Latest / Inspirations for Your Life / You've Been Living by Rules You Never Chose (S5) S36:E1 Saturday

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You've Been Living by Rules You Never Chose (S5) S36:E1 Saturday · Inspirations for Your Life

• 0:24
  Well there, hello everyone, and welcome to the
• 0:26
  ever-popular Inspirations for Your Life show.
• 0:29
  It is Saturday, guys.
• 0:32
  Yes, it's Saturday, and it's the last Saturday
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  of August 2026.
• 0:37
  If this is the very first time you're
• 0:39
  joining me, I want to take the opportunity,
• 0:41
  ladies and gentlemen, to say thank you, and
• 0:43
  I want to say the words welcome to
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  you.
• 0:46
  Yes, I do.
• 0:48
  If you've been here one time, five times,
• 0:50
  a hundred or more, or maybe even lost
• 0:52
  track of the count, don't worry about it.
• 0:54
  I want to say thank you and welcome,
• 0:56
  but I also want to say the words,
• 0:57
  ladies and gentlemen, welcome back.
• 0:59
  You guys are all very welcome here.
• 1:01
  Thank you so much for being here.
• 1:03
  I have a delicious, fresh-squeezed orange juice
• 1:06
  here.
• 1:07
  Feel free to get one of those, or
• 1:09
  get some water with some lemon, or maybe
• 1:12
  another snack, or some fruit, what have you.
• 1:14
  Feel free to do that, and come on
• 1:15
  back.
• 1:16
  Don't forget to check out BelieveMeAchieve.com, of
• 1:20
  course, for more of my amazing, inspiring creations,
• 1:24
  which you can do 24 hours a day
• 1:25
  after the show is over.
• 1:28
  All right, guys, let's get right into this.
• 1:30
  Welcome everyone to another powerful episode of the
• 1:34
  ever-popular Inspirations for Your Life Show.
• 1:37
  Who am I?
• 1:38
  I'm John C.
• 1:39
  Morley.
• 1:39
  I am a serial entrepreneur.
• 1:43
  I'm an engineer, a marketing specialist, a video
• 1:46
  producer, a podcast host coach, a keynote speaker,
• 1:50
  a graduate student at Montclair State University, a
• 1:53
  passionate lifelong learner, and so grateful now to
• 1:57
  be a published author.
• 1:59
  Yes, guys, really grateful, and I am working
• 2:02
  on another book, The Truth About AI The
• 2:04
  World Is Never Gonna Tell You, so I'm
• 2:07
  excited to write that one.
• 2:08
  It'll be coming out sometime next year.
• 2:10
  I'm not sure exactly when, but it's gonna
• 2:12
  be coming out next year, so yeah, really
• 2:16
  excited about that, and hopefully you guys will
• 2:18
  really enjoy it, so yeah, that'll be coming
• 2:21
  out.
• 2:22
  My first book was Drain to Driven, a
• 2:24
  book all about burnout and how it takes
• 2:26
  away and robs you from the beautiful joys
• 2:30
  and pleasures you get in life because you
• 2:33
  decide that they're not important to you anymore,
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  and you get too stressed.
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  Ladies and gentlemen, our master topic for this
• 2:40
  week, that's what we do on Saturday.
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  We start a brand new master topic.
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  We roll all the way through the week,
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  and we finish up on Friday just like
• 2:47
  we did yesterday.
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  Our master topic for the week here of,
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  this is season five.
• 2:55
  It is show number 36, episode one, and
• 2:58
  it's Stop Living a Life You Never Chose.
• 3:01
  You never chose.
• 3:02
  So here is a question that may make
• 3:04
  you uncomfortable in the best way.
• 3:06
  How many rules governing your life did you
• 3:10
  actually choose?
• 3:12
  We grow up surrounded by ideas about success,
• 3:17
  careers, money, relationships, education, status, and what we
• 3:21
  should accomplish by certain ages.
• 3:23
  Some ideas help us.
• 3:25
  Others become invisible instructions we follow without asking
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  whether they belong in our lives or not.
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  Today, challenging those assumptions is a big key
• 3:35
  for success, a really big key.
• 3:38
  So let's get right into this, okay?
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  I think this is going to be really
• 3:42
  cool.
• 3:43
  So number one, guys, the question.
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  One question inherited rules sometimes entered your life
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  before you could even question them.
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  They're just there.
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  That does not make them wrong or even
• 3:58
  right.
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  Decide what deserves to remain in your life
• 4:01
  and remove the things that don't.
• 4:04
  Okay, I think that's a really important thing
• 4:07
  for a lot of people to realize how
• 4:11
  that is going to work.
• 4:13
  So yeah, we'll definitely talk more about that.
• 4:16
  But number two, stop assuming normal means right.
• 4:20
  Normal tells you what is common amongst others,
• 4:23
  not what fits your values, your goals, your
• 4:26
  morals, circumstances, or the future that you actually
• 4:30
  want.
• 4:31
  Number three, notice whose expectations you carry when
• 4:35
  pressure appears.
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  Ask where it came from.
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  Is it yours or does it belong to
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  family, friends, co-workers, society, or people online?
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  And these are important questions to have because
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  a lot of times these people's agenda, not
• 4:51
  intentionally, kind of rubs off on us because
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  you're around them and you're being part of
• 4:57
  their ecosystem.
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  So number four, ask why you want what
• 5:02
  you chase before giving years to a goal.
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  Understand why.
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  If it's mainly to impress people or prove
• 5:09
  something, you may be pursuing a destination you
• 5:13
  never chose to do.
• 5:17
  Number five, stop building for approval.
• 5:21
  Approval feels good, but it is unstable.
• 5:24
  Listen to feedback without giving others control of
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  your direction.
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  And it's okay to do that, guys.
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  I think that's the most important thing.
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  Number six, guys, separate desire from pressure.
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  Ask yourself what you would still pursue if
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  nobody were watching you.
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  Which goal, which thing would you do?
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  Which activity would you take part in?
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  If you didn't have to answer to somebody
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  else or say, oh, well, that's just the
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  way it is.
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  But it can be different.
• 6:08
  You don't have to allow your decisions to
• 6:10
  be tied into what other people want or
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  they expect of you.
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  Number seven, recognize the cost of fitting in.
• 6:19
  Belonging matters, but not when it requires shrinking
• 6:22
  your ambition.
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  Silencing your ideas or pretending to be someone
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  else just because you want a friend or
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  because you want to fit into a group.
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  That seems like a nightmare.
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  That doesn't seem like the only thing you'd
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  enjoy.
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  Number eight, guys, do not follow paths only
• 6:41
  because they're popular.
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  All the cool kids are doing it.
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  A popular path may work for many people.
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  Popularity alone is not a reason to choose
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  it, okay?
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  Number nine, define success for yourself.
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  Success may include money, freedom, relationships, contribution, health,
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  learning, creativity, or time.
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  Decide what it means in your life and
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  then go after it.
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  Don't just go after something because you think
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  it's the right thing.
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  I think that's a real important thing, guys.
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  I think that's a really important thing.
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  Number 10, question goals you never selected.
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  Ask yourself when you decided you wanted this.
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  Did I really want this or who put
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  this idea in my head?
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  You may be pursuing it only because it
• 7:34
  seemed like the expected next step.
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  Yeah.
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  Number 11, stop living by someone else's timeline.
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  Another person's promotion, marriage, degree, home, business, or
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  financial milestone does not mean you are behind.
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  Their calendar is not your deadline.
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  And I think the sooner you realize that,
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  the sooner you can have a more joyful,
• 8:00
  beautiful, and amazing, amazing life, okay?
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  I think that's a very important thing to
• 8:08
  understand.
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  But a lot of people don't understand that
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  today.
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  They just don't understand it.
• 8:13
  Number 12, notice when comparison changes direction.
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  What do I mean by that?
• 8:22
  Orange juice is good, by the way.
• 8:24
  Comparison can redirect your life.
• 8:27
  You see what someone else has and suddenly
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  want something that mattered little yesterday.
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  But now because someone else has it, you
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  seem to be so interested in wanting it.
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  What's the real reason you want it?
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  I mean, that's the question that I want
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  to ask you guys.
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  Number 13, refuse pressure that does not serve
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  your future.
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  Before saying yes because you feel pressured, ask
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  whether it supports the future you want to
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  build, right?
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  Are you building a future because it's something
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  you want, feel, like, and love?
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  Or are you just becoming part of a
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  transaction?
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  And if you don't know, it's time to
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  basically evaluate.
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  Am I a transactional person or am I
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  a valued person?
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  Transactional means that you do everything for something.
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  It could be money, it could be a
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  favor, it could be anything.
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  But you do it for that.
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  They call it, you know, tack for tack,
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  tick for tick, tack for tack.
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  And so that's the thing, okay?
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  You want to do something because it fulfills
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  you.
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  Not because, you know, there's something you can
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  get in return.
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  You know, when people in the world have
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  something and you become friends with them just
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  because they have something, but what if you
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  became friends with somebody who couldn't give you
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  anything?
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  Who couldn't share anything with you that's financial?
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  What if they just had themselves?
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  What if they just had their personality?
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  Would that be okay?
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  I hope so.
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  Number 14, choose values before appearances.
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  A life can look successful and still feel
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  empty, guys.
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  Choose what matters after the titles.
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  Titles are nice, but they're not everything.
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  The photographs, the applause, and the recognition, they
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  disappear.
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  Choose the person for who they are inside.
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  Choose the cause for what the heart of
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  it means, not what the media has made
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  it out to be.
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  Number 15, do not confuse acceptance with alignment.
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  Approval does not make a choice right for
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  you guys.
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  Disagreement does not make it wrong.
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  Alignment comes from knowing what you value.
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  What you value, not somebody else values, I
• 11:18
  said what you value.
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  That's important, guys.
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  That's very important.
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  Number 16, I want you to make a
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  choice to decide which expectations, guys, deserve attention.
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  Because let's face it, ladies and gentlemen, not
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  every expectation is harmful.
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  Some teach integrity, discipline, responsibility, and accountability.
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  Evaluate them instead of accepting or rejecting them
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  automatically.
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  So that means don't judge a book by
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  its cover.
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  Don't make a decision because of the first
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  impression you get.
• 12:05
  I know you always hear the phrase, you
• 12:08
  don't get a second chance to make a
• 12:09
  first impression.
• 12:10
  I get it.
• 12:13
  But wouldn't it be nice if we had
• 12:14
  a second chance to make that impression, to
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  not reject just because of the cover of
• 12:20
  the book?
• 12:21
  Or just because of the way somebody looks?
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  Or what somebody said the first time?
• 12:26
  Wouldn't it be nice to actually dig a
• 12:28
  little deeper?
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  Number 17, give yourself, actually allow yourself permission
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  to want something different.
• 12:37
  Your fulfillment may not look like everyone else's.
• 12:41
  And surprise, surprise.
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  I think that's a real important thing.
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  Okay, very important thing to understand.
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  Your fulfillment may not look like everyone else's.
• 12:59
  Different, ladies and gentlemen, I want to say
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  this again.
• 13:01
  I've said it before, does not mean wrong.
• 13:06
  Okay, different does not mean better.
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  It doesn't.
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  It doesn't mean better at all.
• 13:15
  Number 18, stop automatically saying yes to convention
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  tradition.
• 13:23
  It can hold wisdom, but it can also
• 13:25
  become habits without thought.
• 13:29
  Maybe you want to be the nice guy
• 13:30
  or the nice lady, but you constantly say
• 13:33
  yes to people.
• 13:35
  So I had a situation with this about
• 13:38
  a week ago.
• 13:39
  Somebody wanted my help for something.
• 13:41
  And I always would jump in and want
• 13:42
  to help.
• 13:42
  And I said to myself, wait a minute,
• 13:44
  this is going to be a time when
• 13:47
  I'm in school.
• 13:48
  That's going to be my day that I
• 13:49
  am in school.
• 13:52
  And I need to give myself the time
• 13:55
  and respect that I need to be able
• 13:56
  to do my work, right?
• 13:59
  And when I told the person what I
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  was doing and what was happening, they didn't
• 14:03
  really pay much attention.
• 14:07
  They were just being selfish to themselves.
• 14:11
  Okay, don't just do some things because they're
• 14:14
  a habit.
• 14:15
  Because what we're going to find later on
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  is we're going to have regret.
• 14:19
  I don't want you guys to have regret.
• 14:21
  But if you agree to something just because
• 14:24
  it's there, or because other people say it's
• 14:28
  there, I think that's a real important thing
• 14:31
  to understand.
• 14:33
  Okay, it's a very important thing.
• 14:41
  Okay, that's an important thing.
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  Guys, very, very important thing.
• 14:52
  And we got to become aware with it,
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  right?
• 14:55
  We got to know that just because somebody
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  else says it's okay, it doesn't mean it's
• 15:04
  okay for us.
• 15:06
  It doesn't mean we have to like it.
• 15:12
  We're each our own person.
• 15:14
  We have our own individuality.
• 15:16
  We have our own freedom.
• 15:21
  And we have choice.
• 15:25
  And our choice should allow us to do
• 15:29
  the things that we want in our life
• 15:30
  as long as it doesn't harm, hurt, or
• 15:33
  disparage another person.
• 15:36
  That's it.
• 15:38
  I'm not talking about competition, guys.
• 15:40
  Competition is different.
• 15:41
  Number 19, recognize when tradition becomes limitation.
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  When we have always done it this way
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  is the only reason.
• 15:51
  Consider whether another approach could serve you better.
• 15:53
  Well, we've always done it this way.
• 15:55
  This is the way it's been done for
• 15:56
  100 years.
• 15:57
  Well, can we do it this way?
• 15:59
  Well, no.
• 16:01
  Well, because they don't want change.
• 16:05
  A lot of times people just don't think
• 16:09
  about changing because that's who they are.
• 16:11
  And they are not even that person.
• 16:13
  They became this because of someone else, because
• 16:17
  of something that rubbed off on them.
• 16:21
  And they go their whole lives and they're
• 16:22
  like, I don't like what I'm doing.
• 16:26
  Well, because they got in the habit of
• 16:30
  saying yes, and that yes was probably not
• 16:33
  something that they wanted to say.
• 16:43
  I think that's an important piece that most
• 16:46
  people miss in their lives.
• 16:52
  Most people become tuned into one way, a
• 17:05
  way that they didn't really want, but a
• 17:08
  way that suddenly they just fell into.
• 17:15
  That's important, guys.
• 17:17
  Very important to realize that you become the
• 17:23
  people you hang around.
• 17:25
  So if you don't like what they're doing,
• 17:28
  it might be time to find new friends.
• 17:31
  Number 20, guys.
• 17:33
  I encourage you to think independently before acting
• 17:36
  collectively.
• 17:37
  Listen, gather information, seek expertise, and consider perspectives.
• 17:41
  I want to share something to you.
• 17:42
  A lot of times, people will give you
• 17:47
  this great burst of enthusiasm.
• 17:49
  They love what you're doing.
• 17:50
  They love the idea.
• 17:52
  And then they say they want to help.
• 17:54
  You know what happens?
• 17:56
  You reach back out to them after a
• 17:58
  little while, and they tell you they're busy.
• 18:02
  They have no time.
• 18:05
  However, I'd be happy to work with you
• 18:08
  if you'd pay me.
• 18:12
  A little bit of a disappointment, isn't it?
• 18:15
  Remember to use your judgment rather than automatically
• 18:19
  following the crowd.
• 18:21
  I think everyone follows the crowd.
• 18:22
  I used to say, you know, if he
• 18:24
  jumped off the Brooklyn Bridge, would you jump
• 18:26
  off too?
• 18:27
  Yeah, no.
• 18:29
  I mean, it was like you're just repeating
• 18:32
  everything, all right?
• 18:35
  That's the thing.
• 18:36
  So many people today are trying to fit
• 18:41
  into a group, but the thing about the
• 18:45
  group is the group has nothing they want.
• 18:48
  The group is there, and they feel that
• 18:52
  if they don't get in, then they're nobody.
• 18:57
  And that's a bad thing, guys.
• 19:00
  Don't let crowd or peer pressure set you
• 19:03
  up.
• 19:03
  Number 21, stop needing everyone to understand.
• 19:07
  People may evaluate your life through their priorities,
• 19:11
  not your own.
• 19:12
  Explain respectfully.
• 19:13
  But do not require unanimous approval to move
• 19:17
  forward.
• 19:17
  If you do that, you're going to always
• 19:19
  be putting your dreams on hold forever.
• 19:25
  I think that's an important one, guys.
• 19:27
  A very, very important one.
• 19:29
  Number 22, I encourage you to choose direction
• 19:34
  over conformity.
• 19:35
  Conformity asks, what is everyone doing?
• 19:38
  If they're doing that, then I guess I
• 19:39
  have to do that.
• 19:40
  No.
• 19:41
  Direction asks, where am I going?
• 19:45
  Do I know my destination before selecting my
• 19:47
  path?
• 19:48
  Or am I just waiting for somebody else
• 19:50
  to tell me the ways they're going so
• 19:52
  I can just join along?
• 19:53
  And I think that's a big problem, to
• 19:55
  just join along, okay?
• 19:57
  We need to be intentional about where and
• 20:01
  why we're going somewhere.
• 20:03
  Number 23, guys, build around what truly matters.
• 20:07
  Your calendar, spending, habits, relationships, and attention reveal
• 20:12
  your priorities.
• 20:13
  If what matters gets only left over time,
• 20:18
  it's time to reorganize your life and change
• 20:20
  your priorities.
• 20:23
  Number 24, stop performing a life that looks
• 20:28
  successful.
• 20:29
  You're not here to maintain an image.
• 20:32
  If looking successful costs what makes success meaningful,
• 20:36
  the performance hasn't taken over yet.
• 20:39
  Number 25, ask whether your goals still excite
• 20:43
  you.
• 20:43
  A goal that made sense years ago may
• 20:46
  no longer fit into who you are, you
• 20:50
  know, your beliefs, your morals.
• 20:53
  Experience changes you.
• 20:56
  That is not failure, guys.
• 20:59
  Number 26, let's let priorities become personal.
• 21:03
  Your priorities should reflect your responsibilities, your values,
• 21:07
  your ambitions, your relationships, and your circumstances.
• 21:12
  They all need to make sense in your
• 21:15
  life.
• 21:15
  If they don't, it's time to throw them
• 21:17
  out.
• 21:19
  Number 27, stop outsourcing major decisions.
• 21:23
  Advice and expertise matter, but you live with
• 21:25
  the consequences.
• 21:27
  Do not hand someone else permanent control of
• 21:30
  your direction.
• 21:32
  You will be sorry.
• 21:35
  You will be sorry.
• 21:37
  Number 28, please be intentional about what you
• 21:42
  pursue.
• 21:43
  I can't say this enough.
• 21:44
  Time cannot be replenished.
• 21:46
  Before giving something months or years, know why
• 21:50
  it deserves that much time of your life.
• 21:54
  Number 29, you do not have to live
• 21:56
  the default life.
• 21:58
  You can build it differently, change the direction,
• 22:01
  redefine success, start again, or decide that what
• 22:05
  everyone else wants is not important to you.
• 22:12
  Number 30, guys, choose your life before someone
• 22:15
  else chooses it for you.
• 22:17
  Without deliberate decisions, outside expectations will decide for
• 22:21
  you.
• 22:21
  Your life can become a collection of goals
• 22:23
  and obligations you never consciously selected.
• 22:28
  You know, somebody once said to me, John,
• 22:30
  you know, have your own dreams and build
• 22:35
  them.
• 22:35
  Because if you don't, you'll be building someone
• 22:39
  else's.
• 22:40
  See, that is the challenge for today.
• 22:44
  Take an honest inventory.
• 22:46
  Look at what you're chasing, worrying about, spending
• 22:50
  time on and what you believe you are
• 22:53
  supposed to accomplish.
• 22:55
  Then ask yourself, who decided this?
• 22:59
  Was it me or someone else?
• 23:02
  Some rules may be worth keeping.
• 23:06
  Keep them because you examined and chose them,
• 23:09
  not because they were handed to you.
• 23:12
  That's the important thing.
• 23:13
  You choose what stays in your life.
• 23:16
  You may also discover that you are racing
• 23:19
  toward goals you do not want anymore.
• 23:22
  Comparing yourself to lives you would not choose
• 23:24
  or maintaining appearances that no longer reflect what
• 23:28
  matters.
• 23:29
  That is where intentional living begins.
• 23:33
  You do not need to rebel against everything.
• 23:36
  Reject good advice or ignore responsibility.
• 23:40
  You need awareness, guys, and not just once.
• 23:44
  It needs to become part of your daily
• 23:45
  life diet.
• 23:47
  Know why you say yes.
• 23:49
  Know why you say no.
• 23:52
  Know why you chase on opportunity.
• 23:54
  Know why you build a career.
• 23:58
  Know why you spend your time where you
• 24:00
  spend it.
• 24:02
  Know what success means when nobody else gets
• 24:05
  to answer for you.
• 24:07
  There is a tremendous difference between building a
• 24:10
  life intentionally and waking up years later inside
• 24:13
  one of the assembled from everyone else's expectations
• 24:17
  life.
• 24:19
  And the problem is once you get into
• 24:20
  that life, it's so hard to get out
• 24:22
  of it because your mind and body have
• 24:24
  become conditioned to just accept things that you
• 24:28
  really don't want.
• 24:31
  This week, I want you to notice the
• 24:33
  invisible rules influencing your decisions.
• 24:37
  Do not automatically reject them.
• 24:39
  Quietly question them.
• 24:41
  Ask whether they are still a fit for
• 24:43
  me.
• 24:43
  Ask whether they support who you're becoming.
• 24:46
  Ask whether they help you build something meaningful
• 24:49
  or simply help you look successful.
• 24:52
  Ask whether you are living deliberately or following
• 24:54
  default settings someone else handed you.
• 24:57
  Ladies and gentlemen, if you do not know
• 24:59
  my name by now, I'm John Seymour.
• 25:02
  I'm a serial entrepreneur.
• 25:04
  And this has been another amazing episode of
• 25:09
  Inspirations for Your Life.
• 25:11
  You do not need everyone to approve of
• 25:14
  the life you're creating, but you should be
• 25:17
  able to look at your decisions and recognize
• 25:20
  yourself in them.
• 25:22
  That's key, guys.
• 25:23
  I want you to question the rules.
• 25:27
  I know when you're in school, they always
• 25:28
  say, you can't question the rules.
• 25:29
  You're not allowed to question the rules.
• 25:35
  Question the rules is different from being rude.
• 25:40
  You can actually question or ask a question
• 25:43
  about it.
• 25:44
  The rule may not change if you're under
• 25:46
  a certain thing, but the rules that you
• 25:48
  are following define what matters to you.
• 25:54
  Choose your direction from your passion and your
• 25:58
  core values.
• 25:59
  Choose your life before someone else chooses it
• 26:02
  for you.
• 26:03
  As I said before, if you have no
• 26:07
  goals and you have no ambitions, then you'll
• 26:14
  be helping build someone else's dreams, their goals,
• 26:19
  their ambitions.
• 26:21
  Have your own.
• 26:23
  Live from purpose.
• 26:26
  Live from intention.
• 26:29
  Get joy in everything you do.
• 26:34
  Not because you have to, ladies and gentlemen,
• 26:36
  but because you should want to do this.
• 26:42
  I know in the beginning, it's not easy.
• 26:45
  It's not like somebody's going to hand you
• 26:47
  a book and say, here you go.
• 26:48
  It's not going to happen.
• 26:53
  The persistence, the tenacity, the passion that we
• 26:59
  have keeps the fire burning.
• 27:03
  But if the fire ever goes out, we
• 27:06
  need to make sure that it's laced strongly
• 27:08
  with our discipline.
• 27:09
  For the discipline can always get our fire
• 27:12
  restarted again.
• 27:18
  That's how success works.
• 27:21
  It's not flipping a switch on and you
• 27:22
  become successful.
• 27:23
  I'm sorry.
• 27:24
  That's not how it works, guys.
• 27:28
  There's thought.
• 27:30
  There's energy.
• 27:35
  There's actions you need to take.
• 27:41
  There's lessons you need to learn.
• 27:48
  And knowing that you don't know everything, knowing
• 27:51
  that everything that gets built didn't get built
• 27:53
  just by you.
• 27:54
  It got built by a team.
• 27:56
  You may need to involve other people.
• 27:59
  Ladies and gentlemen, I'm John C.
• 28:00
  Morley, serial entrepreneur.
• 28:01
  Be sure to check out BelieveMeAchieve.com for
• 28:03
  more of my amazing, inspiring creations.
• 28:05
  And I'll catch you guys tomorrow with another
• 28:07
  great episode in our second show in this
• 28:11
  Master Topic Week.
• 28:12
  Be well, everyone.