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Transcript

🔥 NATE JACKSON_S SUPER FUNNY COMEDY JAM _ EPISODE 8_ 🔥 · Mic Drop Comedy

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: What's up, world?
• 0:01
  Speaker 2: It's your boy Nate Jackson. This is the Super Funny
• 0:04
  Speaker 2: Comedy Jam. We taping live in Tacoma, Washington. Let me
• 0:07
  Speaker 2: introduce you to the comics on this episode. There they go.
• 0:11
  Speaker 3: I'm Jackie Turchison from right here in Tacoma, Washington.
• 0:14
  Speaker 4: Hey, I'm Fat Man Deezy from Decatur, Georgia, bro.
• 0:23
  Speaker 5: Bold last name Dacius.
• 0:24
  Speaker 4: I represent VA, Norfolk to be exact.
• 0:29
  Speaker 1: I'm Dominique.
• 0:30
  Speaker 6: I'm from the south side of Washington, D.C.
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: What's up, y'all?
• 0:56
  Speaker 2: This is super funny comedy jamming is going down. Hey man,
• 0:59
  Speaker 2: we taping right here live in Tacoma. I'm so proud
• 1:01
  Speaker 2: of the little city I'm from right here. This shit
• 1:03
  Speaker 2: going down. Really, I'm from like Lacey Olympia, but fuck it.
• 1:07
  Speaker 2: If this was any other city in the world, all
• 1:09
  Speaker 2: this shit is the same. Everybody smacking the same cheeks.
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: Should I start over?
• 1:18
  Speaker 7: Did I just rub y'all right?
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: I'm like, wait a minute.
• 1:21
  Speaker 7: What did we do to him?
• 1:24
  Speaker 1: We in here, though.
• 1:25
  Speaker 5: Y'all look good.
• 1:26
  Speaker 2: You got your little church shirt on? Let's see what
• 1:29
  Speaker 2: you're doing. Okay, you fine as a motherfucker. You look
• 1:31
  Speaker 2: like a little sexy rooster, girl.
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: Go ahead.
• 1:34
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, get some dickle doodle doo in this bitch. Yeah,
• 1:39
  Speaker 2: I see you in your fatigues and shit. Tin hut, bitch,
• 1:41
  Speaker 2: you look good.
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:43
  Speaker 2: Is there any couples in the building? Let's be really honest.
• 1:51
  Speaker 2: Is there anybody in a relationship and you on your
• 1:53
  Speaker 2: last leg?
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: Y'all not going to make it.
• 1:54
  Speaker 5: Clap one time.
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: She clapped in his face. I can't. I can't. I can't.
• 2:02
  Speaker 7: That's what's up.
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: Where the single women?
• 2:04
  Speaker 2: Single?
• 2:06
  Speaker 1: Yeah?
• 2:08
  Speaker 5: Yeah?
• 2:08
  Speaker 7: Yeah? Sexy rooster?
• 2:11
  Speaker 2: Dang.
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: Some of the women sounded confident, like, I ain't got nobody.
• 2:16
  Speaker 7: Yeah.
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Your house chirping like a motherfucker.
• 2:20
  Speaker 7: Chirp.
• 2:22
  Speaker 3: Chirp. Chirp.
• 2:26
  Speaker 1: Chirp. You need a man and a ladder.
• 2:29
  Speaker 7: Somebody need to change them batteries out.
• 2:31
  Speaker 2: Your house is about to catch on fire and you
• 2:32
  Speaker 2: won't even know.
• 2:33
  Speaker 5: Chirp.
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: Chirp. Bed cold.
• 2:41
  Speaker 2: Gotta get in bed and warm it up with your
• 2:43
  Speaker 2: own legs.
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: Ain't nobody in there.
• 2:47
  Speaker 8: Get in your bed every night and go like this.
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: Whole garage on fire.
• 3:02
  Speaker 5: There you go.
• 3:03
  Speaker 2: Now I feel like I have somebody.
• 3:09
  Speaker 1: I'm enjoying myself shit.
• 3:12
  Speaker 2: This is what we're gonna do, man. We're gonna start
• 3:13
  Speaker 2: this episode up. We got some monsters on this episode.
• 3:15
  Speaker 2: If y'all ready to start the show, start clapping right now.
• 3:20
  Speaker 2: If you're ready to start the show, start clapping right.
• 3:25
  Speaker 6: Now.
• 3:25
  Speaker 2: First comedian coming to the stage, y'all make some noise
• 3:27
  Speaker 2: for Jackie Terjison.
• 3:39
  Speaker 3: Oh my God, I'm so happy to be here. I
• 3:41
  Speaker 3: am Jackie. I love telling people that I'm like a
• 3:43
  Speaker 3: stay-at-home mom, because there's such a stigma around house arrest.
• 3:53
  Speaker 3: Although it turns out it's a lot easier to be
• 3:55
  Speaker 3: a present mother when it's court order. Oh my God,
• 4:01
  Speaker 3: my kids love it. I'm like, I'm here for you
• 4:04
  Speaker 3: for the next eight to nine months, okay? Depending on
• 4:08
  Speaker 3: my behavior. They're always like, don't go back to the streets, mom.
• 4:19
  Speaker 6: But I will, okay?
• 4:21
  Speaker 3: You can't keep me off them. I've been having kids
• 4:28
  Speaker 3: like crazy too. I had two kids in 18 months.
• 4:32
  Speaker 3: I know, this guy just grabbed his uterus, okay?
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 4:36
  Speaker 7: Same. Oh, my God.
• 4:37
  Speaker 3: Having kids destroyed me, okay?
• 4:39
  Speaker 6: Like, my stomach.
• 4:40
  Speaker 3: It's just confused after all the stretching, you know? So
• 4:44
  Speaker 3: it reinvented itself as a butt.
• 4:52
  Speaker 6: Little crack.
• 4:53
  Speaker 3: Little crack and everything.
• 4:54
  Speaker 1: Oh, my God.
• 4:55
  Speaker 3: So cute.
• 4:57
  Speaker 9: Sir.
• 4:58
  Speaker 3: And then I did the right thing. I bought mom jeans. Right,
• 5:02
  Speaker 3: you have to. Ladies, you gotta tuck it in. You
• 5:04
  Speaker 3: gotta give it a proper home. I actually, I call
• 5:12
  Speaker 3: these my Tupperware jeans. Because it's where I put my
• 5:17
  Speaker 3: baby leftovers.
• 5:25
  Speaker 6: Still fresh.
• 5:28
  Speaker 1: That's so good.
• 5:28
  Speaker 3: I actually, I had three kids. Can we give it
• 5:31
  Speaker 3: up for my pelvic floor? It needs the support, if
• 5:41
  Speaker 3: I'm gonna be real with you guys, okay?
• 5:44
  Speaker 1: Right?
• 5:44
  Speaker 3: At this point, it's less like a floor and more
• 5:47
  Speaker 3: like when you get a leak and the drywall starts
• 5:50
  Speaker 3: to sag. Is that too graphic for you, sir? He's
• 5:56
  Speaker 3: not making eye contact. He's literally shielding his eyes. He's
• 6:00
  Speaker 3: looking around at his buddies. He's like, there's a floor
• 6:02
  Speaker 3: in there, bro.
• 6:03
  Speaker 1: Did you know about this?
• 6:06
  Speaker 6: Oh, drywall.
• 6:07
  Speaker 1: I know that.
• 6:08
  Speaker 3: Right? Drywall? A little bit, he said. Listen, I just
• 6:13
  Speaker 3: sprinkle in construction words just to say relatable to everybody.
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: Okay?
• 6:19
  Speaker 3: Hammer.
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: Right?
• 6:23
  Speaker 2: Monkey wrench.
• 6:26
  Speaker 3: What was your name, sir?
• 6:28
  Speaker 4: Chuck.
• 6:29
  Speaker 3: That's such a nice name, Chuck. Listen, I just pee
• 6:33
  Speaker 3: a little bit all the time now, Chuck, okay? Like,
• 6:37
  Speaker 3: I've been peeing this entire time, okay? Like, I used
• 6:43
  Speaker 3: to have an innie-outie, right here, eye contact. I used
• 6:48
  Speaker 3: to have an innie-outie belly button, okay, Chuck? Now I
• 6:52
  Speaker 3: have an innie outie cervix, okay? Do you understand? Oh,
• 6:56
  Speaker 3: grow up. It's in right now, okay?
• 6:59
  Speaker 1: Keeping that in.
• 7:02
  Speaker 3: He's like, Suri, what is a cervix? Which is fine. No,
• 7:09
  Speaker 3: it's changed my life. Like, I used to go to
• 7:10
  Speaker 3: Pilates class. I used to stay.
• 7:12
  Speaker 1: Till the end.
• 7:14
  Speaker 6: You know what I mean?
• 7:14
  Speaker 3: Remember those days? Now I'm sneaking out halfway through. I'm
• 7:18
  Speaker 3: hobbled over like an old witch.
• 7:20
  Speaker 6: I'm like....
• 7:25
  Speaker 3: There's a lot more jumping in that class than I remember.
• 7:29
  Speaker 3: My shoes are squeaking. I'm like... They must have just
• 7:36
  Speaker 3: washed the floor because that's not my urine. I just
• 7:42
  Speaker 3: want to be a good mom, you guys. And I
• 7:45
  Speaker 3: would be if it weren't for my kids. I'd be
• 7:52
  Speaker 3: the best, you know? I do gentle parenting. Yeah, nobody
• 7:58
  Speaker 3: believes me because they heard all the other shit I said. No,
• 8:02
  Speaker 3: I said gentle parenting in Idaho, and the whole crowd booed. Like,
• 8:09
  Speaker 3: all of them booed. I was like, okay, Boise, you
• 8:11
  Speaker 3: guys just slapping your kids left and right out here.
• 8:16
  Speaker 3: You know, mostly right.
• 8:19
  Speaker 5: Mm-hmm.
• 8:26
  Speaker 6: It's a red state.
• 8:29
  Speaker 3: Not you guys. I can tell you'd never do that.
• 8:32
  Speaker 3: You'd only slap your kids left. I like that about you.
• 8:36
  Speaker 3: Unless you're a libertarian, then I guess they would slap themselves.
• 8:42
  Speaker 1: Oh, okay.
• 8:43
  Speaker 3: He's like, Siri, what is a libertarian?
• 8:47
  Speaker 6: Philip Screwdriver.
• 8:48
  Speaker 1: Okay, I've been Jackie Turgeson.
• 8:51
  Speaker 2: Thank you guys so much.
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: Thank you. Asparagus. She had me cracking up, naming random tools.
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: And she was like, monkey wrench. I was like, that
• 9:29
  Speaker 1: was a stripper move and a tool. One more time,
• 9:32
  Speaker 1: Jackie Tergesen, please.
• 9:36
  Speaker 2: More, more, more, more.
• 9:38
  Speaker 7: Next comedian coming to the stage, hails.
• 9:40
  Speaker 1: From Decatur, Georgia.
• 9:41
  Speaker 2: Y'all make some noise for Fat Man, Deezy!
• 9:50
  Speaker 5: Yeah, hello.
• 9:53
  Speaker 4: I only got five minutes, bro, so I ain't finna
• 9:57
  Speaker 4: ask y'all how y'all doing, because I don't have time
• 9:59
  Speaker 4: for you to talk. tell me. It past my bedtime.
• 10:04
  Speaker 4: I done got a little old, you know. I used
• 10:09
  Speaker 4: to be young. You feel me? Nah, for real, I
• 10:13
  Speaker 4: used to be young. Used to want to start shit
• 10:16
  Speaker 4: with people, you know. I remember when I had got
• 10:17
  Speaker 4: my first little pistol, you know, and I put it
• 10:21
  Speaker 4: right here. and put your shirt behind it, you know
• 10:24
  Speaker 4: what I'm saying? Because you want people to know you
• 10:25
  Speaker 4: got it, you feel me? Because when I was young,
• 10:29
  Speaker 4: you know, I used to wish a nigga would, you
• 10:30
  Speaker 4: know what I'm saying? And now I'm old, I just
• 10:34
  Speaker 4: hope a nigga don't.
• 10:35
  Speaker 5: You know what I'm saying?
• 10:38
  Speaker 4: Like, I got the pistol, you feel me? I hope
• 10:40
  Speaker 4: a nigga don't do nothing, bro. Like, I got the strap,
• 10:44
  Speaker 4: but I don't want to use it, you feel me? Like,
• 10:46
  Speaker 4: I don't want to shoot.
• 10:47
  Speaker 5: Nobody, bro.
• 10:47
  Speaker 4: Like, what the fuck? It ain't that easy to kill
• 10:52
  Speaker 4: no whole nigga, bruh. I just don't believe that, bruh.
• 10:57
  Speaker 4: I hit a squirrel, bro. The other day, bruh, and
• 11:00
  Speaker 4: that shit fucked me up, my nigga. I was like,
• 11:02
  Speaker 4: God damn, bruh. I don't know why the nigga, you
• 11:06
  Speaker 4: know what I'm saying? He ain't got no jug or nothing, bruh.
• 11:09
  Speaker 4: He just ran under the tire. You know how your
• 11:11
  Speaker 4: body get tight when you finna hit them motherfuckers? God
• 11:14
  Speaker 4: damn it, you know what I mean? I'm gonna wreck
• 11:16
  Speaker 4: the clutch when I'm about to hit that fucking squirrel, bruh. Nah,
• 11:20
  Speaker 4: for real, my partner called me, like, come pick me up.
• 11:22
  Speaker 4: I was like, hell no, nigga, these squirrels out here bullshitting, bud.
• 11:26
  Speaker 5: You feel me? I can't have that on my heart,
• 11:27
  Speaker 5: my nigga.
• 11:28
  Speaker 4: I been driving for like four days, bro.
• 11:31
  Speaker 5: You know what I'm saying? And that was the squirrels.
• 11:34
  Speaker 4: I can only imagine a whole nigga, you feel me, like,
• 11:38
  Speaker 4: kill a nigga, then go eat. You know what I'm saying? Like,
• 11:41
  Speaker 4: it don't work like that. Anyway, you know what's crazy, bro? Like,
• 11:47
  Speaker 4: I believe in God, you know what I'm saying? I
• 11:49
  Speaker 4: believe in Jesus, you know, but like, my black friend now,
• 11:53
  Speaker 4: they don't really want me to believe in Jesus, they
• 11:55
  Speaker 4: want me to believe.
• 11:56
  Speaker 5: In the ancestors, you know what I'm saying?
• 11:58
  Speaker 4: And like, I ain't mad at the ancestors, I just
• 12:01
  Speaker 4: do the shit that come naturally to me, you know
• 12:03
  Speaker 4: what I'm saying? Like, you ever been driving your car,
• 12:06
  Speaker 4: and you had a slam on the brake, and you
• 12:07
  Speaker 4: finna hit somebody, you throw your arm out to protect
• 12:10
  Speaker 4: somebody over here, you know.
• 12:12
  Speaker 5: What I'm saying?
• 12:12
  Speaker 4: And then you just hit the brakes, like, Jesus! You
• 12:14
  Speaker 4: know what I'm saying? Ain't nobody taught me how to
• 12:17
  Speaker 4: do that. I ain't have to learn it at church, nigga.
• 12:19
  Speaker 4: The first time I ever slammed on the brake and
• 12:22
  Speaker 4: threw my arm out, I was like, Jesus, nigga.
• 12:23
  Speaker 7: It just came out.
• 12:25
  Speaker 4: I ain't never been driving and slammed on the brake
• 12:28
  Speaker 4: and been like, ancestors, you know what I'm saying? Like, hey,
• 12:31
  Speaker 4: them niggas dead as fuck, but you feel me? Like,
• 12:33
  Speaker 4: they ain't coming, bro. I don't know who the fuck
• 12:38
  Speaker 4: on the way, but them niggas ain't coming, you feel me?
• 12:43
  Speaker 5: Dead serious, man.
• 12:46
  Speaker 4: I think they're like three minute right there. Nah, really,
• 12:51
  Speaker 4: I got to count this shit, because as soon as
• 12:53
  Speaker 4: it get good, then they going to be like, now
• 12:54
  Speaker 4: I got to go. So, like he said, I'm from Decatur, Georgia.
• 13:01
  Speaker 4: You know what I'm saying?
• 13:04
  Speaker 5: Y'all from there or something?
• 13:06
  Speaker 2: Oh, okay.
• 13:07
  Speaker 5: Nah, I don't know.
• 13:07
  Speaker 4: They making noise like they from there, motherfucker. Nigga that
• 13:12
  Speaker 4: from where I'm from can describe every situation on earth
• 13:15
  Speaker 4: with three words.
• 13:17
  Speaker 5: And them three words is, shit.
• 13:20
  Speaker 7: Goddamn.
• 13:23
  Speaker 4: You know what I mean? Look, look, I'm going to
• 13:29
  Speaker 4: break it down for you. I was talking to my
• 13:31
  Speaker 4: partner and I was walking over here. He was like, Deezer,
• 13:33
  Speaker 4: what's up? I was like, ain't nothing. He was like,
• 13:35
  Speaker 4: but what you about to do? I was like, walk
• 13:37
  Speaker 4: in this little super funny comedy club right quick.
• 13:41
  Speaker 5: And shit.
• 13:43
  Speaker 6: Goddamn.
• 13:44
  Speaker 5: You know what I mean?
• 13:50
  Speaker 4: That nigga was like, hell yeah, boy. Come when we
• 13:52
  Speaker 4: get through with that shit. I'ma be over in the hood, cool.
• 13:54
  Speaker 5: And I'm like, okay.
• 13:56
  Speaker 1: What's up?
• 13:58
  Speaker 4: That shit work with the police, too. Then one time,
• 14:02
  Speaker 4: I done got pulled over. I forgot my license at
• 14:04
  Speaker 4: the house. Police come to the window. He like, how
• 14:07
  Speaker 4: you doing, sir? You got your license on this evening?
• 14:08
  Speaker 4: I was like, shit.
• 14:13
  Speaker 5: Goddamn. You know what I mean?
• 14:17
  Speaker 4: That nigga said, yes, sir, go ahead and step out
• 14:21
  Speaker 4: the car for me, sir. But I think I seem
• 14:28
  Speaker 4: to like. But shit.
• 14:33
  Speaker 7: Goddamn.
• 14:39
  Speaker 5: You know what I mean?
• 14:40
  Speaker 1: I ain't fucking talking about that.
• 14:42
  Speaker 7: My name's Fat Man Deezus, bro.
• 14:43
  Speaker 5: I appreciate that.
• 14:49
  Speaker 7: Fat Man Deezus, you came to.
• 14:52
  Speaker 1: Church?
• 14:53
  Speaker 2: I was like, why are you so worried about the time?
• 14:56
  Speaker 1: Shit.
• 14:59
  Speaker 5: Goddamn.
• 15:00
  Speaker 2: You know what I mean? I'm not even from there
• 15:06
  Speaker 2: when I do that. That might just be all black people, Daisy.
• 15:12
  Speaker 2: Women like, did you just bust?
• 15:14
  Speaker 5: I'm like, shit.
• 15:15
  Speaker 4: Goddamn.
• 15:17
  Speaker 2: You know what I mean?
• 15:23
  Speaker 5: That shit funny as a motherfucker.
• 15:27
  Speaker 1: He's still doing it. That was an Asian girl. Shit, goddammit.
• 15:32
  Speaker 1: What the fuck mean? Shit, goddammit, mother mean. Shit or
• 15:37
  Speaker 1: God damn it. Know what I mean? Shit or God
• 15:43
  Speaker 1: damn it. Do you know what I.
• 15:49
  Speaker 5: Mean?
• 15:49
  Speaker 1: I saw you, Asian girl. Shit or God damn it.
• 15:55
  Speaker 1: One more time, that fat man Deezy, man, fucking hilarious. Hilarious.
• 16:02
  Speaker 1: Make some motherfucking noise.
• 16:05
  Speaker 2: For the next comedian coming to the stage, all the
• 16:08
  Speaker 2: way from VA, Bo Nation!
• 16:16
  Speaker 5: What's happening, Tacoma?
• 16:17
  Speaker 1: How y'all doing? Y'all good?
• 16:19
  Speaker 4: I like it here, man. Y'all got a nice-ass town.
• 16:25
  Speaker 4: Y'all homeless people are aggressive as shit. Shit, I stopped
• 16:30
  Speaker 4: at a stoplight and this nigga got in the car.
• 16:35
  Speaker 4: Sit down, put his seatbelt on, pulled out his charger.
• 16:43
  Speaker 4: Unplugged my phone, plugged his shit up. Run me up
• 16:48
  Speaker 4: the road, fam. I took him where he wanted to go, shit.
• 16:54
  Speaker 4: I ain't no killer. I gave up my life for crime, shit.
• 16:58
  Speaker 4: I was a thug too, shit. I'm still the most
• 17:02
  Speaker 4: thug nigga in Whole Foods. Where I scare my white
• 17:08
  Speaker 4: folks at. Hey bitch, where the flaxseed oil at?
• 17:11
  Speaker 1: Nigga need some collagen. Chop, chop.
• 17:17
  Speaker 4: You ever seen the old thug? It's the saddest shit, nigga.
• 17:21
  Speaker 4: They got a neck full of jewelry, no health insurance.
• 17:24
  Speaker 4: It's like, nigga, you can't even afford to die. You
• 17:27
  Speaker 4: walking around here fucking with people. Got time to be there. Nigga,
• 17:32
  Speaker 4: you got AFib. Ain't nobody scared of you, nigga. Can't
• 17:36
  Speaker 4: whip nobody's ass, your heart's skipping a beat. Give you
• 17:39
  Speaker 4: that shit, I ain't with all that smoke. I got
• 17:41
  Speaker 4: compression socks now, shit, I'm trying to stop this gal from.
• 17:45
  Speaker 5: Coming on, nigga.
• 17:46
  Speaker 4: I got grown ass man problems, shit. Varicose veins and shit,
• 17:51
  Speaker 4: let's discuss some real. Look, I'm at that age where
• 17:53
  Speaker 4: the TV be singing my medication to me. All that
• 17:58
  Speaker 4: shit sound the same, don't it? You ever look at
• 18:00
  Speaker 4: them commercials, you be like, man, I think I might
• 18:01
  Speaker 4: got that. Yeah, nigga, I sneezed this morning and a
• 18:05
  Speaker 4: little shit came out. I thought that was normal. Do
• 18:10
  Speaker 4: you have nausea, heartburn, indigestion, upset stomach? They be lit
• 18:18
  Speaker 4: on that goddamn commercial. They make diarrhea look worth almost getting.
• 18:24
  Speaker 4: I want a hot pink suit. There's nothing fun about diarrhea.
• 18:28
  Speaker 7: Nigga, I'm peeing out my ass. This shit is excruciating, man.
• 18:33
  Speaker 5: Fucking horrible.
• 18:35
  Speaker 4: Hey man, you get older, your check engine light come on.
• 18:39
  Speaker 4: I fucked around back in August. I had a terrible scare.
• 18:43
  Speaker 4: I got hemorrhoids. Yeah, this shit fucked me up. I
• 18:47
  Speaker 4: ain't know what was wrong. I just know something won't
• 18:49
  Speaker 4: right with my ass when I woke up. Yeah, I
• 18:52
  Speaker 4: woke up, my shit was itching and burning. It's like, nigga,
• 18:55
  Speaker 4: there's a window open. I know ain't no nigga crawl
• 18:59
  Speaker 4: in the window and violate me when I was asleep,
• 19:01
  Speaker 4: goddamn it.
• 19:03
  Speaker 7: My shit was fucked. Man, that shit was on fire.
• 19:07
  Speaker 4: It felt like a midget was walking behind me with
• 19:09
  Speaker 4: a lit match right in my ass.
• 19:12
  Speaker 7: And I wanted to check, but I'm a man.
• 19:14
  Speaker 4: Shit, I ain't gonna spread my cheeks in the mirror.
• 19:17
  Speaker 5: I look, I was like, you know what?
• 19:20
  Speaker 4: I'm gonna let this shit fester, nigga. I suffered for
• 19:25
  Speaker 4: three and a half days, nigga. I woke up one morning,
• 19:29
  Speaker 4: I was like, this shit, Nigga, I scooched to the
• 19:32
  Speaker 4: edge of the bed with a mirror. Yeah, I gotta
• 19:35
  Speaker 4: go to the doctor. This shit ain't supposed to look
• 19:37
  Speaker 4: like this. Nigga, my asshole was turned inside out. That's
• 19:42
  Speaker 4: what hemorrhoids are. Turn your asshole inside out. I went
• 19:46
  Speaker 4: to the doctor. I was like, doc, please tell.
• 19:48
  Speaker 7: Me I ain't got ass cancer. Like, I was scared
• 19:51
  Speaker 7: to death.
• 19:52
  Speaker 4: I'm a comedian. I don't need that headline. He was like, relax,
• 19:56
  Speaker 4: you got hemorrhoids. I was like, phew, I saw that commercial.
• 20:01
  Speaker 4: Give me my cream so I can get the fuck
• 20:03
  Speaker 4: out of here. He was like, no, you need some suppositories.
• 20:09
  Speaker 4: I said, what's that? Gave me that nervous, you know that,
• 20:13
  Speaker 4: the nervous white man on the elevator smile. We all
• 20:16
  Speaker 4: done seen it. We've all seen that shit. They always
• 20:23
  Speaker 4: be on the balls of their feet. Like I showed
• 20:28
  Speaker 4: them to them, I was like, what am I supposed
• 20:29
  Speaker 4: to chew them motherfuckers or something? I was like, come
• 20:34
  Speaker 4: on doc, you ain't got no gum or no shit
• 20:36
  Speaker 4: or shake or something I can drink.
• 20:40
  Speaker 5: Nigga, I took them.
• 20:40
  Speaker 4: 45 caliber bullets of wax home. Hey man, that shit, look,
• 20:46
  Speaker 4: I ain't never put nothing in my ass, not even.
• 20:48
  Speaker 7: Out of curiosity.
• 20:51
  Speaker 4: And yet there I was, naked as a motherfucker, bent
• 20:56
  Speaker 4: over the sink with a tear coming out my eye.
• 21:00
  Speaker 4: But my ass stood in solidarity with me, because, yeah,
• 21:03
  Speaker 4: he spit that shit out about 15 times, nigga. I
• 21:06
  Speaker 4: kept putting it in my ass, my ass was like,
• 21:07
  Speaker 4: no sir, nigga. You ain't crossing over. You're too old
• 21:11
  Speaker 4: to be going to the other team. I kept trying
• 21:13
  Speaker 4: to stick it in. I kept trying to pick that
• 21:14
  Speaker 4: bitch up. I think I said, I finally gave it
• 21:20
  Speaker 4: a hunch. Then my ass was oily and leaking. I
• 21:25
  Speaker 4: don't even know why I'm telling y'all this. I've just
• 21:29
  Speaker 4: been doing this shit for so long. I just need
• 21:31
  Speaker 4: an outlet. I need to relate to some goddamn body.
• 21:36
  Speaker 1: Hey, man, look.
• 21:38
  Speaker 4: I ain't no thug no more. I got Wu-Tang in
• 21:40
  Speaker 4: my heart. Nigga, I got Frankie Beverly in my knees
• 21:44
  Speaker 4: and my back, nigga. Shit, fuck that. I used to
• 21:48
  Speaker 4: like fucking older women. Now that I'm older, they too
• 21:51
  Speaker 4: fucking old. Them conversations done changed. How you doing today, Ms.
• 21:57
  Speaker 1: Pauline?
• 21:59
  Speaker 4: Well, baby, I ain't had a bowel movement since Tuesday. Goddamn,
• 22:03
  Speaker 4: that ain't what I wanted.
• 22:04
  Speaker 7: To hear there. That's penis repellent there, Ms.
• 22:07
  Speaker 5: Pauline.
• 22:09
  Speaker 4: Yeah, but I'm at the age the young girl be
• 22:11
  Speaker 4: coming at me hard. Yeah, my daughter's friend, Kendra, that's
• 22:15
  Speaker 4: your daddy. I'm like, shit, you better get your friend.
• 22:18
  Speaker 4: You gonna fuck around and have sister-girlfriend walk around this bitch?
• 22:22
  Speaker 4: Your father's still a bad man. I'll tear her tender
• 22:24
  Speaker 4: ass up. I'm about to make your relationship awkward as fuck.
• 22:31
  Speaker 4: She call me zaddy again, that's a wrap. I don't
• 22:34
  Speaker 4: know what zaddy mean, but that shit make my dick hard.
• 22:38
  Speaker 4: Fuck that, I'm vulnerable. Hey, I can't do that shit.
• 22:46
  Speaker 4: Take no young girl out of here. You ain't gonna
• 22:48
  Speaker 4: sit across from me and ball your face up because
• 22:50
  Speaker 4: you can't pronounce the shit I'm eating.
• 22:54
  Speaker 5: What's that? Bitch, it's quinoa. No, not quinoa. You know what?
• 22:59
  Speaker 4: You just shut the fuck up and be cute and
• 23:02
  Speaker 4: I'll order for both of us. My steak come to
• 23:06
  Speaker 4: the table sizzling. She over here arguing with the waitress.
• 23:09
  Speaker 4: But she ain't bringing her no honey mustard for her
• 23:11
  Speaker 4: chicken tenders. I'm just like, you know what? Bring me
• 23:14
  Speaker 4: my check. This shit ain't working out. Can you bring
• 23:17
  Speaker 4: this bitch her coloring book? Because I don't know whether
• 23:19
  Speaker 4: I'm fucking or babysitting her.
• 23:21
  Speaker 7: This shit is confusing.
• 23:23
  Speaker 5: Thank you very much, y'all. Y'all have a good night.
• 23:25
  Speaker 1: I'm Comedian Bo Dayson.
• 23:33
  Speaker 2: That nigga said, I don't even know why I'm telling
• 23:35
  Speaker 2: y'all this.
• 23:39
  Speaker 1: My ass was oily and dripping. This is disgusting. We
• 23:47
  Speaker 1: got uterus floor pee.
• 23:50
  Speaker 5: Booty pills.
• 23:52
  Speaker 1: I didn't even know what he said was possible. I
• 23:56
  Speaker 1: don't know what year that kick in, but I... Soon,
• 24:00
  Speaker 1: hold up. I don't want no inside out ass now.
• 24:04
  Speaker 1: I want my ass outside in. That's hilarious, man. Bodacious
• 24:10
  Speaker 1: motherfucking hilarious. Y'all clap it up for Bodacious one more time. Yes, sir.
• 24:17
  Speaker 1: All right, next comic coming to the stage. Start making
• 24:19
  Speaker 1: some noise right now.
• 24:19
  Speaker 7: Next comic coming to the stage. Start making some noise
• 24:21
  Speaker 7: right now.
• 24:23
  Speaker 1: For the very funny... How y'all doing?
• 24:37
  Speaker 6: Man, when you old school, this lady shit right now.
• 24:41
  Speaker 1: I be sleep.
• 24:42
  Speaker 6: The old school people know. They been in here nodding
• 24:45
  Speaker 6: the whole goddamn time. They nodding like they riding the bus.
• 24:50
  Speaker 6: That was funny. Ain't nothing wrong with being old, though.
• 24:56
  Speaker 1: You got to keep up with your health, though. You
• 24:58
  Speaker 1: really do.
• 24:59
  Speaker 6: You got to go to doctor. I went to a
• 25:00
  Speaker 6: new doctor. He came in the exam room and his
• 25:03
  Speaker 6: ass was fat. I said, nah. I ain't going to
• 25:07
  Speaker 6: no fat doctor. I was like, excuse me, sir.
• 25:11
  Speaker 1: I gotta leave. He said, well, why you leaving?
• 25:14
  Speaker 6: I said, cause we struggling with the same shit. Your
• 25:19
  Speaker 6: fat ass can't read my chart. Are you kidding me?
• 25:25
  Speaker 6: I know my A1C better than yours.
• 25:29
  Speaker 1: I've been walking and drinking water. You know what I mean?
• 25:33
  Speaker 1: Can't read my A1C.
• 25:35
  Speaker 6: I said, you be eating M & M' s at night too,
• 25:37
  Speaker 6: fat boy. Fat boy. You can't listen to my heartbeat.
• 25:44
  Speaker 6: That's your shit thumping. You can't listen to me. Had
• 25:48
  Speaker 6: me going to cardiologists all over the country. And ain't
• 25:52
  Speaker 6: nothing wrong. I said, and change the picture on your
• 25:55
  Speaker 6: website too. That's your medical school picture. Put that fat
• 26:02
  Speaker 6: boy up and see what happens.
• 26:05
  Speaker 1: His name all the way under his arm. You can't
• 26:08
  Speaker 1: read my chart. You do, though.
• 26:12
  Speaker 6: You got to take care of yourself. I think women
• 26:14
  Speaker 6: do a better job of it than men. We'll go
• 26:16
  Speaker 6: to the doctor quicker. It take men longer. It take
• 26:20
  Speaker 6: a lot of men longer. You know, by the time
• 26:22
  Speaker 6: they go, they be half dead already. Yeah, they be
• 26:26
  Speaker 6: doing home remedies and shit like that. No, it ain't
• 26:29
  Speaker 6: gonna work. Cayenne pepper and Patron, that ain't about to work.
• 26:36
  Speaker 6: That ain't about to fix nothing. Then when it get
• 26:40
  Speaker 6: real bad, that's when they gotta tell you. But when
• 26:43
  Speaker 6: they tell you, it be something weird.
• 26:45
  Speaker 1: You know what I mean? They be like, you know
• 26:48
  Speaker 1: I been bleeding.
• 26:49
  Speaker 6: What you mean you been bleeding?
• 26:52
  Speaker 1: What you mean?
• 26:54
  Speaker 6: You need to go to the emergency room.
• 26:58
  Speaker 1: You think they going to keep me? Yeah, they going
• 27:00
  Speaker 1: to keep your ass. You bleeding? You should have went
• 27:04
  Speaker 1: in when you was spotting. You bleeding? You behind the curve.
• 27:09
  Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying? They going to run a
• 27:13
  Speaker 1: battery of tests on your ass.
• 27:16
  Speaker 6: You in bad shape when they tell you they going
• 27:18
  Speaker 6: to run a battery of tests on you. There's a
• 27:21
  Speaker 6: lot of young people in here, too. It's old school people,
• 27:25
  Speaker 6: it's young people. Young people think old school people talk
• 27:28
  Speaker 6: about them bad. And I say, we will. We do.
• 27:32
  Speaker 1: But it's just a difference of generation. It's different.
• 27:36
  Speaker 6: Like even the way young people steal is different. Like
• 27:41
  Speaker 6: when I was growing up, we had boosters. You know,
• 27:44
  Speaker 6: they would wear tights and they tried to be discreet.
• 27:48
  Speaker 1: Not the new generation.
• 27:50
  Speaker 6: They'll get a group of friends and run up there
• 27:52
  Speaker 6: and rob your shit down.
• 27:56
  Speaker 1: They don't care. They steal just flat out in front
• 27:58
  Speaker 1: of everybody.
• 28:00
  Speaker 6: So I was at the store and I was at
• 28:02
  Speaker 6: the register checking out. So I could see the dude
• 28:06
  Speaker 6: over there stealing. I was watching him, but he was,
• 28:10
  Speaker 6: it was weird because he was complaining like, they don't.
• 28:14
  Speaker 1: Have extra large. I said, that ain't how you steal.
• 28:22
  Speaker 6: I thought you'd just take it and leave, you know
• 28:25
  Speaker 6: what I'm saying? So I'm at the register, so I
• 28:30
  Speaker 6: asked the cashier, I said, you don't see him stealing?
• 28:33
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I see him. I said, well, you not going
• 28:36
  Speaker 1: to say nothing? They told us not to say nothing.
• 28:41
  Speaker 6: I said, well, give me my goddamn credit card back then.
• 28:47
  Speaker 6: And I'm going to take this shit and don't you
• 28:49
  Speaker 6: say nothing. Simple ass self. Simple ass self. And he
• 28:57
  Speaker 6: going to slide it to me. I said, put it
• 28:59
  Speaker 6: in the bag. I ain't about to walk out here
• 29:02
  Speaker 6: like I'm stealing. What is wrong with you?
• 29:06
  Speaker 1: These young people crazy. They different.
• 29:12
  Speaker 6: But they all right. They just growing up. Any school
• 29:15
  Speaker 6: teachers here? All right. Right there, back there. Sixth grade, okay.
• 29:23
  Speaker 6: She scared me for a minute. I said, where she at?
• 29:26
  Speaker 6: All I heard was, yeah. But I commend school teachers
• 29:30
  Speaker 6: because I think school teachers need to make more money.
• 29:33
  Speaker 1: They do. Yeah, they do.
• 29:39
  Speaker 6: You don't want no that's underpaid teaching your baby.
• 29:44
  Speaker 1: Mess your baby up on purpose.
• 29:46
  Speaker 4: You know what I'm saying?
• 29:47
  Speaker 1: They be in there all day looking at power. You
• 29:49
  Speaker 1: know what I'm saying?
• 29:51
  Speaker 6: Your baby get home, he look at that power. But
• 29:55
  Speaker 6: in 2020 during the pandemic.
• 29:57
  Speaker 1: Them teachers wasn't teaching nothing.
• 29:59
  Speaker 6: No, I realized that when my niece said she made
• 30:02
  Speaker 6: the honor.
• 30:02
  Speaker 1: Roll, I said, nah.
• 30:05
  Speaker 6: You in 12th grade, you ain't never made the honor roll.
• 30:09
  Speaker 6: Now school at home, you got all As. I went
• 30:16
  Speaker 6: in her room one time, she had her head on
• 30:18
  Speaker 6: the desk. I was like, well, what you doing? We
• 30:22
  Speaker 6: having quiet time. Not in 12th grade. The teacher had
• 30:29
  Speaker 6: her head on the desk too. She was like, we're
• 30:33
  Speaker 6: having quiet time. I said, she tired. She been binge
• 30:40
  Speaker 6: watching Netflix all night. Cause Netflix, Hulu, and all that
• 30:45
  Speaker 6: stuff without no commercials and stuff, that stuff will kill you.
• 30:49
  Speaker 6: It'll bust your brain wide off. You don't even realize.
• 30:54
  Speaker 6: You in there numb on the right side of your face.
• 30:58
  Speaker 6: You in there got one eye open. Talking about, I'ma
• 31:01
  Speaker 6: watch one more episode.
• 31:03
  Speaker 1: Oh, this shit good. I'ma watch one more episode. Then
• 31:07
  Speaker 1: you fall asleep and wake up and rewind. Now, I'ma
• 31:11
  Speaker 1: watch this episode.
• 31:13
  Speaker 6: Y'all ain't about to do me like that. And Netflix,
• 31:17
  Speaker 6: they really got beside they self. You wake up and
• 31:20
  Speaker 6: they ask you, are you still watching it? Don't ask
• 31:25
  Speaker 6: me about it. I'm paying for this.
• 31:27
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm watching. Even if it's watching me. This stuff
• 31:32
  Speaker 1: will kill you. It will.
• 31:36
  Speaker 6: But one thing about that pandemic, them parents learned a
• 31:40
  Speaker 6: different respect for them teachers. When they had them kids
• 31:43
  Speaker 6: at home with them all that time, they had a
• 31:46
  Speaker 6: different respect, because they had to realize they baby wasn't
• 31:49
  Speaker 6: bright as they thought they was. When he in there
• 31:53
  Speaker 6: all day long with you rocking and shit, And you
• 31:57
  Speaker 6: in there trying to be the teacher, talking about, look
• 31:59
  Speaker 6: at the computer.
• 32:01
  Speaker 1: Uh-uh, look at the computer. Don't look at me, look
• 32:04
  Speaker 1: at the computer.
• 32:06
  Speaker 6: Do you hear what I'm saying?
• 32:07
  Speaker 1: Look at the computer.
• 32:09
  Speaker 6: Turn your head and look at the computer. You're like,
• 32:13
  Speaker 6: oh my God, I see why the teacher keep calling
• 32:16
  Speaker 6: me at work.
• 32:18
  Speaker 1: This shit ridiculous. I'm about to call myself at work.
• 32:21
  Speaker 7: Look at the computer.
• 32:23
  Speaker 1: Look at the computer.
• 32:26
  Speaker 6: And the teacher looking at you saying, Miss Smith, that's
• 32:29
  Speaker 6: all I was trying to say. Something the fuck wrong
• 32:32
  Speaker 6: with Dante. I told you he was in here rocking.
• 32:36
  Speaker 6: You wanted to fight me. You know what I'm saying?
• 32:40
  Speaker 1: Boy, a little slow. I just keep passing him. No
• 32:44
  Speaker 1: child left behind. Can he read?
• 32:48
  Speaker 6: Nope, but he ain't left behind.
• 32:50
  Speaker 1: I'm graduating. Yes, you are. Keep going, keep going.
• 32:56
  Speaker 6: You gotta have fun too and enjoy your life. You
• 33:01
  Speaker 6: don't give but one. You might as well have a
• 33:03
  Speaker 6: good time.
• 33:03
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you ain't gonna be here forever. I don't wanna
• 33:08
  Speaker 1: live too long though.
• 33:10
  Speaker 6: Like I want long life, but I don't need it
• 33:12
  Speaker 6: to be too long. Yeah, I don't wanna be 112
• 33:16
  Speaker 6: and all that. If I live to be that old,
• 33:20
  Speaker 6: I'm gonna be asking God, what lessons have I not
• 33:25
  Speaker 6: learned that.
• 33:27
  Speaker 1: I'm still stuck here.
• 33:30
  Speaker 6: You know what I mean? And I mean like my
• 33:32
  Speaker 6: grandson's 76 years old. I ain't ate solid food in
• 33:38
  Speaker 6: 50 years.
• 33:43
  Speaker 1: It's the worst.
• 33:45
  Speaker 6: All your friends dead already. My grandfather though, he lived
• 33:50
  Speaker 6: to be 100. And he wasn't, he did, it was good,
• 33:53
  Speaker 6: but he wasn't happy with it. I was like, Pop, Pop,
• 33:57
  Speaker 6: this a blessing. He said, no, this some bullshit. And
• 34:03
  Speaker 6: sometimes he'll just practice dying.
• 34:06
  Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying? You look at him, he
• 34:08
  Speaker 1: like I'm going in a hole. I'm Dominique.
• 34:12
  Speaker 9: God bless you ladies and gentlemen.
• 34:23
  Speaker 7: One more time for Dominique, y'all.
• 34:27
  Speaker 1: Keep it going for all my comments.
• 34:28
  Speaker 2: Dominique, Bodacious, Jackie Terjerson, Fat Man Deezy.
• 34:33
  Speaker 1: Listen, that was our episode, y'all.
• 34:35
  Speaker 7: Appreciate y'all for watching.
• 34:37
  Speaker 1: This is the Super Funny Comedy Jam.
• 34:39
  Speaker 5: Peace.