Latest / INSPIRE STORY / #0155_ STORY INSPIRE: Life in the Big City | Stories, Chaos & Modern Urban Life

Transcript

#0155_ STORY INSPIRE: Life in the Big City | Stories, Chaos & Modern Urban Life · INSPIRE STORY

• 0:01
  Speaker 1: Hey, it's Tim Dillon, and fear not, we are on
• 0:02
  Speaker 1: the porch.
• 0:03
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• 0:07
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• 0:10
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• 0:12
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• 0:14
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• 0:17
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• 0:20
  Speaker 2: Dillon Show. patreon.com slash the Tim Dillon Show. This is
• 0:24
  Speaker 2: a great way to support the show and contribute to it.
• 0:27
  Speaker 2: Thank you. Hi, I'm Timmy the Trash Can, and I
• 0:33
  Speaker 2: love trash. Popcorn boxes, cups, and candy wrappers.
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: Mmm, they all taste so good.
• 0:41
  Speaker 2: Instead of throwing your trash on the floor, won't you
• 0:44
  Speaker 2: please give it to me? Thank you for considering your
• 0:48
  Speaker 2: fellow patrons.
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: Welcome to the Tim Dillon Show, everybody. We are here
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: on the porch.
• 1:00
  Speaker 3: This is.
• 1:01
  Speaker 2: I don't know when this is gonna... This is coming out, obviously.
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: Next Sunday, this Sunday, whatever. It is Thursday night.
• 1:08
  Speaker 2: Meghan McCain had a diatribe about gun buyback program that's
• 1:17
  Speaker 2: being proposed. She said there's gonna be a lot of violence,
• 1:22
  Speaker 2: which is probably correct. But she said it in typical
• 1:26
  Speaker 2: Meghan McCain fashion, which... no matter what she said, you
• 1:33
  Speaker 2: would want to hate her and you wouldn't be wrong.
• 1:36
  Speaker 2: Because the thing about Megan, and I know people that
• 1:39
  Speaker 2: know her, and in real life, they have confided in
• 1:42
  Speaker 2: me that she is a monster. She's a real rich
• 1:47
  Speaker 2: chick in every sense of the word. She's got a
• 1:50
  Speaker 2: job that she did not earn. Her knowledge base on
• 1:56
  Speaker 2: world issues is non-existent. On domestic issues same but she
• 2:04
  Speaker 2: pops off she's my aunt she's my aunt with a
• 2:08
  Speaker 2: national platform she's my aunt but given millions and millions
• 2:13
  Speaker 2: of dollars to spew whatever rolls off her tongue which
• 2:18
  Speaker 2: it is what it is I mean I know they're
• 2:22
  Speaker 2: not hiring me on the view they need a conservative
• 2:25
  Speaker 2: on the view.
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: I'm cool with all that.
• 2:28
  Speaker 2: But Meghan McCain you know She's a legacy of a
• 2:33
  Speaker 2: guy that conservatives only liked when he was dead. They
• 2:37
  Speaker 2: didn't like him when he was alive. As soon as
• 2:39
  Speaker 2: he said, half of my brain has been eaten, they
• 2:43
  Speaker 2: were like, oh, he's a hero.
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: We love him. But up until then, they didn't give.
• 2:50
  Speaker 2: A fuck about him. So we did a little video
• 2:53
  Speaker 2: today mocking Meghan. This is, you know, the first video
• 2:58
  Speaker 2: that we did since the original Meghan McCain video. And,
• 3:02
  Speaker 2: you know, I went to Lane Bryant. I got, you know,
• 3:07
  Speaker 2: got the white blazer.
• 3:09
  Speaker 1: Look good. 31 bucks.
• 3:12
  Speaker 2: What are you fat bitches complaining about? I go to
• 3:16
  Speaker 2: Rochester big and tall. I spent $ 150 for a fucking t-shirt.
• 3:18
  Speaker 2: 34 bucks, you get a beautiful white blazer. You don't
• 3:24
  Speaker 2: know how good you fucking have it. There is nothing
• 3:28
  Speaker 2: for plus size men. You got to wear a suit
• 3:32
  Speaker 2: or a Hawaiian shirt or some stupid like Ed Hardy,
• 3:38
  Speaker 2: you know. That's the type of fact. There's two types
• 3:42
  Speaker 2: of fat guy. Insanely successful DJ Khaled or quasi homeless
• 3:49
  Speaker 2: bum who lives with his brother. Those are the two
• 3:53
  Speaker 2: types of fat guy that exist in the minds of
• 3:56
  Speaker 2: people that make clothing. And I remember, and I've known
• 3:59
  Speaker 2: both of those fat guys. I knew a lawyer who
• 4:02
  Speaker 2: was like 450, tailored suits, custom. When I was selling mortgages,
• 4:06
  Speaker 2: he'd walk in, he always looked great. He was a
• 4:08
  Speaker 2: fat whale, but he was tailored. Everything fit. Pinstripe suits, three-piece,
• 4:16
  Speaker 2: walk in, the guy looked great. And I knew my
• 4:19
  Speaker 2: friend's uncle... Who was just a fat mess Who would
• 4:25
  Speaker 2: like Crash high school parties He was like 40 Got
• 4:28
  Speaker 2: in the limo with us Once we were going to
• 4:32
  Speaker 2: a strip club Somebody got like a Shitty limo And
• 4:37
  Speaker 2: he got in the limo with us And he was
• 4:39
  Speaker 2: talking all the way To the strip club about how
• 4:41
  Speaker 2: he's going I see these girls See this pussy Oh
• 4:44
  Speaker 2: fuck this pussy And I think by the time We
• 4:47
  Speaker 2: got to the strip club He was asleep I think
• 4:51
  Speaker 2: I'm remembering that we're literally, he was asleep by the
• 4:55
  Speaker 2: time we got to the shrimp club, just like, and we,
• 5:00
  Speaker 2: people had to wake him up to like, Hey man,
• 5:02
  Speaker 2: you want to go in? Remember that pussy you were
• 5:05
  Speaker 2: talking about? You know, you had to wake him up.
• 5:09
  Speaker 2: He was asleep. And I remember one of my friends
• 5:11
  Speaker 2: looked at me and went, that's sad, sad stuff out there.
• 5:20
  Speaker 2: That's what I'm trying to, you know, I'm trying to
• 5:22
  Speaker 2: rein it in. I don't want to be that guy
• 5:26
  Speaker 2: trying to impress all the young guys and then falls asleep.
• 5:30
  Speaker 2: That's not a cool guy. That's not the guy you
• 5:32
  Speaker 2: want to be. But, you know, those are the two
• 5:36
  Speaker 2: types of fat guys out there. But fat women, you
• 5:39
  Speaker 2: guys are doing fucking great. You got Lizzo. You got
• 5:42
  Speaker 2: popular culture. You got it all.
• 5:45
  Speaker 1: You got Lane Bryant. By the way, how great were
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: the saleswomen in Lane Bryant?
• 5:51
  Speaker 2: Wonderful. Wonderful. I'm trying stuff on. They're fitting me. It
• 5:56
  Speaker 2: doesn't matter that I'm clearly a man in a woman's store.
• 5:59
  Speaker 2: It's 2019.
• 5:59
  Speaker 1: We're in L.A.
• 6:00
  Speaker 2: They're like, do you need shoes?
• 6:04
  Speaker 1: They're with it.
• 6:06
  Speaker 2: And then I put makeup on my face. Cheap makeup
• 6:09
  Speaker 2: from Target.
• 6:10
  Speaker 1: It's made out of acid. Cheap makeup. Cheap lip gloss.
• 6:19
  Speaker 2: Garbage. I put all this on. My skin's falling off
• 6:24
  Speaker 2: of my face. I'm trying to scrub this out of
• 6:27
  Speaker 2: my pores when I'm done making this video. Hair.
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: Fake eyelashes.
• 6:33
  Speaker 2: 30,000 views on Twitter. Nothing. 30,000 views. I'm essentially trans.
• 6:41
  Speaker 1: For the video. 30,000 fucking views. Thanks a lot. Very
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: few blue check marks.
• 6:49
  Speaker 2: All these people who tweet about how Meghan McCain's the
• 6:53
  Speaker 2: devil every day. Right.
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: And then they don't retweet this.
• 6:55
  Speaker 2: I don't know why. Maybe it's too vulgar. You're the
• 6:58
  Speaker 2: fuckers that are always like, take the gloves off.
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: The gloves are off. I'm saying she puts guns in her.
• 7:03
  Speaker 2: Pussy and you're not retweeting it.
• 7:06
  Speaker 1: What else would you like me to do?
• 7:09
  Speaker 2: And it's funny.
• 7:10
  Speaker 1: I'm not making political points. I don't give a shit.
• 7:13
  Speaker 2: I think it's hilarious that she's defending guns by saying
• 7:18
  Speaker 2: that the AK-47... is like the most popular. Like it's
• 7:24
  Speaker 2: the prom king. I think that's just funny. Whether you
• 7:27
  Speaker 2: agree with gun control, I don't care what you think
• 7:31
  Speaker 2: or believe. So don't contact me through any form of
• 7:35
  Speaker 2: social media and tell me, well, actually, none of it.
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: Go away.
• 7:41
  Speaker 2: I've done nine rants about your opinion is superfluous.
• 7:48
  Speaker 1: It's an afterthought.
• 7:51
  Speaker 2: Your rationale is an afterthought. So don't, it's funny. It
• 7:59
  Speaker 2: was funny to me when she does those things and
• 8:01
  Speaker 2: says those things, they are funny. I'm a pro-gun guy
• 8:06
  Speaker 2: to an extent, but how many massacres would get you
• 8:09
  Speaker 2: to alter your position?
• 8:11
  Speaker 1: It's a fair question.
• 8:13
  Speaker 2: How many mass shootings would one a day do it?
• 8:19
  Speaker 2: Would one a day get you to just.
• 8:23
  Speaker 1: Look at it again? Just revise?
• 8:28
  Speaker 3: I don't know.
• 8:29
  Speaker 2: Maybe not. There seems to be hardcore people out there
• 8:32
  Speaker 2: that don't care. And maybe it won't work. Maybe banning
• 8:36
  Speaker 2: the assault weapons.
• 8:37
  Speaker 1: Maybe it won't work. But how many shootings would make
• 8:42
  Speaker 1: you try? How many? What would you need? What would
• 8:49
  Speaker 1: do it?
• 8:50
  Speaker 2: We have so many, as the great Eddie Pepitone said
• 8:52
  Speaker 2: in his special, he's bored by them.
• 8:54
  Speaker 1: They're boring. He was right. Eddie's right. They don't even
• 8:58
  Speaker 1: matter anymore. No one cares. 17-month-old shot in the face.
• 9:02
  Speaker 2: Next.
• 9:03
  Speaker 1: No one cares.
• 9:04
  Speaker 2: Because people think that if we give up the weapons,
• 9:09
  Speaker 2: the government will start to get tyrannical. Start. They'll start.
• 9:19
  Speaker 2: What do you think the government would do if we
• 9:22
  Speaker 2: didn't have the weapons?
• 9:23
  Speaker 1: Let's think of it. Let's brainstorm. Do you think potentially the.
• 9:27
  Speaker 2: Government might start spying on everybody, listening to their phone
• 9:33
  Speaker 2: calls and reading their emails? Do you think possibly the
• 9:36
  Speaker 2: government might totally suspend habeas corpus and say that they
• 9:40
  Speaker 2: could decide that you were an enemy combatant and lock
• 9:43
  Speaker 2: you up in prison and not charge you with a
• 9:45
  Speaker 2: crime and keep you there indefinitely and torture you? You
• 9:49
  Speaker 2: think the government would start doing that? You think the
• 9:51
  Speaker 2: government would start taking whistleblowers and locking them in little
• 9:54
  Speaker 2: boxes and making them go insane when they've said things
• 9:57
  Speaker 2: like the military is slaughtering civilians? and the NSA is
• 10:01
  Speaker 2: acting without congressional authority to just wiretap everybody? You think
• 10:05
  Speaker 2: the CIA might start spying on the Senate Intelligence Committee
• 10:09
  Speaker 2: and destroying tapes of their interrogation, which many.
• 10:13
  Speaker 1: People and experts have said is tantamount to torture?
• 10:16
  Speaker 2: Do you think elites would start engaging in illicit sexual
• 10:19
  Speaker 2: behavior like pedophilia on private islands? And that if that
• 10:25
  Speaker 2: ever came to light, they might potentially murder the person
• 10:30
  Speaker 2: who was about to testify, even though he was in
• 10:34
  Speaker 2: a maximum security prison in New York City. Do you
• 10:37
  Speaker 2: think they would get us into endless wars without any explanation?
• 10:42
  Speaker 2: Do you think they would murder journalists? Do you think
• 10:46
  Speaker 2: they would do all those things if we gave up
• 10:49
  Speaker 2: the guns? Because we got an arsenal of guns and
• 10:53
  Speaker 2: everything that I just mentioned is fucking business as fucking usual.
• 11:00
  Speaker 2: So what is the fear? They would just start locking
• 11:03
  Speaker 2: people up right and left and camp. Maybe they would.
• 11:07
  Speaker 2: I'm open to that thought process. I think that's a
• 11:11
  Speaker 2: little too messy for them. Do you need to lock
• 11:14
  Speaker 2: anyone up in camp? What is the, does the, does the.
• 11:18
  Speaker 1: People need to go to work, right?
• 11:21
  Speaker 2: So, you know, people think, or people have it in
• 11:25
  Speaker 2: their head that we're like this country made up of
• 11:29
  Speaker 2: freedom fighters who don't take no shit. We're, we're freedom fighters.
• 11:34
  Speaker 2: We demand accountability. And if you take our weapons away,
• 11:38
  Speaker 2: it's going to get real bad. Because we're not shooting
• 11:41
  Speaker 2: at squirrels in our backyard. We're demanding accountability with those weapons.
• 11:46
  Speaker 2: Are we? If that was the case, it'd be 10,000
• 11:49
  Speaker 2: people right now like you're on Hong Kong.
• 11:53
  Speaker 1: Where are the street protests.
• 11:54
  Speaker 2: Where you have the weapons, you have the guns, you
• 11:59
  Speaker 2: have the guns, you have access to transportation. The people
• 12:05
  Speaker 2: in Hong Kong, they don't even have guns. They're getting
• 12:07
  Speaker 2: taken tasers to the face. To show that they're pissed.
• 12:12
  Speaker 2: We've had none of that except a couple of theater
• 12:16
  Speaker 2: kids fighting a couple of guys who can't get laid
• 12:18
  Speaker 2: in Portland. That's the only skirmish we've had. We got
• 12:25
  Speaker 2: a couple of vigilantes doing some version of West Side
• 12:29
  Speaker 2: Story in Portland. And people act like, well, if they
• 12:34
  Speaker 2: take the guns, it's going to be trouble. They're going
• 12:37
  Speaker 2: to start stepping on our necks. Huh? I mean, I
• 12:47
  Speaker 2: could be wrong. I'm willing to be wrong here. I'm
• 12:50
  Speaker 2: willing to engage people. I have friends that are libertarians,
• 12:55
  Speaker 2: which is a dumb thing to be.
• 12:59
  Speaker 1: Private roads, private it. Destroy the government.
• 13:02
  Speaker 2: We're going to live in anarchy. We're going to live
• 13:03
  Speaker 2: in chaos. Those are always people who've lived with their
• 13:06
  Speaker 2: mother for too long. Those are always people who would
• 13:10
  Speaker 2: last about three minutes in a street fight that believe
• 13:13
  Speaker 2: those things. Get rid of everything.
• 13:15
  Speaker 1: Chaos and anarchy.
• 13:17
  Speaker 2: There's a temptation. When you're on that side of the
• 13:19
  Speaker 2: spectrum or you're a radical leftist, you know your ideas
• 13:24
  Speaker 2: will never get put into practice. So it's easy to
• 13:26
  Speaker 2: get very romantic about them. Doesn't matter. It's like picturing
• 13:31
  Speaker 2: fucking somebody who's really hot and you know damn well
• 13:33
  Speaker 2: you're never going to do it. And if you had
• 13:35
  Speaker 2: the chance to do it, you're going to be nervous.
• 13:36
  Speaker 2: You can barely get hard. You're coming in five seconds.
• 13:40
  Speaker 2: It's not what you think it's going to be, but
• 13:42
  Speaker 2: it doesn't matter because you're not Jessica Alba's not fucking do.
• 13:46
  Speaker 2: So you don't get to play out that fantasy and
• 13:48
  Speaker 2: make it into a reality and realize, oh, I should
• 13:51
  Speaker 2: fuck her good, right?
• 13:53
  Speaker 1: I should make this fun for her. Your ideas are ideas.
• 13:58
  Speaker 2: None of them ever... I talk to libertarians who I
• 14:00
  Speaker 2: like as people. They're like, yeah, we should just have private...
• 14:04
  Speaker 2: That's all happening already. There are gated communities. There are
• 14:08
  Speaker 2: private roads. When that thing in Malibu happened, there were
• 14:10
  Speaker 2: private firefighters.
• 14:12
  Speaker 1: Rich people go to.
• 14:13
  Speaker 2: They go to private... All of the schools they go
• 14:16
  Speaker 2: to are private. All of that shit is going down already.
• 14:20
  Speaker 2: How much more private shit do you want? Every fucking
• 14:24
  Speaker 2: five minutes of California, you run up against a gate.
• 14:30
  Speaker 2: Because people are like, no, this is not for you.
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: Not for you.
• 14:34
  Speaker 2: This beach isn't for you.
• 14:37
  Speaker 1: It's for someone else.
• 14:39
  Speaker 2: There's a lot of private stuff. But I don't know
• 14:43
  Speaker 2: if everyone was walking around with an AR-15. Is the
• 14:47
  Speaker 2: country better off? I don't know. I used to believe...
• 14:52
  Speaker 2: But no one really is interested in freedom. No one
• 14:54
  Speaker 2: really cares unless.
• 14:56
  Speaker 1: It's about a gun.
• 14:59
  Speaker 2: I've had people say to me, I don't care that
• 15:01
  Speaker 2: they're reading my email. I'm not doing nothing. It's not
• 15:04
  Speaker 2: the point. The point is you shouldn't have to be
• 15:07
  Speaker 2: a child pornographer to care if the government is reading
• 15:13
  Speaker 2: everything you do.
• 15:16
  Speaker 1: It's not the point.
• 15:17
  Speaker 2: Well, I'm not doing anything. So who cares what they're doing?
• 15:21
  Speaker 2: Because you don't know what's going to happen. You don't
• 15:24
  Speaker 2: know who's going to be reading that. You don't know
• 15:26
  Speaker 2: what they're going to perceive as antisocial behavior. You don't
• 15:31
  Speaker 2: know what you could potentially say to somebody. Well, I
• 15:33
  Speaker 2: think the government's doing a bad job. FBI, you don't know.
• 15:37
  Speaker 2: Think of the politicians really hate, whether it's the Clintons,
• 15:41
  Speaker 2: whether it's Trump, whoever it is, you hand these people
• 15:44
  Speaker 2: absolute power. In every fucking area of your life, you
• 15:47
  Speaker 2: don't give a shit. You don't care. And I try
• 15:50
  Speaker 2: to tell people, I'm like, well, it's not good that
• 15:53
  Speaker 2: they have this kind of power. Well, they're just detaining Muslims.
• 15:58
  Speaker 1: They're just detaining terrorists and anime combatants.
• 16:03
  Speaker 2: What?
• 16:05
  Speaker 1: What's the criteria for that?
• 16:09
  Speaker 2: If we go into your country and we start dropping
• 16:12
  Speaker 2: bombs on it and you ain't pleased, you're.
• 16:16
  Speaker 1: An enemy combatant.
• 16:19
  Speaker 2: If you don't walk out of your house and go,
• 16:20
  Speaker 2: thank you, thanks for the drone strikes, thanks for the bombs.
• 16:26
  Speaker 2: If you don't dance in the street, you're an enemy
• 16:30
  Speaker 2: combatant and we should just be able to torture you.
• 16:32
  Speaker 2: I don't... It's what the FBI does. I just read
• 16:37
  Speaker 2: an article the other day that Ben sent me. And
• 16:39
  Speaker 2: I've known this. The FBI like gives guns to mentally
• 16:45
  Speaker 2: retarded Muslims. And they walk into a mosque and they
• 16:50
  Speaker 2: pick some kid, some like young guy who's completely unaware
• 16:57
  Speaker 2: that he's even a human being on earth. He doesn't
• 17:00
  Speaker 2: know what the fuck's going on. And they hand him
• 17:02
  Speaker 2: a bomb. And then they go, he's a terrorist. And
• 17:06
  Speaker 2: then they put him in jail and they go, you
• 17:08
  Speaker 2: better inform. We're going to torture the fuck out of you.
• 17:11
  Speaker 2: What do you think they did with the Boston bombing?
• 17:13
  Speaker 2: Why do you think we ever heard about that? You
• 17:16
  Speaker 2: ever hear that trial? By the way, you think the
• 17:18
  Speaker 2: media is above? The media couldn't cover that trial because
• 17:20
  Speaker 2: they had SAMs put on everyone involved called special administrative
• 17:24
  Speaker 2: measures put on everyone involved in that trial. You don't
• 17:27
  Speaker 2: think the media would have been in there? You think
• 17:28
  Speaker 2: the media didn't like it because Americans got killed? You
• 17:31
  Speaker 2: don't think the media, you don't think it was salacious?
• 17:34
  Speaker 2: A young kid, decent looking. They put him on the
• 17:37
  Speaker 2: front of Rolling Stone as like the first fucking hot
• 17:41
  Speaker 2: Vine star terrorist. This fucking young Vine star. They called
• 17:47
  Speaker 2: him like the sexy terrorist. That was the direction they
• 17:49
  Speaker 2: were going in. They were going to make him into that.
• 17:54
  Speaker 2: You don't think they wanted to be in there with
• 17:55
  Speaker 2: cameras in his fucking face interviewing him all the time.
• 17:58
  Speaker 1: They weren't allowed to do that. You didn't hear much
• 18:01
  Speaker 1: about that.
• 18:02
  Speaker 2: You didn't hear much about their friend who the FBI
• 18:05
  Speaker 2: interviewed and killed during the interview.
• 18:09
  Speaker 1: Killed him during the interview. We all swallow that.
• 18:14
  Speaker 2: But if they took our guns away, the government would
• 18:18
  Speaker 2: really start to overreach. The government would just start framing
• 18:22
  Speaker 2: people and killing witnesses.
• 18:25
  Speaker 1: They're doing it.
• 18:25
  Speaker 2: They're doing it now. I don't... I get it. I'm
• 18:30
  Speaker 2: not going after your gun. Don't... I have friends with guns.
• 18:34
  Speaker 2: Guns are fun to shoot. I get it. People go hunting.
• 18:36
  Speaker 2: I'm not. But this whole argument that you're the 1776
• 18:41
  Speaker 2: militiamen resisting this tyrannical government because you have a gun
• 18:46
  Speaker 2: doesn't seem to be borne.
• 18:47
  Speaker 1: Out by the facts.
• 18:48
  Speaker 2: It's gotten pretty bad. At what point will we start
• 18:51
  Speaker 2: to resist? When will the resisting start? And don't take
• 18:54
  Speaker 2: this the wrong way and don't clip this and get
• 18:56
  Speaker 2: me off social media and don't get me taken down.
• 19:00
  Speaker 1: But you know what I mean?
• 19:02
  Speaker 2: When will you start when they do it to you
• 19:05
  Speaker 2: when they walk in your house and they snatch you? Yeah,
• 19:08
  Speaker 2: but you know. Nobody wants to talk about this. Nobody
• 19:14
  Speaker 2: wants to watch The Bachelor. I get it. It's a
• 19:18
  Speaker 2: fun show.
• 19:19
  Speaker 1: Who's he going to pick? Who's he going to choose?
• 19:23
  Speaker 1: What gold-digging whore will this.
• 19:29
  Speaker 2: Empty suit.
• 19:30
  Speaker 1: Choose, who probably doesn't have any fucking money anyway.
• 19:35
  Speaker 2: Well, everybody, if you notice that I'm wearing the new
• 19:37
  Speaker 2: NYPD shirt, it's from a sketch that we did where
• 19:41
  Speaker 2: I played Jeffrey Epstein's security guard. Is he supporting the
• 19:46
  Speaker 2: police state with his clothing? Yeah, that's what I'm doing.
• 19:50
  Speaker 2: That's what I'm doing. You know what, folks? We've had
• 19:54
  Speaker 2: a lot of discussions here about how to enrich your life,
• 19:58
  Speaker 2: both professionally and personally. And that's something that I'm really
• 20:00
  Speaker 2: proud of. And one of the things that I've told
• 20:03
  Speaker 2: you fucking people over and over again, ad nauseum to
• 20:06
  Speaker 2: the point where I'm banging my head against the fucking
• 20:08
  Speaker 2: wall and I'm bleeding, is that you need to have
• 20:10
  Speaker 2: a website. No matter what you are doing in life,
• 20:14
  Speaker 2: even if you're an anonymous human being with no aspirations,
• 20:16
  Speaker 2: you don't care about business, and you're living on a
• 20:19
  Speaker 2: fixed income in a trailer in Oklahoma. Still, get a
• 20:24
  Speaker 2: website and tell people about that. People need to hear
• 20:28
  Speaker 2: from you. They need to know where you are. And
• 20:30
  Speaker 2: you can't be too saucy on social. They'll fucking splash
• 20:33
  Speaker 2: you right out. They'll take you right out. They'll deplatform you.
• 20:37
  Speaker 2: You know, got to be a little careful, but not
• 20:40
  Speaker 2: on your own website. You can say whatever you want.
• 20:43
  Speaker 2: You could harass anyone you want on your own website.
• 20:48
  Speaker 2: Tell everybody about the Rothschilds. Who can stop you? It's
• 20:51
  Speaker 2: your own website. Okay. Or, you know, promote your nail salon.
• 20:58
  Speaker 2: I'm not telling you what to do. Either or, talk
• 21:01
  Speaker 2: about reptilians that live in the center of the earth
• 21:06
  Speaker 2: or promote your wedding photo business or both. I would
• 21:12
  Speaker 2: gladly sign on with a wedding photographer who talked about
• 21:16
  Speaker 2: interdimensional reptiles. I'd be into that. And that's not going
• 21:20
  Speaker 2: to be everybody. It's just going to be me. Wix.com.
• 21:24
  Speaker 2: It's a better way to build websites for your clients.
• 21:26
  Speaker 2: A lot of you people can't afford a website to
• 21:28
  Speaker 2: be done for you. You people are in the infancy
• 21:33
  Speaker 2: of your business. You don't know anything. You're not a big,
• 21:37
  Speaker 2: big dog. You're a little pup just trying to get
• 21:40
  Speaker 2: some attention. Just a dog trying to get a bone.
• 21:43
  Speaker 2: Just a squirrel trying to get a nut. Just a
• 21:44
  Speaker 2: raccoon trying to steal some trash out of the dumpster
• 21:47
  Speaker 2: behind the local pizzeria.
• 21:49
  Speaker 1: That's what you are. But you don't have to always
• 21:51
  Speaker 1: be that.
• 21:52
  Speaker 2: One day you'll be the king of the jungle feasting
• 21:54
  Speaker 2: on a gazelle in front of a majestic landscape in Tanzania.
• 21:58
  Speaker 1: But not right now. Right now, you're a feral cat.
• 22:01
  Speaker 2: Feral. Whatever. Shut up. Okay?
• 22:05
  Speaker 1: Start with a blank page. Design the layout if you want.
• 22:07
  Speaker 2: Grow their business with a custom online store.
• 22:09
  Speaker 1: Out-of-the-box booking system. Live chat.
• 22:12
  Speaker 2: Publish in a click and make edits fast. Your clients
• 22:15
  Speaker 2: will enjoy enterprise-grade security and automatic web hosting. Use leading
• 22:20
  Speaker 2: industry SEO, which means your Google search terms will pop up.
• 22:24
  Speaker 2: It'll drive people to your website and therefore to your business.
• 22:28
  Speaker 2: It's a powerful marketing tool. You need to drive traffic
• 22:31
  Speaker 2: to your site, and Wix helps you do that. Get
• 22:33
  Speaker 2: started on your next client website today. Go to wix.com
• 22:37
  Speaker 2: slash gth1. wix.com slash gth1. Okay? That's what you got
• 22:46
  Speaker 2: to do. You're going to get a good deal. People
• 22:50
  Speaker 2: are going to respect you. You're going to win. You
• 22:54
  Speaker 2: can't afford to lay out a lot of money up front.
• 22:58
  Speaker 2: You just got a little bit of an inheritance. Mommy
• 23:01
  Speaker 2: just kicked the bucket. Or maybe your great aunt who
• 23:04
  Speaker 2: always smelled weird. But now she's where she belongs in
• 23:07
  Speaker 2: the ground. And you've got $ 3, 600 worth of bonds sitting
• 23:11
  Speaker 2: in your bank account. And you need to stretch it
• 23:14
  Speaker 2: and make it last until you're famous and rich and
• 23:17
  Speaker 2: everybody loves you. And that's going to happen. But it
• 23:21
  Speaker 2: starts with a website. Otherwise, you're going to be anonymous.
• 23:24
  Speaker 2: Drinking at some bar. talking about what you could have been,
• 23:27
  Speaker 2: what you should have done. Be one of those guys.
• 23:31
  Speaker 2: You don't want to be that.
• 23:33
  Speaker 1: Be a Titan. Be a Titan, folks.
• 23:38
  Speaker 2: Wix.
• 23:40
  Speaker 1: Wix.com.
• 23:42
  Speaker 2: I love it. I use it. My family uses it.
• 23:49
  Speaker 2: My mother is a paranoid schizophrenic, lives in a mental institution,
• 23:53
  Speaker 2: has an amazing website. She just fires off. Those synapses
• 23:56
  Speaker 2: in her brain start going. She just starts publishing links.
• 23:59
  Speaker 2: They don't go nowhere. She's got an online store, but,
• 24:03
  Speaker 2: you know, it's Beanie Babies stained with ranch dressing that
• 24:07
  Speaker 2: she's willing to sell you. Tags have been chewed up
• 24:10
  Speaker 2: by dogs and cats. But listen, if she can make
• 24:15
  Speaker 2: it work, so can you. You know what I mean? Wix.com
• 24:18
  Speaker 2: slash GTH1. Wix.com slash GTH1. Do it. You know, listen.
• 24:32
  Speaker 2: There was this guy. My mother rented her house out
• 24:37
  Speaker 2: in eighth grade. And I've told a lot of these stories.
• 24:41
  Speaker 2: I'm not going to go back into them. But suffice
• 24:44
  Speaker 2: to say, she rented it out to a lot of
• 24:47
  Speaker 2: people who ended up selling drugs. Because in Long Island,
• 24:51
  Speaker 2: when you were renting a room and you didn't have
• 24:53
  Speaker 2: any credit, you worked in construction. Right? And construction meant
• 24:57
  Speaker 2: that you sold drugs. And then you also maybe you
• 25:00
  Speaker 2: did construction. But you also sold drugs. That was what
• 25:05
  Speaker 2: it meant. And she rented it out to one guy
• 25:08
  Speaker 2: named Dennis. Dennis was the only one in the house
• 25:10
  Speaker 2: not selling drugs. He barely had any fucking money. And
• 25:13
  Speaker 2: he was an older guy. He was an interesting guy.
• 25:18
  Speaker 2: He was... He was very spiteful. He went to Vietnam.
• 25:24
  Speaker 2: He served in Vietnam. came back from Vietnam, had this
• 25:28
  Speaker 2: thriving baseball card business. Him and his wife into parties, Coke, booze,
• 25:33
  Speaker 2: you know, the whole thing, the whole nine or the
• 25:37
  Speaker 2: whole eight, you know, Coke. Him and his wife got divorced.
• 25:41
  Speaker 2: I don't know why. Maybe he bought somebody else. I
• 25:44
  Speaker 2: don't know. Irreconcilable differences, whatever. And instead of giving her alimony,
• 25:50
  Speaker 2: he decided to quit his job and go live in
• 25:52
  Speaker 2: a van down by the beach. by Long Beach. Okay.
• 25:58
  Speaker 2: He then moved into.
• 25:59
  Speaker 1: My mother's house where he befriended me and my friend Shay.
• 26:03
  Speaker 2: And he would tell us all these stories about, you know,
• 26:05
  Speaker 2: bar fights and Vietnam. And he was a cynic because he,
• 26:13
  Speaker 2: he was old enough to have heard all the bullshit
• 26:17
  Speaker 2: from every politician. And he ended as many people do
• 26:22
  Speaker 2: in a room where, drinking wine out of a Burger
• 26:25
  Speaker 2: King cup with ice in it, smoking a pack of
• 26:29
  Speaker 2: Marlboro Reds a day, and saying the N-word. Now, that's
• 26:36
  Speaker 2: neither here nor there, and I don't endorse that kind
• 26:38
  Speaker 2: of behavior.
• 26:39
  Speaker 1: I'm saying....
• 26:43
  Speaker 2: Idealism, idealism ends usually there, is what I'm saying. If
• 26:50
  Speaker 2: you don't have a healthy dose of cynicism... You're going
• 26:53
  Speaker 2: to end up like Dennis. Dennis was not a bad man.
• 26:56
  Speaker 2: He wasn't great.
• 27:00
  Speaker 1: His kids hadn't spoken to him in five years. They
• 27:02
  Speaker 1: called him once and.
• 27:02
  Speaker 2: He was so drunk. He answered, he went, hello, hello.
• 27:07
  Speaker 2: And they went, hi dad. And he went, hey, what
• 27:08
  Speaker 2: are you doing? And they said, I think I'm going
• 27:10
  Speaker 2: to go. And he goes, whatever. After everything that happened,
• 27:14
  Speaker 2: Dennis said life in the big city.
• 27:17
  Speaker 1: It was one of my favorite quotes he ever said.
• 27:20
  Speaker 1: Life in the big city.
• 27:22
  Speaker 2: My mother would go, the cops are going to probably
• 27:25
  Speaker 2: raid the house because they're running a pretty big coke
• 27:27
  Speaker 2: operation upstairs. And Dennis would go, life in the big city.
• 27:32
  Speaker 2: My mother would go, your kids you haven't seen in
• 27:34
  Speaker 2: five years called you and because you were so drunk,
• 27:37
  Speaker 2: they hung up the phone and they never want to
• 27:38
  Speaker 2: speak to you again. Life in the big city. He
• 27:43
  Speaker 2: would say that. He'd sit there holding his hunting knife
• 27:47
  Speaker 2: in a chair, staring at the fire, drinking cheap wine
• 27:51
  Speaker 2: out of a Burger King, big cup with ice in it,
• 27:54
  Speaker 2: smoking Marlboro Reds, and saying, life in the big city.
• 28:00
  Speaker 2: He had a few other sayings. Now, these are not
• 28:05
  Speaker 2: good sayings. I do not speak this way. And I
• 28:13
  Speaker 2: could say it was a different time, but there was
• 28:14
  Speaker 2: no time when this was appropriate. He'd walk around and say,
• 28:19
  Speaker 2: there's an N-word in the woodpile. I don't know what
• 28:21
  Speaker 2: that meant. I don't know why he would say that.
• 28:24
  Speaker 2: He was a deranged man who had lost most of
• 28:27
  Speaker 2: what you could ever get in life. He had nothing left.
• 28:32
  Speaker 2: He's dead.
• 28:32
  Speaker 1: You can't cancel him. You can't cancel Dennis.
• 28:36
  Speaker 2: He died exactly as he should have, clutching his chest
• 28:38
  Speaker 2: on a fishing boat in front of his brother.
• 28:44
  Speaker 1: He was young.
• 28:46
  Speaker 2: He was in his late 50s, early 60s, probably early 60s.
• 28:50
  Speaker 2: And he had one last, you know, he loved playing cards.
• 28:54
  Speaker 2: And I don't endorse the sayings, but life in the
• 28:56
  Speaker 2: big city, I don't think that was the worst way
• 29:00
  Speaker 2: to handle everything.
• 29:02
  Speaker 1: And Dennis had guns. Dennis had a lot of guns
• 29:06
  Speaker 1: under his bed, in the closet.
• 29:12
  Speaker 2: But Dennis had those guns in case somebody came into
• 29:15
  Speaker 2: the house, he'd You'd shoot them in the face. So
• 29:19
  Speaker 2: he said, if he was sober enough to find a gun,
• 29:22
  Speaker 2: get his finger on the trigger.
• 29:24
  Speaker 1: Thank God that was never tested. Would have shot me.
• 29:27
  Speaker 2: Would have shot me when I was just trying to
• 29:30
  Speaker 2: do a line in the bathroom. Like an eighth grader
• 29:32
  Speaker 2: getting ready for school. But life in the big city
• 29:37
  Speaker 2: is kind of where you end up. in many cases
• 29:45
  Speaker 2: we'd sit there with my mother they'd eat baked clams
• 29:47
  Speaker 2: they'd eat linguine with red clam sauce he would smoke
• 29:50
  Speaker 2: cigarettes while he ate no one does that anymore he
• 29:54
  Speaker 2: loved beer he loved wine no hard stuff he swore
• 29:58
  Speaker 2: most of that off.
• 30:00
  Speaker 1: And he was a good guy.
• 30:01
  Speaker 2: I remember at my grandmother's funeral, he was, after my
• 30:05
  Speaker 2: mother's house was lost, Dennis.
• 30:10
  Speaker 1: Moved into my mother's van. He came full circle.
• 30:13
  Speaker 2: He moved into my mother's van and then he parked
• 30:15
  Speaker 2: it in my grandmother's driveway and he would shower in
• 30:18
  Speaker 2: my grandmother's house and he would live in the van.
• 30:20
  Speaker 2: And he would give me advice. He'd give my mother advice.
• 30:26
  Speaker 2: Living in a van, in a driveway in long Island,
• 30:29
  Speaker 2: he would say, this is what you got to do.
• 30:31
  Speaker 2: And this is how you got to do it. This
• 30:33
  Speaker 2: is how you must proceed. This is the way life is.
• 30:38
  Speaker 2: And sometimes you'd kind of say to him, and he'd say, Hey,
• 30:42
  Speaker 2: I'm living in a van in a driveway life in
• 30:44
  Speaker 2: the big city. Now he never lived in a big city,
• 30:48
  Speaker 2: never lived in a big city. No, I've been to
• 30:52
  Speaker 2: the city a handful of times, but the city was
• 30:55
  Speaker 2: not part of his existence.
• 30:57
  Speaker 1: He was very comfortable on the marsh of Long Island.
• 31:01
  Speaker 2: I remember he came to my grandmother's funeral.
• 31:02
  Speaker 1: He moved in with another.
• 31:03
  Speaker 2: Man in New York, another man in my town, and
• 31:06
  Speaker 2: now this man had a son. And this man's son
• 31:08
  Speaker 2: would get out of jail every three years and try
• 31:10
  Speaker 2: to kill his father. This is a fact. Get out
• 31:14
  Speaker 2: of jail every three years, go try to kill his father,
• 31:17
  Speaker 2: and also try to kill Dennis. You know, they'd have
• 31:20
  Speaker 2: to jam the door shut and everything, like clockwork. Dennis
• 31:24
  Speaker 2: would come over to the house and go... Joey's out,
• 31:27
  Speaker 2: tried to kill us again. And we go, oh yeah,
• 31:29
  Speaker 2: well that's, it's that time of, you know. So Dennis
• 31:34
  Speaker 2: came to my grandmother's funeral. He goes, I just got
• 31:37
  Speaker 2: a brand new gun. I said, oh good. And he goes,
• 31:42
  Speaker 2: and I'll tell you right now, because when Joey gets
• 31:45
  Speaker 2: out this time, when I see him, I'm just going
• 31:48
  Speaker 2: to kill him. Before he even has a chance to
• 31:53
  Speaker 2: make it onto the lawn. When I see him, I'm
• 31:56
  Speaker 2: going to kill him. This is what people are using
• 32:01
  Speaker 2: guns for. They're not using it to form a paramilitary
• 32:09
  Speaker 2: force to check the Orwellian overreach of government. Not that
• 32:14
  Speaker 2: I've seen. They're using it for these types of skirmishes.
• 32:20
  Speaker 2: And not that it's completely unnecessary, right? But let's not
• 32:25
  Speaker 2: delude ourselves. Dennis was not railing against the state. He
• 32:32
  Speaker 2: just wanted to shoot his friend's son before his friend's
• 32:36
  Speaker 2: son came in the house and tried to kill his
• 32:39
  Speaker 2: father and Dennis. That's all. I get it.
• 32:46
  Speaker 1: You know, life in the big city. I miss Dennis.
• 32:50
  Speaker 2: Dennis was, again, not... Not winning any awards as a humanitarian.
• 33:00
  Speaker 2: Who's not the most woke person. I think we've established that.
• 33:04
  Speaker 2: He was not woke. He was barely awake. Literally. You know?
• 33:11
  Speaker 2: But that's what it is.
• 33:12
  Speaker 1: And I'm not saying that's the only reason people use guns.
• 33:16
  Speaker 1: People use guns for a lot of reasons. And some
• 33:18
  Speaker 1: of them are good. Some of them make a lot
• 33:19
  Speaker 1: of sense.
• 33:21
  Speaker 2: But what people are also using guns for is to
• 33:23
  Speaker 2: walk into a market or a school and shoot people
• 33:26
  Speaker 2: in the face. Now you look at the internet, you
• 33:33
  Speaker 2: see the direction things are moving. You see that mental
• 33:39
  Speaker 2: illness is widespread.
• 33:44
  Speaker 1: It's not being, it's not being cared for.
• 33:49
  Speaker 2: Nobody is prioritizing their mental health and wellness. other than
• 33:55
  Speaker 2: this fake self-care horseshit, which is, you know, to get
• 34:01
  Speaker 2: people to buy candles. There is no such thing as
• 34:04
  Speaker 2: self-care when you work three jobs a week to feed
• 34:08
  Speaker 2: your baby cat food. Eventually you snap. Okay. Okay.
• 34:15
  Speaker 1: I don't care how many baths you run.
• 34:17
  Speaker 2: If you're always one car accident away from bankruptcy and homelessness,
• 34:22
  Speaker 2: it doesn't matter if you light a lavender candle. You're
• 34:26
  Speaker 2: going to snap. We push people to the brink. We
• 34:30
  Speaker 2: push them to the edge. People are competing on American
• 34:33
  Speaker 2: Ninja Warrior for insulin in this country and acting like
• 34:36
  Speaker 2: it's a privilege. So they're going to snap. China does
• 34:41
  Speaker 2: it when they work you to death at the Apple
• 34:43
  Speaker 2: factory and you try to kill yourself. Foxconn puts all
• 34:46
  Speaker 2: these tents. I'm not tense. Nets. So that you can't
• 34:50
  Speaker 2: kill yourself. You just land in the net and they
• 34:53
  Speaker 2: come and I guess pick you up and go, get
• 34:56
  Speaker 2: back on the line. Go back to work. Okay? Which
• 35:01
  Speaker 2: is inhumane. What if you handed all those people guns?
• 35:05
  Speaker 2: I bet there'd be some issues. I bet there would be.
• 35:10
  Speaker 2: But that's where we're at in this country. And I
• 35:11
  Speaker 2: know that People listen to the show for positive reinforcement,
• 35:15
  Speaker 2: and that's what I give you most of the time.
• 35:18
  Speaker 2: Most of the time, this show is about positivity, love,
• 35:21
  Speaker 2: and light. But, you know, I tried to talk to
• 35:26
  Speaker 2: somebody the other day about state of the world. Yeah,
• 35:31
  Speaker 2: if you read that new article on Zero Hedge, which
• 35:33
  Speaker 2: is kind of interesting, they've got a lot of bullshit
• 35:34
  Speaker 2: on that site, but they're like, the central bankers are
• 35:36
  Speaker 2: preparing for the collapse of the dollar by saying, let's
• 35:39
  Speaker 2: institute a new cryptocurrency program. that serves our needs better
• 35:43
  Speaker 2: than the dollar. Rich people are hoarding cash. People are
• 35:46
  Speaker 2: cutting interest rates. There's a lot of doomsday signs for
• 35:48
  Speaker 2: the economy. You try to tell somebody this and they respond,
• 35:51
  Speaker 2: they go, listen, man, put that shit out of your head.
• 35:54
  Speaker 2: We're living in paradise. And I understand, I understand why
• 35:58
  Speaker 2: people feel that way. It's because they're insane. And I
• 36:04
  Speaker 2: understand you were rewarded for being insane in this country.
• 36:07
  Speaker 2: For being insane, you were rewarded. I'm like half crazy.
• 36:12
  Speaker 2: There's no money in that. You got to go full
• 36:16
  Speaker 2: fucking psychopath. Full lunatic. And to ignore reality. To ignore,
• 36:29
  Speaker 2: you know, I brought up, I'm like, you know, people
• 36:31
  Speaker 2: are living in tents.
• 36:31
  Speaker 1: It's not good.
• 36:32
  Speaker 2: And one of my friends goes, a friend I love,
• 36:35
  Speaker 2: good person, talented person. They were like, yeah, but there's
• 36:38
  Speaker 2: been Hoovervilles. People have always been living in tents. Is
• 36:43
  Speaker 2: that the response? Is that the response? People have always
• 36:47
  Speaker 2: been living in tents. Things are fine.
• 36:49
  Speaker 1: Things are fine.
• 36:50
  Speaker 2: We're not in a tent. That's most people's way to
• 36:55
  Speaker 2: process things. They go, hey, that's the way people handle
• 36:58
  Speaker 2: mass shootings. They go, I'm not dead yet. Hey, I
• 37:01
  Speaker 2: ain't dead. Soon that'll be a point in the argument.
• 37:06
  Speaker 2: Somebody go on CNN and go, well, I'm pretty alive
• 37:09
  Speaker 2: and so are you. So maybe you should relax, John,
• 37:13
  Speaker 2: and outside the windows you'll hear, and they'll go, well,
• 37:18
  Speaker 2: I'm here.
• 37:18
  Speaker 1: What's your big issue?
• 37:20
  Speaker 2: Stop being a negative Ned. Stop being so negative about
• 37:25
  Speaker 2: these mass shootings. Am I the only one who sees
• 37:27
  Speaker 2: these mass shootings as a great way to appreciate life?
• 37:32
  Speaker 2: It's a great way to appreciate life to hear about
• 37:34
  Speaker 2: 28 people that got mowed down at a farmer's market.
• 37:37
  Speaker 2: Makes you feel warm and fuzzy inside that you're on
• 37:39
  Speaker 2: your fat ass and you don't have any lead in
• 37:41
  Speaker 2: you yet.
• 37:42
  Speaker 1: I'm still alive. I'm not in a tent. This is
• 37:48
  Speaker 1: the thought process. Things are great.
• 37:52
  Speaker 2: Especially in LA, you go, things are great. And if
• 37:55
  Speaker 2: you bring up anything, you know, half the... I do this.
• 37:58
  Speaker 1: I sneak this in now. I go out to dinner.
• 38:00
  Speaker 1: I go, hey, how's everybody?
• 38:03
  Speaker 2: Good, good, good. What do we get? The appetizer? What
• 38:06
  Speaker 2: do you get? The prawns? Okay, 50% of American children
• 38:10
  Speaker 2: are living in poverty. What is the sauce with the prawns?
• 38:14
  Speaker 2: What kind of sauce is it? Is it, it's like
• 38:17
  Speaker 2: a lime sauce, right? Yeah, no, half the kids are,
• 38:20
  Speaker 2: they don't have food or medicine. What do we want
• 38:23
  Speaker 2: to do for an entree? Do we want to split something?
• 38:25
  Speaker 2: I'm not that hungry. And people don't, people don't care.
• 38:31
  Speaker 2: Like people are like, stop ruining everything. You're doing good.
• 38:39
  Speaker 2: So many people in this country, they're one car accident
• 38:42
  Speaker 2: away from bankruptcy, from financial disaster. They really are. Everybody's like,
• 38:51
  Speaker 2: they're like Mario. You know, you jump over the little thing.
• 38:57
  Speaker 1: Jump over it.
• 38:59
  Speaker 2: Almost got sideswiped. Jump over it. Almost got laid off.
• 39:04
  Speaker 2: They laid off everyone else. They laid off my best friend.
• 39:06
  Speaker 2: He's in trouble.
• 39:08
  Speaker 1: Get the coin.
• 39:10
  Speaker 2: Run.
• 39:10
  Speaker 1: We're almost done with the level.
• 39:11
  Speaker 2: Quick.
• 39:12
  Speaker 1: Speed.
• 39:12
  Speaker 2: Speed. Mushroom. Jump. Jump. You know?
• 39:19
  Speaker 1: I don't have that rare blood cancer.
• 39:21
  Speaker 3: Oof.
• 39:22
  Speaker 1: Kid in that documentary did.
• 39:23
  Speaker 3: Jump.
• 39:24
  Speaker 2: Fly.
• 39:24
  Speaker 1: Oh good my aunt left me $ 2, 800.
• 39:28
  Speaker 2: When she died good that's that's the that's the having
• 39:32
  Speaker 2: the raccoon tail I can fly over the problems for
• 39:34
  Speaker 2: a little while we're living in a video game and
• 39:38
  Speaker 2: if you try to bring people's attention to that they
• 39:41
  Speaker 2: think you're a lunatic you know I just want to
• 39:46
  Speaker 2: be in love I want to be in the type
• 39:48
  Speaker 2: of love Literally. Where I look in somebody's eyes during
• 39:54
  Speaker 2: a mass shooting and we're both being riddled with bullets
• 40:01
  Speaker 2: and I don't care because I believe that love is
• 40:05
  Speaker 2: out there, that all-encompassing love. I just want to be
• 40:10
  Speaker 2: in that love. That's why I'm on keto and I'm
• 40:12
  Speaker 2: going to lose a bunch of weight because I want
• 40:13
  Speaker 2: to find that person out there that No matter what happens,
• 40:19
  Speaker 2: we take a honeymoon to the Amazon rainforest. And we're like,
• 40:26
  Speaker 2: isn't this beautiful? And all of a sudden we see
• 40:29
  Speaker 2: these people lighting fires. And you see people running out
• 40:33
  Speaker 2: of their houses with their babies and they're screaming. And
• 40:35
  Speaker 2: I go, it's so beautiful here. And they go, yeah, man,
• 40:38
  Speaker 2: it's just so nice, so peaceful. And we're so lucky.
• 40:42
  Speaker 2: And the screams, we don't hear the screams. We hear,
• 40:46
  Speaker 2: we're far enough away. You just kind of see the
• 40:49
  Speaker 2: people's mouths agape. And you hear something that sounds like
• 40:54
  Speaker 2: a scream. But it could also be just a beautiful bird.
• 40:59
  Speaker 2: And that's where I want to get to in my life.
• 41:03
  Speaker 2: Because that's the way to live. You know? We're making
• 41:07
  Speaker 2: these videos that are satirizing shit. We're trying too hard.
• 41:12
  Speaker 2: We're trying too hard. We're going to start. We're going
• 41:15
  Speaker 2: to adjust. We're going to have new videos. They're going
• 41:18
  Speaker 2: to be better. And it's just going to be me shitting.
• 41:23
  Speaker 2: I'm going to shit for one minute or maybe 25
• 41:28
  Speaker 2: seconds because the minute's a little long now. 25 seconds.
• 41:32
  Speaker 2: I'm going to take a shit in a different kooky place. Okay?
• 41:38
  Speaker 2: And instead of doing that video at the pink wall,
• 41:40
  Speaker 2: I'm just going to take a shit and I'm going
• 41:42
  Speaker 2: to start flinging it at people. I'm going to fling
• 41:45
  Speaker 2: my own shit at people. And I'm hoping that's going
• 41:50
  Speaker 2: to get the numbers up. I don't know, but that's
• 41:53
  Speaker 2: what I'm going to try to do. I'm going to
• 41:56
  Speaker 2: start defecating in different fun, kooky places, and then taking
• 42:03
  Speaker 2: my own shit and hurling it in the air and dancing.
• 42:09
  Speaker 2: And that is the entertainment that you people out there deserve.
• 42:15
  Speaker 2: And that's what you're going to get. I just want to,
• 42:22
  Speaker 2: you know, somebody just told me they're doing American Ninja Warrior,
• 42:26
  Speaker 2: but it's going to be in the water. It's going
• 42:28
  Speaker 2: to be in the water. They got asked to maybe
• 42:31
  Speaker 2: host it. It's a new American Ninja Warrior. I want
• 42:34
  Speaker 2: to host. I want to host real competition shows. Real ones.
• 42:41
  Speaker 2: Where at the end of it, we give your kid
• 42:44
  Speaker 2: an insulin shot. At the end of it. And people
• 42:50
  Speaker 2: will defend that. They'll go, they knew what they were
• 42:54
  Speaker 2: getting into. It's a competition, fair and square. They knew
• 42:56
  Speaker 2: what they were getting into. Hello. I'm back again talking
• 43:01
  Speaker 2: about BetterHelp, which a lot of people, you know, believe
• 43:04
  Speaker 2: is a scam. I've had people say that they've had
• 43:07
  Speaker 2: positive experiences with it. So what do you fucking want
• 43:09
  Speaker 2: from me? You know, they're advertising on the program. Now,
• 43:13
  Speaker 2: if it, I've told you before, if you have a
• 43:16
  Speaker 2: sexual fetish and you want to call up better help
• 43:20
  Speaker 2: and masturbate on the line. I have no problem with that. Okay.
• 43:24
  Speaker 2: Better help is an online counseling service. Okay. It offers
• 43:28
  Speaker 2: licensed professional counselors who specialize in issues like depression, stress, anxiety, relationships, sleeping, anger, family, conflict, self-esteem,
• 43:35
  Speaker 2: and more. It lets you connect with your professional counselor
• 43:38
  Speaker 2: to safe and private online environment. Anything you share is
• 43:40
  Speaker 2: kind of confident. It's confidential. I was going to say
• 43:44
  Speaker 2: it's controversial. Anything you share is controversial. Wouldn't that be hilarious?
• 43:49
  Speaker 1: I'm having trouble sleeping. What the fuck?
• 43:51
  Speaker 2: What are you, a Nazi? Everything you say is controversial.
• 43:54
  Speaker 2: It's a combative therapist. Everything they say, everything you confide
• 43:59
  Speaker 2: in them, they accuse you of being a Nazi. You know,
• 44:02
  Speaker 2: me and my girlfriend, we just don't connect the way
• 44:04
  Speaker 2: we used to. Is it because you want to kill Jews, Nazi?
• 44:08
  Speaker 2: You're like, what? With BetterHelp, you can schedule secure video
• 44:12
  Speaker 2: or phone sessions plus chat and text with your therapist.
• 44:16
  Speaker 1: Hi, therapist.
• 44:18
  Speaker 2: It's Tim. I'm having issues and I need help.
• 44:25
  Speaker 1: Well, welcome to BetterHelp. My name is Marlene.
• 44:29
  Speaker 2: How's it going, fatty? What?
• 44:34
  Speaker 1: How's it going, fat boy?
• 44:37
  Speaker 2: Why are you calling me that, Marlene? I'm a licensed
• 44:39
  Speaker 2: counselor with BetterHelp. What kind of license do you have?
• 44:42
  Speaker 1: Shut up! You shut your mouth!
• 44:46
  Speaker 2: I'm a doctor. I'm a doctor. You respect me. Okay, well, Marlene,
• 44:54
  Speaker 2: I have bad anxiety. Sometimes I get real dizzy in
• 44:59
  Speaker 2: public places. Maybe I'm agoraphobic. I don't like going out. Well,
• 45:03
  Speaker 2: then stay in. Stay in, fat ass. Marlene, I'm not
• 45:08
  Speaker 2: even that overweight. Oh, you're a fat boy. I can
• 45:12
  Speaker 2: hear you chewing, satiating yourself, filling yourself. Marlene, this sounds insane.
• 45:20
  Speaker 2: I thought you were going to help me. Oh, I'm
• 45:22
  Speaker 2: helping you, fat ass. I'm your better help counselor. That
• 45:27
  Speaker 2: was literally, that was audio from a better help call
• 45:30
  Speaker 2: than I did. And it's not, I think it's fine.
• 45:38
  Speaker 2: I think it's good. If you feel shitty, call better help.
• 45:44
  Speaker 2: Call a counselor. If you're feeling down, call better help
• 45:49
  Speaker 2: are the counselor are the counselor's license hey shut up
• 45:54
  Speaker 2: you narc just.
• 45:55
  Speaker 1: Talk to someone on the phone don't.
• 46:00
  Speaker 2: Sit in your apartment all alone you're poor you're fat
• 46:05
  Speaker 2: you're gay you're dumb you got a disease and you
• 46:09
  Speaker 2: can't come whatever it is there's better help We employ
• 46:15
  Speaker 2: the best grifters on the market.
• 46:18
  Speaker 1: I'm kidding. They're all great.
• 46:20
  Speaker 2: It's all great. They're licensed professionals. They're going to help you.
• 46:24
  Speaker 2: They're going to help you with your issues. Are you afraid?
• 46:29
  Speaker 2: Are you depressed? Are you fearful? Are you anxious? Are
• 46:34
  Speaker 2: you sad? Call BetterHelp and they'll tell you to shut
• 46:39
  Speaker 2: your mouth. They give you good strategies. Call me up.
• 46:45
  Speaker 2: I'm better help.
• 46:47
  Speaker 1: Say something. A vape out of your mouth.
• 46:51
  Speaker 3: Hey, is this better help?
• 46:53
  Speaker 2: Hey, shut up for a minute. This is better help.
• 46:58
  Speaker 2: My name is Frank and I'm your counselor. Hey, Frank.
• 47:03
  Speaker 3: I'm going through a long-term relationship. Just split up with
• 47:07
  Speaker 3: my girl.
• 47:07
  Speaker 2: I'm in my own place. Well, it doesn't sound like
• 47:09
  Speaker 2: you're going through a long-term relationship.
• 47:12
  Speaker 1: Sounds like you just ended one.
• 47:14
  Speaker 2: Continue.
• 47:14
  Speaker 3: We'll go through a breakup, sorry.
• 47:16
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 47:16
  Speaker 3: Jesus Christ.
• 47:17
  Speaker 2: You seem not to know what's happening. Well, sorry. Go on.
• 47:20
  Speaker 2: I'm out of it now. Go on.
• 47:22
  Speaker 3: I'm feeling really depressed. She didn't let me have any friends,
• 47:25
  Speaker 3: so now that we're not together, you know, I'm very alone.
• 47:29
  Speaker 3: I have no one to really talk to, and that's
• 47:31
  Speaker 3: honestly why I'm calling you, just to have someone to
• 47:33
  Speaker 3: listen to me.
• 47:34
  Speaker 2: Hey, kid. A friend of mine, before DNA, before DNA,
• 47:40
  Speaker 2: I could tell you how to fix this problem. You
• 47:43
  Speaker 2: know what I mean? You'll get you now Whatever you
• 47:48
  Speaker 2: do So don't do nothing Don't leave Don't leave nothing
• 47:52
  Speaker 2: On the doorstep Don't follow her You know Just get
• 47:57
  Speaker 2: some whores Did that help?
• 48:04
  Speaker 3: Yeah thanks Frank I appreciate it You're.
• 48:05
  Speaker 2: Welcome Better help.
• 48:10
  Speaker 4: Don't kill your chick It's better help.
• 48:16
  Speaker 2: The help is.
• 48:17
  Speaker 1: Better when you call an online.
• 48:20
  Speaker 2: Let's do one more. Hi.
• 48:23
  Speaker 1: Hi, it's Kirsten.
• 48:26
  Speaker 3: Hey, Kirsten.
• 48:27
  Speaker 2: Hi. Hi.
• 48:28
  Speaker 3: It's kind of a humbling moment for me. I don't
• 48:33
  Speaker 3: usually reach out for help, but you know.
• 48:35
  Speaker 1: That's okay. That's what we're here for. It's called better help.
• 48:38
  Speaker 2: That's what they said when they hired me. No, thank you.
• 48:41
  Speaker 2: I legally have to talk to you.
• 48:44
  Speaker 3: Doesn't make me feel good no it.
• 48:47
  Speaker 2: Does you're a sweetie you're so sweet i can hear
• 48:50
  Speaker 2: it in your voice you're sweet oh well thanks thanks
• 48:54
  Speaker 2: what's your issue.
• 48:55
  Speaker 3: Well i've been having performance issues in the in the
• 49:00
  Speaker 3: bedroom in the bedroom yeah like i just can't get
• 49:04
  Speaker 3: it up and i feel like you know i'm just
• 49:07
  Speaker 3: not really attracted to my wife anymore i'm starting to
• 49:09
  Speaker 3: have these thoughts about like men and I don't know.
• 49:12
  Speaker 3: I'm just kind of confused sexually and it's depressing me
• 49:14
  Speaker 3: a lot.
• 49:15
  Speaker 1: You know, I've dated many.
• 49:17
  Speaker 2: Men that were probably gay, and I just started pegging them.
• 49:27
  Speaker 2: So your wife needs to put on a strap-on and
• 49:29
  Speaker 2: fuck you right.
• 49:31
  Speaker 1: Would she have a problem with that?
• 49:32
  Speaker 2: No, I don't think so.
• 49:34
  Speaker 3: She wants to spice it up. That's what she's been
• 49:36
  Speaker 3: saying all along.
• 49:37
  Speaker 1: So spice it up!
• 49:40
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 49:41
  Speaker 1: I've gotten to the point where I can only.
• 49:43
  Speaker 2: Come if my face is being pushed into a garbage
• 49:48
  Speaker 2: disposal and I hear the garbage being ground up in
• 49:55
  Speaker 2: the kitchen. I can only come if I'm being fucked
• 49:57
  Speaker 2: sideways and my head is being smashed and I hear
• 50:00
  Speaker 2: that gurgling sound. So just jack.
• 50:06
  Speaker 1: Does that help?
• 50:07
  Speaker 2: Yeah, thanks, Kirsten. Better out. Thank you. Better out. Folks,
• 50:14
  Speaker 2: it's a great company. Let's tell you where to go here.
• 50:18
  Speaker 2: Let's tell you how it all works. Here's what you do, folks.
• 50:25
  Speaker 2: I'm dead serious. You need help. You don't have money.
• 50:29
  Speaker 2: Call these people. Are they going to help you? Yes.
• 50:35
  Speaker 2: What the fuck do I know? Some dude with a flashlight.
• 50:37
  Speaker 2: What's he doing? 10% off. What's that? I don't know.
• 50:41
  Speaker 2: Some guy with a flashlight.
• 50:42
  Speaker 3: It's just dark on that trail.
• 50:43
  Speaker 2: Oh, so you just need a light? Yeah. That's good.
• 50:46
  Speaker 2: I'm cocking this gun. Get 10% off your first month
• 50:53
  Speaker 2: by going to betterhelp.com slash Tim Dillon. Betterhelp.com slash Tim Dillon. Okay?
• 51:02
  Speaker 2: They'll be great. Let's do one more. Hi, my name
• 51:07
  Speaker 2: is Carl. Welcome to BetterHelp. Hey, Carl.
• 51:12
  Speaker 3: How's it going, man? Listen, I'll just cut right to
• 51:14
  Speaker 3: the chase. I got excommunicated from my church. I was
• 51:21
  Speaker 3: a deacon. I got caught with this young girl. My
• 51:24
  Speaker 3: entire community, they're not talking to me anymore. I can't
• 51:29
  Speaker 3: get through to anybody. Very, very alone. I feel very isolated.
• 51:33
  Speaker 3: I'm starting to have violent thoughts.
• 51:34
  Speaker 2: I'll be honest.
• 51:36
  Speaker 3: I've always had violent thoughts, but now they're starting to
• 51:38
  Speaker 3: really increase. Could you help me out? I mean, do
• 51:41
  Speaker 3: I need to get on medication? Do I need just
• 51:44
  Speaker 3: to call you once a week?
• 51:45
  Speaker 2: What is your relationship with the girl right now?
• 51:49
  Speaker 3: Well, I mean, the family locked her up in her bedroom,
• 51:52
  Speaker 3: from what I understand.
• 51:53
  Speaker 2: Have you had sexual relations with her?
• 51:56
  Speaker 1: Yeah, we did.
• 51:56
  Speaker 2: Have you filmed it? No, no, I didn't. Do you
• 51:59
  Speaker 2: have any audio or photographs that could help me better
• 52:04
  Speaker 2: understand the nature of your sexual relationship.
• 52:08
  Speaker 3: No, I'm really sorry, man. I can't, even if I had,
• 52:11
  Speaker 3: I couldn't send that to you. It's, you know, it's,
• 52:12
  Speaker 3: I mean, she's a minor. I'm going to court for that.
• 52:14
  Speaker 2: Do you want help? Yes. Okay. In order for me
• 52:18
  Speaker 2: to give you the best help that I need, I
• 52:23
  Speaker 2: need to see exactly what happened or hear about it
• 52:27
  Speaker 2: in great detail. Okay. I need to see it and
• 52:33
  Speaker 2: understand it and than when I see it. When I
• 52:41
  Speaker 2: feel it. Do you understand that? Yes. Yes. Okay. Yes.
• 52:54
  Speaker 2: I scratch your back, you scratch mine. You know what
• 52:56
  Speaker 2: I mean? It's called Better Help.
• 52:59
  Speaker 1: We all need help.
• 53:00
  Speaker 2: You're not the only one on this call that needs help.
• 53:03
  Speaker 2: I need some help. You have her address? Let's get
• 53:08
  Speaker 2: her out. Let's bring her. Better help us. Thanks.
• 53:15
  Speaker 1: Now, yeah, it's not that bad. Good things happen.
• 53:18
  Speaker 2: There's great things happening. It's fine. There's beautiful, there's nice stuff.
• 53:26
  Speaker 2: There's nice hotels and ice and you can live in
• 53:30
  Speaker 2: an igloo. That dumb glass thing that fucking these couples.
• 53:35
  Speaker 2: I don't believe your marriage is valid. I don't care.
• 53:39
  Speaker 2: You can go on vacation all the time.
• 53:41
  Speaker 1: I see these couples that they go on.
• 53:43
  Speaker 2: These extreme vacations where they stay in these little glass
• 53:47
  Speaker 2: igloos in Iceland and they go to all these beautiful places.
• 53:52
  Speaker 1: I know you don't love each other. I see it
• 53:55
  Speaker 1: in your eyes.
• 54:00
  Speaker 2: You can tell when people, you know that young love
• 54:03
  Speaker 2: when kids really love each other and they're in college,
• 54:06
  Speaker 2: they're at some shitty fair, they don't need anything except
• 54:10
  Speaker 2: a churro and a Ferris wheel. The vacations keep getting
• 54:14
  Speaker 2: more extravagant. It's because you're trying to reignite this flame
• 54:20
  Speaker 2: and we all see it out there on Instagram. We
• 54:22
  Speaker 2: all know what's happening. The most extravagant vacation you take
• 54:28
  Speaker 2: is going to be the one where one of you
• 54:30
  Speaker 2: kills the other one in their sleep.
• 54:34
  Speaker 1: I see it.
• 54:36
  Speaker 2: We're going and we're going to go and we're going to,
• 54:38
  Speaker 2: on camels, we're going to go across the Gobi Desert
• 54:41
  Speaker 2: and then we're going to look at the stars and
• 54:44
  Speaker 2: you just.
• 54:45
  Speaker 1: Don't love each other anymore.
• 54:48
  Speaker 2: That's all. See these extravagant extravagant vacations people take. They
• 54:59
  Speaker 2: go on these extravagant... I want to stay at the
• 55:03
  Speaker 2: summit of a mountain with my love. With my love.
• 55:07
  Speaker 2: Because we love each other so much that we need
• 55:10
  Speaker 2: to be... We need every minute of the vacation to
• 55:14
  Speaker 2: be planned for us. And we need to do a
• 55:16
  Speaker 2: lot of excursions. Because if we don't have... If we're
• 55:19
  Speaker 2: just sitting on a beach next to each other, we're
• 55:21
  Speaker 2: going to have to talk to each other. And if
• 55:23
  Speaker 2: that happens... It's going to go downhill quite quickly. So
• 55:27
  Speaker 2: we need people to get us out of bed, roll
• 55:29
  Speaker 2: us out of bed, and put us on an excursion.
• 55:32
  Speaker 2: And we need to go ziplining immediately. Because if I
• 55:35
  Speaker 2: have to look at your face, I'm going to kill you.
• 55:40
  Speaker 2: So we need to go ziplining. We need to go
• 55:43
  Speaker 2: right now. It's got to be a fun adventure. No
• 55:48
  Speaker 2: more peace and quiet. We can't handle that. Peace and
• 55:52
  Speaker 2: quiet's not the move. From the minute we touch down
• 55:56
  Speaker 2: to the minute we leave, it's got to be chaos.
• 56:01
  Speaker 1: Controlled chaos. I want to get a massage.
• 56:06
  Speaker 2: We got to go to a spa where we are
• 56:08
  Speaker 2: beaten and injected with things.
• 56:13
  Speaker 1: Smacked with seaweed. We need sand rubs and we need
• 56:18
  Speaker 1: it all.
• 56:20
  Speaker 2: Because we can't spend any time with each other Unless
• 56:24
  Speaker 2: we're being pampered. We need to be pampered by other people.
• 56:27
  Speaker 2: Because if we try to pamper each other, it'll be
• 56:30
  Speaker 2: a problem. It'll be a real issue. I see you
• 56:35
  Speaker 2: people on Instagram. I see you on the gram.
• 56:38
  Speaker 1: I'm not hating you.
• 56:40
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm mad.
• 56:40
  Speaker 1: No, it'll take me on one of those. Yeah, I'm mad.
• 56:43
  Speaker 2: Because I'm a bad person too.
• 56:48
  Speaker 1: And I deserve to go to places that are ridiculous.
• 56:53
  Speaker 2: I want a five-star hotel chain to take whatever natural
• 56:56
  Speaker 2: beauty that's left on this planet, colonize it, and sell
• 57:01
  Speaker 2: it to me. And a little twink doesn't speak because
• 57:07
  Speaker 2: he's deaf, dumb, and blind mute.
• 57:09
  Speaker 1: And it's not rape. He consents via braille.
• 57:12
  Speaker 2: Okay? He consents. Yes, he needs me to open doors
• 57:19
  Speaker 2: for him and turn on lights. If he leaves me,
• 57:22
  Speaker 2: technically he will die. Especially where we're going on vacation.
• 57:25
  Speaker 2: We're going to a volcano. There's no arguments with a deaf, dumb, mute.
• 57:30
  Speaker 2: But he's not that dumb. It's not a retarded person.
• 57:32
  Speaker 2: I'm not saying I'm having sex with a retarded person. Okay,
• 57:34
  Speaker 2: let's strike dumb. He's just deaf and mute, but he's
• 57:36
  Speaker 2: very intelligent. He reads Braille books all day. He has
• 57:41
  Speaker 2: a huge penis. And I want to go and stay
• 57:44
  Speaker 2: in an igloo with him for $ 2, 500 a night in
• 57:47
  Speaker 2: a villa in with the wild local wildlife's going, what
• 57:53
  Speaker 2: the fuck's going on? Some poor sloth who now works
• 57:58
  Speaker 2: for the Four Seasons comes and gives you your drinks.
• 58:02
  Speaker 2: Some tortured elephant has to just, just walk up and
• 58:07
  Speaker 2: this majestic animal has to fill your face with food.
• 58:12
  Speaker 1: He just takes an apple in his snout and gives
• 58:15
  Speaker 1: it to you. That's what I want.
• 58:18
  Speaker 2: I want every piece of this earth colonized, taken, and
• 58:22
  Speaker 2: sold back to me.
• 58:23
  Speaker 1: I don't have that kind of money.
• 58:24
  Speaker 2: We got 30,000 fucking views. We need more. We need
• 58:28
  Speaker 2: a million views. So I can go on vacation in
• 58:31
  Speaker 2: a volcano. And maybe it erupts and it kills a native.
• 58:36
  Speaker 1: Shut up. My problem. Cares. You can't just go to
• 58:45
  Speaker 1: a lake is my point. And sit there.
• 58:47
  Speaker 2: You can't just go out to Joshua Tree and look
• 58:49
  Speaker 2: at the stars. You have to invade a corner of
• 58:52
  Speaker 2: the country and make it, and it has to be ridiculous.
• 58:58
  Speaker 1: Your Instagram vacations.
• 59:00
  Speaker 2: Have to make me go, oh my God, I didn't
• 59:04
  Speaker 2: even know you could do that.
• 59:07
  Speaker 1: Their hotel room is on a melting glacier.
• 59:10
  Speaker 2: I can't believe it It's so beautiful Well yeah Because
• 59:15
  Speaker 2: of climate change The glaciers melt We got a room
• 59:19
  Speaker 2: Right on one of the glaciers It's really gorgeous Absolutely
• 59:23
  Speaker 2: beautiful You know I just You know I haven't gone
• 59:28
  Speaker 2: on a vacation In a long time And that's all
• 59:32
  Speaker 2: people talk about, by the way, is their vacation. If
• 59:34
  Speaker 2: you go out with young professionals, they talk about their
• 59:36
  Speaker 2: vacations because their jobs are all too complex for them
• 59:39
  Speaker 2: to get into because they're all fake or they're all
• 59:42
  Speaker 2: inherently evil. So they can't really tell you about it. Yeah, well,
• 59:45
  Speaker 2: we do. It's kind of like LinkedIn for human traffickers, whatever.
• 59:51
  Speaker 2: It's a small business. It's business to business sales. It's
• 59:54
  Speaker 2: an experimental, just kind of whatever. It doesn't matter. You
• 59:58
  Speaker 2: go to brunch with these people. I just want to
• 1:00:00
  Speaker 2: talk about vacations. Where have you gone? Have you gone
• 1:00:01
  Speaker 2: in Guila? Where have you gone? The great Ray Kump
• 1:00:06
  Speaker 2: went on one vacation to New Orleans with his mother.
• 1:00:10
  Speaker 2: She took him three years ago. She flew him first class.
• 1:00:13
  Speaker 2: And he left her and he went to a strip club.
• 1:00:17
  Speaker 2: That's how to live a life. That's how to live life.
• 1:00:22
  Speaker 2: Traveling is so overrated. I do it every week. There's
• 1:00:25
  Speaker 2: nothing to learn. The earth looks like shit. Stop hiking.
• 1:00:29
  Speaker 2: The earth is dead. People in California, their brains are sunburned.
• 1:00:34
  Speaker 1: They hike.
• 1:00:35
  Speaker 2: There's no vegetation. It's all been killed. People, these arid
• 1:00:40
  Speaker 2: desert wastelands, it's just mountain lions and rattlesnakes and these morons,
• 1:00:44
  Speaker 2: these executives just hike through them. It's gross. There's nothing
• 1:00:49
  Speaker 2: to see here. It's all overrated is my point. Get
• 1:00:58
  Speaker 2: to know yourself.
• 1:01:01
  Speaker 1: Be real. Connect to reality.
• 1:01:03
  Speaker 2: Okay?
• 1:01:08
  Speaker 1: Traveling.
• 1:01:09
  Speaker 2: Great.
• 1:01:10
  Speaker 1: Oh, yeah, I saw.
• 1:01:12
  Speaker 2: We went and we saw. It was so beautiful. Oh,
• 1:01:15
  Speaker 2: the sunset. The sunset was so beautiful. Shut up. Sunset's everywhere.
• 1:01:25
  Speaker 2: Sunset's everywhere. Start traveling to war-torn countries. Start traveling to
• 1:01:33
  Speaker 2: cities that have collapsed, that are sacrifice zones. Start traveling
• 1:01:38
  Speaker 2: to places where you fear for your safety. You want
• 1:01:41
  Speaker 2: to learn. You're not learning anything unless you fear for
• 1:01:43
  Speaker 2: your safety.
• 1:01:44
  Speaker 1: Then you learn. Oh, you'll learn. You want to learn
• 1:01:49
  Speaker 1: how the world really works? Go take a vacation to Flint, Michigan.
• 1:01:54
  Speaker 1: Drink some water.
• 1:01:58
  Speaker 2: That's a real extreme vacation, isn't it? Do that. I'm
• 1:02:05
  Speaker 2: aware many people listening to the show go on vacation.
• 1:02:10
  Speaker 2: And many of them, some of them enjoy the comedy.
• 1:02:15
  Speaker 2: Some of them probably are offended or they think I've
• 1:02:19
  Speaker 2: gone too far here. Because I'm suggesting that instead of
• 1:02:23
  Speaker 2: going somewhere nice for honeymoon, you go to Syria. Syria.
• 1:02:26
  Speaker 2: where you might get killed or go to Flint, Michigan.
• 1:02:28
  Speaker 2: And I, I understand that. Now, even though this is
• 1:02:31
  Speaker 2: kind of a bit, I, I do, I can't describe
• 1:02:36
  Speaker 2: to you how much I do want you to do that.
• 1:02:38
  Speaker 2: I do want young professionals going to Libya. I do
• 1:02:44
  Speaker 2: want them going to Yemen. I, you want me to
• 1:02:48
  Speaker 2: listen to you at brunch? That's how you start a conversation.
• 1:02:51
  Speaker 2: Me and John, we went to Yemen last year and,
• 1:02:57
  Speaker 2: So first of all, it's very interesting in Yemen. So
• 1:03:00
  Speaker 2: they're doing, the Saudis are doing a genocide with a
• 1:03:04
  Speaker 2: lot of the money and weapons that we provide them.
• 1:03:07
  Speaker 2: And a lot of the kids in Yemen are so cute,
• 1:03:09
  Speaker 2: but their rib cages bulge out of their bodies. It
• 1:03:12
  Speaker 2: looks like xylophones. Remember you used to play xylophones in school?
• 1:03:16
  Speaker 2: And they have no food and they don't really have
• 1:03:17
  Speaker 2: any clean water. It's really sad. But there's so much history.
• 1:03:23
  Speaker 2: There's so much history. I just want I want that.
• 1:03:26
  Speaker 2: And I'll go, oh, you're really learning. You're really learning.
• 1:03:33
  Speaker 2: We went to Flint, Michigan last year. Me and Cliff,
• 1:03:36
  Speaker 2: we went to Flint, Michigan for our honeymoon. And let
• 1:03:39
  Speaker 2: me tell you right now, the water was the color
• 1:03:43
  Speaker 2: of human shit. And I said to Cliff, what kind
• 1:03:46
  Speaker 2: of resort is this? And it wasn't a resort. We
• 1:03:49
  Speaker 2: were just staying in someone's house. I was like, oh
• 1:03:52
  Speaker 2: my God. This is wild. We're learning so much about
• 1:03:55
  Speaker 2: different cultures. Some cultures apparently don't need clean water. It's wild.
• 1:04:02
  Speaker 2: So it's so interesting. People tell you how much they
• 1:04:05
  Speaker 2: learn on vacation. We learn so much. When I went
• 1:04:09
  Speaker 2: on the, when I went on the impractical Joker's cruise,
• 1:04:12
  Speaker 2: which was just morbidly obese people on scooters, Those people,
• 1:04:18
  Speaker 2: they let them out of the boat, which I called
• 1:04:20
  Speaker 2: the pen. So they let them out of the pen
• 1:04:22
  Speaker 2: on the fourth day because we had docked in Costa Maya, Mexico,
• 1:04:24
  Speaker 2: which is a fake town that was bought by Carnival
• 1:04:28
  Speaker 2: Cruise Lines. And all the people that lived there, they said,
• 1:04:32
  Speaker 2: you can either work for us or we could just
• 1:04:34
  Speaker 2: poison you. I guess that was the choices. And they decided, well,
• 1:04:38
  Speaker 2: I guess I'll just sell knickknacks to these fat people.
• 1:04:42
  Speaker 2: And these fat slobs were walking around this pretend... thing
• 1:04:48
  Speaker 2: in mexico and like they were like there's all these
• 1:04:53
  Speaker 2: fake booths selling like traditional mexican art which was not
• 1:04:56
  Speaker 2: you know a traditional mexican food it's mexican chocolate was
• 1:04:59
  Speaker 2: good like godiva it's traditional mexican food was like taco
• 1:05:03
  Speaker 2: bell and these fat americans are walking around like they're
• 1:05:06
  Speaker 2: really learning about another culture now if you left if
• 1:05:10
  Speaker 2: you went three minutes outside of that fake little town
• 1:05:12
  Speaker 2: which was literally just a consumerist help If you went
• 1:05:15
  Speaker 2: three minutes out of that town, there were people running
• 1:05:17
  Speaker 2: around without shoes, chasing chickens, hoping to strangle them for dinner.
• 1:05:22
  Speaker 2: People were living in huts. And I went with one
• 1:05:24
  Speaker 2: of my friends, the great Michelle, a great woman and
• 1:05:28
  Speaker 2: a demon. And she went with us. And you need
• 1:05:32
  Speaker 2: people like her because otherwise these people will eat you.
• 1:05:35
  Speaker 2: We got in a taxi that took us to the beach.
• 1:05:38
  Speaker 2: And the beach, you know, and the taxi took us
• 1:05:40
  Speaker 2: all through the shantytown. And the taxi would not take
• 1:05:43
  Speaker 2: us back. And Michelle started screaming, Y'all take us back
• 1:05:46
  Speaker 2: right now. Taxi's like, no, this is as far as
• 1:05:49
  Speaker 2: we go. Michelle's like, y'all take us back now. And
• 1:05:54
  Speaker 2: there's nothing like the wrath of a middle-aged white woman
• 1:05:59
  Speaker 2: who's never heard the word no because she'll never stop.
• 1:06:02
  Speaker 1: She won't stop.
• 1:06:03
  Speaker 2: Okay? Until there's a diplomatic problem. Until an embassy, she'll
• 1:06:09
  Speaker 2: go to an embassy, start banging on the door. So
• 1:06:12
  Speaker 2: the taxi had to take us around But it was
• 1:06:15
  Speaker 2: just so funny when you went out of this little
• 1:06:18
  Speaker 2: cruise area, you walked around and you just saw people
• 1:06:22
  Speaker 2: without shoes running around. And you're like, God, you like,
• 1:06:28
  Speaker 2: get me back on that boat. And of course that
• 1:06:29
  Speaker 2: boat was a floating toilet, but you were still like,
• 1:06:31
  Speaker 2: just get me back on that boat. We had like six,
• 1:06:34
  Speaker 2: there was like 60 chefs on one of the cruise
• 1:06:36
  Speaker 2: liners at doc 60 chefs. There was like one doctor
• 1:06:40
  Speaker 2: in this whole town. And it was like a witch doctor.
• 1:06:43
  Speaker 2: You'd go in with a problem and they would do
• 1:06:45
  Speaker 2: a dance around you. They were still doing bloodletting with leeches.
• 1:06:50
  Speaker 2: We'd pull up with 60 chefs. People just throwing away food.
• 1:06:55
  Speaker 2: You know?
• 1:06:56
  Speaker 1: But it's a lot to learn.
• 1:06:59
  Speaker 2: Just at least own the vacation. Go, I want to
• 1:07:01
  Speaker 2: go get drunk and have fun. That's why I love
• 1:07:02
  Speaker 2: my Long Island friends.
• 1:07:03
  Speaker 1: They go, I just want to drink somewhere warm.
• 1:07:07
  Speaker 2: That's what people in Long Island say. I don't want
• 1:07:09
  Speaker 2: to go to London. I want to get hammered somewhere warm. Vito,
• 1:07:14
  Speaker 2: I don't want to go to London. Well, Vito doesn't
• 1:07:16
  Speaker 2: want to go either. This is a fake argument. It's
• 1:07:19
  Speaker 2: a fake argument.
• 1:07:20
  Speaker 1: It's like Vito's like, no, I want to go to London.
• 1:07:24
  Speaker 2: I want to see. No, it's none of that.
• 1:07:27
  Speaker 1: I want to go to Greece, the birthplace of democracy.
• 1:07:30
  Speaker 2: No, they want to sit on a beach and they
• 1:07:32
  Speaker 2: want to get hammered because it looks different from their backyard.
• 1:07:37
  Speaker 2: This whole thing with Vick K, all these fake people.
• 1:07:38
  Speaker 2: It's like, we learned so much on the Vick K.
• 1:07:40
  Speaker 2: You're not going to learn. Go and get hammered. And
• 1:07:42
  Speaker 2: I'm fine with that.
• 1:07:43
  Speaker 1: It's okay. I get it. Stop disguising the fact that
• 1:07:49
  Speaker 1: you want to learn.
• 1:07:53
  Speaker 2: You know, I will accept advertisements from cruise lines. I
• 1:08:02
  Speaker 2: will let you know that. I will absolutely accept I
• 1:08:06
  Speaker 2: have no problem with that. No problem at all. I
• 1:08:09
  Speaker 2: think everyone should bring their guns on vacation. I think
• 1:08:13
  Speaker 2: that would be fun. They should have a gun lovers
• 1:08:16
  Speaker 2: cruise and people could just shoot at the Atlantic Ocean.
• 1:08:22
  Speaker 2: They could just shoot their guns into the water.
• 1:08:26
  Speaker 1: Why not?
• 1:08:27
  Speaker 2: The fish would get to know. They'd be like, oh,
• 1:08:29
  Speaker 2: the gun crews, the NRA crews is coming. They're going
• 1:08:32
  Speaker 2: to start firing their guns into the water. Do that.
• 1:08:35
  Speaker 2: It's fun. Why not? Vacations. I'd love to take a vacation,
• 1:08:41
  Speaker 2: but I've had enough. I've had enough of people. You know, folks,
• 1:08:45
  Speaker 2: I know that I seem extreme, but, you know, I
• 1:08:54
  Speaker 2: want the best for all of you. That's all. Everything
• 1:08:57
  Speaker 2: I do here is for the betterment. of you as people.
• 1:09:04
  Speaker 2: That's all. That's all I'm trying to do. I'm trying
• 1:09:07
  Speaker 2: to give you a life plan. Okay? And I just
• 1:09:11
  Speaker 2: think that vacations should just be about excess. Go eat.
• 1:09:19
  Speaker 2: Go drink. Go be a pig. You've earned it. You've
• 1:09:23
  Speaker 2: earned it. And if you want to go learn, go
• 1:09:26
  Speaker 2: live somewhere for six months. You know, nobody travels. I
• 1:09:29
  Speaker 2: suggest that to people. I go, get out of here.
• 1:09:31
  Speaker 2: Go to China. My friends, little brothers, sisters, get the
• 1:09:33
  Speaker 2: fuck out of here. They don't want to live there.
• 1:09:35
  Speaker 1: I like it here.
• 1:09:37
  Speaker 2: I want to stay. Go learn something. Go take six
• 1:09:41
  Speaker 2: months or a year. You're not learning anything taking a
• 1:09:44
  Speaker 2: walking tour. Okay, of Madrid. You went to the Prado
• 1:09:48
  Speaker 2: and it's down. Go move to Spain. Be a lazy
• 1:09:52
  Speaker 2: drunk like that whole country is. They get it right.
• 1:09:56
  Speaker 2: They just drink and lay around all day. They don't
• 1:09:58
  Speaker 2: give a shit. It doesn't matter to them. Folks, I
• 1:10:05
  Speaker 2: want to tell you about Monday.com. It's a team management
• 1:10:08
  Speaker 2: tool that will improve your office workflow. Monday.com makes it
• 1:10:11
  Speaker 2: easy to track projects and stay productive. Instead of emails, spreadsheets,
• 1:10:14
  Speaker 2: random files, whiteboards, to-do lists, posted note reminders monday.com organizes
• 1:10:18
  Speaker 2: and tracks everything in one place the best part of
• 1:10:20
  Speaker 2: it it's intuitive it takes no time to set up
• 1:10:22
  Speaker 2: it's flexible you can easily customize it it's easy to
• 1:10:25
  Speaker 2: stay organized and find files looking through your emails to
• 1:10:28
  Speaker 2: find stuff is a nightmare especially if you're a boss
• 1:10:30
  Speaker 2: or a ceo you know most of the people that
• 1:10:33
  Speaker 2: you employ are going to be brain dead slackers losers
• 1:10:35
  Speaker 2: parasites okay you're never going to expect them to have
• 1:10:40
  Speaker 2: as much They're not going to have skin in the
• 1:10:42
  Speaker 2: game the way that you have it, okay? You're the
• 1:10:44
  Speaker 2: one that's inspired divinely by God to succeed. The rest
• 1:10:47
  Speaker 2: of these people, they're heathens. They're walking around just completely useless.
• 1:10:53
  Speaker 2: You just need them.
• 1:10:55
  Speaker 1: Creates accountability.
• 1:10:56
  Speaker 2: What's more annoying than asking someone to do something and
• 1:10:58
  Speaker 2: never getting a response? Are they working on it? Do
• 1:11:01
  Speaker 2: they never get the email? How often are important tasks
• 1:11:03
  Speaker 2: getting lost in the shuffle? With Monday.com, you can easily
• 1:11:05
  Speaker 2: assign tasks to coworkers and track projects. The platform is
• 1:11:08
  Speaker 2: suitable for any size team from two freelancers working together
• 1:11:10
  Speaker 2: to thousands collaborating across the globe. So check out monday.com.
• 1:11:14
  Speaker 2: This is incredible team management tool. Monday.com is so effective.
• 1:11:17
  Speaker 2: It'll put an end to long, boring meetings. No more
• 1:11:20
  Speaker 2: endless meetings trying to figure out new tactics for staying
• 1:11:23
  Speaker 2: organized or for who is going to be working on what. Monday.com
• 1:11:25
  Speaker 2: does it all for you. Monday.com slash Tim. You get
• 1:11:28
  Speaker 2: a 14 day free trial. If you don't like it, folks,
• 1:11:31
  Speaker 2: you part as friends. Okay. Monday.com slash Tim. You get
• 1:11:34
  Speaker 2: a 14 day free trial. I know. from working in
• 1:11:38
  Speaker 2: the business world that a lot of people that you're
• 1:11:41
  Speaker 2: going to end up working with are not going to
• 1:11:44
  Speaker 2: be able to pass muster. They're not going to put
• 1:11:49
  Speaker 2: in the time and the effort that you are. They're
• 1:11:51
  Speaker 2: not going to have the energy. They're not going to
• 1:11:52
  Speaker 2: be inspired. They're not going to be, uh, you know, resilient.
• 1:11:57
  Speaker 2: They're going to have bad attitudes. You're going to be negative.
• 1:11:59
  Speaker 2: You're going to, you're going to really regret them. The
• 1:12:03
  Speaker 2: side of them will make you sick. So what you
• 1:12:05
  Speaker 2: need to do is create accountability. So they can't say,
• 1:12:07
  Speaker 2: I lost that email. I never heard about that meeting. Well,
• 1:12:09
  Speaker 2: what was I supposed to do? Monday.com organizes all this.
• 1:12:12
  Speaker 2: So you can get back to doing what you do
• 1:12:13
  Speaker 2: as a boss, making their lives hell. You know, if
• 1:12:18
  Speaker 2: they screw up, you go and get them. Sit them down. Go,
• 1:12:21
  Speaker 2: what are you? What are you? What do you want
• 1:12:23
  Speaker 2: to be? You want to be a blue collar guy
• 1:12:26
  Speaker 2: like your father? You know, really sock it to them.
• 1:12:30
  Speaker 2: And you can do that with Monday.com, folks. You can
• 1:12:32
  Speaker 2: do that. You can really let them have it. As
• 1:12:34
  Speaker 2: a boss. And that's the funnest part of being a
• 1:12:36
  Speaker 2: boss is letting somebody have it. Making sure all your
• 1:12:39
  Speaker 2: ducks are in a row and that the error was
• 1:12:41
  Speaker 2: 100% on them. Then bringing them into their office and
• 1:12:44
  Speaker 2: really giving it to them. Give it to them. Do
• 1:12:46
  Speaker 2: it good. Shut the door. Sit down. Take a drink
• 1:12:50
  Speaker 2: of coffee and you look at them and you go,
• 1:12:52
  Speaker 2: what the fuck are you? What are you? Are you
• 1:12:57
  Speaker 2: a loser? Or are you a winner? Are you a winner?
• 1:13:03
  Speaker 2: Like Gary Vaynerchuk says, Because a winner would not have
• 1:13:06
  Speaker 2: forgot that email. Oh, I don't think I ever got it. Yeah,
• 1:13:10
  Speaker 2: pull it up. Monday.com. You got the email. Yeah, we're
• 1:13:12
  Speaker 2: a loser. Yeah, we're a loser. My kid is sick. Hey,
• 1:13:16
  Speaker 2: shut your mouth. Shut up. Monday.com. There's always going to
• 1:13:21
  Speaker 2: be a Monday. There's always going to be somebody. You
• 1:13:23
  Speaker 2: might party on Sunday, drink your sangria, dance in your
• 1:13:28
  Speaker 2: flats with your fat ribeye steak-sized feet. But then once
• 1:13:32
  Speaker 2: you get into the office on Monday, nobody wants to
• 1:13:34
  Speaker 2: hear about it. Nobody wants to see you sway to
• 1:13:36
  Speaker 2: a Billy Joel song. They just want to connect with you.
• 1:13:42
  Speaker 2: You know, monday.com. Monday.com slash Jim. 14-day free trial. If
• 1:13:48
  Speaker 2: you don't like it, don't use it. Or you're going
• 1:13:52
  Speaker 2: to love it. You're going to use it. Okay?
• 1:13:57
  Speaker 1: Have I ever steered you wrong?
• 1:13:58
  Speaker 2: Have I ever lied to you? Have I ever disrespected you?
• 1:14:02
  Speaker 2: I ever showed up at your house and stolen money
• 1:14:05
  Speaker 2: from you? No. Why wouldn't you trust me? I'm not
• 1:14:09
  Speaker 2: some schmuck. I'm a businessman. I have a business. I
• 1:14:14
  Speaker 2: understand business. I'm a leader. I'm a strategist. I'm a confidant. Okay?
• 1:14:22
  Speaker 4: So, monday.com slash tim monday.com The emails are gonna be good.
• 1:14:35
  Speaker 4: Don't lose the emails. Monday.com.
• 1:14:40
  Speaker 1: Don't lose the meeting notice. Dial into the conference call.
• 1:14:48
  Speaker 1: Is everyone on the call? Damn right.
• 1:14:52
  Speaker 2: Monday.com.
• 1:14:54
  Speaker 1: How are the numbers last month?
• 1:14:56
  Speaker 2: Good.
• 1:14:56
  Speaker 4: They could be better. Monday.com. Another day in a cubicle. Monday.com. Monday.com. Monday.com
• 1:15:14
  Speaker 4: slash Tim.
• 1:15:17
  Speaker 2: Use this fucking thing. People have said to me, what
• 1:15:27
  Speaker 2: do you think will happen with the Epstein thing?
• 1:15:29
  Speaker 1: I've said this before.
• 1:15:30
  Speaker 2: I've said it many times. The answer is nothing. And
• 1:15:35
  Speaker 2: I know that that perplexes some of you because many
• 1:15:38
  Speaker 2: of you have not paid attention to anything ever. And
• 1:15:47
  Speaker 2: I think that is the issue. To live now and
• 1:15:52
  Speaker 2: have never paid attention to anything ever must be disorienting
• 1:15:57
  Speaker 2: for many of you. No, there is no justice. It
• 1:16:02
  Speaker 2: will not happen. Don't look for it. It's not going
• 1:16:04
  Speaker 2: to happen. They're not going to get you slain, Maxwell.
• 1:16:08
  Speaker 2: She's not going to, you know, she's not going to
• 1:16:11
  Speaker 2: fucking blow the whistle. They're not going to haul the
• 1:16:15
  Speaker 2: Clintons out of their house. You can believe in the
• 1:16:20
  Speaker 2: QAnon and the fairy tales on Reddit and you do
• 1:16:22
  Speaker 2: whatever you want. You can do whatever you want. We are...
• 1:16:28
  Speaker 2: We are not the protagonist in the novel here. Okay?
• 1:16:33
  Speaker 1: We're on a ride.
• 1:16:37
  Speaker 2: We're on a ride at Disney World. All the loops,
• 1:16:43
  Speaker 2: they're all predetermined to an extent. The ride will end.
• 1:16:47
  Speaker 2: You'll get off the ride. You'll be like, well, I
• 1:16:49
  Speaker 2: thought we were going to fucking... Something was really going
• 1:16:51
  Speaker 2: to happen there. And remember.
• 1:16:54
  Speaker 1: But it wasn't. You've all been on rides with people
• 1:16:57
  Speaker 1: like that.
• 1:16:57
  Speaker 2: They get off and they're like, I didn't, I thought
• 1:16:59
  Speaker 2: we were really fucked and we went around the curve. No,
• 1:17:02
  Speaker 2: that's not it. No, you're not the one it's going
• 1:17:06
  Speaker 2: to happen to. You're not the, you know, it's a ride.
• 1:17:11
  Speaker 2: Bill Hicks said it. Bill Hicks had a nice positive vibe.
• 1:17:14
  Speaker 2: I should take a, I may start tripping out again.
• 1:17:16
  Speaker 2: That might be what I need to do. To deal
• 1:17:20
  Speaker 2: with these people. Even to even have a conversation with people.
• 1:17:23
  Speaker 2: Now I need to be on a dose because you've never,
• 1:17:27
  Speaker 2: that's the thing. People never paid attention. They haven't paid attention.
• 1:17:31
  Speaker 2: And they think, uh, they're like surprised. Like this is
• 1:17:35
  Speaker 2: surprising that we're not gonna. And the reward is to
• 1:17:40
  Speaker 2: not pay attention. The reward is to dig, put your
• 1:17:43
  Speaker 2: head in the sand. That's the reward. That's how you succeed.
• 1:17:46
  Speaker 2: That's how you win. You want to win? Go to bed.
• 1:17:55
  Speaker 2: If you want to win, close the book, X out
• 1:18:00
  Speaker 2: the window, go to bed. The rabbit holes don't end.
• 1:18:07
  Speaker 2: They just get deeper and deeper. You dig yourself deeper
• 1:18:09
  Speaker 2: and deeper in. Go on vacation. Go stay in an
• 1:18:15
  Speaker 2: igloo in what's left of this ravaged planet. Enjoy it.
• 1:18:20
  Speaker 2: Protect yourself. Protect your kids. Maybe if you have a gun,
• 1:18:25
  Speaker 2: put it to good use and blow your head off.
• 1:18:32
  Speaker 2: But don't expect that this ends like a movie does.
• 1:18:39
  Speaker 2: This doesn't end.
• 1:18:40
  Speaker 1: We end.
• 1:18:41
  Speaker 2: Eventually the dollar collapses. America doesn't lead the world. The
• 1:18:46
  Speaker 2: criminals that run the country get more brazen. They're getting
• 1:18:49
  Speaker 2: pretty brazen. They're going to get more and more brazen.
• 1:18:53
  Speaker 2: That coincides with the population being stupefied. The population gets
• 1:18:58
  Speaker 2: very dumb. They watch jiggling.
• 1:19:00
  Speaker 1: Asses all day.
• 1:19:03
  Speaker 2: They don't demand answers. They go, yeah, that was strange.
• 1:19:08
  Speaker 2: That was odd. They don't, the art that we consume
• 1:19:13
  Speaker 2: gets dumber. It tells us to question less. We don't
• 1:19:16
  Speaker 2: question anything anymore. Everything's a Marvel movie where someone's going
• 1:19:20
  Speaker 2: to save the day. It's always a superhero that's going
• 1:19:23
  Speaker 2: to come in and save the day. There's no superheroes.
• 1:19:27
  Speaker 2: They're not coming. Okay? That's not the way it is.
• 1:19:32
  Speaker 2: But that's how you're conditioned to believe that somebody's going
• 1:19:34
  Speaker 2: to call. Is this Beto O'Rourke? Is Beto going to,
• 1:19:37
  Speaker 2: maybe it's Bernie. Oh, Elizabeth Warren, her folksiness. She's just
• 1:19:43
  Speaker 2: going to mow down the military industrial complex with her folksiness.
• 1:19:48
  Speaker 1: No, no, that's not what happens.
• 1:19:51
  Speaker 2: What happens is you get old. What happens is you
• 1:19:54
  Speaker 2: get bored. What happens is you end up sitting on
• 1:19:58
  Speaker 2: a chair, drinking wine out of a Burger King cup
• 1:20:01
  Speaker 2: filled with ice, staring at the flames.
• 1:20:04
  Speaker 1: And no matter what anybody.
• 1:20:05
  Speaker 2: Says, you look at them, you shrug and you go,
• 1:20:08
  Speaker 2: Life in the big city. And you ain't nowhere near
• 1:20:12
  Speaker 2: a fucking city. That's how it ends. So embrace it.
• 1:20:19
  Speaker 2: Enjoy it. That's what it is out there, folks. That
• 1:20:24
  Speaker 2: maybe find a few like-minded people to go, huh, that
• 1:20:28
  Speaker 2: was weird. You know, the next terrorist attack that, you know,
• 1:20:33
  Speaker 2: someone pulls off by parachuting into the Super Bowl and
• 1:20:39
  Speaker 2: with a nuke attached to them or something. It'll be
• 1:20:43
  Speaker 2: Donald Trump Jr., but we'll be told not to question it.
• 1:20:48
  Speaker 1: You might want to make a few buddies. You go
• 1:20:50
  Speaker 1: to the local watering hole and go, that was odd, huh?
• 1:20:53
  Speaker 2: That was strange. That was odd. But don't expect anything
• 1:21:01
  Speaker 2: to change. The art, the movies, the music, it's going
• 1:21:06
  Speaker 2: to get worse.
• 1:21:08
  Speaker 1: Maybe not worse. It'll just get dumber.
• 1:21:09
  Speaker 2: It'll be good. The effects will be great. The effects
• 1:21:12
  Speaker 2: will be great because we'll start killing real people soon.
• 1:21:14
  Speaker 2: It'll just be snuff films. We'll start killing real people
• 1:21:18
  Speaker 2: soon in films. So the effects will be great. That'll
• 1:21:20
  Speaker 2: be really someone's carotid artery. Soon. It's coming. Videos will
• 1:21:25
  Speaker 2: start coming out of people torturing children. They'll say it's
• 1:21:27
  Speaker 2: deep fakes. That's coming. Oh, somebody made a deep fake
• 1:21:32
  Speaker 2: of Bill Clinton and this 13-year-old. This is strange. The
• 1:21:36
  Speaker 2: elite don't care about you. They worship at weird temples
• 1:21:39
  Speaker 2: on islands. They're out of it, folks. And they've always
• 1:21:43
  Speaker 2: been weird. They always hang out with weird scientists. They're
• 1:21:46
  Speaker 2: into transhumanism. They're into all kinds of shit that you'll
• 1:21:50
  Speaker 2: never be into. Just cut carbs. Lower the carbs. Feel
• 1:21:56
  Speaker 2: a little better. But, you know, this is my message
• 1:22:00
  Speaker 2: of hope. This is my message of hope to you.
• 1:22:03
  Speaker 2: I find this to be tremendously uplifting. And I know
• 1:22:06
  Speaker 2: many don't. Many don't.
• 1:22:09
  Speaker 1: They don't find it to be uplifting. But I've paid attention.
• 1:22:13
  Speaker 1: That's the thing. I really have paid attention. Not to everything.
• 1:22:18
  Speaker 1: And there's people that have paid a hell of a
• 1:22:20
  Speaker 1: lot more attention than I have. And they're dead.
• 1:22:24
  Speaker 2: Okay? They go bye-bye. They're not here to really give
• 1:22:31
  Speaker 2: their thoughts. Because they paid real close attention to do
• 1:22:36
  Speaker 2: that at your own risk. But that's where we're at, folks.
• 1:22:42
  Speaker 1: Enjoy it. I'm doing a podcast with Logan Paul tomorrow.
• 1:22:46
  Speaker 2: We're all here. Everything's coming. The devil is real. And
• 1:22:54
  Speaker 2: he's the only one who loves you. So sit in
• 1:22:59
  Speaker 2: that chair, grab a Burger King cup, fill it with ice,
• 1:23:05
  Speaker 2: fill it with cheap wine, and drink yourself till you
• 1:23:11
  Speaker 2: feel warm and fuzzy and stare into that fire. And
• 1:23:18
  Speaker 2: if anybody tries to puncture your bubble with even the
• 1:23:21
  Speaker 2: slightest hint of reality, kill them. And if you don't
• 1:23:30
  Speaker 2: want to do that, just smile and they won't know
• 1:23:34
  Speaker 2: what you mean. Just say, Hey, somebody brings up something.
• 1:23:39
  Speaker 2: You go, Hey man, life in the big city and
• 1:23:44
  Speaker 2: close your eyes. And that's it. Okay. And that's a true,
• 1:23:54
  Speaker 2: true victory in these times. Also, you know, if you
• 1:24:04
  Speaker 2: get a Casper mattress, people say that they're good. Hopefully
• 1:24:09
  Speaker 2: they come on board pretty soon. Because if there's anything
• 1:24:15
  Speaker 2: that we advocate, it's sleeping. TimDillonComedy.com if you want to
• 1:24:20
  Speaker 2: see me live. It is more upbeat. I am more
• 1:24:24
  Speaker 2: upbeat live. It's funnier. Although this was kind of funny.
• 1:24:30
  Speaker 2: You know. To a certain crew. To a certain crowd. Sure,
• 1:24:34
  Speaker 2: it's funny. I enjoy it. Gotta do what you love.
• 1:24:42
  Speaker 2: All I am is the guy that's walking around going,
• 1:24:45
  Speaker 2: bring out your dead.
• 1:24:49
  Speaker 1: That's all I am here.
• 1:24:51
  Speaker 2: I'm just the modern version of the guy ringing the
• 1:24:53
  Speaker 2: bell during the plague and going, bring out your dead!
• 1:24:58
  Speaker 2: That's all. Except nobody's got the plague. You're just bringing
• 1:25:03
  Speaker 2: out Adderall zombies who want to go on vacation. The
• 1:25:08
  Speaker 2: dead talk. Bring out your dead. They go, I'm going
• 1:25:12
  Speaker 2: to Anguilla. That's what the dead look like now. They
• 1:25:16
  Speaker 2: look better than you because they're going to music festivals
• 1:25:20
  Speaker 2: and they're at the gym and they're going to Anguilla.
• 1:25:24
  Speaker 2: I see it in Igloo. Bring out your dead. Bring
• 1:25:28
  Speaker 2: them out. Sit them in seats. I'll entertain them. I'll
• 1:25:33
  Speaker 2: do a nice dance. They won't even feel where the
• 1:25:36
  Speaker 2: rat bit them. They won't even feel where the rat
• 1:25:40
  Speaker 2: bit them. As always, folks, stay safe out there. Love
• 1:25:50
  Speaker 2: each other. Love yourselves. And remember, there's a lot of
• 1:25:57
  Speaker 2: people peddling negativity, but I'm not one of them. I
• 1:26:01
  Speaker 2: believe in a bright future, not only for this planet,
• 1:26:05
  Speaker 2: but this civilization. I believe the best days are ahead.
• 1:26:10
  Speaker 2: I believe good things are going to happen. And by that,
• 1:26:14
  Speaker 2: I believe that an alien race will destroy us and
• 1:26:19
  Speaker 2: enslave the rest of us. And we'll all start again.
• 1:26:24
  Speaker 2: And that, my friends, is best case.