Latest / Hurdle with Emily Abbate / 227. Sydney Leroux, Pro Soccer Player

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227. Sydney Leroux, Pro Soccer Player · Hurdle with Emily Abbate

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Even if you don't feel like you have a voice,
• 0:02
  Speaker 1: you do, someone will always be willing to listen.
• 0:20
  Speaker 2: What is going on?
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  Speaker 3: Everyone, Emily Evadi Here you are listening to episode two
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  Speaker 3: hundred and twenty seven of Hurdle, a wellness focused podcast
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  Speaker 3: where I connected with everyone from your favorite athletes to
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  Speaker 3: top experts and industry CEOs about their highest highs, toughest moments,
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  Speaker 3: and everything in between. We all go through hurdles in life,
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  Speaker 3: and my goal through these discussions is to empower you
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  Speaker 3: to better navigate yours and move with intention so that
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  Speaker 3: you can stride towards your own big potential and of
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  Speaker 3: course have some fun along the way. For episode two
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  Speaker 3: hundred and twenty seven, I am chatting with pro soccer
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  Speaker 3: player Sidney LaRue. She talks to us today about moving
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  Speaker 3: from Canada to the United States to pursue her dream
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  Speaker 3: of playing soccer and making the US women's national team
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  Speaker 3: to play with the best of the best, ultimately becoming
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  Speaker 3: an Olympic a gold medalist and World Cup champion. The
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  Speaker 3: mother of two opens up about her first pregnancy being
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  Speaker 3: a big surprise and what it felt like to both
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  Speaker 3: play soccer. At five and a half months pregnant and
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  Speaker 3: then get back in the game ninety three days after
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  Speaker 3: having her second child.
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  Speaker 2: Rue.
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  Speaker 3: She also opens up about the difficult Hurtle moments that
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  Speaker 3: she has faced, including a miscarriage and what it felt
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  Speaker 3: like to share that openly on social media, plus the
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  Speaker 3: abuse and bullying she experienced from a young age in sport,
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  Speaker 3: abuse that she hopes future generations of athletes will not
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  Speaker 3: have to go through. I cannot thank Sydney enough for
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  Speaker 3: her openness and transparency here. I am so impressed by
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  Speaker 3: her positivity, her attitude, and truly, I mean this is
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  Speaker 3: a super woman, a single mom of two doing her
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  Speaker 3: best to be a badass both on and off the field.
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  Speaker 3: It's a big week here in New York City. The
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  Speaker 3: New York City Marathon is this coming Sunday. I'm going
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  Speaker 3: to be popping up all over this week hosting a
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  Speaker 3: few events. I hope to see you out there, and
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  Speaker 3: I definitely hope to cheer you on if you are
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  Speaker 3: running this coming weekend. If you have a great story
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  Speaker 3: about why you run and you're lacing up on Sunday,
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  Speaker 3: I want to hear it. I'd love to feature you
• 2:42
  Speaker 3: in the Weekly Hurdle newsletter. To submit yourself or a
• 2:46
  Speaker 3: hurdler spot like. Click on over to the show notes
• 2:49
  Speaker 3: and give us all your deats. Also, while you're in
• 2:52
  Speaker 3: the show notes, make sure to check out the deals
• 2:55
  Speaker 3: from Hurdle's great sponsors. This week, we have Future and
• 2:59
  Speaker 3: WU and feel free to leave me a voice message.
• 3:04
  Speaker 3: Hit me up with a listener question. I love answering
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  Speaker 3: your questions weekly in the five minute Friday segment on
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  Speaker 3: the show, and I can only keep doing that if
• 3:12
  Speaker 3: you keep submitting them.
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  Speaker 2: So hit me with your best shot. I'm ready for it.
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  Speaker 2: Make sure you're following Hurdle on social Over at Hurdle Podcast.
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  Speaker 3: I am over at Emily a Body And with that,
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  Speaker 3: let's get to hurdling.
• 3:33
  Speaker 2: Today.
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  Speaker 3: I am sitting down with Sidney LaRue. She is a
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  Speaker 3: professional soccer player. How are you doing today?
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  Speaker 2: Sid?
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  Speaker 4: I'm good? How are you?
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  Speaker 3: I'm so good. I'm excited that we're making this happen.
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  Speaker 3: I feel like I right off the bat went in
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  Speaker 3: with a nickname. Do you have any other nicknames that
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  Speaker 3: people call you frequently?
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  Speaker 4: No? I think everyone just calls me. Sid just said.
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  Speaker 3: Mommy, oh my god, I mean speaking of mommy two
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  Speaker 3: kids at home.
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  Speaker 2: How does that feel for you these days.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's crazy. Like sometimes I just am like, I
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  Speaker 1: can't believe I have two kids, Like they're just like
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  Speaker 1: it's crazy to me.
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  Speaker 4: And they're wild and chaotic.
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  Speaker 1: And life is always chaotic and I love it.
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  Speaker 2: And how old are your kiddos?
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  Speaker 4: My son just turned six and my daughter's three and
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  Speaker 4: a half.
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  Speaker 3: Oh my gosh, and so three and a half, you
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  Speaker 3: are back on the field.
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  Speaker 2: How does that feel for you?
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  Speaker 1: Coming back from my daughter was tough. I mean, coming
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  Speaker 1: back from both the kids was tough. But I think
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  Speaker 1: it's so worth it because I love having the kids
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  Speaker 1: just like come on the field with me and like
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  Speaker 1: see their mummy play, and it's just been the best
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  Speaker 1: thing ever. I got injured mid season, so season ended
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  Speaker 1: a little early for me, but I'm really excited to
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  Speaker 1: get back there next season and.
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  Speaker 3: Play in LA and play in La and new to La.
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  Speaker 3: I know for a while you were kind of wondering,
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  Speaker 3: like what was going to be next for you?
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  Speaker 2: Was La already feeling like home?
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  Speaker 4: Yeah?
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  Speaker 1: La is like I consider La home to me. I
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  Speaker 1: went to use CLA, so I'm like back and I'm
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  Speaker 1: a West Coast girl, So it's it's very nice to
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  Speaker 1: be back on the West Coast for sure.
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  Speaker 3: Your kids growing up with a superstar soccer mom. You
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  Speaker 3: too grew up with pretty athletic parents. Talk to us
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  Speaker 3: about what it was like growing up in an active family.
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  Speaker 4: Yeah, my mom.
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  Speaker 1: You know, I think that I like find so much
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  Speaker 1: strength in my mom. It was me and my mom
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  Speaker 1: when I grew up, and I remember her just like
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  Speaker 1: taking me outside and going into the backyard and just playing.
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  Speaker 1: All we did was play sports, and I feel like
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  Speaker 1: that's what I do with my son.
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  Speaker 4: Specifically.
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  Speaker 1: My daughter's not not very athletic, which I love from her.
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  Speaker 1: But I have just always been used to, you know,
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  Speaker 1: being outside with my mom and like my mom being
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  Speaker 1: so present in all of my sports, and I was
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  Speaker 1: so thankful for that. And you don't realize like how
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  Speaker 1: much it means to you until you're older and you're
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  Speaker 1: doing it yourself. And I feel like, yeah, I just
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  Speaker 1: it reminds me of you know, me and my mom
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  Speaker 1: being out there when I'm out there with with my kids.
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  Speaker 4: So it's been really really special.
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  Speaker 3: It's funny that you say, like, my daughter at three
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  Speaker 3: and a half isn't super athletic. Do you think that
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  Speaker 3: your mom ever thought that about you No, never, So
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  Speaker 3: you were you were going after it from a young age. Yes, yes,
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  Speaker 3: as soon as I could walk.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, not just active from a young age.
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  Speaker 3: You knew from a young age that you definitely wanted
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  Speaker 3: to pursue an ultimate goal of being on the US
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  Speaker 3: women's national team.
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  Speaker 2: Talk to me about how you knew.
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  Speaker 1: I think it was, you know, there was like so
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  Speaker 1: many things, but I knew that I wanted to play
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  Speaker 1: on the best team in the world. And you know,
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  Speaker 1: a lot of things had happened in my home hometown
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  Speaker 1: and it was just like the perfect time for me
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  Speaker 1: to go and follow those dreams. And so when I
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  Speaker 1: was fourteen, I packed my bags and I you know,
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  Speaker 1: basically left everything that I knew and I went and
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  Speaker 1: I went and lived in the States and lived in
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  Speaker 1: a bunch of different homes with teammates or people.
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  Speaker 4: Who played for my club team.
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  Speaker 1: And it was a pretty wild, wild couple years, but
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  Speaker 1: it was it was definitely worth.
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  Speaker 2: It, definitely worth it club team.
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  Speaker 3: So you were you were used to pretty early on
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  Speaker 3: making some big let's call it sacrifices for sport, because
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  Speaker 3: when you are, you know, going after it and traveling
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  Speaker 3: a bit that can come with a fair amount of yeah,
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  Speaker 3: of sacrifice.
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  Speaker 1: Yes, I've basically all my life, I've been just making
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  Speaker 1: insane sacrifices to you know, follow my dreams or have
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  Speaker 1: the life that I've always always wanted. Yea, I was fourteen,
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  Speaker 1: and I can't imagine like my kids, my kids leaving,
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  Speaker 1: and my mom and I talk about that all the time,
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  Speaker 1: like that was crazy back then.
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  Speaker 2: Do you think that you kind of missed out on
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  Speaker 2: having like that conventional teenage experience when you kind of
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  Speaker 2: reflect on it now.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, I think so, Like I think about like being
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  Speaker 1: home with my friends and like having a normal kind of.
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  Speaker 4: Like high school situation.
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  Speaker 1: But I also don't feel like I was normal, Like
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  Speaker 1: I wanted That's what I wanted. That was my dream,
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  Speaker 1: and I was very like that nothing was going to
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  Speaker 1: stop me. So when I look back at it, I'm like,
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  Speaker 1: I still think it was pretty crazy, and my mom
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  Speaker 1: says the same. But I don't think I would do
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  Speaker 1: anything differently because things happened the way that I wanted
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  Speaker 1: them to. But I do feel like, yeah, there was
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  Speaker 1: definitely some sadness in missing out and some things. I
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  Speaker 1: definitely missed my mom a lot, I missed my friends,
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  Speaker 1: my family, but I also think that, you know, I did.
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  Speaker 1: I set out to do something and I was able
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  Speaker 1: to do that.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, And when you reflect now, like remembering those early
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  Speaker 3: days of soccer, was there any one thing in particular
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  Speaker 3: that had you just hooked in on the sport?
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  Speaker 1: I think scoring goals, Like I loved to score goals.
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  Speaker 1: I love to slide tackle. I was doing slide tackles
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  Speaker 1: like when I was like four or five, And I remember,
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  Speaker 1: you know, my mom was one of those like crazy
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  Speaker 1: parents on the sideline and I was never embarrassed, Like
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  Speaker 1: I just thought it was normal.
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  Speaker 4: But my mom would be like behind the other like goal,
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  Speaker 4: like screaming at me, kick it here, kick it here.
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  Speaker 1: And then I got old enough and then they told
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  Speaker 1: her that she could know do that.
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  Speaker 4: She got kicked out behind the goal.
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  Speaker 1: But yeah, I just like remember those those moments, and
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  Speaker 1: I think, yeah, it's just like been such a crazy
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  Speaker 1: journey for me, and it's it's wild to think back on.
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  Speaker 3: Actually, it's it's also wild to think about you being
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  Speaker 3: excited about that level of I don't know if there's
• 10:25
  Speaker 3: a better word for it than confrontation. You had in you,
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  Speaker 3: a breaking through kind of attitude. This attitude that you
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  Speaker 3: were a little bit invincible. Do you think that your
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  Speaker 3: mom brought you up and raised you to believe in that?
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  Speaker 4: Yeah? I think.
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  Speaker 1: I mean my mom made me believe that I could
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  Speaker 1: do anything I wanted, that I could be anyone I
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  Speaker 1: wanted to be. And I think that's like such a
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  Speaker 1: special thing to have, and I hope, you know, I
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  Speaker 1: hope I do that for my kids.
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  Speaker 4: Just allow them to be whoever they want to be,
• 11:02
  Speaker 4: Allow them.
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  Speaker 3: To be whatever they want to be. So you mentioned,
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  Speaker 3: obviously Whine to pursue playing for the US women's national
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  Speaker 3: team at a young age. You also went to play
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  Speaker 3: at college soccer at UCLA from two thousand and eight
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  Speaker 3: to twenty eleven. What do you remember being one of
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  Speaker 3: the most difficult parts of being a college athlete?
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  Speaker 4: Oh, that's a loaded question, you know.
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  Speaker 1: I was in I was in Scottsdale, Arizona for high school,
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  Speaker 1: and I just never felt like I fit in there.
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  Speaker 1: And I remember being like very sad when my really
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  Speaker 1: good friend left to go to UCLA because that's who
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  Speaker 1: I lived with and I just like loved her, I
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  Speaker 1: loved her family.
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  Speaker 4: I just felt so connected to them.
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  Speaker 1: And then she went and it was just like kind
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  Speaker 1: of back to square one of feeling like I didn't
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  Speaker 1: belong here and I.
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  Speaker 4: Didn't know if this is what I wanted to do,
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  Speaker 4: and it was.
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  Speaker 1: It was a really hard time, to be honest, and
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  Speaker 1: I just remember remember my mom being like, you're going
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: to go to college soon and it's going to be
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  Speaker 1: different for you, and like, just wait, just wait until
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  Speaker 1: you get to college. And I got to college and
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  Speaker 1: I was like, this is where I was meant to be.
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  Speaker 4: Like I just felt like I was like thriving in
• 12:16
  Speaker 4: that environment.
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  Speaker 1: And not to say that it was always easy with
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  Speaker 1: coaches and everything like that, but I really just like
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  Speaker 1: found myself in college.
• 12:25
  Speaker 3: Yeah, why would you say that you felt that way
• 12:29
  Speaker 3: about growing up in Arizona? What was it about that
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  Speaker 3: that made you feel like you just didn't really fit
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  Speaker 3: in the.
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  Speaker 1: Color of my skin, the amount of money that I had.
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  Speaker 1: I was not, by any means a Scottsdale girl. I
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  Speaker 1: just was living with families there. But yeah, I just
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  Speaker 1: kind of always always felt that, and it's just it
• 12:53
  Speaker 1: was just a different feeling, and I don't remember feeling
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  Speaker 1: that way when I was at home Scottsdale.
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  Speaker 4: I did feel that.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, so you get to UCLA and needless to say,
• 13:07
  Speaker 3: you definitely start to see a lot more people that
• 13:12
  Speaker 3: look like you.
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  Speaker 4: Then, yes, yes, absolutely.
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  Speaker 2: How did that feel.
• 13:17
  Speaker 4: Like a breath of fresh air? Yeah?
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  Speaker 1: Like I just really like came into my own and
• 13:22
  Speaker 1: I was confident and I was happy. And you know,
• 13:26
  Speaker 1: when you grow up and there's not people who look
• 13:29
  Speaker 1: like you and you feel different, you don't want to
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  Speaker 1: be that way. And so then when I got into UCLA,
• 13:36
  Speaker 1: I was like, that's I was proud of myself and
• 13:39
  Speaker 1: I felt like that was a huge change for me.
• 13:43
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, So back to the difficult parts of being a
• 13:49
  Speaker 3: student athlete. You know, I had Victoria Garrick on the
• 13:53
  Speaker 3: show and she's spoken so openly about the mental health
• 13:57
  Speaker 3: struggles that a lot of student athletes trying to find
• 14:01
  Speaker 3: some kind of balance between school work and sport. Did
• 14:06
  Speaker 3: you struggle with that and also the expectations placed upon
• 14:10
  Speaker 3: you as a student athlete.
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  Speaker 4: Not really.
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  Speaker 1: I feel like the school part wasn't that difficult. And
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: like also I was with the national team. I was
• 14:19
  Speaker 1: with the youth national team, Like I was in classes
• 14:22
  Speaker 1: that I didn't have to necessarily be there, Like there
• 14:26
  Speaker 1: were like it was set up for us to succeed.
• 14:31
  Speaker 4: And it's not the same for everyone. But I felt
• 14:34
  Speaker 4: like the.
• 14:35
  Speaker 1: School part wasn't too bad.
• 14:39
  Speaker 3: Yeah, Yeah, and then what about when it came to
• 14:41
  Speaker 3: practice and being on the field.
• 14:44
  Speaker 1: See, there's nothing that I love more than being able
• 14:48
  Speaker 1: to just play, and so that part for me, I mean,
• 14:52
  Speaker 1: the partying and having fun was one thing, but just
• 14:57
  Speaker 1: being able to be on the field, play with my
• 15:01
  Speaker 1: friends and do all that. You know, I basically went
• 15:06
  Speaker 1: through college looking up to Lauren Cheney, who's now Lauren Holiday,
• 15:09
  Speaker 1: and we've continued to be such good friends. And so
• 15:12
  Speaker 1: I had a lot of good people and good friends
• 15:15
  Speaker 1: around me.
• 15:15
  Speaker 3: In college, and you knew even during college that that
• 15:19
  Speaker 3: was still just the beginning.
• 15:21
  Speaker 1: Yeah, there were some times where I was like, I
• 15:24
  Speaker 1: don't know, I don't know, but I feel like I
• 15:27
  Speaker 1: always had this that I wasn't going to not let
• 15:30
  Speaker 1: that happen. Like I was going to do everything in
• 15:32
  Speaker 1: my power to you know, I set out to do this.
• 15:36
  Speaker 1: I gave up way too much to not do exactly
• 15:41
  Speaker 1: what I came here to do.
• 15:43
  Speaker 3: Yeah, in those I don't knows, what do you think
• 15:48
  Speaker 3: was the trigger for that?
• 15:50
  Speaker 1: Coaches? You know, I feel like not every coach is
• 15:53
  Speaker 1: going to like you. And sometimes you can do well
• 15:58
  Speaker 1: and do all the things that you need to do,
• 16:00
  Speaker 1: and they still don't, you know, don't give you that confidence.
• 16:04
  Speaker 1: And I feel like having to find that confidence within yourself.
• 16:08
  Speaker 4: Is like what what makes or breaks you?
• 16:12
  Speaker 1: Because coaches can break you, and coaches do break you,
• 16:16
  Speaker 1: and you have to be able to come out of
• 16:18
  Speaker 1: that and figure it out on your own. And so
• 16:22
  Speaker 1: I did a lot of that, and I, you know,
• 16:24
  Speaker 1: I continue to do a lot of that.
• 16:27
  Speaker 3: And so you leave college and you do it in
• 16:32
  Speaker 3: style because you're the number one pick in a twenty
• 16:37
  Speaker 3: twelve draft.
• 16:38
  Speaker 2: What did that feel like for you?
• 16:40
  Speaker 4: It was awesome.
• 16:41
  Speaker 1: My thought was going to be really cool, and then
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: the league folded, so I was the first round raft
• 16:48
  Speaker 1: pick and then I wasn't. So that's just my luck,
• 16:52
  Speaker 1: of course. But then I went on and I went
• 16:55
  Speaker 1: to an Olympics in London and we won that, which
• 16:59
  Speaker 1: was really special. And then after the Olympics, my mom
• 17:02
  Speaker 1: really wanted me to go back to school and finish,
• 17:05
  Speaker 1: and so I did that, and I graduated from UCLA,
• 17:09
  Speaker 1: continued on with the national team and went to a
• 17:13
  Speaker 1: World Cup and won a World Cup and then you know,
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: I had my babies.
• 17:17
  Speaker 3: You are you just like tried to breeze through such
• 17:20
  Speaker 3: like a grand like a large time period. I just
• 17:24
  Speaker 3: would not be the right person to let you do that.
• 17:27
  Speaker 3: So can we rewind and talk a little bit about
• 17:29
  Speaker 3: the Olympics? Yes, I mean high Olympian and at such
• 17:34
  Speaker 3: a young age. When you reflect on that experience, are
• 17:37
  Speaker 3: there any standout memories for you?
• 17:41
  Speaker 4: Yeah?
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  Speaker 1: I mean I had my mom there, I had you know,
• 17:44
  Speaker 1: the girls that I and the family that I lived
• 17:48
  Speaker 1: with in Arizona, who I felt just so connected to,
• 17:52
  Speaker 1: who I followed to UCLA. I was there with Lauren Cheney.
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  Speaker 1: It was just it was such an un unbelievable experience.
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  Speaker 1: Especially to see like all of the best athletes ever
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  Speaker 1: just like in one place was really cool. And then
• 18:09
  Speaker 1: to win, to go there and win, it was like,
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  Speaker 1: I mean, we expect nothing less, but like still, you know,
• 18:16
  Speaker 1: to go there and to stand on the podium and
• 18:19
  Speaker 1: to like have the gold medal around your neck was yeah,
• 18:23
  Speaker 1: really really amazing.
• 18:25
  Speaker 3: Going back to finish college after that, I would imagine
• 18:31
  Speaker 3: that it felt maybe a little anticlimactic.
• 18:34
  Speaker 4: Yes, it was.
• 18:35
  Speaker 1: To be honest, I did not want to go back
• 18:37
  Speaker 1: that was the last thing that I wanted to do.
• 18:39
  Speaker 1: But like, I only had a couple more classes and
• 18:41
  Speaker 1: credits to like finish out, and so I was like, fine, mom,
• 18:45
  Speaker 1: I'll go back to Fine. Mom.
• 18:49
  Speaker 3: So you graduate college and then you take on a
• 18:53
  Speaker 3: new shift, going to play in Boston, right.
• 18:56
  Speaker 4: Yes, yes, And I go to Boston.
• 18:59
  Speaker 2: Big shift from UCLA.
• 19:01
  Speaker 4: Yes, yes, very cold. I got there.
• 19:04
  Speaker 1: It was freezing, there was snow on the ground. We
• 19:08
  Speaker 1: like could barely practice. It was a situation.
• 19:11
  Speaker 4: Over there, Yes, a situation.
• 19:15
  Speaker 3: And thus kind of begins like the next few years
• 19:18
  Speaker 3: of you bouncing around to Boston and Seattle and New York.
• 19:23
  Speaker 3: During these times, as you're kind of coming up in age,
• 19:27
  Speaker 3: do you start to think about, like how this kind
• 19:29
  Speaker 3: of lifestyle with your career will play into the bigger
• 19:32
  Speaker 3: picture of your overall life.
• 19:34
  Speaker 1: No, you know, I was. I always just kind of
• 19:38
  Speaker 1: went with the flow. I just you know, I changed
• 19:42
  Speaker 1: was normal for me. Chaos was normal for me. Living
• 19:45
  Speaker 1: out of my suitcase was normal. And so I never
• 19:49
  Speaker 1: really like ever thought like, oh this is this is
• 19:53
  Speaker 1: pretty crazy. I've lived in all of these places, I've
• 19:55
  Speaker 1: done all of these things. Like I never I never
• 19:59
  Speaker 1: like really to me. I just kept kept going, just
• 20:05
  Speaker 1: kept moving, kept doing different things, and yeah, I enjoyed
• 20:09
  Speaker 1: I enjoyed it all.
• 20:10
  Speaker 2: So where do you meet your husband?
• 20:13
  Speaker 1: I meet my husband one of my really good friends, Christie.
• 20:17
  Speaker 1: She was in Kansas City when I was in I
• 20:21
  Speaker 1: don't think I was in Boston. It was twenty thirteen
• 20:25
  Speaker 1: when we met. Boston was playing Kansas City and we
• 20:29
  Speaker 1: all went out and Christy was like.
• 20:30
  Speaker 4: I have to introduce you to this guy.
• 20:32
  Speaker 1: I think you guys would really like each other, and
• 20:35
  Speaker 1: so she introduced us and yeah, we like were friends,
• 20:39
  Speaker 1: but nothing came of it. I was in a relationship
• 20:45
  Speaker 1: and that relationship was not good. When I got there,
• 20:50
  Speaker 1: and I was in Chicago and I'm like, oh my god,
• 20:53
  Speaker 1: I have to get out of here. Like the only
• 20:56
  Speaker 1: flight out is to Kansas City because it's late, and
• 20:58
  Speaker 1: I'm like, who do I know in Kansas City?
• 21:01
  Speaker 4: Dom.
• 21:02
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna call Dom and I'm like, Hey, I am
• 21:05
  Speaker 1: in a situation here, like can you come pick me
• 21:07
  Speaker 1: up at the airport and I'll leave, like and go
• 21:09
  Speaker 1: back to LA tomorrow.
• 21:10
  Speaker 4: But I like, I gotta go and he's like sure,
• 21:13
  Speaker 4: And that was that was that.
• 21:15
  Speaker 2: Basically, Hey, I'm gonna come stay at your place. I
• 21:22
  Speaker 2: hope that's okay with you.
• 21:23
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I just need to need a place to stay
• 21:25
  Speaker 1: because I need to get out of here. And I'm like,
• 21:27
  Speaker 1: I don't know why I didn't just like get a hotel,
• 21:29
  Speaker 1: and like, wait, I don't know.
• 21:31
  Speaker 4: Obviously she was not thinking clearly.
• 21:34
  Speaker 2: I don't know, or was she thinking clearly don't know.
• 21:37
  Speaker 1: I don't know.
• 21:39
  Speaker 3: And so you fast forward through all this bouncing around
• 21:43
  Speaker 3: and you bring us to the point where not only
• 21:45
  Speaker 3: you get married, but then the two of you decide
• 21:48
  Speaker 3: that you want to start a family. Can you talk
• 21:50
  Speaker 3: us through your thought process on career versus pregnancy and
• 21:54
  Speaker 3: where you stood at that time.
• 21:56
  Speaker 4: Well, yeah, we were not trying to have a baby
• 21:59
  Speaker 4: at that time. I was in I was in.
• 22:05
  Speaker 1: National team camp, January camp, which is like a big,
• 22:07
  Speaker 1: big camp.
• 22:08
  Speaker 4: We were getting ready.
• 22:09
  Speaker 1: For qualifying, and like I was just sleeping, like I
• 22:15
  Speaker 1: could not like stay awake. I was going to bed
• 22:18
  Speaker 1: at like six and like I was sleeping like sixteen hours,
• 22:22
  Speaker 1: Like I.
• 22:23
  Speaker 4: Did not know what was going on.
• 22:25
  Speaker 1: And all of a sudden, I was just like this
• 22:27
  Speaker 1: is like so weird. And I didn't even really like
• 22:30
  Speaker 1: I just like said it like I'm going to go
• 22:32
  Speaker 1: take a pregnancy test. Like I was passing one of
• 22:36
  Speaker 1: my best friends in the hall. Her name's Allie Kreeger,
• 22:39
  Speaker 1: and I was like, I was like, what are you doing.
• 22:40
  Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm gonna go take a pregnancy test and
• 22:42
  Speaker 1: she was like ha ha, like whatever, and so I
• 22:46
  Speaker 1: went and I came back and I don't even think
• 22:49
  Speaker 1: I told Dom, and I peed on this little stick
• 22:53
  Speaker 1: and I left it and I kind of forgot about
• 22:55
  Speaker 1: it because I was getting ready for practice and I
• 23:00
  Speaker 1: I go back to the bathroom and it says pregnant
• 23:05
  Speaker 1: and I was like what. So I called Kraiger and
• 23:13
  Speaker 1: I was like, you need to come to my room now,
• 23:16
  Speaker 1: and she like walked in and like my face was
• 23:19
  Speaker 1: white as a ghost and her face was white as
• 23:21
  Speaker 1: a ghost.
• 23:21
  Speaker 4: And I was like, I'm pregnant.
• 23:24
  Speaker 1: And then I called Tom and we literally just didn't
• 23:28
  Speaker 1: even say anything. We just like stared at each other
• 23:31
  Speaker 1: on FaceTime and we were like, uh, okay, I don't know.
• 23:38
  Speaker 4: I don't know.
• 23:40
  Speaker 1: So I called my mom and I told her and.
• 23:45
  Speaker 4: She was like, oh my god, like what and I'm
• 23:50
  Speaker 4: like yeah, what.
• 23:52
  Speaker 1: And I really just like I needed a second because
• 23:56
  Speaker 1: I didn't know, Like I wasn't ready for that, but
• 24:00
  Speaker 1: at the same time, like I was not in a
• 24:03
  Speaker 1: really good place. And my mom called me and she
• 24:08
  Speaker 1: was like, you know, maybe this baby is the best
• 24:11
  Speaker 1: thing ever. And I was like, okay, okay, let's do it.
• 24:19
  Speaker 1: And so I went through with it and I got
• 24:22
  Speaker 1: Cassius and I'm like getting emotional.
• 24:26
  Speaker 2: Oh, I love Cashus's name. You read that in a book.
• 24:30
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I found it in a book when my mom
• 24:32
  Speaker 1: and I went to Italy, And yeah, I it.
• 24:38
  Speaker 4: Was the best best decision I ever made.
• 24:43
  Speaker 3: And it's so special reflecting on that now, thinking about
• 24:48
  Speaker 3: although it was unexpected to have this beautiful son, especially
• 24:54
  Speaker 3: knowing that you had some struggles the second time around.
• 24:59
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I just and like that's the thing is,
• 25:06
  Speaker 1: I got pregnant on accident, and you know, it was
• 25:10
  Speaker 1: like the best accident ever. But I was not meaning
• 25:14
  Speaker 1: to do that, and I was also on birth control,
• 25:18
  Speaker 1: but we were traveling around. We had just had our honeymoon,
• 25:21
  Speaker 1: and so like I wasn't taking it at the right time,
• 25:23
  Speaker 1: and like things were all messed up, and so I
• 25:26
  Speaker 1: think that's how that happened.
• 25:28
  Speaker 4: And so then that pregnancy was so easy. And then
• 25:33
  Speaker 4: I was like, Okay, I I want another one.
• 25:36
  Speaker 1: And you know, we try one time and I'm pregnant,
• 25:40
  Speaker 1: and I'm like this is easy, Like you know, I'm healthy,
• 25:44
  Speaker 1: I'm young, like there's no issues. And I never even
• 25:48
  Speaker 1: like I was naive. I never even thought that like
• 25:52
  Speaker 1: that was even a possibility.
• 25:55
  Speaker 4: And then it was.
• 25:57
  Speaker 1: And I found out I was pregnant in July fourth,
• 25:59
  Speaker 1: and then and I lost the baby like sometime in August,
• 26:05
  Speaker 1: and it was awful. I mean, anyone who's been through
• 26:10
  Speaker 1: that before, it's like the worst pain. Like it's awful
• 26:14
  Speaker 1: losing a child or having a miscarriage. I mean, it's
• 26:18
  Speaker 1: it's brutal. And so I was like, the only way
• 26:22
  Speaker 1: I'm ever gonna feel better is like I gotta get back,
• 26:25
  Speaker 1: like we gotta like try again.
• 26:28
  Speaker 4: And so.
• 26:30
  Speaker 1: I tried again and I got pregnant, and ru'se DO
• 26:36
  Speaker 1: date was July fourth, and it was the day that
• 26:38
  Speaker 1: I found out that I was pregnant. So it was
• 26:42
  Speaker 1: a pretty like amazing story. But I will say going
• 26:45
  Speaker 1: through Ruse pregnancy, it was so stressful because everything was
• 26:50
  Speaker 1: just like, oh, you know, is this gonna happen again?
• 26:53
  Speaker 1: Is this gonna happen, Is she gonna be okay? And
• 26:56
  Speaker 1: so that I think that pregnancy for me was was
• 27:00
  Speaker 1: really tough. And I think, you know, anyone who's been
• 27:02
  Speaker 1: through a miscarriage, like the pregnancies the rest of the
• 27:05
  Speaker 1: pregnancies you have are very different.
• 27:08
  Speaker 3: I believe the statistic is about ten to fifteen and
• 27:12
  Speaker 3: one hundred pregnancies end in miscarriage, and then one in
• 27:15
  Speaker 3: one hundred women experienced recurrent miscarriages. So that anxiety certainly
• 27:22
  Speaker 3: not not unwarranted. And during that time, did you feel
• 27:27
  Speaker 3: alone in your struggle or did you find community at
• 27:30
  Speaker 3: all with other women who have been through similar experiences.
• 27:34
  Speaker 1: I had my team around me, which was really nice.
• 27:37
  Speaker 1: They knew that I was pregnant, and it was in
• 27:40
  Speaker 1: like the middle to end of the season and I
• 27:43
  Speaker 1: had to step away and then you know, I had
• 27:46
  Speaker 1: lost the baby, and like there's something about a team
• 27:50
  Speaker 1: and your people and your close friends that yeah, they
• 27:55
  Speaker 1: just kind of brought me back and they were there
• 27:57
  Speaker 1: for me. But you know, we don't really talk about
• 28:01
  Speaker 1: miscarriage that much. It's it's getting better now and people
• 28:06
  Speaker 1: are talking about it, but I remember, like, you know,
• 28:10
  Speaker 1: I wanted to talk about it, right away because I'm like,
• 28:12
  Speaker 1: I did not know that this was like one in four,
• 28:16
  Speaker 1: you know, I didn't know that, and especially having like
• 28:20
  Speaker 1: a really easy pregnancy with Cassius, I, like I said,
• 28:24
  Speaker 1: I was naive.
• 28:25
  Speaker 3: To go through that then and deal with the anxiety.
• 28:30
  Speaker 3: Do you remember any of the strategies that you used
• 28:32
  Speaker 3: to kind of cope when it felt like that was
• 28:35
  Speaker 3: beyond your control.
• 28:38
  Speaker 1: That if it was meant to be, it was going
• 28:40
  Speaker 1: to happen, and if it wasn't, then something was wrong.
• 28:44
  Speaker 4: It's out of my control and I can only do
• 28:46
  Speaker 4: so much. You know.
• 28:47
  Speaker 1: It's like I felt like I lived in like a
• 28:50
  Speaker 1: glass house, Like I just like I was scared of everything.
• 28:54
  Speaker 1: I was like, I don't I can't work out, I
• 28:55
  Speaker 1: can't do this, I can't do that. And so, yeah,
• 28:59
  Speaker 1: I got through it, and you know, I started getting
• 29:04
  Speaker 1: back to working out and doing things that made me
• 29:07
  Speaker 1: feel like me, because you know, for the first little bit,
• 29:12
  Speaker 1: I did not feel like me.
• 29:14
  Speaker 3: Did it feel freeing when you opened up about that
• 29:18
  Speaker 3: on social I mean to think about the amount of
• 29:20
  Speaker 3: people that have kind of access to you, being the
• 29:23
  Speaker 3: way that the platform is.
• 29:25
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I was definitely nervous and I didn't know if
• 29:29
  Speaker 1: it was the right thing to talk about.
• 29:30
  Speaker 4: But I'm very happy that I did.
• 29:33
  Speaker 1: A lot of people, you know, come and say, like
• 29:36
  Speaker 1: me too, Yeah, that happened to me, that happened to me,
• 29:39
  Speaker 1: that happened to me, And so that was you know,
• 29:43
  Speaker 1: it was like a safe space because so many people
• 29:48
  Speaker 1: tell you me too, and you don't even realize.
• 29:51
  Speaker 2: Isn't that what's so interesting about social media?
• 29:54
  Speaker 3: Like at times it can be such like a beautiful
• 29:57
  Speaker 3: connection opportunity, and then other times like it just makes
• 30:00
  Speaker 3: you so frustrated that you want to walk away entirely.
• 30:03
  Speaker 4: Yeah, totally, yes, Yeah, social media is crazy one.
• 30:10
  Speaker 1: You know, one day they're with you and the next
• 30:12
  Speaker 1: they're not, And there's crazy people. But yeah, I think
• 30:16
  Speaker 1: in that moment, for that specific situation with my miscarriage,
• 30:22
  Speaker 1: I think that was really important to speak up and
• 30:25
  Speaker 1: have a platform and be able to talk about that.
• 30:32
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• 34:13
  Speaker 3: sharing your struggle was such a help for so so many. Now,
• 34:19
  Speaker 3: let's talk about what it was like for you to
• 34:22
  Speaker 3: go through pregnancy, have your babies, and get back to sport.
• 34:27
  Speaker 2: What was that like for you?
• 34:28
  Speaker 1: Hi, Well, I had postpartum depression after Cassius that I.
• 34:33
  Speaker 4: Think brought on a lot of anxiety.
• 34:36
  Speaker 1: About like who I was going to be and if
• 34:39
  Speaker 1: I could come back and what that looked like. With Cassius,
• 34:43
  Speaker 1: I would say that it was a little more difficult
• 34:45
  Speaker 1: because I just didn't I didn't know. I didn't know
• 34:49
  Speaker 1: what to expect. I didn't know what my body was
• 34:52
  Speaker 1: going to do. But I was able to come back,
• 34:55
  Speaker 1: and you know, I scored my first goal of the
• 34:58
  Speaker 1: first game, and I was like, oh, I can do this,
• 35:01
  Speaker 1: and you know, he's in the crowd, and that was
• 35:04
  Speaker 1: really really special. And then with Rue, I like, because
• 35:11
  Speaker 1: I lost the baby before, I was like, well, I
• 35:15
  Speaker 1: was supposed to have this baby, and I was supposed
• 35:17
  Speaker 1: to come back this season, and now I'm having this baby,
• 35:20
  Speaker 1: like super late in the season, and I don't know,
• 35:23
  Speaker 1: like if people are expecting me to come back, but
• 35:25
  Speaker 1: I'm coming back.
• 35:26
  Speaker 4: I'm going to play. I'm going to play the season.
• 35:29
  Speaker 1: And so I played my first game ninety three days
• 35:32
  Speaker 1: after giving birth to her.
• 35:34
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and you also played in March twenty nineteen at
• 35:37
  Speaker 3: six months pregnant. I'm sure on both sides of the
• 35:40
  Speaker 3: coin people had something to say about you playing pregnant
• 35:45
  Speaker 3: and you coming back quote unquote too too talk to
• 35:48
  Speaker 3: me through.
• 35:48
  Speaker 4: That ones were awful. When I was playing.
• 35:51
  Speaker 1: I mean, I think that they thought that I was
• 35:52
  Speaker 1: like slide tackling and like playing in games, which is
• 35:56
  Speaker 1: like wild because I was just training and just like
• 35:59
  Speaker 1: trying to be myself and you know, be a part
• 36:01
  Speaker 1: of the team still. And oh that I was like
• 36:06
  Speaker 1: that I was going to kill my baby, that this
• 36:08
  Speaker 1: was an abortion, and like I just didn't go to
• 36:11
  Speaker 1: planned parenthood.
• 36:12
  Speaker 4: And it was awful.
• 36:14
  Speaker 1: Honestly, it was terrible reading those things about myself because
• 36:19
  Speaker 1: especially because I went through such like a traumatic experience
• 36:22
  Speaker 1: with losing the baby.
• 36:23
  Speaker 4: And then like seeing all that.
• 36:27
  Speaker 1: But then you know, I come back ninety three days
• 36:31
  Speaker 1: later with a perfectly healthy baby, and I was like, yeah,
• 36:35
  Speaker 1: I take that because you can't do what I'm doing,
• 36:38
  Speaker 1: can't you.
• 36:39
  Speaker 3: So I it blows my mind when people don't think
• 36:42
  Speaker 3: about the fact that there's like a real person on
• 36:44
  Speaker 3: the other side of the car.
• 36:44
  Speaker 4: Yeah, people do not care.
• 36:49
  Speaker 1: And you think, you know, social media, you can just
• 36:51
  Speaker 1: go on there and say whatever you want, right, so
• 36:54
  Speaker 1: you know you're not ever going to say that to
• 36:56
  Speaker 1: a person in real life. But I also am like
• 36:59
  Speaker 1: I wouldn't ever like spend time and like go and
• 37:03
  Speaker 1: like talk badly about someone or say something that I like,
• 37:07
  Speaker 1: I would just never do that, and I just don't
• 37:09
  Speaker 1: understand like how people can do that. But I mean, hey,
• 37:13
  Speaker 1: there's millions and millions of them, so yeah, it blows
• 37:18
  Speaker 1: my mind that far.
• 37:19
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I know there are millions and millions of them
• 37:21
  Speaker 3: for sure. And so when you when you show back
• 37:24
  Speaker 3: up three months after having your daughter, do you feel
• 37:30
  Speaker 3: how does it feel? How does the body feel? Do
• 37:32
  Speaker 3: you feel like a completely different.
• 37:34
  Speaker 1: Oh, I did forty pounds heavier than my playing weight.
• 37:38
  Speaker 1: I'm huge, my boobs are ginormous. I'm breastfeeding before the game,
• 37:43
  Speaker 1: at halftime and after. Because Rue never really took a
• 37:46
  Speaker 1: bottle until like eight or nine months.
• 37:48
  Speaker 4: It was wild.
• 37:49
  Speaker 1: Would I do it over again? Absolutely not. I've just
• 37:52
  Speaker 1: given my body time. But I am stubborn and I
• 37:55
  Speaker 1: said I was going to do something, and that's what
• 37:57
  Speaker 1: I was going to do.
• 37:58
  Speaker 4: Yeah, my body felt absolutely insane.
• 38:01
  Speaker 1: Like so you're like so lax, right, Like your body
• 38:04
  Speaker 1: is just like moving all over the place. I have
• 38:06
  Speaker 1: no control of anything. But you know, I put it
• 38:10
  Speaker 1: in my head that I was going to do.
• 38:12
  Speaker 2: That and that was it, and that was it.
• 38:15
  Speaker 3: And so did you have any regret or did you
• 38:17
  Speaker 3: feel like it was the right decision for you.
• 38:20
  Speaker 1: I wish that I would have taken time, but I'm
• 38:22
  Speaker 1: happy that I did it because that's what I said
• 38:25
  Speaker 1: I was going to do, and I feel like that's
• 38:26
  Speaker 1: very on brand with me. But yeah, I wish that
• 38:29
  Speaker 1: I would have taken time, but I had, I had
• 38:31
  Speaker 1: put it in my head because of the loss of
• 38:34
  Speaker 1: the baby, that I was going to come back this season.
• 38:37
  Speaker 3: The pressure that kind of comes hand in hand with
• 38:40
  Speaker 3: getting back on the field. Financially, was there any incentive
• 38:43
  Speaker 3: for you to get back to playing sooner.
• 38:47
  Speaker 1: No, No, I don't think like luckily I wasn't like
• 38:51
  Speaker 1: I didn't have to worry about like the financials of
• 38:53
  Speaker 1: playing or not playing or doing whatever. I just like
• 38:57
  Speaker 1: really just wanted to do it because I said that
• 39:00
  Speaker 1: that's what.
• 39:01
  Speaker 4: I was going to do.
• 39:02
  Speaker 3: And you mentioned the word financially, which makes me think
• 39:05
  Speaker 3: about the equal pay agreements. Was it rewarding for you
• 39:10
  Speaker 3: to be a part of making history. I know with
• 39:14
  Speaker 3: the new contracts, we've got identical pay structures for appearances
• 39:18
  Speaker 3: and tournament victories, revenue sharing, equitable distribution of World Cup
• 39:23
  Speaker 3: prize money. I mean, this is a big deal and
• 39:26
  Speaker 3: something that was in the works for just so so long.
• 39:30
  Speaker 1: Yes, I think it's rewarding to a point, but there's
• 39:33
  Speaker 1: like so much more that needs to be done. I mean, you,
• 39:36
  Speaker 1: I'm sure you've seen everything that's come out, you know,
• 39:39
  Speaker 1: with what's happened in the NWSL with you know, the
• 39:43
  Speaker 1: sexual abuse and just abuse in general. And I think
• 39:47
  Speaker 1: like that part also plays a huge role in what
• 39:51
  Speaker 1: happens in not only women's soccer, but women's sports in general.
• 39:55
  Speaker 1: You know, I've I think you can ask anyone if
• 40:00
  Speaker 1: you know they have ever seen something or if they've
• 40:03
  Speaker 1: been a part of something that was wrong, and we
• 40:06
  Speaker 1: all have the same answer, and that's not okay.
• 40:10
  Speaker 4: And that's you.
• 40:12
  Speaker 1: Know, having having a daughter, and I like, I make
• 40:16
  Speaker 1: this joke because it's true. I don't care that she
• 40:21
  Speaker 1: probably will never play, because she'll never have to go
• 40:24
  Speaker 1: through any of the crap that we did. And you
• 40:29
  Speaker 1: hope that things get better. But it starts, so it
• 40:33
  Speaker 1: starts so young. It starts. I mean when I was thirteen,
• 40:37
  Speaker 1: I was playing for an absolute pedophile and people knew that,
• 40:42
  Speaker 1: and nothing happens and you say something and no one
• 40:47
  Speaker 1: believes you. And so I think that part has been
• 40:52
  Speaker 1: has been even bigger, you know than the money issue,
• 40:56
  Speaker 1: is that what is happening and what has happened in
• 40:59
  Speaker 1: women's sports and women's soccer for so long. But I'm
• 41:04
  Speaker 1: very happy that things have been like brought to light,
• 41:08
  Speaker 1: for sure, but we've been trying to bring things to
• 41:10
  Speaker 1: light forever.
• 41:12
  Speaker 2: Thank you for sharing that.
• 41:13
  Speaker 3: And you know, it's it's hard to think about how
• 41:16
  Speaker 3: like that experience for you started at thirteen, right, and
• 41:20
  Speaker 3: so you've been playing in the sport for so long.
• 41:23
  Speaker 2: That's really only the tip of the iceberg.
• 41:26
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, where do you where do you hope that
• 41:31
  Speaker 3: this conversation goes?
• 41:33
  Speaker 2: Realistically?
• 41:34
  Speaker 3: What do you think that these allegations coming to light
• 41:38
  Speaker 3: will do. Do you believe that it's possible to find
• 41:41
  Speaker 3: comprehensive change within the league?
• 41:44
  Speaker 1: Yes, I do believe that it's possible. But I also
• 41:48
  Speaker 1: think and I know that businesses and people will do
• 41:52
  Speaker 1: anything to save themselves before they'll ever save any of us.
• 41:56
  Speaker 1: And it has taken a lot of people to tell
• 42:00
  Speaker 1: their story, and a lot of people's stories come out
• 42:02
  Speaker 1: after they're done playing, and that's not fair. And I
• 42:05
  Speaker 1: also think that, I mean, there is red flags, and
• 42:10
  Speaker 1: we just let those red flags go, and then those
• 42:12
  Speaker 1: coaches are able to continue and coach whoever you know,
• 42:16
  Speaker 1: and the same pattern happens.
• 42:18
  Speaker 4: And it's just like my.
• 42:20
  Speaker 1: Hope is that everyone who knew anything and who didn't
• 42:24
  Speaker 1: do anything about it is never around the sport ever.
• 42:27
  Speaker 2: Again, man, it is such like a heavy convo.
• 42:30
  Speaker 3: But to your point earlier, the fact that these conversations
• 42:34
  Speaker 3: are happening and there is more of an open dialogue
• 42:38
  Speaker 3: today than there was let's say, the day before, that
• 42:41
  Speaker 3: makes room for tomorrow that conversation to continue and to
• 42:45
  Speaker 3: hopefully shed light so that women in the future don't
• 42:49
  Speaker 3: have to feel like they're playing and living in.
• 42:52
  Speaker 2: You know, these shadows in this scary place.
• 42:55
  Speaker 4: Totally. Yeah, I think that.
• 42:57
  Speaker 1: I think people are now, you know, feeling a little
• 43:00
  Speaker 1: more comfortable and confident that there is going to be change.
• 43:04
  Speaker 4: But we will see.
• 43:05
  Speaker 3: Speaking of comfortable and confident playing in these days again,
• 43:10
  Speaker 3: to babes at home, I know you said obviously having
• 43:13
  Speaker 3: to take off a little earlier than desired this season,
• 43:17
  Speaker 3: but how does it feel to otherwise be back in
• 43:20
  Speaker 3: the swing of things, to be a full on working mom.
• 43:23
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I love it. I love being a working mom.
• 43:27
  Speaker 1: That is who I am. That's probably always what I'm
• 43:31
  Speaker 1: going to be. I think it's important for me, specifically
• 43:35
  Speaker 1: for my mental health, to like do something that makes
• 43:38
  Speaker 1: me me instead of just being a mom, which I
• 43:42
  Speaker 1: love just being a mom, but I also love, you know,
• 43:45
  Speaker 1: to do what makes me happy outside of being a mom,
• 43:48
  Speaker 1: and that that's you know, playing soccer. So I'm yeah,
• 43:52
  Speaker 1: I love it. I love every minute of it, even
• 43:55
  Speaker 1: the hard parts.
• 43:56
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you mentioned the buzzword mental health.
• 43:59
  Speaker 3: Let's talk a little bit about what your self care
• 44:01
  Speaker 3: looks like, what it means for you to take care
• 44:04
  Speaker 3: of you.
• 44:05
  Speaker 2: What are the different components to that recipe.
• 44:08
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, I absolutely love spending time with my kids.
• 44:13
  Speaker 1: I'm a single mom. I you know, my kids are
• 44:16
  Speaker 1: my world. I love watching cash Is play soccer. It
• 44:21
  Speaker 1: brings me so much joy. Like I never thought that
• 44:25
  Speaker 1: I would love something more than watching him score goals.
• 44:29
  Speaker 1: I love it more than I love to score goals.
• 44:31
  Speaker 1: Just watching him just find himself in the sport has
• 44:35
  Speaker 1: been amazing. And I love the relationship that I get
• 44:39
  Speaker 1: to see with the kids. I think that's really awesome.
• 44:43
  Speaker 1: But for me, you know, I like my alone time.
• 44:47
  Speaker 1: I like doing things on my own. I like going
• 44:49
  Speaker 1: to eat by myself. I like, like, I'm I've always
• 44:52
  Speaker 1: been that way, pretty independent in that sense. But I
• 44:57
  Speaker 1: also make sure that you know, I, hey, this is
• 45:00
  Speaker 1: the thing. And I always say this to moms like
• 45:03
  Speaker 1: and parents period. I think that we have like less
• 45:07
  Speaker 1: sleep because once I get the kids to bed, I'm like, Okay,
• 45:10
  Speaker 1: this is my time now, and when I'm up until
• 45:13
  Speaker 1: three o'clock in the morning, like scrolling wondering why I'm
• 45:16
  Speaker 1: tired when the kids come into my room at five,
• 45:19
  Speaker 1: you know. But yeah, I just I think, like after
• 45:23
  Speaker 1: the kids go to bed, like that's kind of my
• 45:25
  Speaker 1: time when I get to like, you know, watch what I.
• 45:27
  Speaker 3: Want to watch or scroll and yeah, yeah, you mentioned
• 45:32
  Speaker 3: originally kind of getting back into the game being a
• 45:35
  Speaker 3: quote unquote bigger version of yourself. I would be curious
• 45:39
  Speaker 3: to know if you felt pressure to get back to
• 45:41
  Speaker 3: your quote unquote playing weight and what were the factors
• 45:44
  Speaker 3: that played into how you got back to feeling more
• 45:49
  Speaker 3: like yourself and your body maybe your nutrition or your
• 45:52
  Speaker 3: workouts or stuff like that.
• 45:55
  Speaker 1: Okay, so this is not true for everyone, but everyone's like, oh,
• 46:00
  Speaker 1: just breastfeed.
• 46:01
  Speaker 4: No, my body held on to all of my.
• 46:05
  Speaker 1: Pregnancy weight as I was breastfeeding, so I did not
• 46:09
  Speaker 1: lose weight until after I stopped breastfeeding, which was like
• 46:12
  Speaker 1: nine months later. And that was really hard for me
• 46:16
  Speaker 1: because you know, like my body is my job, and
• 46:20
  Speaker 1: like I feel ginormous, I feel and like I feel
• 46:25
  Speaker 1: like a cow. I am basically a cow, like a
• 46:29
  Speaker 1: milk producing cow, and so that was really hard for me.
• 46:34
  Speaker 1: But I also knew that like, you know, this is
• 46:37
  Speaker 1: what she needed and I was. I was able to
• 46:39
  Speaker 1: do that, and I had a lot of friends who
• 46:41
  Speaker 1: weren't able to do that and that they were so upset,
• 46:43
  Speaker 1: and there was so you know, there's so much pressure
• 46:45
  Speaker 1: around breastfeeding, around doing all of these things that you're
• 46:48
  Speaker 1: supposed to do. That was kind of a little, a
• 46:51
  Speaker 1: little mind game with myself that I would always have
• 46:53
  Speaker 1: to tell myself, like, look, you are, You'll get back
• 46:56
  Speaker 1: to your.
• 46:57
  Speaker 4: Your playing weight. You'll be fine, You'll be fine.
• 47:00
  Speaker 1: And then of course once I stopped breastfeeding, then you know,
• 47:03
  Speaker 1: everything kind of came into play and it was, yeah,
• 47:07
  Speaker 1: it was I was able to get back to my
• 47:10
  Speaker 1: my pre pregnancy weight and yeah, and now I just
• 47:14
  Speaker 1: like I even now like I make sure that like
• 47:19
  Speaker 1: nutrition is is huge, and especially like as as a
• 47:23
  Speaker 1: mom that like is.
• 47:24
  Speaker 4: Very busy, Like I forget, you know, I forget.
• 47:28
  Speaker 1: So I always keep a perfect bar in my bag,
• 47:32
  Speaker 1: even the snack sized ones for the kids because we're
• 47:34
  Speaker 1: always on the go. But I always have to make
• 47:38
  Speaker 1: sure that I have something because I do get absolutely
• 47:40
  Speaker 1: angry hangry, and like it changes my entire mood.
• 47:45
  Speaker 4: So that is my thing.
• 47:47
  Speaker 3: Now, I totally understand. I don't want to use the
• 47:52
  Speaker 3: word addiction because it's not okay, but I had such
• 47:57
  Speaker 3: a thing for the coconut peanut butter perfect bar yours.
• 48:01
  Speaker 2: Like face, Oh, oh my god, so good.
• 48:06
  Speaker 3: I couldn't. I used to be big into CrossFit. I
• 48:08
  Speaker 3: couldn't leave the crossbit gym without one.
• 48:11
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I literally always have them in my bag.
• 48:14
  Speaker 2: Oh my gosh.
• 48:15
  Speaker 3: Well, I love that you are, you know, thinking about
• 48:18
  Speaker 3: your nutrition on the go, and I would be remiss
• 48:21
  Speaker 3: if I didn't double click.
• 48:22
  Speaker 2: I'll bite.
• 48:23
  Speaker 3: Briefly, you did mention being a single mom and that
• 48:27
  Speaker 3: kind of coming off of the heels of I mean,
• 48:30
  Speaker 3: it's so weird to say, the heels of the pandemic,
• 48:31
  Speaker 3: being that we're still kind of in it now. But
• 48:34
  Speaker 3: can you talk a little bit about what that was
• 48:36
  Speaker 3: like for you to make that adjustment, being at the
• 48:38
  Speaker 3: time a mother of two and also getting back into
• 48:41
  Speaker 3: the game.
• 48:42
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 48:43
  Speaker 1: Yeah, the adjustment was was wild because everything just stopped.
• 48:49
  Speaker 1: The world stopped, and I was just like, Okay, what
• 48:54
  Speaker 1: do we do from here now? But you and like
• 48:58
  Speaker 1: remember like when the pandemic first happened, it was like
• 49:01
  Speaker 1: terrifying to even go outside, Like we were all just
• 49:04
  Speaker 1: like locked in our house, like with no idea what
• 49:07
  Speaker 1: was happening in the world, and it was just so scary.
• 49:11
  Speaker 1: But I do feel like that year, like with my family,
• 49:15
  Speaker 1: with Dom and the kids, like the pandemic year was
• 49:18
  Speaker 1: like we were home, you know. It was the first
• 49:21
  Speaker 1: time that like we weren't traveling, and we weren't doing
• 49:24
  Speaker 1: all these other things, and we had just moved into
• 49:26
  Speaker 1: our house. And twenty twenty was like when we had
• 49:29
  Speaker 1: that time just at home and like trying.
• 49:33
  Speaker 4: To figure out what to do with the crazy kids.
• 49:35
  Speaker 4: It was.
• 49:36
  Speaker 3: It was really nice the crazy kids and now making
• 49:40
  Speaker 3: time for yourselves scrolling until three am? Anything else are
• 49:44
  Speaker 3: you in on the meditation breathwork train talk to us
• 49:47
  Speaker 3: about other aspects of self care here?
• 49:49
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you know, I love going shopping. That is my
• 49:55
  Speaker 1: self care. It's probably not good for me, but I
• 49:58
  Speaker 1: love shopping.
• 49:59
  Speaker 4: That is my thing.
• 50:01
  Speaker 2: That is.
• 50:02
  Speaker 3: People say that meditation and breath work is good, but
• 50:05
  Speaker 3: do they indulge in retailing.
• 50:08
  Speaker 4: It's retail therapy for me.
• 50:10
  Speaker 3: Yeah, absolutely, So talk to us about what excites you
• 50:15
  Speaker 3: right now.
• 50:16
  Speaker 4: There are a lot of things now.
• 50:18
  Speaker 1: I mean, like I said, I find so much joy
• 50:20
  Speaker 1: just like being outside with the kids, and you know,
• 50:23
  Speaker 1: being in LA and being around my friends and having
• 50:26
  Speaker 1: my family closer. Those are all things that like I
• 50:29
  Speaker 1: absolutely love. But I also like I love just kind
• 50:34
  Speaker 1: of like getting to know myself again and like just
• 50:38
  Speaker 1: like being in like just like being by myself and
• 50:42
  Speaker 1: like being okay with that.
• 50:44
  Speaker 4: I think that's.
• 50:45
  Speaker 1: Been really really amazing. And just being able to play
• 50:49
  Speaker 1: soccer I had. I had a tough year in Orlando
• 50:54
  Speaker 1: before I came here, so being able to you know,
• 50:57
  Speaker 1: unfortunately I got injured, but just being able to play
• 51:00
  Speaker 1: for Angel City and have a club that really cares
• 51:03
  Speaker 1: about their players has been has been a breath of
• 51:06
  Speaker 1: fresh air for sure.
• 51:07
  Speaker 3: How do you pick yourself up when things feel really tough,
• 51:11
  Speaker 3: Like you said, that year was in Orlando.
• 51:16
  Speaker 1: You know, I started going to therapy. I think that
• 51:19
  Speaker 1: has been really helpful. Like I was never like a
• 51:22
  Speaker 1: therapy person. I was always like it's fine, like I'll
• 51:25
  Speaker 1: get over it. But like I think, like being able
• 51:27
  Speaker 1: to like do a deep dive into like how you
• 51:30
  Speaker 1: feel and like how to get out of these feelings
• 51:32
  Speaker 1: or like how to you know, make those feelings positive,
• 51:36
  Speaker 1: I think has been really helpful for me, and I
• 51:39
  Speaker 1: think everyone should.
• 51:40
  Speaker 4: Go to therapy. To be honest, it is so it
• 51:43
  Speaker 4: is so helpful.
• 51:44
  Speaker 2: I won't even lie to you.
• 51:45
  Speaker 3: When I get off of this recording in four minutes,
• 51:48
  Speaker 3: that's exactly what I'm going to do.
• 51:51
  Speaker 4: I was late because I came from therapy.
• 51:54
  Speaker 3: So wow, see, look at us sandwich like this, with
• 51:57
  Speaker 3: our prioritizing our mental health exactly.
• 52:01
  Speaker 2: I love it.
• 52:01
  Speaker 4: I love it.
• 52:02
  Speaker 2: Well.
• 52:02
  Speaker 3: Someone comes to your Instagram page, they see a beautiful
• 52:06
  Speaker 3: mama who also happens to be a soccer player. When
• 52:10
  Speaker 3: you look in the mirror, what is it that you
• 52:13
  Speaker 3: see looking back at you?
• 52:15
  Speaker 4: Wow? Oh, I don't know.
• 52:20
  Speaker 1: I see like someone really strong, someone who's been through
• 52:25
  Speaker 1: some shit, for sure, but I see happiness. I see
• 52:33
  Speaker 1: I'm proud. I'm proud of myself I'm proud of the
• 52:38
  Speaker 1: work that I've done. I'm proud of my babies. I
• 52:42
  Speaker 1: just yeah, I think like I look in the mirror
• 52:45
  Speaker 1: and I'm proud.
• 52:48
  Speaker 2: I love that answer.
• 52:49
  Speaker 3: All right, winding down here right now, you have an
• 52:52
  Speaker 3: opportunity to give yourself a piece of advice. Let's say,
• 52:57
  Speaker 3: looking back during those tough times in Orlando, you have
• 53:00
  Speaker 3: an opportunity now to look back on that time with
• 53:04
  Speaker 3: the wisdom, the intel, the know how you have.
• 53:07
  Speaker 2: Now, what advice do you give yourself.
• 53:11
  Speaker 1: That I did absolutely everything right, that I stuck out
• 53:16
  Speaker 1: for people. Yeah, and I had a voice to do so,
• 53:20
  Speaker 1: and I'm really happy that I.
• 53:22
  Speaker 4: Used that voice.
• 53:24
  Speaker 1: And sometimes you think that you're crazy because sometimes people
• 53:28
  Speaker 1: don't believe you, or you know you're the only one,
• 53:32
  Speaker 1: or something's happening and nothing's coming out of it. But
• 53:36
  Speaker 1: I think doing the right thing always, no matter what.
• 53:41
  Speaker 1: And I feel like that's that's what I did.
• 53:44
  Speaker 3: To someone who maybe feels like they don't have that superpower,
• 53:49
  Speaker 3: that ability to speak up, that ability to stand on
• 53:53
  Speaker 3: their own two feet when times feel hard, what do
• 53:56
  Speaker 3: you say to them?
• 53:58
  Speaker 1: Even if you don't feel like you have a voice,
• 54:01
  Speaker 1: you do someone will always be willing to listen. And
• 54:05
  Speaker 1: I think that's that's been my biggest thing now being
• 54:08
  Speaker 1: a veteran player is like, oh, I'm going to have
• 54:10
  Speaker 1: your back no matter what. Like the young players coming
• 54:13
  Speaker 1: in to like always feel like they can trust me
• 54:17
  Speaker 1: and to always feel like you can talk because I
• 54:20
  Speaker 1: know that that's you know, that is such a big,
• 54:23
  Speaker 1: big problem is that we feel like, oh, maybe I
• 54:25
  Speaker 1: don't have the voice to do this, and you know,
• 54:29
  Speaker 1: I didn't always have the voice to do that, but
• 54:31
  Speaker 1: I always told the truth and I always did what
• 54:34
  Speaker 1: I felt was right.
• 54:36
  Speaker 4: And you know, it took a lot.
• 54:39
  Speaker 1: Of years for sometimes those truths to come out, but
• 54:43
  Speaker 1: they eventually did.
• 54:44
  Speaker 4: And I do feel like.
• 54:47
  Speaker 1: Like you feel crazy in the moment, but now I'm like,
• 54:50
  Speaker 1: oh my goodness, like I did. I did tell the
• 54:52
  Speaker 1: truth and I was right and and those all all
• 54:56
  Speaker 1: were the things, and you know, sometimes they just don't
• 54:59
  Speaker 1: like the me, and that's okay. But I think being
• 55:03
  Speaker 1: the messenger for anyone and speaking up for yourself and
• 55:08
  Speaker 1: saying when something's not right, even if even if you
• 55:12
  Speaker 1: your voice is shaking, you know, I think that is
• 55:17
  Speaker 1: like the best advice that I have.
• 55:19
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, well, thank you. For using your voice.
• 55:22
  Speaker 3: It makes so many people are better for it, and
• 55:25
  Speaker 3: I appreciate you giving it to us today.
• 55:29
  Speaker 2: For Hurdle. How do the hurdlers follow along with you? Sidney?
• 55:32
  Speaker 2: How do they keep up with you? Give us your details?
• 55:35
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's just easy. It's just my name, Sydney LaRue.
• 55:40
  Speaker 1: I have Twitter and Instagram and now I'm on TikTok.
• 55:44
  Speaker 4: I'm not very good at it.
• 55:47
  Speaker 3: All right, Well, I'm going to go follow you over
• 55:49
  Speaker 3: on TikTok. I'm over at Emily Bodi and at Hurdle Podcast.
• 55:53
  Speaker 3: Another hurdle conquered. Catch you guys next time