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Two Generations’ Opinions On Moving In Together · Excuse My Grandma

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Welcome back to another episode of Excuse My Grandma. It's Kim and my co hosts. Grandma Gal. Okay, Grandma, we're going to get into a lot today. We're going to talk about moving in with a partner after my big relationship update.
• 0:34
  But before we get into Grandma's opinions because we know you're going to have a lot on a lot of things, I wanted to wish everyone a very happy holidays who's listening today. I hope everyone has moments of connection with their friends, with their family and is really grateful this time of year.
• 0:52
  Speaker 2: And if somebody, if you see one of your friends or relatives that's by themselves extend an open invitation to join you in the festivities. You know sometimes people are by themselves at this time of the year and it can be a little sad. So open up your homes and your hearts.
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: Wanted to share what we did for Christmas and Hanukkah. For Hanukkah we didn't really do anything did we? I mean I lit the candles and exchanged presents but we didn't have a dinner.
• 1:18
  Speaker 2: Well I had a dinner.
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: I was in New York.
• 1:20
  Speaker 2: My son made the most delicious brisket and potato pancakes and your brother was there. We were in the city, you were in Florida.
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: Yeah we did a little switcheroo.
• 1:30
  Speaker 2: Exactly, we had to be in the city.
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: We've both been going back and forth and not like at the same time. Exactly. But now we're finally here in the same place.
• 1:37
  Speaker 2: We're on same schedule right now for this moment. So we had a very nice time. The only thing New York was so bitter cold over the holidays but we really had a good time. His brisket was perfect. He cooked it the day before and then he reheated it the day of and we had a great time.
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: A Grandma Grill approved brisket is hard to come by.
• 1:57
  Speaker 2: Yeah, well sometimes you know what the slicing isn't so good. Yeah. The texture gets a little too overcooked but this was a perfect brisket. We had a good time. Matthew and I gave it the seal of approval.
• 2:08
  Speaker 1: Yeah, feel like every time we've had brisket with the family there's been something to say. Like one person is like, oh it's better at this market. Right. One person. Exactly.
• 2:17
  Speaker 2: A lot of conversation over the quality of the meat. Correct. But this was very, very good. He did a good job.
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: Okay great. And then for Christmas.
• 2:26
  Speaker 2: We're having a holiday dinner. Holiday. We'll all be together I think like 14 of us.
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: Yes, a lot of us.
• 2:32
  Speaker 2: So we'll have a good time it's and always nice when everybody is in the same place. Always feel a little sad when not, especially our family because we're very close, that when one is separated from the other but now we're gonna be on fond me, it's It's
• 2:49
  Speaker 1: when people, like around Christmas break and stuff people have off and all the things so they can actually come down to Palm Beach and we can have our little winter getaway although we are
• 2:59
  Speaker 2: here We all the are together all the time but somehow you want those special days to be together.
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: Right, okay let's get into the relationship talk of it all. For viewers, listeners who don't know, I've been long distance for the last two years my relationship from I'm in New York, he's in LA and now he's moving to New York and we're moving in together which is very exciting. It's a major update.
• 3:31
  Speaker 2: Yeah, give the poor guy a bureau now. He's gonna finally get his own space, so happy.
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: Do you know how many people have come up to me and been like you have to give him a
• 3:40
  Speaker 2: drawer after to not upset Grandma Gail? Well I think the guy deserves a drawer. Mean it's just too terrible but he's very easy going so you're lucky.
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: To give background who didn't see the video because we posted a video on Instagram, excuse my grandma if you don't follow us already and on TikTok. My boyfriend when he comes from LA, he like lives out of his suitcase in my apartment because I don't move my stuff around in my closet. I'm just
• 4:07
  Speaker 2: He like only comes for a day or two. It's not
• 4:08
  Speaker 1: like he's Anywhere in the same from two days to a week.
• 4:12
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Right. A warrants a draw.
• 4:16
  Speaker 1: Okay and even with the toiletries and stuff he lives out of his dob kit.
• 4:20
  Speaker 2: He's very good. Your puppy would never have done that and I still can't figure it out because you have a beautiful apartment but somehow you know what's very interesting in the new buildings, they don't give you enough counter space near the sinks. That would be a I see this now on HGTV where everybody wants a long vanity and they're right because everybody has so many creams and lotions
• 4:44
  Speaker 1: and Right, more self care items.
• 4:46
  Speaker 2: Self care, right exactly and there's a lot to say about a vanity. You know you can't put everything underneath if you're using it.
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: I don't think it's new buildings, I think it's rental buildings. Like I bet cars No, I look at houses.
• 4:59
  Speaker 2: Really? I watch the program because that's all I do after 10:00 because I don't like anything scary on TV so I watch HDTV and all the people who are buying houses or you know they're really in it for the first time and you know as a first time homeowner they all look, they all want large countertops and they're right and they are absolutely right.
• 5:18
  Speaker 1: Right. I also discussed more details on my relationship in my last episode that was just me, my solo pod, But Grandma, now I need all the wisdom for you for this new relationship chapter. You're gonna have to help me out.
• 5:31
  Speaker 2: Kim, I don't know if I'm gonna be of any help to you because this is something that I did after I was married but you're doing pre, I did after marriage. So which was very typical of that time in our society. But you still did it. Well, I was married. I had to get used to sharing everything with another person, which on a temporary basis the way you people, young people live is very different because it's not as awkward.
• 6:04
  It was much more awkward in those days when you first go into a marriage and you're really moving in for the first time with somebody and you don't know about their sleeping habits, their bathroom habits, their eating habits, a million things. This will be a learning experience on different levels. How to share you I both good at sharing? Work
• 6:22
  Speaker 1: at
• 6:22
  Speaker 2: No, you're not very good at sharing. Why is
• 6:25
  Speaker 1: it, yeah.
• 6:26
  Speaker 2: Because I think I even remember in college you were in a good chair for your closets and I don't know.
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: Well, didn't like having roommates.
• 6:34
  Speaker 2: Well, now you're going have a permanent roommate, so you better get used to it. That's the whole thing. That's why I think very often people live together for a year and commit and then all of a sudden say, you know, it's not working. I don't, I can't live with that Where that's the one thing I don't think you should stay too long living together. I think it has to progress, but we're not even there yet.
• 6:58
  We haven't even, you haven't even found an apartment that you and your boyfriend really love.
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: We're gonna have to
• 7:04
  Speaker 2: I think you're too fussy. I think you're too fussy. You're gonna have to compromise
• 7:07
  Speaker 1: You haven't
• 7:07
  Speaker 2: seen one. Why you showed me a couple
• 7:10
  Speaker 1: of videos. Online but you gotta come with me in person we could share that journey with you guys too because it is so hard to find an apartment.
• 7:16
  Speaker 2: Well it is because you know what you're not you're used to you want everything just so and there's nothing that's just so especially in the new buildings which have wonderful rooms and have common areas and gyms, but you know, then the square footage is always smaller because they're giving you the amenities in place of square footage. I think It's annoying. I know it's annoying, but that's part of living in a big city. I think all the cities are the same.
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: Yeah it is actually crazy to think about the sharing aspect of it all because I have lived alone for five years.
• 7:49
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 7:50
  Speaker 1: I mean I always come and I stay with you and I stay with mom and
• 7:52
  Speaker 2: Yeah dad in it's the summer and all the be different. It's gonna be different and you have to give and take. I always, my big advice to everybody, young couples, older couples, when you feel you're getting frustrated, don't say anything, take a walk. Take a walk around the corner, Cool off because And then communicate? Well, I don't know.
• 8:14
  Sometimes either if you wanna communicate, fine, or just drop the whole subject unless it's something that's very, very important. But if it's over whether you left your slippers out or he left the towel on the floor, you left the towel on the floor, I don't think it's worth even a conversation. The other things should be really discussed, living habits, you know, what the well, don't know if your schedules are the same. I think it was very important when I first got married, I would get up with your puppy and we would have breakfast together. So that was part of a ritual because then he would be gone all day.
• 8:46
  Then so many people work from home parts of the time. It's really, it's very different. It's not like you're going to an office from nine to six and then coming home.
• 8:56
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean Zach goes to an office but then you have, you see each other at night.
• 9:00
  Speaker 2: Yes, was the case. Yeah. But I'm saying there are a lot of people who work from home. Yeah. I'm not only talking about you, I'm talking about the other couples out there.
• 9:10
  So many people work from home.
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: Have two people working from home.
• 9:14
  Speaker 2: I don't know, I have no idea. It's very interesting because I do watch this, you need sometimes two different desks, or you need, you know, you need workspace and quiet at different times of the day. So all those things have to be thought about when you're looking at an apartment. It's not only about you know after five, it's how you work the twenty four hours a day together. Yeah.
• 9:35
  So it'll be, it's a compromise. Yeah. Compromise is the word Kim.
• 9:40
  Speaker 1: Grandma, what's your advice for Zach when moving in with me? Like what does he need to know about me that he doesn't do
• 9:47
  Speaker 2: you think? I think he knows plenty about you after two years. If somebody doesn't know your likes and dislikes after two years, call it a day. I mean, most people would be married in two years. So I think, I don't think that that's an issue.
• 10:03
  I think it's just a matter of a commitment, that you've decided to commit to each other and have decided to be in one area which is the only way you can really have a relationship.
• 10:13
  Speaker 1: But there's no like habits like how about every time I get dressed I throw a pile of clothes
• 10:17
  Speaker 2: off I think to the that's terrible. If he doesn't mind that I that would drive me crazy.
• 10:24
  Speaker 1: Maybe that's a habit I needed
• 10:25
  Speaker 2: to cut. Well, you yourself know that.
• 10:28
  Speaker 1: Well, don't like having to try on every outfit in my closet to find something. I feel like every girl
• 10:31
  Speaker 2: does I I think people do do it but I think you organize your closets, which you have to do when you're living with somebody else. When you organize your closets, you put your pants perhaps with the sweater and the shirt you want to wear together. It sort of takes the anxiety out of it.
• 10:47
  Speaker 1: You do that.
• 10:47
  Speaker 2: I do that. I know exactly which sweaters go with what pants. And so I don't have to think, my gosh, I'm wearing a black pair of pants. What goes with it? And I also, this is my tip to all of you out there, I don't buy separates that don't go with the bottoms.
• 11:03
  If you're buying a skirt, make sure in your closet you've got at least three tops that can go with that skirt. It shouldn't only be one outfit because, first of all, it's very hard on the budget and nobody has that many things. And it's also just smarter. You can mix and match. So keep the color palettes somewhat neutral on the bottom and then you can go a little cuckoo on the top.
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: That's a good tip. Yeah. I was having a conversation with my friends who are married and they have two bedrooms and she was like I get the closet in master bedroom main bedroom and then he takes the other one but then after Zach was like wait I don't wanna do that. I feel like we should both have like part of the closet in the primary bedroom but then I'm thinking like, no like I need the bigger closet why wouldn't we have all my stuff in one of your stuff in the other but he's basically like well I want to have something of mine in the bedroom like I don't want to always have to go into the other room if we're getting a two bed. But like I think he's thinking maybe because we're gonna have a dresser obviously maybe he's just thinking about like underwear.
• 12:14
  Speaker 2: Well it also depends how many closets you have in the master bedroom. The most wonderful result would be if you had two. I
• 12:21
  Speaker 1: think it's a primary bedroom. I learned that on real estate
• 12:24
  Speaker 2: Right, the primary bedroom sometimes has two and then there's no issue. I don't think it should make a big deal if you want about it. Mean, it's only the two of you. Thing complicates when you have a child in the second bedroom, then somebody's got to go back and because children and their equipment and all the clothing that you have for the kids supersedes what you have. So I think it's depending on the space.
• 12:49
  I think that's very important. In your business, you need closets. So that's more important than a large dining space of which you're never gonna you know more Well than a table for you know what something has to give. You can't have everything. That's what I think that's the message I'm gonna send out today.
• 13:09
  Feel like far
• 13:10
  Speaker 1: as hell though like the I'm not saying oh I want a mansion in New York City I know that's
• 13:15
  Speaker 2: not possible. It's not even
• 13:16
  Speaker 1: a But it's like yeah I would like a kitchen with a dining room table like how hard is that? Well you have a little table and you can answer. No that's not a dining room table.
• 13:24
  Speaker 2: Well you know it's hard. Might have to put like a card table that would seat four or possibly six in a living room. Then you have some place where you could also work from there if you didn't feel like working in the other room and you could also set it up for Oftentimes
• 13:41
  Speaker 1: people do that.
• 13:42
  Speaker 2: And that's what I had in mind. I had a table when my first apartment, which was very small and Poppy always complained that it wasn't walk in closets. It was one of those levered lever doors, you know, that open. He could never hang his suits, and he wore suits in those days. He couldn't hang his suits straight.
• 13:59
  He had to angle them.
• 14:01
  Speaker 1: Would drive him crazy if
• 14:02
  Speaker 2: you It drove him crazy. Well, we were only there shortly. Very luckily, I got pregnant in eight months. So we were out of there. But I didn't mind it because my clothes were smaller, but if you have to put a suit on a large hanger, it was coming out into the closet.
• 14:17
  We very rarely could close the doors. But I think we had a dining room table set up in our living room and it could convert. Know, we had a flip down top so it could make it bigger or smaller and if it was just the two of us we'd sit on either end. You have to be creative. You know, it's not a house.
• 14:34
  Living in the cities, you have to figure size is about an apartment size. You have to, you know, really economize your furniture and think what you really need. You know you look everybody wants a glass table nobody wants a wood table where you're gonna get
• 14:52
  Speaker 1: stains I from feel the opposite. Well I don't know like I'm gonna need help decorating whatever space we I made a Pinterest board of like the vibe that I like and I think Zach was aligned but what do you say to couples who just are totally have different aesthetics vibe wise?
• 15:08
  Speaker 2: I don't know because I I when I I mean I was lucky my husband let me do it. He's But not I gonna do would always but I would always say to him do you like this color? Do you like you know, you have to include somebody. You're not doing this yourself. Yeah.
• 15:20
  And you are living together as a new couple. Yeah. That's a that's a whole other thing. But you know what? You should know from his apartment what his aesthetic is and you should see from yours.
• 15:30
  And then you can merge some of the thoughts and then maybe come up with a little something even more creative that both of you will like. And this is not a forever home.
• 15:42
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 15:42
  Speaker 2: You know, I think I should say this to people looking and listening to us. You know, your first place is an experiment. It's how you get along and how you enjoy each other. And then it might be a forever home, I don't know. But in most cases it's expands and you could sometimes stay where you're living or move to a house in the country or whatever.
• 16:05
  But your first year or so together should be about enjoying what you have together and liking what you have together. And so also, on the weekends, it's always fun. We used to do it. We always bought the wrong stuff. Go down to different art areas and and what do you call it?
• 16:22
  The flea markets and you pick up things and you bring them back to your apartment and you remember those things afterwards. You have fond memories.
• 16:29
  Speaker 1: And each thing feels sentimental in this space Exactly. I would love to do that. I have to find out some places where you do that and then also I don't even know how to make sure it matches your space and things like that.
• 16:41
  Speaker 2: Well you have to take measurements but if you're buying books or you're buying accessories you're fine.
• 16:45
  Speaker 1: I guess so. You're very used to sharing your space with Poppy for more than sixty years at this point. Yeah. I feel like I am very independent because I haven't done that yet So now that I'm going to share a space what do you think is going to shock me the most?
• 17:04
  Speaker 2: I don't know what's going to shock you the most probably that some things that you thought you got along with your partner you're not. So that's why you have to be very open for the first, you know, certainly the first couple of months. You have to really sort of chill out, see where it's going, and see how compatible you really are together. Because when you're in a small space, you get to know each other very intimately. Yeah.
• 17:30
  So don't put expectations that everything is gonna be great. Sometimes, as long as you balanced your money issues, how you're gonna do your rent, how you're going to do your food, who's going to be in charge of what. Because you need to have somebody that's going to take certain responsibility, who's going to dump the garbage unless you both dump the garbage. But all those things are part of growing up and being together. Mean you've had roommates in the past so
• 17:56
  Speaker 1: you know But I feel like it's different roommates versus
• 18:00
  Speaker 2: Well it's definitely roommates are different because this is a partner.
• 18:03
  Speaker 1: Because you like want to be around them more than like a random friend or roommate in my Well
• 18:09
  Speaker 2: I would certainly hope But don't put real expectations on relationships. Relationships should be somewhat easy. If it becomes too difficult then it's not good. You want it to sort of progress on its own and it will.
• 18:24
  Speaker 1: People in long distance will probably also understand this like when you are visiting each other you are living together so it's not like totally starting fresh but we're gonna talk a little bit more later because people wrote in prior things to moving in with someone so we'll go through that but I wanted to ask when you get alone time if you're living with someone?
• 18:47
  Speaker 2: Well first of you both have jobs. So you're not going be together twenty And on the weekends have alone time. If somebody wants to take a walk and you don't want to do it that's your alone time. Mean alone time is not supposed to be
• 19:02
  Speaker 1: Saturday night.
• 19:03
  Speaker 2: It's certainly not supposed to be in the evenings. Your alone time could be 04:00 in the afternoon or 05:00 when you come back from your job and you want a little chill out time. And some people don't want alone time. They want to always be together. I mean, I like alone time.
• 19:20
  My four to 05:00 is very sacred But to it wasn't that way when I had a young family. I had no alone time except for when they were in school. That was my alone time because I was not a working mother. I was working at home. So I think it all depends on the relationship and what you're both doing.
• 19:39
  Speaker 1: Yeah and I feel like this is gonna be my heart adjustment where it's like when Zach's in town now, I'm like okay I am going to see him every night that he's here because he's not flying across the country and then I'm like see you but when you're living this parallel lives then it's like okay I am gonna make more time to see my friends and stuff for dinner also.
• 19:59
  Speaker 2: Oh, don't know. We didn't. I don't believe in that. So that's another conversation.
• 20:02
  Speaker 1: It's a crazy thing.
• 20:04
  Speaker 2: I do not believe it. Once in a while, if you want to have dinner with your girlfriends, that seems fine. I don't see any reason to do that when you have a husband or a live But everybody does it differently now. A lot of times the guys go out on a I football mean,
• 20:20
  Speaker 1: I don't think it's like weekend nights, but on a
• 20:22
  Speaker 2: Tuesday I don't night know. Everybody has to do what they feel is right. And it has to be in agreement with your partner. That's a major discussion.
• 20:33
  Speaker 1: Yeah. I know my morning routine of reality TV and oatmeal is not changing. Well maybe he likes it too. I made him oatmeal this morning.
• 20:41
  Speaker 2: So he might like it with the blueberries and all the stuff on it. You know what, that's the easiest thing to accommodate, those kind of things.
• 20:49
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Grandma are you gonna show up unannounced in No, the Nope. Nope. So what are you gonna do?
• 20:57
  Speaker 2: I'm not coming over. What? Now you're a busy lady in your own life. Wait what do you mean you're not coming over? That's your space, we'll have to meet at the studio.
• 21:09
  What? Grandma's not coming over. Your mother's not dropping in. We're not dropping in casually unless we have a specific plan.
• 21:17
  Speaker 1: But what if I'm like let's do videos at home in the closet. You're gonna come over.
• 21:21
  Speaker 2: Well if Zach is not around. I'm not coming over if he's there.
• 21:25
  Speaker 1: If he's at work.
• 21:26
  Speaker 2: If he's at work, correct. Then you can come over. Yes. Think people especially the first several months, it's one thing now when I drop in and I still wouldn't drop in early at your mom's but I always used to see her. I wouldn't drop Well in on an
• 21:40
  Speaker 1: maybe you
• 21:40
  Speaker 2: stay Now I know your father's schedule. Oh. So he's sleeping so I don't have to worry. I can always come over early, say, do my business with mom say what I have to say and leave.
• 21:50
  Speaker 1: Yeah and he's still working. And he's still
• 21:51
  Speaker 2: out, he doesn't know I've ever been there. Yeah.
• 21:54
  Speaker 1: Okay I guess so, it's just like coordinating
• 21:57
  Speaker 2: You have the to make, right you have to coordinate schedules. When you're in a relationship with somebody else you have to make sure that that works for everybody.
• 22:04
  Speaker 1: Yeah it's almost opposite because I feel like most like the cliche is that moms and grandmas and whatever will drop in unannounced and whatever but you're saying you're not gonna do that and I'm like why?
• 22:16
  Speaker 2: Well I think you don't feel right doing that. We used to drop in unannounced because we didn't have to announce between the two of us but when there's a third party involved I don't think it would be appropriate.
• 22:29
  Speaker 1: Okay, well I'm excited to get a new level of wisdom and words of advice from you in this chapter and also for you guys. Make sure you're following along to the journey where like all
• 22:40
  Speaker 2: This will be a journey. This will definitely be a journey.
• 22:44
  Speaker 1: We're all a little family at Excuse My Grandma so make sure you're following Excuse My Grandma and you're following my personal Kim Merstein because I'll do most of the relationship stuff on there and most of the grandma stuff on Excuse My Grandma but of course more moving in and everything once you follow. Let's move on to the Ask Grandma Anything. So I asked our audience, what is the wildest thing you did for long distance love? And someone said the entire pandemic Miami to LA. Someone said my now husband driving two hours to see me in negative 25 degree weather in a blizzard.
• 23:25
  Okay. Someone said my husband was flying from New York City to Houston to propose to me and he missed three flights. Those are pretty wild. All right. No thoughts?
• 23:35
  Speaker 2: Well I have no thoughts, think it's wonderful. If it works I think it's delightful. I think these are the few that, most of these things don't work. But in these cases it worked and I think it's terrific. But is
• 23:46
  Speaker 1: like But look you're seeing all these cases where it is.
• 23:49
  Speaker 2: Well not all. People who are listening to your comments so they are all being very Mine sympathetic with did. And yours worked. So I'm happy for you. But so often it doesn't So are
• 23:59
  Speaker 1: you going to admit you were wrong?
• 24:01
  Speaker 2: No, because I still don't believe in it. I think in your case it worked out, but I don't suggest that people do this as a steady thing. It really usually doesn't work. Well how do you know? Kim I don't know.
• 24:17
  Speaker 1: You don't know people where Okay, that's
• 24:19
  Speaker 2: okay. Well I'll defer to it. I think all the articles that we've ever read or discussed is really not pro
• 24:25
  Speaker 1: Really, did we read articles about it? I don't know. Well, I think it's a mix, I think it's the strength of the relationship in my opinion.
• 24:34
  Speaker 2: Well, it's the ability to get a job wherever you're going. If you can't get a job in the other city, either one of you, and you have to make a living, that's the priority. Somebody can't live on nothing, so you have to make sure before you make a commitment to move that you can make a job in that area. Otherwise you'd both be homeless and be very unhappy within two minutes. Okay, we
• 24:56
  Speaker 1: did some polls. When you and your boyfriend are apart how long do you go without talking? 5% of people said every minute, 58% of people said every few hours, and 37% said once a day.
• 25:09
  Speaker 2: Okay, go along with the once a day. I don't think anybody needs to talk constantly. That's almost like what do you call like stalking somebody. It's like I would call my husband more than once a day. Mean you just call just few times a day.
• 25:22
  Not when he was working full Now he's retired I have to call to see what's happening, but no, no, when he left for work at 07:30, I would talk to him perhaps once during the day to see what he wanted for dinner or something like that, and that was it, or what the Yeah, kids were a lot of people I
• 25:38
  Speaker 1: know, like especially with texting and everything, constant communication.
• 25:44
  Speaker 2: Well, I don't know how you concentrate on your work if you're constantly looking at your text.
• 25:48
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't really know either, I'm not a constant communication person but I feel like if something comes up, I'll text but I'm not expecting a response like right he gets to it he gets to it kind of thing and it wouldn't offend me but everyone has different thoughts on that. Okay, so I asked everyone what to know before moving in with someone and I got a lot here. Someone said be patient, open, honest, you get used to each other's routines and habits but communicate. Okay, it's basically what we're saying. Okay here's the other one balanced chores how to split making dinner, clean up, whatever.
• 26:27
  I don't know that's a so that's a conversation before you move in like I feel like it's weird I'm not gonna be like you do the dishes and I do like
• 26:34
  Speaker 2: don't you First of everybody you're moving into an apartment building they all have dishwashers so it doesn't take very long to put the dishes Right. That is a conversation just common courtesy whoever gets up put the dishes in the machine. Agree. But I do think somebody has to be in charge of either making dinner or going to the mall. I guess everybody has Instacarts.
• 26:54
  Mean, I don't do that still. But I mean, there are ways of making it more convenient since you're both working. But somebody has to put the food in the oven or in the pot or make the reservation. Yeah, but people tend when they're couples to cook more. It's very expensive to go out for dinner five nights a week or seven nights
• 27:12
  Speaker 1: a week. Or I mean order though, like take out.
• 27:15
  Speaker 2: That's still very expensive. Yeah. So I think that all depends on your budgets. So don't, it's no hard and fast rule on any of this. It all really depends on what the two of you like to do and how much you can afford.
• 27:27
  Speaker 1: Yeah because someone, the next person said, there's a lot of contradictions in here but don't keep score on chores.
• 27:33
  Speaker 2: That's for sure.
• 27:34
  Speaker 1: Create traditions. Okay and then they said outsource cleaning.
• 27:38
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and to ask somebody in the building if they have somebody that would come. I see these things advertised all the time, these building services you know in New York that they come up and it's like almost an age
• 27:49
  Speaker 1: Yeah, but those are like the luxury buildings.
• 27:50
  Speaker 2: No, no, no, there's an outside service. It has nothing to do And with the they come up and they clean and you pay them, I guess, by Venmo or whatever. You you have to get a reliable place to do that but the one thing is when you're doing that then you have to make sure your valuables and all that stuff is put away. Don't want to
• 28:07
  Speaker 1: have something be tempting. A lot of people said don't do it until you have a commitment or married.
• 28:14
  Speaker 2: Well I
• 28:14
  Speaker 1: think Which I was surprised because I mean I'm guessing maybe it was like an older demo saying that. Maybe. Well
• 28:20
  Speaker 2: that would have been my advice but nobody was listening to me anyway. I don't think until somebody has a ring on their finger they should move in
• 28:27
  Speaker 1: It's so old But that's so old school. Like I really don't know one person Well am who stays married who did
• 28:33
  Speaker 2: that's true. That's why I
• 28:34
  Speaker 1: actually couldn't judge them if they did.
• 28:37
  Speaker 2: You shouldn't judge anybody. Everybody has the right to do what makes them feel comfortable. I think the bathroom schedule is one of the most difficult, but hopefully, if you're getting a two bedroom, that alleviates it. I certainly would assign each person a different bathroom. There's no reason if you're having two bathrooms that everybody has to go out of the same bathroom.
• 28:57
  It's not like the closet situation where you But want territory in the master I really think that if you have a one bedroom or a studio and you're living together, then that's an issue that you have to make a schedule. Because if somebody has to be at the office by 07:30 in the morning and the other partner doesn't need to be there till nine, they can go second. Right. I mean it has to be, you know that's the whole thing, that's all in very individual.
• 29:22
  Speaker 1: It causes so, like I talked to so many friends, girls
• 29:26
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 29:27
  Speaker 1: Who even what not moving in who were like you know spending the night more at their boyfriends or whatever it is. There is so much anxiety about the bathroom schedule. Well that's Like just to be like oh my god like I don't want to be in there for too long and then they're gonna know I'm going. There's just
• 29:41
  Speaker 2: like That's an so embarrassment of moving in together. And even when you are married, sometimes that becomes an embarrassment but you get over that quickly.
• 29:51
  Speaker 1: And like what if it smells in the bathroom?
• 29:53
  Speaker 2: Take matches.
• 29:55
  Speaker 1: Oy oy oy. It's so scary.
• 29:58
  Speaker 2: Another It's a bodily function that everybody has.
• 30:01
  Speaker 1: I guess. Another one someone said who is actually really good I think, towels. Do they hang and reuse them with no problem or a fresh one every time they shower? And like being aligned on that. Because that's already been in my head where like when I stay at Zacks in LA, I use one towel the entire week that I'm there which is kind of gross.
• 30:21
  In my apartment, I use well okay, growing up actually, I used a different towel every time I showered because my mom was doing more laundry. In my apartment, I used the same one for two showers probably, and then
• 30:36
  Speaker 2: I change it. That's an individual thing. I change it, but I do laundry every day. And you are out of the habit, and I think that also could be a priority that you could mark down as a change in 2026. Do more laundry.
• 30:49
  You do more, No, you take your laundry when it's a smaller amount and you throw it in the machines in your apartment. You don't wait till it fills up and explodes out of the out of the basket.
• 30:58
  Speaker 1: That's what I do.
• 30:59
  Speaker 2: And I don't like that. I like I like to do a little bit every day so that it never really and especially the towels. Then there's no situation with the towels. And you do a, you know, after the morning, somebody, either one of you, throws it in with a little detergent, and then the next, you know, in the afternoon when you come home from work, or what, at 04:00 or 05:00, whenever you're back in your space, you throw it in the dryer, and then you fold it for the next day. I'm not that It's stressed about these a system.
• 31:26
  It's a system, and everybody has to do it accordingly. If you use it more than one day, then you have to hang it over the thing so it dries. Right. I mean, you're not, if you're working in a dirty industry, if you're a painter or a carpenter where you, you know, you might, then you'll be gonna have to do the laundry every day. Totally.
• 31:45
  If you're, you know, doing things and you're not really that dirty, you can just it's basically just water.
• 31:51
  Speaker 1: I literally like sit on my couch and then I shower and then I go back to my couch. So
• 31:56
  Speaker 2: I Well, think it's you're alright. You're good to go.
• 31:59
  Speaker 1: Also they said one date night a week.
• 32:03
  Speaker 2: Well that depends on your business. If you're very, if you're, let's say you're working in the Financial District now or as a beginning lawyer or a very, very competitive industry where you're working all week long from Monday to Saturday, maybe till 09:00. You must set apart one day to be together and turn off your phones and really have a conversation. If you're living nine to five jobs or nine to six jobs and you're both home, there's no reason to have one specific night that you're having a date night. I think those rules are made up for the super competitive people who are never home and then never have a really conversation with their partner unless they make the date night.
• 32:46
  So I think that also depends on who the people are that you're dealing with or talking to. Does staying in and eating a home cooked meal after work one day, does
• 32:57
  Speaker 1: that count as a date night in your opinion?
• 32:59
  Speaker 2: To me that would count perfectly. I think any time that you're together is a date night. I think it's what the people who can't have the time or are not afforded the time to be together on a steady basis must create a date night. You know, they also, a lot of people want to go out one night, you know, on their date night. They don't want to be home.
• 33:17
  That's also an individual preference. It depends on the couple. I don't think there's any right or wrong. I just think it's allocating time to one another. And if it's very hard to, then make sure at least one night a week you do do it.
• 33:31
  Otherwise you've lost communication.
• 33:33
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 33:33
  Speaker 2: And it'll be not a long time relationship.
• 33:36
  Speaker 1: I like the quality time at home that counts as a date night, but then also I do feel like you need that like go out to a fun restaurant. Because if you never did that or it was like once a month that would personally not be enough. But that's your lifestyle. Yeah, I go out every Right
• 33:53
  Speaker 2: and your boyfriend's lifestyle. But a lot of people don't do that. Yeah. Don't have any desire to do it actually.
• 33:58
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Okay we're gonna talk way more about this in future episodes so make sure you are following the podcast if you want more of our advice. Just press the follow button, leave us a five star review and comment if you can and also comment any other advice for me. If you don't know how to leave a comment, ask somebody but it would be really really great if you could comment on there and I'll see everything and I can respond. Okay let's move on to the drama club.
• 34:30
  So you know that movie coming out with Timothee Chalamet, Marty Supreme.
• 34:34
  Speaker 2: Oh right. Forgot.
• 34:34
  Speaker 1: You got the ping pong player. Right. I really wanna see that. But they did a really funny like marketing promo thing where it looked like a leaked Zoom call with his team. Right.
• 34:45
  It was like twenty minutes and it was fake but I thought it was real for a second and it just was like a recording of a Zoom call with him and like their marketing team essentially and he was just being silly and being like okay I want it to be this kind of orange and just acting crazy and
• 35:03
  Speaker 2: Well it probably sold the movie.
• 35:04
  Speaker 1: It was pretty good marketing. Yeah. Like something different.
• 35:07
  Speaker 2: They're getting paid to do that so I'm glad it was successful.
• 35:10
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Also Bowen Yang is leaving SNL. He was on it for seven seasons.
• 35:16
  Speaker 2: My god, I missed him. Sorry, sorry.
• 35:20
  Speaker 1: He was in Wicked also.
• 35:21
  Speaker 2: Oh, okay.
• 35:22
  Speaker 1: I'm sure he's booked and busy now. And Ariana Grande loves him so she brought him into Wicked and he has also this podcast and that's really successful. So.
• 35:35
  Speaker 2: Well I'm gonna shout out something to Barry Weiss who's now running CBS programming. We're available. Wait, what's going on? Well Barry Weiss became the new head of CBS programming.
• 35:48
  Speaker 1: What would you like to do on CBS?
• 35:49
  Speaker 2: Our own show. About what? About just what we're doing on this podcast. We could do a half hour show on what's trending with young people, with older generations. I think we'd be a great addition to 04:00 in the afternoon.
• 36:02
  Instead of my resting on the sofa, can talk on CBS. I should do it three to four.
• 36:09
  Speaker 1: Okay, we will talk to the executives over
• 36:11
  Speaker 2: the No only her, only answering calls from her.
• 36:14
  Speaker 1: Okay well this is her audition tape so we'll send it in to you guys. I'm not familiar so I'll look some stuff up. Know what
• 36:24
  Speaker 2: everybody's getting fired Kim, just wanna let you know. The CBS is getting cleaned out. She's revamping all the news, she's revamping all the programming. It needs it. I mean a lot of these television programs on the national scene are really very boring and not very good.
• 36:41
  And they're not reaching large audiences, they're not really enjoying them. So I think we would be a tremendous addition.
• 36:47
  Speaker 1: Oh, I like that. I feel like we're Elle Woods walking into Harvard and be like take me as an applicant.
• 36:54
  Speaker 2: That's right. You remember that part? Yeah, you're right.
• 36:57
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that that was gave me that vision for a minute. Okay, well it's a really hard job being Grandma Galle's manager You're I'll work on doing it. Cool. Let's move on to the rewind. Emily in Paris came out.
• 37:15
  Right. You didn't even watch last season. Was
• 37:17
  Speaker 2: kinda I like didn't like Lassie. I I'm sort of sick of it. No. I think they're in another country.
• 37:21
  Speaker 1: They're in Rome.
• 37:22
  Speaker 2: They're in Rome. I'm sort of sick of It got a little bit repetitive. That's true. I love the first two seasons, but then I sort of zeroed out on it.
• 37:31
  Speaker 1: I feel like no matter what, I always crave a TV show like that. Like I like a light rom com and I think visually it's stunning. Oh it
• 37:41
  Speaker 2: is, it's beautiful and she's beautiful.
• 37:43
  Speaker 1: She is, well her outfits, I watched the first three episodes so far. Like I googled to try to find every single one, they're all a million dollars. First of all they're all a million dollars and she's tiny. Tiny.
• 37:54
  Speaker 2: She's tiny. She's miniscule so you know they could put together on her what would be absolutely ridiculous. I don't know.
• 38:02
  Speaker 1: It's really good styling.
• 38:03
  Speaker 2: Yes.
• 38:04
  Speaker 1: Fabulous. And like she looks great, she's very Audrey Hepburn. Yeah. And it's fun to see it with more Roman vibe than Parisian.
• 38:12
  Speaker 2: Is it good? Are you enjoying it?
• 38:14
  Speaker 1: I'll binge it in two days. Like so in that way, yes. Okay. Yeah, think I like it. Okay.
• 38:22
  For the reasons I just said. Like I like looking at her and I like
• 38:25
  Speaker 2: Yeah, because she's fun watching. I like the clothes the best of all.
• 38:27
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's fun. So I'll watch the rest of the season and give you my full thoughts but I like it so far.
• 38:35
  Speaker 2: Okay, I'm gonna shout out one thing that I watched and I think anybody who has a home TV that could, you can call it out and get it for the children and get it for yourself for the holiday because our episode is coming out at Christmas time. I watched Sound of Music last night, which was done in the early 60s. Julie Andrews, timeless that you can I watch it every year? And she goes in the hills and sings Sound of Me The the hills are alive. Oh, the hills are alive.
• 39:10
  Very good. It's still the most gorgeous holiday pro movie. She's perfect. Treat she's perfect. The cast is perfect.
• 39:17
  The children are beyond perfect.
• 39:18
  Speaker 1: The story is perfect.
• 39:19
  Speaker 2: The story is marvelous, the nuns are fabulous. Please, please watch it with your children and family as part of the holiday, as part of Christmas morning or Christmas afternoon or any day that you're together with your family. It's a treat. I was almost brought to tears last night.
• 39:35
  Speaker 1: It's an emotional story. It really is so beautiful. It's one of my favorite movies.
• 39:40
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 39:40
  Speaker 1: I love it. Do you think they should have a reboot? No. Just like don't touch it.
• 39:45
  Speaker 2: No. Don't touch it. It's a perfect you know what? You look at it and it's over 50 years old or whatever and it's still timeless and they look
• 39:55
  Speaker 1: They probably remastered it to look like still colorful and everything.
• 39:58
  Speaker 2: No. I don't think so. I think that I think this is yeah. Maybe they did Kim. I don't know.
• 40:03
  But it doesn't matter. It's the music, it's the children, it's the whole family thing, it's wonderful. Favorite song? The Sound of Music? Well, The Hills Are Alive, also the one that the nuns sang, Climb Every Mountain.
• 40:20
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah, that one's
• 40:21
  Speaker 2: good. It was all, the voice is, every song is
• 40:24
  Speaker 1: just I like to more beautiful than go going on 17.
• 40:27
  Speaker 2: Oh, that was, she was wonderful. And
• 40:29
  Speaker 1: I like And I
• 40:29
  Speaker 2: like when the children They're
• 40:31
  Speaker 1: all wise.
• 40:32
  Speaker 2: They're all terrific. Yeah. You cannot imagine how beautiful it is.
• 40:35
  Speaker 1: Yeah, agree. Also, obviously the terrible Rob Reiner news.
• 40:43
  Speaker 2: Yeah, let
• 40:43
  Speaker 1: us talk about like our favorite movie that he did in Memoriam.
• 40:49
  Speaker 2: Well mine is When Harry Met Sally. I just love that.
• 40:52
  Speaker 1: You can
• 40:52
  Speaker 2: pick I I song thought that's that was so brilliant.
• 40:54
  Speaker 1: But they're the most brilliant rom comers.
• 40:55
  Speaker 2: You know he was wonderful when he was meathead and all in the family. And you know, I think it's holiday time again and we're talking about family. It's so tragic to have a mental illness in your family. And it has nothing to do, here's a man who was creatively a genius, certainly tried 17 different times to have his young son taken care of in rehabs and doctors and all kinds of things. It's a sickness.
• 41:25
  And it affects everyone, and it affects a whole community. So, you know, my heart goes out to the family, and to all people suffering mental illness. We saw it recently, because it has to be mental illness with the tragedy that happened at Brown, and it also happened in Massachusetts against the MIT professor. These are people who are deeply sick. They're not really working a, in a mind that you can say normal.
• 41:55
  It really isn't. So I feel so horrible, and it always happens, if you really think about it, so often around holidays, because people get more depressed and more anxious. But why
• 42:08
  Speaker 1: would you kill your parents? Well, think
• 42:11
  Speaker 2: he was psychotic. According, you know what, listen, we're not part of the criminal system, and so much is gonna come out now, but I think his medication was changed, he had a form of schizophrenia, so they said he was becoming violent and the medication could make it worse, which very often people say when they have these terrible diseases, you know, the medicine can help you in certain areas, but then create other issues.
• 42:37
  Speaker 1: So
• 42:37
  Speaker 2: it's very sad, and you know we've lost a great talent but I feel sorry for the family, the remaining family. It's just tragic.
• 42:46
  Speaker 1: It is. Let's move on to the Grandma Report. So I found an article from Vogue that has five of the years most googled relationship questions. Uh-oh. What do you think they are?
• 43:01
  Speaker 2: Google relationship questions, I don't know.
• 43:03
  Speaker 1: Give a little background, Vogue looked at Google trends to see what people
• 43:06
  Speaker 2: were
• 43:06
  Speaker 1: So tell searching about me,
• 43:08
  Speaker 2: what's the number one or the number three? Give me three first.
• 43:12
  Speaker 1: Okay and then we can think about if we ever have thought of these questions. Is a monogamous relationship?
• 43:21
  Speaker 2: Well that's certainly very important, monogamous relationship is a relationship with one partner. Right, two people in the couple. Yes, that's good.
• 43:29
  Speaker 1: Not open. Not open. Well yeah it's good for people who want that. Maybe people don't know what the word monogamous means. Why would they Google that?
• 43:39
  Speaker 2: I don't know why they would Google it but I mean it's Let's just being with one just say that's what it is. That's what monogamous means.
• 43:46
  Speaker 1: How long does the honeymoon phase last in a relationship? Not that long. Not that long.
• 43:53
  Speaker 2: Probably around a year. And then usually, not that you don't love each other, but you're not delusional.
• 44:00
  Speaker 1: Right. The rose Right. Colored glasses come
• 44:02
  Speaker 2: They come off. I I might not even last a year.
• 44:05
  Speaker 1: It's interesting that people are googling that like because they want to see how other people Yeah. They want
• 44:10
  Speaker 2: to verify their own relationships. Like don't
• 44:13
  Speaker 1: you know that within your own
• 44:15
  Speaker 2: Well you don't know how miserable you are, you wanna make sure everybody else is as miserable as you are. Maybe.
• 44:21
  Speaker 1: What is an open relationship?
• 44:24
  Speaker 2: Well that's something I, you know that's somebody who's having many partners and that's a different lifestyle.
• 44:30
  Speaker 1: Right. I guess there's curiosity around that. And then someone said, I mean, and then the last most Googled question is, am I in a toxic relationship?
• 44:40
  Speaker 2: On that you should know too. And if you are, hopefully a friend or a family member can get you out.
• 44:46
  Speaker 1: If you are Googling that, you are in a toxic relationship.
• 44:49
  Speaker 2: Right. Hands down. Well sometimes people don't know if they're being abused. You know there's sometimes It shouldn't be confusing.
• 44:56
  Speaker 1: If you don't know, you are. Okay. Don't you think that?
• 45:00
  Speaker 2: No, I think sometimes you're very young and you don't understand, or you're very old and you feel that you've been in this so long that you're not sure if it's toxic or if it's normal. But if there are doubts, somebody should speak to somebody and find out and see if you can exit it as soon as possible.
• 45:19
  Speaker 1: Okay, another great episode of Excuse My Grandma. Follow us on social media. We post a lot of fun videos on there. We're gonna do a lot of fun stuff around the new year so definitely take a look there. And send in your questions, you can DM me on Instagram, Excuse My Grandma or Kimmerstein.
• 45:39
  You can email team@excusemegrandma.com. We love hearing from you and grandma checks all the reviews in the comments.
• 45:46
  Speaker 2: Oh,
• 45:46
  Speaker 1: yeah. So it's like it's her morning paper. So if you want grandma's opinions, definitely write in and have a wonderful holiday. Happy holidays, everybody. Bye.