Latest / Mic Drop Comedy / Crowd Work Pack_ Mic Drop Comedy Club Plano_ TX PT 2

Transcript

Crowd Work Pack_ Mic Drop Comedy Club Plano_ TX PT 2 · Mic Drop Comedy

• 0:12
  Speaker 1: Air traffic controller.
• 0:18
  Speaker 2: At DFW wow well thank you for your service.
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: I didn't think that was something I'd be telling somebody
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: with your job but this is some different going on
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: right now Motherfuckers working for free and shit? Did you
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: work all the way through that? Was it as hectic
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: as they said or did they put dubs on it?
• 0:39
  Speaker 2: It wasn't as bad. It was.
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: How many shifts did you work that was not normally
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: your shift? You did 11 extra shifts? How many black
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: people quit? I done did one shift.
• 0:54
  Speaker 2: Oh, hell no.
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: Hell no. Delta 599 figure out how to land your
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: goddamn self You got to circle this until they pay
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: me I don't give a stay in a flight pattern
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: stay in a goddamn flight pattern. I'm not I'm not
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: working no more Call West I'm off my shit I
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: just lit a cigarette in the tower. They got me
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: up Eleven damn, so you was working your for America.
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: I It really is life and death at that point,
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: because when people walking out and this plane's in the
• 1:30
  Speaker 1: air full of hundreds of people, it's down to you.
• 1:33
  Speaker 2: Did you feel the weight of that when you were
• 1:34
  Speaker 2: doing it? No?
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: His wife is like, what the? You came home every
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: day complaining like a. And now all of a sudden
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: it's nothing?
• 1:47
  Speaker 2: What the?
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: Keep talking that, I'm gonna get one of these feet rubbers.
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: I have a responsibility that white people don't. Please don't
• 2:11
  Speaker 1: start calling feet rubbers. I don't think the culture can
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: handle that. What would you do if you were at
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: work and someone was like, shut your feet rubbing up.
• 2:23
  Speaker 2: Shut your feet rubbing up.
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: I didn't know. I didn't know I rubbed my motherfucking feet.
• 2:35
  Speaker 2: Feet rubbing.
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: So you work for the air traffic control. What's that
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: job like? Could you emulate, if you had your little
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: headset on, like one minute of that? I'm sure it's
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: like a dance, right? Like it's like a verbal joust
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: and knowing when to talk and who to talk to
• 3:02
  Speaker 1: and what, what they be saying.
• 3:04
  Speaker 2: Do Spirit Airlines sound different when they call in? Do
• 3:08
  Speaker 2: they call in different?
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: Like, hey, what the fuck, what the fuck going on here? Oh,
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: you ready to get your bitch ass, land in my.
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: Goddamn feet rubbers. Can you tell when there's a Spirit
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: Airline flight just off they voice? Like, I ain't farting.
• 3:39
  Speaker 2: That's the pilot.
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: Hey, this is the pilot. This is Spirit Airline. What's up, baby?
• 3:43
  Speaker 1: What's happening, baby?
• 3:50
  Speaker 2: They come over the mic like....
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: Nigga, you got music in your cockpit? This is... Nigga,
• 3:59
  Speaker 1: this is.
• 4:04
  Speaker 1: Cockpit. I swear to God, these knuckle-cracking... Toe crackers. If
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: you call us feet rubbers, we're calling you toe crackers. Yeah,
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: we're going to eat a toe cracker barrel. That's great
• 4:29
  Speaker 1: right there. We just found that. We found it. It
• 4:33
  Speaker 1: was laying right there. I don't know how I didn't
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: see it. Do you want to do a little, like
• 4:41
  Speaker 1: give us a little sample what it sound like?
• 4:43
  Speaker 2: You don't want to? He's like, man, I worked 11
• 4:45
  Speaker 2: shifts already. I ain't trying to do no extra.
• 4:47
  Speaker 1: All right, we'll let you off the hook tonight. And
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: then tell me, your wife behind you, she looks very nice.
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: You guys look good together. How long you been married?
• 4:58
  Speaker 1: And you knew how many shifts your ass missed real fast.
• 5:01
  Speaker 3: 11.
• 5:04
  Speaker 1: How long you been with your wife? You held that
• 5:09
  Speaker 1: S like it was about to be a six. You
• 5:10
  Speaker 1: rolled that E in there. Okay, so seven years? Teen.
• 5:15
  Speaker 2: Oh my God. She looked too young to be married
• 5:17
  Speaker 2: 17 years. How old are you? Him and then you.
• 5:22
  Speaker 2: Him and then you. You 44?
• 5:25
  Speaker 1: And then you. Wow, you older than him and you
• 5:31
  Speaker 1: look younger than him. Your job's stressing you out up
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: there in that tower, huh? You look nowhere near fit.
• 5:39
  Speaker 1: I thought you was in your 30s, ma'am. I'm not
• 5:40
  Speaker 1: even bullshitting.
• 5:41
  Speaker 2: Quit trying to, I was just trying to say what
• 5:42
  Speaker 2: I thought. Nice to meet y'all. Let's talk to this couple.
• 5:59
  Speaker 2: Y'all a couple, right, ma'am? Yes. And then the man
• 6:03
  Speaker 2: with the dead.
• 6:03
  Speaker 1: Face, him, is he?
• 6:06
  Speaker 2: You sleepy, sir?
• 6:07
  Speaker 1: Your face been dead for about 10 minutes straight. You
• 6:22
  Speaker 1: were blinking like you had to tell yourself, blink right now.
• 6:27
  Speaker 1: Is everything okay, man?
• 6:28
  Speaker 2: You good?
• 6:28
  Speaker 1: Yeah?
• 6:29
  Speaker 2: Yeah?
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: Okay, and so y'all married, y'all happy?
• 6:33
  Speaker 2: Outstanding.
• 6:34
  Speaker 1: How long you been married to her, sir? Four years,
• 6:37
  Speaker 1: just getting it going. Okay, y'all got some tips for
• 6:40
  Speaker 1: the people that want to get married?
• 6:42
  Speaker 2: What's the secret?
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: He's like, let her kill you inside. Let her blow
• 6:51
  Speaker 1: out your goddamn candles of joy of life in your heart.
• 6:55
  Speaker 1: Come to comedy shows and depend on the comics to
• 6:58
  Speaker 1: save your goddamn joy.
• 7:01
  Speaker 2: To the Highlander, bro.
• 7:05
  Speaker 1: What's the secret, brother? You smiling now.
• 7:07
  Speaker 2: He loves you. What's the secret, family? Make her happy?
• 7:12
  Speaker 1: Yeah. F * * * that. F * * * that.
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: What about us? Right, fellas? On three, say, what about us? One, two, three.
• 7:25
  Speaker 2: They didn't even wait.
• 7:26
  Speaker 1: They're like, f * * * that countdown.
• 7:29
  Speaker 2: What about us?
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: I do everything for my girl. I wash my hands
• 7:36
  Speaker 1: and I lie about it. I pee, I run right
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: back to the bed so she don't be alone without me.
• 7:46
  Speaker 1: We take a nap, hepatitis B nap. All right, so
• 7:51
  Speaker 1: just make her happy. Ma'am, what would you say the
• 7:54
  Speaker 1: secret is?
• 7:54
  Speaker 2: Trash.
• 7:59
  Speaker 1: Trash. That's trash.
• 8:02
  Speaker 2: Basura.
• 8:02
  Speaker 1: No. No.
• 8:05
  Speaker 2: Basura.
• 8:05
  Speaker 1: No.
• 8:06
  Speaker 2: I learned that.
• 8:07
  Speaker 1: No.
• 8:07
  Speaker 2: Basura.
• 8:07
  Speaker 3: No.
• 8:08
  Speaker 1: That's trash. She said it because he said it. If
• 8:10
  Speaker 1: she spoke first, she'd have been like, just listen. Be creative.
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: Who loves who more between the two of y'all? Yeah,
• 8:19
  Speaker 1: he almost came. Jesus Christ. I... Indubitably.
• 8:27
  Speaker 2: What'd you say? You already did it. That's why you empty.
• 8:31
  Speaker 1: He's like, shit.
• 8:38
  Speaker 2: I'll tell you a little joke, nigga. I'm game already. Really,
• 8:42
  Speaker 2: I don't know why I'm up still.
• 8:43
  Speaker 1: I don't know already. I'm gonna go rub my feet
• 8:47
  Speaker 1: right quick. But you lit up real nicely. You look
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: happy now.
• 8:53
  Speaker 2: That's what's up.
• 8:54
  Speaker 1: Well, let's talk.
• 8:54
  Speaker 2: Do you know them?
• 8:55
  Speaker 1: Are you guys friends? You know the guy right there
• 8:56
  Speaker 1: that paints? Yeah, yeah, him right there with the little hairline.
• 9:04
  Speaker 1: What do you do?
• 9:04
  Speaker 2: You look like you make paintings with other people's blood.
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: You look at him.
• 9:11
  Speaker 2: You look like you're eating your fingers.
• 9:15
  Speaker 1: Delicious.
• 9:17
  Speaker 2: What's your name, sir, the hippie man? John. You knew
• 9:20
  Speaker 2: who I was talking to, though. Oh, I'm John.
• 9:23
  Speaker 1: He's talking to me. Fix my bangs. You got beautiful hair. Like,
• 9:47
  Speaker 1: what's left is beautiful. He said, thank you.
• 9:51
  Speaker 2: I appreciate it. Outstanding. Who are you with, man? Who
• 9:57
  Speaker 2: is that to you? That's your friend?
• 9:58
  Speaker 1: Huh? Huh? That's your boyfriend? Talk your shit, baby. I
• 10:03
  Speaker 1: know that's right. Y'all f * * * ing good, boy.
• 10:06
  Speaker 1: Look at y'all. That's where your hair went. You was
• 10:10
  Speaker 1: tearing your a * * out. Yeah.
• 10:13
  Speaker 2: Had your mother here. Yankee your goddamn hair out.
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: Yeah! Yeah! I'm sorry.
• 10:33
  Speaker 2: I'm sorry, John. I didn't know why. I don't know
• 10:37
  Speaker 2: where to. It's late.
• 10:38
  Speaker 1: I don't usually say no shit like that. That was crazy.
• 10:45
  Speaker 1: I was screaming and shit. Yeah!
• 10:50
  Speaker 2: What you drinking, man? Let me see it. I feel bad.
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: Huh?
• 10:58
  Speaker 2: Even your drinks got in them? Goddamn. Dr. Pepper is
• 11:01
  Speaker 2: my favorite.
• 11:02
  Speaker 1: All right, I'll get you a drink.
• 11:04
  Speaker 2: What you having, sugar? That's your real goddamn voice?
• 11:15
  Speaker 1: Anything with vodka is fine. That nigga sound like Jordan Rock.
• 11:22
  Speaker 1: So can I get a Dr. Pepper, you want some
• 11:25
  Speaker 1: ice in it, my man?
• 11:26
  Speaker 2: Okay, Dr.
• 11:27
  Speaker 1: Pepper with some ice, some vodka, what you want in
• 11:29
  Speaker 1: your vodka? You want a white Russian in your vodka? Oh,
• 11:37
  Speaker 1: I'm sorry, just a white Russian, because that got vodka
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: in it. He said it gay. He didn't even realize it,
• 11:45
  Speaker 1: but that was the gay way to say that. What
• 11:48
  Speaker 1: do you want in your, a white Russian man?
• 11:50
  Speaker 2: Yes. Yeah. Vladimir.
• 11:52
  Speaker 1: All right, so let me get a white Russian and
• 11:57
  Speaker 1: a Dr. Pepper with a lot of ice and a
• 11:59
  Speaker 1: little comb, a little bitty comb. You don't need to
• 12:02
  Speaker 1: have three teeth on it. It can be mostly handle
• 12:05
  Speaker 1: and three teeth. Cause ain't gonna be no hair in
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: the beginning. Teeth on the comb. His hair don't start
• 12:11
  Speaker 1: up back there with the, with the rim.
• 12:14
  Speaker 2: So you just get him a long comb. Three teeth.
• 12:19
  Speaker 2: One of them combs you start dreads with. You done
• 12:21
  Speaker 2: one of them. So are you a software developer or something?
• 12:27
  Speaker 2: What do you do? You look very smart. I'm gonna
• 12:29
  Speaker 2: be honest with you. You look like an intellectual person.
• 12:33
  Speaker 1: What do you do? You work with autistic children?
• 12:38
  Speaker 2: Oh my God. More people should be clapping. That's a
• 12:43
  Speaker 2: big heart. I'm talking.
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: Now I feel terrible. I'm like, bring him a little comb.
• 12:50
  Speaker 1: You know, you're out here giving back to the community. Okay,
• 12:54
  Speaker 1: so how long you.
• 12:55
  Speaker 2: Been doing that? About nine years. Why you hold... Nine years.
• 13:00
  Speaker 1: So as a teaching assistant, you're.
• 13:09
  Speaker 2: About eight years? No. I've been doing it too long. Some...
• 13:14
  Speaker 2: There's an uncle laughing back there. He said... Only black people.
• 13:25
  Speaker 2: So what are you?
• 13:26
  Speaker 1: You look ethnically ambiguous. You got a lot going on.
• 13:31
  Speaker 1: You're an Olympic figure skater? Well, I just meant like
• 13:34
  Speaker 1: your nationality, but.
• 13:38
  Speaker 2: He's like, I'm not black or white.
• 13:40
  Speaker 3: I am.
• 13:43
  Speaker 2: Beautiful.
• 13:48
  Speaker 1: Olympic figure skater? From Puerto Rico. Wait, I met you before.
• 13:55
  Speaker 1: You were like, I'm the first male Puerto Rican figure
• 13:57
  Speaker 1: skater in the world. That's crazy. Well, thank you for
• 14:02
  Speaker 1: coming back. And coming on this.
• 14:08
  Speaker 2: I'm sorry. That's crazy.
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: You and they hit a triple spin and they footed
• 14:15
  Speaker 1: a bit. He's like, ah! Ah!
• 14:27
  Speaker 2: Hey, get your ass up out here. What'd you say?
• 14:37
  Speaker 2: You went coaching right after? We're coaching what?
• 14:41
  Speaker 1: That's not a sport. So what are you?
• 14:45
  Speaker 2: It's not a sport. Ain't nobody trying to tackle you.
• 14:47
  Speaker 2: You're just out there.
• 14:50
  Speaker 1: Ice skating is a sport. We don't even know how
• 14:52
  Speaker 1: to score it. We'd be like, he ain't fall. Like,
• 14:58
  Speaker 1: he ain't never up 14. We don't know.
• 15:03
  Speaker 2: So you been skating your whole life?
• 15:08
  Speaker 1: Wow. So you took a break in the middle or something? Like,
• 15:25
  Speaker 1: at first I was like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, wait.
• 15:29
  Speaker 1: You couldn't walk when you were five? You were five
• 15:33
  Speaker 1: and couldn't walk? You were still doing this shit, crawling? Okay,
• 15:42
  Speaker 1: well you said, from one to five, I couldn't crawl
• 15:45
  Speaker 1: or walk.
• 15:45
  Speaker 2: That's what you said. Outstanding.
• 15:49
  Speaker 1: So you were already ice skating at five years old?
• 15:53
  Speaker 1: In Puerto Rico?
• 15:55
  Speaker 3: Wow.
• 15:56
  Speaker 1: They got ice.
• 16:00
  Speaker 1: Because when I went, I didn't feel like there was
• 16:02
  Speaker 1: about to be a skating rink anywhere near where I
• 16:04
  Speaker 1: was at. Not since the hurricane? So where are you
• 16:08
  Speaker 1: skating at now? That's amazing. So you're like famous.
• 16:14
  Speaker 2: People know you.
• 16:15
  Speaker 1: What's your name?
• 16:17
  Speaker 2: No, no, your whole name. Outstanding. I'm going to root
• 16:22
  Speaker 2: for you. Hell yeah. Y'all remember that.
• 16:26
  Speaker 1: Orlando Velasquez. Yes.
• 16:28
  Speaker 2: And do you ever skate for us?
• 16:30
  Speaker 1: Well, I guess that is us. Puerto Rico is us.
• 16:35
  Speaker 1: It don't feel like it when you're there, though. When
• 16:37
  Speaker 1: you're there, you'd be like... McDonald's don't even got Big Macs.
• 16:41
  Speaker 2: This is some different shit.
• 16:41
  Speaker 1: I'm in the process of getting recognized by the Olympic
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: Committee because, like I said, Puerto Rico, they don't recognize
• 16:46
  Speaker 1: ice skating as a.
• 16:50
  Speaker 2: Sport yet.
• 16:54
  Speaker 1: It's not a sport at all, but I hear you.
• 16:58
  Speaker 1: It's not either a racket or something in your hand,
• 17:01
  Speaker 1: a golf club, something at the very least.
• 17:04
  Speaker 2: But you just be like, whee! That ain't going to get.
• 17:09
  Speaker 1: It. So is the process hard? Do we need to
• 17:15
  Speaker 1: vote for you or something? Huh? Really? There's a board
• 17:25
  Speaker 1: of people that say whether or not you can ice skate.
• 17:27
  Speaker 1: Do they get to watch you skate or it's just
• 17:29
  Speaker 1: all paperwork? Have you told them you gay yet? I
• 17:40
  Speaker 1: feel like if it's a sport, if they know that,
• 17:43
  Speaker 1: that that just puts you out in the front. You
• 17:45
  Speaker 1: know what I'm saying? Go get your hair permed, lay
• 17:48
  Speaker 1: that down, come in there like a gazelle and do
• 17:52
  Speaker 1: your shit. He'd be on the side like, that's my bitch.
• 17:56
  Speaker 1: That's my bitch. It's up by 14. It's nice to
• 18:06
  Speaker 1: meet y'all, man. That's what's up. Let's around with some
• 18:10
  Speaker 1: more people. Mm-hmm.
• 18:12
  Speaker 2: Look at this.
• 18:13
  Speaker 1: Man, how much that shit was? I just gave you $ 10.
• 18:17
  Speaker 1: That ain't enough to cover that shit. Why don't you
• 18:20
  Speaker 1: come back? I have some more money when you get back.
• 18:23
  Speaker 1: This money got doo-doo on it. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
• 18:30
  Speaker 2: Well, let's talk to the choir. Let's get that out
• 18:33
  Speaker 2: the way.
• 18:33
  Speaker 1: Yeah, y'all look like the sopranos from Great Mount Bethesda
• 18:36
  Speaker 1: Baptist Church. Look, amen, shalom abo kosa, I see. Is
• 18:41
  Speaker 1: this a friend group? One, two, three, four, five, all
• 18:45
  Speaker 1: of y'all? It stops at the third one in the
• 18:47
  Speaker 1: see-through joint? So you're not really in the choir when
• 18:50
  Speaker 1: you can see through the outfit, that's... Yeah, you're gonna
• 18:54
  Speaker 1: go to hell in that. You can't wear that. Set
• 18:58
  Speaker 1: your coochie under your purse. Wow. That's a nice outfit. Look,
• 19:03
  Speaker 1: Coochie's showing. Coochie's showing.
• 19:06
  Speaker 2: He's like.
• 19:13
  Speaker 1: Coochie?
• 19:16
  Speaker 2: Ew. I have one of those, too. It's in the back.
• 19:21
  Speaker 1: What?
• 19:24
  Speaker 2: It's in my boochie. What?
• 19:31
  Speaker 1: So what's your name? I want to meet the team. Lauren.
• 19:35
  Speaker 1: Nice to meet you. Your eyes are literally glistening. You
• 19:38
  Speaker 1: got a nice shine to your eyes. A little innocence
• 19:41
  Speaker 1: to you. You probably shoplift. And then you.
• 19:46
  Speaker 2: And then she was like, uh, she does.
• 19:47
  Speaker 1: Happy? on that outfit she got on right now. That's
• 19:53
  Speaker 1: why her coochie out. That wasn't her size. And then
• 19:56
  Speaker 1: you in the racing jacket. You look fast as fuck, boy.
• 20:00
  Speaker 1: Is that your tits in the middle? Is that what
• 20:02
  Speaker 1: I see? Yeah.
• 20:06
  Speaker 2: Open up your jacket for just me.
• 20:08
  Speaker 1: There you go. You got that? We about to break
• 20:15
  Speaker 1: the internet. Yeah.
• 20:19
  Speaker 2: Break the internet. Oh, you married? Okay, we gonna delete
• 20:23
  Speaker 2: that footage. That shit is getting posted.
• 20:29
  Speaker 1: We can't tell.
• 20:30
  Speaker 2: Think we can tell they're married bitches or not?
• 20:34
  Speaker 1: They nice.
• 20:36
  Speaker 2: And it.
• 20:37
  Speaker 1: What'd you say, Simone?
• 20:38
  Speaker 2: Nice to meet you. Lauren, Simone. And what's your name, sugar?
• 20:42
  Speaker 1: Huh?
• 20:43
  Speaker 2: TV? Tiffany.
• 20:46
  Speaker 1: Nice to meet you, Tiffany. You got on your shiny
• 20:48
  Speaker 1: dress tonight. You be like, I'm gonna move on down,
• 20:52
  Speaker 1: move on down the road. You got on the dress
• 20:55
  Speaker 1: from The Wiz. White people, The Wiz. Just Google it.
• 21:07
  Speaker 1: Do y'all know why people don't even know the Wiz happened? Yeah, watch.
• 21:12
  Speaker 2: I need a white person to yell out what the
• 21:13
  Speaker 2: Wiz is. Yes, ma'am.
• 21:23
  Speaker 1: It's the African-American version of the Wizard of Oz. And
• 21:29
  Speaker 1: while it is, the way you said that, It felt racist,
• 21:33
  Speaker 1: and I know you didn't mean that. I know, I know,
• 21:36
  Speaker 1: because you were correct. You were correct. You're black, baby?
• 21:40
  Speaker 1: Why you hold your hair out? Your stepfather's black, so
• 21:45
  Speaker 1: you were raised by wolves. She's like, black wolves, yes, yes.
• 21:55
  Speaker 1: White people, did you know there was a black version
• 21:56
  Speaker 1: of The Wizard of Oz? He's like, just now, I'm
• 22:00
  Speaker 1: hearing about this right now. But Diana Ross is Dorothy.
• 22:04
  Speaker 1: Michael Jackson is the Scarecrow. The King of Pop. You
• 22:08
  Speaker 1: never even heard.
• 22:09
  Speaker 3: He's like, I've never heard of shit. And they sweep
• 22:11
  Speaker 3: all the good shit under the rug. Man, all the
• 22:13
  Speaker 3: songs are.
• 22:14
  Speaker 2: Remade by Quincy Jones.
• 22:16
  Speaker 1: Okay? Everything was blackerized. Nipsey Russell, not Hustle. Nipsey Russell
• 22:21
  Speaker 1: played the Tin Man.
• 22:23
  Speaker 2: He can't.
• 22:24
  Speaker 1: Slide some oil to me. Let it slide down my.
• 22:37
  Speaker 2: That shit was fire.
• 22:40
  Speaker 1: Because the white version was like, I can't move. I
• 22:45
  Speaker 1: can't move anything. I need some oil. Not the black version.
• 22:53
  Speaker 1: He just started yelling, oil! Oil!
• 22:58
  Speaker 3: Oil!
• 23:00
  Speaker 1: Diana was like, what's that sound, Toto? Toto was a
• 23:05
  Speaker 1: Rottweiler in the next version. Okay, that part's not true.
• 23:11
  Speaker 1: It was the same dog, but it could have been.
• 23:16
  Speaker 1: While they were uprising movies. They should do that to
• 23:21
  Speaker 1: more movies. We need black remakes of white classics.
• 23:23
  Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying? Gone with the weed, man.
• 23:29
  Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying? The sound of hip-hop music.
• 23:33
  Speaker 1: The Chronicles of Narnia.
• 23:40
  Speaker 2: You go to the closet, there's a big-ass dog.
• 23:42
  Speaker 1: You're like, ah, damn. Who dog is that? Who goddamn
• 23:45
  Speaker 1: dog is that? I am Aslan. You somebody goddamn dog.
• 23:56
  Speaker 2: Anyway. Nice to meet you. Who's the leader of the team?
• 24:01
  Speaker 2: Who's the captain? It's your birthday?
• 24:04
  Speaker 1: So it's you then. Happy birthday, Sugar. How young are you?
• 24:09
  Speaker 2: 36.
• 24:09
  Speaker 1: You look good, too. God damn it. Are y'all single?
• 24:14
  Speaker 2: Everybody single?
• 24:15
  Speaker 1: Hello? She be like, yes. I'm hurting.
• 24:23
  Speaker 2: I shoplift because I don't got nobody to buy me
• 24:25
  Speaker 2: my clothes. Okay.
• 24:29
  Speaker 1: So you single, too? You married, but was that real,
• 24:32
  Speaker 1: or was that just a self-defense?
• 24:34
  Speaker 2: Okay. All right. And then you single too? You're working
• 24:39
  Speaker 2: on a divorce? Okay. Is he.
• 24:44
  Speaker 2: What'd you say, baby?
• 24:47
  Speaker 3: Right.
• 24:48
  Speaker 2: They're like, aw.
• 24:48
  Speaker 1: She was like, aw, please. I'm happy to the motherfucker.
• 24:52
  Speaker 1: She out here with a little bit of meat hanging
• 24:54
  Speaker 1: out in front of the seat.
• 24:55
  Speaker 2: She don't give a fuck.
• 24:57
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that goddamn hanging out under the bottom of that
• 24:59
  Speaker 1: goddamn chair. You see it. You see it.
• 25:03
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 25:07
  Speaker 1: What is happening?
• 25:10
  Speaker 2: Ew.
• 25:13
  Speaker 3: Meat.
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: I have that too. It's pussy meat. What do y'all
• 25:29
  Speaker 1: do for money? What's the story? You're a counselor?
• 25:35
  Speaker 2: Then shoplift. You be like, don't steal. Okay, counselor for
• 25:45
  Speaker 2: adults or for?
• 25:49
  Speaker 1: Pre-K through fifth grade. Okay, you got a big heart then.
• 25:52
  Speaker 1: So what does a fifth grade counselor do? Seems a
• 25:56
  Speaker 1: little early to be telling them their career direction. Used
• 26:00
  Speaker 1: to be like, go to recess. I'd be surprised. What
• 26:05
  Speaker 1: they be doing? Because the kids, they grown now. They
• 26:07
  Speaker 1: grown fast. They f * * * ed yet, fifth grade?
• 26:11
  Speaker 1: Are they? I don't know.
• 26:13
  Speaker 2: What's fifth grade?
• 26:14
  Speaker 1: About 10? They might not f * * * ed yet,
• 26:17
  Speaker 1: but they know. They know what to do. That song
• 26:25
  Speaker 1: came out. When the Eat the Booty Like Groceries came out.
• 26:30
  Speaker 1: about 15 years ago. If they 10, they know all that.
• 26:34
  Speaker 2: Wow. You be catching them, huh? They be behind the
• 26:37
  Speaker 2: portables doing stuff.
• 26:38
  Speaker 3: 10 years old, I think I was, I was, I was,
• 26:44
  Speaker 3: I'm just being real.
• 26:45
  Speaker 1: At nap time, I wasn't always sleeping. At 10, I
• 26:49
  Speaker 1: was like, It's gooey. At 10? That's prime finger bang.
• 27:11
  Speaker 2: At recess, you'd be like, smell my finger, bro.
• 27:14
  Speaker 1: Seriously.
• 27:15
  Speaker 2: Smell my finger. Where the f * * * you gone?
• 27:21
  Speaker 2: She walked off like, I finger banged her. Oh, hell nah.
• 27:24
  Speaker 1: 10.
• 27:30
  Speaker 2: Fifth grade, that's 10 and 11.
• 27:32
  Speaker 1: Yeah I think by 13 they out there they trying
• 27:35
  Speaker 1: to see what to do yeah okay and then what
• 27:40
  Speaker 1: do you do married but single single but married married
• 27:43
  Speaker 1: all the way you no you in the middle titties
• 27:45
  Speaker 1: with the racing coat right there with the slick back
• 27:48
  Speaker 1: ponytail you you what you're an accountant okay.
• 27:53
  Speaker 2: Getting a good black job yeah what kind forensic.
• 28:00
  Speaker 1: Revenue accountant for who you work for man Turn the
• 28:03
  Speaker 1: camera off so she'll talk regular.
• 28:06
  Speaker 2: Go ahead.
• 28:14
  Speaker 1: And the white dude was like, I love it. We're
• 28:18
  Speaker 1: about to get an admission. Do you want the way
• 28:21
  Speaker 1: you work at? Yeah.
• 28:26
  Speaker 2: The county. It's a good job, man. I know that's right.
• 28:30
  Speaker 1: You can't even get fired.
• 28:31
  Speaker 2: You know what I mean? Numbers you got to f
• 28:33
  Speaker 2: * * * up before they let you go.
• 28:35
  Speaker 1: A lot.
• 28:35
  Speaker 2: About six years worth. And then what do you do?
• 28:41
  Speaker 1: For who?
• 28:43
  Speaker 2: Assuring when people break their phone? What do you do?
• 28:49
  Speaker 1: What's your specificity? That's a real word. That makes no sense.
• 28:59
  Speaker 1: God damn it. White people, tap your black neighbor and
• 29:03
  Speaker 1: tell him a goddamn word worth 11 points or more.
• 29:07
  Speaker 1: Specificity should not have been repeated. Y'all like, this is specificity.
• 29:14
  Speaker 1: What is a specificity? I think that's a new dog breed,
• 29:19
  Speaker 1: a specificity.
• 29:22
  Speaker 2: Zoo, specificity, Labrador.
• 29:24
  Speaker 1: So what do you do specifically Yeah, what is your specificity?
• 29:30
  Speaker 1: Ain't nobody washing in this goddamn town. I don't want
• 29:35
  Speaker 1: to hear that. I got to do meet and greet
• 29:38
  Speaker 1: with you dirty head right after this. somebody going to
• 29:41
  Speaker 1: get poop on my finger. It's going to be you.
• 29:44
  Speaker 1: It's going to be you looking like a little killer Mike.
• 29:48
  Speaker 1: So what kind of insurance, are you an actuarial?
• 29:54
  Speaker 2: You filed a claim. Got it.
• 29:57
  Speaker 1: So Asurion, I don't really hear about them until it's
• 30:00
  Speaker 1: time to rent a car or insure a phone. Could
• 30:03
  Speaker 1: you tell them to stop around with the rates? She
• 30:09
  Speaker 1: was like, ha ha, gotcha. No.
• 30:14
  Speaker 2: Let's talk to the man stretching. That's like, I can't
• 30:16
  Speaker 2: find any energy. You all right, man? Oh, okay.
• 30:24
  Speaker 1: Oh, man. Some of them, boy, man.
• 30:28
  Speaker 3: Oh, I've been waiting all goddamn night for you to
• 30:31
  Speaker 3: get a hold of this rude tootin' gun shootin' some
• 30:34
  Speaker 3: of them.
• 30:34
  Speaker 2: Bitch, boy.
• 30:35
  Speaker 3: That goddamn Dale Jr. drives like a bat out of
• 30:38
  Speaker 3: goddamn hell. Don't nobody drive to the left like Dale does, boy.
• 30:42
  Speaker 2: Get my boy.
• 30:44
  Speaker 1: Is he your friend?
• 30:45
  Speaker 2: What is he to you?
• 30:46
  Speaker 1: Is he your son? Your brother, okay. All right. I
• 30:55
  Speaker 1: don't know why god damn it came out first that's
• 30:57
  Speaker 1: funny god damn it he look good like me don't
• 31:00
  Speaker 1: he like well we do so y'all twins ain't it
• 31:05
  Speaker 1: no he say you out your mind you think I
• 31:10
  Speaker 1: look like this toe cracking ass brother I got why
• 31:16
  Speaker 1: y'all sound different was y'all raised in a different time
• 31:19
  Speaker 1: or something.
• 31:21
  Speaker 2: He sound like he on you.
• 31:25
  Speaker 1: I said, that's your brother?
• 31:27
  Speaker 3: God damn it, you're goddamn right. That's my motherfucking brother.
• 31:29
  Speaker 3: God damn it, that's my boy. Talked to him, he like, nah, hell.
• 31:32
  Speaker 1: No, that ain't my brother. You got me fucked up, bitch.
• 31:37
  Speaker 2: You got me fucked up, bitch. I'm from Oak Cliff.
• 31:39
  Speaker 1: Fuck, I look like this. I ain't fucking around with this. What?
• 31:44
  Speaker 1: Fuck out of here, nigga. You ain't no going over there, nigga.
• 31:47
  Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm talking about?
• 31:49
  Speaker 1: God damn, baby. That's some big ass goddamn... I'll do
• 32:04
  Speaker 1: it too there's not jokes no more there'll be red
• 32:06
  Speaker 1: hair everywhere so how do y'all sound different like one
• 32:13
  Speaker 1: more time but hold on stay slower so I can
• 32:15
  Speaker 1: get oh that's funny but you sound like Mader Black people,
• 32:28
  Speaker 1: that's the tow truck from the movie Cars.
• 32:34
  Speaker 2: With Lightning McQueen. He like, I think I know that
• 32:36
  Speaker 2: one though.
• 32:37
  Speaker 1: Ka-chow. Yeah.
• 32:41
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 32:42
  Speaker 1: And so what's the age difference between y'all?
• 32:45
  Speaker 2: 10 years? You don't need me to roast him.
• 32:50
  Speaker 1: You tearing his up. That little son of a bitch,
• 32:54
  Speaker 1: punk ass. I'm the one from Oak Cliff.
• 32:55
  Speaker 2: This bitch was raised behind a church.
• 32:57
  Speaker 1: He came up real nice. I had to lie, cheat,
• 33:01
  Speaker 1: and steal before the age of five.
• 33:03
  Speaker 2: I did when I was 10.
• 33:04
  Speaker 1: I don't give a what he talking about.
• 33:08
  Speaker 2: His brother's like, hey, chill, bro.
• 33:10
  Speaker 1: Goddamn, baby.
• 33:10
  Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying?
• 33:12
  Speaker 1: Goddamn, man. Chill, big bro. Man, it's all good, man.
• 33:16
  Speaker 2: You scaring the hoes. Look.
• 33:25
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 33:27
  Speaker 2: Legato was like, shut the fuck up.
• 33:30
  Speaker 1: All right, who are you pointing at?
• 33:33
  Speaker 2: Why are you standing? How you doing, girlfriend? How are you?
• 33:40
  Speaker 1: You good, baby?
• 33:41
  Speaker 2: You was flipping me off.
• 33:42
  Speaker 1: With two hands.
• 33:44
  Speaker 2: She's like, yeah, fuck you.
• 33:47
  Speaker 3: Whee.
• 33:48
  Speaker 1: It don't mean the same thing when white people do it,
• 33:50
  Speaker 1: you know. Fuck you, let's go party, you know. Black
• 33:54
  Speaker 1: people be like, what'd he do then? Off on a cliff, huh?
• 34:01
  Speaker 1: And so what's your name, little brother?
• 34:03
  Speaker 2: They got all the swagger.
• 34:05
  Speaker 1: Matt?
• 34:06
  Speaker 2: Outstanding, outstanding.
• 34:07
  Speaker 1: And so y'all grew up 10 years apart, different household entirely.
• 34:12
  Speaker 2: Don't talk to me, Matt. What happened?
• 34:17
  Speaker 1: Well, look, I don't have time, but I'll be honest
• 34:23
  Speaker 1: with you. Normally, I'm like, I got time, but tonight, my... Listen.
• 34:29
  Speaker 1: Can I get the cliff notes? The oak cliff notes.
• 34:31
  Speaker 1: Can I get.
• 34:35
  Speaker 1: Black people, cliff notes are when you're in college. It's
• 34:40
  Speaker 1: like the summary at the end of the essay. That
• 34:43
  Speaker 1: way you don't have to read the whole thing. It's
• 34:44
  Speaker 1: just a cliff note. You know, but a lot of
• 34:47
  Speaker 1: faces are like, the fuck is an oak cliff note, nigga?
• 34:52
  Speaker 1: Play the saxophone. What's the short version?
• 35:02
  Speaker 2: Short.
• 35:02
  Speaker 1: Whoever want to take this moment by the horns. What's
• 35:11
  Speaker 1: your name, big bro?
• 35:13
  Speaker 2: Yes. Doc.
• 35:24
  Speaker 1: Now, I had to explain Cliff Notes. Now, he gonna
• 35:26
  Speaker 1: tell me how to spell the word doc. I don't
• 35:34
  Speaker 1: need to look at that. I believe you, sir. I
• 35:36
  Speaker 1: also don't really give a. I wanted to know Wes's name.
• 35:46
  Speaker 1: I don't give a while Joe that. He's a hero.
• 35:49
  Speaker 1: You just out here talking. You think I give a
• 35:54
  Speaker 1: fuck about the motherfucker boy? You remember when Bob Boucher
• 35:56
  Speaker 1: came back at halftime and the goddamn mud dogs won
• 35:58
  Speaker 1: the motherfucker Super Bowl? That goddamn water boy came back
• 36:01
  Speaker 1: at halftime and won the goddamn Super Bowl. So tell
• 36:06
  Speaker 1: me the short version of how your brother.
• 36:09
  Speaker 2: Is this smooth and you this.
• 36:12
  Speaker 2: Somebody said raggedy. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
• 36:16
  Speaker 1: I heard y'all raggedy.
• 36:18
  Speaker 2: He cool.
• 36:20
  Speaker 1: I just want to know the difference.
• 36:21
  Speaker 2: Why are they so different though?
• 36:28
  Speaker 1: Who?
• 36:32
  Speaker 2: Okay, the way you had said it.
• 36:33
  Speaker 1: I was like, ah, what in the gentrification is going on?
• 36:44
  Speaker 1: I just took y'all's and perfected it. That's right, same chicken,
• 36:52
  Speaker 1: no seasoning, it's better. Well, nice to meet you, Matt
• 37:00
  Speaker 1: and Doc and Cheryl or whoever that lady is back
• 37:03
  Speaker 1: there behind you. Is that a double date or just
• 37:07
  Speaker 1: you with your woman, Doc, and your brother solo?
• 37:11
  Speaker 2: Okay. So who's this beautiful black woman behind.
• 37:13
  Speaker 1: You, Matt? You did?
• 37:17
  Speaker 2: You're beautiful, sis. I thought you had a situation. No?
• 37:21
  Speaker 2: You want one? Matt's single. He's smooth as a.
• 37:28
  Speaker 1: He gonna rub your feet for you. You like what
• 37:39
  Speaker 1: you see behind you, Matt? I don't know why this
• 37:42
  Speaker 1: white lady keep talking. I don't know what's going on. Wes,
• 37:48
  Speaker 1: is there a signal you can give her? She like,
• 37:53
  Speaker 1: this is my show, y'all.
• 38:00
  Speaker 2: Where? Yeah, when I say it, it don't make it
• 38:05
  Speaker 2: to her. Yeah, I was talking to you.
• 38:08
  Speaker 1: Look at her. She's flipping you off now. You too, Matt.
• 38:12
  Speaker 1: You and your foot-rubbing-ass friend. Foot rubbers. Yeah, I got
• 38:22
  Speaker 1: it now. Basically, what I've summarized is that it's important.
• 38:29
  Speaker 2: And that's it. Yeah.
• 38:34
  Speaker 1: I feel like they fight a lot. Big brother's like,
• 38:38
  Speaker 1: what the fuck did you say? I said I love you.
• 38:40
  Speaker 2: Oh yeah, oh yeah. You love me? Oh, okay. Yeah,
• 38:49
  Speaker 2: y'all got that love.
• 38:50
  Speaker 1: That's white family. That's how it is. I bet Thanksgiving
• 38:57
  Speaker 1: is a party at y'all's shit. until a certain time.
• 39:00
  Speaker 2: I like y'all.
• 39:03
  Speaker 1: If I lived here, we would hang out, and then
• 39:05
  Speaker 1: I'd leave, but we'd hang out. I'd be out of
• 39:10
  Speaker 1: that by 10, 15. All right, y'all, I'm gonna head out.
• 39:14
  Speaker 1: Your brother's like, you wanna hear a joke? Two blacks
• 39:20
  Speaker 1: who walk into, you know what? I'm gonna head on
• 39:24
  Speaker 1: out before you finish your little black shirt.
• 39:26
  Speaker 2: All right, cool.
• 39:29
  Speaker 1: Let me pivot out of this and talk to the
• 39:30
  Speaker 1: lady wearing the Met Gala yellow dress top shirt, see-through piece. Damn,
• 39:39
  Speaker 1: that's your sister? She's dressed way above the moment. That is,
• 39:43
  Speaker 1: you look phenomenal. You look really good. What is that?
• 39:47
  Speaker 1: Is that a see-through?
• 39:50
  Speaker 2: Could you stand up, let me see? I wanna see
• 39:52
  Speaker 2: what you got on, baby.
• 39:53
  Speaker 1: Show your, talk your with your outfit. She was wearing
• 39:58
  Speaker 1: the same color? I was wearing yellow? So you, I
• 40:04
  Speaker 1: was wearing orange? So you was like, I'm finna match him. Oh.
• 40:14
  Speaker 1: You trying to fit, yeah, yeah. Look, she mad, no,
• 40:18
  Speaker 1: I already got him. Well, what's your name? Is that
• 40:24
  Speaker 1: frills around the....
• 40:28
  Speaker 2: What's on the... Is it a full thing or what's
• 40:29
  Speaker 2: on the legs? What is the.
• 40:33
  Speaker 2: It's a jacket. Thank you, brother.
• 40:35
  Speaker 1: Stand up, sis. Pop your... I like that.
• 40:41
  Speaker 2: What is that, though? What do you call that? What
• 40:43
  Speaker 2: should I Google to find another one?
• 40:45
  Speaker 1: It's just a see-through football jersey. Just... nice doily doily
• 40:55
  Speaker 1: okay I like it you got money huh you can't
• 40:59
  Speaker 1: even that that's not out so that's you got.
• 41:03
  Speaker 2: Did you make that are you do you make.
• 41:07
  Speaker 1: You trying to what'd you say babe oh you trying
• 41:18
  Speaker 1: to oh she she uh I'm not hiring right now.
• 41:26
  Speaker 2: But my might be.
• 41:28
  Speaker 1: Yeah, let me see your resume.
• 41:38
  Speaker 2: What'd you say, baby?
• 41:40
  Speaker 1: Oh, y'all playing this. Y'all was in the truck like,
• 41:41
  Speaker 1: if he talk to me, I'm going to fuck up.
• 41:43
  Speaker 1: I see what y'all doing. I done walked into a
• 41:46
  Speaker 1: goddamn actual booby trap. There's boobies in the trap. Yeah,
• 41:52
  Speaker 1: you got some nice too, baby, I see. So what's
• 41:55
  Speaker 1: your name? Nice to meet you, Gabrielle. And who's this
• 41:58
  Speaker 1: witch that's helping you?
• 42:01
  Speaker 2: Janae. And so y'all, listen. You would have responded to
• 42:07
  Speaker 2: what I thought you said.
• 42:10
  Speaker 1: Right?
• 42:11
  Speaker 2: Janae. Yeah, that's what I thought. You still heard me.
• 42:14
  Speaker 1: I said it wrong, on purpose. She's like, like, Janae-nay.
• 42:20
  Speaker 1: White people, Janae-nay It's one of the many characters that Martin,
• 42:25
  Speaker 1: there you go, Wes. He was like, Martin.
• 42:29
  Speaker 2: Martin Luther King Jr. Like, God damn it.
• 42:32
  Speaker 1: You had it. You had it. Up into the mountaintop
• 42:40
  Speaker 1: with Marty Ma. I like, that was a quick little misdirection. Okay,
• 42:50
  Speaker 1: so Shanae, and is it the rest of the row too?
• 42:53
  Speaker 2: Is everybody all? It's just you two?
• 42:55
  Speaker 1: Okay, y'all single? What about you? Okay, okay. And you've
• 43:02
  Speaker 1: decided on me. Could I maybe?
• 43:08
  Speaker 2: But you know I'm a matchmaker. You don't have to leave. Oh,
• 43:12
  Speaker 2: your friend. She doesn't have any children. She's available. She's available.
• 43:18
  Speaker 1: She said she's variable. She has some fire. You're trying
• 43:22
  Speaker 1: to help a lot, Shanaynay.
• 43:25
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 43:26
  Speaker 1: What do you do for a living? You got money,
• 43:28
  Speaker 1: don't you? I know you do, because that shirt... That
• 43:33
  Speaker 1: shirt ain't even at the mall.
• 43:34
  Speaker 2: You had to put... That motherfucker 3D printed. I don't
• 43:38
  Speaker 2: know where you got that shirt from.
• 43:42
  Speaker 1: If you go fishing and don't catch nothing, you can
• 43:43
  Speaker 1: put that in the water, pull that.
• 43:46
  Speaker 2: There's gonna be some fish in it.
• 43:48
  Speaker 3: Goddamn right it's gonna be deficient at some goddamn catfish.
• 43:51
  Speaker 3: We don't f * * * around mom's farm, goddamn.
• 43:56
  Speaker 2: It.
• 43:56
  Speaker 1: Okay, where you work at, baby? You work at a
• 44:03
  Speaker 1: hotel and you do logistics? Who you do logistics for? SIVA? S-I-V-A? Okay,
• 44:12
  Speaker 1: all right, y'all know him.
• 44:15
  Speaker 2: She's like, C-E-V-A, nigga, just.
• 44:18
  Speaker 1: That's my boss, I can't stand this. I see what
• 44:22
  Speaker 1: she doing with the money, with the unidentified shirt she
• 44:25
  Speaker 1: got on.
• 44:26
  Speaker 2: Somebody back there asked a question. You run dispatch? I
• 44:29
  Speaker 2: heard it.
• 44:29
  Speaker 1: I don't know what SEVA is, but it sounds like
• 44:32
  Speaker 1: we might be able to make a business connection. What
• 44:35
  Speaker 1: do you do for SEVA, the logistics?
• 44:36
  Speaker 2: That is dispatch, ain't it? Oh, you know what that is.
• 44:43
  Speaker 2: She said the word air. That's you. Yeah, whatever you do,
• 44:50
  Speaker 2: they got to hear him at the end of the day.
• 44:52
  Speaker 1: Yeah, this is Steven Flight 157 bringing in some air.
• 44:56
  Speaker 1: I'm about to land. Come on in. You got a
• 44:59
  Speaker 1: clear path. There's a path to the terminal. Come on,
• 45:02
  Speaker 1: another back path back there. We got straight to go.
• 45:04
  Speaker 2: Hold on.
• 45:04
  Speaker 1: Another plane seems to be coming in without permission. Yeah,
• 45:08
  Speaker 1: it's Spirit Airlines in the small weed every day.
• 45:15
  Speaker 2: Plano, I love y'all. I'm Nate Jackson.
• 45:16
  Speaker 3: Peace.