Latest / Dear Chelsea / Boss of the Family with Chelsea's Sisters, Shoshanna & Simone

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Boss of the Family with Chelsea's Sisters, Shoshanna & Simone · Dear Chelsea

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Hi Catherine, Oh, Hi Chelsea, Hi everybody. Welcome to a
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: new episode of Dear Chelsea. I have been getting a
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: lot of sister advice. I got a lot of sister
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: action in my life, a lot of sisters in my life,
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: a lot of sisters asking for advice, and a lot
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: of sisters come to see me perform. So I thought
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: it would be kind of fun to have my sisters
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: on to dull, loud advice because my older sister Simone
• 0:29
  Speaker 1: is who I go to for all my advice, Shoshanna.
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: I also Shanna is more of like a love like
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: a love seat, like you go to her for love
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: and and warm stuggle ship. Yeah, she's a lot like
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: my mom. And then my sister Simone is less emotional
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: and more practical. And so I have both sides of
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: the coin and my sister's Yes, I feel very, very lucky.
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: Notice that I'm not mentioning how lucky I feel about
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: my brother's um. But I do have a really sweet
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: brother named Roy. He is so sweet. He's just a
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: little He's like a just a love muffin. Also, but
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: I'm not asking him for advice either. I'm so excited
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: that they're joining us I know it's a very exciting.
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: So I want to give a warm welcome to both
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: of my sisters, Simone and Shoshanna. Look they're both here
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: at the same time, so serendipitous or an appointment. Hello, Hello, Hello, Simone,
• 1:24
  Speaker 1: you look so profession I love it. I am a professional,
• 1:27
  Speaker 1: so I know, I know, I know all the fucking
• 1:30
  Speaker 1: about it. Catherine, nice to meet you. I likewise, I'm
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: so excited for today, shawna beginning. See you but not
• 1:37
  Speaker 1: hear you yet. This is what it's like to get
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: a phone call from her. Hi, girls, do we not
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: get to me? Brad Brat? Come say hi, Brad. Bring
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: the dogs. They got a brother and sister combo platter,
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: just like Burton Bernice pug puppies. Oh my god. Yes,
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: and we have an older pug whose seven nice. They're
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: the two dogs. I'd say, Hi, look at that they're
• 2:04
  Speaker 1: making out with each other. That's sweet when they kiss
• 2:06
  Speaker 1: each other like that. Okay, So to continue our family story,
• 2:12
  Speaker 1: so Simone had her surgery. Then I went so Shanna
• 2:15
  Speaker 1: got the rough of it because someone was in bad
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: shape for the first week. And then when I came
• 2:20
  Speaker 1: on the scene, we turned a corner and I forced
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: her into a physical therapy regimen, a walking exercise regimen
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: post spinal book camp is what I like to call it.
• 2:32
  Speaker 1: And then Shoshanna was like, Chelsea, don't give her alcohol.
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: You know, you can't give her alcohol. She's recovering, she's
• 2:37
  Speaker 1: on oxycotton. And I was like, first of all, oxy
• 2:40
  Speaker 1: cotton was made to be paired with alcohol, so like, obviously,
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: if you know anything about a medical procedure or recovery,
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: you want to make it as painless as possible. That
• 2:49
  Speaker 1: first Margarita was delicious, yes, exactly, and then she's like,
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: and definitely don't give her edibles. And of course, you know,
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: three days in, I'm like, this is gonna make you
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: relax and feel better. So we had two different experiences.
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: But on the last day of our trip, Simone had
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: a goal to walk across the Golden Gate Bridge. Right
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: it's at the bridge. We walked across Money, which was
• 3:08
  Speaker 1: a lot less pleasant than we thought it was going
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: to be because you're basically on a bridge that feels
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: like it's swaying back and forth while hundreds of cars
• 3:16
  Speaker 1: are zooming past. It's like this, and you can't talk
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: because you can't hear anything. So it's basically was like
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: a march and we got to one side. I was like,
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: let's call an uber. She's like, let's just walk back.
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: I'm like, but why it's so unpleasant. All I saw
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: that you were there was posts of margarite is and luncheons,
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: and I was like, what happened? I mean, what did
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: I mean? You didn't get the raw end of the field.
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: Shanna thought they were going to board a board together.
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: She's like, when are we gonna go paddle boarding? Anyway,
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: I left Simone in great Stead. So Shoshanna is technically
• 3:48
  Speaker 1: a registered nurse, but I'm a medical practitioner, and I
• 3:52
  Speaker 1: would like to say that even though everyone advises me
• 3:55
  Speaker 1: against advising others of medicine, I'm going to continue to
• 3:59
  Speaker 1: do it because I feel like I know what I'm doing,
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: and I can tell by Simone's progress while I was
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: there that I do know what I'm doing. You were
• 4:05
  Speaker 1: on CNN yesterday for that? Did you see that? No?
• 4:09
  Speaker 1: For what? I don't watch CNN anymore. Oh, for my ozempic.
• 4:13
  Speaker 1: People are like, Chelsea Handler didn't know she was on ozempic.
• 4:16
  Speaker 1: I was like, first of all, do you think I
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: would admit that I don't know the difference between the
• 4:20
  Speaker 1: sun and the moon, but then lie about a zempic.
• 4:24
  Speaker 1: I mean, obviously I tell the truth about everything, and
• 4:28
  Speaker 1: it's called sema glue tide. So I did not know
• 4:30
  Speaker 1: I was on a zempic until I was on a
• 4:32
  Speaker 1: zempic anyway. Okay, so girls, let's talk about both of you.
• 4:37
  Speaker 1: Oh no, Katherine, you had something right, I do. I
• 4:40
  Speaker 1: actually have an email from one of our listeners, and
• 4:42
  Speaker 1: I wanted to get your perspective on it. Ladies. A
• 4:45
  Speaker 1: very special flight attendant emailed us and she said, Dear Chelsea,
• 4:49
  Speaker 1: I'm not sure if you'll ever read this, but I
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: watched your special last night with a fond memory of
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: having you on board my flight in first class when
• 4:55
  Speaker 1: I was a person on a flight we were taxing
• 4:58
  Speaker 1: out when the in parents, these white businessman gentleman next
• 5:02
  Speaker 1: to you rang his call button and decided to tell
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: me you hadn't turned off your phone. You looked at
• 5:09
  Speaker 1: him and said, are you fucking kidding me? Are we
• 5:11
  Speaker 1: in high school? You're telling on me? I was laughing
• 5:14
  Speaker 1: so hard I almost paid myself. Your mention of respect
• 5:18
  Speaker 1: for flight attendants was touching, as was the mention of
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: your fear of pregnancy in the forties. I am one
• 5:23
  Speaker 1: of those women who chose to never have children. And yes, drunk,
• 5:27
  Speaker 1: I thought you couldn't get pregnant in your forties and did,
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: and yes, thank God had access to abortion. So thank
• 5:32
  Speaker 1: you for mentioning it, and thank you for one of
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: my most memorable flight stories. So what I would love
• 5:39
  Speaker 1: perspective on is has she always been this way? Just
• 5:43
  Speaker 1: able to say stuff like this to like strangers who
• 5:46
  Speaker 1: were trying to read her on the plane. Yes, that's
• 5:50
  Speaker 1: a really quick, easy answer. Yes, And that's the most
• 5:53
  Speaker 1: common question we get about Chelsea is what she always
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: like this? Yes, since she was probably three years old.
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: And are you both like that as well or less direct?
• 6:04
  Speaker 1: We'll say no. Now we have different styles. I'm kind
• 6:08
  Speaker 1: of a pleaser. I don't like to make waves and
• 6:12
  Speaker 1: those confrontational type things. I mean, I will get annoyed,
• 6:15
  Speaker 1: but it takes a little bit more for me to
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: get annoyed. Like I had someone on the plane once who,
• 6:19
  Speaker 1: during an eight hour flight to France, got up six
• 6:22
  Speaker 1: times to bee and the fifth time I just looked
• 6:26
  Speaker 1: over and said, really, well, we both have the same language,
• 6:31
  Speaker 1: because really was the first thing I said to that
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: guy too. I'm reasonable up to a point and then
• 6:36
  Speaker 1: I lose it. So yeah, I feel kind of the
• 6:40
  Speaker 1: same way. I mean, you know, it takes a lot
• 6:42
  Speaker 1: to get me going, but it it's something like that,
• 6:45
  Speaker 1: I would definitely have said something. Yeah. I love the
• 6:47
  Speaker 1: idea of an adult person telling on another adult person
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: to a flight attendant, like you can't settle this little
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: kerfuffle between two people. She's not turning off her phone.
• 6:57
  Speaker 1: It's so that's like her saying her seat tray isn't up,
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: which I still don't understand why those have to be
• 7:02
  Speaker 1: up when we take off, like they're gonna fly off
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: into our eyes. I don't understand why we can't be reclined.
• 7:07
  Speaker 1: And actually, with all of my newer relationships with flight
• 7:11
  Speaker 1: attendants and the good will that I've instilled with them
• 7:14
  Speaker 1: for me, I feel like I should be able to
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: ask one of them. I don't understand why we can't
• 7:18
  Speaker 1: be reclining when we take off. When I take a
• 7:21
  Speaker 1: sleeping pill and then get on a plane, I want
• 7:23
  Speaker 1: to go straight to sleep. I don't want to take
• 7:25
  Speaker 1: off and go to sleep. There must be a reason
• 7:27
  Speaker 1: I don't know what it is and get those answers
• 7:30
  Speaker 1: for you, Chelsea. Yeah, well there's yeah. And also the
• 7:33
  Speaker 1: like turned your phone on airplane mode. I don't believe
• 7:36
  Speaker 1: that's true either, that you have to do that. I
• 7:37
  Speaker 1: do it. Do you do it when you guys go
• 7:39
  Speaker 1: on planes put your phones on airplane mode to do it?
• 7:42
  Speaker 1: But the last couple of years I hit or miss,
• 7:44
  Speaker 1: I just forget and they don't get. Somewhether you do it,
• 7:51
  Speaker 1: somewhether I do it. That's above our pay grade. Yeah. Sorry, Okay, well,
• 7:57
  Speaker 1: thanks for all your help you guys. That's the end
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: of the episode. Thank you for coming her. Okay, So
• 8:02
  Speaker 1: let's talk about Catherine. I want to talk about sisters
• 8:05
  Speaker 1: and the dynamic between sisters. So Simone's oldest sh Shauna
• 8:07
  Speaker 1: is the middle and I'm the youngest. Even though I'm
• 8:10
  Speaker 1: the loudest and the most obnoxious and the most opinionated,
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: I'm the baby. But I also act like I run
• 8:15
  Speaker 1: the family, right, guys, act like the boss of the family. Yeah,
• 8:20
  Speaker 1: but I will defer to other people's opinions if I
• 8:22
  Speaker 1: find them a value, so kind of you. I'll defer
• 8:30
  Speaker 1: to Simone on a lot of things because I know
• 8:33
  Speaker 1: Simone smarter than I am. So when I asked her
• 8:35
  Speaker 1: a question about how to frame something in a more
• 8:38
  Speaker 1: reasonable way, or how to tell somebody that they're fucking
• 8:41
  Speaker 1: annoying without hurting their feelings, Simone is the person to
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: go to. And Shoshanna has recently blossomed and burst into
• 8:48
  Speaker 1: her own stage of womanhood right with her personal business.
• 8:51
  Speaker 1: When she's at ear Piercer, a remote ear piercer, and
• 8:54
  Speaker 1: she's a registered nurse so you're getting a safe ear
• 8:56
  Speaker 1: piercing when you you can follow her on Instagram at
• 8:59
  Speaker 1: Piercing's I Shoshanna. Shanna started her own business how long
• 9:02
  Speaker 1: ago Shauna two years, one year, about a year ago, okay,
• 9:05
  Speaker 1: and it's thriving doing it about four years. So yeah.
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: It's a mobile concierge piercing service to become right to
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: your home and make it a safe, fun experience. Everyone
• 9:14
  Speaker 1: gets a certificate of bravery for pictures and it's just
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: a really happy, fun way to do it that's comfortable
• 9:20
  Speaker 1: and relaxed in your own home. And there's a huge
• 9:22
  Speaker 1: market of little babies and little girls that are getting
• 9:25
  Speaker 1: their ears pierce. I had no idea that so many
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: people do this. Oh my gosh, yes, every little girl
• 9:31
  Speaker 1: in Jersey. Yeah, and everybody I tell, they tell five
• 9:34
  Speaker 1: or six friends. Do you do like birthday parties and stuff?
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: I do? Sometimes I'm the actual president and the kid
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: doesn't even know I'm coming. But she's been begging to
• 9:41
  Speaker 1: get her ears pierce for months. And I walked on
• 9:43
  Speaker 1: the door and they say, do you know who this is?
• 9:45
  Speaker 1: She's gonna pierce your ears. And then I popped out
• 9:48
  Speaker 1: of the cake topless. All all everyone in our family
• 9:53
  Speaker 1: goes topless. It's not just me, it's hereditary. My point
• 9:57
  Speaker 1: of that story, Shauna, was you were working in the
• 10:01
  Speaker 1: medical industry, not medical industry with healthcare, proper healthcare. You
• 10:05
  Speaker 1: were a nurse. My sister was a nurse and then
• 10:07
  Speaker 1: she kind of got tired of that, and I guess
• 10:11
  Speaker 1: the hours and the sense of responsibility. So you started
• 10:13
  Speaker 1: your own business, and I think it's given you a
• 10:15
  Speaker 1: really big boon, right, like a boost of self confidence
• 10:19
  Speaker 1: of self esteem. Tell us about that, Well, in a
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: million years, I never thought I would own my own business,
• 10:24
  Speaker 1: so it's been so much fun. I kind of fell
• 10:27
  Speaker 1: into it because I started out with another company and
• 10:30
  Speaker 1: then they ended up stopping the home piercings, and there
• 10:33
  Speaker 1: was such a huge demand, so Shoshana continued to moonlight
• 10:36
  Speaker 1: that I thought, you know, how can I keep doing this,
• 10:39
  Speaker 1: you know, legitimately, And so I formed my own company.
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: And I love it. It's so rewarding and fun. Everybody
• 10:45
  Speaker 1: I need is so nice and they're so happy. It's
• 10:47
  Speaker 1: such a happy occasion. Everything's good about it, and I
• 10:50
  Speaker 1: love it. It's so cute because you're so much more
• 10:52
  Speaker 1: social now, Like I never really thought of you as
• 10:54
  Speaker 1: being super social, but you're out there, like meeting new
• 10:57
  Speaker 1: people all the time, and they adore you. It's really cute. Yeah. No,
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: I mean, I don't think I ever had a problem
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: being social or anything. I'm like more shy and quiet
• 11:06
  Speaker 1: than you guys are. But I've always give been good
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: with patients and patient care in the hospital and all that,
• 11:12
  Speaker 1: so it's just transferring it to the home. So for me,
• 11:15
  Speaker 1: it's been easy, but I love it. Well. I think
• 11:18
  Speaker 1: that Pivot is really great for our listeners to hear
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: because I have a ton of people who call in
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: or right in and they're like, well, this is what
• 11:26
  Speaker 1: I learned to do, this is what my career has
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: been for the last twenty years. I can't really get
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: out of it, especially when it's something really like you
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: had to study for a long time for like healthcare, etcetera.
• 11:35
  Speaker 1: And you pivoted into something where your background is super relevant.
• 11:39
  Speaker 1: But it's definitely outside the box, and you know, you
• 11:42
  Speaker 1: got creative with it, and look at you now. And
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: both of them have had big life moves. Simone moved
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: to San Francisco, like how many years ago? Money, It's
• 11:50
  Speaker 1: been like six and a half years. I guess, yeah,
• 11:53
  Speaker 1: from New Jersey. Her kids were getting older, and but
• 11:55
  Speaker 1: she still had one kid in high school, my niece Sunny.
• 11:58
  Speaker 1: So she was deliberating whether or not to move out west,
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: which was a huge culture shift really, I mean as
• 12:04
  Speaker 1: far as a culture shift as you can get in
• 12:06
  Speaker 1: like America. I guess Mississippi would be a bigger culture shift.
• 12:09
  Speaker 1: But you know, and you kind of did change not careers,
• 12:12
  Speaker 1: but in a in a way, you did you change
• 12:14
  Speaker 1: what you were doing. Yeah. No, I mean I think
• 12:16
  Speaker 1: in my career I've done a lot. I've had a
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: lot of different jobs or different positions, but so it
• 12:21
  Speaker 1: has been in healthcare law, and so I think as
• 12:24
  Speaker 1: my kids were getting Holder, and I was divorced and
• 12:27
  Speaker 1: I was living in Suberby, and I was kind of
• 12:28
  Speaker 1: just bored with living there and that whole routine of
• 12:32
  Speaker 1: taking kids to soccer and baseball, and I didn't really
• 12:35
  Speaker 1: find my people there where I was, And then I thought,
• 12:38
  Speaker 1: you know, I really do need to change. So when
• 12:40
  Speaker 1: I found this job in California, I was like, oh,
• 12:43
  Speaker 1: I could. I could totally live in San Francisco. Why
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: couldn't I. The only big stumbling block was my daughter,
• 12:48
  Speaker 1: who was in high school and had to move her
• 12:50
  Speaker 1: whole life here, But even for her, for her it
• 12:52
  Speaker 1: was probably a huge benefit as well, so it worked out.
• 12:55
  Speaker 1: I don't know for both of us. It's change the venue.
• 12:57
  Speaker 1: I think is that was good. I feel like those
• 12:59
  Speaker 1: big changes are always beneficial to everybody. Because you were
• 13:02
  Speaker 1: kind of like, this, isn't that a far move? I
• 13:04
  Speaker 1: remember you talking about it, and it's like, no, you
• 13:06
  Speaker 1: gotta go for it. Switch things up in a big way.
• 13:09
  Speaker 1: And you've never looked back and regretted that you ever
• 13:11
  Speaker 1: moved across the country exactly, And Shoshana, even when you
• 13:16
  Speaker 1: were starting your business, you were like, oh, I gotta
• 13:18
  Speaker 1: go register as like an LLC or whatever it was,
• 13:21
  Speaker 1: or an s corp or whatever you were talking about,
• 13:23
  Speaker 1: and you're like, it's just such a pain in the ass,
• 13:25
  Speaker 1: and then you did it, and look and then you
• 13:27
  Speaker 1: have never looked back. Right, Like, all the little reasons
• 13:30
  Speaker 1: that we always have for not doing something, we don't
• 13:34
  Speaker 1: ever even end up remembering those reasons. So, like when
• 13:36
  Speaker 1: you're making a big decision or a life move and
• 13:39
  Speaker 1: you're making it's almost like you're making excuses for why
• 13:41
  Speaker 1: it can't be done. And when you overcome hurdles, which
• 13:45
  Speaker 1: you kind of need to do to take a risk
• 13:47
  Speaker 1: in life, you have to overcome these hurdles otherwise it's
• 13:50
  Speaker 1: not a risk. You really rarely ever look back and
• 13:54
  Speaker 1: be like, oh God, I wish I hadn't done that,
• 13:56
  Speaker 1: you know, when you're taking leap of faith. I mean,
• 13:59
  Speaker 1: I'm three years old and it's the best thing I've
• 14:01
  Speaker 1: ever done, and I'm happier now than I've ever been
• 14:04
  Speaker 1: doing anything professionally. I couldn't be happier. So I'm so
• 14:08
  Speaker 1: glad that I did found out what I had to do,
• 14:11
  Speaker 1: and it was a pain in the ask and it
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: took a while, but now it's done. I also like
• 14:16
  Speaker 1: the fact that when you do something like that, you
• 14:18
  Speaker 1: know you have two kids that see that change in you,
• 14:21
  Speaker 1: and so you're modeling this behavior of doing something unique
• 14:24
  Speaker 1: and different and and risky. So they see that and
• 14:27
  Speaker 1: they benefit from that in their own lives and their
• 14:29
  Speaker 1: own decision making too. Yeah, I totally agree with that.
• 14:32
  Speaker 1: They definitely do. I know Burton Bernice have benefited from
• 14:36
  Speaker 1: all of the challenges and risks I put myself in
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: front of. The only thing is Russell, my fourteen year
• 14:42
  Speaker 1: old teenage son tells his friends when they ask what
• 14:45
  Speaker 1: his mother does, they say, she stabbed babies for a living.
• 14:48
  Speaker 1: So that's a little yeah, but those are babies whose
• 14:52
  Speaker 1: parents are choosing for them to be stabbed, Like that's
• 14:55
  Speaker 1: an unfair assessment. I always used to look at like
• 14:58
  Speaker 1: babies getting their ear pierce as hard, So now I
• 15:00
  Speaker 1: think it's adorable. It looks so cute, I know, and
• 15:04
  Speaker 1: and plus it's over in a second, right, It's not
• 15:06
  Speaker 1: like it goes on. I said to Sean, I go,
• 15:08
  Speaker 1: what happens when you do the one ear and then
• 15:09
  Speaker 1: they know what's going on? How do you do the
• 15:11
  Speaker 1: second ear? She's like, they forget right away quickly. You're
• 15:15
  Speaker 1: smiling and happy. Two minutes. It's great and they never
• 15:19
  Speaker 1: remember it, so everybody's happy. The parents are happy. Do
• 15:22
  Speaker 1: you only do ears? I do only do ears. You
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: know a few months ago, Chelsea put up on Instagram
• 15:29
  Speaker 1: that I would pierce pretty much anything on your body,
• 15:32
  Speaker 1: you know, anything, anything, And I got all these private
• 15:35
  Speaker 1: messages if I could come pierce their private parts, and
• 15:39
  Speaker 1: they're this and that, and I had to you know,
• 15:41
  Speaker 1: I had to let them down gently that right now,
• 15:43
  Speaker 1: it's uh, it's just an ear business. So it was
• 15:45
  Speaker 1: an area for expansion down the road. Don't roll it out. Yeah,
• 15:49
  Speaker 1: I'll think about that. Just get some extra alcohol swabs
• 15:52
  Speaker 1: and you'll be all set. Maybe I'll practice nipple piercing
• 15:55
  Speaker 1: on my husband, Mike. I'm sure he would be thrilled.
• 15:58
  Speaker 1: Nipple piercing can't be that bad. Oh yeah, copy that? Okay,
• 16:04
  Speaker 1: got it? Got it. Shshana is more virginal than I am.
• 16:08
  Speaker 1: If you haven't picked up on that. Also, where's our
• 16:10
  Speaker 1: where's Roy? Shoshanna? What's roy status? These days? Our brother
• 16:13
  Speaker 1: Roy was living with Shoshanna. He came out to visit
• 16:16
  Speaker 1: with Simone when we were we were tending to her back.
• 16:19
  Speaker 1: That's right, there was a surprise visit. He just showed
• 16:21
  Speaker 1: up at my doorstep. That was that was a really
• 16:23
  Speaker 1: nice surprise. Yeah, And then he hung out with us
• 16:26
  Speaker 1: all week. And then what we would do is each
• 16:28
  Speaker 1: of us had to take Simone for well. We took
• 16:31
  Speaker 1: her for like her geriatric walk basically every day because
• 16:34
  Speaker 1: she wasn't very mobile. So we would take her out
• 16:36
  Speaker 1: for like thirty minutes or as much as she could handle,
• 16:38
  Speaker 1: and then we get back and then Roy would go
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: for a real walk, and then he'd come back and
• 16:42
  Speaker 1: I'd go for a real walk. I was smoking a
• 16:44
  Speaker 1: lot of pot during this time because I had nothing
• 16:46
  Speaker 1: going on except to care for Simone, and that I
• 16:48
  Speaker 1: could barely handle. So one day and our only responsibility
• 16:52
  Speaker 1: was not to leave Simone alone like that was it
• 16:55
  Speaker 1: just don't leave her alone because in case she got
• 16:56
  Speaker 1: herself into a jam, she wouldn't be able to get
• 16:59
  Speaker 1: out of it because he had stitches up and down
• 17:01
  Speaker 1: her back. So one day Simone was like, oh, I
• 17:03
  Speaker 1: have a tesla appointment at two, that's all we have today.
• 17:05
  Speaker 1: After we went for a walk, I said sure, okay.
• 17:07
  Speaker 1: So Roy went for a walk, I smoke a joint,
• 17:10
  Speaker 1: I go for a walk. I go for a longer
• 17:11
  Speaker 1: walk than expected because I'm stoned. And I get back
• 17:14
  Speaker 1: and Simone's not there, and I was like, Roy, what
• 17:17
  Speaker 1: the fuck? Where's Simone? And he's like, oh, she went
• 17:20
  Speaker 1: to a Tesla appointment. I was like, you let her
• 17:23
  Speaker 1: drive herself and he goes, yeah, you weren't back and
• 17:27
  Speaker 1: she didn't want to teach me how to use the Tesla.
• 17:28
  Speaker 1: Her tesla's for some reason extra annoying, and I was like,
• 17:34
  Speaker 1: the whole reason we're here is to never leave her alone.
• 17:37
  Speaker 1: He's like, you're the one who missed the appointment, and
• 17:39
  Speaker 1: I said, I know, Roy, but I thought I could
• 17:41
  Speaker 1: rely on you. So then I was like, okay, well
• 17:44
  Speaker 1: I have to go to her find she's at the
• 17:46
  Speaker 1: a Tesla dealership. And I was like, we have to
• 17:47
  Speaker 1: call an uber, Roy, call an uber and he's like
• 17:49
  Speaker 1: I don't know how to call an uber. I don't
• 17:52
  Speaker 1: know how to call a newper either. And then and
• 17:56
  Speaker 1: these are the people that are in charge of me,
• 17:58
  Speaker 1: are protect me, and like can't. I was like screaming
• 18:02
  Speaker 1: at him in the kitchen. I go, why don't you
• 18:03
  Speaker 1: have Uber? That doesn't even make any sense. He's like
• 18:06
  Speaker 1: why would I need Uber And I'm like, well, I
• 18:08
  Speaker 1: don't eat Uber, and so anyway, I had Uber Eats
• 18:11
  Speaker 1: on my phone and I was like, I wonder if
• 18:12
  Speaker 1: they can pick me up in the middle of a
• 18:13
  Speaker 1: food delivery and take me to my sister. And then
• 18:18
  Speaker 1: finally I had Uber on my phone. I just had
• 18:20
  Speaker 1: to find it and I called an Uber. It was
• 18:22
  Speaker 1: a huge success. I got there as Simone was just
• 18:25
  Speaker 1: in the waiting room, just with a tiny bit of attitude,
• 18:28
  Speaker 1: not too much, and she's like, I told you at
• 18:30
  Speaker 1: an appointment at two. I was like, this is fucking
• 18:33
  Speaker 1: roy She stayed another week or two. I know it
• 18:38
  Speaker 1: would have been more fun if we were all together. Sean,
• 18:40
  Speaker 1: I'm sorry you got the brunt of it. I mean,
• 18:42
  Speaker 1: really came in hot. He was cooking every day, I
• 18:44
  Speaker 1: mean and me made chicken soup for twenty six people
• 18:46
  Speaker 1: even though there's only three of us. So and then
• 18:48
  Speaker 1: one night he made turkey meatballs for twenty six people
• 18:51
  Speaker 1: even though there were three of us. I still have
• 18:53
  Speaker 1: those meet balls in the freezer. By the way, It's like, boy,
• 18:57
  Speaker 1: who are you serving here? He has no can't you
• 19:00
  Speaker 1: can only cook for like fifty people at a time.
• 19:02
  Speaker 1: He can't cook for two or three people at the time. Yeah,
• 19:04
  Speaker 1: he can't cook individually. Yeah it's individually or for fifty people.
• 19:08
  Speaker 1: It's nothing in between exactly. But anyway, they nursed me
• 19:12
  Speaker 1: back to health. How are you feeling money, I'm good.
• 19:15
  Speaker 1: I mean this lovely deluxe chair that you kindly bought me,
• 19:18
  Speaker 1: and I'd say I'm about eighty five percent there. I
• 19:22
  Speaker 1: think the last ten or fifteen percent will take another
• 19:25
  Speaker 1: six months. There's certain twisting right and left sending that
• 19:30
  Speaker 1: I can't really do. But I got a physical therapy
• 19:32
  Speaker 1: once or twice a week, and they are great. I'd
• 19:35
  Speaker 1: like to go there every day, frankly, but apparently that's
• 19:38
  Speaker 1: not really necessary. I just like having a trainer. I
• 19:42
  Speaker 1: like someone who tells me what to do and I
• 19:43
  Speaker 1: do it. It feels like you should go more than
• 19:45
  Speaker 1: once a week. Now They're like, I've progressed so much
• 19:48
  Speaker 1: that I only need to I just need to do
• 19:51
  Speaker 1: what they tell me seven days a week. And also,
• 19:54
  Speaker 1: when I was out there with someone, I said, listen,
• 19:56
  Speaker 1: this is a make or break moment in your life.
• 19:58
  Speaker 1: This could be the end or this could be a
• 20:01
  Speaker 1: new beginning. And she looked at me. She goes, just
• 20:04
  Speaker 1: shut up. Okay, I have another peak left in me.
• 20:07
  Speaker 1: This is not the end. And I was like, yeah,
• 20:10
  Speaker 1: but you can go for it in this moment and
• 20:12
  Speaker 1: get really healthy and strong, or some people in their
• 20:15
  Speaker 1: mid fifties that get a procedure like this just slide
• 20:18
  Speaker 1: straight downhill to happen to you. No, no, I've got
• 20:27
  Speaker 1: many good years left. So this was just a little hiccup. Okay,
• 20:30
  Speaker 1: good to know. Good. You know. By the way, to
• 20:32
  Speaker 1: all of our straight male listeners, Simone is available. I'm available. Yeah, hey, okay,
• 20:39
  Speaker 1: so what do we have in store today? Catherine? Amazingly,
• 20:42
  Speaker 1: I do have a straight male listener who has written
• 20:44
  Speaker 1: in is it for Simone? Oh my god, this would
• 20:47
  Speaker 1: be amazing. I don't know, but he has married somebody.
• 20:51
  Speaker 1: Sounds like an eager beever. Listen. I have some sister questions.
• 20:58
  Speaker 1: I have some dating questions and all kinds of stuff.
• 21:01
  Speaker 1: Let's do sisters question. All right, well, let's go quick
• 21:04
  Speaker 1: break and we'll be right back. And we're back. We
• 21:12
  Speaker 1: are back. Well. This first question is from lovable Aunt.
• 21:18
  Speaker 1: Growing up with my three years older sister was sort
• 21:22
  Speaker 1: of a battle. She was always so headstrong, almost like
• 21:25
  Speaker 1: a bully to everyone, especially me. She had this bad attitude,
• 21:29
  Speaker 1: always looking for a fight, and she was spoiled rotten.
• 21:32
  Speaker 1: When we were young, we weren't friends. She always pushed
• 21:35
  Speaker 1: me around, teased me to the point where I would cry.
• 21:37
  Speaker 1: She once said to a new friend that she didn't
• 21:39
  Speaker 1: know me and that I was a neighbor who lived
• 21:41
  Speaker 1: on another street. Fast forward to now, and we are
• 21:44
  Speaker 1: the best of friends. Somewhere along the way she grew
• 21:47
  Speaker 1: up and finally realized what's right and wrong and became normal.
• 21:51
  Speaker 1: The issue is she has a four year old son
• 21:53
  Speaker 1: who looks exactly like her, and I'm terrified to say,
• 21:57
  Speaker 1: is exactly like she was when she was younger. My
• 22:00
  Speaker 1: nephew is a bully in the making, just like she was.
• 22:03
  Speaker 1: He's only four and he already has this bad attitude.
• 22:07
  Speaker 1: I feel like it's giving me PTSD of some sort.
• 22:10
  Speaker 1: I do love him, but I cannot tolerate him. It's
• 22:14
  Speaker 1: hard to like him. Do I have to wait till
• 22:16
  Speaker 1: he's in his twenties to be able to bond with him?
• 22:18
  Speaker 1: He is just so awful? And No, I do not
• 22:22
  Speaker 1: have kids on my own, nor do I ever want one.
• 22:24
  Speaker 1: He is my birth control. Any advice lovable aunt with
• 22:28
  Speaker 1: an unlikable nephew. Oh jeez, that's an interesting one. I
• 22:33
  Speaker 1: haven't heard like that. When you started out, I was like, oh,
• 22:35
  Speaker 1: this is Shoshana and Chelsea when they were little. Yeah,
• 22:39
  Speaker 1: that's what I thought too, except I was the youngest
• 22:41
  Speaker 1: and I was the bully, and this is what would
• 22:43
  Speaker 1: have happened if you had children, right, which is why
• 22:46
  Speaker 1: everyone in our family advised me over and over again.
• 22:49
  Speaker 1: You guys say I don't listen, but obviously I did
• 22:51
  Speaker 1: because I didn't have children, and all of you kept
• 22:53
  Speaker 1: telling me definitely don't when you didn't need to say that.
• 22:57
  Speaker 1: But okay, so go on, okay, so continue siga most simon. Now.
• 23:01
  Speaker 1: So I think this is a tough one because I
• 23:03
  Speaker 1: feel like commenting on someone's child is that you have
• 23:06
  Speaker 1: to tread really lightly. It's a delicate area. If she's
• 23:09
  Speaker 1: good friends with her sister now, but that's a great
• 23:11
  Speaker 1: starting point. There's got to be an opportunity that when
• 23:14
  Speaker 1: they're all together, for her to not necessarily criticize her
• 23:19
  Speaker 1: her nephew, but when her sister corrects her nephew or
• 23:24
  Speaker 1: parents her nephew. I wonder if there's an opportunity to
• 23:28
  Speaker 1: have a broader discussion about his behavior, or you know,
• 23:32
  Speaker 1: even saying things like, oh, how does he do it preschool?
• 23:34
  Speaker 1: How's he doing with other kids? Like asking more objective
• 23:37
  Speaker 1: questions about his behavior to see if she'll realize that
• 23:41
  Speaker 1: this child is having some behavioral issues and is a
• 23:44
  Speaker 1: bit of a bully. But I wouldn't do it very
• 23:47
  Speaker 1: subjectively and really go in there and say your kid
• 23:51
  Speaker 1: is a nightmare, like you need to fix him, because
• 23:53
  Speaker 1: that's that's never goes well. Yeah, do you think that
• 23:56
  Speaker 1: she's aware that her son is acting like she did
• 23:59
  Speaker 1: when she was young or that's a question that you know,
• 24:01
  Speaker 1: I wouldn't want to know. It's interesting to talk about
• 24:04
  Speaker 1: who's aware of their children and who Isn't you know
• 24:06
  Speaker 1: what I mean, you're so blind when it's your own child.
• 24:10
  Speaker 1: I just talked to a friend of mine who said
• 24:12
  Speaker 1: it was a straight cup I was with recently that
• 24:15
  Speaker 1: they both were working big jobs, both CEOs of different companies,
• 24:19
  Speaker 1: and they realized that their kid was turning into a
• 24:21
  Speaker 1: major brat. And she's like, I just realized that she
• 24:24
  Speaker 1: was turning into that. She's like, so one of us
• 24:25
  Speaker 1: had to stop working and we had to spend more
• 24:28
  Speaker 1: time with her, and I was like, oh, oh, I've
• 24:30
  Speaker 1: never heard anyone say that about their own kids. Yeah.
• 24:32
  Speaker 1: I mean that takes a lot of self awareness to
• 24:34
  Speaker 1: realize that. I think in some cases, like if the
• 24:36
  Speaker 1: child is now emulating the parents, some people find that endearing.
• 24:40
  Speaker 1: And it was just like me, as a kid, he's looking, oh,
• 24:43
  Speaker 1: I've heard that so many times from so many mothers.
• 24:45
  Speaker 1: She's like, she's just like me, Like, that's actually not
• 24:48
  Speaker 1: appropriate behavior a child. So it's a difficult area. Again.
• 24:53
  Speaker 1: I think siblings providing advice on their nieces and nephews
• 24:58
  Speaker 1: is just a touchy area. I just think you have
• 24:59
  Speaker 1: to I think it's worth bringing up, but I think
• 25:02
  Speaker 1: you have to do it in a in a very
• 25:03
  Speaker 1: sort of diplomatic way. Well maybe this woman could she
• 25:06
  Speaker 1: start doing stand up and just out everybody that way.
• 25:10
  Speaker 1: There you go. There's another option. That's option B. That's
• 25:15
  Speaker 1: the straightest path to success. I think if the sisters
• 25:18
  Speaker 1: have a close enough relationship, there is a way to
• 25:20
  Speaker 1: open up that conversation gently. It depends how tight they
• 25:24
  Speaker 1: are to be able to work that in slowly gently,
• 25:28
  Speaker 1: But if you really do have that really tight close relationship,
• 25:30
  Speaker 1: I think that you can find a space to talk
• 25:33
  Speaker 1: about it in the right way without being really obnoxious
• 25:37
  Speaker 1: about it. I also think, depending on the relationship that
• 25:40
  Speaker 1: you have with your nephew and with your sister, if
• 25:42
  Speaker 1: it's appropriate, where like she doesn't mind if you reprimand
• 25:45
  Speaker 1: him or have some input on his behavior. I have
• 25:48
  Speaker 1: a niece who was a Hellian growing up, and I
• 25:53
  Speaker 1: was a person in her life who set like really
• 25:55
  Speaker 1: firm boundaries, and she knew that, like I was the
• 25:58
  Speaker 1: auntie that if I said no, the answer was no.
• 26:01
  Speaker 1: If I said later, the answer was later, and that
• 26:04
  Speaker 1: as I set those boundaries early on, that paid off
• 26:06
  Speaker 1: in dividends as she got older. Yeah, Catherine, I think
• 26:09
  Speaker 1: you definitely that's a good point about as the child
• 26:12
  Speaker 1: grows up, you develop your own relationship with that child.
• 26:14
  Speaker 1: I don't think she has to wait till he's eighteen
• 26:16
  Speaker 1: years old, but it develops over time. And I know
• 26:19
  Speaker 1: all of my kids benefit from the ants and novels.
• 26:22
  Speaker 1: Starting school to might help correct some of this behavior,
• 26:25
  Speaker 1: because a lot of times kids are bad in a
• 26:27
  Speaker 1: way that like their peers are not going to put
• 26:29
  Speaker 1: up with. So like, as he gets into kindergarten, first grade, whatever,
• 26:33
  Speaker 1: some of this might start coming out in the wash.
• 26:35
  Speaker 1: Hopefully that's true. I mean that wasn't the case for
• 26:37
  Speaker 1: Chelsea when she was little. But you know, I got more.
• 26:40
  Speaker 1: I was more confrontational. Once I met other people. I
• 26:43
  Speaker 1: was like, Oh, there's a whole there's a whole sea
• 26:45
  Speaker 1: of people I can disagree with. I remember getting thrown
• 26:49
  Speaker 1: out of nursery school because I said something to the
• 26:51
  Speaker 1: teacher that Dad had said to me about her. I
• 26:54
  Speaker 1: said to her face, and then I got in troubled.
• 26:56
  Speaker 1: She had Dad picked me up, and Dad's I give
• 26:58
  Speaker 1: to go and apologize. I think she was trying to
• 27:01
  Speaker 1: get me to take a nap and I hated that.
• 27:03
  Speaker 1: Now I would love it, but back then I didn't
• 27:05
  Speaker 1: want to be forced to lie on those stupid cots.
• 27:07
  Speaker 1: I was like, first of all, there's accounting to be
• 27:09
  Speaker 1: done for my family, Like I have to figure out
• 27:11
  Speaker 1: where the money is coming from, or where is it
• 27:14
  Speaker 1: where is it coming in? And my dad was like,
• 27:16
  Speaker 1: you have to apologize. I'm like, you're the one who
• 27:18
  Speaker 1: said it. It was either something about the way she
• 27:20
  Speaker 1: dressed or it was something I can't remember, but anyway,
• 27:25
  Speaker 1: I was so mad that I was basically getting in
• 27:27
  Speaker 1: trouble for something he told me, and then I repeated.
• 27:31
  Speaker 1: I was like, you're a bad influence. But yeah, so
• 27:33
  Speaker 1: I'm not a good example, but other people are. You
• 27:35
  Speaker 1: do get socialized when you go to school. I feel
• 27:37
  Speaker 1: like teachers are so tired and exhausted now that they're
• 27:39
  Speaker 1: not gonna put up with any bullshit anyway. Yeah, okay,
• 27:43
  Speaker 1: while lovable aunt, tell us what happens with their nephew,
• 27:46
  Speaker 1: and if you can set some boundaries, let us know
• 27:49
  Speaker 1: what happens. Problem solved. It sounds like froved at the
• 27:54
  Speaker 1: end of the day. I gotta wait it out right, Well,
• 27:57
  Speaker 1: we have a caller. Are you ready for a caller?
• 27:59
  Speaker 1: Ladies of color? Color? Okay, Amber says, dear Chelsea. I've
• 28:08
  Speaker 1: been dating my perfect man for two years this time around.
• 28:11
  Speaker 1: We dated seventeen years ago and had a tumultuous eight
• 28:15
  Speaker 1: year relationship that ended with cheating, and I was the cheater.
• 28:19
  Speaker 1: In the seven years apart, he dated one girl and
• 28:22
  Speaker 1: I dated several douchebags. He was always on my mind, though,
• 28:26
  Speaker 1: and about two years before we got back together, I
• 28:28
  Speaker 1: started pursuing him again, even while he was committed to
• 28:31
  Speaker 1: someone else. Needless to say, I want him back. I
• 28:34
  Speaker 1: know there's a lot to unpack there, but we've been
• 28:37
  Speaker 1: working really hard. But he has major trust issues. I
• 28:40
  Speaker 1: cheated on him ten years ago, and I'm a completely
• 28:42
  Speaker 1: different person now. I have done a ton of therapy
• 28:45
  Speaker 1: and twelve step programs and even a two month retreat
• 28:48
  Speaker 1: in Thailand. They all have the same message of truth
• 28:52
  Speaker 1: telling and honesty. So I've been exactly that honest. How
• 28:56
  Speaker 1: do I earn his trust back and convinced him that
• 28:58
  Speaker 1: I'm not the Amber from ten years go? Will the
• 29:00
  Speaker 1: trust ever come back? Or will my shitty ways haunt
• 29:03
  Speaker 1: me forever? Amber? Hi Amber, Hi Catherine, how are you?
• 29:08
  Speaker 1: Show everyone your shirt? I'm very excited about this. Let's
• 29:11
  Speaker 1: go to therapy. That's cute, Hi Amber, how are you?
• 29:17
  Speaker 1: These are my sisters. There are a special guests today.
• 29:19
  Speaker 1: Hi sisters. Hi get you. Nice to meet you as well. Wow,
• 29:26
  Speaker 1: that's a long breakup and then you got back. How
• 29:27
  Speaker 1: many years were you guys apart? We were apart for
• 29:30
  Speaker 1: seven years? Wow? So you had let me get this straight.
• 29:35
  Speaker 1: You had eight years together, then broke up for seven
• 29:38
  Speaker 1: and then you've been together again for the second time
• 29:40
  Speaker 1: for two years. Correct? Okay, that's yeah. So we've been
• 29:46
  Speaker 1: together for eight years and then I cheated on him
• 29:49
  Speaker 1: and I had a little bit of an affair, about
• 29:51
  Speaker 1: a three month affair. Obviously he found out about it.
• 29:54
  Speaker 1: We broke up, he got involved in a new relationship,
• 29:57
  Speaker 1: and I was pining for him that whole time time.
• 30:00
  Speaker 1: Then ended up getting back together and we've been back
• 30:03
  Speaker 1: together this last two years, but he just does not
• 30:06
  Speaker 1: trust me. Wait, I have a question, Amber, Was that
• 30:09
  Speaker 1: the only time you cheated on him? One time? Okay, yeah, Okay,
• 30:13
  Speaker 1: go ahead, someone, So how has it been these last
• 30:15
  Speaker 1: two years? You obviously both still had something going on
• 30:18
  Speaker 1: for each other, so enough to bring you back together? Yeah?
• 30:22
  Speaker 1: What is How is he demonstrating this distrust Like he's
• 30:25
  Speaker 1: just not there? You know? For me, it's been great.
• 30:30
  Speaker 1: I'm just so excited to be back together with him
• 30:32
  Speaker 1: that I think I'm a little bit blinded by his insecurity.
• 30:37
  Speaker 1: He gets insecure about kind of the silliest things, like
• 30:40
  Speaker 1: if I'm on my phone for too long. Maybe if
• 30:42
  Speaker 1: I'm on an app and I close out of the
• 30:44
  Speaker 1: app too soon, He's like, why why are you doing that?
• 30:47
  Speaker 1: I mean, obviously we cheated on him eight years ago.
• 30:49
  Speaker 1: A lot of it was related around the phone. So
• 30:52
  Speaker 1: he's just been really insecure. He doesn't really voice it.
• 30:54
  Speaker 1: He's a little bit passive aggressive. I can just tell
• 30:57
  Speaker 1: that something's upsetting him. He's not really good at ver
• 31:00
  Speaker 1: balizing it. And then it gets to a point where
• 31:02
  Speaker 1: I start to retreat because he's being he's retreating, and
• 31:06
  Speaker 1: then we'll have kind of like a blow up where
• 31:07
  Speaker 1: he's like, I just don't trust you. You're doing these things.
• 31:10
  Speaker 1: You're being shady with your phone U, you're closing out
• 31:12
  Speaker 1: of these apps some things. I I don't even know
• 31:15
  Speaker 1: what he's talking about. I'm I'm confused on why he's right.
• 31:19
  Speaker 1: He's in a different state of mind altogether than you are. Right,
• 31:23
  Speaker 1: the jealousy thing is a serious thing that's not going
• 31:26
  Speaker 1: to automatically go away. Have you guys gone to counseling
• 31:30
  Speaker 1: together at all? I go to therapy. I asked him
• 31:33
  Speaker 1: to go to therapy, and he was not on board
• 31:36
  Speaker 1: with going to therapy. Well that's a big problem right there.
• 31:39
  Speaker 1: That's a big red flag. This is a hurdle that
• 31:41
  Speaker 1: you have to figure out, and therapy is not the
• 31:44
  Speaker 1: only way, but it might be, you know, the easiest
• 31:46
  Speaker 1: and best way to have a third party figure out,
• 31:50
  Speaker 1: you know, with you guys, if you can get past this,
• 31:53
  Speaker 1: because it's hanging over your relationship and it's not healthy.
• 31:56
  Speaker 1: So you have to move through this or you have
• 31:59
  Speaker 1: to probably not be together. So if you're going to
• 32:01
  Speaker 1: make it work, you have to find a way to
• 32:05
  Speaker 1: address this issue because it's not going away. Yeah, and
• 32:08
  Speaker 1: it's you know, it's been seventeen years and I have
• 32:12
  Speaker 1: so many amazing single girl friends, and I want to
• 32:14
  Speaker 1: be in a long term relationship and I want to
• 32:16
  Speaker 1: be with him, and I don't want to give up
• 32:19
  Speaker 1: on the relationship. And I know that he loves me
• 32:21
  Speaker 1: very much too and doesn't want to give up either.
• 32:24
  Speaker 1: I don't want to say he doesn't. He doesn't want
• 32:25
  Speaker 1: to go to a traditional therapist. He does his own work.
• 32:27
  Speaker 1: He's very spiritual. He listens to a lot of like
• 32:30
  Speaker 1: Eckhart totally and Deepak, and he's just really into that
• 32:34
  Speaker 1: spiritual side of himself. He's a pretty special human. He
• 32:37
  Speaker 1: just can't get past this hurdle. And I'm not sure.
• 32:41
  Speaker 1: I'm not sure what to do. I think the fact
• 32:44
  Speaker 1: that he's had this experience, I mean, he has he
• 32:46
  Speaker 1: has a legitimate reason to have this trust issue with you.
• 32:50
  Speaker 1: You have never been in that position, it sounds like,
• 32:52
  Speaker 1: so you can't really understand what he's going through and
• 32:54
  Speaker 1: why he's acting this way, but it's legitimate for him.
• 32:58
  Speaker 1: So I think you really do. If he is spiritual,
• 33:01
  Speaker 1: maybe you just need to go to a different type
• 33:03
  Speaker 1: of third party as someone that's a little bit, you know,
• 33:06
  Speaker 1: more connected to mindfulness, or someone that he's on board with,
• 33:10
  Speaker 1: because I don't think you can kind of grow together
• 33:14
  Speaker 1: if you really think he's the one and he thinks
• 33:16
  Speaker 1: you're the one, but there's this constant issue hanging over
• 33:20
  Speaker 1: your head. I don't think it's gonna work unless you
• 33:23
  Speaker 1: really hash it out. Yeah, I just feel like he's
• 33:27
  Speaker 1: punishing me for something I did ten years ago. Well,
• 33:31
  Speaker 1: he's not punishing you. He's still hurt from something that
• 33:33
  Speaker 1: you did ten years ago. He's hurting and he's not
• 33:35
  Speaker 1: able to let it go. And the whole thing about
• 33:38
  Speaker 1: spirituality is not to hold onto the past or to
• 33:41
  Speaker 1: harbor the past, and that's what he's doing. So he
• 33:43
  Speaker 1: can be as spiritual as he wants, but he's not
• 33:45
  Speaker 1: taking the advice that he's listening to, which is to
• 33:48
  Speaker 1: let go. You're a different person. You've gone to therapy
• 33:51
  Speaker 1: all these years. If he doesn't even have the interest
• 33:54
  Speaker 1: in going and sitting down with you to hear about
• 33:56
  Speaker 1: what you've learned and to figure out a way for
• 33:58
  Speaker 1: you guys to continue, that is a really big red flag.
• 34:01
  Speaker 1: And that's to say what he could spend the next
• 34:04
  Speaker 1: ten years holding this over your head. I feel like
• 34:07
  Speaker 1: you have done the work to account for your behavior.
• 34:10
  Speaker 1: You're not going to do it again. Enough time has passed,
• 34:13
  Speaker 1: It's been two years. How long is he going to
• 34:15
  Speaker 1: hold onto this for he has to accept and trust
• 34:18
  Speaker 1: in order for you guys to grow, and if he can't, Yeah,
• 34:21
  Speaker 1: you've got to either figure you have to have a
• 34:23
  Speaker 1: third party sit down and have a conversation about it,
• 34:25
  Speaker 1: because it's irrational. At this point, you're not doing anything
• 34:28
  Speaker 1: that's warranting his distrust. And if he wanted to get
• 34:31
  Speaker 1: back in this relationship, even though you went and pursued
• 34:34
  Speaker 1: him and I'm sure you were very influential and getting
• 34:36
  Speaker 1: you back together, he agreed to get back together, So
• 34:39
  Speaker 1: he has to agree to like a new set of
• 34:41
  Speaker 1: terms at a fresh start. Yeah, I mean enough time
• 34:43
  Speaker 1: has passed since this happened, and you've demonstrated your behavior
• 34:48
  Speaker 1: in the past two years and then this newest part
• 34:50
  Speaker 1: of your relationship, and if that's not enough, then it
• 34:53
  Speaker 1: has to be you know, you have to work on
• 34:55
  Speaker 1: it together for him to either get past or if
• 34:58
  Speaker 1: you if he realizes he can't get past it, that's
• 35:01
  Speaker 1: a problem. Yeah, it makes me really sad because I'm
• 35:05
  Speaker 1: worried that he can't and it sounds like he might
• 35:08
  Speaker 1: not be able to. I do wonder if there is
• 35:13
  Speaker 1: something that's, not, like you said, traditional therapy that might
• 35:16
  Speaker 1: be really healing for him. First of all, of course,
• 35:19
  Speaker 1: there's a ton of books about getting over cheating and
• 35:21
  Speaker 1: how to repair relationships, so like that might be something
• 35:24
  Speaker 1: to be like, Hey, I need you to read a
• 35:26
  Speaker 1: couple of these books so we can start to move
• 35:28
  Speaker 1: on from this and rebuild that trust. But you might
• 35:31
  Speaker 1: also look into like a weekend retreat with a shaman
• 35:36
  Speaker 1: based on connecting with your significant other or something like
• 35:39
  Speaker 1: that that feels a little bit more you, guys, or
• 35:43
  Speaker 1: feels a little bit more of him that he might
• 35:44
  Speaker 1: be more comfortable with now. Liked ayahuasca. He did an
• 35:48
  Speaker 1: Ayahuaska retreat and cost and I think that really helped him.
• 35:53
  Speaker 1: I don't think it was as powerful as he was
• 35:54
  Speaker 1: expecting it to be, but I know that's more his
• 35:58
  Speaker 1: route and I'm willing to support him and that, so
• 36:01
  Speaker 1: I really I really like that idea. Well, I mean,
• 36:03
  Speaker 1: it's good that he's into this stuff, and then he's
• 36:05
  Speaker 1: sort of open to sort of you know, forward thinking
• 36:09
  Speaker 1: and and and you know, changing his outlook and all
• 36:12
  Speaker 1: of that, so it sounds like he's got the potential
• 36:14
  Speaker 1: to do it. I mean, this one issue is kind
• 36:16
  Speaker 1: of significant for him, but there's got to be a
• 36:19
  Speaker 1: way that you can address it together, because again, you're
• 36:22
  Speaker 1: you're speaking about two different things. He's experiencing things, and
• 36:25
  Speaker 1: he's not able to verbalize it to you what the
• 36:27
  Speaker 1: triggers are and when it happens and how that makes
• 36:30
  Speaker 1: him feel, and you need to have this conversation together.
• 36:32
  Speaker 1: And I think the only way to do is to
• 36:34
  Speaker 1: have an interpreters their party that can really help you
• 36:37
  Speaker 1: and try maybe you can do a Molly m d
• 36:39
  Speaker 1: m A session with somebody. Those are good. No, really,
• 36:42
  Speaker 1: it's helpful for couples, especially when they're cheating involved, because
• 36:45
  Speaker 1: it kind of like gets rid of your ego and
• 36:47
  Speaker 1: people are just like you're so loving and communicative that
• 36:50
  Speaker 1: you can solve a lot of these kinds of big
• 36:52
  Speaker 1: issue relationship issues in one session, Like if you get
• 36:56
  Speaker 1: somebody who can guide you through an m d M
• 36:57
  Speaker 1: a therapy journey with you and your partner, and that
• 37:01
  Speaker 1: way it's not traditional therapy. Yeah, we've tried be made together,
• 37:05
  Speaker 1: but having somebody lead it, I think would be would
• 37:09
  Speaker 1: probably be more powerful. Yeah. Yeah, because for him at
• 37:12
  Speaker 1: this point, his wrote response, his pattern and his brain
• 37:16
  Speaker 1: is like I'm afraid, I'm afraid. I'm afraid. So he
• 37:18
  Speaker 1: needs something to break him out of that, and he
• 37:20
  Speaker 1: also needs to be taking the initiative to work on
• 37:22
  Speaker 1: that healing for himself. Yeah. I just hope, I just
• 37:26
  Speaker 1: hope that the relationship that hasn't it hasn't gone too far,
• 37:28
  Speaker 1: because I do love him, and it sounds like you
• 37:31
  Speaker 1: want to do the work, So that's half the battle,
• 37:33
  Speaker 1: and I just have to make sure he wants to
• 37:34
  Speaker 1: do the work. Yeah. Yeah, you just need to figure
• 37:37
  Speaker 1: out what that work looks like and let him know
• 37:39
  Speaker 1: how much you're committed to trying to get there where
• 37:42
  Speaker 1: whatever it is that it takes to get him more comfortable.
• 37:46
  Speaker 1: You guys, are on the same page and get past
• 37:48
  Speaker 1: this that you'll do it. Well, I'll do what it
• 37:50
  Speaker 1: what it takes. I'm hoping he does as well. Yeah,
• 37:53
  Speaker 1: I mean, you've got like seventeen years together now, right,
• 37:56
  Speaker 1: so try and figure it the funk out what I
• 37:59
  Speaker 1: tell him? That? Tell him that, I'll tell him. Chelsea
• 38:02
  Speaker 1: said that, Yeah, please, do I need another straight fan
• 38:08
  Speaker 1: to add to the other two. All right, well, thanks
• 38:14
  Speaker 1: for calling in, Amber, keep us posted and let us
• 38:16
  Speaker 1: know how everything goes. Good luck, Amber will so much.
• 38:19
  Speaker 1: Thank you, sisters. By that's a good podcast title, you guys.
• 38:24
  Speaker 1: Thank you sisters, unless it's about nuns. Well, I have
• 38:32
  Speaker 1: an email from a straight listener. His name is Sean.
• 38:37
  Speaker 1: Dear Chelsea, my name is Shawn, and I wanted to
• 38:39
  Speaker 1: write in and see if I could get some advice
• 38:41
  Speaker 1: about an upcoming diagnosis. My wife, yes I'm a straight
• 38:46
  Speaker 1: man writing in, has come into recent awareness that she
• 38:49
  Speaker 1: might be on the autism spectrum. She's going to get
• 38:51
  Speaker 1: tested because she would like to have the answer to
• 38:53
  Speaker 1: some of the idiosyncrasies in her life. We've been together
• 38:56
  Speaker 1: for six years and married for a little over a year.
• 38:59
  Speaker 1: I've expressed that no matter what the outcome could be
• 39:02
  Speaker 1: it doesn't change any part of who she is as
• 39:04
  Speaker 1: a person, and more importantly, she's my wife. I am
• 39:07
  Speaker 1: just worried that she could go into a grieving or
• 39:10
  Speaker 1: depression about this discovery. She's expressed to me that she
• 39:13
  Speaker 1: would most likely grieve for her younger self. But I
• 39:16
  Speaker 1: want to make sure I can show up for her
• 39:18
  Speaker 1: in every facet as a role model for women and
• 39:21
  Speaker 1: mental health. I feel that you would be able to
• 39:23
  Speaker 1: help give some perspective as to how I can best
• 39:25
  Speaker 1: support and comfort my wife through this time. You're a
• 39:28
  Speaker 1: north star for both my wife and my mother in law,
• 39:31
  Speaker 1: sharing many similar traits and beliefs. That's why I thought
• 39:34
  Speaker 1: you'd be perfect to give an outside perspective. Sean, What
• 39:37
  Speaker 1: a sweetheart. I know. Yeah, that's sweet Sean. We're all
• 39:42
  Speaker 1: attracted to you. Now, okay, I'll go first. I think
• 39:45
  Speaker 1: that first all, that's a total gift to get a
• 39:47
  Speaker 1: diagnosis so you understand where your behaviors are coming from.
• 39:50
  Speaker 1: My friend Amy Schumer, who has been very public about
• 39:52
  Speaker 1: her husband's autism diagnosis, was also directed by her. She
• 39:57
  Speaker 1: noticed some weird behaviors or some non tradition sinel behavior
• 40:00
  Speaker 1: stuff She wasn't used to seeing. She saw and asked, hey,
• 40:04
  Speaker 1: do you think I've looked this up, and I think
• 40:06
  Speaker 1: there's a chance you might want to get tested because
• 40:09
  Speaker 1: you might be on the spectrum. And he did, and
• 40:11
  Speaker 1: it was like such an informational tool. Then he understood
• 40:15
  Speaker 1: why he acted differently in his behavior towards things like
• 40:18
  Speaker 1: she fell down once and he didn't go to pick
• 40:20
  Speaker 1: her up, and he's like, I don't know why I
• 40:23
  Speaker 1: didn't do that either. She's like, usually if someone falls,
• 40:25
  Speaker 1: you know, somebody comes to help me, Like why are
• 40:28
  Speaker 1: you standing there? And he's like, I don't know. So,
• 40:31
  Speaker 1: you know, the synapses are different, and the reactions are different,
• 40:34
  Speaker 1: and your socialization is very different. So it's a very
• 40:38
  Speaker 1: big gift to get the information to understand and put
• 40:42
  Speaker 1: in context all of these things that you've kind of
• 40:44
  Speaker 1: been confused about for so long. So I think you
• 40:46
  Speaker 1: have to look at it and go at it from
• 40:48
  Speaker 1: that very positive angle, like, oh my god, great we
• 40:51
  Speaker 1: have answers. Yeah, yeah, I agree. I mean data is key.
• 40:56
  Speaker 1: So you know, she could potentially being diagnosed with a
• 40:58
  Speaker 1: form of autism, but she's not being diagnosed with terminal cancer.
• 41:01
  Speaker 1: So it's something she's had probably since she was a child,
• 41:05
  Speaker 1: and it's just putting sort of a name to it,
• 41:07
  Speaker 1: in diagnosis to it. But it's not changing her life
• 41:10
  Speaker 1: in anyway. She's still living the same life with her husband.
• 41:13
  Speaker 1: So this information can be useful, you know, they can
• 41:16
  Speaker 1: read more about it, and they can sort of maybe
• 41:19
  Speaker 1: I don't even know if you would change anything, to
• 41:20
  Speaker 1: be honest, but just recognizing the signals in the symptoms
• 41:25
  Speaker 1: and the behaviors that she's been seeing, I think, yeah,
• 41:28
  Speaker 1: I agree, it's it's valuable to get that information back.
• 41:31
  Speaker 1: There's nothing wrong with data. Yeah, And being autistic is
• 41:34
  Speaker 1: an advantage in many ways that we don't see. So
• 41:37
  Speaker 1: there's this whole additional layer of added value that autistic
• 41:42
  Speaker 1: people bring to the table in the way they see
• 41:44
  Speaker 1: things and in the way they take information in in
• 41:47
  Speaker 1: the way that they see the world. It's just so
• 41:49
  Speaker 1: much different, and so like there's so much value in
• 41:51
  Speaker 1: teaching more people about that. Your children. You it's not
• 41:55
  Speaker 1: a bad thing. It's not like you're getting a cancer diagnosis.
• 41:58
  Speaker 1: You're getting a personality diagnosed this and that is always helpful. Yeah,
• 42:02
  Speaker 1: And it might be like a little just a relief
• 42:04
  Speaker 1: just to know Okay, now that's that's what I have.
• 42:07
  Speaker 1: I have a name for it, this is what it is.
• 42:09
  Speaker 1: If I know that I have autism, then there are
• 42:11
  Speaker 1: very specific people that you can go see that deal
• 42:15
  Speaker 1: with that you know, regarding autism, that can help you,
• 42:18
  Speaker 1: as opposed to seeing somebody that may not be familiar
• 42:21
  Speaker 1: with that or that kind of thing. So it's a
• 42:24
  Speaker 1: good opportunity to move forward with it knowing what you
• 42:27
  Speaker 1: have and knowing where to go to get help if
• 42:30
  Speaker 1: there's things you want to change. And I also think
• 42:32
  Speaker 1: to Sean's original question, which I think was about how
• 42:35
  Speaker 1: do I provide appropriate support, I think you know she's
• 42:39
  Speaker 1: gonna handle it, how she's gonna handle it. We can't
• 42:41
  Speaker 1: predict if she's going to be depressed about it initially,
• 42:44
  Speaker 1: or she's going to be kind of excited to have
• 42:47
  Speaker 1: this data and want to see a therapist or want
• 42:49
  Speaker 1: to see a specialist. So you kind of have to
• 42:51
  Speaker 1: react to her and know not to diminish any of
• 42:55
  Speaker 1: those feelings that she's having and just be there as
• 42:58
  Speaker 1: you have been apparently in support her regardless of her reaction.
• 43:02
  Speaker 1: And then it's really ultimately her decision as to whether
• 43:06
  Speaker 1: she takes the next steps or not, because I remember
• 43:08
  Speaker 1: it sounds very similar to Amy's story. So some people,
• 43:11
  Speaker 1: you know, there's nothing to do, it's just to be
• 43:13
  Speaker 1: there and support those reactions and sort of help her
• 43:16
  Speaker 1: walk through the emotions that she might experience. Yeah. Yeah,
• 43:19
  Speaker 1: and great for you for even asking, you know, I
• 43:21
  Speaker 1: mean that says it all about your personality. It's already
• 43:24
  Speaker 1: where it needs to be that you'll be supportive and
• 43:27
  Speaker 1: very encouraging and always I think just keep reminding your
• 43:30
  Speaker 1: wife in the moments that she needs to hear it
• 43:33
  Speaker 1: what a positive thing this is. Knowledge is power, and
• 43:36
  Speaker 1: like you have all this information now, assuming she does
• 43:39
  Speaker 1: tests and is on the spectrum, so positivity is everything too.
• 43:44
  Speaker 1: You know, just to be like a solid kind of
• 43:46
  Speaker 1: stable force in someone's life when they're going through something
• 43:48
  Speaker 1: is a big gift. Yeah. I think that's all good advice. Well, Sean,
• 43:53
  Speaker 1: let us know how it goes. Let us know if
• 43:55
  Speaker 1: you found some resources and we're able to put some
• 43:57
  Speaker 1: good systems in place, and I think we should start. Also,
• 44:00
  Speaker 1: we're giving rewards to the straight men that call into
• 44:03
  Speaker 1: the podcast, Catherine. I mean, if they're this kind, there
• 44:05
  Speaker 1: should be a list obviously, anyone straight man who's listening
• 44:09
  Speaker 1: to this or calling in is very masculine, because you
• 44:12
  Speaker 1: would have to be very confident. Oh, I just hit
• 44:16
  Speaker 1: myself in the face with a microphone. It's almost like
• 44:19
  Speaker 1: men were just kicking me in the face as a
• 44:21
  Speaker 1: response to that. But yeah, it takes a big man
• 44:24
  Speaker 1: to do that, and that's very sexy. So, like I said,
• 44:27
  Speaker 1: we're all attracted to you, Sean. Yes, this is another
• 44:35
  Speaker 1: sibling related questions. So Live wrote into us and she said,
• 44:42
  Speaker 1: Dear Chelsea, my brother and his Now what breaks my
• 44:45
  Speaker 1: heart to say ex girlfriend have been separated for close
• 44:49
  Speaker 1: to a year. To make a long story short, they
• 44:52
  Speaker 1: encountered issues as they both got older and faced real
• 44:54
  Speaker 1: world responsibilities. It had an impact on their relationship where
• 44:58
  Speaker 1: they felt they needed to separate and of the record,
• 45:00
  Speaker 1: there here's the thing. The two of them are still
• 45:04
  Speaker 1: in love with each other and have both admitted it
• 45:07
  Speaker 1: to me, and it's so obvious to everyone who knows
• 45:09
  Speaker 1: and loves them that they're meant to be. For some reason,
• 45:12
  Speaker 1: they haven't been able to get it together to resolve
• 45:15
  Speaker 1: the situation, most likely poor communication. Our entire family has
• 45:19
  Speaker 1: been under the impression that we were just waiting for
• 45:22
  Speaker 1: them to be in the right headspace to get back together. However,
• 45:26
  Speaker 1: after his ex told him he should move on, even
• 45:29
  Speaker 1: though she didn't actually want him to, my brother has
• 45:31
  Speaker 1: taken it upon himself to start dating a new girl.
• 45:34
  Speaker 1: I'm entirely sure that this is a band aid, an
• 45:36
  Speaker 1: easy situation for him to have fun and feel better.
• 45:39
  Speaker 1: He was hiding this from me because he knows I'm
• 45:41
  Speaker 1: still close with his ex. I always envisioned her as
• 45:44
  Speaker 1: my future sister in law. I really don't want to
• 45:47
  Speaker 1: make this situation about myself. However, I'm having a hard
• 45:50
  Speaker 1: time because only I know how the two of them
• 45:52
  Speaker 1: still feel about each other. But now he wants me
• 45:55
  Speaker 1: to meet his new girl that he's seeing. I feel
• 45:57
  Speaker 1: like it's too soon and frankly have no interest in
• 45:59
  Speaker 1: meeting her. But I don't want to hurt his feelings.
• 46:02
  Speaker 1: How do I handle this situation without imposing my feelings
• 46:05
  Speaker 1: onto his life? Ps Listening to this podcast every week
• 46:08
  Speaker 1: has probably enabled me to not have very strong emotional
• 46:11
  Speaker 1: reaction to the situation to begin with. I appreciate this
• 46:15
  Speaker 1: basically free therapy, and I should probably go to real
• 46:18
  Speaker 1: therapy live. I feel like has she expressed her feelings
• 46:21
  Speaker 1: about this to her brother, I don't think so. Like,
• 46:25
  Speaker 1: I think they've talked about it, and she said, like
• 46:27
  Speaker 1: she's close with both of them, are both still in
• 46:29
  Speaker 1: love with each other, but it's also been a year
• 46:31
  Speaker 1: since they broke up. Yeah, but look at our last couple,
• 46:34
  Speaker 1: they were broken up for seven years. I feel like
• 46:37
  Speaker 1: not meeting a new girlfriend is not the move. I
• 46:40
  Speaker 1: don't think that like she's holding it against him that
• 46:43
  Speaker 1: he hasn't. He may need five years to come to
• 46:46
  Speaker 1: that conclusion, you know, And it's not really for her
• 46:50
  Speaker 1: to sort of force them together at this point in
• 46:52
  Speaker 1: their life if they've decided they need to be separate
• 46:55
  Speaker 1: at this point in their life. So this no girlfriend
• 46:57
  Speaker 1: hasn't done anything wrong. She's just happens to be the
• 46:59
  Speaker 1: new girlfriend. And if it's important to her brother that
• 47:03
  Speaker 1: they meet, I don't see why she can't honor that
• 47:06
  Speaker 1: and don't think of it as you this is your
• 47:08
  Speaker 1: sister in law. This is just someone he's dating right
• 47:11
  Speaker 1: now at this moment in time. I think he's reading
• 47:14
  Speaker 1: a lot into it. And I don't think that people
• 47:16
  Speaker 1: need to find their life partner years old. Yeah, definitely
• 47:19
  Speaker 1: not at twenty five years old. And if you really
• 47:21
  Speaker 1: believe that they're so in love with each other, then
• 47:23
  Speaker 1: you can say that to your brother, like, hey, it's
• 47:26
  Speaker 1: very obvious to me that you guys are in love
• 47:28
  Speaker 1: with each other still. So all you have to do
• 47:30
  Speaker 1: is just express that to him once and then your
• 47:33
  Speaker 1: job is done and your conscious is clear. You can't
• 47:35
  Speaker 1: prevent him from moving on and dating people or any
• 47:38
  Speaker 1: of that. It's like you're not in charge of their relationship.
• 47:41
  Speaker 1: All you can do is just tell him your truth,
• 47:42
  Speaker 1: tell him once, don't repeat it fifty times, and then
• 47:45
  Speaker 1: move on with it. And this new girl didn't do anything,
• 47:47
  Speaker 1: she's just dating somebody. And the fact that he's twenty
• 47:50
  Speaker 1: five years old is also a sign that everybody needs
• 47:53
  Speaker 1: a little bit more growing up than to get settled
• 47:55
  Speaker 1: down at twenty five. That's just so super young. So
• 47:57
  Speaker 1: I mean, they may have gotten super scared if they
• 48:00
  Speaker 1: were so intense and so like ready for marriage, and
• 48:03
  Speaker 1: that could have caused the breakup. Maybe they realized, like
• 48:05
  Speaker 1: we were going too fast, too young, and maybe they'll
• 48:08
  Speaker 1: come around and it will get back together. But again,
• 48:10
  Speaker 1: it's not her job to force them together and get
• 48:14
  Speaker 1: in the middle of it. It It is a lot about her,
• 48:16
  Speaker 1: is this I'm getting a future him. This is the
• 48:18
  Speaker 1: sister right writing in yeah, this is just writing in
• 48:21
  Speaker 1: yeah yeah. And I think you know, we do get
• 48:23
  Speaker 1: so bonded to the people that are siblings. Bring home.
• 48:26
  Speaker 1: I know my mother in law was even more devastated
• 48:30
  Speaker 1: with a breakup that happened with one of her sons
• 48:32
  Speaker 1: than he was. I mean, and for years who was
• 48:34
  Speaker 1: devastated about the loss of this relationship. And it's okay
• 48:38
  Speaker 1: to grieve that, But at the same time, you do
• 48:41
  Speaker 1: have to respect, like, maybe your brother does want to
• 48:43
  Speaker 1: move on, Maybe maybe he does want a little band
• 48:45
  Speaker 1: aid and a little fun, and maybe they will get
• 48:48
  Speaker 1: back together, and maybe they won't. You just have to
• 48:50
  Speaker 1: be nice and civil to the new girl while she's there.
• 48:52
  Speaker 1: But it doesn't mean you have to like me or
• 48:54
  Speaker 1: bestie all the time. And you don't need to sabotage
• 48:56
  Speaker 1: it either. Yes, yeah, right, right, Trishanna, anymore wisdom on
• 49:01
  Speaker 1: that one. I mean, she really needs to take a
• 49:03
  Speaker 1: step back. She's too involved with the whole their adults,
• 49:08
  Speaker 1: so they're gonna do what they're gonna do and let
• 49:10
  Speaker 1: nature take its course. I agree with Chelsea that she
• 49:13
  Speaker 1: should let her know how she feels for him, know
• 49:16
  Speaker 1: how she feels. But you know, that's all you can say.
• 49:19
  Speaker 1: And and they're grown up, so you know, maybe it'll happen,
• 49:22
  Speaker 1: maybe it won't. Don't hold it against the new person
• 49:25
  Speaker 1: that's you know, it seems wrong, and what's going on
• 49:29
  Speaker 1: with you and your boyfriend and your relationships? Like you know.
• 49:41
  Speaker 1: But I will say I want to go on the
• 49:42
  Speaker 1: record because I've had this conversation with both of my
• 49:44
  Speaker 1: sisters about previous relationships that I've been in when they
• 49:47
  Speaker 1: didn't say anything to me when I was with somebody
• 49:50
  Speaker 1: that they thought was creepy or weird or whatever. I'm like,
• 49:53
  Speaker 1: you guys, way to tell me After the fact, They're like, well,
• 49:55
  Speaker 1: we never liked him. It's like, well, fuck off. It
• 49:58
  Speaker 1: was like two or to four years of my life.
• 50:00
  Speaker 1: But and their excuses, what'sman, that I wouldn't listen to
• 50:03
  Speaker 1: you if you have. I think it's a different sitation.
• 50:05
  Speaker 1: I think those are different situations. Here. We're talking about
• 50:08
  Speaker 1: someone she loves an ex girlfriends. She wants them to
• 50:10
  Speaker 1: marry the ex girlfriend. It's like, not for her to
• 50:12
  Speaker 1: make that happen. When it's I'm seeing with you that
• 50:14
  Speaker 1: I don't think someone that you're with is currently perfect.
• 50:19
  Speaker 1: I know, I know, it's not the same situation. I
• 50:22
  Speaker 1: know how how that can sabotage. You can say like
• 50:24
  Speaker 1: you can say I really don't like this person. Then
• 50:26
  Speaker 1: you end up getting married and you have a twenty
• 50:28
  Speaker 1: five year married and I put that out there that
• 50:30
  Speaker 1: I just don't love this guy. There's that risk there
• 50:34
  Speaker 1: to the relationship. If I really thought the person was
• 50:36
  Speaker 1: dangerous for you or it was an unhealthy relationship, I
• 50:40
  Speaker 1: think that's a different story, and that's where you do
• 50:42
  Speaker 1: have to step up and say something to prevent that
• 50:45
  Speaker 1: from becoming a long term unhealthy relationship. Yeah, I guess, so,
• 50:50
  Speaker 1: I guess so. I don't know. I feel like you
• 50:52
  Speaker 1: should tell people when you don't like their spouse, but
• 50:54
  Speaker 1: I know it does backfire. But I just think with
• 50:56
  Speaker 1: sisters and siblings, it's a different story. You're hearing that
• 50:59
  Speaker 1: from a doubling like, oh, yeah, this person is dangerous
• 51:02
  Speaker 1: or this person is weird or I think it would
• 51:04
  Speaker 1: have a different impact, especially girls. But then again, conversely,
• 51:09
  Speaker 1: girls can be totally bitchy and county and be pissed
• 51:12
  Speaker 1: about it. So I get it. Yeah, Well, it's like
• 51:14
  Speaker 1: that movie what was that show Bad Sisters where all
• 51:16
  Speaker 1: the sisters where they murdered the brother in law. I
• 51:18
  Speaker 1: love that best. I know they were at the Critics
• 51:21
  Speaker 1: Choice Awards. I gave them a shout out for murdering
• 51:23
  Speaker 1: their brother, their brother, their brother, and that's how their
• 51:28
  Speaker 1: brother in law. I said that my family. I've been
• 51:31
  Speaker 1: wanting to do that for years, but I could never
• 51:32
  Speaker 1: get any of my siblings on board. You know who
• 51:34
  Speaker 1: I was really talking about. Anyway, Okay, that's a crap.
• 51:43
  Speaker 1: We are done. We're not going to ask them for advice, Catherine,
• 51:46
  Speaker 1: because it's silly. You know. I'm like, we're gonna ask you,
• 51:49
  Speaker 1: a little sister for a lot of unsolicited advice. Anyway,
• 51:52
  Speaker 1: So all the time. Yeah, well, thank you, ladies. What
• 51:58
  Speaker 1: a great job, Sissy Bomb, so good to meet you.
• 52:03
  Speaker 1: Oh likewise, I'm so pleased to finally meet you. And
• 52:06
  Speaker 1: She'll say, I confirmed the March connection. Yes, the March babies.
• 52:11
  Speaker 1: I know. That's a great birthday to have. Actually, March
• 52:14
  Speaker 1: fifteen three now free and our family from the family,
• 52:18
  Speaker 1: Mike and me, Yeah, okay, and Olga's March right, Okay, Okay, Well,
• 52:26
  Speaker 1: good to know. I'm gonna write all those dates down
• 52:27
  Speaker 1: right now, because I don't want to miss your birthday.
• 52:30
  Speaker 1: Bye girls, thank you. Also, I'm going back on tour. Everybody,
• 52:35
  Speaker 1: I have a new tour. It's called a little Big
• 52:36
  Speaker 1: Bitch because I'm a little big bitch and I always
• 52:39
  Speaker 1: have been. Sometimes. Well now i'm a big little bit. No,
• 52:42
  Speaker 1: I'm still a little big bitch. Whatever. Anyway, I'm going
• 52:45
  Speaker 1: back on tour. I'm warming up my new one hour
• 52:49
  Speaker 1: that I have to create from scratch. But I have
• 52:51
  Speaker 1: some very strong ideas. I'm gonna be a Daney's Nashville
• 52:55
  Speaker 1: March twenty nine through Sunday April six, and then Irvine
• 52:58
  Speaker 1: improv and then and I have dates theater dates everywhere
• 53:02
  Speaker 1: from Peoria, Illinois, Carmel, Kalamazoo, Spokane, Washington, Boys Idaho, Vegas, Highland, California, Tulsa, Oklahoma,
• 53:10
  Speaker 1: and more and more and more. So go to Chelsea
• 53:12
  Speaker 1: Handler dot com for tickets. And yeah, that starts in April.
• 53:16
  Speaker 1: So I'm very excited, Katherine. Yeah, I have family in Peoria, Illinois.
• 53:22
  Speaker 1: They might feel too square though to come to you. Well,
• 53:24
  Speaker 1: now they can see me. They just reach. Shouldn't interact
• 53:27
  Speaker 1: riot exactly, don't forget to watch my special on Netflix.
• 53:31
  Speaker 1: You guys revolution. It's a revolution. So if you'd like
• 53:35
  Speaker 1: advice from Chelsea, just send us an email at Dear
• 53:38
  Speaker 1: Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com. Dear Chelsea is a
• 53:42
  Speaker 1: production of I Heart Radio. Executive produced by Nick Stuff,
• 53:47
  Speaker 1: produced by Catherine Law, and edited and engineered by Brad Dickert.