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Happy Hour #60: Never Been Loved · Stuff Mom Never Told You

0:05
Speaker 1: Hey, this is Annie and Samantha and welcome to Stephane
0:07
Speaker 1: Never Told You production of I Heart Radio. And welcome
0:19
Speaker 1: to another happy hour. Despite the title of this one,
0:23
Speaker 1: I was just kind of playing on never Been Kissed,
0:25
Speaker 1: which is sort of related to what we're talking about today.
0:28
Speaker 1: I wouldn't call this an unhappy hour. It's more like
0:30
Speaker 1: a Annie has a lot of nerd thoughts and also
0:32
Speaker 1: thoughts about a sexuality our slash twenty minutes. I like that. Yes,
0:37
Speaker 1: as always with these, we're just asking you to hopefully
0:41
Speaker 1: join us for something that is relaxing a time in
0:45
Speaker 1: your day you can take a break whatever that means
0:48
Speaker 1: to you. Um. And also it's always drink responsibly if
0:50
Speaker 1: you choose to do. So, what are you sipping on, Samantha,
0:54
Speaker 1: I am sticking to my bubble water or bubbly water. Nice.
0:59
Speaker 1: I keep confusing how to pronounce this because in my
1:02
Speaker 1: head it is bubble, but then it's got that little
1:05
Speaker 1: accent mars. I was bubbly, but then there's that commercial
1:09
Speaker 1: which is boublet, which I'm not a huge fan of
1:11
Speaker 1: him in general. But I'm like, I'm now three pronunciations
1:14
Speaker 1: through and I still can't remember which one is correct.
1:17
Speaker 1: I'm sure bubbly. I think I don't know. I have
1:22
Speaker 1: to so I have actually not a sponsor, but you
1:26
Speaker 1: got it through a sponsorship, so to stream water, which
1:30
Speaker 1: you gifted me. Thank you very much. That's what I'm drinking.
1:33
Speaker 1: Keep it, keeping it crisp, Keeping it crisp. People have
1:37
Speaker 1: such strong opinions about bubble water. I offered some bubble
1:39
Speaker 1: water to a friend of mine the other day. She's
1:41
Speaker 1: like recoiled as if she was a cat, and I
1:43
Speaker 1: throwing water. I mean, I really I like bubble water.
1:47
Speaker 1: For the longest time, I was like, yeah, the way,
1:51
Speaker 1: And I remember you telling me that one of our
1:53
Speaker 1: friends and the coworkers like that's all she would drink.
1:56
Speaker 1: And I was like that's unusual. What that's the only way.
1:58
Speaker 1: And then now that I've got my solo stream of
2:01
Speaker 1: like yeah, yeah, I get it. Now there's something to it.
2:05
Speaker 1: It's freshening, it's chris. Yeah, I'm drinking red wine from
2:09
Speaker 1: a box because that's where I am today. That song,
2:13
Speaker 1: like you can't not see hear that song? You say
2:16
Speaker 1: red Wine. I have a character and our Dungeons and
2:19
Speaker 1: Dragon's campaign. Her name was red Wine, and she was
2:22
Speaker 1: the gossip. There's so many questions to them, well it
2:26
Speaker 1: was spelled interestingly questions. But we'll save Okay, we'll put
2:30
Speaker 1: a been in that. We'll come back that later. All right.
2:33
Speaker 1: So I apologize to Samantha before this one. I think
2:36
Speaker 1: I made you kind of nervous because I'm really like
2:39
Speaker 1: going to nerd out Hard's let's rephrase this. You didn't
2:42
Speaker 1: just apologize. You started laughing at snickering, making me think
2:45
Speaker 1: I did something like my usual self of being goofy.
2:48
Speaker 1: And then you're like, oh, I don't know if you're
2:50
Speaker 1: ready for this, and I was like what. It's just
2:54
Speaker 1: because we live in such different worlds that this is
2:56
Speaker 1: a hot button topic in the Star Wars community right now?
3:00
Speaker 1: Did I love to you like it does? You're just
3:02
Speaker 1: gonna be like, uh huh. But it's like people are
3:04
Speaker 1: fighting over this fiercely. Yes. So I don't think I'm
3:10
Speaker 1: going to get into any spoilers about book Boba fet
3:12
Speaker 1: But that is what inspired this whole conversation, um which
3:17
Speaker 1: I wanted to talk about this thing that I've noticed
3:19
Speaker 1: in this conversation and in fan fiction, wherein people are
3:25
Speaker 1: writing stories or comments that if you are someone who
3:32
Speaker 1: goes through life without ever experiencing meaningful romantic love, then
3:37
Speaker 1: that is the saddest thing that could ever happen to you,
3:42
Speaker 1: and that your life is essentially like you were never loved? Um,
3:47
Speaker 1: so what does it mean? What did? No one could
3:51
Speaker 1: love you? No one ever loved you? And as an
3:53
Speaker 1: a sexual person, I kind of was like, wait, let's
3:57
Speaker 1: think about this a little bit, because I get I
3:59
Speaker 1: do get the what they're talking about in their issue,
4:02
Speaker 1: and so I'll get into that in a second. What
4:04
Speaker 1: triggered this is the Jedi attachment theory. Okay, so you're
4:10
Speaker 1: gonna have to bear with me in a minute, Samantha, Okay,
4:13
Speaker 1: I like this is this clinically yes, right, Okay, here
4:16
Speaker 1: what people are fighting over this? Oh my gosh. Also
4:19
Speaker 1: worth noting that this is the Jedi religion is based
4:24
Speaker 1: on Buddhism, so it's also kind of the religious aspects
4:27
Speaker 1: going on, and there's a lot of religious trauma that
4:29
Speaker 1: we're going to talk about in a future episode going
4:32
Speaker 1: on with this whole thing. But also like, this whole
4:34
Speaker 1: thing is part of some people's religions some something else
4:37
Speaker 1: to keep in mind. But all right, So for Jedi
4:42
Speaker 1: and I guess this is open for interpretation and I
4:45
Speaker 1: can't believe I'm doing this, but I'm doing it. Uh,
4:47
Speaker 1: you're not supposed to have possessive attachment, unhealthy attachment. You
4:53
Speaker 1: can have relationships, you can be in love, you can
4:57
Speaker 1: do all that stuff that a lot of people are like,
5:00
Speaker 1: Oh my god, they could never be loved. You can.
5:03
Speaker 1: It's just kind of frowned upon because you have to
5:05
Speaker 1: be able to let the person go if they die.
5:09
Speaker 1: You have to be able to let someone go, and
5:11
Speaker 1: it's really hard to do, and so for a lot
5:13
Speaker 1: of people that they feel like they shouldn't even risk it. Like,
5:17
Speaker 1: you can have relationships. If you've seen like the movies
5:19
Speaker 1: or shows, they almost all of them have relationships with people,
5:23
Speaker 1: friendships and close partnerships and even sexual relationships and romantic relationships.
5:29
Speaker 1: It's just that you have to be able to let
5:31
Speaker 1: that person go something happens to them and don't get
5:34
Speaker 1: into kind of those anger and hate and rage and
5:36
Speaker 1: become a dark Site Force user. There is a lot
5:40
Speaker 1: of gray area in that. And also, you know, the
5:44
Speaker 1: prequel trilogy is sort of about the Jedi Order losing
5:47
Speaker 1: their way and the pressure of not having attachments leading
5:51
Speaker 1: to people not telling you, like and it in Skywalker
5:54
Speaker 1: not telling you that he has an attachment, and perhaps
5:56
Speaker 1: he really could have used some help. So it's attachment
6:01
Speaker 1: to the attachment is bad, is what I like to say.
6:03
Speaker 1: You can have an attachment, but if you're too attached
6:05
Speaker 1: to the attachment, that's the issue, all right. So I
6:08
Speaker 1: don't know what they're doing in book Boba Fett, And
6:10
Speaker 1: that's part of my issue is I'm not really sure
6:12
Speaker 1: what you're saying. I don't know if Luke is misinterpreting
6:15
Speaker 1: it arf he's really scared. I don't. I have no idea.
6:19
Speaker 1: But anyway, what more, what we're talking about right now
6:21
Speaker 1: is yeah, I've seen a lot of people right stories
6:25
Speaker 1: ever since then because they're so upset at this idea
6:28
Speaker 1: that like you're telling me, baby you it could never
6:32
Speaker 1: be with the Mandalorian. What how could that be wrong? Oh?
6:36
Speaker 1: My god? Telling me Luke is gonna be alone forever.
6:39
Speaker 1: Oh no, he's never gonna be loved, or what could
6:42
Speaker 1: be worse? And I've read something that are really really beautiful,
6:46
Speaker 1: actually it really really sweet, and I do get the
6:49
Speaker 1: idea of like, you know, if you feel pressured, if
6:52
Speaker 1: you're the last Jeda and you've got to uphold it.
6:55
Speaker 1: And you've got your father's Darth Vader. And how sad
6:58
Speaker 1: it must be that you feel you can't have these
7:00
Speaker 1: relationships even if you want them. But it's kind of
7:03
Speaker 1: the way people are writing about it. I feel like
7:05
Speaker 1: it's missing that, yes, there are a sexual people, um,
7:11
Speaker 1: and there's other type of love too, Like you know,
7:14
Speaker 1: it doesn't have to be romantic love. You can be
7:16
Speaker 1: loved by friends and it can be just as meaningful.
7:20
Speaker 1: You can have you know, family relationships that are just
7:23
Speaker 1: as meaningful. You can have all these other things. And
7:26
Speaker 1: I think, as we've talked about so often in our media,
7:30
Speaker 1: there's a that pressure you've got to find your one
7:33
Speaker 1: true love and that is the meaning of your life.
7:37
Speaker 1: And we've romanticized it so much, and it is it
7:40
Speaker 1: is romantic, and I do get the appeal of this idea,
7:42
Speaker 1: but we're also, like we've talked about so much, you know,
7:45
Speaker 1: we've got to be careful with these things we see
7:47
Speaker 1: media over and over and over again that aren't realistic
7:49
Speaker 1: and aren't representative for everybody. And also just to note
7:56
Speaker 1: and a lot of our entertainment, you know, this possessed
8:00
Speaker 1: of love is painted as something that is romantic, and
8:03
Speaker 1: I think we've seen this a lot with entertainment that
8:08
Speaker 1: especially towards young girls, where the male character, when you
8:11
Speaker 1: think about it, it's kind of stockery. You're kind of possessive,
8:15
Speaker 1: and it's not a healthy relationship. And so part of
8:19
Speaker 1: this that I've seen in this conversation is almost like
8:24
Speaker 1: people aren't realizing that that is unhealthy, you know what
8:28
Speaker 1: I mean. Like it's like they're sort of missing a
8:32
Speaker 1: lot of these unhealthy depictions of love. They're getting mad
8:36
Speaker 1: that characters can't have them or whatever. And this is
8:39
Speaker 1: a generalization I'm not really speaking about anybody specific right now.
8:42
Speaker 1: They're getting mad about it, and it's like they're not
8:46
Speaker 1: realizing that it's not romantic, it's unhealthy and to have
8:51
Speaker 1: that sort of I don't know, pain in it as
8:55
Speaker 1: that that there's a level of unhealthiness to that as well,
8:58
Speaker 1: that idea of this great tragedy of if you've never
9:03
Speaker 1: been loved, then it means you're either unlovable or something.
9:06
Speaker 1: It's romantic love. Something has gone wrong and it's so tragic,
9:12
Speaker 1: which again we've talked about this too. I totally get like,
9:15
Speaker 1: if that's something that's important to you, that is that's painful.
9:19
Speaker 1: If you want that you can't find it, that is painful.
9:23
Speaker 1: I'm just saying, like, we should also consider the other side, right,
9:41
Speaker 1: But let's go back to the fact that you said
9:43
Speaker 1: that if that's something important to you, is it important
9:45
Speaker 1: to you because that's what you want. It is important
9:47
Speaker 1: to you because that's what society tells you you're supposed
9:49
Speaker 1: to have, and that that makes you a good woman
9:52
Speaker 1: or a desirable woman. And if you're not desired, then
9:55
Speaker 1: therefore you are of no worth. Because for me, it
9:58
Speaker 1: was the missing out part for the long this time.
10:00
Speaker 1: Don't get me wrong. My partner and I have a
10:02
Speaker 1: good relationship and we're fine, but I've been single up
10:05
Speaker 1: until recently, like majority of my relationships did not last
10:08
Speaker 1: too long where I got too committed a whole different conversation.
10:12
Speaker 1: And part of that for me was because oh I'm
10:15
Speaker 1: actually okay single and yes, I would love this, This
10:18
Speaker 1: would be a bonus, But it doesn't make me. It
10:21
Speaker 1: doesn't create a new person. I don't become a whole
10:24
Speaker 1: new thing as if I'm a better creation because of this.
10:27
Speaker 1: It hasn't necessarily done that. Am I happy and content?
10:30
Speaker 1: And is it not bothers them all of those things? Yes?
10:33
Speaker 1: But does that mean if we were to break up
10:36
Speaker 1: today that I would be a whole different person and
10:38
Speaker 1: therefore I couldn't be as happy. No, I'm still who
10:42
Speaker 1: I am. And of course it goes back to the
10:44
Speaker 1: same thing about you know when men specifically do the
10:47
Speaker 1: clap backs of this is why you're single or you're
10:49
Speaker 1: gonna always gonna be single, And now women are responding,
10:53
Speaker 1: are you threatening me with a good time? Like what
10:55
Speaker 1: what do you mean? It's the level of like, you
10:58
Speaker 1: know what, for the longest time we worked old. This
11:00
Speaker 1: is how you make a complete wholesome life is to
11:03
Speaker 1: be truly in love and these unrealistic ideas of love.
11:09
Speaker 1: Let's just go ahead with that. Like when you were
11:10
Speaker 1: talking about really a healthy relationships, I'm thinking Twilight for
11:13
Speaker 1: the longest time, so many young girls are like, yes,
11:16
Speaker 1: I want him to be so obsessed with me that
11:18
Speaker 1: he does he's so controlling and will let me see
11:20
Speaker 1: any of my friends and popped up in my bedroom
11:23
Speaker 1: without my permission? Wait, what right? Exactly exactly? And I
11:28
Speaker 1: guess like another disclaimer, but clarification is I feel in
11:35
Speaker 1: these conversations a lot of time what we're talking about,
11:37
Speaker 1: I've been saying romantic love, but I think for it's
11:39
Speaker 1: more romantic sexual love because you can also be because
11:43
Speaker 1: I would say I'm a sexual by romantic, but you
11:46
Speaker 1: can also be like the other way. So there's like
11:49
Speaker 1: that aspect of it as well of it has to
11:52
Speaker 1: be sexual in nature. And it was another one of
11:55
Speaker 1: those moments where to me, and I know I've talked
11:57
Speaker 1: about this before and some of you listeners have written
11:59
Speaker 1: in about it, and I really appreciate it. To me,
12:01
Speaker 1: it's never been weird when a character doesn't end up
12:04
Speaker 1: romantically with somebody. But when I was watching this conversation
12:08
Speaker 1: play out, and I'm telling you, Savanta, people aren't this right.
12:12
Speaker 1: They were acting like it's super weird. He's never He's
12:15
Speaker 1: just gonna be alone, which is hilarious because it nedn't
12:17
Speaker 1: cross my mind until you brought it up. Yeah, that
12:20
Speaker 1: the very first we thought he was gonna get together
12:22
Speaker 1: with Princess Leah, his sister, and it didn't have and
12:27
Speaker 1: thank god, and then he just that was not his
12:29
Speaker 1: pursuit in the story. Yeah, I think that's absolutely a
12:34
Speaker 1: thing that I didn't even notice until people started being like,
12:37
Speaker 1: but what about And that might be just projection once again,
12:41
Speaker 1: And I think when you were talking about the whole
12:43
Speaker 1: level of romance and sex in general. Once again, it's
12:47
Speaker 1: kind of like that tale I used to tell about
12:49
Speaker 1: my grandmother. God bless her. I loved her. She was
12:51
Speaker 1: one of my favorite people. But she would ask me
12:54
Speaker 1: every time I came home from college, are you dating anyone?
12:57
Speaker 1: My response, no, it's okay, you still have time. But
13:00
Speaker 1: the fact that that my conversation with her centered and
13:03
Speaker 1: began like that wasn't automated, like moment in my head
13:06
Speaker 1: of like, yep, there's something wrong with me for not
13:08
Speaker 1: having a relationship and for my family, like shoot, my
13:12
Speaker 1: siblings would bring home someone they were dating at fourteen
13:15
Speaker 1: and I did not bring anybody home until last year.
13:19
Speaker 1: At that's who I am. You know, it never was
13:24
Speaker 1: a thing for me. But yeah, I definitely And we've
13:28
Speaker 1: talked about are we at normal? Are we the unusual
13:31
Speaker 1: people here? And are we doing this wrong? Because that
13:34
Speaker 1: has been the characteristic And it took me for so
13:37
Speaker 1: long to be like, oh it's okay. I truly am
13:42
Speaker 1: like I even to this day, like I've now settled
13:45
Speaker 1: in and more confident in my decisions, but I still question, well,
13:48
Speaker 1: should I want to be married? Should I want since
13:51
Speaker 1: I found a relationship, we've been committed for a while,
13:54
Speaker 1: shouldn't I want to be But I don't. There's nothing
13:56
Speaker 1: in me that's like, yes, I need a wedding. I
13:58
Speaker 1: need I wanted people to give be sure, but not
14:02
Speaker 1: necessarily do it from a wedding. Yeah, yeah, I mean,
14:11
Speaker 1: it's it's certainly one of those things where I'm like
14:14
Speaker 1: you where it's I've I felt the pressure, for sure,
14:17
Speaker 1: and we've talked about that a lot, but I've also
14:20
Speaker 1: never it doesn't occur to me until somebody puts that
14:22
Speaker 1: pressure on me, if that makes sense. Most of the time,
14:25
Speaker 1: every now and then I'll be like should I have
14:27
Speaker 1: done this? But in general I kind of don't think
14:29
Speaker 1: about it, which is one of them. I feel like,
14:32
Speaker 1: I don't know. That's something that I do feel is
14:35
Speaker 1: different than a lot of what my friends experience, and
14:36
Speaker 1: that was sort of I'm glad I've had those talks
14:39
Speaker 1: with them, and I can appreciate like how important it
14:43
Speaker 1: is for them. It's just not something that I've experienced,
14:47
Speaker 1: and I I know we've talked about this before. Mark
14:53
Speaker 1: Cambell has been very open. Is like Luke is whatever
14:55
Speaker 1: sexuality you want him to be. And I will say
14:58
Speaker 1: a lot of people do write him as a sexual
15:01
Speaker 1: and fanfiction I'm not a lot, but I I was.
15:03
Speaker 1: I've never seen that before in my life, um, and
15:06
Speaker 1: now I'm seeing it. And but usually he has Yeah,
15:09
Speaker 1: he has these pretty strong relationships and even sometimes romantic
15:11
Speaker 1: relationships and that so I can I totally get the
15:14
Speaker 1: viewpoint of like the tragedy is that he feels the
15:17
Speaker 1: pressure to do this and therefore is going to be
15:21
Speaker 1: sad for effort. It's just the way some people are
15:23
Speaker 1: talking about it as if like that's there are other
15:27
Speaker 1: like don't. Yeah, you can have meaningful life and relationships
15:34
Speaker 1: outside of that, and it doesn't have to be tragic.
15:38
Speaker 1: I can understand that it could be again if this
15:41
Speaker 1: is not something he actually wants to do. But just
15:45
Speaker 1: you know, people are so mad, you don't even know,
15:52
Speaker 1: Oh my god, people are like devastated, and I do.
15:55
Speaker 1: I also want to say I said it so clearly
15:57
Speaker 1: earlier as if I am the end, I'll be all
15:59
Speaker 1: of what Jedi attachment is. I'm pretty sure this is
16:02
Speaker 1: the original intent, and that's what a lot of the
16:03
Speaker 1: creators said. I admit that there are different interpretations, and
16:06
Speaker 1: I shouldn't have said it so confidently as if I'm
16:08
Speaker 1: the only one, But um, I think this is what
16:12
Speaker 1: was intended, and that again, that's sort of my issue
16:14
Speaker 1: right now is I don't know what they intended with
16:17
Speaker 1: their choice, which leaves me in a bit of a
16:20
Speaker 1: weird spot, but yeah it is, and I have read
16:26
Speaker 1: a lot of beautiful, introspective fan fiction about what this
16:30
Speaker 1: could all mean. Well, thanks for letting me have this
16:34
Speaker 1: moment and listening to me talk about Jedi attachment. I
16:37
Speaker 1: could forever, but anyway just becomes a term in uh,
16:43
Speaker 1: I really do No. I think it should be like
16:47
Speaker 1: a dating appsod where do you stand in the US
16:55
Speaker 1: unless the people will take it? Oh my gosh, Oh
16:58
Speaker 1: my gosh. Well, and also, I know people are going
17:00
Speaker 1: to get mad at me for the because obviously, unless
17:05
Speaker 1: something goes terribly wrong, Grogu and the Mandalorian are not
17:09
Speaker 1: romantically attached. Odd. Yes, so I was just saying people
17:16
Speaker 1: were really mad about that. I was not implogued, okay,
17:20
Speaker 1: like that takes his adopted daughter. Yes, I was just
17:26
Speaker 1: clarifying my own words. There's no they would never ever over.
17:31
Speaker 1: I'm pretty sure that was a moment you just had.
17:35
Speaker 1: I'm sorry. I've made things worse. UM so I usually
17:39
Speaker 1: do with these nerd topics, I try to make things better.
17:42
Speaker 1: Thank you so much to all of you for joining
17:44
Speaker 1: us and for listening. If you have any thoughts on this,
17:47
Speaker 1: oh my gosh, she needs all of this, I do,
17:51
Speaker 1: I do, UM and you can send them to your email,
17:53
Speaker 1: which is Stephanie Emaum stuff at I heart mea dot com.
17:56
Speaker 1: Do you find us on Twitter at mom Stuff podcast
17:57
Speaker 1: or on Instagram and stuff I never told you. Thanks,
17:59
Speaker 1: It's always sure. Super producer Christina, thank you. Thanks to
18:02
Speaker 1: you for listening. Soft weendever told his production of I
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