Latest / The Parenting Podcast / Super Powers of the Extroverted Parent | Ep. 62

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Super Powers of the Extroverted Parent | Ep. 62 · The Parenting Podcast

• 0:06
  Cheryl: Hi, welcome to the Parenting Podcast.
• 0:10
  Cheryl: Hi.
• 0:10
  Cheryl: You may need to put on your seatbelts today because we're gonna talk about extroverted parents with all their energy and enthusiasm and amazing.
• 0:21
  Cheryl: But also their particular challenges because amids all that fun and energy and laughter and words we extroverted parents are sometimes, well, I can just be maybe a little too much.
• 0:37
  Cheryl: I'm your host Cheryl Lang, and I'm glad you're here.
• 0:41
  Cheryl: Listen in as Christian Ellen.
• 0:43
  Cheryl: Join me at the TPP recording table.
• 0:52
  Ellen: it's just been a really busy time in the last couple days, and I'm so thankful because, you know, I'm kind of at the age where my kids and grandchildren, 17 of them are all in town, but they're, wow.
• 1:04
  Ellen: They're, I don't get to see them as much as I did when they were younger.
• 1:07
  Ellen: Mm-hmm.
• 1:08
  Ellen: because they're all, you know, in the middle of school.
• 1:10
  Ellen: Right.
• 1:11
  Ellen: Graduated, you starting their lives out.
• 1:13
  Ellen: Yeah.
• 1:13
  Ellen: So it's, it's hard for me when my house is really quiet cuz my husband still enjoys working and so sometimes all I have is my two barky dogs yeah.
• 1:22
  Ellen: And so it's, it's hard used to getting.
• 1:25
  Ellen: Having quiet in the home, and
• 1:28
  Cheryl: this is spoken like a true extrovert, right, because you know, we've been doing this series on introversion, extroversion, uhhuh, and I think the introverted parents are going, yes.
• 1:38
  Christie: Why are you talking about, I'd love for that.
• 1:40
  Christie: They're truly, yeah,
• 1:42
  Ellen: I have a, you know, I have a.
• 1:44
  Ellen: Art room, I'm an artist.
• 1:45
  Ellen: Uhhuh.
• 1:45
  Ellen: Mm-hmm.
• 1:46
  Ellen: I have a list of projects, but I get energized by people being around.
• 1:51
  Ellen: Right.
• 1:51
  Ellen: But it's, you know, gosh I've already invited adult grandchildren, You guys can move in with me anytime you desire,
• 1:58
  Christie: but the end is open.
• 1:59
  Christie: Yes.
• 2:00
  Christie: So we may,
• 2:01
  Cheryl: um, Title this one?
• 2:02
  Cheryl: Confessions of An Older Extrovert okay.
• 2:05
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 2:05
  Cheryl: Are real, right, you know, we've devoted time to introversion.
• 2:09
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 2:10
  Cheryl: But I think everybody kind of thinks they know about extroverts, right?
• 2:13
  Cheryl: Because they tend to kind of be all out there.
• 2:15
  Cheryl: It's all, and we're noisy.
• 2:16
  Cheryl: Right.
• 2:16
  Cheryl: Okay.
• 2:17
  Cheryl: So let's look at it.
• 2:19
  Cheryl: Let's start delving into it a little bit to help our extroverted listeners.
• 2:23
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 2:23
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 2:23
  Cheryl: And how they do it, you know, to get to the superpowers of an extrovert.
• 2:27
  Cheryl: Right.
• 2:28
  Cheryl: Right.
• 2:28
  Cheryl: You've already kind of introduced it.
• 2:29
  Cheryl: So let's start out with what the strengths are of an extrover.
• 2:34
  Cheryl: energy.
• 2:34
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 2:34
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 2:35
  Cheryl: Isn't that interesting?
• 2:36
  Cheryl: That's where we started with the challenge.
• 2:37
  Cheryl: For an introvert that's good.
• 2:39
  Cheryl: And without it is en energy.
• 2:41
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 2:42
  Christie: All the extroverts I know and, and I was telling Cheryl earlier, the more we've discussed and processed these whole, this whole dynamic, yeah.
• 2:49
  Christie: I am just split right down the middle.
• 2:51
  Christie: I just feel like I identify with so many of both sides, but that's great.
• 2:55
  Christie: Um yeah.
• 2:57
  Christie: But the true extroverts I know are full of energy all the time.
• 3:00
  Christie: It feels like.
• 3:01
  Ellen: yeah.
• 3:01
  Ellen: I think there's something wrong with me if I don't have any energy Right.
• 3:04
  Ellen: I was telling my husband, I go, I don't know why I don't have any energy today.
• 3:07
  Ellen: Uhhuh And he just kind
• 3:08
  Christie: of shrug his shoulders like it's an off day.
• 3:10
  Christie: Yes.
• 3:11
  Cheryl: And I have appreciated it.
• 3:13
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 3:13
  Cheryl: you know, in my parenting mm-hmm.
• 3:16
  Cheryl: that I did bring energy to it.
• 3:18
  Cheryl: And, and we talked about burners could, that I could handle quite a bit of burners Yeah.
• 3:22
  Cheryl: And, and different children and.
• 3:25
  Cheryl: and uh, it feeds into me
• 3:27
  Christie: and brings some fun to,
• 3:28
  Cheryl: And you said fun.
• 3:30
  Cheryl: Uh, they tend to bring a lot of fun to Right.
• 3:33
  Cheryl: And hey, let's do this.
• 3:34
  Cheryl: They're the fun parent goes.
• 3:35
  Cheryl: Ideas.
• 3:36
  Cheryl: Hey, I know.
• 3:37
  Cheryl: let's go time these trees or let's go around the next mountain, or all of that.
• 3:42
  Cheryl: Um, bringing that to a
• 3:44
  Ellen: parenting job.
• 3:45
  Ellen: Mm-hmm.
• 3:45
  Ellen: my husband used to think he would hurt my feelings if I'd come up with an idea and then he didn't really like my idea and I finally get to tell him, oh, don't worry about it.
• 3:54
  Ellen: I've gotta be 10 more.
• 3:56
  Ellen: Yeah.
• 3:57
  Ellen: with laughter
• 4:00
  Christie: I'll just move on down the list.
• 4:02
  Christie: Just go
• 4:03
  Cheryl: on to the next one.
• 4:03
  Cheryl: They are an idea factory.
• 4:06
  Cheryl: Well, I know we could do this and we can do this and we can do this, Right.
• 4:09
  Ellen: Yeah.
• 4:09
  Ellen: My introverted husband will go, oh no, that doesn't sound fun.
• 4:13
  Ellen: Well, okay, well how about this?
• 4:15
  Christie: Some of us are just thinking of the mess that's gonna make we're coming to clean up afterwards.
• 4:18
  Christie: Yes.
• 4:19
  Cheryl: And well, and it's interesting you said that cuz that's what Bill said to me.
• 4:22
  Cheryl: When we make a decision on something, we make about a hundred.
• 4:26
  Cheryl: Decisions I make the first 99 because, oh, I know we could do this.
• 4:30
  Cheryl: No, no, no.
• 4:31
  Cheryl: Instead of that, we could do it this way.
• 4:33
  Cheryl: Oh, I know.
• 4:34
  Cheryl: What about if we such and such?
• 4:35
  Cheryl: Oh, I've been thinking Instead of that, we could go visit my mom and then we could do, and so I come up with.
• 4:40
  Cheryl: One idea after another.
• 4:41
  Cheryl: After another.
• 4:42
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 4:42
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 4:42
  Cheryl: And then he listens to all of it and he goes, well, you know, I thought, how about this?
• 4:47
  Cheryl: Oh, that's good.
• 4:47
  Cheryl: You know?
• 4:47
  Cheryl: Or
• 4:48
  Christie: I'm tired already.
• 4:49
  Christie: Right.
• 4:49
  Christie: Just talking about it.
• 4:50
  Christie: Yeah.
• 4:51
  Christie: I heard the idea that like, extroverts are the gas pedal, introverts are the break.
• 4:56
  Christie: Oh, yeah.
• 4:56
  Christie: And that we kind of keep each other in balance.
• 4:59
  Christie: And I think that's kind of, that's a really good, the picture.
• 5:01
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 5:01
  Cheryl: That's
• 5:02
  Ellen: really good.
• 5:02
  Ellen: Yeah.
• 5:03
  Ellen: So I've appreciated my introverted husband kind of.
• 5:06
  Ellen: Helping me to go, I don't think you can do all that.
• 5:10
  Ellen: Mm-hmm.
• 5:10
  Ellen: Oh yeah, you're right.
• 5:11
  Ellen: I probably The poison of reason.
• 5:12
  Christie: Yes.
• 5:12
  Christie: Yeah.
• 5:13
  Christie: Seemed like a good idea.
• 5:14
  Christie: Right.
• 5:14
  Cheryl: But also with this energy and the extroversion, I've had, um, my introverted friends talk about how much they appreciate that I can bring energy to the conversation.
• 5:28
  Cheryl: Or I know my younger siblings and then some of my children, there's a safety.
• 5:35
  Cheryl: The.
• 5:35
  Cheryl: we can kind of forge the way maybe ahead
• 5:38
  Christie: of them, some courage that leads the way and motivates.
• 5:42
  Christie: Yeah, we're not, and
• 5:42
  Ellen: we're not afraid of people, so we'll talk to anybody.
• 5:44
  Ellen: Mm-hmm.
• 5:45
  Ellen: And that can be really comforting.
• 5:46
  Ellen: I mean, I know, uh, in our younger lives we had a lot of, um, parties and social things we had to go to, and I would always try to find the introvert.
• 5:56
  Ellen: Because I knew it was painful for them.
• 5:58
  Ellen: They're standing there going, oh my gosh, I have to talk to all these people.
• 6:01
  Ellen: Mm-hmm.
• 6:02
  Ellen: And so they eventually became my friends, but the introverted people would say to me, thank you for talking to me during that party.
• 6:08
  Ellen: Right.
• 6:08
  Ellen: Because I was just kind of standing there and was feeling uncomfortable.
• 6:12
  Cheryl: Awkward, yeah.
• 6:13
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 6:14
  Cheryl: Okay.
• 6:14
  Cheryl: So these are the strengths.
• 6:15
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 6:16
  Cheryl: of an extrovert, and I think most people would've no problem naming them.
• 6:19
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 6:20
  Cheryl: Okay.
• 6:20
  Cheryl: So what are some of the struggles or challenges of an extrovert?
• 6:24
  Cheryl: We talk a lot.
• 6:27
  Christie: may, maybe a, um, a forgetfulness to listen others and be attentive to other people's needs.
• 6:35
  Christie: Yes and yes.
• 6:36
  Christie: Things they have to say.
• 6:37
  Christie: That is so true.
• 6:39
  Cheryl: Yes.
• 6:40
  Cheryl: I mean, that's the problem.
• 6:42
  Cheryl: You know, the, um, in proverbs, in the Bible, it says, even a fool's considered wise when they keep their mouth shut, right?
• 6:48
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 6:49
  Cheryl: you know, I am.
• 6:50
  Cheryl: A third of the extrovert I was when I was younger, but how I wish I had learned the mindfulness of not saying everything, I think.
• 7:00
  Ellen: Yeah, absolutely
• 7:01
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 7:01
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 7:02
  Cheryl: And then particularly if you have more serious people in your life, they listen to everything you say.
• 7:07
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 7:07
  Cheryl: And so they'll hold you accountable and go, wait, I was just, Giving you my reaction or did I really say that?
• 7:14
  Christie: Right, right.
• 7:14
  Christie: And it was just one of the thousand words that spewed outta
• 7:17
  Cheryl: my mouth.
• 7:17
  Cheryl: Yes.
• 7:18
  Cheryl: Instead of pausing.
• 7:19
  Cheryl: I didn't mean all of that.
• 7:20
  Cheryl: I'm just Right.
• 7:21
  Cheryl: I'm just blabbing, blabbing and talking out loud and then realize.
• 7:25
  Cheryl: Oh my goodness.
• 7:26
  Cheryl: That's hurt people.
• 7:27
  Christie: Yeah.
• 7:28
  Christie: Well, and I think in parenting, one of the ways that that specifically can become a challenge is lecturing.
• 7:34
  Christie: Yeah, that's good.
• 7:36
  Christie: Good.
• 7:36
  Christie: Over teaching.
• 7:38
  Christie: Guilty.
• 7:38
  Christie: Guilty.
• 7:39
  Christie: Guilty.
• 7:39
  Christie: And it doesn't give our kids a lot of room to grow in themselves Right.
• 7:44
  Christie: And especially introverted kids can, you know, hold back.
• 7:48
  Christie: Mm-hmm.
• 7:48
  Christie: because mom's just going on and on again.
• 7:50
  Christie: Right.
• 7:50
  Christie: You know, and, and not share, and.
• 7:53
  Ellen: That's true.
• 7:54
  Ellen: Or
• 7:55
  Cheryl: processing it out loud.
• 7:57
  Cheryl: not In a lecture way.
• 7:58
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 7:59
  Cheryl: but processing it out loud for the child.
• 8:02
  Cheryl: rather than bringing questions and, and quiet.
• 8:06
  Cheryl: Right.
• 8:06
  Cheryl: And letting and waiting for a child and waiting for them.
• 8:09
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 8:10
  Cheryl: Instead of going, well, let me help you figure this out.
• 8:13
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 8:14
  Cheryl: um, instead of just sitting with them Yeah.
• 8:16
  Cheryl: And asking good questions.
• 8:18
  Ellen: I agree.
• 8:19
  Ellen: I have good relationships with all my adult kids.
• 8:22
  Ellen: Yeah, you do.
• 8:22
  Ellen: I might have said this before but um, my, my oldest daughter had said to me when she was going into adulthood, I'm trying to give her some advice and she goes, mom, you have given me enough advice for the rest of my life.
• 8:36
  Ellen: That was not a compliment.
• 8:38
  Ellen: And I, you know, and I realized, yeah, that's true.
• 8:40
  Ellen: I've told her probably how to do it, and she's an introvert.
• 8:44
  Ellen: I probably show her how to do it, when to do it right, when the moon is full, when it's not, and you know,
• 8:50
  Christie: she's heard it all.
• 8:51
  Christie: Yeah, she has.
• 8:51
  Christie: Yeah.
• 8:52
  Cheryl: It is really hard.
• 8:54
  Cheryl: I mean the same thing, mom.
• 8:56
  Cheryl: We'd know how you feel about everything.
• 8:57
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 8:58
  Cheryl: Now there's a, there's goodness in that, but it's too much.
• 9:03
  Cheryl: Yes.
• 9:03
  Ellen: Yeah.
• 9:03
  Christie: Okay.
• 9:03
  Christie: Yeah.
• 9:04
  Christie: I think another thing that extroverted parents should probably be mindful of is they're, they're introverted children.
• 9:11
  Christie: And you know, I think of some of my introverted kids that.
• 9:15
  Christie: Ways that seemed normal of handling a situation to me would be mortifying.
• 9:20
  Christie: Yeah.
• 9:21
  Christie: Oh yes.
• 9:21
  Christie: And just horribly humiliating.
• 9:23
  Christie: And I'm thinking, what's the big deal?
• 9:24
  Christie: Just go tell'em you need a new one, or Yes, mom, I no, just eat it the way it came.
• 9:31
  Christie: Or, you know, whatever it is.
• 9:32
  Christie: Yes.
• 9:32
  Christie: And it can just, or me telling a story about them, uh, in front of Christie, you know.
• 9:40
  Christie: Is so, so tragic for an introvert to be in the spotlight.
• 9:44
  Christie: Yes.
• 9:44
  Christie: And have all eyes on them.
• 9:46
  Christie: And so just being mindful and respectful of what their comfort level is, instead of thinking you're doing them a favor
• 9:52
  Ellen: Cause I thought
• 9:52
  Christie: it was funny.
• 9:53
  Christie: Well, that's the thing is extroverts love a fun time, a good joke.
• 9:58
  Christie: And yes, it can just be, and you could mor just fear, just shrinking.
• 10:02
  Ellen: Uhhuh,
• 10:03
  Cheryl: This really is what you're talking about.
• 10:05
  Cheryl: It's so hard.
• 10:06
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 10:07
  Cheryl: because my intentions were good, right?
• 10:09
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 10:09
  Cheryl: you know, and I've shared before about.
• 10:12
  Cheryl: You know, I would come in bouncy and full of energy when I'm getting my kids up in the morning and open up the curtains and how are you today?
• 10:21
  Cheryl: And maybe even singing a little song to him and.
• 10:25
  Cheryl: My introverts were just cringing.
• 10:28
  Cheryl: Or the non mourning extrovert.
• 10:30
  Cheryl: Right, That's true.
• 10:32
  Cheryl: Both of'em just wasn't aware, right?
• 10:36
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 10:36
  Cheryl: That's the thing.
• 10:37
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 10:37
  Cheryl: and that's one of our struggles is we bring all this to it, but we're moving so fast we forget to be aware, right?
• 10:46
  Cheryl: Yes.
• 10:46
  Cheryl: Of.
• 10:47
  Cheryl: when they're putting
• 10:48
  Ellen: the covers over their head.
• 10:49
  Christie: hiding or hiding in the back seat from their embarrassing mom.
• 10:53
  Christie: My, one of my kids
• 10:54
  Ellen: long time ago, and they were little, one of the moms in our group was real sweet and she was.
• 10:58
  Ellen: A quiet person, she would bring them in orange juice and wake them up with a glass of orange juice.
• 11:03
  Ellen: Wow.
• 11:03
  Ellen: And so my kids were always like, Hey, well you could bring us orange juice, Yeah.
• 11:08
  Cheryl: That's funny.
• 11:09
  Cheryl: And one of the other dangers you alluded to it a while ago.
• 11:14
  Cheryl: that an extrovert sometimes thinks the way they see things and process and do is the way it should be, right?
• 11:22
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 11:22
  Cheryl: We just are kind of presumptive that way.
• 11:25
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 11:25
  Cheryl: and as an adult, Now I am just mortified.
• 11:29
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 11:29
  Cheryl: But that was kind of the set that you figure, everybody sees it this way.
• 11:32
  Cheryl: Well, the
• 11:33
  Christie: culture's pretty affirming of that.
• 11:34
  Christie: It's Oh, that is true.
• 11:35
  Christie: Yeah.
• 11:36
  Christie: Extroverts are rewarded, being outgoing, being the person in the spotlight all the time.
• 11:39
  Christie: The dominant, very seen, very much as, The um, yeah.
• 11:44
  Christie: The superior way of life.
• 11:46
  Christie: Yeah.
• 11:46
  Christie: Be assertive, right?
• 11:47
  Cheryl: Mold, that's mm-hmm.
• 11:49
  Ellen: even if you don't know what you're doing, I mean, I could convince someone that I know how to run this thing, right.
• 11:54
  Ellen: Even if I've never run it before, just cuz I can talk
• 11:57
  Christie: a lot.
• 11:57
  Christie: Right.
• 11:57
  Christie: Wow.
• 11:58
  Christie: And I think maybe one of the biggest is.
• 12:01
  Christie: um, overscheduling and busy.
• 12:04
  Christie: Like it's rewarded and praised to be busy and productive.
• 12:08
  Christie: Yes.
• 12:09
  Christie: And extroverts just eat that up, you know?
• 12:11
  Christie: Mm-hmm.
• 12:11
  Christie: to be productive and Oh, we're, we've got six soccer games and four practices.
• 12:17
  Christie: Well, you're dragging your
• 12:18
  Ellen: introvert children.
• 12:19
  Ellen: Yes.
• 12:19
  Ellen: Everywhere they can.
• 12:21
  Ellen: Can I, can we just stay home?
• 12:23
  Ellen: Right?
• 12:24
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 12:24
  Cheryl: I'm about y'all, but I'm just feeling so guilty.
• 12:27
  Cheryl: Cause you know, a lot of this, one of the things again, Kind of seeing the world, my way is someone might voice their feelings about something, particularly an introverted child voicing something a.
• 12:42
  Cheryl: Nah.
• 12:43
  Cheryl: No, that's okay.
• 12:44
  Cheryl: You can just move on.
• 12:45
  Cheryl: Don't worry about that.
• 12:46
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 12:46
  Cheryl: right.
• 12:46
  Cheryl: Not sensitive.
• 12:48
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 12:48
  Cheryl: and just kinda say, well just buck up and move on.
• 12:51
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 12:51
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 12:51
  Cheryl: Okay.
• 12:52
  Cheryl: Don't be sad.
• 12:52
  Cheryl: Move on.
• 12:53
  Cheryl: Right, right.
• 12:53
  Cheryl: because they can kind of take the hit and move, whether that's as healthy as it should be.
• 12:58
  Cheryl: Right.
• 12:58
  Cheryl: Um, cuz they're all about do mm-hmm.
• 13:01
  Cheryl: so let's just do the next thing and don't worry about all that deep introspective stuff.
• 13:06
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 13:06
  Cheryl: there's just a tendency Right.
• 13:08
  Cheryl: Extroverts to be
• 13:09
  Christie: like that.
• 13:09
  Christie: Yeah.
• 13:09
  Christie: I think this is really where we come into wanting to respect our kids Yes.
• 13:14
  Christie: As individuals and, and see the world through their lens and mm-hmm.
• 13:19
  Christie: because they'll eventually, Be adults that I know that if I saw another adult treating my child the way that maybe sometimes I do this buck up attitude, mama Bear would come out.
• 13:30
  Christie: I'd be like, of course, you know why I don't want somebody talking to my kid that way.
• 13:33
  Christie: And well,
• 13:33
  Ellen: I thought introversion was something I needed to correct.
• 13:36
  Ellen: Mm.
• 13:37
  Ellen: You know,
• 13:37
  Cheryl: you're right because I, because in society right, you're, you're not being assertive, you're not being confident.
• 13:44
  Cheryl: You're not speaking your mind.
• 13:45
  Cheryl: Right,
• 13:45
  Ellen: because my, I had just one sibling, my younger sister, who was a real introvert and my parents were always like, oh, poor her.
• 13:53
  Ellen: You know, she just doesn't speak up and all this stuff.
• 13:56
  Ellen: So I kind of got that in my mind that that was a, a bad thing cuz mm-hmm.
• 14:00
  Ellen: I mean, I was one of those children I think I was, Six.
• 14:02
  Ellen: I took my first airplane flight from Los Angeles to Toronto by myself.
• 14:06
  Christie: Wow.
• 14:07
  Christie: And full of confident little miniature adults.
• 14:09
  Christie: Right.
• 14:10
  Cheryl: And you would look at all the adults straight in the face and just tell'em what you wanted.
• 14:13
  Cheryl: Yes.
• 14:13
  Cheryl: My biggest
• 14:14
  Ellen: fear was those were the days where you got a tray with.
• 14:17
  Ellen: A formal place setting, even in coach, I was afraid I was gonna use the wrong fork.
• 14:22
  Ellen: Wow.
• 14:23
  Ellen: You know, so whereas my sister was just really struggled I don't think she was insecure.
• 14:28
  Ellen: She just was a quieter person.
• 14:30
  Ellen: Mm-hmm.
• 14:30
  Ellen: So I always feel like I have to, uh, come to the.
• 14:34
  Ellen: Of my, I've learned I don't have to, and I've learned to respect them.
• 14:38
  Ellen: But you know, as an extrovert, I was like, oh, I'll fix you honey.
• 14:41
  Ellen: Let's go do this.
• 14:42
  Ellen: Mm-hmm.
• 14:43
  Ellen: Mm-hmm.
• 14:43
  Cheryl: Wow.
• 14:44
  Cheryl: I'll fix
• 14:44
  Christie: you.
• 14:45
  Christie: Right.
• 14:45
  Christie: See, so let me help you along in my world.
• 14:48
  Christie: Yes.
• 14:48
  Cheryl: Yes.
• 14:49
  Cheryl: Okay.
• 14:50
  Cheryl: But you extroverted parents out there, this doesn't mean we did all the wrong thing and we've ruined everybody Right.
• 14:58
  Cheryl: Throughout history.
• 14:59
  Cheryl: um, because when I'm thinking about all this and thinking all the mistakes that I've made, mm-hmm.
• 15:05
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 15:05
  Cheryl: So what could we say to speak to us to help us so we could parent and love our children and others better as extroverts.
• 15:14
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 15:14
  Christie: I think probably the biggest thing is, um, budgeting that time Right.
• 15:20
  Christie: To do the things that, like we've said, we don't wanna.
• 15:25
  Christie: ourselves as being an individual.
• 15:26
  Christie: Mm-hmm.
• 15:26
  Christie: we wanna still be who we are, but, but maybe, assigning that time to doing, but also assigning some time to just
• 15:33
  Cheryl: being mm-hmm.
• 15:35
  Cheryl: Okay.
• 15:35
  Cheryl: That's it.
• 15:36
  Cheryl: I think if we could say anything, extroverts have to focus on B.
• 15:41
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 15:42
  Cheryl: Yes.
• 15:42
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 15:42
  Cheryl: rather than doing, that's the hard
• 15:44
  Christie: work for the
• 15:45
  Cheryl: extrovert.
• 15:45
  Cheryl: Wow.
• 15:45
  Cheryl: Yes it is.
• 15:46
  Cheryl: Yeah, it sure is because most of my self-worth.
• 15:51
  Cheryl: and identity came from what I could do, right?
• 15:54
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 15:55
  Ellen: and rather than be world sees you as, oh, here's this enthusiastic, outgoing person, let's task him with 10 things, right?
• 16:02
  Ellen: And then you don't say
• 16:03
  Christie: no, feel obligated and needed, and you're
• 16:06
  Ellen: the only one that can do this,
• 16:07
  Cheryl: right?
• 16:08
  Cheryl: You know?
• 16:08
  Cheryl: And so that's our self-worth gets wrapped up, up in there.
• 16:12
  Cheryl: Boy, I wish someone had.
• 16:13
  Cheryl: worked with me to teach me how to be mm-hmm.
• 16:16
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 16:17
  Cheryl: because one of the struggles was understanding, and I'm talking about fairly recently in my life, the difference between isolation and solitude.
• 16:28
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 16:29
  Cheryl: because quiet and not doing felt like isolation and bad.
• 16:35
  Ellen: Right.
• 16:37
  Cheryl: Mm.
• 16:38
  Cheryl: And so I had to learn to develop the technique and the wisdom of solitude.
• 16:44
  Cheryl: Yes.
• 16:44
  Cheryl: That it's good.
• 16:46
  Cheryl: And then I will just tell you, because that being too much.
• 16:50
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 16:50
  Cheryl: reactive type personality.
• 16:52
  Cheryl: Okay, I'm gonna quit doing anything and I'm gonna withdraw and I'm not gonna go to anything and I'm not gonna talk to anybody and no more advice.
• 16:59
  Cheryl: I'm not gonna do anything.
• 17:01
  Cheryl: And I would isolate.
• 17:02
  Cheryl: Oh.
• 17:02
  Cheryl: So instead of learning the wisdom of solitude, And being mm-hmm.
• 17:08
  Cheryl: the reactive was, if I'm not gonna do it, I'll just isolate.
• 17:11
  Christie: Right.
• 17:12
  Christie: Well, if it's helpful for an extrovert to think of this as, you know, being is still doing, I mean, you know that's true.
• 17:18
  Christie: You're, you're, you're doing something that's beneficial, helpful.
• 17:21
  Christie: It's an active firm.
• 17:22
  Christie: Right.
• 17:23
  Christie: right.
• 17:23
  Christie: Little grammar lesson.
• 17:25
  Christie: But it's an investment in yourself.
• 17:28
  Christie: Mm-hmm.
• 17:28
  Christie: and in others, when you're being mindful of your self-care, your needs, your, um, How you can show up for other people.
• 17:37
  Christie: Well, because you cared for yourself.
• 17:39
  Christie: Well good.
• 17:40
  Christie: Because
• 17:40
  Ellen: I found when I didn't do that, I'd just wind up running away from home.
• 17:44
  Ellen: Figuratively.
• 17:45
  Ellen: And sometimes, literally, yeah.
• 17:47
  Ellen: I'd just be done and I'd just, my husband would walk in the door and I'm like, I'm outta here.
• 17:51
  Ellen: Mm-hmm.
• 17:51
  Ellen: I'm not saying this is right, but I just was so done.
• 17:54
  Ellen: I'd be, I am I outta here?
• 17:55
  Ellen: I'm going to the movies by myself.
• 17:57
  Ellen: Right.
• 17:58
  Cheryl: So see, getting overwhelmed.
• 18:01
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 18:02
  Cheryl: Or not taking the time.
• 18:04
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 18:04
  Cheryl: it feels very dismissive to everybody else.
• 18:07
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 18:07
  Cheryl: And I think of, you know, when you used to skim rocks across water on the lake, that, that extroverts tend to start skipping like that.
• 18:18
  Cheryl: Well, we don't pay
• 18:19
  Ellen: attention sometimes to our real needs.
• 18:21
  Ellen: That's
• 18:21
  Cheryl: exactly right.
• 18:22
  Cheryl: That's why we got to slow down.
• 18:23
  Cheryl: Right.
• 18:24
  Cheryl: Because
• 18:24
  Ellen: then, You know, have to go run away from home, you know, after a while cuz you don't know what else to do.
• 18:30
  Ellen: Right.
• 18:30
  Ellen: I need to run away and go And I, I couldn't even tell you over the years what movie I'd even
• 18:36
  Cheryl: watched.
• 18:36
  Ellen: you know, something.
• 18:37
  Ellen: Ah, but it would just be, I'm away.
• 18:39
  Ellen: No one needs me.
• 18:41
  Ellen: I'm sitting in a theater, I can just sit here.
• 18:43
  Ellen: Right.
• 18:44
  Cheryl: Wow.
• 18:44
  Cheryl: Because see, we talked about batteries last time.
• 18:47
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 18:47
  Cheryl: With introverts.
• 18:49
  Cheryl: Extroverts have a much larger battery.
• 18:51
  Cheryl: But look what We've done.
• 18:53
  Cheryl: We've done so much.
• 18:54
  Cheryl: You've streamed four movies at once, and that battery is done and they take
• 19:00
  Ellen: A battery, takes longer to charge when it's empty.
• 19:03
  Ellen: Than when it's partially false.
• 19:04
  Ellen: Oh, that's a good, good thought.
• 19:06
  Ellen: That's really good.
• 19:06
  Ellen: You know, you still have a little bit of charge left and it charges faster, but when you've drained it, you know your phone's gonna take a couple hours to charge up again.
• 19:15
  Ellen: Well, and the
• 19:15
  Christie: quality of your efforts is not as good when you're skipping rocks like that.
• 19:20
  Christie: Yes.
• 19:20
  Christie: I, you know, we're.
• 19:20
  Christie: Yes.
• 19:20
  Christie: Just coming outta the holidays.
• 19:22
  Christie: I'm thinking of all the activity and even just in parenting on a normal day.
• 19:26
  Christie: Yeah.
• 19:26
  Christie: There's a lot of activity that has to happen.
• 19:28
  Christie: You have to do the things, but when you're not taking time to be mindful and present in the moment,
• 19:35
  Ellen: right.
• 19:35
  Ellen: affirming
• 19:36
  Christie: You, you're li you're missing out on the quality of these moments.
• 19:39
  Christie: So we might live 80 years and look back and think mm-hmm what was it for?
• 19:43
  Cheryl: What was it worth?
• 19:44
  Cheryl: That is so good because what has really helped me, in my personal growth and in my emotional health and in my relationships.
• 19:53
  Cheryl: You said the word is learning to be very present.
• 19:56
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 19:57
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 19:57
  Ellen: right.
• 19:57
  Ellen: affirming
• 19:58
  Cheryl: And then because particularly an extrovert.
• 20:02
  Cheryl: getting my self worth out of what I do, or I see, or I can measure.
• 20:07
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 20:07
  Cheryl: what I've done.
• 20:09
  Cheryl: And then that also, if you're successful, then it leads to pride.
• 20:13
  Cheryl: Right?
• 20:13
  Cheryl: Right.
• 20:13
  Cheryl: And if you're not successful, it leads to depression and Right defeat self-defeating loathing.
• 20:21
  Cheryl: And to learn that balance.
• 20:23
  Cheryl: as an extrovert, it's okay to be present with people and I don't have to be doing things.
• 20:29
  Cheryl: Yes.
• 20:29
  Cheryl: I don't have to always be serving or helping or going that people need me to be present.
• 20:37
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 20:37
  Ellen: Oh, I can completely understand.
• 20:39
  Ellen: You know, as a grandmother of 17, one of the things that stands out to me really strongly is that I just enjoy my grandkids.
• 20:48
  Ellen: Yes.
• 20:48
  Ellen: And I always say, I'm getting to be the mom that I wished I could have
• 20:53
  Cheryl: been.
• 20:53
  Cheryl: Yes.
• 20:53
  Cheryl: And what's
• 20:54
  Ellen: the difference?
• 20:55
  Ellen: Well, you know, when I was a mom I did choose to do too much.
• 20:59
  Ellen: Mm-hmm.
• 20:59
  Ellen: And I think, you know, It would've been something I could have done as a mother if I knew to do it.
• 21:05
  Ellen: I just, oh, yeah.
• 21:06
  Ellen: I just didn't know how to be, and we lived in a situation where there were so many external things with my husband's job that got added to my plate.
• 21:16
  Ellen: Ah, but that still can't be an excuse because there's lots of times I could have just sat and been with a.
• 21:24
  Ellen: listen to them.
• 21:25
  Ellen: Listen to what they had to say rather than pressing on into the agenda.
• 21:29
  Christie: Most extroverts and maybe even some introverts, we can all find some things that.
• 21:35
  Christie: don't have to be done, you know?
• 21:37
  Christie: Yeah.
• 21:37
  Christie: Like that we could set aside and like you're saying, those were the things distracting.
• 21:42
  Ellen: Mm-hmm.
• 21:42
  Ellen: Wow.
• 21:42
  Ellen: One of the things that I think for extroverts, we have to control our schedule.
• 21:47
  Ellen: Mm-hmm.
• 21:47
  Ellen: I think everybody's talked about that, and I did learn, I think that's something that I carry even now when I have less of a strict schedule, is I did sit down every week and went through the whole week of.
• 22:00
  Ellen: What was going on and I planned kids in mm-hmm.
• 22:04
  Ellen: Okay.
• 22:04
  Ellen: This day I'm gonna do something with a daughter.
• 22:07
  Ellen: Oh, that's good.
• 22:07
  Ellen: Even it was just an hour.
• 22:09
  Ellen: Mm-hmm.
• 22:09
  Ellen: And, you know, it might be just, let's have a cup of tea together at the house.
• 22:12
  Ellen: We'll break out a, a good China or whatever.
• 22:14
  Ellen: Something along those lines.
• 22:16
  Ellen: So then I had some control over myself who would naturally say yes to everything.
• 22:22
  Cheryl: Oh, that's good
• 22:23
  Ellen: Well,
• 22:23
  Christie: and I think with this, you.
• 22:26
  Christie: It's planning out kids thing.
• 22:28
  Christie: Maybe a mom's thinking like, what am I gonna do?
• 22:30
  Christie: Get a sitter.
• 22:31
  Christie: And you know, I, I can't do that for every kid, but it's not so much about, um, going away.
• 22:37
  Christie: You can just be That's right.
• 22:38
  Christie: Mindful and focused on that.
• 22:40
  Christie: Mm-hmm.
• 22:40
  Christie: So you might have another child still coming up and saying, can you tie my shoe or, that's right.
• 22:44
  Christie: But you're full focus can be in that moment right now.
• 22:48
  Christie: Yeah.
• 22:48
  Christie: All I, my priority is pouring this lemonade.
• 22:51
  Christie: Yes.
• 22:51
  Christie: We call it.
• 22:51
  Christie: Yeah.
• 22:51
  Christie: Your special.
• 22:53
  Ellen: Uh huh.
• 22:53
  Ellen: Mm-hmm.
• 22:53
  Ellen: So when it was your special time, eventually as the family grew, everybody understood that this kid's getting a little bit, something a little different and they're gonna have their time later.
• 23:02
  Ellen: Mm-hmm.
• 23:03
  Ellen: and you just did it as there was availability.
• 23:05
  Ellen: Um, but they knew that this is their special time and you can
• 23:09
  Christie: treat that kind of a, a sacred thing Yes.
• 23:11
  Christie: That the other kids don't want theirs and treated on
• 23:13
  Cheryl: Exactly.
• 23:14
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 23:15
  Cheryl: that's so good because having more energy as an extroverted parent, my kids have heard me say many times they came up to talk to me.
• 23:24
  Cheryl: I go walk along with me.
• 23:25
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 23:26
  Cheryl: So I might be taking laundry to the back or unloading.
• 23:29
  Cheryl: doing something, I was busy.
• 23:31
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 23:31
  Cheryl: doing things.
• 23:32
  Cheryl: And of course, for decades I was a single parent, so there was a lot to do.
• 23:39
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 23:39
  Cheryl: but I would say come along with me.
• 23:41
  Cheryl: So I used that.
• 23:42
  Cheryl: I would, double task.
• 23:43
  Cheryl: Right.
• 23:44
  Cheryl: So I could be doing that.
• 23:46
  Cheryl: but I wish I had seen the value of Nondistracted, non distracted.
• 23:52
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 23:52
  Cheryl: And the one place that I really did that I mean, I took time to have lots and lots and lots of one-on-one conversation with my children, but I didn't do it so intentionally.
• 24:02
  Cheryl: non distracted except at bedtime.
• 24:04
  Cheryl: And I will say as an extrovert, that's where the extra large battery really came in handy when my kids would get in bed at night, I would just go in and sit and that's where I did an extrovert.
• 24:16
  Cheryl: I just listened.
• 24:18
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 24:18
  Cheryl: and would let them just talk and talk and talk to me.
• 24:21
  Cheryl: So the extroverts got their extra talking in mm-hmm.
• 24:25
  Cheryl: with no input from me except affirmation.
• 24:28
  Cheryl: And the quality time and or introverts got the opportunity to just talk in the dark to me, and I didn't feed back in.
• 24:37
  Cheryl: Mm.
• 24:38
  Cheryl: Now, That did take a lot of energy, but I did prioritize that because I really wanted that, especially as a single mom.
• 24:47
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 24:48
  Cheryl: that my kids could have that nobody else is taking this time.
• 24:52
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 24:52
  Cheryl: and so I'm glad I did that.
• 24:54
  Cheryl: I wish maybe I'd done daylight hours.
• 24:57
  Cheryl: sectioned that out.
• 24:58
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 24:59
  Cheryl: But again, there's.
• 25:00
  Cheryl: danger that we have of the treadmill.
• 25:02
  Cheryl: Right?
• 25:03
  Cheryl: The hamster cage that we have to just keep doing and doing and doing instead of prioritizing.
• 25:07
  Cheryl: Yes.
• 25:08
  Cheryl: Okay.
• 25:09
  Cheryl: So we've done a mini-series on introversion.
• 25:12
  Cheryl: Extroversion.
• 25:12
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 25:12
  Cheryl: Whether it's the children and now the parents.
• 25:14
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 25:15
  Cheryl: And, um, it's been good for me because I like the fact we can look at the strengths mm-hmm.
• 25:21
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 25:21
  Cheryl: And the challenges.
• 25:23
  Christie: Yeah.
• 25:23
  Christie: And see the value of both.
• 25:25
  Christie: Mm-hmm.
• 25:25
  Christie: and, um, neither being lesser than or Right.
• 25:29
  Christie: Or better.
• 25:30
  Christie: And I, I really love that we've talked about this because I struggled so much for so long in not understanding the nuances of individuals.
• 25:39
  Christie: You know, just thinking, yes, I'm the mom.
• 25:41
  Christie: This is the kid, this is how it's supposed to go.
• 25:43
  Christie: Right?
• 25:43
  Christie: Yeah.
• 25:44
  Christie: Yeah.
• 25:44
  Christie: And not realizing we have personalities, we have struggles, we have things that we need to accommodate for in our relationship.
• 25:51
  Christie: It's true.
• 25:52
  Cheryl: Well, you know, with the Parenting Podcast Our core value is.
• 25:58
  Cheryl: that God created us, therefore we each have inborn, dignity, worth and value.
• 26:06
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 26:06
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 26:07
  Ellen: right.
• 26:07
  Ellen: affirming
• 26:07
  Cheryl: And that's just what we've been trying to talk about.
• 26:09
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 26:10
  Cheryl: Is wherever you fall on the spectrum, whether you're parents or grandparents, right.
• 26:15
  Cheryl: Or children
• 26:16
  Ellen: Yeah.
• 26:16
  Ellen: That's really good
• 26:17
  Cheryl: and that's exactly what we are addressing here.
• 26:19
  Cheryl: So yeah.
• 26:20
  Cheryl: Listeners.
• 26:22
  Cheryl: that's what we want to bring to the table, and we hope that this is an encouragement because we do want to lift up the value of each one of you and your children and encourage you to walk in that.
• 26:34
  Cheryl: That's good.
• 26:35
  Cheryl: So remember, this is why we hang in there.
• 26:39
  Cheryl: Keep loving, keep persevering.
• 26:41
  Cheryl: Because all of us are worth it.
• 26:50
  Cheryl: Okay.
• 26:50
  Cheryl: We've heard back from some of our introverted listeners and their thoughts on their parenting styles, so extroverts, with your gift of words, let us hear from you particularly.
• 27:03
  Cheryl: Could you share one idea where you would like to work on being, rather than always doing so you can be more present with your children?
• 27:14
  Cheryl: Let us know.
• 27:16
  Cheryl: You can do it by DMing us on any social media platform.
• 27:19
  Cheryl: Go to our website or simply text us.
• 27:23
  Cheryl: contact@theparentingpodcast.com.
• 27:26
  Cheryl: Next week we dip back into a more serious conversation that deals with the challenges of having your kids push back or rebel while they're still under your parenting.
• 27:38
  Cheryl: Until then, thanks for listening to the Parenting podcast.