Latest / Dear Chelsea / Commitment Issues

Transcript

Commitment Issues · Dear Chelsea

• 0:01
  Speaker 1: It's very distracting to sit next to you when you
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: look this good. Okay, well, sweetheart, let me just tell you.
• 0:06
  Speaker 1: I'm not trying to be suggestive here, because you know
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: how shy I am. But when I button my shortest
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: modest when I butt my shirt, you see that pucker.
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: That's not acceptable. So I don't care. I'll just rather
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: have a little Cleveland. You have a little Dolly parton
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: stretch across the bosom when you try and button it. Yeah,
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: and you can't keep your eyes where yeah, fixation on
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: your breast. Today, I walk up the stairs, so I
• 0:29
  Speaker 1: went to the house before we recorded today, and you're
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: just standing there like presenting yourself peacocking, and it's very
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: hard for me not to be enamored with your boobs. Well,
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: it's hard for me to only be enamored by a
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: gay man for my looks and my boobs. I mean,
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: it's out of men going to get what we want.
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: I don't know. I don't know. The way that I
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: was getting men that I wanted was by inappropriate behavior,
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: which is not which is forbidden now, So like you
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: can't even guys aren't even they're pretty much too scared
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: to even hit on us right now, so like there's
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: not a lot of action happening. And and by the way,
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: keep it that way outside of that dress and there
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: will be action happening. You look like for anyone listening
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: who gets this reference, she looks like a sexy miss
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: Honey today from Matilda. I mean, it's like an amish dress,
• 1:15
  Speaker 1: but you somehow make it sexy. Thank you, thank you, sweetheart.
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: I appreciate that. I just want to build you up.
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: I had a rough night in my bed last night.
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: Bert fell out of the bed last night. Yeah. Well,
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: first let me tell you I last it was a lot.
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: It was a loud thump, and I was like, oh god,
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: you must have broken an arm. Of course I didn't
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: get up because I was like, he'll figure it out.
• 1:36
  Speaker 1: But so soft, it doesn't matter. His bones aren't like
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: you know, they're not brittle, they're just like soft. Also,
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: but I was sleeping and I felt like this hangnail
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: on my finger and I remember just lifting my arm
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: out off of the bed and reaching out for somebody
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: to clip that was going to come in manicure. In
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: that moment, yeah, I thought somebody was just gonna like
• 1:58
  Speaker 1: you were there and you were going to clip a
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: hang or somebody was in my dream materialized and then
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: I realized that my arm was up. I was like,
• 2:04
  Speaker 1: what are you doing? I was like, oh, this fucking hang. Now.
• 2:06
  Speaker 1: I have those little things in bed sometimes where it's
• 2:09
  Speaker 1: such an irritation and it's so minor, like I will
• 2:12
  Speaker 1: rub in between my eyebrows and if I feel one
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: of those really coarse unit brow hairs, I will have
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: to get out of bed to go pluck it before
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: I can fall asleep. Oh yes, of course, but well
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: I did because I don't have a hair in between
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: my eyebrows that's growing currently because I'm forty six, So
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: that river stopped. Did you get that lasered off? Probably? Yeah,
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: that might be why it's not growing. Also, thank you
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: for reminding me, sweetheart. I mean, I've done laser hair
• 2:36
  Speaker 1: removal two rounds, but rounds and nothing works in the
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: middle of your eyebrows. No, I want to do my eyebrows,
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: but you can't. You can't pluck them for months, like
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: you just have to shave it. And I'm not going
• 2:47
  Speaker 1: to be some who shaves their eyebrows. Just keep your
• 2:49
  Speaker 1: eyebrows going. Anybody who sucks with their eyebrows is making
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: a mistake because when you get older, they don't come back.
• 2:54
  Speaker 1: Just hold onto your eyelashes and your eyebrows. The best
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: thing I did in my adult life was letting my
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: eyebrows grow, and because I had very gay eyebrows for
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: a while and now they're what are they now? They
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: are big Italian eyebrows. But it looks like you're peacocking
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: with your eyebrows. I don't have breasts. I could I
• 3:09
  Speaker 1: kind of do a little bit. Now, yeah, you do.
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: You have a little booby action, not like I do.
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: But nobody, no one, no one has that sort of action.
• 3:18
  Speaker 1: I just feel like we've done such good work here lately,
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: and I don't want we can't. We can't pat ourselves
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: on the back like that. It's too obnoxious. It excites
• 3:26
  Speaker 1: me to come in here, I know, right, yes, maybe
• 3:28
  Speaker 1: that's the what I mean that excites me. That we've
• 3:31
  Speaker 1: gotten to speak to people, and every time we sit
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: down and studio, I'm like, who are we going to
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: talk to you today? Well, also that we've had such
• 3:38
  Speaker 1: serious issues come in right, I mean the other day.
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: I mean, we drove home the other day and we
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: were like, oh my god, these are serious issues. So
• 3:45
  Speaker 1: it's good that we have kind of a cabal of
• 3:47
  Speaker 1: like people to bring in for certain people, because I
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: think we are a little bit out of our league
• 3:52
  Speaker 1: in some of these areas. I thought these were just
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: going to be typical advice giving and some of them
• 3:56
  Speaker 1: are a little bit more deep. But I like that
• 3:58
  Speaker 1: we're smart enough to know that they were, like, hey,
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: leardering someone else. And when we do need to bring
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: somebody else in, we will, And when we just need
• 4:04
  Speaker 1: to be sweethearts together, that's what we'll do. Also, we're
• 4:07
  Speaker 1: going to take a break right now and we're going
• 4:09
  Speaker 1: to be right back. I think we should just get
• 4:13
  Speaker 1: right into it today. I would really like to start
• 4:16
  Speaker 1: tackling some of these issues because today is all about
• 4:19
  Speaker 1: commitment issues, and I think we both have our own
• 4:23
  Speaker 1: perspectives on these. Well, you're in a committed relationship and
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: I'm not. Well, there you go. That's very telling. Our
• 4:30
  Speaker 1: first mission comes from Kaylee, She writes, Dear Chelsea, I
• 4:33
  Speaker 1: have an important question for you. Nearly two years ago,
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: I got out of a ten year relationship. It was
• 4:37
  Speaker 1: very hard, but the right thing to do. I'm in
• 4:40
  Speaker 1: a good place now, well as good as I can
• 4:42
  Speaker 1: be living at home with my parents during a global pandemic.
• 4:44
  Speaker 1: I have a great job that I love, and I'm
• 4:46
  Speaker 1: lucky enough to have comfortable income. I have wonderful friends,
• 4:49
  Speaker 1: and I'm able to chase passions in my spare time
• 4:52
  Speaker 1: like skiing. Oh that's good, Kaylee. So on the question,
• 4:56
  Speaker 1: how do I know if I'm ready for love again?
• 4:58
  Speaker 1: I think the idea of marriage insane after the ship
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: that I went through. I honestly can't see myself being
• 5:03
  Speaker 1: with someone, but I don't want to be closed off either.
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: How do I learn to trust again? How do I
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: decide if and when I need a partner in my life?
• 5:10
  Speaker 1: I mean, this is something that everyone goes through after
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: a breakup. So yeah, yeah, yeah, she on the phone. Hi,
• 5:17
  Speaker 1: Hi Kyley. Hi. First of all, what kind of spelling
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: is that? Are you Nordic or it's Gaelic? Gaelic? That's
• 5:24
  Speaker 1: what I met, Gaelic Nordic. Yeah the fuck Brandon. Hi, Kayley,
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: It's nice to see you. How are you doing good? Thanks?
• 5:32
  Speaker 1: How are you? We're well? Thank you? How long have
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: you been single? Almost two years in July? Huh? You
• 5:39
  Speaker 1: look nice? You look nice and sweet? Why did it end.
• 5:43
  Speaker 1: The best way to sum it up is I read
• 5:45
  Speaker 1: the definition of what it is to be gaslighted about
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: a year later and was shook. So I think it
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: was just that kind of situation where the reality that
• 5:55
  Speaker 1: we all live in wasn't the reality that he was
• 5:57
  Speaker 1: trying to reflect. So really happy to be out of it.
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: But the thing that's happening now is people keep asking me, well,
• 6:04
  Speaker 1: when are you going to do something about your situation?
• 6:06
  Speaker 1: I'm like, what do I ask to do? That's because
• 6:07
  Speaker 1: people are fucking unoriginal and they don't have anything more
• 6:10
  Speaker 1: interesting to ask you than to say, when are you
• 6:12
  Speaker 1: going to have a new boyfriend? What's going on? Are
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: you dating? I can't tell you how many times. I
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: mean even now, it's like know me less, like that
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: is not part of my identity who I'm dating, or
• 6:22
  Speaker 1: that's not my main agenda in life is who I'm dating.
• 6:25
  Speaker 1: I have a sister in law Russian. Her name is Olga,
• 6:28
  Speaker 1: and she every time I come home, she said, don't
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: see any men an I'm like, Olga, I don't want
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: to talk about men on my vacation with my family,
• 6:35
  Speaker 1: Like that's the least of my worries, you know, so
• 6:38
  Speaker 1: I understand how annoying it is to be asked that
• 6:40
  Speaker 1: question over and over and over again. But people just
• 6:42
  Speaker 1: don't have any original questions to ask, because then if
• 6:45
  Speaker 1: you're with someone, then it's the next question is when
• 6:47
  Speaker 1: are you's gonna get married? And then when you get married,
• 6:49
  Speaker 1: it's when are you going to have a baby. The
• 6:51
  Speaker 1: bigger issue here is that people think your identity only
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: comes from being with someone, and when you're with them,
• 6:57
  Speaker 1: how that dynamic embodies who you are, Like you're You're
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: a full person outside of that relationship. That's why relationships
• 7:04
  Speaker 1: like you need to maintain some autonomy in a relationship.
• 7:06
  Speaker 1: I hate when people couple you together. That's like, oh,
• 7:09
  Speaker 1: the Johnson's whomever. It's like no, no no, no. Or women,
• 7:12
  Speaker 1: I mean, this is so terrible. But women who write
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: in their Instagram bio like wife to so and so.
• 7:18
  Speaker 1: It's like, that's how you want to identify yourself? No,
• 7:20
  Speaker 1: I know, I hear you, I hear you. I think
• 7:22
  Speaker 1: it's important for you to maintain like your single dom
• 7:25
  Speaker 1: in a way where you're not expecting it to go
• 7:27
  Speaker 1: in any direction. Like to be open minded means you're
• 7:30
  Speaker 1: open for anything that's unexpected. Any change. You're open minded
• 7:33
  Speaker 1: to being single, if that's the road you're supposed to
• 7:36
  Speaker 1: go down. You're open minded to dating, and you're open
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: minded to having a relationship, like a more serious relationship.
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: And if you live like that where it's not dependent,
• 7:45
  Speaker 1: like you know, some people are desperate to find someone
• 7:48
  Speaker 1: and that just ends up defining them in the wrong way, right,
• 7:52
  Speaker 1: like why do you need another person so badly? So
• 7:55
  Speaker 1: as long as you're like celebrating your single dom in
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: the right way, a, people are gonna be attracted to that.
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: You know, people are interested in that in independence, and
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: you're more likely to find the type of guy that
• 8:06
  Speaker 1: you're going to be attracted to if you're really into
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: being you know, your true authentic self. Kayley, are you
• 8:12
  Speaker 1: dating at all? No, not at all, Not in a while.
• 8:15
  Speaker 1: I just it was it's it's just not where I
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: wanted to put the energy in my life. I wanted
• 8:20
  Speaker 1: to have fun at work, have fun friends. Yeah, a
• 8:23
  Speaker 1: good way to say that. I like the way you
• 8:25
  Speaker 1: said that. Well, thanks. Yeah, there's a confidence that comes
• 8:29
  Speaker 1: with that of knowing that you don't have to be
• 8:30
  Speaker 1: fulfilled by anyone, that you're giving yourself the fulfillment that
• 8:33
  Speaker 1: you need either with an activity, skiing, with work, whatever
• 8:36
  Speaker 1: that looks like for you. But there's also an element
• 8:39
  Speaker 1: of those minor interactions that you could go on a
• 8:42
  Speaker 1: date without confidence and not worry if there's going to
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: be a second day, that you make the decision like, oh,
• 8:46
  Speaker 1: I'm actually not into this guy at all. Like that's powerful,
• 8:50
  Speaker 1: and knowing that I don't need you gives you a
• 8:52
  Speaker 1: lot more space to interact with people without the burden
• 8:55
  Speaker 1: of where is this going to go? Yeah, I couldn't
• 8:58
  Speaker 1: agree with that more. And I find it it took
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: away from my life instead of adding to it. And
• 9:02
  Speaker 1: it's just all the wrong reasons. And I find people
• 9:05
  Speaker 1: kind of put you on their track of what they
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: want you to do, who they want you to be,
• 9:08
  Speaker 1: and I just am not interested in that in any way,
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: shape or form, right exactly. And that's the important thing
• 9:14
  Speaker 1: is not to let yourself be defined by what others
• 9:16
  Speaker 1: expect from you, Right, Who gives a ship what others
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: expect from you? It's what do you expect from you?
• 9:21
  Speaker 1: And also you know when you get out of a
• 9:22
  Speaker 1: relationship where there is an unhealthy attachment. I remember I
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: broke up with this one boyfriend, and we had this
• 9:28
  Speaker 1: really volatile relationship for years. It went on on and
• 9:31
  Speaker 1: off and on and off, and everyone was just like
• 9:34
  Speaker 1: all our friends were like, shut up already, you know
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: you too, just like break up already. And I just
• 9:40
  Speaker 1: wanted to dream of the time where I wouldn't be heartbroken.
• 9:43
  Speaker 1: I just wanted to think of the time I go.
• 9:44
  Speaker 1: I just want to be so fiercely single that this
• 9:47
  Speaker 1: person doesn't affect me at all. You know that there's
• 9:50
  Speaker 1: no tether to him and I. When I got there,
• 9:54
  Speaker 1: I remember reminding myself, like, oh my god, this is
• 9:57
  Speaker 1: where you've been hoping to be for so long. And
• 10:00
  Speaker 1: sit in this and enjoy this moment, you know, enjoy
• 10:02
  Speaker 1: the freedom of not being tethered to somebody who is
• 10:05
  Speaker 1: giving you bad vibes. I love that it seems like
• 10:09
  Speaker 1: you know exactly kind of where you're at and what
• 10:11
  Speaker 1: you want. So I don't know that there's much advice
• 10:13
  Speaker 1: that we can give you, because it seems like you
• 10:14
  Speaker 1: are operating in the way that we've We've had this
• 10:16
  Speaker 1: a similar discussion with many callers, and they really don't
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: know how to reconcile where they're at. But it seems
• 10:26
  Speaker 1: like you know and have great confidence in your positioning
• 10:30
  Speaker 1: personally probably professionally right now that you don't need you
• 10:34
  Speaker 1: really don't need any advice from us, Like you know
• 10:36
  Speaker 1: you're doing the right thing. Well, I think your take
• 10:39
  Speaker 1: is so different than the average person. So I feel
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: like I get so much pressure and that's the first
• 10:44
  Speaker 1: thing people ask when they see me. So it's just
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: nice to hear it from people who are kind of
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: understanding of that, because that's not the reality I live
• 10:50
  Speaker 1: in right now. And I know people just want to
• 10:53
  Speaker 1: make conversation, but it's the worst. Can I ask where
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: you don't have to give us a specific but where
• 10:57
  Speaker 1: are you in the US? Like Midwest? Are you on
• 10:59
  Speaker 1: a coast? I'm in Canada, Okay, So, like I always
• 11:03
  Speaker 1: think when I hear of these types of things, I'm
• 11:05
  Speaker 1: from the Midwest. And again, there's like a very specific
• 11:07
  Speaker 1: trajectory of life for women that they're married with kids
• 11:10
  Speaker 1: by certain age, and I think that you have to
• 11:12
  Speaker 1: be able to enter those conversations with like a confidence
• 11:16
  Speaker 1: and authority of like this is where I'm at, Like
• 11:18
  Speaker 1: I don't, I don't need this. You need to kind
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: of put it back on them, like why would you
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: think that I need a man. Make them think about
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: what they're asking, how ridiculous it is, Like, why do
• 11:26
  Speaker 1: I need that? That's a really good point. I never
• 11:27
  Speaker 1: thought to do that. And also like, you don't want
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: anybody who's ever going to take away, right, you only
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: want an additive. All my friends are like, Chelsea, you're
• 11:34
  Speaker 1: so picky. Your standards are so high. I go, they
• 11:36
  Speaker 1: can be. I'm fine without a man, so they can
• 11:39
  Speaker 1: be as fucking high as I want them to be.
• 11:41
  Speaker 1: And until somebody fulfills those standards that it's not going
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: to happen because I'm perfectly happy being alone. Also, I
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: love that. And you're also never alone. I'm never alone. No, no,
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: I'm never alone, not when I'm raising the two parents
• 11:53
  Speaker 1: I mean two parents parents. I was raising my parents
• 11:57
  Speaker 1: and they both died, so that's how great of a
• 11:59
  Speaker 1: parent I am. And now I have two dogs who
• 12:00
  Speaker 1: will probably transition into the afterlife after I raised them.
• 12:04
  Speaker 1: But you hear what we're saying, yes they do. Can
• 12:07
  Speaker 1: Will you let us know if and when you do
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: start dating and what that's like for you and what
• 12:11
  Speaker 1: sort of men are out in the Canadian pond, because sweetheart,
• 12:13
  Speaker 1: you know I don't know if you're aware, but she
• 12:15
  Speaker 1: now has a home in Canada, so we're gonna need
• 12:17
  Speaker 1: to find her some prospects. Yeah, I need a mountain man.
• 12:19
  Speaker 1: I need a big, strong Canadian mountain man who's gonna
• 12:23
  Speaker 1: flip me over and spin me around. Okay, Well, we're
• 12:25
  Speaker 1: gonna manifest this for you somebody and Albert our BC
• 12:29
  Speaker 1: we can do it. Okay, Well, if he's out there, yeah, yeah,
• 12:31
  Speaker 1: we'll manifest, will manifest together, will manifest both of our
• 12:34
  Speaker 1: future lovers. Yes, might could just be a dog though,
• 12:37
  Speaker 1: or something like that, doesn't have to be an actual person.
• 12:40
  Speaker 1: A dog is a great addition to anyone's life. That's
• 12:43
  Speaker 1: always an enhancement. That's what you want from a man,
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: and that's what you'll get from a dog. There's gonna
• 12:46
  Speaker 1: be a nice little pick me up in life. Take
• 12:48
  Speaker 1: you out. You have company, and you don't really have
• 12:51
  Speaker 1: to answer to them, so even better. That's that's the advice.
• 12:54
  Speaker 1: Go get a dog. Perfect by Kaylee, Thank you, thank you.
• 13:00
  Speaker 1: I It is true though, when I come home and
• 13:02
  Speaker 1: I see Bert and I just think, like when I
• 13:05
  Speaker 1: come home to the house and there's no one, they're
• 13:07
  Speaker 1: just the dogs. There is a feeling of happiness and
• 13:12
  Speaker 1: comfort that is just like lifts me. You know, that
• 13:15
  Speaker 1: is like, oh it's yeah, it's so closy, and I
• 13:19
  Speaker 1: could sit with him for fucking forty minutes and rub
• 13:22
  Speaker 1: him and rub his belly. You know. It's the lack
• 13:25
  Speaker 1: of pressure in that situation where there there's love and interaction,
• 13:31
  Speaker 1: but there's no expectation. Yeah, there's no there's no one
• 13:34
  Speaker 1: I have. My friend just left her husband and she's like,
• 13:37
  Speaker 1: oh God, it's so nice not having to cook dinner.
• 13:39
  Speaker 1: I'm like, cook dinner. What are you in my coup
• 13:43
  Speaker 1: is preparing dinner for their husband. She's like lots of women, Chelsea,
• 13:46
  Speaker 1: And I'm like, okay, well, there's one thing about single
• 13:48
  Speaker 1: dumb well A I can't cook even for myself, so
• 13:51
  Speaker 1: I wouldn't be cooking for another person unless he had
• 13:53
  Speaker 1: no taste buds or an all egg white diet. Egg whites,
• 13:57
  Speaker 1: turkey and protein shakes is what I pay sickly subsisting on.
• 14:01
  Speaker 1: Ever since I saw c Spiracy, she seems like she's
• 14:04
  Speaker 1: going to be just fine. So it's an interesting mix
• 14:06
  Speaker 1: of people who submit or call in because I think
• 14:09
  Speaker 1: a lot of people know exactly where they're at and
• 14:11
  Speaker 1: they just want someone they want Yeah, they want somebody
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: to give them the sign stamp of approval, right, And
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: that's what we're here for. Sometimes, sweetheart, Sometimes the heavy
• 14:20
  Speaker 1: lifting isn't up to us, It's up to the caller. Well,
• 14:22
  Speaker 1: let's see what Emily's got going on. She is a
• 14:25
  Speaker 1: year old from Maryland. She works in healthcare, and she writes,
• 14:28
  Speaker 1: Dear Chelsea, I have a thirty two a cup at
• 14:31
  Speaker 1: a hundred and thirty six pounds, so this is out
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: of my wheelhouse. I used to weigh two hundred pounds
• 14:37
  Speaker 1: and my boobs were the same size a girl. Small
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: boobs and no ass means no sex life. I've considered
• 14:42
  Speaker 1: a fat transfer, bread segmentation. I've considered breast and plants.
• 14:45
  Speaker 1: I've considered being flat chested until I die. I've had
• 14:48
  Speaker 1: two plastic surgeon consultations. But I want your advice. My
• 14:51
  Speaker 1: family and friends are on board. I'm just afraid of
• 14:54
  Speaker 1: breast and plant illness. What happens if and when I
• 14:56
  Speaker 1: get pregnant and do or don't breastfeed? Okay? Great, Emily, Hi, Hi,
• 15:02
  Speaker 1: how are you. I'm good, I'm good. How are you doing? Doing?
• 15:05
  Speaker 1: Really good? Okay, so talk to us about your body situation. So,
• 15:11
  Speaker 1: my boys, as I like to call them, because they're
• 15:13
  Speaker 1: not girls, very very small. I've been flat chested pretty
• 15:17
  Speaker 1: much my whole life. Like you guys were saying, I
• 15:19
  Speaker 1: was two hundred pounds at one point in my life.
• 15:22
  Speaker 1: Boobs stayed the same size, like I was, just like
• 15:25
  Speaker 1: flat and then big round stomach, no ask nothing. Oh
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: my god, so you got big. You got big like that,
• 15:30
  Speaker 1: and your breast didn't get bigger with you nothing. That's
• 15:33
  Speaker 1: a real kick in the ass. So I lost all
• 15:36
  Speaker 1: this weight and then still am somewhat confident, but not
• 15:39
  Speaker 1: like fully confident, just because I wish I looked more
• 15:42
  Speaker 1: like a female had big boobs, could strut into a
• 15:45
  Speaker 1: bar and like people would notice me. So yeah, I
• 15:47
  Speaker 1: just wanted to ask you if you had a small chest,
• 15:50
  Speaker 1: what do you think you would do well? I always
• 15:52
  Speaker 1: I admire people with small chest because it's so not
• 15:55
  Speaker 1: I mean, I got my boobs so prematurely. They came
• 15:57
  Speaker 1: on the scene when like overnight once summer when I
• 15:59
  Speaker 1: was old, and I literally woke up some guy put
• 16:02
  Speaker 1: his arm around me in a movie theater, and I'm
• 16:03
  Speaker 1: convinced that gave me my period because and seriously he
• 16:07
  Speaker 1: gave The next morning, I said to my sister and
• 16:10
  Speaker 1: her sorority sister was at our house and Martha's viniar,
• 16:12
  Speaker 1: and I said, I got my period. And my sister
• 16:14
  Speaker 1: gave me to her best friend, Audrey, and she's like, Audrey,
• 16:16
  Speaker 1: will you help her? She got her period, and Audrey
• 16:18
  Speaker 1: started showing me how to use Anyway, Listen, I got
• 16:21
  Speaker 1: my period of my boobs came in overnight. Okay. So
• 16:24
  Speaker 1: the point is, I've never had small breast, but I
• 16:27
  Speaker 1: always admire small breast because it's such a nice look
• 16:29
  Speaker 1: that I've never had experience with. So I like that look.
• 16:32
  Speaker 1: But I understand that you, having had small breast, your
• 16:35
  Speaker 1: entire life are probably over it. So let's talk about that. Well. Well,
• 16:39
  Speaker 1: And I was just gonna say that the different perspectives
• 16:41
  Speaker 1: are so interesting from an outside listener because what you're
• 16:44
  Speaker 1: describing and your definition of being womanly and that you
• 16:48
  Speaker 1: want to have this chest because to some degree embodies feminism.
• 16:54
  Speaker 1: Chelsea has had that, and she's spoken about this lot,
• 16:56
  Speaker 1: but she had an X who said they weren't elegant
• 16:58
  Speaker 1: because they were basically too big. So it's interesting. You're
• 17:03
  Speaker 1: two different perspectives on what it means to have these
• 17:06
  Speaker 1: breasts and how it must feel for a woman who
• 17:08
  Speaker 1: has them and who does not their viewpoint on other
• 17:11
  Speaker 1: women's bodies. Yeah, you're always like, it's you're just looking
• 17:15
  Speaker 1: at what the grass is. Great, You're right, So that's
• 17:17
  Speaker 1: the thing. So if you're really thinking about it, you've
• 17:19
  Speaker 1: had two consultations, so you're really considering it obviously, and
• 17:23
  Speaker 1: everyone's supportive of that decision. Yeah, they are in your
• 17:27
  Speaker 1: family and stuff. Yeah, I mean, it's obviously not a
• 17:30
  Speaker 1: decision I can make for you. But I would say
• 17:32
  Speaker 1: I understand when people want to fix things about their
• 17:35
  Speaker 1: bodies like that. They don't like I've done that. I
• 17:37
  Speaker 1: have done that. I've had laser. I had a full
• 17:40
  Speaker 1: body laser once. I mean I've done some crazy ship
• 17:43
  Speaker 1: So yeah, I understand wanting to do that. And I
• 17:45
  Speaker 1: think if you've really thought about it long and hard,
• 17:48
  Speaker 1: then you have your decision there. You know you've done
• 17:50
  Speaker 1: all the due diligence, you've gotten a second opinion, you
• 17:53
  Speaker 1: know you're weighing like all the options, and you're thinking
• 17:56
  Speaker 1: about what the future holds if you do get that surgery,
• 17:59
  Speaker 1: which is really smart. You're thinking about breastfeeding and infection,
• 18:03
  Speaker 1: and I think those are all questions obviously for your doctor,
• 18:06
  Speaker 1: so that they could answer them more soundly than I can.
• 18:08
  Speaker 1: Because as a reminder in this episode, I'm not a doctor,
• 18:11
  Speaker 1: but I wish I was, so I have to constantly
• 18:15
  Speaker 1: remind people that I'm not a medical professional. But I
• 18:18
  Speaker 1: think you have made your decision, and I think you're
• 18:20
  Speaker 1: on the right track to do that. But you want
• 18:22
  Speaker 1: to be mindful about your expectations. I think well, and
• 18:26
  Speaker 1: I think that women should do whatever they want with
• 18:28
  Speaker 1: their bodies. And if this is going to bring you
• 18:30
  Speaker 1: joy and security in your body, then that's all that
• 18:33
  Speaker 1: really matters. But the confidence aspect, like how you said,
• 18:37
  Speaker 1: like I have confidence, but maybe it's not what I want,
• 18:40
  Speaker 1: Like this is just something to enhance what you already have,
• 18:42
  Speaker 1: Like you're beautiful because we can see you, and this
• 18:46
  Speaker 1: should be something that when you get dressed in the morning,
• 18:48
  Speaker 1: like you do for yourself, that when you look at yourself, like, okay,
• 18:52
  Speaker 1: I feel I feel better about how I look naked,
• 18:54
  Speaker 1: Like that's why I work out. I don't care so
• 18:56
  Speaker 1: much what other people are seeing when I look at
• 18:59
  Speaker 1: myself in the eye want to feel good about it.
• 19:01
  Speaker 1: So as long as the expectation is that you're doing
• 19:03
  Speaker 1: this for you, not for how other people perceive you,
• 19:06
  Speaker 1: you can't really go wrong in your decision. Yeah, I
• 19:09
  Speaker 1: agree with it is how you perceive yourself and not
• 19:12
  Speaker 1: what others think. And I don't think it was ever
• 19:14
  Speaker 1: like that connotation, But it's always like how you perceive
• 19:17
  Speaker 1: yourself and if you could make it better and like
• 19:19
  Speaker 1: you could enter like this whole new mindset, like maybe
• 19:22
  Speaker 1: that would be a possibility as well. Yeah, and I
• 19:24
  Speaker 1: think when managing expectations, it's like to piggyback on what
• 19:27
  Speaker 1: Brandon said, Like, obviously you want people to notice. You
• 19:31
  Speaker 1: said you want to walk into bar and have guys
• 19:32
  Speaker 1: notice you. That's a component of this. But focusing on
• 19:36
  Speaker 1: what you really want to like about yourself is more
• 19:38
  Speaker 1: important than what other people are going to respond to.
• 19:41
  Speaker 1: So you just want to keep having that kind of
• 19:43
  Speaker 1: dialogue with yourself, right about this is for you. This
• 19:47
  Speaker 1: is about you feeling better about yourself, which will extend
• 19:49
  Speaker 1: to you feeling better about yourself in front of other people. Yeah,
• 19:53
  Speaker 1: I agree, that makes sense. Okay, another decision that was
• 19:55
  Speaker 1: already made before she called in, I mean we're on
• 19:57
  Speaker 1: a real role today, just kind of stamp where basically
• 20:00
  Speaker 1: like where the government issued you your approval to I
• 20:03
  Speaker 1: don't know, go abroad, brought her, brought her well, Basically,
• 20:07
  Speaker 1: I was wondering if you had a small chest, would
• 20:09
  Speaker 1: you just be like, this is what God gave me,
• 20:11
  Speaker 1: I'm going to work with it, or you're like, I
• 20:13
  Speaker 1: have these resources and I know that I could do
• 20:16
  Speaker 1: this and just like way those options pretty much. Can
• 20:19
  Speaker 1: I ask a question, does your chest in the size
• 20:21
  Speaker 1: of your chest affect how you go through your day? No,
• 20:25
  Speaker 1: If anything, it's easier because I don't have like weight,
• 20:28
  Speaker 1: right then you also need to take that into consideration
• 20:30
  Speaker 1: that if it's not affecting you mentally in a way,
• 20:33
  Speaker 1: that like it's really deterring you from doing things, from
• 20:36
  Speaker 1: going out and swimsuit, from feeling confident around people, from
• 20:39
  Speaker 1: feeling okay in your own body because they're they're all
• 20:42
  Speaker 1: these outside expectations and influences and that you really need
• 20:47
  Speaker 1: to think about. Like I would get my nose done
• 20:48
  Speaker 1: tomorrow in a heartbeat if I knew that it would
• 20:50
  Speaker 1: be done and there would be no issues. But how
• 20:53
  Speaker 1: much of that is just because of what I'm seeing
• 20:55
  Speaker 1: around me. You know, there's just so much imagery of
• 20:58
  Speaker 1: like this expectation of perfection that we're never going to meet.
• 21:02
  Speaker 1: So you also need to be thinking about what else
• 21:05
  Speaker 1: after you get this done and say your breask about
• 21:07
  Speaker 1: perfect Don't let that be something that sends you into
• 21:09
  Speaker 1: a reflection of like, now I could get X, Y
• 21:11
  Speaker 1: and Z done, right. I don't want to spiral like
• 21:13
  Speaker 1: that at all, right, exactly. So it's a slippery slope
• 21:16
  Speaker 1: with that kind of stuff because you do one thing
• 21:18
  Speaker 1: and you're like, you know what else I don't like?
• 21:19
  Speaker 1: And then you're like, you know, you can focus on
• 21:21
  Speaker 1: an area of your body. Once you've sorted one situation out,
• 21:24
  Speaker 1: you can find another focal point to focus your attention on.
• 21:28
  Speaker 1: And that's also not a healthy pattern of behavior. So
• 21:31
  Speaker 1: I think you've really prepared for this well, and I
• 21:33
  Speaker 1: think your head is in the right space to figure out,
• 21:35
  Speaker 1: you know, what your next move is. Awesome. Well, I
• 21:38
  Speaker 1: love what you guys had to say in your advice
• 21:39
  Speaker 1: because you know, it just really makes me think I'm
• 21:42
  Speaker 1: thinking the same things that a normal person would. And
• 21:44
  Speaker 1: it's not just body image issues, but it's like an
• 21:47
  Speaker 1: everyday thing that other people think about as well. Well,
• 21:50
  Speaker 1: I'll wrap this up with if you walked into a bar,
• 21:52
  Speaker 1: I would notice you. I don't know what sort of
• 21:54
  Speaker 1: value that is from a gay man, but you're very pretty.
• 21:57
  Speaker 1: Thank you. So don't let that be the reason that
• 21:59
  Speaker 1: you go get something, because the confidence can show in
• 22:01
  Speaker 1: so many ways. Oh thank you. That's my new point.
• 22:05
  Speaker 1: When I walk into a barnew and be like, well,
• 22:07
  Speaker 1: you know, right, this total stranger said that that I'm hot.
• 22:10
  Speaker 1: So and if you can, if you if you do
• 22:12
  Speaker 1: get your enlargements, what size are you going to get? Small? Oh? Yeah,
• 22:16
  Speaker 1: that's the best way. It's crazy because I would stay
• 22:20
  Speaker 1: like a medium, be small. C I wouldn't even want
• 22:22
  Speaker 1: to like get like anything that people would be like,
• 22:25
  Speaker 1: oh my god, that's Dolly partner or anything like that,
• 22:27
  Speaker 1: even though her boobs are great. It would just be
• 22:29
  Speaker 1: something that like people from high school would see me
• 22:31
  Speaker 1: and wouldn't even like notice I had anything really done.
• 22:33
  Speaker 1: That's the best work, the work that they have to question. Yeah, minimal, minimal,
• 22:37
  Speaker 1: not too yeah, stay away from SS when you're starting
• 22:40
  Speaker 1: at a's you know, oh yeah, I don't want it
• 22:43
  Speaker 1: to be like a total shock either where I'm like,
• 22:45
  Speaker 1: oh my god, what did I do? Or have to
• 22:47
  Speaker 1: regret anything. Yeah, luckily, now boob jobs are so much
• 22:51
  Speaker 1: more natural. They're not like getting giant bazunkas onto your
• 22:54
  Speaker 1: chest like vegas. You know, if nobody looks like that's
• 22:56
  Speaker 1: not in style at all. So yeah, less is more
• 23:00
  Speaker 1: now with boobs, for sure. Yeah. I just want something
• 23:03
  Speaker 1: I can cup, just something or something someone else can
• 23:06
  Speaker 1: cup exactly. Well, good luck, Emily. Let us know how
• 23:10
  Speaker 1: it goes if and when you have your operation. Awesome,
• 23:13
  Speaker 1: Thanks guys, Bye bye. But I think it's called a procedure,
• 23:17
  Speaker 1: but it is also an operation. I guess it is
• 23:19
  Speaker 1: a procedure in my terms. Let's get a plastic surgeon on.
• 23:21
  Speaker 1: I would love to speak with someone in an operation actually,
• 23:24
  Speaker 1: because you are surgically cutting someone open, and there's ways
• 23:29
  Speaker 1: do we should have a plastic surgeon on though, because
• 23:31
  Speaker 1: I need a consult after that call. We should Actually
• 23:33
  Speaker 1: we can consult. We could have a plastic surgeon consult
• 23:36
  Speaker 1: the callers who call it. That would be great. I
• 23:38
  Speaker 1: would like to tack a consultation on for myself at
• 23:40
  Speaker 1: that time. You need to cool it with it. What
• 23:41
  Speaker 1: are you talking about your nose whatever. Everyone has one
• 23:44
  Speaker 1: of those things. What's your problem with it? I just
• 23:46
  Speaker 1: don't like it. I don't think it's proportionate to my face.
• 23:49
  Speaker 1: What would you like it to be bigger? I would
• 23:51
  Speaker 1: never first about somebody getting I would like to keep
• 23:54
  Speaker 1: the shape or just shrink it down. That's ridiculous. I
• 23:57
  Speaker 1: know it's stupid, which is why I can't get it. Well,
• 23:59
  Speaker 1: that and Jennifer Gray, So remember her nose? Yeah? I
• 24:03
  Speaker 1: loved her. It was a cute whole nose, wasn't it. Oh? Yeah,
• 24:05
  Speaker 1: I loved it. I love that nose. Did you like
• 24:08
  Speaker 1: that movie? Growing up? It's already dancing? Who didn't like
• 24:10
  Speaker 1: that movie? It's like everyone's dream come true, go into
• 24:13
  Speaker 1: the Poconos and getting finger blasted by Patrick Swayzey. Of
• 24:16
  Speaker 1: course I love that movie. Baby in a Corner. No
• 24:20
  Speaker 1: one puts sweetheart in a partner No. No. I wish
• 24:24
  Speaker 1: I could dance, you know. I like that movie so
• 24:26
  Speaker 1: much because she could dance. Well, she really couldn't, but
• 24:29
  Speaker 1: he could dance, and he made her dance. And that's
• 24:33
  Speaker 1: what I want. I need a man who's so good
• 24:35
  Speaker 1: at dancing, a straight man that's so good at dancing,
• 24:38
  Speaker 1: that he could make me find you like a like
• 24:41
  Speaker 1: a hot Latino guy who could like I would love
• 24:46
  Speaker 1: for you, I mean pretty into black eyes. I think
• 24:48
  Speaker 1: we should just like I'm I love everything about them,
• 24:52
  Speaker 1: so I think that's an obvious move. I know. The
• 24:54
  Speaker 1: only thing is you don't see many black ice skiing.
• 24:57
  Speaker 1: That's okay, he doesn't have Well, it would be yeah, yeah, yeah, together,
• 25:03
  Speaker 1: because that's my only hobby we discovered, I mean, other
• 25:06
  Speaker 1: than rollerblading, which I we haven't even been in a
• 25:08
  Speaker 1: couple of weeks, and who knows if that's even in
• 25:10
  Speaker 1: my hobby yet. I don't think it is. We're going
• 25:12
  Speaker 1: this week. Well, I need more hobbies though, that's one
• 25:15
  Speaker 1: thing we've discovered it besides skiing, because that's seasonal. I'm
• 25:18
  Speaker 1: already planning a summer skiing Christmas trip. It doesn't make
• 25:22
  Speaker 1: any sense. I want to spend my summer skiing in
• 25:24
  Speaker 1: South America because that's how desperate I am to ski again.
• 25:27
  Speaker 1: We just need to get a snow machine in the backyard.
• 25:29
  Speaker 1: That's actually a great answer to a lot of our problems.
• 25:31
  Speaker 1: A snow machine would be let's see what answers we needed.
• 25:34
  Speaker 1: Steep enough pitch for me to be able to like
• 25:36
  Speaker 1: ski down. Luckily, there's that nice little hillside behind the house.
• 25:39
  Speaker 1: If if we got a little dogs at dog sled
• 25:42
  Speaker 1: for Burton Burn needs to take you up there and
• 25:43
  Speaker 1: give you something to do in the afternoons. Anyway, we
• 25:47
  Speaker 1: digress onto the next collar. His name is Grant. He's
• 25:50
  Speaker 1: from Brooklyn. He's twenty three. He is a publicist or
• 25:53
  Speaker 1: he works in pr if some sort, we'll find out.
• 25:55
  Speaker 1: He writes, Dear Brandon and Chelsea, I'm so in need
• 25:59
  Speaker 1: of some serious, stupid sexual advice. I keep getting friend zoned,
• 26:02
  Speaker 1: and while I'm more than happy to add to my
• 26:04
  Speaker 1: community of friends, I can't seem to break through it. Well,
• 26:07
  Speaker 1: I don't want to partner, per se. I would like
• 26:09
  Speaker 1: to stop having casual drinks with men I've only shagged
• 26:12
  Speaker 1: their lovely people. But I frankly would rather have a
• 26:14
  Speaker 1: lovely conversation over a barefoot contest the meal with my
• 26:17
  Speaker 1: closest circle. That's a very specific setup, but I do
• 26:21
  Speaker 1: agree barefoot contestat How do you manage expectations early on?
• 26:25
  Speaker 1: Do I really have to come out of the gate
• 26:26
  Speaker 1: on the first date and say I'm not looking for friends?
• 26:29
  Speaker 1: Your buddy, Grant. Grant, these are good questions, Hi, Grant, Hi,
• 26:35
  Speaker 1: they are good questions. What's going on? I guess what's
• 26:39
  Speaker 1: the question is what's going on with you? So you're
• 26:41
  Speaker 1: having sex with people you're interested in and they're not
• 26:43
  Speaker 1: interested in taking it further. Well, it's kind of like
• 26:45
  Speaker 1: it's it's like a run through. You know, you go
• 26:47
  Speaker 1: on like one or two dates and then maybe potentially
• 26:50
  Speaker 1: hook up or whatever after you know, three or four,
• 26:53
  Speaker 1: and then you kind of get a text message I'm
• 26:56
  Speaker 1: saying something along the lines of like let's go get
• 26:58
  Speaker 1: another drink, let's go hang out, let's go do or thing.
• 27:00
  Speaker 1: And then it's like, hey, i'd love to, but boundaries,
• 27:04
  Speaker 1: like let's set them up, like I want to be
• 27:06
  Speaker 1: friends and that's totally cool. And this has happened like
• 27:08
  Speaker 1: maybe the past like five people I've been dating, like
• 27:11
  Speaker 1: on a roll, one next to the next. Oh really,
• 27:15
  Speaker 1: that's that's disappointing. I know. Also gay men for you.
• 27:19
  Speaker 1: So yeah, I do think that setting the expectation up front. Basically,
• 27:23
  Speaker 1: I don't think there's anything wrong with that. I think
• 27:25
  Speaker 1: it saves every one time. I think it puts you
• 27:27
  Speaker 1: on the right track. So you're not wasting mental and
• 27:30
  Speaker 1: physical energy. Agree, directness is the best way to approach
• 27:33
  Speaker 1: this situation, and directness is fucking hot. So even though
• 27:36
  Speaker 1: it seems like, oh, like do I want to put
• 27:38
  Speaker 1: myself out there that way, yeah, because you hear this
• 27:40
  Speaker 1: in the gay community all the time that everyone wants
• 27:43
  Speaker 1: a relationship, but no one's in a relationship, so there's
• 27:45
  Speaker 1: obviously there is a communication error happening, and so putting
• 27:50
  Speaker 1: it out there like hey, this is what I'm looking
• 27:51
  Speaker 1: for a relationship or to date to see where this goes.
• 27:55
  Speaker 1: I'm not looking to fuck you unless you are looking
• 27:58
  Speaker 1: for that. And again vocal something keep looking to fund
• 28:01
  Speaker 1: them and then he wants to be a relationship like
• 28:04
  Speaker 1: you can. I mean, obviously you have to test the water,
• 28:06
  Speaker 1: so they have to figure out if they want to
• 28:08
  Speaker 1: be in a relationship with you. But it's good to
• 28:10
  Speaker 1: get it out of the way. I'm not trying to
• 28:11
  Speaker 1: make friends, like I'm here for a partner. I'm looking
• 28:14
  Speaker 1: for somebody to have sex with and also date right
• 28:19
  Speaker 1: right and be in a relationship. I feel like every
• 28:23
  Speaker 1: time I go on a date, like the first thing
• 28:25
  Speaker 1: I say is like, that's great, Like I kind of
• 28:27
  Speaker 1: do try to set the expectation that I'm not. So
• 28:30
  Speaker 1: I think it just kind of like whittles its way
• 28:32
  Speaker 1: in there, and I've got like this little Oklahoma like
• 28:34
  Speaker 1: sweetheart mom kind of vibe going on. So everyone just
• 28:36
  Speaker 1: automatically is like rolling with the punches and can like
• 28:39
  Speaker 1: kind of you know, throw me into a different folder
• 28:41
  Speaker 1: per se. So yeah, because that is a nice thing
• 28:43
  Speaker 1: to do. I mean, I'm not in the gay community
• 28:45
  Speaker 1: like you are, but I mean it is a nice
• 28:46
  Speaker 1: thing to do. Like, if I hear from someone I'm
• 28:48
  Speaker 1: not interested in, I will usually just not respond, Like
• 28:52
  Speaker 1: I wouldn't say, hey, let's be friends, Like I would
• 28:55
  Speaker 1: never say that, because that's bullshit. I would literally rather
• 28:58
  Speaker 1: be like ghosted and you never talked to me get
• 29:00
  Speaker 1: rather than like us have like a weird asked friendship
• 29:02
  Speaker 1: where we're like, hey, how's it going, how's your how's
• 29:06
  Speaker 1: your weird roommate that I don't even remember their name
• 29:08
  Speaker 1: or cared like here about you know, you don't need
• 29:11
  Speaker 1: to carry that wasted energy. Where are you meeting these guys,
• 29:16
  Speaker 1: you know, like mostly hinge. I had one recently that
• 29:20
  Speaker 1: was like a friend of a friend that had gotten
• 29:21
  Speaker 1: out a relationship like three months ago, and I was
• 29:24
  Speaker 1: kind of like testing the waters a little bit there.
• 29:26
  Speaker 1: And I initially was like this kind of like we
• 29:28
  Speaker 1: are friends, and then turned into a whole thing and
• 29:30
  Speaker 1: then went back to it. So it's like communicating this
• 29:33
  Speaker 1: to ongoing dating situations is like just so straight, like
• 29:38
  Speaker 1: constantly having to be like, okay, let's check in, like
• 29:40
  Speaker 1: what are our boundaries here? What's going on? Like it's
• 29:43
  Speaker 1: this weird evan flow that I've always dealt with in
• 29:45
  Speaker 1: dating in the gay world. And when was your last
• 29:48
  Speaker 1: relationship like three or four years ago and what happened?
• 29:51
  Speaker 1: Oh god, yeah, let me get a margarita for that one.
• 29:55
  Speaker 1: I would love margarita. It is so early, I mean, yeah,
• 29:58
  Speaker 1: margarita like four pm sounds Who cares? What honestly, who
• 30:02
  Speaker 1: cares what fucking time it is? If you need a margarita,
• 30:04
  Speaker 1: and you know you need a margarita, I don't care
• 30:06
  Speaker 1: about what time it is. You know what's saying? I
• 30:10
  Speaker 1: can't stand as it's five o'clock somewhere. It's like, that's
• 30:12
  Speaker 1: so stupid. You know what it is, It's time to
• 30:14
  Speaker 1: have a fucking margarita. As all the time. It is
• 30:17
  Speaker 1: so well, I think what you should do, Like I
• 30:19
  Speaker 1: would think instinctively, I think you just need to change
• 30:21
  Speaker 1: your approach. It's like if you go outside every day
• 30:23
  Speaker 1: and make a left, and every day you get bitten
• 30:25
  Speaker 1: by the same dog right you eventually you have to
• 30:28
  Speaker 1: take a right and try a different direction or try
• 30:31
  Speaker 1: a different avenue, And so you have to change your
• 30:33
  Speaker 1: approach to how you're dating these men and how you're
• 30:35
  Speaker 1: coming across or stating what you want from the very top.
• 30:39
  Speaker 1: And I think if you just change little nuances of
• 30:41
  Speaker 1: your behavior, you'll get a much different variety of results,
• 30:45
  Speaker 1: which could either be a good or bad. But I
• 30:47
  Speaker 1: think it'll be good, maybe a couple of bad ones
• 30:49
  Speaker 1: when you're getting started, you know when you mean, when
• 30:51
  Speaker 1: you start acting a little differently, you're like, oh wait,
• 30:53
  Speaker 1: maybe this might be too harsh. But it's just the
• 30:55
  Speaker 1: adjustment period where you're finding out how much you want to,
• 30:58
  Speaker 1: like change your direction right of what you're doing now.
• 31:02
  Speaker 1: To add on to that, the only other thing that
• 31:04
  Speaker 1: I would suggest is casting a white net and like
• 31:07
  Speaker 1: dating multiple people, not sleeping with all of them necessarily,
• 31:11
  Speaker 1: but it's okay to go on multiple dates with multiple
• 31:13
  Speaker 1: people at the same time to see what feels right,
• 31:16
  Speaker 1: to kind of reduce down what you're really looking for
• 31:20
  Speaker 1: from all of these guys, because most guys are just
• 31:22
  Speaker 1: so boring and simple, and so just put yourself out there.
• 31:26
  Speaker 1: The more, the merrier you'll eventually find what works for you.
• 31:30
  Speaker 1: Can say, most gay guys are boring and simple. Most
• 31:33
  Speaker 1: guys are certainly simple. Well is that true? If you
• 31:38
  Speaker 1: if you look on Instagram, they all look the exact same,
• 31:40
  Speaker 1: they all sound the exact same, they all do the
• 31:42
  Speaker 1: exact same ship. I mean like a fourty year old mom,
• 31:46
  Speaker 1: which can sometimes be like a total turn off when
• 31:47
  Speaker 1: I like and I'm like hanging out lounge in my
• 31:50
  Speaker 1: room and just like listening to Linda ron Staff. That's
• 31:52
  Speaker 1: kind of like a little throwing off for a lot
• 31:53
  Speaker 1: of game in. But like, you know, no, someone will
• 31:58
  Speaker 1: someone will love that. They'll love that low key energy
• 32:00
  Speaker 1: that you bring. That it's like cool and a little
• 32:03
  Speaker 1: mysterious but also maternal. So embrace that. You know, Yeah,
• 32:10
  Speaker 1: you're gonna find somebody that's gonna love everything about you.
• 32:12
  Speaker 1: It's just a matter of weeding out, and you know
• 32:14
  Speaker 1: every step on the way to finding that person. You know,
• 32:17
  Speaker 1: if that's what's important to you and you want to
• 32:18
  Speaker 1: find that person, then you will, and every step on
• 32:21
  Speaker 1: the way to that is fine because it's just a
• 32:23
  Speaker 1: step closer to what you're looking for, which is actually
• 32:26
  Speaker 1: a serious, more meaningful exchange. Right. Well, that let us
• 32:32
  Speaker 1: know how it goes. Also, you have a beautiful skin.
• 32:35
  Speaker 1: Oh my god. Thanks? Thanks? All right, well, let us
• 32:38
  Speaker 1: know what happens. Keep us posted on your love life,
• 32:40
  Speaker 1: would joh? Thanks? Everyone? By another problem solved? I mean
• 32:47
  Speaker 1: dating for people. I just think it's good to be
• 32:49
  Speaker 1: direct when you're dating. It's good to be like because
• 32:51
  Speaker 1: it could come off a little harsh, like if I
• 32:53
  Speaker 1: say it, you know, but he's sweet and nice. And
• 32:55
  Speaker 1: if he says like, hey, I'm not looking for friends,
• 32:57
  Speaker 1: that's that's a much different thing than me saying I'm
• 33:00
  Speaker 1: not looking for It's just the games that people play,
• 33:03
  Speaker 1: and a lot of people, you know, they don't want
• 33:05
  Speaker 1: to say that because they don't want to come off
• 33:07
  Speaker 1: too strong or too eager or too interested, so they
• 33:10
  Speaker 1: just kind of let it like ride, and then they
• 33:11
  Speaker 1: end up where Grant is, and it's frustrating for everyone.
• 33:14
  Speaker 1: It's like if everyone were just honest with what they wanted,
• 33:17
  Speaker 1: it would save a lot of time. It does save
• 33:19
  Speaker 1: a lot of time. It doesn't make everybody feel great
• 33:21
  Speaker 1: all the time when people are super direct, because a
• 33:24
  Speaker 1: lot of people need to be coddled and a lot
• 33:26
  Speaker 1: of people are uncomfortable with directness. But that's really more
• 33:29
  Speaker 1: reflection of them rather than the person who's being direct.
• 33:33
  Speaker 1: But I understand softening messages is important, especially for me
• 33:37
  Speaker 1: my whole life. I've been told, oh god, you know,
• 33:40
  Speaker 1: soften it down, take it down a notch, And you
• 33:42
  Speaker 1: know it was true. I needed to soften it down
• 33:44
  Speaker 1: and take it down a notch. So that was hard
• 33:47
  Speaker 1: to hear over and over again. But once I applied
• 33:50
  Speaker 1: it and actually listened to it, it was helpful. With
• 33:53
  Speaker 1: his situation is he's already nice and soft and he
• 33:55
  Speaker 1: needs to be a little bit firmer. So that's like
• 33:57
  Speaker 1: a flip. I think for you it was is that
• 34:00
  Speaker 1: you you realize there is a different way to relay
• 34:03
  Speaker 1: the same message. Yes, that your tone and how you
• 34:07
  Speaker 1: presented it you would get. And I think a lot
• 34:09
  Speaker 1: of times you think more about other people's feelings. He
• 34:11
  Speaker 1: needs to think less about other people's feelings. He thinks
• 34:14
  Speaker 1: he needs to think more about his own feelings and
• 34:17
  Speaker 1: what he wants because he's accommodating these people that well,
• 34:21
  Speaker 1: he's not really accommodating them. They're just telling him they'd
• 34:23
  Speaker 1: rather be friends. So he needs to be a little
• 34:26
  Speaker 1: bit more direct and a little bit less friendly. I
• 34:28
  Speaker 1: would argue less friendly, and then nobody would want to
• 34:31
  Speaker 1: be your friend. But then you'll find a boyfriend. So
• 34:33
  Speaker 1: it's a real mindful brand. It's not very friendly, are you? Well,
• 34:36
  Speaker 1: you're friendly? I can't be. I'm really friendly to the
• 34:39
  Speaker 1: check out people the grocery stores. I like those interactions
• 34:41
  Speaker 1: because they're really short, but then these longer interactions, like
• 34:45
  Speaker 1: you go to dinner with someone, or you're going like
• 34:47
  Speaker 1: I've tried to go on hikes and you're just so
• 34:49
  Speaker 1: exhausted by the end of it. You're like, how can
• 34:50
  Speaker 1: I possibly be your friend? I really wanted to fall
• 34:52
  Speaker 1: asleep thirty minutes ago. While hiking is also I'm not
• 34:56
  Speaker 1: into hiking. Everyone in l A likes to hike, and
• 34:59
  Speaker 1: I don't. I'm the views to be that nice once
• 35:02
  Speaker 1: you get to the top. So plus there's snakes, so
• 35:04
  Speaker 1: you know, I have a real aversion to snake. I
• 35:06
  Speaker 1: was gonna say, you love physical activity. You hate anything
• 35:08
  Speaker 1: involving potential desert, dry arid hikes. That is like not
• 35:14
  Speaker 1: my cup of tea. And that was California exactly. We're
• 35:18
  Speaker 1: going to take a break right now, Yes we are,
• 35:20
  Speaker 1: but we'll be back, Okay. Our next mission comes from
• 35:27
  Speaker 1: No Name out of New York. They write, this is
• 35:31
  Speaker 1: a long one, dear child. I know people also need
• 35:34
  Speaker 1: to shorten their emails. Dear Chelsea, I'm glad you no
• 35:38
  Speaker 1: longer have a crush on Cuomo. I had one to
• 35:41
  Speaker 1: what a mess? Yeah, no fucking jokes. Seriously. During the
• 35:44
  Speaker 1: first part of quarantine, I was subletting for about a
• 35:46
  Speaker 1: year in a pretty chill four bedroom set up. We
• 35:49
  Speaker 1: weathered the lockdown together and actually had fun at times.
• 35:51
  Speaker 1: As time went by, some of the roommates were more
• 35:53
  Speaker 1: laid back in their approach about the coronavirus, still dating, partying,
• 35:57
  Speaker 1: going to underground clubs, et cetera. And when the lease
• 36:00
  Speaker 1: was up, they decided that they wanted to go their
• 36:01
  Speaker 1: separate ways. Well, probably lucky for you, because I was
• 36:05
  Speaker 1: unemployed and not on the lease. I moved into a
• 36:07
  Speaker 1: two bedroom with one of the leftover roommates, and I
• 36:09
  Speaker 1: stupidly signed a two year lease that I could barely afford.
• 36:13
  Speaker 1: Long story short, well, a long story long. It's a
• 36:16
  Speaker 1: nightmare living with him, and I just found a job
• 36:18
  Speaker 1: in Denver after being unemployed for almost a year. I
• 36:21
  Speaker 1: start remotely, but have to move there by June and
• 36:23
  Speaker 1: and leaving with my boyfriend. I haven't told him yet
• 36:26
  Speaker 1: that I want to break the lease. He was so
• 36:28
  Speaker 1: terrible when our last roommates told him that they didn't
• 36:31
  Speaker 1: want to live with him anymore. So I'm scared to
• 36:33
  Speaker 1: tell him, and I keep putting it off, causing crippling
• 36:35
  Speaker 1: anxiety every day. I'm also scared my landlord is going
• 36:38
  Speaker 1: to sue me because the building sucks, so I'm thinking
• 36:41
  Speaker 1: I can get out of that legally one way or another.
• 36:44
  Speaker 1: Has this ever happened to you? What have you done
• 36:46
  Speaker 1: to confront someone you have lived with? First of all,
• 36:50
  Speaker 1: the anxiety that you're feeling about not confronting him is
• 36:53
  Speaker 1: paramount to what you would feel if you would just
• 36:55
  Speaker 1: go ahead and confine him, which you need to do immediately.
• 36:58
  Speaker 1: And it's not a confrontation. It doesn't matter how he
• 37:00
  Speaker 1: handled something in the past. We're in a different time,
• 37:03
  Speaker 1: so who knows, Maybe he'll handle it the same way,
• 37:05
  Speaker 1: or maybe he'll handle it differently, But all you can
• 37:07
  Speaker 1: control is how you handle it, and by not telling him,
• 37:10
  Speaker 1: you're creating way too much suffering for yourself. So A,
• 37:13
  Speaker 1: you need to go in and talk to him honestly
• 37:16
  Speaker 1: and tell him you got a job in Denver. You're
• 37:17
  Speaker 1: moving to Denver. How do you get somebody in there
• 37:20
  Speaker 1: to take your place? That's the next move, right instead
• 37:24
  Speaker 1: of necessarily I don't even know if you need to
• 37:26
  Speaker 1: break the lease. I don't know what the landlord rules
• 37:28
  Speaker 1: are in New York. I don't know about breaking lease.
• 37:31
  Speaker 1: But if you find somebody to take your place and
• 37:34
  Speaker 1: fulfill that spot, then I don't think you even need
• 37:36
  Speaker 1: to get the landlord involved. You need to get your
• 37:38
  Speaker 1: roommate on the horn immediately because you don't want to wait.
• 37:41
  Speaker 1: Not even on the horn, go home and have thee
• 37:46
  Speaker 1: because you want to give them ample time to either
• 37:48
  Speaker 1: try and find someone to sub let your room. Going
• 37:50
  Speaker 1: down to the wire is just going to make it
• 37:52
  Speaker 1: more stressful for everyone. So and you also can help
• 37:56
  Speaker 1: be a part of finding somebody. It is your responsibility
• 37:59
  Speaker 1: since you sign into to your lease, but people get
• 38:01
  Speaker 1: out of leases all the time, So you just have
• 38:04
  Speaker 1: to find a candidate, and you can work with your
• 38:06
  Speaker 1: roommate and say, hey, let's do this together. I want
• 38:08
  Speaker 1: to find somebody to fill my place too. I have
• 38:10
  Speaker 1: to leave. I'm not going to be able to afford
• 38:12
  Speaker 1: to pay this rent anymore once I leave and moved
• 38:14
  Speaker 1: to Denver. So it's just not something that you guys
• 38:17
  Speaker 1: can avoid talking about. And also it's not personal, like
• 38:20
  Speaker 1: you've got a job. So I think that that's something
• 38:23
  Speaker 1: in the conversation that this isn't that you just don't
• 38:25
  Speaker 1: want to live with them. They're going to understand that
• 38:27
  Speaker 1: you have a new opportunity somewhere else and you have
• 38:29
  Speaker 1: to leave. This isn't just because you no longer like
• 38:32
  Speaker 1: the living situation or conditions. So you just need to
• 38:34
  Speaker 1: pull the trigger and have the conversation. Yeah, and handle
• 38:38
  Speaker 1: yourself with like dignity and respect so that the person
• 38:40
  Speaker 1: if they spin out, your roommate and if he's freaking out,
• 38:44
  Speaker 1: you're not feeding into that. You just sit there and
• 38:46
  Speaker 1: these are the facts, and how are you going to
• 38:48
  Speaker 1: find a solution? Sweetheart? That was really great guidance, Sweart.
• 38:54
  Speaker 1: I would like you to answer the last part of
• 38:56
  Speaker 1: this question though, because you've had multiple would you. I
• 38:58
  Speaker 1: don't know if you call them roommates, livings what you've had.
• 39:01
  Speaker 1: But I found out I lived with my cousin the
• 39:03
  Speaker 1: other day, my cousin Michael, we were out. I was
• 39:05
  Speaker 1: at my family's and they were like, I remember when
• 39:07
  Speaker 1: you lived with Michael. I go when they're like, on
• 39:09
  Speaker 1: twentieth Street in Santa Monica, you lived with him for
• 39:12
  Speaker 1: like six months, And I'm like, I don't remember living
• 39:16
  Speaker 1: with Michael, not even one night. Like I don't remember
• 39:19
  Speaker 1: memory a six months. It sounds like it's plausible, but
• 39:23
  Speaker 1: I don't remember six months period of time that I
• 39:26
  Speaker 1: do not remember living with somebody, which hopefully is how
• 39:29
  Speaker 1: this guy is going to feel when he moved to Denver.
• 39:30
  Speaker 1: He won't even remember that he lived with this guy
• 39:32
  Speaker 1: when he's in his forties. Well, let's talk about this.
• 39:34
  Speaker 1: What have you done to confront someone that you've lived with?
• 39:36
  Speaker 1: Have you had issues because you've had multiple people live
• 39:38
  Speaker 1: with you, You You have assistance, you've had friends. Was there
• 39:41
  Speaker 1: ever really like awkward or uncomfortable conversations that you had
• 39:44
  Speaker 1: to have? Yeah, I just not living together that well, Yeah,
• 39:48
  Speaker 1: because if I lived with guys either they would try
• 39:50
  Speaker 1: to sleep with me or I al I did sleep
• 39:51
  Speaker 1: with them, so that never worked out because they would
• 39:54
  Speaker 1: either become like almost like a little bit obsessed with you,
• 39:58
  Speaker 1: or you could have become basically I once lived with
• 40:01
  Speaker 1: this elementary school teacher and I had no idea that
• 40:05
  Speaker 1: he had a crush on me. I was in my
• 40:06
  Speaker 1: early twenties, and it became obsessive and he became a
• 40:10
  Speaker 1: little like borderline psychotic, and I had to skid out
• 40:12
  Speaker 1: all But I was so clueless because I had a boyfriend.
• 40:16
  Speaker 1: I talked about my boyfriend was with my boyfriend all
• 40:17
  Speaker 1: the time I thought he was, and then he really
• 40:19
  Speaker 1: turned on me. So I have had uncomfortable situations like that.
• 40:23
  Speaker 1: But and also I've had raging blowout fights with roommates
• 40:27
  Speaker 1: that I've lived with, you know, about bills or about messes,
• 40:30
  Speaker 1: or about partying or whatever. I mean, all of it.
• 40:33
  Speaker 1: But have I ever, I don't think post therapy, I've
• 40:37
  Speaker 1: had a situation where I had to ask someone to
• 40:39
  Speaker 1: get out of my house. You don't have anyone living
• 40:42
  Speaker 1: with you right now, right So all the times that
• 40:44
  Speaker 1: I've had to get some people out of my house
• 40:45
  Speaker 1: have added badly because of my my disposition because I
• 40:49
  Speaker 1: wasn't handling it like an adult. I was like, you know,
• 40:52
  Speaker 1: you gotta get out, I don't like this, or you know,
• 40:54
  Speaker 1: it was like just to open and shut case. In retrospect,
• 40:57
  Speaker 1: even though you didn't handle it properly, who was actually
• 41:00
  Speaker 1: in the wrong. Well, I think in retrospect, when you
• 41:02
  Speaker 1: look back at everything, you're not thinking about who's in
• 41:04
  Speaker 1: the wrong or the right. You just look at it
• 41:06
  Speaker 1: as a situation where two people are coming with opposing perspectives.
• 41:10
  Speaker 1: So it's not about right and wrong. It's just about
• 41:13
  Speaker 1: understanding that you're going to have a different perspective than
• 41:16
  Speaker 1: that then your roommate does. Every roommate I've ever had
• 41:19
  Speaker 1: has ended poorly. I would never I would rather live
• 41:21
  Speaker 1: in a van by myself to live with roommates. Well, actually,
• 41:24
  Speaker 1: speaking of vans, you should watch that movie with Francis
• 41:27
  Speaker 1: McDorman that one an Oscar. Yeah, that's she lives in
• 41:30
  Speaker 1: her van and she outfits it and jury rigs it
• 41:32
  Speaker 1: and like sets it up and builds it out from
• 41:34
  Speaker 1: the inside out. I love Francis mcdormant. She reminds me
• 41:37
  Speaker 1: of my aunt Gabby. Francis McDormand you know, just doesn't
• 41:40
  Speaker 1: give a ship about anything. My aunt had a gun
• 41:43
  Speaker 1: like nine or ten years ago and was going to
• 41:45
  Speaker 1: just go off on a van trip with her gun.
• 41:48
  Speaker 1: And I was like, what, we can't let her go
• 41:51
  Speaker 1: anywhere with a gun and a van, like she will
• 41:54
  Speaker 1: kill herself. And so I was watching it last Yeah,
• 41:58
  Speaker 1: she hates people, my aunt and I texted it runs
• 42:00
  Speaker 1: in our family. And I texted her and I said,
• 42:02
  Speaker 1: I hope you're watching nomad Land because this would have
• 42:04
  Speaker 1: been you if we hadn't saved you. She should call
• 42:07
  Speaker 1: into the to the show. We can give her some advices.
• 42:09
  Speaker 1: She's real chatty, so that would be a lot of fun.
• 42:11
  Speaker 1: She could call and go, fuck you, Chelsea. I don't
• 42:13
  Speaker 1: know what sort of advice would give her for that,
• 42:15
  Speaker 1: but she could call and say it if she wanted to.
• 42:18
  Speaker 1: All right, if you need advice, if you're having interpersonal
• 42:21
  Speaker 1: issues with a brother, a boyfriend, we would love to
• 42:25
  Speaker 1: do family therapy actually yeah yeah, Or if you have
• 42:29
  Speaker 1: a partner that you want advice from, like couples counseling.
• 42:32
  Speaker 1: We that's really where I shine. Please right into Dear
• 42:36
  Speaker 1: Chelsea project at gmail dot com. We read all the submissions.
• 42:40
  Speaker 1: We will reach out, We'll get you on the horn
• 42:42
  Speaker 1: on the phone. Yeah we care. We're doing it, you guys.
• 42:46
  Speaker 1: This is serious ship, Okay, so we expect you to
• 42:48
  Speaker 1: act accordingly. And also even if it's a really stupid problem,
• 42:52
  Speaker 1: like the guy who was a micro dooce in cocaine,
• 42:54
  Speaker 1: I also enjoy that. Yeah, we actually need more of those,
• 42:57
  Speaker 1: and no issue is too small or too big. Hi
• 43:02
  Speaker 1: bye baby. Also, I am on tour. My tickets are
• 43:07
  Speaker 1: officially on sale. We've added a couple of extra shows,
• 43:10
  Speaker 1: and we are adding a Canadian date. So for my
• 43:13
  Speaker 1: Canadian brothers and sisters who are reaching out to me
• 43:16
  Speaker 1: just now that I'm headed there, it's just we're gonna
• 43:18
  Speaker 1: be announcing dates as we go. You can buy tickets
• 43:22
  Speaker 1: a ticket Master for my shows. I'm at the Santa
• 43:25
  Speaker 1: Barbara Bowl August one, so you can come see me there.
• 43:28
  Speaker 1: And then I have all the other cities that I
• 43:31
  Speaker 1: have already released and tickets are available and I can't
• 43:34
  Speaker 1: fucking wait. It's called vaccinated and a horny, So make
• 43:37
  Speaker 1: sure that you bring your vaccinations and your horny nows
• 43:42
  Speaker 1: and then keep them to yourself. Please,