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KOSTER TEAM with Shelley Koster · One on One With a Professional

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Good morning, good morning, good morning, and welcome, welcome, welcome.
• 0:02
  Speaker 1: It's time now for one on one of the bro
• 0:04
  Speaker 1: We have Shelley Costu in here with the Costure team.
• 0:06
  Speaker 2: How you doing, Shelley, been doing great? How are you doing?
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: You know something you can writen up a cloudy day,
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  Speaker 1: young lady, And You've got all kinds of great information
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  Speaker 1: here for us. And I always look forward to having
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: you on here with us because I learned a lot
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: and I'm learning something.
• 0:21
  Speaker 3: They're learning something now.
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  Speaker 1: Today we're talking about something that many families will eventually face,
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: and that is helping our aging parents transition into the
• 0:29
  Speaker 1: next stage of life without creating a family conflict. Whether
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  Speaker 1: it's downsizing, nothing like a tackle on it right, whether
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  Speaker 1: it's downsizing, moving closer to family, or deciding if staying
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  Speaker 1: at home is still safe. These are very important conversations
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  Speaker 1: and they can get emotional. And thank you Shelley for
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  Speaker 1: being here because you've navigated these waters before. So let's
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  Speaker 1: get going here. This is one of the hard just
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: the things that families go through.
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  Speaker 4: It is one of the very hardest things that family
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  Speaker 4: go through, not only as the aging parents, but as
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  Speaker 4: the children and the siblings.
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  Speaker 2: Trying to manage it.
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  Speaker 4: So it's very common for conflict to happen, but it's
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  Speaker 4: very important for everybody know that it can be avoided
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  Speaker 4: very easily. It's just starting those conversations. The earlier you
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  Speaker 4: start them, the better, because the better prepared we are.
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  Speaker 1: No, I got a pretty good idea on this, which
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  Speaker 1: with the sake of a presentation, why do the use
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  Speaker 1: conversations become so emotional?
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  Speaker 4: Well, a lot of times, depending again, every situation is
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  Speaker 4: going to be different. Tom, We've talked about that a
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  Speaker 4: lot on these segments, but it really is a lot
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  Speaker 4: depending on the age of them. Sometimes it's losing their independence,
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  Speaker 4: and a lot of times it's just lack of preparation. Right,
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  Speaker 4: if you've failed to plan, you plan to fail. So
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  Speaker 4: it's a lot about just knowing what to do and
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  Speaker 4: going through this with my family, it was fortunately being
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  Speaker 4: in this position and doing what I do. I took
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  Speaker 4: my mom and my stepdad at a very young age,
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  Speaker 4: you know, years ago, and had them create a trust,
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  Speaker 4: had them meet with the financial planner, had them create
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  Speaker 4: that trust. So there's unfortunately for me and what I do,
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  Speaker 4: I've seen so many families be torn apart because they
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  Speaker 4: didn't prepare and they were. There's a lot of conflict
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  Speaker 4: there about one sibling's taken more care of the family
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  Speaker 4: than the other, and it's just really making them.
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  Speaker 2: Prepared they feel better about it.
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  Speaker 4: So they're hard to have because those conversations that it
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  Speaker 4: just life happens so fast. It's like I blinked and
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  Speaker 4: now I'm sixty, and I'm thinking how the world did
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  Speaker 4: I get here?
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  Speaker 2: Right, And so it just we get busy.
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  Speaker 4: And life goes on, and it's really starting those conversations
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  Speaker 4: so everybody can be on the same page.
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  Speaker 3: And what's the biggest mistake that a family can.
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  Speaker 2: Make, besides not addressing it sooner? It really is not
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  Speaker 2: all siblings.
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  Speaker 4: Being on the same page, and that makes it difficult
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  Speaker 4: for the aging parents, also informing the parents, educating them
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  Speaker 4: on what are their options. Right, life can happen. I mean, look,
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  Speaker 4: life can happen. Things happen all of a sudden and
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  Speaker 4: regardless of whether we're preparing or not. I mean, I
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  Speaker 4: lost my dad when he was sixty. We found out
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  Speaker 4: he had cancer and he died six months later. We
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  Speaker 4: weren't prepared for that, right, I don't know that you're
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  Speaker 4: ever prepared, but I didn't know. We didn't know what
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  Speaker 4: to do right, We didn't know what our options were.
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  Speaker 4: So as a child, I would make sure that you
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  Speaker 4: have authority to be to let the doctors explain what's
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  Speaker 4: going on, because the older that we get, the less
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  Speaker 4: we understand. I would go to every doctor's appointment with
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  Speaker 4: my mom because by the time she went and would
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  Speaker 4: get home, she may not remember that. And fortunately for me,
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  Speaker 4: I have an older sister. I love to say that
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  Speaker 4: she's older.
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  Speaker 1: I saw that.
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  Speaker 4: Up she's listening. She'll get a chuckle out of that too. No,
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  Speaker 4: I she was the caretaker. She was the caretaker. She
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  Speaker 4: was there to make sure that they took their medicine,
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  Speaker 4: that they were taking care of it. I was the
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  Speaker 4: one behind the scene making sure to help make those
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  Speaker 4: difficult decisions. So I guess know what your strength is
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  Speaker 4: as a as a sibling, and no, just having that
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  Speaker 4: open communication not only with the parents but with each other.
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  Speaker 1: And when it comes to the real estate, that's a
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  Speaker 1: big factor. Yes, it's one of the factors.
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  Speaker 2: It's huge factor.
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  Speaker 4: And even in their healthcare, right we got to where
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  Speaker 4: my mom it was hard. We couldn't, you know, my
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  Speaker 4: sister and my step dad, I couldn't pick her up.
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  Speaker 4: And so it's really hard to recognizing that if you're
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  Speaker 4: not that sibling that takes care, that is the caretaker
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  Speaker 4: and is there with them the majority of the time,
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  Speaker 4: recognize the toll it takes on them.
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  Speaker 2: That is.
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  Speaker 4: That was huge and I was grateful. I'm not again,
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  Speaker 4: I'm not a caretaker. That's not my natural go to.
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  Speaker 4: But it was definitely my sisters. But then her strengths
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  Speaker 4: were my weaknesses, but my weaknesses, you know, exactly.
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  Speaker 3: Worked out that way.
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  Speaker 2: Yes.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, Now for families who are listening right now, how
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  Speaker 1: do we get talking, how do we get going?
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  Speaker 3: How we roll the ball here?
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  Speaker 4: Well, first and foremost, make sure that you're educated. Here
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  Speaker 4: in Bartlesville. We have so many, so many great opportunities
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  Speaker 4: for them when it comes to healthcare, different organizations, you know,
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  Speaker 4: and sometimes it's if they're at a home and you're
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  Speaker 4: worried about them. There are so many assisted livings and
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  Speaker 4: so many facilities. Go out, take your parents there, take
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  Speaker 4: your loved ones there. Let them be familiar, because that's
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  Speaker 4: the scariest part for them. I don't want to lose
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  Speaker 4: my independence, but we don't want them at home either,
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  Speaker 4: And sad and lonely and and feeling scared, and they
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  Speaker 4: may not tell us because that's their natural instinct is
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  Speaker 4: to take care of it and be independent and they
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  Speaker 4: don't want you to know. So just have those difficult
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  Speaker 4: don't be afraid to have those difficult conversations, and.
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  Speaker 3: You know something like your parents will tell.
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  Speaker 4: You, yeah, they will try well, and then look for
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  Speaker 4: those signs, you know, like me, it was, you know,
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  Speaker 4: when my mom would start to fall often, or you know,
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  Speaker 4: she was maybe I get it from her, but a
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  Speaker 4: little bit stubborn, like she wasn't going to use that walker,
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  Speaker 4: She wasn't going to do those take those necessary steps
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  Speaker 4: because it's that denial I'm not I'm not and I'm
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  Speaker 4: right there with her.
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  Speaker 2: I get that, So get it honestly.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, man, So what happens if mom or dad decides
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  Speaker 1: that they're going to shut down the conversation, they just
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  Speaker 1: they just there for right now.
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  Speaker 4: It's bother the well, don't force it, don't force that
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  Speaker 4: conversation and listen, listen, don't don't insist on it, but
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  Speaker 4: ask a lot of questions. Right, those that ask the
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  Speaker 4: most questions control the conversation. So always come from a
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  Speaker 4: place of contribution, a place of care, and they'll open up,
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  Speaker 4: they'll open up. So if you're maybe you're not asking
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  Speaker 4: the right questions, and again I'm here to help you
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  Speaker 4: through that. Bring in somebody that's experienced in it and
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  Speaker 4: somebody that can talk to them about that.
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  Speaker 1: Now, you know, sometimes it's the downsizing that's the initial one.
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  Speaker 1: But I like it here. I don't want to change anything. Right, Well, mom,
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  Speaker 1: some of the stuff's getting in the way.
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  Speaker 4: So then instead of focusing you know, which I'm big
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  Speaker 4: at this in all areas of my life, but focus
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  Speaker 4: on the solution and not the problem.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, right, give.
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  Speaker 4: Them take them to things that maybe aren't you know, intentional.
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  Speaker 2: This is where we're going to put you. But let's
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  Speaker 2: just go check this out.
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  Speaker 1: Let's see what might be a little easier, a practical
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  Speaker 1: things that we can do to avoid conflict during the process. First,
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  Speaker 1: while you said the best one right there, listen, Yeah,
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  Speaker 1: nobody has all the answers.
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  Speaker 2: No, listen, no, and educate yourself.
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  Speaker 4: Know what's out there, Know what's out there, because again
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  Speaker 4: I know that I've shared this and had cordel on
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  Speaker 4: like I had always thought nursing homes, right, what you
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  Speaker 4: hear when you're growing up, and what our famili's heard
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  Speaker 4: is that nobody wants to go to a nursing home.
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  Speaker 4: And I promised my mom I wouldn't do that, But
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  Speaker 4: then when it got to you know, I had to
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  Speaker 4: look out for my stepdad to make sure he was
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  Speaker 4: safe and that my mom wasn't going to hurt herself
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  Speaker 4: if she fell and couldn't get up and we couldn't
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  Speaker 4: get her help quick enough. Right, And so we you know,
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  Speaker 4: went through that nursing home. And they'll get those professionals
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  Speaker 4: out there because they they have a servant heart to
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  Speaker 4: do what they do they do, and so they know
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  Speaker 4: they're trained to know how to talk to our loved
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  Speaker 4: ones and help them understand if that's not what we do.
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  Speaker 1: We're talking with Shelie Cost with the Cost team, and
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  Speaker 1: I got to tell you, like I said, look forward
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  Speaker 1: to who's being with you twice a month here because
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  Speaker 1: we get to learn so many different things. And you
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  Speaker 1: touched on this bringing the professionals early, whether it's a
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  Speaker 1: financial advisor or a real estate specialist or in state planner,
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  Speaker 1: bring right.
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  Speaker 2: Bring them in and talk to your children first.
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  Speaker 4: Don't wait until it's too late to figure out who
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  Speaker 4: wants what, because that's where the arguments come in. And
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  Speaker 4: that is just the saddest thing to me to see
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  Speaker 4: families torn apart when they really should be coming together
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  Speaker 4: and celebrating loved ones.
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  Speaker 3: Indeed, the timelines are good too.
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  Speaker 2: You cannot start too early. We can't start too early, right,
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  Speaker 2: you know.
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  Speaker 1: The strangest stuff is emotional a family, if you want
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  Speaker 1: to call it. Airline was a stupid I thought, ugly
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  Speaker 1: cuckoo clock my grandparents owned. Yeah, I watched my mom
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  Speaker 1: and her siblings fight over this for thirty years.
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  Speaker 2: Yes, it didn't even work, I know.
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  Speaker 3: But this is kind of a sign of what happens.
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  Speaker 4: Yeah, and you know, we don't want that for our children.
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  Speaker 4: We don't want them to have to fight over that.
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  Speaker 4: And and a lot of times they put it off
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  Speaker 4: to avoid it. Instead of the children confronting it, they
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  Speaker 4: having those conversations as well.
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  Speaker 2: Just know, going in.
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  Speaker 1: And when we come to other things like seniors and
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  Speaker 1: and other things. When it comes to the physically exhausting
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  Speaker 1: part of moving for them, you know, the last time
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  Speaker 1: they moved these four that was the last time.
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  Speaker 4: They were gonna You know how much money I made up,
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  Speaker 4: this is the last house I'm buying. I love to
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  Speaker 4: hear that line a couple of years.
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  Speaker 3: Now.
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  Speaker 1: How when we we we talk about s R E
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  Speaker 1: S professional uh and of course explain.
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  Speaker 4: What they like so and sorry s it's a senior
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  Speaker 4: real estate specialist so are Yes, that's me and my team.
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  Speaker 4: So we're here to help help you through the transition
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  Speaker 4: all the way. And that is if you start now
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  Speaker 4: and regardless of your age, and you just want me
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  Speaker 4: to guide you where to go with whether it be
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  Speaker 4: trust attorneys, financial planners, we have a lot of good options,
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  Speaker 4: but if you just need to create that plan and
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  Speaker 4: know what to start, we're here to help you through that.
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  Speaker 2: Which it's so much more than just selling your home.
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  Speaker 4: We want it to be a transition that is smooth
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  Speaker 4: and then we take the stress of helping you sell
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  Speaker 4: your home get We work well with a lot of
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  Speaker 4: estate planners and just we have a lot of partners.
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  Speaker 4: Yeah that we work with your arena and it's not
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  Speaker 4: for us. It's not about rushing you together. We want
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  Speaker 4: it to be on your timing, your right timing and
• 11:43
  Speaker 4: what works for you.
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  Speaker 3: So wow, and really that is what it's all about.
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  Speaker 1: And well, I want to thank you, of course for
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  Speaker 1: helping families understand how to approach these transitions with compassion.
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  Speaker 1: That's a keyword. And when you use compassion, and there's
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  Speaker 1: a whole lot less.
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  Speaker 4: Contract one hundred percent and anytime you can come from contribution,
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  Speaker 4: you're you're never going to go wrong.
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  Speaker 1: Now, if anyone has a question for you, you're really
• 12:13
  Speaker 1: easy to get a hold out your office.
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  Speaker 3: I think anybody sleeps. But how do we get a
• 12:19
  Speaker 3: hold of you.
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  Speaker 4: Well, you can always reach out to us at the
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  Speaker 4: costerteam dot com. We're on social media, the Coster Team
• 12:26
  Speaker 4: or my cell phone is nine one eight nine.
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  Speaker 2: One four three four four four. You can just google me.
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  Speaker 4: It'll come up if you if you can't remember that.
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  Speaker 4: I would also tom love to hear if there's topics
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  Speaker 4: that and on organizations that you would love to bring on.
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  Speaker 2: I would love to do that.
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  Speaker 4: So I just want to hear from the people what
• 12:42
  Speaker 4: they want to hear and what they would like for
• 12:44
  Speaker 4: us to discuss.
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  Speaker 1: Well, that would be great because you got a lot
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  Speaker 1: to offer here. One of the things is that no
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  Speaker 1: pressure consultations, of course, and when you mentioned downsizing guides
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  Speaker 1: or local senior resources if available, you know you can
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  Speaker 1: get them all kind of where they need to be go,
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  Speaker 1: you know, yes.
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  Speaker 4: And we know how to get your home ready to
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  Speaker 4: sell and what's going to work?
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  Speaker 2: What is it?
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  Speaker 4: We are proud to say that we take care of
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  Speaker 4: you and walk you through that entire process. So I
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  Speaker 4: have an amazing team. I surround myself with amazing people.
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  Speaker 3: You do how many thousands of people do you have
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  Speaker 3: working for you?
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  Speaker 4: Well, on my team, the cost team, there's three of us,
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  Speaker 4: and then overall with all my offices. So I'm Grand Lake,
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  Speaker 4: Ponca City, Bartlesville at Adair in Southeast Kansas, and we
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  Speaker 4: have over one hundred agents.
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  Speaker 1: Wow, that's great. That is quite the team. Yes, my gosh,
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  Speaker 1: why did you smile so much? You're surrounded by very
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  Speaker 1: talented people the.
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  Speaker 3: Team.
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  Speaker 1: God bless you. Thank you very much, and again we
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  Speaker 1: look forward to seeing you get.
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  Speaker 2: Oh right, I look forward to it every week.
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  Speaker 3: All right? Thank you?
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  Speaker 1: All right and listening to one on ones approgram, Thanks
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  Speaker 1: for listening to one on one with a professional presentation
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  Speaker 1: of fourteen hundred K one