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Bad Luck Blacky- How I Turned My Bad Luck Up-Side Down and Right Side Up! · Maintaining Your Badassness!

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Welcome to the story of bad luck blackie. It's
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about my life from the time I could remember
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about the age of five until I was most listeners
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will hear most of the Not so harsh story and
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my listeners on Apple podcast my subscribers
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Will hear the down dirty disgusting terrifying
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moment of my life. Bad luck blackie. Turn my
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bad luck upside down and right side up. The reasons
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for writing this book are to help me deal with
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certain circumstances that I encounter throughout
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my life. The second reason is to get the truth
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out about what really happened in my life. This
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book is based on facts from the past and present.
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None of these stories are made up and this book
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is derived from my actual memories. The characters
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in this book are fictional. to protect the identity
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of others. This book is about Black East experiences
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from childhood to adulthood, from my trials and
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tribulations. I thought I was faced with bad
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luck. After a number of years, I realized that
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what happened to me throughout my life was not
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bad luck at all. In fact, they were life lessons
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that I had to learn from and make better decisions
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for myself. In the end, I realized that I'm blessed.
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2001 by Changing Faces. This book may not be
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reproduced in the whole or in part by a memorable
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grad or by any other means without the written
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permission of the publisher. Back then my business
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name was Changing Faces at a PO box downtown.
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The contents are Introduction Acknowledgements.
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Fists and pieces. The move. Almost next. Doing
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it for the first time. Fatter woman syndrome
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and close to the edge. Almost fatal. The funeral.
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Afterthoughts. A small. I always wanted to be
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an author from the time I was in eighth grade
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until now. My inspiration did not come until
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about a year and a half ago when my older sister
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and I were talking about our past. I mentioned
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that I was going to write a book so that everyone
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would finally know the truth versus all of the
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lies that have been told by other family members.
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I was kind of just playing that day, but we started
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talking about it again. And I asked my sister,
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is there anything that she does not want me to
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put in the book? And she told me nothing, just
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as long as it was the truth. Well, she passed
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away almost a year ago, and I wanted to keep
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my word as well as get therapy from writing about
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what was bothering me. I started the book in
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May of 2001 and finished it five months later
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in October. I've worked for time at a local business
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that get most of its revenue from members. I
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run a small business, Changing Phases, that consists
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of wedding and special event planning and a publishing
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company which includes writing for special events,
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proofreading, editing, layout, etc. I also have
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a non -profit organization for sister kids that
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is designed to help kids in need. We supply school
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uniforms, supplies, clothes, books, and whatever
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else can make a child feel good about themselves.
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Donations are collected twice a year and are
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distributed to local schools, churches, and shelters.
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I'm also a freelance writer for a local newspaper.
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I took this job a few months ago to enhance my
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writing skills. I found that I have to keep myself
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busy so that I will not continue to think about
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my past and if things stop bothering me. I have
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two wonderful boys who inspire me to keep pushing
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so that I can provide a comfortable life for
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the two of them when I'm no longer here. Despite
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all that I do, I still find the time to hang
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out with my two boys. We go bowling on Sundays,
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we go to the movies, bike riding, play board
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games, and we attend a lot of sporting events.
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During these past months, I have been glued to
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this computer in the middle of the night and
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some weekends. I want to say to my kids that
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I really appreciate your patience with me during
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the past five months. I love you two more than
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life itself. Acknowledgements. There are certain
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people in my life right now and people in my
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past that I would like to thank for their support
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and love. First, I would like to thank the people
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who saved my life on the infinite day, December
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27, 1994. I would like to thank all of the EMS
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crew, the staff, my ex -co -workers, ex -bosses,
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my home care patients who gave me wisdom, friends
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that I'll no longer have contact with, and my
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family. If it was not for you all, I would not
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be here right now. Your support, skills, and
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just being there when I needed you to be there
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gave me all the will to survive. There was a
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reason God allowed me to live, and I'm doing
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just what he asked me to do. The nurses that
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helped me when I was on the crazy floor, Diane
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and William, thank you for your kind words, Diane
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Gottsy. Now I want to thank the people that are
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in my life at the present. To my co -workers
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and friends who listen and talk to me without
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pressures, bone and new bodies, you gave me the
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strength and say that allowed me to carry on
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with this book. To my critics who read the book
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as I wrote, thank you for your belief in me.
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To my co -workers who were there for me when
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I was safe with a critical time in my life, December
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8th, 2000, thanks for being there for my family
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and I. Thanks to everyone who has been a part
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of my life, past and present, and gave me positive
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things to live by. Thank you so much. A special
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thanks to my high school friend. You made me
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laugh when I could not talk. I love you. Most
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of all, I would like to thank the two most precious
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men in my life, my sons. You are my life and
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have given me so much richness that I would not
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trade for the world. You are my reason for living,
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my sanity, my strength. You loved me when there
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was no one else in my life that cared. Would
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not change the event of my life for I would not
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have to you, too As any mother would you know
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that would lay down my life for you guys. I love
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you If there is anyone else I forgot I am sorry.
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I would like to thank you also The ultimate thanks
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goes to the Lord I would not be here today if
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it would not for your grace and mercy Bits and
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pieces my first thoughts of my past were when
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I was in kindergarten my family I when they're
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living on the street which was located on the
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west side of Dayton, almost 27 years ago. When
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my family and I were living at this house, the
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neighborhood was pretty peaceful. It was almost
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like we were the only ones living on the street
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at the time. Besides, when we would go outside
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and play or argue with our neighbors, the Browns,
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upset us. Here it goes again. My mind is trying
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to battle these uncomfortable thoughts of the
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past. I bet you are wondering, but my mind is
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constantly battling the West, aren't you? Well,
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let me start like this. I loved kindergarten
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so much that I did not want to miss a day of
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it. One morning, my siblings and I were getting
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ready for school, and I was so close to avoiding
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what made me so uncomfortable each, well, almost
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each morning. We ate breakfast, usually here
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at cereal. Yeah, we had other things like oatmeal
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grits and sauces occasionally, which was like
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heaven to us because we were not that what often
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have those kind of luxury breakfasts. Breakfasts?
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Breakfast? all the time. We also had bacon and
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eggs every now and then. Well, this morning,
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I got up from the table, which sat only about
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four out of eight family members. I was envisioning
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walking down the street to my favorite getaway
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spot, kindergarten. When suddenly my mom, I would
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call her Peggy, said, come and take this vitamin.
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My heart down there stopped. I was scared to
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death about taking vitamins. I know some people
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might say, well, there must have been no... those
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little orange tubular vitamins that taste good
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to kids. Well, let me tell you a thing or two.
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These vitamins were the big red horse pills.
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They were called one -a -day vitamins. Yeah,
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you know those vitamins. They used to be on commercials
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all of the time. They always showed grown women
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taking them so easily with water. Peggy knew
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I had a problem taking vitamins with water. I
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think I did not know how to open my throat right
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enough to complete the strategy of making the
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vitamin slide down smoothly with water. Can you
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imagine a five -year -old taking a one -day vitamin?
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I surely cannot Peggy said if Renee, Renee is
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my younger sister who was only About two years
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old, I guess. Well, I was five. She was she must've
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been two Renee Kentucky vitamin you can too,
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but I remembered Renee taking a big red I remember
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her taking those little orange troubles vitamins
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I'd mentioned earlier. I think Peggy was trying
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to guilt trip me trying to make me feel like
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a woozy compared to Renee, trying to get her
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strategy to work. I ended up trying to take the
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big red, but not went out to fight. I said to
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Peggy something like this, I'm scared to take
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these vitamins. I remember she replied and hurt.
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I remember she replied, and her attendant, this
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vitamin girl, Peggy got what she wanted. I refused
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to take the vitamin. Not because I wanted to
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anger her, but because I was scared to death
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to swallow that big object with water. I put
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the vitamin in my mouth, And then I tried to
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follow it with water. It went down what I think
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was halfway and then it came back up. You know
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how it feels to up chuck. Water surrounded the
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vitamin and they both came up like I was a baby
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spitting up and almost threw up. You better not
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throw up! She said. I had to drink that nasty
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warm water again to prevent throwing up. But
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the vitamin was on the roof of my mouth, stuck.
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I took the warm, soft, and faded vitamin out
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of my mouth. She said. Everybody come in here
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and help me! All but one of my siblings came
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in the room, the living room, to help. Peggy
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told Renee and my younger brother to hold my
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arms and my older sister and older brother to
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hold my legs while she attempted to shove the
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vitamin down my throat. Sonny tangentially gritted
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her teeth and saying, Take this vitamin! Take
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this vitamin! Peggy had no success because I
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was kicking and spitting out the water. and vitamin
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at the same time. Hold her down tight! Hold her
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down tight! And they began to put pressure on
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my arms and legs and that is when my terror began.
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Peggy repeated trying to force the vitamin down
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my mouth with water. It came back up or I forced
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it up to avoid choking. I felt like I was on
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an amusement park ride, more like a scrambler.
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I was jerking the ground with potential danger.
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I was flying on and off the couch, facing the
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front door, wishing that this ordeal was over
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or would be over soon. I can still see that day
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clear as ever. She tried to make me take it again.
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I tried so hard, but it was not happening. All
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of a sudden, I was laying halfway on the couch
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with my head in the crack, my feet dangling in
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the floor, with my siblings holding my arms and
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legs. It was, it seemed, I was fighting for my
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life. I can still feel water going down my throat,
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going down my throat like a river. overflowing
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and the one a day being shoved down a tube that
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was two times smaller than the object. I started
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chugging once again, sitting up kicking and feeling
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like I was going to die. Half of my siblings
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were laughing like they were enjoying the conflict.
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I could see my youngest brother with a smile
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on his face standing above me. I can still see
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that simple grin which reminds me of the jokers
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from the movie Batman. I forgave them, but we
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never did talk about the incident afterwards.
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I just forgave them through my own ways, through
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my heart. They were just kids doing what their
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mother told them to do and did not know the impact
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that day would have on me, even almost 30 years
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later. Sure, I am over the incident and I am
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not affected drastically by it, but I still think
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about it and I still give my 11, 8 -year -old
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chewable vitamins. I never felt like I was an
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equal part of them anyway, especially after that
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event, and I would get to those reasons later
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on in the book. was not successful taking the
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vitamins. Peggy said, be in that room. You are
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not going to school today. That really devastated
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me. She knew I loved school. That was where I
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was able to have fun, where I thought I received
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love from my teacher because she gave me positive
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attention. I began to walk to my room slowly.
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You know how you do not want to go do something,
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and you begin to walk really slow, crying all
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the way. They are hoping that something is going
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to change before you get to your destination.
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Well, I didn't somehow I was left in what seemed
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like a big scary house all alone till my dad
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Stepdad came home from what I would call an all
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-night party Staying away from home as much as
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you can to fling. I would call him hunter I chose
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this name because it symbolizes what he is all
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about. I was in the bed when hunter came home
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I felt and hurried him getting closer to my room.
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I should say our room I shared it with my younger
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sister and my two brothers I lay there so suddenly,
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shaking on the inside like a frozen fish. I did
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not want him to know that I was home. So I reframed
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from shaking only on the outside. So I thought,
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for fear that my bed would shake and he would
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know someone was home. Hunter finally came into
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my room. I tried to figure out how he knew I
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was there. Was it a living room, a wreck? Was
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I rambling and he heard me? Hunter asked me what
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was I doing home. I said I wanted to go to school.
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I can't remember what I told him about the vitamin
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incident. I probably did not because I did not
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want Peggy to get further upset with me. Hunter
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always took my side. Hunter said, go in the bathroom
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and take your gown off. I refroze, this time
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like an ice cube. I sat there trying to think
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of a reason why I should not be washed up. But
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I already said I wanted to go to school. Go to
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the bathroom so I can wash you up, he said. Hunter
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had this really strong and manly voice that controlled
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just about anyone he came in contact with. I
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slowly walked to the bathroom, and what seemed
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like it took years to get there. My gang was
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taken off slightly above my left shoulder before
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I could reach the bathroom. The reason why I
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was falling is because I had a sense that something
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was up between my older sister and he. I could
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not pinpoint it at the time, but as the years
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went by, all the pieces came together while felt
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something was wrong with their relationship.
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When I managed to get my gown completely off,
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he lifted my pot belly and skinny long legs into
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the sink that had a mirror behind it. He read
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the rag, washcloth, in the bathtub and told me
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to open my legs. I would not do it. It's funny
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when a young child knows his or her private parts
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are sacred. Open up, he said. I didn't care if
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I smelled like piss. I was against opening up.
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Hunter finally started to wash me and slowly
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and I slowly opened up with a little help from
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him I stayed tense the whole time. He was washing
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me I looked at my new body in the mirror my power
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belly long leg Little round ass and I can see
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his face behind my body After what seemed like
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hours. He finally lifted me out the sink Drive
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me off and took me to get dressed The last part
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I remember of the day is when we were both walking
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down the street to my kindergarten school I remember
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more bits and pieces of when we were living in
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the house on the west side. My stepdad and his
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friends used to go hunting for rabbit, ducks
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and chickens and anything else that we consumed
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internally for a meal. Hunter's friends were
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mostly alcoholics or drank an awful lot because
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they were not at that stage yet. One day I was
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eating cereal at the breakfast table which was
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right in front of the sliding glass door facing
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the backyard. I was looking out the window and
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all of a sudden I saw Hunter's swinging his animal
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by his neck. I thought it was a duck because
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he used to kill ducks and cook them for dinner.
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But it actually was a chicken. Hunter swung that
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chicken so hard that the neck came off and that
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chicken was running around in circles headless
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on a black porch until it fell dead. I was just
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staring, scared to move. Finally my sister and
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I went to the sliding back door to see the dead
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animal up close. The chicken was just lying there
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on his chest with the blood. around his neck,
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dripping on the concrete. I would think that
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an incident like that would turn me to dislike
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chicken as food. I am the opposite. I remember
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growing up, I didn't eat chicken for years. And
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I would always give it to my older brother. We
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used to have chicken legs and rice and gravy.
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Mmm, that rice and gravy was so good. But chicken
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legs, I would see the blood coming out of it.
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I wouldn't eat it for years. And my brother used
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to eat it. I also remember that we had a cat
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that had kittens and one day I went into the
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backyard and I saw my brother throwing kittens
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up in the air above those old grave trash cans.
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The kittens would fall into the cushioning trash
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cans most of the time but a couple of times they
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would hit the ground. I was so afraid that the
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kittens were going to die that I wanted to tell
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my mom but I was afraid that she would tell Hunter
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and the boys would get a whooping with a switch.
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Hunter would grit his teeth while he whooped.
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like he was gaining strength. Sometimes he would
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even pop them on the head for little reasons
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at all, like for not rolling the bottom of the
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toothpaste tube up so none would be wasted. Hunter
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would take his anger out on all of us, all of
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the time, either with hurting words or by physical
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force. I hated to see my studs get a whooping,
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boarding line beating. It made my heart string
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when I would see that. My brothers would cry
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or squirm trying to get away. I can only remember
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getting a whippin' borderline beating one or
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two times from Hunter, mainly because my younger
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sister was a pest and she would do things and
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bathe in on me. I guess I felt special because
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I not only received a couple of beatings in my
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childhood, because I only received a couple of
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beatings in my childhood. Now that I think about
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it, those thoughts, this is something really
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sickening to admit. I guess my siblings had it
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so bad with Hunter that... I was relieved to
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have only received a couple of scoldings. A few
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times when I would go into my older sister's
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room, it was connected to Hunter's and Peggy's
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room. I saw Hunter look at my sister's in a sneaky
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kind of way. I tried to analyze it, and it gave
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me a really eerie feeling, like I should not
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have been around at that time. So from then on,
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every time I would go into my sister's room,
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I would look and see if Hunter's bedroom with
24:03
doors was closed. And if it was, I thought it
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was okay to continue to go to my sister's room.
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If his bedroom door was cracked, I would not
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go into my sister's room because I would feel
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that he was peeking at us and I could not be
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myself. I could feel the tension when Hunter
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was around my sister, but I did not know what
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it was until I had gotten older. I remember Peggy
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and Hunter having a lot of parties, most of which
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I think were Hunter's idea. Most of the people
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that came over were his drunken friends that
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Peggy did not approve of. Especially the horus
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women who used to stick around with Hunter on
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the down -low or so they thought There was this
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one woman who I cannot stand She was very nice
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to us kids for certain obvious reasons But she
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would come over to parties and we'd be all over
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Hunter right in front of Peggy. I remember her
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name It is Bertha. That's the fake name, but
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I would call her Bertha She was dark -skinned
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with the pretty wig that she used to wear all
25:07
the time. Nice looking lady but nasty and disrespectful
25:10
to my mom. I remember this gay man named Wilbur,
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that's his real name, who also used to come to
25:18
these parties. He had a big mole on the side
25:20
of his face that made him look really odd and
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scary. He was the loudest one in the crowd most
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of the time. Sometimes we would dance for money
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in front of a hunter and his drunken friends.
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We would get a dime or two for our efforts. One
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time Hunter made me dance. I was so shy even
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though a whole dime would buy me 10 candies and
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I still would not dance in front of his friends.
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Hunter said, go dance. I said, no, I don't want
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to. He said, fat fat, go dance. That was my nickname.
25:58
Without looking on his face like, you better
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do what you told. So I went and danced. I always
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did this certain dance where I would put one
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leg behind the other, alternate and snap my fingers
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at the same time. That one leg went back. Hunter's
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friend said, go sweetie. That was a nickname
26:15
that stuck with me all of these years. Whenever
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he would see me, he would call me sweetie. That
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old time song will last forever. When the song
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was over, they said, come and get your money.
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So I collected my two dimes and ran out of the
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room in embarrassment. My younger sister used
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to get all the attention, mainly because she
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was the youngest and demanded more of my parents'
26:37
time. She used to get almost everything she wanted
26:40
if they could afford it. she would get it. For
26:43
her third birthday, she wanted this Snoopy cake,
26:47
although it was not very affordable, so I thought
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she'd still get that cake. My parents used to
26:52
cry poor whenever we wanted something, especially
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to my three oldest siblings. The youngest got
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more of what we wanted, but nobody got as much
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as my youngest sister. Youngest siblings have
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a way of picking with their oldest sisters and
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brothers that drives us crazy mad. My youngest
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sister used to pick me with me in ways that get
27:17
me so angry I could burst. She would do things
27:20
like stand in front of the television so that
27:22
we could not see. And if we were to ask her to
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move, she would holler out to our mom that we
27:27
were picking on her. Guess who would get in trouble?
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You got it. She would also hit us, and when we
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would hit her back, she would tell mother that
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we hit her for no reason. One day she erased
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me to the point where I just pinned her down
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on the bed and said to her The dough is gonna
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get you While I bang her head down on the mattress.
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I knew if I hurt her too bad I would be in big
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trouble no matter what so I just scared her she
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told my mother what I did to her and I tried
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and As I tried to explain what she did to me
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I got in trouble My punishment was staying in
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my room until dinner was ready my older brother
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of getting my younger sister this nickname called
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Diggerish. Because she used to pull her pennies
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out of her behind constantly. Whenever she would
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get him into trouble, he would replace her real
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name with Diggerish. I used to love that. It
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was like I was getting revenge on her by laughing
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at her for all the times she would get me in
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trouble. The next chapter is The Move. We will
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continue with this book tomorrow. Thank you for
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joining. And I will see you on the flip side.