Latest / Scrubbing In with Becca Tilley & Tanya Rad / Dear Banya: Wife Swap

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Dear Banya: Wife Swap · Scrubbing In with Becca Tilley & Tanya Rad

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Scrubbing In with Becca Tilly and Tanya rap An iHeartRadio podcast.
• 0:08
  Speaker 2: Hello, everybody, we are scrubbing in.
• 0:13
  Speaker 3: H dub dub in the tub tub tub.
• 0:17
  Speaker 2: It's dear Bonya, dear b A n y a.
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: B A n my a b A and my and Banya.
• 0:26
  Speaker 3: What's her name? Oh that's cute.
• 0:29
  Speaker 4: I'm gonna say we should think of like a jingle
• 0:31
  Speaker 4: for rub Banya, like here's our dear Banya.
• 0:34
  Speaker 3: That was good.
• 0:35
  Speaker 2: Yeah, but that was a that was a form like
• 0:37
  Speaker 2: we just stole.
• 0:38
  Speaker 3: That, I know, but it like worked perfectly.
• 0:40
  Speaker 2: Yeahs amount of letters. Yeah, well that'll be interim.
• 0:43
  Speaker 3: B A n y A. Well, how does it start?
• 0:47
  Speaker 5: How does it a?
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: There was a scrubber with the question and she wrote
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: it into the email.
• 0:55
  Speaker 2: B A y b A n y A b.
• 0:59
  Speaker 3: A and and Bonya was her name. Oh, there was
• 1:02
  Speaker 3: a scrubber who had a question. Anonymous was her name?
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: Anyway, a way and Bonya was her name.
• 1:13
  Speaker 3: It's pretty good.
• 1:14
  Speaker 4: I think there's potential. It rolls it cooksa, we got it.
• 1:19
  Speaker 2: The chorus.
• 1:20
  Speaker 4: There's no notes. The versus in her tweaks, Yeah, minor
• 1:25
  Speaker 4: tweaks here and there.
• 1:26
  Speaker 3: We'll cook on it. We'll cook it.
• 1:28
  Speaker 2: Is that your new thing?
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: Yeah, everybody's talking about it, they said on Survivor the
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: other day.
• 1:32
  Speaker 3: I was like, we'll cook it.
• 1:34
  Speaker 2: Well, cook, I'll let you.
• 1:35
  Speaker 3: We'll let you cook, like, let you do your thing,
• 1:38
  Speaker 3: all right, So let us cook.
• 1:40
  Speaker 2: Let us cook.
• 1:41
  Speaker 4: It's timed for dear Bonya, and we're ready to cook
• 1:44
  Speaker 4: and give advice.
• 1:45
  Speaker 5: I think this one's anonymous. I have an older cousin
• 1:47
  Speaker 5: who's my best, best best friend. I was made of honor.
• 1:51
  Speaker 5: We talked twenty four seven. I spent a lot of
• 1:53
  Speaker 5: time third wheeling. She and her husband, whom I also
• 1:55
  Speaker 5: love him. She recently told me a secret. They are
• 1:58
  Speaker 5: in an open relationship. She's had a boyfriend of six months,
• 2:01
  Speaker 5: and her husband's very much aware of it and supports it.
• 2:04
  Speaker 5: She goes on dates with him, she has sex with him,
• 2:06
  Speaker 5: She tells him, I love you. You can imagine my
• 2:08
  Speaker 5: shock and confusion as she was telling me this.
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: Now.
• 2:10
  Speaker 5: Number one, this isn't traditional, so that's what shocked me.
• 2:13
  Speaker 5: And two, how's this been going on for six months
• 2:15
  Speaker 5: without me knowing? She told me she was terrified to
• 2:17
  Speaker 5: tell me because she knew was a unique situation. So
• 2:20
  Speaker 5: I tried my best to be supportive and understanding, but
• 2:22
  Speaker 5: I feel awkward around them because I know the secret
• 2:25
  Speaker 5: and no one else knows amongst their friends and family.
• 2:27
  Speaker 5: How can I act normal around them? Moving forward? What
• 2:30
  Speaker 5: do I say to her when she brings up her
• 2:31
  Speaker 5: new boyfriend? I feel like I'm being so awkward when
• 2:34
  Speaker 5: I want to be supportive of her and their choices,
• 2:36
  Speaker 5: even if it's something I wouldn't be comfortable with.
• 2:38
  Speaker 3: Help, you know, the help feels very help.
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: I suck at dating, you know, it really is. Yeah,
• 2:49
  Speaker 1: and so that's a different post.
• 2:50
  Speaker 5: I stop doing that. Okay, fair enough, it's kind of
• 2:52
  Speaker 5: my thing, but I'll stop in that way. You know,
• 2:57
  Speaker 5: it's like my catchphrase. But doing that, I agree with you.
• 3:03
  Speaker 2: Go good, everything good.
• 3:07
  Speaker 3: We work together too much.
• 3:09
  Speaker 2: I'm like, I literally would never have known that.
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's how they do all theirs. It's actually not
• 3:16
  Speaker 1: called that anymore though.
• 3:17
  Speaker 5: No, it's been a few different titles since then. Yeah,
• 3:19
  Speaker 5: now it's Suckers okay, and they're not currently in production.
• 3:22
  Speaker 3: Oh wow, okay, all right, Well anyway, anyway.
• 3:27
  Speaker 2: So here's my thing.
• 3:29
  Speaker 4: I think you're totally valid at being surprised and shocked
• 3:32
  Speaker 4: by this and also know like being like, how did
• 3:35
  Speaker 4: I not know about this for six months? And I
• 3:37
  Speaker 4: also understand being a little awkward around it, like navigating it.
• 3:40
  Speaker 4: But I think what's what it is is when you
• 3:44
  Speaker 4: when something new comes around, there can be that awkward
• 3:48
  Speaker 4: adjustment period, but this is their relationship.
• 3:51
  Speaker 2: You love them.
• 3:52
  Speaker 4: Me personally, I could never do that, be in an
• 3:55
  Speaker 4: open relationship and have that, but that's them, that's not
• 4:00
  Speaker 4: it's not my life, it's not your life. And so
• 4:02
  Speaker 4: I think that if they're happy and they're sharing it
• 4:05
  Speaker 4: with you, I think it's just it's almost like you're
• 4:07
  Speaker 4: learning something new and you don't know how to be
• 4:09
  Speaker 4: around it, but you're doing your best, and I think
• 4:11
  Speaker 4: at it at some point you'll adjust to being comfortable
• 4:13
  Speaker 4: with it because it'll just be like, it is what
• 4:15
  Speaker 4: it is.
• 4:16
  Speaker 3: I'm just curious what you feel awkward about, because.
• 4:20
  Speaker 2: I think it's just.
• 4:22
  Speaker 4: Values and like thinking you know someone and then probably
• 4:25
  Speaker 4: feeling like I would never think she would be into this, right.
• 4:29
  Speaker 1: And I guess maybe you're awkward because you don't know
• 4:31
  Speaker 1: like what to ask, like do you ask like how
• 4:32
  Speaker 1: are things with your husband?
• 4:33
  Speaker 3: Or do you ask how are things with your boyfriend.
• 4:35
  Speaker 2: Just how are things How are things with you?
• 4:37
  Speaker 1: Right?
• 4:38
  Speaker 2: Yeah? I would that, I was going to say, I
• 4:40
  Speaker 2: would be asking all the questions.
• 4:43
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I would be asking all the questions.
• 4:44
  Speaker 4: Like how did y'all come to terms with this? Like
• 4:47
  Speaker 4: what was the conversation? Like did you need to did.
• 4:50
  Speaker 3: You agree to this before you got married? Or was
• 4:52
  Speaker 3: this post marriage?
• 4:53
  Speaker 2: Yeah?
• 4:53
  Speaker 4: Great, there's so many questions. I think you just open
• 4:55
  Speaker 4: up if you because you probably feel awkward because you
• 4:58
  Speaker 4: have questions that you'd aren't sure you can ask, and
• 5:01
  Speaker 4: I think you are in a position where you're she
• 5:03
  Speaker 4: probably would be happy to answer your questions and share
• 5:06
  Speaker 4: with you, because she's probably just been keeping it inside
• 5:08
  Speaker 4: and not having it.
• 5:08
  Speaker 2: Tan to talk to her.
• 5:09
  Speaker 5: Because she talked about it. She put all of this
• 5:11
  Speaker 5: out of the table for you. You also put everything out
• 5:14
  Speaker 5: of the table that you're feeling, all the confusion, all
• 5:16
  Speaker 5: the questions you have, all the if you're uncomfortable with it,
• 5:20
  Speaker 5: say I gotta tell you, I'm not comfortable with this,
• 5:22
  Speaker 5: but I'm going to try because I love you and
• 5:23
  Speaker 5: i'm your best friend and we're gonna and I want
• 5:25
  Speaker 5: to be there for you. It's the things you said
• 5:28
  Speaker 5: to us right here. I think you got to tell
• 5:29
  Speaker 5: her a lot of this stuff.
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and like, I'm wondering if maybe, if there's a
• 5:32
  Speaker 1: little bit of you, like, do other people envy their relationship,
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: because I'm wondering if like maybe like other friends, like, oh,
• 5:38
  Speaker 1: I really wish that our marriage was like Sally and Ben's.
• 5:41
  Speaker 1: You know, like they seem like they haven't really figured
• 5:44
  Speaker 1: out and then you know this like big secret.
• 5:46
  Speaker 3: Yeah, that's probably annoying.
• 5:47
  Speaker 5: That's probably annoying.
• 5:48
  Speaker 4: Fun too, No, they're like they're so in love and
• 5:52
  Speaker 4: happy and yeah.
• 5:54
  Speaker 3: They're both doing other people at the same time. So
• 5:57
  Speaker 3: you don't want that.
• 5:58
  Speaker 4: I think, And honestly, I think the fact that it
• 6:00
  Speaker 4: took her six months to tell you probably means that
• 6:03
  Speaker 4: she felt awkward about sharing it with you. So the
• 6:05
  Speaker 4: fact that she did that, I think shows how much
• 6:08
  Speaker 4: she loves you and trusts you, and I think that
• 6:10
  Speaker 4: you can share the same honesty.
• 6:12
  Speaker 2: Back to Hrling, Mark said.
• 6:13
  Speaker 5: Yeah, Anonymous, I'm twenty seven, married to my husband for
• 6:17
  Speaker 5: three years now. We've been together since we're fifteen. He's
• 6:20
  Speaker 5: my best friend since elementary school. He's the best human
• 6:23
  Speaker 5: I know. One large problem. I am a lesbian. My
• 6:27
  Speaker 5: husband has known that I'm attracted to women since college,
• 6:30
  Speaker 5: but I didn't come to terms with being attracted only
• 6:32
  Speaker 5: to women until a couple of years ago. I've known
• 6:34
  Speaker 5: I was attracted to women since around ninth grade, but
• 6:37
  Speaker 5: I grew up in a conservative small town. I knew
• 6:39
  Speaker 5: that would never be an option for me, so I
• 6:40
  Speaker 5: kind of posted far down. As I've gotten older, I
• 6:43
  Speaker 5: care less what those people think, and I want to
• 6:45
  Speaker 5: experience a connection deeper than just a strong friendship. I
• 6:48
  Speaker 5: feel for my husband, but I also can't stand the
• 6:51
  Speaker 5: thought of losing him in my life, as well as
• 6:53
  Speaker 5: his family, who I love so much. He knows I'm
• 6:55
  Speaker 5: a lesbian, but he still seems to think that one
• 6:58
  Speaker 5: day I'll wake up and be attracted to him. But
• 7:00
  Speaker 5: I can't blame him, because I too wish it was
• 7:02
  Speaker 5: that easy. One day, I feel like I can settle
• 7:06
  Speaker 5: and be happy enough with our friendship in the life
• 7:07
  Speaker 5: we have already built in other days, I can't imagine
• 7:10
  Speaker 5: staying in a relationship without that passion and deeper connection.
• 7:13
  Speaker 5: But I'm terrified of hurting those around me, and I
• 7:15
  Speaker 5: feel so selfish and the advice or input is appreciated.
• 7:18
  Speaker 5: Ps Becca's journey to acceptance has been such a big
• 7:21
  Speaker 5: part of me coming to terms with my own sexuality
• 7:24
  Speaker 5: and realizing that the people who truly love me just
• 7:27
  Speaker 5: want me to be happy.
• 7:29
  Speaker 3: Nice.
• 7:30
  Speaker 4: Oh this is complicated. There's a part of me that's like,
• 7:35
  Speaker 4: we worry so much about being selfish and in terms
• 7:39
  Speaker 4: of what other people will say or hurting other people.
• 7:41
  Speaker 4: But I just wonder if it's also selfish to stay
• 7:44
  Speaker 4: in something where your husband isn't getting the affection or
• 7:50
  Speaker 4: attention sexually from his partner.
• 7:53
  Speaker 1: To throw this out there, though, I do think that
• 7:55
  Speaker 1: there are people that are in marriages that are just
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: kind of like roommates.
• 8:00
  Speaker 3: I think there's a sexuality base or not correct, That's
• 8:02
  Speaker 3: what I'm saying. So it's like, this isn't the worst
• 8:05
  Speaker 3: case scenario, Like you know, it's just not.
• 8:09
  Speaker 2: You're saying, like just to stay in the marriage, and.
• 8:12
  Speaker 3: No, I'm saying for him, Oh yeah, like.
• 8:14
  Speaker 2: Oh like he's he's probably just content with how it is.
• 8:17
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm saying, take the sexuality out out of it.
• 8:20
  Speaker 1: There are marriages and there are relationships out there people
• 8:23
  Speaker 1: who just coexist together. They just like live life together
• 8:26
  Speaker 1: and they like don't really have sex and they just
• 8:28
  Speaker 1: like they're kind of like, really.
• 8:29
  Speaker 4: If you're craving the relationship, having a sexual relationship with
• 8:34
  Speaker 4: someone that you're attracted to and want.
• 8:36
  Speaker 1: That way right then and that's not for you, right Yeah.
• 8:40
  Speaker 4: So I'm just saying like, sometimes there I there's always
• 8:43
  Speaker 4: this like back and forth of what's selfish, you know,
• 8:46
  Speaker 4: like staying in something that you and your partner are
• 8:50
  Speaker 4: getting the type of partnership you want from the marriage,
• 8:54
  Speaker 4: or is selfish choosing yourself and hurting other people in
• 8:58
  Speaker 4: the process.
• 9:00
  Speaker 2: I don't know.
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: I just think like, in ten years, are you going
• 9:03
  Speaker 1: to wake up and kick yourself for not trying to
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: explore and find a relationship that ignites all of that
• 9:10
  Speaker 1: in you.
• 9:11
  Speaker 4: That's what it was for me with I mean, not
• 9:13
  Speaker 4: a very different situation, but when coming to term, when
• 9:16
  Speaker 4: Haley and I came out with reading A Love and
• 9:18
  Speaker 4: a Lot you did reading Seven Husbands of eve Oney,
• 9:23
  Speaker 4: yougo was because a big part of that was she
• 9:26
  Speaker 4: looked at the end of her life. She got to
• 9:28
  Speaker 4: the end of her life and it was like all
• 9:29
  Speaker 4: these thoughts of what could have been if she had
• 9:31
  Speaker 4: just let herself love who she wanted to love.
• 9:34
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and it's so powerful.
• 9:36
  Speaker 4: And I do think there is a complication, you know,
• 9:40
  Speaker 4: when you commit your life to someone in a marriage,
• 9:42
  Speaker 4: But I also think we have one life, and your
• 9:45
  Speaker 4: husband knows, and I think it might just be having
• 9:48
  Speaker 4: a very honest conversation about where you are with your
• 9:52
  Speaker 4: feelings and your sexuality and not wanting to have regrets
• 9:55
  Speaker 4: for yourself and for him, and you know, communicating to
• 10:01
  Speaker 4: him that you love his friendship. And that's the part
• 10:04
  Speaker 4: of you that's staying. That's the part of you that's
• 10:06
  Speaker 4: made this hard, and there might be some awkward moments
• 10:11
  Speaker 4: navigating that, but I just think I think staying somewhere
• 10:15
  Speaker 4: where you're always wanting more or questioning what is out there.
• 10:22
  Speaker 3: And I think clearly you are. You wouldn't be writing
• 10:24
  Speaker 3: us if you weren't questioning it.
• 10:27
  Speaker 5: And the fact that he knows everything, I think we
• 10:29
  Speaker 5: need to take advantage of that. Yeah, And I also
• 10:31
  Speaker 5: take him so far.
• 10:32
  Speaker 4: There's also like she's not going I'm wondering if I'm
• 10:35
  Speaker 4: attracted to women. It's like I've known since I was
• 10:37
  Speaker 4: in ninth grade, I'm a lesbian. Like, there's no uncertainty here.
• 10:41
  Speaker 5: I think you guys need to sit down and have
• 10:43
  Speaker 5: a really difficult, very emotional conversation about your future, because
• 10:48
  Speaker 5: does he want to be in this knowing that you're
• 10:50
  Speaker 5: never going to be attracted to him. If you ever
• 10:52
  Speaker 5: sleep with him, it'll be as a favor more than anything.
• 10:56
  Speaker 5: You're never going to enjoy that act. So is that
• 10:59
  Speaker 5: what you want for your life? But making also clear
• 11:02
  Speaker 5: to him that you love him and you don't want
• 11:03
  Speaker 5: to lose him, And is there anything we can figure
• 11:06
  Speaker 5: out here together to move forward? And maybe that's breaking up,
• 11:10
  Speaker 5: Maybe that's seeing other people. Maybe it's the open relationship
• 11:13
  Speaker 5: like we had in the last email. Maybe it's somehow
• 11:15
  Speaker 5: transitioning into friendship. I don't know.
• 11:17
  Speaker 4: Is there a world I don't know this, but like
• 11:19
  Speaker 4: if you separate, you know, if you take a separation
• 11:22
  Speaker 4: and it's like we we date other people, you know.
• 11:26
  Speaker 2: Like divorce, there's more this.
• 11:30
  Speaker 4: Yeah, but it's a clear understanding of what's happening, because
• 11:34
  Speaker 4: you might it might be a grass is greener. You
• 11:37
  Speaker 4: might go out and have that and be like, I
• 11:38
  Speaker 4: still have a stronger connection with this man.
• 11:40
  Speaker 2: That I married. I don't know. Yeah, but I think
• 11:43
  Speaker 2: that you need you need that, you need that.
• 11:45
  Speaker 4: And I think you've acknowledged it within yourself, which is
• 11:48
  Speaker 4: a huge part of this, and you he knows this.
• 11:51
  Speaker 4: I think Mark's right. You sit down and have a
• 11:54
  Speaker 4: really hard conversation about it, and we are rooting for you.
• 11:58
  Speaker 3: Yes, we are all right.
• 12:01
  Speaker 5: I'm gonna tease the next one. Oh, we tease this
• 12:06
  Speaker 5: one because it's a better tease. Okay, A Day one
• 12:09
  Speaker 5: scrubber says she no longer loves her husband. Next.
• 12:30
  Speaker 2: All right, we're back.
• 12:31
  Speaker 5: These are really interesting emails this week.
• 12:34
  Speaker 4: Yeah, like, we're really sorry that y'all are going through
• 12:37
  Speaker 4: like really hard times, really, but we appreciate that you
• 12:40
  Speaker 4: trust us.
• 12:41
  Speaker 5: This is another tough one. Day one scrubber. My husband
• 12:43
  Speaker 5: and I have been married for eleven years, together for sixteen.
• 12:46
  Speaker 5: Now that's the situation. Side note from me. Seems like
• 12:50
  Speaker 5: after sixteen years together, you're solid, you're good, you know
• 12:54
  Speaker 5: what's going on. Right. Not the case here, She says,
• 12:57
  Speaker 5: I've realized that I'm just not in love with him anymore,
• 13:00
  Speaker 5: and I don't know what to do. Our life is great.
• 13:02
  Speaker 5: We have three beautiful children. We are great partners and teammates,
• 13:05
  Speaker 5: taking care of the house and the kids and all
• 13:07
  Speaker 5: of their thousands of activities. I love him wholeheartedly as
• 13:10
  Speaker 5: a human and the person he is. I admire him,
• 13:13
  Speaker 5: I respect him. We are intimate several times a week.
• 13:16
  Speaker 5: We spend tons of time together the as a family.
• 13:18
  Speaker 3: That's great.
• 13:18
  Speaker 5: I feel like I'm living a lie. I put on
• 13:20
  Speaker 5: a happy face, but I just don't feel like I
• 13:22
  Speaker 5: am in love with my husband anymore, and I just
• 13:25
  Speaker 5: don't know what to do about it. He basically gives
• 13:27
  Speaker 5: me the ick way more than I'd like to admit.
• 13:30
  Speaker 5: I often think about divorce and I feel like I'd
• 13:33
  Speaker 5: be okay with it, honestly, But then I think about
• 13:35
  Speaker 5: people who stay in much worse relationships for longer and
• 13:38
  Speaker 5: wonder if I'm just being selfish. I have felt this
• 13:41
  Speaker 5: way for almost two and a half years now. I
• 13:43
  Speaker 5: feel like a cop out having these thoughts, But I
• 13:45
  Speaker 5: also feel like our relationship has run its course and
• 13:48
  Speaker 5: she'd be okay to move on. I'm not even sure
• 13:50
  Speaker 5: what I'm looking for here, but any advice or thought
• 13:52
  Speaker 5: to be appreciated. I love this podcast so much, Sincerely,
• 13:56
  Speaker 5: a day one scrubber.
• 14:00
  Speaker 1: Let me tell you something. If there's anything that the
• 14:03
  Speaker 1: show nobody wants, this has taught me, it's that the
• 14:08
  Speaker 1: itck can be reversed.
• 14:11
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 14:11
  Speaker 1: This to me, I'm just gonna say it, this sounds
• 14:15
  Speaker 1: like a lovely situation. You've gotten the ick, you've had
• 14:18
  Speaker 1: it for two point five years.
• 14:20
  Speaker 2: Two point five years is a long time.
• 14:23
  Speaker 1: Not but have you actively day one scrubber tried to
• 14:27
  Speaker 1: reverse the ick? Have we talked to a therapist? Have
• 14:30
  Speaker 1: you sat down with your husband? Have you worked on
• 14:32
  Speaker 1: trying to reverse that? Because what if you can reverse
• 14:34
  Speaker 1: the dick and then you have such a beautiful you
• 14:38
  Speaker 1: have sixteen more years left. I don't think this is
• 14:43
  Speaker 1: I don't think this is I don't think it's over.
• 14:45
  Speaker 4: If I had the ick for two point five years
• 14:47
  Speaker 4: and then someone was saying I have sixteen years left,
• 14:50
  Speaker 4: that sounds daunting.
• 14:53
  Speaker 3: However, reverse it.
• 14:54
  Speaker 4: However, I do think that if you haven't done everything
• 14:59
  Speaker 4: you can, I feel like you have a good thing.
• 15:03
  Speaker 4: And I'm just saying like in terms of like, it
• 15:05
  Speaker 4: seems like y'all have a good partnership, you.
• 15:07
  Speaker 3: Have kids together, sex all the time.
• 15:09
  Speaker 2: But it doesn't sound like she is like I think
• 15:12
  Speaker 2: she's She.
• 15:14
  Speaker 5: Said we're intimate several times a week.
• 15:15
  Speaker 4: She doesn't say from someone, then.
• 15:20
  Speaker 5: Well, I think it would have slowed down, wouldn't it
• 15:22
  Speaker 5: If she's that grossed out, people please her and is like,
• 15:26
  Speaker 5: this is I'm the only one of us that's been
• 15:28
  Speaker 5: in a relationship this long. Oh my god, twenty seven years.
• 15:32
  Speaker 5: I guarantee you. I give my wife the from time
• 15:34
  Speaker 5: to time. I guarantee it. It's been a long time together.
• 15:38
  Speaker 5: And this is the comparison I've made before on this show.
• 15:40
  Speaker 5: There's Mark and Amy, there's Mom and dad. Mom and
• 15:44
  Speaker 5: Dad bicker, they don't get along all the time. The
• 15:45
  Speaker 5: drivers are the crazy. Mark and Amy are super in love,
• 15:47
  Speaker 5: and you go back and forth between the two. I
• 15:49
  Speaker 5: think you two are really stuck in mom and dad mode,
• 15:51
  Speaker 5: and you need to find time to get to you
• 15:53
  Speaker 5: and him as the couple you were that you fell
• 15:56
  Speaker 5: in love with once upon a time. I agree with
• 15:58
  Speaker 5: Tanya that I think this could be salvage. I think
• 16:00
  Speaker 5: you're maybe focusing on some of his more negative qualities
• 16:04
  Speaker 5: and maybe you've lost sight of some of the ones
• 16:05
  Speaker 5: that you fell in love with.
• 16:06
  Speaker 4: You.
• 16:06
  Speaker 3: Yeah, because like.
• 16:07
  Speaker 1: When you do get the ick, you fixate on that ick,
• 16:09
  Speaker 1: and like everything that they subsequently do post ick makes
• 16:13
  Speaker 1: you feel even ickier. So I feel like you're just
• 16:14
  Speaker 1: like spiraling in the ick and like you're not seeing
• 16:17
  Speaker 1: the forest in the trees.
• 16:18
  Speaker 4: Maybe being in the ick indefinitely is being in the
• 16:23
  Speaker 4: spiral of the ick is.
• 16:24
  Speaker 3: Dark for two point five years.
• 16:27
  Speaker 4: It's like being in the eye of the hurricane for Yeah,
• 16:30
  Speaker 4: and he's a good dude.
• 16:31
  Speaker 2: Here's my thing.
• 16:32
  Speaker 5: Clearly he's a good dude.
• 16:33
  Speaker 2: I think. I agree.
• 16:34
  Speaker 4: I think it's like they're stuck in this mop parent
• 16:36
  Speaker 4: mode and it's like, what were the things about him
• 16:39
  Speaker 4: when y'all started dating?
• 16:40
  Speaker 2: Maybe y'all go on dates.
• 16:41
  Speaker 4: Maybe what is I guess it's like some IX can
• 16:45
  Speaker 4: be reversed, like what are the ickxs? Is that personality X?
• 16:47
  Speaker 4: Is it what he looks like? Physical IX? Like?
• 16:50
  Speaker 3: What is a new wardrobe he's wearing?
• 16:52
  Speaker 4: Yeah, Like are there things where you could step in
• 16:56
  Speaker 4: and go like, hey, maybe if you styled your hair
• 16:58
  Speaker 4: this way, just like things that maybe are.
• 17:01
  Speaker 1: Simple and even voice it like that be like, oh
• 17:03
  Speaker 1: my gosh, this new colonial wearing is giving me the
• 17:05
  Speaker 1: ick coupled with these weird socks that you're wearing to
• 17:07
  Speaker 1: bed at night, coupled with like.
• 17:11
  Speaker 5: When you eat, it's that stuff. I guarantee it's that stuff.
• 17:14
  Speaker 1: Whatever tell them be like they're giving me the ick,
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: and I need you to be mindful of it, and
• 17:18
  Speaker 1: like we need to I need to get back to
• 17:19
  Speaker 1: like wanting you to blind.
• 17:20
  Speaker 4: That's fair, needs you to be mindful of the absolute
• 17:24
  Speaker 4: ick you're getting me. Yeah, I do think talking to
• 17:26
  Speaker 4: a therapist would be like great, because I think maybe
• 17:29
  Speaker 4: you can have your own time to say what you
• 17:31
  Speaker 4: need to say, put it out in the open, figure
• 17:34
  Speaker 4: out where there's that misconnection, and then maybe go in
• 17:38
  Speaker 4: like romantic dates, do things that y'all did before you
• 17:41
  Speaker 4: had kids.
• 17:42
  Speaker 1: But I think the reason why it's lasted two point
• 17:44
  Speaker 1: five years is because you've been keeping this to yourself.
• 17:46
  Speaker 1: Clearly you're not sharing this. I think if you do
• 17:49
  Speaker 1: open up, I don't I would not say the door
• 17:51
  Speaker 1: that you thought about divorce, but like I would open
• 17:54
  Speaker 1: up about the ick and like all of these things
• 17:56
  Speaker 1: and just say like this is actually very serious and
• 17:58
  Speaker 1: it's been like making me spiral and I kept it
• 18:00
  Speaker 1: to myself.
• 18:00
  Speaker 3: I really want to be open.
• 18:02
  Speaker 1: I love you and I love our life, and so
• 18:04
  Speaker 1: I want to like figure this out. And I think
• 18:06
  Speaker 1: if he's receptive to it, I think you can find
• 18:08
  Speaker 1: a path to forward and if he rejects it and
• 18:12
  Speaker 1: he gets very like negative and like down, then you
• 18:14
  Speaker 1: have another path to go down.
• 18:15
  Speaker 4: Well, I think it's natural for a human if Haley
• 18:19
  Speaker 4: is like, hey, you're really giving me the ick for
• 18:21
  Speaker 4: two point five years, like my feelings would be her
• 18:23
  Speaker 4: and I'd be like I would probably have a defensive reaction.
• 18:27
  Speaker 4: So I think there is a very specific way it
• 18:30
  Speaker 4: needs to be delivered. And that's why I think if
• 18:32
  Speaker 4: you did it with a therapist or a counselor there
• 18:34
  Speaker 4: could be a someone to navigate the conversation.
• 18:37
  Speaker 3: We all know delivery is not mine strength. My strength.
• 18:41
  Speaker 5: I think it'd be okay with divorce, But I think
• 18:43
  Speaker 5: that's a grass is always greener situation.
• 18:44
  Speaker 2: I think it's going to say too. I think you're
• 18:46
  Speaker 2: going to get out there and you're going.
• 18:48
  Speaker 3: To be like accentral out there, and.
• 18:49
  Speaker 5: Then the kids are with him on the weekends and
• 18:52
  Speaker 5: you're alone, and then you're seeing someone else starts being
• 18:55
  Speaker 5: the mom to the kids when you're not around. You're
• 18:57
  Speaker 5: not going to like any of that stuff, but she does.
• 19:00
  Speaker 2: Then you've made the right decision.
• 19:01
  Speaker 5: Yeah, if that sounds fine to you, Yeah, go for it,
• 19:04
  Speaker 5: all right. This is from Taylor, longtime scrubber here still
• 19:08
  Speaker 5: watching Gray's Anatomy and on season three of a current rewatch.
• 19:12
  Speaker 5: The question of having kids has been weighing on me recently,
• 19:15
  Speaker 5: and I feel like you always have some good perspectives
• 19:17
  Speaker 5: and advice for me. I'm thirty three years old, i
• 19:19
  Speaker 5: got married earlier this year, and I've always said I
• 19:21
  Speaker 5: wanted kids, But now as it gets closer to becoming
• 19:23
  Speaker 5: a reality, I'm questioning it. I'm not an overly baby
• 19:27
  Speaker 5: loving person. If someone has a baby, I don't need
• 19:29
  Speaker 5: to hold it necessarily. I'd rather be petting the dog
• 19:32
  Speaker 5: at a party than interacting with a child. Will this
• 19:35
  Speaker 5: make me a bad mom? Well? I like my own child.
• 19:37
  Speaker 5: Do I have to love babies to want a baby?
• 19:40
  Speaker 5: How do you have children and balance a career. I've
• 19:43
  Speaker 5: spent so much of my left getting an education undergraduate PhD.
• 19:46
  Speaker 5: I feel like I'm just getting into the groove of
• 19:48
  Speaker 5: my career. I grew up at the stay at home
• 19:50
  Speaker 5: mom and it was amazing. But how do I give
• 19:52
  Speaker 5: up my career? Or what if my having kids makes
• 19:55
  Speaker 5: me want to give up my career? Did I waste
• 19:57
  Speaker 5: all that time at school? I'm also the breadwinner at this,
• 20:00
  Speaker 5: so finance is weigh on me too, Tanya, you are
• 20:03
  Speaker 5: very excited to have a baby. Do you worry about
• 20:05
  Speaker 5: balancing your career that you also love? Becca, I don't
• 20:08
  Speaker 5: remember where you stand on it for when you want
• 20:10
  Speaker 5: to have kids, baby you can relate since you don't
• 20:12
  Speaker 5: seem baby as baby enthusiastic as Tanya Mark. How did
• 20:16
  Speaker 5: you and your wife decide when to have kids?
• 20:18
  Speaker 3: That's Taylor, It's lots of unpack here.
• 20:22
  Speaker 4: I don't I have read actually from Scrubbers in the
• 20:26
  Speaker 4: Facebook group like this. I remember i Scrubber posted. I
• 20:31
  Speaker 4: literally have felt like being a mom was my absolute purpose.
• 20:35
  Speaker 4: All I wanted to do is be a mom, have kids.
• 20:36
  Speaker 4: I've loved babies. I'm maternal, and I'm having the hardest
• 20:40
  Speaker 4: time feeling like I am a good mom. And I
• 20:44
  Speaker 4: think that no matter where you stand on where you
• 20:47
  Speaker 4: if you love babies, if you love interacting with kids,
• 20:51
  Speaker 4: I don't think that that's going to make you a
• 20:53
  Speaker 4: good mom or a bad mom. I think when you
• 20:55
  Speaker 4: have a child, it's going to be an obsessive love
• 20:58
  Speaker 4: that you've never experienced. That's the one thing that's consistent
• 21:01
  Speaker 4: when I ask people about kids is like it's a
• 21:03
  Speaker 4: love like you've never had before. I'm very specific as
• 21:08
  Speaker 4: what dogs I like, Like I'm very choosy, like I
• 21:11
  Speaker 4: love all dogs. I love animals, but I'm very like
• 21:13
  Speaker 4: which one am I going to interact with.
• 21:16
  Speaker 2: I'm obsessed with Phoebe. Phoebe's like can do no wrong.
• 21:18
  Speaker 4: And I know I would be the same way with
• 21:20
  Speaker 4: a child, but I also have my reservations about it.
• 21:24
  Speaker 4: I'm very like torn on if or when I want
• 21:26
  Speaker 4: to have kids, but I have a very natural maternal instinct.
• 21:33
  Speaker 4: I love babies, Like if someone has a baby on
• 21:36
  Speaker 4: a plane, it takes everything in me not to be
• 21:38
  Speaker 4: like interact, wanting to interact.
• 21:40
  Speaker 3: With the baby.
• 21:42
  Speaker 4: I love them. Yeah, and I love kids, and I know, like, honestly,
• 21:45
  Speaker 4: Haley and I have talked about this that if we
• 21:47
  Speaker 4: had kids, I think that she would get jealous because
• 21:50
  Speaker 4: of the amount of attention I would get. I think
• 21:52
  Speaker 4: it would be a very intense, really like love for me.
• 21:58
  Speaker 3: Yeah, Like I feel very strongly are you crying?
• 22:02
  Speaker 2: No, you can?
• 22:04
  Speaker 5: I really helpful of the podcast right now.
• 22:08
  Speaker 3: Emotional.
• 22:10
  Speaker 1: It's so interesting because I feel like I can totally
• 22:14
  Speaker 1: relate to what you're saying. I've always I've known that
• 22:17
  Speaker 1: I've always wanted to have kids from birth, Like I
• 22:24
  Speaker 1: don't know, like I was. It was always something that
• 22:25
  Speaker 1: I knew was in me, Like I just have always been.
• 22:28
  Speaker 1: Like I love like I am like kind of a
• 22:29
  Speaker 1: homemaker in a weird way, not really like I don't
• 22:32
  Speaker 1: like cook and clean and like in that way.
• 22:34
  Speaker 3: But I love like home. I love having like a
• 22:37
  Speaker 3: cozy home. I love that.
• 22:38
  Speaker 1: Like that making sense, Okay, However, the thing about the
• 22:45
  Speaker 1: career is such an interesting thing because I feel like
• 22:49
  Speaker 1: it's such a mind because I've talked to women in
• 22:53
  Speaker 1: this specific industry, in the entertainment industry that have had
• 22:57
  Speaker 1: children and going on maternity leave and and like, you
• 23:00
  Speaker 1: go into this vortex of keeping this like child alive
• 23:04
  Speaker 1: and like being so out of your day to day,
• 23:07
  Speaker 1: and especially in the entertainment industry, it's very cutthroat.
• 23:10
  Speaker 3: You're always made to.
• 23:11
  Speaker 1: Feel like you need to watch your back and you
• 23:15
  Speaker 1: need to say yes to everything because if you don't like,
• 23:17
  Speaker 1: your job can get snagged in two seconds. And so
• 23:20
  Speaker 1: we're always made to feel, especially as women, that we
• 23:23
  Speaker 1: are replaceable, interchangeable, disposable. And so when you go on
• 23:28
  Speaker 1: maternity leave and then you come back. It's just like
• 23:32
  Speaker 1: it's so hard. It's really really hard. And I don't
• 23:35
  Speaker 1: think enough women that work in the entertainment industry especially,
• 23:38
  Speaker 1: and imagine it's like this in every industry. This is
• 23:40
  Speaker 1: the only thing that I know because that's what I'm in.
• 23:42
  Speaker 1: But it's very hard, and I think it stops a
• 23:46
  Speaker 1: lot of women from having kids because they're scared to
• 23:49
  Speaker 1: step away from their positions. So it is definitely something
• 23:53
  Speaker 1: that I've thought about, but it doesn't it's that doesn't
• 23:56
  Speaker 1: outweigh me wanting to have a baby, you know, like
• 23:59
  Speaker 1: I would never not have a baby because I'm fearful
• 24:03
  Speaker 1: of my job, and so that's kind of where I
• 24:06
  Speaker 1: stand on that. But it is interesting because I do
• 24:08
  Speaker 1: feel like I have conversations with Robbie about it all
• 24:10
  Speaker 1: the time because I'm like, it does shift the dynamic
• 24:13
  Speaker 1: because that's you know, like the kids that we have
• 24:16
  Speaker 1: now are ten and twelve. We don't have to shower that,
• 24:19
  Speaker 1: you know, we just have to like think, you know
• 24:20
  Speaker 1: what I mean, Like it's just a totally different dynamic.
• 24:22
  Speaker 1: And so when like I just feel like it's gonna
• 24:24
  Speaker 1: shift things a lot, and I'm like trying to like
• 24:26
  Speaker 1: prepare for it as much as possible ahead of time,
• 24:28
  Speaker 1: because I just feel like it is a big shift.
• 24:32
  Speaker 5: Yeah, to answer the question to me, we you know,
• 24:34
  Speaker 5: we're traditional, I guess you know, we kind of. I
• 24:37
  Speaker 5: think Amy was a little lukewarmon kids, a little unsure.
• 24:40
  Speaker 5: I guess I should say when we first got marricause
• 24:42
  Speaker 5: she was very young. But then it just she she
• 24:46
  Speaker 5: approached me. I remember her saying it's time to start trying.
• 24:50
  Speaker 5: It was like, oh, I hadn't even really thought about that. Okay, yeah, great,
• 24:53
  Speaker 5: let's let's do that. Because it was always so oft
• 24:55
  Speaker 5: in the future somewhere and then and then we were
• 24:57
  Speaker 5: very fortunate. We had two wonderful daughters. And like saying,
• 25:00
  Speaker 5: like Becka alluded to, you think you have a pretty
• 25:03
  Speaker 5: good idea right now what love feels like, but you
• 25:05
  Speaker 5: really don't. You have no idea what love feels like
• 25:07
  Speaker 5: until you're holding that child in your arm. So I
• 25:09
  Speaker 5: think you would like your child. I think you'd be
• 25:11
  Speaker 5: a great mom, and nothing that you've told us and
• 25:13
  Speaker 5: indicates otherwise. But it's such a personal decision and I
• 25:17
  Speaker 5: don't think anybody should be pressured into it because it's
• 25:20
  Speaker 5: twenty twenty four, and they're both sides of that coin.
• 25:23
  Speaker 5: If you want your career and your child, you can
• 25:25
  Speaker 5: have that. The other side of the coin is if
• 25:27
  Speaker 5: you don't want to do this, you don't have to
• 25:28
  Speaker 5: do this, and it's just fine.
• 25:30
  Speaker 1: So I also think not wanting to hold other people's
• 25:34
  Speaker 1: babies is not an indication, not at all that you
• 25:36
  Speaker 1: shouldn't be a mom, because I mean, I like babies,
• 25:39
  Speaker 1: but like, I don't need to hold every baby.
• 25:41
  Speaker 5: My thing was always there's no upside to me holding
• 25:43
  Speaker 5: a baby. There's only tragic downside. So I'm just gonna
• 25:45
  Speaker 5: leave it be.
• 25:46
  Speaker 4: See, I'm the opposite babies. I'm like, any baby, hit me,
• 25:49
  Speaker 4: any baby. It's when they get to be a kid
• 25:52
  Speaker 4: that I'm like, I'm very selective.
• 25:54
  Speaker 2: That's my issue.
• 25:55
  Speaker 4: I'm like, I would have it have to be my
• 25:57
  Speaker 4: own because I'd be like kids can be like the
• 26:01
  Speaker 4: germs and stuff.
• 26:02
  Speaker 3: No, no, no, germs were hard for me. Yeah, germs
• 26:05
  Speaker 3: were hard.
• 26:05
  Speaker 1: The germs the like wow, from living in a museum
• 26:09
  Speaker 1: and the apartment museum where nothing gets touched, everything is
• 26:12
  Speaker 1: clean and its place, to having two children that like, yeah,
• 26:16
  Speaker 1: are constantly having some sickness back and forth and bringing
• 26:20
  Speaker 1: it from school and.
• 26:22
  Speaker 3: Yeah, it's it's it's it's a it's a shift.
• 26:26
  Speaker 4: But I'm very with you on Taylor. I'm very with
• 26:29
  Speaker 4: you because I thought my whole life I would be
• 26:32
  Speaker 4: married with kids by twenty five. My life has gone
• 26:36
  Speaker 4: in a very direct different direction in like the best way.
• 26:39
  Speaker 4: But I think that it's hard because there is an
• 26:43
  Speaker 4: age pressure that you have to consider and it's so annoying.
• 26:49
  Speaker 1: But it is men just like ejaculate whenever it's fine
• 26:53
  Speaker 1: and women.
• 26:54
  Speaker 4: Men just like get to like have pleasure and then
• 26:57
  Speaker 4: it's like okay, yeah, anyways.
• 27:01
  Speaker 1: You're right, even like during the whole IVF process. I again,
• 27:04
  Speaker 1: I'm not going to speak out of out of because
• 27:06
  Speaker 1: I haven't done it myself, but from what I have heard,
• 27:08
  Speaker 1: it's very hard on the woman. You have to do
• 27:10
  Speaker 1: so much, You're putting so much in your body, and
• 27:12
  Speaker 1: the man just like pleasures himself.
• 27:14
  Speaker 3: Into a cup.
• 27:16
  Speaker 1: Like what Yeah, that's for another that's another fun for
• 27:23
  Speaker 1: another day, another book.
• 27:26
  Speaker 5: Uh, before before we go to break, we have another
• 27:28
  Speaker 5: thought starter. Oh we like to end the Dear BONDI
• 27:31
  Speaker 5: is with a thought starter and we have one for
• 27:33
  Speaker 5: us coming up involves a Wife Swap. All right, this
• 27:53
  Speaker 5: is from Courtney. This is fun. If you remember the
• 27:55
  Speaker 5: reality show from the way back when Wife Swap, two
• 27:57
  Speaker 5: couples with swap partners for a week or so lived together.
• 28:00
  Speaker 5: If Tanya and Becca swapt partners for a week, obviously
• 28:03
  Speaker 5: in a non romantic, non sexual way, Robbie lived with Tanya,
• 28:07
  Speaker 5: Haley live with Sorry, Robbie live with Becca, Haley live
• 28:10
  Speaker 5: with Tanya. What do they think it would be like?
• 28:13
  Speaker 5: What would they do together? What would they eat for meals?
• 28:16
  Speaker 5: What would annoy them about the other person? What would
• 28:18
  Speaker 5: they fight about? What would they enjoy? Basically, how do
• 28:20
  Speaker 5: they think it would go if they had to live
• 28:22
  Speaker 5: with each other's partner for a week straight? Thank you
• 28:24
  Speaker 5: for so many laughs over the years.
• 28:28
  Speaker 3: Who should we start with? Me and Haley?
• 28:34
  Speaker 1: Yeah, Haley seems to work a lot, so I think
• 28:38
  Speaker 1: i'd be lonely. Yeah, like I need her for every meal.
• 28:42
  Speaker 4: We're both pretty like needy for conversations and stuff. So
• 28:45
  Speaker 4: I think when she got home she would really have
• 28:48
  Speaker 4: a lot of y'all eat like she would be happy
• 28:51
  Speaker 4: to eat, like healthy.
• 28:52
  Speaker 3: Food meals we would have together for you, Sure.
• 28:56
  Speaker 2: I would have some home cooked meals and.
• 28:58
  Speaker 3: Enjoy watching the same shows.
• 29:03
  Speaker 4: I don't think so, Like she doesn't like Love Island.
• 29:06
  Speaker 4: She would probably like Survivor, though, I think she'd be
• 29:08
  Speaker 4: into Survivor.
• 29:09
  Speaker 3: Okay, so I think I don't be pretty.
• 29:12
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I think her messiness would annoy me a little bit.
• 29:16
  Speaker 2: Yes, I agree, So you'd fight about that.
• 29:20
  Speaker 5: We probably find about the kind of messiness of their
• 29:22
  Speaker 5: clothes left around and shoes, Like Tiny's complaining about Robbie
• 29:25
  Speaker 5: leaving your shoes.
• 29:26
  Speaker 4: Yeah, Like she leaves her shoes at the like there's
• 29:28
  Speaker 4: like three and if there's one pair, she's like, oh,
• 29:31
  Speaker 4: those are the shoes on word of Mars, I'm like whatever.
• 29:33
  Speaker 4: But when there's three pairs, I'm like, well, which which
• 29:35
  Speaker 4: three are you? Which of the three? What about the
• 29:38
  Speaker 4: other two?
• 29:40
  Speaker 5: And where where does she leave the ones for tomorrow?
• 29:41
  Speaker 5: By the door?
• 29:43
  Speaker 2: Yeah? Right by the door.
• 29:44
  Speaker 5: And sometimes there's three by the door. Yeah yeah wow.
• 29:47
  Speaker 4: And like sometimes it's like boots so they're not small
• 29:49
  Speaker 4: little wow.
• 29:50
  Speaker 1: You know.
• 29:50
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm messy too.
• 29:53
  Speaker 4: I mean I I say stuff sometimes where it's like
• 29:56
  Speaker 4: if people are my biggest thing is if people are
• 29:59
  Speaker 4: coming over, she's the one who invited them. I'm like,
• 30:01
  Speaker 4: then let's pick up the space because I want it
• 30:06
  Speaker 4: to be presentable if someone's coming over. I get stressed
• 30:09
  Speaker 4: if someone comes over, like unannounced and like the house
• 30:11
  Speaker 4: is a mess, But I also am fine living who's.
• 30:13
  Speaker 5: Coming over and announced? These days? Is that a thing
• 30:15
  Speaker 5: that happens because it used to be a thing that happened, generation.
• 30:21
  Speaker 4: Happens sometimes be surprised. Okay, So yeah, I think that
• 30:26
  Speaker 4: would be fine. She might be like Tanya, like won't stop.
• 30:29
  Speaker 3: Talking, but like Haley won't stop talking.
• 30:32
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I could go either way. I think Robbie and
• 30:36
  Speaker 2: I would be I think we have a great time.
• 30:38
  Speaker 5: I feel like we guys might want to consider this, honestly.
• 30:42
  Speaker 2: Ball the basketball.
• 30:44
  Speaker 3: Yeah, he would enjoy it. He would enjoy the activities
• 30:47
  Speaker 3: that you've partake in.
• 30:50
  Speaker 2: No, he grills. Girl, may have some shrimp and steak.
• 30:53
  Speaker 1: You'd be fine, like a king, Yeah I do.
• 30:57
  Speaker 3: I will say that is one trade at time.
• 31:00
  Speaker 4: Would get a little dicey because I feel like he
• 31:02
  Speaker 4: will go to sleep early and I'm a little more
• 31:04
  Speaker 4: of a night out. But that's okay. I'm chilling down
• 31:10
  Speaker 4: on the couch.
• 31:10
  Speaker 3: So yeah, I.
• 31:11
  Speaker 4: Could go play football with the boys. Like, yeah, I
• 31:15
  Speaker 4: feel like we'd be great. Let me know if you
• 31:17
  Speaker 4: want to.
• 31:20
  Speaker 1: Is there anything you get annoyed. I know he's pretty clean.
• 31:22
  Speaker 1: He might get annoyed about your with your like not cleanly.
• 31:25
  Speaker 2: I'd be on my best behavior.
• 31:27
  Speaker 3: Okay, okay, well that's good.
• 31:29
  Speaker 2: Yeah, but he.
• 31:29
  Speaker 5: Does leave his shoes everywhere. She brought this up.
• 31:31
  Speaker 2: That's my thing.
• 31:32
  Speaker 4: Though I'm more messy, like I do the dishes. I
• 31:35
  Speaker 4: might clean in the sense that, like I wipe down
• 31:37
  Speaker 4: the counters every time, like it's more just stuff, you know.
• 31:41
  Speaker 1: I realized with that I need to be more appreciative
• 31:43
  Speaker 1: of how far we have come with Robbie and myself,
• 31:48
  Speaker 1: you know, come a long way from day one, where
• 31:53
  Speaker 1: I will never forget the first time I entered his
• 31:56
  Speaker 1: home and it was like a weekend that he had
• 31:58
  Speaker 1: the kids, and there were dishes literally piled all over,
• 32:04
  Speaker 1: Like there was not one piece of the kitchen counter
• 32:06
  Speaker 1: that you could see because there was just dishes. And
• 32:10
  Speaker 1: I will never forget that.
• 32:12
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's jarring.
• 32:13
  Speaker 3: Yes, it was jarring.
• 32:14
  Speaker 5: And we have come a long way because it was
• 32:16
  Speaker 5: basically a bachelor pad at that point.
• 32:19
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and it's so funny.
• 32:20
  Speaker 1: I remember the first weekend I like went on a
• 32:22
  Speaker 1: trip without him, and I left him at home with
• 32:25
  Speaker 1: the kids one weekend and I was like, I'm just
• 32:27
  Speaker 1: going to say this because I don't want to come
• 32:29
  Speaker 1: home on Sunday and like be angry. I'm very anxious
• 32:32
  Speaker 1: that you're just going to leave all the dishes in
• 32:34
  Speaker 1: the sink because you know, like I think he does
• 32:36
  Speaker 1: it because I'm around and we help. You know, we
• 32:38
  Speaker 1: both pitch in and we both do it. But if
• 32:40
  Speaker 1: I'm not around, I can just see it all stack.
• 32:42
  Speaker 5: And he has a dishwasher, I assume.
• 32:43
  Speaker 3: Yes, we don't really use it though, Ah.
• 32:46
  Speaker 1: I know, I know, I know have a thing dish
• 32:50
  Speaker 1: washers thing too.
• 32:52
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't think it gets it clean as.
• 32:54
  Speaker 2: Clean hand clean.
• 32:55
  Speaker 5: Oh that's interesting.
• 32:56
  Speaker 3: It's not as clean as my hand.
• 32:58
  Speaker 5: You don't know that. And then and if they tested it,
• 33:01
  Speaker 5: it's probably not the case.
• 33:02
  Speaker 2: I'm pretty thorough with my cleaning me too.
• 33:05
  Speaker 1: I'd rather a really nice clean thing that I'm going
• 33:08
  Speaker 1: to eat out of than like it running through some water.
• 33:12
  Speaker 5: I don't think it's just running through water. I think
• 33:13
  Speaker 5: there's a process and there's a heat involved that kills
• 33:16
  Speaker 5: a lot of bacteria that you're not going to.
• 33:17
  Speaker 2: Get to Yeah, it would be easier on me if
• 33:19
  Speaker 2: I just throw it in the dishwasher.
• 33:20
  Speaker 3: But las I do be scrubbing, scrubbing, be scrubbing too.
• 33:26
  Speaker 5: That's interesting.
• 33:28
  Speaker 3: Many ways.
• 33:29
  Speaker 1: So I did I express that to him, And when
• 33:31
  Speaker 1: I came home, and he would like send me pictures
• 33:33
  Speaker 1: out the weekend of like all the dishes done this weekend.
• 33:36
  Speaker 3: No, this was I can't remember what this was.
• 33:39
  Speaker 1: He would send me pictures of like the dishes and
• 33:40
  Speaker 1: the clean section of the same there.
• 33:43
  Speaker 3: Yeah, so I've come, we have come a very long way.
• 33:45
  Speaker 1: And if there are some shoes scattered around the bedroom,
• 33:49
  Speaker 1: it's our bedroom.
• 33:50
  Speaker 3: Who's going in there besides the two of us?
• 33:52
  Speaker 1: You know?
• 33:52
  Speaker 2: Oh yeah, the bedroom. I'm like, what you can do?
• 33:56
  Speaker 2: Leave whatever?
• 33:57
  Speaker 4: I got home and I had stuff everywhere from trying
• 34:00
  Speaker 4: to pack for Vegas and then needing to unpack from Vegas.
• 34:04
  Speaker 4: And I was like, she had her three shoes by
• 34:08
  Speaker 4: the door, and I'm like, how can I tell her
• 34:10
  Speaker 4: or say anything about these three shoes when the room
• 34:12
  Speaker 4: looks like a disaster.
• 34:14
  Speaker 1: So what I do is he leaves any clothing anywhere,
• 34:17
  Speaker 1: it just goes immediately in the dirty laundry, it just
• 34:19
  Speaker 1: goes in the dirty laundry, and I'll be like, where
• 34:21
  Speaker 1: is my where's my black sweater that was on the
• 34:23
  Speaker 1: chair that I'm taking to dinner tonight.
• 34:25
  Speaker 3: I'm like, was it unfolded in your closet? Then it's
• 34:28
  Speaker 3: in the hamper. It wasn't dirty.
• 34:31
  Speaker 5: But what about that stuff, the stuff that's that's clean
• 34:34
  Speaker 5: but not dirt. It's worn but not dirty.
• 34:36
  Speaker 3: So to me, if it's been worn, it's dirty.
• 34:39
  Speaker 5: One time, it's not dirty, Yes it is.
• 34:41
  Speaker 3: It's outside of my house.
• 34:43
  Speaker 4: If it's a sweater like blazer, that's one thing, right.
• 34:46
  Speaker 4: If it's a hoodie, it's dirty.
• 34:48
  Speaker 1: Dirty if it goes outside these walls of my home
• 34:51
  Speaker 1: and it touches the air dirty.
• 34:54
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 34:55
  Speaker 2: If Haley's weren't it all day for work? It's dirty?
• 34:58
  Speaker 5: Yes, sure, all day. But I might just throw on
• 35:00
  Speaker 5: a hoodie to go out, you know, I don't run
• 35:02
  Speaker 5: an errand or something. If it's cold out and that's it.
• 35:05
  Speaker 3: Yeah, then it goes in the hamper.
• 35:06
  Speaker 5: Wow.
• 35:07
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm the same.
• 35:09
  Speaker 3: Yeah. He has like a resting chair where it's like
• 35:12
  Speaker 3: before bed every night. Oh yeah, okay, oh my gosh.
• 35:15
  Speaker 3: I would not allow the filth of the day.
• 35:18
  Speaker 4: And can't there are people who do that, all right,
• 35:24
  Speaker 4: all right, Oh, like I feel like we would have
• 35:28
  Speaker 4: an easy transition.
• 35:33
  Speaker 2: Yeah, Like I don't think it would be a shock.
• 35:36
  Speaker 3: It would be hard for me not to have the meals, honestly.
• 35:39
  Speaker 4: Yeah, because Haley Haley, when she cooks, it's really good.
• 35:43
  Speaker 2: She just doesn't do it a lot.
• 35:44
  Speaker 3: Yeah, like Robbie can just like whip up stay like
• 35:48
  Speaker 3: he can.
• 35:48
  Speaker 2: Just whipped me coming back, just like.
• 35:52
  Speaker 3: It's really nice.
• 35:52
  Speaker 1: It's something I didn't know I needed in a partner. Like,
• 35:54
  Speaker 1: never once in my checklist of finding a partner did
• 35:57
  Speaker 1: I put like needs to cook or good with meats
• 35:59
  Speaker 1: and shrimps.
• 36:00
  Speaker 3: And it is a blessing.
• 36:02
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's a good it's a good gift.
• 36:03
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 36:04
  Speaker 2: All right, Well that's all for now.
• 36:06
  Speaker 4: If y'all ever want to send in bonio questions, message
• 36:09
  Speaker 4: us on Instagram at scrubbing in pod or email us
• 36:11
  Speaker 4: at scrubbing In at iHeartMedia dot com.
• 36:14
  Speaker 2: We love you so much, love you, bye bye,