know, how we roll.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_01: We prepare questions, but we just talk.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_01: So let's start with if we can before we get into the the main topic.
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_01: Um, what got you into?
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, Marine Corps Gunnery Sergeant, obviously retired.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_01: Um what moved you into this uh this this industry and this calling, if you will?
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_03: Frustration.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_03: I did not see the support that I wanted for myself.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_03: You know, we always say coaches need coaches when you and I talk.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_03: And as I went and navigated through all the different things as I was building this opportunity to help me de-stress, which is what it was all about.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_03: You know, I was diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder, and I needed something to keep me on this side of a live, just telling the truth.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_03: But I could not find real support with real answers that wasn't gatekeeping.
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_03: So I said, I'm gonna open the gates and I'm gonna create uh an environment that allows especially veterans to get the support they need.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_01: Amen.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_01: Amen.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_01: And and you know what there, I'm gonna say this there's a lot of new support out there that wasn't there before, and there's much more needed.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_01: So I I love that you're doing what you're doing.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and obviously it's my calling as well.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_01: So uh with that said, should we talk about make the shift?
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, let's do it.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_01: All right, so when you're talking about make the shift, right?
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_01: Um, what what does it actually mean at a practical day-to-day level, especially for veterans, you know, coming out of structure and certainty, you know, to to coming back to civilian life and that reintegration process?
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_03: Well, practically it means moving from a place of waiting on orders to actually issuing your own orders.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_03: You have to shift from the I have to, which is obligation, to I choose to, which is autonomy.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_03: It's not just being different, but it's doing things different because you're gonna become a different person.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, absolutely.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_01: And let's talk more about that.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_01: You know, you you you're coming out of the military and everybody's different, right?
• 5:39
  SPEAKER_01: And let's let's include families here.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_01: So you come home and and your your partner's different, your kids are different, your mom and dad are different, you're different.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_01: Um, when you're making that shift, how do you kind of integrate so everybody's on the same page?
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_03: I think first it's it's good open, honest communication.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_03: Because remember, when we're in the military, our why is given to us.
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_03: But once you get out, you have to establish your own why.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_03: Why am I uh going to this career?
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_03: Uh what is the difference in how my family's gonna function?
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_03: And if we can begin to have those clear, open conversations with our significant others, with our children, with our family members, and also give them the ability to support us as we are pretty much on shifting ground that we're not familiar with.
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, amen.
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_01: And and that's that's what I found.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_01: Uh stories are different, patterns are very similar, right?
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_01: Is is you're you're trying to figure out who you are now.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_01: Who you are now, yeah.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_01: So can we talk about you know a little bit of of of your reintegration or transition?
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_01: I know it's been a day or two ago because you know, you're you know, the thing is, I thought about just the other day.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_03: I have been out longer now than when I was in, uh, because I got out in 2000 and I was blessed to be uh blessed with having a child that I was told I never would be able to have because of different injuries and stuff.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_03: And Alex is now 25 years old.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_03: I cannot believe that.
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_03: So I was in for 20 years, but now I've been out 25.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_01: That math doesn't add up, Brenda, because you're 28, right?
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_01: One more year.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, absolutely not.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_03: I am 63 years old and excited to be there.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_03: You're looking at a kid that was told they wouldn't live to their 10th birthday, but that's another story for another day.
• 7:29
  SPEAKER_03: However, Kama, I'm still here.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_01: Amen.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_01: And thank and thank goodness you are that's the grace of God, right there.
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_01: Amen.
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_01: You're one you're one of my favorites, my friend.
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_01: You absolutely are in this world.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_01: Um, so so let's get back to making the shift, right?
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_01: So when you you know came out of the military, and what when how did you make the shift?
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_01: And what were some of the even more importantly, because you know us, we like to talk about the dark to the light.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_01: So, what were maybe some of the struggles?
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_01: Because obviously you you make made the shift because you're absolutely here and amazing.
• 8:03
  SPEAKER_01: So, what were some of the struggles and how do you deal with those?
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_03: Let me tell you, when I got out, the struggle was real and it was hard because I was like a fish out of water.
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_03: I came out of here, a Marine Corps gunnery sergeant, where I told people where what when to jump and they asked off what and how high.
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_03: I was used to getting things the day before the day before I asked for it, and don't question me.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_03: And I went into a civilian hospital as an administrator, and let me tell you, drama and kaflama.
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_03: I was called the HR so much, I just put a chair next to the door.
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_03: But I was very fortunate that I was uh given a boss that was a retired naval officer, and he would call me in and he called me Gunny because he knew the transition was rough.
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_03: He said, Gunny, you can't do that.
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_03: And he began to mentor me and teach me, but the struggle was long and hard, and then I began to meet other veterans inside the hospital I work with that I could go to when I was frustrated because civilians don't think like us, their words are different, how they show up is different.
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_03: They're what I saw as lazy, laxadaisical attitudes made me want to take them outside and slap them in unison.
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_03: But you can't do that in the civilian world because we're in cover not here.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_01: Anyway, so I just I literally pictured slapping in unison.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah, a little bit, a little bit three spuges, kind of, but yeah, three scooches with power.
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, it would have been it would have been something that would have gave me great joy.
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_03: However, I had to learn how to talk to people, lower my voice, not be so direct.
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_03: And um, I learned very quickly, thanks to Steve, that's the thing with Steve Heron.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_03: Still is, he's still alive, thank God for Steve.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_03: He would say, Gunny, your mission is, and when he said that, boom, military clicked in to never let him see you sweat.
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_03: And he says, I need you to approach this like it's a mission, because if you say it's a struggle, it's a fight.
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_03: But if it's a if it's a you make the shift, it's a mission.
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_03: Now, my new mission was to navigate the uh civilian world, the place that made me go through so many mental gymnastics, Mike.
• 10:27
  SPEAKER_03: I'm telling you, even today, I should have got an Olympic gold medal, but I'm still here to talk about it.
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_01: Well, absolutely love it.
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_01: So, um, you know, I do want to say this.
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_01: It's it's really such a beautiful blessing when you look back and think about certain people and how they impacted and changed your life.
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_02: Absolutely.
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_01: You know, especially when you're struggling with something, whether you're a civilian, military, retired, whatever the case may be, um, again, it's it's very, very similar.
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_01: Um, it it's such a blessing when you go back and say, Yeah, that changed my life.
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I wouldn't be here where I am now if that didn't happen or that struggle didn't happen.
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_01: Because if you didn't struggle, you wouldn't know the struggle, right?
• 11:11
  SPEAKER_01: You don't know until you know.
• 11:13
  SPEAKER_03: My fellow veterans that were already uh working at the hospital, that had been there for years, had already uh been through the struggle.
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_03: So they were able to pull me to a side and keep me.
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_03: I actually worked at the hospital for 13 years.
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_03: I I was able to get seven raises, won awards, became a very valuable member of the community.
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_03: But when I first started, let me tell you, those people were ready to run me out of that hospital with my military thinking, my military bearing, discipline, and the way I wanted things done, dressed right, dressed.
• 11:45
  SPEAKER_03: But also I was able to take a lot of the things I learned in the military, creating SOP, cross-training people, things that they had not heard of.
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_03: So there finding that balance of what I could and couldn't do, what I could and couldn't say, and and and discovering my identity as a veteran and how it applied to being a civilian was long and hard fought, which is why I brought something I'm gonna share with you later, two books that I wish I had when I retired.
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_01: I love it, absolutely love it.
• 12:20
  SPEAKER_01: I think I have one of those books.
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_01: Uh pretty sure.
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_01: Anyway, so um, so so let's let's talk about community, right?
• 12:29
  SPEAKER_01: With and making the shift, right?
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_01: Because when isolation happens, trouble happens.
• 12:33
  SPEAKER_01: We all know that.
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, and if you don't, you do now.
• 12:36
  SPEAKER_01: So pay attention.
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_01: Pay attention to isolation, it's a problem.
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_01: So don't isolate, yeah, absolutely.
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_01: Reach out to anybody, reach out literally.
• 12:45
  SPEAKER_01: Um so with that, you know, you you brought in that piece.
• 12:51
  SPEAKER_01: So how how much making this does making the shift uh impact not only you and your community and the the resources that you create, so you're not isolating, how much does that impact not only for you, but the people around?
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_03: It impacts them tremendously because if you don't make that shift, what happens is we're still fighting our last war, our last mission while we're in the military.
• 13:17
  SPEAKER_03: As opposed to uh creating success, we create casualties around us because we begin to treat our colleagues and our families like subordinates and soldiers, or Marines in my case.
• 13:29
  SPEAKER_03: And when you do that, that is a recipe for disaster, miscommunication, and hurt feelings.
• 13:36
  SPEAKER_03: So it's important that we don't isolate and stay stagnant in our our thinking in a way that keeps us attached to the past and not moving forward to our future.
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_01: I love you said that.
• 13:49
  SPEAKER_01: Because really, trauma is not that it something happened over and over again.
• 13:54
  SPEAKER_01: It's because it happened, but you keep thinking about it over and over again.
• 13:57
  SPEAKER_01: And it's stuck in your stuck in the brain, right?
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not gonna go into all the science of it, but that's really what what trauma is it's just reliving the same incident over and over again.
• 14:06
  SPEAKER_03: And coming out the military, that is traumatic.
• 14:09
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, no, absolutely.
• 14:11
  SPEAKER_01: You know, it's funny, I was talking to one of my another great friend, um, uh retired Lieutenant Colonel Tina Parker.
• 14:17
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, she's been on the show as well.
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_01: And when when I was first starting to do this, and she was really just saying, Man, I wish there was somebody that was there when you are reintegrating, just that the because you're trying to figure out who you are and and what you're gonna be in that identity that you're talking about before, right?
• 14:40
  SPEAKER_01: So it's it's so so important to find out that you're you're a lot of people think of military as it's a job, right?
• 14:50
  SPEAKER_01: I'm talking about military um uh personnel themselves.
• 14:54
  SPEAKER_01: So, because the outside world doesn't necessarily think that, right?
• 14:58
  SPEAKER_01: They think of heroes and all the other amazing things that, in my opinion, you are.
• 15:03
  SPEAKER_01: So what are some of the things that you would say, again, making the shift that uh with that the identity, which I think, like I believe you said, is one of the most important things, uh to to realize what that is.
• 15:18
  SPEAKER_01: How do you find your new identity?
• 15:20
  SPEAKER_01: Let's start there, and then we're gonna move into how do you really step into that?
• 15:26
  SPEAKER_03: I think one of the things for me was to stop thinking tactical versus thinking transformational, because words matter.
• 15:36
  SPEAKER_03: You know, they've always done for me.
• 15:39
  SPEAKER_03: Uh the words in the military were all about execution, where in the civilian community it was about evolution and transformation.
• 15:47
  SPEAKER_03: And I had to understand that my self-talk mattered.
• 15:52
  SPEAKER_03: I know you know about this because our bodies, our brains follow the language that we use.
• 15:58
  SPEAKER_03: So I'm very careful about the orders that I give myself.
• 16:02
  SPEAKER_03: I don't give myself bad orders, you know, that if you think you can, you can.
• 16:06
  SPEAKER_03: If you say you can't, you can't.
• 16:09
  SPEAKER_03: So understanding the importance of my identity began to uh play a part in what I said about myself and what I said about those around me.
• 16:21
  SPEAKER_03: Because the reality is, you know, uh don't tell nobody, but I used to think that civilians were Lord and Pools Gum because they had no discipline, they they they just had no loyalty, they had no camaraderie, they were every man for themselves.
• 16:35
  SPEAKER_03: It was one of the most traumatic things that happened to me shifting from teamwork and selflessness and mission first to getting people that I thought were selfish and lacked communication and didn't understand teamwork and couldn't spell it if I gave it to them on a plaque.
• 16:55
  SPEAKER_03: You know, that's the truth for me.
• 16:59
  SPEAKER_03: No, I get it.
• 17:06
  SPEAKER_03: But by what I was saying about others so that I can get clear on my identity.
• 17:10
  SPEAKER_03: And I'm gonna bring that book in now because I'm gonna show you one of them that I have with you.
• 17:13
  SPEAKER_03: This one right here, becoming a veteran by a veteran, retired Air Force uh personnel, Lisa DeShorum.
• 17:21
  SPEAKER_03: This right here, I wish I had this book when um I got out, because it is so important that we understand we're never gonna be civilians.
• 17:34
  SPEAKER_03: What we have as military people is so unique, so profound, and that's why we're able to succeed so well when we get out into the civilian community.
• 17:45
  SPEAKER_03: And most of us don't embrace it because a lot of us come from a place of shame around it that when we get out there, we don't know how to navigate.
• 17:54
  SPEAKER_03: And having these types of resources and this book in itself not only is a resource, but it has tons of resources in the back for veterans that I really say if you can't go on Amazon and get this book, you will not regret it.
• 18:06
  SPEAKER_03: Becoming the veteran.
• 18:08
  SPEAKER_01: I don't have that book, I'm getting it.
• 18:10
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, I need to read it.
• 18:13
  SPEAKER_01: The other book, I'm sure I have though.
• 18:16
  SPEAKER_03: I would say it's a it's a guide to embracing your veteran identity, which is why I think it's so important.
• 18:22
  SPEAKER_03: You know, one of the things I told the author is they really need to work on getting this into our TAP program or the VA or something, because every veteran needs to have this because it's written from a veteran's perspective, but they really go into deep detail that we can't go on this thing about why our identity is so important.
• 18:40
  SPEAKER_01: I absolutely absolutely love that.
• 18:41
  SPEAKER_01: So, with that said, let's let's talk a little bit more about that, right?
• 18:46
  SPEAKER_01: You're you're transitioning out, you're making you're making the shift, you're you're you're figuring out who you are becoming or want to become, who you'd love to become, if you will.
• 18:57
  SPEAKER_01: Um, because so many people are so fixated on what they don't want, they're not focusing on what they want.
• 19:02
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, and and I promise you, if you're not focused on what you want and all the other stuff, you're you're just gonna stay literally focused on that stuff.
• 19:11
  SPEAKER_01: So, can we talk a little bit about focusing on all of the aspects of what you bring out of the military?
• 19:19
  SPEAKER_01: You touched about this a little bit earlier, and I just wanted to kind of bring it back a little bit to that.
• 19:23
  SPEAKER_01: All of the amazing things that maybe you don't realize that you hold as superpowers coming out of the military.
• 19:32
  SPEAKER_01: You know, you talked about SOPs, you talk about all these things other people don't know about, and how you can really use that to your advantage.
• 19:40
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, you know, because inside the military, you know, we learn to overcome and adapt.
• 19:46
  SPEAKER_03: When you get into a civilian environment, when you are looking at the the procedures, one thing that I loved about being in the Marine Corps is that it gave me clear strategies, structures, and systems that I did not often find.
• 20:00
  SPEAKER_03: The civilian community.
• 20:01
  SPEAKER_03: I was able to implement strategy structures and systems within my job, which made me look like a rock star.
• 20:07
  SPEAKER_03: You know, uh, my ability to build community, which uh or camaraderie, teamwork in the civilian world, you know, all those things, the logistics that we learn in the military, because we have to move things, make things happen in places, you can bring all of that.
• 20:26
  SPEAKER_03: Your problem solving skills.
• 20:28
  SPEAKER_03: The military teaches you that, you know, we've been given a mission, but we're not just looking at this, we're thinking before, dawn, and after.
• 20:36
  SPEAKER_03: So all of the skills that you learned inside the military will translate well into the civilian world.
• 20:43
  SPEAKER_03: They just may need a little bit of a tweak so that you can fit into a community that may not be used to your directness or your sense of urgency that the military always puts up.
• 20:55
  SPEAKER_03: Because you know, we know hurry up and wait, but we also know do it now and shut up and get it done.
• 21:00
  SPEAKER_01: Figure it out.
• 21:01
  SPEAKER_03: Figure it out.
• 21:03
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely, absolutely.
• 21:05
  SPEAKER_01: So let's let's uh let's maybe talk about that.
• 21:07
  SPEAKER_01: When you're when you're again making the shift, what does it look like?
• 21:12
  SPEAKER_01: Um I say this.
• 21:16
  SPEAKER_01: When you're making the shift, what does it look like when you're really just trying to let's say figure out what you want to do, right?
• 21:26
  SPEAKER_01: And this is a big big shift here, okay?
• 21:28
  SPEAKER_03: Because again, it is, it is you got your emotion, you are assigned if you're like most people.
• 21:34
  SPEAKER_03: The military assigned your emotions, they tell you what you're gonna do based on your assets for.
• 21:38
  SPEAKER_03: When you get out, you experience the first time, maybe in 20 years, of having the ability to decide what you want to do, and it may not have anything to do with your military occupational specialty, you know.
• 21:53
  SPEAKER_03: Um, and so now it's important that I always ask people I work with, I have them take strength finders.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_03: I'm really uh a proponent of that because I know it helps us figure out what your strengths are, which is also can help us guide you into a career that would be more suitable to you.
• 22:10
  SPEAKER_03: So I tell people to take that first five strength finders tests.
• 22:14
  SPEAKER_03: And if you want to take the whole test that's possible, but for under$25, or if you buy the book, there's a code in the back, strength finders, and you can find out what your strengths are, and it gives you a whole bunch of information so that you can pick something that's going to be fulfilling.
• 22:30
  SPEAKER_03: It's important to do that, to look for coaches or other veteran services that are allowing you to really think about what you want.
• 22:40
  SPEAKER_03: I have five questions I always ask anybody, be they're veteran or civilian.
• 22:44
  SPEAKER_03: What do you want?
• 22:45
  SPEAKER_03: Why do you want it?
• 22:46
  SPEAKER_03: How does it benefit you?
• 22:47
  SPEAKER_03: How does it benefit others?
• 22:49
  SPEAKER_03: And what are you willing to do to make it happen?
• 22:51
  SPEAKER_01: And those, I just got I got god bumps, goose bumps.
• 22:56
  SPEAKER_01: Um truly, because because if you don't think about those things, you don't know the why, you don't sometimes won't have the drive.
• 23:06
  SPEAKER_01: How is it gonna impact people?
• 23:08
  SPEAKER_01: You know, it it is a super important question because when you're looking for fulfillment, isn't that the best?
• 23:17
  SPEAKER_01: Is the people you're gonna impact?
• 23:19
  SPEAKER_01: Isn't that where you find the the most fulfillment is by helping others and serving?
• 23:25
  SPEAKER_01: Isn't that why you probably join the military unless you were drafted back in the day?
• 23:29
  SPEAKER_01: Right?
• 23:30
  SPEAKER_01: So I love that you said that.
• 23:31
  SPEAKER_01: Talk a little bit more about fulfillment, if you will.
• 23:34
  SPEAKER_01: And I love that word, right?
• 23:36
  SPEAKER_03: I like the fulfillment part because it's about doing what lights you up.
• 23:41
  SPEAKER_03: I call it soul alignment.
• 23:43
  SPEAKER_03: Uh, one of the things that uh my friend Lisa tells me often is how for veterans, you know, we spent 20 years or whatever time you spent in there, and then you get out, and most of us end up with no less than six jobs because for the first time we can make a choice.
• 23:56
  SPEAKER_03: And the first time you get out, especially if you have a family, you may just get the first job that you come to because you got to pay those bills.
• 24:03
  SPEAKER_03: But then after you get through that, then you may get to a point where I don't like this.
• 24:08
  SPEAKER_03: Now, what do I need to do that's gonna fulfill me and help me walk out now?
• 24:13
  SPEAKER_03: Because you're thinking purpose more than service.
• 24:17
  SPEAKER_03: And it's it's both, it's tied together, but you want to do something that gives you that sense of fulfillment.
• 24:23
  SPEAKER_03: And I always say, find that thing that you would do, whether they paid you or not.
• 24:28
  SPEAKER_03: And if they pay you for it, that's a bonus.
• 24:30
  SPEAKER_03: And a lot of times, because of financial pressures, we don't often look for that.
• 24:37
  SPEAKER_03: And I think it's so important, and that's why I wish they had financial planning training for military, especially the young military folks, in the beginning, so that when they get out, that they're prepared for the financial impact that leaving the military is going to cause.
• 24:55
  SPEAKER_03: Because many people don't be thinking you're not you're no longer gonna get housing allowances or different things that we get in the military that we take for granted.
• 25:05
  SPEAKER_03: And then you get out and you really have to manage a budget in the civilian community and you don't have any financial training, it can be devastating to you and your family.
• 25:16
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I I that is so so important.
• 25:19
  SPEAKER_01: I I mean, why is it just taught in high school?
• 25:22
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, truly, yeah, it's alone, you know, there, you know, where you're you're a little more mature and you're about to go uh, you know, go into real life, if you will, um, as a civilian, whether you're you know 20 years old and joined at 18 or you're you know 50 years old and you're retiring, whatever the case may be.
• 25:39
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I I think we need to talk to somebody.
• 25:42
  SPEAKER_01: Somebody's listening, talk to somebody, get this information.
• 25:44
  SPEAKER_03: Here's the thing, this financial thing, because I hopefully somebody will hear this.
• 25:48
  SPEAKER_03: When I joined the military and they told me I got direct deposit, they were talking about it.
• 25:52
  SPEAKER_03: I thought that meant that I just had all this money.
• 25:54
  SPEAKER_03: So I bounced a whole bunch of checks because I did not know anything about direct deposit.
• 25:59
  SPEAKER_03: Now, mind you, I have been running businesses since I was nine years old, so I had some money information, but I didn't have it all.
• 26:05
  SPEAKER_03: And I think it's important.
• 26:06
  SPEAKER_03: Uh, I I thank God that my training later on in the military from uh a trusted staff and CEO that taught me about investments and everything, the best they knew how.
• 26:19
  SPEAKER_03: But it wasn't until I met Steve Heron when I got out 20 years later that I got real information on how to make investments.
• 26:26
  SPEAKER_03: And I'm happy to say it was an education and an eye-opener.
• 26:30
  SPEAKER_03: I now use credit cards like checks.
• 26:32
  SPEAKER_03: If it's not in my account, I don't put it on my credit card.
• 26:35
  SPEAKER_03: So I've been out of credit card debt for years.
• 26:37
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, but in the military, we're not taught those things.
• 26:41
  SPEAKER_03: So a lot of people live in paycheck to paycheck when we truly do not.
• 26:44
  SPEAKER_03: One day we have to come in and talk about the finances because military people are not given information on all the stuff that's available to us.
• 26:52
  SPEAKER_03: Again, in that book, there's a lot of resources there that can save us a lot of money, a lot of hurt feelings, and help us develop a financial plan that will suit us now and far into our futures.
• 27:05
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I absolutely love that.
• 27:06
  SPEAKER_01: And and you know, when you're talking about it, uh it brought up um another guest and friend of mine, um Thomas Solano.
• 27:12
  SPEAKER_01: So if you're a veteran and or you know, doesn't matter what stage of life, literally, uh look look him up or or check out one of our podcasts.
• 27:21
  SPEAKER_01: He's been on it multiple times, and that's exactly what he does.
• 27:24
  SPEAKER_01: So I think that's a really cool resource.
• 27:27
  SPEAKER_03: Thanks for for talking about the it's never too late to become fiscally responsible.
• 27:31
  SPEAKER_03: Some people, I don't care how much debt you're in.
• 27:33
  SPEAKER_03: At one point, I was$180,000 in credit card debt, and I'm not, I have zero credit card debt now.
• 27:40
  SPEAKER_01: Amen.
• 27:40
  SPEAKER_01: Use the credit card, build your credit, pay it to pay it off the same day.
• 27:43
  SPEAKER_01: That's what I do.
• 27:44
  SPEAKER_01: We're close to it.
• 27:46
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
• 27:47
  SPEAKER_01: Build that credit though.
• 27:48
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
• 27:49
  SPEAKER_01: So we're getting close to the end of the show, unfortunately, because you know, time just flies when it's you and I.
• 27:54
  SPEAKER_01: So um, with that said, uh, is there anything else about making the shift that you want to talk about specifically?
• 28:01
  SPEAKER_03: I would think that if military people could realize that their rank and their title and their time in the service was simply a chapter in their life, it's not the whole story.
• 28:12
  SPEAKER_03: Uh, we have so much more once we get out, so many more chapters to write in the stories of our life.
• 28:19
  SPEAKER_03: I always say you have the pen to write the story of your life, you might as well make it an epic adventure.
• 28:24
  SPEAKER_03: Don't make it a horror story, don't make it a comedy.
• 28:26
  SPEAKER_03: Well, unless you want to have some fun, you can do a little bit of that in there.
• 28:29
  SPEAKER_03: But the main thing is to understand that we don't have to live in our past.
• 28:33
  SPEAKER_03: We can take our past with us and build a future that's allowing us to look through the windshield and not at the rearview mirror.
• 28:39
  SPEAKER_03: Because looking back, reflection, that's important.
• 28:44
  SPEAKER_03: And when I think of reflection, I just think for the military folks that'll understand this, that's simply your after-action report.
• 28:50
  SPEAKER_03: That's what reflection is simply your personal after-action report so you can look at your life, building uh intel on what you used to do so that it can serve what you're currently doing is so important to us being successful.
• 29:06
  SPEAKER_03: Absolutely.
• 29:07
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, learn learn from learn from the past, but don't focus on it because that doesn't do anybody any good.
• 29:13
  SPEAKER_01: And if you keep driving in the rearview mirror and that's all you're looking at, you will crash.
• 29:18
  SPEAKER_01: You will crash.
• 29:19
  SPEAKER_01: So, with that said, um, can you tell us tell us do you have anything upcoming, anything uh that you're working on that people can get it on?
• 29:28
  SPEAKER_03: Working with for veterans, what I've been working on, you know, I'm gonna show this book again because I've been trying to get every veteran I know to get this book, becoming a veteran, a guide to uh embracing your veteran identity, and for veteran business owners, uh becoming a veteran business influencer.
• 29:44
  SPEAKER_03: This right, these two books right here are two books I wish I had.
• 29:48
  SPEAKER_03: Now I do have them in my library, and they both are filled with resources that every veteran should have access to, especially when you're coming out, because it will really get you thinking about how important what you think is.
• 30:05
  SPEAKER_03: It will get you to ask the questions of who do I need to become to live the life I'm building?
• 30:10
  SPEAKER_03: Not who I was, but who am I truly becoming?
• 30:14
  SPEAKER_03: And how do I incorporate everything that I already know, possess, have learned, have endured to live my best life now, no opportunity wasted.
• 30:26
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely love it.
• 30:27
  SPEAKER_01: And and you have the superpowers, right?
• 30:29
  SPEAKER_01: They're there.
• 30:29
  SPEAKER_01: You've learned so much, and just learning how to impact and and to to put that into everyday life is is a beautiful thing to move forward with.
• 30:39
  SPEAKER_01: So can I just say real quick too?
• 30:41
  SPEAKER_03: I want to add that I think when you're making the shift, you have to remember a couple of things is that you have to have a sense of self that will allow you to really look inside to really get clear on who you are.
• 30:55
  SPEAKER_03: What are your core values?
• 30:57
  SPEAKER_03: What do you want going forward outside of somebody telling you what to do?
• 31:01
  SPEAKER_03: And because when you get clear on your core values, that will help you make decisions for your yeses and your no's.
• 31:07
  SPEAKER_03: And no is a complete sentence.
• 31:11
  SPEAKER_03: By having clear boundaries on what you say no to can open you up to yeses that will extend your possibilities.
• 31:19
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely love that you said that.
• 31:21
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you uh for for saying it.
• 31:24
  SPEAKER_01: Um, it's it's beyond important.
• 31:26
  SPEAKER_01: So that was that was a beautiful golden nugget there at the end.
• 31:29
  SPEAKER_01: So, with with that said, how do people reach out to you, Brenda?
• 31:32
  SPEAKER_03: You can find me at Brenda the Solutionist on most platforms.
• 31:36
  SPEAKER_03: Brenda the solutionist, S-O-U-L-U-T-I-O-N-I-S-T.
• 31:42
  SPEAKER_01: Awesome.
• 31:43
  SPEAKER_01: And then um, with that said, you know, we always ask for three tips to get veterans and their families further faster.
• 31:50
  SPEAKER_03: Let's see.
• 31:53
  SPEAKER_03: Three tips to help veterans get there faster.
• 31:56
  SPEAKER_03: Number one, communicate.
• 31:58
  SPEAKER_03: You know, it's communicate, communicate, communicate.
• 32:01
  SPEAKER_03: Like real estate, real estate, real estate, location, location, location.
• 32:04
  SPEAKER_03: Communicate with your family.
• 32:06
  SPEAKER_03: Uh, take that first hour of the day and make it all yours.
• 32:10
  SPEAKER_03: Be selfish enough to get look inward before you turn on your electronics device or or put any kind of information in.
• 32:19
  SPEAKER_03: Go internal and get clear on what you need to stay grounded.
• 32:24
  SPEAKER_03: Give yourself some peace.
• 32:25
  SPEAKER_03: Stop looking at the transition mountain and all of them.
• 32:28
  SPEAKER_03: Just look at the next 10 minutes, the next hour, and be selfish enough to have the discipline to make sure your voice, and if you're a believer, God's voice are the first two voices you hear every morning.
• 32:40
  SPEAKER_03: That's that.
• 32:40
  SPEAKER_03: And I think number three is to embrace making the shift.
• 32:46
  SPEAKER_03: It's something we had to do in the military.
• 32:48
  SPEAKER_03: We had to, we, we, we lived in the pivot because they'll tell you do this one way, and then something changed.
• 32:54
  SPEAKER_03: So embrace the pivot with your family and make sure that you take them along for the ride.
• 33:00
  SPEAKER_03: The things we say that we're doing is because we want our families to be happy, safe, whole, secure, feel loved, then include them in the journey.
• 33:09
  SPEAKER_03: They're strong enough to handle it.
• 33:10
  SPEAKER_03: They don't went through you within the military, they can handle the civilian world as long as you keep them informed and make sure that your decisions are based on the core values you say you have embraced for your family.
• 33:23
  SPEAKER_03: And I believe everything should be fine.
• 33:25
  SPEAKER_01: I absolutely, absolutely love that you said that.
• 33:28
  SPEAKER_01: Um, because if you're sharing the journey with your family, guess what?
• 33:34
  SPEAKER_01: You're not alone, you're not feeling alone in that connection.
• 33:38
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm gonna add it to it is again, we talked about this earlier, the people around you.
• 33:43
  SPEAKER_01: How do you think they feel when they're included in the journey?
• 33:46
  SPEAKER_01: They feel connected, they feel funny.
• 33:49
  SPEAKER_03: I will say I always tell people when I'm ending something that the choices that we make today will be the reality you live tomorrow.
• 33:55
  SPEAKER_03: So choose wisely, and while you're making choices, I pray you choose to be kind to yourself and to others.
• 34:02
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely love it, my friend.
• 34:03
  SPEAKER_01: So, with that said, we're like five minutes over, but I could just do another six hours.
• 34:11
  SPEAKER_01: You're absolutely fantastic.
• 34:12
  SPEAKER_01: I absolutely cherish our time together.
• 34:14
  SPEAKER_01: I truly do, Brenda.
• 34:15
  SPEAKER_01: Um, you know, time is the most precious resource we have as human beings, and I uh we don't get it back, and I'm so blessed to spend the time with you and for you to spend it with our audience.
• 34:26
  SPEAKER_01: So, as always, thank you absolutely so much for everything you do for us and the mission.
• 34:31
  SPEAKER_01: So, thank you.
• 34:32
  SPEAKER_03: You're welcome.
• 34:32
  SPEAKER_03: Be blessed, everyone.
• 34:34
  SPEAKER_01: We're out.
• 34:37
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for joining us on another insightful journey of Your Thoughts, your reality podcast with your host, Michael Cole.
• 34:44
  SPEAKER_00: We hope the conversation sparks some thoughts that resonate with you.
• 34:48
  SPEAKER_00: To dive deeper into empowering your thoughts and enhancing your reality, visit EmpowerPerformance Strategies.com.
• 34:55
  SPEAKER_00: Remember, your thoughts keep your reality to make them count.
• 34:59
  SPEAKER_00: Until next time, stay inspired and keep creating the reality you desire.
• 35:04
  SPEAKER_00: Catch you on the next episode.